Club Shay Shay - Dr. Cheyenne Bryant Part 2 - Club Shay Shay

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Thank you for You're coming back. Part two is underway,
toxic relationship. How soon do you think a person can
you tell? I mean, could you tell within say a week,
a couple of months that this is going to be
this is toxic, there's too much toxicity this and this
is not going to end well and I just need

(00:21):
to go down.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Red flags show up. I believe in the first interaction,
people just choose not to see him because they're desperate.
There's two people. There's people who have a full plate
and they got to make room for what they want,
and there's people that have an empty plate and they
want anything just to fall on it at any time.
That's called desperation. You can see red flags when you
have a full plate from the beginning. Me and you

(00:45):
can have a conversation at a restaurant or at a gym.
Right in the first five ten to fifteen minutes. I
can tell he's too resistant for me, he's not going
to be conducive for me, or this man knows how
to have a conversation with my strong personality. This might workout.
You will be able to tell who she feisty.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
Or we got alive with her.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
Or like ooh, that fire is kind of sexy toy.
I like this strength. I can play with this. Those
things show up the first five to ten minutes. If
you're not desperate. Desperation means I'm coming in with my
own idea of what I want you to be. I'm
afraid to see you for who you are, because then
that means I may have to say no to you.

(01:29):
And I want somebody so bad that I'm gonna put
my idea on you. Not see none of the red
flags on purpose, so that I can have something to
plug into. That's desperation.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
How about I see you as you are and not
how I wish you to be, because I think that's
a lot of things that they at play. They don't
see the person for who they actually are, but who
I wish you to be.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
That's the fairy ch ideology. I wish you were wine,
but you water. We are not. Jesus, we are not
turning water to wine. This is always going to be water.
And what people do is they go, it's wine, sit
it on the shelf, watch this, and every time they
take a sip, they're like, oof, I don't like you, right,

(02:13):
I don't like you because you're not wine. But how
many times does that water tell the person I'm just water, water,
I'm just water.

Speaker 3 (02:21):
Can you fix a toxic relationship?

Speaker 1 (02:23):
Can you be toxic in the beginning and all of
a sudden not be toxic.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yes, But it takes a whole hell of a lot
of work and a lot of dedication. And it takes
two people that are in therapy having individual sessions and
couple sessions. So my couples come individually one week and
then a couples the next week, individual couples. And it
takes a lot of self awareness, meaning I'm going to
be poking and thriving and give an inventory on this

(02:49):
is how you show up that is causing impairment for yourself. See,
we don't really cause impairment for people. First, the impairments
that you experience, I'm already experiencing within me. Otherwise you
could have never experienced it. So if you think you
have a problem with the shit, you got a problem
with me, with how you think I'm dealing with myself.

(03:11):
That's what people have to understand. So that thing that
you do that doesn't work for us, you do it
with you and don't like it anyways, That's how it
shows up in our relationship. So when you're in session
with me as your doctor, I'm saying, listen, Shannon, that
thing that you keep doing that she doesn't like, tell
me how you like it within yourself. And I've almost

(03:32):
never heard a person say, oh, I love that I
drink and I'm abusive? Do you? Because what is yourself
talkt when when you're drinking? How abusive are you with
your narrative to yourself when you are under the influence?
Damn doc? You right, Damn doc. Let's fix it with you.
Because if I could fix it with you, guess what,

(03:53):
it won't happen with her. But what where people go
wrong at They want to fix it within the relationship
without thinking them to come on now, But you still
got it. So if you got it, you're going to
project it. We are all just little projectors walking around here.
Everything I have, you are going to feel us. So
I'm just projecting on to you who I am. If
I feel sexy, you're gonna see sexy in me because

(04:15):
I'm projecting that. I'm eluding that if I'm feeling insecure,
you're gonna feel So we're just projectors. And yes, folks
can go from toxic or uh, you know, trauma bonds
to healing bonds. But that usually happens with folks who've
been married for ten to fifteen years. I'm being honest,
where they have toxic and trauma the hell out of

(04:36):
each other and they came to a peek of saying,
one thing, we know for sure we don't want to leave.
We don't want to leave each other, right, but we.

Speaker 3 (04:43):
Don't want to stay like this.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Now unless those two people know that, one thing is
I don't want to leave you don't want to leave me.
We just can't stay like this. The relationship can work
past it, right, but if one of us wants out,
it's not working past it. It's not working past it.
But when you get a relationship where they say, look, Shannon,
I'm just never gonna leave you, and you like, Doc,

(05:05):
I'm not an option, I ain't gonna war, but we
gotta do better than this, and you're like, we do.
We're in a good position and we can work through that.

Speaker 3 (05:13):
Okay. I like that.

Speaker 1 (05:16):
This this uh, this relationship with the women. Now, you
got to take me here, you gotta take me there.
We go and have on the bills. I just grew
out like I said, I'm gonna come from a different time.

Speaker 3 (05:29):
My grandfather handled all the bills.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
I never remember when I was in high school or college,
I never really heard a woman says I took my
took him to the movies, or I bought I never
heard that. I guess I don't know when did that,
when that came about that? You know, women took GUIDs
on days, if they paid for things like that.

Speaker 3 (05:50):
I've just all, I've just all.

Speaker 2 (05:51):
I just grew a man's man. You're just a man's man.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
So I pay, I pay all the bills, we go
out to eat, I pay, I do, I do, I
do all that.

Speaker 3 (05:59):
It's I don't no.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
I mean, have a woman taking me to dinner, Yes,
but I probably can count on one hand in my
fifty seven years of living that someone is taking me
to dinner and actually pay for it, taking me to
a movie and paid for it. I just I just
I don't feel I feel I don't I feel less there.

Speaker 2 (06:13):
Yeah, what you're saying, what's the question?

Speaker 3 (06:17):
So, yeah, what happened?

Speaker 2 (06:18):
That's sexy? You asked, Ray, what's the question? Because for
a man is saying I'm taking care of everything, and
you got a woman who is You're a man's man,
and I'm a lady's lady. Of course I'm gonna want
to spoil you at times, but I would have no
problem with you saying, baby, I want to take care
of everything. It wouldn't stop me from still buying you
things and loving on you.

Speaker 3 (06:39):
But when did where did the fifty to fifty come
into effect? Oh?

Speaker 1 (06:44):
When did we get to this notion that these some
of these restaurants and everything ain't got to be mass
Roves or State forty eight?

Speaker 3 (06:50):
When do we like, oh, that is beneath me, you
can't take me there.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
So there's a two part question that I'm hearing one
of the fifty fifth become the thing. Right, So that's
a two part answer.

Speaker 3 (07:04):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
One part is when desperation start to become a thing
with women, where again, anything just a bread crumb please
fall on my plate, right, And I'll even buy the
bread crumb and the loaf, just fall on my plate.
That's a woman operating from a desperate space of I
would do anything to have somebody. I don't care what

(07:27):
it is or what I have to do. I'll take
care of you. I'll pay a bill or two or three.
You can move in with me, it doesn't matter. You
can be the father of my kids and do nothing
for these kids. As long as you come by and
sleep with me once a week. I'm okay with that desperation.
Then you have these other women who say, look, I'm
with this man. He's a great man, he's faithful, he's loving,
he's a family guy. He does well, but not enough

(07:50):
to sustain my lifestyle. So he may pay for sixty
percent of things, and I don't mind doing the other
for right. That's a whole different woman who's saying that
I want to bald with this man, and I see
so much value in him that I don't mind making
some monetary investments in us. Nothing wrong with that desperation,
big problem, okay, But as far as you know a

(08:14):
a I think a man saying I want to take
care of everything. And you remember I was a kept woman,
and I can say this. I was engaged twice my
first fiance, who was a great guy. He made money,
but I was a breadwinner. Okay, the second guy was
a kept woman. I wasn't always as respectful to the

(08:34):
first guy. Where I was winning the bread and where
I was in the more masculine role when it comes
to bills.

Speaker 3 (08:40):
Oh, I can't believe you was like that.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
This is the truth. Let me tell you what happens though,
What happened when a man can't provide for a woman
and he wants to, he naturally emasculates himself. And when
you emasculate yourself, how in the hell do I respect
a man who was emascalated within himself? Because remember, I'm
just a mirror. Life is mirroring you. So as you

(09:06):
become emasculated and you feel less than because you can't
provide what you want to do even if I know,
even if i'd ask you to. Now, how am I
supposed to respect someone who doesn't respect themselves. I'm gonna
respect you at the level that you respect yourself. Doesn't
mean that I'm calling you out your name, It just
means respect level. Now, the second fiance who took I

(09:29):
was kept. I didn't buy a grape. I mean I
don't have car notes now, but I have car notes.
Then to a g wagon a Bentley. This man took
over everything. What everything you ain't honey? Everything now, hey
be quiet, mind business over there. Everything. My level of
respect for him was very different. Very different now, not

(09:50):
that I denied either one of them, you know, love
making in the home or but the first guy was
by all means necessary. I'm in college, I'm building my business,
I'm making money, I'm in my bag. Your secondary kind
of how you are?

Speaker 3 (10:01):
You deny him?

Speaker 4 (10:04):
Not?

Speaker 2 (10:04):
We're not intimacy that no, into not neither one. I
don't believe in that. If I'm with you, we're intimate.

Speaker 3 (10:11):
Women, y'all be doing that sometimes I don't.

Speaker 2 (10:12):
I'm very submissive when it comes to that. If we
didn't get if I'm not into casual sex, okay, So
if we are doing the d we are committed and
we are together. I have full access to you and
everything you got going on, and this we are committed,
so I don't need to deny you. My sex drive
is so high that if I'm mad, there's no denying.
We're gonna do what we do now that we past that.

(10:35):
They've always been like that, even in my twenties and
I'm in my forties. So use your imagination now, yes, now,
the guy who took full care of me bicycle back, Please.

Speaker 3 (10:46):
Don't do not do not you go home? You right
to drive away?

Speaker 2 (10:53):
Do not now now I had a love of respect
for him where I put work. Second, I couldn't wait
to cook for him. There was times where he would
get back from practice. It's twelve one am at night
and we sit in bed and he's like, babe, like
I want X, Y and Z to eat. And it
wasn't him asking me to do it. I got up,

(11:14):
put my gospel music on and was making sure I
was cooking for this man whatever he needed. When he
was working, I would make coffee every single morning. And
I was so submissive that you know, I can just
warn the coffee or put the damn milk in. No,
he wanted the milk in first, the milk warmed up,
then the coffee put in after. Now, how would he
know I'm doing it that way? He went in the kitchen.
But I still did it that way because because I

(11:37):
know that's what he liked, and because the investments that
he was making in us and to cover me, to
take care of me, how could I not make any
and every investment that I had to show him that
I'm grateful and that my position that he put me
in as far as being kept was not taken for granted.
And so there was nothing that he acts of me

(11:59):
that I didn't not want to do, meaning I wanted
to do these things right. And I would even check
in sometimes and be like, is there anything more that
I could or not be doing, whether it's from sexually
to cooking. I don't eat red meat. He a black man.
He loves poor chops and his tak and I'm cooking
all the red meat that I don't eat, and I'll

(12:19):
just make me something separate on the side.

Speaker 3 (12:22):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
But because this man created an environment that was safe.
Not not only was he paying bills, but this man
was faithful. I had full access. Not only am I
we living together, but I have passwords to cell phones
and social media, bank account I don't and bank accounts.

Speaker 1 (12:41):
You ain't gonna find nobody better. He playing all the bills.
Let you get the password to count. Hey man, let
me get your phone, Let me call my let me
call my girlfriend.

Speaker 3 (12:48):
Here you go, babe.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
He has two beautiful girls.

Speaker 3 (12:52):
Oh that's right.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
Had he had to keep two different women, and the
girls were a never it issue. He did a great
job at the coping, and I got to get miss Flowers.
He did a great job at blending, meaning like there
was never baby mama drama. The girls were very respectful
of me and me of them. You know, we did
things as a family. So but I say that to
say there plays a role in certain women on how

(13:14):
they can respect who they're with. I want to say
this to women. If you can't respect them, you shouldn't
choose him. If the dollar amount that he makes is
going to lessen your respect for him or lessen his
value to you, don't choose him. If he needs to
take full care of you for you to submit, he
ain't the right one. You got to choose somebody who

(13:36):
you know that every time you give them every single
thing that you got, that you're doing it because you
love doing it and it turns you on too. Every
time I did something for that man, I was turned on.
I don't remember doing one thing shanning for him that
I was like, oh yeah, I mean nothing. I mean
it was just okay, baby, okay daddy. To the point

(13:57):
where and folks gonna have an issue with this, I
don't care. I would get dressed and were certain things
and we go out and do our where we go
into a game or whatever. To families. If he said
that's too much, I changed what we not a problem.
He wasn't controlling, It wasn't take that shit off. It
was like, baby, that might be a bit much, no problem,

(14:18):
to the point where I had to come out and
be like, okay, is this good? Because he had me
so safe, he had me so covered that I wanted
to make sure that I reciprocated that same safety in
covering for him. See, women cover y'all differently, and our
covering is allowing you all to one be exactly who
you need to be, right, to be in your full

(14:40):
flugu of your masculinity, and also to submit to your
needs of us that are past just sexual and domesticated.
If he had a request by me that wasn't abusive,
and I was okay with why does it matter? And
if like he would say, if I am the only
man you're trying to be sexy four, why does it matter?

Speaker 4 (15:03):
Right?

Speaker 2 (15:03):
Thirty times where he would say, baby, don't wear makeup
like I like you with no makeup, it's gorgeous. Just
throw your happ and no makeup. Now I loved yeah,
but I would do it for him no makeup, because
I'm sure there's many times where I want to just
SEPPI boots or the parents trip him in our chap
hold on or the trip to Africa. We too that

(15:24):
he probably not probably that I've seen him have to
work double and triple for that he didn't help apuff about.
There were times where this man got two jobs to
make sure that things were covered that I wanted, So
me changing clothes or him having a request as something
is minute to me. Seeing him put in the work
to make sure that I'm happy beyond just having a

(15:46):
roof o from my head. And I think that, you know,
and that was his first time taking care of a woman,
and he was fifty at that time. I was fourteen
years younger than him. I think that women's state, they
want to save space for them to be in their
soft and their feminine. But on the flip side, men
also need an environment that makes them feel very loved
submitted to appreciate it when they're taking care of your

(16:09):
ass as well. I think it goes both ways. It
is definitely a reciprocal thing. And I think that when
we get to a place of understanding that it's a
win win situation in the relationship. And then you start
to see what the Bible talks about equally yoked, so yeah,
I will take that offer. Gonna being kept in love
and the head out out of my man. It just
has to be the right, the right one, not him,

(16:32):
but the right. I don't want it. Listen when I'm,
when I'm, when I'm, when I'm done, When I've gone on,
I've gone on. It has nothing to do.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
You've never spunned the block.

Speaker 2 (16:44):
No, I don't, really, I don't spend the block. No,
what happens is I can have long term relationships and
if we happen to, you know, have a break of
something like we're just no longer in relationship, and then
we happen to maybe get back onto a relationship. Yes,
but spinning the block, meaning like we're just gonna go
back and sleep together and do this thing. No, that's
not how I show her. No, let me set my dark.

Speaker 1 (17:09):
You see, I know you saw it because you you
you know all things. That's what's going on. Summer Walker
went viral because she had a relationship with rich the
kid who's engaged, and he he saved her on the
Pizza Hut in his poem, I don't know what that means. Now,
Pizza used to have this before your time, but Pizza

(17:29):
hu used to have buffets. They have all the piezas
up there, and you just go get a slice of pepperoni,
you know whatever, mushroom, you get, ground beef, all that anchovies.
Just I don't know what that means.

Speaker 2 (17:42):
How did the fiance find out that she was piece
of hut? You know that?

Speaker 3 (17:46):
Don't start me to line, Okay, I'm just trying to
figure out.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
What what is it about women and married men? Because
normally married men like, oh she married, I don't want
to because men are different. Hold on a man, he
might not even want his wife, he might not be
he might not be as interested as he was once before.

(18:11):
But the moment another man show interest, you will have
a problem.

Speaker 3 (18:15):
Doc.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
But women, what is it about women that are attracted
to married men? Because I just saw the study they
say women are more attracted to married men.

Speaker 2 (18:25):
Okay, another two part questions. Yeah, yeah, see you're not messy,
but your craft. First of all, men love married women
as well. We're not gonna let men off the hook.
A man will love thisten. A man would love to say,
how you doing? Oh I'm good? Can I get your number?

(18:46):
I'm married? Oh that's fine, it's all good.

Speaker 3 (18:48):
You can't have friends.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
You can't have friends, So we're now maybe it's a
one gender thing. Man and women both will cross that
boundary and disrespect the safety of marriage equally. The difference
is the man who was saying I don't care if
you're married is clearly boldly saying I just want to
sleep with you, okay. The woman who was saying I

(19:12):
like you because you're married, she's saying, at some point
I want her position. And women are usually attracted to
the married men who are good men to their wives.
Not faithful men, just good men through their transactions, not
from their heart, because they're not committed. Commitment is a
heart thing, that's a spirit thing. So transactionally, I see

(19:34):
that you do the thing.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
Hard, you got first, you got damad, y'all go on
trips m hm. So if you do that for her,
maybe that's you know, I'll be the starting quarterback.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
One day and y'all do it for her. Let me
go further, y'all do more for her than you do
for the wife, way more for her. I have clients
who have the password to their married man's phone that
the wife don't have the password to. She thinks that's
a flex you have the number because you know that
he's married, so you know there's other women. That's not

(20:04):
a flex. She don't have the password because if she
finds out, guess what, he got something to lose with her.
He ain't got shit to lose with you, says, because
you the side chick. And it's very rare that y'all
leave the wife for who sidechick. Very rare. That's the
position that ain't up for grabs, because even if he

(20:25):
ain't attracted to her, the fact that he's even cheating
on the wife is what makes him feel indebted to her.
Side chicks are stupid to think it's the other way.
I'm already cheating on her. I've already cheated on her
multiple times because that's not his first time doing it.
She has my kids. At least we have family over here,
and the side chick is what gets me in a

(20:46):
good enough mood to come home to her anyways, damn.
And I can't leave her hanging like that, baby, because
then she wouldn't get my retirement. And I've already done
her wrong. So that's what I'm forever indebted to her,
So I can't lead this. This is why men say
I'm not gonna leave what I'm indebted to, but I

(21:09):
can come over here and play. And oftentimes I've found
that the married man be in love with the side
check for sure in love, and has still left her
every time to remain at home. It is a very
dead end situation when a woman is attempting to take

(21:33):
a position that ain't even up for grabs. They're just
not up for grabs. It's not you are this man's pacifier,
and you are what this man needs to survive his marriage.
You are not as promised lamb whatsoever. And so those
kind of women are women who are extremely broken. They

(21:53):
have parental issues. They are definitely lost in the sauce,
and there is no self love or self value or
self worth there soever. You cannot value yourself and see
yourself in the position of two or three because if
he got kids, that means you three. You can't be
one or two. The wife and kid here comes, You're
number three. So you have so much self worth that

(22:14):
you want to be number three for a trip to
Bali when women now, women nowadays are making so much
money on their own shanning that that we could take
ourselves to battle.

Speaker 3 (22:25):
Holdo you can take Hello, A mad man can take
a side check to balley.

Speaker 2 (22:29):
How you pull that off?

Speaker 4 (22:32):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (22:32):
You know, me and the boy going to Bali, Me
and the boy going to the mall. D's are their
Malfie coach, Shannon.

Speaker 2 (22:38):
Don't you sit up here and try to follow the
boy code code. I called a boy codes on purpose
because men don't have codes. Men are grown the boy code.
What you mean, I'm going to work to Costa Rica
to check on the restaurant that we own out there
for a little bit, end up in a whole other country.
Some men me, okay, let's be real. Who can move

(23:00):
like that? Have money called motion like that? You can't
be broken and now you can be broken and have
a couple of side checks in the hood. We're talking
about going to body and growing shopping. So usually those
men have to have businesses and they're taking business tricks,
and they're different places. So always tell woman this. If
a man is trying to fly you out the country

(23:21):
or the state that he lives in to see you
or date you. He has a wife or a woman,
the first place you should be going when you visit
this man is to his house. His constant ain't in
his house. There's somebody else in his house hold on.
Let me tell you something was dating somebody and don't
ask me who because you knowing real well, mind your business. Okay,

(23:44):
don't be messing right now, you knowing real well. And
he takes care of his mother and so she's there often.
My first time him flying me to see him, he says, baby,
do you want to stay here? Noah, mom's is here,
or would you rather get a room somewhere else?

Speaker 3 (24:02):
You like, get a room?

Speaker 2 (24:04):
I said, stay there.

Speaker 3 (24:06):
You can't do that with the mom in the house.
You can't do that.

Speaker 2 (24:08):
First of all, I'm not doing nothing my first time flying.

Speaker 3 (24:11):
Ok Okay, I didn't. I didn't know. Okay, my bad,
My bad me.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
I'm sorry, Yes, that's okay, take it back.

Speaker 3 (24:19):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
I thought this was you know, but this is my thing.
It was a test on his behalf for me. But
it also gave me transparency because he didn't just say,
my mom's here, I take care of my mom. Let
me just put us in a room because I would
have said no to the trip. He walcomed me to
his home and gave me an option because he's letting
me know, ain't no woman here, you more than welcome.

(24:42):
So I came and stayed with him and mom and
had a great time, a great time, and let me
go further. You said, Mam, is there any grown ass
man your age?

Speaker 3 (24:50):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (24:50):
Taking care of your mama. She's not in the room
next to you, baby, and your house better be big
enough to where she in another corner.

Speaker 3 (24:56):
Yeah. I feel bad.

Speaker 2 (24:59):
I'm just saying, do you get what I mean? If
a man is not inviting you to his home, he
is not thinking about making you his home. That's just
what it is. Why am I flying out the country
or state to see you for the weekend or two?
Fly me in when we are at your house, and
after I visit at your house a couple of times,

(25:20):
we could talk about going to Florida or Miami, our
Costa Rica or Columbia. Until then, I don't want to
take a trip with you. I'm good because I have
to have clarity that I'm not wasting my time. Seeing
I have money, I can spend my own Wow. But
I need to make sure that my time, which I
don't get back right that I can't clock in or
get another of speaking event back, is not wasting. And

(25:44):
I don't want to be in a situation where I've
allowed you to deceive me. Because every woman knows when
a move, when a man moves a certain way, her
spirit does something. Women just decide to go against it
because they want that trip, they want that bag, they
want that experience. We have to stop wanting experiences at
the expense of our dignity, at the expense of our respect,

(26:06):
at the expense of our self. Love absolutely not. And
I also find a woman and men don't hate this,
and I'm okay with that. The more we hold off
on what y'all usually want that thing, the more y'all do. Anyways,
the more y'all give, and the more y'all do. The

(26:27):
only men who won't do more are the men who
only want that. So if you want to vet them
out anyway, sis vet them out and wash them show up.
A man should penetrate your heart in your mind before
he ever penetrates your body, then you will really experience
the true essence of an orgasm. Anyways, I've had men

(26:50):
say to me, which besides the best friend, the guy
I just mentioned about flying out to his home with
the mom, he was one of them. If I can't
marry you, I don't even want to touch your body. Now,
that's a man who isn't a sucker. That's a man
who is of age and mature age, who is ready
to have a wife. And he is no longer so superficial.

(27:13):
When it's thinking that the best thing about a woman
is her sex, he's finding value not only different in women,
but watch this in himself, because I only get to
experience the parts of you that you've already given you.
And so a man who only sees value in a
woman being just sex is a man who doesn't see

(27:36):
value in himself. We are just mirrors to each other.
I see value in myself. That's why casually you cannot
make love to my body, because I don't see value
in casual sex. I don't see value in an orgasm
without being connected to you, without being committed to you,
without having access to your home, or to who you
are or what you do. I don't see value in that.

(27:56):
An orgasm doesn't do it for me. But your heart does,
Your commitment does, Your time does right, your thoughtfulness? Yes,
that's what I want. Then you can take me to
Bora Bora. Then we could be tearing Bora bore up
and you can be tear me up in bora boring.
But until that, until that, you're gonna access me, love me,

(28:18):
you're gonna pursue me, you're gonna court me, and I
will do the same with you, and then by time
we do do what we're doing, it will be fireworks.
People are having horrible sex too, because all they doing
is casually and they're calling freaky good sex. And this
is why nobody, but how come sexual relationships aren't even lasting?

(28:39):
If it's so good, why y'all not the same person
for years at a time. I'm confused because it ain't good.
It's freaky. It's something you can get anywhere you go.
That's what makes it casual. When you plug into a
man or a woman, and y'all are having real central
sex that is nasty, not just freaky. You can't get

(29:02):
that anywhere. That's a fus. You can do freaky and nasty,
but as long as it's fusing connected on a deeper
level than just casualty. And that means the orgasm isn't
what we are thriving for. It's the act and the
engagement of the sex that's orgasmic within itself. See, that's

(29:23):
grown people talk you kids, y'all haveing, y'all having this,
this little high school sex, y'all do that little rabbit shit. Still,
we don't want that. We don't want that. You can
keep that right over there, right over there.

Speaker 3 (29:36):
I thought, I thought the father, the father, the trip,
the freaky and the nasty God.

Speaker 2 (29:42):
Listen about further, the trip to my heart, to my
safe space, to my mind, to me accessing everything, your
cell phone, everything you have. Is the more sex we have.
That's the naster that a woman who loves her self
and afects herself will get. The more that you create

(30:03):
an environment that I can trust you in that I
am safe and it's not about freaky. I'll never say
no about whatever we as long as I have the
capacity to do it and take it. I will capacity
abound with you. But I gotta be safe. I gotta
have access and the house to be transparency.

Speaker 3 (30:21):
They say.

Speaker 1 (30:21):
I read a study to say, the more educated the
woman is the freaky shell facts.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
Facts. I read that in the facts. Shout out to Cosmo.
Shout out to Cosmo.

Speaker 3 (30:38):
How many agree you say?

Speaker 2 (30:39):
You got sick? Sick?

Speaker 3 (30:44):
Lord, have mercy will your guy? You got a good one.
Somebody I'm just telling you, she say, he read it.

Speaker 2 (30:51):
Don't have them in my DMS shot in about board.

Speaker 3 (30:57):
Do men and women cheat differently?

Speaker 2 (30:59):
They do? They do. But I'll answer that, But do
we care about the different ways of cheating or do
we care about the dismantling and the impact? Because it's
I don't care how you did it. I'm dismantled. Now,
my heart is broken, my safe space is scattered, right,
and now I have to learn to love myself different

(31:23):
and you, because see, if I didn't know you were
a dog from the beginning, I was loving a good man.
A good man eats something different, sleeps different, and I
love you different. But if now I'm loving the cane
corso I'm feeding you different, right right, I'm loving you different,
and I have to become a different way person. So

(31:47):
this is why cheating is so excruciating, because it's not
about you. Always say can we get the trust back?
The trust back is way down here after we work
through all of these layers, Can you learn to love
a dog? If we're married and I cheated on you,
can you learn to love a dog?

Speaker 4 (32:06):
Not?

Speaker 2 (32:06):
Can you trust me again? Because trusting me means you
have to believe that I'm no longer the woman that
cheated on you. That's deception in itself. Can you love
a woman who has deceived you and has the capacity
to do it again? Because whatever I've done to you,

(32:27):
I now have the capacity, which means what you now
know what I'm capable? Come on, baby, So can I
love you knowing that you capable of being a snake?
Can I sleep in the bed with you knowing that
you may not bark for six months, but in August
I might hear a rougher. Oh that's right, that's what

(32:48):
you wor I'm with a dog. And now this nigro,
this can course so needs that steak because you already
got to taste of blood. Can I do that? If
the answer is no, you know you have to dissipate
the relationship. If the answer is yes, then we have
to talk about what that looks like. And it's going
to look different on both of you.

Speaker 1 (33:10):
Yes, because you might can forget because this is what happens.
Don You might forgive, but you're not gonna forget because
the first time you get mad, you probably would that
be you probably called that you probably did this.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
And now we and men cheat off of lust.

Speaker 3 (33:31):
Women cheat, y'o.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
We cheat oftentimes because now we're vindictive on that bullshit
you did. Let me go further, Let me go further.
We're so cold, your homeboy, I'm gonna tell you how
women work, Your homeboy that was already looking at me
five six years ago. Who I curved because I'm a

(33:54):
good woman, because I wouldn't do you like because I
was loving a good man and not a dog. Now
I said this to you earlier about CARDI being offset. Yeah,
I've become a product of you. That means if you're deceptive,
I become a product of what.

Speaker 3 (34:12):
Now you got to be deceptive or you could be decepting.
You don't have to be you could.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
There you go. This doesn't happen with everybody, but it
happens with most people, men and women. I will become
a product of my environment before it becomes a product
of me. My environment will change me before I change it.
That's just law. So if I'm with a man who
cheats long enough, it doesn't mean every woman will do it,
but it does mean this the deceptiveness in her, you

(34:41):
can then uproot if it's in her. If it's in her,
you are going to uproot it period. Now, whether she
asks on it or not is up to her. But
when a woman cheats, just because she's cheating, not because
of deception, it's not that we do it different. It's
that the male countable or for some woman, they cheating
with a woman, the woman counterparts seem to be able

(35:05):
to regulate their emotions better. Right with the woman who's married,
then let's just say women who are dealing with the
married man. Because usual member again, the men who are
sleeping with the married woman are sleeping with her for
the sleeping compatibility, the sexual compatibility. But when a woman
is sleeping with the married man, she has an end
goal of taking that position.

Speaker 3 (35:26):
Right, man ain't really looking like, oh, I.

Speaker 2 (35:28):
Want to be a hoobie because you said it earlier
on a man who's trying to be a husband, he
like he's turned off by a married woman because he
not trying to go behind no other man anyways. That's
a man who's like, I'm just trying to swing in
when I can. And that man usually already has some
at home, even if it's not a wife, So that

(35:50):
woman is already his over compensation for what he already has.
So it's a win win for him. Right.

Speaker 3 (35:58):
How do you how do people break up? Is there
such a thing as breaking up amicably?

Speaker 1 (36:04):
Because you know sometimes you know, look, and I was
telling someone this, I said, breaking up is easy if
you're the one that want to do the breaking up
where you don't want to be broken up with it's heart,
but just move on. It's not that simple when you
still want to be in this relationship. Now if you
won't out, why you hit the door, hey, and don't
even look back at the door.

Speaker 2 (36:24):
And sometimes you when you want out, you don't hit
the door and I look back. Sometimes you hit the
door and you because I don't want to make it
seem like the person leaving also isn't experiencing some heartbreaking.
You know, I left both my fiances, and my first fiance,
I left and I was very heartbroken leaving him. It

(36:44):
took me almost a year and a half just to leave.
And we worked through the leaving together until we both
were like, and we're both crying and excruciating pain and tears.
His parents are there trying to help us break up healthily,
you know. So yeah, so this was in my twenties,
my first fiance, but that was a very heartbreaking moment

(37:06):
for him and I. Right, it wasn't like scat and
I'm good. The second fiance, it was easier for me,
right because I was already fed up and wanted out
and knew that, you know, I started to dislike him
as a person. That's what made it very easier to leave, right.
I liked his covering of me, but I started to

(37:27):
not like him as a man. So that's easier to leave.
Soone because you're like, I'm just turned off, right, The
first one was like, you're just a dope ass man,
and leaving you is challenging. And if you could be
a provider and didn't have certain conditions that I'm not
going to share about him right because I'm going to
protect his privacy, then this relationship could be absolutely amazing.

(37:52):
So that was challenging to leave. So I just wanted
people to know that there are folks who are leaving
who are bleeding while they leave too, not running out
the door saying, oh I'm out on free now. That
is a copy mechanism, That is a mask in is fake.
Everybody leaving who is doing the departing is feeling something.

(38:13):
They're feeling the detachment.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
It might not be the one, it might not be
to the extent of the one that's getting left, but
they feel something.

Speaker 2 (38:18):
They feel something.

Speaker 3 (38:22):
Have you I think there was a situation you Offset
was in your DM. Have you revealed anybody else that's
ever been in your DM? See anybody?

Speaker 2 (38:30):
I love that you said that Offset was in my
DM and he just posed a question that said, hey,
you know, maybe you can help me with something. He
didn't say what it was. That's all he said. And
because he never followed through, I never followed through. We
never did a session. He was never my client. When

(38:51):
I shared that on Jason Lee's show, that was not
it's not a breach of confidentiality. First of all, because
he was not in his my client, so it was
no breach, and he did not slide in my DMS
asking for anything to have to do with me. It
was very pacific to you know, hey, maybe you can
help me with something. He never said what. And so

(39:12):
when I said that, I was saying that to more
use Offset as an example because I could, because again
he's not my client. So that's not a breach of
confidentiality to say, listen, other black men being the OFFSET
has a following he's a rapper, he's in the limelights.
You know, he's attached to Cardi b. Asking for help
is powerful. You can slide in a DM to ask

(39:34):
for help. It doesn't have to be to ask for
something else. And the fact that he did the appropriate thing,
and my intention was to give him props, now the
Internet took it and made it something else. And I
was trying to say, listen, this man, with all of
his bad decision making, we're gonna call it what it is.
In that one moment, he made a right damn decision,

(39:57):
and I was giving him as flowers, and the Internet
took it as this is her clients. I ain't telling sit,
he's not my client. Neither one of us followed up,
and that's just what it was. It was more saying
he did the right thing in that moment, and no
matter how many wrong decisions you've made, it's okay to
make a right one, even if it's one out of
two thousand, because that one right one could be the

(40:18):
one decision that changes your life or saves your life.
That's it.

Speaker 1 (40:22):
Would you respond to a guy in your deal? Would
you go out with somebody in your deal?

Speaker 2 (40:28):
What I have, I have, I.

Speaker 3 (40:32):
Have.

Speaker 2 (40:33):
We want a nice date. Actually, okay, he is a
fine young he was younger than me to them, boy, Okay,
I'm back. Yeah it was nice. We want a nice date.

Speaker 3 (40:44):
Just one time.

Speaker 4 (40:44):
That was it.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
We went on one date. Because I'm busy, he's busy.

Speaker 3 (40:50):
No, don't matter. Bees are busy. People can find time
when it's something they want to find time. That what
you just told me. Did she just tell me that?
Thank you, your friend and your told me that's what
you just told me.

Speaker 2 (41:03):
Yeah, no, we just he was in season.

Speaker 3 (41:06):
Oh you like athletes?

Speaker 4 (41:07):
Huh?

Speaker 3 (41:08):
Still do because you told me you like athletes when
you were younger.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
My ex fiance is a retired basketball player.

Speaker 4 (41:14):
Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
So I mean, but it's not just liking. It's I
work out, you know. I like men who work. So
it's just more of an attraction.

Speaker 4 (41:23):
I want to know.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
I want to say this. I don't walk into a
room and say I want an athlete. Those are the
only guys attract. That's what I attract. But also that's
what I'm attracted to.

Speaker 1 (41:34):
Exactly because you think you think the math want to
fly into the plane. It can't help what it's.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
Attracted, So I am attracted to athletic. Yeah, however, you
probably could pick me up. He can't pick me up. However, However,
you know, what I liked about my ex fiance was
that he was retired because I like time with my men,
and so there have been, you know, men who have

(42:00):
attempted to date me who are still in season.

Speaker 3 (42:02):
Yeah, and.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
I could be supportive in that, but that's a lot
of time that's taken away from us, you know, for
a woman like me. And I'm also busy. So anyways,
the young man was great. We had it. We still talk,
we're still good friends. We're still good friends because it
was something very short lived in casual.

Speaker 3 (42:20):
But yes, it's something that can be.

Speaker 2 (42:23):
You know, I think he's too young for me, not
in number but in mindset. Sweet guy, but just too
young for me a mindset.

Speaker 3 (42:34):
But you did work publicly with Ray j right, I
do you did? I still do.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
I love Ray.

Speaker 3 (42:39):
Yeah, we've had Ray j on. I had Ray Jail
on the show.

Speaker 2 (42:43):
I know that because because Raise that's raised my guy
like I me Ray. I love Ray. Ray has been
with me for a long time. And Ray is just
a person who is who he is right, and that
comes with a lot of misunderstanding. Yes, but I always

(43:04):
say this, and I've said it to you know, just
people and even my assistant and best friend here, that
when you build a relationship with Ray, you start to
get a clear understanding why the people who love him
love him, because he's just that genuine of a person
and with whatever tactics he has, and that he does

(43:25):
raise the type of a man that when you are
his person, like meaning someone he loves his friend or
family or me being his his psychologist doctor, he's loyal
and that man he will turn a table over for you.
Ray will move a mountain for you. And it's because
he loves so hard, honestly, and because he's so into that.

(43:49):
I feel like sometimes the way that he shows it
comes out very different than folks want to see it.
And I just think that's what it boils down to. So,
you know, I just love Ray. I have nothing but
love for him.

Speaker 3 (44:00):
Where are you on prenups? You go with the prenup me.

Speaker 2 (44:03):
Giving it or me signing it both?

Speaker 3 (44:05):
You got that says you want to protect I'm.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
Not signing a prenup you not? Now? Will I have
one drafted? Maybe? But I'm not signing one. Why well,
why would I?

Speaker 1 (44:16):
I mean, I just think, look, even before I had
I should tell my homeboys. I said, y'all got a prenup.
They say, shop, we ain't got nothing. I say, so
when you leave, you keep all your nothing. You don't
want half of your nothing. So I mean, I think, look,
I get it. If we're in a relation, we get
to a relationship. Okay, I got X, we.

Speaker 3 (44:35):
Get to the we get into this relationship, and I
get y Z. Okay, I'm cool with that. But you're
not finn to get X. I had X before I
met you.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
So a prenup that would be appropriate for me would
be a prenup that lines out if I stepped out
and perform infidelity, this is the amount that will be
paid out, and it's not gonna be pennies. Okay, if
we were to divorce amicable right, which I don't believe

(45:08):
in that. So I'm never leaving unless, like the Bible
says two things that are permissible to leave, which is
infidelity and unfaithfulness. That's it, right. Otherwise I'm not leaving.
So we're gonna work there everything but death. Do your part.
But you're still married in the Covenant, you know. But
so if the prenup said, if we were to divorce,
then like you said, right, there's X, Y and Z. Okay, Doc,

(45:30):
you get Y and Z, you know, and maybe not X,
but Y and Z is something that we could split. No, no, no, no,
no no no no no, we're not we're gonna be splitting.
No no, no, I'm not splitting. I'm talking about the prenup.
You're gonna be lining out what exactly goes to me
being your wife for sticking by your ass, submitting love

(45:51):
and making love, not denying, and pouring into you because
I'm gonna give you everything I got. I'm gonna flip
this whole table for you, and I'm not gonna say
no unless I don't have the bandwidth for it. Then
it's just that I don't have the capacity. So in
that prenup you were gonna draw out if I cheat,
this is the amount that you get, and it's gonna
be a large ass amount so that my heartbreak don't

(46:13):
also feel broken in my pockets. One number two, if
you got X, Y and Z, it's gonna be lined
out that let's just say, ex is twenty million dollars
of a property. I don't mind if you say, hey,
then Doc gets ten million of this one, and then
of z doc gonna get her seven million. But it's
gonna be lined out clear on what I'm agreeing to.

(46:34):
There will be no prenup that says if we divorce,
you get nothing, we don't marry. I'm not signing up
for that. That is to me, a woman who would
sign up for that. I just feel like it's not
that she's in it for love. I feel like she's
been misguided. Okay, And again, I had a father, so
my dad would turn in his grave if I sign

(46:54):
up for that, and he would turn in his grave
if I didn't get a prenup, so I would have
a prenup that said, hey, baby, you know this is
my stuff. And I couldn't see a man who's a
man's man like you said you are, like my father was,
who would have a problem with signing a prenup with
me that said I build all this, this is mine.
I just don't see a man's man wanting that from
me or from a woman per se. I just don't

(47:16):
see that. I see now different kind of man, you know,
maybe saying I want but who no, I wouldn't marry
that type of guy.

Speaker 3 (47:23):
When you see these, you let me know what you think.

Speaker 1 (47:27):
I think, like when you date publicly, you married publicly,
and you outward with your relationship when it ends, you
know it's.

Speaker 3 (47:33):
Going to be public.

Speaker 1 (47:34):
We see Cardians, we see Cardi being offset, we see
k I think Candy Burrs just filed from a divorce
and you know, make it.

Speaker 3 (47:43):
It's starting to make its round. Why are you on
public data public marriage?

Speaker 1 (47:49):
I mean, I just think there's a lot of things
that can be handled if if it wasn't so public,
Like if we get into you know, something might have happened,
we might can handle it behind the scene. But once
it gets out into this public sphere, everybody got an opinion.
You're listening, your family's listening. He's listening his family, his homeboy,

(48:10):
your home girls. It's hard to put that thing back together.

Speaker 4 (48:13):
Doc.

Speaker 2 (48:13):
So I don't believe in public for myself until we're
locked in married and maybe possibly even ringing my friend.
But I want to say married. I've dated, I've been single,
I say, meaning not out of my last engagement that
I caught off my wedding for like nine is years.
I don't want to times down. But it's been some years.

(48:34):
But in between that I have dated, you know, I
have dated public figures like myself, And one thing I
pride myself on is I do a really great job
of keeping myself private. Nobody knows who I dated, the
gentleman that I brought up that I said, you know
him well, he is extremely high profile and a public figure,

(48:56):
and we weren't hiding it, but we just weren't being
public with it, right, And so we went to restaurants
and went out and people screened his name or my name,
and it just was what it wasn't if somebody would
have got a photo, we didn't care. But I do
a good job of being private. I think that the
privacy piece is needed because to your point, you know,
had I been public with everyone I'm dating, then I

(49:18):
would have been having to delete or explain, you know,
multiple relationships when really nothing is serious. In my opinion,
if you're in a season of dating, or even in
a season of being committed as a boyfriend and girlfriend
until you are married with the covenant of God, I
feel like there really isn't anything that you should allow

(49:42):
people to be privy on because you have a relationship,
but to me, you really don't have any substance of
value yet until you enter into that next covenant. So
for me, nobody will be ever public on my page
or on my platform until it is my husband. And
I haven't really had people to have an issue with them.
And you got some people that kind of feel like,

(50:02):
why are you hiding me? And I explained, it's not
the hiding, it's one the field I'm in. In two
The last person on my page was my fiance with
the ring on my finger. Until then, I'm not doing it.

Speaker 3 (50:14):
What about you?

Speaker 4 (50:14):
Do you? You don't?

Speaker 3 (50:15):
I mean there you go?

Speaker 2 (50:18):
I mean do you go pub I mean being public
with no with nobody? So you so so to the
public you've never had a woman?

Speaker 3 (50:26):
No, which called which leads the speculation I have.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
Well, we know that you have you have done sexual
things with women? Have we heard?

Speaker 3 (50:37):
Come? Dog? We still I need another year? Give me
one more year.

Speaker 2 (50:42):
No, I'm talking about we heard.

Speaker 3 (50:43):
I'm saying that another year from that. That that's but
a year ago. So we two years got to get
two years? Great, you can't. Yeah, statute of limitations still
on it.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
Okay, Oh, so we hear nothing, You don't nothing shit.
Max jokes was good. Okay, I'm back.

Speaker 1 (50:59):
Another guy it's been in the media a lot lately,
is Brian McKnight in the situation. I guess he went
on he went on somebody's pod and was saying some
things about Mark Lamont Hill. Mark Lamont Hill fire back says,
I've interviewed you several times and you were you know,
you weren't nasty to me, but you were nasty of
people on the set so forth in song and then

(51:20):
I guess he what did to do? He had a son,
Brian McKnight Jr. But he had another son recently named
him and then took the son's name. So there's supposed
to be like, he's Brian McKnight senior. He had a
Brian McKnight Jr. So he had named his son Brian,
gave him a middle name, and then took the name

(51:41):
from the son.

Speaker 2 (51:43):
But for what what was the point?

Speaker 1 (51:46):
That's what people try to the benefit of that. I
guess he's really tried to remove himself from the past.
I mean, it's you know, he's he was talking about
his sons and that he's done all he could do.

Speaker 2 (51:58):
I don't know it's just talk, yes, that he is
trying to disconnect from.

Speaker 3 (52:05):
They're older. I think one is like probably like almost.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
But this is biological, yes, and he wants no dealings
with him.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
I guess they had a you know, I guess they
had a falling out about something.

Speaker 2 (52:16):
But see, that's what I mean by some things are
not privy to be public. I think that is a
conversation between a father and a son, because if we
want to be realistic about family and parenting, there are
some times where a parent a child can go a
week or two or sometimes months without speaking because of
whatever that parent may feel needs to be done based

(52:39):
on consequences for that child to feel. I'm not saying
Brian's right or wrong, but those are things that should
stay private. Now, if he feels like he has to
pull back because something his son has done as a parent,
and that is going to be for the benefit of
his son, I see nothing wrong with that. But if
he's doing it because he's saying I don't want to
have any type of involvement with you as my biological

(53:00):
baby in my bloodline, I think that's something that needs to.

Speaker 3 (53:03):
Be I think it's odd, though, that you have a junior.

Speaker 1 (53:06):
But then you have another son and name him and
give him a different middle name than what you gave
the other son, and then end up taking the new sons.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
It's not yeah, it just I mean, it seems odd.
But I also remember, we don't know people's motives and
what is in it.

Speaker 3 (53:22):
And he said he was never in love with his
ex wife said that, I mean.

Speaker 2 (53:25):
But what the hell does it have to do with
the child?

Speaker 1 (53:27):
I guess, I guess because like your mom and dad
just said, you was conceived out of love.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
Because I was going to say something, you know what.
I also have found most of the time that that
father loves that child at the level that he loves
the mother or that child. And you can see the
difference in those relationships, and if y'all don't believe me,
takes some inventory. A lot of times, when that father
really loves that mother, that child gets a different type

(53:53):
of relationship and love from that father. It's just been proven,
and it's unfortunate. But you just said it here whatnight
that you know, I wasn't in love with the mom,
and so he automatically feels some type of detachment from
that child, and it's showing and it's unfortunate.

Speaker 3 (54:09):
Right, they're not the first family.

Speaker 1 (54:11):
But I just hate when when people it becomes public
because people are going to look at him a different
way than like, you know, and I just I just hate.
I just hate when private matters become public.

Speaker 2 (54:23):
Yeah, and then the public makes it worse, I feel like,
because then it makes people take on a public TV personality. Yes,
and you start to behave in ways that aren't even
your true authentic self, right, And so it's like and
then you feel like you have to respond what you
don't right, because it's no one's business, correct, you know.
And qusially, when it comes to kids and family, you

(54:43):
don't owe anybody an explanation. When it comes to your.

Speaker 3 (54:46):
Child, you still want to have kids? Up?

Speaker 2 (54:49):
I do? I am how many now? Listen? It was
for a while ago. I think I'm maybe down to
two because if I can do lends, if I could
don't knock on my door.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
That's a clock, that's a clock ticket what you wait on?
Oh you don't, you don't. I don't want to be
I don't want to get a personal but you froze.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
I'm still bleeding and I'm not in pairmand my goods
I'm not in perimenopause. My period comes, my minstrel comes
every twenty eight days on time, on time.

Speaker 3 (55:22):
Now you could just say, you know what, Yeah, I
froze my eggs on time.

Speaker 2 (55:28):
That thing like clock works on like that, Like did
that again? Like like that on time. Ain't no perimenopause
over here, ain't none dried up?

Speaker 3 (55:39):
But how long are you willing to wait? Look? Look,
so so I.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
Said earlier this year that I was now my choosing stage,
And so I literally said, okay, I'm now going to
choose because you know, I liked my space and my
season of like building my career coming out of off
my wedding. And I was very honest with guys. I
never said, you know, manipulating. It was like, oh, we're
dating to get married now. I was very honest about

(56:07):
you know, we're dating spending time. But this is what
I'm focused on, right And that focus paid off. And
so I am now in a place that I told
myself when I was a younger woman, I want to
be here before I do that, right, And I'm here now.

Speaker 3 (56:21):
And this is the thing.

Speaker 2 (56:22):
I'm not saying this from a place of bragging or
trying to from arrogance, but from a place to humility.
I think if more men and women map out their life,
life is good life. Now, it ain't gonna come out perfect.
But if you say I want to reach these milestones
before I do this, I feel like you have a
better chance and better odds of success at family and
at career in business versus just letting life give you

(56:43):
whatever crumbs it gives you, because it's already given the
people like me who are asking and curating what they want,
what we want, so you get the crumbs that we
said no to. Don't do that. But now you know,
it's only been probably about six months since I said, okay, God,
I'm ready. You know, I took my IUD out. I'm
in my choosing stage on read or rock and roll.
Let's keep you out. I took it out, done out

(57:05):
the doctor. I said, show it to me. Doctor.

Speaker 3 (57:08):
I was like, hey, God, be careful. She says she
still have a cycle, and.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
They ain't gotta be careful. It would be an excellent investment,
but it can't be casual.

Speaker 3 (57:18):
Be careful, be casual.

Speaker 2 (57:20):
You need to tell me to be careful because the
way these men are set up, they're worse than women
a manna try to put a baby and a woman
who's successful, especially no kids in beautiful Shannon. You act
like you ain't you act like you stay on one
house on the block. Stop acting like that. Do a man,
and you know men, let me tell you it's not
just broke men that do it. You got men who

(57:41):
are well off who go beautiful, no kids, look like
she's twenty five. I can't wait to put one in
you real quick. And a lot of times it could
it be the men who already have the damn kids
who are saying, but you, who I want to be,
that keeps it.

Speaker 3 (57:55):
They keeps not to keep an attachment to you.

Speaker 2 (57:56):
Hello, And there's why not to casual sex, especially now
that my iud out and nothing coming through casual earie nothing. Yeah,
but I'm excited and I can't wait, and I'm hoping
that it happens, you know, by next year, and I
can be on tour with my little belly and happy
and are happier, I should say, because I'm very happy.

(58:18):
And I think that's it too. When you wait and
you find what I call God's peace and you're real happy.
People are not in competition with your desperation. They are
not now in competition with the healthy self of you,
which means your choosing becomes a little more slim, but

(58:40):
your relationships become a lot more prosperity, prosperous than prosperous.
Then you know, you choose you from a place of
like I'm young, there's a clock, but I mean you do.
Look at Abraham and Sarah and the Bible. God kept
his promise. And because Sarah jumped the gun and said,
get Hagar the maid pregnant, because I don't believe God
to deliver his promises, Hagar got pregnant and had Abraham's

(59:05):
first son. And then as soon as she got pregnant,
guess who got pregnant Sarah. And Sarah told Abraham she
got to go, and Abraham said, baby, you got to
go just for Hagar the maid to come back. And
now they in a house that's now a broken home
because Sarah, not Abraham, he just listened to his wife, said, baby,

(59:28):
God's taken too long. Get the maid president pregnant. And
as soon as Sarah got God's promise that he never
ever pulls back from it, never returns void, guess what
she wanted? Her gun so you not gonna see me
being a Sarah who says, let me jump the gun
and take over God's timing, And then I ended up

(59:50):
choosing a man with kids, or I end up jumping
the gun with some other man when God said it
was probably only gonna be about a six more months. Baby,
may have only been another year. But you already in
a good place, you already happy. You can't wait on me.

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
How many? How many men should a woman entertain? She's
not she's a she ain't been locked down.

Speaker 3 (01:00:18):
How many one?

Speaker 2 (01:00:19):
Two entertainmenty date?

Speaker 3 (01:00:21):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:00:21):
So, so I don't condone women having sex with multiple men,
but I do want to say, y'all do what you
do you grown. That doesn't mean I'm judging you. But
as far as dating and getting to know, I think
a woman should entertain as many minutes she wants in
the dating space. Yeah, dating means we're going on dates,
we're not exclusive, and I'm getting to know you and
I don't know if if I don't know if I

(01:00:41):
like you, I don't know if I like this. And
then yet I think women should do. Now me, I
tend to, I tend to go on dates or talk
right to maybe one or two. But once I find
that you have my attention, it's just challenging for me
to you.

Speaker 3 (01:00:56):
Detail. Unfortunately I'm not going to be able to or.

Speaker 2 (01:00:59):
I just don't you know, ghost, No, you don't ghost,
but people soldiers got to pool back. Yeah, there's a
different there's a different sequence when you're not locked in,
where you may talk once in a while and you
kind of know what's going on, or like I buy
a text Shannony, he text back sometime. But if it's
like every day we talk and then you got to
have a conversation. But I like exclusivity. So even if
we're just dating and we're locking in, I like it.

(01:01:21):
I like a wee thing. I like a US thing.
I don't like anyone outside of you or me until
we decide either we not going through with this or
we are. I like, I like, I don't like scattered
energy that feels safe for me. And then again, I'm
not into casual sets. So if my spirit feels like
you're not fully here, then I'm not turned on to
be intimate with you, not even just sexually intimate, but

(01:01:42):
intimate with our conversations or with my time.

Speaker 3 (01:01:45):
Right, is it like? Is it true that you terminated
a pregnancy as a team.

Speaker 4 (01:01:52):
Uh to.

Speaker 2 (01:01:52):
I terminated two pregnancies as a teenager. And yeah, my
father played a big role in that because.

Speaker 3 (01:01:57):
The women, I think the women I read the women
wanted you to keep the children. Yep, So does this
did that?

Speaker 2 (01:02:04):
Shannondon did his homework on the dock. Now this man
get an A plus plus plus plus? Did that?

Speaker 3 (01:02:13):
Those pregnancies early on? Has that shaped how you think now?
It has?

Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
But it wasn't because I terminated them. It was because
I had a covering, which was my father. Because my
mother and grandmother were crying, saying keep it, and my
father was saying out on my watch. And I leaned
more with my father's choice because nobody was forcing me
with his choice. And his exact words were, you may
hate me now, but you thank me later. And when

(01:02:42):
I got in college, I think my sophomore year, I
called him, I said, Daddy, thank you and he said
for what? And I said, because you made the right
decision for me, and so for me it more shaped
my trust in men who can lead, because he let
me into a promised land right that allowed me and
I always say this, that allowed me to beat the

(01:03:04):
odds did I mean the odds didn't come against me,
because they did. It allowed me to beat the odds.
It allowed me to not be a statistic. It doesn't
mean women who have kids already or who kept yours
and didn't terminate that you're bad because you're a statistic.
But if we're gonna speak real, you are a statistic.
If you are a little girl from the hood and

(01:03:25):
you end up pregnant as a teenager, that's called teenage pregnancy.
And my father allowed me to beat odds that were
against me.

Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
How did you, I mean, were you nervous? Were you
not nervous to tell your father that you were pregnant? Well,
feel like he had because you his the apple in
his eye, and his little girl that he adores, that
he loves so much is expecting.

Speaker 3 (01:03:52):
And it's not the first not to you know, one time.

Speaker 1 (01:03:55):
Okay, maybe that's aid that accident can happen, but it
didn't happen again. Were you were you afraid to tell it?
Were you ashamed? What were some of the emotions that
you failed as a teenager?

Speaker 2 (01:04:05):
I love that question. So my parents and my father
in particular, he's not a shame you type of father.
He's a very If you love me, I'll love you more.
If you're honest with me, you get more out of me.
And so I knew he wouldn't be ashamed of me.
But I did know that he was gonna keep it

(01:04:25):
one hundred percent real with me. And I knew that
what he's seen was me becoming a product of him
and my mother, and me becoming a product of the
woman that he made a product of him, which is
a baby mom and a baby daddy. And because he
knew the pain the heartbreak that those women experienced, he

(01:04:51):
couldn't see his little girl having that same experience. And
so for him, again, he was crucifying who he was
to tee up what was best for me. And that
is what a parent does, that is what a great
father does. And I got to go a little further.
Not only did he say, this is the decision that
you need to make, but he was the first, along
with my parents, face of the last face I seen

(01:05:13):
walking in determination and they were the first faces I
seen walking out. And my dad took me to eat
after and he, baby, how do you feel? Are you okay?
You know what's the plan moving forward? So he didn't
just tell me the decision. He was there with me everything,
he held my hand through it. And when I walked out,

(01:05:33):
I got to see that man's face and I asked,
could the boyfriend, because it was my boyfriend.

Speaker 3 (01:05:39):
Did you tell him?

Speaker 2 (01:05:40):
Did the boyfriend knew? I asked, could he come? Because
we were in a relationship, This wasn't we were together
all through, like for years. My dad said, do you
want him dead? I said, well, then no, I guess
he can't come. But I got had to give that
to my dad. I mean, he's he's he was a father, Like,
he's not trying to be next to this dude who
is even touching his dog his body.

Speaker 3 (01:06:01):
It's one thing to think about it, but now you
and I got to see you here, I already know
what he'd been doing.

Speaker 2 (01:06:06):
And my dad, again, we had an open relationship where
I can talk to him about anything, and so his
support in that is what allows me to be the submissive, loving,
trusting women of you men. And that's why I don't
have a You know, I'm not gonna submit to you.
What can you do for me? It's I love submitting

(01:06:28):
to you. And that comes from a little girl who
had a father who submitted to me. And through his
submission to me, he taught me the value right in
the beauty of submission. And had he not did that
as a man, I probably would have used submission differently.
And he also would have me do acts for him,

(01:06:49):
like make his plate or make his drink, and that
taught me how to submit to a man. And when
his drink got low, I would watch as a little
girl would watch, and I'd be like, Daddy, you want more,
and he'd be like, yeah, going and get me some more.
And I knew two ice cubes. I knew how much
jack and how much coke. I knew when his plate
got low on food, it was a re up or throwaway.
There's just things I knew when he was emotionally not
in the right place. And he taught me because being

(01:07:12):
a man in my presence, I knew how to say, daddy,
it's okay if it's financial, like we'll be all right,
or is there something you need me to do? So
this is why men are so important man just in
women's life and in their boy's life, because he taught
me how to navigate through a man's emotions. He taught
me how to identify when those emotions are off kilter.
And he also taught me what he needed to be

(01:07:34):
said as a daughter. And so when my fiance had
an issue, my last one, and he just sitting on
the couch with ESPN in the top ten planes, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:07:41):
He's yeah, yeah, over and over.

Speaker 2 (01:07:45):
I sat on the couch right here, literally, and he said,
and I sat here and I just put my hand
on him, I said, and he just he ain't look
at me. I said, baby, I don't know what it is,
but I want you to know whatever it is, even
if it's financial, I'm not leaving you and I love
you and we'll get through it. And he was looking,
how you looking? And I'm sitting here. He did this
in tears, just rolled by in that moment. I was

(01:08:08):
a product of my father, A product of my father
teaching me what a man needs. When women don't get that,
we don't know how to navigate that. And a woman
who doesn't get that can easy take that as that man.
It's it's connected from her, and she can start to
ask him ego centric questions like what's wrong with you?
What did I do? Why you're not telling me? Why

(01:08:30):
aren't you talking to me? I knew in that moment
there was nothing that that man wanted to say to
me or anybody. He was having a moment, and all
I needed to do was reassure him that I'm not
going nowhere. You're not gonna lose your woman and whatever
else you just lost, and whatever I have to do,
I am going to rise to that occasion to make

(01:08:50):
sure that we are good. That's why that man felt
so good about taking care of me that right there,
because he knew the value of who we had.

Speaker 1 (01:08:58):
How different do you believe you're life would have been
had you not terminated those pregnancies? Would you have Would
Shyanne Bryant be sitting right here today with all these
advanced degrees, with all this popularity and fame and all
this money.

Speaker 3 (01:09:11):
Would you have been the same person.

Speaker 2 (01:09:14):
I would have been a different woman, Yes, But I
would have still went and got that ship because I'm
built like that. I may have even went and got more.
I'm just saying because I had two little ones to feet.
But I will say this, I would have married much earlier, Yeah,
because I would have took one for the team and
I would have made sure that my babies had a

(01:09:34):
home that was complete, and so who I would have married.
It wouldn't have been the teenage boys. Teenage boyfriends don't last.

Speaker 3 (01:09:41):
You had your photo, that's for sure.

Speaker 2 (01:09:45):
Yeah, five six, that's the thing. It would have forced
me to make a decision quicker than I wanted to,
and I would have chose what was best for them.

Speaker 3 (01:09:58):
The law, not for me.

Speaker 2 (01:10:00):
This is where I tell woman, the leverage of waiting
is and the power is. Right now, I am in
the pit of my power, not in my biological clock,
because I am choosing for me and obviously for my
babies secondary who are not here yet. But I'm choosing
a husband with just me, and that's it. And I

(01:10:23):
can choose to be a mother or not to at
any point in time. That's power. And I'm now choosing
from a place of wisdom, not just experience. Forget accolades
and degrees. I'm choosing from a place of my healthy me,
from a place of being a woman who has experienced relationships.
And my husband now gets to get a grown ass

(01:10:45):
woman who's processed through her stuff and still got a
lot more because they're nobody perfect, not a little girl
who's trying to figure out who the hell she is.
And where does she land? Those are two different people,
two different people. Now would I still wear his ass
out of need me? Yes? But the little girl would
have told him a whole new one. Right, you don't
want her? Right, you don't want her?

Speaker 3 (01:11:06):
What about sex and arguments? Sex after arguments? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:11:10):
No, So again I keep saying the disclaimer just because
it's for me personally. All right, ladies, I want you
all to casual sex all you want for the grown folks.
Sex after an argument and we're together. Yeah, it needs
to happen as quick as it can because I'm a
love bud. So I don't like to be disconnected from you.

(01:11:30):
I don't want to be in a negative space with
Now you try to make me feel you try to
make me forget what we argue about it. That's fine too,
But I just need. I need you to love me.
Have like this, Okay, like that, like that. So if
we are arguing, we like this. Yeah, yeah, No, I

(01:11:52):
need I need skin to skin. I want you in
my skin. Let me tell you something. You see that
zipper you got, I'm on a type of woman. I
want you to unzipping on a hop in it and
what I want you to do zip it up and this,
and I will be in there just like this. And
then when we have to depart, I didn't say want
to have to. You can unzip it. Not for a shower,

(01:12:15):
because you can get in with me. We're not talking
about me doing things y'all.

Speaker 3 (01:12:18):
Water be too hot, y'all be cooking lobster and crab
and not how to ask water.

Speaker 2 (01:12:22):
And I'm even talking about just an intimate shower time.
We have to do all do just getting the shower.

Speaker 1 (01:12:26):
No, no, no, no, no, no, nobody getting to know
getting I'm at the back. It's cold back there.

Speaker 3 (01:12:31):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (01:12:32):
To see that's your selfish ass. Look at your selfish
hash See look at you stand in the cop for
a minute because your women want a damn shower. Shanning,
take one for the team or switch, okay, and then
when we get out, we cuddle.

Speaker 3 (01:12:45):
Dang what I was thinking about though.

Speaker 2 (01:12:47):
Cuttling comes with the love making you're talking about. Yes, yes,
but you have to start involving your heart. Okay, I'm
gonna do that so that it ain't just sexual.

Speaker 3 (01:12:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:12:57):
See, you ain't ready yet. We need more sessions. Sessions.

Speaker 1 (01:13:01):
Did you see that study that came out sex before
work leads to better productivity.

Speaker 2 (01:13:06):
I agree with that. I think that I could see
that that that means morning sex for the most part.

Speaker 3 (01:13:09):
Yeah, definitely exactly what that means.

Speaker 2 (01:13:11):
Now I will say, is this women, I'm for the
advocate for y'all. Okay, I got you. I've been listening.
This ain't just this ain't for me, but it's for y'all.
If y'all could roll over, assume the position, get it in,
do your thing, and get about, more women would say yes,
not every woman, which I am. This woman. I don't

(01:13:32):
mind the full act of sex in the morning, right
because I am a sexual person who I'm with, so
I like the act. It's not just that, but a
lot of women are like, I gotta go to work too, buddy,
So can you roll over? Not expect me to do
a full production and get your That's why you laughing.
You can't get on with your dad.

Speaker 3 (01:13:51):
You look quick? Most women do, y'all like quakies.

Speaker 2 (01:13:55):
Most women, I'm saying, I thought, well, who that miss
Ella said? It's gonna take you more than one minute
to roll over and do you in the morning. There
you go, you'll be up to you the perfect match
for a lot of women, because when I'm in session,
most of my wifs are saying, I don't mind it
in the morning, but I got work too, and he's

(01:14:15):
taking too long.

Speaker 3 (01:14:16):
Now.

Speaker 2 (01:14:16):
The women who are saying start earlier, the woman who
they don't want to work early because that that sleep
is what they need because they got to go to
work and come on and also be mothers and be
a wife to your ass. So there has to be
some type of compassion for the fact that I'm already letting.

Speaker 3 (01:14:29):
You kid this afternoon?

Speaker 2 (01:14:31):
Can you I got kid? That's what y'all say, and
y'all fall asleep and we have to feed their asses
because you're coming up short.

Speaker 1 (01:14:39):
The biggest difference between doctor Cheyenne Brant and the twenties
and a Ford it.

Speaker 2 (01:14:48):
I knew he was gonna come with a good question.
You sound good at what you do. I'm twenty yeld Chyenne.
M hmm, straight shooter, I can see that. Yeah, I'm
gonna tell you this, but probably bullets flining at everybody

(01:15:10):
right fortyoshay. Straight shooter knows her target. Twenty ol Cheyne
outspoken because she has a message that she wants to
land and she's not really considerate or compassionate about who
it lands on or how it lands. I should say
Potio Chyanne aware and very calculated on her message, the delivery,

(01:15:37):
and how it impacts you, because I want to make
sure the impact is coming from my true intention. O.
Cheyenne was a lot more conservative than I am. At
forty you think I'm big on no casual sex. Now,
I was very relational, but I also had a fiance
my whole time, right, and I was a I was

(01:16:03):
less emotionally regulated then, so I could be a lot
more fiery and dominant in my relationships. And in my
twenties my submission hadn't peaked yet. And then in my
thirties was when I was with my ex fiance who
took care of me, and my submission fully peaked. And
so in my forties I am very emostly regulated. My
emotion intelligence is extremely high, and I am, you know,

(01:16:29):
extremely submissive. And it's not submissive because I'm waiting for
you to create an environment. It's I'm submissive because that's
who I am internally innately as a woman, right, And
so it's nothing you can do to make me not submit.
It's just if I can't submit with you, I probably
won't choose you, wow, because I got to be with
who I can be soft and submit to.

Speaker 3 (01:16:49):
And so.

Speaker 2 (01:16:51):
Lastly, the twenty year old Cheyenne, I was a nest.
I was a nest. And that's probably why I ended
up with the guy who made me money but wasn't
the breadwinner, because I was the nest and it equally
yoked means he can't be the nests too. Now I'm
a nester, so I am nesting in you. And it's

(01:17:12):
not that I'm waiting to see if you're a nest.
I'm nesting in you because that's just my position. Now
if you consume that role or not, so do you,
but I'm nesting in you, and it's soft and it's safe.
And lastly, one thing that's in common though twenty year
old Shine and four ye oh Shine was never looking
for a safe space. I already knew very early on

(01:17:34):
that I was at safe space, and so I bring
that with me everywhere I go. And so yes, I
want you to add to that right and don't tempt
to dismount it because it's mine, so you can't. But
I don't need you to come in and I'm sitting
here in fear until you create this space that I
can nest in. That's not how it works at my age.

Speaker 3 (01:17:54):
Now, the man that's gonna.

Speaker 1 (01:17:59):
Make a home create a family, same age, a little younger,
a little older.

Speaker 2 (01:18:07):
Because I don't because I want a man who doesn't
have children yet, he would probably need to be about
my age or younger. But I haven't had a problem
with meeting men with no kids. It's I always say
people people's limited thinking is what gets in their way, right, right,
And so if you think there are no men with
no kids, then you write I happen to know that
I'm not looking for men with kids. I'm not polyamorous,

(01:18:29):
not only any one. And if anyone is gonna tell
me that one man well kids, who does well and
he's a great human.

Speaker 1 (01:18:38):
Between the ages of thirty eight and forty five, that's
only thirty and forty five, that's what you're looking for.

Speaker 2 (01:18:43):
Out of here. Yeah, that's crazy. That's like saying one
person ain't gonna buy I ain't gonna like this. That's crazy.
We know you're looking for a lot, but we're talking
about one Yeah. So yeah, and I don't mind even
like thirty five thirty six, as long as the maturity
is there. Yeah, you know. And because I've learned and
you know, a lot of these younger me men in
that thirty five ish range, even a little younger than thirty,

(01:19:05):
they are a lot more mature than a lot of
these men who are forty five and us. They're not
stuck in their way. They are very flexible. They open doors,
they know how to date. They are actually hunters like
men used to be calling their texting their love bugs.
They want to get married.

Speaker 3 (01:19:21):
They're all they like, we're the old guard. We the hunter.

Speaker 2 (01:19:24):
And let me say this, not only women, but men
in their thirties are the new generation that don't have
baby mamas. You'll be surprised at how not thirsty for
sex and women these younger men are meaning like they
are literally saying, if we can't date, or if we
can't have some type of out of the bear romance,

(01:19:45):
I'm turned off. There's so many young men here are
like women are just throwing the blissy at me versus
back in the day it was men worth, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:19:53):
What, tasing the cape.

Speaker 2 (01:19:55):
And that's a turn on for me. And you have
the older men who are just kind of like, Look,
it's kind of like you're saying, I'm working, I'm doing
me and what you see is what you get. And
I definitely want the intimacy as far as sex with you,
but I'm not sure if I can commit. I'm not
sure if my old ways will allow me to to
you know, to maneuver or to transform into what's needed

(01:20:16):
for a relationship. And you're finding studies have shown the
older woman and younger guy is having the higher success
rate when it comes to a healthy marriage and happens
the older woman and younger man. They're finding that that
that success rate has actually outdid the older man and
younger women. And think about it, Shannon, though the older US,

(01:20:40):
older women, we actually keep ourselves up a lot better
than the generation of older women did prior to right,
and so we are working out I mean, of course,
there's other augmentations that can be done. And I'm not
knocking nobody that women are willing to do. The self
care is there. Women are taking care of their skin. Me.
It's just it's a whole other world for women right
now in the sense of how they keep themselves up.

(01:21:01):
And so there is no competition for us when it
comes to young women, because we really are those women
like that thirty five to forty five, and I've even
seen women at fifty five. I'm like this, what are
you doing? And Tracy Ellis is one of them. Oh,

(01:21:23):
most of the women who are gorgeous and so doing
their thing and have that glow, they ain't been married
and they don't have no kids. I'm just saying, I'm
just saying, we out here glowing now, stressed out, very sexual,
very happy, very loving, very rich, very well taken care

(01:21:45):
of dating, no having our way, very happy. And I'm
not saying that there's not happy marriages, because there are, sure,
But when you choose from that place, you calibrate like minded,
like vibrational energy, you're less likely to get somebody who
is not happy, who's not healthy. You repel a man

(01:22:08):
who's out there womanizing and doing certain things, because that
man also knows he can't sustain that quality of women.

Speaker 3 (01:22:15):
Do you think men are lonely?

Speaker 2 (01:22:18):
I think men and women are lonely. I think both are.
I think that again, we are in an over sexualized
culture right now, and sex satisfies the flesh like it's
been doing you. It doesn't satisfy the heart. Our satisfaction
comes from the heart. The heart already knows what you want.

(01:22:39):
Half of us just are too afraid to let it
have that because we don't know how to navigate it
at the mind intellectual space. But the heart is saying,
but that right there is gonna make me fully complete,
fully satisfied. Well, so yeah, I think people are just lonely.
I think because folks are operating from this transactional space,
and everything is transactional was either sex or you know,

(01:23:02):
a bag, or prostitution or not, and there's no relational
things happening. And I think relational experiences is what really
makes the heart full.

Speaker 1 (01:23:16):
Michelle Obama Former First Lady Michelle Obama said America is
not ready for a woman president just yet.

Speaker 3 (01:23:23):
So get out my face. Do you think America is
ready for a woman's president.

Speaker 2 (01:23:29):
I don't think it matters what America's ready for. America
thought they were ready for Trump, and obviously we were
very unprepared and ready for this type of leadership. I
think what America needs is a little younger leadership. I'm
saying twenty or thirty. I'm just saying younger than like
Biden or Trump, right, even if it's THEE it could

(01:23:50):
be male or female.

Speaker 1 (01:23:52):
Bill Clinton is younger than both of the last presidents,
and he was president twenty five years.

Speaker 2 (01:23:56):
Ago, right, and Obama was one of our youngest. Yes,
and so but I think for the right woman, yes,
and it could not be Michelle, but I love Michelle.
But I think that what we do need is a
change in leadership, and a woman would be a great
changing leadership. And I do think that a woman leading

(01:24:18):
doesn't mean that the leadership will be soft or the
leadership will be less led. I think that for the
first time in history, that leadership will be different than
what we had. And if there is any time but
now where we need different, this is the time.

Speaker 1 (01:24:34):
Well, at this current time, there's anybody can be president.
There's not a political office that you can hope no
matter whether you think you're qualified with, you're black, whether whatever,
whatever your political affiliation is. What we've seen is that
let me ask you this because I always because she's
caught a lot of criticism online and I want to

(01:24:55):
hear your expertise on what she's trying to say. I
ushould carry because when she says that, man, I didn't
really see myself as a wife. I was like in
his career, I'm going to be this entrepreneur. I'm going
to be this I don't think she said she didn't
want she don't want.

Speaker 3 (01:25:10):
To be mad.

Speaker 1 (01:25:10):
She's upset that she mad Steph Curry and has this
beautiful family. But what can you do? From what she's
trying to say, what I heard.

Speaker 2 (01:25:19):
Which is exactly what you said, nothing more or less.
And I just heard her. I heard her being a
woman with the voice. And it's kind of when you said,
how come women can have preference but men can't? Write
from your experience in the world, and I can see that.
I don't believe that to be true for me, but
I can see that perspective society to leave with the constructs.
When a woman speaks out against the societal norms of

(01:25:43):
a woman being domesticatedor being a wife, of being a mama,
then she sounds ungrateful for having this wonderful husband who's
providing and taking care of her, because that is most
women's dream dream, right, But there are other women like
myself right and probably her too from what she said
that their dreams are not limited to a position of
a white arm and to just being this person's wife.

(01:26:07):
And what I do understand her is that I told
God earlier on my years, I said God, I would
love to marry a man of affluence and a man
who does well. But I don't want to be known
ass just say Shannon's wife. I want to be known
as like, this is Shannon Sharp, and you know this
is Bryant hyphenated sharp.

Speaker 3 (01:26:24):
Oh so you will hyphenate the lab you know.

Speaker 2 (01:26:28):
I mean, I've already built this thing, and this is
his wife, And people go, oh, I know exactly who
you are. You're the one that producer, You're the doctor
next to you, or if I introduced myself, oh that's Shannon,
He's the Hall of Famer, Like he did your thing.
We love your show power couple, right, And so I
see her saying that she wanted to have what he

(01:26:50):
had the luxury of having. He has a wonderful career,
and he has a wonderful family. She has a wonderful family.
How come she gets she gets deemed for saying but
I want to have the same equality as my husband.
All I'm saying is love being a mom and wife.
Because she's obviously doing a damn good job obviously are great,

(01:27:12):
But how come I can also want?

Speaker 3 (01:27:14):
Why can I have both? He has both? Why can't I?
Why I got to be really and it has.

Speaker 2 (01:27:18):
Both because she sat at home and allowed him to
build one and she built the other that she is
allowing him to also take credit for because we know
he been on the road nothing. He ain't been a
great father. God loves Steph Curry. But what she's saying
is I should be able to, now that my kids
are thorough of age and kids look on and grown
to me, go create what I want. And she did try.

(01:27:39):
She started doing magazines in the past. She tried, and
so I think there's nothing wrong with her saying. Look,
I have aspirations too, and I'm not going to take
away from what I've already been excelling at, but I'm
also excellent at other things.

Speaker 1 (01:27:53):
We had two young men, black men, Kirine Lacey and
and marsh On Neelan, and we kind of briefly touched
on it, not those guys specifically, but mental health in
the black community. Do you think there were signs that
these young men were dealing with something? It comes to

(01:28:15):
find out. I think the police and Louisiana said something
about he caused an accident that called someone in his life,
and the reports about he was about to get indeted,
and and it was just overwhelming. Neeland just had scored
his first touchdown on a Monday night game and then
all of a sudden, his girlfriend is calling frantically saying,
He's gonna end it.

Speaker 3 (01:28:34):
He's gonna end it.

Speaker 1 (01:28:36):
What is what with?

Speaker 3 (01:28:37):
They asked with the black athletes.

Speaker 1 (01:28:39):
And mental health, because I think now more guys are
getting more black to speak to that, because this is
our community, are starting to get in touch with their emotions,
starting to get in touch. Not as much as not
probably more need to, but we are starting to see
that shift where black men are not so rigid and like, man,
I don't need I'm fine, I can, I can, I'm

(01:28:59):
my daddy didn't do it, my grandfather didn't do it.

Speaker 3 (01:29:02):
What do you think called the shift?

Speaker 1 (01:29:05):
And how can we prevent the Marshaw Kneeland and the
kairaen Lacy's situation.

Speaker 2 (01:29:09):
You said something really really, really really primal. You said
that back in the day, black men would just pretty
much shove their emotions down right and they would not
allow them to come up, so they didn't have to
see them or face them, which means they didn't have
to feel them. Right, the suicide rate was way lower
than the suicide rate is high now because you just said,

(01:29:30):
Black men are getting more in contact with what their emotions,
that emotion that's tied to trauma, that emotion that is
tied to pain, and when that comes up, they have
to feel it and they have to face it, and
when there's no place to dump it or place it,

(01:29:51):
then they eat it and it internalizes. Anything that we
internalize at some point is going to externalize in some
form of action, whether it's them ending up in jail
because they beat the shit out of somebody, domestic violence,
which is a big one in sport, especially the NFL,
or suicide unfortunately right our deep depression and so I

(01:30:15):
think that what needs to happen is what I am
so honored to be able to provide, like I said,
with the Stillers and the Browns, with the players, a
safe space where I am allowing them to not just
feel what they feel, but externalize it, and I'm holding
space for that, and I'm helping them feel it and

(01:30:37):
understand what those emotions are and also teaching them what
to do with those emotions. For example, there's one of
the young players has some emotions around his family using him,
and there's some addiction involved in different stuff right within
his his parents, and he has a lot of emotions
behind that about him being used. But he also hass

(01:31:00):
behind him saying no, because guilt comes in right, because
there's a sense in the black community entitlement, I'm supposed
to take care of my family no matter even if
they didn't help me or.

Speaker 4 (01:31:09):
Do for me, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:31:10):
Otherwise I'm looked at as what the sellout or the
dude who didn't do nothing for no one. And so
he's dealing with the duality of I'm being used and
it feels horrible right to be taken advantage of by
my parents who did nothing for me. But I feel
guilty when I say no. So what I mean by
helping him is helping him identify those emotions and then
teaching him how to set boundaries that help him regulate

(01:31:33):
his emotions. See, boundaries are not for people, They're for us,
and they are emotional regulators, which says, look, mom, dad,
I'm going to give you this amount of month. That's
all you get. After that, him and I are still
working on what the guilt that comes from when they
ask for more him saying no. That may sound like
a small problem to people, but to your point, that

(01:31:55):
small problem to us puts that boy in a dark
face of depression. And if we don't see that sign
as big because it's small to us, that suicidal ideation
can turn into the act of suicide, and depression turns
into suicidal ideation. And so my job, and I feel
like it should be all of our jobs, I mean

(01:32:16):
every human, because mental health is a human right, not
just a one race or gender right, but especially within
our black community. Is what I said early on The
check ins need to be deeper than just you good
when you know they're not good. Right, stop asking people
that what's going on with you? Talk to me or
talk to somebody else. I'm not leaving until you talk. No,

(01:32:38):
I'm gonna sit here until you express something. I'm gonna
call you. I'm on my way. Well, let's take a drive, Well,
let's go have cough, let's go have tea, let's watch
a movie. Right, those things have to be where we
show more care and compassion. Right, I have to do
it with the guys them guys sitting there, and a
lot of them are just like you can tell. It's
at the tip of their tongue. And I'm still pushing
and pushing and poking. I even sometimes properly confront them

(01:33:01):
and say things that are completely rude enough that I
know will trigger them, because if I can trigger the
emotion to come out, then we got it to be externalized.
I just needed to come out, needed to come out,
and I need you to know what's okay. So we
have to start creating safer spaces for our loved ones.
And loved ones don't mean someone you live in a
house with all you love. I'm talking about you see
someone on the street. You just a loving person that

(01:33:23):
looks like us. The check in should be there. When
I see a man get off the plane with a
cane and he's a black, older man, I have waited
next to him until his wheelchair came and said I'm
gonna wait with you, and he goes you are. But
that's just me checking in with this older black man
because you're here with nobody. So I am responsible as
a black woman to sit here and make sure you

(01:33:43):
are cared for, because I'm going to take on that
responsibility and that little waiting for him made that man's
whole year. Yeah, he kept looking at me and he goes,
you're just an angel. No, I'm a human that's trying
to do shit right. And I respect my elders and
I would want someone to do it from my father
or my grandfather or my husband. So I'm gonna do
it for you. So we have to do them checkings.

(01:34:04):
You said, were there signs? There's always signs, And I'm
not blaming the loved ones, I promise I'm not. But
we do have to be accountable because I'm telling you
we see signs, we are too busy to get involved
or them in the same thing he'd been doing for
the past four or five years. He'd been doing that

(01:34:25):
since he was thirteen, but he been dark since he
was thirteen, right, And you've been doing the same thing
you've been doing since he'd been thirteen, just letting it
do what it does, letting him get back on the
football field. And you know, because you play ball a
lot of these kids, specially these black kids. I'm learning
from working with the NFL so close now from a
mental health expert standpoint, the black boys don't have supportive families.

(01:34:51):
They have entitle families. You not saying you hadn't title family,
but you had a family that you took out of poverty,
so you get it. Am I saying they're in title?
But you went back and still gave it to them
as though it was your duty. And I'm not saying
it wasn't, but you did that like it was your duty.
These black young men, Chador is an anomaly. Yeah, he

(01:35:13):
is an anomaly, a very blessed young man to have that.
Oh yes, those boys don't have that. And I'm calling
them boys because they are in they twenties, they twenty two.
They think like boys, they make a decision. They don't
have that support. And the NFL needs to do a
better job, which they are. Thank you for having me
be a part of your doing better job of mental health,

(01:35:34):
of having the means in there and the ones that
look like me in there to help these young men,
because see, I represent more than just doctor Brian to them.
I'm black and I'm woman. I represent their mama who
they never had. I represent their mama who using them
right now. I represent sometimes the mama who abused them.

(01:35:55):
I represent the mother who they despise who they are
resistant toward, and when they get a different experience of
me being a black woman, it changes everything in them.
And the way I'm able to love on them, the
way I'm able to pour into them and not judge
but hold space for them, is what they need. If
you would have seen their reaction, let me tell you this,

(01:36:19):
the session was so vulnerable Shannon that the director had
to stop them and say, dot gotta go. I didn't.
I would have stayed out. I love what I do.
But some of the dudes was getting out their chair
and walking out, like not walk over, but get up
like you I just did. One guy walked up and said, Yo,
this is not her talking, this is spirit talking, like

(01:36:40):
as though it took him to church. That showed how
his spirit was moved in that session. Those young men
not only need it, but they deserve it at the
level that they are playing in that league and the
fact that the league is starting to care more, or
at least the staff that's working for the league is saying, yo,

(01:37:01):
I'm working close, especially the player development directors. Those are
the ones ye you know, shout out to Ron in
n d Y. Them dudes are changing lives in there
and they're working next to these players, and they're seeing
the hardships of these players. They're knowing when someone's grieving
because their mom just died, and they coming in there
and all they can and they all they can do
is perform because football is performative. It's performative. And then

(01:37:26):
you got family who wants you to perform too. What's
your money. So that's how you end up breeding men
like you who's just performative and transactional and ain't got
no space for the heart. Love you to death, but
we don't want a gang of Shanna sharks running around
from that capacity. Now, the shit you do, that's good.

Speaker 1 (01:37:43):
Here we do.

Speaker 2 (01:37:44):
But from the place of being disconnected from yourself as
a man, are the heart space. We don't want that
because then we don't get husbands. We don't get my
saying you're not a good father. But we don't get
fully in ghosts, involved fathers. We don't get families, we
don't get the real wealth, we get detachment, we get transactional.
We get someone who can perform. And so because all

(01:38:05):
you can do is that all you want to do
is be able to perform in my body, and that
ain't good enough. And now what I love about our
sisters are we're saying we're not gonna settle for that,
So y'all gotta come better, which is I believe also
what has caused y'all to have to become more vulnerable
and get in contact with your emotions, because we are

(01:38:27):
now holding y'all to a higher standard and saying that
although we love and go have y'all back, we need
more than just performance from you. We need more than
just y'all taking care of us and paying the bills.
We need you present. We need your pain, we need
your trauma, and we are strong enough and big enough
black women to hold space facilitate them like we've been

(01:38:47):
doing this entire time and we will continue to do it,
and y'all have to just allow us to do it.
But I can say this, the emotions that these black
men are now coming in contact with and not having
a place to dump it, it's causing depression because what
do you do with the emotions that you don't understand
and that you didn't see your father process. He didn't

(01:39:08):
show you how to process them because to your point,
he shoved them right, but you feeling them and so
even if you went to him, what does he tell
you suck that shit up? Or I just kept pushing son,
this is what you did. Work, son, work, catch a ball,
Just slide through, sticky move son, don't don't, don't commit.

(01:39:30):
It's safe in the transactional world. It's not safe over
their son because if you don't tell him that, he's
still gonna see it. So it's learned behavior either way.
And so there is a gap and I'll wrap them
that there's a gap between the men of who are
men's men. I love that y'all. Y'all your age range
are just man's man. That's sexy in itself, but it's

(01:39:52):
but y'all have no emotional fucking attachment or intelligence or
heart and space. It's like, yo, hello. So there's a
gap between y'all right and the younger generation, right, and
how you both process emotions. Absolutely, y'all see them, and
I'm saying you have the minute. Y'all see them as
soft sometimes and they see y'all as old and stuck

(01:40:12):
in your ways and don't know nothing and just stern.
And there's that in between of who is teaching them
when they don't know because they've never done it how
to process their emotions so it doesn't become a mental
health illness, and we don't continue to have these beautiful
young men like these two men who had a hell
of a day one day and then all of a sudden,

(01:40:34):
it's dark. It's the worst day of your life. And
you cannot tell me that that happened within that most
time frame. It did not. There was conversations that that
girlfriend heard, There was things that were said, and oftentimes
loved ones don't know how to respond because you also
don't want to take the wrong action and trigger it right.
So it's sometimes a hard position for everybody. But the

(01:40:59):
best thing you can do is to get that person help,
whether it's calling the police to do a wellness check.
And that is so hard because in our black community
we don't do what. We ain't call no police or
make a doctor's appointment and say, hey, he just needs
a wellness check. You can call the school that they're at,
the school psychologist if it's school, if it's college. You
can even call up to the NFL and say, yo,
I think something's going on, do a wellness check. They

(01:41:21):
have psychiatrists and therapists that are on site that are
supposed to be working for what they pay them to do.

Speaker 3 (01:41:27):
This is your your first book, correct?

Speaker 2 (01:41:29):
So that's my first book I wrote in twenty fourteen.
It's called d Talks. Yeah, and it did so well
that hay House Random House, my publisher, the biggest sam
public publisher coming in the world. Shout out to hay House.
They picked that book book up adition to my new
book and said, you know what, we want to redo
that and add a workbook component to it because it

(01:41:50):
has been so life changing and I self published and
it sold. It just sold, I mean literally sold off
the shelves as a self publisher, so they picked it up.
I added a workbook component and we added more new
information to it because I'm twenty twenty five, I'm a
new woman.

Speaker 1 (01:42:06):
I got you know, new tools and yeah, you say,
fifty fifty cent help you, la La?

Speaker 3 (01:42:12):
Anthony growte the preface, the forward. Excuse me for what
is what can we expect for people that haven't read it?
What is mental detox?

Speaker 4 (01:42:23):
It is?

Speaker 2 (01:42:24):
It teaches you how to detox your mind of negative thinking,
of your three part house, how you think, how you feel,
how you behave in those things that don't serve you
that have only been putting you in positions that breed
results that you don't want. Right, So, when we do
things with an intention of what we want and we
reach a different goal, that's called out of alignment. Manifestion
doesn't manifestation doesn't take place in that space of disalignment.
And so it talks about that. It talks about the

(01:42:45):
lover's garden, how you show up emotionally within yourself so
that you can actually connect confused with somebody else. It
talks about the professional garden. So we use a guarden
metaphor and they're the professional garden of how you show
up at work and how it impacts you. How you
can optimize yourself by making sure that your thoughts and
your mind and your mental health is impaired and not
having impairments. And so we talk about all that and

(01:43:08):
we cover i mean, everything from how you process your emotions,
emotion intelligence, you bring about what you think about. You
have domination over your thoughts. All you have to do
is possess it. A lot of us are letting our
thoughts dominate us. And our mind is here to serve
us and we are serving it. And how do you
allow your mind to serve you like it's supposed to

(01:43:28):
as a man think it, so is he We said
that earlier, and so we have to be very aware
of what we're thinking, and you work backwards, right, what
do I want to be? How do I want to
show up?

Speaker 3 (01:43:39):
Then?

Speaker 2 (01:43:39):
What thoughts do I need to think? So that that
person is curated? Another thing, the Bible says you can
tell a tree by the fruit that it bears, And
so I talk about, well, we first have to figure
out what fruit we want to bear. People are trying
to figure out what tree they want to be or
what seed to plant. It's like, wait a minute, well,
how do you know what seed to plant? If you
don't know the fruit you want to bear. That's where

(01:44:01):
exposure to environments is important. That's where choosing someone with
wisdom and not experience is important. Because if I'm hearing
your wisdom and it's getting me what I like, then
I understand this is the fruit that I got to
try to bear. Then I can understand what kind of
tree I need to become. What kind of seeds your

(01:44:22):
thoughts are your seeds do I need to plant? And
so as I realize these are the thoughts I need
to plant because there are seeds I can water and
become this tree, and I can become the fruits of
my labor. And that's exactly what it teaches you in
that book. And these are all principles that I've used
and I still use on myself and my clients. And
so they've been proven the work. And yeah, the book

(01:44:43):
has been going crazy. I'm really excited about that book.

Speaker 3 (01:44:45):
Congratulations. I saw you at the Browns camp. You caught
a past from us.

Speaker 2 (01:44:50):
You do it? I did you?

Speaker 3 (01:44:52):
I said, look at them.

Speaker 2 (01:44:53):
I had little trot, but I look, I made it.
I made it all the way, took my heels off. Yes,
your door was getting fuss. He's like, go run. I
was like, hold on, I'm trying to. I'm trying to
get in position. He said, girl, just run.

Speaker 3 (01:45:05):
I said, look.

Speaker 2 (01:45:06):
I told I said, goa throw me won them Colorado passes.
But that was before he had started with the good
Game the Raiders. When he threw that long fifty five
yard past, I said, you do I throwt me want
them good Colorado passes. He's like, you crazy, doc, I.

Speaker 1 (01:45:17):
Said one, Yeah, go get a book. New book is out.
Mental detox doctor Shanne Bryant Dot. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (01:45:26):
I appreciate it. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 4 (01:45:29):
All my life, running, all my life, shocking frights, hustle
the Price. Want to slice the swap all my life,
Poppy grinding all my life.

Speaker 3 (01:45:39):
Yeah, all my life, running all.

Speaker 4 (01:45:41):
My life, shocking frights, hustle plat the Price. I want
to slice Doctor Bros. The swap all my life, Poppy
grinding in all my life

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Club Shay Shay - Dr. Cheyenne Bryant Part 2

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Shannon Sharpe

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