October 1, 2025 • 13 mins
On today’s episode of Dear Chiquis, Raquel has a very sweet message about how my podcast has helped her in life; Kayla is debating whether she should tell her son that the person he’s known as his dad isn’t his biological father; and an anonymous listener wants my advice on how to set boundaries with her siblings.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Hello, everyone, it's your big sister Cheeky's and you've reached
my personal voicemailbox for the Dear Cheekys podcast. I'm here
to give you advice on anything and everything you need
help with, whether you're going through a breakup or having
issues with your family, or maybe you have a question
about my personal life. Whatever the case is, I want
to hear from you. Remember these are my thoughts and
(00:39):
my opinions, and if you're suffering from a serious issue
or hardship, you should seek help from a qualified professional.
All right, now, go ahead and leave your message at
the sound of the beab.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hi Cheeky's. I just want to say, first of all,
thank you. Thank you so much for helping someone like
me that you don't even know through podcasts. A while ago,
I was listening to your journaling episode and I started
doing it and I remember doing it when I was
a teenager. I'm currently twenty seven, I have two kids,
(01:13):
I'm with my fiance, and you know, not all days
are beautiful, and you reminded me that journaling is like
a way of like helping you know yourself. And I
think it was another podcast I listened to where you
were saying that you were with your friends on like
a Girl's Caasi and that you were just like you know,
just saying stuff that happened with your siblings. But you
(01:33):
were also saying, you know, not everything needs to be
out there, like you know, sometimes you can just take
it to God. And I feel like, you know, that's
what I'm doing right now with my journaling, and I
just want to say thank you, chickies, thank you for
helping someone like me that you don't even know that
you're helping. I love you so much, girl, and I
hope everything's good with you in your life. And I
pray nothing but happiness for you. Chiky's thank you so much, love.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
You, Oh Raquel, that's it. Oh my gosh, Well that's it.
But I'm like, you didn't even leave a question, which
I'm just I'm grateful. First of all. I just want
to say thank you, thank you so much, and you're welcome,
like I do this for you guys. For me, I
always say this. It's like a form of therapy for me,
(02:16):
and it's just right now. It's confirmation because I go
through it as well. You know, I have great days,
I have not so good days. I have really bad
days and oh, thank you that was so sweet, like
it just it gives me the strength to keep going
(02:39):
on those days where I think am I even making
a difference? Does anyone even listening? Does anyone even care?
And you guys always remind me, so this is just
a beautiful thing. You have no idea what you did
for me right now, So thank you, thank you for listening.
I'm glad that I'm able to help, and yes, continue
to journal. It's so it's so healing and I'm hoping
(03:04):
and praying that it helps you very very much. So
thank you. Thank you, rackoun sending you a big hug.
Oh my gosh, I love you. Okay, guys, we have
another question from Kayla.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Oh chegeez.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
I'm so thankful and glad you do this for those
who are just concerned and have questions and maybe you
can give some advice. I'm a mom of five. I'm
currently in nursing school. I'm married, but my first child,
who is soon to be thirteen in September, my husband
isn't the father. He accepted me with him. We got
(03:41):
together or back together when I was four months pregnant.
Five months pregnant. Anyways, the sperm donor. We're going to
call him that haven't heard from him or talk to
him in almost thirteen years. He didn't want anything to
do with the baby. I left, went back home and
then yeah, everything's history. When do you think it's a
(04:04):
good time to talk to my son about the situation?
And how can I talk to him about it? Obviously
he's soon to be a teenager, and I mean, I
know he's going to be heard eventually. But you know,
my husband loves him the same as our other children.
My husband is an amazing man, Como Hendraska. But anyways,
(04:24):
just a little bit of us.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Thanks girl, me Kayla, Okay, yeah, this I totally get it.
I totally get the not the concern because it's not
necessarily a bad thing. I think, you know, I always
say this rejection is God's protection, and I love to
(04:47):
hear that your husband is a good husband. I was
going to tell you regardless, he's a great man for
taking this child, your son, his son under his wing
and raising him as his own. Honestly, that's admirable and
we love that. We love him for that. Tell him,
I said, thank you, by the way, because it takes
(05:08):
a real man to do that. I think that it
will be a bit of a shock for your son,
and that's why it's a little bit delicate. I feel
like I don't want to give you the wrong advice.
I think you just need to fill it out. I
(05:30):
wouldn't wait too long, but I do think he's a
little too young right now personally, Like if I put
myself in your shoes, or if it was one of
my nieces or nephews. I think some of the most
critical years in a teenager's life is right when you
become a teenager, which is thirteen eleven, twelve thirteen. You're
(05:52):
going through puberty. Your hormones are everywhere, you know, fifteen sixteen.
So I would wait until he's an adult. Personally, I
think once he's eighteen years old, he's an adult. He's
a child. Let him be a child, let him enjoy
and he still has some growing up to do, and
he's going through so much like this is a very
(06:14):
delicate time. So I would just wait until he's eighteen
and he's an adult, and he has the option of
looking for him if he like, it's his choice at
the end of the day, you know. So that is
my advice. That's what I would do. Obviously, you're the
mother and you're gonna know, pray about it, and when
(06:35):
you feel it, do it. But I do think he's
too young personally, especially if your husband is an amazing
man and probably doesn't even think about it. That's his dad,
that is his dad. And even with my stepdads, I'm like,
those are my dad's. Like I had a sperm donor,
like you said, and then I had my stepdad whan
(06:57):
you know, and that's the one that I grew up
with and talk me so much so as social But yeah,
that is my advice and I hope it helps. Again.
I am not a psychiatrist, I am not a psychologist.
I'm not a counselor. I'm not a doctor. I don't
know all the right answers. But I go with my
intuition and I always like to put myself in the
(07:17):
other person's shoes. So that's that's what my heart is
telling me right now. So hopefully that helps you a
bit and calms you down a little. I don't think
there's any rush personally. Let him enjoy his childhood and
sending you a big hugbab thank you for trusting me
with that. Information. I appreciate it. Okay, guys. Last question
(07:43):
comes from an anonymous listener.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Let's see, Hey, Tikis, I just want to start up
by saying I love you so so much. I'm according
to set Dury in the morning.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
But my question to you was, how do you set
boundaries with your siblings? Because me and my sister we
have a beautiful relationship, but I feel like sometimes I
don't know how to set boundaries. I haven't and I
(08:18):
feel like there's things that I'm like, you know, I
don't want you to do that to me, or you know,
I don't want you to act that way towards me.
But because she's my sister, sometimes I don't know how
to set those boundaries in place, or how do I
say these things to her? If I'm making any sense,
(08:38):
because I don't want to hurt her. I want to
hurt her heart. I don't want to hurt her feeling,
but I also want to feel like I'm being hurt.
That makes sense. But yeah, that was all, And just
wanted to say I love you again.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Oh Mama, thank you. I love you too. And what
are you doing up at three in the morning. You
need to get some rest, girl, but thank you, thank
you for leaving your question, for thinking of me at
three am. I appreciate that. Okay, I totally get it.
This is something that I've been working on this year. Actually,
I talked about it on Cheeky's and Chill. You know,
(09:14):
setting boundaries. I've been very good with setting boundaries with
people outside my siblings, my extended family, some friends in business.
The most difficult part has been in my relationship, in
my marriage and also with my siblings. And I'm doing
life coaching for it. So I just want you guys
to know that I also have my life coach and
(09:37):
my mentor because sometimes as much as I give people advice,
like I also need to be reminded of certain things,
you know, because you work and you anyway, that's not
the point. The point is that I get it and
it is difficult. Here's one thing that I will tell
you tippy toeing around something or someone that is people pleasing.
(10:01):
And I'm telling you because I did that for so
long in my life. I did it with my mom,
I did it with past relationships. I've done it with
my siblings without even knowing for so long. And I'm
the older sister, so I do wish I had a
little bit more information, like are you the younger sister
the older sister, because I think that plays a little bit.
But regardless, it's all in how you say things. I
(10:23):
do think that you have to respect and honor yourself
and honor your feelings. And if your sister loves you,
which I know she does, then she'll understand if you say, hey, sister,
can I talk to you about something like? This has
been bothering me and I wanted to bring this up
and tell you that this makes me uncomfortable. I don't
really like how this makes me feel when you say
(10:44):
this or when you do that, and I would like
it if if you didn't do that. You know, And
it's as simple as that. It's like you know, and
and speaking from the heart. So that's what I suggest.
You're gonna resenting your sister if you don't talk about
these things. It's all in the little small details, guys
(11:05):
that start building up. Because when we're upset and they
do something bad to us and we're super quick to say, hey,
I don't like when you do this. It's the small
little things that we're like, Oh, it's not a big deal.
I'm just gonna brush it under the rug, and what
happens is it starts building up and starts building up,
but you start growing resentment towards a person when you
can prevent that by just saying, hey, like, I don't
really like how you said that right in the moment,
(11:27):
or wait a little bit, but say it right away,
because you don't want your relationship to be surface level.
The sisterhood has to be built on a solid foundation,
and that's part of building a solid foundation in any relationship.
So I do think that you should express it, and
(11:48):
express it in a loving way. I think in person
would be better. Usually I tell people, if you don't
have the courage to say it in person, write a letter.
But I feel like you have a good enough relationship.
Don't know why I get that feeling with your sister
to speak to her in person, and I feel like
she will understand. And if she doesn't, Babe, if she
gets upset or defensive, then that's an indication that maybe
(12:12):
you guys need a tiny bit of space, because sometimes
when we step back, that's when we're able to reflect
and analyze a little bit, and maybe you guys can
come back and the relationship can be even stronger, but
I hope that's not the case. But even if it is,
it's okay. And just remember, even with siblings, even with family,
(12:33):
even with parents, there are little seasons, you know, and
we grow out of certain things and we grow and
we blossom and we're different. And I hope that you
guys can always be close, but just know that that
could happen, and I hope that's not the case, though.
I hope my advice helps you, and I hope that
(12:53):
you guys can talk and you can really set healthy boundaries.
Thank you for trusting me and all of you, Raquel,
Kayla and my beautiful anonymous listener, thank you very much.
And for those of you listening right now, thank you
for being here. I hope that my advice can also
help you. And if you have a question, you know
(13:13):
where to leave it. Speakpipe dot com, Slash Cheekys and
show podcast. I love you, guys, Loso and the Dear Cheekys.
Hey bye. This is a production of iHeartRadio and the
Micaeldura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura
(13:34):
Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h I q
U I S for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite podcast
Hello, everyone, it's your big sister Cheeky's and you've reached
my personal voicemailbox for the Dear Cheekys podcast. I'm here
to give you advice on anything and everything you need
help with, whether you're going through a breakup or having
issues with your family, or maybe you have a question
about my personal life. Whatever the case is, I want
to hear from you. Remember these are my thoughts and
(00:39):
my opinions, and if you're suffering from a serious issue
or hardship, you should seek help from a qualified professional.
All right, now, go ahead and leave your message at
the sound of the beab.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hi Cheeky's. I just want to say, first of all,
thank you. Thank you so much for helping someone like
me that you don't even know through podcasts. A while ago,
I was listening to your journaling episode and I started
doing it and I remember doing it when I was
a teenager. I'm currently twenty seven, I have two kids,
(01:13):
I'm with my fiance, and you know, not all days
are beautiful, and you reminded me that journaling is like
a way of like helping you know yourself. And I
think it was another podcast I listened to where you
were saying that you were with your friends on like
a Girl's Caasi and that you were just like you know,
just saying stuff that happened with your siblings. But you
(01:33):
were also saying, you know, not everything needs to be
out there, like you know, sometimes you can just take
it to God. And I feel like, you know, that's
what I'm doing right now with my journaling, and I
just want to say thank you, chickies, thank you for
helping someone like me that you don't even know that
you're helping. I love you so much, girl, and I
hope everything's good with you in your life. And I
pray nothing but happiness for you. Chiky's thank you so much, love.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
You, Oh Raquel, that's it. Oh my gosh, Well that's it.
But I'm like, you didn't even leave a question, which
I'm just I'm grateful. First of all. I just want
to say thank you, thank you so much, and you're welcome,
like I do this for you guys. For me, I
always say this. It's like a form of therapy for me,
(02:16):
and it's just right now. It's confirmation because I go
through it as well. You know, I have great days,
I have not so good days. I have really bad
days and oh, thank you that was so sweet, like
it just it gives me the strength to keep going
(02:39):
on those days where I think am I even making
a difference? Does anyone even listening? Does anyone even care?
And you guys always remind me, so this is just
a beautiful thing. You have no idea what you did
for me right now, So thank you, thank you for listening.
I'm glad that I'm able to help, and yes, continue
to journal. It's so it's so healing and I'm hoping
(03:04):
and praying that it helps you very very much. So
thank you. Thank you, rackoun sending you a big hug.
Oh my gosh, I love you. Okay, guys, we have
another question from Kayla.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Oh chegeez.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
I'm so thankful and glad you do this for those
who are just concerned and have questions and maybe you
can give some advice. I'm a mom of five. I'm
currently in nursing school. I'm married, but my first child,
who is soon to be thirteen in September, my husband
isn't the father. He accepted me with him. We got
(03:41):
together or back together when I was four months pregnant.
Five months pregnant. Anyways, the sperm donor. We're going to
call him that haven't heard from him or talk to
him in almost thirteen years. He didn't want anything to
do with the baby. I left, went back home and
then yeah, everything's history. When do you think it's a
(04:04):
good time to talk to my son about the situation?
And how can I talk to him about it? Obviously
he's soon to be a teenager, and I mean, I
know he's going to be heard eventually. But you know,
my husband loves him the same as our other children.
My husband is an amazing man, Como Hendraska. But anyways,
(04:24):
just a little bit of us.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Thanks girl, me Kayla, Okay, yeah, this I totally get it.
I totally get the not the concern because it's not
necessarily a bad thing. I think, you know, I always
say this rejection is God's protection, and I love to
(04:47):
hear that your husband is a good husband. I was
going to tell you regardless, he's a great man for
taking this child, your son, his son under his wing
and raising him as his own. Honestly, that's admirable and
we love that. We love him for that. Tell him,
I said, thank you, by the way, because it takes
(05:08):
a real man to do that. I think that it
will be a bit of a shock for your son,
and that's why it's a little bit delicate. I feel
like I don't want to give you the wrong advice.
I think you just need to fill it out. I
(05:30):
wouldn't wait too long, but I do think he's a
little too young right now personally, Like if I put
myself in your shoes, or if it was one of
my nieces or nephews. I think some of the most
critical years in a teenager's life is right when you
become a teenager, which is thirteen eleven, twelve thirteen. You're
(05:52):
going through puberty. Your hormones are everywhere, you know, fifteen sixteen.
So I would wait until he's an adult. Personally, I
think once he's eighteen years old, he's an adult. He's
a child. Let him be a child, let him enjoy
and he still has some growing up to do, and
he's going through so much like this is a very
(06:14):
delicate time. So I would just wait until he's eighteen
and he's an adult, and he has the option of
looking for him if he like, it's his choice at
the end of the day, you know. So that is
my advice. That's what I would do. Obviously, you're the
mother and you're gonna know, pray about it, and when
(06:35):
you feel it, do it. But I do think he's
too young personally, especially if your husband is an amazing
man and probably doesn't even think about it. That's his dad,
that is his dad. And even with my stepdads, I'm like,
those are my dad's. Like I had a sperm donor,
like you said, and then I had my stepdad whan
(06:57):
you know, and that's the one that I grew up
with and talk me so much so as social But yeah,
that is my advice and I hope it helps. Again.
I am not a psychiatrist, I am not a psychologist.
I'm not a counselor. I'm not a doctor. I don't
know all the right answers. But I go with my
intuition and I always like to put myself in the
(07:17):
other person's shoes. So that's that's what my heart is
telling me right now. So hopefully that helps you a
bit and calms you down a little. I don't think
there's any rush personally. Let him enjoy his childhood and
sending you a big hugbab thank you for trusting me
with that. Information. I appreciate it. Okay, guys. Last question
(07:43):
comes from an anonymous listener.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Let's see, Hey, Tikis, I just want to start up
by saying I love you so so much. I'm according
to set Dury in the morning.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
But my question to you was, how do you set
boundaries with your siblings? Because me and my sister we
have a beautiful relationship, but I feel like sometimes I
don't know how to set boundaries. I haven't and I
(08:18):
feel like there's things that I'm like, you know, I
don't want you to do that to me, or you know,
I don't want you to act that way towards me.
But because she's my sister, sometimes I don't know how
to set those boundaries in place, or how do I
say these things to her? If I'm making any sense,
(08:38):
because I don't want to hurt her. I want to
hurt her heart. I don't want to hurt her feeling,
but I also want to feel like I'm being hurt.
That makes sense. But yeah, that was all, And just
wanted to say I love you again.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Oh Mama, thank you. I love you too. And what
are you doing up at three in the morning. You
need to get some rest, girl, but thank you, thank
you for leaving your question, for thinking of me at
three am. I appreciate that. Okay, I totally get it.
This is something that I've been working on this year. Actually,
I talked about it on Cheeky's and Chill. You know,
(09:14):
setting boundaries. I've been very good with setting boundaries with
people outside my siblings, my extended family, some friends in business.
The most difficult part has been in my relationship, in
my marriage and also with my siblings. And I'm doing
life coaching for it. So I just want you guys
to know that I also have my life coach and
(09:37):
my mentor because sometimes as much as I give people advice,
like I also need to be reminded of certain things,
you know, because you work and you anyway, that's not
the point. The point is that I get it and
it is difficult. Here's one thing that I will tell
you tippy toeing around something or someone that is people pleasing.
(10:01):
And I'm telling you because I did that for so
long in my life. I did it with my mom,
I did it with past relationships. I've done it with
my siblings without even knowing for so long. And I'm
the older sister, so I do wish I had a
little bit more information, like are you the younger sister
the older sister, because I think that plays a little bit.
But regardless, it's all in how you say things. I
(10:23):
do think that you have to respect and honor yourself
and honor your feelings. And if your sister loves you,
which I know she does, then she'll understand if you say, hey, sister,
can I talk to you about something like? This has
been bothering me and I wanted to bring this up
and tell you that this makes me uncomfortable. I don't
really like how this makes me feel when you say
(10:44):
this or when you do that, and I would like
it if if you didn't do that. You know, And
it's as simple as that. It's like you know, and
and speaking from the heart. So that's what I suggest.
You're gonna resenting your sister if you don't talk about
these things. It's all in the little small details, guys
(11:05):
that start building up. Because when we're upset and they
do something bad to us and we're super quick to say, hey,
I don't like when you do this. It's the small
little things that we're like, Oh, it's not a big deal.
I'm just gonna brush it under the rug, and what
happens is it starts building up and starts building up,
but you start growing resentment towards a person when you
can prevent that by just saying, hey, like, I don't
really like how you said that right in the moment,
(11:27):
or wait a little bit, but say it right away,
because you don't want your relationship to be surface level.
The sisterhood has to be built on a solid foundation,
and that's part of building a solid foundation in any relationship.
So I do think that you should express it, and
(11:48):
express it in a loving way. I think in person
would be better. Usually I tell people, if you don't
have the courage to say it in person, write a letter.
But I feel like you have a good enough relationship.
Don't know why I get that feeling with your sister
to speak to her in person, and I feel like
she will understand. And if she doesn't, Babe, if she
gets upset or defensive, then that's an indication that maybe
(12:12):
you guys need a tiny bit of space, because sometimes
when we step back, that's when we're able to reflect
and analyze a little bit, and maybe you guys can
come back and the relationship can be even stronger, but
I hope that's not the case. But even if it is,
it's okay. And just remember, even with siblings, even with family,
(12:33):
even with parents, there are little seasons, you know, and
we grow out of certain things and we grow and
we blossom and we're different. And I hope that you
guys can always be close, but just know that that
could happen, and I hope that's not the case, though.
I hope my advice helps you, and I hope that
(12:53):
you guys can talk and you can really set healthy boundaries.
Thank you for trusting me and all of you, Raquel,
Kayla and my beautiful anonymous listener, thank you very much.
And for those of you listening right now, thank you
for being here. I hope that my advice can also
help you. And if you have a question, you know
(13:13):
where to leave it. Speakpipe dot com, Slash Cheekys and
show podcast. I love you, guys, Loso and the Dear Cheekys.
Hey bye. This is a production of iHeartRadio and the
Micaeldura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura
(13:34):
Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h I q
U I S for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite podcast
Host
Chiquis
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!