June 24, 2025 • 26 mins
Sharelle, Alexis & Ashley discuss the new trend of therapy language in relationships and the misuse of therapy language to manipulate. Later, they read a special Humble Baddies Mailbag from Alexis' secret admirer.
01:40 - Therapy-Talking Narcissists
12:00 - Friendship Expiration Dates
22:52 - Humble Baddies Mailbag
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Like get in my way, never out of my Name's
like you one and the more one so is gonna
be baby squad? All right now? It sounds to get
into it. Actually you want to lead it. The heal
man or he didn't feel red flails men or hidden
red flags. The rise of the therapy talking narcissists. Ill.
(00:21):
I agree. Every man knows his attachment style that's boundaries
and uses words like emotional labor and triggered. On the surface,
it sounds like growth, but look a little deeper, and
some of them are using healing languid language as manipulation tools.
I'm not toxic, I'm just self aware. Has become the
(00:43):
new gas like anthem. It's no longer the aggressive bread
flags we have. We have to watch out for it.
It's a softly spoken, ted talk performing men with no
accountability but perfect vocabulary. I can't standon They all oa
Instagram too. So what's the difference between a man who's
(01:04):
actually healing and one who's just rehearsing. I think it's
the ones that are really showing it in real life,
the ones that are really saying and being accountable, like, look,
this didn't work for me before, but this is working
for me now and really showing it, you know what
I mean, Like you still have that energy of like
(01:26):
you know, heaviness or resentment, and it's still coming out
in your dialogue. We can see that. We can see
that you're not in a hill space. If you're speaking
on manifesting, if you're speaking on therapy, if you're speaking
on change behavior, if you're speaking on right journaling, if
you're speaking on just all these improvements, that sits better
(01:48):
with us, you know what I mean? I feel like
that gives us a sense of peace. And you are
what you attract, You reflect what you attract as well.
So like I just look at it like like this.
If you are in a space and you still are
being ultra masculine and very much like entitled and I
run this way, then you're gonna you're gonna reflect and
(02:10):
really absorb that energy and it's to turn off. And
it's only very it's very much temporary until the lady
or whoever your partner is is gonna fill you out
and realize that this ain't worth it, you know, because
you don't know what they're dealing with too. You don't
know what their growth is and their boundaries because you know,
and then it's gonna be a lot of people that
(02:32):
are you know men in general, that are just gonna
be less lonely and just gonna always be constantly going
through a cycle of women and constantly being used and
using others. That's not a hill space. Yes, the pattern,
you know, the rehearse God, they gonna talk the good game.
They gonna talk the talk. They gonna tell you what
you want to hear, but their actions are not gonna change.
(02:53):
They're gonna continue. They're gonna go from relationship to relationship.
They're gonna gas like you. They're gonna they go the
love bum you. They gonna say whatever, give you the world.
The first six three to six months, oh you know,
ho heat the man and them actions don't baby, that
mask don't come off. Then you're gonna be in the
(03:14):
same psycho as Swanda Antimika person. But the person that
is here, they gonna take full accountability and you're gonna
see changes within them. Mhmm. Yeah. And it shows. It
shows in that patterns, the behaviors and and and really
in service, access, service, acts of kindness, all these things
(03:37):
you'll see the difference. And that's what you want, you
ultimately want to attract, especially what you prayed your way
out of. You want to attract that better. You want
to attract bountiful, You want to attract abundance. You know.
But it just it just sucks because you know, and
this goes for me and and with me, you get
too grown. Like at some point you should not just
(03:59):
talk the talk. You should not want to continue to
repeat the same cycle like men, right, is it enough?
I feel like men that pray when women in this
way though, I feel like they use like the terminology
and they use like they're just good talkers. They know
what to say, and women fall for it, like they
(04:22):
really fall for this talk. And I feel like as
long as women fall for it, they're going to keep
doing it, you know what I mean. Like they're even
just looking on Instagram and you know the influx of
men in podcasts, you know, and them talking about women
and their issues and stuff. It's like they have so
(04:43):
much to say and they say it like they have
it all figured out, and a lot of them have
a lot of big like female following because it sounds
good to them. I don't know, it resonates with them.
It's like they feel seen or something. But I feel
like they're praying on those women, and and women are
falling for and I'm just like, y'all, how are y'all
(05:05):
falling for this? How are y'all falling for this? Don't
y'all say the repeated cycle of this person? Yeah? Outside
of the podcasts, Yeah, it's crazy, it's crazy. So have
you ever been emotionally finessed by a conscious man? Oh? No,
(05:29):
I have. Well, I'm sure we both have. Actually only
we have shrill y'all, but the same person as Yeah. No,
just I've been definitely finessed by a conscious you know. Yeah.
(05:52):
And then once once I leaned into my own understanding
and my power, you know what I mean, it wasn't
tainted by the blindness of whatever. I was like, yeah,
you know what, fraud alert, fraud alert, But you know,
you're not actually believing he was conscious that you were
(06:13):
being you know, just change behavior, like thinking that you
know he's changed, or thinking that he is this woke
person and knowledgeable. And then once I really sat and
watched and listened, your actions were not aligning with what
you're what you were presenting. You know, you'll be very
holy one day and then you're very deceitful. The next
(06:34):
like that doesn't add up to me. And when you
are you know, conscious, and when you're woke and when
you are aligned, you know what I mean, Like, it's
about you know your fellow people, it's about how you
treat others, it's how you walk, like you talk. It
like it has to all align. And then when you
are also spiritually connected, and when you are know who
(06:56):
you are, then you're gonna start to filter out all
the bullshit, you know what I mean? Have time for that?
And yeah, like it becomes deceitful, It becomes like a cloak.
And it works for some people, the ones who are
naive and the unwoke, but it won't work for the
ones that are conscious. No, Okay, So how do we
protect ourselves from spiritual manipulation and relationship? For me, my
(07:24):
biggest thing was, you know, after I got out of
my last relationship, I did self reflecting on my own
self and you know, I prayed, I fast and I
asked God to open up my ears, my eyes, my
heart and my mind and protect me from what's not
meant for me. Change what I attract, like I want
(07:46):
something I want? I want something different. I'm getting older,
break whatever cycle it is that that I have within me,
and break it and change it. I want to attract
something that that is loving, that it's pure, that wants
me for me. So those were things that I asked for.
I asked for self reflection. I didn't blame it on anyone,
(08:09):
you know. I forgave and I moved on and I
did self reflection within myself and have God to give
me a clear thought process when I started dating again, Yeah,
I love that. And for me, it was like, I
agree with you, Charille, it was it was very similar
(08:30):
to me. It was really just like, let me take
the time for myself, like now, because I'm a nurturing
and giving person, especially when I'm in a relationship, I
commit to them holy and I almost forget who I am.
Sometimes I can get caught up in like catering and
nurturing and feeding and just you know, engulfing my energy
into this person. And I have realized now, like you, Charille,
(08:54):
like I'm praying for that person that sees me and
that is there to like really match my energy. And
I'm saying match meaning like understand who I am and
I understand who they are, and we both can be
at peace separately but at peace together. We are both
have this joy, we both have this like these goals
separately and together. I feel like it's just extremely important
(09:18):
for that for us to be in that space. You know,
I don't want to change. I don't want any want
to change me. I don't want to change anybody, you know.
I just really just want to be in a space
of understanding who they are. And so I just think
that we we When you get to a certain space,
like you know, of heartbreak and heart like you know, abundance,
(09:41):
you can start to really understand exactly what you want
to attract. And it does come to space when you
do have to go through, unfortunately heartbreak to understand what
you know you're, what you expect, and what you want
because you also now know what you don't want. You know,
who wants to go through that over and over? And
(10:01):
I think about it. You know, it takes you have
to self reflect because you can continue to con to
repeat the same cycle with the same type of man
over and over. And you know, until you're able to
have self reflection and want change, nothing's going to happen.
Until you want change within yourself. So thank God, we
(10:24):
can we can see. We can see clean now, I
could see clearly now God, Praise God. Want me do it?
Are y'all want to move on? Seventy three? Guess which
is friendship and expiration dates? Loyalty, guilt and letting go
(10:48):
Outgrowing friends is one of the most silent heartbreaks when
in face, you love them but you no longer relate.
You've evolved, but they're still gossiping, draining, or low key competing.
And because we fear being labeled fake, we say friendships
that feel more like emotional obligations. But here's the thing,
(11:09):
loyalty with that alignment turns into resentment, and not everyone
from your past deserves access to your presence. So, ladies,
I'm gonna ask this, have you ever stayed friends with
someone because you didn't know how to leave? Yeah? I'm
(11:29):
not the type of person though that like cuts people off,
Like I'm not that girl, Like I'm not like a
I just don't move like that, you know what I mean.
But I do think I've stayed friends with people that
you know, our friendship should have ended a long time ago,
(11:51):
but I kind of let things just play out on
their own. You know what I mean. I feel like
the way I'm moved once, you know, I realized that
their place in my life is no longer, you know, appropriate,
I just kind of, you know, I'm moving that way,
like I'm still you know, I'm still leave. But I
feel like they can kind of catch a hint like
(12:13):
this is not the same. I'm not a like I
set boundaries, you know, and I think they kind of
just feel like it's no longer a friendship anymore, you
know what I mean. But I know that people do
do the whole cough thing, but I just I just
could never do that because I don't like if, like,
somebody cut me off before, and I don't like, I
(12:35):
don't like how that feels. So I just can't do
that to nobody else. I'm the same way Ashley and
I treated like this. I was always taught like I
don't I talk to my friends who are so quick
to cut up a female friend office as long as
(12:57):
they haven't crossed the boundary where they're sleeping with their
mail or doing something that's just below the belt. I've
witnessed some females cut friends off over the pettiest things,
and it's like girl this man, I did this, this, this, this,
and this, and you're still like, why is it so
easy to cut a female friend off? But but you
(13:18):
won't cut that person off. So that's how I look
at it. And I'm not the type I let I
let it get to a point where it's okay. If
this person keep on crossing these boundaries and you know,
we talk on it, We speak on it. If you
have not changed, then okay, it's best that we just
go our separate ways. I've outgrown you, so you know,
(13:41):
we just move apart. But to a point where just
being friends and didn't know how to leave it, I
know how to exit. If it gets to a point
where it becomes draining it and toxic and exhausted, I
do at least give them a chance, you know, to change. Yeah. Yeah,
I don't cut anybody off immediately either. I'm a lover,
(14:05):
and I understand that people go through, you know, seasons
and things like that. But I also know that not
everybody's supposed to go with you into different seasons of
your life as well, you know, and I so respectfully,
I know that if you do something very disrespectful to
me and there's no remorse and it's just the same
(14:27):
patterns and the same behavior. This is who you are,
and it's now up to me if I want to
be dealing with this type of person. And nine times
out of ten, I'm not, just because it's not conducient
to my growth and to where I'm where I'm headed.
So I just don't want to take those people with me. Now,
if I see you outside whatever, it might be a
(14:49):
high what's up, whatever, but you're not getting into my space.
You're not getting into my personal era, or you're not
going to feel none of this anymore because you lost
that privilege. So but you have you have to do
something very disrespectful that doesn't align with my values for
me to cut you off. Other than that, I'm gonna
still be like what's up? Because you know this, we
(15:10):
we run in a lot of different circles and so
like they can be in the same vicinity, they can
still be invited, and it's like it's just gonna be
like whatever, I'm not gonna cut up, I'm not gonna
cause a scene, but I know that I'm not gonna
also give you my energy either. Yeah, I mean, people
see can be a part of your life for a season,
and I can respectfully let you go and be great
(15:31):
somewhere else. I'm truly say I didn't know you before.
I ain't got the baby out. Y'all know the little
kids that act up you in the in the in
the choir saying, and then you see your child act
up and you give them that look like I'm a beeful.
That's what I'm doing to generate. Get out? What's he doing?
(15:51):
He just here and just attention Instagram and see in
my day pay boy, get out? Oh he wants you
to parent right now? Extra so extra, bring me that
I'm over so you can play with bro. I'm about
to bring him over for the rest of the summer.
(16:16):
Care that's trying. Okay, you can go play with Uncle
field Boy. Go to your house. Go to your house, y'all.
What are some of the signs of friendship has expired?
Even if there's no drama, I feel like it's nobody's
checking on each other, y'all. Don't you know? Communicate? Communication
(16:38):
is off. It feels weird when you do talk. Yeah,
Like I feel like it's all about the vibe because
you know some friends, you know, if it's a good friend,
y'all can go month without talking and then once y'all
get on the phone or y'all fee each other, it's
like it, y'all ain't skipped the beat. And you know, right,
if you haven't talked with some money and it's a
little weird vibe, you know, then yeah it's probably done.
(17:04):
And yeah, it doesn't always have to be you know, drama,
it's just the vibe is different now, yes, well your thoughts, no,
that's the same. I feel like with with most of
the time. Like if y'all just completely stop checking on
(17:27):
each other, stop talking, stop communicating, y'all see each other
in public, and y'all just there's nothing there. It's time
to move on. The friendship is It's just it is
what it is. Leaves do grow and leaves do fall,
and then they get removed. Yeah, is it better a
(17:48):
ghost fade or have a grown woman sit down before
y'all a grown woman sit down. I don't ever, like
Ashley said before, I don't ever want to be in
a situation where I'm in with someone and then we
just you stop communicating with me and I don't know why,
because then they're no closure or there could be something
(18:10):
that I'm doing wrong and you never told me so
bothering you that I think that's bothering you. But if
you come me correct like a grown woman, we can
sit down and talk about it. And I cauldel like, Okay,
I'm sorry, I'm not calling you. I'll just be calling
from a bitch. I'm sorry exactly like you may not.
(18:32):
I feel like you should have that conversation. I don't
like when people just cut people off and there's no
no closure, no communication, nothing. It's just like, come on,
we're too grown for this. Yeah, ghosting is very much,
but you know why a lot of people go this
because they don't know how to communicate, and then it's
like they're thinking one thing and then they're like, oh
(18:54):
well baby and Patty, they're not talking to me no more.
So then it's like a bunch of the communication on
both sides now because you was in your feelings about
something and you never communicated in the first place. So
it's all about communication. And I feel like, you know, also,
we have to be able to understand like sometimes friends
(19:16):
need spaith and you can't think it personal and people
go through me. And also if you need space, if
you're a friend that needs space, you can't be upset
when that friend gives you space and you know what
I mean, Like, it's right. Everybody has to put on
their big girl pennies, you know what I mean. Everybody
has to be accountable for their part in the friendship.
(19:36):
And stop thinking stuff personal. Stop being patty. You know,
we're grown up and it's fine if we're gonna be
friends and be friends. If we're not, we're not right, right,
that's true? All right now, we got to get into
our humble baddest man. Hem. I want to read this
(19:59):
one right then read it. Read it. Alexis Secret at Mine.
Oh that's the title. They're humble back. Much respect to
all three of y'all. I listen to listen every week,
(20:22):
not just for laughs in the miss but because it's
rare to hear black women speak so freely, so powerfully
and still keep it soft and soulful. That's healing in itself.
But if I'm being real, this message is for Alexis.
(20:43):
I've been with strong women before, built with them, learn
from them, and sometimes broke with them too. I'm at
a point in my life where I don't chase chaos.
I choose peace, growth, and a woman who knows who
she is, even when the world tries to tell her
other ways. Alexis, that's how you come off to me
(21:05):
with grace, but you don't bite your tongue. You hold
your but you don't hold back and that laugh. Mmm
mm hmmm. Yeah. Yeah. It stayed in my head long,
(21:27):
and I say, if my head longer than I expected.
I ain't writing this mail for Cloud. I'm writing it
because in a world full of noise, you stand out.
You are the type of woman of strow Man scenes,
(21:49):
not just looks at. So maybe one day you'll read
this and smell, or maybe you'll roll your eyes and
keep it moving. Either way, I just wanted to shoot
to know a real one's watching. Chris Anthony from New York. Okay, Anthony,
Anthony got some lyrics, Anthony got some bar Anthony. Who
(22:12):
what's your call number? We need to call Anthony Anthony, sir,
if you're watching, if you watch this clip, please and
mocks us. We would love for you and Alexis to
meet up so y'all can go on a date. Thank you.
A nice gentleman. He pays in his head, stay in
(22:33):
his head alone, Anthony. I'm I'm flattered. Thank you so
much for watching the Humble batties and really listening. You know,
I do take pride in being graceful, I really do.
But it's I'm authentic. It is what you see is
what you get, and I do seek my mind. This
(22:55):
is a lot of growth, This is a lot of therapy,
This is a lot of just really sitting in my
assense of who I am. So I love to be seen.
So thank you so much for seeing me. And I'm
grateful that my spirit translates, you know, over you know,
Wi Fi, I should say, and streaming devices, so I
appreciate that. So yeah, Anthony, what's up? How you doing?
(23:21):
But thank you so much. I am again, I'm flatter.
I'm like, you know, it's always amazing to get a compliment,
So shout out to Anthony for real. You know you
sound like a real New Yorker. You know what I'm
saying that they really are just very like yeah, it's
like very much like, Look this is I see what
(23:42):
I like. I like what I see. What's up? And
just giving that admiration because you know, it's hard, you
know what I mean, being a single woman and and
and in general you want to be seeing any woman
in general, any man in general wants to be seen,
wants to be heard, and so thank you for really
seeing me. So I appreciate you, and thanks Cherrelle for
(24:06):
that voice, you know, of the commotation commentary, and you
know giving us that dialogue and such a very you know,
poetic and romantic way. I appreciate that. Anthony wouldn't have
wanted me to read it any any other way. You
see that Anthony is sliding them damns. I'm sure Anthony,
(24:28):
go ahead sliding them dams because that's where you find me.
Thanke sure you check your spam and the other inboxes.
I'm great. Well, thank you so much Anthony for the
Humble Daddy's mail since I'm the topic of conversation, ladies.
(24:51):
But no, that was a good episode. How fun? How
fun is this? Can we change the subject now? Anthony
got it? Linx some of that blushing hoorray, Anthony, you
can find Lix. I'm sure you already know where he
can find you, but go ahead and remind him. You
(25:13):
can find me at Alexis Underscore Stotamyre on Instagram or
on humble Batties, you know, through the Humble Batties mail. Now,
I guess that's what we're doing. Make sure you said
a nice picture when you reach out, all right, Anthony? Yeah?
And where can they find you all? You can find
(25:34):
me at Charrell Risotto Underscore, Charille Risotto on Twitter and
on X I'm Sorry and Snapchat, Charill dot Risotto, I'm
Ashtree Nicole on Instagram and Ashtree underspur and Icle on
snap and anything else. Thank y'all so much for tuning
in to another episode of the Humble Batty. Please write
(25:55):
us again at contact at humble baddies dot com and
with guys next week, and make sure y'all subscribe Humble
Batties podcast
Like get in my way, never out of my Name's
like you one and the more one so is gonna
be baby squad? All right now? It sounds to get
into it. Actually you want to lead it. The heal
man or he didn't feel red flails men or hidden
red flags. The rise of the therapy talking narcissists. Ill.
(00:21):
I agree. Every man knows his attachment style that's boundaries
and uses words like emotional labor and triggered. On the surface,
it sounds like growth, but look a little deeper, and
some of them are using healing languid language as manipulation tools.
I'm not toxic, I'm just self aware. Has become the
(00:43):
new gas like anthem. It's no longer the aggressive bread
flags we have. We have to watch out for it.
It's a softly spoken, ted talk performing men with no
accountability but perfect vocabulary. I can't standon They all oa
Instagram too. So what's the difference between a man who's
(01:04):
actually healing and one who's just rehearsing. I think it's
the ones that are really showing it in real life,
the ones that are really saying and being accountable, like, look,
this didn't work for me before, but this is working
for me now and really showing it, you know what
I mean, Like you still have that energy of like
(01:26):
you know, heaviness or resentment, and it's still coming out
in your dialogue. We can see that. We can see
that you're not in a hill space. If you're speaking
on manifesting, if you're speaking on therapy, if you're speaking
on change behavior, if you're speaking on right journaling, if
you're speaking on just all these improvements, that sits better
(01:48):
with us, you know what I mean? I feel like
that gives us a sense of peace. And you are
what you attract, You reflect what you attract as well.
So like I just look at it like like this.
If you are in a space and you still are
being ultra masculine and very much like entitled and I
run this way, then you're gonna you're gonna reflect and
(02:10):
really absorb that energy and it's to turn off. And
it's only very it's very much temporary until the lady
or whoever your partner is is gonna fill you out
and realize that this ain't worth it, you know, because
you don't know what they're dealing with too. You don't
know what their growth is and their boundaries because you know,
and then it's gonna be a lot of people that
(02:32):
are you know men in general, that are just gonna
be less lonely and just gonna always be constantly going
through a cycle of women and constantly being used and
using others. That's not a hill space. Yes, the pattern,
you know, the rehearse God, they gonna talk the good game.
They gonna talk the talk. They gonna tell you what
you want to hear, but their actions are not gonna change.
(02:53):
They're gonna continue. They're gonna go from relationship to relationship.
They're gonna gas like you. They're gonna they go the
love bum you. They gonna say whatever, give you the world.
The first six three to six months, oh you know,
ho heat the man and them actions don't baby, that
mask don't come off. Then you're gonna be in the
(03:14):
same psycho as Swanda Antimika person. But the person that
is here, they gonna take full accountability and you're gonna
see changes within them. Mhmm. Yeah. And it shows. It
shows in that patterns, the behaviors and and and really
in service, access, service, acts of kindness, all these things
(03:37):
you'll see the difference. And that's what you want, you
ultimately want to attract, especially what you prayed your way
out of. You want to attract that better. You want
to attract bountiful, You want to attract abundance. You know.
But it just it just sucks because you know, and
this goes for me and and with me, you get
too grown. Like at some point you should not just
(03:59):
talk the talk. You should not want to continue to
repeat the same cycle like men, right, is it enough?
I feel like men that pray when women in this
way though, I feel like they use like the terminology
and they use like they're just good talkers. They know
what to say, and women fall for it, like they
(04:22):
really fall for this talk. And I feel like as
long as women fall for it, they're going to keep
doing it, you know what I mean. Like they're even
just looking on Instagram and you know the influx of
men in podcasts, you know, and them talking about women
and their issues and stuff. It's like they have so
(04:43):
much to say and they say it like they have
it all figured out, and a lot of them have
a lot of big like female following because it sounds
good to them. I don't know, it resonates with them.
It's like they feel seen or something. But I feel
like they're praying on those women, and and women are
falling for and I'm just like, y'all, how are y'all
(05:05):
falling for this? How are y'all falling for this? Don't
y'all say the repeated cycle of this person? Yeah? Outside
of the podcasts, Yeah, it's crazy, it's crazy. So have
you ever been emotionally finessed by a conscious man? Oh? No,
(05:29):
I have. Well, I'm sure we both have. Actually only
we have shrill y'all, but the same person as Yeah. No,
just I've been definitely finessed by a conscious you know. Yeah.
(05:52):
And then once once I leaned into my own understanding
and my power, you know what I mean, it wasn't
tainted by the blindness of whatever. I was like, yeah,
you know what, fraud alert, fraud alert, But you know,
you're not actually believing he was conscious that you were
(06:13):
being you know, just change behavior, like thinking that you
know he's changed, or thinking that he is this woke
person and knowledgeable. And then once I really sat and
watched and listened, your actions were not aligning with what
you're what you were presenting. You know, you'll be very
holy one day and then you're very deceitful. The next
(06:34):
like that doesn't add up to me. And when you
are you know, conscious, and when you're woke and when
you are aligned, you know what I mean, Like, it's
about you know your fellow people, it's about how you
treat others, it's how you walk, like you talk. It
like it has to all align. And then when you
are also spiritually connected, and when you are know who
(06:56):
you are, then you're gonna start to filter out all
the bullshit, you know what I mean? Have time for that?
And yeah, like it becomes deceitful, It becomes like a cloak.
And it works for some people, the ones who are
naive and the unwoke, but it won't work for the
ones that are conscious. No, Okay, So how do we
protect ourselves from spiritual manipulation and relationship? For me, my
(07:24):
biggest thing was, you know, after I got out of
my last relationship, I did self reflecting on my own
self and you know, I prayed, I fast and I
asked God to open up my ears, my eyes, my
heart and my mind and protect me from what's not
meant for me. Change what I attract, like I want
(07:46):
something I want? I want something different. I'm getting older,
break whatever cycle it is that that I have within me,
and break it and change it. I want to attract
something that that is loving, that it's pure, that wants
me for me. So those were things that I asked for.
I asked for self reflection. I didn't blame it on anyone,
(08:09):
you know. I forgave and I moved on and I
did self reflection within myself and have God to give
me a clear thought process when I started dating again, Yeah,
I love that. And for me, it was like, I
agree with you, Charille, it was it was very similar
(08:30):
to me. It was really just like, let me take
the time for myself, like now, because I'm a nurturing
and giving person, especially when I'm in a relationship, I
commit to them holy and I almost forget who I am.
Sometimes I can get caught up in like catering and
nurturing and feeding and just you know, engulfing my energy
into this person. And I have realized now, like you, Charille,
(08:54):
like I'm praying for that person that sees me and
that is there to like really match my energy. And
I'm saying match meaning like understand who I am and
I understand who they are, and we both can be
at peace separately but at peace together. We are both
have this joy, we both have this like these goals
separately and together. I feel like it's just extremely important
(09:18):
for that for us to be in that space. You know,
I don't want to change. I don't want any want
to change me. I don't want to change anybody, you know.
I just really just want to be in a space
of understanding who they are. And so I just think
that we we When you get to a certain space,
like you know, of heartbreak and heart like you know, abundance,
(09:41):
you can start to really understand exactly what you want
to attract. And it does come to space when you
do have to go through, unfortunately heartbreak to understand what
you know you're, what you expect, and what you want
because you also now know what you don't want. You know,
who wants to go through that over and over? And
(10:01):
I think about it. You know, it takes you have
to self reflect because you can continue to con to
repeat the same cycle with the same type of man
over and over. And you know, until you're able to
have self reflection and want change, nothing's going to happen.
Until you want change within yourself. So thank God, we
(10:24):
can we can see. We can see clean now, I
could see clearly now God, Praise God. Want me do it?
Are y'all want to move on? Seventy three? Guess which
is friendship and expiration dates? Loyalty, guilt and letting go
(10:48):
Outgrowing friends is one of the most silent heartbreaks when
in face, you love them but you no longer relate.
You've evolved, but they're still gossiping, draining, or low key competing.
And because we fear being labeled fake, we say friendships
that feel more like emotional obligations. But here's the thing,
(11:09):
loyalty with that alignment turns into resentment, and not everyone
from your past deserves access to your presence. So, ladies,
I'm gonna ask this, have you ever stayed friends with
someone because you didn't know how to leave? Yeah? I'm
(11:29):
not the type of person though that like cuts people off,
Like I'm not that girl, Like I'm not like a
I just don't move like that, you know what I mean.
But I do think I've stayed friends with people that
you know, our friendship should have ended a long time ago,
(11:51):
but I kind of let things just play out on
their own. You know what I mean. I feel like
the way I'm moved once, you know, I realized that
their place in my life is no longer, you know, appropriate,
I just kind of, you know, I'm moving that way,
like I'm still you know, I'm still leave. But I
feel like they can kind of catch a hint like
(12:13):
this is not the same. I'm not a like I
set boundaries, you know, and I think they kind of
just feel like it's no longer a friendship anymore, you
know what I mean. But I know that people do
do the whole cough thing, but I just I just
could never do that because I don't like if, like,
somebody cut me off before, and I don't like, I
(12:35):
don't like how that feels. So I just can't do
that to nobody else. I'm the same way Ashley and
I treated like this. I was always taught like I
don't I talk to my friends who are so quick
to cut up a female friend office as long as
(12:57):
they haven't crossed the boundary where they're sleeping with their
mail or doing something that's just below the belt. I've
witnessed some females cut friends off over the pettiest things,
and it's like girl this man, I did this, this, this, this,
and this, and you're still like, why is it so
easy to cut a female friend off? But but you
(13:18):
won't cut that person off. So that's how I look
at it. And I'm not the type I let I
let it get to a point where it's okay. If
this person keep on crossing these boundaries and you know,
we talk on it, We speak on it. If you
have not changed, then okay, it's best that we just
go our separate ways. I've outgrown you, so you know,
(13:41):
we just move apart. But to a point where just
being friends and didn't know how to leave it, I
know how to exit. If it gets to a point
where it becomes draining it and toxic and exhausted, I
do at least give them a chance, you know, to change. Yeah. Yeah,
I don't cut anybody off immediately either. I'm a lover,
(14:05):
and I understand that people go through, you know, seasons
and things like that. But I also know that not
everybody's supposed to go with you into different seasons of
your life as well, you know, and I so respectfully,
I know that if you do something very disrespectful to
me and there's no remorse and it's just the same
(14:27):
patterns and the same behavior. This is who you are,
and it's now up to me if I want to
be dealing with this type of person. And nine times
out of ten, I'm not, just because it's not conducient
to my growth and to where I'm where I'm headed.
So I just don't want to take those people with me. Now,
if I see you outside whatever, it might be a
(14:49):
high what's up, whatever, but you're not getting into my space.
You're not getting into my personal era, or you're not
going to feel none of this anymore because you lost
that privilege. So but you have you have to do
something very disrespectful that doesn't align with my values for
me to cut you off. Other than that, I'm gonna
still be like what's up? Because you know this, we
(15:10):
we run in a lot of different circles and so
like they can be in the same vicinity, they can
still be invited, and it's like it's just gonna be
like whatever, I'm not gonna cut up, I'm not gonna
cause a scene, but I know that I'm not gonna
also give you my energy either. Yeah, I mean, people
see can be a part of your life for a season,
and I can respectfully let you go and be great
(15:31):
somewhere else. I'm truly say I didn't know you before.
I ain't got the baby out. Y'all know the little
kids that act up you in the in the in
the choir saying, and then you see your child act
up and you give them that look like I'm a beeful.
That's what I'm doing to generate. Get out? What's he doing?
(15:51):
He just here and just attention Instagram and see in
my day pay boy, get out? Oh he wants you
to parent right now? Extra so extra, bring me that
I'm over so you can play with bro. I'm about
to bring him over for the rest of the summer.
(16:16):
Care that's trying. Okay, you can go play with Uncle
field Boy. Go to your house. Go to your house, y'all.
What are some of the signs of friendship has expired?
Even if there's no drama, I feel like it's nobody's
checking on each other, y'all. Don't you know? Communicate? Communication
(16:38):
is off. It feels weird when you do talk. Yeah,
Like I feel like it's all about the vibe because
you know some friends, you know, if it's a good friend,
y'all can go month without talking and then once y'all
get on the phone or y'all fee each other, it's
like it, y'all ain't skipped the beat. And you know, right,
if you haven't talked with some money and it's a
little weird vibe, you know, then yeah it's probably done.
(17:04):
And yeah, it doesn't always have to be you know, drama,
it's just the vibe is different now, yes, well your thoughts, no,
that's the same. I feel like with with most of
the time. Like if y'all just completely stop checking on
(17:27):
each other, stop talking, stop communicating, y'all see each other
in public, and y'all just there's nothing there. It's time
to move on. The friendship is It's just it is
what it is. Leaves do grow and leaves do fall,
and then they get removed. Yeah, is it better a
(17:48):
ghost fade or have a grown woman sit down before
y'all a grown woman sit down. I don't ever, like
Ashley said before, I don't ever want to be in
a situation where I'm in with someone and then we
just you stop communicating with me and I don't know why,
because then they're no closure or there could be something
(18:10):
that I'm doing wrong and you never told me so
bothering you that I think that's bothering you. But if
you come me correct like a grown woman, we can
sit down and talk about it. And I cauldel like, Okay,
I'm sorry, I'm not calling you. I'll just be calling
from a bitch. I'm sorry exactly like you may not.
(18:32):
I feel like you should have that conversation. I don't
like when people just cut people off and there's no
no closure, no communication, nothing. It's just like, come on,
we're too grown for this. Yeah, ghosting is very much,
but you know why a lot of people go this
because they don't know how to communicate, and then it's
like they're thinking one thing and then they're like, oh
(18:54):
well baby and Patty, they're not talking to me no more.
So then it's like a bunch of the communication on
both sides now because you was in your feelings about
something and you never communicated in the first place. So
it's all about communication. And I feel like, you know, also,
we have to be able to understand like sometimes friends
(19:16):
need spaith and you can't think it personal and people
go through me. And also if you need space, if
you're a friend that needs space, you can't be upset
when that friend gives you space and you know what
I mean, Like, it's right. Everybody has to put on
their big girl pennies, you know what I mean. Everybody
has to be accountable for their part in the friendship.
(19:36):
And stop thinking stuff personal. Stop being patty. You know,
we're grown up and it's fine if we're gonna be
friends and be friends. If we're not, we're not right, right,
that's true? All right now, we got to get into
our humble baddest man. Hem. I want to read this
(19:59):
one right then read it. Read it. Alexis Secret at Mine.
Oh that's the title. They're humble back. Much respect to
all three of y'all. I listen to listen every week,
(20:22):
not just for laughs in the miss but because it's
rare to hear black women speak so freely, so powerfully
and still keep it soft and soulful. That's healing in itself.
But if I'm being real, this message is for Alexis.
(20:43):
I've been with strong women before, built with them, learn
from them, and sometimes broke with them too. I'm at
a point in my life where I don't chase chaos.
I choose peace, growth, and a woman who knows who
she is, even when the world tries to tell her
other ways. Alexis, that's how you come off to me
(21:05):
with grace, but you don't bite your tongue. You hold
your but you don't hold back and that laugh. Mmm
mm hmmm. Yeah. Yeah. It stayed in my head long,
(21:27):
and I say, if my head longer than I expected.
I ain't writing this mail for Cloud. I'm writing it
because in a world full of noise, you stand out.
You are the type of woman of strow Man scenes,
(21:49):
not just looks at. So maybe one day you'll read
this and smell, or maybe you'll roll your eyes and
keep it moving. Either way, I just wanted to shoot
to know a real one's watching. Chris Anthony from New York. Okay, Anthony,
Anthony got some lyrics, Anthony got some bar Anthony. Who
(22:12):
what's your call number? We need to call Anthony Anthony, sir,
if you're watching, if you watch this clip, please and
mocks us. We would love for you and Alexis to
meet up so y'all can go on a date. Thank you.
A nice gentleman. He pays in his head, stay in
(22:33):
his head alone, Anthony. I'm I'm flattered. Thank you so
much for watching the Humble batties and really listening. You know,
I do take pride in being graceful, I really do.
But it's I'm authentic. It is what you see is
what you get, and I do seek my mind. This
(22:55):
is a lot of growth, This is a lot of therapy,
This is a lot of just really sitting in my
assense of who I am. So I love to be seen.
So thank you so much for seeing me. And I'm
grateful that my spirit translates, you know, over you know,
Wi Fi, I should say, and streaming devices, so I
appreciate that. So yeah, Anthony, what's up? How you doing?
(23:21):
But thank you so much. I am again, I'm flatter.
I'm like, you know, it's always amazing to get a compliment,
So shout out to Anthony for real. You know you
sound like a real New Yorker. You know what I'm
saying that they really are just very like yeah, it's
like very much like, Look this is I see what
(23:42):
I like. I like what I see. What's up? And
just giving that admiration because you know, it's hard, you
know what I mean, being a single woman and and
and in general you want to be seeing any woman
in general, any man in general wants to be seen,
wants to be heard, and so thank you for really
seeing me. So I appreciate you, and thanks Cherrelle for
(24:06):
that voice, you know, of the commotation commentary, and you
know giving us that dialogue and such a very you know,
poetic and romantic way. I appreciate that. Anthony wouldn't have
wanted me to read it any any other way. You
see that Anthony is sliding them damns. I'm sure Anthony,
(24:28):
go ahead sliding them dams because that's where you find me.
Thanke sure you check your spam and the other inboxes.
I'm great. Well, thank you so much Anthony for the
Humble Daddy's mail since I'm the topic of conversation, ladies.
(24:51):
But no, that was a good episode. How fun? How
fun is this? Can we change the subject now? Anthony
got it? Linx some of that blushing hoorray, Anthony, you
can find Lix. I'm sure you already know where he
can find you, but go ahead and remind him. You
(25:13):
can find me at Alexis Underscore Stotamyre on Instagram or
on humble Batties, you know, through the Humble Batties mail. Now,
I guess that's what we're doing. Make sure you said
a nice picture when you reach out, all right, Anthony? Yeah?
And where can they find you all? You can find
(25:34):
me at Charrell Risotto Underscore, Charille Risotto on Twitter and
on X I'm Sorry and Snapchat, Charill dot Risotto, I'm
Ashtree Nicole on Instagram and Ashtree underspur and Icle on
snap and anything else. Thank y'all so much for tuning
in to another episode of the Humble Batty. Please write
(25:55):
us again at contact at humble baddies dot com and
with guys next week, and make sure y'all subscribe Humble
Batties podcast
Host
Shannon Sharpe
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