January 27, 2022 • 27 mins
In conversation with Matchmaker Maria Avgitidis aka Matchmaker Maria, who has helped over 10,000 clients and fostered 4,000 first dates, the hosts speak with Maria Talk about her businesses and how she balances it alongside her podcast and content creation, inquire about how the matchmaking process works, and seek her advice on finding love and retaining a healthy, long-term relationship. Learn about the importance of an abundance mindsight, the most practical first date advice, and why you wear bright colors on a first date!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
One to cleaners, clean out loud, Cheers, cheers, Welcome to
crying in public. Hello, Hey guys, I don't say we
(00:25):
can't sing. What you can for me, that's but I
can't sing, So I'm sorry. I thought like literally for
three years. Yeah, recently I've been singing more and more
on the apartment and I think that he's ready to
kick me out. She's in his face where she will
literally do. She literally watched this and be like, I'm
sucking incredible, and I'll hear from my roof talking to
herself too, and that's the fun. Yeah, I'll do. I'm
(00:46):
in this thing right now. We're like, I complete even
the most minute of tasks and I compliment myself five times.
So I don't know, call me vain, but it's definitely
a huge confidence booster, and I feel very good about myself.
So did UM. Today we have probably the most exciting
episode genuinely ever. UM. We are so excited to have
(01:10):
a match a real life matchmaker on our podcast. And
originally when we first reached out to her, I was
thinking like further on the roof because I was in
that production and song all morning. I was like, girl,
I know that's from probably you're a theater kid, I
don't really know what you're talking about. But this is
the real deal, Like, this is real life. She has
a business revolved around her matchmaking and a podcast and
(01:32):
social media, so we're going to talk about all of
that and more on this episode and what we're gonna
do just to clue you guys in this is some
confidential ship, just kidding. We're gonna break it up into
two mini episodes with her, So she's gonna guess two
episodes fifteen minutes long each or around there, um, And
the first one we're gonna do just kind of asking
her about her personal life. It'll be kind of like
(01:52):
discussion Chattie style. And the second one, you guys sent
in your personal questions on our Instagram for Maria the
Matchmaker too for Matchmaker Maria to answer um, and we're
going to do that on the second episode. So, without
further ado, we are so excited to have a special
guest on the podcast. Maria Abbatitis, otherwise known as Matchmaker Maria.
(02:17):
She is CEO of a gop A match but you
probably know her from TikTok videos or iconic Instagram stories
or her podcast at ask a matchmaker, single handedly keeping
all of our love lives together. A fellow Violet, Maria
actually received her masters at New York University, which is
of course the school at Sydney and I go to
for undergrad So that's pretty exciting, but the real credentials here.
(02:38):
She has met over ten thousand people and helps it
up over four thousand first dates. We have a true
expert on our hands. Thank you so much for joining us, Maria,
Thank you for having me Um. I have probably done
like hundreds of interviews. Never in my life have ever
been called a violet, so it's going to stay with
me forever. I didn't even know what a violent was
at first, I said, what's that? Well, an Yu have
(03:00):
like five mascots, but they have pretty much no sports,
so we're like violets. Bobcats you have, like I don't
know about your listeners, but you I have. I think
most people have a relationship with their undergrad school, not
their graduate school. Like I went to grad school at
n y U. So I was like, this doesn't matter
you Like, that's where you get attached, right, like you know,
(03:22):
unless you unless they want to U pen like those
women brothers, like they will shove that in your face.
They're called it pen Yes, absolutely, I know, really funk
with them. You should ask them like when you say Penn,
do you mean like Penn State? Yes, every time. Or
they'll say like just Warton, I like where do you
go to school? Like I got to Wharton And I'll
(03:42):
say okay, but where is Warton? Like oh you can,
I'm like, okay, we get it. But even as undergraduates,
we have like three mascots and why you literally cannot
make up their minds were like violets, bobcats, Stern students
would never ever ever, it's it's strictly Stern, insticularly Stern.
So just to jump right into questions, tell us about
(04:04):
your origin story. I've been so curious to know because
your fourth generation matchmaker, so other than simply following in
your family's footsteps, which I know family is really important
to you, of course, uh, tell us about that and
what inspired to motivate you to begin match making other
than your family lineage, like what inspired you to keep
the tradition going? Um? Well, as I mentioned before, I
(04:26):
got my master's at n y U, and at no
point did I think to myself when you know prescribing
to a six figure costs masters and student loans that
I would be doing matchmaking. I thought I would go
into the Foreign service. So yes, the short story is
that my grandmother and her mother and her grandmother, they're
all matchmakers. But you know, obviously what we do, what
I do, and my sister also works for me. Um,
(04:48):
what we do at my company and what my grandparents
did are uh two different planets, right, so um, you know,
my my grandparents were keeping the community together and making
sure that you know, there was not a big monopoly
on the farmland where suddenly everyone was taking over, like
you know, it was just a very different concept. And
(05:09):
you know, here I'm setting up, you know, strangers to
go on dates with the hopes that they might get
married one day. So it's very very different way of
looking at things. Um. The long story though, if we're
gonna quickly talk about as those I was at n
y U getting my graduate degrede um in Global Affairs,
I really thought I was going to go in the
Foreign Service. In fact, I, right before I entered grad
(05:30):
school was at the U s NA set Athens, working UM.
And then you know, I've always been a connector I've
always been the person who hosted, you know, the wine
and cheese parties in her big apartment in undergrad and
um uh, you know the hostess with the most is
I don't know how else to say it, but you know,
(05:51):
I'm also very good at correspondence, right, so I would
reply back. I would send letters with like a wax thing.
This is before smartphones, right, so you know you're putting
that little personal touch and it would just go a
long way. And eventually, you know, when I came to
New York, I since I already had that practice, since
I already knew how to make friends, since I already
knew how to you know, create a party out of nothing.
(06:12):
Once I moved to New York, I was like, Okay,
if I'm going n y U, if this is gonna
be worth it, I gotta start a gay connections I'm
gonna throw I'm gonna this is my Twitter had just
come out, so I created the hashtag called hashtag and
my c I R, which meant New York City International
Relations and and why c I R. Was also the
time when this app called four square had come out,
where you would check into places to tell people that
you were there. It was so popular. There was a
(06:33):
point where four square was more popular than Facebook, if
you can't even imagine that. And so I'm at that
at that peak of four square And what was great
because there was a social discovery app, right, so you
can like discover pool spots around me, where is everyone hanging,
where is everyone hanging with a smartphone that might be
interested in talking to? Because why else would you check
into a restaurant? Right? Um? And I, you know, I
(06:57):
started publicizing and why c IR is going to have
wine parties at you know, the lobby of this hotel
or here, you know, like I would every week, every
Thursday there would be an event and you know, professors
would come, students from Colombia and Yu would come, Diplomats
would come, ambassadors had come. Like it was very short lived.
It was only four months, but you know, people were
(07:18):
making connections, people were networking, and then suddenly, you know,
kind of work got out, like you know in the
sense like oh you know, if you know how to
marine'say got reduce you here? Does you know anyone romantic? Like, hey,
any help with this? And you know I started doing
it and I was pretty good at it. And then
people were willing the strangers by getting I was like,
why would I help you? I don't even know you?
Like what if I pay you? It's like, well, let's
(07:39):
talk a little more. And then that discovery over the
next two years of like what is this worth? What
is my time worth? What is exactly my providing? What
is my value? Um, this was like, you know, that's
like a business one. You know, it's a business case
study for my for at least my company, of like
how we got to where we are in the first
two or three years. UM, when I graduated n y U,
I was already in business, Like I had a full
(08:02):
time business and I was part time going to n
y U for grad And when I graduated gradual, part
of me was like I think I'm doing this more
for my mom to make her feel better that I
graduated grad school that because I don't think I need this.
I was doing something just so different than all my
classmates were doing. All of my classmates were working at
the U N or at Foreign relations or um, you
(08:25):
know one of them works in Afghanistan. Like, so we're
still friends. I'm the one with the coolest job. Absolutely
sounds like it. I love that so as a customer
coming to you. What's the process of your matchmaking services.
Do you have a routine? Is there a certain forming
that you use when people come to you to find
a partner. I've been doing this now for thirteen years,
(08:47):
almost fourteen years, so you know, you it's kind of
like one of mechanic listens to a car just kind
of drive by. They already know the issues. They don't
really have the insect with cars. So sometimes that is
the case with our office. We can talk to someone
for two minutes the immediately know okay, this is what's happening.
You know, we can understand quickly what their temperament is
in order to know who they could be compatible with
(09:08):
or you know, who have they been attracting that goes
against what would be a balance for their temperament or
that's part of your personality, right, so when it comes
to you know, how it works. Someone would go to
our company's website at copy match dot com and they
would join either as a woman or as a man
and um and then from there, you know, based on
(09:29):
what's being chosen, then we would start talking about like okay,
what programs can we work with you on? So you know,
the average age of the people in our database that
would like to be considered as a potential match for
one of one of our VP clients. Their ages range
from two let's say, and then m from our clients,
(09:52):
which skew heavily. Mail. We have a really fantastic coaching
program for women. Um that skill lets like between ages
five fifty five. But our match being program clients are
in their threes and early forties. So at least that's
what you know we attract in terms of clients want
to work with us. Right, that's incredible. I mean it
sounds like you guys have such a well rounded because
(10:13):
I actually checked out your website and it was so easy,
Like I literally I wanted to research for the podcast.
I was like, how easy is it to just like
sign up for something like this? And I literally got
on the homepage get started, and it was like are
you a female or mail? And like here's what we
can do for you. Are you know a woman or
a man? Yeah? I try to stay away from female
and mail, but yeah, and it's like hard to be
non binary. Um, I wanted to match being upsite, Like
(10:36):
it's differenthen it's online dating where there's like enough credible mass,
like there's enough people. But when it's like a boutique
match speaking service, it's hard to play the X card
because it's like, how you know, if someone calls us
or contacts us like outside of the form, will obviously
you know, work with them if we can, of course
(10:56):
we have matches for them. But when this initial sign up,
it's like, you know, it's it's hard to find inclusivity
when you're also trying to manage like the full like
full potential that we said, at the same time, when
you're trying to see like I need to put you
somewhere in this very traditional matchmaking place. But right, and
that's great that you say woman and man, at least
(11:17):
in my experience because whenever people call me females, it's
like a flag number one. Right when the man ses female,
that's my first red flag. I'm like, yep, absolutely, So,
how has the changing landscape of you know, the ever
changing idea of gender, of sexuality, of dating apps, how
has it all affected your method so much? Um? In fact,
(11:37):
you copy match used to on mixology. We had acquired
them since then, it's um we now have partners that
work under Mixology. But Maxalit used to be the biggest
LGBT match peaking service in the country, and you know,
in the beginning, it was fine, you could use a
lot of this is like pre let's say pre Tinder,
(11:57):
I say tender Purpose because they kind of came up
with swipe culture, so pre that, um, it was a
little bit different, right, because that's such a social community
that they technically don't really need matchmakers, right. The other
have political associations, like you know, like not political but
like community organizations, like they have enough events. It's kind
(12:20):
of like, why don't a lot of Greek people hire us? Right?
Even though I'm Greek and my company is named after
the big word for love. Greek people are so social
among their friend groups that that's how they're typically dating.
They don't need necessarily meet us. So usually what happens
in both the Greek communities, suppose that LGBT community, is
that they would come to us because they have a
problem with their schedule, like I can't this is I'm
(12:42):
too busy, I can't be swiping. You do it, or
in many cases, the people that would hire us for
the lesbian gay portion, it was a massive privacy concern,
like For instance, you could work for a big energy company,
right that rhymes with um, I don't. Let's not do rhymes,
but think of a gas company. Okay, if one of
(13:05):
the people on their executive team is lesbian or gay, um,
you know the company doesn't want to discriminate against you.
But you also can't travel to certain countries that give energy,
like you know, Nigeria or Saudi Arabia because you could
be put to death for being gay. So there's you know,
there's there's things that you kind of have to remove
(13:25):
around when someone comes in. Eventually, what would happen is
because of swipe culture, because of you know, this idea
of like oh I have now a better hold of
what I'm searching for, that did seep into matchmaking for
certain communities. I mean it hit every community. It wasn't
just lgbt Q or Greek or Jewish or whatever. It's pervasive,
like oh, I could do search queries online. I expect
(13:46):
the same from match maker and that's fine, we can
work with that, but we'll ended up. What would conclude
to this is the horizon niche matchmakers. So for instance,
if a woman who you know is who identify this
lesbian came to us, UM, we would send her to
um our partner who only does lesbian match making. She
(14:08):
will have the biggest database. She works really great with
that community, and we want them to get into healthy relationships.
I don't want to throw spaghetti at the wall and
see if it works. I want to make sure that
you know, match making is a massive investment for a
lot of companies. They started fifteen thousand dollars. We start
at thirty thousand, So you know there's there's a massive
investment being put in place that you can't just you know,
(14:31):
not you can't just take someone and not have matches
for them. UM. If someone were gay, to come in again,
we have a few partners that work with the gay community.
We worked out like okay, who in the gay community
is the best matchmaker for this person? UM same way
that if someone was trans, saying if someone was non binary.
We have matchmakers in the industry to go specifically niche community,
(14:52):
like they expect you to send to them, right, so
we're not so like if you were asking me what
our niche is, it's usually for a lot of people
busy New Yorkers that tends to what we get and
that you know, visiting new workers that are and let's
say straight for the most part, absolutely that you phrase
that really well. I'm so happy that you guys know
I phrase it well if I phrase it wrong, because
(15:13):
sometimes I get very confused if I'm articulating these things correctly,
I mean no offense and you know, happy to be
sent a constructive email to better community in the future. No, no, no,
but that's really great. I think you did articulate that
extremely well. But kind of transferring to your podcast because
that's such a huge part of what you do. How
did that come to be and what was kind of
(15:35):
like the transfer process from matchmaking to business to like
making this podcast because it's so popular and so fun fun.
Thank you for listening. It's a fun podcast. Um. So
you know, to know Instagram Stories, you know everyone is
of course of course, yes, okay, So um when Instagram
Stories was created, I think it was like I was annoyed.
(15:56):
I was like, are you serious? I have to learn
another aspect of social media. And by the way, there
was like nothing that was Facebook, Twitter and Instagram like
maybe I guess linked into it, Like like Facebook and
Twitter have not really changed in ten years, so it's
not it's not a big deal, but like the idea
that now something would expire in twenty four hours, I
just didn't comprehend it. I was like, why would I
(16:17):
post anything that would expire after twenty four hours? Like
who would who would you know? Who does that even
appeal to? So I didn't participate in stories at all.
And then two years later, in the summer of Instagram
releases this sticker called Questions where people could ask questions.
And I put it up and I said, you know,
ask me a question, And immediately people started asking, you know,
(16:40):
dating questions because I I'm a matchmaker, and um I
was on the train, you know, you know, commuting, and
I was like, you know, I'll just type some really
quick answers. I don't have a lot of time for
this whatever. So I answered ten questions I think, and
it was such a hit that all of my friends
who were on it were like, because you know, I
have a bit of a kind of a honest say,
(17:01):
I don't have a dry sense of humor. I have
like a dead pant sense of humor. I guess not
not in real life, by the way, in real life,
I'm pretty slapsticks slack like sense of humors a little
new once. I'm kind of like Jason Bateman and Arrested
Development good socratic method like asking questions for the joke
sort of thing, but online I think it comes off
(17:23):
a little bit dead panty, and people are just obsessed
with that. And I started, you know, answering questions really quickly,
and my friends at first, and your friends are usual
your biggest cheerleaders, they were like, you have to do
this next week. So it happened to be a Wednesday,
so I was like, okay, I'll do it next week.
I put it in my calendar so I wouldn't forget.
The following Wednesday, I do it again. I get twenty questions.
I answered all the twenty questions, and I'm noticing that
(17:44):
my friends, like, suddenly my follower account is slowing a
little up, and that's because my friends are like, oh
my god, Marie answers questions, she's really funny. Whatever. And
the next week again I got twenty questions. Again, I
answered all twenty questions. So the first like four months,
I was getting twenty to thirty questions every Wednesday. And
then I was featured on Girls Got to Eat podcast
(18:06):
in October and that is when the first explosion happened.
Like you know, the follower accounts suddenly grew nothing crazy,
just went to like five thousand, but the questions grew
from thirty a week to two hundred a week, and
(18:27):
it's been consistently two to five hundred a week. That
I would say the averages about three hundred questions every
single week since um in November, I'll do it all
week and that will get because I think people know
it's all week'll I'll get a hundred questions every day
and I do it all week cause I try to
raise money for a charity every single day of a
(18:47):
week of Thanksgivings, but also people need it around Thanksgiving things.
Giving is a really stressful time when people are not
only singles but even married people like you have to
talk to your parents, you have to figure out your
sibling relationship. And I think after having I've answered five
thousand questions at this point on my Instagram stories, um,
I do pick the ones that have like the most shares.
(19:08):
I'll feature them on my feed so that those don't
you know, die forever. Um. But that's where Ask a
Matchmaker happened, and then the podcast it came from Lockdown.
So when Lockdown happened, Um, I was like, okay, I can.
I could tell I needed to talk to someone, so
I assumed everyone needed to talk to someone, so I
immediately on March seventeenth, we had our first ask a
(19:32):
Matchmaker webinar and five people joined that webinar and I
think more signed up. A five hundred was our you
know max capacity on the zoom, and um we did
that for a few weeks and I happened to be
super pregnant when Lockdown began, and my husband at the
when we were giving when I was getting birth, he
was like, that was a Wednesday and I was doing
(19:53):
ask a Matchmaker stories Wednesday. But I canceled the webinar
that day and he's like, you you can't sustain us.
You're about we're about to have a baby. You have
to start recording these things. And I was like, okay,
fair enough, and that's what I did. I recorded. I
started recording the podcast two weeks later with with the
newborn in my hand. Well, what a way to start
(20:13):
a podcast because hours came about during quarantine as well,
but definitely did not have an infant at the time,
so that sounds very stressful. How did you manage to
do it all at one time? Is about like motherhood,
grand up very you know what. Look, I don't empatus
that they sleep for a lot. So the first four
months was okay. It was after the four months where
(20:34):
it's like, oh, you're away more now and I'm gonna
I know, we were struggling to find a nanny. We
couldn't find one for six months. Um. You know, I think, Um,
I picked a really good partner who believes in you know,
having a balanced partnership, an equitable partnership in our home. Um,
(20:56):
so you know, we make up for the deficit deficits
that we each have within our own temperaments and our
overall personalities of course, and I think that's what makes us,
you know, a very healthy and fun couple. But we're
very different from each other. But we know, you know,
we know where we've expressed our limits. Like from the
beginning when I first got my husband, you know, it
(21:18):
was very deliberate on my end to learn as much
as possible about his strengths and weaknesses, and then of
course I would share my own. Um, Like I was
like on our second day, I was like, you have
to read five love languages. I need to know your
love language. And then on our second day, I was like,
this is what I am. Doesn't mean I'm gonna end
up dating him, Like I didn't know anything about him
on our second date, but I'm expressing what I need
to feel acknowledged. And so I said to him, if
(21:40):
we keep dating, I need to know how to make
you feel acknowledged. Um, so that you know, we we
added these things, and I think by having that support,
I was able to do things that I needed to
do to uh, to create I think the content that
my audience wanted. At a time when there was just
a lot of confusion in the dating world. It set
(22:01):
like I've set up four thousand first dates, more than
four thousand first dates, So imagine a company that set
up more than four thousand dates. We have three platinum
open table accounts, right, and then suddenly no more dating
in person for a few months. That was like really
shocking for us because it's like, Okay, that's that's our
main product. Now, like what are we going to do?
And so we had to start creating content about you know,
(22:22):
best practices for zoom dating. We have a whole we
had all these blog posts about like download these different
zoom backgrounds, like I are most popular zoom backgrounds? Who
are the backgrounds of restaurants that we love? We would
ask We would find out who the interior designer was
in New York City for some of these restaurants, and
then we would ask them like, hey, can I pay
you this money to have this available to my followers
(22:43):
so they can down so it looks like they're at
a bar, not in front of their desk, right. So,
you know, we started kind of playing into what's going
to make a good zoom date? Get you know, because
we set up three hundred zoom dates, two hundred of
which would meet in person for second dates. I love that.
It's incredible you guys were able to pivot so quickly
during such a difficult time. It was really tough. It
(23:04):
was it was really really tough, not just for us,
for our entire industry. That was just kind of like okay, yes,
Gods soon. So it's a close out this portion of
the episode. What is one message you want people looking
for love to receive from your work? It can be
a motto, a way to live by, a thought process, etcetera.
(23:25):
I think I have really two great tips. No, let
me think, is it two great tips? Yeah? We do
about three top things. I'll do three top things, three
top things. Um. The best thing you can do when
you're dating is adopted mantra of an abundance mindset. So
instead of saying, like what you're getting red the date,
like oh this guy he better not ghost nee, or
(23:47):
oh this guy better confirmed by two pm. Otherwise I'm canceled. Which,
by the way, if you're playing that game, please stop it.
If you need the confirmation, just text them. It's not
a big deal. Hey, getting ready, can't wait to see
you tonight. See you. What's it like, It's not a
big deal. You can't punish people for not knowing the
games that you're on, like they don't they don't know
the rules. Um. But anyway, but instead of having this
(24:09):
monitor of like oh here we go again, I need
you to adopt an abundance mindset, which is, I'm one
person closer to my person, I get to date, I
get to date, and I'm one person closer to my person.
That is going to change the way you go on dates.
The second thing, as you're getting ready for the date,
please masturbate before you go on a date. Women, How
(24:31):
that official that I'm being serious? That is such a
beneficial thing. It really you know so much of what
especially meeting like strangers who are not for your friends,
like people you've met online or at an event. It's
really tough. Um, it makes you know, it's very quickly
to get You can get into an interview mindset so
quickly on a date and you're not really feeling yourself
like it's just a lot of things. So I need
(24:51):
you to literally feel yourself before you go on the date.
I need you to feel good. I need you to
get that boost in your confidence before you go out.
So I can't recommend it enough. And the third thing
that I recommend is when you're going on dates, be
be aware of what you're wearing and what what what
(25:12):
that gives off an I don't say like brand, I
say brand perception, right, So for instance, this has nothing
to do with what people think it has to do.
So what I was tell people is being more aware
of color and your color bone. So body language experts
have said multiple times you know by by if you
put your hands on your neck like this, or if
(25:32):
you are wearing a turtleneck, or a scoff around your neck.
It does give the perception that you know you need
to be soothed or you're trying to create an unapproachability division. Subconsciously,
you know you're trying to create some distance with that person.
So you know, turtlenecks for third dates. On the first date,
(25:53):
I don't I want you to wear like a crew
cut or a V neck or whatever. And being more
aware of color for all of my ladies who like
to wear black on all dates. That's me. Stop bit blue,
green and yellow thore's for a first impression on a date.
Black is not a color. It's an escape of light.
Like there's a reason, Like there's a reason why, you know,
(26:16):
tell me your favorite store. What's your favorite store? That's
so okay that you guys feel like that. Okay, let's
see wow. Zahara's logo is black, all right, don't give
me Zara. I think this is also black, isn't. They
don't give me brain is because brains are all going
to be black. That's just how they are. Give me
a store like Target, Walmart, Give me your bit, what's
(26:39):
your bank? Um, Wells Fargo, well S Fargo, Wells Fargo,
is red. Right, Um, if you look at like, if
you look at Facebook and LinkedIn and Twitter and Chase
and IBM and American Express, why do you think they're blue?
We're gonna data mine the crap out of your private information.
Please trust us. Yes, you have to think of you
(27:02):
have to think about like color on dates. It really
does make a difference, not only like just how other
people view you, but your own boost of confidence. Yeah,
as someone who is single and wear is all black
on every day, it's all making sense now, thank you.
And you know, for your skin tone, definitely lean into
the yellows and golds. Okay, dude, no yellow, You have
(27:24):
no idea. It makes people glow. Okay, I'm taking a
note of that. Now I'm really obsessed with her. If
you guys didn't catch or just to beginning the episode,
we now have a Q and A on the next
mini where we submitted your questions to her. So if
he's made a questions, want to know, like personal advice
goes into the next mini. Now, um, you guys can
follow our social media at Crying Public Podcast on Instagram
(27:46):
and TikTok and on YouTube Crying on Public Podcast. We're
gonna start posting more on there now that season is
coming to a close. To make sure you follow us,
subscribe like all the good stuff, and we'll see you
guys later. Bye bye.
One to cleaners, clean out loud, Cheers, cheers, Welcome to
crying in public. Hello, Hey guys, I don't say we
(00:25):
can't sing. What you can for me, that's but I
can't sing, So I'm sorry. I thought like literally for
three years. Yeah, recently I've been singing more and more
on the apartment and I think that he's ready to
kick me out. She's in his face where she will
literally do. She literally watched this and be like, I'm
sucking incredible, and I'll hear from my roof talking to
herself too, and that's the fun. Yeah, I'll do. I'm
(00:46):
in this thing right now. We're like, I complete even
the most minute of tasks and I compliment myself five times.
So I don't know, call me vain, but it's definitely
a huge confidence booster, and I feel very good about myself.
So did UM. Today we have probably the most exciting
episode genuinely ever. UM. We are so excited to have
(01:10):
a match a real life matchmaker on our podcast. And
originally when we first reached out to her, I was
thinking like further on the roof because I was in
that production and song all morning. I was like, girl,
I know that's from probably you're a theater kid, I
don't really know what you're talking about. But this is
the real deal, Like, this is real life. She has
a business revolved around her matchmaking and a podcast and
(01:32):
social media, so we're going to talk about all of
that and more on this episode and what we're gonna
do just to clue you guys in this is some
confidential ship, just kidding. We're gonna break it up into
two mini episodes with her, So she's gonna guess two
episodes fifteen minutes long each or around there, um, And
the first one we're gonna do just kind of asking
her about her personal life. It'll be kind of like
(01:52):
discussion Chattie style. And the second one, you guys sent
in your personal questions on our Instagram for Maria the
Matchmaker too for Matchmaker Maria to answer um, and we're
going to do that on the second episode. So, without
further ado, we are so excited to have a special
guest on the podcast. Maria Abbatitis, otherwise known as Matchmaker Maria.
(02:17):
She is CEO of a gop A match but you
probably know her from TikTok videos or iconic Instagram stories
or her podcast at ask a matchmaker, single handedly keeping
all of our love lives together. A fellow Violet, Maria
actually received her masters at New York University, which is
of course the school at Sydney and I go to
for undergrad So that's pretty exciting, but the real credentials here.
(02:38):
She has met over ten thousand people and helps it
up over four thousand first dates. We have a true
expert on our hands. Thank you so much for joining us, Maria,
Thank you for having me Um. I have probably done
like hundreds of interviews. Never in my life have ever
been called a violet, so it's going to stay with
me forever. I didn't even know what a violent was
at first, I said, what's that? Well, an Yu have
(03:00):
like five mascots, but they have pretty much no sports,
so we're like violets. Bobcats you have, like I don't
know about your listeners, but you I have. I think
most people have a relationship with their undergrad school, not
their graduate school. Like I went to grad school at
n y U. So I was like, this doesn't matter
you Like, that's where you get attached, right, like you know,
(03:22):
unless you unless they want to U pen like those
women brothers, like they will shove that in your face.
They're called it pen Yes, absolutely, I know, really funk
with them. You should ask them like when you say Penn,
do you mean like Penn State? Yes, every time. Or
they'll say like just Warton, I like where do you
go to school? Like I got to Wharton And I'll
(03:42):
say okay, but where is Warton? Like oh you can,
I'm like, okay, we get it. But even as undergraduates,
we have like three mascots and why you literally cannot
make up their minds were like violets, bobcats, Stern students
would never ever ever, it's it's strictly Stern, insticularly Stern.
So just to jump right into questions, tell us about
(04:04):
your origin story. I've been so curious to know because
your fourth generation matchmaker, so other than simply following in
your family's footsteps, which I know family is really important
to you, of course, uh, tell us about that and
what inspired to motivate you to begin match making other
than your family lineage, like what inspired you to keep
the tradition going? Um? Well, as I mentioned before, I
(04:26):
got my master's at n y U, and at no
point did I think to myself when you know prescribing
to a six figure costs masters and student loans that
I would be doing matchmaking. I thought I would go
into the Foreign service. So yes, the short story is
that my grandmother and her mother and her grandmother, they're
all matchmakers. But you know, obviously what we do, what
I do, and my sister also works for me. Um,
(04:48):
what we do at my company and what my grandparents
did are uh two different planets, right, so um, you know,
my my grandparents were keeping the community together and making
sure that you know, there was not a big monopoly
on the farmland where suddenly everyone was taking over, like
you know, it was just a very different concept. And
(05:09):
you know, here I'm setting up, you know, strangers to
go on dates with the hopes that they might get
married one day. So it's very very different way of
looking at things. Um. The long story though, if we're
gonna quickly talk about as those I was at n
y U getting my graduate degrede um in Global Affairs,
I really thought I was going to go in the
Foreign Service. In fact, I, right before I entered grad
(05:30):
school was at the U s NA set Athens, working UM.
And then you know, I've always been a connector I've
always been the person who hosted, you know, the wine
and cheese parties in her big apartment in undergrad and
um uh, you know the hostess with the most is
I don't know how else to say it, but you know,
(05:51):
I'm also very good at correspondence, right, so I would
reply back. I would send letters with like a wax thing.
This is before smartphones, right, so you know you're putting
that little personal touch and it would just go a
long way. And eventually, you know, when I came to
New York, I since I already had that practice, since
I already knew how to make friends, since I already
knew how to you know, create a party out of nothing.
(06:12):
Once I moved to New York, I was like, Okay,
if I'm going n y U, if this is gonna
be worth it, I gotta start a gay connections I'm
gonna throw I'm gonna this is my Twitter had just
come out, so I created the hashtag called hashtag and
my c I R, which meant New York City International
Relations and and why c I R. Was also the
time when this app called four square had come out,
where you would check into places to tell people that
you were there. It was so popular. There was a
(06:33):
point where four square was more popular than Facebook, if
you can't even imagine that. And so I'm at that
at that peak of four square And what was great
because there was a social discovery app, right, so you
can like discover pool spots around me, where is everyone hanging,
where is everyone hanging with a smartphone that might be
interested in talking to? Because why else would you check
into a restaurant? Right? Um? And I, you know, I
(06:57):
started publicizing and why c IR is going to have
wine parties at you know, the lobby of this hotel
or here, you know, like I would every week, every
Thursday there would be an event and you know, professors
would come, students from Colombia and Yu would come, Diplomats
would come, ambassadors had come. Like it was very short lived.
It was only four months, but you know, people were
(07:18):
making connections, people were networking, and then suddenly, you know,
kind of work got out, like you know in the
sense like oh you know, if you know how to
marine'say got reduce you here? Does you know anyone romantic? Like, hey,
any help with this? And you know I started doing
it and I was pretty good at it. And then
people were willing the strangers by getting I was like,
why would I help you? I don't even know you?
Like what if I pay you? It's like, well, let's
(07:39):
talk a little more. And then that discovery over the
next two years of like what is this worth? What
is my time worth? What is exactly my providing? What
is my value? Um, this was like, you know, that's
like a business one. You know, it's a business case
study for my for at least my company, of like
how we got to where we are in the first
two or three years. UM, when I graduated n y U,
I was already in business, Like I had a full
(08:02):
time business and I was part time going to n
y U for grad And when I graduated gradual, part
of me was like I think I'm doing this more
for my mom to make her feel better that I
graduated grad school that because I don't think I need this.
I was doing something just so different than all my
classmates were doing. All of my classmates were working at
the U N or at Foreign relations or um, you
(08:25):
know one of them works in Afghanistan. Like, so we're
still friends. I'm the one with the coolest job. Absolutely
sounds like it. I love that so as a customer
coming to you. What's the process of your matchmaking services.
Do you have a routine? Is there a certain forming
that you use when people come to you to find
a partner. I've been doing this now for thirteen years,
(08:47):
almost fourteen years, so you know, you it's kind of
like one of mechanic listens to a car just kind
of drive by. They already know the issues. They don't
really have the insect with cars. So sometimes that is
the case with our office. We can talk to someone
for two minutes the immediately know okay, this is what's happening.
You know, we can understand quickly what their temperament is
in order to know who they could be compatible with
(09:08):
or you know, who have they been attracting that goes
against what would be a balance for their temperament or
that's part of your personality, right, so when it comes
to you know, how it works. Someone would go to
our company's website at copy match dot com and they
would join either as a woman or as a man
and um and then from there, you know, based on
(09:29):
what's being chosen, then we would start talking about like okay,
what programs can we work with you on? So you know,
the average age of the people in our database that
would like to be considered as a potential match for
one of one of our VP clients. Their ages range
from two let's say, and then m from our clients,
(09:52):
which skew heavily. Mail. We have a really fantastic coaching
program for women. Um that skill lets like between ages
five fifty five. But our match being program clients are
in their threes and early forties. So at least that's
what you know we attract in terms of clients want
to work with us. Right, that's incredible. I mean it
sounds like you guys have such a well rounded because
(10:13):
I actually checked out your website and it was so easy,
Like I literally I wanted to research for the podcast.
I was like, how easy is it to just like
sign up for something like this? And I literally got
on the homepage get started, and it was like are
you a female or mail? And like here's what we
can do for you. Are you know a woman or
a man? Yeah? I try to stay away from female
and mail, but yeah, and it's like hard to be
non binary. Um, I wanted to match being upsite, Like
(10:36):
it's differenthen it's online dating where there's like enough credible mass,
like there's enough people. But when it's like a boutique
match speaking service, it's hard to play the X card
because it's like, how you know, if someone calls us
or contacts us like outside of the form, will obviously
you know, work with them if we can, of course
(10:56):
we have matches for them. But when this initial sign up,
it's like, you know, it's it's hard to find inclusivity
when you're also trying to manage like the full like
full potential that we said, at the same time, when
you're trying to see like I need to put you
somewhere in this very traditional matchmaking place. But right, and
that's great that you say woman and man, at least
(11:17):
in my experience because whenever people call me females, it's
like a flag number one. Right when the man ses female,
that's my first red flag. I'm like, yep, absolutely, So,
how has the changing landscape of you know, the ever
changing idea of gender, of sexuality, of dating apps, how
has it all affected your method so much? Um? In fact,
(11:37):
you copy match used to on mixology. We had acquired
them since then, it's um we now have partners that
work under Mixology. But Maxalit used to be the biggest
LGBT match peaking service in the country, and you know,
in the beginning, it was fine, you could use a
lot of this is like pre let's say pre Tinder,
(11:57):
I say tender Purpose because they kind of came up
with swipe culture, so pre that, um, it was a
little bit different, right, because that's such a social community
that they technically don't really need matchmakers, right. The other
have political associations, like you know, like not political but
like community organizations, like they have enough events. It's kind
(12:20):
of like, why don't a lot of Greek people hire us? Right?
Even though I'm Greek and my company is named after
the big word for love. Greek people are so social
among their friend groups that that's how they're typically dating.
They don't need necessarily meet us. So usually what happens
in both the Greek communities, suppose that LGBT community, is
that they would come to us because they have a
problem with their schedule, like I can't this is I'm
(12:42):
too busy, I can't be swiping. You do it, or
in many cases, the people that would hire us for
the lesbian gay portion, it was a massive privacy concern,
like For instance, you could work for a big energy company,
right that rhymes with um, I don't. Let's not do rhymes,
but think of a gas company. Okay, if one of
(13:05):
the people on their executive team is lesbian or gay, um,
you know the company doesn't want to discriminate against you.
But you also can't travel to certain countries that give energy,
like you know, Nigeria or Saudi Arabia because you could
be put to death for being gay. So there's you know,
there's there's things that you kind of have to remove
(13:25):
around when someone comes in. Eventually, what would happen is
because of swipe culture, because of you know, this idea
of like oh I have now a better hold of
what I'm searching for, that did seep into matchmaking for
certain communities. I mean it hit every community. It wasn't
just lgbt Q or Greek or Jewish or whatever. It's pervasive,
like oh, I could do search queries online. I expect
(13:46):
the same from match maker and that's fine, we can
work with that, but we'll ended up. What would conclude
to this is the horizon niche matchmakers. So for instance,
if a woman who you know is who identify this
lesbian came to us, UM, we would send her to
um our partner who only does lesbian match making. She
(14:08):
will have the biggest database. She works really great with
that community, and we want them to get into healthy relationships.
I don't want to throw spaghetti at the wall and
see if it works. I want to make sure that
you know, match making is a massive investment for a
lot of companies. They started fifteen thousand dollars. We start
at thirty thousand, So you know there's there's a massive
investment being put in place that you can't just you know,
(14:31):
not you can't just take someone and not have matches
for them. UM. If someone were gay, to come in again,
we have a few partners that work with the gay community.
We worked out like okay, who in the gay community
is the best matchmaker for this person? UM same way
that if someone was trans, saying if someone was non binary.
We have matchmakers in the industry to go specifically niche community,
(14:52):
like they expect you to send to them, right, so
we're not so like if you were asking me what
our niche is, it's usually for a lot of people
busy New Yorkers that tends to what we get and
that you know, visiting new workers that are and let's
say straight for the most part, absolutely that you phrase
that really well. I'm so happy that you guys know
I phrase it well if I phrase it wrong, because
(15:13):
sometimes I get very confused if I'm articulating these things correctly,
I mean no offense and you know, happy to be
sent a constructive email to better community in the future. No, no, no,
but that's really great. I think you did articulate that
extremely well. But kind of transferring to your podcast because
that's such a huge part of what you do. How
did that come to be and what was kind of
(15:35):
like the transfer process from matchmaking to business to like
making this podcast because it's so popular and so fun fun.
Thank you for listening. It's a fun podcast. Um. So
you know, to know Instagram Stories, you know everyone is
of course of course, yes, okay, So um when Instagram
Stories was created, I think it was like I was annoyed.
(15:56):
I was like, are you serious? I have to learn
another aspect of social media. And by the way, there
was like nothing that was Facebook, Twitter and Instagram like
maybe I guess linked into it, Like like Facebook and
Twitter have not really changed in ten years, so it's
not it's not a big deal, but like the idea
that now something would expire in twenty four hours, I
just didn't comprehend it. I was like, why would I
(16:17):
post anything that would expire after twenty four hours? Like
who would who would you know? Who does that even
appeal to? So I didn't participate in stories at all.
And then two years later, in the summer of Instagram
releases this sticker called Questions where people could ask questions.
And I put it up and I said, you know,
ask me a question, And immediately people started asking, you know,
(16:40):
dating questions because I I'm a matchmaker, and um I
was on the train, you know, you know, commuting, and
I was like, you know, I'll just type some really
quick answers. I don't have a lot of time for
this whatever. So I answered ten questions I think, and
it was such a hit that all of my friends
who were on it were like, because you know, I
have a bit of a kind of a honest say,
(17:01):
I don't have a dry sense of humor. I have
like a dead pant sense of humor. I guess not
not in real life, by the way, in real life,
I'm pretty slapsticks slack like sense of humors a little
new once. I'm kind of like Jason Bateman and Arrested
Development good socratic method like asking questions for the joke
sort of thing, but online I think it comes off
(17:23):
a little bit dead panty, and people are just obsessed
with that. And I started, you know, answering questions really quickly,
and my friends at first, and your friends are usual
your biggest cheerleaders, they were like, you have to do
this next week. So it happened to be a Wednesday,
so I was like, okay, I'll do it next week.
I put it in my calendar so I wouldn't forget.
The following Wednesday, I do it again. I get twenty questions.
I answered all the twenty questions, and I'm noticing that
(17:44):
my friends, like, suddenly my follower account is slowing a
little up, and that's because my friends are like, oh
my god, Marie answers questions, she's really funny. Whatever. And
the next week again I got twenty questions. Again, I
answered all twenty questions. So the first like four months,
I was getting twenty to thirty questions every Wednesday. And
then I was featured on Girls Got to Eat podcast
(18:06):
in October and that is when the first explosion happened.
Like you know, the follower accounts suddenly grew nothing crazy,
just went to like five thousand, but the questions grew
from thirty a week to two hundred a week, and
(18:27):
it's been consistently two to five hundred a week. That
I would say the averages about three hundred questions every
single week since um in November, I'll do it all
week and that will get because I think people know
it's all week'll I'll get a hundred questions every day
and I do it all week cause I try to
raise money for a charity every single day of a
(18:47):
week of Thanksgivings, but also people need it around Thanksgiving things.
Giving is a really stressful time when people are not
only singles but even married people like you have to
talk to your parents, you have to figure out your
sibling relationship. And I think after having I've answered five
thousand questions at this point on my Instagram stories, um,
I do pick the ones that have like the most shares.
(19:08):
I'll feature them on my feed so that those don't
you know, die forever. Um. But that's where Ask a
Matchmaker happened, and then the podcast it came from Lockdown.
So when Lockdown happened, Um, I was like, okay, I can.
I could tell I needed to talk to someone, so
I assumed everyone needed to talk to someone, so I
immediately on March seventeenth, we had our first ask a
(19:32):
Matchmaker webinar and five people joined that webinar and I
think more signed up. A five hundred was our you
know max capacity on the zoom, and um we did
that for a few weeks and I happened to be
super pregnant when Lockdown began, and my husband at the
when we were giving when I was getting birth, he
was like, that was a Wednesday and I was doing
(19:53):
ask a Matchmaker stories Wednesday. But I canceled the webinar
that day and he's like, you you can't sustain us.
You're about we're about to have a baby. You have
to start recording these things. And I was like, okay,
fair enough, and that's what I did. I recorded. I
started recording the podcast two weeks later with with the
newborn in my hand. Well, what a way to start
(20:13):
a podcast because hours came about during quarantine as well,
but definitely did not have an infant at the time,
so that sounds very stressful. How did you manage to
do it all at one time? Is about like motherhood,
grand up very you know what. Look, I don't empatus
that they sleep for a lot. So the first four
months was okay. It was after the four months where
(20:34):
it's like, oh, you're away more now and I'm gonna
I know, we were struggling to find a nanny. We
couldn't find one for six months. Um. You know, I think, Um,
I picked a really good partner who believes in you know,
having a balanced partnership, an equitable partnership in our home. Um,
(20:56):
so you know, we make up for the deficit deficits
that we each have within our own temperaments and our
overall personalities of course, and I think that's what makes us,
you know, a very healthy and fun couple. But we're
very different from each other. But we know, you know,
we know where we've expressed our limits. Like from the
beginning when I first got my husband, you know, it
(21:18):
was very deliberate on my end to learn as much
as possible about his strengths and weaknesses, and then of
course I would share my own. Um, Like I was
like on our second day, I was like, you have
to read five love languages. I need to know your
love language. And then on our second day, I was like,
this is what I am. Doesn't mean I'm gonna end
up dating him, Like I didn't know anything about him
on our second date, but I'm expressing what I need
to feel acknowledged. And so I said to him, if
(21:40):
we keep dating, I need to know how to make
you feel acknowledged. Um, so that you know, we we
added these things, and I think by having that support,
I was able to do things that I needed to
do to uh, to create I think the content that
my audience wanted. At a time when there was just
a lot of confusion in the dating world. It set
(22:01):
like I've set up four thousand first dates, more than
four thousand first dates, So imagine a company that set
up more than four thousand dates. We have three platinum
open table accounts, right, and then suddenly no more dating
in person for a few months. That was like really
shocking for us because it's like, Okay, that's that's our
main product. Now, like what are we going to do?
And so we had to start creating content about you know,
(22:22):
best practices for zoom dating. We have a whole we
had all these blog posts about like download these different
zoom backgrounds, like I are most popular zoom backgrounds? Who
are the backgrounds of restaurants that we love? We would
ask We would find out who the interior designer was
in New York City for some of these restaurants, and
then we would ask them like, hey, can I pay
you this money to have this available to my followers
(22:43):
so they can down so it looks like they're at
a bar, not in front of their desk, right. So,
you know, we started kind of playing into what's going
to make a good zoom date? Get you know, because
we set up three hundred zoom dates, two hundred of
which would meet in person for second dates. I love that.
It's incredible you guys were able to pivot so quickly
during such a difficult time. It was really tough. It
(23:04):
was it was really really tough, not just for us,
for our entire industry. That was just kind of like okay, yes,
Gods soon. So it's a close out this portion of
the episode. What is one message you want people looking
for love to receive from your work? It can be
a motto, a way to live by, a thought process, etcetera.
(23:25):
I think I have really two great tips. No, let
me think, is it two great tips? Yeah? We do
about three top things. I'll do three top things, three
top things. Um. The best thing you can do when
you're dating is adopted mantra of an abundance mindset. So
instead of saying, like what you're getting red the date,
like oh this guy he better not ghost nee, or
(23:47):
oh this guy better confirmed by two pm. Otherwise I'm canceled. Which,
by the way, if you're playing that game, please stop it.
If you need the confirmation, just text them. It's not
a big deal. Hey, getting ready, can't wait to see
you tonight. See you. What's it like, It's not a
big deal. You can't punish people for not knowing the
games that you're on, like they don't they don't know
the rules. Um. But anyway, but instead of having this
(24:09):
monitor of like oh here we go again, I need
you to adopt an abundance mindset, which is, I'm one
person closer to my person, I get to date, I
get to date, and I'm one person closer to my person.
That is going to change the way you go on dates.
The second thing, as you're getting ready for the date,
please masturbate before you go on a date. Women, How
(24:31):
that official that I'm being serious? That is such a
beneficial thing. It really you know so much of what
especially meeting like strangers who are not for your friends,
like people you've met online or at an event. It's
really tough. Um, it makes you know, it's very quickly
to get You can get into an interview mindset so
quickly on a date and you're not really feeling yourself
like it's just a lot of things. So I need
(24:51):
you to literally feel yourself before you go on the date.
I need you to feel good. I need you to
get that boost in your confidence before you go out.
So I can't recommend it enough. And the third thing
that I recommend is when you're going on dates, be
be aware of what you're wearing and what what what
(25:12):
that gives off an I don't say like brand, I
say brand perception, right, So for instance, this has nothing
to do with what people think it has to do.
So what I was tell people is being more aware
of color and your color bone. So body language experts
have said multiple times you know by by if you
put your hands on your neck like this, or if
(25:32):
you are wearing a turtleneck, or a scoff around your neck.
It does give the perception that you know you need
to be soothed or you're trying to create an unapproachability division. Subconsciously,
you know you're trying to create some distance with that person.
So you know, turtlenecks for third dates. On the first date,
(25:53):
I don't I want you to wear like a crew
cut or a V neck or whatever. And being more
aware of color for all of my ladies who like
to wear black on all dates. That's me. Stop bit blue,
green and yellow thore's for a first impression on a date.
Black is not a color. It's an escape of light.
Like there's a reason, Like there's a reason why, you know,
(26:16):
tell me your favorite store. What's your favorite store? That's
so okay that you guys feel like that. Okay, let's
see wow. Zahara's logo is black, all right, don't give
me Zara. I think this is also black, isn't. They
don't give me brain is because brains are all going
to be black. That's just how they are. Give me
a store like Target, Walmart, Give me your bit, what's
(26:39):
your bank? Um, Wells Fargo, well S Fargo, Wells Fargo,
is red. Right, Um, if you look at like, if
you look at Facebook and LinkedIn and Twitter and Chase
and IBM and American Express, why do you think they're blue?
We're gonna data mine the crap out of your private information.
Please trust us. Yes, you have to think of you
(27:02):
have to think about like color on dates. It really
does make a difference, not only like just how other
people view you, but your own boost of confidence. Yeah,
as someone who is single and wear is all black
on every day, it's all making sense now, thank you.
And you know, for your skin tone, definitely lean into
the yellows and golds. Okay, dude, no yellow, You have
(27:24):
no idea. It makes people glow. Okay, I'm taking a
note of that. Now I'm really obsessed with her. If
you guys didn't catch or just to beginning the episode,
we now have a Q and A on the next
mini where we submitted your questions to her. So if
he's made a questions, want to know, like personal advice
goes into the next mini. Now, um, you guys can
follow our social media at Crying Public Podcast on Instagram
(27:46):
and TikTok and on YouTube Crying on Public Podcast. We're
gonna start posting more on there now that season is
coming to a close. To make sure you follow us,
subscribe like all the good stuff, and we'll see you
guys later. Bye bye.
Host
Sydni Wynter
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