August 4, 2025 • 23 mins
Hello, hello! It’s Monday, which means a brand-new episode of Chiquis and Chill. Today, I’m getting a lot off my chest! I’m talking about a personal situation that reminded me of the importance of praying more and talking less. It’s something I’ve been practicing lately and I hope it inspires some of you to do the same.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi, guys. I hope you all are having a beautiful morning, afternoon,
or evening. Today's just me and the mic. I felt
the need to talk to you guys about a topic
that's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm in
a season in my life where I'm really focusing on health, wellness,
and spirituality, and this topic really falls in line with that.
So we are going to be talking about why I
(00:26):
think people, including myself, should pray more and talk less.
I wrote a little something. If you've been listening to
Cheeky's and Chill lately, I have been doing a lot
of writing and just expressing my feelings in that way,
and I've been trying to do it a little bit
more on the podcast. So I wrote a little something
and then I'll break it down and I'll give you
some personal experiences. Because anything I talk about on this podcast,
(00:51):
it's because I'm either going through it, it's something I
want to change, something I went through, etc. So, like
I said, it is also a note to myself because
I also want to remind myself to do that more,
because you know, sometimes we're like I want to vent. Anyway,
we'll get into that. The point is this is what
I wrote. Not everything needs to be shared, not every
thought needs a witness. Some storms are meant to be
(01:13):
calmed in silence, on your knees, with your hand on
your heart and your soul, in surrender. You don't have
to explain it, you don't have to fix it with words.
Sometimes the most powerful thing to do is nothing at all,
and trust that God heard the tear that never fell.
Vent less, breathe more, don't feed the fear with your voice,
(01:35):
feed your faith in stillness. I wrote this the other
day because I was listening to a sermon that my
sister Jackie sent me actually in our group chat, in
our sibling group chat, and it talked a little bit
about this. It talked about us always feeling the need
to vent. And I've done it. I do it all
the time. I rant even on social media. I've done
(01:56):
it where I'm like, I'm just gonna let my fingers
talk on Twitter, or I'm just going to do a
little rant on stories, you know. And I've done that
and it makes me feel better. And it's crazy because
I'm like, oh, you know, pray more, talk less. And
I have a podcast, right, I talk a lot. I
love it. I love to express myself. I love to
share things with you. But I'm talking about when we
(02:18):
have an issue or we're going through something. And this
just happened the other day, Guys, just happened literally two
days ago. I have been dealing with a little issue,
actually a pretty big issue with someone that was in
my life, someone that I don't even want to say
exactly what, because I don't even want to go there,
(02:41):
but someone that was in my life. Things didn't work out.
She disappointed me very much. I heard that she was
talking a lot of things, a lot of nonsense, a
lot of things that aren't true. And I know that
this is true because I know her character and I
know how she is, because because she would do it
with me. She would call and invent to me about
(03:02):
other people and just talk bad about people and then
turn around and she was cool with them. Which is
why I said, you know what, I'm going to stay
away from this person. This person is not good news.
And she happened to come up in a conversation that
I was having right and I had told myself, I'm
not going to talk about this anymore, like I'm done
with it. I'm not going to bring any more light
to it, and it's going to make the situation bigger,
(03:23):
and what I want is for it to go away.
But I fell into the trap and we were talking
and I got all reheated all over again because this
person told me, Hey, now that we're talking about this,
I want to be open with you, and I want
to tell you some things that this person told me.
And I already knew in my heart. I know how
(03:44):
she is. She probably talked crap about me. If she
calls me to talk crap about everyone else, she's probably
talking aboud about me. But I never asked because I
was like, I don't want to know. But we were
having the conversation and we were in it, and she
told me, you know, she said this about you, and
she told this other person that you were jealous of her.
It was just all this. Honestly, at the end of
(04:04):
the day I think about it was very, very childish,
like the whole thing. You know, it's very I guess
high school if you want to call it, because I'll
explain later. And then this other person chimed in and
she said, oh my gosh, yes, I heard that too.
And these people are from two completely different worlds, and
I said, oh my gosh, this girl's just going around
(04:25):
just talking crap. Not that I care, because I promise you,
I thank God. I've gotten to this point where I'm like,
I don't care what you think about me. I don't
care what you feel. Like I know who I am,
not that I don't care what you feel, but I'm like,
what you feel about me, I like, especially if it's
not real, it's not the truth. But I don't know why.
I was like, oh my gosh, I haven't said anything.
(04:46):
I let this person off the hook because I could
have literally caused her life a lot of financial turmoil
without getting into detail. And I'm like, dude, she's still
saying these things. And I think in that moment, God
was like, Okay, what are you gonna do with this?
(05:06):
You just heard a sermon talking about praying and taking
it to God, letting go and letting God write, and
you're getting all rattled up, like you know what to do, Jenny.
But I ignored that little voice and I said, Oh, I'm
gonna tell this bitch off, you know That's what I said.
I was like, I'm gonna freaking let her know what
(05:27):
I feel because I just felt the need I need
to let her know. I need to tell her not
everything needs to be said guys, And I sure did.
I did. I put these two people in a group chat,
and I said, I don't want because I'm very direct.
I am like, especially if you're talking not the truth
on my name. I have a whole book on it.
(05:48):
Because there were so many things guys that were said
about me, and I wanted to set the story straight.
And I feel like that was a season in my life.
We're not there anymore. It's fine, think what you will.
It's cool, you'll get to know me, right. So it
took a lot of work to get here, but I'm
human and I fall off track sometimes. And I went
(06:10):
ahead and I made this group chat and I put
these two people in there and I said, hey, I
just want you to know blah blah blah blah. I
did not say this blah blah like. I was very stern, straightforward,
and I just at the end of the day, everything
I said was just unnecessary. It was necessary for me,
I feel in the moment because I'm like, I just
need to set the story straight. And it's what I said.
(06:32):
I was like, boyak, Clara, I'm going to clear something
up because I introduced you guys, and the fact that
this person is saying this to you and trying to
make me look bad, and I'm like, I just want
you to know that's not true. I never said that.
I would never like do that because I'm like, I'm
not like we're grown, you know. But in a way,
I also felt like what I'm doing is not too
grown either, like it's it's in the past. It happened
(06:56):
months ago, like five months ago, Like just leave it alone.
That's what I feel I should have done. Anyway, I
did that, you know. The other person, of course, just
got all rattled up and said all kinds of things
and whatever it was, it is what it is. And
I just said, you know, at the end of the day,
you're right, this doesn't even matter, Like why am I
(07:17):
bringing this up? Like what did I gain out of this?
Because I thought I felt better, like I'm like, okay,
I'm an event. I'm gonna it like let it be known.
And then the next day I woke up and I
woke up very heavy, and I was praying, and I
almost felt like I think I want to apologize and
say hey, like it was unnecessary and not apologize for
(07:39):
what I said, because what I said was true, but
it's unnecessary to bring that up. Like I'm not trying
to also steer up things between you guys, because that's
not the point. But sometimes I'm like, I don't have
to defend myself. God will defend me. God will show
these people who I am and they will see it
on their own with time, because people always show their
true colors. But there I am wanting to take control
(08:02):
of the narrative and it's like it's something that is
It's hard. It's hard to do, especially when you're like
a person that likes to do things right and treat
people the way you want to be treated. And it's
disappointing to see how people can be. And it's disheartening
because you gave the person so much love, and not
only love, so much opportunity and introduce this person to
(08:26):
so many people and in a way kind of set
them up and for them to do you that way,
you feel like I gotta let it be known. But
God reminded me, like I guess I just apologized to
myself and I'm like, it's okay, you're human. It was
a moment and everyone was there and you heard it
and it was just kind of like it, you know,
it fired you up, and I had to just excuse
(08:48):
myself and I asked for forgiveness. I was like, God,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I did that. I was
not being my best self and I need to pray more.
I just need to pray about it. I think in
that moment, I should have said, you know what, doesn't
even matter what they said, Let's not even talk about that.
Let's just talk about something else. I should have been
that person, because that's something i'm practicing right now about,
like not gossiping and stuff like that. And it's hard, guys,
(09:08):
because we're women, and not only women, men love it too.
They probably love it more than women actually, But we
like to talk, you know, and sometimes you go to
dinner and you're like, what are we gonna talk about,
Let's chose me out, let's talk about this person, blah
blah blah. And I want to steer away from that
because the conversations I want to have moving forward is
how can we grow? How can we be better? And
I had told myself I'm going to be better at that.
(09:30):
I'm gonna tell people, Hey, the person's not here. Let's
not talk about that person, or that's not something I
want to talk about right now. Let's talk about something positive.
And I didn't do that, and not that the other
people were wrong in their mind. They were like, I'm
being loyal to Janey and I got to tell her
these things that I've been carrying in my heart because
it's heavy. But I should have been like, you know,
I get it, thank you for wanting to tell me,
(09:51):
but it's not necessary. We're cool. I don't care about
that anymore. But instead I did the complete opposite, and
it didn't make me feel good. I didn't have peace
in my heart, which is why I woke up thinking
about it at freaking five in the morning and I'm like, Okay,
what did I do yesterday that did it make me
feel so good? Because I'm waking up with the heavy heart.
And I went back and it was that when I
was praying, I'm like, oh, I just heard about the sermon.
(10:16):
I just heard about this. I should know better, and
I fell into it. Okay, cool, And instead of beating
myself up about it, though, I said, I'm going to
do a podcast about it. I'm going to do a
freaking episode on it because I think it happens to
all of us, and I think we just need to
be more intentional about being a little bit better with
not letting that negativity when it comes and knocks on
(10:36):
our door. Don't let it in. Stop it at the door,
and just say, hey, I don't want this. I'm going
to close it because and then it brings a whole
world of other issues. And now I'm like, how dumb
did I probably sound to these people, like Okay, the
girl that happened so long ago, why are you bringing
this up right now? And I can admit that I
am like, Okay, cool, it wasn't necessary. I wasn't being
my best self, and I almost apologized, but then I'm like,
(10:58):
knowing the other person, she's probably gonna think I'm excusing
her behavior, and that's not what I want to do.
So I'm just gonna in my prayer, in my silence,
pray to God, ask for forgiveness, forgive myself, and just
learn from it and make an episode out of it.
So that's why I wanted to talk to you guys
about this, because it just happened to me, and it
is something that is very difficult and I want you, guys,
(11:20):
to catch it before it makes you feel the way
that it made me feel in that moment. When I'm
feeling me things. What I've been doing is like in
my notes in my phone, I'm just like writing things
to remind myself and topics. So if I go in
my notes and I see something that I don't know,
writing has been helping a lot. So anyway, my point is,
this is something I've been learning on a deeper level,
(11:42):
and it's not everything needs to be shared, processed, or vented.
It's good to vent, but sometimes like do it with
the therapist, do it with the life coach, you know,
do it with someone that's gonna give you some like
tools or some advice to say, hey, calm down, slow down,
and I hope that this can also help you. My
little poem or whatever it is that I wrote. Sometimes
(12:05):
the most healing thing we can do is to take
a breath and take it to God. Because the more
we talk about it, the more we feed it, the
more we rehash it, the more energy we give it,
and we make it bigger. Even when the intention is pure,
even when we're talking to someone we trust, there's a
difference between sharing and surrendering. So this episode is an
(12:27):
invitation to pause before picking up the phone, to sit
with yourself before spiraling into stories, to pray more and
talk less, not out of fear, not out of silence,
but out of wisdom, out of trust, out of knowing
that your spirit does it need an audience, it needs alignment.
(12:49):
Just to be fair, part of this is for my
devotional that I didn't write all of it. A lot
of it is for my devotional, but I wanted to
share it with you guys because it really hit me
and I'm like, whoa, yeah, yeah, I'm getting older. I
don't want to bring that energy into my life and
things are always going to happen and people are always
going to talk. And I went through that season already
(13:11):
I felt the need to defend my name and to
set the story straight. And I don't feel that I
want to do that for the rest of my life.
You know, I am at a place where I know
who I am, I know what I'm about. I know
that I wake up every morning and I want to
treat people better and I want to do the right things.
(13:32):
And like I always say, treat people the way you
want to be treated, and people will get to know
me if they want to get to know me, and
if they don't, they won't and that's it and it
doesn't freaking matter. And I'm not just talking about cheesemus
and you know, things that happen with friends and all this,
you know, high school stuff. Because the girl she actually
told me when she listened to my voice notes, because
(13:52):
I sent voice notes, okay, because I'm like, I want
you to listen to my voice because I don't want
anything to be misconstrued, and blah blah blah. So she
said a voice back, and she was pretty upset, of course,
and she's like, this is so high school. And I'm like,
I guess she's right, but I'm like whatever, but I'm like, yeah,
she's right, and I can admit it and it's okay.
So I'm not just talking about that kind of stuff.
I'm talking about problems. Like again, I like to use
(14:16):
personal experiences because I feel like that's what resonates more
so I like to give you guys examples. But you know,
this whole thing that I kind of talked about a
little bit, uh with you guys about my siblings, you know,
it was very heavy on my heart and I cried
a lot about it. I just cried about it two
days ago again, like it's just, you know, things aren't
(14:37):
as I guess. I don't even know what normal would
be or things have just changed. I'm not going to
get into it again. But I went away like people
would ask me now because because my siblings and this
and that and like not everyone but like my friends
or you know, or I would talk to a media
about it over and over and I'm like, dude, I
don't want to tire him out either, so I just stopped.
(15:00):
I said, you know what, that's it. If I'm going
to cry, I'm going to cry and I and I
media is like are you okay? And I'm like yeah,
but I don't want to talk about it. I'm good,
and I would just pray and I just prayed, and
I've been praying my way through it, and I feel
better instead of talking and talking and talking and going
in circles and like trying to get someone to tell
me something like it's like sometimes you don't need someone
(15:22):
to tell you what to do or what the right
thing is. It's just silence and just listening to your
inner thoughts or not at all and just saying, you
know what, God, I'm sad today and that's it. Like
I don't know what to do about the situation. Can
you fix it? Like that's it? Or the prayer, the
serenity prayer, Oh my gosh, guys, I love that. That's
been helping me so much. It is God grat me
(15:43):
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom
to know the difference. I love love this so much
because I don't know if you guys knew. I didn't know.
I just learned a few years back. But the Serenity
prayer is not like from the Bible. It is from
like I think, aa I believe, I'm not sure, but
(16:05):
it's not in the Bible anyway. I don't know where
I found this years ago. I had it on my
wall and I want to actually get it tatted on
me somewhere. I don't know where, but I mean, it's amazing.
God grabbed me the serenity to accept the things I
cannot change because there's a lot of things that are
out of our control. There's a lot of things that
we can change, right. The courage to change the things
that I can. Yes, we want to be better versions
(16:26):
of ourselves. We're going to change what we can and
the wisdom to know the difference between the two. And
that's what I told myself with the whole situation with
my siblings or maybe the things that are going on
with other things that I don't want to talk about.
But I'm always going to talk to you guys, of course,
right because we're here to change the world. Anyway. I've
(16:52):
just been reciting this prayer and it makes me feel better,
and I'm like, yeah, it's just it's a little reminder
of you know whatnot everything like even if like you
go to dinner and they're like, hey, what's going on
in your life? Nothing, even if something is going on,
be like, huh, I have some stuff going on, but
I don't really want to talk about it. Like it's cool,
Like I'm praying about it, so but yeah, let's talk
(17:13):
about the future or I want to get better at that,
you know, instead of going to dinner and just talking
about all my problems. I felt bad because I don't
know where I went the other day. Where did I go? Oh?
We had like a girl's not the other day. It
was like a few months ago, we had like a
girl's little like staycation at my friend's house and it
was for my friends and their moms and stuff. So
(17:34):
they needed to just kind of like be be themselves,
be women and not moms for a day. So we
went to my friend's house and that was like the
beginning of when stuff was going a little weird with
my with my siblings, you know. And all I did
was talk about it for like two hours, and I'm
like and then I was like, oh my gosh, I'm
(17:55):
so sorry you guys. I've just been talking about like
all my problems. I felt so bad. No, no, no, it's okay.
I'm like, I just feel like I sat there, I'm like,
oh my god, and this has been going on and
I'm crying and the whole thing. And I'm like, oh
my gosh. I felt so bad, guys, because I was like,
my friends are trying to get away from their like
daily lives and here I am, you know, and anyway,
(18:15):
I'm human. It happens, guys. Let's not beat ourselves up
about it, but let's correct ourselves. And that's what I
just wanted to talk about because it is important and
I think it's beautiful. Like there's another thing that I
always say. I say so, I have so many phrases, huh,
but I'm like, Okay, if you're already on your knees,
you might as well pray. You know. If like you're
on your knees because you are so torn apart and
(18:38):
the life has made you fall onto your knees because
you're hurt or your heart broken, well you're already there,
you might as well pray and say, God help me,
you know. So it's kind of like that. I don't
know if that made any sense, but it made sense
to me. I hope it makes sense to you. So
I just wanted to talk about this. I wanted to
talk about it because it is something that I have
been dealing with and something that I want to correct
and I want to get better with. And I know that,
(19:01):
you know, sometimes it's not going to be perfect, and
that's okay, because life isn't meant to be perfect. It's
meant to be lived and living and learning. And I'm
still learning, y'all. I'm still learning. And you know, I've
and I've come to realize I mean, I've known this,
but I think because I'm going through this season of
(19:23):
recalibration right and rebirth, you know, because I'm always constantly
like wanting to become a better version of myself. And
I think that's just life. You know. We're evolving, We're
always going to change things. We're going to change, things
are going to shift. And I'm barely starting to really
really really not only understand that but accept it and
just know that that's just life and it's going to happen.
(19:45):
And life is going to happen and we can't do
anything about it. We just have to like kind of adjust,
and that's kind of what I'm doing right now. And
I will tell you that I have noticed physically more
than anything, the change and a difference because my neck,
you guys, when all this was going on, and when
I would talk about it, I would instantly I feel like,
(20:08):
your body tells you and God in a way is
telling you, like you need to stop talking about this
or you need to just let this go. Because I
would just talk about it and my neck would start hurting,
like I had a neck pain for like three weeks,
you guys, tight, tight, tight, from like my temples all
the way down to my shoulders. It was crazy. The
knots I had When I got a massage, the lady
(20:30):
was like, oh my goodness, how are you even functioning?
And that was an indication like I'm like, oh, I
was ignoring that that physical pain that my body was saying, hey,
stop this already, like stop talking about it, like you're
going through it, fine, cool, accept it, make the changes
that you can, and leave the rest alone. And I
wasn't listening because now that I like am actively intentionally
(20:55):
telling myself okay, I'm not going to talk about certain
situations like I'm just not going to my neck has
been so much better. I have felt more relaxed. Yes,
I don't know what, but I've been very sensitive. I
cry about everything. And no, it's not my period because
it just came and left, so it's not that. But
(21:17):
I'm just letting my feelings flow and just not talking
about it, like I'm like okay. Even if I am
sad and people are like, are you okay, I'm like, yeah,
I'm fine. I just don't really want to talk about it.
But everything's cool. I've been feeling like things have been
settling better and my body is responding to it. I
guess because I'm not talking about it. So much like
better and more positive energy is entering and things are
(21:39):
like seem to be going into the right direction, you know,
with certain situations, and I'm feeling better. So it works.
I mean, call it the law of attraction, call it
like it's mental. I don't know, but try it, guys,
talk less, pray more, pray more, talk less, however you
want to say it, and you will really like feel
(21:59):
and see the change. And yeah, I hope everything made sense.
I know I kind of bounced around, but I feel
like I need to do that in order to articulate
what I'm trying to say and organize my thoughts and feelings.
So I really appreciate your patience and your love and
listening in share the episode, guys, and thank you for
(22:23):
coming to Cheeky's and Chill to Chill, to learn, to grow,
to glow all the good stuff. I love you, and
I will catch you on the next episode of Cheeks
and Chill. Okay, alrighty they see tho's have a great day.
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(22:46):
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Hi, guys. I hope you all are having a beautiful morning, afternoon,
or evening. Today's just me and the mic. I felt
the need to talk to you guys about a topic
that's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm in
a season in my life where I'm really focusing on health, wellness,
and spirituality, and this topic really falls in line with that.
So we are going to be talking about why I
(00:26):
think people, including myself, should pray more and talk less.
I wrote a little something. If you've been listening to
Cheeky's and Chill lately, I have been doing a lot
of writing and just expressing my feelings in that way,
and I've been trying to do it a little bit
more on the podcast. So I wrote a little something
and then I'll break it down and I'll give you
some personal experiences. Because anything I talk about on this podcast,
(00:51):
it's because I'm either going through it, it's something I
want to change, something I went through, etc. So, like
I said, it is also a note to myself because
I also want to remind myself to do that more,
because you know, sometimes we're like I want to vent. Anyway,
we'll get into that. The point is this is what
I wrote. Not everything needs to be shared, not every
thought needs a witness. Some storms are meant to be
(01:13):
calmed in silence, on your knees, with your hand on
your heart and your soul, in surrender. You don't have
to explain it, you don't have to fix it with words.
Sometimes the most powerful thing to do is nothing at all,
and trust that God heard the tear that never fell.
Vent less, breathe more, don't feed the fear with your voice,
(01:35):
feed your faith in stillness. I wrote this the other
day because I was listening to a sermon that my
sister Jackie sent me actually in our group chat, in
our sibling group chat, and it talked a little bit
about this. It talked about us always feeling the need
to vent. And I've done it. I do it all
the time. I rant even on social media. I've done
(01:56):
it where I'm like, I'm just gonna let my fingers
talk on Twitter, or I'm just going to do a
little rant on stories, you know. And I've done that
and it makes me feel better. And it's crazy because
I'm like, oh, you know, pray more, talk less. And
I have a podcast, right, I talk a lot. I
love it. I love to express myself. I love to
share things with you. But I'm talking about when we
(02:18):
have an issue or we're going through something. And this
just happened the other day, Guys, just happened literally two
days ago. I have been dealing with a little issue,
actually a pretty big issue with someone that was in
my life, someone that I don't even want to say
exactly what, because I don't even want to go there,
(02:41):
but someone that was in my life. Things didn't work out.
She disappointed me very much. I heard that she was
talking a lot of things, a lot of nonsense, a
lot of things that aren't true. And I know that
this is true because I know her character and I
know how she is, because because she would do it
with me. She would call and invent to me about
(03:02):
other people and just talk bad about people and then
turn around and she was cool with them. Which is
why I said, you know what, I'm going to stay
away from this person. This person is not good news.
And she happened to come up in a conversation that
I was having right and I had told myself, I'm
not going to talk about this anymore, like I'm done
with it. I'm not going to bring any more light
to it, and it's going to make the situation bigger,
(03:23):
and what I want is for it to go away.
But I fell into the trap and we were talking
and I got all reheated all over again because this
person told me, Hey, now that we're talking about this,
I want to be open with you, and I want
to tell you some things that this person told me.
And I already knew in my heart. I know how
(03:44):
she is. She probably talked crap about me. If she
calls me to talk crap about everyone else, she's probably
talking aboud about me. But I never asked because I
was like, I don't want to know. But we were
having the conversation and we were in it, and she
told me, you know, she said this about you, and
she told this other person that you were jealous of her.
It was just all this. Honestly, at the end of
(04:04):
the day I think about it was very, very childish,
like the whole thing. You know, it's very I guess
high school if you want to call it, because I'll
explain later. And then this other person chimed in and
she said, oh my gosh, yes, I heard that too.
And these people are from two completely different worlds, and
I said, oh my gosh, this girl's just going around
(04:25):
just talking crap. Not that I care, because I promise you,
I thank God. I've gotten to this point where I'm like,
I don't care what you think about me. I don't
care what you feel. Like I know who I am,
not that I don't care what you feel, but I'm like,
what you feel about me, I like, especially if it's
not real, it's not the truth. But I don't know why.
I was like, oh my gosh, I haven't said anything.
(04:46):
I let this person off the hook because I could
have literally caused her life a lot of financial turmoil
without getting into detail. And I'm like, dude, she's still
saying these things. And I think in that moment, God
was like, Okay, what are you gonna do with this?
(05:06):
You just heard a sermon talking about praying and taking
it to God, letting go and letting God write, and
you're getting all rattled up, like you know what to do, Jenny.
But I ignored that little voice and I said, Oh, I'm
gonna tell this bitch off, you know That's what I said.
I was like, I'm gonna freaking let her know what
(05:27):
I feel because I just felt the need I need
to let her know. I need to tell her not
everything needs to be said guys, And I sure did.
I did. I put these two people in a group chat,
and I said, I don't want because I'm very direct.
I am like, especially if you're talking not the truth
on my name. I have a whole book on it.
(05:48):
Because there were so many things guys that were said
about me, and I wanted to set the story straight.
And I feel like that was a season in my life.
We're not there anymore. It's fine, think what you will.
It's cool, you'll get to know me, right. So it
took a lot of work to get here, but I'm
human and I fall off track sometimes. And I went
(06:10):
ahead and I made this group chat and I put
these two people in there and I said, hey, I
just want you to know blah blah blah blah. I
did not say this blah blah like. I was very stern, straightforward,
and I just at the end of the day, everything
I said was just unnecessary. It was necessary for me,
I feel in the moment because I'm like, I just
need to set the story straight. And it's what I said.
(06:32):
I was like, boyak, Clara, I'm going to clear something
up because I introduced you guys, and the fact that
this person is saying this to you and trying to
make me look bad, and I'm like, I just want
you to know that's not true. I never said that.
I would never like do that because I'm like, I'm
not like we're grown, you know. But in a way,
I also felt like what I'm doing is not too
grown either, like it's it's in the past. It happened
(06:56):
months ago, like five months ago, Like just leave it alone.
That's what I feel I should have done. Anyway, I
did that, you know. The other person, of course, just
got all rattled up and said all kinds of things
and whatever it was, it is what it is. And
I just said, you know, at the end of the day,
you're right, this doesn't even matter, Like why am I
(07:17):
bringing this up? Like what did I gain out of this?
Because I thought I felt better, like I'm like, okay,
I'm an event. I'm gonna it like let it be known.
And then the next day I woke up and I
woke up very heavy, and I was praying, and I
almost felt like I think I want to apologize and
say hey, like it was unnecessary and not apologize for
(07:39):
what I said, because what I said was true, but
it's unnecessary to bring that up. Like I'm not trying
to also steer up things between you guys, because that's
not the point. But sometimes I'm like, I don't have
to defend myself. God will defend me. God will show
these people who I am and they will see it
on their own with time, because people always show their
true colors. But there I am wanting to take control
(08:02):
of the narrative and it's like it's something that is
It's hard. It's hard to do, especially when you're like
a person that likes to do things right and treat
people the way you want to be treated. And it's
disappointing to see how people can be. And it's disheartening
because you gave the person so much love, and not
only love, so much opportunity and introduce this person to
(08:26):
so many people and in a way kind of set
them up and for them to do you that way,
you feel like I gotta let it be known. But
God reminded me, like I guess I just apologized to
myself and I'm like, it's okay, you're human. It was
a moment and everyone was there and you heard it
and it was just kind of like it, you know,
it fired you up, and I had to just excuse
(08:48):
myself and I asked for forgiveness. I was like, God,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I did that. I was
not being my best self and I need to pray more.
I just need to pray about it. I think in
that moment, I should have said, you know what, doesn't
even matter what they said, Let's not even talk about that.
Let's just talk about something else. I should have been
that person, because that's something i'm practicing right now about,
like not gossiping and stuff like that. And it's hard, guys,
(09:08):
because we're women, and not only women, men love it too.
They probably love it more than women actually, But we
like to talk, you know, and sometimes you go to
dinner and you're like, what are we gonna talk about,
Let's chose me out, let's talk about this person, blah
blah blah. And I want to steer away from that
because the conversations I want to have moving forward is
how can we grow? How can we be better? And
I had told myself I'm going to be better at that.
(09:30):
I'm gonna tell people, Hey, the person's not here. Let's
not talk about that person, or that's not something I
want to talk about right now. Let's talk about something positive.
And I didn't do that, and not that the other
people were wrong in their mind. They were like, I'm
being loyal to Janey and I got to tell her
these things that I've been carrying in my heart because
it's heavy. But I should have been like, you know,
I get it, thank you for wanting to tell me,
(09:51):
but it's not necessary. We're cool. I don't care about
that anymore. But instead I did the complete opposite, and
it didn't make me feel good. I didn't have peace
in my heart, which is why I woke up thinking
about it at freaking five in the morning and I'm like, Okay,
what did I do yesterday that did it make me
feel so good? Because I'm waking up with the heavy heart.
And I went back and it was that when I
was praying, I'm like, oh, I just heard about the sermon.
(10:16):
I just heard about this. I should know better, and
I fell into it. Okay, cool, And instead of beating
myself up about it, though, I said, I'm going to
do a podcast about it. I'm going to do a
freaking episode on it because I think it happens to
all of us, and I think we just need to
be more intentional about being a little bit better with
not letting that negativity when it comes and knocks on
(10:36):
our door. Don't let it in. Stop it at the door,
and just say, hey, I don't want this. I'm going
to close it because and then it brings a whole
world of other issues. And now I'm like, how dumb
did I probably sound to these people, like Okay, the
girl that happened so long ago, why are you bringing
this up right now? And I can admit that I
am like, Okay, cool, it wasn't necessary. I wasn't being
my best self, and I almost apologized, but then I'm like,
(10:58):
knowing the other person, she's probably gonna think I'm excusing
her behavior, and that's not what I want to do.
So I'm just gonna in my prayer, in my silence,
pray to God, ask for forgiveness, forgive myself, and just
learn from it and make an episode out of it.
So that's why I wanted to talk to you guys
about this, because it just happened to me, and it
is something that is very difficult and I want you, guys,
(11:20):
to catch it before it makes you feel the way
that it made me feel in that moment. When I'm
feeling me things. What I've been doing is like in
my notes in my phone, I'm just like writing things
to remind myself and topics. So if I go in
my notes and I see something that I don't know,
writing has been helping a lot. So anyway, my point is,
this is something I've been learning on a deeper level,
(11:42):
and it's not everything needs to be shared, processed, or vented.
It's good to vent, but sometimes like do it with
the therapist, do it with the life coach, you know,
do it with someone that's gonna give you some like
tools or some advice to say, hey, calm down, slow down,
and I hope that this can also help you. My
little poem or whatever it is that I wrote. Sometimes
(12:05):
the most healing thing we can do is to take
a breath and take it to God. Because the more
we talk about it, the more we feed it, the
more we rehash it, the more energy we give it,
and we make it bigger. Even when the intention is pure,
even when we're talking to someone we trust, there's a
difference between sharing and surrendering. So this episode is an
(12:27):
invitation to pause before picking up the phone, to sit
with yourself before spiraling into stories, to pray more and
talk less, not out of fear, not out of silence,
but out of wisdom, out of trust, out of knowing
that your spirit does it need an audience, it needs alignment.
(12:49):
Just to be fair, part of this is for my
devotional that I didn't write all of it. A lot
of it is for my devotional, but I wanted to
share it with you guys because it really hit me
and I'm like, whoa, yeah, yeah, I'm getting older. I
don't want to bring that energy into my life and
things are always going to happen and people are always
going to talk. And I went through that season already
(13:11):
I felt the need to defend my name and to
set the story straight. And I don't feel that I
want to do that for the rest of my life.
You know, I am at a place where I know
who I am, I know what I'm about. I know
that I wake up every morning and I want to
treat people better and I want to do the right things.
(13:32):
And like I always say, treat people the way you
want to be treated, and people will get to know
me if they want to get to know me, and
if they don't, they won't and that's it and it
doesn't freaking matter. And I'm not just talking about cheesemus
and you know, things that happen with friends and all this,
you know, high school stuff. Because the girl she actually
told me when she listened to my voice notes, because
(13:52):
I sent voice notes, okay, because I'm like, I want
you to listen to my voice because I don't want
anything to be misconstrued, and blah blah blah. So she
said a voice back, and she was pretty upset, of course,
and she's like, this is so high school. And I'm like,
I guess she's right, but I'm like whatever, but I'm like, yeah,
she's right, and I can admit it and it's okay.
So I'm not just talking about that kind of stuff.
I'm talking about problems. Like again, I like to use
(14:16):
personal experiences because I feel like that's what resonates more
so I like to give you guys examples. But you know,
this whole thing that I kind of talked about a
little bit, uh with you guys about my siblings, you know,
it was very heavy on my heart and I cried
a lot about it. I just cried about it two
days ago again, like it's just, you know, things aren't
(14:37):
as I guess. I don't even know what normal would
be or things have just changed. I'm not going to
get into it again. But I went away like people
would ask me now because because my siblings and this
and that and like not everyone but like my friends
or you know, or I would talk to a media
about it over and over and I'm like, dude, I
don't want to tire him out either, so I just stopped.
(15:00):
I said, you know what, that's it. If I'm going
to cry, I'm going to cry and I and I
media is like are you okay? And I'm like yeah,
but I don't want to talk about it. I'm good,
and I would just pray and I just prayed, and
I've been praying my way through it, and I feel
better instead of talking and talking and talking and going
in circles and like trying to get someone to tell
me something like it's like sometimes you don't need someone
(15:22):
to tell you what to do or what the right
thing is. It's just silence and just listening to your
inner thoughts or not at all and just saying, you
know what, God, I'm sad today and that's it. Like
I don't know what to do about the situation. Can
you fix it? Like that's it? Or the prayer, the
serenity prayer, Oh my gosh, guys, I love that. That's
been helping me so much. It is God grat me
(15:43):
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom
to know the difference. I love love this so much
because I don't know if you guys knew. I didn't know.
I just learned a few years back. But the Serenity
prayer is not like from the Bible. It is from
like I think, aa I believe, I'm not sure, but
(16:05):
it's not in the Bible anyway. I don't know where
I found this years ago. I had it on my
wall and I want to actually get it tatted on
me somewhere. I don't know where, but I mean, it's amazing.
God grabbed me the serenity to accept the things I
cannot change because there's a lot of things that are
out of our control. There's a lot of things that
we can change, right. The courage to change the things
that I can. Yes, we want to be better versions
(16:26):
of ourselves. We're going to change what we can and
the wisdom to know the difference between the two. And
that's what I told myself with the whole situation with
my siblings or maybe the things that are going on
with other things that I don't want to talk about.
But I'm always going to talk to you guys, of course,
right because we're here to change the world. Anyway. I've
(16:52):
just been reciting this prayer and it makes me feel better,
and I'm like, yeah, it's just it's a little reminder
of you know whatnot everything like even if like you
go to dinner and they're like, hey, what's going on
in your life? Nothing, even if something is going on,
be like, huh, I have some stuff going on, but
I don't really want to talk about it. Like it's cool,
Like I'm praying about it, so but yeah, let's talk
(17:13):
about the future or I want to get better at that,
you know, instead of going to dinner and just talking
about all my problems. I felt bad because I don't
know where I went the other day. Where did I go? Oh?
We had like a girl's not the other day. It
was like a few months ago, we had like a
girl's little like staycation at my friend's house and it
was for my friends and their moms and stuff. So
(17:34):
they needed to just kind of like be be themselves,
be women and not moms for a day. So we
went to my friend's house and that was like the
beginning of when stuff was going a little weird with
my with my siblings, you know. And all I did
was talk about it for like two hours, and I'm
like and then I was like, oh my gosh, I'm
(17:55):
so sorry you guys. I've just been talking about like
all my problems. I felt so bad. No, no, no, it's okay.
I'm like, I just feel like I sat there, I'm like,
oh my god, and this has been going on and
I'm crying and the whole thing. And I'm like, oh
my gosh. I felt so bad, guys, because I was like,
my friends are trying to get away from their like
daily lives and here I am, you know, and anyway,
(18:15):
I'm human. It happens, guys. Let's not beat ourselves up
about it, but let's correct ourselves. And that's what I
just wanted to talk about because it is important and
I think it's beautiful. Like there's another thing that I
always say. I say so, I have so many phrases, huh,
but I'm like, Okay, if you're already on your knees,
you might as well pray. You know. If like you're
on your knees because you are so torn apart and
(18:38):
the life has made you fall onto your knees because
you're hurt or your heart broken, well you're already there,
you might as well pray and say, God help me,
you know. So it's kind of like that. I don't
know if that made any sense, but it made sense
to me. I hope it makes sense to you. So
I just wanted to talk about this. I wanted to
talk about it because it is something that I have
been dealing with and something that I want to correct
and I want to get better with. And I know that,
(19:01):
you know, sometimes it's not going to be perfect, and
that's okay, because life isn't meant to be perfect. It's
meant to be lived and living and learning. And I'm
still learning, y'all. I'm still learning. And you know, I've
and I've come to realize I mean, I've known this,
but I think because I'm going through this season of
(19:23):
recalibration right and rebirth, you know, because I'm always constantly
like wanting to become a better version of myself. And
I think that's just life. You know. We're evolving, We're
always going to change things. We're going to change, things
are going to shift. And I'm barely starting to really
really really not only understand that but accept it and
just know that that's just life and it's going to happen.
(19:45):
And life is going to happen and we can't do
anything about it. We just have to like kind of adjust,
and that's kind of what I'm doing right now. And
I will tell you that I have noticed physically more
than anything, the change and a difference because my neck,
you guys, when all this was going on, and when
I would talk about it, I would instantly I feel like,
(20:08):
your body tells you and God in a way is
telling you, like you need to stop talking about this
or you need to just let this go. Because I
would just talk about it and my neck would start hurting,
like I had a neck pain for like three weeks,
you guys, tight, tight, tight, from like my temples all
the way down to my shoulders. It was crazy. The
knots I had When I got a massage, the lady
(20:30):
was like, oh my goodness, how are you even functioning?
And that was an indication like I'm like, oh, I
was ignoring that that physical pain that my body was saying, hey,
stop this already, like stop talking about it, like you're
going through it, fine, cool, accept it, make the changes
that you can, and leave the rest alone. And I
wasn't listening because now that I like am actively intentionally
(20:55):
telling myself okay, I'm not going to talk about certain
situations like I'm just not going to my neck has
been so much better. I have felt more relaxed. Yes,
I don't know what, but I've been very sensitive. I
cry about everything. And no, it's not my period because
it just came and left, so it's not that. But
(21:17):
I'm just letting my feelings flow and just not talking
about it, like I'm like okay. Even if I am
sad and people are like, are you okay, I'm like, yeah,
I'm fine. I just don't really want to talk about it.
But everything's cool. I've been feeling like things have been
settling better and my body is responding to it. I
guess because I'm not talking about it. So much like
better and more positive energy is entering and things are
(21:39):
like seem to be going into the right direction, you know,
with certain situations, and I'm feeling better. So it works.
I mean, call it the law of attraction, call it
like it's mental. I don't know, but try it, guys,
talk less, pray more, pray more, talk less, however you
want to say it, and you will really like feel
(21:59):
and see the change. And yeah, I hope everything made sense.
I know I kind of bounced around, but I feel
like I need to do that in order to articulate
what I'm trying to say and organize my thoughts and feelings.
So I really appreciate your patience and your love and
listening in share the episode, guys, and thank you for
(22:23):
coming to Cheeky's and Chill to Chill, to learn, to grow,
to glow all the good stuff. I love you, and
I will catch you on the next episode of Cheeks
and Chill. Okay, alrighty they see tho's have a great day.
This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Micudura podcast Network.
Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts, then follow
(22:46):
me Cheeky's. That's c H. I q u i s.
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Host
Chiquis
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