December 22, 2025 • 28 mins
Hi, everyone! Happy holidays from everyone here at the Chiquis and Chill podcast! Today, I'm tossing my notes to the side and speaking to you straight from the heart. I had an epiphany a few months ago and it's made me realize some things and pushed me to make some tough - but necessary - decisions. Press the play button to hear more.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
What up, y'all, Happy Monday, Welcome to the Cheekys and
Chill podcast. I hope that this holiday season has treated
you well and you're joyful and happy and talking about
the holidays. This year's holiday season has looked a lot
different for me. As most of you know, I'm about
a year and a half into my marriage, which means
(00:27):
it's time for me and a Milio to start making
our own family traditions. In the past, my holidays have
been really centered around my siblings, but I think we've
all reached a point where we're starting to move away
from that, and that's been very difficult to accept.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
But I'm ready. Okay, where do I start.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yes, Emilia and I have been married a year and
a half and I have grown quite a bit in
this relationship. I have shared that with you guys, how
I've grown and why and where I come from in
my past relationships and all of the things that I
had to face, accept and also.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Learn and unlearn.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
So there's been a lot of growing in this relationship,
which I'm very grateful for. And one of those things
have been understanding what marriage really is, Understanding that we
are a team, that it's him and I and that
is my family, and that's a family I chose. It's him,
(01:40):
Bancho and Ryu are dogs. That's it for me in
the past, which I can accept. One of the things
I had to accept was that I would always put
my siblings first. They were my everything. That was my family,
and there's nothing wrong with that. It served its purpose.
(02:03):
I was able to help guide them through life because
we don't have parents. I mean, we have parents, but
our mom our parents aren't in our lives physically, especially
with Johnny and Jenica. They were very young when my
mom passed and their dad passed, so I really felt
(02:23):
like I needed to be there for them. So I
don't regret anything at all that I went through and
everything that in a way some people can say I
gave up or I missed out on, because it made
me happy, completely happy to be there for them, for
all my siblings, to know that they can lean on
me and I can lean on them. And as I
(02:45):
was saving them, they were saving me. And it was
just what we were doing to survive and to get
through life and to try to understand what life was after,
especially our mom leaving the way that she left. So
I would always put them first, and I thought I
was doing the right thing. I thought that putting my
(03:08):
siblings first and making sure that they were okay, and
even if it affected my relationship, it didn't matter because
that was my purpose in life, was to take care
of them, and I was honoring my mother in that way.
For a long time, I felt that way. It wasn't
until I met Emilio and until I started really digging
(03:32):
deep into my healing and not only that, but starting
my life coaching in a different way and also saying
that they grew up and they matured and they had
a mind of their own and as they should. But
it took me a long time to really understand that.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Anyway.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
The reason I'm telling you all of this is because
it has a lot to do with where I'm going. Okay,
so just be patient with me. But it was very difficult, guys,
to accepit that. And I think it was because I
had been hurt so much in my past relationships that
(04:09):
my fear of abandonment or feeling that these relationships weren't
going to last, that I would hold on to my siblings.
And what I'm learning is I'm not really supposed to
hold on to my siblings or really to my husband.
I'm really supposed to just stand firm within myself and
(04:32):
know who I am and know that all I really
need at the end of the day is God. I
have reached a point in my life after learning what
a healthy relationship looks like, not only with my siblings
but also with my partner. I'm still trying to figure
(04:54):
that out. There are still things that I feel like
I've figured it out with my siblings, but not necessarily
with my husband yet. But I can say that I'm
finally seeing and recognizing and accepting the fact that I
do have a good partner. Things aren't perfect, No relationship
(05:17):
is perfect, but it's a lot better than where I
was in past relationships. And that's because I also put
in the work as far as like things that I
needed to learn and things that I needed to change
about myself. And one of those things was giving my
husband his place. And I want this relationship to work,
(05:39):
and I know that he wants more time with me,
and he has said before that he does feel like
he has to share me with the world, and that
there are times when he just wants me to himself.
And now I see what he means he doesn't mind
sharing me with the world. That's who he met and
(05:59):
that's something I was very clear about that this is
who I am, this is what I love to do,
this is how you met me. I can adjust, but
that I'm not going to change that.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
For you. Necessarily.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I'm willing to adjust because I love you and if
that means me being more present and making time and
carving out time for my schedule for us to go away,
and that's what this whole thing is about. This whole
episode is to get to this point. Guys, for the
first time ever, I am leaving my siblings for Christmas,
(06:40):
and even saying that out loud right now makes me
want to cry because they have been my world and
I love them so much.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
But the dynamic has changed, and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
And that's one thing I had to heal and detach
and cut the umbilical cord, because not only is it
not healthy for me, it's not healthy for them. They're growing,
they're grown, they're starting their own lives, spreading their wings, flying,
making decisions, making mistakes, and that's all part of life.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
I have been there.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I always wanted to save them and keep them from
hurting and from falling, and I've learned that I can't
do that. I have to allow them to flourish in
every sense, in every meaning of the word, because flourishing
(07:39):
is not all peaches and cream, and that's okay, and
I have to allow that to do what it has
to do and let life life, let life life in
their life, if that makes any sense. And yeah, I
just got this epiphany while I was meditating and I
(08:03):
felt it in the deepest part of my soul. I
can't even explain how, but I almost like heard it.
But it was like, you are to leave for Christmas
with your husband, just you and him. And I'm like,
oh my god. And it took me a while. It
took me like a week after I heard that and
(08:25):
I had that like feeling to actually take action. I
booked it. So we're going to the snow, We're going
to the mountains, just him and I. And anyway, I
booked it without really telling him. I just walked into
the restroom. I remember we were in the restroom and
(08:45):
I just we were doing I think our night routine,
and I told him, Babe, guess what, I just booked
a trip and we are leaving to the mountains. I
want to go to the snow for Christmas. Because he
knew we were, I was kind of like on the
fence on like what I wanted to do. So he
was like, oh my gosh, that's cool. He's like, okay, cool,
(09:06):
Like is it going to be us and your siblings?
And I said no, actually, it's just going to be
you and I. And the look on his face, guys,
when I told him was the cutest thing ever. He
was so like a kid, just like, oh my god,
(09:26):
are you serious. He hugged me, He's like, are you serious?
Are you sure this is what you want to do?
Because he knows how important my siblings are to me,
and he has been there through this season of ugh,
it was painful, this detaching or this learning to have
a healthier relationship with my siblings. Anyway, so the look
(09:47):
on his face, it was just it was priceless. And
I know right then and there that I had made
the right decision. But I'm not gonna lie. It's been difficult.
Part of me feels guilty, but again that's just something
that I have to work through because I knew that
(10:08):
this is exactly what I needed to do, because again,
I really felt it was a download from God telling
me what I needed to do, so I followed through.
But now that it's been almost three months since I
booked it, things have changed with my siblings and I.
When I booked it, things weren't as good as they
are now. But I didn't backtrack. I didn't say, Okay,
(10:30):
things are better now. We're just gonna like have Christmas
at home the way I always do, because I'm the
one that brings us together.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I'm that person. I'm the eldest.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
It's always been that I go all out for every
holiday for all of us. And I wasn't going to
have Thanksgiving this year because of the situation and how
things were, and you know, some siblings weren't talking and
things were just very rocky and there was a lot
of tension, as I've shared with you guys.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
So I really didn't.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Think we were going to have Thanksgiving. But after having
a family meeting, because I booked this in October, right,
we have a family meeting literally, I think like three
weeks after I had booked it, and the meeting went
rather well. We all kind of spoke and spoke our
truth and I was able to let some things off
(11:20):
my chest and let them know how I was feeling,
and things just chilled out, and then the question came up,
so are we going to have Thanksgiving? And for me
it was already a no. I was just going to
go to Emilio's family's house. But then they're like, well,
since you're leaving for Christmas. Because when I told them
(11:42):
at that meeting, I told them, by the way, I'm
leaving for Christmas, and you should have seen the look
on their faces.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
They were like, what.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I know.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I was like, I know.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
I straight upset it like this, I need to do this.
My husband deserves this. I want to give him quality
time and I'm really working on our relationship and working
on building my own family. So then that's when they
asked me, oh, why am I so emotional? And that's
(12:15):
when they asked me, okay, well, since you're leaving for Christmas,
are we doing Thanksgiving? And I was like, well, I
didn't want to, but okay, since I'm leaving, then yes,
we'll have Thanksgiving. And of course, in Jenny fashion, so Janey,
(12:37):
I went all out. I got attend, I decorated the house,
I made my b because I wasn't gonna usually I
made bole for Christmas, but a Medio was like, we're
not going to be here, can you please make it
for Thanksgiving? So I did, and Jenika made all the
side dishes. Immedial fried the turkey this year was awesome.
(13:00):
He fed at turkey and it was so delicious. I
seasoned it like Casun style. My gosh, you guys, it
was the best turkey ever.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
My bosola was bombed.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Jennica like cooked up a storm with like mashed potatoes.
Actually no, I made the mashed potatoes. She made the
stuffing and mac and cheese and it was delicious. And
then a Medio's family came, so it was like a
huge Thanksgiving from like not doing Thanksgiving at all to
like having like a big Thanksgiving that's so me, Like
I made it happen.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I was like, don't even trip.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I got this. You know, it's freaking two and a
half weeks from now. I got this. I got it
all together. We had friends and family there, so it
was just all of us.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I decorated. It was so cute.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I made these like little turkeys that had like little
bubble heads kind of like a big face of everyone
that was going to be present. So it was really cute.
I think Jenica posted it on her snapchat. I didn't
really post that day, but she posted it and it
was really cute, and they were very grateful and it
was an amazing, beautiful, beautiful Thanksgiving. We all prayed together.
(14:02):
I love having my house like that, guys, filled, Like
I love hosting, Like that's no secret anyone that knows me,
even you guys. We've had a whole episode on party planning.
I feel like I'm an expert. I freaking like I
love it and it made me very very happy. But
I'm not gonna lie. Like, after Thanksgiving and after like
the amazing time we had, it was so fun, things
(14:23):
were like almost like back to normal because we're all
grown and there's like this silent respect amongst all of
us now that we're just respecting each other as adults.
It's weird because for me, it was like, they're my
kids and I'm gonna tell them how things are, and
it's like, no, I've stepped away from that role of
being a second mother and now I'm just a big
(14:44):
sister and if they come to me and they want advice,
I'm here. But I'm not like stepping in or giving
my unsolicited advice anymore, because that was so me. I
was like, wait a second, I think you're doing this wrong,
and I think you should do that, like I've stopped that,
and I think they do realize it, because Jenica made
a comment the other day of like I've seen and
(15:07):
I've noticed that you've stepped back a little bit. So
that to me was like, okay, Like I I'm not
even trying to be mean or to teach anyone a lesson,
Like this is real, what's happening with me and in
my personal life with my siblings and my husband.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
It's real.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
And I didn't even know if they had noticed, but
I guess they do. And it's just different, but it's nice,
it's healthy. I never thought that we had an unhealthy relationship.
We were just really really close, and I think we
were so close that it was like we didn't want
to make any moves in our lives unless we all agreed.
(15:45):
Or maybe they were just afraid of me disagreeing and
what my opinion was going to be. So I had
to hear them out and understand that. And now I
could tell you that we have a better relationship. It's
different or not as close as we were, but we're
(16:06):
learning and we're growing together, and now I can proudly
say that I am starting my own family traditions. And
this is the first year, so I don't know exactly
how it's going to go, but I will tell you.
I always decorated the house because I knew people were
going to come, and I would go all out with
(16:27):
my big ass sixteen foot tree. It was like huge,
and it's an artificial tree. And even with that, even
that small little thing of like, I was like, I'm
not going to do that this year. I decorated very
like little at the house this year. Emilio, since I
told him I was like, I'm not going to do
the big tree, Like I don't really want to do
(16:49):
that this year. He's like, well, what if we just
go out and buy our own tree, like a real tree.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
I think it'd be nice. I'm like, yeah, actually, that's
not a bad idea.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
We'll put it in the family room instead of like
the formal living room like I usually do.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
And we did. We went one day late.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Like at seven pm I think it was like during
the week, and I was like, let's go get our tree,
and he chose it I was like, I just know
the size I want, and it was wrapped up and
I was like, well, I want to see it, you know.
I'm like I want to see if I like it.
He's like no, He's like, let's just take it, like
this is the one I think looks nice and and
(17:27):
whatever comes out, that's our tree.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
I'm like, yeah, you're right. I was like okay, So we.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Did it, and oh my god, guys, the tree is
so cute. It's tiny, like not tiny, but it's like
smaller than I've had in a long time. It's like
a what like a nine, maybe like a seven, I
don't know. Anyway, it's small but cute. And that night
we just brought it home and we put it in
its place, and we had no decor. I hadn't bought
(17:53):
in lights or anything. I was like, let's buy the
tree first. So then I just went on Amazon and
purchased everything, and then it got there a few days later.
And then the stuff sat there for a while until
like we're like, okay, today's day and we just did
it just a few days ago on a Sunday. I
was like, you know what, the stuff has been sitting
there for a few days, let's freaking do it. So
(18:14):
we put on Christmas music and he wanted cookies, so
I made him some cookies.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
He loves sugar cookies.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
And we just did it like we were together, just
him and I putting the lights on and like every
little ornament and I was looking at the tree this
morning and I'm.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Like, oh my goodness, there's some little spots missing.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
But He's like, it's okay, that's the way it's meant
to be, that we did it together and like it
doesn't have to be perfect, and I'm like, yeah, you're right,
you're right.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
So that's what he teaches me, guys.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Where it's like I want to like i'm more very
just precise and organized, and he really just brings me
back to like be present, just.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Let it be, just enjoy the moment.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Enjoy However, the damn tree, even if it's lopsided, it
doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
We chose it together. I'm like, you know what, Yeah,
this is what it's all about.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
And I love that. And so now that's what we're doing.
And it was just him and I and it was beautiful.
After Thanksgiving, I did think I'm like, damn, should we
just stay for Christmas. I really did think that, and
(19:22):
I had bought insurance, well, I mean, I bought insurance
for the house that we're getting the airbnb. But I'm like, no,
I know what God told me. God told me I
need to do this, and I need to obey, and
this is good for us, this is good for him
and I and I will never forget his face, how
happy and how excited he was, and how grateful he
was because he deserves it and he's been a good husband.
(19:49):
And I know that my life comes with a lot.
That's how I know that this is my person because
not once did he ever say when Johnny lived with us,
how much I struggled in the middle of this year
with everything going on with my siblings. Not once did
he complain, did he ever say like anything negative, not
(20:12):
one time. He allowed me to figure this out on
my own, and I have, and it hasn't been easy.
This change has been uncomfortable for me in moments, but
I know that this is what's healthier for my siblings
and I. But he was just there every time I cried,
and he would do anything to make me happy, take
(20:33):
me flowers and chocolates and all these things that just
he knows is going to make me smile, and he
did it, and so I'm like, you know what, he
was there for me, so I can't change it. I'm
actually looking forward to leaving with him and taking a drive,
going to the snow and sitting there, even if we
do nothing, watch movies. I don't even know what it's
going to look like. I don't know if this is
(20:55):
going to be part of our holiday tradition, if we're
going to continue to leave just him and I for Christmas, yes,
because it's so different. Guys, I have not boughten one gift,
not one gift have I gotten, And that's so rare
for me because I love gift giving. I love to give.
I feel like I've been giving in a different way
(21:16):
this year, outside of my inner circle, outside of my
siblings usually, like I put so much thought into like
what am I going to buy them? And what am
I going to buy even my husband, Like my heart
just wants to give to people in need. And I
think that my siblings and everyone will understand because I
(21:37):
am a giver and I give all year long, and
maybe this is my year to receive.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
I'm just literally just realizing that right now as I'm
speaking to you guys, I don't know. I just don't
think I'm gonna buy any gifts this year, and that
is so weird for me, and I don't know where
that's coming from, but I'm just realizing a lot. And
maybe I'm a giver because it feels good to give.
(22:08):
But also, someone made a comment in my family and
I won't say who it was, but they did say,
you can't buy everyone's love, Janney, and it's stuck with me,
and I'm like, it's not what I do and that's
(22:30):
not why I do it, but it did something in
my heart, and I was like, okay, and it just
took away that desire of going all out because I do.
I don't care about the price. I just want to
make people happy, like it genuinely makes me happy to
(22:51):
make people happy, like it really does. So right now,
what my heart wants to do is give to those
a need and hew and donate and volunteer, and that's
what's making me happy. And just know that the people
that are used to me giving and being extravagant with
my gifts, knowing that they're gonna love me whether I
(23:14):
give them an expensive gift or a gift at all,
and I think that's kind of again. I'm not even
doing it to teach anyone a lesson or anything. It's
just really where my heart is right now, and I
think that's okay. Christmas is so much more than just
gift giving, and we'll see, and maybe this is something
(23:37):
that needs to happen to realize other things.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Again, this is just something that is coming out of
me as I'm speaking here on this mic, but that's
where I'm at. And I even told Emia. I was like,
please don't buy me any gifts. I don't want any
gifts to Sere like, thank God, I don't need anything.
I just want quality time. And he said he's not
(24:03):
going to listen to me. He's still gonna buy me things.
So I'm like, okay, but I was honest. I'm like,
I just I haven't gotten one gift and it's I
just I don't know, and I don't know why I
feel this way, or maybe it's just because the year
has been so heavy. I don't want to go to
the mall and I don't want to shop and I
just don't and I think that's okay. I think we
(24:24):
can give love and give gifts in other ways. And
I think this is also a lesson for me to
just give more quality time to the people around me.
And yeah, and that's what I'm doing with my husband,
So it starts there. That's what I want to do.
(24:44):
And I'm excited because we have a full kitchen, so
I'm gonna be able to cook for him and hopefully
God willing, it's snowing, because I really want to take
whole pictures in the snow and just bake and chill
and maybe go to a bar and have and just chill, guys, like,
really leave everything, all the worries, everything behind. I'm not
(25:08):
gonna take my agenda. I don't want to do any
work out there. I just want to be present and.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Have fun.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
And I think I'm going to be able to just
heal part of my inner child as well out there
and just tend to my inner child because that's when
him and I have the most fun.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
So that's what we're gonna do.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
It was a very hard decision, but a necessary one,
and I'll let you guys know how it went. I'm
sure I'm gonna miss my siblings, of course, because it
hurts my feelings because they don't know what they're doing.
(25:48):
I know, it sounds silly. It sounds silly because it's like, oh,
it's just you know, you're going away for Christmas. Like,
thank God, I'm going away with someone I love and
I enjoy. But still it's like all I've known is
my siblings, you know, But this is part of growing up,
(26:10):
and this is part of growing and maturing. And you know,
Jennica's stepping up and she says she's gonna have Christmas
at her house and I don't know. I don't know
how i'm gonna feel that day. I'm sure i'm gonna
miss them and think about them and maybe we'll FaceTime.
(26:30):
Thank God for FaceTime. But the point is that I
am really stepping up and listening and not ignoring those
callings and those gut feelings are intuition, my intuition that's
(26:51):
speaking to me and telling me that I need to
do this. And even though it's scary and it's something
very unknown, I know that I need to do it
and I'm excited, but I'm also nervous. And yeah, thank god.
We had a good Thanksgiving. It was a beautiful Thanksgiving,
and I'm grateful for that, and things are better, so
(27:14):
they'll figure it out. They'll figure it out. Johnny's the
one that concerns me the most. He doesn't know what
he's going to do. But anyways, anyway, thank you guys
for listening. I didn't expect to cry. I didn't know
how this was going to go. Again, I didn't have
(27:36):
a plan. I didn't really know exactly what I wanted
to say. But maybe those are the episodes that are
the best when you just speak from the heart. I'm
grateful for you, guys, because you guys listened to me,
and you guys let me sit here and cry with you.
I don't even know if you're crying, but I'm crying.
(27:57):
But anyway, I'm grateful for you. And I hope you
guys have an amazing Christmas. And I hope that you
guys start your own traditions, whatever it may be, with
your family, with your siblings, with your loved one, whoever.
I hope that you guys have an amazing, amazing Christmas.
And I will let you know how my.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Trip goes on the next episode of Cheeky's and Chill.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Micaeldura podcast Network.
Follow us on Instagram at Michael Doura Podcasts, then follow
me Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s.
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast
What up, y'all, Happy Monday, Welcome to the Cheekys and
Chill podcast. I hope that this holiday season has treated
you well and you're joyful and happy and talking about
the holidays. This year's holiday season has looked a lot
different for me. As most of you know, I'm about
a year and a half into my marriage, which means
(00:27):
it's time for me and a Milio to start making
our own family traditions. In the past, my holidays have
been really centered around my siblings, but I think we've
all reached a point where we're starting to move away
from that, and that's been very difficult to accept.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
But I'm ready. Okay, where do I start.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yes, Emilia and I have been married a year and
a half and I have grown quite a bit in
this relationship. I have shared that with you guys, how
I've grown and why and where I come from in
my past relationships and all of the things that I
had to face, accept and also.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Learn and unlearn.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
So there's been a lot of growing in this relationship,
which I'm very grateful for. And one of those things
have been understanding what marriage really is, Understanding that we
are a team, that it's him and I and that
is my family, and that's a family I chose. It's him,
(01:40):
Bancho and Ryu are dogs. That's it for me in
the past, which I can accept. One of the things
I had to accept was that I would always put
my siblings first. They were my everything. That was my family,
and there's nothing wrong with that. It served its purpose.
(02:03):
I was able to help guide them through life because
we don't have parents. I mean, we have parents, but
our mom our parents aren't in our lives physically, especially
with Johnny and Jenica. They were very young when my
mom passed and their dad passed, so I really felt
(02:23):
like I needed to be there for them. So I
don't regret anything at all that I went through and
everything that in a way some people can say I
gave up or I missed out on, because it made
me happy, completely happy to be there for them, for
all my siblings, to know that they can lean on
me and I can lean on them. And as I
(02:45):
was saving them, they were saving me. And it was
just what we were doing to survive and to get
through life and to try to understand what life was after,
especially our mom leaving the way that she left. So
I would always put them first, and I thought I
was doing the right thing. I thought that putting my
(03:08):
siblings first and making sure that they were okay, and
even if it affected my relationship, it didn't matter because
that was my purpose in life, was to take care
of them, and I was honoring my mother in that way.
For a long time, I felt that way. It wasn't
until I met Emilio and until I started really digging
(03:32):
deep into my healing and not only that, but starting
my life coaching in a different way and also saying
that they grew up and they matured and they had
a mind of their own and as they should. But
it took me a long time to really understand that.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Anyway.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
The reason I'm telling you all of this is because
it has a lot to do with where I'm going. Okay,
so just be patient with me. But it was very difficult, guys,
to accepit that. And I think it was because I
had been hurt so much in my past relationships that
(04:09):
my fear of abandonment or feeling that these relationships weren't
going to last, that I would hold on to my siblings.
And what I'm learning is I'm not really supposed to
hold on to my siblings or really to my husband.
I'm really supposed to just stand firm within myself and
(04:32):
know who I am and know that all I really
need at the end of the day is God. I
have reached a point in my life after learning what
a healthy relationship looks like, not only with my siblings
but also with my partner. I'm still trying to figure
(04:54):
that out. There are still things that I feel like
I've figured it out with my siblings, but not necessarily
with my husband yet. But I can say that I'm
finally seeing and recognizing and accepting the fact that I
do have a good partner. Things aren't perfect, No relationship
(05:17):
is perfect, but it's a lot better than where I
was in past relationships. And that's because I also put
in the work as far as like things that I
needed to learn and things that I needed to change
about myself. And one of those things was giving my
husband his place. And I want this relationship to work,
(05:39):
and I know that he wants more time with me,
and he has said before that he does feel like
he has to share me with the world, and that
there are times when he just wants me to himself.
And now I see what he means he doesn't mind
sharing me with the world. That's who he met and
(05:59):
that's something I was very clear about that this is
who I am, this is what I love to do,
this is how you met me. I can adjust, but
that I'm not going to change that.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
For you. Necessarily.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I'm willing to adjust because I love you and if
that means me being more present and making time and
carving out time for my schedule for us to go away,
and that's what this whole thing is about. This whole
episode is to get to this point. Guys, for the
first time ever, I am leaving my siblings for Christmas,
(06:40):
and even saying that out loud right now makes me
want to cry because they have been my world and
I love them so much.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
But the dynamic has changed, and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
And that's one thing I had to heal and detach
and cut the umbilical cord, because not only is it
not healthy for me, it's not healthy for them. They're growing,
they're grown, they're starting their own lives, spreading their wings, flying,
making decisions, making mistakes, and that's all part of life.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
I have been there.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I always wanted to save them and keep them from
hurting and from falling, and I've learned that I can't
do that. I have to allow them to flourish in
every sense, in every meaning of the word, because flourishing
(07:39):
is not all peaches and cream, and that's okay, and
I have to allow that to do what it has
to do and let life life, let life life in
their life, if that makes any sense. And yeah, I
just got this epiphany while I was meditating and I
(08:03):
felt it in the deepest part of my soul. I
can't even explain how, but I almost like heard it.
But it was like, you are to leave for Christmas
with your husband, just you and him. And I'm like,
oh my god. And it took me a while. It
took me like a week after I heard that and
(08:25):
I had that like feeling to actually take action. I
booked it. So we're going to the snow, We're going
to the mountains, just him and I. And anyway, I
booked it without really telling him. I just walked into
the restroom. I remember we were in the restroom and
(08:45):
I just we were doing I think our night routine,
and I told him, Babe, guess what, I just booked
a trip and we are leaving to the mountains. I
want to go to the snow for Christmas. Because he
knew we were, I was kind of like on the
fence on like what I wanted to do. So he
was like, oh my gosh, that's cool. He's like, okay, cool,
(09:06):
Like is it going to be us and your siblings?
And I said no, actually, it's just going to be
you and I. And the look on his face, guys,
when I told him was the cutest thing ever. He
was so like a kid, just like, oh my god,
(09:26):
are you serious. He hugged me, He's like, are you serious?
Are you sure this is what you want to do?
Because he knows how important my siblings are to me,
and he has been there through this season of ugh,
it was painful, this detaching or this learning to have
a healthier relationship with my siblings. Anyway, so the look
(09:47):
on his face, it was just it was priceless. And
I know right then and there that I had made
the right decision. But I'm not gonna lie. It's been difficult.
Part of me feels guilty, but again that's just something
that I have to work through because I knew that
(10:08):
this is exactly what I needed to do, because again,
I really felt it was a download from God telling
me what I needed to do, so I followed through.
But now that it's been almost three months since I
booked it, things have changed with my siblings and I.
When I booked it, things weren't as good as they
are now. But I didn't backtrack. I didn't say, Okay,
(10:30):
things are better now. We're just gonna like have Christmas
at home the way I always do, because I'm the
one that brings us together.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I'm that person. I'm the eldest.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
It's always been that I go all out for every
holiday for all of us. And I wasn't going to
have Thanksgiving this year because of the situation and how
things were, and you know, some siblings weren't talking and
things were just very rocky and there was a lot
of tension, as I've shared with you guys.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
So I really didn't.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Think we were going to have Thanksgiving. But after having
a family meeting, because I booked this in October, right,
we have a family meeting literally, I think like three
weeks after I had booked it, and the meeting went
rather well. We all kind of spoke and spoke our
truth and I was able to let some things off
(11:20):
my chest and let them know how I was feeling,
and things just chilled out, and then the question came up,
so are we going to have Thanksgiving? And for me
it was already a no. I was just going to
go to Emilio's family's house. But then they're like, well,
since you're leaving for Christmas. Because when I told them
(11:42):
at that meeting, I told them, by the way, I'm
leaving for Christmas, and you should have seen the look
on their faces.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
They were like, what.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I know.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I was like, I know.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
I straight upset it like this, I need to do this.
My husband deserves this. I want to give him quality
time and I'm really working on our relationship and working
on building my own family. So then that's when they
asked me, oh, why am I so emotional? And that's
(12:15):
when they asked me, okay, well, since you're leaving for Christmas,
are we doing Thanksgiving? And I was like, well, I
didn't want to, but okay, since I'm leaving, then yes,
we'll have Thanksgiving. And of course, in Jenny fashion, so Janey,
(12:37):
I went all out. I got attend, I decorated the house,
I made my b because I wasn't gonna usually I
made bole for Christmas, but a Medio was like, we're
not going to be here, can you please make it
for Thanksgiving? So I did, and Jenika made all the
side dishes. Immedial fried the turkey this year was awesome.
(13:00):
He fed at turkey and it was so delicious. I
seasoned it like Casun style. My gosh, you guys, it
was the best turkey ever.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
My bosola was bombed.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Jennica like cooked up a storm with like mashed potatoes.
Actually no, I made the mashed potatoes. She made the
stuffing and mac and cheese and it was delicious. And
then a Medio's family came, so it was like a
huge Thanksgiving from like not doing Thanksgiving at all to
like having like a big Thanksgiving that's so me, Like
I made it happen.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I was like, don't even trip.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I got this. You know, it's freaking two and a
half weeks from now. I got this. I got it
all together. We had friends and family there, so it
was just all of us.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I decorated. It was so cute.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I made these like little turkeys that had like little
bubble heads kind of like a big face of everyone
that was going to be present. So it was really cute.
I think Jenica posted it on her snapchat. I didn't
really post that day, but she posted it and it
was really cute, and they were very grateful and it
was an amazing, beautiful, beautiful Thanksgiving. We all prayed together.
(14:02):
I love having my house like that, guys, filled, Like
I love hosting, Like that's no secret anyone that knows me,
even you guys. We've had a whole episode on party planning.
I feel like I'm an expert. I freaking like I
love it and it made me very very happy. But
I'm not gonna lie. Like, after Thanksgiving and after like
the amazing time we had, it was so fun, things
(14:23):
were like almost like back to normal because we're all
grown and there's like this silent respect amongst all of
us now that we're just respecting each other as adults.
It's weird because for me, it was like, they're my
kids and I'm gonna tell them how things are, and
it's like, no, I've stepped away from that role of
being a second mother and now I'm just a big
(14:44):
sister and if they come to me and they want advice,
I'm here. But I'm not like stepping in or giving
my unsolicited advice anymore, because that was so me. I
was like, wait a second, I think you're doing this wrong,
and I think you should do that, like I've stopped that,
and I think they do realize it, because Jenica made
a comment the other day of like I've seen and
(15:07):
I've noticed that you've stepped back a little bit. So
that to me was like, okay, Like I I'm not
even trying to be mean or to teach anyone a lesson,
Like this is real, what's happening with me and in
my personal life with my siblings and my husband.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
It's real.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
And I didn't even know if they had noticed, but
I guess they do. And it's just different, but it's nice,
it's healthy. I never thought that we had an unhealthy relationship.
We were just really really close, and I think we
were so close that it was like we didn't want
to make any moves in our lives unless we all agreed.
(15:45):
Or maybe they were just afraid of me disagreeing and
what my opinion was going to be. So I had
to hear them out and understand that. And now I
could tell you that we have a better relationship. It's
different or not as close as we were, but we're
(16:06):
learning and we're growing together, and now I can proudly
say that I am starting my own family traditions. And
this is the first year, so I don't know exactly
how it's going to go, but I will tell you.
I always decorated the house because I knew people were
going to come, and I would go all out with
(16:27):
my big ass sixteen foot tree. It was like huge,
and it's an artificial tree. And even with that, even
that small little thing of like, I was like, I'm
not going to do that this year. I decorated very
like little at the house this year. Emilio, since I
told him I was like, I'm not going to do
the big tree, Like I don't really want to do
(16:49):
that this year. He's like, well, what if we just
go out and buy our own tree, like a real tree.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
I think it'd be nice. I'm like, yeah, actually, that's
not a bad idea.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
We'll put it in the family room instead of like
the formal living room like I usually do.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
And we did. We went one day late.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Like at seven pm I think it was like during
the week, and I was like, let's go get our tree,
and he chose it I was like, I just know
the size I want, and it was wrapped up and
I was like, well, I want to see it, you know.
I'm like I want to see if I like it.
He's like no, He's like, let's just take it, like
this is the one I think looks nice and and
(17:27):
whatever comes out, that's our tree.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
I'm like, yeah, you're right. I was like okay, So we.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Did it, and oh my god, guys, the tree is
so cute. It's tiny, like not tiny, but it's like
smaller than I've had in a long time. It's like
a what like a nine, maybe like a seven, I
don't know. Anyway, it's small but cute. And that night
we just brought it home and we put it in
its place, and we had no decor. I hadn't bought
(17:53):
in lights or anything. I was like, let's buy the
tree first. So then I just went on Amazon and
purchased everything, and then it got there a few days later.
And then the stuff sat there for a while until
like we're like, okay, today's day and we just did
it just a few days ago on a Sunday. I
was like, you know what, the stuff has been sitting
there for a few days, let's freaking do it. So
(18:14):
we put on Christmas music and he wanted cookies, so
I made him some cookies.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
He loves sugar cookies.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
And we just did it like we were together, just
him and I putting the lights on and like every
little ornament and I was looking at the tree this
morning and I'm.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Like, oh my goodness, there's some little spots missing.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
But He's like, it's okay, that's the way it's meant
to be, that we did it together and like it
doesn't have to be perfect, and I'm like, yeah, you're right,
you're right.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
So that's what he teaches me, guys.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Where it's like I want to like i'm more very
just precise and organized, and he really just brings me
back to like be present, just.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Let it be, just enjoy the moment.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Enjoy However, the damn tree, even if it's lopsided, it
doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
We chose it together. I'm like, you know what, Yeah,
this is what it's all about.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
And I love that. And so now that's what we're doing.
And it was just him and I and it was beautiful.
After Thanksgiving, I did think I'm like, damn, should we
just stay for Christmas. I really did think that, and
(19:22):
I had bought insurance, well, I mean, I bought insurance
for the house that we're getting the airbnb. But I'm like, no,
I know what God told me. God told me I
need to do this, and I need to obey, and
this is good for us, this is good for him
and I and I will never forget his face, how
happy and how excited he was, and how grateful he
was because he deserves it and he's been a good husband.
(19:49):
And I know that my life comes with a lot.
That's how I know that this is my person because
not once did he ever say when Johnny lived with us,
how much I struggled in the middle of this year
with everything going on with my siblings. Not once did
he complain, did he ever say like anything negative, not
(20:12):
one time. He allowed me to figure this out on
my own, and I have, and it hasn't been easy.
This change has been uncomfortable for me in moments, but
I know that this is what's healthier for my siblings
and I. But he was just there every time I cried,
and he would do anything to make me happy, take
(20:33):
me flowers and chocolates and all these things that just
he knows is going to make me smile, and he
did it, and so I'm like, you know what, he
was there for me, so I can't change it. I'm
actually looking forward to leaving with him and taking a drive,
going to the snow and sitting there, even if we
do nothing, watch movies. I don't even know what it's
going to look like. I don't know if this is
(20:55):
going to be part of our holiday tradition, if we're
going to continue to leave just him and I for Christmas, yes,
because it's so different. Guys, I have not boughten one gift,
not one gift have I gotten, And that's so rare
for me because I love gift giving. I love to give.
I feel like I've been giving in a different way
(21:16):
this year, outside of my inner circle, outside of my
siblings usually, like I put so much thought into like
what am I going to buy them? And what am
I going to buy even my husband, Like my heart
just wants to give to people in need. And I
think that my siblings and everyone will understand because I
(21:37):
am a giver and I give all year long, and
maybe this is my year to receive.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
I'm just literally just realizing that right now as I'm
speaking to you guys, I don't know. I just don't
think I'm gonna buy any gifts this year, and that
is so weird for me, and I don't know where
that's coming from, but I'm just realizing a lot. And
maybe I'm a giver because it feels good to give.
(22:08):
But also, someone made a comment in my family and
I won't say who it was, but they did say,
you can't buy everyone's love, Janney, and it's stuck with me,
and I'm like, it's not what I do and that's
(22:30):
not why I do it, but it did something in
my heart, and I was like, okay, and it just
took away that desire of going all out because I do.
I don't care about the price. I just want to
make people happy, like it genuinely makes me happy to
(22:51):
make people happy, like it really does. So right now,
what my heart wants to do is give to those
a need and hew and donate and volunteer, and that's
what's making me happy. And just know that the people
that are used to me giving and being extravagant with
my gifts, knowing that they're gonna love me whether I
(23:14):
give them an expensive gift or a gift at all,
and I think that's kind of again. I'm not even
doing it to teach anyone a lesson or anything. It's
just really where my heart is right now, and I
think that's okay. Christmas is so much more than just
gift giving, and we'll see, and maybe this is something
(23:37):
that needs to happen to realize other things.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Again, this is just something that is coming out of
me as I'm speaking here on this mic, but that's
where I'm at. And I even told Emia. I was like,
please don't buy me any gifts. I don't want any
gifts to Sere like, thank God, I don't need anything.
I just want quality time. And he said he's not
(24:03):
going to listen to me. He's still gonna buy me things.
So I'm like, okay, but I was honest. I'm like,
I just I haven't gotten one gift and it's I
just I don't know, and I don't know why I
feel this way, or maybe it's just because the year
has been so heavy. I don't want to go to
the mall and I don't want to shop and I
just don't and I think that's okay. I think we
(24:24):
can give love and give gifts in other ways. And
I think this is also a lesson for me to
just give more quality time to the people around me.
And yeah, and that's what I'm doing with my husband,
So it starts there. That's what I want to do.
(24:44):
And I'm excited because we have a full kitchen, so
I'm gonna be able to cook for him and hopefully
God willing, it's snowing, because I really want to take
whole pictures in the snow and just bake and chill
and maybe go to a bar and have and just chill, guys, like,
really leave everything, all the worries, everything behind. I'm not
(25:08):
gonna take my agenda. I don't want to do any
work out there. I just want to be present and.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Have fun.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
And I think I'm going to be able to just
heal part of my inner child as well out there
and just tend to my inner child because that's when
him and I have the most fun.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
So that's what we're gonna do.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
It was a very hard decision, but a necessary one,
and I'll let you guys know how it went. I'm
sure I'm gonna miss my siblings, of course, because it
hurts my feelings because they don't know what they're doing.
(25:48):
I know, it sounds silly. It sounds silly because it's like, oh,
it's just you know, you're going away for Christmas. Like,
thank God, I'm going away with someone I love and
I enjoy. But still it's like all I've known is
my siblings, you know, But this is part of growing up,
(26:10):
and this is part of growing and maturing. And you know,
Jennica's stepping up and she says she's gonna have Christmas
at her house and I don't know. I don't know
how i'm gonna feel that day. I'm sure i'm gonna
miss them and think about them and maybe we'll FaceTime.
(26:30):
Thank God for FaceTime. But the point is that I
am really stepping up and listening and not ignoring those
callings and those gut feelings are intuition, my intuition that's
(26:51):
speaking to me and telling me that I need to
do this. And even though it's scary and it's something
very unknown, I know that I need to do it
and I'm excited, but I'm also nervous. And yeah, thank god.
We had a good Thanksgiving. It was a beautiful Thanksgiving,
and I'm grateful for that, and things are better, so
(27:14):
they'll figure it out. They'll figure it out. Johnny's the
one that concerns me the most. He doesn't know what
he's going to do. But anyways, anyway, thank you guys
for listening. I didn't expect to cry. I didn't know
how this was going to go. Again, I didn't have
(27:36):
a plan. I didn't really know exactly what I wanted
to say. But maybe those are the episodes that are
the best when you just speak from the heart. I'm
grateful for you, guys, because you guys listened to me,
and you guys let me sit here and cry with you.
I don't even know if you're crying, but I'm crying.
(27:57):
But anyway, I'm grateful for you. And I hope you
guys have an amazing Christmas. And I hope that you
guys start your own traditions, whatever it may be, with
your family, with your siblings, with your loved one, whoever.
I hope that you guys have an amazing, amazing Christmas.
And I will let you know how my.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Trip goes on the next episode of Cheeky's and Chill.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Micaeldura podcast Network.
Follow us on Instagram at Michael Doura Podcasts, then follow
me Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s.
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast
Host
Chiquis
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!