July 28, 2025 • 34 mins
Welcome back to Chiquis and Chill. I have a question for you: Have you ever gone through a breakup? If you’re like me, you have and you remember just how dark and painful it was. Our guest Eva Latapi is a grief and couples therapist and says heartbreak is similar to other types of grief. Tune in to learn about the best ways to cope, whether going back to an ex is a good idea and why going “no contact” is your best bet.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello, and welcome to this episode of your favorite podcast,
Cheeky's and Chill. I have a great episode for you
guys today. It's about a topic I think we all
can relate to, which is surviving a breakup. And for
this conversation, I called up an expert on this topic.
Her name is Eva lat that Fee. She's a therapist,
(00:24):
a grief specialist, and she's also the host of the
podcast super. We talked all about the grief that comes
with a breakup, the best ways to heal, and how
you can come out on the other side stronger than ever.
I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Here it is.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Thank you so much for coming on. I'm so excited
to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited
to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
We'll get into all the questions that I have, but
I do want to start off with a little bit
of a personal question. If you don't mind, if you
can tell me what the worst breakup you've ever had.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
That's a hard question. I would say that the last
one I had it was right before the pandemic hit,
and that was really, really hard. I was living in
LA and I moved back to Mexico a few months
before the pandemic, and then I had a breakup and
then I have to start all over again in all
(01:20):
the areas in my life. So I would say that
that one was the hardest.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah, mine was during the pandemic. Oh my gosh, Yothia, Like,
the amount of pain that I felt in my heart
is like, and I always say this, and people probably
will take it wrong, but I'm like, it hurt me
more to go through that situation than it did when
my mom passed. And I think it's because I had
my siblings and I had no other choice but to survive.
(01:45):
But to know that I was letting go of someone
that I thought I was in love with during like
the pandemic, when everything is so uncertain, Melolokomo, like, for
three months, it was the worst depression of my life.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Oh yeah, I can't relate to that. It was such
an uncertain time that it was really hard. It was
really hard. We were going through different griefs at the
same time.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
So absolutely, And is that why you got into this
line of work about you know, because I know you
have your podcast, So is there a reason or or
if you could tell me and walk me down, like
why you feel and you're so passionate about this line
of work.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Well, it started before that. Actually, I was already working
as a grief therapist in breakups before that breakup. It
was a few years before that I moved to LA
and that I had a really viol heartbreak, and so
I realized that there was not enough information or there
were a lot of opinions around breakups, but there was
(02:48):
not specific tools that we could use. So I decided
to go through my breakup and start getting the tools.
And then I realized that I love working with heartbreaks
and with breakups because the amount of growth that there
is after a breakup, I have never seen that in
(03:09):
any other area in therapy.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Absolutely, I feel like I'm a completely different person after
that major breakup. And I've had a few, like you know,
I mean through my life, I've had, I feel like
a lot of heartache, but that last one was one
where I was like, what do I need to learn
so that I don't keep attracting this same pain because
I'm tired, you know, and I'm like what am I doing?
(03:33):
And I started looking inward. But anyway, before we get
into that, I do want to ask you, what do
you feel is the best way to approach a breakup.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Through it, through the pain, through the anxiety, through everything
that comes with grief. Is that's the best way, being conscious,
not jumping to another relationship, to a new relationship, coming
through your your emotions, and knowing that grief is painful
so there's no way we can skip it. That's part
(04:02):
of grief. So that would be the best way for
me going through it and facing everything that comes with grief.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Like endure it, like just say you know what I'm
feeling this instead of trying to run from it and
finding an escape. Yes, yeah, see, because that's one thing
that I feel like I had done in the past
is I'd be like, Okay, well I'm gonna forget, and
then I would get myself in a whole other situation
and I was just like this last time, I was like,
(04:30):
I just got to go through it, you know, and
I'm not gonna lie. There were times where I just
wanted to lay in bed. I mean I did there,
I wouldn't shower. I was just I didn't have the energy.
I was like, how do I this pain is so overbearing?
But do you have any suggestions or any advice as
to what to do when you want to just lay
in bed and not do anything.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I always say there is time to grief and to feel,
and there's also time to distract yourself. You want to
go through the emotions, but you don't want to leave there.
What I mean by is that go out you have
Sometimes you have to force yourself to go out and
recreate your life and in every area of your life.
(05:11):
And it's not gonna come natural and you're just gonna
wake one day and you're gonna be ready to rediscover yourself.
You have to push yourself. Sometimes it's a process, yes,
and sometimes it's Whenever we talk about self love, it
sounds very romantic, but it's very challenging as well. So
(05:32):
you have to push yourself and you'll be facing your shadows,
your pains, maybe traumas, and that's part of it.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
So yeah, And what is it about a breakup that
makes it so similar to other grief.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Well, that you lose something. There is a there's a
quote that I like a lot that says grief is
the realization of the death of a dream, everything that
you wanted to be. In Spanish, I would saying you
(06:07):
wanted to leave everything that you wanted to happen and
never happened. You want to grow up all together, you
wanted to have kids, you want to live together, or
even with what we call in Spanish gussie alos that
it's like almost something exactly that's very painful because you
you find yourself with a lot of dreams that you
(06:29):
wanted to accomplish with that person. Even it can be
something as simple as starting a relationship, having the commitment,
having the title of being in a relationship, and you
realize that that's not going to happen. So that's grief.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, Oh my gosh, yes, because I've heard this somewhere
before and I don't remember where, Like the amount of
time that you were with a person, right, So let's
say you were with the person for six years and
you guys break up and to get over that relationship,
they say that it usually half of the time.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Do you think that's true? Thank you so much for
asking this. This is such a good question, because no,
it's actually it's not okay, good what will think? No? No, No,
that's actually a myth. Okay, because look at the terminal.
Whatever makes it a grief, a grief process, a grieving process.
It's not the time that you spend the relationship. It's
(07:23):
not the type of relationship you were in. It's what
it meant to you. Because you can be in a
Gussie algo for two weeks and it can be even
more impactful than marriage that that lasted for a decade.
It depends what means to you, not what people tell you.
(07:43):
You were allowed to grieve, because that's very interesting. Whenever
we go through a breakup, it sounds like there's a
list of things. Okay, how long have you were you
in the relationship? Two months? Okay, that's not long enough.
Was it a relationship, No, it was. It never became
in my relationship, it was a situationship. Okay, then you're
not allowed to grieve that That makes no sense. Your
(08:05):
grief doesn't have to make sense to anyone but yourself
but yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Yeah, And do you feel that people can fall in
love more than one time in their life, like like
they say, oh, you only have one true love your
whole life? Or do you feel like there is that
possibility of us finding someone? I mean because I really
thought once I'm like, oh my gosh, this is the person,
and then it's not and then the next person. Now
(08:32):
I got remarried, and now I'm like, oh, like this
is you know.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
See, now I don't believe there's the one. Maybe is
the one for that moment in your life, but you're
not the same person in your whole life. We're always evolving,
we're always becoming different versions of ourselves. And thinking that
there is only one love, one true love is one
of the hardest meats of mitos of romantic love, that
(09:00):
there's only one person, that it's your soulmate and you
have to find it. And that's very hard because whenever
we are in a relationship and we don't feel that
that's our soulmate, maybe there's someone better out there, and
dun says that will we can actually harm that relationship
or jump to another relationship because we believe that there's
only one person. And also when we're going through a
(09:23):
breakup and we feel that we lost the one, the
only one, the one, my soulmate and it's over, I'm
going to be alone by myself. I'm going to be
by myself forever. That's actually very very hard to digest.
Whenever we're going through through the breakup. It's a myth Okay, good, good.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Good to know for anyone out there listening that his
or is going through a breakup. Like I always say this,
it will pass. So how do you know you've it's
a good point. Are there signs that you're like that
you're over it? Are there things that you can feel
(10:06):
or that you know that you yes, that's super heartbreak.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Well, as you mentioned before, getting over someone as a process,
healing your heart as a process, and as you were saying,
everything passes. In my also my mantra is this too
shall pass, these good times and bad times, and we're
gonna have waves, waves of pain, waves of anxiety, guilt,
(10:36):
different emotions, but also we're gonna have waves of healing
because also healing comes in waves. What I tell to
my clients and people I work with, set yourself a
point where you felt the lowest, when it was the hardest.
I call it like the darkest night in our grief.
We can we can remember that night, that day, that
(10:58):
moment when you knew that it was the hardest time.
Use it as a point out to compare, Yeah, to
compare how you're healing, because you're gonna have ups and
you're gonna have downs, that's part of grief. And whenever
we're in a low point, not the lowest, but in
a low point, we're gonna feel that we even we
(11:20):
haven't moved on, we're stuck, we're gonna be there forever.
But that's not true. It's gonna be part of what
wa O head messes with us. Yeah, okay, perfect.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
So so for instance, like if you know, like am
I ready to start dating? Like how do you know?
Like what are some signs that you know, okay, I'm
ready to start dating sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
For example, pain doesn't control you anymore. It doesn't mean
that it never that you never have pain. It can hurt.
It doesn't mean that it never hurts. It can hurt,
and you can remember and you can have one of
those waves even though you've you feel that you've moved on.
That's part of it. It's part of the process, but
it doesn't control you anymore. It doesn't have the power
(12:04):
over you pain. And also you don't compare all the
time your ex partner with your current partner. It's because
at the beginning, and I don't know if this resonates
with you that maybe the first day is when you
try to have another relationship, and it feels like your
ex is sitting next to you during the date and
(12:24):
you're comparing everything to that partner ex partner, and it's
like a ghost. And that's how you know that you're
not ready. If the memory is very present, maybe it's
not time, it's not the right.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Time, comparing too much exactly, Okay, And now you know,
I have some questions about healing. One of the things
that we hear about after going through a breakup is
that you have to take time to heal. What does
that mean? Like, how how do you do that?
Speaker 2 (12:53):
That's very good question, you know, how do you do that? Yes,
then taking the time it's taking a pause and facing
whatever comes. Because, as we were mentioning before, this process
is also a great opportunity to go inwards and work
(13:14):
with all our demons, all our traumas. So taking the
time is actually not jumping into another thing that will
distract you from pain. Because we want to distract ourselves
from pain. We want to start a new relationship. We
go to work all the time. Workaholism is actually a
sign of grief that it's stuck there or partying shopping.
(13:39):
We want to distract the pain because that's part of
our nature. We want to negotiate with pain. We wanna
we want to feel that we have control over over pain.
That if I do this, if I if I listen
to all your podcast episodes, if I go to your retreats,
if I read the books, if I if I eat well,
(14:00):
if I do if I exercise, that means it won't hurt.
Because we want to negotiate with pain. But one thing
about pain is that you can't. It's gonna take a process,
it's gonna take a time while, and it doesn't mean
For example, when I got certified as a grief therapist,
(14:22):
I had a teacher who said a good grief process
doesn't take more than a year, and that that makes
absolutely no sense because we're so we're so fixated with time. Okay,
it's been two weeks. I should I had to be
better by now, you know what I mean. We're fixated
(14:42):
with time. So taking the time is actually pausing and
facing the emotions that come, the fears that come.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Yeah, so it's more as like with time, like for instance,
like there's no And the reason I'm bringing this up
is because when I've first Scott separated, it was a
lot of friends and family would say you need to
go out and be single and date, and I was
never the dating type. I'm a relationship monogamous Yo, Kira,
(15:15):
That's who I am. I can't jump from one guy,
don't whoever can do that? More power to you. I'm
more of like, I can't have one night stands. I
need to be emotionally connected. I want to be in
a relationship. And people would tell me you need to
be single for a year, okay, like, and I wasn't.
I wasn't single for a year. I gave myself three
months and I'm like, I'm going to do what you said.
(15:36):
You know. I looked inWORD and I was like, Okay,
I'm gonna feel this pain and I'm not going to
try to distract myself and just really go through this pain, like,
just go through it. And I'm glad I did because
that's when I felt more in love with myself and
I was able to hear my own thoughts and focus
on what I needed to change. But that's what I
wanted to ask because friends and family say all of this,
(15:57):
but there's no real like time for anyone, right. It
all just depends on your own process.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Exactly. Because something that can happen with heartbreak or a
breakup is that it can connect to a previous grief
that you didn't go through. So let's say, for example,
I remember I had a client who he got divorced
and jumped into a new relationship right after it. He
was with his wife maybe for fourteen years, I don't remember,
(16:26):
but it was over more than a de coud and
he jumped into a new relationship and then he was
with this person for a few months and then the
relationship ended and he had no other new relationship to
distract his pain from. So what happened is that he
had a previous grief, a previous heartbreak, and then he
(16:46):
had a new one and now he had too two
process to go through. So that can happen too, or
maybe with the loss of someone else or job a
job exactly.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah, And how important do you feel that it is
to have like a support system on your healing journey.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
It's one of the most important things if I can
tell you only three things, but of course it's not
gonna be only three things. One no contact, two your
tribe and three self love. It's actually it's been shown
that having your tribe, having your support group, it's gonna
(17:25):
be even more helpful even than therapy. That's how important.
Because we are social beings, so we need to connect
and we need to feel safe in our connections, not
just with anyone someone you can talk to, you you
can actually express what you're going through and knowing that
(17:47):
you're in a safe space where you can leave your
process freely.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Yeah, and do you feel about that it's best to
not be in contact at all with your ex while
you're even while you're going through this healing process, because
people ask me right on the podcast, like, Okay, I
my ex is asking foreclosure. I never got closure, Like
do you think closure is important? And then no contact?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Oh that's a great question. Actually, closure comes from within.
You don't need that last conversation. You don't need I
love that. Okay, you don't need that. And one thing
that happens is that when we continue contact, there's always
gonna be a reason to continue contact. And one thing
(18:33):
about having that closure, having that last conversation that we're
seeking for something that's gonna happen is that that person
might see in front of you and give you all
the answers to your questions. And you know what's gonna happen.
You're gonna have more questions because we want to we
want to heal with information, we want to heal with answers.
(18:54):
But the thing is that that's not gonna heal us.
It's gonna help us maybe for a moment or two,
but it's a process. So yes, I'm a super fan
of no contact. Going no contact. Of course, I understand
whenever their their children, whenever you you work together. I
have clans that they live in the same house because
(19:16):
of migration process that they're going through, and I understand
that sometimes no contact is very hard or even impossible.
I understand that. So the contact has to be only
for the thing that you have in common, that's a children. Okay,
you're gonna keep the contact just for for the topics
(19:37):
related to children, but that's it. Going no contact with
the next partner is gonna be one of the most
important things because it's gonna allow you to detox yourself
from everything that it's gonna memories, and it's gonna also
allow you to have more perspective and understand what went wrong,
(19:58):
what was your what we're your mistakes.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Yeah, because someone told me that I was it was
an escape because I'm kind of like an out of sight,
out of mind person like Sino Loeo, Like I don't
think about it. And I blocked my ex from everything,
my email, like WhatsApp, everywhere that I could possibly do it.
I erased a lot of pictures, anything that would come up,
I would erase it. And someone had told me like
that it was wrong that I I that that's kind
(20:22):
of childish, and it helped me though. I was like,
I don't want to look at the pictures or the memories,
like I know that this is what I need to do,
and that's just going to make me want to like
I don't know, because I'm sure you had nice moments
with your ex, so I'm like when Nascosa's my last
see exactly.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
No, it's childish to whom because it doesn't matter what
your ex thinks about you right now. You did everything
you could during the relationship. Maybe you had mistakes, maybe
you don't you didn't. But the thing is, this process,
the healing process, is about you. At first, it feels
like it has to be it has to do with
your ex, but it always had to do with you.
(21:03):
It was always about you. The healing process. It's always
about you, So you're gonna look childish to whom Yeah,
it works best for you, know exactly. Loma's important to pass.
There's nothing more important than your peace and you have
to protect it.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Yeah, because I have a friend that was married and
finally got divorced and stuff, but they have a dog together,
and it is just I have I know it's a
lot easier than done, but I was like, I know
you love your dog, but you guys have to figure
this out because he's already trying to move on and
apparently she moved on a long time ago, but there's
(21:41):
this dog that is causing kind of friction in his
relationship because she wants to see the dog and it's
like a child. So it's like, what do you do
in a situation like that, Like do you just say, okay, here,
I'm gonna give you the dog?
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Okays ask it? You know that's so hard. See that's
a gray area with pets. Yeah, it depends what does
it mean to the to the couple, to the X couple. Yeah,
you want to go through the logistics of the breakup
and with with pets, for example, how is it going
to work? How are we going to do this is
(22:14):
any one of of of a little ex couple ready
to give up on the dog exactly?
Speaker 1 (22:22):
So it's not conversations like it's a it's a deeper conversation.
And I guess it has to do with each situation. Okay, yeah,
because I'm like, I was like, just like, go the dog,
but then I'm like, if it was my dog, I'd
been like no. So yeah, it's it's a figuring it
out what works for both of you guys, and only
like you said, talking about what has to do with
the dog. Yeah, okay, so we talked about healing. Now
(22:50):
I do want to talk about something that I know
you are a firm believer on, which is loving yourself
in order to heal and be able to love others.
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Okay? This is very interesting because there is a saying
that you will not be able to love anyone else
until you love yourself, but that's actually not true. You
can actually love someone else. But the thing is that
if you don't love yourself, if you don't see your value,
you're not gonna be able to realize if someone loves you,
(23:20):
because it's it's gonna be one. It can be shown
in the partner that you choose what you allow in
a relationship, and also it can be the greatest partner
on earth. And you're gonna you're not gonna feel loved
if you don't love yourself first. So if you see
not they ammns, you won't be able to realize that
(23:42):
you're loved. You're always gonna feel insecure.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yeah, or I always say this, if you don't give
yourself your place, you do not. I said, you're going
to allow less, I guess than from another person because
you are not, like you said, following yourself. So yeah,
I think for me, I think that's super important, Like
that's what happened for me where I'm like, okay, wait,
(24:07):
like I need to value myself and also recognize what
I bring to the table and I and I what
I deserve, you know, and if you know, like no more,
I'm not gonna allow this anymore in my life. And
that barely happened like a few years ago, and I
thought I had it all together. It was no I
had to learn. What's your take on going back to
(24:29):
an ex.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
I'm not a fan of it, to be honest. Although
there's no one better absolute there is not. But I
I'm not a fan of going back to an ex
because I'm also a couple's of therapist and the thing
is that what I've seen is that most of the
(24:55):
of the couples they end up, they end the relationship
by problems that they had from the beginning. However, if
you want to go back to your ex and you
want to try it again, I understand and I completely
respect that, and my my invitation is to go through
the grieving process, close that relationship. It's over. Is that
(25:20):
glatter that you're starting a new relationship with the same person,
well a different version, because we're always evolving. But let
the relationship that end. And oh okay, I get it.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
So even if you do go back with the ex,
it's like, this relationship can't be what we had before
because that obviously didn't work. So now we have to
start a different a different relationship on a different foundation.
See Okay, Yeah, Because I'm gonna say, sister, okay, and
(25:53):
what do you think people do wrong when when trying
to become their best self? Mmmm?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
The mistakes that we make when we're trying to become
our best Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Are there is there anything? Like like something is there
a possibility of them, of us overdoing it and seeking
too much at once, possibly or I don't know, what
do you think?
Speaker 2 (26:19):
I don't know. The thing is that at the beginning
we're gonna go through that, we're gonna want to overheal
because where it's it's very frustrating being in pain. So
we're gonna try to do everything. But it's part of
the process as well, because then you realize that sometimes
you need a break from healing. Sometimes you need a
(26:39):
break from all this podcasts, all these books, all the retreats.
And that's fine too, that's fine too, but because that's
when you realize that you can't negotiate with pain. So
something wrong. Maybe something wrong. The only thing that I
would say that we do wrong is staying kind of
(27:00):
tech with r X. That's the old thing.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
And I would say you that gets us stuck. Yeah,
for sure. And Okay, final question in regards to this,
what's the best and worst breakup advice you've heard or
that you've received.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Okay, the worst would be just get over him, just
as if it was about choice. Okay, don't don't feel
don't be sad. Yes, and then.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
You make someone feel guilty about feeling and it's like,
oh my gosh, okay, like am I am I healing
too slowly? So yeah, I agree, Yeah, that's not cool.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Same, that's not cool. And also I'm gonna add just
find someone else, find someone else. See, that's using another
person for your pain. That's actually not fair. And the
best one will be the two shell buss, These two
shell buss that's my My brother got divorced and he
went really into Buddhism. So when I went through my breakup,
(28:02):
he gave me a book that it's called The Storms
Can't Touch the Sky about the wars and Buddhism, and
that was really that was that really helped me to
realize that that's see, it's it's a really nice book.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Yeah, and this too shall pass. This pain will pass,
it will be fine. I always tell people hope hold on.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Pain ends. It will end.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
It will And I've been through so much pain in
my life that I'm like my faith like Majuel, where
I'm like, Okay, I know that this is just temporary.
It's not going to be forever. Like, let me just
learn what I need to learn from this pain, because
there's something to learn from every situation. Guys it I
want to ask you about your podcast, So tell me
(28:50):
a little bit about it. We're of the most popular
episodes and why do you think they're so popular? Mmm?
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Okay, that's a really good question. Okay, So about my
podcast as the most popular ones are the process after
a breakup that's one and okay, another one is gonna
be about infidelity, how to heal infidelity and but more
like healing after being unfaithful actually because that's a silent grief.
(29:22):
We're not allowed to grieve if we were unfaithful or
we were the third person andordia. So but that's actually
a process too, that's a healing process as well. So
that's very very powerful and also healing Gussie healing the
almost something something? Is it said in English the same
(29:45):
way something?
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I think? Yeah, healing almost that almost Yeah makes sense. Yeah,
for sure it is the past.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Sorry, it's gonna turn five years in September.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Wow, that's awesome. You need Tom and Gantha and I
love the name.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
See it's it all started because it was a reminder
for myself, like Emma, get over him, get over him.
So mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
That's that's how how I do a lot of things.
I'm like, Okay, note to myself, Like when I give
people the advice, I'm like, I'm actually giving you advice,
but I'm giving myself advice that I.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
Love the name. It's super cool.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Thank you, and tell us how how can people find
you and your work? I would love for people to
because I'm sure they're going to be interested.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
I think, Okay, Well, you can find my podcast that
it's all forward, and you can also find me on
Instagram as Eva E v A underscore lat that Bee
which is a hard last thing but it's going to
be l A t A p I. And yeah, you
can also find my web that it's going to be Eva.
(30:49):
Let that be dot com la be.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I like your last name, em. I was gonna ask you,
am I gonna am I pronouncing it correctly?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Let that be? Okay? Perfect? And it's okay.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
So you are a grea And also you said couples
therapists as well.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
See I'm seeing I'm a psychologist. I'm a psychologist, I'm
a couple's therapist, and I'm a grief therapist as well.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
And what's your favorite out of everything you do too?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Grief grief after breakup? I have I also have a
support group that and when people it's part of my
membership and seeing the person that starts the process and
being able to even get emotional, to be honest, and
being able to see all the growth all those how
(31:38):
a person because I felt that way that it feels
so dark and how it starts to light up, and
that I love my work. I love what I do.
I love my job. I love it. I love it.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
I love when people are passionate and you can tell.
And I mean it goes to show with with your podcast,
you know, and and and yeah, you're helping the world.
You're doing like what I like to say, you're doing
God's work because we need guidance. We need guidance, and
I don't enough people talk about grief and loss. And
that's how I felt, you know, even like I told
you earlier, like I lost my mom, but I also
(32:11):
felt like I was losing, like I was losing my relationship.
I was going through a huge loss. So it's like
it goes hand in hand. So I think it's beautiful
what you're doing. And if there's anything that we miss
that you would like to add, any advice, anything that
you would want to leave the listeners with.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Yes, thank you. First of all, thank you for having
me and we're opening the mic for this type of topics.
Thank you for that. And also I just want to say,
if someone is having a hard time and they're listening
to us, sick for help or just help? Is there
just And if you don't feel safe with with with
(32:50):
the people that you talk to or your tribe, find
a therapist. I'm always gonna recommend therapy. Yeah, find a therapist,
ant ask for help. You're not alone in this too,
shell us.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Oh I love it. Yes, this two shell pass guys.
You're not alone. Notice you're not the first and the last,
and we have been through it and we're here to
guide you and you know, follow follow Eva is you
guys have any questions? Again, she gave you guys her
social media, her website and her podcast as well. Yes,
(33:26):
I really appreciate it. You have a very calming energy
to you and I and I loved it. I love
the conversation and we're going to help so many people hopefully.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
See. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode.
Los qomuch. I appreciate you guys coming back every week
to listen and I will catch you on the next
episode of Cheeky's and Chillsos. This is a production of
iHeartRadio and the Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow us on
Instagram at Michael Doura Podcasts, then follow me Cheeky's, That's
(34:00):
c H I t U I S. For more podcasts
from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite podcast.
Hello, and welcome to this episode of your favorite podcast,
Cheeky's and Chill. I have a great episode for you
guys today. It's about a topic I think we all
can relate to, which is surviving a breakup. And for
this conversation, I called up an expert on this topic.
Her name is Eva lat that Fee. She's a therapist,
(00:24):
a grief specialist, and she's also the host of the
podcast super. We talked all about the grief that comes
with a breakup, the best ways to heal, and how
you can come out on the other side stronger than ever.
I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Here it is.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Thank you so much for coming on. I'm so excited
to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited
to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
We'll get into all the questions that I have, but
I do want to start off with a little bit
of a personal question. If you don't mind, if you
can tell me what the worst breakup you've ever had.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
That's a hard question. I would say that the last
one I had it was right before the pandemic hit,
and that was really, really hard. I was living in
LA and I moved back to Mexico a few months
before the pandemic, and then I had a breakup and
then I have to start all over again in all
(01:20):
the areas in my life. So I would say that
that one was the hardest.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah, mine was during the pandemic. Oh my gosh, Yothia, Like,
the amount of pain that I felt in my heart
is like, and I always say this, and people probably
will take it wrong, but I'm like, it hurt me
more to go through that situation than it did when
my mom passed. And I think it's because I had
my siblings and I had no other choice but to survive.
(01:45):
But to know that I was letting go of someone
that I thought I was in love with during like
the pandemic, when everything is so uncertain, Melolokomo, like, for
three months, it was the worst depression of my life.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Oh yeah, I can't relate to that. It was such
an uncertain time that it was really hard. It was
really hard. We were going through different griefs at the
same time.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
So absolutely, And is that why you got into this
line of work about you know, because I know you
have your podcast, So is there a reason or or
if you could tell me and walk me down, like
why you feel and you're so passionate about this line
of work.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Well, it started before that. Actually, I was already working
as a grief therapist in breakups before that breakup. It
was a few years before that I moved to LA
and that I had a really viol heartbreak, and so
I realized that there was not enough information or there
were a lot of opinions around breakups, but there was
(02:48):
not specific tools that we could use. So I decided
to go through my breakup and start getting the tools.
And then I realized that I love working with heartbreaks
and with breakups because the amount of growth that there
is after a breakup, I have never seen that in
(03:09):
any other area in therapy.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Absolutely, I feel like I'm a completely different person after
that major breakup. And I've had a few, like you know,
I mean through my life, I've had, I feel like
a lot of heartache, but that last one was one
where I was like, what do I need to learn
so that I don't keep attracting this same pain because
I'm tired, you know, and I'm like what am I doing?
(03:33):
And I started looking inward. But anyway, before we get
into that, I do want to ask you, what do
you feel is the best way to approach a breakup.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Through it, through the pain, through the anxiety, through everything
that comes with grief. Is that's the best way, being conscious,
not jumping to another relationship, to a new relationship, coming
through your your emotions, and knowing that grief is painful
so there's no way we can skip it. That's part
(04:02):
of grief. So that would be the best way for
me going through it and facing everything that comes with grief.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Like endure it, like just say you know what I'm
feeling this instead of trying to run from it and
finding an escape. Yes, yeah, see, because that's one thing
that I feel like I had done in the past
is I'd be like, Okay, well I'm gonna forget, and
then I would get myself in a whole other situation
and I was just like this last time, I was like,
(04:30):
I just got to go through it, you know, and
I'm not gonna lie. There were times where I just
wanted to lay in bed. I mean I did there,
I wouldn't shower. I was just I didn't have the energy.
I was like, how do I this pain is so overbearing?
But do you have any suggestions or any advice as
to what to do when you want to just lay
in bed and not do anything.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I always say there is time to grief and to feel,
and there's also time to distract yourself. You want to
go through the emotions, but you don't want to leave there.
What I mean by is that go out you have
Sometimes you have to force yourself to go out and
recreate your life and in every area of your life.
(05:11):
And it's not gonna come natural and you're just gonna
wake one day and you're gonna be ready to rediscover yourself.
You have to push yourself. Sometimes it's a process, yes,
and sometimes it's Whenever we talk about self love, it
sounds very romantic, but it's very challenging as well. So
(05:32):
you have to push yourself and you'll be facing your shadows,
your pains, maybe traumas, and that's part of it.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
So yeah, And what is it about a breakup that
makes it so similar to other grief.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Well, that you lose something. There is a there's a
quote that I like a lot that says grief is
the realization of the death of a dream, everything that
you wanted to be. In Spanish, I would saying you
(06:07):
wanted to leave everything that you wanted to happen and
never happened. You want to grow up all together, you
wanted to have kids, you want to live together, or
even with what we call in Spanish gussie alos that
it's like almost something exactly that's very painful because you
you find yourself with a lot of dreams that you
(06:29):
wanted to accomplish with that person. Even it can be
something as simple as starting a relationship, having the commitment,
having the title of being in a relationship, and you
realize that that's not going to happen. So that's grief.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, Oh my gosh, yes, because I've heard this somewhere
before and I don't remember where, Like the amount of
time that you were with a person, right, So let's
say you were with the person for six years and
you guys break up and to get over that relationship,
they say that it usually half of the time.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Do you think that's true? Thank you so much for
asking this. This is such a good question, because no,
it's actually it's not okay, good what will think? No? No, No,
that's actually a myth. Okay, because look at the terminal.
Whatever makes it a grief, a grief process, a grieving process.
It's not the time that you spend the relationship. It's
(07:23):
not the type of relationship you were in. It's what
it meant to you. Because you can be in a
Gussie algo for two weeks and it can be even
more impactful than marriage that that lasted for a decade.
It depends what means to you, not what people tell you.
(07:43):
You were allowed to grieve, because that's very interesting. Whenever
we go through a breakup, it sounds like there's a
list of things. Okay, how long have you were you
in the relationship? Two months? Okay, that's not long enough.
Was it a relationship, No, it was. It never became
in my relationship, it was a situationship. Okay, then you're
not allowed to grieve that That makes no sense. Your
(08:05):
grief doesn't have to make sense to anyone but yourself
but yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Yeah, And do you feel that people can fall in
love more than one time in their life, like like
they say, oh, you only have one true love your
whole life? Or do you feel like there is that
possibility of us finding someone? I mean because I really
thought once I'm like, oh my gosh, this is the person,
and then it's not and then the next person. Now
(08:32):
I got remarried, and now I'm like, oh, like this
is you know.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
See, now I don't believe there's the one. Maybe is
the one for that moment in your life, but you're
not the same person in your whole life. We're always evolving,
we're always becoming different versions of ourselves. And thinking that
there is only one love, one true love is one
of the hardest meats of mitos of romantic love, that
(09:00):
there's only one person, that it's your soulmate and you
have to find it. And that's very hard because whenever
we are in a relationship and we don't feel that
that's our soulmate, maybe there's someone better out there, and
dun says that will we can actually harm that relationship
or jump to another relationship because we believe that there's
only one person. And also when we're going through a
(09:23):
breakup and we feel that we lost the one, the
only one, the one, my soulmate and it's over, I'm
going to be alone by myself. I'm going to be
by myself forever. That's actually very very hard to digest.
Whenever we're going through through the breakup. It's a myth Okay, good, good.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Good to know for anyone out there listening that his
or is going through a breakup. Like I always say this,
it will pass. So how do you know you've it's
a good point. Are there signs that you're like that
you're over it? Are there things that you can feel
(10:06):
or that you know that you yes, that's super heartbreak.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Well, as you mentioned before, getting over someone as a process,
healing your heart as a process, and as you were saying,
everything passes. In my also my mantra is this too
shall pass, these good times and bad times, and we're
gonna have waves, waves of pain, waves of anxiety, guilt,
(10:36):
different emotions, but also we're gonna have waves of healing
because also healing comes in waves. What I tell to
my clients and people I work with, set yourself a
point where you felt the lowest, when it was the hardest.
I call it like the darkest night in our grief.
We can we can remember that night, that day, that
(10:58):
moment when you knew that it was the hardest time.
Use it as a point out to compare, Yeah, to
compare how you're healing, because you're gonna have ups and
you're gonna have downs, that's part of grief. And whenever
we're in a low point, not the lowest, but in
a low point, we're gonna feel that we even we
(11:20):
haven't moved on, we're stuck, we're gonna be there forever.
But that's not true. It's gonna be part of what
wa O head messes with us. Yeah, okay, perfect.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
So so for instance, like if you know, like am
I ready to start dating? Like how do you know?
Like what are some signs that you know, okay, I'm
ready to start dating sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
For example, pain doesn't control you anymore. It doesn't mean
that it never that you never have pain. It can hurt.
It doesn't mean that it never hurts. It can hurt,
and you can remember and you can have one of
those waves even though you've you feel that you've moved on.
That's part of it. It's part of the process, but
it doesn't control you anymore. It doesn't have the power
(12:04):
over you pain. And also you don't compare all the
time your ex partner with your current partner. It's because
at the beginning, and I don't know if this resonates
with you that maybe the first day is when you
try to have another relationship, and it feels like your
ex is sitting next to you during the date and
(12:24):
you're comparing everything to that partner ex partner, and it's
like a ghost. And that's how you know that you're
not ready. If the memory is very present, maybe it's
not time, it's not the right.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Time, comparing too much exactly, Okay, And now you know,
I have some questions about healing. One of the things
that we hear about after going through a breakup is
that you have to take time to heal. What does
that mean? Like, how how do you do that?
Speaker 2 (12:53):
That's very good question, you know, how do you do that? Yes,
then taking the time it's taking a pause and facing
whatever comes. Because, as we were mentioning before, this process
is also a great opportunity to go inwards and work
(13:14):
with all our demons, all our traumas. So taking the
time is actually not jumping into another thing that will
distract you from pain. Because we want to distract ourselves
from pain. We want to start a new relationship. We
go to work all the time. Workaholism is actually a
sign of grief that it's stuck there or partying shopping.
(13:39):
We want to distract the pain because that's part of
our nature. We want to negotiate with pain. We wanna
we want to feel that we have control over over pain.
That if I do this, if I if I listen
to all your podcast episodes, if I go to your retreats,
if I read the books, if I if I eat well,
(14:00):
if I do if I exercise, that means it won't hurt.
Because we want to negotiate with pain. But one thing
about pain is that you can't. It's gonna take a process,
it's gonna take a time while, and it doesn't mean
For example, when I got certified as a grief therapist,
(14:22):
I had a teacher who said a good grief process
doesn't take more than a year, and that that makes
absolutely no sense because we're so we're so fixated with time. Okay,
it's been two weeks. I should I had to be
better by now, you know what I mean. We're fixated
(14:42):
with time. So taking the time is actually pausing and
facing the emotions that come, the fears that come.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Yeah, so it's more as like with time, like for instance,
like there's no And the reason I'm bringing this up
is because when I've first Scott separated, it was a
lot of friends and family would say you need to
go out and be single and date, and I was
never the dating type. I'm a relationship monogamous Yo, Kira,
(15:15):
That's who I am. I can't jump from one guy,
don't whoever can do that? More power to you. I'm
more of like, I can't have one night stands. I
need to be emotionally connected. I want to be in
a relationship. And people would tell me you need to
be single for a year, okay, like, and I wasn't.
I wasn't single for a year. I gave myself three
months and I'm like, I'm going to do what you said.
(15:36):
You know. I looked inWORD and I was like, Okay,
I'm gonna feel this pain and I'm not going to
try to distract myself and just really go through this pain, like,
just go through it. And I'm glad I did because
that's when I felt more in love with myself and
I was able to hear my own thoughts and focus
on what I needed to change. But that's what I
wanted to ask because friends and family say all of this,
(15:57):
but there's no real like time for anyone, right. It
all just depends on your own process.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Exactly. Because something that can happen with heartbreak or a
breakup is that it can connect to a previous grief
that you didn't go through. So let's say, for example,
I remember I had a client who he got divorced
and jumped into a new relationship right after it. He
was with his wife maybe for fourteen years, I don't remember,
(16:26):
but it was over more than a de coud and
he jumped into a new relationship and then he was
with this person for a few months and then the
relationship ended and he had no other new relationship to
distract his pain from. So what happened is that he
had a previous grief, a previous heartbreak, and then he
(16:46):
had a new one and now he had too two
process to go through. So that can happen too, or
maybe with the loss of someone else or job a
job exactly.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah, And how important do you feel that it is
to have like a support system on your healing journey.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
It's one of the most important things if I can
tell you only three things, but of course it's not
gonna be only three things. One no contact, two your
tribe and three self love. It's actually it's been shown
that having your tribe, having your support group, it's gonna
(17:25):
be even more helpful even than therapy. That's how important.
Because we are social beings, so we need to connect
and we need to feel safe in our connections, not
just with anyone someone you can talk to, you you
can actually express what you're going through and knowing that
(17:47):
you're in a safe space where you can leave your
process freely.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Yeah, and do you feel about that it's best to
not be in contact at all with your ex while
you're even while you're going through this healing process, because
people ask me right on the podcast, like, Okay, I
my ex is asking foreclosure. I never got closure, Like
do you think closure is important? And then no contact?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Oh that's a great question. Actually, closure comes from within.
You don't need that last conversation. You don't need I
love that. Okay, you don't need that. And one thing
that happens is that when we continue contact, there's always
gonna be a reason to continue contact. And one thing
(18:33):
about having that closure, having that last conversation that we're
seeking for something that's gonna happen is that that person
might see in front of you and give you all
the answers to your questions. And you know what's gonna happen.
You're gonna have more questions because we want to we
want to heal with information, we want to heal with answers.
(18:54):
But the thing is that that's not gonna heal us.
It's gonna help us maybe for a moment or two,
but it's a process. So yes, I'm a super fan
of no contact. Going no contact. Of course, I understand
whenever their their children, whenever you you work together. I
have clans that they live in the same house because
(19:16):
of migration process that they're going through, and I understand
that sometimes no contact is very hard or even impossible.
I understand that. So the contact has to be only
for the thing that you have in common, that's a children. Okay,
you're gonna keep the contact just for for the topics
(19:37):
related to children, but that's it. Going no contact with
the next partner is gonna be one of the most
important things because it's gonna allow you to detox yourself
from everything that it's gonna memories, and it's gonna also
allow you to have more perspective and understand what went wrong,
(19:58):
what was your what we're your mistakes.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Yeah, because someone told me that I was it was
an escape because I'm kind of like an out of sight,
out of mind person like Sino Loeo, Like I don't
think about it. And I blocked my ex from everything,
my email, like WhatsApp, everywhere that I could possibly do it.
I erased a lot of pictures, anything that would come up,
I would erase it. And someone had told me like
that it was wrong that I I that that's kind
(20:22):
of childish, and it helped me though. I was like,
I don't want to look at the pictures or the memories,
like I know that this is what I need to do,
and that's just going to make me want to like
I don't know, because I'm sure you had nice moments
with your ex, so I'm like when Nascosa's my last
see exactly.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
No, it's childish to whom because it doesn't matter what
your ex thinks about you right now. You did everything
you could during the relationship. Maybe you had mistakes, maybe
you don't you didn't. But the thing is, this process,
the healing process, is about you. At first, it feels
like it has to be it has to do with
your ex, but it always had to do with you.
(21:03):
It was always about you. The healing process. It's always
about you, So you're gonna look childish to whom Yeah,
it works best for you, know exactly. Loma's important to pass.
There's nothing more important than your peace and you have
to protect it.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Yeah, because I have a friend that was married and
finally got divorced and stuff, but they have a dog together,
and it is just I have I know it's a
lot easier than done, but I was like, I know
you love your dog, but you guys have to figure
this out because he's already trying to move on and
apparently she moved on a long time ago, but there's
(21:41):
this dog that is causing kind of friction in his
relationship because she wants to see the dog and it's
like a child. So it's like, what do you do
in a situation like that, Like do you just say, okay, here,
I'm gonna give you the dog?
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Okays ask it? You know that's so hard. See that's
a gray area with pets. Yeah, it depends what does
it mean to the to the couple, to the X couple. Yeah,
you want to go through the logistics of the breakup
and with with pets, for example, how is it going
to work? How are we going to do this is
(22:14):
any one of of of a little ex couple ready
to give up on the dog exactly?
Speaker 1 (22:22):
So it's not conversations like it's a it's a deeper conversation.
And I guess it has to do with each situation. Okay, yeah,
because I'm like, I was like, just like, go the dog,
but then I'm like, if it was my dog, I'd
been like no. So yeah, it's it's a figuring it
out what works for both of you guys, and only
like you said, talking about what has to do with
the dog. Yeah, okay, so we talked about healing. Now
(22:50):
I do want to talk about something that I know
you are a firm believer on, which is loving yourself
in order to heal and be able to love others.
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Okay? This is very interesting because there is a saying
that you will not be able to love anyone else
until you love yourself, but that's actually not true. You
can actually love someone else. But the thing is that
if you don't love yourself, if you don't see your value,
you're not gonna be able to realize if someone loves you,
(23:20):
because it's it's gonna be one. It can be shown
in the partner that you choose what you allow in
a relationship, and also it can be the greatest partner
on earth. And you're gonna you're not gonna feel loved
if you don't love yourself first. So if you see
not they ammns, you won't be able to realize that
(23:42):
you're loved. You're always gonna feel insecure.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yeah, or I always say this, if you don't give
yourself your place, you do not. I said, you're going
to allow less, I guess than from another person because
you are not, like you said, following yourself. So yeah,
I think for me, I think that's super important, Like
that's what happened for me where I'm like, okay, wait,
(24:07):
like I need to value myself and also recognize what
I bring to the table and I and I what
I deserve, you know, and if you know, like no more,
I'm not gonna allow this anymore in my life. And
that barely happened like a few years ago, and I
thought I had it all together. It was no I
had to learn. What's your take on going back to
(24:29):
an ex.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
I'm not a fan of it, to be honest. Although
there's no one better absolute there is not. But I
I'm not a fan of going back to an ex
because I'm also a couple's of therapist and the thing
is that what I've seen is that most of the
(24:55):
of the couples they end up, they end the relationship
by problems that they had from the beginning. However, if
you want to go back to your ex and you
want to try it again, I understand and I completely
respect that, and my my invitation is to go through
the grieving process, close that relationship. It's over. Is that
(25:20):
glatter that you're starting a new relationship with the same person,
well a different version, because we're always evolving. But let
the relationship that end. And oh okay, I get it.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
So even if you do go back with the ex,
it's like, this relationship can't be what we had before
because that obviously didn't work. So now we have to
start a different a different relationship on a different foundation.
See Okay, Yeah, Because I'm gonna say, sister, okay, and
(25:53):
what do you think people do wrong when when trying
to become their best self? Mmmm?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
The mistakes that we make when we're trying to become
our best Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Are there is there anything? Like like something is there
a possibility of them, of us overdoing it and seeking
too much at once, possibly or I don't know, what
do you think?
Speaker 2 (26:19):
I don't know. The thing is that at the beginning
we're gonna go through that, we're gonna want to overheal
because where it's it's very frustrating being in pain. So
we're gonna try to do everything. But it's part of
the process as well, because then you realize that sometimes
you need a break from healing. Sometimes you need a
(26:39):
break from all this podcasts, all these books, all the retreats.
And that's fine too, that's fine too, but because that's
when you realize that you can't negotiate with pain. So
something wrong. Maybe something wrong. The only thing that I
would say that we do wrong is staying kind of
(27:00):
tech with r X. That's the old thing.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
And I would say you that gets us stuck. Yeah,
for sure. And Okay, final question in regards to this,
what's the best and worst breakup advice you've heard or
that you've received.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Okay, the worst would be just get over him, just
as if it was about choice. Okay, don't don't feel
don't be sad. Yes, and then.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
You make someone feel guilty about feeling and it's like,
oh my gosh, okay, like am I am I healing
too slowly? So yeah, I agree, Yeah, that's not cool.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Same, that's not cool. And also I'm gonna add just
find someone else, find someone else. See, that's using another
person for your pain. That's actually not fair. And the
best one will be the two shell buss, These two
shell buss that's my My brother got divorced and he
went really into Buddhism. So when I went through my breakup,
(28:02):
he gave me a book that it's called The Storms
Can't Touch the Sky about the wars and Buddhism, and
that was really that was that really helped me to
realize that that's see, it's it's a really nice book.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Yeah, and this too shall pass. This pain will pass,
it will be fine. I always tell people hope hold on.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Pain ends. It will end.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
It will And I've been through so much pain in
my life that I'm like my faith like Majuel, where
I'm like, Okay, I know that this is just temporary.
It's not going to be forever. Like, let me just
learn what I need to learn from this pain, because
there's something to learn from every situation. Guys it I
want to ask you about your podcast, So tell me
(28:50):
a little bit about it. We're of the most popular
episodes and why do you think they're so popular? Mmm?
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Okay, that's a really good question. Okay, So about my
podcast as the most popular ones are the process after
a breakup that's one and okay, another one is gonna
be about infidelity, how to heal infidelity and but more
like healing after being unfaithful actually because that's a silent grief.
(29:22):
We're not allowed to grieve if we were unfaithful or
we were the third person andordia. So but that's actually
a process too, that's a healing process as well. So
that's very very powerful and also healing Gussie healing the
almost something something? Is it said in English the same
(29:45):
way something?
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I think? Yeah, healing almost that almost Yeah makes sense. Yeah,
for sure it is the past.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Sorry, it's gonna turn five years in September.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Wow, that's awesome. You need Tom and Gantha and I
love the name.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
See it's it all started because it was a reminder
for myself, like Emma, get over him, get over him.
So mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
That's that's how how I do a lot of things.
I'm like, Okay, note to myself, Like when I give
people the advice, I'm like, I'm actually giving you advice,
but I'm giving myself advice that I.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
Love the name. It's super cool.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Thank you, and tell us how how can people find
you and your work? I would love for people to
because I'm sure they're going to be interested.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
I think, Okay, Well, you can find my podcast that
it's all forward, and you can also find me on
Instagram as Eva E v A underscore lat that Bee
which is a hard last thing but it's going to
be l A t A p I. And yeah, you
can also find my web that it's going to be Eva.
(30:49):
Let that be dot com la be.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I like your last name, em. I was gonna ask you,
am I gonna am I pronouncing it correctly?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Let that be? Okay? Perfect? And it's okay.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
So you are a grea And also you said couples
therapists as well.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
See I'm seeing I'm a psychologist. I'm a psychologist, I'm
a couple's therapist, and I'm a grief therapist as well.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
And what's your favorite out of everything you do too?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Grief grief after breakup? I have I also have a
support group that and when people it's part of my
membership and seeing the person that starts the process and
being able to even get emotional, to be honest, and
being able to see all the growth all those how
(31:38):
a person because I felt that way that it feels
so dark and how it starts to light up, and
that I love my work. I love what I do.
I love my job. I love it. I love it.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
I love when people are passionate and you can tell.
And I mean it goes to show with with your podcast,
you know, and and and yeah, you're helping the world.
You're doing like what I like to say, you're doing
God's work because we need guidance. We need guidance, and
I don't enough people talk about grief and loss. And
that's how I felt, you know, even like I told
you earlier, like I lost my mom, but I also
(32:11):
felt like I was losing, like I was losing my relationship.
I was going through a huge loss. So it's like
it goes hand in hand. So I think it's beautiful
what you're doing. And if there's anything that we miss
that you would like to add, any advice, anything that
you would want to leave the listeners with.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Yes, thank you. First of all, thank you for having
me and we're opening the mic for this type of topics.
Thank you for that. And also I just want to say,
if someone is having a hard time and they're listening
to us, sick for help or just help? Is there
just And if you don't feel safe with with with
(32:50):
the people that you talk to or your tribe, find
a therapist. I'm always gonna recommend therapy. Yeah, find a therapist,
ant ask for help. You're not alone in this too,
shell us.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Oh I love it. Yes, this two shell pass guys.
You're not alone. Notice you're not the first and the last,
and we have been through it and we're here to
guide you and you know, follow follow Eva is you
guys have any questions? Again, she gave you guys her
social media, her website and her podcast as well. Yes,
(33:26):
I really appreciate it. You have a very calming energy
to you and I and I loved it. I love
the conversation and we're going to help so many people hopefully.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
See. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode.
Los qomuch. I appreciate you guys coming back every week
to listen and I will catch you on the next
episode of Cheeky's and Chillsos. This is a production of
iHeartRadio and the Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow us on
Instagram at Michael Doura Podcasts, then follow me Cheeky's, That's
(34:00):
c H I t U I S. For more podcasts
from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite podcast.
Host
Chiquis
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