February 12, 2024 • 47 mins
Happy Valentine's Day week to all my Boss Bees! On this episode, I sit down with Liliana Montenegro, the co-host of My Cultura's "Date My Abuelita, First!" podcast. We share a heartfelt and emotional conversation about love, loss and life. Tune in as we laugh and cry over life lessons, Liliana's five marriages, my mindset during my first marriage and more.
Season 2 of "Date My Abuelita, First!" premieres February 29!
Watch Chiquis and Chill on Youtube.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I repeat this a million times in my life. People
don't change. We are who we are.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
You can't change them.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
No, and we can't change ourselves either. We are already
said in those ways. But we can truly compromise. Yeah,
if you get to a point in your relationship where
you have to start thinking about how to spice it up,
you've already screwed up.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Oh Jane, Okay, sure, I just kidding.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Hello.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Welcome to a special love edition of Cheeky's and Chill
You guys. I am excited because today's guest she has
a lot of experience, a beautiful personality, and I can't
wait for you guys to meet her. Her name is
Leliana Mategro. She is an actress. She's a comedian and
the co host of a podcast name Date My. I
(00:57):
will lead that first on Michael Tura. So welcome here.
Thank you so much, so much for being here.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
It is an honor. It is such a privilege to
be here with you and talking about love, specially my
favorite subject in the world.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I know I have a lot of questions, by the way,
so I hope you don't mind.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Oh my goodness, I am.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
A hopeless I guess a hopeless romantic and away. I
love to love and to be loved. So I thought,
you know what, what better than to have a conversation
with a woman who has been married five times. We'll
get into that right now, you guys, which I to
me is very intriguing.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Not at the same time, let's clarify that.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Let's clarify that. But and it's it's the week of
Valentine's Day, so I said this, let's talk about everything
that has to do with love. So, so thank you,
thank you for taking the time to be here with me.
It's my brand new said. I'm still getting used to it.
I've done audio for so long. Thank you so much.
I wanted you to be warm. Yes, okay, so do
(01:57):
you feel like it's hugging you?
Speaker 1 (01:59):
It is very much hugging me.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Okay, first of.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
All, in which I know are very almost sixty eight
years of desserth what in March sixty.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
I'm not even joking. I did not think you.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I'm approaching this seventy with a lot of hope.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah, you look you look great, and you have a
beautiful energy. It's my first time meeting her, you guys,
But to me, it's like I feel your energy and
you're very like you're just a big, beautiful personality. I
love it. I love it, and so Okay, first of all,
I'd like to ask you the podcast date Malita. First,
why why the name the title? I just I want
(02:38):
to know.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Well, the title came I Love It from the creators, Okay,
Leo clam They put the name together, and it was
their job to find the Awlita they wanted for this
particular show. You know, I never thought in my entire life,
as crazy as I have been, as much as people
(02:59):
call me the firecracker, as much as people like you
tell me you have a great energy, I've always believed
that you have to stay young, no matter how old. Absolutely,
we never change who we are. When we become this
beautiful person as a child, and then a teenager and
then an adult, we're already set on who we are. Me.
(03:21):
I love love, just like you just mentioned to me before.
I love to love. I love being loved. And that
comes not only with your children, with your friends, with
your co workers, and with those that you choose as
your life partners. It's not an easy thing.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
It's not it's a big risk, but it's something that
you get addicted to in a way, It's like, that's
what I always say. Love is the moving forward of
the universe, and sinamore Without love, how do we even exist.
It's like, even for me, it's like you're busy, you
have so many things to do, but then at the
end of the day, you want to be hugged, even
(03:59):
if it isn't by a partners, by maybe a friend
with benefits, a sibling, I don't know, just hug me.
I just need to be held love. It doesn't have
to just be a significant other. It's just love is
such a beautiful thing. It's a scary thing. It's a risk,
but I love to feel it and I love challenging. Yes,
it is challenging, very challenging.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
But you know, when we are little, we're already set
and who loves us, and that love stays within us.
Like for me, my biggest love ever was Mayawulita was
both may Aulita, as though I was closer to my
mother's mother, I have never in my life met a
(04:37):
more gentle, kinder soul than that woman was to me,
where she would rush in the mornings to the fresh
bakery to get me that sweet bread that I could
take to school, and I could see her running from
the bakery to where I was taking the bus, with
her little belly, just bouncing down the street and going literally,
(05:00):
Lily your bread. That to me was love, Yes, caring
for others, giving of yourself. Absolutely, But we don't work
hard enough at it anymore. Times have changed so much
that we have kind of forgotten what love is all about.
And it's the only in my mind and in my heart.
(05:21):
It's like you just said, it's the only thing that
moves the world, and it's the one thing that we
are letting go off.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Oh my gosh, yes, and we have to.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Bring it back. And that's why date may Awlita first wife,
because a wilitas know what it's about. Some of us
like I am Annawalita, I am an Awelita. I have
two grandsons, and I am so happy that they're boys
because I can teach them.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
This is the way you do it, my boys, this
is the way you treat a woman. As Conquistas tell
us a little bit about like the you know, just
the concept of date Malita.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Absolutely. For those of you who will be joining us
brand new on season two, I'm goa dated oh, thank you.
Date may Awilita first. Now you're not dating me, no, no, no,
though I would love the possibilities. But what it is
is we have one main data and three possible contestants
(06:21):
and the three of them have to go through games
and questions with a Wilita and my beautiful co host,
Vihico Ortiz, and we ask all these questions and they
have to go through me, meaning I have to like them,
I have to accept what they're saying. I have to
(06:41):
really really get to the bottom of it all because
you know, as a Wlita as we know it all.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yes, oh my god, I love that.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
And at the very end, the main data ends with
one of the contestants.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Oh my goodness. Okay, So that's why I wanted to know.
I was like, okay, date my Wilita first, because you
think like you said, and I would, and it brings warmth,
it brings just something to your heart. And when you
say that right now, it made me. It made me like,
I'm like, wow, Unfortunately I don't have that right now,
you know, but it's.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Thank you day. You can call me anytime or not.
You know what, I've been reading a lot lately, you
know how on social media. They put these little sayings
and they put older people nowadays, which they tell everyone.
You know, Oh, I don't care what people say anymore.
I just want to love everybody. I'm going to be
(07:36):
as open as I can. But there's one thing that
keeps being repeated, and that is the fact that don't
come to me the day that I die and tell
me how much you loved me. Tell me now while
I'm still alive. You know, when I and all these
five marriages that we have mentioned, was I in love
(07:57):
every time? I know it's a question because when people
find out that I've been married five times, the first
thing that comes to their faces is laughter, and I go,
that's pretty cool, that it's pretty cool that my life
can make you smile. But it wasn't that easy for me,
because every time I was in love, every time I
(08:22):
wanted it to be the last.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
One gave it.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Every time I wanted to be loved like never before. Yeah,
and every time I failed. Every time we failed, we
failed to communicate, we failed to share, we failed to
remember that we can get to this sixty seven, approaching
(08:46):
your seventies really quick. And if you don't hold on
to that love you're going to be alone, and I
am alone. I am alone every single day of my life.
Because the family has moved on. Many of my love
to ones have passed away. My child and my grandkids
(09:06):
are in another state. So who do I love? I
love Cheeky when she welcomes me into her studio. I
love Leo when he takes me to lunch. I love
everyone that I meet along the way because that's what
my heart tells me to do.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
You're so beautiful. I can't hold on, Guys, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I know it's love is very spiritual, that is very
much a conscious choice. Yes, and we have to be kind.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
It's a choice. Yeah. And when you say that, the
world people have even sometimes stop loving. I feel like
where is I go to different states and obviously we
live here in California, but sometimes I feel like it's
just the hustle and bustle, and it's you go to
another state and they open the door and they say
(10:01):
good morning. I'm like, this is so like, that's that's loving,
that's thank you, thank you for opening There other times
when I open the door for someone and they won't
even say thank you, and I'm just like, okay, cool,
you're welcome.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
It's like it's like little things like that that show love,
that show compassion, that show and I know I feel like, no,
we have to and I'm glad we're having this conversation.
And I'm glad you guys have date Maiwalita first because
we have to have this conversation so people don't forget
the importance of love and how we need to be
love based. And I always tell myself because for a
long time I was afraid of loving. I was afraid
(10:32):
of falling in love. So I had to And this
is a mantra of mine or an affirmation every morning
where I tell myself it is safe for me to
love and to be loved every day because I have
gotten hurt by people, even by my own parents, even
by just it just happens, you know what I mean,
And you feel I had for a long time the
(10:54):
fear of abandonment and I had to heal that and
it was because I love so hard. But because I
love so hard, I also hurt very hard. Because it's
like I told it, told them, I'm giving you everything.
And this is how come on with padas in a way,
if you don't mind me asking how when was the
first time? How old were you when you when you
first got married?
Speaker 1 (11:14):
My very first time, I got married at nineteen. I
got pregnant at eighteen. I always said I came from
a very abusive upbringing when it comes to my mother.
But there was one word that I wanted to mention
(11:35):
to you when you were just saying all of this.
It's a matter and I've said it before, loving is
a matter of forgiving. We have to forgive ourselves. We
have to forgive our parents. Like my mom might have
done a lot of no nos, but she was so young.
(11:56):
She was seventeen when she had me, and she didn't
know any better.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
It came from an abusive family all on her own.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
She was the last child of nine and by that
time my grandfather, who was the chief of police, was
just so radical in his ways, and my grandmother, who
was the kindest, sweetest, but there was abuse there too.
It came from generations. Is that cultural baggage that we
just can't get rid of? But yes we can, and
(12:27):
yes we should because it's not taking us anywhere as Latinos.
We need to get rid of all of that.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Yep, we gotta stop in it, but I agree. I
agreed breaking generational curses guys.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Absolutely, and we have to love. It's it's it's crazy
to think how far we have come in life and society,
but really, as Latinos, we haven't. Yeah, we have forgotten
that we were. We have been loved since we were.
(13:00):
We have so much to offer, so much. And I
have forgiven my mother, I have forgiven my past, I
have I have even forgiven husband number four, who died
on my birthday. Oh I know you loved me. It
was your last way of telling me. Okay, But yeah,
(13:23):
you have to forgive and you have to forgiving.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Is it gives you the wings to fly to sore?
I have a whole book on it because I had
to learn to forgive and really forgive, not just say it,
you know what it's like, really meaning it and really
just letting go of that baggage and resentment makes you sick.
It's like, it's not it's not healthy for you, it's
not healthy for the other person. So it's like it's
a gift. Forgiveness is a gift to ourselves, which is
(13:47):
also a part of loving. And do you still believe
in love? Do you feel like if you know, is
there another husband out there for you? I mean I
feel that.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
I mean I am always looking for non say, it's
a great number let me tell you. Okay, so number one,
since you come from an abusive home, all you want
to do is run away from it. And I think
that the first time that I married, that's exactly what
(14:16):
I was looking for. However, I was blessed with a
child and having my beautiful Dela Gabriella. Ah, what a gift,
What a gift having her? Not only was it a
gift from her, but it's something that I don't talk
much or I haven't mentioned much on season one of
(14:40):
Dey Maya Wilita, But I am going to bring him
into the stage light, and that is God, because walking
in faith and living in that faith is the hardest
thing to do, especially when you are hurt, when you're
so young, when you don't know, especially when the years
(15:01):
go by. So when I had Delba, a couple of
years later, I had my first bout with cancer and
at that point I couldn't have any more children. So
that was my most beautiful gift ever, was to have her.
Of course, husband number one left me because he wanted
(15:22):
more kids.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Oh so that okay, Well, you know what, he came
and served his purpose to give you your baby girl. Yeah,
because people ask me that all the time. This was
very hard for me to get married. First I've been
married and divorced, and then when we had we got
separated out to versall. It was so difficult. I was
just because I wanted to make it work. I was
I had I grew up in a household where you know,
(15:47):
marriage didn't work, and that's you know, I don't judge
my mother, and if anything, I've learned so much from it.
But I really I was like, yo, I want to
make it work, and I'm gonna try, and I'm gonna
try and I let go or should I say I
ignored a lot of red flags. But it broke my
heart so bad to get divorced because I wanted it
to work, and I was like, I don't want to
(16:08):
fall in the same steps. But it's like, in a
way back then, now I learned my lesson, but I
was in a way being judgmental and thinking not knowing
how difficult really marriage is and thinking, oh, it's easy,
we can make this work, and in a way not
blaming my mom because she had reasons to leave susparekas
(16:28):
you know her marriages, but I guess I just wanted
to ask. I was like, I want to make this work,
but it broke my heart. But now I'm like, you
know what I believe in marriage. I want to get married.
If I get married, I've said this before, I think
in interviews where I'm like, you know what, I'll be
like jayl you know with that she finds a man
and she gets married. Hey, whatever, love is love, and
(16:50):
you get married as many times as you want. So
I'm with you on that. You know, we're gonna pray
for a good number six for you, Thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
The only thing that I satrifice throughout all these marriages
was my relationship with my child. That was a love
that I misunderstood for a very long time. You never
stop having that conflict, not only with yourself but with
(17:19):
your child. I mean, had I had a boy, it
might have been different. But I have a daughter. And
of course we don't want our same choices and mistakes
to be passed on or the way that they see
us and they judge us, especially as you get older
and older and your child leaves you behind. So we
(17:44):
have to learn to not only forgive ourselves, but to
love ourselves more than we love that guy or that
idea of marriage. I would love to have ass my
number six. Let me tell you, I would love to
have a wonder man in my life because I thought
I loved number one. No, he gave me a beautiful gift.
(18:07):
I thought I loved number two. He was mean and abusive.
I thought I loved number three. I was a boring situation.
I thought I loved number four. Again he was mean
and demeaning. And I thought I loved number five, which
to this day I still do. But he was twenty
years younger. He was my spirit and for that reason
(18:33):
I still love him. But that a man has come
into my life and said I'm going to treat you
like the queen that you are, or I'm going to
give you all my love. No, that hasn't happened. So
if you are out there and you will like to
be number.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Six, make sure you're a good man. Though, no, we don't.
You know.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Yeah, you're still breathing.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
You're still breathing, Oh my goodness. But with from every
person that you've you've been with and been married to,
you learn something. You grew you. And that's what I
feel like. I'm like, Okay, we learn where they're all teachers,
they're masters, and it's up to us what lesson we
learn to make ourselves better for the next person or
for ourselves even you know, but you did. That's something
(19:14):
that I speak about a lot on the podcast is
the importance of loving yourself. And you can only love
people as much as you love and respect yourself. And
you need to give yourself your place. And my mom
would always say, you know, you have your main meal,
your main course, and then your partner is the dessert.
They're there to compliment your life. They shouldn't be your
(19:34):
whole life. It's you respect them, they respect you, and
it's they're your dessert. And I'll never forget out.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
And that is one thing that because we don't learn,
because we come from such a culture full of baggage
when it comes to the love department, we don't learn
to be kind or to give it our best shot,
(20:00):
or to really open up our hearts, or to accept
them for who they are. We always want to try
and change everyone around us. Yeah, and that is so silly,
you know. We need to just love everyone. Yeah, no
matter how we love them, accept them for who they are.
(20:21):
I repeat this a million times in my life. People
don't change. We are who we are.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
You can't change them.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
No, and we can't change ourselves either. We are already
said in those ways. But we can truly compromise. Yeah,
we can compromise. We can accept them for who they are,
and maybe in the communication process of creating that new relationship,
then you know have your best friend. And that's what
I miss about husband number five.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
He was my best friend.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
He was like your soul, like your soul mad he
totally was he totally. Was it a mutual like separation
is nice?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
No, that was all me.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Okay, it was all me, And.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
That is what I'm saying about not learning from our
own I've been alone now for fourteen years.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Okay, that was my next question.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Okayeen fourteen years, and those years I've had a lot
of time to get to know myself. But the reason
that I pushed him away One, he was younger. Two,
I thought he would be a great father. I thought
he needed to find a younger woman. And I just
pushed him completely away from my life. And is the
(21:30):
worst mistake.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
I have ever made.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
I think you're speaking to my soul right now.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
Because my.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Partner, my fiance, is seven years younger, and I've been
battling with this and this is something I haven't spoken
to anyone really out loud because he's seven years younger,
and I wasn't sure for a long time if I
want to have kids or not, if I can even
I don't know, you know. And I was kind of
in a way pushing him away. I'm like, you know what,
maybe you need a younger girl and someone that hasn't
(21:58):
been married and hasn't been through all this stuff. I'm
a workaholic, you know. Because you say, hey, I said
that before that, I felt like, but he's so good
to me, Matra Tauben and he just says that I'm
the best thing that's ever happened. And he treats me.
It's not just he just says it. He treats me
very well. And I feel like, right now you're speaking
to me, It's like, so, why are.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
You still it all? Yeah, because that's exactly what we do.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah. I feel like it's more in a way of like,
you know, self destructive.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
I don't know it totally is, but in that process
of talking about how you have forgiven yourself? How have
you really mm hmm or what are you waiting for?
Who are you waiting to give you?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Hello?
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Knock knock, chicky or knock knock on your heart? Yes,
seven years younger. So what he can bring some bright
light and some enthusiasm and some something new to your
relationship that you don't know anything about. And you think
you can let go of that? Do you know what
a gift that is? Don't ever let go of that
(23:05):
when you just said that he treats you, well, that's
all you need is that love, that constant care and companionship,
that youthfulness, that rightness, that light, enjoy it and everywhere
that comes to your mind where you go, oh no,
(23:26):
you know, or my mom did this, or my uncle
or Gino Leskina, whoever it is. We don't care about that.
We care what is happening and what Chiky is feeling
right now from this moment on. And you love him
for who he is, and you give him those children
if you want them, that is your choice. But I
(23:48):
tell you, I'm just very happy I have one little
girl that can stay in this world. I know that
the new generations are kind of staying away from being parents,
you know, and that's how our world is changing.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yes, yeah, I mean my OBGYN told me the other day,
she said, you know, something that stuck to me. I
think for a long time I was afraid of having
a baby because of the beautiful and also I don't
know what the word is, but with my mom and
we were so close in age, we were like sisters.
We had a very very difficult relationship but a very
(24:27):
beautiful one at the same time. And I always thought, like,
I don't know, if you know, I've already raised my siblings,
like I want to kind of do my own thing.
And I made up all these excuses, you know, And
it was out of fear I think of just I
don't know, maybe repeating the same pattern. But I'm like,
it's up to me. Maybe that's what I have to do,
is have a child to heal that relationship, you know.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
But she told me once, you want to have a
child to heal which relationship.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
With my mom? Because I thought, if I have a girl,
if I because I always wanted a boy for the
same reason. Still now you feel that way, No, now
I don't.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Now.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Now I'm like, okay, look at Rioskira, whatever God wants.
If I do have a girl, then maybe through that
relationship with my daughter, I can heal my relationship with
my mom. And if it's a boy, then you know,
now it was like I want a boy. I want
a boy. If not, I don't want a kiss. It
was kind of like that because of the fear of
the relationship that I had, you know, even til the
end of my mom's days, you know. And now it's
(25:22):
like it's crazy because we were like, we're so close,
and people come and they see that you're so close
to your mom and you have such an important place
in her life that Kiki and Kita they want to
cause issues, you know, and make up lies and do
all these things, and unfortunately things stay that way. The
good thing is I've gone through therapy and I do
therapy and I do self work every single day, so
I don't carry that with me anymore. I'm like, you
know what, my mom and I are good, So I've
(25:44):
healed that. Now. I feel like if he's the only person,
my partner is the only one that has made me think, okay,
he'd be a great father if he wants a kid
and God allows it, I guess it's whatever is meant
to happen. I'm more open to it for sure. Now
now I'm like, you know, here here, here are my ovaries.
Take them. But but yeah, I mean, also, my OBG.
(26:05):
I was some me right now that you were telling
about your daughter. She told me. She says, you know what,
You're never going to regret having a child, but you
will regret not having one. Yes, And I said, oh,
well she told me. I was like, oh, okay, that
changes things a little bit. I'm like, okay, so now
you're like, you know, you're you're happy you had one,
and you're she's in the world and she's your legacy.
So I don't know, you know, I know this has
been kind of like a heavy conversations. It's been a
(26:28):
heavy beautiful relationship's going to.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Gain some way at the end of the show.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
But I'm telling you, guys, I love I love her personality. Okay,
So would you mind if we ask you, if we
if I ask you a few questions?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Oh please?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
I don know I've asked you quite a bit, but
I mean there there's some fun ones, you know, But okay,
first of all, this is just one of my personal questions.
What what's your sign? What's your your signal?
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I'm a p with what was that word? I think
rising my right seeing his pisces. Okay, a full on pieces?
Speaker 2 (27:03):
You're a full on Oh wow, you're a full of pieces. Nice. Okay,
so we have a lot in common. I'm in cancer
and my mom was a cancer Know.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Much about since Yeah, I'll tell you later.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Okay, So since it's Valentine's Day week, let's start with this. Okay,
what are your thoughts on the holiday? Do you celebrate it?
Is it corner to you? Are you the type that, like,
you know, you like to spend time by yourself, you
go out with your Amiga's Like, what is it that
you like doing for Valentine's Day?
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Again, we have to go into the topic of how
the years go by and at our different ages. Like
if there is people who are in their twenties or thirties,
let's talk about when I was at that age. Oh yes,
I would celebrate everything. Yeah, as the years have gone by,
(27:48):
what will I do in a couple of days in
Valentine's Day? I will probably call those that I love
the most. There will probably be on one hand the
number of people I will call because most people, like
I mentioned before, are too busy. People have very busy lives,
(28:08):
and in the process of their busy lives, they don't
have time for anyone else. And as I was growing
up in my thirties, my forties, my fifties, even until
my fifties before I sold my house a couple of
years ago and finally, you know, got rid of all
those memories from the past, big parties, lots of people,
(28:30):
and then it's just you living in a little cubicle
because you have gotten older and everybody has moved on.
Up until then, I would celebrate all the time. I
would dress for the occasion. I will wear flowers, I
will buy flowers, I will send cards. I would call,
I would love, I would hug, I would kiss. Now,
(28:51):
as you get older, nobody calls you. You don't make
that many more phone calls. The cards are not as
many that you buy. You pass by the aisles where
the chocolates and the hearts are, and you don't have
anyone to buy them for anymore. Well, when I say
(29:16):
love everyone around you, do it until the day they die.
Don't let them be all by themselves. Love your mothers,
your aunts, your grandmothers.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Show them there, show them, and you and everyone might agree,
might agree with me right now by looking at me.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
But wait, just wait until those twenty years go by,
and you'll be sitting in a chair and you'll be going, oh,
my goodness. I remember talking to Alita, and this is
what she was talking about. We don't do it because
we're mean people. We don't do it because you know,
(29:59):
we've been taught, Hey, you have to be like this
when you get to this age. No, we are always
we always keep that child in us. There's a commercial
that just came out. I'm not gonna say the name
of the company because I always forget anyway, but there's
three ladies sitting on a bench and they're in their
(30:21):
probably eighties, and they're watching all these children going down
the snow, sliding down the snow. And one of the
ladies decides to buy some pillows to put on the
little I don't know, the sliding.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Little things that you used to go, yes, yes, the side, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
And you see these three ladies, three ladies in their eighties,
sitting there enjoining going down the slope of this little
snow hill, just like when they were children.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Why because we always are.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Because that love, that desire, that the want to have
fun and be loving and show the world. And what
do you see when they get to the bottom.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Oh, they're smiling. How they're feeling that lung?
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Yeah, healing their inner child. Oh yeah, yeah, but don't
make me cry anymore. Oh, I know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Okay, Well, I mean yeah, I think I
think even like getting I always say this too on
the podcast, I'm like, you know what, even if you
don't have a partner, you know, go and whatever it
is that makes you happy. Maybe that's what you're you know,
(31:35):
you're gonna wake up that and see how you feel.
If you want to go to lunch, if you want
to take a bath, if you want to cover my house,
whatever you want to do. On Valantine's that you let
me know.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
What's her address? Just write it down from it?
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Yeah, okay, yes, yes, please write it down. Okay, okay.
Next question for those in a long in long term relationships,
do you have any advice on how to spice it up?
You know what? If well, how long was your longest marriage?
Speaker 1 (32:02):
That's a very good question. Let's see. Let me backtrack here.
The longest was my last one. Okay, it was eleven
years and they were amazing. Yeah, they were amazing. We
had a lot, a lot of fun. I continue to
be very young through those years. If you get to
(32:27):
a point in your relationship where you have to start
thinking about how to spice it up, you've already screwed up.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Okay, okay, sure, no, we need to keep it spicy.
But in both ways, right, not just the woman. Okay, cool,
this man out there, Oh no, senor is you.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Have to you have to show your queen who she is.
You have to treat her as such. We've done enough
damage to this cultural baggage thing. It's move on and
just love them.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Yeah, this machismo thing of like no, you know, yes,
that is so, and it has to be both ways.
Like I said, you know, women conquistar romance are men.
As I was trying to find the word in my head, okay,
and I always that's and that's that's another thing that
as women, we want men to know exactly what we
(33:23):
want and how we what we want. The truth is
we need to tell them. We need to let them
know what we expect, what we like. Hey, bring me chocolates.
I like flowers. I like this conquista. We also have
to communicate, you know, so just a little. That's my bo.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Even and I think we were just talking. There was
a conversation going on today that even if you go
on a first date and at the beginning of the
night you both have this idea of where it should go,
talk about it. Yes, mention it, communicate, communicate even from
the very beginning, so that at the end of the
day you don't go, oh, is that how you felt?
(34:01):
Oh is that what you thought? Because no, we need
to talk about it. Yes, I messed up something. I
actually went out last night and there was a very
good looking younger man than me but closer to my
age next to me at the barket trying to get
a drink, And for like the few minutes that he
was there, I was like, Okay, in my mind, okay,
(34:21):
you're cute. And he's looking at me like okay, you're cute,
and let's get a drink. Why don't you get a drink?
Why don't we take a picture? And we do, and
then he leaves and I'm like, I messed that up.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Hey, here's my number? Oho, what is leana drink at
a bar. I want to know what's your drink, what's
your go to drink?
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Actually, I have stopped drinking. Oh, okay, during the beginning
of January this year, a year already, I became a vegetarian.
Oh for her health purposes, Okay. I wanted to make
sure that I live a lot longer, and I decided
that coffee is now my drink of choice. Okay, and
(35:05):
once in a while, maybe just a tiny little bit
of vodka with some cranberry juice.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Okay, that's about and that's about it.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
But I feel so much likely.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
M girl. I know I've been thinking about that. It's
like my long term goal. I love tequila, but I'm
just like, yeah, I'm gonna cleanse Okay, you got to
cleanse it out. But but I I just it's part
of my shows, it's part of my culture, our culture,
you know. But I do want to hopefully want to
that is.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
My alcoholic baggage.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Kidding, but but yeah, I mean I commend you for that.
That's admirable because that's honestly one of my desires is
to be vegetarian and not drink any alcohol at all.
So okay, I want to ask you said you were
at a bar, so I was like, I wonder what
she drinks.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Well, you know, the one thing that I truly believe in.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Is willpower mm hmm, big time.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
And willpower is very hard to have and.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Keep yup and keep As we get older, I've noticed
it's harder and harder. But will part that's something I
love to do. That's why I do these cleanses. I
like to challenge myself, my body, my mind. So that's
one thing that I feel has been lost as well,
besides love. It's like I don't want to challenge one
everything easy. We want that magic pill that's gonna make
us everything just so easy and fast. So that's awesome. Willpower.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
I'm so glad it's willpower.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Willpower.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
That's one thing that I can say I have a
lot of, and I think that willpower is also what
helped me make it through each relationship because I might
have been married five times, but I also did a
lot of dating in between. What can I tell? What
can I tell you that I am fourteen years behind?
(36:45):
So number six.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
Move right along?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Hello, Hello, I keep insisting, Okay, so I have a
great question and talk about this. No A partner. Number
six okay, just if someone's watching. What qualities make a
good partner?
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Oh, kindness, kindness, humility.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Is it important that he believes in God as well
or has your same faith?
Speaker 1 (37:09):
Yes, he has to believe in God. He has to
have some form of faith, you know, to keep on going.
It's so hard to hold onto it. But and he's
got to have a little bit of good looks. I mean,
I gotta have something good to look at. I'm giving
him my back, yes.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Yes, and a good package of money. And I'm.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
I didn't know what she was going with that joking.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Pablo's over there, like.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
What money is? What we're talking about? Money?
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Yes? Money, Okay, I'm just kidding. No, you guys, I'm not.
I'm not. Honestly, I'm not that type of girl. I'm
not like a gold digger. Because I agree with you,
I need a man. Then, Also, how to communicate that
is kind Kindness goes. That's a part of your character,
you know when someone's kind, like when how they treat
other people, you know, I just little things like that.
(37:59):
I am very observant, so kindness is huge, huge, and
of course faith for me. Okay, so we have another question.
Are you four or against situationships, like, what are the
pros and the cons there? What do you think?
Speaker 1 (38:13):
What do you mean by that?
Speaker 2 (38:14):
A situation ship? So a situationship is a friend with benefits.
I don't have a relationship, but I have a situationship.
We we well, there's no title, we just you know.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
Is that what it's called? Now?
Speaker 2 (38:25):
It's a situationship and it's a huge thing. Or or
my sneaky link, your sneaky link? Do you have a
sneaky link? Leana? Oh, I wish I had to ask.
I'll find you and I'm just kidding, you know.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Wow, who's coming up with these words?
Speaker 4 (38:44):
I don't know, But that's nuship situations No, I had
the opportunity to have one, maybe a couple of years ago,
with a much younger man.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Again because younger man look for me.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Yeah, because you have a very young spirit for sure.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Yeah. But no, no, no, no, I wouldn't want to
at this point. No, hell, I don't have time for situationships,
situations You know what, if I died next year, I
want the one yearship, a one yearship, whatever life ship
comes my way.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
I like that she likes live ships, for instance. Do
you feel that or have you learned from your own
experiences that having someone just to have sex with, Let's
just put it the way it is. It's like you.
For me, I've learned, I think that just giving yourself
to someone sexually, it's just you're exchanging energy. Like I don't.
(39:41):
I can't. I can't have just sex to have sex, like,
I have to have some type of feeling, you know,
situations I wouldn't work for me personally because I and
I've told my friend this and I'm not gonna say who,
but I told her, I said, you know what, I
think you need to stop having sex with these random guys.
You know, it's it's you're not allowing God in the
universe to bring in the right person because God and
the universe, so whatever you want to call it, thinks
(40:01):
you're busy because you are exchanging energy. Just chill, use
your vibrator. Okay.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
Sorry, Like I say, I have a lot of sex.
There's just nobody there.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I love you. Yes, I'm not friend. I'm not friend that.
I'm like, look, i'd rather you save that and use this.
I'm the friend that's going to give you a vibrator
because I'm like, you know what this is safer. This
is safer for your feelings, and don't catch anything. It's
just better in every way. Just use this thing. So anyways,
we got into a whole other conversation. But that's what
(40:35):
she thinks on situations. Okay, I love it.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
Oh no, no, no, they should know people. That's why
people are not loving each other. Yeah, because they're too busy.
Just one moment here, one moment there.
Speaker 2 (40:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Now, how many situations ships that's one person have And
how do you know or not know that these are
going on? And does it not bother.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
You that you might not be the only one?
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Yeah? How about diseases and things like that? How about no?
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Yes, no on a situation? She doesn't like them. I honestly,
it's too too much.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
And I'm with you now, I'm understanding the cancer prices link.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
Here.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
We have to have that feeling.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Ah for sure, that I loving feeling. Yeah, I'm like
I need to be attracted. I need to feel that
you want me. I need to just feel it. Okay,
So I have one more question for you, Only only
one more. It's okay though, because I've had such a
great time with you, I feel like we've only been
here for like fifteen minutes. Okay, So what's your best
advice on getting over an X? Listen up, guys, Okay,
(41:38):
what's your best advice on that?
Speaker 3 (41:40):
Okay, that's your advice.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Remember to look in the mirror and just love yourself
when that person when you have a breakup, And I
can tell you after each breakup, yes, and I'm talking
not only a breakup of a relationship with a man.
I'm talking about a friendship with a woman. I'm talking
(42:05):
about a relationship with one of your parents, or your siblings,
or even your children. In order to continue with that,
you have to be number one, very honest with yourself,
love yourself, look in the mirror the very next day,
and go, I gave it my all. But you have
(42:26):
to absolutely be sure that you gave it your all,
because I'm gonna tell you, like it or not, I
gave each marriage and each relationship my very best. I
loved them. I might have not been too smart about it.
I might have made a lot of mistakes and silly choices,
but in my heart of hearts, I gave it my
(42:47):
all and I love them.
Speaker 3 (42:49):
The best way that I could.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
But I wasn't loved back the same way. So you
have to let them go.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
I think that cats. It's not easy, but it's possible.
Know that you know what, This too shall pass.
Speaker 1 (43:05):
And remember that the new relationship has nothing to do
with the old one. Nothing, not your past experiences, not
the mistakes that you made, not even the silly thoughts
that run in your mind every single day about the
mistakes from the past. When you have someone new in
your life, you give them that advice. Absolutely, do it all,
(43:29):
do it all all over and beautiful. And my best
advice to you is love this relationship that you are
in because it makes you so light and airy and bright.
Your eyes shine and your smile is so pretty. And
you're just thinking about it and I don't know him
(43:50):
and I just met you, But open up your heart,
open up your mind, and he will do the same.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
He already.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
And I want them by the wedding.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
It's absolutely it's you guys heard it here and she
given chill, It's gonna happen. Oh no, thank you so much.
That means a lot to me. I love giving. I
love hearing. Should I say I love hearing that that
that advice from from you from like now, I haven't
Alita appreciate you have.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
Me as you're Alita, my number anytime you want, you know,
I say this all anytime if you have a moment
when you have you just want to cry and you
just go, hey, Lily, listen up. That's all. I will
be there, just to listen to your tears, just to
listen to one word you have to say. I want
people to think of me as there a Alita. I
(44:41):
want people to help me live through them, to help
me give them a little bit of of the loving
advice that I never got because I would have been.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
But look once, You're amazing. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
Yes, you are amazing.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
It was a as It was a beautiful, beautiful conversation
and I'm so grateful that we were able to talk
about this. It's such an important subject, you know, love,
So you guys remember be loved based Okay, always open
your heart to love. That's the best way to live.
Don't give up all love. Like Lily said, you know,
to get over your ex, you just look within and say,
(45:20):
you know, what can I have done different? What can
I do better? And that always helps. You're like, okay, cool,
it didn't work here forgive that person so you can
move on. And I love what you said about giving yourself,
your newness to that new person. You know they should
not suffer because of your past. So that's another thing.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
And I remember that if you're holding on to that
relationship you just broke up, but you're holding on to
that pain, to that resentment, And all that God is
saying to you is I have someone new that you
got to clear that slave.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
You got to say, you gotta clear it, You gotta
let go of that baggage.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
So I can bring him down.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Yes, thank you, you're such your so pleasant and thank
you guys for watching and listening to another episode of
Cheekys and Chill and I will see you guys on
the next one. Do you need advice on love, relationships,
health emails? I'm so excited to share with you that
(46:19):
my Cheekys and Chill podcast will have an extra episode
drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just
leave me a voice message person, Menday. All you have
to do is go to speak pipe dot com, slash
Cheeky's and Chill podcast and record your questions. I can't
wait to hear from you. This is a production of
(46:40):
iHeartRadio and mike Wa podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram
at Miketura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h
i q u y s. For more podcasts, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
I repeat this a million times in my life. People
don't change. We are who we are.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
You can't change them.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
No, and we can't change ourselves either. We are already
said in those ways. But we can truly compromise. Yeah,
if you get to a point in your relationship where
you have to start thinking about how to spice it up,
you've already screwed up.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Oh Jane, Okay, sure, I just kidding.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Hello.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Welcome to a special love edition of Cheeky's and Chill
You guys. I am excited because today's guest she has
a lot of experience, a beautiful personality, and I can't
wait for you guys to meet her. Her name is
Leliana Mategro. She is an actress. She's a comedian and
the co host of a podcast name Date My. I
(00:57):
will lead that first on Michael Tura. So welcome here.
Thank you so much, so much for being here.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
It is an honor. It is such a privilege to
be here with you and talking about love, specially my
favorite subject in the world.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I know I have a lot of questions, by the way,
so I hope you don't mind.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Oh my goodness, I am.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
A hopeless I guess a hopeless romantic and away. I
love to love and to be loved. So I thought,
you know what, what better than to have a conversation
with a woman who has been married five times. We'll
get into that right now, you guys, which I to
me is very intriguing.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Not at the same time, let's clarify that.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Let's clarify that. But and it's it's the week of
Valentine's Day, so I said this, let's talk about everything
that has to do with love. So, so thank you,
thank you for taking the time to be here with me.
It's my brand new said. I'm still getting used to it.
I've done audio for so long. Thank you so much.
I wanted you to be warm. Yes, okay, so do
(01:57):
you feel like it's hugging you?
Speaker 1 (01:59):
It is very much hugging me.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Okay, first of.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
All, in which I know are very almost sixty eight
years of desserth what in March sixty.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
I'm not even joking. I did not think you.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I'm approaching this seventy with a lot of hope.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah, you look you look great, and you have a
beautiful energy. It's my first time meeting her, you guys,
But to me, it's like I feel your energy and
you're very like you're just a big, beautiful personality. I
love it. I love it, and so Okay, first of all,
I'd like to ask you the podcast date Malita. First,
why why the name the title? I just I want
(02:38):
to know.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Well, the title came I Love It from the creators, Okay,
Leo clam They put the name together, and it was
their job to find the Awlita they wanted for this
particular show. You know, I never thought in my entire life,
as crazy as I have been, as much as people
(02:59):
call me the firecracker, as much as people like you
tell me you have a great energy, I've always believed
that you have to stay young, no matter how old. Absolutely,
we never change who we are. When we become this
beautiful person as a child, and then a teenager and
then an adult, we're already set on who we are. Me.
(03:21):
I love love, just like you just mentioned to me before.
I love to love. I love being loved. And that
comes not only with your children, with your friends, with
your co workers, and with those that you choose as
your life partners. It's not an easy thing.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
It's not it's a big risk, but it's something that
you get addicted to in a way, It's like, that's
what I always say. Love is the moving forward of
the universe, and sinamore Without love, how do we even exist.
It's like, even for me, it's like you're busy, you
have so many things to do, but then at the
end of the day, you want to be hugged, even
(03:59):
if it isn't by a partners, by maybe a friend
with benefits, a sibling, I don't know, just hug me.
I just need to be held love. It doesn't have
to just be a significant other. It's just love is
such a beautiful thing. It's a scary thing. It's a risk,
but I love to feel it and I love challenging. Yes,
it is challenging, very challenging.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
But you know, when we are little, we're already set
and who loves us, and that love stays within us.
Like for me, my biggest love ever was Mayawulita was
both may Aulita, as though I was closer to my
mother's mother, I have never in my life met a
(04:37):
more gentle, kinder soul than that woman was to me,
where she would rush in the mornings to the fresh
bakery to get me that sweet bread that I could
take to school, and I could see her running from
the bakery to where I was taking the bus, with
her little belly, just bouncing down the street and going literally,
(05:00):
Lily your bread. That to me was love, Yes, caring
for others, giving of yourself. Absolutely, But we don't work
hard enough at it anymore. Times have changed so much
that we have kind of forgotten what love is all about.
And it's the only in my mind and in my heart.
(05:21):
It's like you just said, it's the only thing that
moves the world, and it's the one thing that we
are letting go off.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Oh my gosh, yes, and we have to.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Bring it back. And that's why date may Awlita first wife,
because a wilitas know what it's about. Some of us
like I am Annawalita, I am an Awelita. I have
two grandsons, and I am so happy that they're boys
because I can teach them.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
This is the way you do it, my boys, this
is the way you treat a woman. As Conquistas tell
us a little bit about like the you know, just
the concept of date Malita.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Absolutely. For those of you who will be joining us
brand new on season two, I'm goa dated oh, thank you.
Date may Awilita first. Now you're not dating me, no, no, no,
though I would love the possibilities. But what it is
is we have one main data and three possible contestants
(06:21):
and the three of them have to go through games
and questions with a Wilita and my beautiful co host,
Vihico Ortiz, and we ask all these questions and they
have to go through me, meaning I have to like them,
I have to accept what they're saying. I have to
(06:41):
really really get to the bottom of it all because
you know, as a Wlita as we know it all.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yes, oh my god, I love that.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
And at the very end, the main data ends with
one of the contestants.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Oh my goodness. Okay, So that's why I wanted to know.
I was like, okay, date my Wilita first, because you
think like you said, and I would, and it brings warmth,
it brings just something to your heart. And when you
say that right now, it made me. It made me like,
I'm like, wow, Unfortunately I don't have that right now,
you know, but it's.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Thank you day. You can call me anytime or not.
You know what, I've been reading a lot lately, you
know how on social media. They put these little sayings
and they put older people nowadays, which they tell everyone.
You know, Oh, I don't care what people say anymore.
I just want to love everybody. I'm going to be
(07:36):
as open as I can. But there's one thing that
keeps being repeated, and that is the fact that don't
come to me the day that I die and tell
me how much you loved me. Tell me now while
I'm still alive. You know, when I and all these
five marriages that we have mentioned, was I in love
(07:57):
every time? I know it's a question because when people
find out that I've been married five times, the first
thing that comes to their faces is laughter, and I go,
that's pretty cool, that it's pretty cool that my life
can make you smile. But it wasn't that easy for me,
because every time I was in love, every time I
(08:22):
wanted it to be the last.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
One gave it.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Every time I wanted to be loved like never before. Yeah,
and every time I failed. Every time we failed, we
failed to communicate, we failed to share, we failed to
remember that we can get to this sixty seven, approaching
(08:46):
your seventies really quick. And if you don't hold on
to that love you're going to be alone, and I
am alone. I am alone every single day of my life.
Because the family has moved on. Many of my love
to ones have passed away. My child and my grandkids
(09:06):
are in another state. So who do I love? I
love Cheeky when she welcomes me into her studio. I
love Leo when he takes me to lunch. I love
everyone that I meet along the way because that's what
my heart tells me to do.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
You're so beautiful. I can't hold on, Guys, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I know it's love is very spiritual, that is very
much a conscious choice. Yes, and we have to be kind.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
It's a choice. Yeah. And when you say that, the
world people have even sometimes stop loving. I feel like
where is I go to different states and obviously we
live here in California, but sometimes I feel like it's
just the hustle and bustle, and it's you go to
another state and they open the door and they say
(10:01):
good morning. I'm like, this is so like, that's that's loving,
that's thank you, thank you for opening There other times
when I open the door for someone and they won't
even say thank you, and I'm just like, okay, cool,
you're welcome.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
It's like it's like little things like that that show love,
that show compassion, that show and I know I feel like, no,
we have to and I'm glad we're having this conversation.
And I'm glad you guys have date Maiwalita first because
we have to have this conversation so people don't forget
the importance of love and how we need to be
love based. And I always tell myself because for a
long time I was afraid of loving. I was afraid
(10:32):
of falling in love. So I had to And this
is a mantra of mine or an affirmation every morning
where I tell myself it is safe for me to
love and to be loved every day because I have
gotten hurt by people, even by my own parents, even
by just it just happens, you know what I mean,
And you feel I had for a long time the
(10:54):
fear of abandonment and I had to heal that and
it was because I love so hard. But because I
love so hard, I also hurt very hard. Because it's
like I told it, told them, I'm giving you everything.
And this is how come on with padas in a way,
if you don't mind me asking how when was the
first time? How old were you when you when you
first got married?
Speaker 1 (11:14):
My very first time, I got married at nineteen. I
got pregnant at eighteen. I always said I came from
a very abusive upbringing when it comes to my mother.
But there was one word that I wanted to mention
(11:35):
to you when you were just saying all of this.
It's a matter and I've said it before, loving is
a matter of forgiving. We have to forgive ourselves. We
have to forgive our parents. Like my mom might have
done a lot of no nos, but she was so young.
(11:56):
She was seventeen when she had me, and she didn't
know any better.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
It came from an abusive family all on her own.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
She was the last child of nine and by that
time my grandfather, who was the chief of police, was
just so radical in his ways, and my grandmother, who
was the kindest, sweetest, but there was abuse there too.
It came from generations. Is that cultural baggage that we
just can't get rid of? But yes we can, and
(12:27):
yes we should because it's not taking us anywhere as Latinos.
We need to get rid of all of that.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Yep, we gotta stop in it, but I agree. I
agreed breaking generational curses guys.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Absolutely, and we have to love. It's it's it's crazy
to think how far we have come in life and society,
but really, as Latinos, we haven't. Yeah, we have forgotten
that we were. We have been loved since we were.
(13:00):
We have so much to offer, so much. And I
have forgiven my mother, I have forgiven my past, I
have I have even forgiven husband number four, who died
on my birthday. Oh I know you loved me. It
was your last way of telling me. Okay, But yeah,
(13:23):
you have to forgive and you have to forgiving.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Is it gives you the wings to fly to sore?
I have a whole book on it because I had
to learn to forgive and really forgive, not just say it,
you know what it's like, really meaning it and really
just letting go of that baggage and resentment makes you sick.
It's like, it's not it's not healthy for you, it's
not healthy for the other person. So it's like it's
a gift. Forgiveness is a gift to ourselves, which is
(13:47):
also a part of loving. And do you still believe
in love? Do you feel like if you know, is
there another husband out there for you? I mean I
feel that.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
I mean I am always looking for non say, it's
a great number let me tell you. Okay, so number one,
since you come from an abusive home, all you want
to do is run away from it. And I think
that the first time that I married, that's exactly what
(14:16):
I was looking for. However, I was blessed with a
child and having my beautiful Dela Gabriella. Ah, what a gift,
What a gift having her? Not only was it a
gift from her, but it's something that I don't talk
much or I haven't mentioned much on season one of
(14:40):
Dey Maya Wilita, But I am going to bring him
into the stage light, and that is God, because walking
in faith and living in that faith is the hardest
thing to do, especially when you are hurt, when you're
so young, when you don't know, especially when the years
(15:01):
go by. So when I had Delba, a couple of
years later, I had my first bout with cancer and
at that point I couldn't have any more children. So
that was my most beautiful gift ever, was to have her.
Of course, husband number one left me because he wanted
(15:22):
more kids.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Oh so that okay, Well, you know what, he came
and served his purpose to give you your baby girl. Yeah,
because people ask me that all the time. This was
very hard for me to get married. First I've been
married and divorced, and then when we had we got
separated out to versall. It was so difficult. I was
just because I wanted to make it work. I was
I had I grew up in a household where you know,
(15:47):
marriage didn't work, and that's you know, I don't judge
my mother, and if anything, I've learned so much from it.
But I really I was like, yo, I want to
make it work, and I'm gonna try, and I'm gonna
try and I let go or should I say I
ignored a lot of red flags. But it broke my
heart so bad to get divorced because I wanted it
to work, and I was like, I don't want to
(16:08):
fall in the same steps. But it's like, in a
way back then, now I learned my lesson, but I
was in a way being judgmental and thinking not knowing
how difficult really marriage is and thinking, oh, it's easy,
we can make this work, and in a way not
blaming my mom because she had reasons to leave susparekas
(16:28):
you know her marriages, but I guess I just wanted
to ask. I was like, I want to make this work,
but it broke my heart. But now I'm like, you
know what I believe in marriage. I want to get married.
If I get married, I've said this before, I think
in interviews where I'm like, you know what, I'll be
like jayl you know with that she finds a man
and she gets married. Hey, whatever, love is love, and
(16:50):
you get married as many times as you want. So
I'm with you on that. You know, we're gonna pray
for a good number six for you, Thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
The only thing that I satrifice throughout all these marriages
was my relationship with my child. That was a love
that I misunderstood for a very long time. You never
stop having that conflict, not only with yourself but with
(17:19):
your child. I mean, had I had a boy, it
might have been different. But I have a daughter. And
of course we don't want our same choices and mistakes
to be passed on or the way that they see
us and they judge us, especially as you get older
and older and your child leaves you behind. So we
(17:44):
have to learn to not only forgive ourselves, but to
love ourselves more than we love that guy or that
idea of marriage. I would love to have ass my
number six. Let me tell you, I would love to
have a wonder man in my life because I thought
I loved number one. No, he gave me a beautiful gift.
(18:07):
I thought I loved number two. He was mean and abusive.
I thought I loved number three. I was a boring situation.
I thought I loved number four. Again he was mean
and demeaning. And I thought I loved number five, which
to this day I still do. But he was twenty
years younger. He was my spirit and for that reason
(18:33):
I still love him. But that a man has come
into my life and said I'm going to treat you
like the queen that you are, or I'm going to
give you all my love. No, that hasn't happened. So
if you are out there and you will like to
be number.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Six, make sure you're a good man. Though, no, we don't.
You know.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Yeah, you're still breathing.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
You're still breathing, Oh my goodness. But with from every
person that you've you've been with and been married to,
you learn something. You grew you. And that's what I
feel like. I'm like, Okay, we learn where they're all teachers,
they're masters, and it's up to us what lesson we
learn to make ourselves better for the next person or
for ourselves even you know, but you did. That's something
(19:14):
that I speak about a lot on the podcast is
the importance of loving yourself. And you can only love
people as much as you love and respect yourself. And
you need to give yourself your place. And my mom
would always say, you know, you have your main meal,
your main course, and then your partner is the dessert.
They're there to compliment your life. They shouldn't be your
(19:34):
whole life. It's you respect them, they respect you, and
it's they're your dessert. And I'll never forget out.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
And that is one thing that because we don't learn,
because we come from such a culture full of baggage
when it comes to the love department, we don't learn
to be kind or to give it our best shot,
(20:00):
or to really open up our hearts, or to accept
them for who they are. We always want to try
and change everyone around us. Yeah, and that is so silly,
you know. We need to just love everyone. Yeah, no
matter how we love them, accept them for who they are.
(20:21):
I repeat this a million times in my life. People
don't change. We are who we are.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
You can't change them.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
No, and we can't change ourselves either. We are already
said in those ways. But we can truly compromise. Yeah,
we can compromise. We can accept them for who they are,
and maybe in the communication process of creating that new relationship,
then you know have your best friend. And that's what
I miss about husband number five.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
He was my best friend.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
He was like your soul, like your soul mad he
totally was he totally. Was it a mutual like separation
is nice?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
No, that was all me.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Okay, it was all me, And.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
That is what I'm saying about not learning from our
own I've been alone now for fourteen years.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Okay, that was my next question.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Okayeen fourteen years, and those years I've had a lot
of time to get to know myself. But the reason
that I pushed him away One, he was younger. Two,
I thought he would be a great father. I thought
he needed to find a younger woman. And I just
pushed him completely away from my life. And is the
(21:30):
worst mistake.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
I have ever made.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
I think you're speaking to my soul right now.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
Because my.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Partner, my fiance, is seven years younger, and I've been
battling with this and this is something I haven't spoken
to anyone really out loud because he's seven years younger,
and I wasn't sure for a long time if I
want to have kids or not, if I can even
I don't know, you know. And I was kind of
in a way pushing him away. I'm like, you know what,
maybe you need a younger girl and someone that hasn't
(21:58):
been married and hasn't been through all this stuff. I'm
a workaholic, you know. Because you say, hey, I said
that before that, I felt like, but he's so good
to me, Matra Tauben and he just says that I'm
the best thing that's ever happened. And he treats me.
It's not just he just says it. He treats me
very well. And I feel like, right now you're speaking
to me, It's like, so, why are.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
You still it all? Yeah, because that's exactly what we do.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah. I feel like it's more in a way of like,
you know, self destructive.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
I don't know it totally is, but in that process
of talking about how you have forgiven yourself? How have
you really mm hmm or what are you waiting for?
Who are you waiting to give you?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Hello?
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Knock knock, chicky or knock knock on your heart? Yes,
seven years younger. So what he can bring some bright
light and some enthusiasm and some something new to your
relationship that you don't know anything about. And you think
you can let go of that? Do you know what
a gift that is? Don't ever let go of that
(23:05):
when you just said that he treats you, well, that's
all you need is that love, that constant care and companionship,
that youthfulness, that rightness, that light, enjoy it and everywhere
that comes to your mind where you go, oh no,
(23:26):
you know, or my mom did this, or my uncle
or Gino Leskina, whoever it is. We don't care about that.
We care what is happening and what Chiky is feeling
right now from this moment on. And you love him
for who he is, and you give him those children
if you want them, that is your choice. But I
(23:48):
tell you, I'm just very happy I have one little
girl that can stay in this world. I know that
the new generations are kind of staying away from being parents,
you know, and that's how our world is changing.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yes, yeah, I mean my OBGYN told me the other day,
she said, you know, something that stuck to me. I
think for a long time I was afraid of having
a baby because of the beautiful and also I don't
know what the word is, but with my mom and
we were so close in age, we were like sisters.
We had a very very difficult relationship but a very
(24:27):
beautiful one at the same time. And I always thought, like,
I don't know, if you know, I've already raised my siblings,
like I want to kind of do my own thing.
And I made up all these excuses, you know, And
it was out of fear I think of just I
don't know, maybe repeating the same pattern. But I'm like,
it's up to me. Maybe that's what I have to do,
is have a child to heal that relationship, you know.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
But she told me once, you want to have a
child to heal which relationship.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
With my mom? Because I thought, if I have a girl,
if I because I always wanted a boy for the
same reason. Still now you feel that way, No, now
I don't.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Now.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Now I'm like, okay, look at Rioskira, whatever God wants.
If I do have a girl, then maybe through that
relationship with my daughter, I can heal my relationship with
my mom. And if it's a boy, then you know,
now it was like I want a boy. I want
a boy. If not, I don't want a kiss. It
was kind of like that because of the fear of
the relationship that I had, you know, even til the
end of my mom's days, you know. And now it's
(25:22):
like it's crazy because we were like, we're so close,
and people come and they see that you're so close
to your mom and you have such an important place
in her life that Kiki and Kita they want to
cause issues, you know, and make up lies and do
all these things, and unfortunately things stay that way. The
good thing is I've gone through therapy and I do
therapy and I do self work every single day, so
I don't carry that with me anymore. I'm like, you
know what, my mom and I are good, So I've
(25:44):
healed that. Now. I feel like if he's the only person,
my partner is the only one that has made me think, okay,
he'd be a great father if he wants a kid
and God allows it, I guess it's whatever is meant
to happen. I'm more open to it for sure. Now
now I'm like, you know, here here, here are my ovaries.
Take them. But but yeah, I mean, also, my OBG.
(26:05):
I was some me right now that you were telling
about your daughter. She told me. She says, you know what,
You're never going to regret having a child, but you
will regret not having one. Yes, And I said, oh,
well she told me. I was like, oh, okay, that
changes things a little bit. I'm like, okay, so now
you're like, you know, you're you're happy you had one,
and you're she's in the world and she's your legacy.
So I don't know, you know, I know this has
been kind of like a heavy conversations. It's been a
(26:28):
heavy beautiful relationship's going to.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Gain some way at the end of the show.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
But I'm telling you, guys, I love I love her personality. Okay,
So would you mind if we ask you, if we
if I ask you a few questions?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Oh please?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
I don know I've asked you quite a bit, but
I mean there there's some fun ones, you know, But okay,
first of all, this is just one of my personal questions.
What what's your sign? What's your your signal?
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I'm a p with what was that word? I think
rising my right seeing his pisces. Okay, a full on pieces?
Speaker 2 (27:03):
You're a full on Oh wow, you're a full of pieces. Nice. Okay,
so we have a lot in common. I'm in cancer
and my mom was a cancer Know.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Much about since Yeah, I'll tell you later.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Okay, So since it's Valentine's Day week, let's start with this. Okay,
what are your thoughts on the holiday? Do you celebrate it?
Is it corner to you? Are you the type that, like,
you know, you like to spend time by yourself, you
go out with your Amiga's Like, what is it that
you like doing for Valentine's Day?
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Again, we have to go into the topic of how
the years go by and at our different ages. Like
if there is people who are in their twenties or thirties,
let's talk about when I was at that age. Oh yes,
I would celebrate everything. Yeah, as the years have gone by,
(27:48):
what will I do in a couple of days in
Valentine's Day? I will probably call those that I love
the most. There will probably be on one hand the
number of people I will call because most people, like
I mentioned before, are too busy. People have very busy lives,
(28:08):
and in the process of their busy lives, they don't
have time for anyone else. And as I was growing
up in my thirties, my forties, my fifties, even until
my fifties before I sold my house a couple of
years ago and finally, you know, got rid of all
those memories from the past, big parties, lots of people,
(28:30):
and then it's just you living in a little cubicle
because you have gotten older and everybody has moved on.
Up until then, I would celebrate all the time. I
would dress for the occasion. I will wear flowers, I
will buy flowers, I will send cards. I would call,
I would love, I would hug, I would kiss. Now,
(28:51):
as you get older, nobody calls you. You don't make
that many more phone calls. The cards are not as
many that you buy. You pass by the aisles where
the chocolates and the hearts are, and you don't have
anyone to buy them for anymore. Well, when I say
(29:16):
love everyone around you, do it until the day they die.
Don't let them be all by themselves. Love your mothers,
your aunts, your grandmothers.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Show them there, show them, and you and everyone might agree,
might agree with me right now by looking at me.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
But wait, just wait until those twenty years go by,
and you'll be sitting in a chair and you'll be going, oh,
my goodness. I remember talking to Alita, and this is
what she was talking about. We don't do it because
we're mean people. We don't do it because you know,
(29:59):
we've been taught, Hey, you have to be like this
when you get to this age. No, we are always
we always keep that child in us. There's a commercial
that just came out. I'm not gonna say the name
of the company because I always forget anyway, but there's
three ladies sitting on a bench and they're in their
(30:21):
probably eighties, and they're watching all these children going down
the snow, sliding down the snow. And one of the
ladies decides to buy some pillows to put on the
little I don't know, the sliding.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Little things that you used to go, yes, yes, the side, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
And you see these three ladies, three ladies in their eighties,
sitting there enjoining going down the slope of this little
snow hill, just like when they were children.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Why because we always are.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Because that love, that desire, that the want to have
fun and be loving and show the world. And what
do you see when they get to the bottom.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Oh, they're smiling. How they're feeling that lung?
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Yeah, healing their inner child. Oh yeah, yeah, but don't
make me cry anymore. Oh, I know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Okay, Well, I mean yeah, I think I
think even like getting I always say this too on
the podcast, I'm like, you know what, even if you
don't have a partner, you know, go and whatever it
is that makes you happy. Maybe that's what you're you know,
(31:35):
you're gonna wake up that and see how you feel.
If you want to go to lunch, if you want
to take a bath, if you want to cover my house,
whatever you want to do. On Valantine's that you let
me know.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
What's her address? Just write it down from it?
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Yeah, okay, yes, yes, please write it down. Okay, okay.
Next question for those in a long in long term relationships,
do you have any advice on how to spice it up?
You know what? If well, how long was your longest marriage?
Speaker 1 (32:02):
That's a very good question. Let's see. Let me backtrack here.
The longest was my last one. Okay, it was eleven
years and they were amazing. Yeah, they were amazing. We
had a lot, a lot of fun. I continue to
be very young through those years. If you get to
(32:27):
a point in your relationship where you have to start
thinking about how to spice it up, you've already screwed up.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Okay, okay, sure, no, we need to keep it spicy.
But in both ways, right, not just the woman. Okay, cool,
this man out there, Oh no, senor is you.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Have to you have to show your queen who she is.
You have to treat her as such. We've done enough
damage to this cultural baggage thing. It's move on and
just love them.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Yeah, this machismo thing of like no, you know, yes,
that is so, and it has to be both ways.
Like I said, you know, women conquistar romance are men.
As I was trying to find the word in my head, okay,
and I always that's and that's that's another thing that
as women, we want men to know exactly what we
(33:23):
want and how we what we want. The truth is
we need to tell them. We need to let them
know what we expect, what we like. Hey, bring me chocolates.
I like flowers. I like this conquista. We also have
to communicate, you know, so just a little. That's my bo.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Even and I think we were just talking. There was
a conversation going on today that even if you go
on a first date and at the beginning of the
night you both have this idea of where it should go,
talk about it. Yes, mention it, communicate, communicate even from
the very beginning, so that at the end of the
day you don't go, oh, is that how you felt?
(34:01):
Oh is that what you thought? Because no, we need
to talk about it. Yes, I messed up something. I
actually went out last night and there was a very
good looking younger man than me but closer to my
age next to me at the barket trying to get
a drink, And for like the few minutes that he
was there, I was like, Okay, in my mind, okay,
(34:21):
you're cute. And he's looking at me like okay, you're cute,
and let's get a drink. Why don't you get a drink?
Why don't we take a picture? And we do, and
then he leaves and I'm like, I messed that up.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Hey, here's my number? Oho, what is leana drink at
a bar. I want to know what's your drink, what's
your go to drink?
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Actually, I have stopped drinking. Oh, okay, during the beginning
of January this year, a year already, I became a vegetarian.
Oh for her health purposes, Okay. I wanted to make
sure that I live a lot longer, and I decided
that coffee is now my drink of choice. Okay, and
(35:05):
once in a while, maybe just a tiny little bit
of vodka with some cranberry juice.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Okay, that's about and that's about it.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
But I feel so much likely.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
M girl. I know I've been thinking about that. It's
like my long term goal. I love tequila, but I'm
just like, yeah, I'm gonna cleanse Okay, you got to
cleanse it out. But but I I just it's part
of my shows, it's part of my culture, our culture,
you know. But I do want to hopefully want to
that is.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
My alcoholic baggage.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Kidding, but but yeah, I mean I commend you for that.
That's admirable because that's honestly one of my desires is
to be vegetarian and not drink any alcohol at all.
So okay, I want to ask you said you were
at a bar, so I was like, I wonder what
she drinks.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Well, you know, the one thing that I truly believe in.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Is willpower mm hmm, big time.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
And willpower is very hard to have and.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Keep yup and keep As we get older, I've noticed
it's harder and harder. But will part that's something I
love to do. That's why I do these cleanses. I
like to challenge myself, my body, my mind. So that's
one thing that I feel has been lost as well,
besides love. It's like I don't want to challenge one
everything easy. We want that magic pill that's gonna make
us everything just so easy and fast. So that's awesome. Willpower.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
I'm so glad it's willpower.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Willpower.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
That's one thing that I can say I have a
lot of, and I think that willpower is also what
helped me make it through each relationship because I might
have been married five times, but I also did a
lot of dating in between. What can I tell? What
can I tell you that I am fourteen years behind?
(36:45):
So number six.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
Move right along?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Hello, Hello, I keep insisting, Okay, so I have a
great question and talk about this. No A partner. Number
six okay, just if someone's watching. What qualities make a
good partner?
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Oh, kindness, kindness, humility.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Is it important that he believes in God as well
or has your same faith?
Speaker 1 (37:09):
Yes, he has to believe in God. He has to
have some form of faith, you know, to keep on going.
It's so hard to hold onto it. But and he's
got to have a little bit of good looks. I mean,
I gotta have something good to look at. I'm giving
him my back, yes.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Yes, and a good package of money. And I'm.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
I didn't know what she was going with that joking.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Pablo's over there, like.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
What money is? What we're talking about? Money?
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Yes? Money, Okay, I'm just kidding. No, you guys, I'm not.
I'm not. Honestly, I'm not that type of girl. I'm
not like a gold digger. Because I agree with you,
I need a man. Then, Also, how to communicate that
is kind Kindness goes. That's a part of your character,
you know when someone's kind, like when how they treat
other people, you know, I just little things like that.
(37:59):
I am very observant, so kindness is huge, huge, and
of course faith for me. Okay, so we have another question.
Are you four or against situationships, like, what are the
pros and the cons there? What do you think?
Speaker 1 (38:13):
What do you mean by that?
Speaker 2 (38:14):
A situation ship? So a situationship is a friend with benefits.
I don't have a relationship, but I have a situationship.
We we well, there's no title, we just you know.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
Is that what it's called? Now?
Speaker 2 (38:25):
It's a situationship and it's a huge thing. Or or
my sneaky link, your sneaky link? Do you have a
sneaky link? Leana? Oh, I wish I had to ask.
I'll find you and I'm just kidding, you know.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Wow, who's coming up with these words?
Speaker 4 (38:44):
I don't know, But that's nuship situations No, I had
the opportunity to have one, maybe a couple of years ago,
with a much younger man.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Again because younger man look for me.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Yeah, because you have a very young spirit for sure.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Yeah. But no, no, no, no, I wouldn't want to
at this point. No, hell, I don't have time for situationships,
situations You know what, if I died next year, I
want the one yearship, a one yearship, whatever life ship
comes my way.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
I like that she likes live ships, for instance. Do
you feel that or have you learned from your own
experiences that having someone just to have sex with, Let's
just put it the way it is. It's like you.
For me, I've learned, I think that just giving yourself
to someone sexually, it's just you're exchanging energy. Like I don't.
(39:41):
I can't. I can't have just sex to have sex, like,
I have to have some type of feeling, you know,
situations I wouldn't work for me personally because I and
I've told my friend this and I'm not gonna say who,
but I told her, I said, you know what, I
think you need to stop having sex with these random guys.
You know, it's it's you're not allowing God in the
universe to bring in the right person because God and
the universe, so whatever you want to call it, thinks
(40:01):
you're busy because you are exchanging energy. Just chill, use
your vibrator. Okay.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
Sorry, Like I say, I have a lot of sex.
There's just nobody there.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I love you. Yes, I'm not friend. I'm not friend that.
I'm like, look, i'd rather you save that and use this.
I'm the friend that's going to give you a vibrator
because I'm like, you know what this is safer. This
is safer for your feelings, and don't catch anything. It's
just better in every way. Just use this thing. So anyways,
we got into a whole other conversation. But that's what
(40:35):
she thinks on situations. Okay, I love it.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
Oh no, no, no, they should know people. That's why
people are not loving each other. Yeah, because they're too busy.
Just one moment here, one moment there.
Speaker 2 (40:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Now, how many situations ships that's one person have And
how do you know or not know that these are
going on? And does it not bother.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
You that you might not be the only one?
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Yeah? How about diseases and things like that? How about no?
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Yes, no on a situation? She doesn't like them. I honestly,
it's too too much.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
And I'm with you now, I'm understanding the cancer prices link.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
Here.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
We have to have that feeling.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Ah for sure, that I loving feeling. Yeah, I'm like
I need to be attracted. I need to feel that
you want me. I need to just feel it. Okay,
So I have one more question for you, Only only
one more. It's okay though, because I've had such a
great time with you, I feel like we've only been
here for like fifteen minutes. Okay, So what's your best
advice on getting over an X? Listen up, guys, Okay,
(41:38):
what's your best advice on that?
Speaker 3 (41:40):
Okay, that's your advice.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Remember to look in the mirror and just love yourself
when that person when you have a breakup, And I
can tell you after each breakup, yes, and I'm talking
not only a breakup of a relationship with a man.
I'm talking about a friendship with a woman. I'm talking
(42:05):
about a relationship with one of your parents, or your siblings,
or even your children. In order to continue with that,
you have to be number one, very honest with yourself,
love yourself, look in the mirror the very next day,
and go, I gave it my all. But you have
(42:26):
to absolutely be sure that you gave it your all,
because I'm gonna tell you, like it or not, I
gave each marriage and each relationship my very best. I
loved them. I might have not been too smart about it.
I might have made a lot of mistakes and silly choices,
but in my heart of hearts, I gave it my
(42:47):
all and I love them.
Speaker 3 (42:49):
The best way that I could.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
But I wasn't loved back the same way. So you
have to let them go.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
I think that cats. It's not easy, but it's possible.
Know that you know what, This too shall pass.
Speaker 1 (43:05):
And remember that the new relationship has nothing to do
with the old one. Nothing, not your past experiences, not
the mistakes that you made, not even the silly thoughts
that run in your mind every single day about the
mistakes from the past. When you have someone new in
your life, you give them that advice. Absolutely, do it all,
(43:29):
do it all all over and beautiful. And my best
advice to you is love this relationship that you are
in because it makes you so light and airy and bright.
Your eyes shine and your smile is so pretty. And
you're just thinking about it and I don't know him
(43:50):
and I just met you, But open up your heart,
open up your mind, and he will do the same.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
He already.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
And I want them by the wedding.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
It's absolutely it's you guys heard it here and she
given chill, It's gonna happen. Oh no, thank you so much.
That means a lot to me. I love giving. I
love hearing. Should I say I love hearing that that
that advice from from you from like now, I haven't
Alita appreciate you have.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
Me as you're Alita, my number anytime you want, you know,
I say this all anytime if you have a moment
when you have you just want to cry and you
just go, hey, Lily, listen up. That's all. I will
be there, just to listen to your tears, just to
listen to one word you have to say. I want
people to think of me as there a Alita. I
(44:41):
want people to help me live through them, to help
me give them a little bit of of the loving
advice that I never got because I would have been.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
But look once, You're amazing. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
Yes, you are amazing.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
It was a as It was a beautiful, beautiful conversation
and I'm so grateful that we were able to talk
about this. It's such an important subject, you know, love,
So you guys remember be loved based Okay, always open
your heart to love. That's the best way to live.
Don't give up all love. Like Lily said, you know,
to get over your ex, you just look within and say,
(45:20):
you know, what can I have done different? What can
I do better? And that always helps. You're like, okay, cool,
it didn't work here forgive that person so you can
move on. And I love what you said about giving yourself,
your newness to that new person. You know they should
not suffer because of your past. So that's another thing.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
And I remember that if you're holding on to that
relationship you just broke up, but you're holding on to
that pain, to that resentment, And all that God is
saying to you is I have someone new that you
got to clear that slave.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
You got to say, you gotta clear it, You gotta
let go of that baggage.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
So I can bring him down.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Yes, thank you, you're such your so pleasant and thank
you guys for watching and listening to another episode of
Cheekys and Chill and I will see you guys on
the next one. Do you need advice on love, relationships,
health emails? I'm so excited to share with you that
(46:19):
my Cheekys and Chill podcast will have an extra episode
drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just
leave me a voice message person, Menday. All you have
to do is go to speak pipe dot com, slash
Cheeky's and Chill podcast and record your questions. I can't
wait to hear from you. This is a production of
(46:40):
iHeartRadio and mike Wa podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram
at Miketura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h
i q u y s. For more podcasts, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Host
Chiquis
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