August 10, 2022 • 27 mins
Disgraced entertainer Don Saldívar hosts this Deal or No Deal rip-off in which he simulates a mock trial. Real contestants will either win cash or be sent to jail.
Martin Urbano is a hip Latino comedian/writer/satirist. He has performed on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Comedy Central, The CW, and recently taped a set for the stand-up comedy series This Joka with Will Smith and Westbrook Studios. Martin was featured as a cast member on the National Lampoon Radio Hour reboot and was one of Vulture's Comics to Watch in 2019. Martin worked as a writer/producer for Danny's House on Viceland and has hosted several episodes of Chris Gethard Presents on MNN. Martin was a 2017 New Face at Just For Laughs. While there, he was added to Howie Mandel's Comedy Gala, which was filmed for The CW. Follow Martin on Instagram at @martinurbanojr and on Twitter at @martinurbano.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You know what they say, Prime pays. Tonight's Grand Jury
Prize could turn one of these random assholes into a
slightly wealthier random asshole. Time the lawyer up and not
(00:21):
say another word on plea deal or no plea Deal?
Stay tuned, Welcome to plea deal or no plea Deal.
I'm your host, Don Saldivar, and I'm excited for you
to see my brand new game show. And no, the
(00:44):
rumors aren't true. I didn't get fired from my last
game show because I treated my employees like garbage. It
was a sexual harassment case, but I don't want to
get into it tonight. Real people get the chance to
experience the rile of the century. If they win, they
walk away with one hundred dollars. First, let's beat our contestant. Welcome, Star,
(01:14):
that's thank you, thanks for being here. Have you ever
committed a crime? I do not want to say too
much out front. Um legally, I am a little nervous
about where that might put me to win that hundred?
What are you so concerned about hiding? Have you ever
heard the term skeletons in the closet? Always every day? Anyway? Star,
(01:38):
thank you for being here tonight. You're gonna be on
the opposite side of the law. It's time to play
plea deal or no clea deal. All right, let's get
into it. Oh, you have committed a crime. Let's spin
the wheel to see what crime that is? All right? Oh,
(02:01):
satanic cult daycare. Well that's a tough one. All right.
You thought you got away with your crime, but the
prosecution has presented these six mysterious pieces of evidence. You're
not sure what these six exhibits mean, but your private
(02:22):
investigator found out that three exhibits will actually exonerate you,
but the other three exhibits will prove your guilty. Each
round you'll get the chance to remove one exhibit, and hopefully,
if you remove the right ones, you'll make the prosecutor
look like Marcia Clark. All right, and after four rounds,
(02:45):
if you're found not guilty, you win one hundred dollars.
But if you're found guilty of the crime you committed,
you walk away with nothing and you will go to prison.
Along the way, I'll be receiving calls from our lawyer
(03:05):
in the booth, Mr Alan Dershowitz. At the end of
each round, he'll offer you a plea deal. Then you'll
have to decide take the plea deal or no plea deal.
How does that sound to you? Sounds great? I'm ready
to go. All right. Then let's get into it. All right.
(03:33):
The prosecution has six exhibits. Three will exonerate you and
three will prove you are guilty. The exhibits are a cholo,
you're signed confession, a gun, your laptop, one pube or
(03:55):
a brand new car. All right, you got six exhibits
right in front of us, star, How are you feeling
one jump out to You want to get it right
out of the way. You're worried about it? Yes, one did,
But I don't know if I I don't know if
I want to like tell you what it is right now,
or if I hold onto that information talking through. I
(04:16):
have no sway in the game whatsoever. It's all up
to you. Now. We got a cello? Okay, that one
actually really popped out at me, though I don't I
don't know what that is. What does that mean? Clo?
A cello? They typically leaned side to side. Um, it's
uh typically a Latino person who is uh maybe a tougher,
(04:40):
a tougher sort of gentleman. All right, thank you, for explaining, man,
I'm being I was being sincere. Uh yeah, okay, So
do I choose out of all of those or it
can remove one. I can remove a cello, your signed confession,
a gun, your laptop, one pube or a brand new car.
(05:01):
So three of these will hurt you, but three of
these will help you. You want to remove the ones
that will hurt you and those feeling like you've got
to get that out of here. Okay, all right, I
want to. I want to I'm gonna get rid of
the I'm gonna get rid of the laptop. I want
to get rid of the laptop. I'm gonna get rid
of the laptop. Get rid of the laptop. Alright, let's
see what that piece of evidences. They seized your hard
(05:25):
drive and although they couldn't find anything directly related to
this case, they did find some horrible, unspeakable things. This
doesn't look good for you. Incriminating, all right, So you
removed an incriminating pieces of evidence. Wow, that is exciting stuff. Wow.
How do you feel that, star? I feel really good
(05:46):
about that. Yeah? Good, you knew what was on your laptop?
What give us a little taste what was on that laptop? Star, Um,
can I be honest? I have a lot of Oh
you can hear that. That's the prosecution calling now hello
Mr Dershowitz. No, no, no, I love you. Uh huh
(06:08):
uh huh okay, that's star. Mr Dershowitz is offering you
a plea deal of thirty dollars. Thirty dollars. Take this
plea deal or no plea deal. You decide. I'm gonna
say no plea deal. I want to. I want to,
(06:30):
I want to. I want to roll the dice a
little bit. Yeah, alright, no plea deal. Al Right, exciting stuff,
you know. I start I'm wondering, do you know anybody
who's a lawyer? Yes? So actually I'm gonna answer that enthusiastically.
I just moved in with two lawyers and before before this,
(06:52):
I asked them, I said, you got to explain to
me what plead deal is, like, tell me give me
some advice. What did they say? So? Are they good
and or cheap? You know? I I would highly recommend
both of them. It's really good to know. I'll probably
ask you for their cards later, best Star. What what
is a plea deal? What? Okay? So yeah, let me
(07:14):
let me see if I can so a plea deal.
Let's see the advice that that she, my roommate, gave me.
She said, the more that you have committed the crime,
the less you want to admit that you did it.
So of course you know, right, So she said, this
is not legal advice, but it's just you know, that
(07:37):
could get her in trouble. But she said, you know,
feel free to use that. So and what's her full name? Yeah,
all right, I'm gonna take that as a pleading the fifth.
But you didn't take the plea deal. Oh right. That
means we're going into round number two. Exciting stuff, exciting
stuff that star all right. So you removed the laptop,
(07:59):
all right, So now we're back to it. You've got
five exhibits in front of you. You're going to remove one.
You still have a cholo, your signed confession, a gun,
one pube or a brand new car. Light up every
(08:20):
time you say that three of these will help your case,
two of these will hurt it. What are you thinking?
All right? Um, I'm thinking I'm leaning towards signed confession
because I was not in a good place when I
(08:41):
wrote that, or and was I felt a little pressured
into it. I'm not gonna lie, and I honestly I
didn't feel good about my signature. It wasn't my best
John Handcuff. A good reason is anything. So I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go with the signed confession. You're going with
the signed confession. You're going to remove your sign confession. Alright,
(09:02):
Let's see what that piece of evidence was. That was
a wild Saturday night. You went to a bar and
drank so much. You signed a full confession to an
undercover agent. But here's the thing. You signed the confession
on opposite day. The evidence is inadmissible. Oh, that was
(09:24):
an inadmissible piece of evidence. Star, That is unfortunate. That
would have totally helped your case, totally helped your case
to to to get How do you feel about that?
I'm so mad? Little did you know that signed confession
would be inadmissible? Wow? Star, you know what that sound means.
I gotta I gotta take this. Mr Derschwitz. I know
(09:46):
I know I was thinking about you too. Okay, okay,
all right, all right, I'll tell Star. All right, Mr
Dershwitz is offering you a plea deal of forty dollars
forty forty as a plea deal, plea deal or no
(10:08):
plea deal? A Star, I want to note, So I
get this forty dollars, I can. I'm getting the forty,
but then I might I have to go to trial.
You get the forty, you walk away, but you won't
be able to get the full hundred. That's what you
won't be able to Okay, So I won't be hundred dollars.
That's what you want, and I might, you know, have
(10:30):
to do. Okay, all right, I understand, I understand. Um,
I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say no, no plea deal,
all right, no plea deal. Okay, Wow, exciting stuff. Star,
You're really rolling the dice. We've got another round ahead
of you. You've got four options left still at fifty fifty.
(10:51):
Half of them will help you, half of them will
hurt you. Are you ready to hear them one more time?
Here we go? So you know, I just remember off
the top of your head. All right, No, I got it.
I got here again. Your four exhibits left you to
remove one. We've got a cholo, a gun, one pube
(11:16):
or a brand new car. What would you like to remove? Star? Okay,
I'm just gonna go with my gut feeling, and I'm
gonna go with the pube. Do you want to remove
a pube? You want remove one pube? I would like
to remove just one, don't we All all right, Star,
(11:38):
let's see what that piece of evidence was. All right,
this pube was found at the scene of the crime.
But it's not a match. Let's just say your carpet
doesn't match your drinks? Inadmissible? Oh that one was inadmissible. Star, Oh,
that would have helped you. You would have made you
(11:58):
would have made them look like complete fools if they
try to try to connect that pube to you. That
is unfortunate. How do you feel? I feel great. I'm
not gonna lie. I feel really good. I'm just going
with my gut at this point, and I just I'm
just trying to follow my heart and that that feels great. Well, Star,
I'll tell you this. We are down to the final
(12:20):
three exhibits. You can throw out two at the same time,
but before we reveal which they are, you'll get one
last call from Alan Dershowitz. So which two would you
like to throw out? Star? Okay, you got a cholos,
(12:40):
a gun, or a brand new car. You're gonna throw
two more of these out, and the whole case will
ride at the one remaining exhibit. All right, So, um,
I'm going to get rid of the chill and I'm
(13:02):
also gonna get rid of god. You know, I just
really feel pulled to like the gun at this in
a good way or a bad way. I don't know
what I've been pulled in all kind of way. Yeah,
you know, I just I have a lot of you know, uh,
sort of sentimental memories um around the word gun. Just
(13:26):
the word, just the word. I've seen in books things
like that growing up, you know, learning and things like
that in books on this show, as star, what are
you going with? Do you want to remove or keep
the gun? I'm going I'm removing those two. You're moving
a clo and you're removing a gun. Okay, so you're
gonna be left with a brand new car. So before
(13:48):
we reveal which we're incriminating and which we're inadmissible, I'm
going to take one final call from Alan Dershwitz. All right, hello,
Mr Dershwitz. I don't know what are you wearing. Oh well, sorry,
we don't have time for this, okay, okay, huh Right,
we're down to the final Okay, okay, Mr Alan Dershwitz
(14:14):
is offering you two of these are incriminating and one
is inadmissible. I believe. Yeah, yes, two are recruitating and
one is inadmissible. You want the inadmissible one. If if
(14:37):
one of the two that you threw away is inadmissible,
you walk away with your dollars and you will go
to prison. So where you're at right now, Mr Alan
Dershwitz is offering you a plea deal of thirty three dollars.
Thirty three dollars. No, no, I don't. Honestly, I don't
(14:58):
trust him. How dare you? He's Mr Alan Dershwitz. What's
not to trust about Alan Dershowitz. All right, but you're
gonna go no clean deal. I'm going to know. I'm
going to know cle deal. I want to. I wanted
to see how this way is. All right, let's see
what we got. We'll start with a cholo. That's not
just any cholo. That's Sherlock Holmes. He's a legendary detective
(15:22):
from the Bodio and he solved the mystery. His testimony
would have definitely hurt your case for sure. That was incriminating. Okay,
so you got one down, Star. You chose a brand
new car and you chose to remove a gun. It
all rides on this. I'll tell you a brand new
(15:43):
car first. This car this was let me take that
one again. I'm gonna tell you a gun first. Sorry,
that's my gun. I don't know how it ended up
in there. That was inadmissible, which means, as Star, the
one you were left with was the car scene fleeing
(16:03):
the murder scene. Your DNA is all over it, and
it's a tesla. Incriminating Star. Oh, you're walking away with
zero dollars and you're going to prison. That is unfortunate.
Luckily we have these the bailiffs right over here. They're
coming in. Yeah, yeah, just go ahead watch watch a risla.
(16:23):
But yeah, alright, Esther, how do you feel about the
way everything went down? I'm glad that it was a tesla.
That's kind of like what I just I just feel
good about that, um because even though everything's out there
and I, you know, committed the crime whatever, like, at
least in some way was connected with something that was
(16:46):
good for the environment, of course, and it was good
for Mr Elon Musk and that's important. I'm saving up
my doge coin to buy a Tesla. But Star, oh
this is unfortunate. Uh sorry, you're walking away with nothing.
But how about a hand for Star? Everybody? Oh wow,
incredible stuff. Goodbye as Star and enjoy enjoy prison? All right,
(17:08):
who's gonna please deal it next? Find out after this
commercial break. Welcome back to Plea Deal or No Plea Deal.
(17:32):
If you're just tuning in, I'm Don Saldivar and this
show isn't based on any of my real life court cases.
Let's meet our contestant. Welcome Daisy, Daisy being here, Thank
you so much. I gotta ask, have you ever committed
a crime? Well, I'm a repeat offender of getting sixteen
(17:55):
dollars worth of chickpea salad at the Whole Foods Hot
bar and bringing it up bananas. Well, I love crime too,
all right, Daisy. Now it's time to play plea Deal
or No Plea Deal? Here we go. Oh, you have
(18:16):
committed a crime. Let's spin the crime wheel. Killed someone?
Not too bad? Not too bad? All right. You thought
you completely got away with your crime, but the prosecution
has presented these six mysterious pieces of evidence. You don't
(18:38):
know how these six exhibits will affect your case, but
you've got word from your private investigator that three exhibits
will actually exonerate you, but the other three exhibits will
prove your guilty. Each round you'll have the chance to
remove one exhibit, and if you remove the right ones,
you'll hopefully make the prosecutor look like Christopher Garden. After
(19:02):
four rounds, if you're found not guilty, you win one
hundred dollars. But if you're found guilty of the crime
you definitely committed, you walk away with nothing and you
will go to prison. As always, after each round, I'll
be receiving a call from our lawyer in the booth,
(19:24):
the incredibly talented Mr Alan Dershowitz. At the end of
each round, Mr Dershowitz will offer you a plea deal
and you'll have to decide plea deal or no plea deal.
How does that sound to you, Daisy, Oh, I can't
wait right all right? Then, let's just get right into it.
(19:50):
Round number one. The prosecution has six exhibits. Three will
exonerate you and three will prove you are guilty. The
exhibits are a finger painting of you committing the crime,
and ariss isoton or glove, nanny cam footage, a shoe print,
(20:16):
your diary and rapper takashi six nine. All right, Daisy,
you can remove one exhibit. Which will it be? Um?
Let's the isoton or glove is standing out to me
because those don't have a great track record. Name one
(20:38):
way they don't have a great track record. Oh man I,
um that's private. I'll tell you when you're older. Um.
I just said my gun is saying that is a
toner is not to be trusted. So you want to
remove the heriss isotonor glove. Yes, all right, let's see
(20:59):
what piece of epic that was similar to the glove O. J.
Simpson famously tried on in court. This glove was found
at the scene of the crime. You try it on
and unfortunately it fits perfectly. If the glove goes on,
you must imprison. That is incriminating. All right, good removal there.
(21:21):
That was an excriminating piece of evidence, Daisy, Well done
on that. Oh that's the prosecution now hello Mr Dershowitz, Please,
the pleasure is all mine. Uh huh uh huh okay, okay, Daisy.
Mr Dershowitz is offering you a plea deal of thirty
(21:42):
dollars thirty dollars plea deal or no plea deal. No
plea deal, Mr Dershowitz, why not? I am having a
great time. Honestly, I kind of feel like I'm playing
Oregon Trail a little bit, and I would like to
keep going. Never heard of that the game were the concept?
All right, but you're gonna go ahead and say no,
(22:03):
please deal, Daisy, exciting stuff. We're going into a round
number two. We've got five exhibits left, and you're gonna
remove one. We've got a finger painting of you committing
the crime, nanny cam footage, a shoe print, your diary
(22:25):
or rapper Takashi six nine. All right, Daisy, you can
remove one exhibit. What do you feel Let's do I
feel like I should go with the most obvious thing.
The finger painting of me committing the crime would probably
the smart one to get rid of. Why do you
(22:47):
feel like that? Well, it's I mean, who painted it?
Like I Why do they have such a clear image
of it happening? These are the Yeah, I feel like
that's a really big question and they're probably not great
answers for me, So in my in my what's going
to happen to me next? So I would really like
(23:08):
to get rid of that. All right, you're going to
remove a finger painting of you committing the crime. Let's
see what that piece of evidence was. You had a
little too much to drink at a wine and paint
night and accidentally painted yourself committing the crime. The painting
also includes details about the crime only the culprit would know.
(23:28):
And also the finger paint was has perfectly preserved your
fingerprints which were found at the scene of the crime.
Oh wow, that was incriminating as hell, Daisy, and excellent removal.
Oh how do you feel about that? How do you feel?
I'm feeling great. Um. I've done those wine painting classes
before and they are dangerous. Um certainly have done at
(23:53):
a wine and paint night I've painted. I was dragged
to one in Evanston, Illinois, where I was to paint
the Northwestern Rock. And I did not go to Northwestern,
so I don't know what that is. It's like that
made the rock Johnson, but from the Northwest. Yes, all right, Daisy,
were I'm getting I'm getting. The phone's ringing right now.
(24:15):
The phone is reading off the hook. I gotta take this.
Mr Derschwitz Hey, no, no, you're good man. Yeah yeah,
take take as much time as you need. What were
you doing in the bathroom? Okay, okay, yeah, Daisy is
waiting for a plea deal? Yeah yeah, okay, all right,
here we go, Daisy. Yeah. After removing to incriminating pieces
(24:36):
of evidence. Mr Dershwitz is offering you sixty five dollars.
Sixty dollars plea deal or no plea deal? Man. That
sounds pretty good. But I'm gonna say no plea deal.
How come? I'm feeling confidence, Um, I'm feeling maybe a
(25:00):
little arrogance that I can keep I can keep it
going for a little bit longer. All right, that's no
plea deal. All right, Daisy, this is exciting. We're going
into round at number three. You have four pieces of
evidence left. One of these is incriminating and the other three.
(25:22):
If the other three remain, you will get off completely
and walk away with one hundred dollars. How do you feel, Oh,
I'm have butterflies in my stomach. Gross. All right, Daisy,
your four exhibits left, You're gonna remove one. Your four
exhibits left are nanny cam footage, a shoe print, your diary,
(25:51):
and Rapper Takashi six nine. Daisy, you're gonna remove one exhibit?
What do you want to remove? I'm going to remove
Rapper Takashi six nine. What What makes you want to
remove Rapper Takashi six because I don't really want him
involved in anything that has to do with me legally
(26:15):
or the possibility of me going to jail or not
going in prison or not going to prison. Um, he's
not somebody I would want to be a part of that.
Why well, he's not like the ice toneer Glove. He
doesn't have a great track record either. Um have you
(26:36):
heard Gummo? I was just it's my alarm in the morning,
wakes me up. SAME's all right, Daisy, you want to
remove Rapper Takashi six nine. Let's see what that piece
of evidence was. Despite knowing nothing about the case, Musician
(26:57):
Takashi six nine was testifying a against you that was incriminating.
That means the last three pieces of evidence are all inadvisible. Daisy,
you have won one hundred dollars. You are not guilty.
Oh how my child, Oh my god, I can't I mean,
I really can't believe I want that. I'm feeling fresh,
(27:20):
I'm feeling great. Um wow, thank you so much. I
just gotta learn to trust my divine female intuition. Congratulations,
Thanks for playing Flea Deal or no Flea Deal. Thanks
for having on everybody. Tune in next week or more.
You know what they say, Prime pays. Tonight's Grand Jury
Prize could turn one of these random assholes into a
slightly wealthier random asshole. Time the lawyer up and not
(00:21):
say another word on plea deal or no plea Deal?
Stay tuned, Welcome to plea deal or no plea Deal.
I'm your host, Don Saldivar, and I'm excited for you
to see my brand new game show. And no, the
(00:44):
rumors aren't true. I didn't get fired from my last
game show because I treated my employees like garbage. It
was a sexual harassment case, but I don't want to
get into it tonight. Real people get the chance to
experience the rile of the century. If they win, they
walk away with one hundred dollars. First, let's beat our contestant. Welcome, Star,
(01:14):
that's thank you, thanks for being here. Have you ever
committed a crime? I do not want to say too
much out front. Um legally, I am a little nervous
about where that might put me to win that hundred?
What are you so concerned about hiding? Have you ever
heard the term skeletons in the closet? Always every day? Anyway? Star,
(01:38):
thank you for being here tonight. You're gonna be on
the opposite side of the law. It's time to play
plea deal or no clea deal. All right, let's get
into it. Oh, you have committed a crime. Let's spin
the wheel to see what crime that is? All right? Oh,
(02:01):
satanic cult daycare. Well that's a tough one. All right.
You thought you got away with your crime, but the
prosecution has presented these six mysterious pieces of evidence. You're
not sure what these six exhibits mean, but your private
(02:22):
investigator found out that three exhibits will actually exonerate you,
but the other three exhibits will prove your guilty. Each
round you'll get the chance to remove one exhibit, and hopefully,
if you remove the right ones, you'll make the prosecutor
look like Marcia Clark. All right, and after four rounds,
(02:45):
if you're found not guilty, you win one hundred dollars.
But if you're found guilty of the crime you committed,
you walk away with nothing and you will go to prison.
Along the way, I'll be receiving calls from our lawyer
(03:05):
in the booth, Mr Alan Dershowitz. At the end of
each round, he'll offer you a plea deal. Then you'll
have to decide take the plea deal or no plea deal.
How does that sound to you? Sounds great? I'm ready
to go. All right. Then let's get into it. All right.
(03:33):
The prosecution has six exhibits. Three will exonerate you and
three will prove you are guilty. The exhibits are a cholo,
you're signed confession, a gun, your laptop, one pube or
(03:55):
a brand new car. All right, you got six exhibits
right in front of us, star, How are you feeling
one jump out to You want to get it right
out of the way. You're worried about it? Yes, one did,
But I don't know if I I don't know if
I want to like tell you what it is right now,
or if I hold onto that information talking through. I
(04:16):
have no sway in the game whatsoever. It's all up
to you. Now. We got a cello? Okay, that one
actually really popped out at me, though I don't I
don't know what that is. What does that mean? Clo?
A cello? They typically leaned side to side. Um, it's
uh typically a Latino person who is uh maybe a tougher,
(04:40):
a tougher sort of gentleman. All right, thank you, for explaining, man,
I'm being I was being sincere. Uh yeah, okay, So
do I choose out of all of those or it
can remove one. I can remove a cello, your signed confession,
a gun, your laptop, one pube or a brand new car.
(05:01):
So three of these will hurt you, but three of
these will help you. You want to remove the ones
that will hurt you and those feeling like you've got
to get that out of here. Okay, all right, I
want to. I want to I'm gonna get rid of
the I'm gonna get rid of the laptop. I want
to get rid of the laptop. I'm gonna get rid
of the laptop. Get rid of the laptop. Alright, let's
see what that piece of evidences. They seized your hard
(05:25):
drive and although they couldn't find anything directly related to
this case, they did find some horrible, unspeakable things. This
doesn't look good for you. Incriminating, all right, So you
removed an incriminating pieces of evidence. Wow, that is exciting stuff. Wow.
How do you feel that, star? I feel really good
(05:46):
about that. Yeah? Good, you knew what was on your laptop?
What give us a little taste what was on that laptop? Star, Um,
can I be honest? I have a lot of Oh
you can hear that. That's the prosecution calling now hello
Mr Dershowitz. No, no, no, I love you. Uh huh
(06:08):
uh huh okay, that's star. Mr Dershowitz is offering you
a plea deal of thirty dollars. Thirty dollars. Take this
plea deal or no plea deal. You decide. I'm gonna
say no plea deal. I want to. I want to,
(06:30):
I want to. I want to roll the dice a
little bit. Yeah, alright, no plea deal. Al Right, exciting stuff,
you know. I start I'm wondering, do you know anybody
who's a lawyer? Yes? So actually I'm gonna answer that enthusiastically.
I just moved in with two lawyers and before before this,
(06:52):
I asked them, I said, you got to explain to
me what plead deal is, like, tell me give me
some advice. What did they say? So? Are they good
and or cheap? You know? I I would highly recommend
both of them. It's really good to know. I'll probably
ask you for their cards later, best Star. What what
is a plea deal? What? Okay? So yeah, let me
(07:14):
let me see if I can so a plea deal.
Let's see the advice that that she, my roommate, gave me.
She said, the more that you have committed the crime,
the less you want to admit that you did it.
So of course you know, right, So she said, this
is not legal advice, but it's just you know, that
(07:37):
could get her in trouble. But she said, you know,
feel free to use that. So and what's her full name? Yeah,
all right, I'm gonna take that as a pleading the fifth.
But you didn't take the plea deal. Oh right. That
means we're going into round number two. Exciting stuff, exciting
stuff that star all right. So you removed the laptop,
(07:59):
all right, So now we're back to it. You've got
five exhibits in front of you. You're going to remove one.
You still have a cholo, your signed confession, a gun,
one pube or a brand new car. Light up every
(08:20):
time you say that three of these will help your case,
two of these will hurt it. What are you thinking?
All right? Um, I'm thinking I'm leaning towards signed confession
because I was not in a good place when I
(08:41):
wrote that, or and was I felt a little pressured
into it. I'm not gonna lie, and I honestly I
didn't feel good about my signature. It wasn't my best
John Handcuff. A good reason is anything. So I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go with the signed confession. You're going with
the signed confession. You're going to remove your sign confession. Alright,
(09:02):
Let's see what that piece of evidence was. That was
a wild Saturday night. You went to a bar and
drank so much. You signed a full confession to an
undercover agent. But here's the thing. You signed the confession
on opposite day. The evidence is inadmissible. Oh, that was
(09:24):
an inadmissible piece of evidence. Star, That is unfortunate. That
would have totally helped your case, totally helped your case
to to to get How do you feel about that?
I'm so mad? Little did you know that signed confession
would be inadmissible? Wow? Star, you know what that sound means.
I gotta I gotta take this. Mr Derschwitz. I know
(09:46):
I know I was thinking about you too. Okay, okay,
all right, all right, I'll tell Star. All right, Mr
Dershwitz is offering you a plea deal of forty dollars
forty forty as a plea deal, plea deal or no
(10:08):
plea deal? A Star, I want to note, So I
get this forty dollars, I can. I'm getting the forty,
but then I might I have to go to trial.
You get the forty, you walk away, but you won't
be able to get the full hundred. That's what you
won't be able to Okay, So I won't be hundred dollars.
That's what you want, and I might, you know, have
(10:30):
to do. Okay, all right, I understand, I understand. Um,
I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say no, no plea deal,
all right, no plea deal. Okay, Wow, exciting stuff. Star,
You're really rolling the dice. We've got another round ahead
of you. You've got four options left still at fifty fifty.
(10:51):
Half of them will help you, half of them will
hurt you. Are you ready to hear them one more time?
Here we go? So you know, I just remember off
the top of your head. All right, No, I got it.
I got here again. Your four exhibits left you to
remove one. We've got a cholo, a gun, one pube
(11:16):
or a brand new car. What would you like to remove? Star? Okay,
I'm just gonna go with my gut feeling, and I'm
gonna go with the pube. Do you want to remove
a pube? You want remove one pube? I would like
to remove just one, don't we All all right, Star,
(11:38):
let's see what that piece of evidence was. All right,
this pube was found at the scene of the crime.
But it's not a match. Let's just say your carpet
doesn't match your drinks? Inadmissible? Oh that one was inadmissible. Star, Oh,
that would have helped you. You would have made you
(11:58):
would have made them look like complete fools if they
try to try to connect that pube to you. That
is unfortunate. How do you feel? I feel great. I'm
not gonna lie. I feel really good. I'm just going
with my gut at this point, and I just I'm
just trying to follow my heart and that that feels great. Well, Star,
I'll tell you this. We are down to the final
(12:20):
three exhibits. You can throw out two at the same time,
but before we reveal which they are, you'll get one
last call from Alan Dershowitz. So which two would you
like to throw out? Star? Okay, you got a cholos,
(12:40):
a gun, or a brand new car. You're gonna throw
two more of these out, and the whole case will
ride at the one remaining exhibit. All right, So, um,
I'm going to get rid of the chill and I'm
(13:02):
also gonna get rid of god. You know, I just
really feel pulled to like the gun at this in
a good way or a bad way. I don't know
what I've been pulled in all kind of way. Yeah,
you know, I just I have a lot of you know, uh,
sort of sentimental memories um around the word gun. Just
(13:26):
the word, just the word. I've seen in books things
like that growing up, you know, learning and things like
that in books on this show, as star, what are
you going with? Do you want to remove or keep
the gun? I'm going I'm removing those two. You're moving
a clo and you're removing a gun. Okay, so you're
gonna be left with a brand new car. So before
(13:48):
we reveal which we're incriminating and which we're inadmissible, I'm
going to take one final call from Alan Dershwitz. All right, hello,
Mr Dershwitz. I don't know what are you wearing. Oh well, sorry,
we don't have time for this, okay, okay, huh Right,
we're down to the final Okay, okay, Mr Alan Dershwitz
(14:14):
is offering you two of these are incriminating and one
is inadmissible. I believe. Yeah, yes, two are recruitating and
one is inadmissible. You want the inadmissible one. If if
(14:37):
one of the two that you threw away is inadmissible,
you walk away with your dollars and you will go
to prison. So where you're at right now, Mr Alan
Dershwitz is offering you a plea deal of thirty three dollars.
Thirty three dollars. No, no, I don't. Honestly, I don't
(14:58):
trust him. How dare you? He's Mr Alan Dershwitz. What's
not to trust about Alan Dershowitz. All right, but you're
gonna go no clean deal. I'm going to know. I'm
going to know cle deal. I want to. I wanted
to see how this way is. All right, let's see
what we got. We'll start with a cholo. That's not
just any cholo. That's Sherlock Holmes. He's a legendary detective
(15:22):
from the Bodio and he solved the mystery. His testimony
would have definitely hurt your case for sure. That was incriminating. Okay,
so you got one down, Star. You chose a brand
new car and you chose to remove a gun. It
all rides on this. I'll tell you a brand new
(15:43):
car first. This car this was let me take that
one again. I'm gonna tell you a gun first. Sorry,
that's my gun. I don't know how it ended up
in there. That was inadmissible, which means, as Star, the
one you were left with was the car scene fleeing
(16:03):
the murder scene. Your DNA is all over it, and
it's a tesla. Incriminating Star. Oh, you're walking away with
zero dollars and you're going to prison. That is unfortunate.
Luckily we have these the bailiffs right over here. They're
coming in. Yeah, yeah, just go ahead watch watch a risla.
(16:23):
But yeah, alright, Esther, how do you feel about the
way everything went down? I'm glad that it was a tesla.
That's kind of like what I just I just feel
good about that, um because even though everything's out there
and I, you know, committed the crime whatever, like, at
least in some way was connected with something that was
(16:46):
good for the environment, of course, and it was good
for Mr Elon Musk and that's important. I'm saving up
my doge coin to buy a Tesla. But Star, oh
this is unfortunate. Uh sorry, you're walking away with nothing.
But how about a hand for Star? Everybody? Oh wow,
incredible stuff. Goodbye as Star and enjoy enjoy prison? All right,
(17:08):
who's gonna please deal it next? Find out after this
commercial break. Welcome back to Plea Deal or No Plea Deal.
(17:32):
If you're just tuning in, I'm Don Saldivar and this
show isn't based on any of my real life court cases.
Let's meet our contestant. Welcome Daisy, Daisy being here, Thank
you so much. I gotta ask, have you ever committed
a crime? Well, I'm a repeat offender of getting sixteen
(17:55):
dollars worth of chickpea salad at the Whole Foods Hot
bar and bringing it up bananas. Well, I love crime too,
all right, Daisy. Now it's time to play plea Deal
or No Plea Deal? Here we go. Oh, you have
(18:16):
committed a crime. Let's spin the crime wheel. Killed someone?
Not too bad? Not too bad? All right. You thought
you completely got away with your crime, but the prosecution
has presented these six mysterious pieces of evidence. You don't
(18:38):
know how these six exhibits will affect your case, but
you've got word from your private investigator that three exhibits
will actually exonerate you, but the other three exhibits will
prove your guilty. Each round you'll have the chance to
remove one exhibit, and if you remove the right ones,
you'll hopefully make the prosecutor look like Christopher Garden. After
(19:02):
four rounds, if you're found not guilty, you win one
hundred dollars. But if you're found guilty of the crime
you definitely committed, you walk away with nothing and you
will go to prison. As always, after each round, I'll
be receiving a call from our lawyer in the booth,
(19:24):
the incredibly talented Mr Alan Dershowitz. At the end of
each round, Mr Dershowitz will offer you a plea deal
and you'll have to decide plea deal or no plea deal.
How does that sound to you, Daisy, Oh, I can't
wait right all right? Then, let's just get right into it.
(19:50):
Round number one. The prosecution has six exhibits. Three will
exonerate you and three will prove you are guilty. The
exhibits are a finger painting of you committing the crime,
and ariss isoton or glove, nanny cam footage, a shoe print,
(20:16):
your diary and rapper takashi six nine. All right, Daisy,
you can remove one exhibit. Which will it be? Um?
Let's the isoton or glove is standing out to me
because those don't have a great track record. Name one
(20:38):
way they don't have a great track record. Oh man I,
um that's private. I'll tell you when you're older. Um.
I just said my gun is saying that is a
toner is not to be trusted. So you want to
remove the heriss isotonor glove. Yes, all right, let's see
(20:59):
what piece of epic that was similar to the glove O. J.
Simpson famously tried on in court. This glove was found
at the scene of the crime. You try it on
and unfortunately it fits perfectly. If the glove goes on,
you must imprison. That is incriminating. All right, good removal there.
(21:21):
That was an excriminating piece of evidence, Daisy, Well done
on that. Oh that's the prosecution now hello Mr Dershowitz, Please,
the pleasure is all mine. Uh huh uh huh okay, okay, Daisy.
Mr Dershowitz is offering you a plea deal of thirty
(21:42):
dollars thirty dollars plea deal or no plea deal. No
plea deal, Mr Dershowitz, why not? I am having a
great time. Honestly, I kind of feel like I'm playing
Oregon Trail a little bit, and I would like to
keep going. Never heard of that the game were the concept?
All right, but you're gonna go ahead and say no,
(22:03):
please deal, Daisy, exciting stuff. We're going into a round
number two. We've got five exhibits left, and you're gonna
remove one. We've got a finger painting of you committing
the crime, nanny cam footage, a shoe print, your diary
(22:25):
or rapper Takashi six nine. All right, Daisy, you can
remove one exhibit. What do you feel Let's do I
feel like I should go with the most obvious thing.
The finger painting of me committing the crime would probably
the smart one to get rid of. Why do you
(22:47):
feel like that? Well, it's I mean, who painted it?
Like I Why do they have such a clear image
of it happening? These are the Yeah, I feel like
that's a really big question and they're probably not great
answers for me, So in my in my what's going
to happen to me next? So I would really like
(23:08):
to get rid of that. All right, you're going to
remove a finger painting of you committing the crime. Let's
see what that piece of evidence was. You had a
little too much to drink at a wine and paint
night and accidentally painted yourself committing the crime. The painting
also includes details about the crime only the culprit would know.
(23:28):
And also the finger paint was has perfectly preserved your
fingerprints which were found at the scene of the crime.
Oh wow, that was incriminating as hell, Daisy, and excellent removal.
Oh how do you feel about that? How do you feel?
I'm feeling great. Um. I've done those wine painting classes
before and they are dangerous. Um certainly have done at
(23:53):
a wine and paint night I've painted. I was dragged
to one in Evanston, Illinois, where I was to paint
the Northwestern Rock. And I did not go to Northwestern,
so I don't know what that is. It's like that
made the rock Johnson, but from the Northwest. Yes, all right, Daisy,
were I'm getting I'm getting. The phone's ringing right now.
(24:15):
The phone is reading off the hook. I gotta take this.
Mr Derschwitz Hey, no, no, you're good man. Yeah yeah,
take take as much time as you need. What were
you doing in the bathroom? Okay, okay, yeah, Daisy is
waiting for a plea deal? Yeah yeah, okay, all right,
here we go, Daisy. Yeah. After removing to incriminating pieces
(24:36):
of evidence. Mr Dershwitz is offering you sixty five dollars.
Sixty dollars plea deal or no plea deal? Man. That
sounds pretty good. But I'm gonna say no plea deal.
How come? I'm feeling confidence, Um, I'm feeling maybe a
(25:00):
little arrogance that I can keep I can keep it
going for a little bit longer. All right, that's no
plea deal. All right, Daisy, this is exciting. We're going
into round at number three. You have four pieces of
evidence left. One of these is incriminating and the other three.
(25:22):
If the other three remain, you will get off completely
and walk away with one hundred dollars. How do you feel, Oh,
I'm have butterflies in my stomach. Gross. All right, Daisy,
your four exhibits left, You're gonna remove one. Your four
exhibits left are nanny cam footage, a shoe print, your diary,
(25:51):
and Rapper Takashi six nine. Daisy, you're gonna remove one exhibit?
What do you want to remove? I'm going to remove
Rapper Takashi six nine. What What makes you want to
remove Rapper Takashi six because I don't really want him
involved in anything that has to do with me legally
(26:15):
or the possibility of me going to jail or not
going in prison or not going to prison. Um, he's
not somebody I would want to be a part of that.
Why well, he's not like the ice toneer Glove. He
doesn't have a great track record either. Um have you
(26:36):
heard Gummo? I was just it's my alarm in the morning,
wakes me up. SAME's all right, Daisy, you want to
remove Rapper Takashi six nine. Let's see what that piece
of evidence was. Despite knowing nothing about the case, Musician
(26:57):
Takashi six nine was testifying a against you that was incriminating.
That means the last three pieces of evidence are all inadvisible. Daisy,
you have won one hundred dollars. You are not guilty.
Oh how my child, Oh my god, I can't I mean,
I really can't believe I want that. I'm feeling fresh,
(27:20):
I'm feeling great. Um wow, thank you so much. I
just gotta learn to trust my divine female intuition. Congratulations,
Thanks for playing Flea Deal or no Flea Deal. Thanks
for having on everybody. Tune in next week or more.
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