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February 13, 2024 49 mins

SERIES 2 EPISODE 121: COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN

A-Block (1:44) Apparently having not done enough of the bidding of the creature who appointed him, Trump stooge and corrupt Special Counsel Robert Hur is negotiating with two House Committees to testify and/or provide transcripts of his interview with the president before the end of the month. If Merrick Garland will not invoke DOJ rules to prevent this, Biden must fire Garland and replace him with an Attorney General with an actual spine.

And NBC and ABC need to fire everybody involved in the scandals at Meet The Press and This Week, in which the conclusion so obvious even Hur had to report it - that there was no evidence Biden willfully retained or shared classified documents - was reversed and both Kristen Welker and Jon Karl reported that Hur HAD found such evidence. It was the same as taking the verdict "NOT GUILTY" and reporting it as "...GUILTY" Welker and Karl and the producers and executives above them must be fired.

And having had the editorializing door cracked open for them by Hur's willingness to assess Biden's memory even though he's not only not a neurologist, he's barely a lawyer, the media is running with the idea that, as Politico put it, Hur may have forced the Democrats' hand to switch to a "Plan B" instead of Biden. 

"Plan B" assumes a lot of things: like Trump won't seize upon it, like Biden would agree to it, like there IS a perfect alternative, like everybody else who isn't the chosen perfect alternative is going to NOT try to take the nomination anyway, like there has been any evidence of Biden failing at any actual task or presidential function - and most importantly like there's any other candidate who would actually BE a better candidate than Joe Biden - no matter his real, imagined, or As-Seen-On-ABC-and-NBC flaws.

I'll War-Game the possible outcomes. They're ALL worse than leaving things as is.

B-Block (32:45) POSTSCRIPTS TO THE NEWS: Trump beats the SCOTUS deadline and is still beating the "Presidential Immunity" dead horse. It is increasingly clear the DOJ will have to move to take the Florida documents case away from Judge Cannon. And the plan is out of the bag: Trump will again service Putin - his plan is to cut off Ukraine funding on January 20 of next year.

C-Block (38:10) THINGS I PROMISED NOT TO TELL: Part of the Plan B disaster creeped into my consciousness when a friend of four decades' duration went on the Bill Maher SleazeWeasel Show and declared that if Biden won't stand aside he must be pushed. This is all too much for me. Twice I had my chance to push Maher and I blew it.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. The
audition by Robert Herr to get his own amateur neurology

(00:25):
show on Info Wars right after Alex Jones, an audition
which mister Herr laughingly titled Report of the Special Council
on the Investigation into the Biden Documents. That report is
no longer his. It belongs to the Department of Justice
and not to him. And so the CNN report last
night that her is in negotiations to testify to the

(00:48):
House Judiciary Committee later this month and to provide the
transcript of his interview with the President to the House
Oversight Committee should be greeted by Attorney General Garland immediately
with a one word response no. And if Garland indicates
the slightest willing to cooperate in any way with those
House committees, the President should fire him on the spot

(01:08):
and replace him with an Attorney General who will abide
by and apply the law. This scumbag her has already
manipulated this gullible fool Garland into designing, building, and painting
a platform from which her could launch a brazen, immoral,
and most importantly amazingly uninformed political hatchet job. If Garland

(01:34):
wants to be productive during what is by now with
certainty his lane duck stewardship at the Justice Department, he
should formerly warn mister her that his work remains under
the DOJ and that, having wildly violated departmental guidelines, he
may not discuss it again in this lifetime on fear
of being prosecuted for doing so. Garland should also encourage

(01:57):
a body of former special prosecutors and prosecutors to get
Robert Hurd disbarred. While we are at this the saga
of but her memory, h you are whoever is running
NBC Universal Television these days before his personal scandal gets
him fired, needs to fire NBC News chairman, says our Conde.

(02:21):
Needs to fire NBC News President Editorial Supervising Meet the
Press Rebecca Blumenstein. Needs to fire NBC News Senior Vice
president Politics Carrie but Off Brown, needs to fire Meet
the Press executive producer David Gellis, and needs to fire
Meet the Press host or stooge or greeter Kristen Welker

(02:41):
for utter journalistic malpractice. Even Robert Hurr wrote about Biden
and his ghostwriter quote. We conclude that the evidence does
not establish that mister Biden willfully disclosed national defense information.
The evidence falls short of proving that mister Biden did
so willfully. The evidence does not show et cetera, et cetera,

(03:06):
et cetera. Kristin Welker somehow turned that into the report
says the president quote wilfully retained and disclosed classified materials,
which he shared with a ghostwriter. NBC, which used to
have a news division, also took the phrase wilfully retained
and disclosed classified materials and made it into a full

(03:27):
screen graphic placed behind Kristin Welker as she dramatically read
her lie. The part about evidence does not establish that
mister Biden did that or anything like it. That has
been somehow left out of the graphic and replaced by
an ellipsis three little dots. It's not a big difference.

(03:49):
It's just you being found not guilty by a jury
and NBC and meet the press and remarkably incompetent Miss
Welker deciding to trim that quote a little bit so
that quote not guilty becomes quote dot dot dot guilty fire,
Conde fire, Blumenstein, brown fire, Galis Firewhelker. Whether they are

(04:11):
simply negligent idiots, or if they actually falsified the news
for their own purposes, that distinction no longer matters. The
premise of news even these days is that when the
verdict is not guilty and you report guilty, you are
fired and you never work in news again. When I

(04:36):
broke in at United Press International, then the second largest
news organization in the world, I once said on a
sportscast that the University of Southern California football team had
beaten USC. In fact, it had beaten UCLA. The University
of Southern California football team was USC. My boss pleasantly

(04:58):
but firmly advised me that if I made a mistake
like that again, I would be suspended, and if I
did twice, they would have to fire me. I did
not make that mistake again, and to my knowledge, I
have never let any mistake I have made go uncorrected.
I'm now in year forty five of this. The next
time Kristen Welker gets it wrong between guilty and not

(05:19):
guilty about the President of the United States and corrects
her error, it will be the first. And while we
are at it, Disney Chairman Robert Eiger, who I also
know now forty five years must fire ABC News president
Kimberly Godwin and the executive producer of ABC's This Week,

(05:40):
Brooke Brower and its substitute host John Carl, who are
responsible for the same falsehood on that network. John Carl
stated on Sunday that the Special Council found that President
Biden will fully retain classified documents, but they declined to prosecute.
In fact, even the political operative mister her stated quite

(06:01):
clearly that while there was some evidence Biden retained documents,
the evidence they found was that he did not willfully
retain documents. Again, verdict not guilty, ABC and John Carl's
version of the verdict guilty. The Supreme Court and other

(06:22):
courts in this nation have collapsed under their own weight.
One political party is corrupt beyond redemption. The Justice Department
has withered with fear of doing what it is supposed
to do. Individual states might as well be sawed off
from the continent. The presidency has been permanently stained by
Trump and might not last the decade. There is not

(06:46):
much we civilians can do about any of that individually,
but refusing to consume programming by NBC until it fires Chairman,
Conde and Welker and the rest, and by ABC until
it fires President Godwin and Carl and the rest. That
is a simple matter of watching something else, more journalistic

(07:08):
and more honest, somewhere else on television, something like Bugs
Bunny cartoons, ABC News and NBC News. Misreporting the already
bastardized her report was part of the worst weekend for
the dying remnants of our scattershot news industry since Hillary

(07:30):
Clinton's emails. There's a lot of handwringing about newspapers laying
off reporters by the hundreds, and other news organizations going
out of business, and I am as far from unempathetic
about this as possible. United Press International went under, My
second employers went under. Current TV went under. One thing

(07:51):
left out of those nightmares is the part played by
the fact that often reporting, writing, editing, and especially editorial
decision making now sucks, as the way website popular information notes.
Between last Wednesday and last Saturday, just The New York
Times published thirty three to zero stories about the alleged

(08:16):
memory issues of President Biden, and not one of them
mentioned that the man who put them in that report
is barely a lawyer. Let alone a neurologist or a
memory loss scientist, or in any way, shape or form
qualified to formally assess anybody's memory, including his own. Thirty

(08:36):
stories about this, thirty three in the Washington Post in
the same span, eighteen more in the Wall Street Journal,
eighty one in four days, all told when Trump, in
real time called Nancy Pelosi Nicki Haley repeatedly and insisted
Nicki Haley was in charge of security at the Capitol.

(08:58):
On January sixth, the same three papers wrote fifteen stories.
Four were in The New York Times. Three of them
mentioned only that Haley was using what was in reality
Trump's live mental disaster as an attack line against him.
No evaluation of Trump, just horse race. Yesterday, while not

(09:23):
the first to do something like this, Politico posted a
fourteen hundred word article titled Democrats might need a Plan B.
Here's what it looks like In case you missed Politico's
attempt to launch a catchphrase, the article begins, so far,
Democrats have vigorously avoided any discussion of a Plan B
for their presidential nominee, but Special Counsel Robert Hurr's report

(09:45):
may have forced their hand. They used Plan B again
later in the text, and a four decade friend of
mine went on Slee's weasel Bill Maher's show Friday Night
and described the Biden issue as emperor's new clothes stuff.
And he said that if the president sident won't decline
renomination quote, he has to be shown the door. I'm

(10:10):
leaving his name out of this because I still have
hope of saving him. And when I asked him to
name one actual thing or policy or issue that Joe
Biden had fumbled as president, he could not. Plus I
know from experience, if you sit too close to mar
it appears that the smug stupidity is highly contagious, and
hopefully the infection is temporary. So we go from hers

(10:35):
malfeasance to the lying at NBC and ABC to bending
over so far backwards you fall flat on your face
at the Times and the Post, and the refusal to
call Trump insane and hilarian, but the near joy at
being able to quote somebody else saying Biden has a
bad memory. We didn't say that, that guy over there did.
We're just quoting him. We're the news. And we go

(10:57):
from these ten thousand thumbs on the scale of political
outcomes to this is Emperor's new clothes stuff, and Democrats
might need a plan B. Well, yeah, I guess just
bring out that perfect candidate you've been hiding off stage

(11:18):
to replace Biden. And since that perfect candidate would be
running in a vacuum, and we could, you know, transfer
it from Joe to mister perfect over here. We get
it done in forty five minutes and our tops. This
will be settled by nightfall. Plan B Emperor's new clothes.

(11:38):
Has anybody war gained this because this would not happen
in a vacuum. I mean, forget for one moment the
alternative candidates. And by the way, name one. Forget the realities.
Name me as my friend could not one presidential policy,
one presidential duty, one presidential decision that has been affected

(12:00):
by whatever you perceive or whatever you think others press
about the president's acuity. Forget for now what motives the
Republicans might have for constantly suggesting the Democrats might have
to change candidates might be about to change candidates might
have a plan B. Forget that, forget the impossible bloodiness
of the process, and forget the fact that in the

(12:22):
next two weeks the filing deadlines for all the Democratic
primaries close in all but six states. Let's forget all
that for the moment and cut to the chase. It
somehow has happened. Biden is off the ballot. What happens next?
What happens next is first, Trump spends the rest of

(12:45):
the campaign claiming he has already won. He forced Biden out,
he already beat Biden. Biden is the president, and obviously
Biden dropped out because he's afraid of Trump. Trump beat
the president, so maybe Biden should resign now. And Trump
might be nuts enough to claim that he should take
over immediately, even though there's no legal way to do that,

(13:07):
and even if he isn't that nuts. Trump immediately declares
that the Democrats in the Deep State are so afraid
of him that they have conceded and replaced the sitting president,
that they're too afraid to have their sitting president run
against him. They're afraid of him. They should be afraid
of him. He will say he is always right. He
was right about Biden, wasn't he He was right about

(13:28):
the country. The country is him, He is the country.
He is grateful that you have chosen him. And now
he will not deport two million Hispanics, He'll deport twenty
million Hispanics. Because he is always right. See, he was
right about Biden. And now he'll also tell you that
he is right about whoever replaced Biden. And he will

(13:52):
insist that whoever replaces Biden is worse than Biden. And
he will insist this is still just another Democrat Party
dirty trick, a switch or roule. They had this planned.
Of course I knew it was going to happen. They
had Plan B. I read it in the papers months ago.
They make a Plan B. Well, I'm going to Plan B.

(14:14):
Trump will say, there's no reason for me to debate
their Plan B. Guy. And of course it's even more
clear than ever. Trump will say that you know who
made all of this happen? Who made Biden chop out?

(14:34):
I mean besides him, you know who made this happen.
God made it happen, because Trump has been chosen by God.
He'll now play that creepy QAnon music at the start
of every one of his hitler rallies, not just at
the end. He'll say it, at some point, we shouldn't

(14:55):
even bother to have an election, and even in our
war game, if somehow Trump does not go that nuts.
He would be able to say real things, real things
that would actually be real and are startling enough. Who
is now the only candidate running for president with experience?

(15:18):
He can say, who is the only candidate who's ever
been president? How can you trust somebody without experience? Also,
Biden is a lame duck. His policies must be ignored, stopped, frozen.
Of course, we were right to destroy the border deal.
I told you so. Now we have to destroy anything

(15:39):
else Biden tries to do to sabotage me before I
regain power. Oh, by the way, obviously the Department of
Justice now has to drop all those charges against me
because they were just Biden campaigned dirty tricks. Why didn't
one of their own special prosecutors say he was crazy?

(16:00):
In fact, Go ahead, conduct the trials. I don't care.
I won't show up, I won't be my lawyers won't
be there. Go ahead, try to make me Joe Biden
just dropped out. We don't have a president. Try to
make me go to court, try to testify against me.
January twentieth is coming, come to think of it. He

(16:22):
will then say, why would we let an untried rookie
president with no experience control the House or the Senate.
Why would we deny me the right to control the
House of the Senate. You now have to vote the
Democrats out of control of the Senate, Trump would say,
and keep them from regaining the House. And depending on
how badly the new Democrat would pull against him, Trump

(16:46):
might even do something generous about the House and the
Senate and direct late funding spreeze on behalf of Republican
candidates other than himself, the ones running in those races,
because the polls and the swing state poll are all
over the place, and there has not been reliable polling

(17:07):
on all those better candidates hiding off stage, all those
planned B and C and D and F and Q
and Z that some liberals think the Democrats have in
one of those containers marked in the event of emergency
break glass. In November, Fox polled this and their polling
is no better or worse than anybody else's. And in

(17:30):
November it was Trump fifty to forty five over Vice
President Harris Trump forty nine forty five over Governor Newsom,
Trump forty eight forty six over Governor Whitmer. No polling
about JB. Pritzker or Josh Shapiro or Roy Cooper or
any non politicians. And I swear to god I had
to double check who Roy Cooper was the best number,

(17:55):
Trump by just forty seven, forty six over mansion. Now, seriously,
Joe Manchin, and if you want a real plot twist
in our computer game for your post Biden wargames, consider
the possibility that the candidate the Democrats turned to is

(18:16):
not a Democrat at all. He's Joe Manson. Because it's
very nice to assume that the only problem here is
how the media has portrayed President Biden. And he's done
a great job, but he's got to get out of
the way. Well, we pull the rabbit out of the hat,
and it's Michelle Obama. First of all, she's not going

(18:37):
to do it. And if Q your magical thinking that changes, well,
let's go back to our wargame computer and Trump's response
to that is told you Biden was being run by
the Obamas. I didn't make any gaffs when I called
Biden Obama, because I meant Michelle Obama, deep state, deep

(19:00):
state rigged fix which hunt hoax, and this will really
be Barack Obama's third term and that's unconstitutional, but it
isn't unconstitutional for her and him. It shouldn't be unconstitutional
for me. So wave the twenty fifth Amendment. I'll serve
three terms until I'm eighty six. Eighty six is not
too old. You can tell I'm not feeble, I'm loud.

(19:23):
And this is my wife, Nancy Pelosi. By the way,
I haven't seen any actual polling on Michelle Obama's presidential campaign,
which she has sworn she would never do in a
million years. I haven't seen any polling on that since
twenty twenty, when forty percent of independence and seventy eight

(19:45):
percent of Republicans viewed her negatively. So now another spin
of the wheel of our war game. Our war game
which still has not addressed the impact on the campaign
of the Democrats forcing a sitting president off the ticket
by more magical thinking. To make it worthwhile, we have

(20:10):
to either convince Michelle Obama to run, and we still
haven't seen enough pulling to make sure that's worth the bloodbath.
Unless you have Taylor Swift's phone number and she's tired
of having fun and wants to be president. Congratulations, you
have now removed the incumbent president of the United States
and every drop of his name recognition and everybody who

(20:33):
actually thinks he's done a good job, and his improving
economy and his status as the only candidate to defeat Trump,
and in his place, your wargame has given you your
new nominee, Michelle Obama, who you can't convince to run.
And when you can't convince her to run, you have

(20:56):
Taylor Swift, who won't run, and who the fascists have
been dirtying up for the last three months. Just in case. Now,
let's not cut to the chase and wargame this back
from the beginning, from right now. It would be one
thing if President Biden were to say, like today, I've

(21:19):
done the math and i had a long talk with
my wife and my family, and i think I'm not
up for this, and I'm not sure i can beat him,
and I'm withdrawing, and I have my new friend over here,
Stanley plan b That is still a mess. If deep
sixing his drawbacks actually does increase the democratic likelihood of

(21:43):
retaining the White House, how much are they offset by
the Trump gloating response mentioned earlier and the lame duck
presidency that would follow, and then the oldest, most cynical
cliche about the party actually becoming justifiable in the pages
of the New York Times, Democrats in disarray? What the

(22:05):
hell kind of instant presidential primary do you expect will
follow that? Oh, we must defeat Trump, we must be
unified to save the democracy and kumbaya And do you
remember Richard Oheeda? Does the name Seth Moulton mean anything

(22:29):
to you? Steve Bullock, John Delaney, Wayne Messim In twenty seventeen,
twenty eighteen, and twenty nineteen, the number of Democrats who
said we must defeat Trump. And when I say we,
I mean me, I'm the person to do it. The

(22:50):
number of Democrats who began presidential campaigns totaled twenty eight,
including Richard Oheeda, Seth Moulten, Steve Bullock, John Delaney, Wayne
mess Him and Haulsey Gabbard and Bill Effing de Blasio.

(23:12):
Because if Joe Biden withdrew tomorrow or resigned the presidency
tomorrow or was forced out somehow tomorrow and he said
I designate X as my successor, do you assume there
still wouldn't be a dozen Bill Deblasios thinking my time
has come, even a Biden endorsed successor. Even Vice President

(23:38):
Harris would still face a primary. Joe Biden getting out
of the way for that miracle natural perfect candidate would
go just as smooth as silk, no conflict, no disarray.
Still have the primaries filing with signature closes March first

(23:58):
in all but six states, Well, that would go well.
Twelve Bill de Blasios and Dean Phillips swarming the nation,
assaulting passers by with petition clipboards, And that, as it
will quickly dawn on you, is the best case scenario
in our wargame for a different candidate, because in all

(24:21):
the other versions of this wargame, the president is already
or will inevitably become the official nominee. Those primaries do
close to new entrants in sixteen days, and the convention
starts in one hundred and eighty nine days, and some

(24:42):
of the military ballots go out right after the convention ends.
And oh, by the way, on September twentieth, early voting
starts in two states, And there are no mechanisms in
place in this country for replacing a nominee or a
presumptive nominee. And it is so shattering and labyrinthine a
prospect that no party has even seen seriously whispered about

(25:06):
doing it since the year eighteen sixty four. So this
spin of the war game ends with a contested series
of primaries and a possibly violent Democratic convention and maybe litigation.
And maybe you started this thinking your plan B would
be Michelle Obama. Sorry, who would have ever thought the

(25:30):
computer would deduce this, that it would end this way?
Your twenty twenty four Democratic presidential nominee, Bill de Blasio,
pressing start on the wargame computer one more time, we
get the nightmare of all nightmares. There is a conclave

(25:53):
in which all the leading Democratic powers in the Senate,
in the House, plus Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Nancy Pelosi,
Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, d Wit Clinton, Gavin Newsom,
Taylor Swift, they all agree and they all go into

(26:14):
the Oval Office and they say, mister President, it is
now unavoidable. You have to relinquish the nomination. She says
she will do it, and Taylor blushes sweetly and says
the tortured President's to her, and Joe Biden laughs that
marvelous laugh of his and says, no, get out, And

(26:39):
what do you do? Then, because then the mere fact
that you went in and asked him to relinquish the nomination,
that fact really isn't likely to remain a secret for
more than four or five seconds. And when it stops
being the secret, it then splits the Democratic Party in two.

(27:01):
And let's check back on the other side of this
war game, and Trump does what Then, Trump now says,
in the first thing he's ever said in his life
that is not in whole or in part a lie.
Trump then says, the Democratic Party is running an insurrection
against the sitting president of the United States. So at

(27:26):
that point you are left with the following an incumbent
president who you yourself have just mortally wounded, who is
going to be on the ballot anyway, And you have
thereby handed the dictatorship of the United States to Trump
by fifty five to forty five, sixty to forty or

(27:48):
maybe you've sent half the Democratic voters to third party candidates,
and whoo, there's a chance. RFK Junior finishes second, and
for the first time since nineteen twelve, the incumbent president
of the United States finishes third in a two man race.
This is where our wargame ends. Congratulations, my friend, you

(28:09):
have nuked the United States of America as a free country.
But the audience at the Bill Mahershaw applauded, in woohooed.
And on the other hand, you are now in possession
of the answer to the only hypothetical I have posited

(28:31):
here without circling back to it, the only question that
I raised but had not offered an answer to, And
that question was, and you now know why they have
done this. That question was what motives might the Republicans
and Trump have had for constantly suggesting that the Democrats

(28:55):
would change candidates interest a lot of headlines. Trump goes
to the Supreme Court, still insisting on presidential immunity, arguing
in two hundred and thirty four years of American history,
no president was ever prosecuted for his official acts. Well,

(29:17):
maybe that's because none of the others were traitorous rapists.
That's next. This is countdown. This is countdown with Keith Olberman.

(29:49):
Trump legal postcripts to the news. Some headlines, some updates,
some snark, some predictions, dateline, Trump Land. Trump's lawyers beat
the deadline. Not only did they file to the Supreme
Court asking it to overturn the three Judge Appeals Panel

(30:10):
after it took the presidential immunity filing paperwork and lit
it on fire and said, oh, you want another opinion,
you're also ugly. It also asked Scotus to have the
entire district court review the case again, which the entire
district Court is unlikely to do because you know the
risk of burning its fingers. If you wonder sometimes if

(30:30):
Trump is just making up the story of having grown
up in Queens and he's actually from Easter Island or
Mars or somewhere. The filing includes a statement of well
faked pain that nobody has agreed with the history of
presidential immunity thing that Trump and his lawyers made up

(30:52):
out of thin air. It is in the filing a
quote stunning breach of precedent and historical norms. I was
looking for the footnote that read not in this country.
In two hundred and thirty four years of American history,
no president was ever prosecuted for his official acts, nor
should they be. Unquote no comment from the ghost of

(31:13):
Gerald Ford, wondering what in the almighty f he bothered
to pardon Richard Nixon four dateline Fort Pierce, Florida, Trump
got to say, howdy, who is concierge Judge Eileen Cannon,
the former Flamenco dancing and yoga correspondent of the Miami
El Nuevo Herald newspaper, And I wish I were making

(31:37):
that up. Two closed door meetings yesterday with the defense
in the classified documents case. Wonder what Kristin Welker will
do with that story next week? Trump had documents stolen
from him in a secured document's facility. The defense offered
its theories that it may use a trial and why
it should get to see all the documents, the kinds

(31:59):
of which Trump stole last time. Many lies were told,
and we were hoping somebody kept their eye out for
Trump lifting more documents and hiding them under his extra chins.
It's probably time for the Department of Justice to make
the motions to remove Judge Cannon. Judge Cannon recently let
Trump's lawyers see evidence about threats to potential witnesses against him.

(32:20):
In other words, she made it easier for him to
arrange more threats against witnesses against him. They should remove
her for not even making it look like she's not
paying Trump back for having given her a job where
she does not have to write stories about flamenco and
yoga and dateline JD. Vance's Eyeliner Cabinet. It started early

(32:43):
in the day when Vance said that the bill to
resume aid to Ukraine through September twenty twenty five was
in fact a long term plot to impeach Trump in
twenty twenty five because he intends to stop sending Ukraine money. Then,
on his show The Trump Junior Hour brought to You
by Snow, the Quicker Picker, Upper Dondee explained that is

(33:05):
intending to cut off the aid to Ukraine on January twentieth.
Between that and Trump Senior encouraging Russia to attack American
allies we are bound by treaty to protect. This is
a little reminder that returning Trump to power is like
inviting Putin to invade us again. Okay, I brought up

(33:27):
the sleeves weasel before. Permit me to tell you again
the day in college I nearly punched Bill Maher out,
and then again thirty years later I nearly punched Bill
Ayer out. The older I get, the more I regret
missing such God sent opportunities. That's next this countdown Sometime

(33:54):
in nineteen eighty five or nineteen eighty six, I saw
a movie on cable called DC Cab. There was a character,
and it clearly the actor portraying him was talented and funny.
But for some reason I felt like I knew him
from somewhere, and I really didn't like him. I remember
the feeling was so strong that I stuck around to
watch the credits to find out who he was. His

(34:15):
name was Bill Mayher mh er Well. I had a
teacher named Bill Mayer, but his name had a y
in it. He was my advisor in high school. Now
it wasn't him, but I knew three things. He was talented,
I didn't like him, and I knew him from somewhere.
This is pre Internet, of course, so no way to

(34:36):
find out where I knew him from. Hallowell's annual film
Guide would be my best bet. Maybe he'd be in
the new one coming out. Checked calendar just eight or
nine months from now. Eventually I found out Bill Maher
was in the year ahead of mine at Cornell University.
He was not at my radio station. He was not
in my college. Maybe I knew him from a class somewhere.

(34:58):
I could never nail it. Down. I like to say
I have a photographic memory, but it's all polaroids, and
I haven't always bothered to label them. Almost everything that
ever happened is stuck inside this big empty head of mine.
But often key details like who, what, when and where
are just missing. Never wrote him down, and honestly, in

(35:21):
this case, it was not worth the effort. I knew
I was was the right word. The word was aware
of him when we were both in college. Occasionally, especially
after I went from ESPN to MSNBC in nineteen ninety seven,
a writer would note the coincidence of university and years
and ask me about it, and I would say just
that I don't remember if he was in a class

(35:41):
with me or I knew him somehow, But I was
aware of Bill Maher. And then twenty two years ago
this month, no remember. Twenty third, two thousand, I went
on his old show, Politically Incorrect, used to be the
late night show on ABC. This was when I was
doing sports for Fox in LA and it was an
all sports episode. Lennox Lewis, the boxer, Mark Cuban, the

(36:04):
owner of the Dallas Mavericks. Todd Zeal the first basement
of the new York Mets and me from Fox Sports.
When I met Bill Maher before the show, I asked
him about Cornell and whether or not we ran into
each other. I didn't know anybody there. I didn't see anybody.
I didn't go comedy anywhere. I didn't talk to anybody.
I didn't meet you. Okay, excuse me. That settles it.

(36:25):
Except during the recording of the show, when Mark contradicted
me on some point, I got angry at him, and
there was no reason to get angry at him, so
I dismissed the anger, and I dismissed the moment. Except
on the way home, I kept thinking, I know him
from school somehow, no matter what he says, and I

(36:45):
know I didn't like him in school. In the next decade,
Bill switched to his weekly HBO political show, and I
went back and turned MSNBC into a political network. And
the Internet happened so that Cornell juxtaposition became easier for
reporters to stumble over, so I would tell them the
same thing. I can't remember the details, but for twenty

(37:07):
nine years now I have been convinced I was aware
of Bill Maher at Cornell. Finally came the day March twentieth,
two thousand and nine, when they asked me to go
on Real Time and Bill Maher Cornell University seventy eight
asked me Cornell University seventy nine, something about colleges, and
I said, well, as you know, we overlapped at Cornell,

(37:29):
and I don't know if we met, but I was
aware of you there, and he intermerupted and said, no,
you weren't, and I just went back and answered his question. Now,
after every episode of his program, Mar has or at
least had a little party backstage, I mean catered with
booze and with more guests than there are people in
the studio audience, and usually a bunch of models. Having

(37:52):
done that show four times, where they will fly you
in first class and put you up for the weekend
in LA just to do their show, and there's a party.
I began to suspect that, like many of the guests,
Bill Maher does the show just so he can have
the party. Anyway. Not long after it started, it overcomes

(38:12):
Mar and he's mad at me. And mind you, even
if his allegation that he is five feet eight is correct,
I'm just under six ' four. So he's giving up
a lot of height during an argument, and he starts
yapping about how I should stop saying I was a
way here of him at Cornell, and I'm just trying
to get publicity off something that never happened. And who
could remember that kind of crap anyway? And he never

(38:33):
talked to anybody in four years in college because quote
except for the Ethica High school students I sold drugs
to unquote. And I notice he's getting heated, and this
is just triggering that core belief of mine that I
was aware of him in college and I didn't like him,
and now it becomes clear to me he didn't like

(38:56):
me either. He's getting loud enough and he's swinging his
arms around now and it looks kind of funny, but
apparently it happens in the office sometimes. And this is
when Scott Carter, who was the executive producer whom I
definitely did know since like nineteen ninety two when he
worked at Comedy Central with my friend Alan Havy, Scott
Carter comes over to defuse the situation. Scott was a

(39:20):
three piece suit kind of guy with a thumbs tucking
the vest, who would call a group of men fellows
as in, say fellows. So Scott comes over and says,
say fellows with your Cornell alumni reunion here, And of
course this makes Bill Maher even angrier. Let me ask
you something. I used to drive down from Hobart to

(39:41):
see concerts at Cornell to say, I think Cornell was
the leading concert school in the nation back in our day.
And now Scott starts to list who he saw in
concert at Cornell. Robert Palmer and the famous Grateful Dead
concert at Cornell at Barton Hall. He was there, and
I say, I went to Springsteen, and mar mumbles something
about Loggins and Messina, and I know what Carter's doing here,

(40:03):
He's diffusing, And we do a couple of rounds of
who saw which Cornell concert? And finally I say, I
can top both of you comic geniuses. I saw Robert
Kleine in concert at Cornell. Now it is criminal, but
there's an excellent chance you may not know who Robert
Kline is, suffice to say as prominent a comedian in

(40:27):
the sixties, seventies eighties as George Carlin or Richard pryor.
HBO itself was built on annual George Carlin concerts and
annual Robert Klin concerts and everybody else. And Robert Kline
wasn't quite as deep or eternal as George Carlin, but
he was really on the money during Watergate and during Reagan.

(40:48):
So I say, I saw Robert Klein in concert at Cornell,
and Mar looks at me funny and not angrily, and
says quietly, I was at that too. I saw Robert
Klein too, And I don't really register that Mar's mood
has now utterly changed. He's not angry, he's confused. Well,

(41:09):
I say, I can still top you, because after that
concert I interviewed Robert Klein. Now Bill Maher starts to squint,
and he looks at me, and he looks at Scott Carter,
and he looks back at me, and he says, wait,
I interviewed Kleine after that concert, too. And I'm smiling

(41:30):
through all this and smiling and smiling and smiling, And
then suddenly, simultaneously it hits Bill Maher and me at
the same moment, in the same fullness of detail, and
I stop smiling, and I shout at Bill Maher, you
and he pulls his arms in towards his stomach and
kind of bends forward at the waist and covers his
face with his hands, and he says, oh God, I'm

(41:50):
so sorry, Jesus, it can't be. I'm sorry. I'm sorry,
And while the anger wells up inside me so powerfully,
I can almost see it in my own eyeballs. Bill
Maher's concert going producer Scott Carter is really confused. Used say, Fellows,
did I miss something or did I have a brief
stroke or episode? And I say, Bill, and I just

(42:14):
remember it how I happened to be aware of him
in school. And Mar still has got his hands over
his face, and people are looking at us, and Bill
is shouting apologies, and I say you want to tell him?
Or should I? And Mar just shakes his body no
and mumbles, oh God, you do it. I can't, I can't,

(42:34):
I can't. And it all came back to me. For
years I would tell people the story of the Robert
Klein concert at Cornell University in nineteen seventy eight. Our
radio station co sponsored his appearance along with the Cornell
Concert Commission, and in the contract we specified that a
couple of us real comedy nerds at the radio station

(42:56):
would get to go backstage afterwards and tape a brief
ten or fifteen minute interview with Robert Klein. Basically, we
paid him not but we paid him to do an interview.
And when my pal Andy Grossman and I get backstage
to talk to Robert Klein, and we have our two
microphones and two mike stands and three tape recorders, there
is this guy, this short guy, and he's yelling at

(43:20):
the chief of the Corneill Concert Commission, and he's yelling
at Robert Clein's manager, and he's demanding that he should
get to interview Robert Clin because, like Klein, this kid
says he is a stand up comedian and he publishes
the Corneill Humor Magazine. And he points at me and
he says he should get priority over these quote corporate
sellouts from the Cornell Radio station. I hated him on site.

(43:47):
Oh wait, I say to him in nineteen seventy eight.
And he's small and he's got dirty, stringy hair, and
he's loud, and I say, you are the publisher of
the Cornell Humor magazine, the Cornell Widow And he snorts
and says, I would get caught dead publishing that corporate sellout.
Cornell widow, and so I say, oh, so, then that
means you're the publisher of the Cornell alternative humor magazine,

(44:10):
the Not So Big Red or whatever it is they
call it. He says, no way, they are corporate sellouts.
I publish this, and he pulls out a stack of
mimeographed pages stapled together and there's like a drawing on
the front of a naked girl and handwritten it says
it's his comedy magazine. And I look at Robert Klein's

(44:32):
manager and I say, so, it's ten o'clock and if
you leave now while this idiot is screwing this up,
the limo can still get mister Klein to Elaine's in
the city before it closes, right, And the manager is
wildly impressed, you know of Elaine's. And I said yes,
and I felt like an adult. And I also said,

(44:53):
if we give this guy five minutes of our time
right now while we're setting up our tape recorders, can
we still have ten minutes with mister Klein? And the
manager says, good plan. I like the way you think,
and he points to the kid and gestures for him
to co I'm along now. The kid shouts, I want
half an hour. These corporate sellouts deserve nothing. And now
I'm getting angry. I say, buddy, so far all the

(45:16):
corporations in the world have paid me about one hundred bucks.
So I threaten him. Now, mind you, I believe this
is literally true. Since nineteen sixty seven, when I was
eight years old, I have started two fistfights, two in
fifty five years. I am a man of peace. I
am loud, but I am a man of peace. But

(45:39):
I say to this guy, you now have two choices. Kid,
five minutes with Robert Klein or I hit you in
the face. And he runs to where client's manager is
still gesturing towards him, and he screams corporate sellout, and
he disappears to do his interview, and behind him he
leaves his little homemade mimeograph ten or twelve page humor publication.

(46:04):
And I picked it up, and I read it and
register it and dismiss it before I leave the building.
And if I had only remembered what it said on
the cover, all the years of mystery and I was
aware of him, and all that would never have happened.
Because the cover of the magazine read Bill Mahr's comedy
Magazine by Bill Maher and now back in well technically

(46:30):
this is correct, back in real time at the party
in the Hollywood studio in two thousand and nine, the
producer Scott Carter says nothing, and Bill Maher is still
doubled over in shame, and I say, are you satisfied
that I was aware of you? And he mumbles yes.
And I say, will you ever question my memory again?

(46:51):
And he mumbles no. And he says if I need
him to do my show or a charity benefit or something,
just call. And he says he's ashamed, and he offers
me his hand to shake, and we shake, and finally
I say, and by the way, Bill Maher, I Bill
Maher's Comedy Magazine by Bill Maher? Are you a corporate sellout?
And he says kind, And that's how I was aware

(47:15):
of Bill Maher in college. I've done all the damage
I can do here. Thank you for listening. I mentioned
we've been nominated for Best Political Podcast and the iHeart

(47:37):
Podcast Awards. It'll be given out next month. I'm not
gonna win or anything, but you can vote. Just google
how to do it. I can't provide you a little link.
This is audio countdown. Musical directors Brian Ray and John
Phillip Shanelle arranged, produced, and performed most of our music.
Mister Ray was on guitarist, bass, and drums. Mister Shanelle
handled orchestration in keyboards. Ole mess was produced by Tko Brothers.

(48:00):
Other music, including some of the Beethoven compositions, arranged and
performed by no Hoarn's Allowed sports music is the Olberman
theme from ESPN two, written by Mitch Warren Davis courtesy
of ESPN Inc. Our satirical and pithy musical comments are
by Nancy Fauss. The best baseball stadium organist ever. Our
announcer today is my friend Kenny Mayne. Everything else was
pretty much my fault. That's countdown for this the two

(48:23):
hundred and sixty seventh day until the twenty twenty four
US presidential election. Thirty second day since dementia J. Trump's
first attempted coup against the democratically elected government of the
United States. Use the Fourteenth Amendment, the Insurrection Act, the
justice system, the mental health system, and your nearest neighborhood
war games to stop him from doing it again while

(48:45):
we still can. The next scheduled Countdown is tomorrow, although
I wouldn't bet on it. I'm sick as anything hoping
you did not hear that till now, because, as I
once heard the great Geddy Lee say, I'm a professionally
boltons as the news warrants, or whenever my voice comes
back till then, I'm Keith Oldremman. Good morning, good afternoon, goodnight,

(49:08):
and good luck. Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production
of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,

(49:31):
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Keith Olbermann

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