January 9, 2023 • 37 mins
EPISODE 108: COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN
A-Block (1:44) SPECIAL COMMENT: The Rules Package the new Speaker of the House/Hostage Kevin McCarthy will present today will include a subcommittee with which Jim Jordan and Matt Gaetz insist they can investigate ANYTHING the Justice Department does, including active criminal investigations. What these toads don't know is that they're not the first half-baked fascists to try this, and something called The Linder Letter will protect DOJ from testifying, supplying evidence, or prosecuting anybody for contempt of Congress for ignoring the Gaetz-McCarthy masturbatory star chamber. Trump can't escape justice - not this way. Though the Holman Rule, which in theory could allow the House to zero out the salary of anybody in government, is a little more of challenge, there's a way to work around that, too. So as you hear the Taliban 20 and their puppet McCarthy emit dire threats today, have a good laugh.
B-Block (15:40) EVERY DOG HAS ITS DAY: Waffles in Shreveport. (16:52) POSTSCRIPTS TO THE NEWS: Deport Bolsonaro back to Brasil? Why? Deport Bannon and Jason Miller to Brasil - DETAIN Bolsonaro here. And, just when you thought Matt Schlapp had lost his grip. (19:23) IN SPORTS: Now we have to worry about the popular baseball pitcher Liam Hendriks. (21:52) THE WORST PERSONS IN THE WORLD: How to delete an offensive tweet and get others to disseminate it for you, by a Florida MAGA Congressmen, plus the National Hockey League has an idea for its All-Star Skills Competition: ALLIGATORS.
C-Block (25:49) THINGS I PROMISED NOT TO TELL: Two happy anniversaries, within days of each other. How I helped to launch ESPN Radio, and then days later while traveling FOR the new network, happened to meet the lovely, delightful, gifted actress - the late Elizabeth Montgomery.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of I Heart
Radio Insurrection. No, not the one in Brazil, the one
(00:26):
here still in full flower, two years and three days
after the Trump slabs were beaten back, and this time
the combatants will include not the Proud Boys, but the
Home and Rule and the Lender Letter. It starts today
when the Tattleban twenty forces its combination Speaker of the
House and hostage Kevin McCarthy to pass a House rules
(00:48):
package dressed up in patriotic persiflage but actually designed merely
to keep the insurrectionists from being prosecuted. Battle will be
less mob rule and more Robert's Rules of Order, but
it will again take place at the Capitol. The House
Rules for the Congress will establish something to be airily
called the Subcommittee on the Weaponization of the Justice Department
(01:13):
or something stupid like that, when in fact it should
be called the House Obstruction of Justice Subcommittee. This subcommittee
will give itself the right to review quote ongoing criminal investigations,
which is a nice way of saying insurrectionists serving in
the House like Jim Jordan's and Matt Gates and Perry
and Green and Ghosts are to say nothing of Trump
(01:35):
or anybody else being investigated for their complicity in the
January six co attempt. They will be able to use
a Congressional subcommittee to stop those investigations of themselves, or
at least they think so. Gates and Jordan, who are
behind this, are trying to dress it up as some
sort of protection for political free speech, and writes this
(01:56):
and First Amendment that when in fact it is an
attempt by Jordan and Gates to keep Jordan and Gates
out of jail. The problem with clever but lazy fanatics
like Jordan's and Gates is that they only read the headlines.
They will hit the Department of Justice with demands for testimony,
for evidence of hearings for witnesses, and the Department of
(02:19):
Justice will be able to tell Gates and Jordan's to
shove it up their base. A Deputy Assistant Attorney General
will write to Chairman Jordan or Chairman Gates a note
dry as toast, invoking the lender letter and Attorney General
Robert Jackson, and presuming they get a grown up to
read it allowed to them. Gates and Jordan will be
(02:40):
in for a big surprise on January to thousand, which
is so long ago it was the day I turned
forty one. Assistant Attorney General Robert Raven wrote to the
House chair of the Subcommittee on Rules, Congressman John Linder,
about this exact precise subject. No, not only can't Congress
(03:03):
have or see, or or demand anything about ongoing criminal investigations,
but that that has been the policy of the United
States government, whether run by Democrats or Republicans, since about
nineteen hundred. Raven quoted Robert H. Jackson, f DRS. Attorney
in General in ninety one, citing something like forty years
(03:25):
worth of precedents at that point in Jackson wrote that
all investigative reports are confidential documents of the executive Department
of the government to aid in the duty laid upon
the President by the Constitution to take care that the
laws be faithfully executed, and that congressional or public access
to them would not be in the public interest. Raven
(03:48):
also pointed out in two thousand what should be obvious
to anybody not quite as stupid and slovenly as Jim
Jordan and Matt Gates. He quoted one Assistant Attorney General
for the Office of Legal Counsel Charles J. Cooper, who
had written quote providing a congressional matty with confidential information
about active criminal investigations would place the Congress in a
(04:10):
position to exert pressure or attempt to influence the prosecution
of criminal cases. The author of that quote, Charles J. Cooper,
was the Assistant Attorney General under Ronald Reagan. If a
Congressional committee is fully apprised of all details of investigation
as the investigation proceeds, wrote a deputy counsel to the President,
(04:32):
Edward L. Morgan, there is a substantial danger that congressional
pressures will influence the course of the investigation, and that
Mr Morgan was deputy counseled to Richard Nixon. It is
an open and shut, bright red line. Gates and Jordan's
and their speaker, Hostage McCarthy are not the first yah
(04:53):
who's to try to save their own skins by pretending
they have the right to review anything going on in
the Department of Justice, and given where the Republican Insurrections
Party is going, they will not be the last asked. However,
d O J will refuse completely. The House will then
vote to find Merrick Garland or somebody else at d
(05:13):
o J in contempt and demand they be prosecuted for
that contempt. And that's when Matt Gates and Jim Jordan
will realize that the only branch of law enforcement which
could actually do that is the Department of Justice. Gates
and Jordans will then be surprised as hell when the
Department of Justice declines to prosecute the Department of Justice.
(05:36):
Presumably the insurrectionists will be able to fund raise off
this brew ha ha ha ha ha and get the
Republican Umbridge machine to fire up and get Tucker Jimminy
Glitt Carlson to make some more vague threats of violence
against somebody. But the bottom line is they will not
get to review the Special Council's case against Trump nor
(05:57):
stop it, nor review or stop the d o J
case against Gates for sex trafficking or anything else. So
when hands are wrong later today about the House Subcommittee
on the Deep State, won't let Matt Gates VENMO payments
for underage girls or the House Subcommittee to get Trump
off the hook for the coup and blame it all
on Pelosi. Just remember the Lender letter and look forward
(06:22):
to watching Gates and Jordan's squirm. The Lender letters Evil
twin though, is called the Holman Rule, and I'm a
little bit more worried about the Holman Rule. What I
want to hear at the appropriate moment is that the
Justice Department is not merely completed funding the office of
Special Counsel Jack Smith for the next two years, but
(06:42):
already paid his salary, all other salaries, all foreseeable expenses,
and all unforeseeable expenses for everybody involved in the Special
Council's office for the next two years. Because, of course,
Kevin McCarthy gave away the store to become Speaker of
the House until like Thursday of next week or whenever
(07:04):
they or throw him, And part of the story he
gave away is the attempt to reinstitute the Holman rule.
The Holman rule is another vestige of the nineteen century,
like the Supreme Court clerical error declaring that corporations are
people with which the fascists can now try to strangle
the twenty one century. The Homean rule is something somebody
(07:28):
told Marjorie Taylor Green about, and that idiot actually remembered
it two words in consecutive order. Nice job, Marge, Marge,
treats this as if it were an incantation from a
Harry Potter book, rather than what it actually was. The
Coleman Rule was Congress trying to get a handle on
(07:48):
out of control political patronage appointments to the civil service
during the presidency of Ulysses S. Grant. Essentially, the House
could vote to eliminate the salary of any federal employee,
one at a time, if need be. Over the decades,
Congress has not done much that just fies the cost
of the oil with which to fry it in hell.
But give credit where credit is due. Here we have
(08:09):
not seen many corrupt political patronage appointments by President Grant
or his lackeys recently. This one worked. Even the House
recognized that this was kind of a old deal. In
eighteen ninety they killed the Holeman rule in eighteen ninety five.
(08:29):
It came back from the dead in nineteen eleven. It
was the basis for a House bill unsuccessfully directed at
thirty nine victims of the Red Scare in the forties.
It died again in nineteen eighty three, and then it
was resuscitated by the Republicans when they took the House
in two thousand seventeen, Congressman Ron de Santis tried to
use the Holeman rule to punish his political enemies and failed.
(08:51):
Paul Gozar tried it and failed, and most Republicans recoiled
at what amounts to employment terrorism within the government and
a line item veto within the government, and most importantly,
revoking budd it items after the budget had been approved.
Even Republicans don't like the Holman rule. The Democrats killed
(09:12):
it again when they took power in two thousand nineteen.
But what Marjorie Trailer Park Green has been promising since
the middle of last year was to get the Home
and Rule reinstated and use it to fire or to
at least cut the salary of anybody investigating or prosecuting Trump.
It is corruption to cover up sedition. It is probably
(09:34):
not constitutional based on a ruling in that Red Scare
case in the forties, because, as the court then noted,
it is a bill of attainder and Section nine, Article
one of the Constitution prohibits bills of attainder. To translate,
and god, I remember this from seventh grade social studies.
Thank you, Mrs Rice. A bill of attainder is a
(09:55):
legislature not a court declaring somebody guilty of something and
punishing them without a trial. Lee goal in the England
of the seventeen hundreds, not legal in the United States
of any year, decade, or day. So if Green gets
the fascists to pass a Home and Rule action to
(10:17):
cut Jack Smith's salary or Merrick Garland's salary, or the
salaries of everybody at the FBI, it probably would not
hold up in court. On the other hand, it could
create yet more red tape and time delay to hold
up the prosecution of Trump. So the prophylactic solution of
this anti democracy, anti constitution, anti law effort by Representative
(10:39):
cave Woman would be make sure everybody in Special Council
Smith's office is already paid through don't spend at all
in one place, and then tell Marge to shove the
Home and Rule up her district. So the main attempt
to protect Trump and Gates and Jordan's and Green and
(10:59):
whoever placed the January five pipe bombs, and that I
mentioned the pipe bomber right after I mentioned greenishist to coincidence.
The main attempt will fail. The secondary attempt may fail
of its own weight. And if it doesn't it can
be headed off at the pass. This leaves the Democrats
and the administration more time to deal with what they
should have precluded while they still had the majority. The
(11:22):
Republican terrorist plan to refuse to raise the debt ceiling,
cause this country to default on its debts, and then
you know, crash the world economy still ahead, Brazil has
(11:47):
its version of January six on January eight. Conveniently enough,
it's intended beneficiary happens to be at Mari Lago. Solution,
raid Mari Lago and seize him and anybody trying to
protect him. In sports, what do you mean? The New
York Yankees wore red sleeves during two World Series and
(12:10):
it's two of my favorite anniversaries rolled into one. The
day that we launched ESPN Radio with an accidental scoop
and the day that I, traveling to help ESPN Radio
exploit that scoop, met the great actress and lovely human,
the late Elizabeth Montgomery. Things I promised not to tell
coming up bats next this discountdown. This is countdown with
(12:38):
Keith Olberman still ahead. On countdown, it is almost time
for hockeys all star games, so naturally for the skills
competition and the day before the game, they want to
have players shoot frozen pucks made out of hamburger meat
at the local Alligators pucks in deep as they say,
(13:02):
coming up first. In each tradition of Countdown feature a
dog in need you can help. Every dog has its day.
Waffles is a French bulldog with a big problem in Shreveport, Louisiana.
The Parish Pause Rescue has saved him, but he may
need surgery. His hips are misaligned and it appears he
was abandoned on the streets. Immediate treatment with steroids improved
(13:23):
his state of mind and his health quite a bit,
and he was at last report enthusiastically playing with stuffed toys.
You can find Waffles on my Twitter feed or at Cuddley.
Anything you can give will help. I thank you and
Waffles thanks you. Pot Scripts to the news, some headlines,
(14:05):
some updates, some snarks, some predictions. Dateline Brazilia, for the
second time in two years, sore losers have tried to
overthrow a democratically elected government by violence, and the government
was not ready for it. Supporters of the Brazilian fascist
Jaire Bolsonaro attacked the Brazilian Supreme Court, the presidential office
and the legislature. Unlike here, they waited until after the
(14:26):
new president had been inaugurated, and rather stupidly, they also
waited to attack the government facilities until none of them
were in session. Also, unlike here, at least five hundred
were immediately arrested in the government promises they all will be.
The joke last night was that since it is summer
in Brazil, those who will defend these events in Brazilia
will say this editionists were just tourists who are there
(14:47):
on vacation. Bulsonaro, of course, has been at mari Lago
for about a week. He's already been consulting with Steve
Bannon and Jason Miller on how to fascism. There have
been calls for this country to immediately deport Balsonaro back
to Brazil for investigation of his role in the insurrection.
Where makes sense on the surface, I guess, But wouldn't
it make more sense to deport Bannon and Miller for
(15:09):
investigation of what they did or didn't do. Bannon says
he was in favor of what happened in Brazil. As
to Ballstonnaro, if he's staying here or he's going back
to Brazil involuntarily or otherwise. Shouldn't the government or the U.
S Military take him into custody. I mean, this is
an issue of international law and diplomacy. Hell raid Marilago
if you have to. If we're lucky, there'll be some
(15:31):
kind of confrontation. And Dateline Atlanta, speaking of confrontations, has
more details come out from the herschel Walker staffer who
says conservative icon and bigot Matt Slap fondled him against
his will in October. Schlap and his wife continued to
deny and happened Now. It turns out the accuser recorded
a series of videos within hours of the incident memorializing
(15:53):
Schlap's alleged sexual advances, and he told his boss on
the campaign the day after its supposedly happened. In one
of the videos, the man says, quote Matt Slap of
the c Pack grabbed my junk and pumbled it at length.
And here we thought match Lap was losing his grip.
(16:25):
This is Sports Center. Wait, check that not anymore. This
is Countdown with Keith in Sports Buffalo Bills beat the
New England Patriots three yesterday and afterwards face time with
their teammate Tomorrow Hamlin, who just a week ago tonight
(16:46):
collapsed on the field in cardiac arrest in a moment
so terrifying the National Football League actually stopped the game
in which had happened. One of the Bills touchdowns yesterday
was caught by receiver John Brown, who promptly handed the
ball to the assistant trainer of the team, Danny Kellington,
who had performed CPR on Hamlin within a minute of
his collapse. It is Kellington who was credited with saving
(17:06):
Hamblin's life and his neurological health. Latest athlete to drawn
out pouring of support popular charismatic Chicago White Sox relief
feitcher Liam Hendrix, who revealed yesterday he has non Hodgkins
lymphoma and will begin treatment today. Another baseball note, the
Yankees wearing uniforms with red sleeves. Baseball graphic designer and
(17:27):
uniform expert Todd Radham found a historical nugget new to
him and to me as well. Intermittently throughout the nineteen twenties,
groups of Yankee players, including the likes of future Hall
of famers Tony Lazari and Leo de Rocher, wore red
sweatshirts under their home pinstripe uniforms and road grays, including
during the seven World Series the Yankees in Red, which
(17:51):
you can file next to the always startling reveal that
in ninety seven the Brooklyn Dodgers wore green Dodger green.
The road uniforms were green and tan. Only in ninety
did they think better of it and went to Dodger blue,
which they have warren ever since. And remember the Houston
Astros World Series parade when Texas Senator Ted Cruz got
(18:14):
a fan arrested because Cruz claimed the fan had thrown
a can of the beverage White Claw at him. The
fan insisted he was not throwing the can at Cruise,
he was following the time honored tradition of athletes chugging
such beverages during parades and throwing the can to him.
A grand jury has now reviewed the case and chosen
(18:35):
not to indict the fan. I understand it is also
discovered that Cruz is not an athlete. Still had one
week two anniversaries, the unlikely way that we launched ESPN Radio,
and the even more unlikely way I met the great
(18:58):
actress Elizabeth Montgomery. Within days of each other. There first
the daily roundup of the misgrants, morons and dunning Krueger
Effect specimens who constitute today's worst persons in the world.
Lebronze to the National Hockey League Roger's Sportsnets Jeff Merrick,
you know who you are. Speckled suit Guy reports that
(19:18):
when the league holds its All Star Game outside Miami
next month, some of the annual skills competition may be
devoted to special outdoor events tuned to the Florida Vibe.
Dunk tanks of some kind. Hit the target with your
shot and somebody winds up in the water. They've looked
at golf things and airboat things and shooting pucks made
(19:41):
out of frozen hamburgers at alligators in the Everglades. Because
what have you got to lose besides some dignity and
one or more of your limbs? Lebron Senator Tom Cotton
on October the Fraud from Arkansas tweeted, Joe Biden said
(20:01):
he's too busy to visit the border, but he wasn't
too busy to whatever the talking point was that week January,
Cotton has tweeted, visiting the border is meaningless if Biden
continues to push policies that invite illegal immigration. Policies matter
not photo ops. Pick one side of this bowl weevil,
(20:22):
but the winner, and you have to admit this is
kind of clever, especially for a Republican kind of saving
your crap cake and eating it too. New Florida MAGA
Congressman Corey Mills celebrating his swearing in by making a tasteless, offensive, homophobic,
unfunny insult designed for anybody with an i Q of
(20:42):
forty or less about Gabbles and Paul Pelosi. Here's the
clever part. Mills deleted the tweet in which he may
and made that joke. He deleted it without explanation because
he's a terrified little boy. But then when others in
outrage tweeted screenshots of it, Mills retweeted one of the screenshots,
(21:03):
thus managing you again tweet the sophomoric insults while still
being able to say that I deleted it representative Corey,
But I'm a VET, so you can't criticize me. Mills
Today's worst person and the word to the number one
(21:34):
story on the Countdown and my favorite subject me and
things I've promised not to tell I have found myself
telling her story three times in the last ten days.
I just bought a new copy of the movie in question,
and so I thought I would tell you the story now.
Plus I find she made her Broadway debut sixty nine
years ago this Thursday. Do you know her name? Elizabeth
(21:58):
Montgomery one of the most famous actresses of the nineteen
sixties and nineteen seventies, star of the TV ye He's Bewitched,
daughter of a famous actor, Robert Montgomery, and my friend
from early on the morning of January until she died
in the spring of nine. Our friendship happened only because
(22:18):
of one thing. My sister had given me a book
about one of our favorite topics, the never to be
solved mystery of Lizzie Borden and the Borden Family acts
murders of eighteen ninety two in Fall River, Massachusetts. Yes,
We're weird, and also the fact that Elizabeth Montgomery had
played Lizzie Borden in a TV movie. So on January four,
(22:40):
ninety two, as I sat waiting for our flight to leave,
I c JFK Airport in New York from my then
home in Los Angeles. Then I began to read from
my airplane seat, my sister's gift from the aisle. From
the last one to board, I hear the voice of
Elizabeth Montgomery saying to me, Keith, you're reading about me.
(23:02):
She was a gas my brief but eternal friendship with
Lizzie Montgomery and the eternal lesson she taught me in
one moment, Please while I first explained what I was
doing on that flight. A month or two earlier, I
had agreed to join ESPN to co host Sports Center
with Dan Patrick starting in late March. I had just
(23:23):
finished up three financially rewarding but souls sucking years at
Channel two in Los Angeles, and I was going to
go to Hawaii for three months and just live there
until I felt better. On Monday, December, I had literally
just opened my address book to find the number of
a travel agent I knew to make the Hawaiian arrangements.
I was reaching for the phone when the phone rang.
(23:46):
It was my business agent, who had just gotten off
the phone with my new ESPN boss, John Walsh. He
and they were launching a new radio network in five days.
I found this interesting but not particularly relevant. ESPN was
one thing then it was one TV network, no magazine,
no radio, no ESPN, the OHO. So this was their
(24:06):
first big move outwards. The radio network would start with
only two seven hour shows on Saturday and Sunday nights.
And Walsh explained to my agent that everything was going
great and they were right on target, and they had
great guests lined up for the first weekend, like Ronald Reagan,
and they only had one tiny problem. They needed three hosts,
and they had two terrific hosts, just terrific hosts, one
Keith worked with named Tony Bruno, and another terrific, just
(24:28):
terrific host from Providence named Chuck Wilson. And they tried
this guy as the third host, and that guy, and
this guy and that guy, and all told forty different
people had tried out to be host. They had nobody,
nobody to be the third host. Who was any good? Keith,
just come here just for the first weekend, just to
get it off the ground. They can go back to
l A and come back here in March takeover sports.
And please please please get Keith help us, please because
if you Canada know what on earth they're gonna do it?
(24:49):
Please please please, As I said to my agent, well
all right, I suppose at least way at least a
ESPN will always think of me as a team player.
So instead of going to Hawaii in January, I go
to Bristol, Connecticut in January and I go stay at
(25:13):
my folks house outside New York City, and a friend
I had recommended to help ESPN launch their radio network
offers me a ride up to ESPN for the weekend.
And it's like twenty degrees and we get out of
his car and his parking lot, and three spots over
getting out of his car in the parking lot is
Chris Berman, where I went to high school with, and
already in January, when I'm not quite thirty three years old,
(25:35):
I already know Chris for twenty years. And before I
can say hey, he screams, listen, we had a good
scene going here dot if it's up, And I say,
good to see you too, Chris, and I remind myself
it's only till Monday. And I meet the gang and
then I go to the hotel and the hotel is beige.
(25:56):
The walls are beige, the carpets are beige, the guests
are beige, the food is beige. The only thing that
isn't beige is the six inches of snow that falls
over night, and remind myself it's only till Monday. The
launch of the network on Saturday goes well. They have
me interview Ronald Reagan about something in football. The Sunday
Night show is going well too, and we're trying to
figure out where the big baseball free agent of that winner,
(26:18):
Danny Tarte Bill is going to sign. And we're interviewing
Bobby Valentine was the manager of the Texas Rangers and
they were one of the teams rumored to be a
likely landing for tart Able, and I asked Valentine, he says, no,
not anymore. They just canceled their trip. I was supposed
to go meet them at the airport tonight. I think
he signed with somebody else. And the alarm bells go
off in my head and I tell the producer, let's
call everybody we know in baseball and put them on
(26:40):
and figure out where Danny Tarte Bill is going. I
have a source who knows his agent. Let me call him.
We'll go story chasing. So we spent four hours following
the story in real time, and it's great radio and
we're coming up on the last hour, and our guests
have helped us eliminate like thirty teams out of but
we're not sure where Tartable is going still, and the
(27:01):
producer says, if only we had his home phone number.
And I look at the producer and go, oh crap, sorry,
and I grabbed my address book and I explained you.
He was my co host. Tartable was on on some
of our baseball postgame shows in l a Lash. I'm sorry,
I forgot I had his number all this time. Hang on.
So I called Danny Tartable and just as our last
(27:23):
hour on Sunday Night is starting, he calls me back
and I say to him, look, we know you've decided.
It's all over baseball. It's gotta be the Phillies, the Mets,
are the Yankees. And he's saying, correctly, I can't tell you.
And I said, give me one guess and just tell
me if I'm wrong, and I will call you a
source close to the negotiations, that's all. And he says okay,
and I say, is it a team that wears pin stripes?
(27:45):
And of course the Phillies, the Mets, and the Yankees
all wear pin stripes. So he laughs, and he says yes,
And I say, is it the team I grew up
a fan of? And he says, what team did you
grow up a fan of? And by the way, the
phone call is taking place with me on the floor
of the studio in which the other two hosts are
live on the new radio network. So I whispered a
Tartable if I say it's the Yankees? Am I wrong?
(28:09):
And he says, I can't tell you and starts whispering.
But off the record, the press conference is Wednesday at
Yankee Stadium. Is that enough for you, you bastard? And
of course I said no, Come on the show and
tell us come on, and he laughs and says I'll
see you Wednesday and hangs up. And I get up
and I sit in the vacant chair and I can
say breaking news. ESPN report now that the free agent
now fielder Danny Tartable has agreed to a multi year
(28:31):
deal with the New York Yankees. Sources close to the
negotiations say there will be a press conference Wednesday at
Yankee Stadium, and the other hosts are trying not to
crack up because they know I've just been talking too.
Tartable from the phone in the same room with them. Well,
this story explodes way more than it deserved. It's a
(28:52):
dull Sunday night. It's still early enough in the evening
that the story makes all the Monday newspapers, and it's
attributed not to ESPN or to Sports Center, but to
the brand new ESPN Radio network on its second in business,
And it's on the front page of USA Today and
the New York Times. New ESPN Radio network makes splash
with tartable scoop the next morning, and I can't tell
(29:14):
you how big a deal that was back then. So now,
instead of going back to l A on Monday and
maybe to Hawaii on Tuesday, as I had planned, I
have to go to the press conference at Yankee Stadium
to say hi to Tartable on Wednesday and sort of
thank him for the scoop. And on Tuesday, this guy,
John Walsh from ESPN calls me and my agent says, look,
(29:35):
we have to take advantage of this. It's the best
possible start we could have hoped for for the radio network.
Keith has to stay with us for the next three months.
Why doesn't he stay in and do this weekend and
then go back to l A and pack up his apartment,
then come back here the weekend after that, and and
and and I say again to my agent, well, at
least ESPN will always think of me as a team
(29:56):
player if I do this. So I am not in
Hawaii and in dead I am on board this flight.
When Elizabeth Montgomery walks down the aisle and sees my
Lizzie Boarden book given to me by my sister and says, oh, Keith,
you're reading about me. Hi, I'm Lizzie Montgomery. I'm a
big fan of yours. Is that seat taken? And I say,
(30:18):
the hell if I care, sit down? And the only
time we're not talking for the next six hours is
when we are drinking. I believe, if I remember this correctly,
they had to send up a champagne refueling flight halfway
to l A. And she's a huge sports fan. Her
father was a founder of one of the southern California
horse racing tracks, and she loves the Lakers. And she
(30:39):
thinks she was related to Lizzie Borden. Did I ever
see the European version of her Lizzie Borden film where
they show the white shots where they make it look
like she's nude, and I say, I'm absolutely certain I
have not. And her son and her driver and her
rolls Royce meet us at l A X and she
wants me to see her house, and then her driver
and her rolls Royce will give me a lift home.
And oh, by the way, she's flying back to New
(30:59):
York in a week. Should we become flying buddies. On
that trip, our flight gets canceled and we have to
find a new one. I'm hand carrying a lot of
more more valuable baseball cards, including like five different from
the year nineteen o nine, and she wants to see them,
and she wants me to tell her something about each
player while we drink again. And we land and she says,
(31:21):
how are you getting to your folks house? And I say, well,
I'm going to get a car here or something, and
she said, no, you're not. I'll give you a lift
in my limo going right past your house. And sure
enough we get there, and as Lizzie Montgomery's limo is
taking me to my folks house at ten o'clock at night,
she says, will they still be up here? Folks want
to play a practical joke on them. So two minutes later,
(31:43):
I knock on the door of my childhood home and
my father opens it instead of seeing me. It's her
in the doorway, and she says, Hi, Mr Alderman, I'm Lizzie.
I'm a friend of keys. Can he come out and play?
And my dad goes silent for the only time I
a in my life, And now my mother appears, so
Lizzie can pull the same routine on her. Hi, Mrs Alderman,
(32:04):
I'm is he. I'm a friend of keys. Can he
come out and play? And now my mother is silent
for the only time in my life, I might add
I thought Lizzie looked fabulous, and I looked her up
in Hallowell's FI Film Guide and I saw she was
forty eight, and I thought, boy, she looks fabulous for
forty eight, And I realized my math is wrong. She
was fifty eight, and she was a joy. We talked
(32:25):
by phone every couple of weeks after that, and she
died three years later of colon cancer. But she is
with me always, and not just as the proverbial force
of nature. Within minutes of that day we met January two,
she bestowed upon me a lesson an eternal lesson. We
(32:45):
were a little late taking off, and since she had
just loudly introduced herself to me like I didn't know
who she was, anybody on the plane who wasn't sure
it was her was now sure. As we waited to taxi,
every man on that plane came over and did the
same thing. Oh hi, miss Montgomery, excuse me, and they
give me some sort of nodding acknowledgement like, hey, how
(33:07):
you doing, as they lean in past me. I was
a big fan of the which I know you must
get asked, there's a million times a day, But is
there any I'm so sorry to ask, could you do
that little nose twitch you used to do in the show?
And she would say, of course, and then she'd do
it in These men aged all then giggle like schoolboys.
After the thirty or thirty first time this happened, I
(33:29):
say to her, Lizzie, I don't know you, but I
like you a lot already, and your attitude towards your
fans and the nose twitch is wonderful. But I have
to tell you, I certainly hope that was the last
of them, because the next one who comes over, I'm
gonna have to strangle him with my bare hands because
I can't take it anymore. And for the only minutes
(33:50):
of all the time I knew her, Elizabeth Montgomery got
very serious and said, oh, no, Keith, that is not
the attitude you must have about this. Remind me what
year did Bewitched to go off the air. I had
to guess two, and she said, exactly, good, correct, twenty
years ago. And these people have remembered that nose twitch
(34:12):
for twenty years at least bewitched. Keith is not Hamlet,
it is not Arthur Miller, it is not the Godfather,
but they remembered it. This is why you and I
both do what we do for a living. We have
transcended time with what we do for a living, something artistic,
something creative, no matter how small that we have done,
(34:33):
they have remembered it. People do it with you, I'm sure,
and I'm sure they'll continue to. And what you do
then is you say thank you for remembering, as if
they were the only one who ever remembered, because that's
why we do this, Because they remembered me from twenty
years ago for a stupid little nose twitch. Duly chastised,
(34:58):
I apologized, and the huge welcoming, conspiratorial, permanent French sexy
smile of Elizabeth Montgomery broke across her face like the sunrise,
and she whispered either that Keith or they saw Bewitched
on cable last week, which means Lizzie gets another check
(35:20):
next week. And she twitched her nose at me and
I will always love her. Countdown has come to you
(35:44):
from the studios of Alderman Broadcasting Empire World Headquarters in
the Sports Capsule Building in New York. I've done all
the damage I can do here. Thank you for listening.
Here are the credits. Most of the music, including our
theme from Beethoven's Ninth, was arranged, produced and performed by
Brian Ray and John Philip Channel, who are the Countdown
musical directors. All or guestration and keyboards by John Philip Channel.
(36:07):
Guitars based and drums by Brian Ray, produced by t
k O Brothers. Other Beethoven selections have been arranged and
performed by No Horns Allowed. The sports music is the
Olderman theme from the ESPN two and it was written
by Mitch Warren Davis courtesy of ESPN, Inc. Musical comments
by Nancy Faust. The best baseball stadium organist. Ever, our
announcer today was Kenny Maine. Everything else is pretty much
(36:29):
my fault. So that has countdown for this, the seven
and thirty seventh day since Donald Trump's first attempted coup
against the democratically elected government of the United States. Arrest
him now while we still can. I don't know if
you could hear it throughout this podcast. I should sure could.
I've got some bronchial thing going on here. It's not
COVID I tested, but I'm just getting you know, it
(36:52):
feels like I might miss a day or two. We'll
see tomorrow until whenever I'm Keith Oldman. Good morning, good afternoon,
good night, and good luck. Yeah. Countdown with Keith Alderman
is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts
(37:14):
from I heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of I Heart
Radio Insurrection. No, not the one in Brazil, the one
(00:26):
here still in full flower, two years and three days
after the Trump slabs were beaten back, and this time
the combatants will include not the Proud Boys, but the
Home and Rule and the Lender Letter. It starts today
when the Tattleban twenty forces its combination Speaker of the
House and hostage Kevin McCarthy to pass a House rules
(00:48):
package dressed up in patriotic persiflage but actually designed merely
to keep the insurrectionists from being prosecuted. Battle will be
less mob rule and more Robert's Rules of Order, but
it will again take place at the Capitol. The House
Rules for the Congress will establish something to be airily
called the Subcommittee on the Weaponization of the Justice Department
(01:13):
or something stupid like that, when in fact it should
be called the House Obstruction of Justice Subcommittee. This subcommittee
will give itself the right to review quote ongoing criminal investigations,
which is a nice way of saying insurrectionists serving in
the House like Jim Jordan's and Matt Gates and Perry
and Green and Ghosts are to say nothing of Trump
(01:35):
or anybody else being investigated for their complicity in the
January six co attempt. They will be able to use
a Congressional subcommittee to stop those investigations of themselves, or
at least they think so. Gates and Jordan, who are
behind this, are trying to dress it up as some
sort of protection for political free speech, and writes this
(01:56):
and First Amendment that when in fact it is an
attempt by Jordan and Gates to keep Jordan and Gates
out of jail. The problem with clever but lazy fanatics
like Jordan's and Gates is that they only read the headlines.
They will hit the Department of Justice with demands for testimony,
for evidence of hearings for witnesses, and the Department of
(02:19):
Justice will be able to tell Gates and Jordan's to
shove it up their base. A Deputy Assistant Attorney General
will write to Chairman Jordan or Chairman Gates a note
dry as toast, invoking the lender letter and Attorney General
Robert Jackson, and presuming they get a grown up to
read it allowed to them. Gates and Jordan will be
(02:40):
in for a big surprise on January to thousand, which
is so long ago it was the day I turned
forty one. Assistant Attorney General Robert Raven wrote to the
House chair of the Subcommittee on Rules, Congressman John Linder,
about this exact precise subject. No, not only can't Congress
(03:03):
have or see, or or demand anything about ongoing criminal investigations,
but that that has been the policy of the United
States government, whether run by Democrats or Republicans, since about
nineteen hundred. Raven quoted Robert H. Jackson, f DRS. Attorney
in General in ninety one, citing something like forty years
(03:25):
worth of precedents at that point in Jackson wrote that
all investigative reports are confidential documents of the executive Department
of the government to aid in the duty laid upon
the President by the Constitution to take care that the
laws be faithfully executed, and that congressional or public access
to them would not be in the public interest. Raven
(03:48):
also pointed out in two thousand what should be obvious
to anybody not quite as stupid and slovenly as Jim
Jordan and Matt Gates. He quoted one Assistant Attorney General
for the Office of Legal Counsel Charles J. Cooper, who
had written quote providing a congressional matty with confidential information
about active criminal investigations would place the Congress in a
(04:10):
position to exert pressure or attempt to influence the prosecution
of criminal cases. The author of that quote, Charles J. Cooper,
was the Assistant Attorney General under Ronald Reagan. If a
Congressional committee is fully apprised of all details of investigation
as the investigation proceeds, wrote a deputy counsel to the President,
(04:32):
Edward L. Morgan, there is a substantial danger that congressional
pressures will influence the course of the investigation, and that
Mr Morgan was deputy counseled to Richard Nixon. It is
an open and shut, bright red line. Gates and Jordan's
and their speaker, Hostage McCarthy are not the first yah
(04:53):
who's to try to save their own skins by pretending
they have the right to review anything going on in
the Department of Justice, and given where the Republican Insurrections
Party is going, they will not be the last asked. However,
d O J will refuse completely. The House will then
vote to find Merrick Garland or somebody else at d
(05:13):
o J in contempt and demand they be prosecuted for
that contempt. And that's when Matt Gates and Jim Jordan
will realize that the only branch of law enforcement which
could actually do that is the Department of Justice. Gates
and Jordans will then be surprised as hell when the
Department of Justice declines to prosecute the Department of Justice.
(05:36):
Presumably the insurrectionists will be able to fund raise off
this brew ha ha ha ha ha and get the
Republican Umbridge machine to fire up and get Tucker Jimminy
Glitt Carlson to make some more vague threats of violence
against somebody. But the bottom line is they will not
get to review the Special Council's case against Trump nor
(05:57):
stop it, nor review or stop the d o J
case against Gates for sex trafficking or anything else. So
when hands are wrong later today about the House Subcommittee
on the Deep State, won't let Matt Gates VENMO payments
for underage girls or the House Subcommittee to get Trump
off the hook for the coup and blame it all
on Pelosi. Just remember the Lender letter and look forward
(06:22):
to watching Gates and Jordan's squirm. The Lender letters Evil
twin though, is called the Holman Rule, and I'm a
little bit more worried about the Holman Rule. What I
want to hear at the appropriate moment is that the
Justice Department is not merely completed funding the office of
Special Counsel Jack Smith for the next two years, but
(06:42):
already paid his salary, all other salaries, all foreseeable expenses,
and all unforeseeable expenses for everybody involved in the Special
Council's office for the next two years. Because, of course,
Kevin McCarthy gave away the store to become Speaker of
the House until like Thursday of next week or whenever
(07:04):
they or throw him, And part of the story he
gave away is the attempt to reinstitute the Holman rule.
The Holman rule is another vestige of the nineteen century,
like the Supreme Court clerical error declaring that corporations are
people with which the fascists can now try to strangle
the twenty one century. The Homean rule is something somebody
(07:28):
told Marjorie Taylor Green about, and that idiot actually remembered
it two words in consecutive order. Nice job, Marge, Marge,
treats this as if it were an incantation from a
Harry Potter book, rather than what it actually was. The
Coleman Rule was Congress trying to get a handle on
(07:48):
out of control political patronage appointments to the civil service
during the presidency of Ulysses S. Grant. Essentially, the House
could vote to eliminate the salary of any federal employee,
one at a time, if need be. Over the decades,
Congress has not done much that just fies the cost
of the oil with which to fry it in hell.
But give credit where credit is due. Here we have
(08:09):
not seen many corrupt political patronage appointments by President Grant
or his lackeys recently. This one worked. Even the House
recognized that this was kind of a old deal. In
eighteen ninety they killed the Holeman rule in eighteen ninety five.
(08:29):
It came back from the dead in nineteen eleven. It
was the basis for a House bill unsuccessfully directed at
thirty nine victims of the Red Scare in the forties.
It died again in nineteen eighty three, and then it
was resuscitated by the Republicans when they took the House
in two thousand seventeen, Congressman Ron de Santis tried to
use the Holeman rule to punish his political enemies and failed.
(08:51):
Paul Gozar tried it and failed, and most Republicans recoiled
at what amounts to employment terrorism within the government and
a line item veto within the government, and most importantly,
revoking budd it items after the budget had been approved.
Even Republicans don't like the Holman rule. The Democrats killed
(09:12):
it again when they took power in two thousand nineteen.
But what Marjorie Trailer Park Green has been promising since
the middle of last year was to get the Home
and Rule reinstated and use it to fire or to
at least cut the salary of anybody investigating or prosecuting Trump.
It is corruption to cover up sedition. It is probably
(09:34):
not constitutional based on a ruling in that Red Scare
case in the forties, because, as the court then noted,
it is a bill of attainder and Section nine, Article
one of the Constitution prohibits bills of attainder. To translate,
and god, I remember this from seventh grade social studies.
Thank you, Mrs Rice. A bill of attainder is a
(09:55):
legislature not a court declaring somebody guilty of something and
punishing them without a trial. Lee goal in the England
of the seventeen hundreds, not legal in the United States
of any year, decade, or day. So if Green gets
the fascists to pass a Home and Rule action to
(10:17):
cut Jack Smith's salary or Merrick Garland's salary, or the
salaries of everybody at the FBI, it probably would not
hold up in court. On the other hand, it could
create yet more red tape and time delay to hold
up the prosecution of Trump. So the prophylactic solution of
this anti democracy, anti constitution, anti law effort by Representative
(10:39):
cave Woman would be make sure everybody in Special Council
Smith's office is already paid through don't spend at all
in one place, and then tell Marge to shove the
Home and Rule up her district. So the main attempt
to protect Trump and Gates and Jordan's and Green and
(10:59):
whoever placed the January five pipe bombs, and that I
mentioned the pipe bomber right after I mentioned greenishist to coincidence.
The main attempt will fail. The secondary attempt may fail
of its own weight. And if it doesn't it can
be headed off at the pass. This leaves the Democrats
and the administration more time to deal with what they
should have precluded while they still had the majority. The
(11:22):
Republican terrorist plan to refuse to raise the debt ceiling,
cause this country to default on its debts, and then
you know, crash the world economy still ahead, Brazil has
(11:47):
its version of January six on January eight. Conveniently enough,
it's intended beneficiary happens to be at Mari Lago. Solution,
raid Mari Lago and seize him and anybody trying to
protect him. In sports, what do you mean? The New
York Yankees wore red sleeves during two World Series and
(12:10):
it's two of my favorite anniversaries rolled into one. The
day that we launched ESPN Radio with an accidental scoop
and the day that I, traveling to help ESPN Radio
exploit that scoop, met the great actress and lovely human,
the late Elizabeth Montgomery. Things I promised not to tell
coming up bats next this discountdown. This is countdown with
(12:38):
Keith Olberman still ahead. On countdown, it is almost time
for hockeys all star games, so naturally for the skills
competition and the day before the game, they want to
have players shoot frozen pucks made out of hamburger meat
at the local Alligators pucks in deep as they say,
(13:02):
coming up first. In each tradition of Countdown feature a
dog in need you can help. Every dog has its day.
Waffles is a French bulldog with a big problem in Shreveport, Louisiana.
The Parish Pause Rescue has saved him, but he may
need surgery. His hips are misaligned and it appears he
was abandoned on the streets. Immediate treatment with steroids improved
(13:23):
his state of mind and his health quite a bit,
and he was at last report enthusiastically playing with stuffed toys.
You can find Waffles on my Twitter feed or at Cuddley.
Anything you can give will help. I thank you and
Waffles thanks you. Pot Scripts to the news, some headlines,
(14:05):
some updates, some snarks, some predictions. Dateline Brazilia, for the
second time in two years, sore losers have tried to
overthrow a democratically elected government by violence, and the government
was not ready for it. Supporters of the Brazilian fascist
Jaire Bolsonaro attacked the Brazilian Supreme Court, the presidential office
and the legislature. Unlike here, they waited until after the
(14:26):
new president had been inaugurated, and rather stupidly, they also
waited to attack the government facilities until none of them
were in session. Also, unlike here, at least five hundred
were immediately arrested in the government promises they all will be.
The joke last night was that since it is summer
in Brazil, those who will defend these events in Brazilia
will say this editionists were just tourists who are there
(14:47):
on vacation. Bulsonaro, of course, has been at mari Lago
for about a week. He's already been consulting with Steve
Bannon and Jason Miller on how to fascism. There have
been calls for this country to immediately deport Balsonaro back
to Brazil for investigation of his role in the insurrection.
Where makes sense on the surface, I guess, But wouldn't
it make more sense to deport Bannon and Miller for
(15:09):
investigation of what they did or didn't do. Bannon says
he was in favor of what happened in Brazil. As
to Ballstonnaro, if he's staying here or he's going back
to Brazil involuntarily or otherwise. Shouldn't the government or the U.
S Military take him into custody. I mean, this is
an issue of international law and diplomacy. Hell raid Marilago
if you have to. If we're lucky, there'll be some
(15:31):
kind of confrontation. And Dateline Atlanta, speaking of confrontations, has
more details come out from the herschel Walker staffer who
says conservative icon and bigot Matt Slap fondled him against
his will in October. Schlap and his wife continued to
deny and happened Now. It turns out the accuser recorded
a series of videos within hours of the incident memorializing
(15:53):
Schlap's alleged sexual advances, and he told his boss on
the campaign the day after its supposedly happened. In one
of the videos, the man says, quote Matt Slap of
the c Pack grabbed my junk and pumbled it at length.
And here we thought match Lap was losing his grip.
(16:25):
This is Sports Center. Wait, check that not anymore. This
is Countdown with Keith in Sports Buffalo Bills beat the
New England Patriots three yesterday and afterwards face time with
their teammate Tomorrow Hamlin, who just a week ago tonight
(16:46):
collapsed on the field in cardiac arrest in a moment
so terrifying the National Football League actually stopped the game
in which had happened. One of the Bills touchdowns yesterday
was caught by receiver John Brown, who promptly handed the
ball to the assistant trainer of the team, Danny Kellington,
who had performed CPR on Hamlin within a minute of
his collapse. It is Kellington who was credited with saving
(17:06):
Hamblin's life and his neurological health. Latest athlete to drawn
out pouring of support popular charismatic Chicago White Sox relief
feitcher Liam Hendrix, who revealed yesterday he has non Hodgkins
lymphoma and will begin treatment today. Another baseball note, the
Yankees wearing uniforms with red sleeves. Baseball graphic designer and
(17:27):
uniform expert Todd Radham found a historical nugget new to
him and to me as well. Intermittently throughout the nineteen twenties,
groups of Yankee players, including the likes of future Hall
of famers Tony Lazari and Leo de Rocher, wore red
sweatshirts under their home pinstripe uniforms and road grays, including
during the seven World Series the Yankees in Red, which
(17:51):
you can file next to the always startling reveal that
in ninety seven the Brooklyn Dodgers wore green Dodger green.
The road uniforms were green and tan. Only in ninety
did they think better of it and went to Dodger blue,
which they have warren ever since. And remember the Houston
Astros World Series parade when Texas Senator Ted Cruz got
(18:14):
a fan arrested because Cruz claimed the fan had thrown
a can of the beverage White Claw at him. The
fan insisted he was not throwing the can at Cruise,
he was following the time honored tradition of athletes chugging
such beverages during parades and throwing the can to him.
A grand jury has now reviewed the case and chosen
(18:35):
not to indict the fan. I understand it is also
discovered that Cruz is not an athlete. Still had one
week two anniversaries, the unlikely way that we launched ESPN Radio,
and the even more unlikely way I met the great
(18:58):
actress Elizabeth Montgomery. Within days of each other. There first
the daily roundup of the misgrants, morons and dunning Krueger
Effect specimens who constitute today's worst persons in the world.
Lebronze to the National Hockey League Roger's Sportsnets Jeff Merrick,
you know who you are. Speckled suit Guy reports that
(19:18):
when the league holds its All Star Game outside Miami
next month, some of the annual skills competition may be
devoted to special outdoor events tuned to the Florida Vibe.
Dunk tanks of some kind. Hit the target with your
shot and somebody winds up in the water. They've looked
at golf things and airboat things and shooting pucks made
(19:41):
out of frozen hamburgers at alligators in the Everglades. Because
what have you got to lose besides some dignity and
one or more of your limbs? Lebron Senator Tom Cotton
on October the Fraud from Arkansas tweeted, Joe Biden said
(20:01):
he's too busy to visit the border, but he wasn't
too busy to whatever the talking point was that week January,
Cotton has tweeted, visiting the border is meaningless if Biden
continues to push policies that invite illegal immigration. Policies matter
not photo ops. Pick one side of this bowl weevil,
(20:22):
but the winner, and you have to admit this is
kind of clever, especially for a Republican kind of saving
your crap cake and eating it too. New Florida MAGA
Congressman Corey Mills celebrating his swearing in by making a tasteless, offensive, homophobic,
unfunny insult designed for anybody with an i Q of
(20:42):
forty or less about Gabbles and Paul Pelosi. Here's the
clever part. Mills deleted the tweet in which he may
and made that joke. He deleted it without explanation because
he's a terrified little boy. But then when others in
outrage tweeted screenshots of it, Mills retweeted one of the screenshots,
(21:03):
thus managing you again tweet the sophomoric insults while still
being able to say that I deleted it representative Corey,
But I'm a VET, so you can't criticize me. Mills
Today's worst person and the word to the number one
(21:34):
story on the Countdown and my favorite subject me and
things I've promised not to tell I have found myself
telling her story three times in the last ten days.
I just bought a new copy of the movie in question,
and so I thought I would tell you the story now.
Plus I find she made her Broadway debut sixty nine
years ago this Thursday. Do you know her name? Elizabeth
(21:58):
Montgomery one of the most famous actresses of the nineteen
sixties and nineteen seventies, star of the TV ye He's Bewitched,
daughter of a famous actor, Robert Montgomery, and my friend
from early on the morning of January until she died
in the spring of nine. Our friendship happened only because
(22:18):
of one thing. My sister had given me a book
about one of our favorite topics, the never to be
solved mystery of Lizzie Borden and the Borden Family acts
murders of eighteen ninety two in Fall River, Massachusetts. Yes,
We're weird, and also the fact that Elizabeth Montgomery had
played Lizzie Borden in a TV movie. So on January four,
(22:40):
ninety two, as I sat waiting for our flight to leave,
I c JFK Airport in New York from my then
home in Los Angeles. Then I began to read from
my airplane seat, my sister's gift from the aisle. From
the last one to board, I hear the voice of
Elizabeth Montgomery saying to me, Keith, you're reading about me.
(23:02):
She was a gas my brief but eternal friendship with
Lizzie Montgomery and the eternal lesson she taught me in
one moment, Please while I first explained what I was
doing on that flight. A month or two earlier, I
had agreed to join ESPN to co host Sports Center
with Dan Patrick starting in late March. I had just
(23:23):
finished up three financially rewarding but souls sucking years at
Channel two in Los Angeles, and I was going to
go to Hawaii for three months and just live there
until I felt better. On Monday, December, I had literally
just opened my address book to find the number of
a travel agent I knew to make the Hawaiian arrangements.
I was reaching for the phone when the phone rang.
(23:46):
It was my business agent, who had just gotten off
the phone with my new ESPN boss, John Walsh. He
and they were launching a new radio network in five days.
I found this interesting but not particularly relevant. ESPN was
one thing then it was one TV network, no magazine,
no radio, no ESPN, the OHO. So this was their
(24:06):
first big move outwards. The radio network would start with
only two seven hour shows on Saturday and Sunday nights.
And Walsh explained to my agent that everything was going
great and they were right on target, and they had
great guests lined up for the first weekend, like Ronald Reagan,
and they only had one tiny problem. They needed three hosts,
and they had two terrific hosts, just terrific hosts, one
Keith worked with named Tony Bruno, and another terrific, just
(24:28):
terrific host from Providence named Chuck Wilson. And they tried
this guy as the third host, and that guy, and
this guy and that guy, and all told forty different
people had tried out to be host. They had nobody,
nobody to be the third host. Who was any good? Keith,
just come here just for the first weekend, just to
get it off the ground. They can go back to
l A and come back here in March takeover sports.
And please please please get Keith help us, please because
if you Canada know what on earth they're gonna do it?
(24:49):
Please please please, As I said to my agent, well
all right, I suppose at least way at least a
ESPN will always think of me as a team player.
So instead of going to Hawaii in January, I go
to Bristol, Connecticut in January and I go stay at
(25:13):
my folks house outside New York City, and a friend
I had recommended to help ESPN launch their radio network
offers me a ride up to ESPN for the weekend.
And it's like twenty degrees and we get out of
his car and his parking lot, and three spots over
getting out of his car in the parking lot is
Chris Berman, where I went to high school with, and
already in January, when I'm not quite thirty three years old,
(25:35):
I already know Chris for twenty years. And before I
can say hey, he screams, listen, we had a good
scene going here dot if it's up, And I say,
good to see you too, Chris, and I remind myself
it's only till Monday. And I meet the gang and
then I go to the hotel and the hotel is beige.
(25:56):
The walls are beige, the carpets are beige, the guests
are beige, the food is beige. The only thing that
isn't beige is the six inches of snow that falls
over night, and remind myself it's only till Monday. The
launch of the network on Saturday goes well. They have
me interview Ronald Reagan about something in football. The Sunday
Night show is going well too, and we're trying to
figure out where the big baseball free agent of that winner,
(26:18):
Danny Tarte Bill is going to sign. And we're interviewing
Bobby Valentine was the manager of the Texas Rangers and
they were one of the teams rumored to be a
likely landing for tart Able, and I asked Valentine, he says, no,
not anymore. They just canceled their trip. I was supposed
to go meet them at the airport tonight. I think
he signed with somebody else. And the alarm bells go
off in my head and I tell the producer, let's
call everybody we know in baseball and put them on
(26:40):
and figure out where Danny Tarte Bill is going. I
have a source who knows his agent. Let me call him.
We'll go story chasing. So we spent four hours following
the story in real time, and it's great radio and
we're coming up on the last hour, and our guests
have helped us eliminate like thirty teams out of but
we're not sure where Tartable is going still, and the
(27:01):
producer says, if only we had his home phone number.
And I look at the producer and go, oh crap, sorry,
and I grabbed my address book and I explained you.
He was my co host. Tartable was on on some
of our baseball postgame shows in l a Lash. I'm sorry,
I forgot I had his number all this time. Hang on.
So I called Danny Tartable and just as our last
(27:23):
hour on Sunday Night is starting, he calls me back
and I say to him, look, we know you've decided.
It's all over baseball. It's gotta be the Phillies, the Mets,
are the Yankees. And he's saying, correctly, I can't tell you.
And I said, give me one guess and just tell
me if I'm wrong, and I will call you a
source close to the negotiations, that's all. And he says okay,
and I say, is it a team that wears pin stripes?
(27:45):
And of course the Phillies, the Mets, and the Yankees
all wear pin stripes. So he laughs, and he says yes,
And I say, is it the team I grew up
a fan of? And he says, what team did you
grow up a fan of? And by the way, the
phone call is taking place with me on the floor
of the studio in which the other two hosts are
live on the new radio network. So I whispered a
Tartable if I say it's the Yankees? Am I wrong?
(28:09):
And he says, I can't tell you and starts whispering.
But off the record, the press conference is Wednesday at
Yankee Stadium. Is that enough for you, you bastard? And
of course I said no, Come on the show and
tell us come on, and he laughs and says I'll
see you Wednesday and hangs up. And I get up
and I sit in the vacant chair and I can
say breaking news. ESPN report now that the free agent
now fielder Danny Tartable has agreed to a multi year
(28:31):
deal with the New York Yankees. Sources close to the
negotiations say there will be a press conference Wednesday at
Yankee Stadium, and the other hosts are trying not to
crack up because they know I've just been talking too.
Tartable from the phone in the same room with them. Well,
this story explodes way more than it deserved. It's a
(28:52):
dull Sunday night. It's still early enough in the evening
that the story makes all the Monday newspapers, and it's
attributed not to ESPN or to Sports Center, but to
the brand new ESPN Radio network on its second in business,
And it's on the front page of USA Today and
the New York Times. New ESPN Radio network makes splash
with tartable scoop the next morning, and I can't tell
(29:14):
you how big a deal that was back then. So now,
instead of going back to l A on Monday and
maybe to Hawaii on Tuesday, as I had planned, I
have to go to the press conference at Yankee Stadium
to say hi to Tartable on Wednesday and sort of
thank him for the scoop. And on Tuesday, this guy,
John Walsh from ESPN calls me and my agent says, look,
(29:35):
we have to take advantage of this. It's the best
possible start we could have hoped for for the radio network.
Keith has to stay with us for the next three months.
Why doesn't he stay in and do this weekend and
then go back to l A and pack up his apartment,
then come back here the weekend after that, and and
and and I say again to my agent, well, at
least ESPN will always think of me as a team
(29:56):
player if I do this. So I am not in
Hawaii and in dead I am on board this flight.
When Elizabeth Montgomery walks down the aisle and sees my
Lizzie Boarden book given to me by my sister and says, oh, Keith,
you're reading about me. Hi, I'm Lizzie Montgomery. I'm a
big fan of yours. Is that seat taken? And I say,
(30:18):
the hell if I care, sit down? And the only
time we're not talking for the next six hours is
when we are drinking. I believe, if I remember this correctly,
they had to send up a champagne refueling flight halfway
to l A. And she's a huge sports fan. Her
father was a founder of one of the southern California
horse racing tracks, and she loves the Lakers. And she
(30:39):
thinks she was related to Lizzie Borden. Did I ever
see the European version of her Lizzie Borden film where
they show the white shots where they make it look
like she's nude, and I say, I'm absolutely certain I
have not. And her son and her driver and her
rolls Royce meet us at l A X and she
wants me to see her house, and then her driver
and her rolls Royce will give me a lift home.
And oh, by the way, she's flying back to New
(30:59):
York in a week. Should we become flying buddies. On
that trip, our flight gets canceled and we have to
find a new one. I'm hand carrying a lot of
more more valuable baseball cards, including like five different from
the year nineteen o nine, and she wants to see them,
and she wants me to tell her something about each
player while we drink again. And we land and she says,
(31:21):
how are you getting to your folks house? And I say, well,
I'm going to get a car here or something, and
she said, no, you're not. I'll give you a lift
in my limo going right past your house. And sure
enough we get there, and as Lizzie Montgomery's limo is
taking me to my folks house at ten o'clock at night,
she says, will they still be up here? Folks want
to play a practical joke on them. So two minutes later,
(31:43):
I knock on the door of my childhood home and
my father opens it instead of seeing me. It's her
in the doorway, and she says, Hi, Mr Alderman, I'm Lizzie.
I'm a friend of keys. Can he come out and play?
And my dad goes silent for the only time I
a in my life, And now my mother appears, so
Lizzie can pull the same routine on her. Hi, Mrs Alderman,
(32:04):
I'm is he. I'm a friend of keys. Can he
come out and play? And now my mother is silent
for the only time in my life, I might add
I thought Lizzie looked fabulous, and I looked her up
in Hallowell's FI Film Guide and I saw she was
forty eight, and I thought, boy, she looks fabulous for
forty eight, And I realized my math is wrong. She
was fifty eight, and she was a joy. We talked
(32:25):
by phone every couple of weeks after that, and she
died three years later of colon cancer. But she is
with me always, and not just as the proverbial force
of nature. Within minutes of that day we met January two,
she bestowed upon me a lesson an eternal lesson. We
(32:45):
were a little late taking off, and since she had
just loudly introduced herself to me like I didn't know
who she was, anybody on the plane who wasn't sure
it was her was now sure. As we waited to taxi,
every man on that plane came over and did the
same thing. Oh hi, miss Montgomery, excuse me, and they
give me some sort of nodding acknowledgement like, hey, how
(33:07):
you doing, as they lean in past me. I was
a big fan of the which I know you must
get asked, there's a million times a day, But is
there any I'm so sorry to ask, could you do
that little nose twitch you used to do in the show?
And she would say, of course, and then she'd do
it in These men aged all then giggle like schoolboys.
After the thirty or thirty first time this happened, I
(33:29):
say to her, Lizzie, I don't know you, but I
like you a lot already, and your attitude towards your
fans and the nose twitch is wonderful. But I have
to tell you, I certainly hope that was the last
of them, because the next one who comes over, I'm
gonna have to strangle him with my bare hands because
I can't take it anymore. And for the only minutes
(33:50):
of all the time I knew her, Elizabeth Montgomery got
very serious and said, oh, no, Keith, that is not
the attitude you must have about this. Remind me what
year did Bewitched to go off the air. I had
to guess two, and she said, exactly, good, correct, twenty
years ago. And these people have remembered that nose twitch
(34:12):
for twenty years at least bewitched. Keith is not Hamlet,
it is not Arthur Miller, it is not the Godfather,
but they remembered it. This is why you and I
both do what we do for a living. We have
transcended time with what we do for a living, something artistic,
something creative, no matter how small that we have done,
(34:33):
they have remembered it. People do it with you, I'm sure,
and I'm sure they'll continue to. And what you do
then is you say thank you for remembering, as if
they were the only one who ever remembered, because that's
why we do this, Because they remembered me from twenty
years ago for a stupid little nose twitch. Duly chastised,
(34:58):
I apologized, and the huge welcoming, conspiratorial, permanent French sexy
smile of Elizabeth Montgomery broke across her face like the sunrise,
and she whispered either that Keith or they saw Bewitched
on cable last week, which means Lizzie gets another check
(35:20):
next week. And she twitched her nose at me and
I will always love her. Countdown has come to you
(35:44):
from the studios of Alderman Broadcasting Empire World Headquarters in
the Sports Capsule Building in New York. I've done all
the damage I can do here. Thank you for listening.
Here are the credits. Most of the music, including our
theme from Beethoven's Ninth, was arranged, produced and performed by
Brian Ray and John Philip Channel, who are the Countdown
musical directors. All or guestration and keyboards by John Philip Channel.
(36:07):
Guitars based and drums by Brian Ray, produced by t
k O Brothers. Other Beethoven selections have been arranged and
performed by No Horns Allowed. The sports music is the
Olderman theme from the ESPN two and it was written
by Mitch Warren Davis courtesy of ESPN, Inc. Musical comments
by Nancy Faust. The best baseball stadium organist. Ever, our
announcer today was Kenny Maine. Everything else is pretty much
(36:29):
my fault. So that has countdown for this, the seven
and thirty seventh day since Donald Trump's first attempted coup
against the democratically elected government of the United States. Arrest
him now while we still can. I don't know if
you could hear it throughout this podcast. I should sure could.
I've got some bronchial thing going on here. It's not
COVID I tested, but I'm just getting you know, it
(36:52):
feels like I might miss a day or two. We'll
see tomorrow until whenever I'm Keith Oldman. Good morning, good afternoon,
good night, and good luck. Yeah. Countdown with Keith Alderman
is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts
(37:14):
from I heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Host
Keith Olbermann
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