May 29, 2023 • 34 mins
Chiquis is putting on her big sister hat to give us the advice she wishes she’d had when she was growing up. From trying to fit in with the crowd and getting out of toxic relationships to setting boundaries and finding your true purpose later in life, Chiquis teaches us lessons she’s picked up along the way in hopes that we don’t make the same mistakes.
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Fitting in is something that I think. It's not that deep.
You guys. I wish I could go back to like
my high school reunion and all those people that were
mean the guys. It's like, hey, look look at me now.
If there's any advice that I can give you guys
when it comes to relationship, is really giving yourself the
time to heal between relationships. That's what it's about. Living
(00:24):
your life with intent. It's finding your who before you
find your way because we all have a purpose. We
all have a mission of godly purpose here on earth.
What up, guys, Thank you for dropping by the Cheekese
and Choll podcast today. I'm going to be coming to
you as Jana, not as Cheeky's. That's because I'll be
(00:47):
a dishing out some big sister advice, which is something
I wish I had when I was younger. So pull
back your hair, they're on, some comfortable clothes, and maybe
even for yourself something to drink, because we're going to
get raw, real and relaxed. This is Cheeky's and Too.
(01:07):
This episode is dedicated to anyone in their teens, twenties,
or even thirties. Look, life can be really complicated and
there are a lot of things I wish I knew
when I was younger. When I was thinking about putting
together this episode, I was thinking about some of the
lessons I've learned and the mistakes I've made along the way,
and I want to share some of those things with
you so you don't have to learn the hard way.
(01:27):
Let's start with our teenage years. Trying to fit in.
It's a huge thing in school. It's what's trending, what's cool.
What shoes does that person have on. If I don't
have those shoes, I'm not cool. If I'm not wearing
the right clothes. I wish I would have known that
that stuff is so not important because a lot of
the people that you meet in school, in junior high,
(01:52):
in high school, a lot of those people aren't in
your life for a long time. I mean maybe in
your case there is, but in my life, I look
back and I'm like the people that I was worried about.
There was this one girl that I was kind of
like obsessed with that she was just so pretty, she
had the perfect hair, she had like I feel like
everything in her life was perfect, and I was low
(02:13):
key obsessed, and her life turned out to be completely different.
She was very mean. She was a mean girl to me.
But if I would have known, like, dude, it doesn't
even matter what you think about me. It doesn't matter
if I do have like I mean, I'm gonna be honest.
We had I had to go to pay Let's to
get my shoes. The kids were wearing felis. Fela's were
like the thing back then, and I had La gears,
(02:35):
you know what I mean, with the little lights, and
it just wasn't the cool thing. But now I'm like,
I wish I could go back to like my high
school reunion and all those people that were mean, the guys.
It's like, hey, look look at me now, you know.
So it's like fitting in is something that I think.
It's not that deep, you guys, if you really think
about it. All right, Well, anyways, let's talk about an
(02:56):
important topic, which is sex. Okay, and this is a
lot of adult content, so just you know, FYI anyone
that's under eighteen, and you guys know I'm always very
open and transparent with you guys. So when I had
my first official boyfriend, I was sixteen, thank god. He
was a very nice guy, and he was two years
older than me, but he never pressured me into doing
(03:18):
anything I didn't want to do, which was awesome. But
you got to be careful with those guys, okay, especially
during that age sixteen seventeen eighteen in high school. Like
a lot of these boys, not saying all of them,
A lot of these boys want to have sex, even girls. Okay,
I'm not saying that just boys, but even girls. You
guys have to be very careful with that and make
(03:39):
sure that you are dating someone that's going to respect
your boundaries and respect your private parts, especially if you
are not ready. And I personally wouldn't recommend having sex
until like your twenties personally, but if you've already had sex,
or if you did, I did things here and there.
You know, we messed around when I was sixteen seventeen.
I was too scared to like kind of go all
(04:01):
the way because I want my mom to find out,
you know, I wanted my mom to think I was
a vision forever. But then when I had my boyfriend
at nineteen, which was Hector, I've talked about him here
on the pod. He was my mom's teddy bear or whatever. Anyways,
I was dating him for about four years and that
became more of a serious relationship and it was different.
But you guys, the advice that I have as a
big sister is don't let anyone pressure you into something
(04:24):
that you don't want to do. Don't feel that you
need to have sex because it's the cool thing to do.
I feel totally okay with Junior and Hector. I felt
like they were respectful boys and my mom approved, so
that made me feel a little bit more safe. But
you guys, if I can tell you anything, if you
start having sex early, even if you don't want to
(04:45):
talk to your mom about it, because I know it's
a delicate subject and sometimes we're embarrassed and we want
our parents to think that, you know, we would never
you know, it's a natural thing that happens. Make sure
you go to the clinic and get yourself on birth control.
If you're not ready to have kids or use a condom,
use a condom why because everyone's like, oh, it doesn't
feel the same. But especially if you're young, you still
(05:07):
have a lot to learn. You still have a lot
of things that you got to like figure out. So
if you want to have a kid, that's your prerogative. Fine,
But Also, there's STDs out there, you guys. There's HPV.
There are a lot of sexually transmitted diseases that you
need to take care of yourself. So make sure you
wrap it, you know, wear a hat to the party,
(05:27):
get on birth control, and go to a clinic and
ask questions and do that whole thing. I wish I
would have done that, because I talked about it here
on the podcast on Cheeks and Chill as well. I
was pregnant at nineteen. My mom never found out, and
I wish I would have gotten myself on birth control,
you know what I mean, because I wasn't ready to
have a baby, and even though I had a miscarriage,
(05:50):
still like my body went through so much and I
felt like I could have prevented that and it was
just a very difficult time and have to go through
it alone because I wasn't telling my mom. I told
one friend and one aunt and that was it. So
that's just you know a little something there, a little
side note for you guys, and just talking about like
my situation and also as a second mother to my siblings.
(06:13):
My mom was very open later on in my life,
not when I was younger. I think it was just
a little very foreign. And as I got older and
she did find out I was having sex and stuff
like that, she became a lot more open, especially with
like my other siblings and with Mikey, Like if Mikey
went out with his friends, she'd be like, make sure
you if you do the hanky panky, make sure you
wear a condom, you know. And I kind of got
(06:35):
like that humor, very serious, but with a little bit
of like, you know, humor behind it. With Johnny and Jenica,
who I basically raised, you know, and I was very open.
And that's something that as parents. I mean, I don't
have children of my own, but I raised my siblings,
so I consider myself a parent. I feel like we
need to be more comfortable with having those type of conversations,
(06:57):
open conversations with our children about birth control, a protection,
about everything and anything, especially about your private parts, about
taking care of them and making sure no one touches
you there and it's not okay if it's a certain
someone or you know what I mean, like having those
conversations because in our culture, I feel that it's still
very much taboo, a little more with the older generation,
(07:19):
but like the younger moms. I do see it happening
a little bit more. I see it with my sister
as well. She talks to you know, my nieces about
that and about how to protect themselves their privates and
stuff like that. And I did that with my siblings,
Johnny and Jenica, and I talked to them about sex
very early on and when Johnny was young, and especially
with Janica too, like I would change in front of them,
(07:41):
like there's nothing wrong with that, because I don't want
them to feel like, oh my gosh. Imagine he's fifteen
and he sees a pair of boobs for the first time.
He wasn't shocked. He was like, oh, okay, those are boobs.
Are right cool, like to get familiar with, like the
feminine body and you know, the masculine body, Like there's
nothing wrong with that. So I was very open and
all of it. I've been through it with both of them,
with all of them, actually with Mikey, we're all very open.
(08:02):
We're very open family. We talk about do you know,
personal things, intimate things. But I think that that's beautiful.
When I have my own kids, I want to talk
to them about all of it. I think that's why
God made me a big sister because I love it,
like I want to prevent my siblings, my children, you guys,
my listeners from making the same mistakes I made. Okay,
(08:23):
So the next topic I want to bring up is
social media because it's almost impossible for teens not to
be exposed to it. When I was growing up, it
didn't exist, but now it's everywhere, and there's a lot
of pressure to look a certain way and to post
certain things. Ugh. And I'm telling you, guys, even as
a grown ass woman, I sometimes still feel the pressures
(08:44):
of having to post and having to say hello, and
I forgot or I forget sometimes because again, I'm very
like adamant about balancing my life between my personal and
my career and my socials. But there are times when
I feel that pressure of like I need to quote
unquote fit in into social media. And I can't even imagine.
(09:07):
When I talk to like my goddaughter who just turned fifteen,
and it's like, well, this is what's cool right now,
this is what everyone's listening to, Like, oh, that song
isn't in anymore. And I'm just like, you guys are
something so amazing that you guys are missing about individuality
of like really loving who you are and being unique.
(09:27):
I now enjoy standing out and doing things that are
different and taking risks and not necessarily following the pattern
that everyone else is. I kind of want to like
dance and walk and march at the beat of my
own drum. I wish I would have known this when
I was younger. And now with social media, like, I'm
very like, uh wait, I'm kind of getting stuck in
(09:50):
the rat race of social media, and I got to
step back a little bit and I will take my breaks, Like,
let me not get on social media this entire weekend.
I need a break. My mind needs a break, my
spirit needs a break. I need to go on a hike.
I need to read a book. I need to go
and touch the trees and smell the roses, and I
don't know, like go freaking rub my feet, my bare
(10:10):
feet on the grass. I get grounded with earth. You guys,
it doesn't matter how old you are. I mean I
see older, older women stuck on the computer on Facebook
talking shit, and I'm like, what if it's not something
nice and you're not feeding someone something nice? And words
of life on social media like do yourself a favor
(10:31):
and just stay away. So that's that social media. Now
let's move on to education. To college. Education is something
I've always always been an advocate of because it's knowledge
is power, you guys. It's something that no one can
ever take away from you. And I didn't go to college.
I did like Bartending school and little courses here and there.
(10:51):
I did Asthetician school. So I did courses and that
made me happy, and I'm so glad that I did that.
I do feel that college and education, even if you
don't go, you know, and get a whole ass degree,
I think just diving into something, whatever it is that
you are into, is very important. And I'm telling you
(11:13):
this from personal experience. When I was asked to move
out of my mom's house at twenty six, I had
just dedicated my entire life to my mom, to my siblings.
I knew nothing else. So when life and God in
the universe made me step back and say, okay, well,
now you have all this time on your hands in
(11:34):
that moment, and I don't regret everything that I did
because I learned so much. I always say I went
to the University of Hard Knock Life, and my professor
was Jenny Rivera, and I had a great professor and
I learned a lot. But in that moment, when I
was twenty six, I had no job. I had really
no responsibilities because I was taking care of my siblings
and the home, my mom's home, and I was just like, oh, well,
(11:55):
now what do I do with my life? And I
did wish in that moment I would have gone to college.
I wish it was pushed on me a little more
because my mom didn't really think that education was important.
And that's okay, that's her and she went to college.
The crazy thing is that my mom was a straight
A student. She was validictorian of her class. I mean,
(12:16):
went to college, got her associates degree. But she wasn't
huge on telling us to go to college. She's like,
you don't really need it, don't worry. Like you're a businesswoman.
And I am grateful because I am. My first love
was being an entrepreneur, and I had the privilege and
the blessing to be able to help my mom and
her businesses and build her businesses and learn. But what
if imagine if I would have gone to college for business,
(12:38):
I would have prevented myself from making so many mistakes
and learning the hard way, so it's never too late.
I feel to go to school. There's no shame learning
something for yourself, for your future, something you could put
under your belt. I think is beautiful, wonderful. You have
nothing to lose, if anything, everything to gain. Let's move
(13:07):
on to our twenties. Let's start with relationships. I've had
my fair share of experiences. I've dated, I've been in situationships. Yeah, situationships.
I've also been in relationships, and I've been married. That
was in my thirties. But we're still going to get
into it here. Okay, what can I tell you. I'm
somewhat of a serial monogamous. I do better in a
(13:28):
monogamous relationship. I just enjoy it. I like having a companion.
I like having a partner. And it's been a good
and a bad thing because I think in between relationships,
I haven't given myself enough time to heal and I
haven't really been alone for a long time. You guys,
I was either talking to someone and it was a situationship,
(13:50):
so it wasn't like we're together together. But we're cool
and we do have fun, but there's not that responsibility
or that title of boyfriend and girlfriend, which honestly suck.
It wasn't my thing especially, and I talked about this
here on the podcast about a guy named Surgil. I
think it was on my Valentine's Day episode. Go back
and listen to that. But he was a very situationship
(14:13):
situation and it sucked. So I would avoid that at
all costs. If the person is not on the same
page with you, just don't even go there unless you're like, Okay,
this is just sex, We're cool. Don't call me, I
don't call you, We'll just hook up once in a while. Cool.
I've never been able to be that type of girl.
I just don't know how to do it. So I've
always been in a relationship. But I can say the
(14:33):
first two serious relationships I had in my younger years
and did mainly because of it was my fault. I
just was too wrapped up into like my family and
doing my own thing that I feel like I didn't
give the relationship the respect and the time that it required.
But also in my adult years, I've had two other
(14:54):
now my third with a media you know, serious relationships,
and the two that I had before this one with
Emilio without saying any names. It was an emotional roller coaster,
and I wish I would have gotten myself out of
those relationships a lot sooner. I'm grateful with them because again,
(15:15):
I did learn, I grew, I matured, I realized what
I wanted and didn't want in a person and what
I wanted to change within myself. But if there's any
advice that I can give you, guys when it comes
to relationship, is really giving yourself the time to heal
between relationships if you're a serial monogamous like myself from
(15:36):
my marriage that lasted less than a year. I think
I gave myself what like six months before I dived
into my relationship with the media, and I feel like
I did a lot of work. I did therapy, but
I feel and to be honest, to be quite frank,
I don't feel like it was enough time because I'm
still learning and I'm still like catching myself doing things
(16:01):
here and there that I'm not necessarily proud of or
I don't want to hurt the person that I'm with.
So that's the best advice I can give you, guys.
And for those of you that are listening that aren't
in a relationship yet, but want to be in a
relationship and a healthy relationship. My big sister advice to
you is, and I'm sure you've seen this in quotes
(16:23):
and somewhere on Instagram, become the person you want to meet.
So whatever it is that you are looking for in
a partner, make sure that you are leading by example,
that you're first doing those things, because we will attract
somewhat of what we are or the things that we
(16:44):
need to heal. So that's why I'm telling you it
is important to take that time to heal yourself, to
really figure out what you really want, who you are,
what you want out of a healthy relationship before stepping
into one. And on the other side of the token
may be those of you that are listening are in
a relationship that you're not too sure if you should
(17:05):
be in anymore. And I was in that situation where
for two years I knew I need to get myself
out of this, but I just didn't know how to.
And just for the sake of being in the moment
and we had an event coming up, I wouldn't end
the relationship because we had future plans, you know what
I mean, Like we had this fiesta we had to
(17:26):
be at, or I was just waiting for the next
fight to just say, okay, the next fight, for sure
it's gonna happen, and you're doing such a disservice for yourself.
The question is probably, well, how do you know if
I'm not happy anymore? If I shouldn't be in this relationship.
The first indication is if that person isn't emotionally available
the way that you are, if they are not trying
(17:49):
the way that you're trying to fix the issues, if
you constantly find yourself chasing that person and being the
first one to apologize and trying to fix it, like
it's a two way street here. It has to be fair,
you know, as much as possible, because there are times
where it'll be, you know, the other way around. But
that's one. That's an indication. Another indication is if you
(18:09):
don't have peace. This is the biggest one. If you
don't have peace, if this person is causing you more turmoil,
more stress, more sadness, more depression, more anxiety than happiness.
That person is making you more of a bad version
of yourself and bringing out the worst in you, then
that's when you know I need to get out of this.
(18:31):
Is this person is hurting you. Of course, if they're
hitting you, there's the messic violence. They're cheating like I
would tell you, girl boy, get out of that, like
no one deserves that. But if they're also verbally abusing
you and they're not making you feel like your best self,
all of those are indications of you're not in the
right relationship. Because now that I'm in a healthy relationship,
because it's not perfect, but it's a lot better than
(18:54):
what I've had before. Now I'm like, damn, I kind
of in a way a little bit wasted time on
these people that didn't make me feel it's great, you know,
And media tells me I'm beautiful every single day. He
loves every part of my body, and he could be lying,
and I'm probably, yeah, I'm not perfect, but it goes
to show you like we all deserve and there's that
(19:17):
one person that's going to love us and value that's
the word, value us for who we are, flaws and all.
Because I know I'm not perfect, and I have scars
here or there, and I have stretch marks, and I
have staid the light. But he feels that I'm the
most and sees me like the most beautiful thing ever,
and he makes me feel it more than anything. So
if your partner is not making you feel that, making
you feel worse, and you're having worse days than good days,
(19:40):
then that's a huge red ass flag for you to say,
peace out. This isn't for me. I no longer have
peace in this relationship. Just think about it, Okay. Now
moving on, I'm gonna touch certain subjects that I think
are important for you guys to know. For instance, finances.
I wish I would have saved a lot more money
in my twenties, so I would suggest for you guys
to start saving money, the sooner the better, for a
(20:02):
rainy day, for a vacation, for whatever. Honestly, I think
it is so important fifty dollars, twenty dollars, whatever it
is that you can just put to the side and
pretend it does not exist. Even now in my thirties,
it's like, wait, I asked myself, do I really need this?
Is this a luxury or is this just a want?
Is this a necessity? When you're buying something, you know,
(20:24):
is this something that I absolutely need or is this
just something that I desire? Ask yourself those questions when
you go out to the mall and I do that,
And there are times because on social media they get
you and they're sending ads all the time and I'm like, oh,
it's so easy to just press buy when I'm like, no,
I don't really need that, Jenney, that that's a waste
of money, like really learning and understanding the value of
money and how from one day to another we could
(20:45):
have it and then we could not have it, you
know what I mean. So for sure save whatever it
is a little bit a lot. It's important now, ladies
and gentlemen, if you can get your life insurance going,
I would say do that sooner rather than later. I
started getting my life insurance when I was I was
in my twenties, you guys, I got my first life insurance.
I have to now, just because I think it's of
(21:08):
a responsible person to have that for your loved ones,
for your protection. There are life insurances out there, you guys,
that you can look into. That's kind of like a
savings account as well, where you can put money in
every year and it can go like if God forbid
you pass away, you leave it to your beneficiary, to
someone of your choice. Whatever the amount is. But also
if you get to a certain age, that could be
(21:30):
somewhat of like a savings account where you could pull
that money out, the money that you've been investing in
that life insurance. If you find yourself in a pickle,
so life insurance. It's one thing that a lot of
people don't talk about that. I'm just gonna say, big sister,
your advice, look into it. Just saying now investing, I'm
gonna tell you, I wish I would have known this earlier.
Investing your money in something that's going like a life
(21:52):
insurance for instance. You know what I mean. Like I said,
that's kind of that's somewhat of an investment. Investing in
commercial properties, in residential property. If you have extra money,
like invested in a business, it could be five thousand
and two thousand. You can start a business now with
the beauty of social media, you can start a small
business with a small amount of money and grow from there.
(22:13):
I do really believe now more than ever, Like my
goal this year for me is to invest in properties
Like now I'm ready and I'm like okay, instead of
spending on dumb shit like I need to save my
money and invest on something that's going to take care
of my future, you know, because I don't have a
four to oh one k. We gotta think about those
things now. Another thing that your big sister wants to
(22:35):
tell you is, and I always talk about it, therapy,
you guys, Therapy will literally save your life. Getting therapy
doesn't make you a weak person. It doesn't mean that
you are less than anyone or you are broken. That's
not what it means. It means you are smart. Why
because there are a lot of things that we can't
talk about with our loved ones, with our partner, with
(22:56):
our friends, and there are things we shouldn't talk about
with anyone else but a therapist, someone that has an
unbiased opinion that's gonna give you some straight up advice,
you know, some life advice, therapy or life coaching. I'm
huge on both. And I have a mentor, and I
have a life coach, and I have a therapist. I
have all three. Those things are important to me. I'd
(23:17):
rather invest in my therapy, life coaching, mentorship than even
in getting my hair extensions in. So it's something to
think about, even if you can afford it. Once a month,
once every two months, you guys, It's something that I highly,
highly highly recommend for your mental health. There's so much
power and vulnerability, and that's part of being vulnerable. Okay, now,
(23:38):
aging gracefully, you guys. It could be two ways to this,
because some people could say aging gracefully means don't get
any botalks, don't get any fillers, like just age, you know, gracefully.
Cool if that's what you want to do. Now. I
love botalks, love filler, love that if you can afford it.
I have my little fun on the side. I put
(23:59):
a little money in there to make sure that I
can give botox. I want to work to get botox.
That's the way I want to age. But also part
of aging gracefully is taking care of your insides, taking
your vitamins, taking your greens, drinking green juices, working out
is part of aging gracefully. Your skin care products, you guys,
Wearing SPF every single day, men and women. I can't
(24:24):
stress enough how important it is to protect yourself from
the sun. I love the sun. The sun is my homie,
but he can be kind of like a toxic little boyfriend,
so you have to protect yourself from him. So wear
your SPF at least SPF thirty. Wear it every single day,
doesn't matter if it's cloudy, it doesn't matter how old
you are. It's never too early or too late to
start SPF, you guys. But yes, all those things I mentioned, Vitamins,
(24:48):
taking care of yourself, eating good you guys, giving your
body instead of just eating to eat, it's eating to
feed your body, to give it good soil so that
it can be good back to you. So that's part
of aging gracefully. Now we're entering our thirties. I feel
(25:12):
like in your thirties, you kind of already went through
a lot of shit in your twenties, and you kind
of like know who you are, but you're like, how
do I find my way? Now, let's talk about finding
your purpose. So it takes a while, and it takes
a lot of practice, meaning you have to be intentional.
I love that word, you guys. You know this already
on the Cheese and Chill podcast. I love intentional because
(25:33):
that's what it's about, living your life with intent. It's
knowing who you are before you can find your way,
So finding your who before you find your way. Who
am I? What do I want out of life? What
am I here for because we all have a purpose.
We all have a mission of godly purpose here on earth.
And it doesn't have to be you know, an actress
(25:55):
on TV and you touch a lot of hearts all
at once, or a singer. It could be in a
small community with your friends and family, with your co workers.
It's what do I want to give the world, What
I want to give back? What footprint do I want
to leave on this earth? You know, and living your
life with intent is part of living your purpose. Every
(26:15):
single day, taking a step towards that and doing something
positive and an act of kindness every day, not only
for yourself. It starts with you being kind to yourself,
but also for other people is part of your purpose
and it just helps you live better. I feel also
being okay with stepping out of your comfort zone. That's
(26:36):
one thing that I've learned and I've embraced in my thirties,
I think in our twenties, in our teens as well,
of course even more so, we want to fit in
and look the part and act the part. And now
in my thirties, I'm like, no, I kind of have
a little bit of fun stepping out of the box.
I don't want to be kept in a box. I
don't want for me to be predictable. You know, it's like, oh,
(26:56):
I already expect that from her. No, I want to
do things different. I want to take risks. And you
should be okay with stepping out of your comfort zone.
There's so much to learn and so much to grow from,
like stepping out of what you're used to. That's huge,
you guys. And I think your thirties is like the
time to do it where you're like, you know, I'm
gonna try something different. Also, boundaries, Boundaries are huge, you guys.
(27:20):
And if you can learn them, the sooner the better.
I'm telling you because for a lot of my life,
I didn't have boundaries. I didn't know about boundaries until
like later in my later like twenties. Really respecting your
boundaries and other people's boundaries is crucial for your mental health,
where it's okay to say no to other people in
(27:41):
order to say yes to yourself. Sometimes I feel like
we're always trying to make other people happy and not
disappoint anybody, that we cause ourselves to be sad and
we feel empty, but because we've given so much to
other people, and it's okay for you to say no.
I don't feel comfortable with that. I don't have peace.
I don't feel peace with that decision. I don't want
(28:03):
to go there because I don't like it. Like it's
okay for you to be your own individual person and
say no. There's a lot of power in simply saying no,
thank you. You don't have to be mean about it.
It's just creating that boundary and learning that it's okay
for you to sometimes disappoint other people in order to
make yourself happy. So boundaries, they're good to have them.
(28:25):
Don't have walls. Walls are different. I'm talking about boundaries
of just being very clear as to what you want
and you don't want. Now. Toxic people, Okay, now that
we're talking about boundaries. Toxic people In my books, I
call them toxic voices. They're always going to be around
on social media, at work, at school, it doesn't matter
(28:45):
where you're at. Unfortunately, they exist. They're a part of
the world. Like there's good, there's bad. The ying and
the ying it is what it is. The faster you
learn to just know that they exist and the faster
you learn to ignore them, the better. Is it A
lot easier said than done. Yes, it is, but when
(29:05):
you learn to tune them out and just know it's
just noise. It's just people that are trying to keep
me from reaching my goal, from losing my focus. You're like,
it's not even worth it. I'm not gonna pay attention,
I'm not gonna bark back, I'm not gonna comment back
and talk crap back. I've learned now in my thirties.
You guys, it's not even fucking worth it. Like I
(29:27):
spent so much time, and I wasted so much time
arguing and trying to prove a point meds. I depleted
myself emotionally, mentally, spiritually, trying to fight back when it's like,
why am I going to waste my energy on people
and on things that are stuck in their ways anyways?
(29:47):
And I'm not gonna be able to change your mind,
so why even try? The best thing I could do
is just keep going, go Ma Lisen Guandola los pro
So if people are fucking crap, is because you're doing
something right, So just keep on that road and try
to tune them out. Of course, I defend myself in
(30:08):
a classy way. You know. It's learning to find the
way to do it. But the best thing you could
do is ignore them. I do want to talk about
habits and discipline. It's something that I talk about here
on the podcast all the time. But being disciplined, okay,
creating habits, creating a routine, especially in your thirties, that's
when I started it, like hardcore, when I really was like, okay,
(30:29):
there is a lot of importance in having a routine
and being disciplined with that routine, and you just feel accomplished,
You feel good, you feel better being consistent. The key
to success is consistency. It's discipline, it's creating a habit,
it's a routine. So just keep that in the back
of your mind, Okay, whatever that means to you. And
(30:50):
to close off you guys, something light and fun. I've
learned that traveling is amazing. You don't have to go
to Dubai or to Paris. You know. I understand traveling
is expensive, but it also goes back to saving money
and putting some money to the side to say, once
a year, I want to give myself a chance to
(31:10):
go see the world. It could even be a drive
down to Palm Springs if you live in La to
the mountains. It could be something small, a road trip,
but to really step out again of your comfort zone
and go and smell the fresh air and do something
completely different from what you usually do. That's a great
(31:31):
way of investing in yourself, in your future and your happiness,
in your peace. Now, Like that's a huge part of
my life now. I'm like, I want to take one
or two big trips, and I need to find the
balance between my work and my home and also what
makes Jenna happy, you know what I mean. Like I
can't focus all the time on just chiki chikichikis on work.
(31:52):
It's like I had to set the rule and the
boundary of telling my team guys, I need some time off.
I need at least a day off of the week
where I could just do whatever the hell I want,
maybe two. And I need these days off because I'm
gonna go I don't know anywhere, and I have my
little piggybink, my little savings for that. So that's just
(32:14):
a little advice that I've learned a little later in
my life, the importance of just resting, whatever that means
to you, whether it's traveling to a beach or whatever
you can afford, but really just resting your mind and
your soul and finding that balance, you guys, between work
and life and what makes you happy and seeing the
world because there's so much beauty out there, you guys,
(32:34):
take the time to stop and smell the roses. Wow,
I feel like we've covered so much today. We definitely did. It.
All came from my heart, from a big sister's perspective.
I want the best for you guys all the time.
You guys are my listeners. You guys have given me
so much and this is my way of giving back
to you guys. And feel free to share this episode
with anyone you think would benefit from it. This is
(32:55):
an advice episode from your big sister Cheeky's or actually,
should I say Jane, So make sure you share it.
I hope it can help all of you. Now, you
guys know we always end Cheeky's and Chill with a quote,
so the quote for today is directly to you. Okay,
(33:16):
when life's hills become too steep to climb on my own,
my sister me Okay, takes my hand and reminds me
that I didn't have to climb it alone to begin with.
So this one is from my heart to yours. Even
if I'm younger than you, especially if I'm older than you.
It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman.
I want to be your big sister. So that's what
(33:36):
Chee's and Chill Dear Cheeky's is all about. So thank
you guys for listening, los qio, and thank you for
making my life a better and happier place. Bessit does.
Do you need advice on love, relationships, health emas. I'm
so excited to share with you that my Cheekys and
(33:58):
Chill podcast will have an extra episode drop each week.
I'll be answering all your questions.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Just leave me a voice message betters one midday. All
you have to do is go to speak pipe dot com,
slash Cheekys and Chill Podcasts and record your questions.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
I can't wait to hear from you. This is a
production of iHeartRadio and v Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow
us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow me
Cheeky's That's c h i q U i s. For
more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
(34:35):
or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast and check
us out on YouTube.
Fitting in is something that I think. It's not that deep.
You guys. I wish I could go back to like
my high school reunion and all those people that were
mean the guys. It's like, hey, look look at me now.
If there's any advice that I can give you guys
when it comes to relationship, is really giving yourself the
time to heal between relationships. That's what it's about. Living
(00:24):
your life with intent. It's finding your who before you
find your way because we all have a purpose. We
all have a mission of godly purpose here on earth.
What up, guys, Thank you for dropping by the Cheekese
and Choll podcast today. I'm going to be coming to
you as Jana, not as Cheeky's. That's because I'll be
(00:47):
a dishing out some big sister advice, which is something
I wish I had when I was younger. So pull
back your hair, they're on, some comfortable clothes, and maybe
even for yourself something to drink, because we're going to
get raw, real and relaxed. This is Cheeky's and Too.
(01:07):
This episode is dedicated to anyone in their teens, twenties,
or even thirties. Look, life can be really complicated and
there are a lot of things I wish I knew
when I was younger. When I was thinking about putting
together this episode, I was thinking about some of the
lessons I've learned and the mistakes I've made along the way,
and I want to share some of those things with
you so you don't have to learn the hard way.
(01:27):
Let's start with our teenage years. Trying to fit in.
It's a huge thing in school. It's what's trending, what's cool.
What shoes does that person have on. If I don't
have those shoes, I'm not cool. If I'm not wearing
the right clothes. I wish I would have known that
that stuff is so not important because a lot of
the people that you meet in school, in junior high,
(01:52):
in high school, a lot of those people aren't in
your life for a long time. I mean maybe in
your case there is, but in my life, I look
back and I'm like the people that I was worried about.
There was this one girl that I was kind of
like obsessed with that she was just so pretty, she
had the perfect hair, she had like I feel like
everything in her life was perfect, and I was low
(02:13):
key obsessed, and her life turned out to be completely different.
She was very mean. She was a mean girl to me.
But if I would have known, like, dude, it doesn't
even matter what you think about me. It doesn't matter
if I do have like I mean, I'm gonna be honest.
We had I had to go to pay Let's to
get my shoes. The kids were wearing felis. Fela's were
like the thing back then, and I had La gears,
(02:35):
you know what I mean, with the little lights, and
it just wasn't the cool thing. But now I'm like,
I wish I could go back to like my high
school reunion and all those people that were mean, the guys.
It's like, hey, look look at me now, you know.
So it's like fitting in is something that I think.
It's not that deep, you guys, if you really think
about it. All right, Well, anyways, let's talk about an
(02:56):
important topic, which is sex. Okay, and this is a
lot of adult content, so just you know, FYI anyone
that's under eighteen, and you guys know I'm always very
open and transparent with you guys. So when I had
my first official boyfriend, I was sixteen, thank god. He
was a very nice guy, and he was two years
older than me, but he never pressured me into doing
(03:18):
anything I didn't want to do, which was awesome. But
you got to be careful with those guys, okay, especially
during that age sixteen seventeen eighteen in high school. Like
a lot of these boys, not saying all of them,
A lot of these boys want to have sex, even girls. Okay,
I'm not saying that just boys, but even girls. You
guys have to be very careful with that and make
(03:39):
sure that you are dating someone that's going to respect
your boundaries and respect your private parts, especially if you
are not ready. And I personally wouldn't recommend having sex
until like your twenties personally, but if you've already had sex,
or if you did, I did things here and there.
You know, we messed around when I was sixteen seventeen.
I was too scared to like kind of go all
(04:01):
the way because I want my mom to find out,
you know, I wanted my mom to think I was
a vision forever. But then when I had my boyfriend
at nineteen, which was Hector, I've talked about him here
on the pod. He was my mom's teddy bear or whatever. Anyways,
I was dating him for about four years and that
became more of a serious relationship and it was different.
But you guys, the advice that I have as a
big sister is don't let anyone pressure you into something
(04:24):
that you don't want to do. Don't feel that you
need to have sex because it's the cool thing to do.
I feel totally okay with Junior and Hector. I felt
like they were respectful boys and my mom approved, so
that made me feel a little bit more safe. But
you guys, if I can tell you anything, if you
start having sex early, even if you don't want to
(04:45):
talk to your mom about it, because I know it's
a delicate subject and sometimes we're embarrassed and we want
our parents to think that, you know, we would never
you know, it's a natural thing that happens. Make sure
you go to the clinic and get yourself on birth control.
If you're not ready to have kids or use a condom,
use a condom why because everyone's like, oh, it doesn't
feel the same. But especially if you're young, you still
(05:07):
have a lot to learn. You still have a lot
of things that you got to like figure out. So
if you want to have a kid, that's your prerogative. Fine,
But Also, there's STDs out there, you guys. There's HPV.
There are a lot of sexually transmitted diseases that you
need to take care of yourself. So make sure you
wrap it, you know, wear a hat to the party,
(05:27):
get on birth control, and go to a clinic and
ask questions and do that whole thing. I wish I
would have done that, because I talked about it here
on the podcast on Cheeks and Chill as well. I
was pregnant at nineteen. My mom never found out, and
I wish I would have gotten myself on birth control,
you know what I mean, because I wasn't ready to
have a baby, and even though I had a miscarriage,
(05:50):
still like my body went through so much and I
felt like I could have prevented that and it was
just a very difficult time and have to go through
it alone because I wasn't telling my mom. I told
one friend and one aunt and that was it. So
that's just you know a little something there, a little
side note for you guys, and just talking about like
my situation and also as a second mother to my siblings.
(06:13):
My mom was very open later on in my life,
not when I was younger. I think it was just
a little very foreign. And as I got older and
she did find out I was having sex and stuff
like that, she became a lot more open, especially with
like my other siblings and with Mikey, Like if Mikey
went out with his friends, she'd be like, make sure
you if you do the hanky panky, make sure you
wear a condom, you know. And I kind of got
(06:35):
like that humor, very serious, but with a little bit
of like, you know, humor behind it. With Johnny and Jenica,
who I basically raised, you know, and I was very open.
And that's something that as parents. I mean, I don't
have children of my own, but I raised my siblings,
so I consider myself a parent. I feel like we
need to be more comfortable with having those type of conversations,
(06:57):
open conversations with our children about birth control, a protection,
about everything and anything, especially about your private parts, about
taking care of them and making sure no one touches
you there and it's not okay if it's a certain
someone or you know what I mean, like having those
conversations because in our culture, I feel that it's still
very much taboo, a little more with the older generation,
(07:19):
but like the younger moms. I do see it happening
a little bit more. I see it with my sister
as well. She talks to you know, my nieces about
that and about how to protect themselves their privates and
stuff like that. And I did that with my siblings,
Johnny and Jenica, and I talked to them about sex
very early on and when Johnny was young, and especially
with Janica too, like I would change in front of them,
(07:41):
like there's nothing wrong with that, because I don't want
them to feel like, oh my gosh. Imagine he's fifteen
and he sees a pair of boobs for the first time.
He wasn't shocked. He was like, oh, okay, those are boobs.
Are right cool, like to get familiar with, like the
feminine body and you know, the masculine body, Like there's
nothing wrong with that. So I was very open and
all of it. I've been through it with both of them,
with all of them, actually with Mikey, we're all very open.
(08:02):
We're very open family. We talk about do you know,
personal things, intimate things. But I think that that's beautiful.
When I have my own kids, I want to talk
to them about all of it. I think that's why
God made me a big sister because I love it,
like I want to prevent my siblings, my children, you guys,
my listeners from making the same mistakes I made. Okay,
(08:23):
So the next topic I want to bring up is
social media because it's almost impossible for teens not to
be exposed to it. When I was growing up, it
didn't exist, but now it's everywhere, and there's a lot
of pressure to look a certain way and to post
certain things. Ugh. And I'm telling you, guys, even as
a grown ass woman, I sometimes still feel the pressures
(08:44):
of having to post and having to say hello, and
I forgot or I forget sometimes because again, I'm very
like adamant about balancing my life between my personal and
my career and my socials. But there are times when
I feel that pressure of like I need to quote
unquote fit in into social media. And I can't even imagine.
(09:07):
When I talk to like my goddaughter who just turned fifteen,
and it's like, well, this is what's cool right now,
this is what everyone's listening to, Like, oh, that song
isn't in anymore. And I'm just like, you guys are
something so amazing that you guys are missing about individuality
of like really loving who you are and being unique.
(09:27):
I now enjoy standing out and doing things that are
different and taking risks and not necessarily following the pattern
that everyone else is. I kind of want to like
dance and walk and march at the beat of my
own drum. I wish I would have known this when
I was younger. And now with social media, like, I'm
very like, uh wait, I'm kind of getting stuck in
(09:50):
the rat race of social media, and I got to
step back a little bit and I will take my breaks, Like,
let me not get on social media this entire weekend.
I need a break. My mind needs a break, my
spirit needs a break. I need to go on a hike.
I need to read a book. I need to go
and touch the trees and smell the roses, and I
don't know, like go freaking rub my feet, my bare
(10:10):
feet on the grass. I get grounded with earth. You guys,
it doesn't matter how old you are. I mean I
see older, older women stuck on the computer on Facebook
talking shit, and I'm like, what if it's not something
nice and you're not feeding someone something nice? And words
of life on social media like do yourself a favor
(10:31):
and just stay away. So that's that social media. Now
let's move on to education. To college. Education is something
I've always always been an advocate of because it's knowledge
is power, you guys. It's something that no one can
ever take away from you. And I didn't go to college.
I did like Bartending school and little courses here and there.
(10:51):
I did Asthetician school. So I did courses and that
made me happy, and I'm so glad that I did that.
I do feel that college and education, even if you
don't go, you know, and get a whole ass degree,
I think just diving into something, whatever it is that
you are into, is very important. And I'm telling you
(11:13):
this from personal experience. When I was asked to move
out of my mom's house at twenty six, I had
just dedicated my entire life to my mom, to my siblings.
I knew nothing else. So when life and God in
the universe made me step back and say, okay, well,
now you have all this time on your hands in
(11:34):
that moment, and I don't regret everything that I did
because I learned so much. I always say I went
to the University of Hard Knock Life, and my professor
was Jenny Rivera, and I had a great professor and
I learned a lot. But in that moment, when I
was twenty six, I had no job. I had really
no responsibilities because I was taking care of my siblings
and the home, my mom's home, and I was just like, oh, well,
(11:55):
now what do I do with my life? And I
did wish in that moment I would have gone to college.
I wish it was pushed on me a little more
because my mom didn't really think that education was important.
And that's okay, that's her and she went to college.
The crazy thing is that my mom was a straight
A student. She was validictorian of her class. I mean,
(12:16):
went to college, got her associates degree. But she wasn't
huge on telling us to go to college. She's like,
you don't really need it, don't worry. Like you're a businesswoman.
And I am grateful because I am. My first love
was being an entrepreneur, and I had the privilege and
the blessing to be able to help my mom and
her businesses and build her businesses and learn. But what
if imagine if I would have gone to college for business,
(12:38):
I would have prevented myself from making so many mistakes
and learning the hard way, so it's never too late.
I feel to go to school. There's no shame learning
something for yourself, for your future, something you could put
under your belt. I think is beautiful, wonderful. You have
nothing to lose, if anything, everything to gain. Let's move
(13:07):
on to our twenties. Let's start with relationships. I've had
my fair share of experiences. I've dated, I've been in situationships. Yeah, situationships.
I've also been in relationships, and I've been married. That
was in my thirties. But we're still going to get
into it here. Okay, what can I tell you. I'm
somewhat of a serial monogamous. I do better in a
(13:28):
monogamous relationship. I just enjoy it. I like having a companion.
I like having a partner. And it's been a good
and a bad thing because I think in between relationships,
I haven't given myself enough time to heal and I
haven't really been alone for a long time. You guys,
I was either talking to someone and it was a situationship,
(13:50):
so it wasn't like we're together together. But we're cool
and we do have fun, but there's not that responsibility
or that title of boyfriend and girlfriend, which honestly suck.
It wasn't my thing especially, and I talked about this
here on the podcast about a guy named Surgil. I
think it was on my Valentine's Day episode. Go back
and listen to that. But he was a very situationship
(14:13):
situation and it sucked. So I would avoid that at
all costs. If the person is not on the same
page with you, just don't even go there unless you're like, Okay,
this is just sex, We're cool. Don't call me, I
don't call you, We'll just hook up once in a while. Cool.
I've never been able to be that type of girl.
I just don't know how to do it. So I've
always been in a relationship. But I can say the
(14:33):
first two serious relationships I had in my younger years
and did mainly because of it was my fault. I
just was too wrapped up into like my family and
doing my own thing that I feel like I didn't
give the relationship the respect and the time that it required.
But also in my adult years, I've had two other
(14:54):
now my third with a media you know, serious relationships,
and the two that I had before this one with
Emilio without saying any names. It was an emotional roller coaster,
and I wish I would have gotten myself out of
those relationships a lot sooner. I'm grateful with them because again,
(15:15):
I did learn, I grew, I matured, I realized what
I wanted and didn't want in a person and what
I wanted to change within myself. But if there's any
advice that I can give you, guys when it comes
to relationship, is really giving yourself the time to heal
between relationships if you're a serial monogamous like myself from
(15:36):
my marriage that lasted less than a year. I think
I gave myself what like six months before I dived
into my relationship with the media, and I feel like
I did a lot of work. I did therapy, but
I feel and to be honest, to be quite frank,
I don't feel like it was enough time because I'm
still learning and I'm still like catching myself doing things
(16:01):
here and there that I'm not necessarily proud of or
I don't want to hurt the person that I'm with.
So that's the best advice I can give you, guys.
And for those of you that are listening that aren't
in a relationship yet, but want to be in a
relationship and a healthy relationship. My big sister advice to
you is, and I'm sure you've seen this in quotes
(16:23):
and somewhere on Instagram, become the person you want to meet.
So whatever it is that you are looking for in
a partner, make sure that you are leading by example,
that you're first doing those things, because we will attract
somewhat of what we are or the things that we
(16:44):
need to heal. So that's why I'm telling you it
is important to take that time to heal yourself, to
really figure out what you really want, who you are,
what you want out of a healthy relationship before stepping
into one. And on the other side of the token
may be those of you that are listening are in
a relationship that you're not too sure if you should
(17:05):
be in anymore. And I was in that situation where
for two years I knew I need to get myself
out of this, but I just didn't know how to.
And just for the sake of being in the moment
and we had an event coming up, I wouldn't end
the relationship because we had future plans, you know what
I mean, Like we had this fiesta we had to
(17:26):
be at, or I was just waiting for the next
fight to just say, okay, the next fight, for sure
it's gonna happen, and you're doing such a disservice for yourself.
The question is probably, well, how do you know if
I'm not happy anymore? If I shouldn't be in this relationship.
The first indication is if that person isn't emotionally available
the way that you are, if they are not trying
(17:49):
the way that you're trying to fix the issues, if
you constantly find yourself chasing that person and being the
first one to apologize and trying to fix it, like
it's a two way street here. It has to be fair,
you know, as much as possible, because there are times
where it'll be, you know, the other way around. But
that's one. That's an indication. Another indication is if you
(18:09):
don't have peace. This is the biggest one. If you
don't have peace, if this person is causing you more turmoil,
more stress, more sadness, more depression, more anxiety than happiness.
That person is making you more of a bad version
of yourself and bringing out the worst in you, then
that's when you know I need to get out of this.
(18:31):
Is this person is hurting you. Of course, if they're
hitting you, there's the messic violence. They're cheating like I
would tell you, girl boy, get out of that, like
no one deserves that. But if they're also verbally abusing
you and they're not making you feel like your best self,
all of those are indications of you're not in the
right relationship. Because now that I'm in a healthy relationship,
because it's not perfect, but it's a lot better than
(18:54):
what I've had before. Now I'm like, damn, I kind
of in a way a little bit wasted time on
these people that didn't make me feel it's great, you know,
And media tells me I'm beautiful every single day. He
loves every part of my body, and he could be lying,
and I'm probably, yeah, I'm not perfect, but it goes
to show you like we all deserve and there's that
(19:17):
one person that's going to love us and value that's
the word, value us for who we are, flaws and all.
Because I know I'm not perfect, and I have scars
here or there, and I have stretch marks, and I
have staid the light. But he feels that I'm the
most and sees me like the most beautiful thing ever,
and he makes me feel it more than anything. So
if your partner is not making you feel that, making
you feel worse, and you're having worse days than good days,
(19:40):
then that's a huge red ass flag for you to say,
peace out. This isn't for me. I no longer have
peace in this relationship. Just think about it, Okay. Now
moving on, I'm gonna touch certain subjects that I think
are important for you guys to know. For instance, finances.
I wish I would have saved a lot more money
in my twenties, so I would suggest for you guys
to start saving money, the sooner the better, for a
(20:02):
rainy day, for a vacation, for whatever. Honestly, I think
it is so important fifty dollars, twenty dollars, whatever it
is that you can just put to the side and
pretend it does not exist. Even now in my thirties,
it's like, wait, I asked myself, do I really need this?
Is this a luxury or is this just a want?
Is this a necessity? When you're buying something, you know,
(20:24):
is this something that I absolutely need or is this
just something that I desire? Ask yourself those questions when
you go out to the mall and I do that,
And there are times because on social media they get
you and they're sending ads all the time and I'm like, oh,
it's so easy to just press buy when I'm like, no,
I don't really need that, Jenney, that that's a waste
of money, like really learning and understanding the value of
money and how from one day to another we could
(20:45):
have it and then we could not have it, you
know what I mean. So for sure save whatever it
is a little bit a lot. It's important now, ladies
and gentlemen, if you can get your life insurance going,
I would say do that sooner rather than later. I
started getting my life insurance when I was I was
in my twenties, you guys, I got my first life insurance.
I have to now, just because I think it's of
(21:08):
a responsible person to have that for your loved ones,
for your protection. There are life insurances out there, you guys,
that you can look into. That's kind of like a
savings account as well, where you can put money in
every year and it can go like if God forbid
you pass away, you leave it to your beneficiary, to
someone of your choice. Whatever the amount is. But also
if you get to a certain age, that could be
(21:30):
somewhat of like a savings account where you could pull
that money out, the money that you've been investing in
that life insurance. If you find yourself in a pickle,
so life insurance. It's one thing that a lot of
people don't talk about that. I'm just gonna say, big sister,
your advice, look into it. Just saying now investing, I'm
gonna tell you, I wish I would have known this earlier.
Investing your money in something that's going like a life
(21:52):
insurance for instance. You know what I mean. Like I said,
that's kind of that's somewhat of an investment. Investing in
commercial properties, in residential property. If you have extra money,
like invested in a business, it could be five thousand
and two thousand. You can start a business now with
the beauty of social media, you can start a small
business with a small amount of money and grow from there.
(22:13):
I do really believe now more than ever, Like my
goal this year for me is to invest in properties
Like now I'm ready and I'm like okay, instead of
spending on dumb shit like I need to save my
money and invest on something that's going to take care
of my future, you know, because I don't have a
four to oh one k. We gotta think about those
things now. Another thing that your big sister wants to
(22:35):
tell you is, and I always talk about it, therapy,
you guys, Therapy will literally save your life. Getting therapy
doesn't make you a weak person. It doesn't mean that
you are less than anyone or you are broken. That's
not what it means. It means you are smart. Why
because there are a lot of things that we can't
talk about with our loved ones, with our partner, with
(22:56):
our friends, and there are things we shouldn't talk about
with anyone else but a therapist, someone that has an
unbiased opinion that's gonna give you some straight up advice,
you know, some life advice, therapy or life coaching. I'm
huge on both. And I have a mentor, and I
have a life coach, and I have a therapist. I
have all three. Those things are important to me. I'd
(23:17):
rather invest in my therapy, life coaching, mentorship than even
in getting my hair extensions in. So it's something to
think about, even if you can afford it. Once a month,
once every two months, you guys, It's something that I highly,
highly highly recommend for your mental health. There's so much
power and vulnerability, and that's part of being vulnerable. Okay, now,
(23:38):
aging gracefully, you guys. It could be two ways to this,
because some people could say aging gracefully means don't get
any botalks, don't get any fillers, like just age, you know, gracefully.
Cool if that's what you want to do. Now. I
love botalks, love filler, love that if you can afford it.
I have my little fun on the side. I put
(23:59):
a little money in there to make sure that I
can give botox. I want to work to get botox.
That's the way I want to age. But also part
of aging gracefully is taking care of your insides, taking
your vitamins, taking your greens, drinking green juices, working out
is part of aging gracefully. Your skin care products, you guys,
Wearing SPF every single day, men and women. I can't
(24:24):
stress enough how important it is to protect yourself from
the sun. I love the sun. The sun is my homie,
but he can be kind of like a toxic little boyfriend,
so you have to protect yourself from him. So wear
your SPF at least SPF thirty. Wear it every single day,
doesn't matter if it's cloudy, it doesn't matter how old
you are. It's never too early or too late to
start SPF, you guys. But yes, all those things I mentioned, Vitamins,
(24:48):
taking care of yourself, eating good you guys, giving your
body instead of just eating to eat, it's eating to
feed your body, to give it good soil so that
it can be good back to you. So that's part
of aging gracefully. Now we're entering our thirties. I feel
(25:12):
like in your thirties, you kind of already went through
a lot of shit in your twenties, and you kind
of like know who you are, but you're like, how
do I find my way? Now, let's talk about finding
your purpose. So it takes a while, and it takes
a lot of practice, meaning you have to be intentional.
I love that word, you guys. You know this already
on the Cheese and Chill podcast. I love intentional because
(25:33):
that's what it's about, living your life with intent. It's
knowing who you are before you can find your way,
So finding your who before you find your way. Who
am I? What do I want out of life? What
am I here for because we all have a purpose.
We all have a mission of godly purpose here on earth.
And it doesn't have to be you know, an actress
(25:55):
on TV and you touch a lot of hearts all
at once, or a singer. It could be in a
small community with your friends and family, with your co workers.
It's what do I want to give the world, What
I want to give back? What footprint do I want
to leave on this earth? You know, and living your
life with intent is part of living your purpose. Every
(26:15):
single day, taking a step towards that and doing something
positive and an act of kindness every day, not only
for yourself. It starts with you being kind to yourself,
but also for other people is part of your purpose
and it just helps you live better. I feel also
being okay with stepping out of your comfort zone. That's
(26:36):
one thing that I've learned and I've embraced in my thirties,
I think in our twenties, in our teens as well,
of course even more so, we want to fit in
and look the part and act the part. And now
in my thirties, I'm like, no, I kind of have
a little bit of fun stepping out of the box.
I don't want to be kept in a box. I
don't want for me to be predictable. You know, it's like, oh,
(26:56):
I already expect that from her. No, I want to
do things different. I want to take risks. And you
should be okay with stepping out of your comfort zone.
There's so much to learn and so much to grow from,
like stepping out of what you're used to. That's huge,
you guys. And I think your thirties is like the
time to do it where you're like, you know, I'm
gonna try something different. Also, boundaries, Boundaries are huge, you guys.
(27:20):
And if you can learn them, the sooner the better.
I'm telling you because for a lot of my life,
I didn't have boundaries. I didn't know about boundaries until
like later in my later like twenties. Really respecting your
boundaries and other people's boundaries is crucial for your mental health,
where it's okay to say no to other people in
(27:41):
order to say yes to yourself. Sometimes I feel like
we're always trying to make other people happy and not
disappoint anybody, that we cause ourselves to be sad and
we feel empty, but because we've given so much to
other people, and it's okay for you to say no.
I don't feel comfortable with that. I don't have peace.
I don't feel peace with that decision. I don't want
(28:03):
to go there because I don't like it. Like it's
okay for you to be your own individual person and
say no. There's a lot of power in simply saying no,
thank you. You don't have to be mean about it.
It's just creating that boundary and learning that it's okay
for you to sometimes disappoint other people in order to
make yourself happy. So boundaries, they're good to have them.
(28:25):
Don't have walls. Walls are different. I'm talking about boundaries
of just being very clear as to what you want
and you don't want. Now. Toxic people, Okay, now that
we're talking about boundaries. Toxic people In my books, I
call them toxic voices. They're always going to be around
on social media, at work, at school, it doesn't matter
(28:45):
where you're at. Unfortunately, they exist. They're a part of
the world. Like there's good, there's bad. The ying and
the ying it is what it is. The faster you
learn to just know that they exist and the faster
you learn to ignore them, the better. Is it A
lot easier said than done. Yes, it is, but when
(29:05):
you learn to tune them out and just know it's
just noise. It's just people that are trying to keep
me from reaching my goal, from losing my focus. You're like,
it's not even worth it. I'm not gonna pay attention,
I'm not gonna bark back, I'm not gonna comment back
and talk crap back. I've learned now in my thirties.
You guys, it's not even fucking worth it. Like I
(29:27):
spent so much time, and I wasted so much time
arguing and trying to prove a point meds. I depleted
myself emotionally, mentally, spiritually, trying to fight back when it's like,
why am I going to waste my energy on people
and on things that are stuck in their ways anyways?
(29:47):
And I'm not gonna be able to change your mind,
so why even try? The best thing I could do
is just keep going, go Ma Lisen Guandola los pro
So if people are fucking crap, is because you're doing
something right, So just keep on that road and try
to tune them out. Of course, I defend myself in
(30:08):
a classy way. You know. It's learning to find the
way to do it. But the best thing you could
do is ignore them. I do want to talk about
habits and discipline. It's something that I talk about here
on the podcast all the time. But being disciplined, okay,
creating habits, creating a routine, especially in your thirties, that's
when I started it, like hardcore, when I really was like, okay,
(30:29):
there is a lot of importance in having a routine
and being disciplined with that routine, and you just feel accomplished,
You feel good, you feel better being consistent. The key
to success is consistency. It's discipline, it's creating a habit,
it's a routine. So just keep that in the back
of your mind, Okay, whatever that means to you. And
(30:50):
to close off you guys, something light and fun. I've
learned that traveling is amazing. You don't have to go
to Dubai or to Paris. You know. I understand traveling
is expensive, but it also goes back to saving money
and putting some money to the side to say, once
a year, I want to give myself a chance to
(31:10):
go see the world. It could even be a drive
down to Palm Springs if you live in La to
the mountains. It could be something small, a road trip,
but to really step out again of your comfort zone
and go and smell the fresh air and do something
completely different from what you usually do. That's a great
(31:31):
way of investing in yourself, in your future and your happiness,
in your peace. Now, Like that's a huge part of
my life now. I'm like, I want to take one
or two big trips, and I need to find the
balance between my work and my home and also what
makes Jenna happy, you know what I mean. Like I
can't focus all the time on just chiki chikichikis on work.
(31:52):
It's like I had to set the rule and the
boundary of telling my team guys, I need some time off.
I need at least a day off of the week
where I could just do whatever the hell I want,
maybe two. And I need these days off because I'm
gonna go I don't know anywhere, and I have my
little piggybink, my little savings for that. So that's just
(32:14):
a little advice that I've learned a little later in
my life, the importance of just resting, whatever that means
to you, whether it's traveling to a beach or whatever
you can afford, but really just resting your mind and
your soul and finding that balance, you guys, between work
and life and what makes you happy and seeing the
world because there's so much beauty out there, you guys,
(32:34):
take the time to stop and smell the roses. Wow,
I feel like we've covered so much today. We definitely did. It.
All came from my heart, from a big sister's perspective.
I want the best for you guys all the time.
You guys are my listeners. You guys have given me
so much and this is my way of giving back
to you guys. And feel free to share this episode
with anyone you think would benefit from it. This is
(32:55):
an advice episode from your big sister Cheeky's or actually,
should I say Jane, So make sure you share it.
I hope it can help all of you. Now, you
guys know we always end Cheeky's and Chill with a quote,
so the quote for today is directly to you. Okay,
(33:16):
when life's hills become too steep to climb on my own,
my sister me Okay, takes my hand and reminds me
that I didn't have to climb it alone to begin with.
So this one is from my heart to yours. Even
if I'm younger than you, especially if I'm older than you.
It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman.
I want to be your big sister. So that's what
(33:36):
Chee's and Chill Dear Cheeky's is all about. So thank
you guys for listening, los qio, and thank you for
making my life a better and happier place. Bessit does.
Do you need advice on love, relationships, health emas. I'm
so excited to share with you that my Cheekys and
(33:58):
Chill podcast will have an extra episode drop each week.
I'll be answering all your questions.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Just leave me a voice message betters one midday. All
you have to do is go to speak pipe dot com,
slash Cheekys and Chill Podcasts and record your questions.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
I can't wait to hear from you. This is a
production of iHeartRadio and v Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow
us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow me
Cheeky's That's c h i q U i s. For
more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
(34:35):
or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast and check
us out on YouTube.
Host
Chiquis
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