July 23, 2025 • 35 mins
Sharelle, Alexis, and Porsha debate proper cooking hygiene and preparation, discuss finding love in after heartbreak, and finding your soulmate!
00:00 – Intro
14:50 – Settling for Soulmates
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
I get in my weight, never out of my lane.
It's been like you one in the more one.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
So it is gonna be baby squad. We've been the
gol du running on us.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
That won't you need maybe, won't you keep me company?
Speaker 4 (00:18):
Give me felling the jube and I get on.
Speaker 5 (00:25):
Every humpday.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
We got Porsha Pete in the building, Sex Selects in
the building. Friends I miss, y'all. I know, listen, I'm
feeling better. Yes, I'm looking better, for sure, I'm feeling
(00:47):
so much better, y'all.
Speaker 5 (00:48):
I was so sick.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Oh my goodness, I was outside too much, y'all.
Speaker 6 (00:54):
I talked to Hill right before she got on that podcast,
and I said, what you do with your friend?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I said, you're gonna put a hat on? She said, yeah,
I put a hat on.
Speaker 6 (01:04):
And to my surprise, lo and behold, I look on
the internet and see my girl with the with the
flyaways with the friends was I said, My girl said
she don't feel good and she needs y'all to know.
Speaker 5 (01:17):
I had the hoodie on my head and I was like, no,
take it off. I'm like the hoodie look cute. No,
the hoodie everything. She was like this little bow peep.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
So lex was the culprit.
Speaker 5 (01:29):
Yes, I was liked.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
She was like, it look cute, put it down, let's
set me up.
Speaker 5 (01:36):
It wasn't a setup. That was that said, I ain't posting.
That's when I.
Speaker 6 (01:41):
Said nothing except I really did have a conversation with
her before she got on.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
I said, she didn't say that.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
I should have seen me looking with the cowboy hair.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
I was looking at hot mess. YEA probably thought something
was wrong with me, like I just came out of out.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Of a She was joking about the cowboys like a regular.
Oh she was a joking Okay, No.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
But what I can say is I was represented for
my job.
Speaker 5 (02:08):
Bad bitch, good mom. I was representing.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
I said a few sales and came through what I did.
My girl was wearing it. That's why the people in
my shop.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Yeah, anybody tell.
Speaker 6 (02:22):
You the influence of marketing doesn't work, because it does.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
And I love that you represent the brand, you represent
the business, pushing people what you had.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
To do today.
Speaker 6 (02:31):
I had a listing appointment today because I'm a real
professional type of bitch. I had to go to a
listing appointment. You know what I mean, coming soon about
to sell another house. Give me another coin.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yeah, I was working today.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
We're about to make us some money.
Speaker 6 (02:50):
I was in the field. Look at me, Andre, I
looked like a like a like a schoolgirl. And Mike,
he said, little uniform.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I'm like that uniform.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
You look like a little intern though, like you just
graduated from high school.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
This is probably like how old are you trying to
sell my house?
Speaker 6 (03:10):
Right?
Speaker 5 (03:11):
Do you know what you're doing? Ma'am?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Are you experienced to know?
Speaker 5 (03:13):
Do you know what I'm doing?
Speaker 6 (03:14):
I'm a real grown beautiful thank you, yes you do.
Speaker 5 (03:20):
So how was your weekend?
Speaker 3 (03:21):
How how it has y'all day been since we last communicated?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
But y'all just communicated on Monday?
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Yes, yeah, but you know elects me. She get a
lot done from Monday to wedds.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Okay, lex be slide. I won't know where lex LEXI
be slide. Sorry she did and low key with it.
It was yesterday.
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Just what you did?
Speaker 4 (03:46):
It was awesome and today was even great. Today is
my my wellness Wednesday. So I went to my nails one,
got my favorite flowers and just really just relaxed. Asada
requested a steak and I haven't had steak in over
twenty years, so but I can make a good one.
(04:08):
And so she's been like feeding for this steak and
you make chimmy cheery sauce with you.
Speaker 5 (04:14):
No, it doesn't need it.
Speaker 7 (04:16):
Oh okay, No, it's just a good in the cast
iron skillet, garlic, salt and pepper and some rosemary and
some you get the.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I think I'll sayen you cook in the steak before
like that, okay.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
And so she just loves it. And then she's so
she has steak and freez. So I just spent some
time with her. How do you let your sneak near nate?
No marinating at all?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
This is, oh hell, what happened when y'all be going
to these culinary schools. Y'all, don't take it back to
the old school and season the meat's Let.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Me tell you something.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
It's not about old school and season and the meat.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
It's about understanding the technique and just the whole fundamentals of.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
How they messing you up.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Please please tell Porscha what you said about your meat,
What you don't, what they don't, what they.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Teach you not to do?
Speaker 5 (05:13):
No more, they teach you not to wash like your chicken.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
Oh hell, the day of that's what we were taught
by it the day of or the day before, and
cook your meat.
Speaker 5 (05:25):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
So for the people who buy in bulk, don't wash
your chicken.
Speaker 5 (05:29):
Well, I mean they don't clean their chicken.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
You don't think that it tastes better like you don't.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
And I grew up.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
I grew up cleaning my chicken, your chicken.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
What you clean your chicken with?
Speaker 5 (05:43):
Who meat? A paper towel? What you clean your chicken
with a paper towel? No, I get. And that's how
I used. My mom used to do that too. She
used to like pull all my fat out.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
Yeah, I mean my mother in law boiling, scolding, hot water,
white vinegar, salt.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
Yeah, and we were splashing back and things all over
the place.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
But it's delicious, yeah it is.
Speaker 5 (06:20):
But you clean.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
You gotta clean your sink after. I don't be sloppy.
Speaker 5 (06:23):
It ain't like you clean it. But not everybody.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
I mean, at a at home chef has to take
precaution of wipes and making sure they're not transferring bacteria.
Speaker 5 (06:35):
I clean my meat in a bowl and that's that.
Speaker 6 (06:38):
And I don't clean it.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
But I mean I feel you, you know, everybody.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I mean, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I also, don't marinate steak.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
Yeah, you're not supposed. I don't marinate steak.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Don't I wait till it's room temperature because I don't.
I don't.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
There you go, that's the whole.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Booth.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Y'all gotta taste mysteak.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah, to taste your daddy's seak. I don't knowing about
your steak.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
But my state tastes just like my papa steak.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
And guess Papa Papa.
Speaker 5 (07:08):
Be marry named that steak. Everybody as good as hell.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Yes, my state tastes just like Dennis Rising.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Okay, well the jury is still out on that. We're
gonna have to see at holiday.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
You don't taste my cooking before?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Have I just never had a steak?
Speaker 5 (07:27):
So have y'all have y'all? Do y'all wash your steaks too? No, yeah,
I rent my steak.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
I have to rent everything because you Let me tell
you why, because no, no, I don't grounded.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
But let me tell you why I rents my steak.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Because you don't know what the butchers are doing back there.
When they back there handling to me, it could have
been nothing dropped on the floor.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You don't know.
Speaker 6 (07:57):
You want to know there's nothing like that clean that
four hundred and five hundred degrees.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
It was some hot grease.
Speaker 6 (08:06):
Tell me that you think the vinegar like for I'm
really cleaning my chicken because I really do think it
make it taste better.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
And that's the true.
Speaker 6 (08:11):
I'm not cleaning my chicken because I think that the
vinegar is going to get rid of something that the
pan won't. If the pan don't see it off, I
can assure you the lemon not.
Speaker 5 (08:21):
It's the thought of it will kill it. With the well,
we're gonna be extra killing it even before.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
I don't.
Speaker 5 (08:29):
I don't, I don't.
Speaker 6 (08:30):
I don't rent mysteak. I don't know about that. I
got to ask my mother in law about that. You know,
Caribbeans wash everything.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
I rinsed my steak and I patted dry with the
paper towel. But I'm not finna just take the steak
out of the pack and throw it and start throw
some season on it and cook it.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Well, I marinate steak.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
If I'm making like a carni asida and you want
to marinate it, or the kids love this community just
that I do, so, then I'm marinated in those seasons
and stuff.
Speaker 5 (08:57):
But other than that, No, do you.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Give us the culinary tips.
Speaker 6 (09:01):
I want to know what the people are saying.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
We need a boat.
Speaker 5 (09:08):
Do y'all wash y'all meet?
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Yes or no?
Speaker 5 (09:13):
We need to know do y'all wash y'all? Majority wash? Yes?
Majority people do wash their meat.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I'm getting what's wrong with the people who don't wash
their meat.
Speaker 4 (09:25):
Because they have some kind of culinary awareness because was
taught that way.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
She just called us some.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Understand I mean, you know if I wouldn't you know,
that's the whole point of going to culinary school to
get I love it, you know.
Speaker 5 (09:45):
No, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I just can't.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
I can't change tradition.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Even if I went to culinary school, I would still probably,
I know it ain't no, probably I would still wash
my meat.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Because their reason in it for not washing your meat
with national spreads.
Speaker 5 (10:04):
Spread bacteria, and because you know, food.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Is trace FBA contamination, and how you're supposed to keep
it refrigerator like refrigerated, all these things, you know, do you.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Think that it makes it taste better?
Speaker 6 (10:18):
Though, if you like let it sit in the vinegar
and you cut the little slits in it, and if.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
For sure, if that's the intended dish for it to be.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah, okay, so Portia you go, you're about to start
not washing your chicken.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
I can't do that. That lady hang me by my feet.
If you see me over there and trying to make
some chicken for her son and then grand son. I'm
looking silo. That's what Haitians called you when they think
you dirty. Silop. You're looking at me like this.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
If I would go in my grandma kitchen and my
mama and my grandma see me pulled some chicken out
of a pack of out of a pack, fresh out
of the pack and just throw it season it, throw
seasoning on the cooking, I will get the worst cursing
up and down that house, and they probably kicked my
ass and send me back down to Florida.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
Well, my family will receive it because they're just like,
lets you got it in, put it and we'll tear
it up.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Listen, my family from the stop they are country country.
Speaker 5 (11:25):
Yeah, anyways, I get it, my mama. Still, you know,
we don't even let everybody.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
We don't even eat from certain family members.
Speaker 5 (11:38):
We don't eat half the family cooking.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
We pay attention to who is in the kitchen everybody
can't come in the kitchen during the holidays.
Speaker 5 (11:46):
Because you be scratching your head.
Speaker 6 (11:48):
You do all this, y'all the chat not washing their meat?
Pause but wait what not washing the meat?
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Thank you chack. Because they they we're more educated and baking.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
We're breaking generational you know, traditions.
Speaker 5 (12:07):
I refuse to believe very much. It's really much from
you know, our.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
Caribbean and our black family members and such. That's what
we do. I grew up doing the exact same thing.
Washington meat, Washington meat that comes from just you know,
we'll take it back all the way to slavery. We
had to wash everything because we were giving the scraps,
so we had to make something out of nothing, you know,
so that becomes traditional. And then we in these households
(12:33):
and we just know that we got to get this meat,
we got to get it in bulk, we got to
freeze it, all these things.
Speaker 6 (12:39):
Yeah, you don't have to wash these that by a
fresh that day girl who is running to the grocery
store every day to get.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
A package before.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
Yeah, there's there's different standards of that's a lot spreading
and you know, just because if you think about it,
it goes from from the farms to be butchered, and
then you know, you know, the whole process distribution. So
the sooner you get your meat from the store and
(13:09):
you you should cook it.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Teach me something lix.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Yeah, so when you freeze it, it ain't you really, I
mean it's sometimes it's better to it if you know
you're not gonna eat it within a couple of days.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Okay, sexy les chef, chef girl arlets president lists. You
know I'm still gonna wash my chicken.
Speaker 5 (13:29):
I understand I have to. All right, let's get into it, y'all.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Our first topic today, lowering your expectations and dating soul
may are settling. Let's be real, Are our standards and
dating becoming so high that we're actually blocking love? The
current dating dating culture is full of checklists, six figure salary,
(13:57):
no kids, six two tall, darken hints, emotionally intelligent, well dressed,
good teeth, owns property, passport ready, and the list goes on.
For are these high expectations happen as found the one
or pushing potential soulmates away? Well, some women are starting
to wonder if I lowered my expectations, would I be
(14:17):
in a relationship by now yes, or would I just
be miserable with someone I settled for.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
I feel like there is power in possessing who you
are and what you're going to be able to bend
with and to match with somebody eventually, you know, the
we're here to love the human experiences, to love and
endure it, to.
Speaker 5 (14:38):
Give it, to raise it, to emboy it, embody it.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
So you know, the hopeless romantic in me is always like,
you know, let's connect, let's you know it's a free hell,
let's you know it's going to be this romantic you know,
cute meat, and you know there's real life. This is
not something you can read, you know, from a fairy
(15:02):
tale or watch it on Disney Channel, you know what
I mean. So like I just look at it, like,
if this person is meant to be with me, we're
gonna align, We're gonna have this.
Speaker 5 (15:11):
You know, I can see. I can see that I
want that connection.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
You know.
Speaker 5 (15:16):
It's not about the law and the standard.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
I feel like I want to encompass somebody that I
can reflect what I love to do, whether that's travel,
whether that's eating out, whether that's you know, knowing how
to raise children properly and surround them with certain things
and experiences. Like that's what I would see in somebody
that's a mate. Now, the standard of what certain people
(15:41):
have their bar, it should be some kind of wiggle room,
because some people are very you know, they can kind
of cap out or they don't want to change how
they are about certain things, whether they save, whether they're
more frugal, whether they aren't gonna leave a city.
Speaker 5 (15:56):
They're not gonna bend just these little these rules and pass.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
If you're a traveler, and I don't think you should compromise,
you know, if your mate is someone that should appreciate
your love and travel.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
You know.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
So like there's some non negotiables and then there's also
some like you can bend, like trying to make someone
that you really love be your match.
Speaker 5 (16:17):
I feel like that is the ultimate goal, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
So like it's okay to have some differences, but you
want to have a lot of like you want to
have a lot that you have in common that or
at least there's a sense of like I know who
she is, I know who he is, I know who
they are, and that's who they that's who that's what
they're gonna do that feels their passion, That makes them
a good spouse, that makes them makes them a good partner,
all these beautiful things. So I think we got to
(16:43):
like lay off of being super strict on what we expect,
you know, because we should be bringing that to the
table too, or giving some other strengths, you know what
I mean.
Speaker 5 (16:53):
So that's that's my take on that.
Speaker 6 (16:56):
And expectations the same thing, what you are. Standards and
expectations like the same thing. Expectations seems a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Fluid.
Speaker 6 (17:10):
Compromising standards seems very very I don't know, Like you
can't just expect for somebody to be tall. Either they
tall or they not, honestly, but if that's what you
need to be, then that's what I don't know. I
feel like either way, I agree with you lex people
need to be flexible. And I also think that people
(17:30):
who have too many standards are not even too many.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
But high.
Speaker 6 (17:36):
You know, if your standards are too high, I feel
like you're putting yourself in a situation.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
To where you're gonna stay single.
Speaker 5 (17:42):
Yeah, and that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
You're going to compromise, low key missing out on someone
just because you're like, they weren't all of this whole
list that I've been fantasizing about and reading about or
scrolling and seeing and just expecting it. We were putting
way too much pressure on each other, you know what
I mean, for the sake of like love or the
sake of just being lonely or alone. You know, are
(18:07):
a stand in this until this prince Charming.
Speaker 5 (18:09):
Comes out the way. You know, we're all guilty.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
Of like these, you knowful romantic matches, you know, if
those of us that are lucky to like experience that.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
But at the same time, you have to understand.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
The integrity of what you're really getting into, Like this
is serious, like this is this is like building families,
This is like connecting, and this is like sharing assets
and all these you know, it's a lot. So we
have to take that serious. So I get having certain
like this is what is.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
Quality.
Speaker 4 (18:40):
Yeah, this is what I see in this person. This
is what I'm praying on. This is something that is
very important to me. Yeah, you can stand on that
your spirituality or they're bringing in a certain amount of money,
or you want this kind of lifestyle, like you want
to travel, you want to do this you want those
kind of things you can really you know, set for yourself.
(19:00):
But at the same time that, yeah, there's more personal
things that we you know, we gotta start bending on,
you know again.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
But you know, one of the things that I got
out of the mindset of was looking at the looks first.
And I felt like every time, like I always had
a set. My type was tall, dark chocolate you got,
but I've got I don't look at that now now
that I'm you know, I'm I'm in a new situation.
(19:31):
He's the opposite of the tall chocolate, right. I mean
he got height to him, but I mean it's not
what you would normally see. Yeah, And I got to
instead of looking at the looks, you know, we had conversations,
We talked. I didn't know what the income was, what
this was, and know anything, I just met that person
as a person and it's just everything the connection was
(19:53):
there and everything, you know, is a line.
Speaker 5 (19:55):
And so I would say that a safe.
Speaker 6 (19:59):
Bet is stay open minded, because I would say when
I lived in la I looked at a restaurant and
I was there for like five or six years, but
I worked with all of these incredible women, beautiful women.
They were actresses, singers, producers, gorgeous women right, and they were,
you know, from the age of twenty one forty one,
you know what I mean, from different countries, Foreign women,
(20:20):
American women.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
It was easily like one of the best jobs I've
ever had.
Speaker 6 (20:24):
And I learned so much from all of those women
because we used to get off work and we sit
down with a glass of wine and.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
We would just talk. And there was a few.
Speaker 6 (20:32):
Of them, you know what I mean, who were very no, none,
very Oh. We went on a day. He didn't call
me the next day, he's done. Oh I text him this.
He didn't text me back. Da da da, Oh it's done.
All we went out to dinner, we had a conversation
and blah blah blah, and this happened.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Oh it's done.
Speaker 6 (20:47):
And it was just like they were like, you try it,
and you out the door. Shade no shade, Like they
still want person. Because if you have all of that stuff,
if you don't give people room, if you don't give
room for a man to show up, you will just
(21:09):
you end up just missing out on somebody simply because
you can't do something right that they didn't know they
were supposed to do. Right, And it's insane to think
that you're supposed to meet somebody and they're supposed to
know exactly how to treat you.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
It's different.
Speaker 5 (21:23):
You're just like a pressure.
Speaker 6 (21:24):
He needs to open doors, he needs to do this,
he needs to do that, blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
But everybody doesn't.
Speaker 5 (21:28):
Care about that.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
It sounds good. Yes, you want a man to open
doors and pull out chairs.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
They really not out something doing that and don't care.
Speaker 6 (21:36):
We go to a restaurant, Yeah, we vibe and I'm
gonna pull out my own chair and sit down. I
don't give a shit, you know, like, but some women,
for them, that's just like, it says a lot about
that guy, and it's I feel like it's unfair because
those things you don't know, they don't know how to
treat you until you tell him how to treat you.
And if you have these expectations that are uncommunicated, then
(21:59):
you're just gonna was out on somebody.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Who simply would have done it had he known he
was supposed.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
To exactly unexpected communicate what is it called.
Speaker 5 (22:09):
Dang?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
What's the word communicated expectations?
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Yeah, uncommunicated expectations. Yeah, that's what.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Well, how a lot of relationships and fail or you
overlook like like you said, he is because.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Of that, you don't know what what you.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
This person may not know what you want unless you
said and every relationship is different.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
That's why you got to lead it all out there.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
You can't expect someone to think and know everything that
you like and you want getting into a relation.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Communication is key for sure. That should definitely be number
one on the list. That should be the standard in
the expectation.
Speaker 5 (22:45):
Knowing how to please tell me how you feel and
let's talk about it.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Oh, I hate when somebody shut down. I cannot be
with someone who shut who just shuts down. I don't
like going to bed angry. I don't like never mind
when it pisses me off when we're having enough conversation, don't.
Speaker 5 (23:08):
Worry never mind.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
That's if you're the type that wants to like work
it out, then get out.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
And you're like, I don't care how what time we're
going to sleep, We need to don't worry about it,
never mind.
Speaker 6 (23:24):
Yeah, Like y'all are really just describing every woman and
then every man. Every woman is like we need to
talk about this, and every man is like, never mind.
Speaker 5 (23:33):
I don't want.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
Because they hate communicating a lot of.
Speaker 5 (23:38):
A lot of men hate to express themselves.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
That tone can be a little heavy too, Like you know,
when you say we need to talk about they're like
having flash.
Speaker 5 (23:46):
But I don't even be like that. I be like,
can we just talk about it?
Speaker 2 (23:51):
They hear the same thing.
Speaker 6 (23:52):
Sometimes I'll just be like, baby, and he knows, yeah, communicate.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Hey, babe, I don't he knows.
Speaker 5 (24:04):
I don't even have to say that.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
Because they always assuming it's gonna be some type of altercation,
which probably it is. You know, women how we are.
But I do not like arguing. I like to just
lay it out there. I don't like going to be angry.
I want to see how we can fix this issue
so we don't have to continue to go.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
To you know, depends dwell on it. But it's just like,
I don't know. With our men, they do not like
to communicate.
Speaker 5 (24:33):
Nobody ever talk about it's getting better.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Though you think it's getting better, and you think it's
swing hard in the other direction.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
I think I think it's getting better just because we again,
we are having more resources at the palm of our hands,
and and I feel like our generations are understanding that
they should be talking to therapists, they should be talking
it out, they should be figuring things out, they should
be searching things out.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
So it's like.
Speaker 4 (25:00):
Becoming very much like our children. That's the first thing
they want to do is soak up so much energy
because they're able to search for it that there's low
key spelling. They're lokey, you know, like they're trying to understand.
So I look at it like our children are more
informed than we were because we would have to like
get to a library and go find the encyclopedias and
(25:23):
then look for the s and knowing that it's only
like two s's right, the ones checked out, the one
you need to look up snakes is gone. So like
they're able to access so much information and so much,
you know, a quicker amount of time.
Speaker 5 (25:37):
So you know, I just think it's.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
I think we still have a long way to go.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
We do have a long way to go. We have
a long way to go.
Speaker 6 (25:45):
But I do also agree that people are just black
men specifically, are getting more comfortable talking about their feelings
and being open to therapy and stuff.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
But you need that think to swing.
Speaker 6 (25:56):
Too hard in another direction, because people go to therapy,
they start DYINGO and themselves. They start leaning, they start
leaning on the chronic ADHD and it's like we're just
feeding everyone's narcissism because you go and you sit down
with somebody and you talk about yourself for an hour,
and you do all the time.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
I just think, you.
Speaker 4 (26:16):
Know what I mean, it's exercise. It's definitely exercise. It's
like practicing for everything else.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
You know, Yeah, you got to go often?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Do we have to go to therapy often though?
Speaker 3 (26:27):
That's but therapy doesn't have to be sitting and sitting
to hear a third person diagnose you with all.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
This time, not even diagnosed you.
Speaker 6 (26:37):
Just really sometimes I feel like therapists just reaffirm you,
and they just they I mean, if you are, if
you're the type of person that's walking around, you're not
really feeling validated in your experience, in your relationships or
in your life. I mean, I've been to a therapist,
I've been to marriage counseling, I've been to a therapist
on my own, and I can't think of one thing.
(26:58):
I know that I'm awesome, but he agreed with everything
I said, and I know that I'm always right, but damn.
Speaker 5 (27:07):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
And I was like, are we paying you to agree
with me? Because this feels too good. I feel validated
right now.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
Well, they're just.
Speaker 4 (27:16):
Going off of clinical research obviously and trying to help
you understand your brain.
Speaker 5 (27:22):
That's all it is.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
It's just them spending more time with helping us translate
what we got going on. We are a lot of
us are fucked up lack of lack of, lack of
better words, the trauma.
Speaker 5 (27:34):
So it's like now of trying to understand, like who
am I? Why do I do this? How can I
be a better person?
Speaker 4 (27:42):
How can I be a better husband, wife, child, mother, father,
co parent?
Speaker 5 (27:47):
All these things?
Speaker 4 (27:47):
Coworker, Yeah, because we have to all intertwine with each other.
Speaker 5 (27:51):
So, like you know, that's why that's therapy. That's why
you still.
Speaker 4 (27:55):
Understand what's going on with you. People are really trying
to understand their their being.
Speaker 5 (28:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
I feel like the best communication and the best therapy
is wants you and your partner sit there and allow
each other to understand each other, get to know each
other and express how you feel and learn each other
because a third party can listen to what you say
all the time. You forget sometime you're dating a narcissists
and they can tell that therapist what they want you
(28:23):
to hear, and it's not the real them. So it's
just understanding who you are and your partner and y'all
communicate it out.
Speaker 5 (28:33):
I just I don't know you.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Something about a couple therapy.
Speaker 6 (28:35):
Couple therapy is not it's not the jam if you're
not willing to be completely honest.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
And that's the thing.
Speaker 6 (28:43):
For women are more likely to go into a situation
and want to lay it all out because they really
do want the help. But the way that a man
is set up and rightfully so, he don't really want
his business. And you know what I mean, it's embarrassing.
It's embarras seems probably more embarrassing for them than it
is for us because we're just wired differently. So for
(29:04):
you to sit down in front of a therapist and
tell them the problem that you're having with your spouse
and you're talking about his weaknesses, his shortcomings, get wrong,
and if you can't be completely honest, you're not going
to get anywhere. But then I also very much believe
in the problems that we have in our house need
to be as long as they're not like detrimental to
our health or our.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Well being, you know what I mean.
Speaker 6 (29:26):
Like whatever we're dealing with, we just need to deal
with that because we can and we have the tools
to deal with it. But I do feel like it's
very difficult for men to give people their business because
they have a lot of pride and equal and sit
down tell a stranger essentially what they're not doing right,
(29:47):
what they're doing wrong.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
That's hard for anybody, especially.
Speaker 5 (29:52):
Say it's hard for anyone.
Speaker 6 (29:54):
Yeah, that's difficult, And I found that. I think the
the therapy did help us for that particular situation because
it's crazy how it made me understand him more and
made just maybe just hearing it from somebody else, he
explained it. He's like, you know what, Well, he's a boxer,
(30:16):
so this is how his brain is working. And he
really explained it, like Andre approaches everything like a fight,
not like he wants to fight, but he approaches everything
like he's going into a fight. So he has to
train for it, he prepares for it, he's watching film
on it, he's dissecting it.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 6 (30:34):
So he really explained to me, like why at the
time he was acting the way he was acting, and
I was like, okay, So it helped in that regard.
But for me, I didn't want to like give too
much information because I didn't want to offend Andre by,
you know, saying everything.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
That I thought, you know, because I was like, I
got to.
Speaker 6 (30:55):
Go home with him and he's gonna be looking at
me like I cannot believe you said that, bitch.
Speaker 5 (30:59):
Whyn't you right? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
I think it helps, but then it doesn't help.
Speaker 5 (31:05):
I do think what everything practice makes perfect?
Speaker 4 (31:08):
Right, So just the more you go, if you have
these issues or and then you can you can scale
back to you know, the therapist will be like, all right,
you know you've reached that peak.
Speaker 5 (31:20):
You've done that you can cross. Don't nobody do they
want to check? They want that that's true.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Okay, this is a good question.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Have you ever regretted turning someone down because they weren't
enough at the time you met them?
Speaker 5 (31:39):
Ever regretted like you passed up on something. No, No,
I don't have any regrets for that. No, No, we
overlooked someone.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Have you answered the question for yes.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
I regretted turning someone down because they weren't enough. I
wouldn't say they weren't enough. I probably would say I
regret it not getting to know someone m because because
I overlooked, I was looking at the wrong things at
the time, Like you notice now I don't look at
(32:15):
what I'm attracted to first.
Speaker 5 (32:18):
Hm hmm.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
So yeah, I would say I.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Have We're gonna talk when we get off the podcast.
I'm trying to see who you're talking.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Why see who you at.
Speaker 5 (32:30):
That you knows.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
And you're gonna tell me I'm you know, you know, girl?
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Shut up?
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Cause someone who doesn't need your physical type become your
favorite partner. Yeah, yeah, that's the situation now, Like I
feel like the person who I'm talking to now, he
could be my favorite party.
Speaker 6 (32:57):
She's gushing, I like this ship. This might be the
third time shooting brought him up. Let me, let's change
Let's I don't want to change the subject because you
was just like, I mean.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
If I ever meet somebody and I'm sitting there looking
at you, but you met somebody, but it's okay. But
let's say now we're in a space where.
Speaker 5 (33:19):
Look look at like this Portia.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
I got that car?
Speaker 5 (33:25):
He was like.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
In that accent, don't you now hold up. I didn't
even it would take accent.
Speaker 5 (33:34):
Don't get too much single, He'll say.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
So he straightened you. But look at you over there,
you got your chin.
Speaker 5 (33:48):
I was like, it wasn't like that. It wasn't like that.
Speaker 6 (33:50):
I would say, last stomach and feet you over there, Yeah,
because I just feel.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Like the guy.
Speaker 5 (33:57):
Stomach and look with the court with the corner around. Uh.
I love him.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
We've crossed the threshold. You see, you see how things
are progressing. I like this.
Speaker 5 (34:12):
Listen, I'm in the ghetto.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
I told Lex, I said, I'll be back living a
good life in a few more days.
Speaker 5 (34:18):
It's so funny because I'm being a peasant right now.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
I have to drive for myself, I have to cook
for myself.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
Should that is not being a peasant.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
I've been a peasant right now. I missed the good life,
the good life.
Speaker 5 (34:35):
I need to do anything. I had a call button chef,
can you make me this?
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Can?
Speaker 2 (34:41):
I don't give the people all the team supposed to give.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
Right now?
Speaker 5 (34:51):
The chat, Oh my goodness, y'all are hilarious.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
He's planning on find who that man is.
Speaker 5 (34:58):
Oh, they'll never find it, anybody, anybody.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
Mm hmmm.
I get in my weight, never out of my lane.
It's been like you one in the more one.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
So it is gonna be baby squad. We've been the
gol du running on us.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
That won't you need maybe, won't you keep me company?
Speaker 4 (00:18):
Give me felling the jube and I get on.
Speaker 5 (00:25):
Every humpday.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
We got Porsha Pete in the building, Sex Selects in
the building. Friends I miss, y'all. I know, listen, I'm
feeling better. Yes, I'm looking better, for sure, I'm feeling
(00:47):
so much better, y'all.
Speaker 5 (00:48):
I was so sick.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Oh my goodness, I was outside too much, y'all.
Speaker 6 (00:54):
I talked to Hill right before she got on that podcast,
and I said, what you do with your friend?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I said, you're gonna put a hat on? She said, yeah,
I put a hat on.
Speaker 6 (01:04):
And to my surprise, lo and behold, I look on
the internet and see my girl with the with the
flyaways with the friends was I said, My girl said
she don't feel good and she needs y'all to know.
Speaker 5 (01:17):
I had the hoodie on my head and I was like, no,
take it off. I'm like the hoodie look cute. No,
the hoodie everything. She was like this little bow peep.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
So lex was the culprit.
Speaker 5 (01:29):
Yes, I was liked.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
She was like, it look cute, put it down, let's
set me up.
Speaker 5 (01:36):
It wasn't a setup. That was that said, I ain't posting.
That's when I.
Speaker 6 (01:41):
Said nothing except I really did have a conversation with
her before she got on.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
I said, she didn't say that.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
I should have seen me looking with the cowboy hair.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
I was looking at hot mess. YEA probably thought something
was wrong with me, like I just came out of out.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Of a She was joking about the cowboys like a regular.
Oh she was a joking Okay, No.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
But what I can say is I was represented for
my job.
Speaker 5 (02:08):
Bad bitch, good mom. I was representing.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
I said a few sales and came through what I did.
My girl was wearing it. That's why the people in
my shop.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Yeah, anybody tell.
Speaker 6 (02:22):
You the influence of marketing doesn't work, because it does.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
And I love that you represent the brand, you represent
the business, pushing people what you had.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
To do today.
Speaker 6 (02:31):
I had a listing appointment today because I'm a real
professional type of bitch. I had to go to a
listing appointment. You know what I mean, coming soon about
to sell another house. Give me another coin.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yeah, I was working today.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
We're about to make us some money.
Speaker 6 (02:50):
I was in the field. Look at me, Andre, I
looked like a like a like a schoolgirl. And Mike,
he said, little uniform.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I'm like that uniform.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
You look like a little intern though, like you just
graduated from high school.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
This is probably like how old are you trying to
sell my house?
Speaker 6 (03:10):
Right?
Speaker 5 (03:11):
Do you know what you're doing? Ma'am?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Are you experienced to know?
Speaker 5 (03:13):
Do you know what I'm doing?
Speaker 6 (03:14):
I'm a real grown beautiful thank you, yes you do.
Speaker 5 (03:20):
So how was your weekend?
Speaker 3 (03:21):
How how it has y'all day been since we last communicated?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
But y'all just communicated on Monday?
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Yes, yeah, but you know elects me. She get a
lot done from Monday to wedds.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Okay, lex be slide. I won't know where lex LEXI
be slide. Sorry she did and low key with it.
It was yesterday.
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Just what you did?
Speaker 4 (03:46):
It was awesome and today was even great. Today is
my my wellness Wednesday. So I went to my nails one,
got my favorite flowers and just really just relaxed. Asada
requested a steak and I haven't had steak in over
twenty years, so but I can make a good one.
(04:08):
And so she's been like feeding for this steak and
you make chimmy cheery sauce with you.
Speaker 5 (04:14):
No, it doesn't need it.
Speaker 7 (04:16):
Oh okay, No, it's just a good in the cast
iron skillet, garlic, salt and pepper and some rosemary and
some you get the.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I think I'll sayen you cook in the steak before
like that, okay.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
And so she just loves it. And then she's so
she has steak and freez. So I just spent some
time with her. How do you let your sneak near nate?
No marinating at all?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
This is, oh hell, what happened when y'all be going
to these culinary schools. Y'all, don't take it back to
the old school and season the meat's Let.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Me tell you something.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
It's not about old school and season and the meat.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
It's about understanding the technique and just the whole fundamentals of.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
How they messing you up.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Please please tell Porscha what you said about your meat,
What you don't, what they don't, what they.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Teach you not to do?
Speaker 5 (05:13):
No more, they teach you not to wash like your chicken.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
Oh hell, the day of that's what we were taught
by it the day of or the day before, and
cook your meat.
Speaker 5 (05:25):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
So for the people who buy in bulk, don't wash
your chicken.
Speaker 5 (05:29):
Well, I mean they don't clean their chicken.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
You don't think that it tastes better like you don't.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
And I grew up.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
I grew up cleaning my chicken, your chicken.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
What you clean your chicken with?
Speaker 5 (05:43):
Who meat? A paper towel? What you clean your chicken
with a paper towel? No, I get. And that's how
I used. My mom used to do that too. She
used to like pull all my fat out.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
Yeah, I mean my mother in law boiling, scolding, hot water,
white vinegar, salt.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
Yeah, and we were splashing back and things all over
the place.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
But it's delicious, yeah it is.
Speaker 5 (06:20):
But you clean.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
You gotta clean your sink after. I don't be sloppy.
Speaker 5 (06:23):
It ain't like you clean it. But not everybody.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
I mean, at a at home chef has to take
precaution of wipes and making sure they're not transferring bacteria.
Speaker 5 (06:35):
I clean my meat in a bowl and that's that.
Speaker 6 (06:38):
And I don't clean it.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
But I mean I feel you, you know, everybody.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I mean, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I also, don't marinate steak.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
Yeah, you're not supposed. I don't marinate steak.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Don't I wait till it's room temperature because I don't.
I don't.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
There you go, that's the whole.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Booth.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Y'all gotta taste mysteak.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah, to taste your daddy's seak. I don't knowing about
your steak.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
But my state tastes just like my papa steak.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
And guess Papa Papa.
Speaker 5 (07:08):
Be marry named that steak. Everybody as good as hell.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Yes, my state tastes just like Dennis Rising.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Okay, well the jury is still out on that. We're
gonna have to see at holiday.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
You don't taste my cooking before?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Have I just never had a steak?
Speaker 5 (07:27):
So have y'all have y'all? Do y'all wash your steaks too? No, yeah,
I rent my steak.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
I have to rent everything because you Let me tell
you why, because no, no, I don't grounded.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
But let me tell you why I rents my steak.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Because you don't know what the butchers are doing back there.
When they back there handling to me, it could have
been nothing dropped on the floor.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You don't know.
Speaker 6 (07:57):
You want to know there's nothing like that clean that
four hundred and five hundred degrees.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
It was some hot grease.
Speaker 6 (08:06):
Tell me that you think the vinegar like for I'm
really cleaning my chicken because I really do think it
make it taste better.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
And that's the true.
Speaker 6 (08:11):
I'm not cleaning my chicken because I think that the
vinegar is going to get rid of something that the
pan won't. If the pan don't see it off, I
can assure you the lemon not.
Speaker 5 (08:21):
It's the thought of it will kill it. With the well,
we're gonna be extra killing it even before.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
I don't.
Speaker 5 (08:29):
I don't, I don't.
Speaker 6 (08:30):
I don't rent mysteak. I don't know about that. I
got to ask my mother in law about that. You know,
Caribbeans wash everything.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
I rinsed my steak and I patted dry with the
paper towel. But I'm not finna just take the steak
out of the pack and throw it and start throw
some season on it and cook it.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Well, I marinate steak.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
If I'm making like a carni asida and you want
to marinate it, or the kids love this community just
that I do, so, then I'm marinated in those seasons
and stuff.
Speaker 5 (08:57):
But other than that, No, do you.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Give us the culinary tips.
Speaker 6 (09:01):
I want to know what the people are saying.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
We need a boat.
Speaker 5 (09:08):
Do y'all wash y'all meet?
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Yes or no?
Speaker 5 (09:13):
We need to know do y'all wash y'all? Majority wash? Yes?
Majority people do wash their meat.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I'm getting what's wrong with the people who don't wash
their meat.
Speaker 4 (09:25):
Because they have some kind of culinary awareness because was
taught that way.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
She just called us some.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Understand I mean, you know if I wouldn't you know,
that's the whole point of going to culinary school to
get I love it, you know.
Speaker 5 (09:45):
No, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I just can't.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
I can't change tradition.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Even if I went to culinary school, I would still probably,
I know it ain't no, probably I would still wash
my meat.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Because their reason in it for not washing your meat
with national spreads.
Speaker 5 (10:04):
Spread bacteria, and because you know, food.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Is trace FBA contamination, and how you're supposed to keep
it refrigerator like refrigerated, all these things, you know, do you.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Think that it makes it taste better?
Speaker 6 (10:18):
Though, if you like let it sit in the vinegar
and you cut the little slits in it, and if.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
For sure, if that's the intended dish for it to be.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah, okay, so Portia you go, you're about to start
not washing your chicken.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
I can't do that. That lady hang me by my feet.
If you see me over there and trying to make
some chicken for her son and then grand son. I'm
looking silo. That's what Haitians called you when they think
you dirty. Silop. You're looking at me like this.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
If I would go in my grandma kitchen and my
mama and my grandma see me pulled some chicken out
of a pack of out of a pack, fresh out
of the pack and just throw it season it, throw
seasoning on the cooking, I will get the worst cursing
up and down that house, and they probably kicked my
ass and send me back down to Florida.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
Well, my family will receive it because they're just like,
lets you got it in, put it and we'll tear
it up.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Listen, my family from the stop they are country country.
Speaker 5 (11:25):
Yeah, anyways, I get it, my mama. Still, you know,
we don't even let everybody.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
We don't even eat from certain family members.
Speaker 5 (11:38):
We don't eat half the family cooking.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
We pay attention to who is in the kitchen everybody
can't come in the kitchen during the holidays.
Speaker 5 (11:46):
Because you be scratching your head.
Speaker 6 (11:48):
You do all this, y'all the chat not washing their meat?
Pause but wait what not washing the meat?
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Thank you chack. Because they they we're more educated and baking.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
We're breaking generational you know, traditions.
Speaker 5 (12:07):
I refuse to believe very much. It's really much from
you know, our.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
Caribbean and our black family members and such. That's what
we do. I grew up doing the exact same thing.
Washington meat, Washington meat that comes from just you know,
we'll take it back all the way to slavery. We
had to wash everything because we were giving the scraps,
so we had to make something out of nothing, you know,
so that becomes traditional. And then we in these households
(12:33):
and we just know that we got to get this meat,
we got to get it in bulk, we got to
freeze it, all these things.
Speaker 6 (12:39):
Yeah, you don't have to wash these that by a
fresh that day girl who is running to the grocery
store every day to get.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
A package before.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
Yeah, there's there's different standards of that's a lot spreading
and you know, just because if you think about it,
it goes from from the farms to be butchered, and
then you know, you know, the whole process distribution. So
the sooner you get your meat from the store and
(13:09):
you you should cook it.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Teach me something lix.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Yeah, so when you freeze it, it ain't you really, I
mean it's sometimes it's better to it if you know
you're not gonna eat it within a couple of days.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Okay, sexy les chef, chef girl arlets president lists. You
know I'm still gonna wash my chicken.
Speaker 5 (13:29):
I understand I have to. All right, let's get into it, y'all.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Our first topic today, lowering your expectations and dating soul
may are settling. Let's be real, Are our standards and
dating becoming so high that we're actually blocking love? The
current dating dating culture is full of checklists, six figure salary,
(13:57):
no kids, six two tall, darken hints, emotionally intelligent, well dressed,
good teeth, owns property, passport ready, and the list goes on.
For are these high expectations happen as found the one
or pushing potential soulmates away? Well, some women are starting
to wonder if I lowered my expectations, would I be
(14:17):
in a relationship by now yes, or would I just
be miserable with someone I settled for.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
I feel like there is power in possessing who you
are and what you're going to be able to bend
with and to match with somebody eventually, you know, the
we're here to love the human experiences, to love and
endure it, to.
Speaker 5 (14:38):
Give it, to raise it, to emboy it, embody it.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
So you know, the hopeless romantic in me is always like,
you know, let's connect, let's you know it's a free hell,
let's you know it's going to be this romantic you know,
cute meat, and you know there's real life. This is
not something you can read, you know, from a fairy
(15:02):
tale or watch it on Disney Channel, you know what
I mean. So like I just look at it, like,
if this person is meant to be with me, we're
gonna align, We're gonna have this.
Speaker 5 (15:11):
You know, I can see. I can see that I
want that connection.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
You know.
Speaker 5 (15:16):
It's not about the law and the standard.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
I feel like I want to encompass somebody that I
can reflect what I love to do, whether that's travel,
whether that's eating out, whether that's you know, knowing how
to raise children properly and surround them with certain things
and experiences. Like that's what I would see in somebody
that's a mate. Now, the standard of what certain people
(15:41):
have their bar, it should be some kind of wiggle room,
because some people are very you know, they can kind
of cap out or they don't want to change how
they are about certain things, whether they save, whether they're
more frugal, whether they aren't gonna leave a city.
Speaker 5 (15:56):
They're not gonna bend just these little these rules and pass.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
If you're a traveler, and I don't think you should compromise,
you know, if your mate is someone that should appreciate
your love and travel.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
You know.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
So like there's some non negotiables and then there's also
some like you can bend, like trying to make someone
that you really love be your match.
Speaker 5 (16:17):
I feel like that is the ultimate goal, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
So like it's okay to have some differences, but you
want to have a lot of like you want to
have a lot that you have in common that or
at least there's a sense of like I know who
she is, I know who he is, I know who
they are, and that's who they that's who that's what
they're gonna do that feels their passion, That makes them
a good spouse, that makes them makes them a good partner,
all these beautiful things. So I think we got to
(16:43):
like lay off of being super strict on what we expect,
you know, because we should be bringing that to the
table too, or giving some other strengths, you know what
I mean.
Speaker 5 (16:53):
So that's that's my take on that.
Speaker 6 (16:56):
And expectations the same thing, what you are. Standards and
expectations like the same thing. Expectations seems a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Fluid.
Speaker 6 (17:10):
Compromising standards seems very very I don't know, Like you
can't just expect for somebody to be tall. Either they
tall or they not, honestly, but if that's what you
need to be, then that's what I don't know. I
feel like either way, I agree with you lex people
need to be flexible. And I also think that people
(17:30):
who have too many standards are not even too many.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
But high.
Speaker 6 (17:36):
You know, if your standards are too high, I feel
like you're putting yourself in a situation.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
To where you're gonna stay single.
Speaker 5 (17:42):
Yeah, and that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
You're going to compromise, low key missing out on someone
just because you're like, they weren't all of this whole
list that I've been fantasizing about and reading about or
scrolling and seeing and just expecting it. We were putting
way too much pressure on each other, you know what
I mean, for the sake of like love or the
sake of just being lonely or alone. You know, are
(18:07):
a stand in this until this prince Charming.
Speaker 5 (18:09):
Comes out the way. You know, we're all guilty.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
Of like these, you knowful romantic matches, you know, if
those of us that are lucky to like experience that.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
But at the same time, you have to understand.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
The integrity of what you're really getting into, Like this
is serious, like this is this is like building families,
This is like connecting, and this is like sharing assets
and all these you know, it's a lot. So we
have to take that serious. So I get having certain
like this is what is.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
Quality.
Speaker 4 (18:40):
Yeah, this is what I see in this person. This
is what I'm praying on. This is something that is
very important to me. Yeah, you can stand on that
your spirituality or they're bringing in a certain amount of money,
or you want this kind of lifestyle, like you want
to travel, you want to do this you want those
kind of things you can really you know, set for yourself.
(19:00):
But at the same time that, yeah, there's more personal
things that we you know, we gotta start bending on,
you know again.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
But you know, one of the things that I got
out of the mindset of was looking at the looks first.
And I felt like every time, like I always had
a set. My type was tall, dark chocolate you got,
but I've got I don't look at that now now
that I'm you know, I'm I'm in a new situation.
(19:31):
He's the opposite of the tall chocolate, right. I mean
he got height to him, but I mean it's not
what you would normally see. Yeah, And I got to
instead of looking at the looks, you know, we had conversations,
We talked. I didn't know what the income was, what
this was, and know anything, I just met that person
as a person and it's just everything the connection was
(19:53):
there and everything, you know, is a line.
Speaker 5 (19:55):
And so I would say that a safe.
Speaker 6 (19:59):
Bet is stay open minded, because I would say when
I lived in la I looked at a restaurant and
I was there for like five or six years, but
I worked with all of these incredible women, beautiful women.
They were actresses, singers, producers, gorgeous women right, and they were,
you know, from the age of twenty one forty one,
you know what I mean, from different countries, Foreign women,
(20:20):
American women.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
It was easily like one of the best jobs I've
ever had.
Speaker 6 (20:24):
And I learned so much from all of those women
because we used to get off work and we sit
down with a glass of wine and.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
We would just talk. And there was a few.
Speaker 6 (20:32):
Of them, you know what I mean, who were very no, none,
very Oh. We went on a day. He didn't call
me the next day, he's done. Oh I text him this.
He didn't text me back. Da da da, Oh it's done.
All we went out to dinner, we had a conversation
and blah blah blah, and this happened.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Oh it's done.
Speaker 6 (20:47):
And it was just like they were like, you try it,
and you out the door. Shade no shade, Like they
still want person. Because if you have all of that stuff,
if you don't give people room, if you don't give
room for a man to show up, you will just
(21:09):
you end up just missing out on somebody simply because
you can't do something right that they didn't know they
were supposed to do. Right, And it's insane to think
that you're supposed to meet somebody and they're supposed to
know exactly how to treat you.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
It's different.
Speaker 5 (21:23):
You're just like a pressure.
Speaker 6 (21:24):
He needs to open doors, he needs to do this,
he needs to do that, blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
But everybody doesn't.
Speaker 5 (21:28):
Care about that.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
It sounds good. Yes, you want a man to open
doors and pull out chairs.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
They really not out something doing that and don't care.
Speaker 6 (21:36):
We go to a restaurant, Yeah, we vibe and I'm
gonna pull out my own chair and sit down. I
don't give a shit, you know, like, but some women,
for them, that's just like, it says a lot about
that guy, and it's I feel like it's unfair because
those things you don't know, they don't know how to
treat you until you tell him how to treat you.
And if you have these expectations that are uncommunicated, then
(21:59):
you're just gonna was out on somebody.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Who simply would have done it had he known he
was supposed.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
To exactly unexpected communicate what is it called.
Speaker 5 (22:09):
Dang?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
What's the word communicated expectations?
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Yeah, uncommunicated expectations. Yeah, that's what.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Well, how a lot of relationships and fail or you
overlook like like you said, he is because.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Of that, you don't know what what you.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
This person may not know what you want unless you
said and every relationship is different.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
That's why you got to lead it all out there.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
You can't expect someone to think and know everything that
you like and you want getting into a relation.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Communication is key for sure. That should definitely be number
one on the list. That should be the standard in
the expectation.
Speaker 5 (22:45):
Knowing how to please tell me how you feel and
let's talk about it.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Oh, I hate when somebody shut down. I cannot be
with someone who shut who just shuts down. I don't
like going to bed angry. I don't like never mind
when it pisses me off when we're having enough conversation, don't.
Speaker 5 (23:08):
Worry never mind.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
That's if you're the type that wants to like work
it out, then get out.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
And you're like, I don't care how what time we're
going to sleep, We need to don't worry about it,
never mind.
Speaker 6 (23:24):
Yeah, Like y'all are really just describing every woman and
then every man. Every woman is like we need to
talk about this, and every man is like, never mind.
Speaker 5 (23:33):
I don't want.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
Because they hate communicating a lot of.
Speaker 5 (23:38):
A lot of men hate to express themselves.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
That tone can be a little heavy too, Like you know,
when you say we need to talk about they're like
having flash.
Speaker 5 (23:46):
But I don't even be like that. I be like,
can we just talk about it?
Speaker 2 (23:51):
They hear the same thing.
Speaker 6 (23:52):
Sometimes I'll just be like, baby, and he knows, yeah, communicate.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Hey, babe, I don't he knows.
Speaker 5 (24:04):
I don't even have to say that.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
Because they always assuming it's gonna be some type of altercation,
which probably it is. You know, women how we are.
But I do not like arguing. I like to just
lay it out there. I don't like going to be angry.
I want to see how we can fix this issue
so we don't have to continue to go.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
To you know, depends dwell on it. But it's just like,
I don't know. With our men, they do not like
to communicate.
Speaker 5 (24:33):
Nobody ever talk about it's getting better.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Though you think it's getting better, and you think it's
swing hard in the other direction.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
I think I think it's getting better just because we again,
we are having more resources at the palm of our hands,
and and I feel like our generations are understanding that
they should be talking to therapists, they should be talking
it out, they should be figuring things out, they should
be searching things out.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
So it's like.
Speaker 4 (25:00):
Becoming very much like our children. That's the first thing
they want to do is soak up so much energy
because they're able to search for it that there's low
key spelling. They're lokey, you know, like they're trying to understand.
So I look at it like our children are more
informed than we were because we would have to like
get to a library and go find the encyclopedias and
(25:23):
then look for the s and knowing that it's only
like two s's right, the ones checked out, the one
you need to look up snakes is gone. So like
they're able to access so much information and so much,
you know, a quicker amount of time.
Speaker 5 (25:37):
So you know, I just think it's.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
I think we still have a long way to go.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
We do have a long way to go. We have
a long way to go.
Speaker 6 (25:45):
But I do also agree that people are just black
men specifically, are getting more comfortable talking about their feelings
and being open to therapy and stuff.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
But you need that think to swing.
Speaker 6 (25:56):
Too hard in another direction, because people go to therapy,
they start DYINGO and themselves. They start leaning, they start
leaning on the chronic ADHD and it's like we're just
feeding everyone's narcissism because you go and you sit down
with somebody and you talk about yourself for an hour,
and you do all the time.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
I just think, you.
Speaker 4 (26:16):
Know what I mean, it's exercise. It's definitely exercise. It's
like practicing for everything else.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
You know, Yeah, you got to go often?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Do we have to go to therapy often though?
Speaker 3 (26:27):
That's but therapy doesn't have to be sitting and sitting
to hear a third person diagnose you with all.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
This time, not even diagnosed you.
Speaker 6 (26:37):
Just really sometimes I feel like therapists just reaffirm you,
and they just they I mean, if you are, if
you're the type of person that's walking around, you're not
really feeling validated in your experience, in your relationships or
in your life. I mean, I've been to a therapist,
I've been to marriage counseling, I've been to a therapist
on my own, and I can't think of one thing.
(26:58):
I know that I'm awesome, but he agreed with everything
I said, and I know that I'm always right, but damn.
Speaker 5 (27:07):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
And I was like, are we paying you to agree
with me? Because this feels too good. I feel validated
right now.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
Well, they're just.
Speaker 4 (27:16):
Going off of clinical research obviously and trying to help
you understand your brain.
Speaker 5 (27:22):
That's all it is.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
It's just them spending more time with helping us translate
what we got going on. We are a lot of
us are fucked up lack of lack of, lack of
better words, the trauma.
Speaker 5 (27:34):
So it's like now of trying to understand, like who
am I? Why do I do this? How can I
be a better person?
Speaker 4 (27:42):
How can I be a better husband, wife, child, mother, father,
co parent?
Speaker 5 (27:47):
All these things?
Speaker 4 (27:47):
Coworker, Yeah, because we have to all intertwine with each other.
Speaker 5 (27:51):
So, like you know, that's why that's therapy. That's why
you still.
Speaker 4 (27:55):
Understand what's going on with you. People are really trying
to understand their their being.
Speaker 5 (28:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
I feel like the best communication and the best therapy
is wants you and your partner sit there and allow
each other to understand each other, get to know each
other and express how you feel and learn each other
because a third party can listen to what you say
all the time. You forget sometime you're dating a narcissists
and they can tell that therapist what they want you
(28:23):
to hear, and it's not the real them. So it's
just understanding who you are and your partner and y'all
communicate it out.
Speaker 5 (28:33):
I just I don't know you.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Something about a couple therapy.
Speaker 6 (28:35):
Couple therapy is not it's not the jam if you're
not willing to be completely honest.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
And that's the thing.
Speaker 6 (28:43):
For women are more likely to go into a situation
and want to lay it all out because they really
do want the help. But the way that a man
is set up and rightfully so, he don't really want
his business. And you know what I mean, it's embarrassing.
It's embarras seems probably more embarrassing for them than it
is for us because we're just wired differently. So for
(29:04):
you to sit down in front of a therapist and
tell them the problem that you're having with your spouse
and you're talking about his weaknesses, his shortcomings, get wrong,
and if you can't be completely honest, you're not going
to get anywhere. But then I also very much believe
in the problems that we have in our house need
to be as long as they're not like detrimental to
our health or our.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Well being, you know what I mean.
Speaker 6 (29:26):
Like whatever we're dealing with, we just need to deal
with that because we can and we have the tools
to deal with it. But I do feel like it's
very difficult for men to give people their business because
they have a lot of pride and equal and sit
down tell a stranger essentially what they're not doing right,
(29:47):
what they're doing wrong.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
That's hard for anybody, especially.
Speaker 5 (29:52):
Say it's hard for anyone.
Speaker 6 (29:54):
Yeah, that's difficult, And I found that. I think the
the therapy did help us for that particular situation because
it's crazy how it made me understand him more and
made just maybe just hearing it from somebody else, he
explained it. He's like, you know what, Well, he's a boxer,
(30:16):
so this is how his brain is working. And he
really explained it, like Andre approaches everything like a fight,
not like he wants to fight, but he approaches everything
like he's going into a fight. So he has to
train for it, he prepares for it, he's watching film
on it, he's dissecting it.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 6 (30:34):
So he really explained to me, like why at the
time he was acting the way he was acting, and
I was like, okay, So it helped in that regard.
But for me, I didn't want to like give too
much information because I didn't want to offend Andre by,
you know, saying everything.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
That I thought, you know, because I was like, I
got to.
Speaker 6 (30:55):
Go home with him and he's gonna be looking at
me like I cannot believe you said that, bitch.
Speaker 5 (30:59):
Whyn't you right? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
I think it helps, but then it doesn't help.
Speaker 5 (31:05):
I do think what everything practice makes perfect?
Speaker 4 (31:08):
Right, So just the more you go, if you have
these issues or and then you can you can scale
back to you know, the therapist will be like, all right,
you know you've reached that peak.
Speaker 5 (31:20):
You've done that you can cross. Don't nobody do they
want to check? They want that that's true.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Okay, this is a good question.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Have you ever regretted turning someone down because they weren't
enough at the time you met them?
Speaker 5 (31:39):
Ever regretted like you passed up on something. No, No,
I don't have any regrets for that. No, No, we
overlooked someone.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Have you answered the question for yes.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
I regretted turning someone down because they weren't enough. I
wouldn't say they weren't enough. I probably would say I
regret it not getting to know someone m because because
I overlooked, I was looking at the wrong things at
the time, Like you notice now I don't look at
(32:15):
what I'm attracted to first.
Speaker 5 (32:18):
Hm hmm.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
So yeah, I would say I.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Have We're gonna talk when we get off the podcast.
I'm trying to see who you're talking.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Why see who you at.
Speaker 5 (32:30):
That you knows.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
And you're gonna tell me I'm you know, you know, girl?
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Shut up?
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Cause someone who doesn't need your physical type become your
favorite partner. Yeah, yeah, that's the situation now, Like I
feel like the person who I'm talking to now, he
could be my favorite party.
Speaker 6 (32:57):
She's gushing, I like this ship. This might be the
third time shooting brought him up. Let me, let's change
Let's I don't want to change the subject because you
was just like, I mean.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
If I ever meet somebody and I'm sitting there looking
at you, but you met somebody, but it's okay. But
let's say now we're in a space where.
Speaker 5 (33:19):
Look look at like this Portia.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
I got that car?
Speaker 5 (33:25):
He was like.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
In that accent, don't you now hold up. I didn't
even it would take accent.
Speaker 5 (33:34):
Don't get too much single, He'll say.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
So he straightened you. But look at you over there,
you got your chin.
Speaker 5 (33:48):
I was like, it wasn't like that. It wasn't like that.
Speaker 6 (33:50):
I would say, last stomach and feet you over there, Yeah,
because I just feel.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Like the guy.
Speaker 5 (33:57):
Stomach and look with the court with the corner around. Uh.
I love him.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
We've crossed the threshold. You see, you see how things
are progressing. I like this.
Speaker 5 (34:12):
Listen, I'm in the ghetto.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
I told Lex, I said, I'll be back living a
good life in a few more days.
Speaker 5 (34:18):
It's so funny because I'm being a peasant right now.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
I have to drive for myself, I have to cook
for myself.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
Should that is not being a peasant.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
I've been a peasant right now. I missed the good life,
the good life.
Speaker 5 (34:35):
I need to do anything. I had a call button chef,
can you make me this?
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Can?
Speaker 2 (34:41):
I don't give the people all the team supposed to give.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
Right now?
Speaker 5 (34:51):
The chat, Oh my goodness, y'all are hilarious.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
He's planning on find who that man is.
Speaker 5 (34:58):
Oh, they'll never find it, anybody, anybody.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
Mm hmmm.
Host
Shannon Sharpe
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