Hello and welcome to this episode of Dear Chiquis. Today, an anonymous listener says her husband constantly comes home drunk after drinking with clients and wonders if she should confront him; Ericka and her husband of 17 years have become distant lately and she’s wondering if it’s time to end the marriage; and Liz recently broke up with her boyfriend but she needs advice convincing herself that it wasn’t her fault.
You can leave me your questions at speakpipe.com/chiquisandchillpodcast! And don’t forget to listen to “Chiquis and Chill” every Monday. They’re longer podcast episodes filled with personal stories and interviews with special guests.
And guess what? You can now watch the podcast on Youtube!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Hello, everyone, it's your girl Cheeky's and you've reached the
voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you
advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe
you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with
your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how
to balance your checkbook or how to start a business,
whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember
these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're suffering
(00:40):
from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from
a qualified professional. All right, Now go ahead and leave
your question at the sound of.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
The beeB, Hi Cheeky's, I just want to stop by
saying that I'm a huge fan of you and your siblings.
I truly truly admire the strengthing you need that you guys,
especially given under their circums senses that you guys have
gone through and continue to go through. So just wanted
(01:07):
to let you know. But my question for you is
my me and my husband who have been together for
six years but just recently married in May. We've been
having some issues and it has to do with his job.
So he works in outside cells and part of his
(01:28):
job is to build relationship with customers in order to
get to know their business so that therefore they can
buy product. But in those moments where he is, you know,
building relationships taking them out for lunch, they are drinking
and he is coming home drunk sometimes. And a lot
of my argument is, you know, he is getting home
(01:50):
late and drunk, and his excuse is that he's working.
I just want to know, am I overreacting. I know
this is his job, but I'm afraid that he's going
to continue to use that as an excuse to continue
to do what he's doing. So I just want feedback.
(02:11):
Thank you, m.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Mama Setelina. Okay, I'm thinking the reason I said, Anonymous
listener my favorite is because I wasn't able to say
that word before you guys, Anonymous. Now I'm like proud
of myself Anonymous. Okay, let me go back to your question.
(02:36):
Damn it. And I'm thinking of my situation with the
media because in my job, I drink when I'm on stage.
I like to drink. It's part of the culture. It's
part of what helps me enjoy it more because my
people are drinking, and we've had discussions about it. He's like,
(02:56):
you know what, I wish you didn't have to drink
so much. And I've said, well, this is my job.
But he's with me, so that's a difference. Now, since
he's told me that, hey, don't I wish you didn't
have to drink so much, I'm like, Okay, what if
we compromise. What if I still drink but I water
it down. And that's what I've been doing and it's
(03:16):
been working wonderfully. I wanted to compromise with him because
he's important to me. Now I understand that this is
his job, and of course you're going to go to
lunch to dinners. I have a question, is it just
guys or is it girls too? I need to know this.
I know it's his job, but that's an important question.
Even if it is dudes, alcohol can bring out not
(03:39):
can It does bring out the ugly side of us.
So that's where he needs to be careful because he
can either make a deal or break a deal with
his behavior. I think he needs to say, look, you
can't tell him not to drink. I feel like when
you start telling no, you can't drink, they want to
do it more. So you guys have to have a
conversation and say, look, this is your job, this is
(04:00):
how you're you know, keeping the roof over our head.
But can you limit yourself to two drinks? Can you
please just do that for me, for our relationship, for
your job, because you getting like plastered. That's not cute either,
you know what I mean? Like that can cause you
a lot of issues, like what if you start saying
some crazy shit like under the influence. He has to
(04:22):
be careful with that and come home at a decent
time a meeting, Like come on, you don't have to
be getting home late and super drunk off your ass,
Like I don't think that that's okay. That's not of
a married man, of a man that's in a relationship.
It's gonna cause his shoes, it is. You're gonna feel frustrated.
(04:44):
You're going to feel also unappreciated. So before that happens,
you need to nip it in the butt and let
him know, Hey, I'm not telling you not to drink.
I'm not telling you to not take these dinners or whatever,
but please be responsible and please just know you're limits
and there's no need for you to have a five
hour meeting, like let's find the middle ground. I really
(05:09):
think you should have the conversation because you're going to
start to resent him, and I wouldn't blame you. So yes,
that is my advice to you, and I hope it
helps let me know. I want to know me. Okay,
let's move on to the next question, Erica. It comes
from Erica.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Hello, Jeez, I have a question for you. I've been
married for about seventeen years now. Me and my husband
have the same similar backgrounds as you. Unfortunately we both
don't have our deaths in our lives for the same reason,
I have a question. For the last past seventeen years
(05:50):
that we've been married, we've had four kids, and I
want to say, for the last past two three years,
we've been very distant. He's been very unemotionally available, and
I was wondering how much should I keep putting work
into this relationship and when is giving more energy to
(06:13):
the other partner enough.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Wow, damn, Erica. This is tough because I can't necessarily
tell you when, Like it's something that you're going to feel,
because in any relationship, when someone's giving more than the
other person, you start feeling all kinds of things, Like I
just told you know our previous listener. You start growing resentment,
(06:39):
you start feeling unappreciated. It feels very one sided. Your
heart starts going bankrupt, and that's not a good feeling.
Been there, I know what that feels like. If he
is emotionally unavailable, I don't think that something's wrong, but
you got to check that a little bit, you know
what I mean? Like, hey, like you, I don't know
if you've talked to him and let him know. I
(07:00):
don't feel seen, I don't feel heard, I don't feel wanted,
And if you want to continue this relationship, I need
to feel all of these things. As a woman, all
we want is for our man to make us feel secure.
We want security, We want emotional stability, and if you
don't have that, it's going to cause so much insecurity
(07:22):
in you, so much doubt. It's just not nice. So
I think it's been seventeen years. It's not just oh,
I'm going to walk away from the relationship. You guys
have children like. It's just not an easy decision. So
I understand that. But you do have to remember you're
in this world and God gave you this life to
be happy, and if you don't feel happy and loved
(07:45):
and all these feelings that all humans need. He needs
to be feeling these things too from you. It's not
just one sided. Then I don't see how it's going
to work or how you're going to be able to
be your best self for your children, for your future,
for your job, for whatever it is that you're doing.
Like you need to feel loved, you need to feel whole.
So only you can answer that question, like when is enough,
(08:09):
I don't know, Maybe give it like, Okay, if he
doesn't fix his shit after I have this conversation with
him in three months and six months, I'm walking out,
Like give him the opportunity and let him know all
that you're feeling and give him the opportunity to correct it.
But if he doesn't, then that's when you have to say,
well I tried. Maybe go to therapy, whatever it is
it like, you need to at least try and just
say I'm going to try until trying is no longer
(08:29):
an option, and only you know when that is. But
give yourself that respect and give yourself your place and
respect that. And if he doesn't do his part, if
he's not meeting you in the middle, then you need
to do what you gotta do for yourself, for your kids,
and for him. If he's not happy, then then how
is it going to work. You know, if he's not
happy in the relationship, you know, he's not gonna make
(08:50):
you happy. So I think you need to have that
deep conversation. And yeah, I hope that helped Erica, and
I hope nothing else is going on. I pray that
nothing else is going on and you guys can fix this. Okay, guys.
(09:12):
Our final question comes from Liz.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
I'm have it, hi, chikys.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Whatever.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
First, I just want to thank you so much for
being who you are. I think that you're such a
resilient person and I truly look up to you. I
find myself being able to identify with you so much
just listening to your podcast, and it's always a breath
of fresh air to be able to relate to someone
(09:38):
like you. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of
five years. We've known each other since we were twelve,
and he was in love with me since then. I
decided to give him a chance one day and I
agree to love him, but unfortunately I felt that we
were on two different wavelengths. I was ready for marriage
(09:59):
after five years. Know, and although he said he was
also I just never felt that that was true. So
my question is, how do you make yourself believe that
it's not you that's the problem. You know, many times
I find myself thinking that why didn't he want to
marry me? Or you know, if he wanted to, he
(10:21):
would How do you get you know, these negative thoughts
out and how do you heal from a broken heart?
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Thank you, oh Liz, thank you so much for those
beautiful things that you said. I really appreciate it, And well,
I think you should be happy and very proud of yourself.
I'm proud of you for choosing yourself. I know that's
not an easy decision because especially when you break up
(10:49):
with someone loving them, been there, done that, it's tough.
So congratulations, patch yourself on the back, on the booty,
give yourself a hug for doing that. I think we
have to understand and just know that. What helps me
is that person wasn't meant for me. Marrying that person
(11:13):
wasn't meant for me, That relationship wasn't meant for my future.
It was just a season to learn to grow and
to prepare me for what's next. I think if he
didn't show you with his actions that he wanted to
marry you, then that's what it is. Maybe he wasn't ready,
Maybe he has things that he's working through, and that's okay,
(11:35):
you know, but you wanted marriage and you know what
you want. So I think from now on, it's just
really not necessarily what's wrong with you, But you can
ask yourself, like, hey, are there certain changes that I
can make so that I don't attract this same situation
or the same type of guy. That's what I did,
and that was tough. I was like, Okay, I'm going
(11:56):
to be real honest with myself. And there were things
that I hadn't noticed until after, until that I was
alone that I needed to change so that I could
be better a better partner.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
So only you know.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
What those things are, and just thank God and thank
Destiny that you know you maybe even dodged a bullet.
I mean, we don't know, you know. At the end
of the day, I'm not saying this guy is a
bad guy. It's just maybe he wasn't ready, and that's okay.
But I think just thinking the universe and thanking God, like, okay,
I'm gonna trust your will for my life and you
(12:31):
will bring me the man that is for me. And
you have to just trust that you know, yes, work
on yourself. That always helps in every single way. And
I hope I was able to help you all. Thank
you guys so much. Thank you for tuning in to
Dear Cheeky's and coming back and if you know all
my new listeners and viewers, thank you. I hope that
(12:53):
you enjoy Dear Cheekies and Cheeky's and Chill on Mondays.
I love you guys, and if you have a question,
leave it at speakpipe dot com. SA Cheeky's and Chill
podcast as that luego, kisses, hugs and kisses y'all. This
is a production of iHeartRadio and Mike Withura podcast Network.
Follow us on Instagram at Mike Utura Podcasts and follow
(13:17):
me Cheeky's That's c h I q U I s.
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your favorite shows.
Hello, everyone, it's your girl Cheeky's and you've reached the
voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you
advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe
you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with
your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how
to balance your checkbook or how to start a business,
whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember
these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're suffering
(00:40):
from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from
a qualified professional. All right, Now go ahead and leave
your question at the sound of.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
The beeB, Hi Cheeky's, I just want to stop by
saying that I'm a huge fan of you and your siblings.
I truly truly admire the strengthing you need that you guys,
especially given under their circums senses that you guys have
gone through and continue to go through. So just wanted
(01:07):
to let you know. But my question for you is
my me and my husband who have been together for
six years but just recently married in May. We've been
having some issues and it has to do with his job.
So he works in outside cells and part of his
(01:28):
job is to build relationship with customers in order to
get to know their business so that therefore they can
buy product. But in those moments where he is, you know,
building relationships taking them out for lunch, they are drinking
and he is coming home drunk sometimes. And a lot
of my argument is, you know, he is getting home
(01:50):
late and drunk, and his excuse is that he's working.
I just want to know, am I overreacting. I know
this is his job, but I'm afraid that he's going
to continue to use that as an excuse to continue
to do what he's doing. So I just want feedback.
(02:11):
Thank you, m.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Mama Setelina. Okay, I'm thinking the reason I said, Anonymous
listener my favorite is because I wasn't able to say
that word before you guys, Anonymous. Now I'm like proud
of myself Anonymous. Okay, let me go back to your question.
(02:36):
Damn it. And I'm thinking of my situation with the
media because in my job, I drink when I'm on stage.
I like to drink. It's part of the culture. It's
part of what helps me enjoy it more because my
people are drinking, and we've had discussions about it. He's like,
(02:56):
you know what, I wish you didn't have to drink
so much. And I've said, well, this is my job.
But he's with me, so that's a difference. Now, since
he's told me that, hey, don't I wish you didn't
have to drink so much, I'm like, Okay, what if
we compromise. What if I still drink but I water
it down. And that's what I've been doing and it's
(03:16):
been working wonderfully. I wanted to compromise with him because
he's important to me. Now I understand that this is
his job, and of course you're going to go to
lunch to dinners. I have a question, is it just
guys or is it girls too? I need to know this.
I know it's his job, but that's an important question.
Even if it is dudes, alcohol can bring out not
(03:39):
can It does bring out the ugly side of us.
So that's where he needs to be careful because he
can either make a deal or break a deal with
his behavior. I think he needs to say, look, you
can't tell him not to drink. I feel like when
you start telling no, you can't drink, they want to
do it more. So you guys have to have a
conversation and say, look, this is your job, this is
(04:00):
how you're you know, keeping the roof over our head.
But can you limit yourself to two drinks? Can you
please just do that for me, for our relationship, for
your job, because you getting like plastered. That's not cute either,
you know what I mean? Like that can cause you
a lot of issues, like what if you start saying
some crazy shit like under the influence. He has to
(04:22):
be careful with that and come home at a decent
time a meeting, Like come on, you don't have to
be getting home late and super drunk off your ass,
Like I don't think that that's okay. That's not of
a married man, of a man that's in a relationship.
It's gonna cause his shoes, it is. You're gonna feel frustrated.
(04:44):
You're going to feel also unappreciated. So before that happens,
you need to nip it in the butt and let
him know, Hey, I'm not telling you not to drink.
I'm not telling you to not take these dinners or whatever,
but please be responsible and please just know you're limits
and there's no need for you to have a five
hour meeting, like let's find the middle ground. I really
(05:09):
think you should have the conversation because you're going to
start to resent him, and I wouldn't blame you. So yes,
that is my advice to you, and I hope it
helps let me know. I want to know me. Okay,
let's move on to the next question, Erica. It comes
from Erica.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Hello, Jeez, I have a question for you. I've been
married for about seventeen years now. Me and my husband
have the same similar backgrounds as you. Unfortunately we both
don't have our deaths in our lives for the same reason,
I have a question. For the last past seventeen years
(05:50):
that we've been married, we've had four kids, and I
want to say, for the last past two three years,
we've been very distant. He's been very unemotionally available, and
I was wondering how much should I keep putting work
into this relationship and when is giving more energy to
(06:13):
the other partner enough.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Wow, damn, Erica. This is tough because I can't necessarily
tell you when, Like it's something that you're going to feel,
because in any relationship, when someone's giving more than the
other person, you start feeling all kinds of things, Like I
just told you know our previous listener. You start growing resentment,
(06:39):
you start feeling unappreciated. It feels very one sided. Your
heart starts going bankrupt, and that's not a good feeling.
Been there, I know what that feels like. If he
is emotionally unavailable, I don't think that something's wrong, but
you got to check that a little bit, you know
what I mean? Like, hey, like you, I don't know
if you've talked to him and let him know. I
(07:00):
don't feel seen, I don't feel heard, I don't feel wanted,
And if you want to continue this relationship, I need
to feel all of these things. As a woman, all
we want is for our man to make us feel secure.
We want security, We want emotional stability, and if you
don't have that, it's going to cause so much insecurity
(07:22):
in you, so much doubt. It's just not nice. So
I think it's been seventeen years. It's not just oh,
I'm going to walk away from the relationship. You guys
have children like. It's just not an easy decision. So
I understand that. But you do have to remember you're
in this world and God gave you this life to
be happy, and if you don't feel happy and loved
(07:45):
and all these feelings that all humans need. He needs
to be feeling these things too from you. It's not
just one sided. Then I don't see how it's going
to work or how you're going to be able to
be your best self for your children, for your future,
for your job, for whatever it is that you're doing.
Like you need to feel loved, you need to feel whole.
So only you can answer that question, like when is enough,
(08:09):
I don't know, Maybe give it like, Okay, if he
doesn't fix his shit after I have this conversation with
him in three months and six months, I'm walking out,
Like give him the opportunity and let him know all
that you're feeling and give him the opportunity to correct it.
But if he doesn't, then that's when you have to say,
well I tried. Maybe go to therapy, whatever it is
it like, you need to at least try and just
say I'm going to try until trying is no longer
(08:29):
an option, and only you know when that is. But
give yourself that respect and give yourself your place and
respect that. And if he doesn't do his part, if
he's not meeting you in the middle, then you need
to do what you gotta do for yourself, for your kids,
and for him. If he's not happy, then then how
is it going to work. You know, if he's not
happy in the relationship, you know, he's not gonna make
(08:50):
you happy. So I think you need to have that
deep conversation. And yeah, I hope that helped Erica, and
I hope nothing else is going on. I pray that
nothing else is going on and you guys can fix this. Okay, guys.
(09:12):
Our final question comes from Liz.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
I'm have it, hi, chikys.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Whatever.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
First, I just want to thank you so much for
being who you are. I think that you're such a
resilient person and I truly look up to you. I
find myself being able to identify with you so much
just listening to your podcast, and it's always a breath
of fresh air to be able to relate to someone
(09:38):
like you. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of
five years. We've known each other since we were twelve,
and he was in love with me since then. I
decided to give him a chance one day and I
agree to love him, but unfortunately I felt that we
were on two different wavelengths. I was ready for marriage
(09:59):
after five years. Know, and although he said he was
also I just never felt that that was true. So
my question is, how do you make yourself believe that
it's not you that's the problem. You know, many times
I find myself thinking that why didn't he want to
marry me? Or you know, if he wanted to, he
(10:21):
would How do you get you know, these negative thoughts
out and how do you heal from a broken heart?
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Thank you, oh Liz, thank you so much for those
beautiful things that you said. I really appreciate it, And well,
I think you should be happy and very proud of yourself.
I'm proud of you for choosing yourself. I know that's
not an easy decision because especially when you break up
(10:49):
with someone loving them, been there, done that, it's tough.
So congratulations, patch yourself on the back, on the booty,
give yourself a hug for doing that. I think we
have to understand and just know that. What helps me
is that person wasn't meant for me. Marrying that person
(11:13):
wasn't meant for me, That relationship wasn't meant for my future.
It was just a season to learn to grow and
to prepare me for what's next. I think if he
didn't show you with his actions that he wanted to
marry you, then that's what it is. Maybe he wasn't ready,
Maybe he has things that he's working through, and that's okay,
(11:35):
you know, but you wanted marriage and you know what
you want. So I think from now on, it's just
really not necessarily what's wrong with you, But you can
ask yourself, like, hey, are there certain changes that I
can make so that I don't attract this same situation
or the same type of guy. That's what I did,
and that was tough. I was like, Okay, I'm going
(11:56):
to be real honest with myself. And there were things
that I hadn't noticed until after, until that I was
alone that I needed to change so that I could
be better a better partner.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
So only you know.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
What those things are, and just thank God and thank
Destiny that you know you maybe even dodged a bullet.
I mean, we don't know, you know. At the end
of the day, I'm not saying this guy is a
bad guy. It's just maybe he wasn't ready, and that's okay.
But I think just thinking the universe and thanking God, like, okay,
I'm gonna trust your will for my life and you
(12:31):
will bring me the man that is for me. And
you have to just trust that you know, yes, work
on yourself. That always helps in every single way. And
I hope I was able to help you all. Thank
you guys so much. Thank you for tuning in to
Dear Cheeky's and coming back and if you know all
my new listeners and viewers, thank you. I hope that
(12:53):
you enjoy Dear Cheekies and Cheeky's and Chill on Mondays.
I love you guys, and if you have a question,
leave it at speakpipe dot com. SA Cheeky's and Chill
podcast as that luego, kisses, hugs and kisses y'all. This
is a production of iHeartRadio and Mike Withura podcast Network.
Follow us on Instagram at Mike Utura Podcasts and follow
(13:17):
me Cheeky's That's c h I q U I s.
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your favorite shows.
Host
Chiquis
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