November 3, 2025 • 37 mins
Hi, everyone! Welcome to this brand-new episode of Chiquis and Chill. Confidence is a topic I get asked about all the time, so I thought it was only right that I dedicate an entire episode to it! I’m sharing my highs and lows, I'm talking about how I’ve managed to find the true meaning of it, we'll be exploring where my confidence comes from and I’ll be sharing tips on how you can boost yours, too!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hi, guys, Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheeky's and Chill.
If you're interested in learning, growing and glowing, this is
the perfect podcast for you. And speaking of growing and glowing,
today we're going to talk about self confidence. I'm going
to talk about how my confidence has evolved over the years,
(00:26):
how it's helped me in different areas of my life,
and I'm going to give you tips on how you
can become more confident too. I wrote a bunch of notes,
so I'm going to be going back to them. I
wrote them this morning to prepare because it's something very important.
First of all, I felt that I wanted to talk
(00:46):
about this because I see a lot of people on
social media with confidence, but I wonder is it real confidence?
Because I was also on that side before, and I'll
explain that in a little bit. But also I want
you guys to know we are all born with this
(01:07):
crazy amount of confidence. Okay, we are born perfect in
the most perfect essence, even if you have any type
of disability. God made us the way He made us
in his perfect divine you know, realm. But what happens
as we start going to school, as we start going
(01:29):
on social media, people's opinions. It just starts making us
less and less confident, and it pushes us further and
further away from our essence, our true essence. It happened
to me. I think the first person that affected my
confidence was my mom and my dad actually, And in reality,
(01:53):
like when you start doing healing, deep healing, you start
realizing that a lot of this stuff starts in our childhood,
in our homes. And it's not that our parents are bad,
it's just that they didn't know any better. And now
we are being awakened and people are now starting to
realize certain things. But our parents and their parents didn't
(02:15):
have these tools, and I had to learn that. And
when I learned that, I was able to let go
and forgive my mom right again. She wasn't a bad mother.
She was just doing her best. She was fifteen when
she had me, and her father affected her a lot
with weight and appearance, and my grandfather also affected my grandmother.
(02:38):
So it was just like a ripple domino effect. And
so my mother and our household weight was huge, and
I was always told like I have to be on
a diet or I have to like work out, and
my mom was just she didn't want us to go
through what she went through, but she didn't know how
to vocalize it. She only knew how to be very
direct and straightforward, and sometimes it was hurtful, you know.
(03:04):
So I think that's where it started for me, that
I had to like be conscious about my weight. And
then as I got older and started dating, the boyfriends
would be like, oh, you look great, You're beautiful, and
then it just kind of like poured into my cup
of confidence and I was like, yeah, I am beautiful
(03:24):
no matter what size I am, even if my arms
are a little thicker than other girls and my thighs too.
Like my mom says, you know, it's okay, he likes it.
You know, I'm okay, you know. And I just started
kind of giving myself self therapy. And again, I started
therapy at twelve, so I think doing therapy for that
long also helped. But I get older, and yeah, of course,
(03:46):
down the road there's a guy that tells you, you
know what, you know, get your asked to running, you're
a little too chubby, whatever, and that hurts you. But
for me personally, I didn't really realize I was as
big as I was until I started singing. Until I
started coming out on television, and then it got worse
(04:07):
after my mom passed away, because I was depressed and
I was just eating my feelings and I gained weight
and I didn't even realize it, and I didn't even
think I was that big until everyone just started calling
me fat and miss piggy on social media. And then
I was like, oh, wait, I guess I am kind
of big. Television doesn't help, and that's when a lot
(04:29):
of stuff started happening. I was pretty confident, and I
would wear my wardrobe very confidently. It wasn't that I
was faking. It wasn't until after I would watch my
performance or I would read the comments that I was like, damn,
I guess I didn't look as good as I felt
as I would look in the mirror and I'm like, damn,
I look good. But then you let other people's opinions
(04:53):
and their criticism and judgment come in, and it just
starts messing shit up, you.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Know, and it to me.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
And it happened like that back and forth for years, guys,
until I was I think thirty six. I was already
like a year in with Emilio, my now husband, and
he just made me feel like the most beautiful girl
in the world. But I was also on my healing
journey when I had first met him. I was looking
(05:22):
inward and that helped me a lot. I was meditating
and all that stuff. And then he came into my
life and just showered me with compliments. And it's funny
because we were just literally talking about it a few
days ago that he seriously didn't realize either that I
was bigger or that I was I don't know, whatever you.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Want to call it.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
He's like, no one told me, you know. And I
know I've mentioned that here on the podcast, but it's true.
It's for real, And I think that also helped me
a lot. But I was already on my healing journey.
And that's what I want to share with you guys,
the things that I've learned that have helped me be
more confident because now that I've lost weight. When I
had first lost weight, I did feel a little insecure
about other things. It wasn't about like the clothes was
(06:04):
fitting me better, but I had, like, you know, blue
skin on my arms. I didn't really know how to
dress myself because I always wanted to wear baggy clothes.
But then I was like, okay, I can't wear baggy clothes.
It was just an adjustment that I didn't know, and
then I don't know it was crazy now though, now
(06:25):
I feel a lot better. But it has to do
with the work that I've done within myself, my inner work.
And I think once you do your inner work mentally,
emotionally and spiritually, you radiate different. And a lot of
people think it's because of a medio, and yes, it
helps to have a good partner that loves you, flaws
(06:45):
and all, because I have scars and I have things.
I have salulite, I have things that used to bother me,
and I swear to you now I'll wear a bathing
suit and I have salulite, and I have scars, and
I can give two f's. I'm like, I was telling
him the other day. I'm like, it feels so good
(07:05):
to finally not care. And you know why, because now
more than ever, I've always known who I was, even
when at my biggest okay, but now I've just really
just dug deep and now I really really really know
who I am, and I'm okay with a lot of
the things, and I'm okay with things that have happened
(07:27):
in my past, and that has really helped me a lot.
Even in my relationship. Even if there's a beautiful, thin,
perfect looking girl next to us in a medio's there
and he never is disrespectful and stares, but we both look.
I'm like, damn, she's beautiful, and he'll be yeah, she's okay,
He'll never like be disrespectful. But I don't feel jealous.
(07:49):
I don't feel worried. And it has to do with
the way he loves me, but it also has to
do with the way I love myself now. So that's
what we're gonna talk about. Okay, And this is where
my notes come in. And Brionna and Pablo, if you
guys have any questions, please feel free to put them
in the chat so that I can make sure I
answer them. Okay, those are my producers, guys. They're here
(08:10):
with us all the time. You just don't hear them
or see them. But okay, talking about spirituality, Okay. I
wrote a bunch of these things down this morning because
I was like, okay, wait, where did it happen? Where
did it start? And I started like thinking back and
really realizing where it started in school and how girls,
other girls dressed and they have this and they have that,
(08:30):
and you feel that that's what confidence is like if
I wear something that's expensive or they have better shoes
than I do, then that's going to make me more attractive.
Absolutely not. Confidence has nothing to do guys, with the
car that you drive, with the jury you have on,
with the expensive clothes, with the house you live in.
Absolutely not. And if it is, we have a problem.
(08:52):
If those are the things that move you, materialistic things,
then there is something that is not connected and disconnected
in my opinion, and I know a few of those people,
and I won't say anyone's name, but I pray for
them because that's not where the value, the true value
comes from. It's not from things, because those things will disappear.
You can lose those things tomorrow. They can be taken
(09:12):
away from you tomorrow. And if that's what you are
basing your value and your confidence and your inner security on,
it's a very, very scary and it's not a place
you want to be anyway. Spiritual foundation, absolutely one hundred
(09:34):
percent very important. Okay, connect to something bigger than yourself, God,
the universe, higher self, asanho whatever er bigger than yourself
because there is Okay, when you start thinking that you're
bigger and better than everyone else and nothing can stop
you and stuff like that, God is going to sit
(09:54):
your ass down. Trust me, I've seen it happen. And
that's something that I'm like, uhuh. Every day I kneel
and I'm like, God, thank you for everything that I have,
because tomorrow I may not have this house that you've
given me the privilege and the blessing to live in,
because I don't know what tomorrow looks like. But I'm
grateful right now that I have it. Thank you, and
(10:15):
I bow down and I humble myself before a higher power.
And that is so important. It's life changing. Daily affirmations
are mantras speaking life into yourself. Okay, gratitude practice being grateful.
I just talked about that, being grateful for things that, yes,
you worked hard for, but again, there is a higher
(10:38):
power that is giving you that. People are like I
have to I have to go work, I have to
go work. No, you get to go work. Thank God
you have a job. Thank God you're getting paid. Thank
God that with that money you're able to pay your
bills and buy yourself the coffee. Because there are people
that aren't able to work. We're living in a very
(10:59):
dark time, and I will say that it's dark and
us people of light, and I will include myself because
I am. I feel like I was brought here to
bring light to the world. Are being called forward because
it's a really crazy.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Time right now.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
And that's why I wanted to start off with spiritual foundation,
because we need to be grateful.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
There are a lot of people going through a lot
of difficult things all over the world, and it's so
sad to know that people are starving and being starved
and having to worry about if they're going to have
a home or not because it might get bombed. And
I'm not going to go into all of that right
now because it's something that's very difficult for me, and
(11:42):
I know there's two sides and it's just so messed
up either way. But we need to be grateful and remember, guys,
to be grateful every single day, even for the water
that we drink, for the food that we have, that
all that stuff. Being grateful brings confidence from depths of
your soul, not exterior fake confidence that we put up
(12:02):
for the world. Because it looks pretty on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Been there, done that. I don't ever want to go
back there.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Meditation and prayer so important, and I'm a huge advocate
for it every single time, every day, all day long,
because it has saved my life. Waking up, being intentional,
even if it's hard to wake up before work or
before whatever you.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Have to do.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Praying, getting on your knees. It doesn't have to be
a long time. I do forty five minutes. You don't
have to do that. Journaling helps whatever the practice is.
But it's just sitting in silence and praying and thanking
God and just being grateful again in something higher and
bigger than yourself. It brings a lot of humility and
(12:57):
it allows you to be grounded and remind yourself that
this world, this life, this body is a gift, and
it helps you treat it differently. So prayer and meditation guys.
Grounding yourself in inner peace huge. Now let's move on
to physical and health. Move your body. Exercise isn't just
(13:21):
for esthetics. It releases endorphins and makes you feel stronger.
I like to work out, of course, I want to
look better. We all want to look better.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Of course, I get that that doesn't make you vain.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
No, and you getting botox and getting surgeries and stuff
doesn't make you vain. That's as long as you have
this your inner self, your inner power aligned, it's fine,
do whatever you want. You know, I am fine with that.
But I work out because it really gives me mental
clarity and it makes me feel more confident because I'm
(13:55):
doing something good for myself. I'm treating my body good.
And when you treat your good and you do what's
best for it. And instead of eating that bag of
hot Cheetos, because I love hot cheetos, but they're not
good for you, and that's just the truth. And I'm
sorry for all the hot cheetle eating girls here and boys,
but they're just not good for you. And I used
to eat them all the time until I said, this
is not good for my body. And I want to
(14:17):
treat my body better because if I treat my body better,
if I take care of what takes care of me,
I'm going to be happier. And it's made a huge difference.
I'll have a hot cheeto here and there, maybe two
or three, but not the whole bag and not all
the time, because it's just not good for me, and
I'm like, no, I'm not going to drink soda. It's
not good for me. I can drink electrolytes, like you
know what I mean. Like, it's just really getting to
(14:39):
that point of I want to work out and I
want to eat well to fuel my body because it
takes care of me, and to treat it well because
it deserves that, because it's holding my spirit. And I
need to be grateful for the body that God has
given me. And hydration attrition. I've talked about sleep, guys,
is super important. When you're sleep deprived. When you don't
(15:00):
give your body that time to sleep, to rest, to regenerate,
you're irritable. You get frustrated a lot faster, you're tired,
you can't perform to your best potential. And I've learned
and I've shared it here. In twenty eighteen, I had
a meltdown. It was bad and until I realized that
(15:25):
sleep is a part of my job and a part
of my well being. And yes, I wake up at
five in the morning, but I make sure I get
like at least six seven hours of sleep, if not more.
And the days that I need to rest like a Sunday,
I don't need to work out. It makes the biggest
difference in the world, guys, Like where I'm like, you know,
I'm not gonna work out. I'm gonna rest. My body
needs to rest. Listen to your body. Breath work helps
(15:46):
a lot, guys. That's another thing. But again, this all
goes with physical health, nutrition and all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
And hopefully you guys understand what I'm saying because it's
really important to me.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
And it took me a long time to learn this,
and I wish I would have known in my twenties
to be honest, but you know what I learned. I
evolved and now I'm here and I'm able to share
these things with you guys. But please, drinking water, like
is so important right now because I was like the
type of person that didn't drink soda and I met
immedia and he's more of a soda drinker and I've
(16:17):
even gotten him to drink less soda. And now I'm like,
I want water. My body needs water. My body is
made of water, and I need to just replenish and
like help myself, you know. So just that's one thing.
Start with water and move your body a little bit
in sweat releasing those toxins.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Now, mindset and inner work kind of goes with the
spiritual and obviously physical. It all is all connected, guys. Okay,
so shift from perfectionism to progress. Okay, celebrate the small
winds because we're very hard on ourselves, at least I am.
I've been very hard on myself most of my life.
I'm like, damn, I could have done better, or I
should have done this. Now I'm like, okay, I did it.
(16:58):
I did what I could, and that's okay. Okay, I'm
listening to my body and not everything has to be
perfect because that puts a lot of pressure on you
and on other people around you. And just trust a
process and celebrate those small ones. Guys, it makes a
big difference. Replace negative self talk with compassionate self talk.
Be compassionate with yourself definitely will help. And just say
(17:21):
it's okay, it's all right. You made this mistake five
years ago. Why are you so thinking about it. It's okay,
you learned, you're growing. Get out of that mindset. We
all make mistakes. I mentioned journaling earlier. Again, I have
a whole episode on journaling. Guys, go back to that
episode because Journaling is therapy. So if therapy is not
(17:43):
in your budget right now, journaling will definitely help face
fear is little by little. A lot of people get
afraid of things and they walk away and they're like,
they let fear paralyze them. I did two for a
long time until I said, you know what, I'm gonna
face this fear, whatever it may be, and I'm gonna
(18:06):
do it. And I know that I'm safe and I
know my heart and it's okay. I'm in God's hands
and I'm gonna do this with fear and I'm going
to breathe through it. Because confidence grows through action. Guys,
remember that confidence grows through actions. Doing things that make
(18:28):
you feel a little uncomfortable, that cause you a little discomfort,
a little bit of butterflies in your stomach, and you
still do it. That's when you know, mm, I'm on
the right track.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I'm doing it. I did it.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Feeling accomplished and feeling like you achieved something that you
didn't think was possible because of fear. Then you're like, ah,
I got this. So self image and presentation, guys, dress
in a way that makes you feel good. Now we're
getting a little bit into the exterior part of things,
but is also important dress in a way that makes
(19:01):
you feel good, not just look good. Okay, I used
to love to show my booty, and in the moment,
it was cool.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Whatever.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Now I look back and I'm like, I'm not gonna lie.
I'm like, yeah, that's a little cringe, you know. It's like, oh,
I wanted everything to be tight. Now I'm like, I
want to be comfortable. I want to wear something that
expresses who I am and I present myself in a
way that I want people to see me, Like, I
need to be really careful with that for me now
(19:31):
in this present moment, because this was different last year even,
you know, and I used to dress to make other
people look.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
At me in a certain way or to accept me.
And now I'm like.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
I want to be comfortable. I want to look good,
and if it's weird to other people, then so be it.
I'm happy and that's all that matters. And that didn't
come until just recently, again, until I started doing all
of my deep, deep healing with my medicine, my indigenous
plant medicine. But yeah, that is something that'll come with time.
But not only being comfortable, but that makes you feel good.
(20:07):
Grooming and self care routines as acts of self love. Okay,
I get my nails done almost weekly, bi weekly. That
is something that is important to me. I want my
feet to be soft. I want my nils to be done.
I want to feel good. I want to make sure
my hair is washed and if I have dan druff,
(20:29):
then I want to wash it out, like I don't
want to walk around with greasy ass hair. And if
I do a little dry shampoo and just doing things
like that, that just raise your confidence. Because if you're
all slumpy and you're dressing and you haven't showered, or
you know, like you don't really care about your appearance,
that's gonna make you feel worse. And I'm telling you
because I've been there when I was depressed, I didn't shower.
(20:49):
I think the longest had been like four days, and
I was depressed and I my hair was crazy. It
was crazy. Again, I give myself great and I look
back on that, I'm like, Okay, I needed to go
through that because I was in my cocoon. I was
in my cocoon, and now I'm like, okay, I never
want to go back there. So I'm learning from that,
so make sure you take care of yourself and you
(21:10):
smell good, and you put lotion on your body, and
you put on perfume and just things that like you're like, yeah,
you put on some perfume and you walk out, even
if you're going to the market, Like it just feels
like I care about myself and I take the time
to take care of myself and do those little things
that make me feel good in my body feel good,
and it just really sets the tone and changes everything
(21:33):
body language. Again, this is all exterior stuff. When you
see someone sitting with their back slouched and just like.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
You know, yeah, I guess you know life, you know.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Whatever, it might make you feel like are they happy.
But if you see someone just sitting up a little
bit and kind of like, hey, feel good, I'm here,
I'm ready, my my, you know, like I'm I'm I'm
seeing the world and I want the world to see
me as a confident being. Of course, if you're feeling sad,
(22:07):
then feel sad. I am also like I embrace it,
and I celebrate you embracing and enduring those moments of sadness,
because that's part of growth. But standing tall eye contact,
guys is huge. It's going to feel uncomfortable at first,
but the more you do it, the more confidence it
gives you as a person. When you say hello and
(22:29):
you give a handshake, and you look someone in the
eyes and you're like, hi, how are you very nice
to meet you? You give them a little squeeze. A lot
is said without it being said in a handshake. And
how you talk to people if you don't look them
in the eye and you're just like shy and stuff.
I get I get shyness, I get it, but little
by little, just try it. Be like, Okay, hi, I'm here.
(22:51):
I want you to see my soul and I want
to see yours, and I want you to know because
I have nothing to hide, and I'm not ashamed of anything.
Here's my face, here are my eyes, here's my handshake.
It really will help you train your mind, so try it, okay.
(23:11):
Moving on environment and relationship, surround yourself.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
With people who uplift you. Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
I used to hang out with people that would point
out the things that weren't beautiful about me and would
make me feel even less beautiful. Friends, family, yeah, mm hmm. Bye,
I want you to tell me the truth that doesn't
mean lie to me. Okay, But if you have to
tell me something and you have to be honest with me,
(23:38):
it could be in a nice way. Call it sugarcoating,
call it whatever you want, but you can be honest
with someone and direct and firm in a loving way.
Distance yourself from toxic comparison. Take social media detoxes, okay,
when needed. I've done it, and it does help a
little bit if you feel that social it can be
(24:00):
a bit overwhelming and stuff like that. Like that will
help you just kind of detach yourself and just recharge
and reconnect with yourself, but definitely distance yourself from toxicity
and from toxic comparison. That is also something that my
mom would do, and it did affect my relationship with
(24:21):
my sister. For instance, there was like a lot of
comparison and that that's not good. You know. Obviously I
didn't distance myself from my sister because I know that
we're different and that's okay. But I'm sure my mom
would have corrected it by now. It's just, you know,
we were young and whatever. I'm not going to get
into that, okay. Build a tribe community that reflects your values, Okay.
I used to waste my time with a lot of bs,
(24:43):
with a lot of people that were I guess callum
cool or in the cool crowd. I have my friends
that I've had for years. If you are not pouring
into my cup and allowing me to pour into your
cup and it's like a reciprocated type of relationship, I
don't want it. I want to sit at a table
where we're thinking about ideas and happy things and not
(25:03):
just chees me on though and talking about other people
and stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Like no, like I did it, don't want.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
To do it. Of course you're gonna talk about with
this person, but then it's like, let's stop it, stop
it right here. I'm getting better at also telling people
at tables like if there's someone they're talking about that's
not present. I'm getting better with this. It's been very hard,
but I'm getting better with it where I'm like, you
know what, that person's not here right now.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
I don't think it's cool for us to talk about them.
Let's talk about.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Something else, and you know, like changing the energy around,
like you want to surround yourself with people that want
the same things that you do. That also builds a
lot of confidence because you're surrounding yourself.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
With that energy and it's important.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
And then now I feel like I'm questioning certain relationships
in my life friendships as well, because I'm like, oh,
does that person kind of like is it? I don't
need them to be on my same frequency, but we
got to be at least in the same chapter, you
know what I mean, Like, you don't need to be
on the same page, but please be on the same
chapter with me, because if not, it's like I'm gonna
(26:03):
I don't want to divert. I don't want to detour.
Here's a big one, guys. This one's the one that
changed my life. And I need you to hear me
because when I realized what my purpose was and I
really leaned into that and I was in alignment with that,
that has changed my life. And I think this is
(26:26):
where the real confidence has come from and what you
guys see, because I've gotten a lot of messages from
people telling me that I look different, that I'm glowing,
that I feel like the old Janae. Or my sister
just told the other day I showed her my new
music Jenica, and She's like, oh my goodness, this is you.
What Like I remember when you were like driving your
(26:48):
little buggy and Corona and listening to this and that
type of music like this is that And I was like, yes,
I'm in alignment. I'm living my purpose. I came back
to myself and that's important, guys, when you know why
you're here, because we are all here for a reason,
big or small or whatever. We are all here for
(27:08):
a reason, and we're all here to change the world
and help the world in some way. And leaning into
it and getting into alignment with that will change your life.
And that just happened for me this year. I know.
It's crazy, Like I've been doing dear Cheeky's and cheekys
and chill and everything, and I've been inspiring you guys.
And it hasn't been from a fake place because everything
(27:31):
I do I mean and I'm always really honest with
you guys. And I'm like, this is a note for
myself as well, Like I need to remind myself of
this because this is work. This isn't the gist. You're
going to learn this and you're gonna like be healed
and forever, Like no, this is forever. This is a process.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
And you have to learn. Like I said, earlier.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
You have to learn to trust the process and celebrate
those small wins and know that sometimes you're going to
fall off track, like it happens to me, And that's
what happened to me. Like I was like, wait, wait, wait,
I didn't know that I even had a band over
my eyes until it was removed, and I was like,
oh my gosh, wait, no, wonder. Something didn't feel right
(28:09):
And it was my soul calling and saying, girl, wake up,
wake up. And I have a song called that the
Spiritra te Oh the Spiritra.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
I can't wait for you guys to hear it. Anyway,
Knowing why gives confidence. Okay, you're living with direction? Why
are you here? What do you want to leave in
this world? If you were to leave tomorrow? Are you
proud of what imprint you left in this world? And
how you help people? Did you show up as your best?
(28:39):
You got to ask yourself those questions and once you
know your why, it will help you find your way.
And I feel like in certain seasons of my life
it's happened I have found my way and my why
in that season, and then it's over and it's like again,
we're evolving and we're changing constantly. So that's not to
say that my confidence back then was fake or what
(29:02):
I was telling you guys is fake. No, it's just
I have a new found, deeper confidence and a more
of an alignment. And that's where I'm singing from. That's
how I'm dressing, that's how I'm expressing myself is because
it's different.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Yeah, oh my gosh, I just had an epiphany.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Setting achievable goals and follow through each win builds self trust. Okay,
so what does that mean? For instance, it's just use
weight because I think weight is a huge thing for
us and a lot of people feel not confident because
we're focusing so much on our weight in our exterior.
But if you set small goals, short term goals and say,
(29:43):
you know what, I'm going to lose five pounds from
here to in three months, realistic goals and achieving those
small goals, they will really help you with the bigger ones,
like once you feel like, oh, I accomplished, because you
have to set those small ones before you can move
on to the next step. If you set too much
of a big goal, it's very likely that you won't
(30:06):
achieve it because it's difficult, and setting those small ones
will definitely help you with the larger ones. Hopefully that
all made sense. But AnyWho align your actions with your
values for authentic confidence, I'm gonna read that again. I
sure did write that. I was like, oh, hold up,
(30:28):
align your actions with your values for authentic confidence. And
I think that is what was happening with me, guys.
I was in aligning my values with my authentic self.
I was myself, but I was doing things more to
(30:51):
please other people and following other people's direction and not
allowing my inner confidence and my authentic self shine.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
And now I am.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Now I'm like, wait a second, No, if there's something
in my music that I don't like, now you better
believe I'm going to say, hey, can we change this,
even if it's a pain in the butt. Before I
was like, oh, I don't want to bother them or
they're going to think I'm a pain in the ass.
Like I'm sorry, but this is my music, this is
my true self, and I have to live with this forever.
So I'm going to make these changes, and I need
(31:22):
you to make them changes. And if you're not, then
you're not the person that I'm meant to work with, Like,
that's just where I'm at, and I'm aligning myself with
my values and it's allowing me to radiate and shine
in a different way, completely different, and I love And
I look back on Cheeky's five years ago last year,
and I'm like, I love what I did and I
(31:43):
kind of missed those things. But I'm like, was I
truly happy? Was I really living my true purpose? And
maybe I was because that was part of what I
had to do to get here. So I don't regret
any of it. I love it all. And that's not
to say that I'm not going to wear some booty
shorts on stage years I might, I may not.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
I don't know. But right now I'm living what I
need to live. So that was huge.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
When I wrote that, I was like, damn, I get it.
And I wrote something as well about confidence because obviously
we're talking about confidence, so confidence doesn't always look the
same throughout our lives. Sometimes it's louder, sometimes it's quieter,
and sometimes we have to rebuild it after people put
ideas in our heads. What I've learned is that real
confidence isn't about how people see you. It's about how
(32:31):
you see yourself and how you treat yourself, and that's
where the alignment comes in, right of aligning your values.
Also talking about my weight and stuff from earlier, because
I was like, I want to make sure I read this.
I don't forget for me. Confidence really started growing when
I got okay with myself, all of me, the good,
the bad, the messy. When I stopped lying even little lies,
(32:55):
and stop pretending to be someone I'm not, it gave
me this whole new time type of confidence because when
you're not hiding anything, you feel free. I feel free, y'all.
You don't have to be perfect, and when you're willing
to admit your mistakes out loud, it makes you stronger,
not weaker. That's when I realize my confidence doesn't come
(33:16):
from looking perfect on the outside, but from knowing I'm
real on the inside. And I think i'll leave it
with that. I'll end this episode with that, because I
think that just kind of sums everything up for us.
And I always like to use my personal experiences because
that's what this podcast is all about. It's cheeky's and chill.
(33:37):
I'm chilling with y'all, and I'm telling you, guys, my truth,
because that's the only way that I can help you
is by expressing my own experiences, my own adversities, and
not only outside adversities and obstacles, but those that come
from within that I have created. And I have self
destructed with my mind by thinking too much, overthinking too much,
(34:00):
and not putting things into action. And now I am doing,
not just thinking and saying I am doing, and all
of those things build immense confidence. And I will tell
you I am very proud of how far I've come
and how I have been able to get through every
season of my life, because it's true, confidence looks different,
(34:23):
and every every year we're different. I mean, we have
to accept that we come from change. And I can
tell you that I am a different person even with
this relationship I'm in, with this marriage and being more
willing and open to hearing not so good things about myself.
(34:44):
I'm not always the best version of myself. I try
every day and it's a lot easier to bounce back,
but there are days when I'm not my best and
my husband has to tell me, and now I am
able to hear it, and not only hear it, but
act and say, Okay, I love you. And I want
(35:05):
to be better and I'm going to change this for you,
for myself, and for us. It's made me become a
better sister. I feel like I am a lot better
with understanding their process and knowing that they're older and
that things change, even in relationships that you thought would
never that we were tight as heck and nothing could
(35:26):
ever come between us, and not that they have. It's
just the dynamic has changed, and it's helped me accept
that and it's helped me understand it and understand them
because now I know who I am and I'm like, okay, cool,
I know who I am. I'm good, I'm chilling. I
have to allow them to figure that out if they
haven't already, and not take things personally. And it's helped
(35:48):
me a lot. All of these things that we talked
about have just helped align me as a better musician,
a better songwriter. I trust myself now what I want
to write about, and I'm like, I know the answer.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
It's in me.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
God lives in me as as me and he's speaking
to me, so I have to trust that. So it
has really helped me in every area. I feel like
I'm a better boss. I'm able to communicate and and
tell my employees, Hey, I don't like this.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Fix this. And I'm not mean.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
I'm just direct because I have more confidence in who
I am and the things that I want, and I'm
not afraid of speaking my truth in a loving way,
and that has helped me quite a bit. Okay, guys,
I love you, Thank you for listening. Go out there
and be confident. Okay, true confidence.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Here we go.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Whoo.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
I love you, guys.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Catch you on the next episode of Cheeky's and Chill Damo.
This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Michael Dura
podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts,
then follow me Cheeky's, That's c h I q U
i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
(36:59):
Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast
h
Hi, guys, Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheeky's and Chill.
If you're interested in learning, growing and glowing, this is
the perfect podcast for you. And speaking of growing and glowing,
today we're going to talk about self confidence. I'm going
to talk about how my confidence has evolved over the years,
(00:26):
how it's helped me in different areas of my life,
and I'm going to give you tips on how you
can become more confident too. I wrote a bunch of notes,
so I'm going to be going back to them. I
wrote them this morning to prepare because it's something very important.
First of all, I felt that I wanted to talk
(00:46):
about this because I see a lot of people on
social media with confidence, but I wonder is it real confidence?
Because I was also on that side before, and I'll
explain that in a little bit. But also I want
you guys to know we are all born with this
(01:07):
crazy amount of confidence. Okay, we are born perfect in
the most perfect essence, even if you have any type
of disability. God made us the way He made us
in his perfect divine you know, realm. But what happens
as we start going to school, as we start going
(01:29):
on social media, people's opinions. It just starts making us
less and less confident, and it pushes us further and
further away from our essence, our true essence. It happened
to me. I think the first person that affected my
confidence was my mom and my dad actually, And in reality,
(01:53):
like when you start doing healing, deep healing, you start
realizing that a lot of this stuff starts in our childhood,
in our homes. And it's not that our parents are bad,
it's just that they didn't know any better. And now
we are being awakened and people are now starting to
realize certain things. But our parents and their parents didn't
(02:15):
have these tools, and I had to learn that. And
when I learned that, I was able to let go
and forgive my mom right again. She wasn't a bad mother.
She was just doing her best. She was fifteen when
she had me, and her father affected her a lot
with weight and appearance, and my grandfather also affected my grandmother.
(02:38):
So it was just like a ripple domino effect. And
so my mother and our household weight was huge, and
I was always told like I have to be on
a diet or I have to like work out, and
my mom was just she didn't want us to go
through what she went through, but she didn't know how
to vocalize it. She only knew how to be very
direct and straightforward, and sometimes it was hurtful, you know.
(03:04):
So I think that's where it started for me, that
I had to like be conscious about my weight. And
then as I got older and started dating, the boyfriends
would be like, oh, you look great, You're beautiful, and
then it just kind of like poured into my cup
of confidence and I was like, yeah, I am beautiful
(03:24):
no matter what size I am, even if my arms
are a little thicker than other girls and my thighs too.
Like my mom says, you know, it's okay, he likes it.
You know, I'm okay, you know. And I just started
kind of giving myself self therapy. And again, I started
therapy at twelve, so I think doing therapy for that
long also helped. But I get older, and yeah, of course,
(03:46):
down the road there's a guy that tells you, you
know what, you know, get your asked to running, you're
a little too chubby, whatever, and that hurts you. But
for me personally, I didn't really realize I was as
big as I was until I started singing. Until I
started coming out on television, and then it got worse
(04:07):
after my mom passed away, because I was depressed and
I was just eating my feelings and I gained weight
and I didn't even realize it, and I didn't even
think I was that big until everyone just started calling
me fat and miss piggy on social media. And then
I was like, oh, wait, I guess I am kind
of big. Television doesn't help, and that's when a lot
(04:29):
of stuff started happening. I was pretty confident, and I
would wear my wardrobe very confidently. It wasn't that I
was faking. It wasn't until after I would watch my
performance or I would read the comments that I was like, damn,
I guess I didn't look as good as I felt
as I would look in the mirror and I'm like, damn,
I look good. But then you let other people's opinions
(04:53):
and their criticism and judgment come in, and it just
starts messing shit up, you.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Know, and it to me.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
And it happened like that back and forth for years, guys,
until I was I think thirty six. I was already
like a year in with Emilio, my now husband, and
he just made me feel like the most beautiful girl
in the world. But I was also on my healing
journey when I had first met him. I was looking
(05:22):
inward and that helped me a lot. I was meditating
and all that stuff. And then he came into my
life and just showered me with compliments. And it's funny
because we were just literally talking about it a few
days ago that he seriously didn't realize either that I
was bigger or that I was I don't know, whatever you.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Want to call it.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
He's like, no one told me, you know. And I
know I've mentioned that here on the podcast, but it's true.
It's for real, And I think that also helped me
a lot. But I was already on my healing journey.
And that's what I want to share with you guys,
the things that I've learned that have helped me be
more confident because now that I've lost weight. When I
had first lost weight, I did feel a little insecure
about other things. It wasn't about like the clothes was
(06:04):
fitting me better, but I had, like, you know, blue
skin on my arms. I didn't really know how to
dress myself because I always wanted to wear baggy clothes.
But then I was like, okay, I can't wear baggy clothes.
It was just an adjustment that I didn't know, and
then I don't know it was crazy now though, now
(06:25):
I feel a lot better. But it has to do
with the work that I've done within myself, my inner work.
And I think once you do your inner work mentally,
emotionally and spiritually, you radiate different. And a lot of
people think it's because of a medio, and yes, it
helps to have a good partner that loves you, flaws
(06:45):
and all, because I have scars and I have things.
I have salulite, I have things that used to bother me,
and I swear to you now I'll wear a bathing
suit and I have salulite, and I have scars, and
I can give two f's. I'm like, I was telling
him the other day. I'm like, it feels so good
(07:05):
to finally not care. And you know why, because now
more than ever, I've always known who I was, even
when at my biggest okay, but now I've just really
just dug deep and now I really really really know
who I am, and I'm okay with a lot of
the things, and I'm okay with things that have happened
(07:27):
in my past, and that has really helped me a lot.
Even in my relationship. Even if there's a beautiful, thin,
perfect looking girl next to us in a medio's there
and he never is disrespectful and stares, but we both look.
I'm like, damn, she's beautiful, and he'll be yeah, she's okay,
He'll never like be disrespectful. But I don't feel jealous.
(07:49):
I don't feel worried. And it has to do with
the way he loves me, but it also has to
do with the way I love myself now. So that's
what we're gonna talk about. Okay, And this is where
my notes come in. And Brionna and Pablo, if you
guys have any questions, please feel free to put them
in the chat so that I can make sure I
answer them. Okay, those are my producers, guys. They're here
(08:10):
with us all the time. You just don't hear them
or see them. But okay, talking about spirituality, Okay. I
wrote a bunch of these things down this morning because
I was like, okay, wait, where did it happen? Where
did it start? And I started like thinking back and
really realizing where it started in school and how girls,
other girls dressed and they have this and they have that,
(08:30):
and you feel that that's what confidence is like if
I wear something that's expensive or they have better shoes
than I do, then that's going to make me more attractive.
Absolutely not. Confidence has nothing to do guys, with the
car that you drive, with the jury you have on,
with the expensive clothes, with the house you live in.
Absolutely not. And if it is, we have a problem.
(08:52):
If those are the things that move you, materialistic things,
then there is something that is not connected and disconnected
in my opinion, and I know a few of those people,
and I won't say anyone's name, but I pray for
them because that's not where the value, the true value
comes from. It's not from things, because those things will disappear.
You can lose those things tomorrow. They can be taken
(09:12):
away from you tomorrow. And if that's what you are
basing your value and your confidence and your inner security on,
it's a very, very scary and it's not a place
you want to be anyway. Spiritual foundation, absolutely one hundred
(09:34):
percent very important. Okay, connect to something bigger than yourself, God,
the universe, higher self, asanho whatever er bigger than yourself
because there is Okay, when you start thinking that you're
bigger and better than everyone else and nothing can stop
you and stuff like that, God is going to sit
(09:54):
your ass down. Trust me, I've seen it happen. And
that's something that I'm like, uhuh. Every day I kneel
and I'm like, God, thank you for everything that I have,
because tomorrow I may not have this house that you've
given me the privilege and the blessing to live in,
because I don't know what tomorrow looks like. But I'm
grateful right now that I have it. Thank you, and
(10:15):
I bow down and I humble myself before a higher power.
And that is so important. It's life changing. Daily affirmations
are mantras speaking life into yourself. Okay, gratitude practice being grateful.
I just talked about that, being grateful for things that, yes,
you worked hard for, but again, there is a higher
(10:38):
power that is giving you that. People are like I
have to I have to go work, I have to
go work. No, you get to go work. Thank God
you have a job. Thank God you're getting paid. Thank
God that with that money you're able to pay your
bills and buy yourself the coffee. Because there are people
that aren't able to work. We're living in a very
(10:59):
dark time, and I will say that it's dark and
us people of light, and I will include myself because
I am. I feel like I was brought here to
bring light to the world. Are being called forward because
it's a really crazy.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Time right now.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
And that's why I wanted to start off with spiritual foundation,
because we need to be grateful.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
There are a lot of people going through a lot
of difficult things all over the world, and it's so
sad to know that people are starving and being starved
and having to worry about if they're going to have
a home or not because it might get bombed. And
I'm not going to go into all of that right
now because it's something that's very difficult for me, and
(11:42):
I know there's two sides and it's just so messed
up either way. But we need to be grateful and remember, guys,
to be grateful every single day, even for the water
that we drink, for the food that we have, that
all that stuff. Being grateful brings confidence from depths of
your soul, not exterior fake confidence that we put up
(12:02):
for the world. Because it looks pretty on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Been there, done that. I don't ever want to go
back there.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Meditation and prayer so important, and I'm a huge advocate
for it every single time, every day, all day long,
because it has saved my life. Waking up, being intentional,
even if it's hard to wake up before work or
before whatever you.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Have to do.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Praying, getting on your knees. It doesn't have to be
a long time. I do forty five minutes. You don't
have to do that. Journaling helps whatever the practice is.
But it's just sitting in silence and praying and thanking
God and just being grateful again in something higher and
bigger than yourself. It brings a lot of humility and
(12:57):
it allows you to be grounded and remind yourself that
this world, this life, this body is a gift, and
it helps you treat it differently. So prayer and meditation guys.
Grounding yourself in inner peace huge. Now let's move on
to physical and health. Move your body. Exercise isn't just
(13:21):
for esthetics. It releases endorphins and makes you feel stronger.
I like to work out, of course, I want to
look better. We all want to look better.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Of course, I get that that doesn't make you vain.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
No, and you getting botox and getting surgeries and stuff
doesn't make you vain. That's as long as you have
this your inner self, your inner power aligned, it's fine,
do whatever you want. You know, I am fine with that.
But I work out because it really gives me mental
clarity and it makes me feel more confident because I'm
(13:55):
doing something good for myself. I'm treating my body good.
And when you treat your good and you do what's
best for it. And instead of eating that bag of
hot Cheetos, because I love hot cheetos, but they're not
good for you, and that's just the truth. And I'm
sorry for all the hot cheetle eating girls here and boys,
but they're just not good for you. And I used
to eat them all the time until I said, this
is not good for my body. And I want to
(14:17):
treat my body better because if I treat my body better,
if I take care of what takes care of me,
I'm going to be happier. And it's made a huge difference.
I'll have a hot cheeto here and there, maybe two
or three, but not the whole bag and not all
the time, because it's just not good for me, and
I'm like, no, I'm not going to drink soda. It's
not good for me. I can drink electrolytes, like you
know what I mean. Like, it's just really getting to
(14:39):
that point of I want to work out and I
want to eat well to fuel my body because it
takes care of me, and to treat it well because
it deserves that, because it's holding my spirit. And I
need to be grateful for the body that God has
given me. And hydration attrition. I've talked about sleep, guys,
is super important. When you're sleep deprived. When you don't
(15:00):
give your body that time to sleep, to rest, to regenerate,
you're irritable. You get frustrated a lot faster, you're tired,
you can't perform to your best potential. And I've learned
and I've shared it here. In twenty eighteen, I had
a meltdown. It was bad and until I realized that
(15:25):
sleep is a part of my job and a part
of my well being. And yes, I wake up at
five in the morning, but I make sure I get
like at least six seven hours of sleep, if not more.
And the days that I need to rest like a Sunday,
I don't need to work out. It makes the biggest
difference in the world, guys, Like where I'm like, you know,
I'm not gonna work out. I'm gonna rest. My body
needs to rest. Listen to your body. Breath work helps
(15:46):
a lot, guys. That's another thing. But again, this all
goes with physical health, nutrition and all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
And hopefully you guys understand what I'm saying because it's
really important to me.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
And it took me a long time to learn this,
and I wish I would have known in my twenties
to be honest, but you know what I learned. I
evolved and now I'm here and I'm able to share
these things with you guys. But please, drinking water, like
is so important right now because I was like the
type of person that didn't drink soda and I met
immedia and he's more of a soda drinker and I've
(16:17):
even gotten him to drink less soda. And now I'm like,
I want water. My body needs water. My body is
made of water, and I need to just replenish and
like help myself, you know. So just that's one thing.
Start with water and move your body a little bit
in sweat releasing those toxins.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Now, mindset and inner work kind of goes with the
spiritual and obviously physical. It all is all connected, guys. Okay,
so shift from perfectionism to progress. Okay, celebrate the small
winds because we're very hard on ourselves, at least I am.
I've been very hard on myself most of my life.
I'm like, damn, I could have done better, or I
should have done this. Now I'm like, okay, I did it.
(16:58):
I did what I could, and that's okay. Okay, I'm
listening to my body and not everything has to be
perfect because that puts a lot of pressure on you
and on other people around you. And just trust a
process and celebrate those small ones. Guys, it makes a
big difference. Replace negative self talk with compassionate self talk.
Be compassionate with yourself definitely will help. And just say
(17:21):
it's okay, it's all right. You made this mistake five
years ago. Why are you so thinking about it. It's okay,
you learned, you're growing. Get out of that mindset. We
all make mistakes. I mentioned journaling earlier. Again, I have
a whole episode on journaling. Guys, go back to that
episode because Journaling is therapy. So if therapy is not
(17:43):
in your budget right now, journaling will definitely help face
fear is little by little. A lot of people get
afraid of things and they walk away and they're like,
they let fear paralyze them. I did two for a
long time until I said, you know what, I'm gonna
face this fear, whatever it may be, and I'm gonna
(18:06):
do it. And I know that I'm safe and I
know my heart and it's okay. I'm in God's hands
and I'm gonna do this with fear and I'm going
to breathe through it. Because confidence grows through action. Guys,
remember that confidence grows through actions. Doing things that make
(18:28):
you feel a little uncomfortable, that cause you a little discomfort,
a little bit of butterflies in your stomach, and you
still do it. That's when you know, mm, I'm on
the right track.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I'm doing it. I did it.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Feeling accomplished and feeling like you achieved something that you
didn't think was possible because of fear. Then you're like, ah,
I got this. So self image and presentation, guys, dress
in a way that makes you feel good. Now we're
getting a little bit into the exterior part of things,
but is also important dress in a way that makes
(19:01):
you feel good, not just look good. Okay, I used
to love to show my booty, and in the moment,
it was cool.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Whatever.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Now I look back and I'm like, I'm not gonna lie.
I'm like, yeah, that's a little cringe, you know. It's like, oh,
I wanted everything to be tight. Now I'm like, I
want to be comfortable. I want to wear something that
expresses who I am and I present myself in a
way that I want people to see me, Like, I
need to be really careful with that for me now
(19:31):
in this present moment, because this was different last year even,
you know, and I used to dress to make other
people look.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
At me in a certain way or to accept me.
And now I'm like.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
I want to be comfortable. I want to look good,
and if it's weird to other people, then so be it.
I'm happy and that's all that matters. And that didn't
come until just recently, again, until I started doing all
of my deep, deep healing with my medicine, my indigenous
plant medicine. But yeah, that is something that'll come with time.
But not only being comfortable, but that makes you feel good.
(20:07):
Grooming and self care routines as acts of self love. Okay,
I get my nails done almost weekly, bi weekly. That
is something that is important to me. I want my
feet to be soft. I want my nils to be done.
I want to feel good. I want to make sure
my hair is washed and if I have dan druff,
(20:29):
then I want to wash it out, like I don't
want to walk around with greasy ass hair. And if
I do a little dry shampoo and just doing things
like that, that just raise your confidence. Because if you're
all slumpy and you're dressing and you haven't showered, or
you know, like you don't really care about your appearance,
that's gonna make you feel worse. And I'm telling you
because I've been there when I was depressed, I didn't shower.
(20:49):
I think the longest had been like four days, and
I was depressed and I my hair was crazy. It
was crazy. Again, I give myself great and I look
back on that, I'm like, Okay, I needed to go
through that because I was in my cocoon. I was
in my cocoon, and now I'm like, okay, I never
want to go back there. So I'm learning from that,
so make sure you take care of yourself and you
(21:10):
smell good, and you put lotion on your body, and
you put on perfume and just things that like you're like, yeah,
you put on some perfume and you walk out, even
if you're going to the market, Like it just feels
like I care about myself and I take the time
to take care of myself and do those little things
that make me feel good in my body feel good,
and it just really sets the tone and changes everything
(21:33):
body language. Again, this is all exterior stuff. When you
see someone sitting with their back slouched and just like.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
You know, yeah, I guess you know life, you know.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Whatever, it might make you feel like are they happy.
But if you see someone just sitting up a little
bit and kind of like, hey, feel good, I'm here,
I'm ready, my my, you know, like I'm I'm I'm
seeing the world and I want the world to see
me as a confident being. Of course, if you're feeling sad,
(22:07):
then feel sad. I am also like I embrace it,
and I celebrate you embracing and enduring those moments of sadness,
because that's part of growth. But standing tall eye contact,
guys is huge. It's going to feel uncomfortable at first,
but the more you do it, the more confidence it
gives you as a person. When you say hello and
(22:29):
you give a handshake, and you look someone in the
eyes and you're like, hi, how are you very nice
to meet you? You give them a little squeeze. A lot
is said without it being said in a handshake. And
how you talk to people if you don't look them
in the eye and you're just like shy and stuff.
I get I get shyness, I get it, but little
by little, just try it. Be like, Okay, hi, I'm here.
(22:51):
I want you to see my soul and I want
to see yours, and I want you to know because
I have nothing to hide, and I'm not ashamed of anything.
Here's my face, here are my eyes, here's my handshake.
It really will help you train your mind, so try it, okay.
(23:11):
Moving on environment and relationship, surround yourself.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
With people who uplift you. Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
I used to hang out with people that would point
out the things that weren't beautiful about me and would
make me feel even less beautiful. Friends, family, yeah, mm hmm. Bye,
I want you to tell me the truth that doesn't
mean lie to me. Okay, But if you have to
tell me something and you have to be honest with me,
(23:38):
it could be in a nice way. Call it sugarcoating,
call it whatever you want, but you can be honest
with someone and direct and firm in a loving way.
Distance yourself from toxic comparison. Take social media detoxes, okay,
when needed. I've done it, and it does help a
little bit if you feel that social it can be
(24:00):
a bit overwhelming and stuff like that. Like that will
help you just kind of detach yourself and just recharge
and reconnect with yourself, but definitely distance yourself from toxicity
and from toxic comparison. That is also something that my
mom would do, and it did affect my relationship with
(24:21):
my sister. For instance, there was like a lot of
comparison and that that's not good. You know. Obviously I
didn't distance myself from my sister because I know that
we're different and that's okay. But I'm sure my mom
would have corrected it by now. It's just, you know,
we were young and whatever. I'm not going to get
into that, okay. Build a tribe community that reflects your values, Okay.
I used to waste my time with a lot of bs,
(24:43):
with a lot of people that were I guess callum
cool or in the cool crowd. I have my friends
that I've had for years. If you are not pouring
into my cup and allowing me to pour into your
cup and it's like a reciprocated type of relationship, I
don't want it. I want to sit at a table
where we're thinking about ideas and happy things and not
(25:03):
just chees me on though and talking about other people
and stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Like no, like I did it, don't want.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
To do it. Of course you're gonna talk about with
this person, but then it's like, let's stop it, stop
it right here. I'm getting better at also telling people
at tables like if there's someone they're talking about that's
not present. I'm getting better with this. It's been very hard,
but I'm getting better with it where I'm like, you
know what, that person's not here right now.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
I don't think it's cool for us to talk about them.
Let's talk about.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Something else, and you know, like changing the energy around,
like you want to surround yourself with people that want
the same things that you do. That also builds a
lot of confidence because you're surrounding yourself.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
With that energy and it's important.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
And then now I feel like I'm questioning certain relationships
in my life friendships as well, because I'm like, oh,
does that person kind of like is it? I don't
need them to be on my same frequency, but we
got to be at least in the same chapter, you
know what I mean, Like, you don't need to be
on the same page, but please be on the same
chapter with me, because if not, it's like I'm gonna
(26:03):
I don't want to divert. I don't want to detour.
Here's a big one, guys. This one's the one that
changed my life. And I need you to hear me
because when I realized what my purpose was and I
really leaned into that and I was in alignment with that,
that has changed my life. And I think this is
(26:26):
where the real confidence has come from and what you
guys see, because I've gotten a lot of messages from
people telling me that I look different, that I'm glowing,
that I feel like the old Janae. Or my sister
just told the other day I showed her my new
music Jenica, and She's like, oh my goodness, this is you.
What Like I remember when you were like driving your
(26:48):
little buggy and Corona and listening to this and that
type of music like this is that And I was like, yes,
I'm in alignment. I'm living my purpose. I came back
to myself and that's important, guys, when you know why
you're here, because we are all here for a reason,
big or small or whatever. We are all here for
(27:08):
a reason, and we're all here to change the world
and help the world in some way. And leaning into
it and getting into alignment with that will change your life.
And that just happened for me this year. I know.
It's crazy, Like I've been doing dear Cheeky's and cheekys
and chill and everything, and I've been inspiring you guys.
And it hasn't been from a fake place because everything
(27:31):
I do I mean and I'm always really honest with
you guys. And I'm like, this is a note for
myself as well, Like I need to remind myself of
this because this is work. This isn't the gist. You're
going to learn this and you're gonna like be healed
and forever, Like no, this is forever. This is a process.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
And you have to learn. Like I said, earlier.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
You have to learn to trust the process and celebrate
those small wins and know that sometimes you're going to
fall off track, like it happens to me, And that's
what happened to me. Like I was like, wait, wait, wait,
I didn't know that I even had a band over
my eyes until it was removed, and I was like,
oh my gosh, wait, no, wonder. Something didn't feel right
(28:09):
And it was my soul calling and saying, girl, wake up,
wake up. And I have a song called that the
Spiritra te Oh the Spiritra.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
I can't wait for you guys to hear it. Anyway,
Knowing why gives confidence. Okay, you're living with direction? Why
are you here? What do you want to leave in
this world? If you were to leave tomorrow? Are you
proud of what imprint you left in this world? And
how you help people? Did you show up as your best?
(28:39):
You got to ask yourself those questions and once you
know your why, it will help you find your way.
And I feel like in certain seasons of my life
it's happened I have found my way and my why
in that season, and then it's over and it's like again,
we're evolving and we're changing constantly. So that's not to
say that my confidence back then was fake or what
(29:02):
I was telling you guys is fake. No, it's just
I have a new found, deeper confidence and a more
of an alignment. And that's where I'm singing from. That's
how I'm dressing, that's how I'm expressing myself is because
it's different.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Yeah, oh my gosh, I just had an epiphany.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Setting achievable goals and follow through each win builds self trust. Okay,
so what does that mean? For instance, it's just use
weight because I think weight is a huge thing for
us and a lot of people feel not confident because
we're focusing so much on our weight in our exterior.
But if you set small goals, short term goals and say,
(29:43):
you know what, I'm going to lose five pounds from
here to in three months, realistic goals and achieving those
small goals, they will really help you with the bigger ones,
like once you feel like, oh, I accomplished, because you
have to set those small ones before you can move
on to the next step. If you set too much
of a big goal, it's very likely that you won't
(30:06):
achieve it because it's difficult, and setting those small ones
will definitely help you with the larger ones. Hopefully that
all made sense. But AnyWho align your actions with your
values for authentic confidence, I'm gonna read that again. I
sure did write that. I was like, oh, hold up,
(30:28):
align your actions with your values for authentic confidence. And
I think that is what was happening with me, guys.
I was in aligning my values with my authentic self.
I was myself, but I was doing things more to
(30:51):
please other people and following other people's direction and not
allowing my inner confidence and my authentic self shine.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
And now I am.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Now I'm like, wait a second, No, if there's something
in my music that I don't like, now you better
believe I'm going to say, hey, can we change this,
even if it's a pain in the butt. Before I
was like, oh, I don't want to bother them or
they're going to think I'm a pain in the ass.
Like I'm sorry, but this is my music, this is
my true self, and I have to live with this forever.
So I'm going to make these changes, and I need
(31:22):
you to make them changes. And if you're not, then
you're not the person that I'm meant to work with, Like,
that's just where I'm at, and I'm aligning myself with
my values and it's allowing me to radiate and shine
in a different way, completely different, and I love And
I look back on Cheeky's five years ago last year,
and I'm like, I love what I did and I
(31:43):
kind of missed those things. But I'm like, was I
truly happy? Was I really living my true purpose? And
maybe I was because that was part of what I
had to do to get here. So I don't regret
any of it. I love it all. And that's not
to say that I'm not going to wear some booty
shorts on stage years I might, I may not.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
I don't know. But right now I'm living what I
need to live. So that was huge.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
When I wrote that, I was like, damn, I get it.
And I wrote something as well about confidence because obviously
we're talking about confidence, so confidence doesn't always look the
same throughout our lives. Sometimes it's louder, sometimes it's quieter,
and sometimes we have to rebuild it after people put
ideas in our heads. What I've learned is that real
confidence isn't about how people see you. It's about how
(32:31):
you see yourself and how you treat yourself, and that's
where the alignment comes in, right of aligning your values.
Also talking about my weight and stuff from earlier, because
I was like, I want to make sure I read this.
I don't forget for me. Confidence really started growing when
I got okay with myself, all of me, the good,
the bad, the messy. When I stopped lying even little lies,
(32:55):
and stop pretending to be someone I'm not, it gave
me this whole new time type of confidence because when
you're not hiding anything, you feel free. I feel free, y'all.
You don't have to be perfect, and when you're willing
to admit your mistakes out loud, it makes you stronger,
not weaker. That's when I realize my confidence doesn't come
(33:16):
from looking perfect on the outside, but from knowing I'm
real on the inside. And I think i'll leave it
with that. I'll end this episode with that, because I
think that just kind of sums everything up for us.
And I always like to use my personal experiences because
that's what this podcast is all about. It's cheeky's and chill.
(33:37):
I'm chilling with y'all, and I'm telling you, guys, my truth,
because that's the only way that I can help you
is by expressing my own experiences, my own adversities, and
not only outside adversities and obstacles, but those that come
from within that I have created. And I have self
destructed with my mind by thinking too much, overthinking too much,
(34:00):
and not putting things into action. And now I am doing,
not just thinking and saying I am doing, and all
of those things build immense confidence. And I will tell
you I am very proud of how far I've come
and how I have been able to get through every
season of my life, because it's true, confidence looks different,
(34:23):
and every every year we're different. I mean, we have
to accept that we come from change. And I can
tell you that I am a different person even with
this relationship I'm in, with this marriage and being more
willing and open to hearing not so good things about myself.
(34:44):
I'm not always the best version of myself. I try
every day and it's a lot easier to bounce back,
but there are days when I'm not my best and
my husband has to tell me, and now I am
able to hear it, and not only hear it, but
act and say, Okay, I love you. And I want
(35:05):
to be better and I'm going to change this for you,
for myself, and for us. It's made me become a
better sister. I feel like I am a lot better
with understanding their process and knowing that they're older and
that things change, even in relationships that you thought would
never that we were tight as heck and nothing could
(35:26):
ever come between us, and not that they have. It's
just the dynamic has changed, and it's helped me accept
that and it's helped me understand it and understand them
because now I know who I am and I'm like, okay, cool,
I know who I am. I'm good, I'm chilling. I
have to allow them to figure that out if they
haven't already, and not take things personally. And it's helped
(35:48):
me a lot. All of these things that we talked
about have just helped align me as a better musician,
a better songwriter. I trust myself now what I want
to write about, and I'm like, I know the answer.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
It's in me.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
God lives in me as as me and he's speaking
to me, so I have to trust that. So it
has really helped me in every area. I feel like
I'm a better boss. I'm able to communicate and and
tell my employees, Hey, I don't like this.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Fix this. And I'm not mean.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
I'm just direct because I have more confidence in who
I am and the things that I want, and I'm
not afraid of speaking my truth in a loving way,
and that has helped me quite a bit. Okay, guys,
I love you, Thank you for listening. Go out there
and be confident. Okay, true confidence.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Here we go.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Whoo.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
I love you, guys.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Catch you on the next episode of Cheeky's and Chill Damo.
This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Michael Dura
podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts,
then follow me Cheeky's, That's c h I q U
i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
(36:59):
Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast
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