Hola, Hola! It’s Wednesday, and that means we’re back with another episode of Dear Chiquis. Thanks to Laura, Stephanie and Anna for your questions. This week, I’m giving a listener some tips she can use in the bedroom with her husband, I hear from a woman who needs help confronting her boyfriend about his porn addiction, and I share my tips for deescalating stress.
A reminder to all my listeners: These are my thoughts and opinions and I encourage you to seek help from a qualified professional if you’re suffering an issue or hardship that requires immediate attention.
Submit your questions at speakpipe.com/chiquisandchillpodcast! And don’t forget to listen to “Chiquis and Chill” every Monday. They’re longer podcast episodes filled with personal stories and interviews with special guests.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Hello everyone, it's your girl Cheekies, and you've reached the
voicemail box for dear Cheekies, I'm here to give you
advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe
you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with
your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how
to balance your checkbook or how to start a business,
whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember
these are my thoughts and opinions. And if you're suffering
(00:40):
from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from
a qualified professional. All right, now, go ahead and leave
your question. At the sound of the beat, Hey, chickies,
this is Lauda from Chicago, Sanil Loss of love, hugs
and kisses. My question to you is for anyone eighteen
and younger, don't listen to this. Anyone eighteen and older,
stay tuned. How can me and my husband rekindle or
(01:04):
what's your advice on rekindling old flames? And what I
mean is you know some in the bed action, some
bedroom action. We've been intimate basically when we first started dating,
we were nineteen, we're twenty five. Now I am really
starting to feel the changes in my body as I'm
getting older and they're not the same when I was younger,
(01:26):
and my husband feels the two for himself. We don't
talk about how the male body changes as they get older.
And I'm not saying that we don't love each other
enough to, you know, be intimate AA and no, definitely,
if anything, we want to more than ever. It's just
it doesn't feel the same as it did when we
were nineteen. Now being twenty five, things are just so
(01:46):
much more different. And so yeah, we're I guess a
little lost and confused at the moment, but yeah, any advice, Okay,
louda from Chaitawn. What's that? I love Chicago, you guys,
the Windy City. So salu Chicago. Okay, Laura, you and
me and I love that. You said, you know, anyone
that's under eighteen don't listen to it. Okay, so kids
(02:07):
shut it off. Okay if you guys are listening to this, now,
let's talk about sex. Okay. So here's the thing. I
get it. Women, men, It's a hormone thing, especially with
everything that's put in our food nowadays, our shit changes,
Our hormones are everywhere, which is why I am on
hormone therapy. You're still fairly young, but still regardless, I
totally understand, and you guys have been together for a while.
The good thing is you guys love each other and
(02:29):
you want to find a way and you're asking, So
that is amazing. Now I don't know if you guys
have incorporated toys into your relationship. Maybe go into a
sex shop finding a vibrator, something that will please you
and him. There are like these rings that a guy
puts on his penis and then you like straddle him
and sit on him and then it's vibrating you know,
your clitters, and then it's like also he's feeling it,
(02:51):
so it's like awesome. I really recommend that one. Of course,
like the flavored lubricants are good, so you guys can
have oral sex on each other. Also, maybe try having
sex outside your house. Get a little hotel just so
it's a different environment, and get something sexy. Either you
guys can go together and buy lingerie and he can
choose it for you and said I want to see
you in this, so he has a little bit more control,
(03:12):
or you just surprise him. That's another way, because it's like, oh, like, hey,
let me surprise you. He thinks you're in your pj's
and then all of a sudden, under your pj's there's
like this sexy thong looking thing that always helps. And
role playing. Okay, maybe you guys can be like go
to a bar and then pretend like you guys just
submit And sometimes I've done this where you can put
on a wig and it's like you're totally like a
different person, and then just role play. Pretend that your
(03:35):
name is something and you guys are having a one
night stand. I don't know. All those little things help
a lot, Okay, so I am so curious. I hope
you can try one of these and let us know. Okay,
send the update back here, you know, dear cheekys so
we can hear about it. But I'm telling you try
one of those things. It will help, Okay, and then
four play. This is one thing that guys don't understand.
(03:55):
You guys guys just want to be Okay, I'm hard.
Let's do it like no, like you need a my ass,
you need to touch me, you need to lick me,
you need to like use your fingers something like get
the juices flowing. That's how you get a girl going.
So AnyWho, that's a whole other thing. I hope a
lot of kids didn't listen to this anyways. Okay, lad,
good luck. Alrighty, let's dive into our second question, which
(04:19):
comes from Stephanie. Hi, kickies, I absolutely love watching your podcast,
especially when I'm on the way to work. It pumps
me up and keeps me motivated. I love obviously watching
your sisters Jenica's podcasts as well. I just wanted to
come on here and ask you a quick question and
some od device. I in a relationship with my boyfriend
(04:40):
and he seems to have a bit of an issue
worth watching horn and I just wanted to know, like,
what would you do, you know, to bring it up
to your partner? How could I bring it up? I
just don't want to make it like awkward, and I'm
very bad at, you know, expressing my emotions and I
kind of shut down and don't know what to say.
(05:01):
But if you could, please you don't give me some
advice anyways. Thank you so much, Stephanie. Thank you so
much for listening to my podcast and my sisters like
you have no idea that makes me so happy. It
makes my heart smile. Now regarding your question, I'd love
to know how long you guys have been together, and
obviously this is someone that you absolutely love because you
want to try to figure this out now. I don't
(05:24):
know how much he's watching porn, but that is an addiction,
and there are groups for that. There is some type
of like I don't know if it's a rehab or
you calor a rehab, but for it, because it can
become an issue, especially if you're not comfortable with it.
I don't know if you've expressed it to him ever before,
but I think if it doesn't make you comfortable, then
you definitely have to say, hey, can we figure a
(05:47):
way out with this because it's making me uncomfortable. You know,
let's compromise. Maybe you can watch it once a week
or twice a week, or you can also watch porn
with him and make that part of your intimate time together.
Exploring that side of you, guys, so that you don't
feel uncomfortable, that's another thing. But again, I just don't
(06:09):
know how bad it is if he's lying, if he's
hiding it from you, if it's like an everyday thing,
Because if it's an everyday thing, it's not necessarily good
because anything in excess is not good. But that's my suggestion.
If you want this relationship to work, maybe you can
watch it with him and you guys can enjoy it
together and make that part of your sex life. I'd
(06:30):
love to hear a little bit more about this, Stephanie,
so let me know. I hope this helps, okay. Next
up a question from Anna Aggs. I am coming out
from last year's New Mexico. I guess my question to
(06:51):
you is how do you deal with stress or you know,
other words mental health. I originally got diagnosed with PCO
and I have been going through the fails. Girl, like
my anxiety, my stress level, everything has been pop. It's
taking a toll on me. It has a mentally emotionally
(07:15):
drained me. And unfortunately holp out there is very much
expensive right now, and I can afford treatments or even
counseling right now. It's just you know, without breaking my banks,
it's just impossible right now to get So my question
is to you, how do you deal with everyday stress
or anxiety or just mental health in general, just you know,
(07:39):
how do you find the time to tell yourself it's
okay to not be okay? Because right now I feel
like I'm okay because I have to be okay, but
I'm not okay with the situation. You know, like I
don't know if it makes sense. You make complete sense
on it, and it's something that I'm still working through.
I think it's something we're all going to deal with
(08:01):
for the rest of our lives. It's how do we
deal with it? Which is your question? And now I'm
going to answer it what I do. And I do
this every single day and I express it all the
time because it's a huge, important, essential part of my
life is really having my mornings to myself, not looking
at my phone, especially not social media or anything that's
going to cause me stressed early in the morning. So
(08:22):
I put my phone to the side, I go into
a space where it's quiet. I put on meditation music,
I read a devotional I literally just connect and I'm
like mentally quietly listening to my thoughts and saying thank
you for this day, being grateful. That's one thing that
will help with stress, is just being grateful and say,
(08:42):
you know what, thank you. I have a roof over
my head, I have everything that I need, and looking
at those things and really being grateful for those things
will really just say, you know what, everything's going to
be fine. I'm fine, Like it's taking it day by day. Literally,
don't think about tomorrow and about oh my god, I
how to do this or how am I going to
get there. It's really just appreciating the moment because the
present is a present, is a gift, so we need
(09:04):
to just really understand that. And another thing is breathing
literally deep breathing, holding it and letting it out through
your mouth, so bringing in through your nose and letting
it out through your mouth and literally just doing that,
not just like how you normally breathe, but being intentional
about breathing deeply. I'm profoundly and sometimes I even say things,
(09:27):
I say affirmations. I'm like, God is my shepherd, I
have everything that I need, so I say one part
breathing in and the last part breathing out through my mouth.
So it's just all those things have helped me and
just appreciating the moment, and I think that will make
a big difference. It's gonna take some time to get
used to and to start feeling better, but the more
(09:47):
that you do it, the better you're going to feel.
And also Another thing that causes a lot of anxiety
and stress and stuff like that is social media because
we're looking at so many people's lives and stuff like that.
So that's one thing. Maybe not being on your phone
as much will help a lot. So anyways, Anna sending
you a big, big, big, big tight hug, Laura Stephanie, Anna,
(10:10):
thank you for your questions so much. Thank you for
opening up your heart with me. I know you guys
are probably tired of hearing me say this, but I
love hearing from you. Guys. Thank you for trusting me
with your issues, and I really hope my advice helps
you make the right decision. Feel free to leave your
issues and dilemmas at speakpipe dot com. Slash Cheeks and
Chill podcast This is a production of iHeartRadio and the
(10:42):
Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael
Dura Podcasts and follow me Cheekies That's c hi Quis.
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast, and check
us out on YouTube. Back
Hello everyone, it's your girl Cheekies, and you've reached the
voicemail box for dear Cheekies, I'm here to give you
advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe
you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with
your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how
to balance your checkbook or how to start a business,
whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember
these are my thoughts and opinions. And if you're suffering
(00:40):
from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from
a qualified professional. All right, now, go ahead and leave
your question. At the sound of the beat, Hey, chickies,
this is Lauda from Chicago, Sanil Loss of love, hugs
and kisses. My question to you is for anyone eighteen
and younger, don't listen to this. Anyone eighteen and older,
stay tuned. How can me and my husband rekindle or
(01:04):
what's your advice on rekindling old flames? And what I
mean is you know some in the bed action, some
bedroom action. We've been intimate basically when we first started dating,
we were nineteen, we're twenty five. Now I am really
starting to feel the changes in my body as I'm
getting older and they're not the same when I was younger,
(01:26):
and my husband feels the two for himself. We don't
talk about how the male body changes as they get older.
And I'm not saying that we don't love each other
enough to, you know, be intimate AA and no, definitely,
if anything, we want to more than ever. It's just
it doesn't feel the same as it did when we
were nineteen. Now being twenty five, things are just so
(01:46):
much more different. And so yeah, we're I guess a
little lost and confused at the moment, but yeah, any advice, Okay,
louda from Chaitawn. What's that? I love Chicago, you guys,
the Windy City. So salu Chicago. Okay, Laura, you and
me and I love that. You said, you know, anyone
that's under eighteen don't listen to it. Okay, so kids
(02:07):
shut it off. Okay if you guys are listening to this, now,
let's talk about sex. Okay. So here's the thing. I
get it. Women, men, It's a hormone thing, especially with
everything that's put in our food nowadays, our shit changes,
Our hormones are everywhere, which is why I am on
hormone therapy. You're still fairly young, but still regardless, I
totally understand, and you guys have been together for a while.
The good thing is you guys love each other and
(02:29):
you want to find a way and you're asking, So
that is amazing. Now I don't know if you guys
have incorporated toys into your relationship. Maybe go into a
sex shop finding a vibrator, something that will please you
and him. There are like these rings that a guy
puts on his penis and then you like straddle him
and sit on him and then it's vibrating you know,
your clitters, and then it's like also he's feeling it,
(02:51):
so it's like awesome. I really recommend that one. Of course,
like the flavored lubricants are good, so you guys can
have oral sex on each other. Also, maybe try having
sex outside your house. Get a little hotel just so
it's a different environment, and get something sexy. Either you
guys can go together and buy lingerie and he can
choose it for you and said I want to see
you in this, so he has a little bit more control,
(03:12):
or you just surprise him. That's another way, because it's like, oh, like, hey,
let me surprise you. He thinks you're in your pj's
and then all of a sudden, under your pj's there's
like this sexy thong looking thing that always helps. And
role playing. Okay, maybe you guys can be like go
to a bar and then pretend like you guys just
submit And sometimes I've done this where you can put
on a wig and it's like you're totally like a
different person, and then just role play. Pretend that your
(03:35):
name is something and you guys are having a one
night stand. I don't know. All those little things help
a lot, Okay, so I am so curious. I hope
you can try one of these and let us know. Okay,
send the update back here, you know, dear cheekys so
we can hear about it. But I'm telling you try
one of those things. It will help, Okay, and then
four play. This is one thing that guys don't understand.
(03:55):
You guys guys just want to be Okay, I'm hard.
Let's do it like no, like you need a my ass,
you need to touch me, you need to lick me,
you need to like use your fingers something like get
the juices flowing. That's how you get a girl going.
So AnyWho, that's a whole other thing. I hope a
lot of kids didn't listen to this anyways. Okay, lad,
good luck. Alrighty, let's dive into our second question, which
(04:19):
comes from Stephanie. Hi, kickies, I absolutely love watching your podcast,
especially when I'm on the way to work. It pumps
me up and keeps me motivated. I love obviously watching
your sisters Jenica's podcasts as well. I just wanted to
come on here and ask you a quick question and
some od device. I in a relationship with my boyfriend
(04:40):
and he seems to have a bit of an issue
worth watching horn and I just wanted to know, like,
what would you do, you know, to bring it up
to your partner? How could I bring it up? I
just don't want to make it like awkward, and I'm
very bad at, you know, expressing my emotions and I
kind of shut down and don't know what to say.
(05:01):
But if you could, please you don't give me some
advice anyways. Thank you so much, Stephanie. Thank you so
much for listening to my podcast and my sisters like
you have no idea that makes me so happy. It
makes my heart smile. Now regarding your question, I'd love
to know how long you guys have been together, and
obviously this is someone that you absolutely love because you
want to try to figure this out now. I don't
(05:24):
know how much he's watching porn, but that is an addiction,
and there are groups for that. There is some type
of like I don't know if it's a rehab or
you calor a rehab, but for it, because it can
become an issue, especially if you're not comfortable with it.
I don't know if you've expressed it to him ever before,
but I think if it doesn't make you comfortable, then
you definitely have to say, hey, can we figure a
(05:47):
way out with this because it's making me uncomfortable. You know,
let's compromise. Maybe you can watch it once a week
or twice a week, or you can also watch porn
with him and make that part of your intimate time together.
Exploring that side of you, guys, so that you don't
feel uncomfortable, that's another thing. But again, I just don't
(06:09):
know how bad it is if he's lying, if he's
hiding it from you, if it's like an everyday thing,
Because if it's an everyday thing, it's not necessarily good
because anything in excess is not good. But that's my suggestion.
If you want this relationship to work, maybe you can
watch it with him and you guys can enjoy it
together and make that part of your sex life. I'd
(06:30):
love to hear a little bit more about this, Stephanie,
so let me know. I hope this helps, okay. Next
up a question from Anna Aggs. I am coming out
from last year's New Mexico. I guess my question to
(06:51):
you is how do you deal with stress or you know,
other words mental health. I originally got diagnosed with PCO
and I have been going through the fails. Girl, like
my anxiety, my stress level, everything has been pop. It's
taking a toll on me. It has a mentally emotionally
(07:15):
drained me. And unfortunately holp out there is very much
expensive right now, and I can afford treatments or even
counseling right now. It's just you know, without breaking my banks,
it's just impossible right now to get So my question
is to you, how do you deal with everyday stress
or anxiety or just mental health in general, just you know,
(07:39):
how do you find the time to tell yourself it's
okay to not be okay? Because right now I feel
like I'm okay because I have to be okay, but
I'm not okay with the situation. You know, like I
don't know if it makes sense. You make complete sense
on it, and it's something that I'm still working through.
I think it's something we're all going to deal with
(08:01):
for the rest of our lives. It's how do we
deal with it? Which is your question? And now I'm
going to answer it what I do. And I do
this every single day and I express it all the
time because it's a huge, important, essential part of my
life is really having my mornings to myself, not looking
at my phone, especially not social media or anything that's
going to cause me stressed early in the morning. So
(08:22):
I put my phone to the side, I go into
a space where it's quiet. I put on meditation music,
I read a devotional I literally just connect and I'm
like mentally quietly listening to my thoughts and saying thank
you for this day, being grateful. That's one thing that
will help with stress, is just being grateful and say,
(08:42):
you know what, thank you. I have a roof over
my head, I have everything that I need, and looking
at those things and really being grateful for those things
will really just say, you know what, everything's going to
be fine. I'm fine, Like it's taking it day by day. Literally,
don't think about tomorrow and about oh my god, I
how to do this or how am I going to
get there. It's really just appreciating the moment because the
present is a present, is a gift, so we need
(09:04):
to just really understand that. And another thing is breathing
literally deep breathing, holding it and letting it out through
your mouth, so bringing in through your nose and letting
it out through your mouth and literally just doing that,
not just like how you normally breathe, but being intentional
about breathing deeply. I'm profoundly and sometimes I even say things,
(09:27):
I say affirmations. I'm like, God is my shepherd, I
have everything that I need, so I say one part
breathing in and the last part breathing out through my mouth.
So it's just all those things have helped me and
just appreciating the moment, and I think that will make
a big difference. It's gonna take some time to get
used to and to start feeling better, but the more
(09:47):
that you do it, the better you're going to feel.
And also Another thing that causes a lot of anxiety
and stress and stuff like that is social media because
we're looking at so many people's lives and stuff like that.
So that's one thing. Maybe not being on your phone
as much will help a lot. So anyways, Anna sending
you a big, big, big, big tight hug, Laura Stephanie, Anna,
(10:10):
thank you for your questions so much. Thank you for
opening up your heart with me. I know you guys
are probably tired of hearing me say this, but I
love hearing from you. Guys. Thank you for trusting me
with your issues, and I really hope my advice helps
you make the right decision. Feel free to leave your
issues and dilemmas at speakpipe dot com. Slash Cheeks and
Chill podcast This is a production of iHeartRadio and the
(10:42):
Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael
Dura Podcasts and follow me Cheekies That's c hi Quis.
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast, and check
us out on YouTube. Back
Host
Chiquis
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