Conversations with... My Sister

Olivia sits down with her sister Bella for a candid, very open, raw conversation.

The Giannulli Sisters open up and speak out for the first time together. Their close bond gives them strength and comfort to have this conversation you need to hear.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is Conversations with Olivia Jade and I Heart Radio Podcast. Okay, everybody,
welcome back to conversations with your host A Ka me A,
k Olivia Jade. You guys, today, I have my favorite

(00:26):
person in the planet. Um did I say in the planet?
I meant to say on the planet. My favorite person
on the planet my best friend, my big sister. If
you guys have been following me for a while, you
know Bella from my YouTube channel and we used to
post a lot of stuff on there when we were
in our like early teenage years to mid teenage years,

(00:47):
and now we're both in our early twenties and I
don't think you guys have really seen or heard from
my sister in a few years. So with all of
that being said, please welcome my big sister, Bella said
was up was a big guys. Bella is a year
older than me. We're twelve months twelve days apart to
the tea, and I think before we jump into this conversation,

(01:11):
we kind of talked about certain things we want to
touch on and uh, things we want to be open
with you guys about, and just some things that I
think you guys can relate to and Also, I did
a little Instagram pole and asked you guys to ask
us some questions. So we're going to do some of
those as well. But I first want to introduce Bela
and so you guys get to know her a little
bit and what she's been up to the last few years.

(01:32):
You started writing a script with her really great friend Jamie,
who went to n y U for theater, right, And
I think from kind of what like we've talked about,
Bella basically started journaling I would say, like two and
a half years ago, right when we really went through
our family stuff. I think that was kind of her
outlet to like express her emotions basically, And so I

(01:53):
think it started with you journaling and kind of getting
back into writing, especially because we hadn't been in school
for quite some time, so it's not like we had
to do papers anymore. So I think you kind of
got back into writing by like starting with your emotions.
And then I think you thought, you know, even though
everything that had happened, and we can touch on this
in a little bit too, but you kind of felt
like this was a new passion or maybe an old

(02:14):
passion that was like re sparked from an emotional like
journaling standpoint, and then you guys got into script writing
right sort of kind of yeah, pretty much, but it
really was Jamie coming back to l A and being like,
I want to just try and write something, and I
was like, I'm down to write it with you. And
since we were in she's been my best friend since
I was five and since we were in high school,
we always talked about how but it would be to

(02:37):
create a show kind of based on growing up in
l A, but more accurate than nine O two and
No was because nine O two and No is a
very well, it's like a cub show that very scripted,
but it's not. This show is scripted too, but it's
just not The teenagers don't talk like teenagers do, and
they don't because it's written by grown men, so they

(02:59):
don't have the same experiences to girls growing up in
l A and actually understanding the ins and outs of
l A. So we just decided to start writing that
and it kind of it was almost a joke at first,
and then it kind of took off and we both
enjoyed it so much. And then we have a friend
who's a writer and he helped us because we neither

(03:19):
of us have taken screenwriting classes or anything, and he
kind of helped us formulate the script and learned that
he gave us like a mini master class on writing.
So he helped us like create the ideas and make
them flow together and actually be able to tell a story.
And we started just writing about loosely based off of
things we've been through, and the idea of the story

(03:41):
is to touch upon how although that problems are relative
and I the thing I love about acting and storytelling
itself is that you get to play a character and
you get to learn about them and their ins and outs,
and you can play There's just a wide range and
there's a wide range of people on this earth. So

(04:03):
being able to write a story on something that like
we've been we've gone through ourselves was very cool and
it also kind of taught me a lot about myself
and everything too, because we were able to access these
emotions and create scenes around things that we were feeling
at the time, and boys and like we do a

(04:25):
scene from elementary school when we're like twelve, and we
do all these different things and it was funny. We
got to reminisce on the past and then we also
got to like it's very cathartic. We got to work
through our own and our favorite thing about story writing
and storytelling is you get to create your own endings.
It happens the way you wanted to happen, like the
perfect version in your head. You get to put that

(04:45):
on paper, and even though it doesn't happen in real life,
there's something fun knowing that that story lives on in
a different world, different world completely Um Okay, Well, I
think that gives you guys like a unroll idea of
what the script is sort of about. But basically, like
I've read it, it's really really good. I hope it
gets picked up and you guys can actually work on

(05:06):
this and make this and this audience will for sure
tune in once that happens. But that's down the line.
But I just wanted to give you guys a little
bit of a background backstory on what Bella has been
up to. So she is an acting school. You said
you didn't take screenwriting class, but she's been taking theater
in a conservatory for like a year and a half,
almost two years. But you also have been acting since

(05:27):
you were like fifteen, Because I remember we used to
do this young acting academy called Cynthia Baines's studio, and
I quit after like a week of being there because
they gave you. They gave her a scene from Oh No,
I'm forgetting what the Matt Damon and Ben Affle like movie?
I don't remember. I just don't. How about them apples?
Good Will Hunting? They gave you the scene from good

(05:47):
Will Hunting and it scared you and you never came back.
I was I was like fourteen or fifteen, maybe sixteen,
and you were fifteen and I was sixteen. No, we
were fourteen and fifteen because we couldn't drive yet. Yeah,
but anyway, I was not down for that scene. It's
like a very sexual, romantic scene with the other guy
in the class, and I just after that, I was like,
this is not for me. I cannot put myself into

(06:07):
that type of character. And that was kind of the
end of my acting days. But Bell has been really
into it for quite some time, and so it's been
really cool seeing you, like the last few years, like
really dive into it and put yourself kind of like
fully into that acting mode. Following a mom's footsteps. Um,
so I kind of want to segue because when I
asked on Instagram, a lot of the questions or topics

(06:30):
that people ask just about where everything that's happened, you know,
in the last few years in our family, And I
just wanna start by saying, I think the promise I've
made to myself is I really want to be open
on this podcast. I want to be vulnerable. I think
that really helps people, whether we're in completely different situations
or you can relate to a certain piece of what

(06:51):
we're talking about. Um, I think it's just really important
that I am honest. But I don't want my honesty
to be mistaken as me ever trying to victimize us
or what happened in the last few years, because I
think with so much time and so much thought and um,
everything that's happened, like we both have a really clear

(07:11):
perspective on that, like we were are, like this situation was,
like we can just say that we're in the wrong,
And so I don't want that to ever be no
matter what the details are, what people do and don't know, Like,
I don't want that generic kind of topic to be
twisted that I'm sitting here asking about like mental health
and what we went through the last few years and
people saying like, are they seriously like complaining about this? Like,

(07:32):
you know what I mean, I don't think it would be.
I don't know how to phrase this because I don't
want to take away other people's thoughts. But if you
really think about it in a grand scheme of life
type thing, it's not complaining. It's using the experience as
we have. You only live one life, you only get
a certain path yourself. You can't put yourself in someone
else's shoes, so you have to take what you've been

(07:53):
through and learn from that. And that's what talking about
it and working through it does. And we this is
the situation. These are the cards we were dealt, So
to just not talk about it seems wrong in a
way because it has made us. But it's definitely affected
us a lot. It's affected us, and it's also taught
us different things and opened our eyes to new like

(08:16):
perspectives and things we didn't even think about before. And
it's we're not talking about it to garner pity or
be the victims in a situation, but it is really
life and what we went through, so it would be
weird to just not talk about it at all. So
a lot of fans were messaging and just asking, you know,

(08:36):
like what the last few years have looked like and
how it's been going through everything that happened in our family.
And I also want to say that there's a lot
of stuff that I wish, like, especially now that because
we haven't done any like interviews together, like this is
our first time, like me and you just talking and
like just being open and UM, there's so much I
would like to say and clear up and go through

(08:57):
every single thing that's ever been written imposed about us
and be like that's not true or this came from that,
or um, just explain like quote unquote, like I don't
know how to put this, but just like at the time,
what like we thought was going on or stuff like that.
But we literally can't because it is a federal case

(09:17):
and I don't feel like messing with the government. So
I want to kind of focus on where we've been
mental health wise and kind of taking care of that
and how it's affected us. Because I also think besides
just the legal side of things, like that's something that
I know a lot of young girls and boys and
people listening can relate to, um, whether like regardless of

(09:39):
your situation. I know that everybody, like a lot of
people go through mental health, and I think for me,
mine was very situational. What about for you, I know,
well I know all of this, but like you've always
struggled a little bit with like anxiety. Yeah, I've always
had a bit of anxiety. Um ironically enough, I realized
it when I was going to college. I remember the

(10:01):
first night before I left to go move into the dorms.
I was mom and dad were out at dinner and
it was me, you and your high school boyfriend. And
then I remember I was trying to fall asleep, like
get a good night's sleep. I had moved in day
the next day, and like I woke up like hyperventilating
and my heart was beating really fast, and I ran
downstairs to you and Tie and I was like, I'm

(10:22):
I'm having a heart attack. I'm having a heart atack.
I'm having a heart attack, and Tyler was like, no,
you're not, You're not, You're not. I'm like, I just
I looked it up web MD said it I'm having
a heart attack, Like I need to go to the
hospital right now. And it turned out I was just
having like a really bad panic attack and it's the
same exact um symptoms as not symptoms. I don't know that. Yeah,
I get what you're saying, a heart attack. And that's

(10:42):
when I realized it. And I remember when I would
even like sleep in the dorms, I would be like
falling asleep and then I would wake up hyperventilating and
like freaking out for I was asleep, Like I don't know,
but I guess like that's when my anxiety like manifested most.
Is like right as I was falling to sleep, I
would like come up like gas spring for air and

(11:02):
kind of I've always been like a little ball of anxiety.
Even when I was younger, like I didn't speak a lot,
I was very shy just because I was so scared.
I've grown out of it, I guess kind of with
everything that's also happened, I realized, like you can't like
let anxiety rule your life. But I remember that was
there was a lot of it was hard to like

(11:22):
talk and you were always like super talkative and like
you were like the social, outgoing one, and I was
like always just like standing there like behind not saying
anything because I was scared. Yeah, well that's so normal.
And I know so many people can definitely relate to that,
and I feel like, you know, what's funny, I think
for me, I had and I mean I never really
had anxiety growing up, because I even remember, ironically, when

(11:45):
I got to college and I said to one of
my really good friends there, Olivia, who's still like a
sister and best friend to this day, but I was
and she has anxiety too, like most people, and so
I was talking to her and she was like, how
anxiety about something? And I was like, what does that
feel like? Like? What is that? Cut to literally six
months later, everything erupted and exploded and I was like, oh,

(12:07):
this is what she was talking about six months ago,
and it kind of started to make sense to me.
But I feel lucky that I didn't have it like
growing up, and I got to really have like a clear,
I feel like understanding of who I was without letting
that like kind of fuzz myself at a younger age.
But now I know that it's like almost hard for
me to escape it. And that's why my last episode
on the podcast, I had like that life coach Possibilitarian

(12:30):
is what she called herself, where she just used the
world as like anything as possible um come in because
I was like, I'm very stressed and I need somebody
that has like actual skills to come break it down
for me, because I literally never thought I would get
to this point where I have alopecia, which is an
autoimmune disease when your head or when your hair falls
head falls off, when your hair falls out, and it's
just like shown physically on me. So now I really

(12:51):
understand it. I feel like I have a question for
you that I've always kind of wondered. I don't think
we've really talked about it well for the viewers. The

(13:16):
first for you when everything was happening, like when we
were going through the whole thingy thing with our family,
the thing imaging, what were you feeling, Because I almost wondered,
not that at the time it was nice being it
was quite the opposite. It was never like fun or

(13:37):
enjoyable seeing my name in the headline. And I think
if I was younger, I would have been like, oh
my gosh, that's so cool, not the context of what
was being said, but me being talked about that much,
I would have been like, wow, like this is amazing.
But given what it was, and it was also negative,
and it was very heavily focused on Mom and I.
What were you kind of feeling like during that time,

(13:57):
Like did you almost feel like your experience was under
my mind? Or were you happy to be like out
of that public like I and you didn't have to
deal with I mean you had to deal with it,
but not as on a big of a scale. I
would say, like the hatred and uh stuff like that. Um,
there was times where like certain things were going on
and I was like, I don't feel like what's happening

(14:19):
to me is being necessarily heard or acknowledged on the
scale that it should be, just because there was something
bigger going on at the time. But I think just
the hardest part of this entire thing was watching how
horrible or reading and seeing how horrible the media was

(14:41):
to both you and Mom and actually knowing you guys,
and knowing Mom has the biggest heart. And can I
tell my story? My teacher told me, yeah, of course,
like this is just an example of who our mom is.
And this story comes from literally last week. I was
I'm doing a play right now, and the director and
my teacher pulled me aside after class and he's like, hey,

(15:03):
can I chat with you for a second, and I
was like, of course, I thought we were going to
be discussing the play and my work, but he was like,
your mom's Laurie Laughlin. And I was like, and sometimes
that now nowadays that scares me because I'm like, oh,
oh no, what was what opinion do you have? You know, like,
and he was like, I just wanted to let you know,
like one of my first jobs as a young actor

(15:25):
was on Full House and that cast all of them
were so so nice, but your mom specifically made sure
that I felt welcomed, made me comfortable, like made sure
that I was as comfortable in a new space that
I can be. And he was telling me that now
when he works and he does other shows and whatnot,
when he's a series regular, a guest or whatever, he

(15:45):
told me that he took what mom taught him that
day and emulates it on every single set he's on
to make sure that whoever is there with him feels
welcomed in that situation. And he said for a young actor,
he was so scared to even just go and be
on such a big sitcom at the time, like it
was huge for him and he was only in a
few scenes and Mom made him feel so comfortable and
at home, and it's resonated with him for the last

(16:06):
thirty years, to the point where he pulled me aside
and told me, and of course like, I'm like crying
as he's telling me something that's so sweet. And he
was even saying like he has other friends in the
industry who have done guest spots and been on different
shows that Mom has been on, and across the board
not I don't think one person who's ever worked with
Mom can say something bad about her, because she's genuinely
the nicest person alive. Yeah, I agree. I think that

(16:26):
was hard for me to like seeing. And this is
what I was kind of talking about in the beginning,
where I'm like, I'm not trying to justify or excuse
behavior or throw a pity party, or because I get
so nervous and I know this is my podcast and
I'm not in an interview, and I can be open
and vulnerable, especially with these guests that are listening, and
I so appreciate that. But the guests that are listening,

(16:47):
I did I say the guests. I meant the listeners
that are listening. Audience, audience, Um, I almost said the
viewers after that, which also wouldn't have made much sense. Um,
but I do, I do very heavily relate to like
those feelings that you were just kind of saying about Mom,
and um, I think for me, even though I also
is getting dragged negatively, it like didn't nearly affect me

(17:10):
as much as like seeing Mom getting first of all,
having all this throne on her, and I think that
we can talk about this. I think I want to
talk about this that um, she really took this whole
thing and on her back and solely you know, like
there are a lot of people that were in this case,
and a lot of other parents, and I do not

(17:31):
know one other person's name, and I think that for
being her kid, and you know, all drag myself and
all rose myself, and I won't forgive myself forever, probably
and I will always, you know, have that as my
defense mechanism and partly a little bit of truth. But
when you see her mom, who's raised you and who's
been like nothing but a ghost, like the most incredible

(17:52):
mother in the world, and also just like the kindest heart,
and like knowing what you know and knowing like how
much we know about her and how well we know her.
Obviously we are both directly out of her womb, so
we know or proudy damn well, pretty damn well. But
I think that was really hard for me, and UM,
it was frustrating and it caused a lot of like

(18:13):
anger within me when I would read stuff about her.
And I just think it's interesting that when I would
read stuff about myself, I just didn't really I mean,
it affected me, I cared, but it didn't nearly affect
me the same way that UM if I read it
about our own mom. You know. I also think with
the media specifically, if you just watch the pattern of

(18:35):
tabloids in general, they always pick a woman and they
take her down. I agree. I think women definitely are
dragged in the media quite often. And I also think
that besides just women being dragged in the media, I
think that the media, in my opinion, and I could
talk about this for ages and I didn't know when

(18:56):
I would end up talking about this publicly. But I
feel like the perfect guest to talk about it with
is my sister, because she's heard a lot of it,
be she's kind of been through it with me and
with herself, and I feel like we also just both
have a lot of opinions on this, and I think
it would be interesting to touch on um. But for me,
I just feel like the media is extremely hypocritical, I think,

(19:21):
regardless of our situation, forget us, I just think in general,
it's all about preaching this anti bullying, uh, non bandwagon
effect and how everybody should be so understanding of one another.
And then you have people like let's say, Megan markele right,
who's gotten dragged through the media for living basically for

(19:43):
dating guys exactly, and just we could list a million examples,
but I do feel like they preach this, oh my gosh,
like we are so on it, we are so not
for bullying, We're so against bullying, and and then you
see the next thing. You know, it's like, even after
the Oprah interview that Megan Markel did is what I
had in mind, and I watched that and I had

(20:04):
sympathy for her, you know, like I was like, that
sounds like a very traumatic time to go through. And
I then was reading articles throughout like the next week
that would show up on my phone or whatever it was,
and they were all still so terribly negative, and I
was like it's almost like no one just listened to
anything she just said, Like those are regardless, if you relate, regardless,
if she's in a way way bigger position of privilege

(20:27):
and success and overwhelming wealth and all the things that
so many people dream of, it's still like, for some
reason people then negate her feelings and act like, oh, well,
she's lying, and we're still going to drag her through
the mud and screw this because it's one person verse
a bunch of money and a bunch of clicks for
these media outlets. And that gets me so freaking angry.

(20:49):
And also I think this is my own theory, but
in specifically our society today with social media, with the
access to your d m s for example, and what not,
people think they know you now or and with TikTok
and like people even like you're you, you're you, you're

(21:10):
a YouTuber. You let people into your life to a
certain degree. Reality TV shows let people into their lives
to a certain degree. And so now the general consensus
of the world is anyone who is in the public eye,
you can pry into their personal life. And there's something
special about being able to keep your own life private,

(21:30):
and it doesn't need You don't owe it to anyone
else to explain who you're dating, what you're feeling, what's
going on in your life. And everyone thinks they have
this right to just be inside your head and know
what's going on and who you're seeing, and what's this
and what's that, and and I think that's just natural
human like instinct is to be nosy, is to be curious,
and to be nosy. But I think social media has

(21:50):
heightened that and almost made it a little bit like
unacceptable to the point of like what we're prying for,
or the degree that like paparazzi and people like go
to get these answers to these questions that are floating around.
And I know for myself, I've almost been in like
quite a few car accidents running my fro. When I
was coming to you, what time are you coming to me?

(22:11):
I remember I was leaving I guess I can say
Udine because we don't live there anymore. When I was
leaving Udine to meet you Malibu and that girl, I okay,
context for you guys um for March two December kind
of COVID hit and then like the paparazzi were no

(22:32):
longer outside of our house, but from March to October
November December ish, it was there were there a lot,
and there was every day at least three cars outside
of our house waiting for one of us to leave.
And Olivia luckily had her own escape. She wasn't really
around at the house, but any time I would leave

(22:52):
the house, the second you pull out of that driveway,
there's a car literally at the ass of your car.
I don't have to explain it, bumper to bumper there
right behind you, and God forbid, you have to slam
on your brakes. You're done. You are getting in a
car accident there so close to you. They're writing your
tail and it's one so invasive too, super dangerous, super

(23:13):
legal and dangerous. They're like, I remember one time there
was a woman driving behind me and she had her
camera out while she was driving, and I was like, Yo,
you can't even text and drive and you're recording me
as you drive your car right now. This is so
dangerous and they will go to all extremes. They don't
care who they will harm in the way. It seems
like they just want to get the photo. Yeah, and

(23:34):
those answers is kind of like how we got into this.
It's like I get it too, especially like for me,
I feel like I made myself public on YouTube before
all of this happened, so then when it was happening,
I was like, I kind of signed up for it,
Like I did post videos talking about things that I
very much regret, and I was very open about my life,
and I showed our homes growing not like actually like

(23:57):
cow stores or anything, but you know, it would be
in the background of mom would ever let you do that. Never,
but when like in the background of the videos, you
know what I mean. And so I feel like I
almost felt like I was more deserving of it because
I was like, well, I did sign up to be
a public figure, but for you leaving the house, like,
who's very much never tried to be. I mean, your
Instagram is public, but you're not posting like you post
you know what you're posting on there, And I would

(24:17):
say it kind of accidentally became public. It wasn't something
you like tried to do and like establish a career
from or be online. So I know that was definitely
like weird for you too, because you were trying to
live like a private life in your like late teens,
young twenties, and you had a lot of people following
you and looking at you, and it's just like a
really unnatural situation, and um so I just, yeah, I

(24:41):
kind of like feel for you a little bit. But
the paparazzi are definitely like and I'm not trying to paths,
I'm not trying to sound like but like, it wasn't real.
That was actually what was happening. It's not to be
like you. I wish they weren't there. Yeah, same, but
it definitely was like a real time. But I just
remember almost getting into like quite a few car accidents

(25:03):
just because they're so reckless. And I even remember one
time Bella and I were in a CVS. I think
this is just a story I was. I think I
had like something I was either on my period or
I had like a U T I or something that
was like very girly and personal. And I was nineteen
and now we'll talk about it twenty two. I don't care.
I feel like years have passed. I'm very open, like

(25:25):
it's we're human beings, it's just life. But I think
I was getting some medication or a box of tampons
or whatever it was, and we're in this drug store
and I kid, you know, I look around. There's seven
paparazzi inside, illegal inside the drug store, all filming me
grabbing this like personal like medicine care or whatever it was.

(25:47):
And I remember Bella got really into like big sister
protective mode and went up to one of the crying.
I know because I was so when you started crying.
So I I was like, m and I walked up
to the paparazzi and I was like, excuse me, sir,
you actually cannot be inside here taking photos. This is illegal.
You can't be this is it's not private property, but
you can't be. Like paparazzi are allowed to stand outside

(26:10):
of a writer or cvs and take photos, but they're
not allowed to directly come inside. And I walked up
to him, calmly at first, and I was like, first
ward here and I was like, you can't be. You
can't be taking these photos in here? Can you please leave?
And he was like what's it to you? And he's
sassing me back. So so Bella is a very sarcastic, sassy,

(26:32):
very powerful woman. I would say, did not take I
was now out of the bathroom, kind of like hiding
behind an aisle watching Bella. Just I'm absolutely slaughter this
man with words. I'm not giving up. I'm like, you
cannot be here. This is illegal. Like I will call
the police. Do you want to get into this? I
won't leave. I'll stay here and I'll wait for the
police to come. Do you want to go because I'll wait,
and like, I'm like fighting with this man. Meanwhile, the

(26:54):
fight is slowly escalating. We're like now in the middle
of CVS screaming at each other and I'm yelling at
this guy, being like, just get out, leave the CVS
and he's like and then the security from the CVS
comes erm and he's like, what's wrong? And I was like,
this man is taking photos of us. This is an
invasion of our space. He is not allowed to be
in the store. That security cards like, she's right, so
you have to leave. Meanwhile, they're like Papa Razzi everywhere

(27:16):
record to pull up this video, but it's somewhere online.
I don't think you can hear the audio, but you
can see my hands like flying all over the place.
And then this was the craziest part. We're getting in
the elevator because the CVS. The parking lot was located
like by an elevator, and I'm oh, this is the
best part. I'm like, give me your give me your
SIM card. And he's like I'm not giving I'm like,
give me your SIM card. And we're like arguing. I'm like,

(27:36):
I want your SIM card, give me your SIM card
right now. And he's like, I'm not giving you my
SIM card. I'm like, you're giving me your SIM card.
We're like, I'm like screaming at him, like give me
the SIM card, and he won't give me the SIM
card and then give you SIM. I thought that if
I pushed it enough, maybe he would and then or
I was like and then I was like, fine, if
you're not gonna give it to me, I want to
watch you to leave the photos. I want to watch
you delete these photos. This is illegal. You cannot be

(27:58):
by the way, these photos all came out online. Um
they there was no deleting happening. They didn't. He heleted them,
and then he had there's a thing on a camera
where you can get back the deleted photos. So this
sneak he deleted them and then as okay, keep in
mind I was yelling at this man. Finally, Olivia is like, okay,
can we just go, like please, you don't need to
engage in this anymore. I was like fine, and we're

(28:19):
like leaving, And as we're leaving, I see him go
up to the guy who works the counter at CVS
and he's like, how much do I have to pay you?
The elevator hasn't been called yet, and he's like, how
much do I have to pay you to get the
security footage of the camera above us? And I looked
at the guy who was like working behind the desk,
and the guy was like, I'm so sorry, sort of
like I don't want to lose my job. I'm not
giving this to you. I don't know what guy asked
for security footage of me yelling at him, and the

(28:42):
guy behind the desk was like, first off, these are
two very young girls. What you just did was highly inappropriate.
Second off, no, I'm not giving you the footage. You
came into the store took photos of them, hurt like
I was like, borderline tears. I'm screaming at this man,
and the guy was like I'm not. He's like, I'm
not losing my job for you to get me like sorry,
and the guy was like, how much do I have

(29:02):
to pay you to get security? But this guys like leave,
actually leave the store, and then he had to leave
the store to security, and security escorted a few of
them out, and then I remember walking out of CVS
and that same dude that you were in the fight
with came up with his oh my god, both his
arms up like in our face, like yelling like I'm
gonna help you. See I'm hoping, I'm hoping, I'm nice going,
I'm hoping, And I was just like, dude, I swear

(29:25):
to God, right now, I'm gonna like take this little
bag that I have from CDs and hit you right
upside your face. Remember you get out of my personal bubble,
Like this was enough. You already took photos of me
buying something that at the time I felt very ashamed
and embarrassed about. I was crying, I'm not leaving the store.
Now you're all up in my face with your arms
like waving in front of me, saying like you're a

(29:45):
good guy and you're trying to help me. Like it
was so bizarre. But anyway, I guess that's just a
story that I tangent a weird tangent, but a story
of just like I think, and that's where I was
kind of bring it back to the idea that the
media like people, I want to see and expect so
much from you, but like something as simple as a

(30:05):
U T. I like, y'all don't need to know about that,
Like as I talked about it, Let the nineteen year
old deal with it in her the privacy of being
a nineteen year old, you know, like that's it's just
so wrong. And I think also with the way back
then when like people were getting paparazzi and stuff, there
was a different culture around it. Even in the early nineties,
it was a different culture because there wasn't social media.

(30:26):
There weren't reality TV stars really necessarily. It was like
a very different thing where it's like you saw people
when they were going to their movie premieres or their
concerts or like sometimes at restaurants, but it wasn't so
much in your face of like daily life, daily life.
And then over time and with I think it was
kind of the creation of reality TV in my opinion,

(30:47):
that people started to think any celebrity across the board something,
but it's they're not reality TV stars, they're actors, they're singers,
they're they'll drop an album and like release their and
the Also, not all reality TV stars want that attention either.
That's why I like, although they're they're famous for showing
their life, that doesn't mean they need to show every

(31:08):
single part of their life. That's why it's their show
and they get to curate what goes out publicly, you know.
So it's just a very big I feel like, speaking
from experience, it's a super traumatic, especially at a young age.
And b it's just it's just wrong. It feels wrong,
and that's that period. Moving on from the paparazzi, how

(31:43):
do you think everything that's happened affected our relationship? Bella also,
and let me just preface, bell and I have also
like grown up super super close. Like we're as I
said in the beginning, we're only a year apart, like
we've always been back to our mom does call it
built and best friends, um, but we've always been like

(32:03):
super super close. But I do think for me, it
was like us getting closer as I could confide in
you because we were going through the exact same thing.
And I feel like that's something that you know, I
had amazing friends and an amazing support system that like
we're there for me. But I feel like, um, you
were the only person that like genuinely understood what and

(32:26):
just how scary it all felt at the time, like
being so like kind of like, yeah, we really like
when all this happened, like we really didn't know what
was going on or what was going to happen, and
we were both out of town and we both had
to come home obviously and like see what was going on,
and so I think there were just like a lot
of unknowns that caused a lot of fear and anxiety
for me, and that was just really the start of it.

(32:46):
But yeah, that's I think like for me, we got
really really close because we could really relate to each
other and then of course you just always being like
my best friend and big sister. But I also feel like,
do you feel like we got closer during that time?
I think that was like the catalyst for how close
we are now. Because in high school we were obviously

(33:07):
really close, but on Fridays and Saturdays, like you'd go
to your thing with your girls, I'd be with my girls,
like we'd be with the people in our grade, and
we never really there were some nights we crossed over
and that was always really really fun, but there wasn't
a lot of crossover in high school. And then I
think when all of this went down, there was like
a three month time period where we couldn't leave the house.
We just had to stay inside because it was a

(33:29):
mess if we left, and it was insane. And so
I think that is one thing that brought us closer together.
And then it kind of are in a way, are
two circles meshed into one, because now we go out together,
we get dinners together with all of our friends, and
there's not a divide as much as there kind of
once was, which was like the high school. Just like

(33:51):
I think also that had to do with us both
being out of school. Now it's like there weren't grades,
but when obviously we were in high school and even
in college in the beginning, like I had my grade,
you had it. And then obviously when we were both
done with that, we shared a lot of the same
friends that I had graduated that weren't in school anymore,
and we all just kind of became like a big
mesh together group like childhood friends and just really reunited again. Um,

(34:13):
I want to talk about a little bit. We don't
have to get like two into it if you don't
want to, But I do think let's chat. I saw
a lot of questions about boys and breakups and how
to deal with that and how to deal with heartbreak,
and I think you can give them like a really
good perspective on heartbreak, especially it just ties into everything
we're also talking about with the situation, because I'll give

(34:34):
them like a little backstory, if that's fine. Bella basically
was dating this boy for a year, basically a year
or so, and um, yeah, you guys were very much
like happy, and I thought, like very much in love
and it was I thought the same thing. It was
all very positive, cute whatever. Um. And then when this
all came out in the media, I mean we found

(34:55):
out with his world and the world about what was
going on. And uh, I think that, well, I know
that just a few days after it all came out,
he called you and broke up with you. Yeah. Um,
what was like going through your mind back then? I
mean that was it was hard because on top of

(35:17):
being heartbroken, I was dealing with whatever it was that
was going on in our life. And that was and
it was so early on at that point, like it
was we found out, world found out March twelve. I
got dumped March sixteen, four days later. So at that
point I didn't I hadn't even been a week yet,
Like I didn't, I didn't know what was going on.

(35:39):
It was we were literally taking life minute by minute
those days, and we didn't know what the future had
in store. And I remember I was like beating myself
up about it at one point because like I remember
when it first all happened, I was like talking to
him and then I was like, oh did I like
because you know, when you go through a break up
at first, it's like you blame yourself for the entire

(36:00):
or breakup when you get dune, So I was like, oh,
did I put too much on him? Like did I
scare him from like all this? And then I look
back on it and no, I was doing what you
do when you have a boyfriend and you talk to
them when you're scared and sad and you don't know
what's going on. And it was really hard because it
was so the what had happened was so fresh, then

(36:22):
the breakup was so fresh, and then I'm dealing with
both things at once. And this was like my first
real heartbreak, so like it was like the first boyfriend.
And I'm sure if you've ever been like your first
real heart like I remember, you cried yourself to sleep
for months on end, and there was nothing else on

(36:43):
top of it. So it was really hard to go
through a breakup and then also have something even bigger
and honestly more important on top of it, because all
I wanted to do was like cry and more in
my relationship, and I couldn't. I mean, I finished all
of Game of Thrones in a month. I the break diet,
like I literally couldn't eat, which was and I remember

(37:03):
Bella dropped like twenty pounds in a week. I kid
you know, I literally got so skinny, and it was
so scary terrifying because and it wasn't. I wasn't by choice.
I Like I remember our friend Olivia, who already kind
of talked about earlier. She would come over every single
night with just plain grilled chicken because she was like,
I don't know what's wrong with you. And she'd be like,
can you just eat the chicken? And I'd be like
I can't, and like each night I would have like
one bite of chicken, and then the next night she'd

(37:24):
be like, Okay, can we have two bites of chicken?
And like she was literally just trying to feed me
because I couldn't eat, but it was hard. But the thing,
the cheesiest thing that I will say is the only
thing that helps you through or any like not helps
you through. But the only thing that really is the
kealer is time. I knew you were going to say that,

(37:46):
and and like with in my situation, it was I
kid you not because he was like can we face
to him today? And I when I got the text,
I was like, Okay, I know it's coming. I'm not
an idiot, like we he wasn't speaking to me for
like two days before and then like I even I
don't know if I should be getting into this or not,
but I even remember I sent a text being like, hey,

(38:07):
it's like you're not feeling good about this right now,
Like can you just let me know because I'm like
really stressed out and like there's a lot of unknowns
in my life and like this is adding so much
more stress onto me right now, and I just I'm
giving you a clean out if you want out, like
take it please, and you like respond like no calls immediately.
I love you. I would never be cut. Two two

(38:28):
days later, can we talk? And I was like alright,
and he's like can we FaceTime? And I was like, no,
you can call me. I'm not I don't want to
do this over FaceTime, like I'm sad, I'm already going
to be a mess. And he called me and he
was like I don't know if I can quote him,
but like he's like, you don't understand how hard this
is for me. And I was like on the and
I was like how hard this is for you and

(38:48):
like but it was like a five minute phone call
and I was like fine, whatever, and I'm a I'm
a kind of a freak and also like a believer
in I'm not it takes a lot to get a
second chance for me. And in that situation, I remember
the last thing I said to him on the phone
was I was like, if this is your decision, this
is your decision, like you will never hear from me again.
And I've stuck to it and I was like, you

(39:09):
will never hear from me again. And that was it
and it ended, and There's was something about it that
was so now looking back on it I'm so grateful
for because I learned that, at least for me in
a situation, that closure is somewhat overrated and you don't
actually need closure in like when you're broken up. You're

(39:31):
broken up. Closures an excuse to see them again or
talk to them again or whatever and whatnot. I think
it's so dependent on the person and they're like history
and their relationship to obviously, because like for a divorce
or something, but that's different that. But I'm saying like
the baseline of like the closure, you're just saying from
personal experience, like you never had to have that closure talking,

(39:54):
so now I definitely moved on and you're okay and
had boyfriends since and you've liked new boys and and
we promise if anybody can relate to this obviously not
the exact same situation, but just like heartbreak in general
and that first love and you're just feeling like, oh
my gosh, my life is so over and oh the
part where you like wake up and you're dreaming about them,
and that morning you wake up and you're the worst,

(40:16):
hyper ventilating out of your sleep, out of your dream.
You're like, is this real? Is this happening, Like that's
all such a real like thing from a heartbreak. But
I think what Bell is saying is like in those
times too. I think a lot of us sometimes feel like, Okay, well,
we still need to have that last conversation to explain
why we broke up and how we're gonna move forward
and blah blah blah blah blah, and like how we're
going to deal with this and whatnot. And like I remember,

(40:37):
I avoided a friend group for two years. I would
not get near them. I was terrified. I was like,
I'm not I ain't doing this, Like what cross paths
would not speak, would like see each other across the room,
would not talk, like all these like weird things, and
it's so bizarre because you're so close with someone for
so long. And then I think that's like the hardest
thing about heartbreak in general, is like you don't just
like miss somebody and like miss like the aspect. It's

(41:00):
like they really are also like your best friend at
the same time, and they know so much about you,
So it kind of feels like a death because it's
not one of those I mean, in certain situations, you
can become friends down the line, but like it's not
one of those situations where it's like, Okay, now we
can just go back to being best friends how it started,
Like it never really is the same. And I saw
a lot of people like asking to like about uh,
like toxic relationships and how to get out of them,

(41:23):
or like what to do if a boy doesn't like
you back? And I think my like umbrella answer to
all of those would just be like no, you're worth
and no, like if a guy is playing mind games
with you and you're really hopeful he's going to change
his mind, like John, but like if you're really hopeful
about somebody like changing their entire personality for you, or

(41:47):
like you being this like once in a lifetime sometimes
it is true, but like it really is rare. And
I think for me, if I if I had a
younger sister, I would say to them, which I feel
like a lot of my audience younger older, I feel
like we're like siblings, and like I can tell you,
like I would say, you got to move forward and
move on. And if if they come back around and
they're really fighting for you, like I think that's a

(42:07):
different story. But like the games, the mind games, the
the everything in between that you can think of that
just like your classic f boy kind of like starter
Pack does. Like it's just not going to change. Yeah,
they have to grow up a lot. The only way
someone is going to change is if then they want
to change theirselves. It's you will never be able to

(42:29):
change someone. And then I think, on top of the
knowing you're worth part, I remember reading some quote somewhere
where it's essentially covered this idea that before you get
into a relationship or before you pretty much a relationship
or anything, you have to be okay with yourself because
a boy coming into your life isn't gonna make you happier.

(42:51):
It's not going to fix your who you are inside.
You need to be able to be or it could temporarily,
but when they leave, it's still that empty feeling or
if you leave them. Yeah, but yeah, that's true. But
I think there's just something so important about becoming your
own best friend, Like you are stuck with you until
you die, Like there's and you you have your family
and whatever, but truthfully, you are with you, so you

(43:13):
have you've got to love you. You gotta. Yeah, I
mean I always say, like, if you're confident enough to
go have a meal alone. You are capable of kind
of doing anything, because that's so baller to be able
to just go sit and eat and do your work,
listen to music, listen to a podcast, and don't you
worry about like people, like not care what other people think.

(43:35):
It's like you're hanging out with yourself for the day.
You need to have someone else around, like you're stuck
with you, So learn to love yourself. Yeah, it's so true.
It's so so true. You have to learn to love yourself.
I feel like that's kind of how you got through
like your heartbreak too. It's like you really just became
very independent and like did everything kind of alone. And
besides I hanging with your friends on a normal basis,

(43:55):
but like you really did have to like re teach
yourself how to like not be dependent on somebody or
to like text somebody first thing in the morning or
check in on somebody. And I think that really like
healed you way faster than I thought you were going
to heal to be honest, I think also, this is
just a tip and trick for you lads and lassies
out there when you go through a heartbreak. I remember

(44:16):
telling you this somewhat recently, but I was like, find
this is the craziest thing ever. Find a TV show,
Find like a trilogy, find like a movie series, Find
an actor you love, just watch all their ship I
kid you not. There's something so special about when you
get locked into something that you really want to watch,
that you really like, like mine, for examples, Game of Thrones.

(44:37):
You don't think about what's going on in the moment
because you're so focused on this story that's happening in
front of you, and it in a way helps time pass.
And of course, like you have jobs and all of
that stuff, but when you're sitting alone and you're in
your own thoughts and you're breaking out, as everyone does
when they're going through a breakup, if you're able to
put your attention onto something else and take it away
from yourself in that situation, it helps speed up the time,

(44:59):
and it helps you want to learn to love yourself,
teaches you like new things about yourself in a way.
And also it's a really good distraction because what's going
on in your actual situation. Yeah, and I think like
the last thing I'll say before you wrap up this
episode is like for the last my last podcast, episode

(45:21):
with Shari that possibilitary and life coach. I think this
is just really fitting for what we're talking about. She
very much has this mindset of like, and this could
go for heartbreak, losing a friendship, losing somebody you love, uh,
COVID being really tough, like whatever. It is just any
sort of negative that's kind of taking over your mind
and in your life, and it's really really hard for

(45:43):
you to kind of see the positive. She gave me
just like a really great perspective on trying to focus
on like shifting your mindset and shifting the equation so
it would be like, Okay, COVID's really bad and I
lost my job and this is really really terrible and
I don't know what to do. And I know this
is way easier said than done, especially given a terrible
time where somebody probably actually you know, has nothing and

(46:03):
really lost their job and really feels frantic. But um,
I think that trying to change that perspective and being like,
I know I lost this right now, you know what.
I feel like I can't even speak on the COVID
job thing because I haven't been there and I don't know,
and I just don't know how that feels like. But
I'll say with heartbreak, this is the worse thing that's
ever happened. I'm losing this person forever, Like how could
this be happening? If you change that mindset into being

(46:24):
like I'm losing this person for sure. Yes, I'm allowed
to feel sad. Yes I'm acknowledging my feelings and being
patient with myself, but like why did I lose them? Oh?
Maybe something else could be better for me that's out there.
Maybe something is like brewing that's like more possible and
like a better future for myself, whether that's a person,
whether you're getting a new job because you let go

(46:45):
of this guy or girl in your life that was
maybe distracting you from focusing on yourself and focusing on
your work. Or I think, for me, what she really
just taught me in that last episode and she phrases
it way better, So I highly encourage you. Listen. It's
just you switch that equation in your head so you
don't think of it as like such a negative. And
I did this yesterday. I was in the car and
I was really really frustrated about something, and I felt

(47:07):
like this anger and like this like sadness and stress,
and I kind of just sat there and I was like,
but if I had been I The background to this
is I forgot I had something that I needed to
do and it was very important and I totally missed
it and now I had drive there like three hours later,
and I was just very tired. I had a five
am day yesterday. I was just like white and I
was sitting there angry driving my car, and I'm like, Okay,

(47:29):
but what if I kind of just changed my perspective?
And I was like, what if I went at the
right time and I got in a car crash and
something bad happened to me, Like maybe this is a
sign that I'm supposed to be doing it later. Like
I was really beating myself up for being late like
all this stuff. So I think it's just changing and
shifting your mindset, and that can go for anything that
was such a big ramble. I'm wrapping it up there. Um,

(47:50):
we've been talking for a while, but they're gonna have
to cut a lot, you know. I am, yeah, Oh
the dog looked over here because we nailing alright. Guy
is thank you so much for listening. And I feel
like I also want to say one last thing, and
it's just Bella will have a different perspective, but I
always feel like I'm thinking about stuff like this, and

(48:12):
it's just that, um, everything we've talked about, I just
or maybe you won't have a different perspective, but I
feel like everything we talked about, please take it just
like knowing that this was like our personal experience. And
I'm not saying that like we're I've said this a
million times, but I get so nervous, but like I
just feel like I don't want this to be taken
the wrong way. We're now we're sitting here to very

(48:32):
blessed humans, like complaining about something, because that's just not
what I feel like I'm trying to do. I just
want to be open and share like the reality of
what did happen the last few years and how it
did like affect our mental health and the situations we
had gone through that we're really challenging for us. But
that's not to take away from somebody else's situation that's
ten times harder, or to discredit somebody's situation that's ten
times easier, you know what I mean. It's just like,

(48:54):
as Bella said, her kind of uh movie or TV
show is going to be about it's just relative to
situation sations, and I just want people to take it
with a grain of salt because obviously we know how
fortunate we are. We are so lucky, we are so blessed.
And I think something we also learned from the situation
on a more positive note, since we were a little
bit more like open and vulnerable, we didn't really get
into like the highlights of what we've learned. And I

(49:15):
just think for me personally, it's like I will never
be the same human after the situation. I will always, always,
always fight to give back, whether it's tutoring children or
you know, I had a student I was working with
for a really long time that I was tutoring that
I actually don't know if I've ever talked about this,
but you know, helping with her tuition, sponsorship money, trying
to send people to school, just learning from a mistake
that you know, I wasn't really in our control, but

(49:37):
something that now we have to grow from. And I
don't want people to get it twisted, so period. And
also can I say one thing, Yeah, you can cut
this if you don't like it. But the show is
called Conversations, with Olivia Jade, and this is a conversation
with Olivia, and sometimes like conversations are a real thing.

(50:01):
We're not gonna we can't talk about things that we
don't know about. That would be insane, you know. It's
like and it's not. The conversation isn't too get anything
out of it. It's just a conversation. And it's it's
like essentially, you guys are if you were to be
sitting in the room with us chatting on a day
to day we're not. We don't talk about stuff, and

(50:22):
we're like, om man, pity me here, I'm a victim. Here,
I'm this thing. Like we just talk like it's that's life.
You don't talk like I don't know how to say
this in like a proper way, but you don't have
a conversation with someone to try and affect their emotions
and change them and do all this stuff. You just
talk to them and it's not too oh you're saying

(50:44):
like when I say stuff like wait, don't take it
this way. You're saying, but it's it's a conversation. It's
people can take it however they want to take it,
but it's not it's not my responsibility to like, worry
if I'm hurting everybody's feelings, are saying the right or
wrong thing. I'm just talking and you can listen. Are
you don't have to, I think is what she's kind
of trying it, Yeah, and advise me on Yeah. And
it's also I don't know. I don't know how to

(51:05):
say this because I also I don't want to offend anyone,
and I don't want it to They're gonna cut it.
It doesn't matter. Um, I don't want to offend anyone.
But I think that the the idea of a conversation
and being able to have a podcast and be open
and vulnerable is to be able to talk about what
actually has gone on in your life and not having
to justify every single thing that you've said because you're

(51:26):
talking about something that's coming from a personal experience rather
than I just I don't know. Think about it. When
you're having a conversation with someone, you're not asking them
for pity the entire time you're talking to them. You're
just talking to them. You're not asking these people for pay.
But that's what I'm saying. But you you phrase everything
with I'm not asking you for pity. Blah blah blah.
What I'm saying is, you don't know. I'm not even
saying that. I'm just saying I don't want people to
get it twisted. Like I know, but that's what I'm saying.

(51:46):
People stop getting it twisted, you know, Like it's a conversation.
So this is something Bella has an opinion on. I
don't know. I think that we're all humans, like we're
allowed to chat, we're allowed to have our own opinions.
Were not, it'd be crazy if we all thought the
exact same way and believe the exact same thing into
the exact same whatever. I don't know, No, I get
what you're saying. That's all. I just think that everything

(52:07):
that is said, take it with a grain of salt.
If you enjoy it, you enjoy it. If you don't,
you don't. It doesn't It doesn't need to be any
deeper or bigger than that. And sometimes people try and
twist things and make them bigger and deeper than what
they actually are when it's truthfully just a conversation with
all of you. Jade m alright, guys, thank you so
much for listening. Bells, Sweet Sustra, Sister, big Sis, Doggie Dog.

(52:32):
Thank you, don't snoop no. Thank you so much for
coming on and being on this episode. I would never
have felt comfortable to talk about anything that's openly with
literally any other guest. So I love you, and I
know the listeners will also greatly appreciate it, because I
don't think I've ever been this open in my entire life.
So and I love you. I love you too. Thank

(52:53):
you guys so much for tuning in today. I hope
you guys enjoyed this podcast with my big sister Bella.
Do you want like an Instagram plug or you don't care,
like maybe follow on Instagram at Bella. So in like
a year or two when the show was made, you
guys finally know where to find it. Um. But other
than that, thank you guys, and I will chat with
you next week. Bye bye bye