July 14, 2022 • 26 mins
As a culture, we can have a toxic relationship with dieting and weight loss. We focus so much on how we look instead of how we feel. But what does a healthy relationship with our diet look like? This week, Eva is joined by Registered dietitian, integrative nutrition health coach, and founder of The Diplomacy Diet, Claudia Zapata-Elliott, to discuss this tricky topic and how we can reframe our connection with healthy eating and our bodies.
For more from Claudia, visit thediplomacydiet.com.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to Connections with Eva Longoria. I'm Eva Longoria.
As a woman, I'm so excited about today's topic because
I do think this is an idea and a concept
that disproportionately affects women, and it's our connection and relationship
with dieting or our connection with weight. But I mean,
it's like the pressures to be thin are so present
(00:23):
in early adolescence, and that's where the disconnect happens. That's
where the weird relationship starts to build. And it's been
proven that, you know, dieting makes women feel anxious and
stressed and depressed. I mean, how many times have you
said to yourself if I just lose five pounds before
my birthday, right, Or I'm gonna be happier when I
(00:43):
just lose ten pounds. And so this is a topic
I really wanted to talk about because I know I've
said that myself. I've heard myself saying negative things about
my body, thinking about what to eat, when to eat,
and my gluten free, my grain free, my soy free.
Am I supposed to be vegan? Am I supposed to
be doing keto? My juicing? Should I do all fat
no fat? Like I'm so confused, Just tell me what
(01:03):
to eat. It's so stressful. And the good news is
that I've never been alone in these conversations. I luckily
have had my dear friend, Claudia Zapata Elliott to help
guide me and mostly counsel me in therapy through some
of these hard times. She's a registered dietitian and founder
of the Diplomacy Diet And today we're going to talk
(01:24):
about our connection to food and health and dieting and
our bodies and everything in between. Claudia, welcome to the show.
Thank you so much for having me, Eva so excited
to talk about one of our favorite topics. How many
times do we have this conversation though through the out
the years. I mean, we've been friends for almost twenty years.
We talk about it all the time. And you're so right,
(01:45):
because ninety of women are unhappy with their bodies. By
age thirteen, fifty of American girls are unhappy with their bodies,
and this grows to seventy eight percent by the times
the girls reached seventeen. Wow, and how many times a
date are we concern with our bodies and our weight
and our dieting and what should we do? And you
and I have talked about so many diets. I've been
(02:06):
on a ton of diets. I remember being in a
diet when I was rail thin at the age of thirteen.
We would try slim Fast and and my god, slim fast.
I used to love slim Fast. I mean, this is
not a dig on slim Fast. It's just we're just saying, like,
at thirteen, we should be free spirited and not thinking
of those things. Yeah, And I had a friend whose
(02:26):
mom was so cool, and so she'd come with the
Great Fruit Diet and all these diets back when we
shouldn't have been thinking about them. You're right, we should
have been free and playing, and instead we were worried
about our bodies way back then, and it continues today.
I can't say that I don't concern myself. I'd like
to be free of that thinking. But I also so
from from that, I continue to sometimes, how does that
(02:46):
define our connection and relationship with our bodies. Well, the
connection is how you feel about that. But your negative
thoughts they create a loop. It's a constant loop that
we find ourselves in. So even the small thoughts, Oh
my gosh, these genes are so tight. It starts right
in front of the mirror. So if you have to
get rid of the mirror, get rid of the mirror.
If you have to get rid of the scale, get
rid of the scale. If your scale is going to
(03:08):
affect how you're going to feel about yourself the rest
of the day, do not get on the scale. Sometimes
I would work out in classes and I avoid being
in front of the mirror because instead of focusing on
aerobics or whatever class I was taking, I was looking
in the mirror and thinking, oh my gosh, my thighs
are too big, or this is too big, or that's
too small, And so it affects and it compounds. Those
negative thoughts just compound all day long, and it creates
(03:30):
a terrible negative loop. And how you feel about yourself
is very much tied to the whole identity you have
about yourself, so it just goes from there. Yeah. Yeah,
it's like a slippery slope of thoughts that can lead
to your work, that can lead to your relationships, that
can lead to you know, so many other things in
your life. It robs us of joy for sure. Oh man,
(03:50):
that's a good way to put it, especially now with
social media, right face tune and photoshop and filters, and
it's like this keeping up with the Joneses. And I
particularly think in the health space, Like I mean, I
I follow so many health Instagram pages and I'm like,
oh my god, I want her abs, I want that ass.
(04:11):
Oh my god, it must be those fants. It's impossible
to keep up and it's so filtered. And only five
percent of women actually have a body that's even close
to the quote unquote ideal body that's portrayed in the media.
So it's an impossible standard to keep up with it.
It's just such an unhealthy standard. And again, it just
robs us of joy, robs us of living at robs
(04:32):
us at the present moment. Yeah, you know, I remember that. Okay,
what's that triangle called? That's like so wrong now, you
know the pyramid, the food pyramid. Yeah, like we grew
up with that, and it was like all bread. The
bottom was all bread, all carbs, rice, pasta, that was
all at the bottom. And I have a little bit
(04:53):
of vegetable and a little bit of fruit, yeah, a
little bit of oil. The whole thing was we were
scared of fat, not just fat on our bodies. Remember,
we were scared of fat in our foods like almond butter,
almonds nuts. Are you kidding me? Now? I'm like, oh,
give me the whole avocado. So we grew up on
that fear of fat and that low fat for sure,
(05:13):
and so they moved to carbs, and then it's now
eat enough protein. And now we've kind of realized that
it's not about any of that. It's really about nourishing
yourself with whole food. So I'm so glad that we've
come a long way and we're no longer fearing fat um.
I still there's a huge problem with us fearing calories
and fearing food in general. I was with my sister yesterday.
(05:33):
She was in town, and we went to a place
that does bowls and salads, and she's on a certain
diet that's very popular that's thirty days long, where you
eliminate lagoons and you eliminate grains. And she was asking
about the chicken and the name of the chicken was
honey harrisa chicken. Oh, I can't eat that, there's honey
in it. I said, Oh, my gosh, relax. So we're
(05:54):
really afraid and afraid of food groups, and we demonized
food groups and then we go into this whole psychle
love guilt. We feel so guilty and so ashamed when
we're on these diets and when we're avoiding certain food groups,
it's it's really terrible and it takes us back to
that negative thought loop. Yeah. Well, and also like I
fail the same way. I'm pretty literate in this subject,
as are you, and we get stressed about it, you know,
(06:17):
like I'm like, oh God, I gotta read a label.
I gotta read every label. Okay, am I supposed to being?
Am I supposed to not have read meat? And my
not supposed to have protein? Am I supposed to have
more protein? And I mean, like it is dizzy ng
For sure, it really is, But the basics really haven't
changed if we focus on I tell my sister, so,
not only is she restricting herself from certain food books,
(06:38):
but she counts calorie. She's on a very popular app,
so she's counting and weighing and measuring her food. It's
no way to live. I certainly don't want to live it.
So I tell people count colors, to count the colors
on your plate. Do not count calories, Count colors, And
that's an easier way to live and Also, it makes
it more inclusive. When you're focusing on all the foods
that are good for you, there's less room or the crap. Right.
(07:02):
You hate the word cheating, right, and you hate the
word healthy. This is good for you, right, or it
tastes good. It tastes good, it smells good. When you
put the word healthy on it, people are like, oh no, no, no,
no no, So we really have to move back to
enjoying food and enjoying healthy food. We think it's gonna
be iceberg, lettuce and and no taal chicken breast and
(07:22):
no taste, and it's just not true. Yeah. Um, why
why do you hate the word cheating or cheat meal?
Because it just implies that everything you're eating throughout the
week must be so shitty that you have to cheat
on your diet. It's it's so negative because healthy food,
like we just said, is delicious, should be savored, should
be enjoyed. Whole food should be enjoyed. And if you
(07:45):
do eat something, if you eat cookies, if you eat cake,
oh my gosh, if you eat gluten, so what go ahead,
move on and you enjoyed it, You savored it. No
guilt the next day. That's the worst thing we can do.
My my mother in law, my late mother in law,
would say, Darlin, don't do guilt. Very hard for Catholic girls. Exactly.
You hit on an important point. You've said it before.
(08:07):
It's how we talked to ourselves and you know, creating
that negative loop. But also the word diet has a
negative connotation, and diet just means it's the food that
my diet consists of nuts and grains. You know, like
the fact that diet has been hijacked to be negative.
It's interesting. My mom would always say, I don't know
what diet you're on anymore. I'm not on a diet.
(08:28):
This is just the way I eat. I like to
eat old foods. It's true. We've hijacked the work diet
and now it's just a four letter word. And diet
is just the food we eat. And so whether it's
a diet full of processed foods or it's a diet
full of rich foods, a diet's a diet. I mean,
(08:51):
this is what your education is on, which is nutrition
and health. You know you used to run. Did you
run marathons or did you just did I even read Boston?
I can't even run three miles now, but I qualified
in Round Boston in another lifetime. I don't know who
that person is, but was that was that whenever you
really tied together how nutrition can be fuel or runner. Absolutely,
(09:15):
it started with sports and interest in sports nutrition and
I wanted to find out how I can feel better,
run farther, run faster. So it really started a sports
nutrition and I attended Georgetown University in a School of
Foreign Service. And after that I became a young mom
and I started teaching fitness classes. You and I have
it in common. I started teaching fitness classes and my
dad was kind of pissed. He's like, I cannot believe
(09:35):
I paid all that money for you to jump up
and down all day. And so I would joke to
my said, I'm an ambassador to good health and so
um that started planting the seeds for something that I've
found it a while ago, but I'm just now getting
off the ground this diplomacy diet, and it's really about
you've been hearing about it for years. Well, I this
is why I want to talk. I wanted to introduce
(09:56):
it because I feel like we've been living this diploma
missy diet for years and the concept was genius. I've
been telling Clotty, this is a genius idea and it's
about how you negotiate with yourself. So tell people, what
what is the diplomacy diet. Well, the diplomacy diet really
is about shedding that mental weight that's huge, and you're
(10:17):
trying to broker peace with your body. You're getting rid
of the guilt and shame. We talked about you're eating
for health, not for weight, but it's not you know, hey,
eat what I want. At the same time, you do
have to make some concessions, but those are positive things
that affect you, not just in the now, but in
the long term. So it's the cooking, it's the sleeping,
(10:37):
it's it's the joy, it's the relationships, it's the working out.
It's all of those things. But you don't do them
in a way that is prescribed for everyone. You do
them in a way that works for you. We all
have different lifestyles, we all have different means, we all
have different access to food, and so you you make
some small concessions that work for you. You negotiate your way,
(10:58):
little by little, those tiny changes that up and negotiate
your way to better health and ultimately hopefully to peace. Yeah,
but that's so great. You want to shed the mental
weight because body talk is so ingrained, and not only
how we speak to ourselves, but how we speak to
each other. Even like oh my god, baby, you look
so thin. You know, could be triggering for some people.
(11:20):
We do that all the time, and you and I
are guilty of doing that. We all I'm like, your
ask looks amazing. We do what we we haven't seen
each other, like baby, look amazing, and then I'll comment
with and somehow I'll comment with like ah, I'm at
my heaviest. And so there's been a lot of studies
on how women do this. They speak negatively about their bodies.
(11:42):
They self objectify in order to feel accepted and to
affirm some kind of solidarity as a group. So, whether
it's about food, oh my god, I ate so much,
this is how we connect with each other. And it's
just honestly, we should not even be commenting on other
people's bodies. We should be inspiring each other to grow.
I know, I saw this meme. Um, you know that's
how I get my education through memes. But um, it
(12:05):
was something like things to say instead of you know,
you look so thin, and it was like, you look strong,
you're glowing, You're like there was other adjectives that you
could use to describe how people look. Your hair looks great.
We're still guilty of it talking about each other's bodies
and we how many times and we say, oh, we
wish we had our twenty five year old body with
(12:26):
our forty five year old brain and maturity. Um, we're
guilty of that, and we need to accept healthy aging.
I know we have to accept aging. We have to
accept you know, Uh, the end is near. No, I'm
just kidding. But because here's the other thing about healthy
eating also is you do have to pay attention, like
other than going too much, you should pay attention if
(12:48):
eating those peanuts caused a reaction, right, Like I remember
I was eating like Caesar salads, not the dressing, but
like romaine lettuce and chicken all the time and night
I had an allergy to romain lettuce and it was
bloating and I kept going, uh, but I'm only eating
salads and stuff. Just being aware of how you feel,
what foods make you feel good. Absolutely, you hit on
(13:09):
the head. It's all about awareness, and that's very much
what the diplomacy died is about the first step is
creating awareness. Where are you, What are you doing? What
are your habits? Because the habits add up to to
your identity at the end of the day. And so
think about again everything that you're doing, how are you sleeping?
Are you the decisions that you make? You know, we
can go to the negotiation, which is a big part
of the diplomacy diet, but think about your your day.
(13:32):
We negotiate all day long, whether we're a where itver
or not. You're either you know, you're gonna get up
and get on the trampoline or are you gonna sit
there and have a gorne chat with your latte with
your coffee. So you've made the decision a long time
ago to work out every morning, and I've been with you,
and you've had a late night, and there you are
you and I hate it because you work out so
damn early, Like hey, we're meeting in the workout room
(13:55):
at seven, it's like seven, But you get it out
of the way before something. Ye Now that you've been
doing it for so long, it's no longer negotiation. It
doesn't require should I work out? Should I not work out?
It's become a habit. So think about all those times
throughout the day where you are negotiating should I eat this,
(14:15):
should I eat that. Once you've created a healthy habit,
it doesn't require that head game because most of the
negotiations take place in our heads. And then you forget
you have choices, once you've been so ingrained into the
kind of person that never exercises and you like to
say that about yourself, Oh I hate to work out,
But then then you're you're that person, and you forget
(14:37):
that you even have an option, that you even have
the healthy choice that you can do something differently, and
the small little tweaks, the small times where you think
about it and choose differently, choose the option that you
know is going to make you feel better, because it's
all about feeling good. Yeah. Well, and then, like you said,
there's some non negotiables. There are some me working on
(14:58):
the morning is a non negotiable exrectly for me is
my therapy. Absolutely. I mean, I've been with you when
you haven't worked out and you get in the worst place.
For me, I just all day I have the negative talk.
But that's a non negotiable. Eight hours of sleep for
me is a non negotiable. People go, how do you
do it? I'm like, if I have to get up
at six, I go to bed by ten. You know,
(15:19):
I just do what you just do it. You know
it's amazing. When you close your eyes, you may fall asleep. Well,
but you can fall asleep on a freaking bus. I
mean you fall asleep everywhere and anywhere. It will be
in the car. You turn around and you're asleep. So
you definitely have a gift. But it's all connected. So
like when people go, how can you just sleep well,
it's because I eat well, and you know I eat
(15:39):
well because I exercise and I exercise. It all like,
it all is connected. So if you eat like ship,
you're gonna sleep like shit. And absolutely exercise and you're
not gonna really gonna eat the good stuff. I mean,
it all is connected. And so like absolutely sleep, a
good night's sleep actually starts first thing in the morning.
You should be up early. You should hit daylight going
on the circadian rhythm that affects your sleep, so that
(16:02):
starts early in the morning. Also, how late do you
eat if you're having a snack before bed, if you're
having a glass of wine in bed, you're gonna sleep
by crap. But you've created a boundary and a non
negotiable around exercise. I posted about it today, how I
have to tell people that I have a prior commitment, like, hey,
you want to be on zoom at nine, or you
want to meet for coffee at nine. I just lie
(16:23):
and I said, no, I have a prior commitment. The
prior commitment is working out. But I don't tell anyone
because that is sacred to me. And like you said,
I'm in a horrible mood. I'm anxious and I'm moody
when I don't work out. Another non negotiable is cooking.
No one has to tell you to cook more because
you cook all day long. But cooking is the number
one way we can impact our health, even if you're
(16:45):
not cooking the quote unquote healthiest meal. Cooking is huge
because you're controlling the ingredients. So if I ever tell people, like,
what's the one thing I can do, I would say
cook And he doesn't have to be complicated. If you
have three or four go to recipe, start from there
and then play around with him and then like have
ingredients or recipes that you like and then alter them.
(17:05):
A little bit. Or let's say you're trying to get
yourself to I don't like kale, or I don't like
dark leafy greens. Add a few of the leafy greens
to the greens you do eat. Also, you cook a
lot and have leftover, so there a lot of hacks
you can do. But I would say cooking is one
of those absolutely non negotiables. Well, for me, it's a
non negotiable from my mental health, Cooking is probably the
most therapeutic thing that I do. I have to cook daily.
(17:27):
If I have to go to a movie and shoot,
I have to be in a house, I'm like, I
can't be an hotel. I'll airbnb it. Because I have
to have a kitchen. I have to have a stove.
And I will say eating healthy to cook it is
actually simple. It's very simple cooking. It's the bad ship
that actually is harder to make, you know what I mean? True,
(17:49):
I actually think healthy cooking is easy. And I don't
you know some people do the whole meal prep like, oh,
I'm gonna cook all days Sunday. I don't. I just
have the ingredients ready to go, so I have a
cut but a schoolsh I have you know, washed and
cut broccoli and cauliflower, and I have them all in
glass containers and it's so easy. You open it up.
First of all, your fridge looks so pretty, and then
it's just toss it together. I'm more of an assembly
(18:10):
type of person, and I have fresh ingredients and I
just sort of assemble things. You might throw them in
a tacos. Looks so good the other day, Oh my god.
We had them yesterday again and it was just so good.
Because I always I make beans literally every two days,
and I always have beans, and so you make fresh
beans every every two days. Yeah, yeah, and a crop
pot literally literally put it at night and in the
(18:31):
morning it's done, like you're really. Yes, it's the easiest recipe.
And and because we go through them so fast, I
used my crop pots so much. But I yesterday we
had chicken fried rice, but it was cauliflower rice, and
it was all these vegetables were about to go bad
in my fridge. And I was like, Oh, there's a
squash that's about to go bad. Oh, there's some um
(18:52):
snappeas that I haven't used. Oh there's some bell peppers
that are gonna And we just literally tossed it all
and Pepper was like, this is the best thing you've
ever made of Like, uh, I just kind of throw
that together. Well, you're definitely a hard act to follow.
Your cooking is unbelievable. It's my favorite part of visiting you.
Well so sweet, But that's a great tip cooking. Do
(19:19):
you think it's a myth? Our truth is that to
eat healthy is expensive. No, it doesn't have to be
at all. The thing is that we were trying to
buy things that you know, you stick to the whole
foods and buy foods that are in season. When we're
trying to buy asparagus in December, you know, asparagus it's
a spring food. When you buy foods that are in season,
(19:39):
they are not expensive beings. One of the most affordable
things we can eat and so so good for us. Now,
when we eat a lot of meat and a lot
of that, that's when it gets expensive, and then the
processed food gets expensive. So that's that's where the grocery
bill adds up. But if you stick to healthy food,
it does not have to be expensive. And yes, organic
is right, but if you cannotford organic, do not worry
(20:02):
about it. There are plenty of ways you can wash
your produce. Yeah. Um, So talk about negotiating with your kids. Yeah,
tell people, what what do you mean by negotiating with kids?
You know, we don't negotiate with terrorists, so a toddlers,
We don't negotiate with toddlers and terrorists. Same thing. Teenagers, toddlers, terrorists,
(20:23):
they're all the same. So parents, here's a quick rule.
Parents decide the what, the where, and the when of eating.
So let's say, hey, we're having spaghetti at six pm
at the dinner table. That's what you're deciding. You're the gatekeeper.
Parents are the gatekeeper, not the kids. You decide that.
Then kids get to decide if and how much they eat.
(20:43):
The battles can end there. You don't force your kid,
you know, if we're sitting there, like, hey, if you
have your broccoli, you get to have dessert, or if
you you know, you get to watch a show after dinner,
or you know, all these things. If you beg them,
please have the broccoli, please, another bite, another bite? I mean,
how shitty must broccoli be in their brain when it
(21:03):
comes with a cookie, Like the reward is the cookie.
So stop those battles. Do not become a short order
cook and do not sit there and beg and bribe
and borrow and reward and do all the things that
we are desperate. We feel desperate to feed our kids healthily. Yeah,
you felt desperate in the moment. You're like, I just
want them to eat. By the way, also, my preachers
and told meet children eating like three days cycles. So
(21:25):
there are times they're just not hungry, and then there's
a day where they're eating everything. And so whenever they
don't want something, reintroduce it again another day. You know,
it doesn't mean you know, they didn't eat broccoli that
one day. Now, I'm never going to give him broccoli again. No,
reintroduce it, try it again. And let's say they like carrots,
then do carrots and broccoli right like, do that mixture
(21:47):
and let them scoot around the broccoli and eat the carrots,
and then you just keep putting it on the plate.
That's a great tool. And because the goal is not
to have them eat the broccoli or the carrots in
that moment. The goal is to get them to enjoy
it for a lifetime. And we're teaching our kids how
to connect with food, how to feel about eating, how
(22:07):
to feel about healthy eating, how to feel about movement.
Santhi's watching you model this great behavior. He's watching you.
I've got to go to sleep, you know. I I
have an early shoot in the morning. So, um, it's
we're teaching our kids about that same connection that we
know is so messed up in so many adults and
in so many women. So it's so important to sit
there and developed that healthy connection to food and to eating,
(22:30):
and to stop calling diet a four letter word. It's
just what we eat and and normalize that. Yeah, for sure,
you're right, like we kind of get the habits that
were shown. Um, what's your is wine? You're non negotiable?
Do you think wine is wine? And no? Wine is
still something we have not figured out. That's the one thing.
And everybody has something that's right at least all. Yeah,
(22:54):
so we're supposed to be having a dryuary, and it's like, Okay,
it's a little damp, Okay, it's raining, it's sorry, and
it's not dry. And so then we'll say, okay, let's
only drink on the weekends, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And then
I was like, gosh, but Mondays. Everybody needs a drink
on a Monday and so, um, then we negotiate, Okay,
just one, just one bottle. You know between the two
of us, one bottle, one bottle will not for each
(23:17):
of us. So wine is definitely not going to be
a non negotiable. Wine will always be on our list.
You have to be realistic with your goals. You can't
do a complete overhaul, which is why diets fail. Um,
it's a you know, huge industry. We're buying crazy amounts
of billions in weight loss products, and most diets fail
(23:38):
because we're trying the complete overhaul and people don't realize
the power of the tiny steps. So maybe I have
you know, if I can't serve myself a little bit
more one until I have a glass of water, and
you try and interrupt that loop, that habit loop and
make some small changes and those really do end up
adding up. So definitely, if you're trying to change and
(23:59):
incorporate some more positive healthy routines or healthy ingredients, start
with something small and you just build on that and
once it's a habit again, then it's a non negotiable.
Then that's just how you eat. This is our last question,
what do you want people's connection to food? To be
the most important takeaways. I think enjoy food. Food is
(24:19):
meant to be saved. Food is meant to be enjoyed.
Sit down with your family, stop eating on the go
and sit down, look at your food, Smell your food,
put your phone away, turn off the TV, and reconnect
to food. It's just so important. It's something that we've lost.
And if we could just connect to real food, to
whole foods and how good they are, that's that's an
(24:40):
incredible lesson. Yeah. Remember when we started wearing our glasses
while we were eating and we could see our food
or like, it's so beautiful, look at this gale. I
totally eat with my reading glasses and now and food
looks so much better. Make food also, you know, healthy food.
Make it attractive, get appealing. You know it's okay, Like
(25:01):
I I like to still put you know, set a
set a pretty table, even if it's just you know,
even if it's just shown in me. I set a
pretty table and just make it appealing, make it attractive
and and delicious. A little effort some herbs, you know,
a little effort just goes a long way. Yeah, oh
my god, we could we could go on and on
and on. So, what's a book that you would recommend
to everybody and must read. I would say a book
(25:24):
that's really life changing and will help everyone makes some
Chinese changes. Atomic Habits James Clear, Atomic Habits so powerful,
easy read, and and just really life changing. I feel
like I have that one. What what is it about.
It's about the impact of habits and and and and
making small changes and how they really add up. And
(25:45):
it's all the science of habits, and it's it's it's fascinating,
and it's easy read and it and it applies to everything,
whether you're trying to spend less, eat less, whatever it is, uh,
cut back on your stress. It really helps you realize
those habits that you're making and make some small, doable
changes that down the road really add up to a healthy,
(26:06):
happier self. Very good. Thank you Claudia for coming. I
love you, Love you, Thank you, babe, thank you so much.
Thank you so much for listening. I'm happy to be
connected with you. Connections with Eva Lagoria is a production
of unbelievable entertainment in partnership with I Hearts Michael Pura
(26:28):
podcast Network. For more podcasts from my Heart, visit the
I Heart radio, app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
Welcome back to Connections with Eva Longoria. I'm Eva Longoria.
As a woman, I'm so excited about today's topic because
I do think this is an idea and a concept
that disproportionately affects women, and it's our connection and relationship
with dieting or our connection with weight. But I mean,
it's like the pressures to be thin are so present
(00:23):
in early adolescence, and that's where the disconnect happens. That's
where the weird relationship starts to build. And it's been
proven that, you know, dieting makes women feel anxious and
stressed and depressed. I mean, how many times have you
said to yourself if I just lose five pounds before
my birthday, right, Or I'm gonna be happier when I
(00:43):
just lose ten pounds. And so this is a topic
I really wanted to talk about because I know I've
said that myself. I've heard myself saying negative things about
my body, thinking about what to eat, when to eat,
and my gluten free, my grain free, my soy free.
Am I supposed to be vegan? Am I supposed to
be doing keto? My juicing? Should I do all fat
no fat? Like I'm so confused, Just tell me what
(01:03):
to eat. It's so stressful. And the good news is
that I've never been alone in these conversations. I luckily
have had my dear friend, Claudia Zapata Elliott to help
guide me and mostly counsel me in therapy through some
of these hard times. She's a registered dietitian and founder
of the Diplomacy Diet And today we're going to talk
(01:24):
about our connection to food and health and dieting and
our bodies and everything in between. Claudia, welcome to the show.
Thank you so much for having me, Eva so excited
to talk about one of our favorite topics. How many
times do we have this conversation though through the out
the years. I mean, we've been friends for almost twenty years.
We talk about it all the time. And you're so right,
(01:45):
because ninety of women are unhappy with their bodies. By
age thirteen, fifty of American girls are unhappy with their bodies,
and this grows to seventy eight percent by the times
the girls reached seventeen. Wow, and how many times a
date are we concern with our bodies and our weight
and our dieting and what should we do? And you
and I have talked about so many diets. I've been
(02:06):
on a ton of diets. I remember being in a
diet when I was rail thin at the age of thirteen.
We would try slim Fast and and my god, slim fast.
I used to love slim Fast. I mean, this is
not a dig on slim Fast. It's just we're just saying, like,
at thirteen, we should be free spirited and not thinking
of those things. Yeah, And I had a friend whose
(02:26):
mom was so cool, and so she'd come with the
Great Fruit Diet and all these diets back when we
shouldn't have been thinking about them. You're right, we should
have been free and playing, and instead we were worried
about our bodies way back then, and it continues today.
I can't say that I don't concern myself. I'd like
to be free of that thinking. But I also so
from from that, I continue to sometimes, how does that
(02:46):
define our connection and relationship with our bodies. Well, the
connection is how you feel about that. But your negative
thoughts they create a loop. It's a constant loop that
we find ourselves in. So even the small thoughts, Oh
my gosh, these genes are so tight. It starts right
in front of the mirror. So if you have to
get rid of the mirror, get rid of the mirror.
If you have to get rid of the scale, get
rid of the scale. If your scale is going to
(03:08):
affect how you're going to feel about yourself the rest
of the day, do not get on the scale. Sometimes
I would work out in classes and I avoid being
in front of the mirror because instead of focusing on
aerobics or whatever class I was taking, I was looking
in the mirror and thinking, oh my gosh, my thighs
are too big, or this is too big, or that's
too small, And so it affects and it compounds. Those
negative thoughts just compound all day long, and it creates
(03:30):
a terrible negative loop. And how you feel about yourself
is very much tied to the whole identity you have
about yourself, so it just goes from there. Yeah. Yeah,
it's like a slippery slope of thoughts that can lead
to your work, that can lead to your relationships, that
can lead to you know, so many other things in
your life. It robs us of joy for sure. Oh man,
(03:50):
that's a good way to put it, especially now with
social media, right face tune and photoshop and filters, and
it's like this keeping up with the Joneses. And I
particularly think in the health space, Like I mean, I
I follow so many health Instagram pages and I'm like,
oh my god, I want her abs, I want that ass.
(04:11):
Oh my god, it must be those fants. It's impossible
to keep up and it's so filtered. And only five
percent of women actually have a body that's even close
to the quote unquote ideal body that's portrayed in the media.
So it's an impossible standard to keep up with it.
It's just such an unhealthy standard. And again, it just
robs us of joy, robs us of living at robs
(04:32):
us at the present moment. Yeah, you know, I remember that. Okay,
what's that triangle called? That's like so wrong now, you
know the pyramid, the food pyramid. Yeah, like we grew
up with that, and it was like all bread. The
bottom was all bread, all carbs, rice, pasta, that was
all at the bottom. And I have a little bit
(04:53):
of vegetable and a little bit of fruit, yeah, a
little bit of oil. The whole thing was we were
scared of fat, not just fat on our bodies. Remember,
we were scared of fat in our foods like almond butter,
almonds nuts. Are you kidding me? Now? I'm like, oh,
give me the whole avocado. So we grew up on
that fear of fat and that low fat for sure,
(05:13):
and so they moved to carbs, and then it's now
eat enough protein. And now we've kind of realized that
it's not about any of that. It's really about nourishing
yourself with whole food. So I'm so glad that we've
come a long way and we're no longer fearing fat um.
I still there's a huge problem with us fearing calories
and fearing food in general. I was with my sister yesterday.
(05:33):
She was in town, and we went to a place
that does bowls and salads, and she's on a certain
diet that's very popular that's thirty days long, where you
eliminate lagoons and you eliminate grains. And she was asking
about the chicken and the name of the chicken was
honey harrisa chicken. Oh, I can't eat that, there's honey
in it. I said, Oh, my gosh, relax. So we're
(05:54):
really afraid and afraid of food groups, and we demonized
food groups and then we go into this whole psychle
love guilt. We feel so guilty and so ashamed when
we're on these diets and when we're avoiding certain food groups,
it's it's really terrible and it takes us back to
that negative thought loop. Yeah. Well, and also like I
fail the same way. I'm pretty literate in this subject,
as are you, and we get stressed about it, you know,
(06:17):
like I'm like, oh God, I gotta read a label.
I gotta read every label. Okay, am I supposed to being?
Am I supposed to not have read meat? And my
not supposed to have protein? Am I supposed to have
more protein? And I mean, like it is dizzy ng
For sure, it really is, But the basics really haven't
changed if we focus on I tell my sister, so,
not only is she restricting herself from certain food books,
(06:38):
but she counts calorie. She's on a very popular app,
so she's counting and weighing and measuring her food. It's
no way to live. I certainly don't want to live it.
So I tell people count colors, to count the colors
on your plate. Do not count calories, Count colors, And
that's an easier way to live and Also, it makes
it more inclusive. When you're focusing on all the foods
that are good for you, there's less room or the crap. Right.
(07:02):
You hate the word cheating, right, and you hate the
word healthy. This is good for you, right, or it
tastes good. It tastes good, it smells good. When you
put the word healthy on it, people are like, oh no, no, no,
no no, So we really have to move back to
enjoying food and enjoying healthy food. We think it's gonna
be iceberg, lettuce and and no taal chicken breast and
(07:22):
no taste, and it's just not true. Yeah. Um, why
why do you hate the word cheating or cheat meal?
Because it just implies that everything you're eating throughout the
week must be so shitty that you have to cheat
on your diet. It's it's so negative because healthy food,
like we just said, is delicious, should be savored, should
be enjoyed. Whole food should be enjoyed. And if you
(07:45):
do eat something, if you eat cookies, if you eat cake,
oh my gosh, if you eat gluten, so what go ahead,
move on and you enjoyed it, You savored it. No
guilt the next day. That's the worst thing we can do.
My my mother in law, my late mother in law,
would say, Darlin, don't do guilt. Very hard for Catholic girls. Exactly.
You hit on an important point. You've said it before.
(08:07):
It's how we talked to ourselves and you know, creating
that negative loop. But also the word diet has a
negative connotation, and diet just means it's the food that
my diet consists of nuts and grains. You know, like
the fact that diet has been hijacked to be negative.
It's interesting. My mom would always say, I don't know
what diet you're on anymore. I'm not on a diet.
(08:28):
This is just the way I eat. I like to
eat old foods. It's true. We've hijacked the work diet
and now it's just a four letter word. And diet
is just the food we eat. And so whether it's
a diet full of processed foods or it's a diet
full of rich foods, a diet's a diet. I mean,
(08:51):
this is what your education is on, which is nutrition
and health. You know you used to run. Did you
run marathons or did you just did I even read Boston?
I can't even run three miles now, but I qualified
in Round Boston in another lifetime. I don't know who
that person is, but was that was that whenever you
really tied together how nutrition can be fuel or runner. Absolutely,
(09:15):
it started with sports and interest in sports nutrition and
I wanted to find out how I can feel better,
run farther, run faster. So it really started a sports
nutrition and I attended Georgetown University in a School of
Foreign Service. And after that I became a young mom
and I started teaching fitness classes. You and I have
it in common. I started teaching fitness classes and my
dad was kind of pissed. He's like, I cannot believe
(09:35):
I paid all that money for you to jump up
and down all day. And so I would joke to
my said, I'm an ambassador to good health and so
um that started planting the seeds for something that I've
found it a while ago, but I'm just now getting
off the ground this diplomacy diet, and it's really about
you've been hearing about it for years. Well, I this
is why I want to talk. I wanted to introduce
(09:56):
it because I feel like we've been living this diploma
missy diet for years and the concept was genius. I've
been telling Clotty, this is a genius idea and it's
about how you negotiate with yourself. So tell people, what
what is the diplomacy diet. Well, the diplomacy diet really
is about shedding that mental weight that's huge, and you're
(10:17):
trying to broker peace with your body. You're getting rid
of the guilt and shame. We talked about you're eating
for health, not for weight, but it's not you know, hey,
eat what I want. At the same time, you do
have to make some concessions, but those are positive things
that affect you, not just in the now, but in
the long term. So it's the cooking, it's the sleeping,
(10:37):
it's it's the joy, it's the relationships, it's the working out.
It's all of those things. But you don't do them
in a way that is prescribed for everyone. You do
them in a way that works for you. We all
have different lifestyles, we all have different means, we all
have different access to food, and so you you make
some small concessions that work for you. You negotiate your way,
(10:58):
little by little, those tiny changes that up and negotiate
your way to better health and ultimately hopefully to peace. Yeah,
but that's so great. You want to shed the mental
weight because body talk is so ingrained, and not only
how we speak to ourselves, but how we speak to
each other. Even like oh my god, baby, you look
so thin. You know, could be triggering for some people.
(11:20):
We do that all the time, and you and I
are guilty of doing that. We all I'm like, your
ask looks amazing. We do what we we haven't seen
each other, like baby, look amazing, and then I'll comment
with and somehow I'll comment with like ah, I'm at
my heaviest. And so there's been a lot of studies
on how women do this. They speak negatively about their bodies.
(11:42):
They self objectify in order to feel accepted and to
affirm some kind of solidarity as a group. So, whether
it's about food, oh my god, I ate so much,
this is how we connect with each other. And it's
just honestly, we should not even be commenting on other
people's bodies. We should be inspiring each other to grow.
I know, I saw this meme. Um, you know that's
how I get my education through memes. But um, it
(12:05):
was something like things to say instead of you know,
you look so thin, and it was like, you look strong,
you're glowing, You're like there was other adjectives that you
could use to describe how people look. Your hair looks great.
We're still guilty of it talking about each other's bodies
and we how many times and we say, oh, we
wish we had our twenty five year old body with
(12:26):
our forty five year old brain and maturity. Um, we're
guilty of that, and we need to accept healthy aging.
I know we have to accept aging. We have to
accept you know, Uh, the end is near. No, I'm
just kidding. But because here's the other thing about healthy
eating also is you do have to pay attention, like
other than going too much, you should pay attention if
(12:48):
eating those peanuts caused a reaction, right, Like I remember
I was eating like Caesar salads, not the dressing, but
like romaine lettuce and chicken all the time and night
I had an allergy to romain lettuce and it was
bloating and I kept going, uh, but I'm only eating
salads and stuff. Just being aware of how you feel,
what foods make you feel good. Absolutely, you hit on
(13:09):
the head. It's all about awareness, and that's very much
what the diplomacy died is about the first step is
creating awareness. Where are you, What are you doing? What
are your habits? Because the habits add up to to
your identity at the end of the day. And so
think about again everything that you're doing, how are you sleeping?
Are you the decisions that you make? You know, we
can go to the negotiation, which is a big part
of the diplomacy diet, but think about your your day.
(13:32):
We negotiate all day long, whether we're a where itver
or not. You're either you know, you're gonna get up
and get on the trampoline or are you gonna sit
there and have a gorne chat with your latte with
your coffee. So you've made the decision a long time
ago to work out every morning, and I've been with you,
and you've had a late night, and there you are
you and I hate it because you work out so
damn early, Like hey, we're meeting in the workout room
(13:55):
at seven, it's like seven, But you get it out
of the way before something. Ye Now that you've been
doing it for so long, it's no longer negotiation. It
doesn't require should I work out? Should I not work out?
It's become a habit. So think about all those times
throughout the day where you are negotiating should I eat this,
(14:15):
should I eat that. Once you've created a healthy habit,
it doesn't require that head game because most of the
negotiations take place in our heads. And then you forget
you have choices, once you've been so ingrained into the
kind of person that never exercises and you like to
say that about yourself, Oh I hate to work out,
But then then you're you're that person, and you forget
(14:37):
that you even have an option, that you even have
the healthy choice that you can do something differently, and
the small little tweaks, the small times where you think
about it and choose differently, choose the option that you
know is going to make you feel better, because it's
all about feeling good. Yeah. Well, and then, like you said,
there's some non negotiables. There are some me working on
(14:58):
the morning is a non negotiable exrectly for me is
my therapy. Absolutely. I mean, I've been with you when
you haven't worked out and you get in the worst place.
For me, I just all day I have the negative talk.
But that's a non negotiable. Eight hours of sleep for
me is a non negotiable. People go, how do you
do it? I'm like, if I have to get up
at six, I go to bed by ten. You know,
(15:19):
I just do what you just do it. You know
it's amazing. When you close your eyes, you may fall asleep. Well,
but you can fall asleep on a freaking bus. I
mean you fall asleep everywhere and anywhere. It will be
in the car. You turn around and you're asleep. So
you definitely have a gift. But it's all connected. So
like when people go, how can you just sleep well,
it's because I eat well, and you know I eat
(15:39):
well because I exercise and I exercise. It all like,
it all is connected. So if you eat like ship,
you're gonna sleep like shit. And absolutely exercise and you're
not gonna really gonna eat the good stuff. I mean,
it all is connected. And so like absolutely sleep, a
good night's sleep actually starts first thing in the morning.
You should be up early. You should hit daylight going
on the circadian rhythm that affects your sleep, so that
(16:02):
starts early in the morning. Also, how late do you
eat if you're having a snack before bed, if you're
having a glass of wine in bed, you're gonna sleep
by crap. But you've created a boundary and a non
negotiable around exercise. I posted about it today, how I
have to tell people that I have a prior commitment, like, hey,
you want to be on zoom at nine, or you
want to meet for coffee at nine. I just lie
(16:23):
and I said, no, I have a prior commitment. The
prior commitment is working out. But I don't tell anyone
because that is sacred to me. And like you said,
I'm in a horrible mood. I'm anxious and I'm moody
when I don't work out. Another non negotiable is cooking.
No one has to tell you to cook more because
you cook all day long. But cooking is the number
one way we can impact our health, even if you're
(16:45):
not cooking the quote unquote healthiest meal. Cooking is huge
because you're controlling the ingredients. So if I ever tell people, like,
what's the one thing I can do, I would say
cook And he doesn't have to be complicated. If you
have three or four go to recipe, start from there
and then play around with him and then like have
ingredients or recipes that you like and then alter them.
(17:05):
A little bit. Or let's say you're trying to get
yourself to I don't like kale, or I don't like
dark leafy greens. Add a few of the leafy greens
to the greens you do eat. Also, you cook a
lot and have leftover, so there a lot of hacks
you can do. But I would say cooking is one
of those absolutely non negotiables. Well, for me, it's a
non negotiable from my mental health, Cooking is probably the
most therapeutic thing that I do. I have to cook daily.
(17:27):
If I have to go to a movie and shoot,
I have to be in a house, I'm like, I
can't be an hotel. I'll airbnb it. Because I have
to have a kitchen. I have to have a stove.
And I will say eating healthy to cook it is
actually simple. It's very simple cooking. It's the bad ship
that actually is harder to make, you know what I mean? True,
(17:49):
I actually think healthy cooking is easy. And I don't
you know some people do the whole meal prep like, oh,
I'm gonna cook all days Sunday. I don't. I just
have the ingredients ready to go, so I have a
cut but a schoolsh I have you know, washed and
cut broccoli and cauliflower, and I have them all in
glass containers and it's so easy. You open it up.
First of all, your fridge looks so pretty, and then
it's just toss it together. I'm more of an assembly
(18:10):
type of person, and I have fresh ingredients and I
just sort of assemble things. You might throw them in
a tacos. Looks so good the other day, Oh my god.
We had them yesterday again and it was just so good.
Because I always I make beans literally every two days,
and I always have beans, and so you make fresh
beans every every two days. Yeah, yeah, and a crop
pot literally literally put it at night and in the
(18:31):
morning it's done, like you're really. Yes, it's the easiest recipe.
And and because we go through them so fast, I
used my crop pots so much. But I yesterday we
had chicken fried rice, but it was cauliflower rice, and
it was all these vegetables were about to go bad
in my fridge. And I was like, Oh, there's a
squash that's about to go bad. Oh, there's some um
(18:52):
snappeas that I haven't used. Oh there's some bell peppers
that are gonna And we just literally tossed it all
and Pepper was like, this is the best thing you've
ever made of Like, uh, I just kind of throw
that together. Well, you're definitely a hard act to follow.
Your cooking is unbelievable. It's my favorite part of visiting you.
Well so sweet, But that's a great tip cooking. Do
(19:19):
you think it's a myth? Our truth is that to
eat healthy is expensive. No, it doesn't have to be
at all. The thing is that we were trying to
buy things that you know, you stick to the whole
foods and buy foods that are in season. When we're
trying to buy asparagus in December, you know, asparagus it's
a spring food. When you buy foods that are in season,
(19:39):
they are not expensive beings. One of the most affordable
things we can eat and so so good for us. Now,
when we eat a lot of meat and a lot
of that, that's when it gets expensive, and then the
processed food gets expensive. So that's that's where the grocery
bill adds up. But if you stick to healthy food,
it does not have to be expensive. And yes, organic
is right, but if you cannotford organic, do not worry
(20:02):
about it. There are plenty of ways you can wash
your produce. Yeah. Um, So talk about negotiating with your kids. Yeah,
tell people, what what do you mean by negotiating with kids?
You know, we don't negotiate with terrorists, so a toddlers,
We don't negotiate with toddlers and terrorists. Same thing. Teenagers, toddlers, terrorists,
(20:23):
they're all the same. So parents, here's a quick rule.
Parents decide the what, the where, and the when of eating.
So let's say, hey, we're having spaghetti at six pm
at the dinner table. That's what you're deciding. You're the gatekeeper.
Parents are the gatekeeper, not the kids. You decide that.
Then kids get to decide if and how much they eat.
(20:43):
The battles can end there. You don't force your kid,
you know, if we're sitting there, like, hey, if you
have your broccoli, you get to have dessert, or if
you you know, you get to watch a show after dinner,
or you know, all these things. If you beg them,
please have the broccoli, please, another bite, another bite? I mean,
how shitty must broccoli be in their brain when it
(21:03):
comes with a cookie, Like the reward is the cookie.
So stop those battles. Do not become a short order
cook and do not sit there and beg and bribe
and borrow and reward and do all the things that
we are desperate. We feel desperate to feed our kids healthily. Yeah,
you felt desperate in the moment. You're like, I just
want them to eat. By the way, also, my preachers
and told meet children eating like three days cycles. So
(21:25):
there are times they're just not hungry, and then there's
a day where they're eating everything. And so whenever they
don't want something, reintroduce it again another day. You know,
it doesn't mean you know, they didn't eat broccoli that
one day. Now, I'm never going to give him broccoli again. No,
reintroduce it, try it again. And let's say they like carrots,
then do carrots and broccoli right like, do that mixture
(21:47):
and let them scoot around the broccoli and eat the carrots,
and then you just keep putting it on the plate.
That's a great tool. And because the goal is not
to have them eat the broccoli or the carrots in
that moment. The goal is to get them to enjoy
it for a lifetime. And we're teaching our kids how
to connect with food, how to feel about eating, how
(22:07):
to feel about healthy eating, how to feel about movement.
Santhi's watching you model this great behavior. He's watching you.
I've got to go to sleep, you know. I I
have an early shoot in the morning. So, um, it's
we're teaching our kids about that same connection that we
know is so messed up in so many adults and
in so many women. So it's so important to sit
there and developed that healthy connection to food and to eating,
(22:30):
and to stop calling diet a four letter word. It's
just what we eat and and normalize that. Yeah, for sure,
you're right, like we kind of get the habits that
were shown. Um, what's your is wine? You're non negotiable?
Do you think wine is wine? And no? Wine is
still something we have not figured out. That's the one thing.
And everybody has something that's right at least all. Yeah,
(22:54):
so we're supposed to be having a dryuary, and it's like, Okay,
it's a little damp, Okay, it's raining, it's sorry, and
it's not dry. And so then we'll say, okay, let's
only drink on the weekends, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And then
I was like, gosh, but Mondays. Everybody needs a drink
on a Monday and so, um, then we negotiate, Okay,
just one, just one bottle. You know between the two
of us, one bottle, one bottle will not for each
(23:17):
of us. So wine is definitely not going to be
a non negotiable. Wine will always be on our list.
You have to be realistic with your goals. You can't
do a complete overhaul, which is why diets fail. Um,
it's a you know, huge industry. We're buying crazy amounts
of billions in weight loss products, and most diets fail
(23:38):
because we're trying the complete overhaul and people don't realize
the power of the tiny steps. So maybe I have
you know, if I can't serve myself a little bit
more one until I have a glass of water, and
you try and interrupt that loop, that habit loop and
make some small changes and those really do end up
adding up. So definitely, if you're trying to change and
(23:59):
incorporate some more positive healthy routines or healthy ingredients, start
with something small and you just build on that and
once it's a habit again, then it's a non negotiable.
Then that's just how you eat. This is our last question,
what do you want people's connection to food? To be
the most important takeaways. I think enjoy food. Food is
(24:19):
meant to be saved. Food is meant to be enjoyed.
Sit down with your family, stop eating on the go
and sit down, look at your food, Smell your food,
put your phone away, turn off the TV, and reconnect
to food. It's just so important. It's something that we've lost.
And if we could just connect to real food, to
whole foods and how good they are, that's that's an
(24:40):
incredible lesson. Yeah. Remember when we started wearing our glasses
while we were eating and we could see our food
or like, it's so beautiful, look at this gale. I
totally eat with my reading glasses and now and food
looks so much better. Make food also, you know, healthy food.
Make it attractive, get appealing. You know it's okay, Like
(25:01):
I I like to still put you know, set a
set a pretty table, even if it's just you know,
even if it's just shown in me. I set a
pretty table and just make it appealing, make it attractive
and and delicious. A little effort some herbs, you know,
a little effort just goes a long way. Yeah, oh
my god, we could we could go on and on
and on. So, what's a book that you would recommend
to everybody and must read. I would say a book
(25:24):
that's really life changing and will help everyone makes some
Chinese changes. Atomic Habits James Clear, Atomic Habits so powerful,
easy read, and and just really life changing. I feel
like I have that one. What what is it about.
It's about the impact of habits and and and and
making small changes and how they really add up. And
(25:45):
it's all the science of habits, and it's it's it's fascinating,
and it's easy read and it and it applies to everything,
whether you're trying to spend less, eat less, whatever it is, uh,
cut back on your stress. It really helps you realize
those habits that you're making and make some small, doable
changes that down the road really add up to a healthy,
(26:06):
happier self. Very good. Thank you Claudia for coming. I
love you, Love you, Thank you, babe, thank you so much.
Thank you so much for listening. I'm happy to be
connected with you. Connections with Eva Lagoria is a production
of unbelievable entertainment in partnership with I Hearts Michael Pura
(26:28):
podcast Network. For more podcasts from my Heart, visit the
I Heart radio, app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
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