October 6, 2025 • 27 mins
Hi, everyone! Today’s episode was inspired by a listener named Tony. He recently left a voice note for us on Dear Chiquis, asking me about my thoughts on the toxic comparing and contrasting in the Latino culture. This is something I’ve experienced firsthand in the music industry, within my own family – and something I’ve personally witnessed – which means we have a lot to unpack.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hello, my beautiful people.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
It's Monday, which means it's time for a brand new
episode of your favorite podcast, Cheese in Chill. I don't
know if I've mentioned this before, but I actually love Mondays.
I know a lot of people don't because it means
the weekend is over. But I really like Mondays because
it's a fresh start, and I love fresh starts. Today
we're talking about a topic that was inspired by a
(00:28):
listener named Tony. He left a voice note for us
on Dear Cheeky's asking me about my thoughts on Latino
toxic culture, specifically when it comes to comparing and contrasting
family members. And since this is something I've personally experienced
and something I've tried to put a stop to in
(00:48):
my own family, I thought it would be a good
idea to do a longer episode on this topic because
I do have quite a bit to say about it.
Let's start with my personal experience guy as a Latina,
as a public figure, as an entrepreneur, as a daughter,
a sister, a friend, I have felt the sting of
(01:09):
being talked about, compared, and torn down, not just by strangers,
but sometimes by people in my own community. I've heard
and I've read comments like gin Secre, she thinks she's
all that cuma ma saigulin to get there, you know,
(01:33):
the whole thing, or yes, Vienne, Like I have heard
so many different things, guys, I have felt it, and
I know I'm not alone. And sometimes the hardest battles
aren't with outsiders, they're with our own people, and that
kind of pain, it just it cuts different. I'm trying
(01:57):
to figure out where to start because I don't want
to make anyone look bad. But this whole idea also,
like after listening to Tony's question on to your Cheeky's
also has been something that I have kept within and
I have only talked to people that I absolutely trust.
(02:17):
But I've noticed with a lot of Latina influencers, how
there's like this competition or like this mean girl like
group and they expect you to support their stuff, but
(02:38):
when it comes to them supporting your stuff, they don't.
And I'm talking about me my stuff because I am
not one to just talk.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
I am about my people.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I am want to always support small businesses, whether they're
Latino or not, Especiallyatino women, small businesses, women owned businesses,
and I love to see other latinas grow and I've
(03:14):
been in the game for a long time. And if
you guys go back on my YouTube page on Cheeky's Online,
I have videos. In two thousand, oh my gosh, I
was living at my mom's house and Encino in two
thousand and nine twenty ten, I can honestly say I
(03:35):
was one of the pioneers in the influencer space. It
didn't have a label then, but I was sharing all
my secrets. I would even call it Cheeky Secrets or
Cheeky's Approved, and I would share things that work for
me and it could be fajas, it could be a
self tanning thing like I did so many of them.
I was thinking about it the other day and anyway,
(03:55):
Then I went into becoming a singer, and apparently, or supposedly,
you can't do both. It's one or the other. And
if you're an influencer, quote unquote, you can't be a
respected singer. I've broken all the rules. I've bet them.
I've been like, no, I'm going to do whatever I
want to do. All this to say that since I
(04:19):
know what it's about and I wasn't getting paid then
I was on YouTube and I wasn't making a lot
of money, like I was just like wanting to share,
like I've always wanted to share everything, like you know,
like my personal experiences and just everything that works for me.
I feel like I'm not a gatekeeper, and I've noticed
that now it's different. Sometimes I feel like certain influencers
(04:45):
think they are better or bigger or more famous, or
they think that they are, yeah, like more than an artist,
like I not mean particular, like I don't, I really
don't care. It just makes me that instead of coming
together and making the Latino community and highlighting each other
(05:07):
and uplifting each other, it's like a one way street
and it's not cool and it's sad because I feel
like God has given me this platform to help other people,
and I really truly believe in sharing the blessings because
it's paying it forward. It's an energy, it's an energy exchange, guys.
(05:29):
And the reason I'm bringing this up because it's just
recently happened. With my book, I helped out a certain
influencer and again I have a lot of love and
respect for her, and I'm not going to say her name,
it's not necessary, but she personally reached out and said, Hey,
I'm coming out with so and so product and I
want to send it to you, and I was like, oh,
(05:49):
of course.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
She sent it to me.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I posted it, and I was happy to post it.
I loved what she sent me. She did that twice.
She yeah, we'll just leave it at that.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
She did it twice.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
I'm not gonna say more because I don't want you, guys,
speculating or trying to put things together.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
It's not important.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
The important part is how we are going to heal this,
because it's not cool anyway.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
I did it.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
I supported her with her brands wholeheartedly. She didn't ask
me to necessarily, but when it came around, and I
never do this, guys, it's hard for me to. I
feel like people should do it out of the kindness
of their heart. But since she had already asked me
and reached out personally, I thought, Okay, well, my book
is coming out. She has kids. I'm going to send
(06:37):
her the book because it makes sense. I'll send her
a little pr package. I asked for her address. I
sent it to her and that was a month ago
and she hasn't posted it. And that's fine. I don't
need her to post it. Thank god it did well.
It's the principle, and I think why why? And this
(06:58):
is not the first time it happens, And it had
me thinking, am I the problem? And here I go
back to these like toxic things that we were taught
and that were.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Instilled in us.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
And I was like, oh wait wait, I'm not going
to let this affect me in that way. I know
who I am, I know where my heart is. That's
not a me problem, that's a them problem. And it's
not my business. I have to just out of mine,
out of sight and just say okay, cool now I know.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Now. Am I not going to support her next thing?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
I'm going to cross that bridge when I get there,
but I will tell you I'm not going to necessarily
forget that because it wasn't like it's a children's book.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
It's something beautiful. It's not like a product.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Like I understand they can't post certain things because I'm
not paying them, you know, and they have other brands
that they need to prioritize. But this is a children's
book and you have kids. So it just made me sad,
and it got me thinking about this question that Tony
sent us and I'm sure you guys know the story
of the of the gangakos, which are crabs in English,
(08:03):
right that if you put them in a bucket and
once trying to get out, another crab comes and pulls
it down and doesn't allow it. And I feel, unfortunately
and very sadly, I have noticed, especially in my industry
as a singer, instead of helping each other rise and
(08:24):
that little like crab helping the other crab get out,
because then hopefully it's like a chain effect, you know,
or a domino effect, should I say a domino effect,
we pull each other down, either by actions or words
or talking bad. And I'm not even gonna put myself
in that because I'm not because I'm not like that,
and I do my best not to like, I'm not
gonna say we. But I have seen in the Latino community,
(08:47):
and I have experienced that you make it to a
certain point and instead of saying damn, that person came
from nothing and made it there.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
That's tight.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Heck, yeah, that's awesome, it's more of like, oh, y,
you know, they're not like about it anymore. They're lost
in the sauce. And mind you, it does happen. I've
seen it, you know, but it's not with everyone. And
I think we could say, hey, if someone made it
(09:18):
to that point and they're able to buy themselves that
three hundred one thousand dollars car, that's tight. Hey I
wouldn't necessarily do that with my money, but hey, if
that's what they want to do, that's tight. Like they
made it out of the hood or out of the barrio,
whatever you want to call it. And I've noticed that.
(09:43):
And it's not only with that guys, it's also with
in family. It's you can't be better than me, you
can't accomplish more than I've accomplished, and it should be
the complete opposite. I want my little sister Jenica to
be better than me. I want my little sister Jackie
to be better than me. And I think that's how
(10:05):
parents should be as well. And it's not always like that.
And I kind of experienced it with my mom in
certain ways, and I think it was more subconscious from
her part. And I saw that in my family a lot.
And this is a very delicate subject because obviously my
(10:26):
mom is not here to defend herself. I think my
mom was going to support my career as a singer,
and I know the part of her as a mother
was trying to protect me and said, look, that's not
the kind of career I want for you, because I
know how hard it is, and she was right, in
our genre, it is very difficult. But then there was
(10:47):
that woman's side of her mind. You we were only
fifteen years apart, so I get it to a certain
extent of yeah, but I don't want there to be
a competition. It was like a It was more of
like seen as competition versus let's help each other. And
that happens a lot in the industry. And I'll get
back to the family thing right now, but that happens
a lot in the industry, especially in my genre. In
(11:10):
regional Mexican music, there has always been this idea of
there's only one spot for a woman, only one, which
is why it was so hard for me. Not only
because when I first started, I wasn't the best at singing.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
I was just.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Starting, duh, but but because my mom was this monster
beast of a singer and a personality, and this persona
that people constantly compared me to her, and they weren't
giving me the opportunity of like, Okay, my mom had
twenty years under her belt. Of course she's sang beautifully,
(11:46):
but she didn't always sing that way, and so people
were very hard on me, and it was like, oh,
you want to like take your mom's place. No, I don't,
and I never will, and no one will ever take
Selena's place or Juan Gabrielle's place, or Michael Jackson's place
or John Lennon, like it just will never happen. Those
(12:07):
are one of one. I just want to come here
and do my own thing. But why does it have
to be that? Why the comparison? Why can't I just
be me and my mom be her? And putting that
to the side. Then once I got over that little hump,
and I was like, okay, cool, like I'm kind of
over that. Like I know my mom, if she was here,
(12:29):
she would freaking be the first to defend me, the
first to support me, like I know it. But then
I get in the industry, and then there are other
women that are older and have been in the game
that won't do collabse with you, or won't support you publicly,
(12:50):
or they talk bad about you behind your back and
give you this nice little smile in front of you.
But they're saying all these things behind your back because
you're the fresh meet. You know, you're the new kid
on the block, and it freaking sucks. The amount of
women that turn their back or turn the other cheek
(13:14):
or didn't want to give me the opportunity. It's crazy,
which is why I made it part of my mission
to help upcoming artists and people that I see, especially women,
because there has to be more of that in our community.
And I love my Latino people, don't get me wrong,
but this is not to shame our community. This is
(13:36):
to hopefully change and heal it because it's really freaking sad.
But that's why I was like, I'm going to mark
the difference with the music that I'm making. I want
to highlight Latinos. I want to help people. I want
to highlight the hardworking people so that hopefully I start something,
you know, and just to go back, because not all
(13:58):
women were like that, I will tell you, and someone
like Becky G. Who's Becky G. Becky G is known
internationally and as soon as I asked her for a collab,
there was no hesitation. And I'm so grateful for people
like that because she didn't have to and I don't
(14:18):
have all the streams she has. But Becky's like, yeah,
let's find the right song. And she just didn't say
it like other people do. She said it, I sent
the song and she said, out of these two songs,
this is the one I like, let's do this one
that was Jolene. Then we did with Ato cause she's like, okay, cool,
we did Joline and she put me on her album.
That is collaboration. That is true collaboration. It's not like, oh,
(14:42):
you're less than me, you don't have the streams I have.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Like no, she was.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
About like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this. I like her,
I appreciate her, I love her whatever the case may be.
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I'm not I can't speak for her.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
But the point is she did it another and I
call her the Madrina of my.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Care is Gloria Trevi.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Gloria Trevi medio and said, hey, and I think I've
told this story here before. But on one of my
first presentations, or one of like the first ones, one
of like the the big award shows, I think it
was Permos went to, we did plosuelto because I love
that song Plo.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
I know you guys know that song. If you don't
go listen to it, it's so amazing.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Anyway, I grew up listening to that song. I did
a remake and she not only allowed me to sing
her song, which is one of her popular songs, she
gave me a song, which is La Malcaria. She said, here,
I wrote this song and I want to give it
to you. Here, go do something with it. And it's
one of my popular songs. And she went and flew
(15:50):
to Miami and sang the song with me, and it
was one of my most iconic performances till this day,
one of my favorites. And you know, she told me,
she said, look, I know you're just starting, but I'm
not gonna make myself smaller for you, which means you
need to.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Step it up.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
And I took that as like, damn, that's a mother,
that's someone that cares, that says I'm here, but I'm
going to go out there and perform my ass off,
so you better do the same. And it was such
a beautiful lesson because she didn't shrink, but she told
me come on, like she taught me something. And till
this day, I can count on that woman for anything like,
(16:32):
she is just amazing. So I know there are good
people in the world, there are good people in the industry.
So again I'm not talking about everyone, and there isn't
any need to drop names or try to shame anyone,
because that's not what I want to do. I just
am speaking from a place of reflection because now, thank god,
I'm strong enough to just shake it off. But there
(16:55):
was a time when it really did affect me and
it made me really sad, and I'm like, how can
I change this? How can I mark the difference? How
can I be better?
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Now?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
I'm doing it with my podcast, with my books, with
my music. Guys, Once you guys see the visuals for
the music, you're gonna understand it's all going to come together.
And even with this episode, guys like this is my
way of hopefully changing things, because it is a problem,
whether we want to accept it or not. And maybe
(17:27):
you have experienced it personally, maybe you haven't, and I
hope you have it. But we have to be better
as a community. We have to uplift one another, support
each other, and even if it's privately, doesn't have to
be publicly, but to really just embrace one another. And
(17:51):
not feel like this person is going to take my
place or my light, or like no.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
The sun, and.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
The sun comes out for all of us. We all
have a special gift. We all have something to to
give in this world that is very different from the
other person. Like we don't have to always compete. And
I don't know, maybe that's just me, it's a wish,
it's wishful thinking, but I really feel that we can
(18:24):
get to a place of peace when it comes to that,
and know that we can do things together without dimming
each other's light or without feeling the need to shrink ourselves.
It's not necessary. And I really feel this in my
heart because I don't want my child to go through
(18:49):
what I've experienced, and of course I don't can't control that,
but at least we're talking about it, and sometimes it
is a little uncomfortable to talk about it. It's not
always cute and pretty and peaches and cream, but this
is real stuff that is happening in the world, and
stuff that we need to express and deal with it
(19:12):
and fix it ultimately. Now let me go back to
my notes. This is why I think this happens in
our community. I think it could be colonial trauma. I
(19:33):
think it is. This is from freaking years and centuries
before us. So this is why we have to.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Be different.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
The scarcity mindset, guys, is insane in our community, and
we have to change that. Many of us grew up
thinking there's only one seat at the table, that if
someone else wins. Exactly what we just talked about. Even
when it comes to money, it's like I constantly.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Hear I'm broke. I no, I don't, I don't, I don't, And.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
I get you, like, we don't always have the funds
to get everything we want. But it's like the more
like we think we don't have enough, we don't have enough,
we will never have enough. And that's a whole that's
another episode, but anyway, let me let me keep going.
Lighter skin is praised. We've talked about that before. I
think I told you guys a story about my friend
(20:31):
Brianna and how she posted a TikTok. She has three
boys and she is light skin and you guys, I
think saw her here on the podcast when I had
the visual before.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
But she's light.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
She has blonde hair and she has blue eyes, and
her husband is a little darker complexed and they have
three boys, and the eldest looks a lot like his dad.
He's darker, brown eyes, and then the other two are
a little lighter and they have colored eyes. And she
said that she realized or noticed, should I say, when
(21:03):
they would go out, they would just look at the lighter, green,
blue eyed boys and kind of ignore Charlie, your oldest.
And she was talking about how much it hurt her
and how it just sucks, how we do have to
be better as a community, and it's true.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
I mean I noticed it.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Dang. I don't know if I should say this, guys,
because this is in my family. I'll just say that
in my family, with certain family members, my mom's kids
were favored because we were lighter and we were beautiful
because we were lighter versus other kids. Some of my
(21:46):
cousins and our family were called brietos or weren't loved
on as much because they were darker. And that's some
crazy ass shit, guys, Like i I'm just like, what,
it's crazy. I don't know why that is, but that
needs to stop, guys. That is insane, Like it's really
(22:09):
sad and we need to do better. Like that stuff
affects people forever. It's not cool anyway. I'm moving on
gender roles. You guys were taught to compete instead of
collaborate to be the best daughter, the wife, sister, and
the mom. Generational pain. Our families didn't always have the
(22:31):
tools to process in security, so it came out as control,
comparison or criticism. These are all things that we're breaking
down why we think that this is happening in our community. Okay,
this is inherited, it's learned, but it can be unlearned. Okay,
and this is what we're doing now. We're unlearning, we're
(22:52):
reprogramming because it's probably even something that happens subconsciously and
we don't mean to do it. But I think if
we speak about it the way we're doing today, it
can really start changing, hopefully God willing. You know, sometimes
it's subtle, sometimes it's loud, but that's what it is.
(23:13):
Backhanded compliments.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Hmmm.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
You know, we hear a lot like or Prieto or
you know, like a lot of the Latino communities that's
kind of belitting and it's like, oh, this is just
a way of showing my love Esuncarino. It's like a
nickname out of love but like, why not call them,
you know, I don't know, like something else, something more positive.
(23:36):
I can't even think about what. But anyway, gossip is
a huge thing that is disguised as concern. Like the
gossip is crazy, guys. But this is all stuff that
adds to what I'm talking about that we need to
just be more mindful about. Dismissing another Latina success. We've
talked about that as well, competing over who has more followers,
(23:58):
more money, more beauty, more validation, more likes. Ugh, so
over that judging someone for how they talk, how they dress,
how they heal.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
None of your business.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
That's one thing that my life coach is teaching me again,
it's not your business what they say, what they think
about you, like, it's not your business. If they like
you or not, it's not your business.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
She's right.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
And it's not my business. How they do their thing
or not do their thing, it's not my business. I
gotta focus on my stuff. That's what we got to do,
you know. And these are all wounds, not facts, and
recognizing them is the first step to healing, guys, which
is why I wanted to talk to you guys about
this and how do we heal real quick before we end,
Before we conclude this episode, how do we heal some examples. Okay,
(24:49):
we shift the culture by shifting ourselves. We shift ourselves first.
It starts with ourselves. We celebrate others even when we're
still on our own journey. Check your own jealousy. Do
a heart check with compassion not shame. Say okay, wait,
am I jealous?
Speaker 1 (25:06):
And it's okay. We all feel a little bit of jealousy.
It's okay. It's recognizing it and not letting that grow.
I get it.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
I understand sometimes you feel little insecure because there's a
prettier girl standing next to us, or it's okay, we
have something special and they're beautiful and so are we
in our own way. Okay, support Latina owned businesses. Music
are healing spaces. Catch yourself when you compare and choose
curiosity instead. Go to therapy. Y'all know I'm a huge
(25:35):
advocate for therapy. Journal love, journaling, you pray, and we
are breaking cycles.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
We have to be intentional in wanting to break these
cycles and be better not only for ourselves and for today,
but for the generations to come. We have to keep
that in mind. Guys, and just know that our success
or your success does not threaten mine. Your success does
not threaten mine. In fact, when you win, we all win, guys.
(26:02):
And I know this might sound a little cliche and
a little bit like, I don't know, mystical or whatever
you want to call it, but it's true, guys, Like
we got to see it that way, Like it's like
when someone in the community wins.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Like that's tied.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
We all freaking win, Like that's amazing, and there is
room again, there is room for all of us, and
we are so much stronger when we rise together united,
we stand divided, we fall. So anyway, guys, that's it.
That's this episode. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I
know I have a lot to say, but all these
topics are very important and very true to me, and
(26:37):
I just I'm here to help in any way that
I possibly can. And yeah, I mean, my vision for
our culture, starting with myself, is ending the fake support guys,
ending silent envy, and healing what our parents and grandparents
(26:58):
never could. Now to conclude, guys, if you have ever
felt unsupported, judged, or criticized by your own people, I
want you to know it's not your faults and you're
not alone. I see you, I love you, I'm proud
of you. I'm here, and I'll be waiting here, right
(27:18):
here on this chair for the next episode of Cheeky's
and Chill. Let's do better guys together, Love you.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
This is a.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Production of iHeartRadio and the Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow
us on Instagram at Michael Doura Podcasts, then follow me Cheeky's,
That's c h I q U I s. For more
podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
wherever you listen to your favorite podcast
Hello, my beautiful people.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
It's Monday, which means it's time for a brand new
episode of your favorite podcast, Cheese in Chill. I don't
know if I've mentioned this before, but I actually love Mondays.
I know a lot of people don't because it means
the weekend is over. But I really like Mondays because
it's a fresh start, and I love fresh starts. Today
we're talking about a topic that was inspired by a
(00:28):
listener named Tony. He left a voice note for us
on Dear Cheeky's asking me about my thoughts on Latino
toxic culture, specifically when it comes to comparing and contrasting
family members. And since this is something I've personally experienced
and something I've tried to put a stop to in
(00:48):
my own family, I thought it would be a good
idea to do a longer episode on this topic because
I do have quite a bit to say about it.
Let's start with my personal experience guy as a Latina,
as a public figure, as an entrepreneur, as a daughter,
a sister, a friend, I have felt the sting of
(01:09):
being talked about, compared, and torn down, not just by strangers,
but sometimes by people in my own community. I've heard
and I've read comments like gin Secre, she thinks she's
all that cuma ma saigulin to get there, you know,
(01:33):
the whole thing, or yes, Vienne, Like I have heard
so many different things, guys, I have felt it, and
I know I'm not alone. And sometimes the hardest battles
aren't with outsiders, they're with our own people, and that
kind of pain, it just it cuts different. I'm trying
(01:57):
to figure out where to start because I don't want
to make anyone look bad. But this whole idea also,
like after listening to Tony's question on to your Cheeky's
also has been something that I have kept within and
I have only talked to people that I absolutely trust.
(02:17):
But I've noticed with a lot of Latina influencers, how
there's like this competition or like this mean girl like
group and they expect you to support their stuff, but
(02:38):
when it comes to them supporting your stuff, they don't.
And I'm talking about me my stuff because I am
not one to just talk.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
I am about my people.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I am want to always support small businesses, whether they're
Latino or not, Especiallyatino women, small businesses, women owned businesses,
and I love to see other latinas grow and I've
(03:14):
been in the game for a long time. And if
you guys go back on my YouTube page on Cheeky's Online,
I have videos. In two thousand, oh my gosh, I
was living at my mom's house and Encino in two
thousand and nine twenty ten, I can honestly say I
(03:35):
was one of the pioneers in the influencer space. It
didn't have a label then, but I was sharing all
my secrets. I would even call it Cheeky Secrets or
Cheeky's Approved, and I would share things that work for
me and it could be fajas, it could be a
self tanning thing like I did so many of them.
I was thinking about it the other day and anyway,
(03:55):
Then I went into becoming a singer, and apparently, or supposedly,
you can't do both. It's one or the other. And
if you're an influencer, quote unquote, you can't be a
respected singer. I've broken all the rules. I've bet them.
I've been like, no, I'm going to do whatever I
want to do. All this to say that since I
(04:19):
know what it's about and I wasn't getting paid then
I was on YouTube and I wasn't making a lot
of money, like I was just like wanting to share,
like I've always wanted to share everything, like you know,
like my personal experiences and just everything that works for me.
I feel like I'm not a gatekeeper, and I've noticed
that now it's different. Sometimes I feel like certain influencers
(04:45):
think they are better or bigger or more famous, or
they think that they are, yeah, like more than an artist,
like I not mean particular, like I don't, I really
don't care. It just makes me that instead of coming
together and making the Latino community and highlighting each other
(05:07):
and uplifting each other, it's like a one way street
and it's not cool and it's sad because I feel
like God has given me this platform to help other people,
and I really truly believe in sharing the blessings because
it's paying it forward. It's an energy, it's an energy exchange, guys.
(05:29):
And the reason I'm bringing this up because it's just
recently happened. With my book, I helped out a certain
influencer and again I have a lot of love and
respect for her, and I'm not going to say her name,
it's not necessary, but she personally reached out and said, Hey,
I'm coming out with so and so product and I
want to send it to you, and I was like, oh,
(05:49):
of course.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
She sent it to me.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I posted it, and I was happy to post it.
I loved what she sent me. She did that twice.
She yeah, we'll just leave it at that.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
She did it twice.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
I'm not gonna say more because I don't want you, guys,
speculating or trying to put things together.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
It's not important.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
The important part is how we are going to heal this,
because it's not cool anyway.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
I did it.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
I supported her with her brands wholeheartedly. She didn't ask
me to necessarily, but when it came around, and I
never do this, guys, it's hard for me to. I
feel like people should do it out of the kindness
of their heart. But since she had already asked me
and reached out personally, I thought, Okay, well, my book
is coming out. She has kids. I'm going to send
(06:37):
her the book because it makes sense. I'll send her
a little pr package. I asked for her address. I
sent it to her and that was a month ago
and she hasn't posted it. And that's fine. I don't
need her to post it. Thank god it did well.
It's the principle, and I think why why? And this
(06:58):
is not the first time it happens, And it had
me thinking, am I the problem? And here I go
back to these like toxic things that we were taught
and that were.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Instilled in us.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
And I was like, oh wait wait, I'm not going
to let this affect me in that way. I know
who I am, I know where my heart is. That's
not a me problem, that's a them problem. And it's
not my business. I have to just out of mine,
out of sight and just say okay, cool now I know.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Now. Am I not going to support her next thing?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
I'm going to cross that bridge when I get there,
but I will tell you I'm not going to necessarily
forget that because it wasn't like it's a children's book.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
It's something beautiful. It's not like a product.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Like I understand they can't post certain things because I'm
not paying them, you know, and they have other brands
that they need to prioritize. But this is a children's
book and you have kids. So it just made me sad,
and it got me thinking about this question that Tony
sent us and I'm sure you guys know the story
of the of the gangakos, which are crabs in English,
(08:03):
right that if you put them in a bucket and
once trying to get out, another crab comes and pulls
it down and doesn't allow it. And I feel, unfortunately
and very sadly, I have noticed, especially in my industry
as a singer, instead of helping each other rise and
(08:24):
that little like crab helping the other crab get out,
because then hopefully it's like a chain effect, you know,
or a domino effect, should I say a domino effect,
we pull each other down, either by actions or words
or talking bad. And I'm not even gonna put myself
in that because I'm not because I'm not like that,
and I do my best not to like, I'm not
gonna say we. But I have seen in the Latino community,
(08:47):
and I have experienced that you make it to a
certain point and instead of saying damn, that person came
from nothing and made it there.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
That's tight.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Heck, yeah, that's awesome, it's more of like, oh, y,
you know, they're not like about it anymore. They're lost
in the sauce. And mind you, it does happen. I've
seen it, you know, but it's not with everyone. And
I think we could say, hey, if someone made it
(09:18):
to that point and they're able to buy themselves that
three hundred one thousand dollars car, that's tight. Hey I
wouldn't necessarily do that with my money, but hey, if
that's what they want to do, that's tight. Like they
made it out of the hood or out of the barrio,
whatever you want to call it. And I've noticed that.
(09:43):
And it's not only with that guys, it's also with
in family. It's you can't be better than me, you
can't accomplish more than I've accomplished, and it should be
the complete opposite. I want my little sister Jenica to
be better than me. I want my little sister Jackie
to be better than me. And I think that's how
(10:05):
parents should be as well. And it's not always like that.
And I kind of experienced it with my mom in
certain ways, and I think it was more subconscious from
her part. And I saw that in my family a lot.
And this is a very delicate subject because obviously my
(10:26):
mom is not here to defend herself. I think my
mom was going to support my career as a singer,
and I know the part of her as a mother
was trying to protect me and said, look, that's not
the kind of career I want for you, because I
know how hard it is, and she was right, in
our genre, it is very difficult. But then there was
(10:47):
that woman's side of her mind. You we were only
fifteen years apart, so I get it to a certain
extent of yeah, but I don't want there to be
a competition. It was like a It was more of
like seen as competition versus let's help each other. And
that happens a lot in the industry. And I'll get
back to the family thing right now, but that happens
a lot in the industry, especially in my genre. In
(11:10):
regional Mexican music, there has always been this idea of
there's only one spot for a woman, only one, which
is why it was so hard for me. Not only
because when I first started, I wasn't the best at singing.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
I was just.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Starting, duh, but but because my mom was this monster
beast of a singer and a personality, and this persona
that people constantly compared me to her, and they weren't
giving me the opportunity of like, Okay, my mom had
twenty years under her belt. Of course she's sang beautifully,
(11:46):
but she didn't always sing that way, and so people
were very hard on me, and it was like, oh,
you want to like take your mom's place. No, I don't,
and I never will, and no one will ever take
Selena's place or Juan Gabrielle's place, or Michael Jackson's place
or John Lennon, like it just will never happen. Those
(12:07):
are one of one. I just want to come here
and do my own thing. But why does it have
to be that? Why the comparison? Why can't I just
be me and my mom be her? And putting that
to the side. Then once I got over that little hump,
and I was like, okay, cool, like I'm kind of
over that. Like I know my mom, if she was here,
(12:29):
she would freaking be the first to defend me, the
first to support me, like I know it. But then
I get in the industry, and then there are other
women that are older and have been in the game
that won't do collabse with you, or won't support you publicly,
(12:50):
or they talk bad about you behind your back and
give you this nice little smile in front of you.
But they're saying all these things behind your back because
you're the fresh meet. You know, you're the new kid
on the block, and it freaking sucks. The amount of
women that turn their back or turn the other cheek
(13:14):
or didn't want to give me the opportunity. It's crazy,
which is why I made it part of my mission
to help upcoming artists and people that I see, especially women,
because there has to be more of that in our community.
And I love my Latino people, don't get me wrong,
but this is not to shame our community. This is
(13:36):
to hopefully change and heal it because it's really freaking sad.
But that's why I was like, I'm going to mark
the difference with the music that I'm making. I want
to highlight Latinos. I want to help people. I want
to highlight the hardworking people so that hopefully I start something,
you know, and just to go back, because not all
(13:58):
women were like that, I will tell you, and someone
like Becky G. Who's Becky G. Becky G is known
internationally and as soon as I asked her for a collab,
there was no hesitation. And I'm so grateful for people
like that because she didn't have to and I don't
(14:18):
have all the streams she has. But Becky's like, yeah,
let's find the right song. And she just didn't say
it like other people do. She said it, I sent
the song and she said, out of these two songs,
this is the one I like, let's do this one
that was Jolene. Then we did with Ato cause she's like, okay, cool,
we did Joline and she put me on her album.
That is collaboration. That is true collaboration. It's not like, oh,
(14:42):
you're less than me, you don't have the streams I have.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Like no, she was.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
About like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this. I like her,
I appreciate her, I love her whatever the case may be.
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
I'm not I can't speak for her.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
But the point is she did it another and I
call her the Madrina of my.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Care is Gloria Trevi.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Gloria Trevi medio and said, hey, and I think I've
told this story here before. But on one of my
first presentations, or one of like the first ones, one
of like the the big award shows, I think it
was Permos went to, we did plosuelto because I love
that song Plo.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
I know you guys know that song. If you don't
go listen to it, it's so amazing.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Anyway, I grew up listening to that song. I did
a remake and she not only allowed me to sing
her song, which is one of her popular songs, she
gave me a song, which is La Malcaria. She said, here,
I wrote this song and I want to give it
to you. Here, go do something with it. And it's
one of my popular songs. And she went and flew
(15:50):
to Miami and sang the song with me, and it
was one of my most iconic performances till this day,
one of my favorites. And you know, she told me,
she said, look, I know you're just starting, but I'm
not gonna make myself smaller for you, which means you
need to.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Step it up.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
And I took that as like, damn, that's a mother,
that's someone that cares, that says I'm here, but I'm
going to go out there and perform my ass off,
so you better do the same. And it was such
a beautiful lesson because she didn't shrink, but she told
me come on, like she taught me something. And till
this day, I can count on that woman for anything like,
(16:32):
she is just amazing. So I know there are good
people in the world, there are good people in the industry.
So again I'm not talking about everyone, and there isn't
any need to drop names or try to shame anyone,
because that's not what I want to do. I just
am speaking from a place of reflection because now, thank god,
I'm strong enough to just shake it off. But there
(16:55):
was a time when it really did affect me and
it made me really sad, and I'm like, how can
I change this? How can I mark the difference? How
can I be better?
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Now?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
I'm doing it with my podcast, with my books, with
my music. Guys, Once you guys see the visuals for
the music, you're gonna understand it's all going to come together.
And even with this episode, guys like this is my
way of hopefully changing things, because it is a problem,
whether we want to accept it or not. And maybe
(17:27):
you have experienced it personally, maybe you haven't, and I
hope you have it. But we have to be better
as a community. We have to uplift one another, support
each other, and even if it's privately, doesn't have to
be publicly, but to really just embrace one another. And
(17:51):
not feel like this person is going to take my
place or my light, or like no.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
The sun, and.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
The sun comes out for all of us. We all
have a special gift. We all have something to to
give in this world that is very different from the
other person. Like we don't have to always compete. And
I don't know, maybe that's just me, it's a wish,
it's wishful thinking, but I really feel that we can
(18:24):
get to a place of peace when it comes to that,
and know that we can do things together without dimming
each other's light or without feeling the need to shrink ourselves.
It's not necessary. And I really feel this in my
heart because I don't want my child to go through
(18:49):
what I've experienced, and of course I don't can't control that,
but at least we're talking about it, and sometimes it
is a little uncomfortable to talk about it. It's not
always cute and pretty and peaches and cream, but this
is real stuff that is happening in the world, and
stuff that we need to express and deal with it
(19:12):
and fix it ultimately. Now let me go back to
my notes. This is why I think this happens in
our community. I think it could be colonial trauma. I
(19:33):
think it is. This is from freaking years and centuries
before us. So this is why we have to.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Be different.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
The scarcity mindset, guys, is insane in our community, and
we have to change that. Many of us grew up
thinking there's only one seat at the table, that if
someone else wins. Exactly what we just talked about. Even
when it comes to money, it's like I constantly.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Hear I'm broke. I no, I don't, I don't, I don't, And.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
I get you, like, we don't always have the funds
to get everything we want. But it's like the more
like we think we don't have enough, we don't have enough,
we will never have enough. And that's a whole that's
another episode, but anyway, let me let me keep going.
Lighter skin is praised. We've talked about that before. I
think I told you guys a story about my friend
(20:31):
Brianna and how she posted a TikTok. She has three
boys and she is light skin and you guys, I
think saw her here on the podcast when I had
the visual before.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
But she's light.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
She has blonde hair and she has blue eyes, and
her husband is a little darker complexed and they have
three boys, and the eldest looks a lot like his dad.
He's darker, brown eyes, and then the other two are
a little lighter and they have colored eyes. And she
said that she realized or noticed, should I say, when
(21:03):
they would go out, they would just look at the lighter, green,
blue eyed boys and kind of ignore Charlie, your oldest.
And she was talking about how much it hurt her
and how it just sucks, how we do have to
be better as a community, and it's true.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
I mean I noticed it.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Dang. I don't know if I should say this, guys,
because this is in my family. I'll just say that
in my family, with certain family members, my mom's kids
were favored because we were lighter and we were beautiful
because we were lighter versus other kids. Some of my
(21:46):
cousins and our family were called brietos or weren't loved
on as much because they were darker. And that's some
crazy ass shit, guys, Like i I'm just like, what,
it's crazy. I don't know why that is, but that
needs to stop, guys. That is insane, Like it's really
(22:09):
sad and we need to do better. Like that stuff
affects people forever. It's not cool anyway. I'm moving on
gender roles. You guys were taught to compete instead of
collaborate to be the best daughter, the wife, sister, and
the mom. Generational pain. Our families didn't always have the
(22:31):
tools to process in security, so it came out as control,
comparison or criticism. These are all things that we're breaking
down why we think that this is happening in our community. Okay,
this is inherited, it's learned, but it can be unlearned. Okay,
and this is what we're doing now. We're unlearning, we're
(22:52):
reprogramming because it's probably even something that happens subconsciously and
we don't mean to do it. But I think if
we speak about it the way we're doing today, it
can really start changing, hopefully God willing. You know, sometimes
it's subtle, sometimes it's loud, but that's what it is.
(23:13):
Backhanded compliments.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Hmmm.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
You know, we hear a lot like or Prieto or
you know, like a lot of the Latino communities that's
kind of belitting and it's like, oh, this is just
a way of showing my love Esuncarino. It's like a
nickname out of love but like, why not call them,
you know, I don't know, like something else, something more positive.
(23:36):
I can't even think about what. But anyway, gossip is
a huge thing that is disguised as concern. Like the
gossip is crazy, guys. But this is all stuff that
adds to what I'm talking about that we need to
just be more mindful about. Dismissing another Latina success. We've
talked about that as well, competing over who has more followers,
(23:58):
more money, more beauty, more validation, more likes. Ugh, so
over that judging someone for how they talk, how they dress,
how they heal.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
None of your business.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
That's one thing that my life coach is teaching me again,
it's not your business what they say, what they think
about you, like, it's not your business. If they like
you or not, it's not your business.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
She's right.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
And it's not my business. How they do their thing
or not do their thing, it's not my business. I
gotta focus on my stuff. That's what we got to do,
you know. And these are all wounds, not facts, and
recognizing them is the first step to healing, guys, which
is why I wanted to talk to you guys about
this and how do we heal real quick before we end,
Before we conclude this episode, how do we heal some examples. Okay,
(24:49):
we shift the culture by shifting ourselves. We shift ourselves first.
It starts with ourselves. We celebrate others even when we're
still on our own journey. Check your own jealousy. Do
a heart check with compassion not shame. Say okay, wait,
am I jealous?
Speaker 1 (25:06):
And it's okay. We all feel a little bit of jealousy.
It's okay. It's recognizing it and not letting that grow.
I get it.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
I understand sometimes you feel little insecure because there's a
prettier girl standing next to us, or it's okay, we
have something special and they're beautiful and so are we
in our own way. Okay, support Latina owned businesses. Music
are healing spaces. Catch yourself when you compare and choose
curiosity instead. Go to therapy. Y'all know I'm a huge
(25:35):
advocate for therapy. Journal love, journaling, you pray, and we
are breaking cycles.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
We have to be intentional in wanting to break these
cycles and be better not only for ourselves and for today,
but for the generations to come. We have to keep
that in mind. Guys, and just know that our success
or your success does not threaten mine. Your success does
not threaten mine. In fact, when you win, we all win, guys.
(26:02):
And I know this might sound a little cliche and
a little bit like, I don't know, mystical or whatever
you want to call it, but it's true, guys, Like
we got to see it that way, Like it's like
when someone in the community wins.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Like that's tied.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
We all freaking win, Like that's amazing, and there is
room again, there is room for all of us, and
we are so much stronger when we rise together united,
we stand divided, we fall. So anyway, guys, that's it.
That's this episode. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I
know I have a lot to say, but all these
topics are very important and very true to me, and
(26:37):
I just I'm here to help in any way that
I possibly can. And yeah, I mean, my vision for
our culture, starting with myself, is ending the fake support guys,
ending silent envy, and healing what our parents and grandparents
(26:58):
never could. Now to conclude, guys, if you have ever
felt unsupported, judged, or criticized by your own people, I
want you to know it's not your faults and you're
not alone. I see you, I love you, I'm proud
of you. I'm here, and I'll be waiting here, right
(27:18):
here on this chair for the next episode of Cheeky's
and Chill. Let's do better guys together, Love you.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
This is a.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Production of iHeartRadio and the Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow
us on Instagram at Michael Doura Podcasts, then follow me Cheeky's,
That's c h I q U I s. For more
podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
wherever you listen to your favorite podcast
Host
Chiquis
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