June 5, 2025 • 54 mins
SEASON 3 EPISODE 133: COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN
A-Block (1:45) SPECIAL COMMENT: It's still just at the passive-aggressive stage but Elon Musk has not only broken with Trump and ghosted Trump, now he has re-tweeted someone telling MAGAs to go to the comments at Fox News and read how "almost every comment is in agreement with Elon – to see so many vehemently disagreeing with Trump is wild.”
This is not going to end well.
Pass the popcorn.
How is that POSSIBLE? Who could have EVER forseen that relying on a chemical’d-up, psychologically-impaired, persistent over-promising, compulsive sperm donor who may have been the victim of a botched penile implant, could be a BAD thing.
Musk has ghosted Trump and is starting to attack Trump - and Trump can’t say a word because unless Musk bankrolls it Trump won’t be able to subvert the constitution and run for a third term – and unless Musk bankrolls it a Trump successor will never get off the ground and unless Musk bankrolls it the Republicans will lose the House next year AND maybe the Senate too. All Trump has been able to do is the really sad sight of a screenshot of a Musk tweet praising Trump. It’s from May 28th.
THIS is the BEST part: Trump cannot trash Musk. As much as he wants to, as much as Musk attacks the House for Trump’s budget bill and its 2-point-4 trillion dollar add to the deficit -without mentioning Trump even though it’s TRUMP’S bill and those idiots in the House like Mike Johnson are just Trump’s SLAVES, as much as Musk is still protecting Trump from himself, Trump has to do the most difficult thing in the world: shut himself up. Keep his mouth shut.
OTHER HEADLINES: Trump is now trying to sabotage Columbia's accreditation. It's not too late, Claire, break your deal and sue him for $100 Trillion. Trump the Russian simp also says he talked to Putin about Ukraine and Putin says he'll have to avenge the airbase attacks (what is he going to do? Start bombing Ukrainian cities?) A Republican senator actually asks 'What WAS we ranked" in reading and arithmetic in 1979. And Karoline Leavitt has the yips: she has now called Trump "Chump" three times in the last week.
B-Block (25:00) THE WORST PERSONS IN THE WORLD: Steven Cheung wants you to ignore the legacy media. To prove why, he attaches a clip from...CNN. CNN's Abby Phillip lets a putz named Chris Sununu to compare Trump's post about Biden being executed/cloned to people insisting there are back-up Melanias. And on the same topic somebody named Kaylee McGhee White goes on Fox and insists the nation might've been run by "a cable" of unelected White House officials.
C-Block (35:45) THINGS I PROMISED NOT TO TELL: Tomorrow's the anniversary of the day the president of MSNBC wanted to postpone breaking news to do anniversary programming he had dedicated himself to. The breaking news? Ronald Reagan had just died.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. Musk
(00:25):
has attacked Trump. Musk had already ghosted Trump. Now Musk
is attacking Trump. At this point it is still passive aggressive,
but it is unmistakable an attack by Musk on Trump.
How is that possible? Who could have ever foreseen that?
Relying on a chemicaled up, psychologically impaired, persistently overpromising, compulsive
(00:49):
sperm donor who may have been the victim of a
botched penile implant. Who could have ever foreseen that could
be a bad thing? But he's exactly like my oldest son.
Musk has ghosted Trump. More importantly, Musk's money is going
to ghost Trump and bluntly, without Musk's money two hundred
(01:10):
and seventy five million dollars in the election, thank you
Citizens United and Floyd Abrams. Without Musk's money and musks
tech bro vote and musks we'll be on maus next
week vote and Musk's white supremacist apartheid vote, Trump probably loses.
Musk has ghosted Trump and is starting to attack Trump,
(01:31):
and Trump can't say a word because unless Musk bank
rolls it, Trump will not be able to subvert the
Constitution and run for a third term. And unless Musk
bank rolls it, a Trump successor will never get off
the ground. And unless Musk bank rolls it, the Republicans
will lose the House next year and maybe the Senate too.
All Trump has been able to do thus far is
(01:55):
the really sad site of publishing without comment. A screenshot
of a Musk tweet thanking and praising Trump, and the
tweet is from May twenty eighth. Musk's response was to
pin to his feed a tweet from an expert. It's
(02:15):
from a woman in Vegas who shows herself in a
string bikini grilling burgers. So next Trump Supreme Court justice nominee.
It encourages conservatives to go to the comment sections at
Fox News and quoting this magic chef. Almost every comment
is in agreement with Elon. To see so many vehemently
(02:37):
disagreeing with Trump is wild. Then there are screenshots, screenshots
of comments, not burgers or buns. It is a passive
aggressive attack on Trump by Musk. Ya a second party
with burgers and buns and screenshots. But make no mistake,
(03:01):
it's an attack and this is the best part. Trump
cannot trash Musk in return as much as he wants to,
no doubt, as much as Musk attacks the House for
Trump's budget bill and it's two point four trillion dollar
add to the deficit without mentioning Trump, even though it's
(03:24):
Trump's bill and those idiots in the House like Mike
Johnson are just Trump's slaves, as much as Musk is
still protecting Trump from himself. In this manner, Trump has
to do the most difficult thing in the world for him.
Shut himself up, keep his mouth closed and his fingers
(03:46):
off the phone. Trump may yet snap, he may lash
out at Musk. Lord knows, there's never been anybody else
Trump has ever been betrayed by, or even insufficiently supported by,
that he hasn't lashed out at. But strategically, the entirety
of Trump World has got to be focusing itself on
(04:07):
pouring fresh buckets of ice water over Trump every twenty minutes,
because if he comes back at Musk, Maga is suddenly broke.
Trump is already facing Musk's Trumpean barrage of tweets the
other night, thirteen of them, about as many yesterday afternoon,
demanding that America vote out all the congressmen who voted
(04:30):
for the budget bill, and guess who they are. They're Republicans.
Shame on those who voted for it. You know you
did wrong. Fire all politicians who betrayed the American people,
and the memes of kill the bill. Despite what The
New York Times posited the other night, the Democrats don't
have to consider taking Musk back, whatever that means. Musk
(04:54):
just did all we could ever ask for him. He
just endorsed every Democratic congressional candidate, and before that, he
endorsed every potential primary of every sitting Republican house member.
And we haven't even gotten to the Senate yet. Musk
just this week doubled the cost of electing Republicans next
year and shut off his own money spigot. And if
(05:19):
you're wondering about the principles involved, these are not complex
matters of finance or deficit as a percentage of GDP,
or the sustainability of the debt sealing system. It's simple.
The rich, and especially the especially rich, all eventually see
their lives ruined by the same monomania. The more money
(05:40):
they make, the more time they waste, and the more
pain they feel at having to give any of that
money to anybody else, especially as part of taxes, especially
as part of some kind of responsibility delio about mankind,
(06:02):
where mankind asks for like a dollar dollar back for
every million, these guys get to keep money. It's all
Musk is, it's all Trump is, it's all Scott besson is,
It's all all of them are. This is about them
paying less taxes because at trillion dollars is not going
(06:22):
as far as it used to anyway. Thanks ghosting, Elmo,
Thanks passive aggressive Elmo for kneeing Trump in the groin.
And we will get back to you if we need
you at any of the Democratic events. Who in the
hell am I kidding? Musk has also and more obviously
ghosted the Republican Party in whole, especially the House Republicans.
(06:45):
But the real issue is Trump who. And remember the
quote is in the Wall Street Journal from the very
same White House officials who got Trump to chase Musk
out in the first place. Trump, who finally realized the
eleven dy trillion in cuts Musk promise was another one
of Musk's hallucinations, his most vivid fantasies from his most
(07:05):
profound fugue states. Trump finally asked was it all bullshit?
Oh my yes, you mean even you were too disconnected
to realize it was all bullshit, that it was bullshit,
that it was all bullshit, that everything Musk says is bullshit.
(07:26):
The new reporting on this is limited and controlled. The
leak to its stenographer at Politico, dash of Burns is quote,
the West Wing is perplexed, unenthused, and disappointed. You bet
your ass and over on Capitol Hill. Why Mike Johnson
is in shock that Lyle Lanley didn't return his calls
(07:50):
about the new Springfield mono rail. Well, I'll tell you.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
I called Elon last night and then answered it. But
I hope to talk to him today. I mean, it's
not you know, it's very friendly and we and we've
laughed about our differences on policy before we'll disclosure. Elan
and I had a great conversation about a half hour
long talk on Monday this week, Monday morning, and we
talked about the big Beautiful bill because he made he
(08:14):
I think he was trying to make a joke a
couple of days earlier. It can't be big and beautiful,
And I started the conversation, Oh yes it can, my friend,
It's very beautiful. I talked to President Trump, you know,
all the time, multiple times a day. Obviously we've talked
about this. He's as you know, he's not He's not
delighted that Elon did a one to eighty on that.
But look, I don't know what happened.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
In twenty four hours.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Everybody can draw their own conclusions about that, okay, But
I look forward to talking to my friend about it again,
and I'm not upset about it.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
All right, Mike, you fed up, you trusted musk. By
the way, Mike Johnson talks and sounds like a guy
who should be saying, well, traffic is backed up throughout
the corridor after that explosion at the rhubarb factory. Now
(09:02):
here are the Statler brothers. And I love the Statler brothers.
(09:33):
Got then, King, don't tell me some other headlines. Trump
says he's talked to Putin for ninety minutes, largely about Ukraine,
says Putin has says he will now have to avenge
the Ukrainian tax on air bases in Russia. Oh no,
what's he gonna do, Donnie start bombing Ukrainian civilians. Trump
is an utter fool, a Russian simp. Never mind whether
(09:57):
Putin or Zelenski wants peace. If Trump wanted peace, he
should be right now congratulating Ukraine on the best incursion
into Russias Napoleon reached Moscow. He should be saying, Look,
if Russia wants peace, this is simple. Remove Putin. Trump
has also attacked Columbia University again. Do you see what
(10:18):
happens when you try to appease He is now trying
to get its accreditation removed, alleging discriminatory admission policies, trying
to turn it into not a university. It is not
too late, Claire, kill your deal. Sue him for one
(10:39):
hundred trillion dollars. Carl Harvard, Trump's guy in charge of
pardoning those who tried to overthrow democracy for him, has
a new target. He wants to pardon the fake electors.
The written analysis of the May Outlook for US agricultural
trade from the US Department of Agriculture was ready to
(11:00):
go on May twenty ninth, but it predicted an increase
in the nation's farm goods trade deficit to a record
no last forty nine billion. We can't have that, so
Trump didn't release the written part. A redacted version was
released Monday, of this week, no written part, the part
with the trade deficit still has not been released because,
(11:23):
says a USDA spokesman, it's undergoing internal review by Winston Smith,
you know six zero seven nine Smith w at the
Ministry of Truth. Smith six oh seven nine will also
be looking at the Florida meteorologists who apologize to his
(11:43):
viewers the other day because he would not be able
to warn them anymore about hurricanes because the government isn't
telling anybody what it knows about hurricanes. So good luck
Florida and the Office of Management and Budget. Where the
evil moron behind Project twenty twenty five, the ironically named
RUSS Vote high. It is boasting on social media about
(12:07):
the money it has cut from PBS and you know,
keeping American kids from starving and quote four million dollars
saved for Lagome Systems research. It helpfully attached a photo
of six or seven types of legomes beans Legome Systems research. Oh,
(12:31):
what's that sounds French? It's how to breed healthier and
more durable beans and other innovations and also improving upon
some past innovations like from seven thousand years ago. One
of them was called corrop rotation. We are deliberately destroying
(12:52):
knowledge so that Trump will not be so stupid compared
to everybody else. And by the way, he is complaining
now internally according to several reports about a the Supreme
Court justice, he does not like who he thinks is weak,
thinks is not upholding his agenda. Catanji Brown, Jackson, so
(13:14):
tom Ore, Noop, Amy Coney, Barrett, Okay, who's gonna break
it to him now? Story time, Nearly four decades ago,
(13:37):
I was preparing to get back into television after a
long hiatus taking care of my family. And I'm gonna
leave the details of this out, which is too bad
in one way, because my gratitude to the news director
who took a chance on me all those years ago
is endless and boundless, and I always think of him
at this time of the year because it happened at
this time of year. But there was one drawback to
(14:00):
the job, and it is relevant to our current political system.
The one drawback was hinted at to me by members
of the sports department at this TV station long before
I even signed the contract. The station had another sportscaster
he did the weekends, who's described to me not just
(14:21):
as the dumbest person any of them there had ever met,
but very possibly the dumbest person who had ever lived.
We eventually fired him after he mispronounced the same hockey
name thirty one weeks in a row. Then after he
tried to sneak some woman into a team's press box
and decided the best place to stash her was the
(14:43):
seat that in fact belonged to the general manager of
that team, And they then refused to give him any
more press credentials. And I believe the last I heard
he had not worked in sports television since. And this
was like, well again, like four decades ago. He was
offered another job. I know that after about two years
of unemployment, a good one, working with a guy who
(15:05):
did a national sports cast. But the story I heard
was as they were about to draw up the contract
and they were congratulating him on getting the job. He
had a good voice, and he looked like a Greek god,
and he fits suits really well. He said, oh, by
the way, I never fly business class. It has to
be first. And they said, well, the guy who does
(15:26):
this national sports cast you'll be working with, he doesn't
even fly first. And this guy shrugged and I guess
he's somewhere now, still waiting for them to send him
the contract with the first class airfare guarantee in it. Anyway,
the point he was on the air one night with
the fellow who preceded me as the sports director of
(15:48):
this station, and my predecessor was live from Chicago, and
as they wrapped up the segment, the dumb guy asks
my predecessor, by the way, do you have a good
view of the ocean from your hotel. My predecessor realizes
he's not joking, he's serious, and he looks at him
like huh, And finally he says, oh, the lake, Lake Michigan.
(16:13):
You mean, do I have a good view of the
lake from my hotel? And the guy back in the studio,
the dumb one says, yeah, the ocean, Lake Michigan. Ocean,
Lake Michigan. I mention him, and I'm going to pretend
I've forgotten his name, even though when we fired him,
the entire sports department came in to the office, many
(16:37):
of them on their nights off, for a party highlighted
by the moment at which we went outside and painted
over his name on his parking spot, and a mighty
roar went up from the crowd, and I mention him
at length because every time I read another story about
Trump and this group of absolute idiots he has picked
(16:58):
to run this country into the ground, I think of
that weekend sportscaster, and I keep waiting to hear he's
been nominated as Secretary of Geography or the head of
the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration that isn't supplying the
hurricane reports anymore, or he's been elected senator from somewhere,
(17:19):
because these people may actually be dumber than he was.
What you will hear first is Senator Mark Wayne Mullen
of Oklahoma. Mark Wayne one word dropped out of Missouri
Valley College, but later got an associate degree in construction
(17:45):
technology from Oklahoma State University Institute of Technology. And I'm
not trying to demean construction. My dad's architectural career was
intertwined with it. But that's that's some academic resume item
for a guy who you will hear trying to complain
to the Secretary of Lack of Education Linda McMahon about
(18:07):
how academic standards have fallen in this country, but doesn't
know the difference between the words was and were twice,
He shows he does not know the difference between was
and were. What was we ranked in reading and math
in nineteen seventy nine?
Speaker 3 (18:23):
I'm sorry?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
What what was we ranked nationally in math and in
reading in nineteen seventy nine?
Speaker 3 (18:29):
We were very very low on the totem pole.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
We're number one in nineteen seventy nine? What was we ranked? Senator?
If you wanted to emphasize educational deterioration, you could have
just held up a picture of yourself. If you notice,
he also got the word nationally wrong, he meant internationally.
(18:55):
Doesn't know the difference, Mark Queen. The look on the
face of Linda McMahon, who infamously said that the acronym
for artificial intelligence was pronounced A one. That look was
almost ineffable. It may have been produced by her realization that,
(19:16):
for the first time ever, she was not the stupidest
person in the room. After Senator, associate degree in construction Tech,
I give you the endless fountain of stupidity and falsehoods.
That is the press secretary with the word lie contained
(19:36):
in both her first and last names. The centerfielder from
a Division three softball program, Caroline Levitt.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
President Chump sounded the alarm over these reckless Biden policies
for years. Law and order is back in America under
President Chump. For example, just before Congress enacted the original
Chump tax cut.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
You heard it, President Chump. I'll play it again in
a moment, President Chump. Caroline Levitt is not only an
amazing perpetual motion lying machine, she's rapidly also turning into
a mispronunciation machine. Let's listen again to it, and then
connected to her greatest mispronunciation hit when she mispronounced the
(20:24):
name of Hitler.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Chump tax cuts at the end of twenty seventeen, Adolf Hilter.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
What was we ranked nationally in ed ucation? Caroline? Is
it okay if we all compare Chump to Hilter? What
(20:51):
was the Harry Potter premise where they turned all of
the people in charge of the government into the stupidest
people in the world and they all destroyed the government
by being stupid. But this required, of course, wizards and wands,
And we don't need wizards and wands. We just find
(21:14):
the stupidest people in the world and put them in charge.
But the truth leaks out around the corners President jump,
do you have a good view of the ocean. Also
of interest, here the beat goes on. A Fox News
(21:34):
expert says, the real story in Trump's post about Biden
being clone executed and turned into a robot is that
it raises the possibility that during the last administration, the
nation was run by a cable of unelected officials. You
(21:55):
heard me, she said, cable that's next. This is Countdown,
George Carolin. The pleasure to have you here. Thank you.
This is the best news show ever. I toilet to
one of your producers, and I want you to know
that I've seen them all and it's just for especially
the first thirty five minutes. Thank you. It's just unparalleled.
(22:18):
I got bad news between you and I. We got
six minutes to completely screw that in my back. Yeah
that is good. Hey, if he said that about you
(22:43):
and your newscast, you'd keep playing it too. Sometimes it
keeps me going. Doing this podcast is often like gargling,
flaming chainsaws, indulgement sail ahead on this edition of Countdown.
I was telling somebody the other day that I think
I have now met every kind of crazy person in
(23:04):
media management. I met the drunk who came back from
lunch drunk one day and drunk fired me, mostly because
I was twenty one and I wasn't drunk, and they
wound up reprimanding him for being drunk and apologizing to me.
I turned down a job with an executive from Madison
Square Garden, who then decided to try to talk me
out of turning the job down by calling me up
(23:28):
at my home and swearing at me and threatening me.
He thought this would encourage me to go work for him.
But the weirdest of them all, I have decided as
I approached my half century mark in this business, was
the head of MSNBC, and he reached his weirdness apex
(23:49):
twenty one years ago tomorrow, when he wanted to postpone
the news so he could do an anniversary feature he
had worked on all week the news he wished to
postpone that Ronald Reagan had just died. Can't we talk
about it later? Next? In Things I promised not to tell,
(24:12):
And this was the guy who chased me around the
studios one day and threatened to kill me. That wasn't
nearly as weird as this day, the anniversary of which
is tomorrow first, believe it or not, there's still more
new idiots to talk about. The roundup of the mis grants,
morons and Dunning Kruger effects specimens who constitute today's other
(24:32):
worst persons in the world The Bronze. Stephen Chung, Trump
spokesman and resident center of the lowest bar in spokesperson history. Honestly,
sometimes I think he's a plant. I don't mean a
Democratic plant. He was planted by Democrats. I sometimes think
(24:53):
he's a house plant. Chung reposted a viral clip and
added to it quote must watch. Don't believe the legacy
media's biased reporting. Americans overwhelmingly support Trump's agenda. The viral
clip that Chung tweeted to prove that the legacy media
was biased in its reporting, and you should never listen
(25:14):
to the legacy media. And the legacy media is biased.
So don't ever believe a word you see on the
legacy media. Don't ever do it. It's the legacy media
there against Trump. The clip he sent it was a
segment from CNN, which the last time I checked was
legacy media, even though its legacy is kind of dying.
(25:37):
The runner up a tie between former New Hampshire Governor
Chris Sanunu, A Putts, and Abby Phillip, the CNN host
of the new show Let's Let Republicans Lie for an
hour hour with Abby Philip, She is now in her
third year of being in totally over her head. In
a segment about Trump's insane post in which it was
(25:57):
clear he was saying Biden had been cloned, then executed,
then replaced by a robot. In twenty twenty, Sununu, who's
a Potts, incidentally said that everybody is to blame in
this and the Democrats boost conspiracy theories to and Abby Phillip,
who is down to ninety eight thousand viewers in the
ad demo, then read a tweet by Trump claiming the
(26:21):
Fake News had photoshopped a photo and thus claimed there
was a fake Milania or a Milania double or something.
So it's all the same. Two notes. Who photoshopped the
photo of Milania? Abby? Was that Biden who did that?
Or Kamala or somebody who worked for them, or the
Democratic National Committee or the head of some housecroup that
(26:46):
belongs to the Democrats, or with some random account on
Twitter or on truth social that Trump found. You're using
Trump's evidence to support Trump's bullshit argument. The ninety eight
thousand Demo viewers is actually a shock because it's so high.
The second note, even Trump wasn't saying the Democrats had
(27:09):
done this. He said the News had done this. You
as assumed it has something to do with the Democrats, abbey.
The Democrats don't own the News. And you know how
we know that because if the Democrats owned the News,
or if Democrats or liberals owned CNN, they would have
gotten rid of Abby Phillip by now, and certainly the
(27:31):
asshole Scott Jennings would be back doing whatever he used
to do, full time cooking fahdas somewhere or knishes. But
the winner, Kaylee McGee white, someone from the Washington Examiner.
I know, I know, I could just stop there and
go to the break right there saying the names Kaylee
(27:54):
and Washington Examiner. That's enough to win worst person in
the World. Wait, there's more. That's also Kaylee McGee white
of one of the American Federation of Women, Federation of
Women federations and whatever. There's ten million of these fascist
think tanks. They all involved the same six words, just
listed in a different order. Federation Women Tank think Anyway,
(28:18):
Fox brought her on to discuss the Trump cloned executed
robot story with the anchor John Roberts. Incidentally, John used
to be In addition to being a VJ in Canada,
John was then a news reporter in Canada and the
United States and anchored the news on CBS on the weekends.
Now he's just another Trump whore reading propaganda. He read
(28:42):
Trump's insane post and says, I know Trump's sense of humor.
I'm as humor hum Oh you are, I know Trump's
sense of humor. I'm sure he was just trolling. And
Miss Kaylee McGhee white, who they put on Fox. Evidently
because they like Kaylee's on Fox. Hey, order up some
more Kaylee's. They grow them on the Kaylee farm in
(29:04):
South Dakota. Call Christy, she must know where the Kaylees are. Yeah,
the Kayley farm. It's near the Christie Ranch. Anyway, Kayley
said the real issue was being obscured here by all
of the nonsense about the tweet. The real issue to
Kayley McGee white was that, namely, who was running the
(29:28):
country during the Biden presidency quote. Was it a clone?
She began to giggle. Was it a cable of White
House and fishes. A cable, she said, a cable. She
meant the word cabal. She thinks the word cabal is
pronounced cable, cabal, cabal, And apparently every time she's ever
(29:56):
heard it from one of her friends over there at
the American Federation of Kayley's, they pronounced it cable. Why
not cabell? Was it a clown? Was it a cabelle
of White House officials? Was it a cabelle of White
House officials? Now on cable? She also says, Kaylee McGee white,
(30:19):
she is a fellow at the Steamboat Institute, which seems
like a rather unfortunate thing to admit about on the self. Realistically,
Kaylee McGhee at the mercy of a cable of Wyatt
House officials White Today's other worst person.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
In the world. Came all a fun fun.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Two my favorite topic me and Things I Promised Not
to tell and d Day plus sixty. It was June sixth,
two thousand and four, and MSNBC's new president Rick Kaplan
needed to make a mark on the network for his
new bosses, and he decided this was gonna be it.
On June six, two thousand and four, Maybe the last
(31:32):
even numbered anniversary of D Day, where we'd have a
lot of people left who were there. We'd turned the
network all D Day. June six, two thousand and four
basically was going to be June sixth, nineteen forty four,
relived Tom Brokaw live on the visius of Normandy and
Somebody there and Somebody here and his main two MSNBC
(31:54):
news anchors, me and Lester Holt, anchoring two hour blocks
devoted to the anniversary, and then switching off, and he
came back, and I would go away, and then I'd
come back and he would go just wal toall. I'm
Rick Kaplan, and I used to produce for Walter Cronkite
to not only lock in his new gig at MSNBC,
but set himself up for his next goal executive in
charge of the Today Show or NBC Nightly News or
(32:16):
something bigger than that little crapshack we ran at MSNBC.
For my part, I was dispatched first to interview one
of the surprisingly large number of soldiers and sailors and
airmen who survived D Day and went on to fame.
There were actors Charles Derning and James Dewhan, Scotty on
Star Trek and the author J. D. Salinger and Seaman's
(32:38):
second Class Yogi Bearra. I met Yogi at his museum
in New Jersey, and I swear to God he and
his son demanded a friendly bribe to do the interview.
And what they wanted was my copy of the nineteen
sixty three tops Yogi Bearra baseball card. Seriously, that's the
toughest one to fined. Yogi said, we never have enough
(33:01):
of them here. I always enjoyed Yogi, but he had
to say about his nineteen sixty three baseball card and
its relative scarcity than he did about the D Day
invasion and his chief on his rocket launcher boat telling
him to keep his head down or he might get
to watch it fly off his neck. Anyway, the bar
interview was fine, and it was done, and we edited
(33:22):
like fifteen very very short answers into about two minutes
of not bad narrative. And I had written a couple
of other D Day features, and I'd written some other
scripts on Friday, and by Sunday we were all crammed
into the main MSNBC conference room in Secaucus, New Jersey,
everybody working a sixth day and you would have thought
this guy, Rick Kaplan, president of the network, was leading
(33:43):
the actual invasion of Normandy, not merely a cable TV
network coverage of the sixtieth anniversary. Thereof, Kaplin was waxing
poetic about how important this was for us, and how
it would put us on the map against CNN and Fox,
and how he had covered all the contingencies. And that's
when people's phone started vibrating, ringing. Kaplan was still enjoying
(34:07):
the sound of his own voice as these phones gradually
drowned him out. When one of the producers finished whispering
into his BlackBerry and then said, excuse me, Rick, we
have a problem. Ronald Reagan has just died. Without a word,
twenty people at that conference table rose and then froze,
realizing that before they abandoned this meeting to go get
(34:29):
on the air as quickly as possible, and then to
lay out what would be rolling coverage till at least
midnight of Reagan's death and life and reaction to it
till further notice. We couldn't just start. We basically had
to wait for the president of the network, who was
sitting there, Rick Kamplan, to say Okay, we'll figure out
the D Day stuff later. It's Reagan Day. Let's go.
(34:50):
Except he didn't say that, looking crestfallen, looking like a
kid who's had his toys stolen and then broken. As
he watched Rick Kamplan swept the room with his gaze,
he stopped on me. Thanks, couldn't we just uh, couldn't
(35:10):
we just do uh half an hour of Reagan and
then half an hour of my D Day and then
half an hour And he trailed off, and I said, Rick,
it's a two term president. I mean, I think he
was full of crap, but apparently a lot of American
(35:32):
thinks he's some sort of icon. And by the way,
it just it just happened like eleven minutes ago. It
didn't happen sixty years ago. I'm sorry. He was almost
literally pouting, But what about all my D Day coverage?
President of the network? And I said, well, we can
(35:52):
run those pieces throughout the day tomorrow. They won't just disappear.
We don't have to go degos the tapes. Okay, we
realized that the president of the news network was not
going to be any use helping us cover the first
big breaking news story of his presidency because it couldn't
bear to change his plans to accommodate breaking presidential news.
(36:17):
This was at the end of month three of the
Rick Kaplan MSNBC presidency. He was already on the ropes
with us. He would later be the guy who chased
me around the studios because he was squeamish and I'd
mentioned blood on the air and he thought I was
trying to sabotage his great show with Rita Cosby. He
would soon be the network president who did not know
(36:39):
what was live on TV and what was on delay.
I'll tell you that story in a minute too. However,
the Rick Kaplan story starts in the men's room at MSNBC.
It is February seventeenth, two thousand and four, at one
of those moronic corporate speak town halls. The bosses have
just introduced Rick Kaplan as the new president of the network.
(37:02):
Kaplan speaks for an hour without interruption. He does not
mention that he was the president of CNN when it's
nineteen year streak at number one in the cable news
ratings came to an abrupt end. He does, however, mention
that he is six feet seven inches tall, but he
does not seem to be six feet seven inches tall.
(37:27):
As this nonsense ends, I rush into the men's room
and find, to my amusement, Joe Scarborough, Chris Matthews, Jesse Ventura,
lesterr Holt, and one unoccupied yurinoll. As I moved to
occupy it, it dawns on me that Ventura, the former
professional wrestler, is the shortest man in the bathroom, at
(37:50):
six feet two. All five of us are silent. Finally,
Matthews says it helen hell can. He says six foot seven.
He's barely taller than I am, and I'm six four.
Oh are you slightly taller than me? You're slightly shorter
than me? How is he six seven? Everybody keeps looking forward,
of course, into the wall in front of us. I'm
(38:12):
six three and a half. Lester's your height? I saw
you standing with him? You tour even. What are you six'?
Five lester, says uh huh and. Flushes scarborough chimes, In
i'm just over sixty. Four we're almost. Eyed, aye he's
not six. Seven, Finally ventura, Speaks i've been thrown around
a ring by guys who're six. Seven this guy's not
(38:33):
six seven from the. Sink Lester holt now, says have
any of you known anybody our height who lies and
says they're? Taller matthews, again who lies about their? Height
eye flush this guy, does, gentlemen we are in trouble
here for the presidency Of Rick kamplan AT. Msnbc that
(38:56):
might have been, SORRY i can't resist it the high water.
Mark later On, Friday march, fifth two thousand and, four
who had been there three, weeks assemble the hosts and
producers of the primetime shows on the. Network that would
have been, Me, Scarborough Dan, abrams our, staffs the New
jersey staff Of Chris matthew's. Show and he told us
(39:17):
that the next day was going to Be. Monday somebody
From scarborough's staff helpfully corrected, him Mister, Kaplan i'm, sorry
tomorrow Is. Saturday kaplan sternly explained he was now president
of this, network and we all. Sucked and if he
said today Was friday and tomorrow Was, monday then today
Was friday and tomorrow Was. Monday he wanted to see
(39:38):
us react to sudden changes in our. Plans we were
being told we were being called into work a sixth
day tomorrow for no. Reason kaplin then started yelling at,
Us you guys don't get. It you're all working. Tomorrow
anybody who doesn't come in is. Fired we are going
to do the whole pro primetime. Lineup your breaking news
(39:58):
is today's breaking, news the guilty verdict in The Martha stewart.
Case start booking your, guests because tomorrow it Is, monday Not.
Saturday just on my, Staff saturday was supposed to be
my reporter's engagement, party a surprise party thrown by one
of my producers for his wife's, birthday and the day
another producer was closing on buying a. HOUSE i have
(40:23):
a vague memory of what we put on the. AIR
i have a stronger memory of the new president OF
msnbc losing the staffs of all four of his primetime
shows on his fifth day on the job and never
ever getting them. Back kaplan then went to a corkboard
on our office wall on which our show rundown was.
Displayed he ordered producers to move segments, around and he
(40:45):
berated me for not having anticipated his whims and at
one point he, screamed, stop what the hell are you?
Doing and he got up and he grabbed the push,
pin which held up an index card bearing the name
of a. Guest you don't use green pins with yellow index.
Cards you use yellow pins with yellow index. Cards what
(41:07):
kind of a newsman are? You can't imagine how this
guy choked away CNN's monopoly on cable news. RATINGS i
was reminded recently that, later On december, eighth two thousand and,
five seventeen years, ago, tomorrow he did one of the
most unintentionally funniest THINGS i have ever. WITNESSED a plane
(41:28):
slid off the runway At Midway airport In. Chicago nothing
funny about, that, obviously But kaplan called into our control
room demanding we changed something about our live coverage that
he didn't. Like we promptly made the. Change he was.
Right five minutes later he called in and started swearing
at one of our. PRODUCERS i told you to change.
That f, you you're, Fired and the producer, said we
(41:51):
changed it five minutes. Ago when you called, in, Silence,
rick are you watching the network on some sort of?
Delay are you watching ON tvo or? Something silence. Again
finally he, Said, okay good, work see you tomorrow and hung.
Up he didn't know he was watching it on a.
(42:11):
Delay kaplan was also one of these forget the mean
THING i said. Yesterday god KNOWS i have kind of.
Guys By, monday he had heard people laughing at some
of my on air jokes and his front runner instincts took.
Over he called me and the producer in for a.
MEETING i have only one criticism of your. Show the
which of these? Stories who you be talking? About? Thing is?
(42:32):
Genius the fifth, story the fourth, story then the third.
Story it's original and. FRESH i. HESITATED i almost said to, him,
yeah this whole counting. Thing we just invented. That the
music is, genius the graphics are. Genius you're a, genius
but you're missing something, obvious something. Genius after each one
of these, stories after you thank your, guest you should
(42:53):
do a list of the things you didn't tell us
about those. Stories so like after the fifth, story you should,
say now here are the other five things we didn't
tell you about the fifth, story get it a full
screen graphic and you telling, People and then four things
for the fourth story and three for the. THIRD i
thought for a, moment AND i, said, okay but what
happens if we make those graphics, up and then a minute,
(43:14):
beforehand the guest brings up one of those things we
claim we didn't tell. You when he just told, you
we had Lost Rick caplin's attention by that. Point, hmmm he.
Grunted for a, SECOND i thought his eyes were pointing
outwards in different, directions but he snapped himself back into this.
Reality huh could. Happen you'll figure it out, anyway too
(43:37):
late to do it, today figure it out and do it. Tomorrow,
thanks the producer AND i had to then explain to
the staff Of countdown that from now, on for every
story they had to deliberately leave out one or two
or three or four or five facts or, details something
interesting enough to be made into a full screen, graphic
but not interesting enough to be included in their scripts
(43:59):
or the interviews with the. Guests SUDDENLY i thought a
lot of people's eyes were pointing outwards in different. Directions
the line, Producer Greg, kordick who was in charge not
of content but of timing things and making sure things
like graphics got, made, said matter of, factly this will
add five hours to everybody's, workday and so it. Did
(44:21):
after the next day's, show when we listed the top
five things we didn't tell you about today's fifth story
and the top four things we didn't tell you about
today's fourth, story et. Cetera and we had to shorten
all the scripts and shorten each interview just to make
room for all of this extraneous. Crap greg the producer,
said people here will be quitting By thursday and dying By.
Monday AND i, said you're. Right plus it ruins the
(44:42):
interviews and it weakens the. Show don't do it tomorrow
With kaplan, Yells i'll take the. Eight so now It's.
Wednesday and not only DON'T i hear anything From kaplan
about The tuesday show and his the top five things
we didn't tell you about today's fifth, Story, jazz but
after The wednesday show when we don't do, It i'm
sitting there waiting for an enraged phone call because we
Didn't thursday morning at, Home i'm waiting for an enraged.
(45:05):
Email thursday, Afternoon i'm waiting for an Enraged kaplan in. Person.
Nothing he never said a. Word the week passes, nothing a,
month two, months it's, summer. Nothing the rest of two
thousand and four flies by. Nothing we did it, Once
we never did it. Again and then he never said.
(45:30):
Anything it is Now january two thousand and, five and
he still hasn't said. Anything And i'm told By Phil,
griffin my first producer in television sports and sixteen years
later of my first producer in television, news who has
since become the vice president OF, msnbc That kaplan wants
to see us in his. Office it's not a big.
Deal phil, says he's in a good. Mood he just
(45:51):
wants to make us feel like we have input into his.
Decisions this is a what do you think? Meeting, NOW
i have to ask you to carefully picture the layout
Of Rick kaplan's office AT msnbc in the year two
thousand and. Five envision a law, long narrow. Room BASEBALL'S
mlb network now operates, there and they have cleverly Turned
kaplan's office into a wardrobe, room perfect since it was
(46:15):
really just a long. Closet, Anyways Rick, kaplan who was
six foot five but lied and said he was six foot,
seven sat at the very back of this. Room so
you come in the front, door you turn to your,
right and maybe thirty thirty five forty feet away from,
you in the farthest, corner facing his computer on his.
Desk Flush against the left hand wall is the president OF.
(46:38):
MSNBC a few feet into the room is where you.
Sit halfway between these two. Points against the right hand
wall is where another executive can. Sit So Phil griffin sits.
THERE i am just inside the. Door he is fifteen
feet ahead of me to the. Right Rick kamplan is
thirty feet or forty feet ahead of me to the.
(46:59):
Left picture this, carefully the way these chairs and desks are.
Arranged if you're me And Phil griffin is looking at,
You Rick kaplan can only see the back Of Phil
griffin's head and not his. Face if they are both
looking at, you they cannot see each. Other, weird seemingly
(47:19):
trivial turned out to be. Essential we begin this meaningless
meeting and talk about guests and, graphics, fonts And kaplan
talks about how much the ratings have gone up in
his year as. President and, FINALLY i, SAY i do
have one. SUGGESTION i think the show is going to
be very, successful AND i think if we want to
make any, changes we should make them now before it becomes.
(47:39):
Successful AND i, SAY i have never heard anybody say
they like the fifth, story fourth, story third, story. Stuff
if you want to continue the name countdown because people
know it by, now that's, GREAT i. Guess but the
five four three two one numbering is a conceit and
it's a lot of extra work for, everybody AND i
(48:00):
think we should kill it. Now caplan is, ghast he is.
Pale he is not, angry he is just. Stunned but
you can't do. That five four three two one is
part of the reasons the ratings went. Up the ratings
went up WHEN i came up with the idea of
(48:21):
the top five things we didn't tell you about today's
top five, stories and the top four things we didn't
tell you about today's number four, story et. Cetera we
can't stop. That that's why people Watch my. Idea took
me a split second to even remember what the hell
was he was talking. ABOUT i had forgotten the whole
(48:42):
five things we didn't tell You albatross weeks after the
one show we did, it and then the staff rebelled
AND i, said screw, it And i'll take the. Heat
AND i was about to say this out loud WHEN
i suddenly realized That Phil, griffin fifteen feet away on
the right his face turned to me and thus invisible To,
kaplan thirty feet away on the, left was making his
eyes as wide as, possible And phil was looking right
(49:04):
at at me and silently mouthing the word, no, no, no, no,
no all the while keeping his head completely, still So
kaplan didn't know he was talking to me. SILENTLY i
Got phil's. MESSAGE i dropped the. SUBJECT i didn't say.
It the meeting ended maybe two minutes, later With kaplan
(49:25):
saying keep up the good, work and ushering us out by,
saying and keep up with the tough five things we
didn't tell you about today's five fifth. Story oh that's
what's making it really. Cook when we were out of
earshot Of Rick, Kaplan griffin thanked me for being able
to read his panicked. LIPS i used an oath to
liven up my. Question what the blank was that all?
(49:47):
About And griffin, said now you know what every day
of my life has. Become it's not worth it to
try to correct. Him he believes what he, believes and
he won't be checked or. Contradicted AND i, said we
only did the five things we didn't tell you a thing,
once only. Once it's like a year. Later how in
(50:08):
the hell could he possibly think we're still doing. It
griffin laughed like a soldier on A World War one
battlefield who has just run out of. Bullets, see that's the, problem.
Buddy he only WATCHES msnbc here in the, office the
place he's renting it doesn't have. Cable president OF msnbc
(50:29):
doesn't have cable at. Home On june, sixth two thousand and,
six they Fired Rick kaplan as the president OF. Msnbc
they let him. Resign they also let him keep his,
secret the darkest of secrets for him and FOR, msnbc,
that for his two years on the, throne the president
of an all news cable channel did not have. Cable
(51:08):
i've done all the DAMAGE i can do. Here thank
you for. Listening Rick. Kaplan it could be A broadway.
Show his, career just the. SPARTS i witnessed at least
eighty five minutes of unbelievable entertainment LIKE i don't, know
like you can't take it with you kind of, humor
(51:28):
NonStop kaufman kind of humor from the nineteen twenties and,
thirties totally. Unbelievable most of our countdown. Music i'll do
a special On Rick, kaplan one of these, Days maybe Next.
Tuesday most of our countdown music was, arranged, produced and
performed By Brian ray And John Phillips shaneil our musical
(51:49):
directors Have. Countdown it was produced By Tko. Brothers Mister
ray was on the, guitars bass and. Drums Mister chanelle
handled orchestration and. Keyboards our satirical and pithy musical comments
are by the best baseball stadium organist, Ever Nancy. Faust
The olberman theme for ME espn two appears courtesy OF, Espn.
Inc it's the sports. Music it was written By Mitch Warren.
(52:10):
Davis other music arranged and performed by the Group No Horns.
Allowed and my announcer today was my late Friend George.
Carlin none of this is his. Fault everything else was
as always my, fault Although george did. Help that's countdown for.
Today Happy, Birthday, Sis happy Belated. Birthday Kit. Day one
(52:33):
hundred and thirty seven Of america held hostage just one
three hundred and twenty six days until the scheduled end
Of trump's lame duck and lame brained term Unless putin
removes him, sooner or the actuarial tables, do or his
new enemy musk does ah. AnyWho the next scheduled countdown Is.
(52:58):
Monday no results yet from The tuesday special episode. Experiment
as you can see see it seems to have had
an effect on my ability to contain myself in the
Regular thursday, episode for WHICH i apologize and or thank
you for your. Compliments as, always bulletins as the news,
warrants and Remember trump is laying the groundwork now to
(53:20):
not leave office, later so he must be, stopped so
we will till the next one On Keith. Ulderman good,
morning good, afternoon good, night and wait for.
Speaker 3 (53:33):
Good.
Speaker 1 (53:34):
Luck countdown With Keith olderman is a production Of. iHeartRadio
(54:05):
for more podcasts From, iHeartRadio visit The iHeartRadio, App Apple,
podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts
Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. Musk
(00:25):
has attacked Trump. Musk had already ghosted Trump. Now Musk
is attacking Trump. At this point it is still passive aggressive,
but it is unmistakable an attack by Musk on Trump.
How is that possible? Who could have ever foreseen that?
Relying on a chemicaled up, psychologically impaired, persistently overpromising, compulsive
(00:49):
sperm donor who may have been the victim of a
botched penile implant. Who could have ever foreseen that could
be a bad thing? But he's exactly like my oldest son.
Musk has ghosted Trump. More importantly, Musk's money is going
to ghost Trump and bluntly, without Musk's money two hundred
(01:10):
and seventy five million dollars in the election, thank you
Citizens United and Floyd Abrams. Without Musk's money and musks
tech bro vote and musks we'll be on maus next
week vote and Musk's white supremacist apartheid vote, Trump probably loses.
Musk has ghosted Trump and is starting to attack Trump,
(01:31):
and Trump can't say a word because unless Musk bank
rolls it, Trump will not be able to subvert the
Constitution and run for a third term. And unless Musk
bank rolls it, a Trump successor will never get off
the ground. And unless Musk bank rolls it, the Republicans
will lose the House next year and maybe the Senate too.
All Trump has been able to do thus far is
(01:55):
the really sad site of publishing without comment. A screenshot
of a Musk tweet thanking and praising Trump, and the
tweet is from May twenty eighth. Musk's response was to
pin to his feed a tweet from an expert. It's
(02:15):
from a woman in Vegas who shows herself in a
string bikini grilling burgers. So next Trump Supreme Court justice nominee.
It encourages conservatives to go to the comment sections at
Fox News and quoting this magic chef. Almost every comment
is in agreement with Elon. To see so many vehemently
(02:37):
disagreeing with Trump is wild. Then there are screenshots, screenshots
of comments, not burgers or buns. It is a passive
aggressive attack on Trump by Musk. Ya a second party
with burgers and buns and screenshots. But make no mistake,
(03:01):
it's an attack and this is the best part. Trump
cannot trash Musk in return as much as he wants to,
no doubt, as much as Musk attacks the House for
Trump's budget bill and it's two point four trillion dollar
add to the deficit without mentioning Trump, even though it's
(03:24):
Trump's bill and those idiots in the House like Mike
Johnson are just Trump's slaves, as much as Musk is
still protecting Trump from himself. In this manner, Trump has
to do the most difficult thing in the world for him.
Shut himself up, keep his mouth closed and his fingers
(03:46):
off the phone. Trump may yet snap, he may lash
out at Musk. Lord knows, there's never been anybody else
Trump has ever been betrayed by, or even insufficiently supported by,
that he hasn't lashed out at. But strategically, the entirety
of Trump World has got to be focusing itself on
(04:07):
pouring fresh buckets of ice water over Trump every twenty minutes,
because if he comes back at Musk, Maga is suddenly broke.
Trump is already facing Musk's Trumpean barrage of tweets the
other night, thirteen of them, about as many yesterday afternoon,
demanding that America vote out all the congressmen who voted
(04:30):
for the budget bill, and guess who they are. They're Republicans.
Shame on those who voted for it. You know you
did wrong. Fire all politicians who betrayed the American people,
and the memes of kill the bill. Despite what The
New York Times posited the other night, the Democrats don't
have to consider taking Musk back, whatever that means. Musk
(04:54):
just did all we could ever ask for him. He
just endorsed every Democratic congressional candidate, and before that, he
endorsed every potential primary of every sitting Republican house member.
And we haven't even gotten to the Senate yet. Musk
just this week doubled the cost of electing Republicans next
year and shut off his own money spigot. And if
(05:19):
you're wondering about the principles involved, these are not complex
matters of finance or deficit as a percentage of GDP,
or the sustainability of the debt sealing system. It's simple.
The rich, and especially the especially rich, all eventually see
their lives ruined by the same monomania. The more money
(05:40):
they make, the more time they waste, and the more
pain they feel at having to give any of that
money to anybody else, especially as part of taxes, especially
as part of some kind of responsibility delio about mankind,
(06:02):
where mankind asks for like a dollar dollar back for
every million, these guys get to keep money. It's all
Musk is, it's all Trump is, it's all Scott besson is,
It's all all of them are. This is about them
paying less taxes because at trillion dollars is not going
(06:22):
as far as it used to anyway. Thanks ghosting, Elmo,
Thanks passive aggressive Elmo for kneeing Trump in the groin.
And we will get back to you if we need
you at any of the Democratic events. Who in the
hell am I kidding? Musk has also and more obviously
ghosted the Republican Party in whole, especially the House Republicans.
(06:45):
But the real issue is Trump who. And remember the
quote is in the Wall Street Journal from the very
same White House officials who got Trump to chase Musk
out in the first place. Trump, who finally realized the
eleven dy trillion in cuts Musk promise was another one
of Musk's hallucinations, his most vivid fantasies from his most
(07:05):
profound fugue states. Trump finally asked was it all bullshit?
Oh my yes, you mean even you were too disconnected
to realize it was all bullshit, that it was bullshit,
that it was all bullshit, that everything Musk says is bullshit.
(07:26):
The new reporting on this is limited and controlled. The
leak to its stenographer at Politico, dash of Burns is quote,
the West Wing is perplexed, unenthused, and disappointed. You bet
your ass and over on Capitol Hill. Why Mike Johnson
is in shock that Lyle Lanley didn't return his calls
(07:50):
about the new Springfield mono rail. Well, I'll tell you.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
I called Elon last night and then answered it. But
I hope to talk to him today. I mean, it's
not you know, it's very friendly and we and we've
laughed about our differences on policy before we'll disclosure. Elan
and I had a great conversation about a half hour
long talk on Monday this week, Monday morning, and we
talked about the big Beautiful bill because he made he
(08:14):
I think he was trying to make a joke a
couple of days earlier. It can't be big and beautiful,
And I started the conversation, Oh yes it can, my friend,
It's very beautiful. I talked to President Trump, you know,
all the time, multiple times a day. Obviously we've talked
about this. He's as you know, he's not He's not
delighted that Elon did a one to eighty on that.
But look, I don't know what happened.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
In twenty four hours.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Everybody can draw their own conclusions about that, okay, But
I look forward to talking to my friend about it again,
and I'm not upset about it.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
All right, Mike, you fed up, you trusted musk. By
the way, Mike Johnson talks and sounds like a guy
who should be saying, well, traffic is backed up throughout
the corridor after that explosion at the rhubarb factory. Now
(09:02):
here are the Statler brothers. And I love the Statler brothers.
(09:33):
Got then, King, don't tell me some other headlines. Trump
says he's talked to Putin for ninety minutes, largely about Ukraine,
says Putin has says he will now have to avenge
the Ukrainian tax on air bases in Russia. Oh no,
what's he gonna do, Donnie start bombing Ukrainian civilians. Trump
is an utter fool, a Russian simp. Never mind whether
(09:57):
Putin or Zelenski wants peace. If Trump wanted peace, he
should be right now congratulating Ukraine on the best incursion
into Russias Napoleon reached Moscow. He should be saying, Look,
if Russia wants peace, this is simple. Remove Putin. Trump
has also attacked Columbia University again. Do you see what
(10:18):
happens when you try to appease He is now trying
to get its accreditation removed, alleging discriminatory admission policies, trying
to turn it into not a university. It is not
too late, Claire, kill your deal. Sue him for one
(10:39):
hundred trillion dollars. Carl Harvard, Trump's guy in charge of
pardoning those who tried to overthrow democracy for him, has
a new target. He wants to pardon the fake electors.
The written analysis of the May Outlook for US agricultural
trade from the US Department of Agriculture was ready to
(11:00):
go on May twenty ninth, but it predicted an increase
in the nation's farm goods trade deficit to a record
no last forty nine billion. We can't have that, so
Trump didn't release the written part. A redacted version was
released Monday, of this week, no written part, the part
with the trade deficit still has not been released because,
(11:23):
says a USDA spokesman, it's undergoing internal review by Winston Smith,
you know six zero seven nine Smith w at the
Ministry of Truth. Smith six oh seven nine will also
be looking at the Florida meteorologists who apologize to his
(11:43):
viewers the other day because he would not be able
to warn them anymore about hurricanes because the government isn't
telling anybody what it knows about hurricanes. So good luck
Florida and the Office of Management and Budget. Where the
evil moron behind Project twenty twenty five, the ironically named
RUSS Vote high. It is boasting on social media about
(12:07):
the money it has cut from PBS and you know,
keeping American kids from starving and quote four million dollars
saved for Lagome Systems research. It helpfully attached a photo
of six or seven types of legomes beans Legome Systems research. Oh,
(12:31):
what's that sounds French? It's how to breed healthier and
more durable beans and other innovations and also improving upon
some past innovations like from seven thousand years ago. One
of them was called corrop rotation. We are deliberately destroying
(12:52):
knowledge so that Trump will not be so stupid compared
to everybody else. And by the way, he is complaining
now internally according to several reports about a the Supreme
Court justice, he does not like who he thinks is weak,
thinks is not upholding his agenda. Catanji Brown, Jackson, so
(13:14):
tom Ore, Noop, Amy Coney, Barrett, Okay, who's gonna break
it to him now? Story time, Nearly four decades ago,
(13:37):
I was preparing to get back into television after a
long hiatus taking care of my family. And I'm gonna
leave the details of this out, which is too bad
in one way, because my gratitude to the news director
who took a chance on me all those years ago
is endless and boundless, and I always think of him
at this time of the year because it happened at
this time of year. But there was one drawback to
(14:00):
the job, and it is relevant to our current political system.
The one drawback was hinted at to me by members
of the sports department at this TV station long before
I even signed the contract. The station had another sportscaster
he did the weekends, who's described to me not just
(14:21):
as the dumbest person any of them there had ever met,
but very possibly the dumbest person who had ever lived.
We eventually fired him after he mispronounced the same hockey
name thirty one weeks in a row. Then after he
tried to sneak some woman into a team's press box
and decided the best place to stash her was the
(14:43):
seat that in fact belonged to the general manager of
that team, And they then refused to give him any
more press credentials. And I believe the last I heard
he had not worked in sports television since. And this
was like, well again, like four decades ago. He was
offered another job. I know that after about two years
of unemployment, a good one, working with a guy who
(15:05):
did a national sports cast. But the story I heard
was as they were about to draw up the contract
and they were congratulating him on getting the job. He
had a good voice, and he looked like a Greek god,
and he fits suits really well. He said, oh, by
the way, I never fly business class. It has to
be first. And they said, well, the guy who does
(15:26):
this national sports cast you'll be working with, he doesn't
even fly first. And this guy shrugged and I guess
he's somewhere now, still waiting for them to send him
the contract with the first class airfare guarantee in it. Anyway,
the point he was on the air one night with
the fellow who preceded me as the sports director of
(15:48):
this station, and my predecessor was live from Chicago, and
as they wrapped up the segment, the dumb guy asks
my predecessor, by the way, do you have a good
view of the ocean from your hotel. My predecessor realizes
he's not joking, he's serious, and he looks at him
like huh, And finally he says, oh, the lake, Lake Michigan.
(16:13):
You mean, do I have a good view of the
lake from my hotel? And the guy back in the studio,
the dumb one says, yeah, the ocean, Lake Michigan. Ocean,
Lake Michigan. I mention him, and I'm going to pretend
I've forgotten his name, even though when we fired him,
the entire sports department came in to the office, many
(16:37):
of them on their nights off, for a party highlighted
by the moment at which we went outside and painted
over his name on his parking spot, and a mighty
roar went up from the crowd, and I mention him
at length because every time I read another story about
Trump and this group of absolute idiots he has picked
(16:58):
to run this country into the ground, I think of
that weekend sportscaster, and I keep waiting to hear he's
been nominated as Secretary of Geography or the head of
the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration that isn't supplying the
hurricane reports anymore, or he's been elected senator from somewhere,
(17:19):
because these people may actually be dumber than he was.
What you will hear first is Senator Mark Wayne Mullen
of Oklahoma. Mark Wayne one word dropped out of Missouri
Valley College, but later got an associate degree in construction
(17:45):
technology from Oklahoma State University Institute of Technology. And I'm
not trying to demean construction. My dad's architectural career was
intertwined with it. But that's that's some academic resume item
for a guy who you will hear trying to complain
to the Secretary of Lack of Education Linda McMahon about
(18:07):
how academic standards have fallen in this country, but doesn't
know the difference between the words was and were twice,
He shows he does not know the difference between was
and were. What was we ranked in reading and math
in nineteen seventy nine?
Speaker 3 (18:23):
I'm sorry?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
What what was we ranked nationally in math and in
reading in nineteen seventy nine?
Speaker 3 (18:29):
We were very very low on the totem pole.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
We're number one in nineteen seventy nine? What was we ranked? Senator?
If you wanted to emphasize educational deterioration, you could have
just held up a picture of yourself. If you notice,
he also got the word nationally wrong, he meant internationally.
(18:55):
Doesn't know the difference, Mark Queen. The look on the
face of Linda McMahon, who infamously said that the acronym
for artificial intelligence was pronounced A one. That look was
almost ineffable. It may have been produced by her realization that,
(19:16):
for the first time ever, she was not the stupidest
person in the room. After Senator, associate degree in construction Tech,
I give you the endless fountain of stupidity and falsehoods.
That is the press secretary with the word lie contained
(19:36):
in both her first and last names. The centerfielder from
a Division three softball program, Caroline Levitt.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
President Chump sounded the alarm over these reckless Biden policies
for years. Law and order is back in America under
President Chump. For example, just before Congress enacted the original
Chump tax cut.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
You heard it, President Chump. I'll play it again in
a moment, President Chump. Caroline Levitt is not only an
amazing perpetual motion lying machine, she's rapidly also turning into
a mispronunciation machine. Let's listen again to it, and then
connected to her greatest mispronunciation hit when she mispronounced the
(20:24):
name of Hitler.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Chump tax cuts at the end of twenty seventeen, Adolf Hilter.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
What was we ranked nationally in ed ucation? Caroline? Is
it okay if we all compare Chump to Hilter? What
(20:51):
was the Harry Potter premise where they turned all of
the people in charge of the government into the stupidest
people in the world and they all destroyed the government
by being stupid. But this required, of course, wizards and wands,
And we don't need wizards and wands. We just find
(21:14):
the stupidest people in the world and put them in charge.
But the truth leaks out around the corners President jump,
do you have a good view of the ocean. Also
of interest, here the beat goes on. A Fox News
(21:34):
expert says, the real story in Trump's post about Biden
being clone executed and turned into a robot is that
it raises the possibility that during the last administration, the
nation was run by a cable of unelected officials. You
(21:55):
heard me, she said, cable that's next. This is Countdown,
George Carolin. The pleasure to have you here. Thank you.
This is the best news show ever. I toilet to
one of your producers, and I want you to know
that I've seen them all and it's just for especially
the first thirty five minutes. Thank you. It's just unparalleled.
(22:18):
I got bad news between you and I. We got
six minutes to completely screw that in my back. Yeah
that is good. Hey, if he said that about you
(22:43):
and your newscast, you'd keep playing it too. Sometimes it
keeps me going. Doing this podcast is often like gargling,
flaming chainsaws, indulgement sail ahead on this edition of Countdown.
I was telling somebody the other day that I think
I have now met every kind of crazy person in
(23:04):
media management. I met the drunk who came back from
lunch drunk one day and drunk fired me, mostly because
I was twenty one and I wasn't drunk, and they
wound up reprimanding him for being drunk and apologizing to me.
I turned down a job with an executive from Madison
Square Garden, who then decided to try to talk me
out of turning the job down by calling me up
(23:28):
at my home and swearing at me and threatening me.
He thought this would encourage me to go work for him.
But the weirdest of them all, I have decided as
I approached my half century mark in this business, was
the head of MSNBC, and he reached his weirdness apex
(23:49):
twenty one years ago tomorrow, when he wanted to postpone
the news so he could do an anniversary feature he
had worked on all week the news he wished to
postpone that Ronald Reagan had just died. Can't we talk
about it later? Next? In Things I promised not to tell,
(24:12):
And this was the guy who chased me around the
studios one day and threatened to kill me. That wasn't
nearly as weird as this day, the anniversary of which
is tomorrow first, believe it or not, there's still more
new idiots to talk about. The roundup of the mis grants,
morons and Dunning Kruger effects specimens who constitute today's other
(24:32):
worst persons in the world The Bronze. Stephen Chung, Trump
spokesman and resident center of the lowest bar in spokesperson history. Honestly,
sometimes I think he's a plant. I don't mean a
Democratic plant. He was planted by Democrats. I sometimes think
(24:53):
he's a house plant. Chung reposted a viral clip and
added to it quote must watch. Don't believe the legacy
media's biased reporting. Americans overwhelmingly support Trump's agenda. The viral
clip that Chung tweeted to prove that the legacy media
was biased in its reporting, and you should never listen
(25:14):
to the legacy media. And the legacy media is biased.
So don't ever believe a word you see on the
legacy media. Don't ever do it. It's the legacy media
there against Trump. The clip he sent it was a
segment from CNN, which the last time I checked was
legacy media, even though its legacy is kind of dying.
(25:37):
The runner up a tie between former New Hampshire Governor
Chris Sanunu, A Putts, and Abby Phillip, the CNN host
of the new show Let's Let Republicans Lie for an
hour hour with Abby Philip, She is now in her
third year of being in totally over her head. In
a segment about Trump's insane post in which it was
(25:57):
clear he was saying Biden had been cloned, then executed,
then replaced by a robot. In twenty twenty, Sununu, who's
a Potts, incidentally said that everybody is to blame in
this and the Democrats boost conspiracy theories to and Abby Phillip,
who is down to ninety eight thousand viewers in the
ad demo, then read a tweet by Trump claiming the
(26:21):
Fake News had photoshopped a photo and thus claimed there
was a fake Milania or a Milania double or something.
So it's all the same. Two notes. Who photoshopped the
photo of Milania? Abby? Was that Biden who did that?
Or Kamala or somebody who worked for them, or the
Democratic National Committee or the head of some housecroup that
(26:46):
belongs to the Democrats, or with some random account on
Twitter or on truth social that Trump found. You're using
Trump's evidence to support Trump's bullshit argument. The ninety eight
thousand Demo viewers is actually a shock because it's so high.
The second note, even Trump wasn't saying the Democrats had
(27:09):
done this. He said the News had done this. You
as assumed it has something to do with the Democrats, abbey.
The Democrats don't own the News. And you know how
we know that because if the Democrats owned the News,
or if Democrats or liberals owned CNN, they would have
gotten rid of Abby Phillip by now, and certainly the
(27:31):
asshole Scott Jennings would be back doing whatever he used
to do, full time cooking fahdas somewhere or knishes. But
the winner, Kaylee McGee white, someone from the Washington Examiner.
I know, I know, I could just stop there and
go to the break right there saying the names Kaylee
(27:54):
and Washington Examiner. That's enough to win worst person in
the World. Wait, there's more. That's also Kaylee McGee white
of one of the American Federation of Women, Federation of
Women federations and whatever. There's ten million of these fascist
think tanks. They all involved the same six words, just
listed in a different order. Federation Women Tank think Anyway,
(28:18):
Fox brought her on to discuss the Trump cloned executed
robot story with the anchor John Roberts. Incidentally, John used
to be In addition to being a VJ in Canada,
John was then a news reporter in Canada and the
United States and anchored the news on CBS on the weekends.
Now he's just another Trump whore reading propaganda. He read
(28:42):
Trump's insane post and says, I know Trump's sense of humor.
I'm as humor hum Oh you are, I know Trump's
sense of humor. I'm sure he was just trolling. And
Miss Kaylee McGhee white, who they put on Fox. Evidently
because they like Kaylee's on Fox. Hey, order up some
more Kaylee's. They grow them on the Kaylee farm in
(29:04):
South Dakota. Call Christy, she must know where the Kaylees are. Yeah,
the Kayley farm. It's near the Christie Ranch. Anyway, Kayley
said the real issue was being obscured here by all
of the nonsense about the tweet. The real issue to
Kayley McGee white was that, namely, who was running the
(29:28):
country during the Biden presidency quote. Was it a clone?
She began to giggle. Was it a cable of White
House and fishes. A cable, she said, a cable. She
meant the word cabal. She thinks the word cabal is
pronounced cable, cabal, cabal, And apparently every time she's ever
(29:56):
heard it from one of her friends over there at
the American Federation of Kayley's, they pronounced it cable. Why
not cabell? Was it a clown? Was it a cabelle
of White House officials? Was it a cabelle of White
House officials? Now on cable? She also says, Kaylee McGee white,
(30:19):
she is a fellow at the Steamboat Institute, which seems
like a rather unfortunate thing to admit about on the self. Realistically,
Kaylee McGhee at the mercy of a cable of Wyatt
House officials White Today's other worst person.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
In the world. Came all a fun fun.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Two my favorite topic me and Things I Promised Not
to tell and d Day plus sixty. It was June sixth,
two thousand and four, and MSNBC's new president Rick Kaplan
needed to make a mark on the network for his
new bosses, and he decided this was gonna be it.
On June six, two thousand and four, Maybe the last
(31:32):
even numbered anniversary of D Day, where we'd have a
lot of people left who were there. We'd turned the
network all D Day. June six, two thousand and four
basically was going to be June sixth, nineteen forty four,
relived Tom Brokaw live on the visius of Normandy and
Somebody there and Somebody here and his main two MSNBC
(31:54):
news anchors, me and Lester Holt, anchoring two hour blocks
devoted to the anniversary, and then switching off, and he
came back, and I would go away, and then I'd
come back and he would go just wal toall. I'm
Rick Kaplan, and I used to produce for Walter Cronkite
to not only lock in his new gig at MSNBC,
but set himself up for his next goal executive in
charge of the Today Show or NBC Nightly News or
(32:16):
something bigger than that little crapshack we ran at MSNBC.
For my part, I was dispatched first to interview one
of the surprisingly large number of soldiers and sailors and
airmen who survived D Day and went on to fame.
There were actors Charles Derning and James Dewhan, Scotty on
Star Trek and the author J. D. Salinger and Seaman's
(32:38):
second Class Yogi Bearra. I met Yogi at his museum
in New Jersey, and I swear to God he and
his son demanded a friendly bribe to do the interview.
And what they wanted was my copy of the nineteen
sixty three tops Yogi Bearra baseball card. Seriously, that's the
toughest one to fined. Yogi said, we never have enough
(33:01):
of them here. I always enjoyed Yogi, but he had
to say about his nineteen sixty three baseball card and
its relative scarcity than he did about the D Day
invasion and his chief on his rocket launcher boat telling
him to keep his head down or he might get
to watch it fly off his neck. Anyway, the bar
interview was fine, and it was done, and we edited
(33:22):
like fifteen very very short answers into about two minutes
of not bad narrative. And I had written a couple
of other D Day features, and I'd written some other
scripts on Friday, and by Sunday we were all crammed
into the main MSNBC conference room in Secaucus, New Jersey,
everybody working a sixth day and you would have thought
this guy, Rick Kaplan, president of the network, was leading
(33:43):
the actual invasion of Normandy, not merely a cable TV
network coverage of the sixtieth anniversary. Thereof, Kaplin was waxing
poetic about how important this was for us, and how
it would put us on the map against CNN and Fox,
and how he had covered all the contingencies. And that's
when people's phone started vibrating, ringing. Kaplan was still enjoying
(34:07):
the sound of his own voice as these phones gradually
drowned him out. When one of the producers finished whispering
into his BlackBerry and then said, excuse me, Rick, we
have a problem. Ronald Reagan has just died. Without a word,
twenty people at that conference table rose and then froze,
realizing that before they abandoned this meeting to go get
(34:29):
on the air as quickly as possible, and then to
lay out what would be rolling coverage till at least
midnight of Reagan's death and life and reaction to it
till further notice. We couldn't just start. We basically had
to wait for the president of the network, who was
sitting there, Rick Kamplan, to say Okay, we'll figure out
the D Day stuff later. It's Reagan Day. Let's go.
(34:50):
Except he didn't say that, looking crestfallen, looking like a
kid who's had his toys stolen and then broken. As
he watched Rick Kamplan swept the room with his gaze,
he stopped on me. Thanks, couldn't we just uh, couldn't
(35:10):
we just do uh half an hour of Reagan and
then half an hour of my D Day and then
half an hour And he trailed off, and I said, Rick,
it's a two term president. I mean, I think he
was full of crap, but apparently a lot of American
(35:32):
thinks he's some sort of icon. And by the way,
it just it just happened like eleven minutes ago. It
didn't happen sixty years ago. I'm sorry. He was almost
literally pouting, But what about all my D Day coverage?
President of the network? And I said, well, we can
(35:52):
run those pieces throughout the day tomorrow. They won't just disappear.
We don't have to go degos the tapes. Okay, we
realized that the president of the news network was not
going to be any use helping us cover the first
big breaking news story of his presidency because it couldn't
bear to change his plans to accommodate breaking presidential news.
(36:17):
This was at the end of month three of the
Rick Kaplan MSNBC presidency. He was already on the ropes
with us. He would later be the guy who chased
me around the studios because he was squeamish and I'd
mentioned blood on the air and he thought I was
trying to sabotage his great show with Rita Cosby. He
would soon be the network president who did not know
(36:39):
what was live on TV and what was on delay.
I'll tell you that story in a minute too. However,
the Rick Kaplan story starts in the men's room at MSNBC.
It is February seventeenth, two thousand and four, at one
of those moronic corporate speak town halls. The bosses have
just introduced Rick Kaplan as the new president of the network.
(37:02):
Kaplan speaks for an hour without interruption. He does not
mention that he was the president of CNN when it's
nineteen year streak at number one in the cable news
ratings came to an abrupt end. He does, however, mention
that he is six feet seven inches tall, but he
does not seem to be six feet seven inches tall.
(37:27):
As this nonsense ends, I rush into the men's room
and find, to my amusement, Joe Scarborough, Chris Matthews, Jesse Ventura,
lesterr Holt, and one unoccupied yurinoll. As I moved to
occupy it, it dawns on me that Ventura, the former
professional wrestler, is the shortest man in the bathroom, at
(37:50):
six feet two. All five of us are silent. Finally,
Matthews says it helen hell can. He says six foot seven.
He's barely taller than I am, and I'm six four.
Oh are you slightly taller than me? You're slightly shorter
than me? How is he six seven? Everybody keeps looking forward,
of course, into the wall in front of us. I'm
(38:12):
six three and a half. Lester's your height? I saw
you standing with him? You tour even. What are you six'?
Five lester, says uh huh and. Flushes scarborough chimes, In
i'm just over sixty. Four we're almost. Eyed, aye he's
not six. Seven, Finally ventura, Speaks i've been thrown around
a ring by guys who're six. Seven this guy's not
(38:33):
six seven from the. Sink Lester holt now, says have
any of you known anybody our height who lies and
says they're? Taller matthews, again who lies about their? Height
eye flush this guy, does, gentlemen we are in trouble
here for the presidency Of Rick kamplan AT. Msnbc that
(38:56):
might have been, SORRY i can't resist it the high water.
Mark later On, Friday march, fifth two thousand and, four
who had been there three, weeks assemble the hosts and
producers of the primetime shows on the. Network that would
have been, Me, Scarborough Dan, abrams our, staffs the New
jersey staff Of Chris matthew's. Show and he told us
(39:17):
that the next day was going to Be. Monday somebody
From scarborough's staff helpfully corrected, him Mister, Kaplan i'm, sorry
tomorrow Is. Saturday kaplan sternly explained he was now president
of this, network and we all. Sucked and if he
said today Was friday and tomorrow Was, monday then today
Was friday and tomorrow Was. Monday he wanted to see
(39:38):
us react to sudden changes in our. Plans we were
being told we were being called into work a sixth
day tomorrow for no. Reason kaplin then started yelling at,
Us you guys don't get. It you're all working. Tomorrow
anybody who doesn't come in is. Fired we are going
to do the whole pro primetime. Lineup your breaking news
(39:58):
is today's breaking, news the guilty verdict in The Martha stewart.
Case start booking your, guests because tomorrow it Is, monday Not.
Saturday just on my, Staff saturday was supposed to be
my reporter's engagement, party a surprise party thrown by one
of my producers for his wife's, birthday and the day
another producer was closing on buying a. HOUSE i have
(40:23):
a vague memory of what we put on the. AIR
i have a stronger memory of the new president OF
msnbc losing the staffs of all four of his primetime
shows on his fifth day on the job and never
ever getting them. Back kaplan then went to a corkboard
on our office wall on which our show rundown was.
Displayed he ordered producers to move segments, around and he
(40:45):
berated me for not having anticipated his whims and at
one point he, screamed, stop what the hell are you?
Doing and he got up and he grabbed the push,
pin which held up an index card bearing the name
of a. Guest you don't use green pins with yellow index.
Cards you use yellow pins with yellow index. Cards what
(41:07):
kind of a newsman are? You can't imagine how this
guy choked away CNN's monopoly on cable news. RATINGS i
was reminded recently that, later On december, eighth two thousand and,
five seventeen years, ago, tomorrow he did one of the
most unintentionally funniest THINGS i have ever. WITNESSED a plane
(41:28):
slid off the runway At Midway airport In. Chicago nothing
funny about, that, obviously But kaplan called into our control
room demanding we changed something about our live coverage that
he didn't. Like we promptly made the. Change he was.
Right five minutes later he called in and started swearing
at one of our. PRODUCERS i told you to change.
That f, you you're, Fired and the producer, said we
(41:51):
changed it five minutes. Ago when you called, in, Silence,
rick are you watching the network on some sort of?
Delay are you watching ON tvo or? Something silence. Again
finally he, Said, okay good, work see you tomorrow and hung.
Up he didn't know he was watching it on a.
(42:11):
Delay kaplan was also one of these forget the mean
THING i said. Yesterday god KNOWS i have kind of.
Guys By, monday he had heard people laughing at some
of my on air jokes and his front runner instincts took.
Over he called me and the producer in for a.
MEETING i have only one criticism of your. Show the
which of these? Stories who you be talking? About? Thing is?
(42:32):
Genius the fifth, story the fourth, story then the third.
Story it's original and. FRESH i. HESITATED i almost said to, him,
yeah this whole counting. Thing we just invented. That the
music is, genius the graphics are. Genius you're a, genius
but you're missing something, obvious something. Genius after each one
of these, stories after you thank your, guest you should
(42:53):
do a list of the things you didn't tell us
about those. Stories so like after the fifth, story you should,
say now here are the other five things we didn't
tell you about the fifth, story get it a full
screen graphic and you telling, People and then four things
for the fourth story and three for the. THIRD i
thought for a, moment AND i, said, okay but what
happens if we make those graphics, up and then a minute,
(43:14):
beforehand the guest brings up one of those things we
claim we didn't tell. You when he just told, you
we had Lost Rick caplin's attention by that. Point, hmmm he.
Grunted for a, SECOND i thought his eyes were pointing
outwards in different, directions but he snapped himself back into this.
Reality huh could. Happen you'll figure it out, anyway too
(43:37):
late to do it, today figure it out and do it. Tomorrow,
thanks the producer AND i had to then explain to
the staff Of countdown that from now, on for every
story they had to deliberately leave out one or two
or three or four or five facts or, details something
interesting enough to be made into a full screen, graphic
but not interesting enough to be included in their scripts
(43:59):
or the interviews with the. Guests SUDDENLY i thought a
lot of people's eyes were pointing outwards in different. Directions
the line, Producer Greg, kordick who was in charge not
of content but of timing things and making sure things
like graphics got, made, said matter of, factly this will
add five hours to everybody's, workday and so it. Did
(44:21):
after the next day's, show when we listed the top
five things we didn't tell you about today's fifth story
and the top four things we didn't tell you about
today's fourth, story et. Cetera and we had to shorten
all the scripts and shorten each interview just to make
room for all of this extraneous. Crap greg the producer,
said people here will be quitting By thursday and dying By.
Monday AND i, said you're. Right plus it ruins the
(44:42):
interviews and it weakens the. Show don't do it tomorrow
With kaplan, Yells i'll take the. Eight so now It's.
Wednesday and not only DON'T i hear anything From kaplan
about The tuesday show and his the top five things
we didn't tell you about today's fifth, Story, jazz but
after The wednesday show when we don't do, It i'm
sitting there waiting for an enraged phone call because we
Didn't thursday morning at, Home i'm waiting for an enraged.
(45:05):
Email thursday, Afternoon i'm waiting for an Enraged kaplan in. Person.
Nothing he never said a. Word the week passes, nothing a,
month two, months it's, summer. Nothing the rest of two
thousand and four flies by. Nothing we did it, Once
we never did it. Again and then he never said.
(45:30):
Anything it is Now january two thousand and, five and
he still hasn't said. Anything And i'm told By Phil,
griffin my first producer in television sports and sixteen years
later of my first producer in television, news who has
since become the vice president OF, msnbc That kaplan wants
to see us in his. Office it's not a big.
Deal phil, says he's in a good. Mood he just
(45:51):
wants to make us feel like we have input into his.
Decisions this is a what do you think? Meeting, NOW
i have to ask you to carefully picture the layout
Of Rick kaplan's office AT msnbc in the year two
thousand and. Five envision a law, long narrow. Room BASEBALL'S
mlb network now operates, there and they have cleverly Turned
kaplan's office into a wardrobe, room perfect since it was
(46:15):
really just a long. Closet, Anyways Rick, kaplan who was
six foot five but lied and said he was six foot,
seven sat at the very back of this. Room so
you come in the front, door you turn to your,
right and maybe thirty thirty five forty feet away from,
you in the farthest, corner facing his computer on his.
Desk Flush against the left hand wall is the president OF.
(46:38):
MSNBC a few feet into the room is where you.
Sit halfway between these two. Points against the right hand
wall is where another executive can. Sit So Phil griffin sits.
THERE i am just inside the. Door he is fifteen
feet ahead of me to the. Right Rick kamplan is
thirty feet or forty feet ahead of me to the.
(46:59):
Left picture this, carefully the way these chairs and desks are.
Arranged if you're me And Phil griffin is looking at,
You Rick kaplan can only see the back Of Phil
griffin's head and not his. Face if they are both
looking at, you they cannot see each. Other, weird seemingly
(47:19):
trivial turned out to be. Essential we begin this meaningless
meeting and talk about guests and, graphics, fonts And kaplan
talks about how much the ratings have gone up in
his year as. President and, FINALLY i, SAY i do
have one. SUGGESTION i think the show is going to
be very, successful AND i think if we want to
make any, changes we should make them now before it becomes.
(47:39):
Successful AND i, SAY i have never heard anybody say
they like the fifth, story fourth, story third, story. Stuff
if you want to continue the name countdown because people
know it by, now that's, GREAT i. Guess but the
five four three two one numbering is a conceit and
it's a lot of extra work for, everybody AND i
(48:00):
think we should kill it. Now caplan is, ghast he is.
Pale he is not, angry he is just. Stunned but
you can't do. That five four three two one is
part of the reasons the ratings went. Up the ratings
went up WHEN i came up with the idea of
(48:21):
the top five things we didn't tell you about today's
top five, stories and the top four things we didn't
tell you about today's number four, story et. Cetera we
can't stop. That that's why people Watch my. Idea took
me a split second to even remember what the hell
was he was talking. ABOUT i had forgotten the whole
(48:42):
five things we didn't tell You albatross weeks after the
one show we did, it and then the staff rebelled
AND i, said screw, it And i'll take the. Heat
AND i was about to say this out loud WHEN
i suddenly realized That Phil, griffin fifteen feet away on
the right his face turned to me and thus invisible To,
kaplan thirty feet away on the, left was making his
eyes as wide as, possible And phil was looking right
(49:04):
at at me and silently mouthing the word, no, no, no, no,
no all the while keeping his head completely, still So
kaplan didn't know he was talking to me. SILENTLY i
Got phil's. MESSAGE i dropped the. SUBJECT i didn't say.
It the meeting ended maybe two minutes, later With kaplan
(49:25):
saying keep up the good, work and ushering us out by,
saying and keep up with the tough five things we
didn't tell you about today's five fifth. Story oh that's
what's making it really. Cook when we were out of
earshot Of Rick, Kaplan griffin thanked me for being able
to read his panicked. LIPS i used an oath to
liven up my. Question what the blank was that all?
(49:47):
About And griffin, said now you know what every day
of my life has. Become it's not worth it to
try to correct. Him he believes what he, believes and
he won't be checked or. Contradicted AND i, said we
only did the five things we didn't tell you a thing,
once only. Once it's like a year. Later how in
(50:08):
the hell could he possibly think we're still doing. It
griffin laughed like a soldier on A World War one
battlefield who has just run out of. Bullets, see that's the, problem.
Buddy he only WATCHES msnbc here in the, office the
place he's renting it doesn't have. Cable president OF msnbc
(50:29):
doesn't have cable at. Home On june, sixth two thousand and,
six they Fired Rick kaplan as the president OF. Msnbc
they let him. Resign they also let him keep his,
secret the darkest of secrets for him and FOR, msnbc,
that for his two years on the, throne the president
of an all news cable channel did not have. Cable
(51:08):
i've done all the DAMAGE i can do. Here thank
you for. Listening Rick. Kaplan it could be A broadway.
Show his, career just the. SPARTS i witnessed at least
eighty five minutes of unbelievable entertainment LIKE i don't, know
like you can't take it with you kind of, humor
(51:28):
NonStop kaufman kind of humor from the nineteen twenties and,
thirties totally. Unbelievable most of our countdown. Music i'll do
a special On Rick, kaplan one of these, Days maybe Next.
Tuesday most of our countdown music was, arranged, produced and
performed By Brian ray And John Phillips shaneil our musical
(51:49):
directors Have. Countdown it was produced By Tko. Brothers Mister
ray was on the, guitars bass and. Drums Mister chanelle
handled orchestration and. Keyboards our satirical and pithy musical comments
are by the best baseball stadium organist, Ever Nancy. Faust
The olberman theme for ME espn two appears courtesy OF, Espn.
Inc it's the sports. Music it was written By Mitch Warren.
(52:10):
Davis other music arranged and performed by the Group No Horns.
Allowed and my announcer today was my late Friend George.
Carlin none of this is his. Fault everything else was
as always my, fault Although george did. Help that's countdown for.
Today Happy, Birthday, Sis happy Belated. Birthday Kit. Day one
(52:33):
hundred and thirty seven Of america held hostage just one
three hundred and twenty six days until the scheduled end
Of trump's lame duck and lame brained term Unless putin
removes him, sooner or the actuarial tables, do or his
new enemy musk does ah. AnyWho the next scheduled countdown Is.
(52:58):
Monday no results yet from The tuesday special episode. Experiment
as you can see see it seems to have had
an effect on my ability to contain myself in the
Regular thursday, episode for WHICH i apologize and or thank
you for your. Compliments as, always bulletins as the news,
warrants and Remember trump is laying the groundwork now to
(53:20):
not leave office, later so he must be, stopped so
we will till the next one On Keith. Ulderman good,
morning good, afternoon good, night and wait for.
Speaker 3 (53:33):
Good.
Speaker 1 (53:34):
Luck countdown With Keith olderman is a production Of. iHeartRadio
(54:05):
for more podcasts From, iHeartRadio visit The iHeartRadio, App Apple,
podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts
Host
Keith Olbermann
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