September 22, 2025 • 36 mins
Hello, hello, hello! Welcome to this week’s episode of Chiquis and Chill. Do you know the difference between compromise and sacrifice? Do you know what compromise looks like? Do you know when you should make sacrifices? If not, you’re going to want to listen to this episode because I’m breaking it all down for you. Tune in to examples from my personal life, everything from how I compromise in my marriage, my music career and with my siblings.
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hello everyone, my beautiful listener, Welcome back to your favorite podcast,
Cheeks and Chill. I am so happy you've decided to
press the play button on this episode, because today we're
talking about the difference between compromising and sacrificing.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
They're two completely different.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Things, but they're easy to confuse, and depending on which
route we take, they can get us.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
In pretty sticky situations.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
This applies to relationships, friendships, careers, and in so many
other areas of our lives.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
So let's talk about it. You ready? Are you sure?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Well? Let's go.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
All right.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
So let's start by defining the two words. Let's start
with compromise. Compromise is a mutual exchange. Both parties give
a little to meet in the middle. There's respect, flexibility,
and shared benefit.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Now.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Sacrifice, on the other hand, is when you are giving
something up, often something important, without receiving anything in return.
It's one sided. It can feel like you are betraying
yourself just to keep something going. Compromise says let's adjust together,
while sacrifice says I'll disappear so you can be comfortable.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
So if you confuse compromise and sacrifice, don't feel bad
because I think we all do, and sometimes we don't
even realize why or how or how it's happening. So
that's why I thought it was very important to talk
about it. I'm going to start with relationships because I'm
going to talk to you guys about my personal relationship
(01:45):
my husband, Emilio. As you guys know, I'm married. I've
been married for a little over a year. And when
I decided to marry him, I made myself a promise
that I wanted to be a good wife. A good
wife in my own terms, not what society expects, not
(02:10):
what religion expects or says, or the idea that my family,
some of my family put on me, or that I
adopted my own definition of what a good wife is.
And for me, I did a whole episode on this.
But for me, at the end of the day, what
(02:32):
a good wife is is, yes, being a good wife
for him, but also staying true to myself. I want
to compromise and talk to him and say, okay, we're
not meeting I to I on this particular subject, for instance,
going out with our friends. I have stayed true to
(02:54):
myself and I continue to go out with my friends. Emilio,
does it necessarily have that desire. Little by little, I
feel like he's starting to. But he either prefers to
hang out with his mom or stay at home. And
I have been pretty consistent. You know, when we were dating,
(03:15):
I would go out with my friends. I would stay
out a little too late. And he said, look, this
is a problem for me, not that you're going out
with your friends. Does it worry me a little bit, Yes,
it worries me a little bit because I'm afraid of like, Okay,
you're looking really hot with your friends, and what if
people think you're single? And you know, he started telling me,
(03:36):
you know, his worries, which I understand. But he said,
I'm not going to stop you from doing that, because
I made that very clear in the beginning of our relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
But I'm not.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Okay with you getting home at three in the morning.
And he's right, that's where we compromise. So we came
together and talked about it and said, Okay, you're right,
I'm not going to stop going out with my friends
because because I am still my individual self, you have
to trust that I'm going to act accordingly, trust that
(04:08):
I'm not going to do anything that's going to affect
our relationship because I love you and I don't want
to lose you, and because I value you, and since
I do value you as much as I do, I
hear you and you're right, I wouldn't want you coming
home at three in the morning. So look, how about
I say, Okay, I'm going to come home at a
reasonable time. If for whatever reason, I'm going to be
(04:30):
a little later, I'm communicating. That's one thing. We communicate
a lot. Hey, I just got to the restaurant. We
just got our food. Because if I just got my food,
that means we're eating, we're going to be talking. Like
So if you don't hear from me for an hour,
don't freak out. It's just it's not because I have to.
It's something that I want to make him feel safe,
and I appreciate when he does the same. So it's
(04:53):
just communication. So that's what we can.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I don't come home at three in the morning anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
I did that a few times, to be honest, I
just it was a different time, guys. But that was
one thing that I compromise on because I come from
a background of you know, being raised by a single
mother and doing whatever I want to do, and I'm
an independent woman, et cetera, et cetera, and I'm like, Okay,
(05:17):
if I want a relationship to work, I need to
give and take. There has to be a balance, there
has to be compromise. So that's a difference now sacrifice.
Staying on the same subject of relationships, sacrifice. I am
(05:41):
working on this right now with my life coach, because
there are things that I'm starting to realize in my
relationship that I won't get into details about because my
partner's not here, and I would like to have this
conversation more in depth with him being present, because I
(06:04):
think that's the only fair thing to do. But I
will say that I started realizing without even I think
Emilio realizing that, but I started realizing that I was
sacrificing parts of myself to make him feel comfortable. And
in reality, there are certain things, especially if I'm not
(06:26):
doing anything wrong, that if I continue this way with
not wanting to bring him any discomfort or things that
are going to cause him more anxiety, I'm going to
start resenting him if I don't do the things that
my soul is calling me to do, for example, retreats,
(06:50):
spiritual retreats that I've been really into since last year, right,
I want to do another one and it's a four
day retreat, and he did not feel comfortable about it.
He was kind of like, oh, but I'm going to
miss you, and I love that. I want him to
miss me. I'm going to miss him. But I really
(07:12):
thought about not going because I don't want to cause
him any anxiety or I don't want I don't know,
you know, And I started having this conflict and silently
I was kind of resenting him. And although he is
(07:34):
not as spiritual as I am. He prays and he
believes in God. But I wake up and I meditate
and I do all these things, and he does it
in his own way. I don't want to stop being
myself and doing the things that make my soul very happy,
(07:55):
like this spiritual retreat, because I don't want to have
disapproval from my partner. I want him to love me,
and I want him to think he has the best
wife in the world. And sometimes or I was starting
to confuse that, and that's where the problems started. Where
(08:20):
it's like I can say, hey, I'm excited to do
this, this is what I'm going to do. I'm not asking
for permission because I don't want to have that type
of relationship. Again, everyone's relationship is different. I don't want
to have the type of relationship and Millie and I
to ask for permission because we are our own person
and we have different interests. And that's one thing that
(08:46):
in my past relationships, I confused a lot, and I
did and it didn't work out, and I would just
always do anything and everything to get people's approval. That's
my people pleasing, and I didn't want to do that.
I don't want to do that in any relationship in
my life right now. So I'm not willing to sacrifice
what makes me happy again. This is something that is
(09:10):
gonna make me happy and it's a good thing. So
make sure it's not like, Okay, this makes me happy.
I'm gonna go to the club. I'm gonna say out
till three in the morning. I don't care where my
partner says.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I'm not saying that.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
You have to also think about I'm not trying to
hurt my partner. This is something that at the end
of the day is yet it's a four day retreat.
We're always together. But this is something for me that's
gonna make me feel whole. That's gonna make me come
back and love on him even more. And it's not
a bad thing. I'm not going to a girl's trip
(09:41):
and I'm getting lost, and it's like, I don't give
a f what you think or how you feel about it,
Like I'm gonna do it. Like that's not the case.
So I don't want you guys to confuse it. But
I was really feeling, in a way abandoning myself. And
that's what I want you guys to be careful with
in your relationships and mind you. I feel like I
have a great husband. I'm very happy in my relationship.
(10:04):
We have issues like everyone else, and we're learning to
work through them. He's back in therapy. I'm doing my
life coaching, because again, when you're in a relationship, it's
two people coming together to be their best selves for
themselves but also as a whole together, and the work
that we do as individuals is going to help ultimately
(10:27):
our relationship, you know. So anyway, those are two little
things that I wanted to tell you guys when it
comes to relationships. And I can give you so many
other examples, but that's the one that came to mind,
because that's something that we are working through right now.
And the good thing is we're both willing to compromise
to come together and say, Okay, Jennay, you're going to
go to this retreat. It doesn't make me feel comfortable,
(10:50):
but that's something he has to work on with his
therapist and figure out in his alone time. But I'm
also going to do what I need to do as
a wife, as a partner to make him feel comfortable.
Check in as much as I can, because on a retreat,
you're out there and you're just freaking I want to
be there and I want to be present, and I
want to get the best out of it, but I
also want to be mindful of him and his feelings
(11:13):
and be like, hey, babe, I'm good. I just want
to tell you that I love you, I miss you,
I'm here, I learned this, and then boom. As long
as I'm communicating, and I'm just going to give you
guys a few examples as to how I got to
a place of compromising. I will tell you this, it's
not always easy. Most of the time, it's a little uncomfortable,
(11:35):
maybe a lot uncomfortable. But when you love someone and
you know that it's worth it. Again, it doesn't even
have to just be like a loving relationship. It could
be any relationship. It could be your job, Like when
you really care about something or someone, it's going to
be difficult to come to a happy place together.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Meet in the middle.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Like the way I like to do it is it
kind of yourself on two different sides of the rooms,
right with this other person or this other situation, and
you guys are both just taking steps to kind of
literally meet in the middle. You have to kind of
envision that. I always again, and I'll repeat it. It's
(12:19):
all in how we say things. It's hey, this made
me uncomfortable. I don't really like how you acted here,
and I would appreciate if next time you did it
this way, Like, for instance, let's just talk about like
because I feel like with examples, it's like a lot
(12:40):
easier to understand. My sister Janica perfect. Her and I
have always been really close. She's been like obviously like
a daughter. She's my sister, she's my best friend. And
then there was a time where we were there was
a lot of tension, I guess, or separation because of
a thing that don't really matter. The point is that
(13:04):
she is really good with setting boundaries as the older sister,
as a second mother. That was very difficult for me
to accept because I'm like, uh, I want to help you.
I want to prevent you from being hurt. I want
to prevent you from falling. Let me help you. And
she would say, look, sister, I appreciate that, but I'm grown.
(13:30):
I am twenty seven years old, and I have to
learn myself. And as much as I appreciate you wanting
to protect me, I need to learn this myself. And please,
when and if you're right, please don't say I told
you so, Just give me a hug. And I said, okay, then, look,
(13:53):
with certain situations are certain people. I understand that certain people,
certain reallylationships in your life are off limits, so that
I don't get all caught up emotionally because I love
you and that's hard for me. So let's compromise to
this new agreement so that we don't have unnecessary tension
(14:17):
or disagreements. So, yeah, I just wanted to give you
guys a small little example so you guys kind of
understand what I mean and how to go about it,
but just know it's not always going to be easy.
It's actually pretty tough. But just take deep breaths, okay,
because it's going to be better, I promise you. Let's
(14:43):
talk about career, because this is also something I'm dealing with.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Again, all these things and all these subjects that I
talk about on the podcast are because they're sparked from
my personal experiences or something that I'm going through or
I went so right now, I find myself in a
similar situation or predicament with my career. Obviously, I have
(15:12):
my team, and I trust their guidance and their expertise
and their experience, you know, in the industry, and I
hear them and that is me compromising when they come
to me about the rollout, let's say, of my new album,
(15:35):
and even though they may not understand it fully, they
trust my vision and I trust their expertise. Right, But
I started kind of feeling like I was taking steps
backwards when I had told myself when I started this
new venture of this new music and this just new era,
(15:59):
that I was going to stay true to myself and
know what I felt in that moment when this idea
came to me, and I do really feel that it
was heaven sent but like it is at any time
when you step into the unknown, it's scary. So fear
(16:21):
started taking over, and then some of the things from
my team of like is this really music that is
going to sell? Is this message or what you're doing?
Is it more political? And is it going to cause
you issues down the road, And so all those things
(16:44):
started kind of just seeping into my mind and into
my heart and confusing the heck out of me, and
I was like, whoa wait, wait, Like, oh my gosh,
what if they're right? And then the fear started like
just setting in and I'm like, no, but wait, Like
I need to stay true to myself. I will compromise,
which means I will hear them out and respectfully say
(17:06):
I get it, but I don't necessarily agree with that.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
I'm going to go with this whatever that may be.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
I have to remind myself that this music and this
idea is from the soul, and even if it doesn't chart,
even if it's not the most popular song and it's
not what's happening, it's fine because I'm not going to
sacrifice this desire and this yearning within me because of fear,
(17:38):
because it's not cool enough, because people aren't going to
like it. I'm going to do this because this is
what's true to myself and I'm not willing to sacrifice
that and what I know to be true within myself
at a fear. So with that being said, I hope
(17:59):
that that in some way can help you at your job,
in your career, whatever it is that you're getting into,
so that we can really define the difference between compromise
and sacrifice. Because in our culture, guys, especially as women,
we are taught that staying quiet or acting like a
(18:23):
lady all the time and not saying what you really
feel is better the saying.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
We all know it. If you don't here, it.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Is kaya tita, that is masa staying quiet, you look prettier. No,
it's all in how we say things. And I'm going
to continue to say this. I always say this, it's
how we deliver our message. But I think it has
a lot to do with our culture. And I'm telling
you guys personally, in my family, I can think of
(18:54):
so many different examples on how I have sacrificed my happiness,
and yeah, I'm trying to think of a few, but
I did write some things down in my moment of
silence that I want to go ahead and share with
you guys. So just going back to relationships a tiny bit, okay,
(19:15):
because I just was speaking from the heart right now.
But now I'm going to read the things that I
wrote down. So relationships, a healthy compromise looks like I'll
do this for you and next time you'll do something
for me. We both make space for each other's needs.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
An unhealthy sacrifice looks like I gave up my dreams
so they wouldn't feel insecure, or I swallowed my truth
every day to keep the peace. That's what I was
talking to you guys about with Emilio. Now the first part,
let me unpack that a little bit with you, guys,
because I wrote this for you guys, because this is
something I dealt with in a past relationship. I would
(19:52):
dim my light and make myself smaller to not make
my partner feel inadequate. I stopped doing certain things or
didn't take certain jobs because I didn't want to make
him feel less then.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
And it was killing me.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
And when you are with the right person, that person
is going to want you to shine. There isn't this
crazy competition. And now that I'm talking about this. It
reminds me of certain people in my family that will
remain nameless because that's there's no need to say any names.
(20:36):
But I also felt like I had to do that
because I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I felt
like sometimes my presence affected people or made them upset,
or I just the energy would shift and so I
would stay quiet, or I wouldn't act like my real
self around them because I thought they wouldn't like me,
(20:59):
or it was too much for them and they would
think I was fake because I was different around my friends,
but around my friends, I was able to be myself.
So I was sacrificing and making myself smaller to not
cause insecurity in other people. And that is one of
the worst things that we can do anywhere. It doesn't
(21:20):
matter if it's relationships, our career, our jobs, like our friendships,
like if you are having to do that, those are
not your people. And I'm telling you that right now,
So just be very careful and try to recognize that
because I wrote that down because it was something that
(21:42):
I felt like for a long time. I wanted to
spread my wings and fly and I couldn't because I
had this heavy weight on me until I just let
go of all those motherbuggers and I was like, I'm
not doing this because I can't reach my full potential
if I'm carrying all of these other people's whatever it
(22:05):
is that they're dealing with.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
It's not my stuff to carry by.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
You know. Now, we did talk about the business and
the career and just so that you guys, get a
little bit more clarity. So compromise at work means adjusting
roles for the greater good, flexibility with projects or timelines.
That's exactly where I'm compromising right now, guys. Sacrifice at
(22:30):
work means saying yes to everything while saying no to yourself.
We talk about that a lot on the podcast, guys,
because to me, it's like I always check myself. I'm like,
am I saying yes I want to do this because
they want me to say yes? Or am I saying
yes because this is really what I want to do?
Because I spent so many years telling myself no and
(22:51):
telling other people yes because I wanted to be liked.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Just be liked and have people's approval, and that got
me nowhere. So another way of sacrifice is silencing your
creative voice to stay in the room, exactly what I
just talked about. I don't want my creativity, especially with
this project, to be limited to be stagnant in any
(23:20):
way because other people's opinions and money, especially with money, guys. Yes,
of course I'm in this to hopefully eventually one day
make money, But more than that, I have to trust
that this is something else, that this is a movement.
This is and once you guys watch the new video
(23:42):
you and hear the new song, You're gonna know what
I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
This is beyond me, guys, this is I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
So anyway, once you guys see and hear what I'm
talking about, especially like with the album Oh We Got,
I can't wait, I'm not going to allow anything or
anyone to get in the way of that. And I
don't need to be like, oh, I want to be
a part of the cool group. Like no, it's cool.
I'm cool by myself, you know what I mean, Like,
no one wants to hang out with me. Cool, God's
with me. That's how I say. I was, like, it's cool,
(24:10):
Like the people that love me are going to be
with me. The people that are meant to be on
this journey with me, are going to stay with me,
and We're going to make a change in the.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
World, and I'm so excited for it.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Anyway, your dream, Remember your dream shouldn't come at the
cost of your health, your voice, or your worth. Ooh okay,
and remember, as far as relationships, love doesn't require you
to shrink. True partnership finds the middle that is compromised.
That is how our relationship flourishes. When you guys come
(24:42):
together and have a peaceful conversation and come to a
happy medium where you both feel comfortable. Okay, what else
did I write down? Oh?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
This is what I was talking about earlier, guys.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
As far as culture, okay, many of us, okay, we're
taught that love means sacrifice, especially as women, especially in
Latino culture.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
That being selfless is the highest form of love.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Oh my goodness. I was talking about this with my
life coach, and yes, oh this is something I have
struggled with personally because for a long time I wanted
to be the perfect girl and the perfect needs and
the perfect daughter, and I wanted to be selfless and
just help everyone else. And that's still me. I want
to help the world. But if I'm running on empty.
(25:34):
All I'm going to give you is fumes. I'm going
to give you air. I'm not going to give you
the best of me, which is why it's important. The
self care, the self love. That's not being selfish, guys,
that is loving yourself and preparing yourself to go out
in the world to help your family, to help your relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
That is so important, guys, so important. So please, that is.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Something that I think we hear a lot in Latino
fans families. Okay, selflessness is the highest form of love. No, Senorita,
please don't adopt that. Let's try to break that generational
curse and make the future women, the future boys, all
of us better as a whole. Okay, here we go,
(26:19):
just so you guys remember, Okay, because we're talking about
compromise and sacrifice, all that good stuff. Okay, a little
bit of everything. You guys know how my episodes are.
I jump here and there. But the good thing is
it all comes together at the end.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
So, love without boundaries is not love. Let me repeat that.
Love without boundaries is not love. Giving endlessly without return?
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Is it noble?
Speaker 1 (26:42):
It's painful? Oh did I do that with my mother?
With my siblings and my relationships and my friendships. I
just wanted to be loved and to be accepted, and
so I would give and give and give, and I
was bankrupt. I felt like I was giving a lot
more than I was receiving, and I wasn't doing it
(27:05):
to gain anything.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
But it's only.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Fair for it to be reciprocated in some way, or
at least a little bit, so you feel appreciated.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
So that is these are two.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Huge things that I was like, I need to make
sure that I talk about this. Giving endlessly without return
isn't noble. It is painful, y'all, and I'm telling you
it is.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Now.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Compromise looks like showing up for each other even when
it's inconvenient, respecting different beliefs, but not crossing your own limits.
Sacrifice is betraying yourself just to be accepted.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Janey.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
We are moving past your guys. We are growing. We
are growing, and it's okay. Because I thought I was
over this and it's starting to come up a little bit.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
But it's okay.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Now I recognize it, and now I know what to
do about it, and now I know how.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
To help you guys. So it's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Okay, carrying emotional labor that isn't yours to hold. Ooh,
we do that a lot as the eldest sibling, the
eldest daughter, the eldest child.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I did that.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
I was caring for a long time my mother. And
I'm not talking bad about her. I love her. I
have the best relationship with my mom now, more than ever.
I have this like just in my heart of like
that's my mom. I don't even know how to explain it.
It's more than ever, guys. So I'm not talking bad.
(28:47):
She was fifteen years old when she had me. My
mom was a child. She wasn't able to grow and
learn and do all these things that now we talk
about so openly, and wellness and therapy and all these
things that is foreign to that generation. And I was
carrying a lot of her baggage and taking care of
(29:09):
my siblings, and that caused a lot of confusion emotionally mentally,
and I sacrificed a lot. Now I know I'm learning
that this year, that I can still love my siblings
and love my mother and still staying true to myself
and saying, you know what, I don't want to carry
this this isn't my responsibility. I love my brother, I
(29:31):
love my sister. I'll be here to pray. If they
want some advice, I'm here to help them, but their
problems aren't my problems, and I need to stop making
them my problems because I have a lot of other
things to worry about. Because I have done that so much,
and I'm willing to do anything and everything for my siblings,
(29:52):
but I have learned the difference between loving and being
overbearing and exactly what I just said right now, carrying
baggage that is not mine. It's just not mine, and
I have to be okay with saying they're old enough,
they will figure it out. I will be here to listen,
i will be here to pray. I will be here
(30:13):
to help in any way that I can. I'm not
going to over extend myself anymore because then it's confused
and it might not be appreciated, like people need to
come to you instead of me stepping in and taking
control or trying to find the solution to everything that
(30:33):
ain't my business, that ain't my pay. Guys on the
toilet this is a friend taught me this because I've
talked about this on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Where when I go to the public.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Restroom and there is pee on the toilet, I find
myself because go China's girls don't be like that, Please
clean up after yourself. It's so sad to see how
disgusting public restrooms are, especially whomens. I don't know what
the guys look like, but I'm like, if you pissed
the toilet seat, can you pretty please just clean it
up so that I don't have to clean it up.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
So I would do that.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
I'd go to the stall and instead of finding another
thought to go pee in, I'd sit there and clean
the mess. That isn't mind to clean. I'm just being
like a good Samaritan. I'm like, okay, fine, Like I
don't want to, you know, I always do that. I
don't want the next person to come and like sit
on my pee or like have to clean up my pea.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
So I started thinking. A friend of mine was like, dude,
that's not your pee, Like literally, that's not your problem.
That's not your pe to pick up. So I started
adopting that, and I'm like, yeah, like it's I have
to shake it off sometimes, guys, I have to remind myself.
I'm like, you know, what. It's not my bethel, it's
not my pee, it's not my problem.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
I gotta shake it off and they'll figure it out
the way I have figured out everything. Now here's the
big one, guys, I'm almost done. Okay, Uh, with yourself.
Sometimes the person we sacrifice the most for it is ourselves.
We ignore our bodies, Silence are intuition, delay our healing.
(32:04):
We abandon our dreams out of fear, all in the
name of being responsible, strong, or perfect. Compromise with yourself
looks like rest, grace, adjusting the plan. Ooh, sacrifice of
self looks like chronic burnout. That was me in twenty eighteen.
(32:26):
Oh my gosh, resentment and silence. Guys, you can't keep
abandoning yourself and calling it love. Please rewind this part
of the episode if you need to hear it again. Okay,
And how do we know the difference? We ask ourselves?
Is this mutual? Is this costing me my peace or identity? Ooh,
(32:51):
just had to asked myself that question this morning. I
was in a meeting. Am I dimming myself to keep
someone else comfortable? If this leave me feeling resentful or free?
If you're always the one bending, breaking, and bleeding. It's
not compromise. It's sacrifice. Again, if you are always the
(33:15):
one bending, breaking and bleeding, stop the bleeding, guys. It's
not compromise. That is called sacrifice, self sacrifice, and not
all sacrifice is bad. Guys. Let me tell you, guys,
because right now I'm on another cleanse. Yes, those of
you that listen to the podcast, I do a lot
of cleanses. Right now I'm on another cleanse. I'm doing
(33:36):
no alcohol, no cannabis, no red meat, no soda, and
no coffee. Coffee seems to be the one that's like,
oh my gosh, to everyone for twenty one days, not
a long time. This one's a little shorter. But it's
not because I'm asking for anything. It's because I'm grateful
and God has been really good to me, and I
(33:57):
just want to This is my way of saying thank you.
So I sacrificing my body and these things that I
enjoy for the better good. It keeps me in better
communication with God. So not all sacrifices bad. So I
want you guys to just know, you know, because I
talk about that, it's more of like a gift and
an offering from myself to God, to my faith. And
(34:19):
you know, anyway, if you want to start a fast,
because I have an idea that I'm not going to
share now. I think I'm going to do an episode
on it, but something that I want to do and
I want to invite you guys to do with me,
because fasts are good.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
It's like sacrificing to the flesh for our spirit. Right,
and when you fast, you're not betraying yourself, okay, you
are honoring your higher self. It's not about punishment, it's
about purification, it's not about depriving yourself. It's about devotion.
And fasting is a spiritual reset. So anyway, that's a
whole other thing. We'll talk about that later. But I
(34:54):
hope that this episode helps you, guys and reminds you
maybe already know that, but sometimes we need reminders because
I need them as well, the difference between compromise and sacrifice.
And I hope some of this, if not all of it,
or a part, resonates with you in your life, because
I think we all do it. Sometimes we don't even
(35:16):
recognize it. And that's okay. But now you have an
episode that you can share with the loved one and
you can come back to to remind yourself. Toxic sacrifice
is rooted in fear or pressure. Okay, so remember that
toxic sacrifice is rooted in fear or pressure. Compromise builds bridges.
So remember the difference. Toxic sacrifice is rooted in fear.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Pressure. Compromise builds bridges. And I'll be quiet.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Thank you for coming to my podcast, for listening, because
this podcast is for us to listen, to learn, to grow,
and to glow together in this world that sometimes could
be a little heavy, a little sad, but when we
have each other, it's better. So thank you for being here, uh,
and for listening to me, and yeah, I really appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
And uh yeah, I'll have something new for you next week,
so I'll see you here Astroma. This is a.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Production of iHeartRadio and the Micaela Podcast Network. Follow us
on Instagram at Michael Doda Podcasts, then follow me Chicky's
That's c h I q.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
U I s.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast
Hello everyone, my beautiful listener, Welcome back to your favorite podcast,
Cheeks and Chill. I am so happy you've decided to
press the play button on this episode, because today we're
talking about the difference between compromising and sacrificing.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
They're two completely different.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Things, but they're easy to confuse, and depending on which
route we take, they can get us.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
In pretty sticky situations.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
This applies to relationships, friendships, careers, and in so many
other areas of our lives.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
So let's talk about it. You ready? Are you sure?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Well? Let's go.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
All right.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
So let's start by defining the two words. Let's start
with compromise. Compromise is a mutual exchange. Both parties give
a little to meet in the middle. There's respect, flexibility,
and shared benefit.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Now.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Sacrifice, on the other hand, is when you are giving
something up, often something important, without receiving anything in return.
It's one sided. It can feel like you are betraying
yourself just to keep something going. Compromise says let's adjust together,
while sacrifice says I'll disappear so you can be comfortable.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
So if you confuse compromise and sacrifice, don't feel bad
because I think we all do, and sometimes we don't
even realize why or how or how it's happening. So
that's why I thought it was very important to talk
about it. I'm going to start with relationships because I'm
going to talk to you guys about my personal relationship
(01:45):
my husband, Emilio. As you guys know, I'm married. I've
been married for a little over a year. And when
I decided to marry him, I made myself a promise
that I wanted to be a good wife. A good
wife in my own terms, not what society expects, not
(02:10):
what religion expects or says, or the idea that my family,
some of my family put on me, or that I
adopted my own definition of what a good wife is.
And for me, I did a whole episode on this.
But for me, at the end of the day, what
(02:32):
a good wife is is, yes, being a good wife
for him, but also staying true to myself. I want
to compromise and talk to him and say, okay, we're
not meeting I to I on this particular subject, for instance,
going out with our friends. I have stayed true to
(02:54):
myself and I continue to go out with my friends. Emilio,
does it necessarily have that desire. Little by little, I
feel like he's starting to. But he either prefers to
hang out with his mom or stay at home. And
I have been pretty consistent. You know, when we were dating,
(03:15):
I would go out with my friends. I would stay
out a little too late. And he said, look, this
is a problem for me, not that you're going out
with your friends. Does it worry me a little bit, Yes,
it worries me a little bit because I'm afraid of like, Okay,
you're looking really hot with your friends, and what if
people think you're single? And you know, he started telling me,
(03:36):
you know, his worries, which I understand. But he said,
I'm not going to stop you from doing that, because
I made that very clear in the beginning of our relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
But I'm not.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Okay with you getting home at three in the morning.
And he's right, that's where we compromise. So we came
together and talked about it and said, Okay, you're right,
I'm not going to stop going out with my friends
because because I am still my individual self, you have
to trust that I'm going to act accordingly, trust that
(04:08):
I'm not going to do anything that's going to affect
our relationship because I love you and I don't want
to lose you, and because I value you, and since
I do value you as much as I do, I
hear you and you're right, I wouldn't want you coming
home at three in the morning. So look, how about
I say, Okay, I'm going to come home at a
reasonable time. If for whatever reason, I'm going to be
(04:30):
a little later, I'm communicating. That's one thing. We communicate
a lot. Hey, I just got to the restaurant. We
just got our food. Because if I just got my food,
that means we're eating, we're going to be talking. Like
So if you don't hear from me for an hour,
don't freak out. It's just it's not because I have to.
It's something that I want to make him feel safe,
and I appreciate when he does the same. So it's
(04:53):
just communication. So that's what we can.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I don't come home at three in the morning anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
I did that a few times, to be honest, I
just it was a different time, guys. But that was
one thing that I compromise on because I come from
a background of you know, being raised by a single
mother and doing whatever I want to do, and I'm
an independent woman, et cetera, et cetera, and I'm like, Okay,
(05:17):
if I want a relationship to work, I need to
give and take. There has to be a balance, there
has to be compromise. So that's a difference now sacrifice.
Staying on the same subject of relationships, sacrifice. I am
(05:41):
working on this right now with my life coach, because
there are things that I'm starting to realize in my
relationship that I won't get into details about because my
partner's not here, and I would like to have this
conversation more in depth with him being present, because I
(06:04):
think that's the only fair thing to do. But I
will say that I started realizing without even I think
Emilio realizing that, but I started realizing that I was
sacrificing parts of myself to make him feel comfortable. And
in reality, there are certain things, especially if I'm not
(06:26):
doing anything wrong, that if I continue this way with
not wanting to bring him any discomfort or things that
are going to cause him more anxiety, I'm going to
start resenting him if I don't do the things that
my soul is calling me to do, for example, retreats,
(06:50):
spiritual retreats that I've been really into since last year, right,
I want to do another one and it's a four
day retreat, and he did not feel comfortable about it.
He was kind of like, oh, but I'm going to
miss you, and I love that. I want him to
miss me. I'm going to miss him. But I really
(07:12):
thought about not going because I don't want to cause
him any anxiety or I don't want I don't know,
you know, And I started having this conflict and silently
I was kind of resenting him. And although he is
(07:34):
not as spiritual as I am. He prays and he
believes in God. But I wake up and I meditate
and I do all these things, and he does it
in his own way. I don't want to stop being
myself and doing the things that make my soul very happy,
(07:55):
like this spiritual retreat, because I don't want to have
disapproval from my partner. I want him to love me,
and I want him to think he has the best
wife in the world. And sometimes or I was starting
to confuse that, and that's where the problems started. Where
(08:20):
it's like I can say, hey, I'm excited to do
this, this is what I'm going to do. I'm not asking
for permission because I don't want to have that type
of relationship. Again, everyone's relationship is different. I don't want
to have the type of relationship and Millie and I
to ask for permission because we are our own person
and we have different interests. And that's one thing that
(08:46):
in my past relationships, I confused a lot, and I
did and it didn't work out, and I would just
always do anything and everything to get people's approval. That's
my people pleasing, and I didn't want to do that.
I don't want to do that in any relationship in
my life right now. So I'm not willing to sacrifice
what makes me happy again. This is something that is
(09:10):
gonna make me happy and it's a good thing. So
make sure it's not like, Okay, this makes me happy.
I'm gonna go to the club. I'm gonna say out
till three in the morning. I don't care where my
partner says.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I'm not saying that.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
You have to also think about I'm not trying to
hurt my partner. This is something that at the end
of the day is yet it's a four day retreat.
We're always together. But this is something for me that's
gonna make me feel whole. That's gonna make me come
back and love on him even more. And it's not
a bad thing. I'm not going to a girl's trip
(09:41):
and I'm getting lost, and it's like, I don't give
a f what you think or how you feel about it,
Like I'm gonna do it. Like that's not the case.
So I don't want you guys to confuse it. But
I was really feeling, in a way abandoning myself. And
that's what I want you guys to be careful with
in your relationships and mind you. I feel like I
have a great husband. I'm very happy in my relationship.
(10:04):
We have issues like everyone else, and we're learning to
work through them. He's back in therapy. I'm doing my
life coaching, because again, when you're in a relationship, it's
two people coming together to be their best selves for
themselves but also as a whole together, and the work
that we do as individuals is going to help ultimately
(10:27):
our relationship, you know. So anyway, those are two little
things that I wanted to tell you guys when it
comes to relationships. And I can give you so many
other examples, but that's the one that came to mind,
because that's something that we are working through right now.
And the good thing is we're both willing to compromise
to come together and say, Okay, Jennay, you're going to
go to this retreat. It doesn't make me feel comfortable,
(10:50):
but that's something he has to work on with his
therapist and figure out in his alone time. But I'm
also going to do what I need to do as
a wife, as a partner to make him feel comfortable.
Check in as much as I can, because on a retreat,
you're out there and you're just freaking I want to
be there and I want to be present, and I
want to get the best out of it, but I
also want to be mindful of him and his feelings
(11:13):
and be like, hey, babe, I'm good. I just want
to tell you that I love you, I miss you,
I'm here, I learned this, and then boom. As long
as I'm communicating, and I'm just going to give you
guys a few examples as to how I got to
a place of compromising. I will tell you this, it's
not always easy. Most of the time, it's a little uncomfortable,
(11:35):
maybe a lot uncomfortable. But when you love someone and
you know that it's worth it. Again, it doesn't even
have to just be like a loving relationship. It could
be any relationship. It could be your job, Like when
you really care about something or someone, it's going to
be difficult to come to a happy place together.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Meet in the middle.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Like the way I like to do it is it
kind of yourself on two different sides of the rooms,
right with this other person or this other situation, and
you guys are both just taking steps to kind of
literally meet in the middle. You have to kind of
envision that. I always again, and I'll repeat it. It's
(12:19):
all in how we say things. It's hey, this made
me uncomfortable. I don't really like how you acted here,
and I would appreciate if next time you did it
this way, Like, for instance, let's just talk about like
because I feel like with examples, it's like a lot
(12:40):
easier to understand. My sister Janica perfect. Her and I
have always been really close. She's been like obviously like
a daughter. She's my sister, she's my best friend. And
then there was a time where we were there was
a lot of tension, I guess, or separation because of
a thing that don't really matter. The point is that
(13:04):
she is really good with setting boundaries as the older sister,
as a second mother. That was very difficult for me
to accept because I'm like, uh, I want to help you.
I want to prevent you from being hurt. I want
to prevent you from falling. Let me help you. And
she would say, look, sister, I appreciate that, but I'm grown.
(13:30):
I am twenty seven years old, and I have to
learn myself. And as much as I appreciate you wanting
to protect me, I need to learn this myself. And please,
when and if you're right, please don't say I told
you so, Just give me a hug. And I said, okay, then, look,
(13:53):
with certain situations are certain people. I understand that certain people,
certain reallylationships in your life are off limits, so that
I don't get all caught up emotionally because I love
you and that's hard for me. So let's compromise to
this new agreement so that we don't have unnecessary tension
(14:17):
or disagreements. So, yeah, I just wanted to give you
guys a small little example so you guys kind of
understand what I mean and how to go about it,
but just know it's not always going to be easy.
It's actually pretty tough. But just take deep breaths, okay,
because it's going to be better, I promise you. Let's
(14:43):
talk about career, because this is also something I'm dealing with.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Again, all these things and all these subjects that I
talk about on the podcast are because they're sparked from
my personal experiences or something that I'm going through or
I went so right now, I find myself in a
similar situation or predicament with my career. Obviously, I have
(15:12):
my team, and I trust their guidance and their expertise
and their experience, you know, in the industry, and I
hear them and that is me compromising when they come
to me about the rollout, let's say, of my new album,
(15:35):
and even though they may not understand it fully, they
trust my vision and I trust their expertise. Right, But
I started kind of feeling like I was taking steps
backwards when I had told myself when I started this
new venture of this new music and this just new era,
(15:59):
that I was going to stay true to myself and
know what I felt in that moment when this idea
came to me, and I do really feel that it
was heaven sent but like it is at any time
when you step into the unknown, it's scary. So fear
(16:21):
started taking over, and then some of the things from
my team of like is this really music that is
going to sell? Is this message or what you're doing?
Is it more political? And is it going to cause
you issues down the road, And so all those things
(16:44):
started kind of just seeping into my mind and into
my heart and confusing the heck out of me, and
I was like, whoa wait, wait, Like, oh my gosh,
what if they're right? And then the fear started like
just setting in and I'm like, no, but wait, Like
I need to stay true to myself. I will compromise,
which means I will hear them out and respectfully say
(17:06):
I get it, but I don't necessarily agree with that.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
I'm going to go with this whatever that may be.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
I have to remind myself that this music and this
idea is from the soul, and even if it doesn't chart,
even if it's not the most popular song and it's
not what's happening, it's fine because I'm not going to
sacrifice this desire and this yearning within me because of fear,
(17:38):
because it's not cool enough, because people aren't going to
like it. I'm going to do this because this is
what's true to myself and I'm not willing to sacrifice
that and what I know to be true within myself
at a fear. So with that being said, I hope
(17:59):
that that in some way can help you at your job,
in your career, whatever it is that you're getting into,
so that we can really define the difference between compromise
and sacrifice. Because in our culture, guys, especially as women,
we are taught that staying quiet or acting like a
(18:23):
lady all the time and not saying what you really
feel is better the saying.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
We all know it. If you don't here, it.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Is kaya tita, that is masa staying quiet, you look prettier. No,
it's all in how we say things. And I'm going
to continue to say this. I always say this, it's
how we deliver our message. But I think it has
a lot to do with our culture. And I'm telling
you guys personally, in my family, I can think of
(18:54):
so many different examples on how I have sacrificed my happiness,
and yeah, I'm trying to think of a few, but
I did write some things down in my moment of
silence that I want to go ahead and share with
you guys. So just going back to relationships a tiny bit, okay,
(19:15):
because I just was speaking from the heart right now.
But now I'm going to read the things that I
wrote down. So relationships, a healthy compromise looks like I'll
do this for you and next time you'll do something
for me. We both make space for each other's needs.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
An unhealthy sacrifice looks like I gave up my dreams
so they wouldn't feel insecure, or I swallowed my truth
every day to keep the peace. That's what I was
talking to you guys about with Emilio. Now the first part,
let me unpack that a little bit with you, guys,
because I wrote this for you guys, because this is
something I dealt with in a past relationship. I would
(19:52):
dim my light and make myself smaller to not make
my partner feel inadequate. I stopped doing certain things or
didn't take certain jobs because I didn't want to make
him feel less then.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
And it was killing me.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
And when you are with the right person, that person
is going to want you to shine. There isn't this
crazy competition. And now that I'm talking about this. It
reminds me of certain people in my family that will
remain nameless because that's there's no need to say any names.
(20:36):
But I also felt like I had to do that
because I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I felt
like sometimes my presence affected people or made them upset,
or I just the energy would shift and so I
would stay quiet, or I wouldn't act like my real
self around them because I thought they wouldn't like me,
(20:59):
or it was too much for them and they would
think I was fake because I was different around my friends,
but around my friends, I was able to be myself.
So I was sacrificing and making myself smaller to not
cause insecurity in other people. And that is one of
the worst things that we can do anywhere. It doesn't
(21:20):
matter if it's relationships, our career, our jobs, like our friendships,
like if you are having to do that, those are
not your people. And I'm telling you that right now,
So just be very careful and try to recognize that
because I wrote that down because it was something that
(21:42):
I felt like for a long time. I wanted to
spread my wings and fly and I couldn't because I
had this heavy weight on me until I just let
go of all those motherbuggers and I was like, I'm
not doing this because I can't reach my full potential
if I'm carrying all of these other people's whatever it
(22:05):
is that they're dealing with.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
It's not my stuff to carry by.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
You know. Now, we did talk about the business and
the career and just so that you guys, get a
little bit more clarity. So compromise at work means adjusting
roles for the greater good, flexibility with projects or timelines.
That's exactly where I'm compromising right now, guys. Sacrifice at
(22:30):
work means saying yes to everything while saying no to yourself.
We talk about that a lot on the podcast, guys,
because to me, it's like I always check myself. I'm like,
am I saying yes I want to do this because
they want me to say yes? Or am I saying
yes because this is really what I want to do?
Because I spent so many years telling myself no and
(22:51):
telling other people yes because I wanted to be liked.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Just be liked and have people's approval, and that got
me nowhere. So another way of sacrifice is silencing your
creative voice to stay in the room, exactly what I
just talked about. I don't want my creativity, especially with
this project, to be limited to be stagnant in any
(23:20):
way because other people's opinions and money, especially with money, guys. Yes,
of course I'm in this to hopefully eventually one day
make money, But more than that, I have to trust
that this is something else, that this is a movement.
This is and once you guys watch the new video
(23:42):
you and hear the new song, You're gonna know what
I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
This is beyond me, guys, this is I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
So anyway, once you guys see and hear what I'm
talking about, especially like with the album Oh We Got,
I can't wait, I'm not going to allow anything or
anyone to get in the way of that. And I
don't need to be like, oh, I want to be
a part of the cool group. Like no, it's cool.
I'm cool by myself, you know what I mean, Like,
no one wants to hang out with me. Cool, God's
with me. That's how I say. I was, like, it's cool,
(24:10):
Like the people that love me are going to be
with me. The people that are meant to be on
this journey with me, are going to stay with me,
and We're going to make a change in the.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
World, and I'm so excited for it.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Anyway, your dream, Remember your dream shouldn't come at the
cost of your health, your voice, or your worth. Ooh okay,
and remember, as far as relationships, love doesn't require you
to shrink. True partnership finds the middle that is compromised.
That is how our relationship flourishes. When you guys come
(24:42):
together and have a peaceful conversation and come to a
happy medium where you both feel comfortable. Okay, what else
did I write down? Oh?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
This is what I was talking about earlier, guys.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
As far as culture, okay, many of us, okay, we're
taught that love means sacrifice, especially as women, especially in
Latino culture.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
That being selfless is the highest form of love.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Oh my goodness. I was talking about this with my
life coach, and yes, oh this is something I have
struggled with personally because for a long time I wanted
to be the perfect girl and the perfect needs and
the perfect daughter, and I wanted to be selfless and
just help everyone else. And that's still me. I want
to help the world. But if I'm running on empty.
(25:34):
All I'm going to give you is fumes. I'm going
to give you air. I'm not going to give you
the best of me, which is why it's important. The
self care, the self love. That's not being selfish, guys,
that is loving yourself and preparing yourself to go out
in the world to help your family, to help your relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
That is so important, guys, so important. So please, that is.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Something that I think we hear a lot in Latino
fans families. Okay, selflessness is the highest form of love. No, Senorita,
please don't adopt that. Let's try to break that generational
curse and make the future women, the future boys, all
of us better as a whole. Okay, here we go,
(26:19):
just so you guys remember, Okay, because we're talking about
compromise and sacrifice, all that good stuff. Okay, a little
bit of everything. You guys know how my episodes are.
I jump here and there. But the good thing is
it all comes together at the end.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
So, love without boundaries is not love. Let me repeat that.
Love without boundaries is not love. Giving endlessly without return?
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Is it noble?
Speaker 1 (26:42):
It's painful? Oh did I do that with my mother?
With my siblings and my relationships and my friendships. I
just wanted to be loved and to be accepted, and
so I would give and give and give, and I
was bankrupt. I felt like I was giving a lot
more than I was receiving, and I wasn't doing it
(27:05):
to gain anything.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
But it's only.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Fair for it to be reciprocated in some way, or
at least a little bit, so you feel appreciated.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
So that is these are two.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Huge things that I was like, I need to make
sure that I talk about this. Giving endlessly without return
isn't noble. It is painful, y'all, and I'm telling you
it is.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Now.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Compromise looks like showing up for each other even when
it's inconvenient, respecting different beliefs, but not crossing your own limits.
Sacrifice is betraying yourself just to be accepted.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Janey.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
We are moving past your guys. We are growing. We
are growing, and it's okay. Because I thought I was
over this and it's starting to come up a little bit.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
But it's okay.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Now I recognize it, and now I know what to
do about it, and now I know how.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
To help you guys. So it's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Okay, carrying emotional labor that isn't yours to hold. Ooh,
we do that a lot as the eldest sibling, the
eldest daughter, the eldest child.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I did that.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
I was caring for a long time my mother. And
I'm not talking bad about her. I love her. I
have the best relationship with my mom now, more than ever.
I have this like just in my heart of like
that's my mom. I don't even know how to explain it.
It's more than ever, guys. So I'm not talking bad.
(28:47):
She was fifteen years old when she had me. My
mom was a child. She wasn't able to grow and
learn and do all these things that now we talk
about so openly, and wellness and therapy and all these
things that is foreign to that generation. And I was
carrying a lot of her baggage and taking care of
(29:09):
my siblings, and that caused a lot of confusion emotionally mentally,
and I sacrificed a lot. Now I know I'm learning
that this year, that I can still love my siblings
and love my mother and still staying true to myself
and saying, you know what, I don't want to carry
this this isn't my responsibility. I love my brother, I
(29:31):
love my sister. I'll be here to pray. If they
want some advice, I'm here to help them, but their
problems aren't my problems, and I need to stop making
them my problems because I have a lot of other
things to worry about. Because I have done that so much,
and I'm willing to do anything and everything for my siblings,
(29:52):
but I have learned the difference between loving and being
overbearing and exactly what I just said right now, carrying
baggage that is not mine. It's just not mine, and
I have to be okay with saying they're old enough,
they will figure it out. I will be here to listen,
i will be here to pray. I will be here
(30:13):
to help in any way that I can. I'm not
going to over extend myself anymore because then it's confused
and it might not be appreciated, like people need to
come to you instead of me stepping in and taking
control or trying to find the solution to everything that
(30:33):
ain't my business, that ain't my pay. Guys on the
toilet this is a friend taught me this because I've
talked about this on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Where when I go to the public.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Restroom and there is pee on the toilet, I find
myself because go China's girls don't be like that, Please
clean up after yourself. It's so sad to see how
disgusting public restrooms are, especially whomens. I don't know what
the guys look like, but I'm like, if you pissed
the toilet seat, can you pretty please just clean it
up so that I don't have to clean it up.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
So I would do that.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
I'd go to the stall and instead of finding another
thought to go pee in, I'd sit there and clean
the mess. That isn't mind to clean. I'm just being
like a good Samaritan. I'm like, okay, fine, Like I
don't want to, you know, I always do that. I
don't want the next person to come and like sit
on my pee or like have to clean up my pea.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
So I started thinking. A friend of mine was like, dude,
that's not your pee, Like literally, that's not your problem.
That's not your pe to pick up. So I started
adopting that, and I'm like, yeah, like it's I have
to shake it off sometimes, guys, I have to remind myself.
I'm like, you know, what. It's not my bethel, it's
not my pee, it's not my problem.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
I gotta shake it off and they'll figure it out
the way I have figured out everything. Now here's the
big one, guys, I'm almost done. Okay, Uh, with yourself.
Sometimes the person we sacrifice the most for it is ourselves.
We ignore our bodies, Silence are intuition, delay our healing.
(32:04):
We abandon our dreams out of fear, all in the
name of being responsible, strong, or perfect. Compromise with yourself
looks like rest, grace, adjusting the plan. Ooh, sacrifice of
self looks like chronic burnout. That was me in twenty eighteen.
(32:26):
Oh my gosh, resentment and silence. Guys, you can't keep
abandoning yourself and calling it love. Please rewind this part
of the episode if you need to hear it again. Okay,
And how do we know the difference? We ask ourselves?
Is this mutual? Is this costing me my peace or identity? Ooh,
(32:51):
just had to asked myself that question this morning. I
was in a meeting. Am I dimming myself to keep
someone else comfortable? If this leave me feeling resentful or free?
If you're always the one bending, breaking, and bleeding. It's
not compromise. It's sacrifice. Again, if you are always the
(33:15):
one bending, breaking and bleeding, stop the bleeding, guys. It's
not compromise. That is called sacrifice, self sacrifice, and not
all sacrifice is bad. Guys. Let me tell you, guys,
because right now I'm on another cleanse. Yes, those of
you that listen to the podcast, I do a lot
of cleanses. Right now I'm on another cleanse. I'm doing
(33:36):
no alcohol, no cannabis, no red meat, no soda, and
no coffee. Coffee seems to be the one that's like,
oh my gosh, to everyone for twenty one days, not
a long time. This one's a little shorter. But it's
not because I'm asking for anything. It's because I'm grateful
and God has been really good to me, and I
(33:57):
just want to This is my way of saying thank you.
So I sacrificing my body and these things that I
enjoy for the better good. It keeps me in better
communication with God. So not all sacrifices bad. So I
want you guys to just know, you know, because I
talk about that, it's more of like a gift and
an offering from myself to God, to my faith. And
(34:19):
you know, anyway, if you want to start a fast,
because I have an idea that I'm not going to
share now. I think I'm going to do an episode
on it, but something that I want to do and
I want to invite you guys to do with me,
because fasts are good.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
It's like sacrificing to the flesh for our spirit. Right,
and when you fast, you're not betraying yourself, okay, you
are honoring your higher self. It's not about punishment, it's
about purification, it's not about depriving yourself. It's about devotion.
And fasting is a spiritual reset. So anyway, that's a
whole other thing. We'll talk about that later. But I
(34:54):
hope that this episode helps you, guys and reminds you
maybe already know that, but sometimes we need reminders because
I need them as well, the difference between compromise and sacrifice.
And I hope some of this, if not all of it,
or a part, resonates with you in your life, because
I think we all do it. Sometimes we don't even
(35:16):
recognize it. And that's okay. But now you have an
episode that you can share with the loved one and
you can come back to to remind yourself. Toxic sacrifice
is rooted in fear or pressure. Okay, so remember that
toxic sacrifice is rooted in fear or pressure. Compromise builds bridges.
So remember the difference. Toxic sacrifice is rooted in fear.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Pressure. Compromise builds bridges. And I'll be quiet.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Thank you for coming to my podcast, for listening, because
this podcast is for us to listen, to learn, to grow,
and to glow together in this world that sometimes could
be a little heavy, a little sad, but when we
have each other, it's better. So thank you for being here, uh,
and for listening to me, and yeah, I really appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
And uh yeah, I'll have something new for you next week,
so I'll see you here Astroma. This is a.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Production of iHeartRadio and the Micaela Podcast Network. Follow us
on Instagram at Michael Doda Podcasts, then follow me Chicky's
That's c h I q.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
U I s.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast
Host
Chiquis
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