Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi, guys. I was sitting here recording episodes of Dear
Cheekys and Cheeky's and Chill and I just had to
take a time out and purge my thoughts and feelings
here on sincerely Jane, because I've been so emotional lately,
you guys. I had the plan of coming in and
talking about something completely different, and I woke up great,
(00:29):
I was good. And then I don't know what happened.
And I don't know if you guys have been experiencing this,
but a lot of people around me have been feeling
the same way. I don't know what is happening, guys.
I know there's a lot going on in the world
for me personally, watching all of these videos you know
(00:51):
that are coming up on my feed, I had to
just stay off, you know, and ugh, but the immigration
thing and ice and all this stuff has been very
heavy on me and just so much that's happening. And
I just said, you know what, I'm not going to
talk about these other topics. I'll get to those later.
(01:13):
I just want to talk to my people from the heart.
And I don't even know exactly what I'm gonna say
right now. I really don't. I just know that it's
been very, very hard lately. I have good days and
then all of a sudden, I don't, and I have
been going through some things, and I've been telling Emilio,
(01:33):
I'm so tired. My soul is tired. And I think
more than anything, what I want to show you guys
with this episode is that I am just like you guys.
I'm human. I as much as I want to be
positive and I do my best to be a positive
light and a light in the world, I go through
things myself. I have bad days and sometimes it's a
(01:56):
struggle for me. And that's why this podcast has been
such a blessing, because not only am I helping you guys,
but it's also a reminder to myself. And it's been
really tough, and I'm trying to figure out exactly what
it is. And I hope I'm not a downer. I
don't want to be a Debbie downer in your day,
(02:16):
because I hope you're having an amazing day. I hope
you are listening to music and dancing and working and
cleaning or whatever it is that you're doing, and it's
sunny outside and you're just happy. I just don't know
if maybe on the other end there is someone that
has been going through it like I have, and I
feel like the only way to continue is to be
(02:39):
completely honest and vulnerable, and that's what I just want
to do right now. I don't even know if this
episode will come out. I just wanted to talk to
you guys and just this algatam you know, and you
know I always say my podcast is like a form
of therapy for me. And I'm starting with a new
life coach soon. I'm really excited about that. Actually, she's
(02:59):
been on the podcast. Her name is Maury. And anyway,
what was I saying? Okay, so I don't know. I
think you know what it is that I had this plan.
I had a plan right of what I wanted this
year to look like, and I felt like, I'm going
(03:20):
to do everything that I need to do to make
sure that I accomplish this one particular thing, which is
making a baby. And it hasn't been as easy as
I had a thought. And I planned my whole year
around this. And I have not lost faith. I know
(03:42):
God is a good God, and I know if it's
meant for me, it's going to happen, especially if it
happened last year, and the one year anniversary was on
June first of the miscarriage, and I think I had
been putting it to the side and not wanting to
think about it. But then I found the folder. And
(04:04):
then the folder was the ultrasound of when Emilia and
I went to the doctors and to come, you know,
to get the confirmation that we were pregnant. And so
I asked Emilia I was cleaning things out, like should
I what do I do with it? Should we keep it?
He's like, yeah, of course, And I'm like, okay, yeah,
you're right, like we'll keep it. I think I had
(04:26):
just been trying to not bury it. No, not that
I don't know what, it's just kind of like at
a sight out of mind. So anyway, I think it's
been that it's been a series of things. You know.
I really thought this year was going to be just
just different, Like we all start the year and we're like, yeah,
it's gonna be better, and as we should, you know,
(04:48):
we're not gonna be like, oh, yeah, this year's gonna suck,
you know. But I just had a different plan and
I've been doing everything and like I stopped my tour
and I'm changing my music, and I think it's just
so much change at once that it was just a
reminder to me of like, Okay, you can have your plans, Janey.
You can plan all you want, but at the end
of the day, God has a plan for you, and
(05:10):
you need to trust that plan and just lean on
him and take some of the weight off of yourself.
And I just did that like a few days ago,
where I'm like us always trying to control things, and
that's been my nature because I'm an older sister, because
I had so much responsibility since I was young that
I'm like, Okay, let me try to control the narrative.
(05:32):
And it's like God saying, uh, it's not on your time,
it's on my time. And it shook me, you know,
because I like the changes right that that I'm making
in every way. But changes is hard, change is difficult,
and I find myself kind of missing my old life,
(05:58):
my old self. But I'm happy where I'm at. I
don't know if that makes sense, but I was looking
at pictures of my tour and I'm like, shit, I
miss going on tour. I miss getting all dressed up
and dulled up and singing and all these things and
I miss it. It's weird. It's like I miss her,
(06:22):
but I like who I am. But it's hard because
we're not exactly where I want to be yet. So
I'm in that middle stage, and that's where it gets
freaking difficult, especially right now because I'm fasting. My birthday's
around the corner, and I know that when you're fasting
a lot of temptation, I know a lot of things
(06:44):
come your way in order to knock you off of
what you're doing the focus, and I'm experiencing that. And
one thing I wasn't expecting this year was I knew
a shift was coming. We talked about the shift last
year here on the But what I wasn't expecting was
that I was going to be in this weird place
(07:07):
with my siblings. We're good, we're not mad, we're not fighting.
It's just different now, and I think I'm mourning what
we had, what we were, what I wanted us to be. Again.
God is showing me stop trying to control the narrative,
(07:28):
Stop trying to always be the glue. Let me be
the glue. Let me show you, you know. And it's hard.
It's so hard, and so many other things guys going on.
I got an email yesterday about my uncle, Oh my gosh,
(07:51):
about the whole Abbajrena song. And I don't know if
we've talked about it on the podcast, but that's a
whole other thing. And I'm just like, I don't have
the energy to fight. I don't want to fight. I
don't want to have issues. I don't want to be
in legal battles. I just want peace and I don't
even know what that's gonna look like. And I I'm
(08:14):
just I'm going through it, guys, and we're just gonna
trust that God has the blueprint to our to our life,
and we're gonna trust that instead of trying to control
and maneuver, and sometimes we just need to sit. And
that's what I'm doing right now. And it's difficult for me.
I think it's sit and let things happen and let
(08:35):
things fall into place, not trying to be the one
moving everything and putting in place. Just sit be I'm
a very structured person. I'm very disciplined, pretty consistent, and
I have a little bit of OCD and I know
we probably all say that, but I like, I want
to like everything to be in its place, and I
(08:56):
think what I need to do right now is just
let things just be messy a little bit and ravel
and let it be so that the dust can settle
and everything just sits and just trust that. And I
think I just needed to just talk on the microphone
to just process my feelings and process what I'm feeling
and process what I'm thinking my thoughts actually, and you
(09:16):
guys are helping me without knowing you're helping me because
I'm just talking to you and you're listening, and I
thank you. And it's that because I don't know, maybe
someone's going through it like I am, and I just
wanted to remind us that that's part of life. And
we talk about seasons a lot on the podcast, and
this is a season. Some seasons are brighter and greater
(09:38):
and you're like, hell yeah, I'm on my I'm on
the top of it, like I'm on freaking on my
a game right now, like everything's great, and then there
are times like these for me where things seem a
little unclear. If you would have I mean, two months ago,
I was like, Okay, I know what I'm doing. Heck yeah,
like boom boom boom, I'm making the changes. I'm doing
what I gotta do, and now I feel like I'm
in the middle stage of like, oh shit, now what Okay,
(10:00):
it's not happening. Things aren't going the way I thought.
What is the rest of the year gonna look like?
Like this is the halfway point? And I think that's
why probably I'm feeling this. I always have a plan, guys,
always I have a vision board. I don't have a
vision board this year. I don't know if I've told
you guys that this is the first time in like
fifteen years that I don't have a vision board, that
(10:22):
I have not made a vision board for this year.
And I think it's on purpose. Now that everything is
kind of like making a little bit of sense. Now,
I'm like, Okay, I don't have a vision board because
God wants me to just trust for once, just trust
because I am the person that has everything, Like I
have a plan, or the album comes out this day,
I'm gonna start my tour, I'm gonna do this that
blah blah blah blah. Like right now, it's kind of
(10:44):
like up in the air, and I'm saying no to
a lot of things, even if I want to say yes.
I'm like, no, I need to sit my ass down.
I need to just remember what I felt last year
and embrace this time of silence and sometimes silence, no
not sometimes always silent, lets us really hear our inner
voice and the things that we really need to focus on.
(11:06):
And that's not always nice, it's not always pretty, and
that's what I'm going through right now. I just wanted
to talk about it and tell you guys. So maybe
(11:26):
maybe in a couple months things will be better, but
right now I am in the middle stage. And if
you are also in the middle stage, don't give up,
don't go backwards. Don't say okay, I'm gonna go back.
I'm just gonna go back to whatever makes me feel good,
whatever's comfortable, because I'm happier there. Just stick it out,
stick it out, hold the line, and just keep pressing forward.
(11:47):
Just keep on swimming. Like Dori said, just keep swimming,
Just keep swimming. We're gonna keep swimming. We're gonna go
even if it's against the current. We're gonna keep going.
We're gonna press forward because everything is gonna be okay,
and we're gonna look back at these moments and say, ah,
this is why I was going through that very foggy
time in my life because of this beautiful, bright, flowery,
(12:12):
blissful time that I'm living. It's just life. It's the
ying and the yang. It is what it is, guys.
It's part of it, and we have to stick through it.
It can't always be pretty. It can always be peaches
and roses and air preaches and cream and butterflies and
bees and the whole beautiful part of it. There also
has to be that other side to learn, to grow,
(12:35):
to mature, to change, to become, to rebirth all these things.
There are cycles, and I think we are going through
a huge cycle. I think the world because the people
that I talk to. I just got my hair done
right now, and she's like, I am so sad, And
I said, oh my gosh. She's like, I've been so sad.
(12:55):
I don't even know why. I might girl me too,
And we just hugged and I hugged her and I said,
you're not alone. I understand. There's nothing wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong with us. There's a lot going on
in the world, guys, a lot of things that are
out of our control. That this is where faith comes in,
and this is where we have to hold on. And
this is why I know God exists. God exists because
(13:18):
I've been through this before, years ago, and I came
out of it and it was beautiful and I stuck
it through and I got a reward at the end.
Like they always say, after the rain comes a rainbow,
and if you follow that rainbow and you stay diligent,
there's a prize. There is a pot of gold. So
we're gonna look at it that way, okay, and hopefully
(13:40):
at the other end of that rainbow there's a cute
little rainbow baby for me. And it's gonna be God's
plan and we're just gonna let it be, and we're
gonna just pray our way through everything because I think
it's something that's going on in the world as a whole,
because there's a lot of stuff going on, and I'm
not gonna get into politics, but the leader of our country,
(14:02):
I think, has just brought a lot of just confusion
and stuff, and I don't know, there's a lot people
are arguing that's just too much. And sometimes we just
got to shut that shit out and just focus inward
and just say, Okay, what can I do to stay
in peace? And make a heavenly make paradise in my
mind and in my heart and in my house and
(14:23):
in my space what I do have control of, because
if we focus too much on the things that we
don't have control of, that's when we lose control in
every other area, especially in our hearts. Peace can't live
like that. Yesterday I just sat in the sun and
it felt so good. Guys. I was like, I just
need to soak up and slow the f down and
(14:44):
really just sit here and enjoy, enjoy the sun, and
enjoy the things that are for free and that God
has given us that we just overlook because we're so busy.
And that was what I last year. I overlooked so
many beautiful things. And now is the time to just
sit and enjoy and analyze and reflect and appreciate a
(15:08):
thank you. Hopefully again, I'm not a Debbie downer. I'm
just processing my feelings and my thoughts here with you, guys,
and I thank you for listening, and hopefully in some
way I'm able to help you out. And if this
is not the episode for you, don't worry. Maybe you
know someone that is going through it and you can
share it. Share this episode now I feel better now.
(15:29):
I talked about it with you guys, and now I'm
going to have a better day. So I hope you
have a better day, and I hope that this week
is amazing and everything's going to be okay. This too
shall pass. Sincerely, Jinney