August 14, 2023 • 43 mins
Dun dun dun... This week, the girls dive into what it means when exes crawl back into your lives; whether it's getting the "golden treatment" only after they end things, or finding peace through indifference. From meditation and self-care to hilarious anecdotes that (of course) would only happen to us, we discuss what it's like to both be on both sides of a breakup and how to deal with it after the deed is done.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Hello, So what's going on?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
And Uh, I'm literally so tired.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
She's gonna perk up in like five minutes. Just give
her a second.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
You guys have high hopes.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
No, that's what always happens. You always come in and
you're like ugh, and then you just get natural energy
in like one second.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
I'm just like insatiably tired, which hasn't happened to me
in a very long time, which is like working too much.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Yeah, no, I totally get. It's definitely really draining. I
was talking to Chance about this yesterday. It was our roommate.
We were on my birthday lunch, and we were saying,
like how levels of like how they're different kinds of tired.
There's like your brain is fried tired, so that's after
like a big exam or a big presentation. It's like
you're fried, you're done. And then there's like burnt out tired,
(01:07):
where it's like you've been working too much. Then there's
social battery tired, which is kind of what I feel
like you and Chance experience, because like you go to
work in the office and everything, and then you come
out and you're just like tired, like job wise or
like social battery wise because you're talking all these people,
et cetera. And then there's like you've been tired for
so long, tired where it's like, for example, I work
from home, so I don't get a lot of social
(01:28):
interaction throughout my work day. So at the end of
my day, I'm tired, but in a totally different way,
like I'm tired of being tired, and I want to
go out and do stuff. And then there's like tired
like sleep deprive, tired where you just need to go
to bed, you know, like all of the above at
one moment. Just like, at least your nails are good,
you guys, son, you just got her nails done and
they're almond shaped, like pink, super pretty.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
I'm just like, i had twelve interviews thirteen actually in
counting yesterday in the last two weeks. I'm working like
overtime every day, tiny be social.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I'm just like literally so tired.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, that's also trying to maintain a work life balance
is also exhausting because in those moments where you probably
should be sleeping or like preparing for the next day,
it's like you feel like you have to make connections
and network and go out and like actually because that's
what everybody recommends that you do, you know, when in reality,
it's like listening to your body's key. But sometimes you
don't know what your body's telling you either.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
So it's like that's the first thing you learn in
law school is and when you're a lawyer, work life
balance is not a thing. It doesn't make sus like
if you ask that in an interview, like what's the
idea where they're like, they like start laughing at you.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
They're like, you don't have that, Oh my great, great
to know that's so funny.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Yeah, well, guys, guys, everyone, it was my birthday two
days ago. It was on Tuesday, recording us on Thursday.
My birthday's the eighth, and we celebrated the whole weekend.
If you want to know what we did, everything we did,
go to my TikTok. But I wanna specifically shout out
Sydney and Chances gift because they did a joint gift.
(03:00):
We usually do that, like every year we switch off
doing joint gifts for each other's birthday so we can
really like splurge on something. And they got me. You guys,
you guys, I'm a coffee fiend. I'm actually drinking my
espresso right now, and Sydney and Chance got me espresso cups,
fine China espresso cups from tiff I've never had or
own fine China before, so I was like crying from Tiffany's.
(03:21):
And on each cup is a different New York City landmark,
so like they're so special, so catered because if you
don't know, like my entire brand and TikTok channel is
about New York City, so it was just so personal.
I have like three espressos a day, and it was
like the best. And I have these like clear, little
plain ones that I usually use, and those Tiffany cups
(03:43):
kicked my sweet little like you know that scene in
Sex in the City where she gets the really big,
nice wedding dress and she's like, just like that, Vivian
West would kick my sweet little suit's ass. Feel like
just like that, you know, those espresso cups kick my
other sweet little espresso cups ass.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
My biggest fear is Sarah has this thing where he
breaks everything, literally everything, Like the amount of times are
walking out seemed like a wine glasses with shattered glass everywhere,
and I'm like, what happened? You're like I was watching it,
I was like, girl with a power drill. I was like, Sarah,
I do not break me.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
No, No, I would literally never, but or at least
I would try my best. But no, I'm handling them
so carefully. I am so nervous to break them though.
I just I feel like sometimes I don't even want
to touch them because I like I'm going to ruin everything.
But birthday was really fun. We went out to dinner,
we went out to clubs. It was the best. It
was the best, and it was great to spend some
(04:34):
time with Sidney and my other roommate because usually they're
really busy with work, so it was awesome to just
like have that one on one time. And they threw
me a party. Oh my god, this was the best
part of the entire weekend. We did a roast, so
we all kind of went around the room. It was
like me and a bunch of my close friends roasting me.
Everybody took turns making fun of me, and it was
the best thing ever because Sidney's job, as you all know,
(04:56):
is to roast me, like on a daily basis or
on a minute basis. So just having get concentrated and
like in a public setting was the bat. I love
getting roasted. It's like part of my Leo tree.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
There is the only first time I know who wants
to be roasted on her birthday. And she's been talking
about doing a roast for herself since I've met her.
But it's gonna be her bachelorette party. It probably still
will be. It will but yeah, that's she's a Leah.
I'm more excited for the wedding than the marriage. Like
I want a boy Yeah, I want a boyfriend. I
want a fiance, and I want a wedding and all
(05:27):
the other parties and I want to ring. Like the
wedding part you can lave on.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Yeah, the commitment part.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Marriage part.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
It's that I'm scared of commitment. It's just like what
if I'm married? And then Chris Evans is like, actually,
I love you. That's a tough position to be in.
We have so much alcohol it's actually scary.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I know.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
We were recording right next to the bar park and
we have from my birthday, literally everything kind of alcohol
you could ever imagine is just now in our house.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
And it's going to be there for so long because
Chance and I I never drink.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah, and when I drink, I drink wine and I
aways go out to dinner, so it's literally just gonna
sit there. Well, today we had a specific topic in
mind that was not on our list on like our
pre planned episode list, because I was thinking about this
the other day. I was like, because my birthday came up,
(06:17):
and thank god my ex or none of my exes
texted me on my birthday. But I was just kind
of thinking, like what if he did, and like how
would I go about dealing with that because it's like,
this is the first birthday I've spent without my ex
in three years. So I was like, I don't really
know if he's gonna say it or just like not
or leave it, and like I don't know which one
I prefer. And then I finally decided after the day
(06:38):
was over that I was obviously overjoyed he did not
reach out, because that would be weird, especially since I'm
dating somebody else. But like, I was just kind of
thinking and stressing about it for like a full ten minutes.
I was like, what what do I do? How do
I proceed? So today's episode is inspired by that. We're
gonna be doing a topic called the ex playbook. It's like,
how do you handle once you break up with somebody?
(07:00):
How do you handle it? What's the procedure? Is there
a routine? Is it like a one size fits all situation?
What do you do with their stuff? What do you
do if they text you on Christmas?
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Like?
Speaker 1 (07:08):
How do you handle it? If you see them on
the street? How do you handle it if they try
to crawl back into your life? And has that ever
happened to us before? And what would our advice be
to other people who are also going through that as well?
To wrap that up in a nice little bo didn't I?
Speaker 2 (07:21):
It's chicky today?
Speaker 3 (07:23):
August Tint is a national holiday in this healthhold, and
not one that I like to celebrate. I will by
getting dessert in a glass of wine tonight for some reason,
like ninety seven s on my axes have today is
their birthday. I really don't know why, and maybe that's
my issue. Maybe I should stop dating Leamn. I definitely
(07:44):
am sertain, Like the first thing I ask the guy
is what is your sign? And I have to preface
to them. I'm like, I'm not a chology person. I
couldn't care less, but if you are, Leo, I will
be blocking you expedtitiously. I tell every man I know
that I'm seeing right now is to Jimini and I
was like, you're not much better, but at least it's
not Leo. So yeah, So like today I texted one
(08:05):
of them happy birthday. The other ones I'm gonna text
like tomorrow like belated.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
So I think that I forgot just like I will
stay there the other ones and absolutely not my like
five year X.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
It's weird because, like you said, this is the first
year we happen to have a birthday to each other.
But luckily I'm a cancer so my birthday comes before his.
So he didn't text me happy birthday. So I was
like a loser, I'm not texting you have birthday.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Either, loser.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Not to mention, he's blocked on quite literally every social
platform possible, including email and Venmo and cashop, so I
would have no way of doing it anyway, And like
I wouldn't even say happy birthday. I'd be like birthday,
because like do you deserve to have a happy day?
Speaker 1 (08:50):
But I just say, just make a statement, it's your birthday, period, birthday,
that's it.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Yeah, birthday, And I feel like it's not necessarily a
one size fits all situation because like I have said
nextss that like I'm still in contact with or like
even though I consider to still be close friends, I
will say I did date sail women dates a strong word.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I I don't even know what.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
The word is, not like date, like I like saw,
I envisioned, they envisioned me.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Visions together, both perceived each other.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
We perceived each other for a long time.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
We were in a perceived ship whatever and a situationship,
that's the word. And like he was one of my
best friends slash in my friend group, and I still
keep in contact with him, but it's like distant contact,
like it's still a little bit weird at the same
time to be weirder to not talk so like obviously,
like we text sometimes, like if I see him out,
(09:48):
say something, but like I don't ask him to hang out.
I don't ask him, like I don't know when we
have a conversation it's for a purpose, like just never
just like hey, like how are you doing?
Speaker 2 (09:58):
That's too much?
Speaker 3 (09:59):
And and other acts days like my five year X,
my high school ex like no contact with them. However,
my high school X did snapschat me last week and
sent me a picture. So this restaurant I went to
in high school like every day for lunch has a
picture of me and my ex in the restaurant.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Oh my god, because.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
For some reason won't take down. So he went and
was like remember this, Yeah, I do, I.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Do remember that.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Actually I it was there.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
I also ate the food and he kept trying to
snap chat me and I was like, no need for that, No, No.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
That's the thing. It's like people are so weird about
that kind of stuff because it's obvious that he's trying
to start a dialogue in a conversation. It's just a
weird way to do it. Like there's no hey been
thinking about you?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
How have you been?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
It's remember this one random picture from this restaurant, Like
why did you open it? Like yeah, like you're such
a baddie. And I really realized that and I had
to text you. Yeah. But no one likes to wear
their heart on their sleeves these days, so it's just
like and.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
When I do, I'm dramatic. Yeah I will hold it.
I have a lot of sign.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
That's one thing I realized is like they in things
or I in things. And then like a few weeks later,
they like try to contact me. Like that's the closure
I need because I realize that, like I'm still a
doddy and you still want me even less, You're stupid.
But when we break up and then they don't come back,
that's why I'm like, hmmm, what's wrong with you? Like, actually,
what's wrong with you? Because like I'm over all of
my exes Holly, besides one, and not that I'm not
(11:26):
even like not over them. It's like, why have didn't
you come back? Shouldn't you be obsessed?
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I feel like yes, so yes, I.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Think like most people get closure from like hiving a conversation,
couldn't care less about that. My closure is that you're
now obsessed with me and you want me back. That's
the closure I need because then I know I'm not
the problem and then I can move on.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Yeah, because I love.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
When my exes get mad, Like I had this one
ex this wasn't my last one. One of my exes
saw that I had like posted about like loving being
single or something like I posted a TikTok or a
post on my Instagram and I was like something about
I don't even know what it was, lighthearted though, like
it wasn't for his benefit. Also, I thought I blocked him,
and then he dan me and was like great picture, great, great,
(12:10):
Like thanks, how is it supposed to make me feel?
I was like nothing, You're supposed to feel nothing. I
broke up with you two years ago. Why are you
still reaching out? It's nuts, but it makes me feel good.
It's like cause they say the closest thing to love
is hate, and then there's indifference, do you know what
I mean? So it's like there's so much power in
not giving a fuck. It's like I pride myself and
not giving a singular shit about like any of my exes.
(12:32):
So it's like when they reach out to me all mad,
that's what I love because it's like you are mad,
you still care about stuff that I do, which is
nuts because I can't say the same this fan girl behavior.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
I will say, like, I have reached level of indifference,
and that's how like that's the most satisfying feeling ever.
Is like my ex just moved in with his girlfriend
and they got a cat, which makes me laugh because
he always said that he would never leave Manhattan, and
then he also said that he would never get a cat.
So I found that honestly, the only reaction I had
(13:03):
was funny. But at the same time I was thinking
about it, I was like, I'm not upset at all.
Like I don't even have like a twin of like
being upset or like being sad, because at the end
of the day, I'm just like actually thanking the Lord
Jesus up above and all of my like conjoined brain
cells that I am not the one that's we begin
with him or give me a cat with him. Yeah,
and I can only hope that like he's changed for
(13:26):
the better, and like maybe he is someone that I
didn't think he could be, and if anything, great for
her or great for him. But like there's a nice
single part of me that's upset or sad. If anything,
I'm joyous that it is not me. No, I'm literally
I was telling Chance this, like I'm actually so tired
of my everyone and all the women in the world
dating awful men, awful and not cute. If they were cute,
(13:48):
I could maybe understand it a little bit. But they're
awful and short and not cute, and it's like, wow,
why would we do that?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
When I say it's always the ugly ones, I mean
that like in both looks and personality. It's like, you
are ugly, do you know what I mean? Like you're
an ugly person, like I will ugly man.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Like a guy can be like not necessarily one hundred
percent my type or like one hundred percent like what
I want physically, like I don't really care if they
have a good personality and treat me well like that
bumps them up?
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Two three whatever. I'm like whatever kind of scale people.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Use, right, and then that makes you attractive? Does that
make sense? It's like, even if you're not my type
on paper, or even if it's a love isoland quote
or like a love islenting, even if you're not my
type on paper, even if you don't check all the
like physical shallow boxes, if you are a kind, respectful,
generous person, you go up in my book? Does that
make sense? But like if you are a stunner, a model,
(14:39):
let's say, looks wise, and you're a dick, I physically,
I don't know what it is about my brain that
cannot separate the two. It's like, if you're a dick
and you treat me awfully, even if I meet you
one time and you're just like an asshole because you
can just tell you know, I'm not gonna think you're
goy like I think you're ugly.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (14:54):
And I feel like that's the reason why girls stay
with ugly men that mistreat them, is that they want
so badly to be the one that fixes them. And
I'm like, unless you are. You're not a doctor. You
don't need to fix anyone. You're not a psychotherapist. Like
as much as I think that's why we always ask,
like why do girls stay in such bad relationships, it's
(15:16):
because they want so badly to make that person love them,
and they're like chasing that person to treat them well,
but they're not going to, Like that's just who they are,
and they've shown you that it's time to learn that.
And I think I took me so long to understand that,
but now that I do, it's like when a guy
shows me his true colors, it's literally giving bye bye.
You're blocked, because why am I to waste my time
on someone who couldn't give less a crap about me.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
I think it also comes from this deep root, especially
on the women's side, or at least I can speak
for myself. I think it comes from this deep rooted
need to be more than who you are or make
someone else be more than who they are. Does that
make sense. It's like women strive for excellence in themselves
and in the people around them that it's like, I
feel like you can never just be and now. It
(15:57):
was a huge sentiment that was kind of reflected in
the Barbie movie as well, which I really liked. It's
like women always feel the need to just be like
so much more than they are and be excellent all
the time, and in reality, it's like men don't have
that expectation put upon them. It's like why should you,
and socially at least or romantically.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
And I think it goes back to attachment styles because like,
let's say you have daddy issues and you spend like
your entire childhood like having someone come in and out
of your life, although that's like physically, emotionally, support wise, whatever,
so you're constantly chasing them being in your life. So
that kind of like interaction or like power and balance
(16:34):
kind of cares out to your relationships, where like you're
constantly chasing someone who is absent, who's always leaving, who's
always like mistreating you emotionally, physically, whatever, you're chasing them
trying to be in your life. So I feel like
the way that you show up in relationships, I think
that's why a lot of women have happened to opracompensate,
because they're like, I want to make this work so
badly because my parents be divorced, or because my ex
(16:56):
day whatever. So I feel like we're constantly trying to overcompensate,
but at the same time doing that, you're neverling the
other person step.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Up to the plate, like you're doing the work for them,
you know exactly.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
I want to pivot a little bit to some personal
anecdotes because I have both been on the receiving side
of an X trying to call back, and I have
been the ex trying to crawl back only one time,
and he wasn't even an ex, but I haven't to
tell it anyway. So the time when I got crawled
back to is just really funny because I feel like
a lot of women can relate to this. Men during
the relationship do shit, they don't do like nothing, and
(17:29):
then once you break up, they work over time trying
to get you back. I just think it's so funny.
It's like they become the person who you were like,
that's all you were asking for in the relationship, and
then they just become that person only after you break
up them.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
And they go right back to how they were before
because they're only doing enough work to get you back.
The minute you're back in a relationship, these people have
not changed. Yeah, howse people do not change exactly. They're
going to do what they can to get back into
your good graces, and the sudden you start dating again
or seeing each other and go right back to their
old ways because I know you'll stay.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Exactly because you have before and because you came back,
so they know, like they have you now in their
back pocket. It's nuts weird psychology. Anyway. This one time,
one of my exes, we broke up because he cheated
on me, and then he wrote me like a thirteen
paragraph essay about how much he wants to like hold
hands with me and skip through a field. But what
I told him is I was like, it's just too little,
too late, you know, like this is the man who
(18:15):
I wanted you to be, Like I wanted you to
express these feelings when we were actually in a relationship.
The fact that you were proving to me that you
would only act this month, act this way because it's
the chase. Now, now you don't have me, grass is
always greener, Like you want what you can't have, and
that's not what I want, you know, Like I want
someone to appreciate what they have while they have it.
I don't want someone to lose me to realize my worth,
if that makes sense, because I know my worth and
(18:35):
it's definitely not worth all that. And then the time
I crawled back is so funny because we weren't even dating.
We were just like friends of benefits for.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
A little bit.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
I called things off, but I had thought I called
things off too early, Like I was like, we could
I feel like this could maybe be a relationship. I
feel like I underestimated you. So I wrote back and
they were like no, they were like, I don't want
to hurt your feelings, but like you treated me like
a certain type of way when we were together, and like,
now that you don't have me, you're calling it it's
like the same thing. It made me take a really long,
(19:04):
hard look in the mirror and go like, am I
only wanting him because I don't have him anymore? And
the answer was yes, you know what I mean, I
had come up with this whole song and dance in
my head like trying to prove to myself that he
could be boyfriend material. It's just funny because I've been
on like both ends of the spectrum.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
And I feel like through that whole process, like I
learned two really important things. One not to quote Big
Sean and Justin Bieber, the grass is not always create
On the other side screening where you water it like
great with an effort time, emotions whatever, they kind of
ate that line whatever.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
And then what song is that? As long as you
as long as you love me.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
You give me song when they come on the club
and like whoo, what's that? And then secondly is that
I feel like part of the emotions or like overwhelming
sense of whatever you get when like people do come
back like X's it is like wanting to know how
(20:00):
they feel about you and why they do. But it
took me so long to understand that, Like the way
people treat you, the way I treat you before you
broke up tells you all you need to how they
view you. They don't start to raandmly respect you more
now they realize that you're gone. You know, like how
they treated you when they had you is all.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
You need to know.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
So I feel like it took me so long to
understand that. That's why I kept going back to someone
they treated me like crap, because I kept thinking, Okay,
he's gonna this is the time's gonna change. He's gonna
realize that like I'm the prize and he treats me
like crap, and like suddenly he's gonna overhaul his entire
personality and.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Treat me right now. No, he's not. He would do
the same thing I said before.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
We're like he'll grovel, be super nice for a week
or two weeks, and then go right back to how
treated me before because he knows no matter what, I'm
gonna stay because I'm thinking to the cycle, the highs,
the lows, whatever. So I think it took me like
a long time to figure that out. That it is
like manipulation in some way. But honestly, take people at
their actions, not at their words, because they'll say whatever
they can to get back in your good graces and
then treat you like crap again.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yeah, exactly that men do, I feel like, as a whole,
tend to base their decisions off of actions, and women
really tend to like listen to the because words mean
more to women. So I feel like we tend to
take those ut face value, which there's nothing wrong with,
it's just uh, when you're dealing with shit men.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
And like, I used to be a word for affirmation
and I'm gonna changing that. I'm more like quality time,
acts of service. Now gift giving you receiving is the
one love language that I have no attachment to. Like
when they like break down your score, mine's like zero percent.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
I couldn't care less about gifts really.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
But physical touch is also kind of gathers. I'm like, yeah, whatever,
but I do like PDA stuff like I like holding
hands and like whatever. But I would say, like words
of affirmation, acts of service, and quality time, like those.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Are my hosts.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Mine is mine change. Mine used to be primarily gift
giving and now mine is physical.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Touch obviously trust me.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Yeah, acts service is good too, but that's that's the
one I had. It's good gift giving for that, and
then ask the service is the bottom.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
One for me.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
The act services how I should be, Like, I feel
like that's how I show my feelings. It's like if
I'm willing to go do things for you to like
make your day easier. And I know that I'm like
king cheinly busy person. So if I'm taking that time
to help you, that's how I know I value you.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Yeah, it's like you want to do stuff for the
other person.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
I totally get that. Yeah, it is twenty twenty three.
Why is there not a machine? A device? I put
on my face and my pimples disappeared.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Oh are you having skin problems at the moment?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
You don't look like it to have one pimple.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
The thing is, I never have breakouts unless I'm doing
something important with my life. Then suddenly I'm hopeless liked.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
No, well, your skin looks great. This weekend, I have
something really important. I'm going to meet like all of
Zach's family because I met his parents twice before and
now or it's like his cousin's wedding or something who
has only met like twice in his life. They're not
even close, and we're going this weekend. It's in Maine.
I'm really excited. We're gonna spend like a whole day
in Portland. It's gonna be great. Portland's gorgeous, so I heard,
(22:57):
because I've never been.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
I'm really really excited.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
So if anybody, if any of you live in Maine
or have taken a trip to Maine or vacasion, to
please dam us, let us know, give us some dinner recks,
lunch res like some sight seeing stuff because I really, really,
I'm so excited, and the flight's so short. It's only
like an hour long from LaGuardia.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
My cousin goes to college in Maine, and I saw
him on Hinge and I was like, you live in May.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Why are you on New York. He's like, there's no
one here. I was like, okay, it been so funny.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
There's no one here.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
It's very like Natury. Please.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yeah. Well, also, on a more somber note, because we
were talking about what we're doing recently, today is a
hard day for Wah, and I'm sure for a lot
of other people who I am friends with back home,
including her family. Today is my I remember talking to
you guys a couple episodes about my really close friend
(23:49):
from back home who passed away. Kind of suddenly it's
her birthday today, it's two days after mine, and I yeah,
it's no, it's no good because we always like text
each other and stuff, and like we always try and
see each other the best we can. So I'm really
happy that I have, like the wedding and everything is
a distraction. It's gonna like constantly be working today, try
not to think about it. But then it's like I
(24:11):
want to be thinking about it because I want to remember,
but I also don't want to cry like the entirety
of the day. But I don't really Yeah, death is
a very new concept for me, and I know we're
talking about like exes and stuff, so it's like, oh,
what do you do in like an X reaches back out?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
I think, as you know, in a.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Broader topic, it's like a broader subject. What do you
do when like sad things come like back into your mind,
like when X is pop back in your mind, or
when things that make you really depressed and sad. One
thing that I've been really loving to do recently. And
this is crazy, this might just be a me thing,
but I have a lot of trouble processing my emotions,
which Sydney cannot relate to. So when I feel like
I find that I'm not being like I'm not fully
(24:47):
embracing my emotions, especially the more like sad Ones, I
found that music is just extremely therapeutic because I'm not
a meditation girly.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I don't I can't meditate. I can't do it. I
love how other people do it.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
I'm sure it has benefits. I'm sure it works. It
just doesn't work for me. But I feel like listening
to music and just laying down and shutting my eyes
is a form of meditation because it's making you like
think and reflect. So when I'm sad and I feel
like I'm not truly embracing those sad emotions, I put
on like sad songs and then I start crying, and
then at the end, I feel so much better. And
I think music in particular helps because you're going through
(25:21):
like a unified shared experience with the artists. It's like
they're feeling the same emotions as well. So it's like
it makes you feel a sense of togetherness, it makes
you feel like you're not alone, and in the form
of music, which is scientifically proven to be extremely beneficial
mental health wise. So if you were looking for ways
to kind of process your emotions, if you have trouble
with like understanding your own feelings, and especially if you
(25:45):
have trouble with like distracting yourself instead of actually dealing
with what you're feeling in the moment. I would suggest
music because you're like doing, it's something to do. You're
not just sitting there in silence. But it's like you're
not just sitting there crying or like whatever. But it
does really help or at least us for me.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Sarah always be signing these scientific reports. Oh my girl, Yeah,
it's scientifically get this, but no, I feel you, Like
you guys know I've talked with this before. They're like,
I'm very much a believer in that holding emotions in
or like try and stop yourself only delays your healing.
So like I call it dark room time when I'm upset.
(26:22):
You're not gonna see me for a day and a half.
I'm gonna sit in my room. I'm gonna like let
myself feel it, be upset, cry. I have the best
sad music playlist of all time, Like it should actually
be in a museum, like I have. My sad playlists
are so specific that the names describe the kind of sadness.
Like my favorite one is Sunday in November because like
it's getting cold, like it's Cuffing season, but like not
(26:43):
really like that play.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
This is elak.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
But I let myself feel it. I don't I get
off my phone, I don't text anyone, I don't call anyone.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I watch movies, listen to music.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
I let myself be sad, and but I heel so
much quicker and easier and like fully that I feel
like it's in official because like, even like the last
Situation show, I just broke up with or he broke
up with me whatever, I got over it in like
a day and a half. So let myself be upset
about it and be sad and like grieve what I
thought could have been a relationship and then got over it.
And I'm like, it's seeing us much better than like
pushing emotions down and ignoring them. It's making so much
(27:16):
more efficient.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
So music has been really helping me do that recently,
you know, this kind of like turning everything off or
even like working honestly and listening to music. It's good stuff. Okay,
So I kind of want to pivot to this really
interesting topic that Sinny and I kind of started talking
about before the episode, but not really because we really
(27:39):
wanted to dive into it. Wholeheartedly right now, so on
social media platforms like Twitter and TikTok and everybody. This
is literally every age, every demographic, every kind of person
ever has turned on Rachel Zeggeler overnight regarding her Snow
White Princess movie, the new live action version where she
is starring at Snow White, and in summer of twenty
(28:02):
twenty one, Disney announced that Rachel Zegler would be playing
that lead role. But recently, in the past couple days,
Rachel has been getting so much hate for a couple reasons.
One because a minority of conservative leaning or just like
I would say, very radical people are upset that a
Latina actress is playing Snow White. And also so that's
(28:22):
like one whole layer of controversy that is a minority,
though the majority of people are upset because Rachel Zegler
has gone on camera on interviews saying that this Snow
White would be playing an independent woman who does not
need rescuing, and she has quoted that the nineteen thirty
seven original movie Snow White is outdated and it is
(28:44):
completely anti feminist, et cetera, et cetera. She is also
getting a lot of hate because she did an interview
where she said that she wants to be paid for
like every hour, every stream of you know, sitting in
that snow white dress, because for thirteen hours a day,
which obviously she should. I feel like that's baseline. But
you got a lot of hate for that because she
referenced the actor's strike and everyone was like, you are
(29:04):
in this big budget Disney film, like the actors strike
does not apply to you, because it's like you're getting
paid so much, et cetera, et cetera. I personally has
a lot to say. She just took the biggest sigh
of all time, But I do want to talk about it.
I thought, especially from a lawyer perspective, it would be
really interesting coming from you.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
People love to have an opinion on things they know
nothing about. I'm literally an entertainment lawyer. I'm working actively
in like helping people that are like on pick in
lines for the strike. People have no idea one what
a strike is to what they're fighting for, and three
a strike doesn't selectively apply to certain people. It applies
to everyone who is in the actor union union meeting
every single horse news in the union who is an actor.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
That's what the word union means everybody, ex everyone.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah, and people that are like mad that she's asking
them to.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Get paid for her work, Like I feel like it's
a baseline.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
Right.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Let me give you an analogy. Give it.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
You work for a sandwich shop, and a sandwich shop
says we're paying you x amount dollars whatever to make sandwiches.
Let's say you have a catering job where you need
to make five hundred sandwiches. Obviously, on a normal day
you make one sandwich per five minutes and you get
paid eight dollars an hour. But for a time you
need to make five hundred sandwiches and they're getting eaten
(30:10):
over the next like twelve hours by a group of people,
you're still only getting paid eight dollars an hour. That
makes no sense, correct, because you're doing chriple the work.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Whatever and a shorter amount of time as well.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
So for the strike for example, this girl or this
woman Rachel Zebler number one even not even I'm not
even giving it like credit or air peeling Matthew's latina. Yeah,
it is a fakeas maybe about a woman.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
With dwarves, like why are you upset?
Speaker 3 (30:35):
As people that are mad about little more made being
black sweetie, she's a mer maid.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
You are thirty years old, go to.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
A fictional place, actually touch grass, sniffet, roll around in it,
and go on with your life. And there's so many
more important things can use your voice. It actually drives
me crazy. It's a fictional book anyway.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
It's a fairy tale. It's a Disney story. Like, I
don't understand what the problem is.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
It takes a story, that book, that thing was written
in seventeen hundred. Yeah, Like why people care? It's public domain?
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Why do you care?
Speaker 3 (31:04):
It's an imagination of a book that's in public domain.
You can do whatever you want with it. It doesn't
matter anyway. It's like, that's like being mad that Pinocchio
is made out of redwood and not oak.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Why do you care? It's almost like we live in
a racist society.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
So the actor strike the way things work right now?
For example, have you ever seen Gilmore Girls?
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (31:24):
I have. There's a character in Gilmore Girls. Actually forgot
his name, but he's in like three hundred episodes out
of like three hundred and twenty five, and he said
that he makes sixteen cents a day from his the
streams from him being on Gilmore Girls. Gilmore Girls one
of the most streamed TV shows on Netflix and it's
(31:44):
streaming history and he makes sixteen cents today. So how
did you feel if you spend X amount of years
working on a project that you got paid for and
then now it's on a streaming service where people are
watching it every day, it's one of the most popular
shows and you're getting paid nothing for your work. That
is part of the strike.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Number one.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
Richel Zegler's not an established actress. She's been in one
movie and this is your second movie. It doesn't matter
if Disney make it, Christopher Nolan, lucasfilm Star Wars, whatever,
that's just who the director is in the company behind it.
Most of that money is going into marketing, production, directing.
All of it does not go to the actors. And yes,
they get paid like a wage to be in the movie.
That has no bearing whatsoever on their residuals. That's determined
(32:28):
by your contract. That's determined by the union contract with
the studios. People that are mad about that, why are
you mad at someone getting conversated Philly for their work.
She's probably not even an A list actor, not be
not c she's a dealist actress, Like she's been in
one movie. She's not established. She does not make millions
of dollars, Like if the movie does, the actors do not.
That's not how contracts work. So people that don't understand
(32:50):
one what a contract is to how it works. That's
like Avatar makes five billion dollars, That does not mean
that every single actor in that movie makes five billion dollars.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
That's not how contract works.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
So I hate people think that like because someone's in
a big budget movie, they get paid X amount of dollars.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
That's not how it works.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
So, like the union, contracts affect every single person who's
a member of SAG or who are a member of
the Writer's Union. So people being like, oh, she's rich,
why does she care? One is her livelihood.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
Also, if you look up her network, she's like not rich,
she's in she's been in one movie. Well, she's also
just like not rich in generally, she's not an EPO baby,
she's not an established.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Action found her on Twitter.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
Yeah, she's the lace made a second video on Twitter
and that was her first role on West Side Story.
She's not a millionaire, a billionaire whatever, she's gotten paid
for one job.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Those are just the facts. Also, that is that's not
an opinion either, Like it's true her network is not
as big as say, like Julia Robbers for example.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Even like Sidney Sweeney said that she barely makes enough
to support herself and she's one of the biggest shows
in history. So people don't understand how money works, how
getting paid works, how a contract works. And it's so
frustrating to people like degrade actors online or writers for
holding out on the strike and delaying movies. I'm so
sorry you can't sit on your couch and with your
popcorn and watch a movie when you want to watch it.
Like these people's livelihoods, Like a lot of these acts writers,
(34:00):
especially who like make their livelihood off of making these
like long term shows, who are getting like messed over
from these contracts, Like that's their life, that's their family,
that's their rent, that's their electricity bill, like and every day,
like no matter who the actor is, whether it's Adam Sandler,
whether it's Jeremy whatever's name is, who are like on
these picket lines not just doing it for themselves, They're
(34:21):
doing it because their actions, they're putting their face to
a cause. It's gonna help everyone else. And that's extras,
that's background actors, that's small time actors, that's every single person.
And it's gonna affect Reality TV too. So everyone that's like,
oh well, we'll still have Real Housewives. No, people of
people in Real Housewives are now picketting as well or
starting to, especially Love is Blind. They're like creating this
(34:43):
huge lawsuit because they're mispaid whatever, mistreated. So I think
people realize that, like, yes, you want to be entertained.
If you want to see white snow white so badly,
go put on a play, Go make your own low
budget film, please, But like, why do you care like
people's livelihood? Just shut your mouth and support them, please.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
This just shows this entire discourse, the fact that every
single woman, especially women on TikTok, turned on Rachel Zegler
in the span of twenty four hours. This just goes
to show that women, no matter what your belief system is,
women can never win, especially women of color. It makes
zero sense. We saw this also with Halle and The
Little Mermaid. It's like people were finding all of these
like nitpicking problems about the movie, so they didn't have
(35:22):
to come right out and say I'm mad that arial
is black, you know what I mean. So it's like
this whole discourse begun because she's an a Latina actress.
Like that's how literally any negative feeling towards no White
began there. And then it kind of like simmered and
simmered and simmered. No one had anything to say. Rachel
Zegler literally just announces that she's a feminist on a
red carpet interview and TikTok turns on her, which TikTok
(35:43):
is supposed to be a very progressive, like feminist supporting
app and is it not like very liberal leaning? It's true,
So it's like, why are now you having a pro
And it's like these women are like you're making fun
of like traditionalists women who do want to fall in
love and get married. Never once did she say that
that's not a lifestyle you're not allowed to have. She
just said that that's not her snow white. She's the actress.
She can portray the character however she wants. This entire
(36:05):
discourse proves one thing, and it's that women can never win,
no matter how hard they try, no matter if they're
ultra feminists, no matter if they're ultratraditionalist and they just
want to like go get married and have kids and
just like live a very feminine, like stereotypical feminine traditional life.
It's women cannot win. Women say one thing, and even
their fellow women feel the need to attack. It really
(36:26):
makes no sense.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
One and people like that are getting mad at Rachel
Zegler in Halle. Again, this takes about zero point one
percent of brain power. They are not the director. Yeah,
they are not the casting director. They did not put
themselves in this movie. If you want to hate on someone, hay,
I'm the casting director because that's their job.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
But also but they're not the ones getting hate. That's
the thing everyone's I should.
Speaker 3 (36:52):
Hate on no one because it's a made up fairy tale. Yeah,
but two people are like, oh wow, it's ruining her
leg she was chosen to be in the movie for
a reason. You're not the director. Literally shut up, not
to be condescending, but to be very condescending. But also
like people are like, she's ruining snow whites legacy.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Snow White does not have She's on a real werson.
She's a story.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
And also the Disney story that we know isn't even
the real story. So I'm like, if you want to
be disturbed or mad about changing legacies, the original one
that you know is the original story. It's a German
folk tale by the Grim's Brothers or whatever. And honestly,
it's a story about a girl eating a poison apple,
living with eight men, and then getting kissed against her will.
So why do you care so much about sticking to
that story? And the fact that like she has five
(37:38):
shades darker skin and you're mad about it is so
crazy to me.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
People need to like actually touch grass.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
You're so right, Like you made such an amazing point
that I was trying to express earlier. There's a reason
why Disney is not getting hate. There's a reason why,
like the casting director is not getting hate, why the
writers are not getting hate, why the director's not getting hate.
It's all directed at Rachel because why she's.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
A well and she's one of color. It's also not
nineteen thirty seven.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Yeah, And also, oh, this is the other point that
I wanted to piggyback off of yours with, is that
the original Snow White, the nineteen thirty seven Disney cute
little movie with the girl who's dombin eats an apple.
That's not going away. So if you want your original
snow White there, it is like watch it. They're not
taking it off of Disney. Plus, they're not like negating
its history by making a new live action.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Oh so, when is the last time that someone's watched
the original snow.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
White nineteen thirty seven? Like, actually, no, no, I I
mean I and snow White has never been my favorite princess.
She's never been like an icon to me. And I'm
a Disney freak.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
That's why. That's the thing. And our jests was not
giving either. I'm like, you hate this.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Girl, And people are like, we already have you know,
independent thought leader princesses like Mwana and Mulan. It's like, okay,
we also have traditionalist princesses like every single other one ever,
like Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, snow White. Those movies are not
going anywhere. They will remain in the Disney vault forever.
They will never be taken down from any streaming platform.
So it's like, why are you having such a he
(39:00):
fit about how they decided to make their live action movie.
It makes no sense.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
Also, when they made snow White and The Huntsman with
Christian Stewart who was yelling about them changing the story.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Then no, she was white, same with.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Me, or Mayor Lily Collins played snow white.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
And no one got mad about that anything about that, Nope.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
So and Lily Collins was also an independent like like
it was very autonomous that she saved herself, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
And so a Snowhite and the Huntsman and so I'm like,
what was the issue then? Nothing exactly.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
And it's so funny too, because every single TikTok I've
ever seen ever, specifically in the past twenty four hours,
hating on Rachel Zegler. And I'm not even I'm not
Rachel Zegler's biggest fan, like I personally, I just she's
not my favorite actress of all time. In her defense, like,
I just think that this discourse in particular is so
unreasonable because it's like one thing that everybody on TikTok says.
(39:46):
They begin like this is just so contradictory. Every video
that people on TikTok make they start it with like
I don't care that she's Latina, But then they don't
they don't talk about the fact that she's Latina, but
they're like, I just hate how she's making Snowhite independent,
you know, but like they always begin it with I'm
not a racist. I just think that's so contradictory, Like
if you didn't care, why would you bring that up?
Speaker 2 (40:05):
You know what I mean. She's also only made online movie,
and that's more than all of them can say. What
movie have you been in?
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Give me your resume?
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Literally ship it here. Taylor Swift releases a new album
actually twice a week. Girl. Why you Russian? Yes, okay,
you know, whole catalog thing. But I don't know, I'm
not too swift.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
But if you have any strong feelings on the whole
Rachel Zeggler controversy, you feel free to DM us with
your thoughts because if they're racist, do not oh yeah,
no no, no, no, no no, please don't please don't
send us nonsensical things like just don't be dumb. If
you have an educated opinion, please send it our way,
because we do want to hear. I am just really
surprised about this discourse and I've been like every single
video that I scroll through, it's like the Rachel Zegler controversy,
(40:45):
and like I understand where these women are coming from
in the sense where it's like, oh my god, in
the sense where they interpret her interviews is like hating
on traditional women. However, that's just not how I see it.
Does that make sense? It's like, if you see it
like that, I understand that you see it like that.
It's just I've seen all of these interviews that women
are hating on and I've just never really gotten The
(41:06):
only thing that I perceived from these interviews is that
Rachel Zegler does not want her snow white to be
like and she's in full support of like this character
and how they wrote this character. She does not want
her snow white to be dated, and she doesn't want
it to be traditional snow white snory like she that
she just supports the storyline, and like that's all I perceived,
you know, Like just because someone's a feminist doesn't mean
they're hating on you for not being one.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
And they're like, they're here with traditional women. Are you
act like you're in nineteen thirty seven?
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Yeah? Are you cooking an apron all day?
Speaker 3 (41:33):
And way for husbands come home to smell pies and
mashed potatoes and meat loaf, Like Are you racist because
it'sne thirty seven?
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Are you racist?
Speaker 3 (41:40):
Still? Like you're not eating poison apples, talking to evil
queens and seeing men in your sleep.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
That's not traditional. She's not even a real woman. It's like,
what do you? Oh? I can't.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
Also, I would bet my left foot that somewhere in
the movie snow White, in the live action movie, snow
White will end up falling in love and getting married,
et cetera, et cetera, like she does in the original
Disney movie. But all Rachel said is that snow White
does not need saving by a man. Snow White saves herself,
et cetera. But I will bet you a million dollars.
Romance is still involved in the movie. So it's like
she is still not perpetrating or not perpetuating, but like
(42:15):
she is still displaying this like romantic icon.
Speaker 3 (42:18):
She just is.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
All she's saying is that women do not need to
be saved by men. And if you have a problem
with that, I have a problem with you. Does that
make sense? And I feel like that's the underlying tone
or tenor of all of these tiktoks I'm seeing, And
that is that's the thing I have a problem.
Speaker 3 (42:30):
With There are so many things happening in the world
to actually affect people using your time, voice, and energy.
Talk about a fictional movie because her skin is starker
than you wanted to be. There's like human rights violations
happening in the world, and that's what you're concerned about.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Yeah, all right to you, guys, that's our time. I
really appreciated hearing your side also on the law, like
from the law perspective, especially with the strike and everything,
because you're so right. A lot of people, myself included,
don't understand exactly what that means, and so they have uneducated,
uninformed opinion, and so it's really it was cool hearing
what the fuck is actually up. Thank you guys so
(43:05):
much for listening. Make sure to follow us on Instagram
at Crying a Public Podcast, and to listen to us
anywhere you get your podcasts Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeart thank you,
we love you. Goodbye.
Hello, So what's going on?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
And Uh, I'm literally so tired.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
She's gonna perk up in like five minutes. Just give
her a second.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
You guys have high hopes.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
No, that's what always happens. You always come in and
you're like ugh, and then you just get natural energy
in like one second.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
I'm just like insatiably tired, which hasn't happened to me
in a very long time, which is like working too much.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Yeah, no, I totally get. It's definitely really draining. I
was talking to Chance about this yesterday. It was our roommate.
We were on my birthday lunch, and we were saying,
like how levels of like how they're different kinds of tired.
There's like your brain is fried tired, so that's after
like a big exam or a big presentation. It's like
you're fried, you're done. And then there's like burnt out tired,
(01:07):
where it's like you've been working too much. Then there's
social battery tired, which is kind of what I feel
like you and Chance experience, because like you go to
work in the office and everything, and then you come
out and you're just like tired, like job wise or
like social battery wise because you're talking all these people,
et cetera. And then there's like you've been tired for
so long, tired where it's like, for example, I work
from home, so I don't get a lot of social
(01:28):
interaction throughout my work day. So at the end of
my day, I'm tired, but in a totally different way,
like I'm tired of being tired, and I want to
go out and do stuff. And then there's like tired
like sleep deprive, tired where you just need to go
to bed, you know, like all of the above at
one moment. Just like, at least your nails are good,
you guys, son, you just got her nails done and
they're almond shaped, like pink, super pretty.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
I'm just like, i had twelve interviews thirteen actually in
counting yesterday in the last two weeks. I'm working like
overtime every day, tiny be social.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I'm just like literally so tired.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, that's also trying to maintain a work life balance
is also exhausting because in those moments where you probably
should be sleeping or like preparing for the next day,
it's like you feel like you have to make connections
and network and go out and like actually because that's
what everybody recommends that you do, you know, when in reality,
it's like listening to your body's key. But sometimes you
don't know what your body's telling you either.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
So it's like that's the first thing you learn in
law school is and when you're a lawyer, work life
balance is not a thing. It doesn't make sus like
if you ask that in an interview, like what's the
idea where they're like, they like start laughing at you.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
They're like, you don't have that, Oh my great, great
to know that's so funny.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Yeah, well, guys, guys, everyone, it was my birthday two
days ago. It was on Tuesday, recording us on Thursday.
My birthday's the eighth, and we celebrated the whole weekend.
If you want to know what we did, everything we did,
go to my TikTok. But I wanna specifically shout out
Sydney and Chances gift because they did a joint gift.
(03:00):
We usually do that, like every year we switch off
doing joint gifts for each other's birthday so we can
really like splurge on something. And they got me. You guys,
you guys, I'm a coffee fiend. I'm actually drinking my
espresso right now, and Sydney and Chance got me espresso cups,
fine China espresso cups from tiff I've never had or
own fine China before, so I was like crying from Tiffany's.
(03:21):
And on each cup is a different New York City landmark,
so like they're so special, so catered because if you
don't know, like my entire brand and TikTok channel is
about New York City, so it was just so personal.
I have like three espressos a day, and it was
like the best. And I have these like clear, little
plain ones that I usually use, and those Tiffany cups
(03:43):
kicked my sweet little like you know that scene in
Sex in the City where she gets the really big,
nice wedding dress and she's like, just like that, Vivian
West would kick my sweet little suit's ass. Feel like
just like that, you know, those espresso cups kick my
other sweet little espresso cups ass.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
My biggest fear is Sarah has this thing where he
breaks everything, literally everything, Like the amount of times are
walking out seemed like a wine glasses with shattered glass everywhere,
and I'm like, what happened? You're like I was watching it,
I was like, girl with a power drill. I was like, Sarah,
I do not break me.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
No, No, I would literally never, but or at least
I would try my best. But no, I'm handling them
so carefully. I am so nervous to break them though.
I just I feel like sometimes I don't even want
to touch them because I like I'm going to ruin everything.
But birthday was really fun. We went out to dinner,
we went out to clubs. It was the best. It
was the best, and it was great to spend some
(04:34):
time with Sidney and my other roommate because usually they're
really busy with work, so it was awesome to just
like have that one on one time. And they threw
me a party. Oh my god, this was the best
part of the entire weekend. We did a roast, so
we all kind of went around the room. It was
like me and a bunch of my close friends roasting me.
Everybody took turns making fun of me, and it was
the best thing ever because Sidney's job, as you all know,
(04:56):
is to roast me, like on a daily basis or
on a minute basis. So just having get concentrated and
like in a public setting was the bat. I love
getting roasted. It's like part of my Leo tree.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
There is the only first time I know who wants
to be roasted on her birthday. And she's been talking
about doing a roast for herself since I've met her.
But it's gonna be her bachelorette party. It probably still
will be. It will but yeah, that's she's a Leah.
I'm more excited for the wedding than the marriage. Like
I want a boy Yeah, I want a boyfriend. I
want a fiance, and I want a wedding and all
(05:27):
the other parties and I want to ring. Like the
wedding part you can lave on.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Yeah, the commitment part.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Marriage part.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
It's that I'm scared of commitment. It's just like what
if I'm married? And then Chris Evans is like, actually,
I love you. That's a tough position to be in.
We have so much alcohol it's actually scary.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I know.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
We were recording right next to the bar park and
we have from my birthday, literally everything kind of alcohol
you could ever imagine is just now in our house.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
And it's going to be there for so long because
Chance and I I never drink.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah, and when I drink, I drink wine and I
aways go out to dinner, so it's literally just gonna
sit there. Well, today we had a specific topic in
mind that was not on our list on like our
pre planned episode list, because I was thinking about this
the other day. I was like, because my birthday came up,
(06:17):
and thank god my ex or none of my exes
texted me on my birthday. But I was just kind
of thinking, like what if he did, and like how
would I go about dealing with that because it's like,
this is the first birthday I've spent without my ex
in three years. So I was like, I don't really
know if he's gonna say it or just like not
or leave it, and like I don't know which one
I prefer. And then I finally decided after the day
(06:38):
was over that I was obviously overjoyed he did not
reach out, because that would be weird, especially since I'm
dating somebody else. But like, I was just kind of
thinking and stressing about it for like a full ten minutes.
I was like, what what do I do? How do
I proceed? So today's episode is inspired by that. We're
gonna be doing a topic called the ex playbook. It's like,
how do you handle once you break up with somebody?
(07:00):
How do you handle it? What's the procedure? Is there
a routine? Is it like a one size fits all situation?
What do you do with their stuff? What do you
do if they text you on Christmas?
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Like?
Speaker 1 (07:08):
How do you handle it? If you see them on
the street? How do you handle it if they try
to crawl back into your life? And has that ever
happened to us before? And what would our advice be
to other people who are also going through that as well?
To wrap that up in a nice little bo didn't I?
Speaker 2 (07:21):
It's chicky today?
Speaker 3 (07:23):
August Tint is a national holiday in this healthhold, and
not one that I like to celebrate. I will by
getting dessert in a glass of wine tonight for some reason,
like ninety seven s on my axes have today is
their birthday. I really don't know why, and maybe that's
my issue. Maybe I should stop dating Leamn. I definitely
(07:44):
am sertain, Like the first thing I ask the guy
is what is your sign? And I have to preface
to them. I'm like, I'm not a chology person. I
couldn't care less, but if you are, Leo, I will
be blocking you expedtitiously. I tell every man I know
that I'm seeing right now is to Jimini and I
was like, you're not much better, but at least it's
not Leo. So yeah, So like today I texted one
(08:05):
of them happy birthday. The other ones I'm gonna text
like tomorrow like belated.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
So I think that I forgot just like I will
stay there the other ones and absolutely not my like
five year X.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
It's weird because, like you said, this is the first
year we happen to have a birthday to each other.
But luckily I'm a cancer so my birthday comes before his.
So he didn't text me happy birthday. So I was
like a loser, I'm not texting you have birthday.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Either, loser.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Not to mention, he's blocked on quite literally every social
platform possible, including email and Venmo and cashop, so I
would have no way of doing it anyway, And like
I wouldn't even say happy birthday. I'd be like birthday,
because like do you deserve to have a happy day?
Speaker 1 (08:50):
But I just say, just make a statement, it's your birthday, period, birthday,
that's it.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Yeah, birthday, And I feel like it's not necessarily a
one size fits all situation because like I have said
nextss that like I'm still in contact with or like
even though I consider to still be close friends, I
will say I did date sail women dates a strong word.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I I don't even know what.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
The word is, not like date, like I like saw,
I envisioned, they envisioned me.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Visions together, both perceived each other.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
We perceived each other for a long time.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
We were in a perceived ship whatever and a situationship,
that's the word. And like he was one of my
best friends slash in my friend group, and I still
keep in contact with him, but it's like distant contact,
like it's still a little bit weird at the same
time to be weirder to not talk so like obviously,
like we text sometimes, like if I see him out,
(09:48):
say something, but like I don't ask him to hang out.
I don't ask him, like I don't know when we
have a conversation it's for a purpose, like just never
just like hey, like how are you doing?
Speaker 2 (09:58):
That's too much?
Speaker 3 (09:59):
And and other acts days like my five year X,
my high school ex like no contact with them. However,
my high school X did snapschat me last week and
sent me a picture. So this restaurant I went to
in high school like every day for lunch has a
picture of me and my ex in the restaurant.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Oh my god, because.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
For some reason won't take down. So he went and
was like remember this, Yeah, I do, I.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Do remember that.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Actually I it was there.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
I also ate the food and he kept trying to
snap chat me and I was like, no need for that, No, No.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
That's the thing. It's like people are so weird about
that kind of stuff because it's obvious that he's trying
to start a dialogue in a conversation. It's just a
weird way to do it. Like there's no hey been
thinking about you?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
How have you been?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
It's remember this one random picture from this restaurant, Like
why did you open it? Like yeah, like you're such
a baddie. And I really realized that and I had
to text you. Yeah. But no one likes to wear
their heart on their sleeves these days, so it's just
like and.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
When I do, I'm dramatic. Yeah I will hold it.
I have a lot of sign.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
That's one thing I realized is like they in things
or I in things. And then like a few weeks later,
they like try to contact me. Like that's the closure
I need because I realize that, like I'm still a
doddy and you still want me even less, You're stupid.
But when we break up and then they don't come back,
that's why I'm like, hmmm, what's wrong with you? Like, actually,
what's wrong with you? Because like I'm over all of
my exes Holly, besides one, and not that I'm not
(11:26):
even like not over them. It's like, why have didn't
you come back? Shouldn't you be obsessed?
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I feel like yes, so yes, I.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Think like most people get closure from like hiving a conversation,
couldn't care less about that. My closure is that you're
now obsessed with me and you want me back. That's
the closure I need because then I know I'm not
the problem and then I can move on.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Yeah, because I love.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
When my exes get mad, Like I had this one
ex this wasn't my last one. One of my exes
saw that I had like posted about like loving being
single or something like I posted a TikTok or a
post on my Instagram and I was like something about
I don't even know what it was, lighthearted though, like
it wasn't for his benefit. Also, I thought I blocked him,
and then he dan me and was like great picture, great, great,
(12:10):
Like thanks, how is it supposed to make me feel?
I was like nothing, You're supposed to feel nothing. I
broke up with you two years ago. Why are you
still reaching out? It's nuts, but it makes me feel good.
It's like cause they say the closest thing to love
is hate, and then there's indifference, do you know what
I mean? So it's like there's so much power in
not giving a fuck. It's like I pride myself and
not giving a singular shit about like any of my exes.
(12:32):
So it's like when they reach out to me all mad,
that's what I love because it's like you are mad,
you still care about stuff that I do, which is
nuts because I can't say the same this fan girl behavior.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
I will say, like, I have reached level of indifference,
and that's how like that's the most satisfying feeling ever.
Is like my ex just moved in with his girlfriend
and they got a cat, which makes me laugh because
he always said that he would never leave Manhattan, and
then he also said that he would never get a cat.
So I found that honestly, the only reaction I had
(13:03):
was funny. But at the same time I was thinking
about it, I was like, I'm not upset at all.
Like I don't even have like a twin of like
being upset or like being sad, because at the end
of the day, I'm just like actually thanking the Lord
Jesus up above and all of my like conjoined brain
cells that I am not the one that's we begin
with him or give me a cat with him. Yeah,
and I can only hope that like he's changed for
(13:26):
the better, and like maybe he is someone that I
didn't think he could be, and if anything, great for
her or great for him. But like there's a nice
single part of me that's upset or sad. If anything,
I'm joyous that it is not me. No, I'm literally
I was telling Chance this, like I'm actually so tired
of my everyone and all the women in the world
dating awful men, awful and not cute. If they were cute,
(13:48):
I could maybe understand it a little bit. But they're
awful and short and not cute, and it's like, wow,
why would we do that?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
When I say it's always the ugly ones, I mean
that like in both looks and personality. It's like, you
are ugly, do you know what I mean? Like you're
an ugly person, like I will ugly man.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Like a guy can be like not necessarily one hundred
percent my type or like one hundred percent like what
I want physically, like I don't really care if they
have a good personality and treat me well like that
bumps them up?
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Two three whatever. I'm like whatever kind of scale people.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Use, right, and then that makes you attractive? Does that
make sense? It's like, even if you're not my type
on paper, or even if it's a love isoland quote
or like a love islenting, even if you're not my
type on paper, even if you don't check all the
like physical shallow boxes, if you are a kind, respectful,
generous person, you go up in my book? Does that
make sense? But like if you are a stunner, a model,
(14:39):
let's say, looks wise, and you're a dick, I physically,
I don't know what it is about my brain that
cannot separate the two. It's like, if you're a dick
and you treat me awfully, even if I meet you
one time and you're just like an asshole because you
can just tell you know, I'm not gonna think you're
goy like I think you're ugly.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (14:54):
And I feel like that's the reason why girls stay
with ugly men that mistreat them, is that they want
so badly to be the one that fixes them. And
I'm like, unless you are. You're not a doctor. You
don't need to fix anyone. You're not a psychotherapist. Like
as much as I think that's why we always ask,
like why do girls stay in such bad relationships, it's
(15:16):
because they want so badly to make that person love them,
and they're like chasing that person to treat them well,
but they're not going to, Like that's just who they are,
and they've shown you that it's time to learn that.
And I think I took me so long to understand that,
but now that I do, it's like when a guy
shows me his true colors, it's literally giving bye bye.
You're blocked, because why am I to waste my time
on someone who couldn't give less a crap about me.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
I think it also comes from this deep root, especially
on the women's side, or at least I can speak
for myself. I think it comes from this deep rooted
need to be more than who you are or make
someone else be more than who they are. Does that
make sense. It's like women strive for excellence in themselves
and in the people around them that it's like, I
feel like you can never just be and now. It
(15:57):
was a huge sentiment that was kind of reflected in
the Barbie movie as well, which I really liked. It's
like women always feel the need to just be like
so much more than they are and be excellent all
the time, and in reality, it's like men don't have
that expectation put upon them. It's like why should you,
and socially at least or romantically.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
And I think it goes back to attachment styles because like,
let's say you have daddy issues and you spend like
your entire childhood like having someone come in and out
of your life, although that's like physically, emotionally, support wise, whatever,
so you're constantly chasing them being in your life. So
that kind of like interaction or like power and balance
(16:34):
kind of cares out to your relationships, where like you're
constantly chasing someone who is absent, who's always leaving, who's
always like mistreating you emotionally, physically, whatever, you're chasing them
trying to be in your life. So I feel like
the way that you show up in relationships, I think
that's why a lot of women have happened to opracompensate,
because they're like, I want to make this work so
badly because my parents be divorced, or because my ex
(16:56):
day whatever. So I feel like we're constantly trying to overcompensate,
but at the same time doing that, you're neverling the
other person step.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Up to the plate, like you're doing the work for them,
you know exactly.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
I want to pivot a little bit to some personal
anecdotes because I have both been on the receiving side
of an X trying to call back, and I have
been the ex trying to crawl back only one time,
and he wasn't even an ex, but I haven't to
tell it anyway. So the time when I got crawled
back to is just really funny because I feel like
a lot of women can relate to this. Men during
the relationship do shit, they don't do like nothing, and
(17:29):
then once you break up, they work over time trying
to get you back. I just think it's so funny.
It's like they become the person who you were like,
that's all you were asking for in the relationship, and
then they just become that person only after you break
up them.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
And they go right back to how they were before
because they're only doing enough work to get you back.
The minute you're back in a relationship, these people have
not changed. Yeah, howse people do not change exactly. They're
going to do what they can to get back into
your good graces, and the sudden you start dating again
or seeing each other and go right back to their
old ways because I know you'll stay.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Exactly because you have before and because you came back,
so they know, like they have you now in their
back pocket. It's nuts weird psychology. Anyway. This one time,
one of my exes, we broke up because he cheated
on me, and then he wrote me like a thirteen
paragraph essay about how much he wants to like hold
hands with me and skip through a field. But what
I told him is I was like, it's just too little,
too late, you know, like this is the man who
(18:15):
I wanted you to be, Like I wanted you to
express these feelings when we were actually in a relationship.
The fact that you were proving to me that you
would only act this month, act this way because it's
the chase. Now, now you don't have me, grass is
always greener, Like you want what you can't have, and
that's not what I want, you know, Like I want
someone to appreciate what they have while they have it.
I don't want someone to lose me to realize my worth,
if that makes sense, because I know my worth and
(18:35):
it's definitely not worth all that. And then the time
I crawled back is so funny because we weren't even dating.
We were just like friends of benefits for.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
A little bit.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
I called things off, but I had thought I called
things off too early, Like I was like, we could
I feel like this could maybe be a relationship. I
feel like I underestimated you. So I wrote back and
they were like no, they were like, I don't want
to hurt your feelings, but like you treated me like
a certain type of way when we were together, and like,
now that you don't have me, you're calling it it's
like the same thing. It made me take a really long,
(19:04):
hard look in the mirror and go like, am I
only wanting him because I don't have him anymore? And
the answer was yes, you know what I mean, I
had come up with this whole song and dance in
my head like trying to prove to myself that he
could be boyfriend material. It's just funny because I've been
on like both ends of the spectrum.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
And I feel like through that whole process, like I
learned two really important things. One not to quote Big
Sean and Justin Bieber, the grass is not always create
On the other side screening where you water it like
great with an effort time, emotions whatever, they kind of
ate that line whatever.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
And then what song is that? As long as you
as long as you love me.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
You give me song when they come on the club
and like whoo, what's that? And then secondly is that
I feel like part of the emotions or like overwhelming
sense of whatever you get when like people do come
back like X's it is like wanting to know how
(20:00):
they feel about you and why they do. But it
took me so long to understand that, Like the way
people treat you, the way I treat you before you
broke up tells you all you need to how they
view you. They don't start to raandmly respect you more
now they realize that you're gone. You know, like how
they treated you when they had you is all.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
You need to know.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
So I feel like it took me so long to
understand that. That's why I kept going back to someone
they treated me like crap, because I kept thinking, Okay,
he's gonna this is the time's gonna change. He's gonna
realize that like I'm the prize and he treats me
like crap, and like suddenly he's gonna overhaul his entire
personality and.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Treat me right now. No, he's not. He would do
the same thing I said before.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
We're like he'll grovel, be super nice for a week
or two weeks, and then go right back to how
treated me before because he knows no matter what, I'm
gonna stay because I'm thinking to the cycle, the highs,
the lows, whatever. So I think it took me like
a long time to figure that out. That it is
like manipulation in some way. But honestly, take people at
their actions, not at their words, because they'll say whatever
they can to get back in your good graces and
then treat you like crap again.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yeah, exactly that men do, I feel like, as a whole,
tend to base their decisions off of actions, and women
really tend to like listen to the because words mean
more to women. So I feel like we tend to
take those ut face value, which there's nothing wrong with,
it's just uh, when you're dealing with shit men.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
And like, I used to be a word for affirmation
and I'm gonna changing that. I'm more like quality time,
acts of service. Now gift giving you receiving is the
one love language that I have no attachment to. Like
when they like break down your score, mine's like zero percent.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
I couldn't care less about gifts really.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
But physical touch is also kind of gathers. I'm like, yeah, whatever,
but I do like PDA stuff like I like holding
hands and like whatever. But I would say, like words
of affirmation, acts of service, and quality time, like those.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Are my hosts.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Mine is mine change. Mine used to be primarily gift
giving and now mine is physical.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Touch obviously trust me.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Yeah, acts service is good too, but that's that's the
one I had. It's good gift giving for that, and
then ask the service is the bottom.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
One for me.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
The act services how I should be, Like, I feel
like that's how I show my feelings. It's like if
I'm willing to go do things for you to like
make your day easier. And I know that I'm like
king cheinly busy person. So if I'm taking that time
to help you, that's how I know I value you.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Yeah, it's like you want to do stuff for the
other person.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
I totally get that. Yeah, it is twenty twenty three.
Why is there not a machine? A device? I put
on my face and my pimples disappeared.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Oh are you having skin problems at the moment?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
You don't look like it to have one pimple.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
The thing is, I never have breakouts unless I'm doing
something important with my life. Then suddenly I'm hopeless liked.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
No, well, your skin looks great. This weekend, I have
something really important. I'm going to meet like all of
Zach's family because I met his parents twice before and
now or it's like his cousin's wedding or something who
has only met like twice in his life. They're not
even close, and we're going this weekend. It's in Maine.
I'm really excited. We're gonna spend like a whole day
in Portland. It's gonna be great. Portland's gorgeous, so I heard,
(22:57):
because I've never been.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
I'm really really excited.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
So if anybody, if any of you live in Maine
or have taken a trip to Maine or vacasion, to
please dam us, let us know, give us some dinner recks,
lunch res like some sight seeing stuff because I really, really,
I'm so excited, and the flight's so short. It's only
like an hour long from LaGuardia.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
My cousin goes to college in Maine, and I saw
him on Hinge and I was like, you live in May.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Why are you on New York. He's like, there's no
one here. I was like, okay, it been so funny.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
There's no one here.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
It's very like Natury. Please.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yeah. Well, also, on a more somber note, because we
were talking about what we're doing recently, today is a
hard day for Wah, and I'm sure for a lot
of other people who I am friends with back home,
including her family. Today is my I remember talking to
you guys a couple episodes about my really close friend
(23:49):
from back home who passed away. Kind of suddenly it's
her birthday today, it's two days after mine, and I yeah,
it's no, it's no good because we always like text
each other and stuff, and like we always try and
see each other the best we can. So I'm really
happy that I have, like the wedding and everything is
a distraction. It's gonna like constantly be working today, try
not to think about it. But then it's like I
(24:11):
want to be thinking about it because I want to remember,
but I also don't want to cry like the entirety
of the day. But I don't really Yeah, death is
a very new concept for me, and I know we're
talking about like exes and stuff, so it's like, oh,
what do you do in like an X reaches back out?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
I think, as you know, in a.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Broader topic, it's like a broader subject. What do you
do when like sad things come like back into your mind,
like when X is pop back in your mind, or
when things that make you really depressed and sad. One
thing that I've been really loving to do recently. And
this is crazy, this might just be a me thing,
but I have a lot of trouble processing my emotions,
which Sydney cannot relate to. So when I feel like
I find that I'm not being like I'm not fully
(24:47):
embracing my emotions, especially the more like sad Ones, I
found that music is just extremely therapeutic because I'm not
a meditation girly.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I don't I can't meditate. I can't do it. I
love how other people do it.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
I'm sure it has benefits. I'm sure it works. It
just doesn't work for me. But I feel like listening
to music and just laying down and shutting my eyes
is a form of meditation because it's making you like
think and reflect. So when I'm sad and I feel
like I'm not truly embracing those sad emotions, I put
on like sad songs and then I start crying, and
then at the end, I feel so much better. And
I think music in particular helps because you're going through
(25:21):
like a unified shared experience with the artists. It's like
they're feeling the same emotions as well. So it's like
it makes you feel a sense of togetherness, it makes
you feel like you're not alone, and in the form
of music, which is scientifically proven to be extremely beneficial
mental health wise. So if you were looking for ways
to kind of process your emotions, if you have trouble
with like understanding your own feelings, and especially if you
(25:45):
have trouble with like distracting yourself instead of actually dealing
with what you're feeling in the moment. I would suggest
music because you're like doing, it's something to do. You're
not just sitting there in silence. But it's like you're
not just sitting there crying or like whatever. But it
does really help or at least us for me.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Sarah always be signing these scientific reports. Oh my girl, Yeah,
it's scientifically get this, but no, I feel you, Like
you guys know I've talked with this before. They're like,
I'm very much a believer in that holding emotions in
or like try and stop yourself only delays your healing.
So like I call it dark room time when I'm upset.
(26:22):
You're not gonna see me for a day and a half.
I'm gonna sit in my room. I'm gonna like let
myself feel it, be upset, cry. I have the best
sad music playlist of all time, Like it should actually
be in a museum, like I have. My sad playlists
are so specific that the names describe the kind of sadness.
Like my favorite one is Sunday in November because like
it's getting cold, like it's Cuffing season, but like not
(26:43):
really like that play.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
This is elak.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
But I let myself feel it. I don't I get
off my phone, I don't text anyone, I don't call anyone.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
I watch movies, listen to music.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
I let myself be sad, and but I heel so
much quicker and easier and like fully that I feel
like it's in official because like, even like the last
Situation show, I just broke up with or he broke
up with me whatever, I got over it in like
a day and a half. So let myself be upset
about it and be sad and like grieve what I
thought could have been a relationship and then got over it.
And I'm like, it's seeing us much better than like
pushing emotions down and ignoring them. It's making so much
(27:16):
more efficient.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
So music has been really helping me do that recently,
you know, this kind of like turning everything off or
even like working honestly and listening to music. It's good stuff. Okay,
So I kind of want to pivot to this really
interesting topic that Sinny and I kind of started talking
about before the episode, but not really because we really
(27:39):
wanted to dive into it. Wholeheartedly right now, so on
social media platforms like Twitter and TikTok and everybody. This
is literally every age, every demographic, every kind of person
ever has turned on Rachel Zeggeler overnight regarding her Snow
White Princess movie, the new live action version where she
is starring at Snow White, and in summer of twenty
(28:02):
twenty one, Disney announced that Rachel Zegler would be playing
that lead role. But recently, in the past couple days,
Rachel has been getting so much hate for a couple reasons.
One because a minority of conservative leaning or just like
I would say, very radical people are upset that a
Latina actress is playing Snow White. And also so that's
(28:22):
like one whole layer of controversy that is a minority,
though the majority of people are upset because Rachel Zegler
has gone on camera on interviews saying that this Snow
White would be playing an independent woman who does not
need rescuing, and she has quoted that the nineteen thirty
seven original movie Snow White is outdated and it is
(28:44):
completely anti feminist, et cetera, et cetera. She is also
getting a lot of hate because she did an interview
where she said that she wants to be paid for
like every hour, every stream of you know, sitting in
that snow white dress, because for thirteen hours a day,
which obviously she should. I feel like that's baseline. But
you got a lot of hate for that because she
referenced the actor's strike and everyone was like, you are
(29:04):
in this big budget Disney film, like the actors strike
does not apply to you, because it's like you're getting
paid so much, et cetera, et cetera. I personally has
a lot to say. She just took the biggest sigh
of all time, But I do want to talk about it.
I thought, especially from a lawyer perspective, it would be
really interesting coming from you.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
People love to have an opinion on things they know
nothing about. I'm literally an entertainment lawyer. I'm working actively
in like helping people that are like on pick in
lines for the strike. People have no idea one what
a strike is to what they're fighting for, and three
a strike doesn't selectively apply to certain people. It applies
to everyone who is in the actor union union meeting
every single horse news in the union who is an actor.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
That's what the word union means everybody, ex everyone.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah, and people that are like mad that she's asking
them to.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Get paid for her work, Like I feel like it's
a baseline.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
Right.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Let me give you an analogy. Give it.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
You work for a sandwich shop, and a sandwich shop
says we're paying you x amount dollars whatever to make sandwiches.
Let's say you have a catering job where you need
to make five hundred sandwiches. Obviously, on a normal day
you make one sandwich per five minutes and you get
paid eight dollars an hour. But for a time you
need to make five hundred sandwiches and they're getting eaten
(30:10):
over the next like twelve hours by a group of people,
you're still only getting paid eight dollars an hour. That
makes no sense, correct, because you're doing chriple the work.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Whatever and a shorter amount of time as well.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
So for the strike for example, this girl or this
woman Rachel Zebler number one even not even I'm not
even giving it like credit or air peeling Matthew's latina. Yeah,
it is a fakeas maybe about a woman.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
With dwarves, like why are you upset?
Speaker 3 (30:35):
As people that are mad about little more made being
black sweetie, she's a mer maid.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
You are thirty years old, go to.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
A fictional place, actually touch grass, sniffet, roll around in it,
and go on with your life. And there's so many
more important things can use your voice. It actually drives
me crazy. It's a fictional book anyway.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
It's a fairy tale. It's a Disney story. Like, I
don't understand what the problem is.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
It takes a story, that book, that thing was written
in seventeen hundred. Yeah, Like why people care? It's public domain?
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Why do you care?
Speaker 3 (31:04):
It's an imagination of a book that's in public domain.
You can do whatever you want with it. It doesn't
matter anyway. It's like, that's like being mad that Pinocchio
is made out of redwood and not oak.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Why do you care? It's almost like we live in
a racist society.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
So the actor strike the way things work right now?
For example, have you ever seen Gilmore Girls?
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (31:24):
I have. There's a character in Gilmore Girls. Actually forgot
his name, but he's in like three hundred episodes out
of like three hundred and twenty five, and he said
that he makes sixteen cents a day from his the
streams from him being on Gilmore Girls. Gilmore Girls one
of the most streamed TV shows on Netflix and it's
(31:44):
streaming history and he makes sixteen cents today. So how
did you feel if you spend X amount of years
working on a project that you got paid for and
then now it's on a streaming service where people are
watching it every day, it's one of the most popular
shows and you're getting paid nothing for your work. That
is part of the strike.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Number one.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
Richel Zegler's not an established actress. She's been in one
movie and this is your second movie. It doesn't matter
if Disney make it, Christopher Nolan, lucasfilm Star Wars, whatever,
that's just who the director is in the company behind it.
Most of that money is going into marketing, production, directing.
All of it does not go to the actors. And yes,
they get paid like a wage to be in the movie.
That has no bearing whatsoever on their residuals. That's determined
(32:28):
by your contract. That's determined by the union contract with
the studios. People that are mad about that, why are
you mad at someone getting conversated Philly for their work.
She's probably not even an A list actor, not be
not c she's a dealist actress, Like she's been in
one movie. She's not established. She does not make millions
of dollars, Like if the movie does, the actors do not.
That's not how contracts work. So people that don't understand
(32:50):
one what a contract is to how it works. That's
like Avatar makes five billion dollars, That does not mean
that every single actor in that movie makes five billion dollars.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
That's not how contract works.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
So I hate people think that like because someone's in
a big budget movie, they get paid X amount of dollars.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
That's not how it works.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
So, like the union, contracts affect every single person who's
a member of SAG or who are a member of
the Writer's Union. So people being like, oh, she's rich,
why does she care? One is her livelihood.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
Also, if you look up her network, she's like not rich,
she's in she's been in one movie. Well, she's also
just like not rich in generally, she's not an EPO baby,
she's not an established.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Action found her on Twitter.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
Yeah, she's the lace made a second video on Twitter
and that was her first role on West Side Story.
She's not a millionaire, a billionaire whatever, she's gotten paid
for one job.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Those are just the facts. Also, that is that's not
an opinion either, Like it's true her network is not
as big as say, like Julia Robbers for example.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Even like Sidney Sweeney said that she barely makes enough
to support herself and she's one of the biggest shows
in history. So people don't understand how money works, how
getting paid works, how a contract works. And it's so
frustrating to people like degrade actors online or writers for
holding out on the strike and delaying movies. I'm so
sorry you can't sit on your couch and with your
popcorn and watch a movie when you want to watch it.
Like these people's livelihoods, Like a lot of these acts writers,
(34:00):
especially who like make their livelihood off of making these
like long term shows, who are getting like messed over
from these contracts, Like that's their life, that's their family,
that's their rent, that's their electricity bill, like and every day,
like no matter who the actor is, whether it's Adam Sandler,
whether it's Jeremy whatever's name is, who are like on
these picket lines not just doing it for themselves, They're
(34:21):
doing it because their actions, they're putting their face to
a cause. It's gonna help everyone else. And that's extras,
that's background actors, that's small time actors, that's every single person.
And it's gonna affect Reality TV too. So everyone that's like,
oh well, we'll still have Real Housewives. No, people of
people in Real Housewives are now picketting as well or
starting to, especially Love is Blind. They're like creating this
(34:43):
huge lawsuit because they're mispaid whatever, mistreated. So I think
people realize that, like, yes, you want to be entertained.
If you want to see white snow white so badly,
go put on a play, Go make your own low
budget film, please, But like, why do you care like
people's livelihood? Just shut your mouth and support them, please.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
This just shows this entire discourse, the fact that every
single woman, especially women on TikTok, turned on Rachel Zegler
in the span of twenty four hours. This just goes
to show that women, no matter what your belief system is,
women can never win, especially women of color. It makes
zero sense. We saw this also with Halle and The
Little Mermaid. It's like people were finding all of these
like nitpicking problems about the movie, so they didn't have
(35:22):
to come right out and say I'm mad that arial
is black, you know what I mean. So it's like
this whole discourse begun because she's an a Latina actress.
Like that's how literally any negative feeling towards no White
began there. And then it kind of like simmered and
simmered and simmered. No one had anything to say. Rachel
Zegler literally just announces that she's a feminist on a
red carpet interview and TikTok turns on her, which TikTok
(35:43):
is supposed to be a very progressive, like feminist supporting
app and is it not like very liberal leaning? It's true,
So it's like, why are now you having a pro
And it's like these women are like you're making fun
of like traditionalists women who do want to fall in
love and get married. Never once did she say that
that's not a lifestyle you're not allowed to have. She
just said that that's not her snow white. She's the actress.
She can portray the character however she wants. This entire
(36:05):
discourse proves one thing, and it's that women can never win,
no matter how hard they try, no matter if they're
ultra feminists, no matter if they're ultratraditionalist and they just
want to like go get married and have kids and
just like live a very feminine, like stereotypical feminine traditional life.
It's women cannot win. Women say one thing, and even
their fellow women feel the need to attack. It really
(36:26):
makes no sense.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
One and people like that are getting mad at Rachel
Zegler in Halle. Again, this takes about zero point one
percent of brain power. They are not the director. Yeah,
they are not the casting director. They did not put
themselves in this movie. If you want to hate on someone, hay,
I'm the casting director because that's their job.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
But also but they're not the ones getting hate. That's
the thing everyone's I should.
Speaker 3 (36:52):
Hate on no one because it's a made up fairy tale. Yeah,
but two people are like, oh wow, it's ruining her
leg she was chosen to be in the movie for
a reason. You're not the director. Literally shut up, not
to be condescending, but to be very condescending. But also
like people are like, she's ruining snow whites legacy.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Snow White does not have She's on a real werson.
She's a story.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
And also the Disney story that we know isn't even
the real story. So I'm like, if you want to
be disturbed or mad about changing legacies, the original one
that you know is the original story. It's a German
folk tale by the Grim's Brothers or whatever. And honestly,
it's a story about a girl eating a poison apple,
living with eight men, and then getting kissed against her will.
So why do you care so much about sticking to
that story? And the fact that like she has five
(37:38):
shades darker skin and you're mad about it is so
crazy to me.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
People need to like actually touch grass.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
You're so right, Like you made such an amazing point
that I was trying to express earlier. There's a reason
why Disney is not getting hate. There's a reason why,
like the casting director is not getting hate, why the
writers are not getting hate, why the director's not getting hate.
It's all directed at Rachel because why she's.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
A well and she's one of color. It's also not
nineteen thirty seven.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Yeah, And also, oh, this is the other point that
I wanted to piggyback off of yours with, is that
the original Snow White, the nineteen thirty seven Disney cute
little movie with the girl who's dombin eats an apple.
That's not going away. So if you want your original
snow White there, it is like watch it. They're not
taking it off of Disney. Plus, they're not like negating
its history by making a new live action.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Oh so, when is the last time that someone's watched
the original snow.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
White nineteen thirty seven? Like, actually, no, no, I I
mean I and snow White has never been my favorite princess.
She's never been like an icon to me. And I'm
a Disney freak.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
That's why. That's the thing. And our jests was not
giving either. I'm like, you hate this.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Girl, And people are like, we already have you know,
independent thought leader princesses like Mwana and Mulan. It's like, okay,
we also have traditionalist princesses like every single other one ever,
like Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, snow White. Those movies are not
going anywhere. They will remain in the Disney vault forever.
They will never be taken down from any streaming platform.
So it's like, why are you having such a he
(39:00):
fit about how they decided to make their live action movie.
It makes no sense.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
Also, when they made snow White and The Huntsman with
Christian Stewart who was yelling about them changing the story.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Then no, she was white, same with.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Me, or Mayor Lily Collins played snow white.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
And no one got mad about that anything about that, Nope.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
So and Lily Collins was also an independent like like
it was very autonomous that she saved herself, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
And so a Snowhite and the Huntsman and so I'm like,
what was the issue then? Nothing exactly.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
And it's so funny too, because every single TikTok I've
ever seen ever, specifically in the past twenty four hours,
hating on Rachel Zegler. And I'm not even I'm not
Rachel Zegler's biggest fan, like I personally, I just she's
not my favorite actress of all time. In her defense, like,
I just think that this discourse in particular is so
unreasonable because it's like one thing that everybody on TikTok says.
(39:46):
They begin like this is just so contradictory. Every video
that people on TikTok make they start it with like
I don't care that she's Latina, But then they don't
they don't talk about the fact that she's Latina, but
they're like, I just hate how she's making Snowhite independent,
you know, but like they always begin it with I'm
not a racist. I just think that's so contradictory, Like
if you didn't care, why would you bring that up?
Speaker 2 (40:05):
You know what I mean. She's also only made online movie,
and that's more than all of them can say. What
movie have you been in?
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Give me your resume?
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Literally ship it here. Taylor Swift releases a new album
actually twice a week. Girl. Why you Russian? Yes, okay,
you know, whole catalog thing. But I don't know, I'm
not too swift.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
But if you have any strong feelings on the whole
Rachel Zeggler controversy, you feel free to DM us with
your thoughts because if they're racist, do not oh yeah,
no no, no, no, no no, please don't please don't
send us nonsensical things like just don't be dumb. If
you have an educated opinion, please send it our way,
because we do want to hear. I am just really
surprised about this discourse and I've been like every single
video that I scroll through, it's like the Rachel Zegler controversy,
(40:45):
and like I understand where these women are coming from
in the sense where it's like, oh my god, in
the sense where they interpret her interviews is like hating
on traditional women. However, that's just not how I see it.
Does that make sense? It's like, if you see it
like that, I understand that you see it like that.
It's just I've seen all of these interviews that women
are hating on and I've just never really gotten The
(41:06):
only thing that I perceived from these interviews is that
Rachel Zegler does not want her snow white to be
like and she's in full support of like this character
and how they wrote this character. She does not want
her snow white to be dated, and she doesn't want
it to be traditional snow white snory like she that
she just supports the storyline, and like that's all I perceived,
you know, Like just because someone's a feminist doesn't mean
they're hating on you for not being one.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
And they're like, they're here with traditional women. Are you
act like you're in nineteen thirty seven?
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Yeah? Are you cooking an apron all day?
Speaker 3 (41:33):
And way for husbands come home to smell pies and
mashed potatoes and meat loaf, Like Are you racist because
it'sne thirty seven?
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Are you racist?
Speaker 3 (41:40):
Still? Like you're not eating poison apples, talking to evil
queens and seeing men in your sleep.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
That's not traditional. She's not even a real woman. It's like,
what do you? Oh? I can't.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
Also, I would bet my left foot that somewhere in
the movie snow White, in the live action movie, snow
White will end up falling in love and getting married,
et cetera, et cetera, like she does in the original
Disney movie. But all Rachel said is that snow White
does not need saving by a man. Snow White saves herself,
et cetera. But I will bet you a million dollars.
Romance is still involved in the movie. So it's like
she is still not perpetrating or not perpetuating, but like
(42:15):
she is still displaying this like romantic icon.
Speaker 3 (42:18):
She just is.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
All she's saying is that women do not need to
be saved by men. And if you have a problem
with that, I have a problem with you. Does that
make sense? And I feel like that's the underlying tone
or tenor of all of these tiktoks I'm seeing, And
that is that's the thing I have a problem.
Speaker 3 (42:30):
With There are so many things happening in the world
to actually affect people using your time, voice, and energy.
Talk about a fictional movie because her skin is starker
than you wanted to be. There's like human rights violations
happening in the world, and that's what you're concerned about.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Yeah, all right to you, guys, that's our time. I
really appreciated hearing your side also on the law, like
from the law perspective, especially with the strike and everything,
because you're so right. A lot of people, myself included,
don't understand exactly what that means, and so they have uneducated,
uninformed opinion, and so it's really it was cool hearing
what the fuck is actually up. Thank you guys so
(43:05):
much for listening. Make sure to follow us on Instagram
at Crying a Public Podcast, and to listen to us
anywhere you get your podcasts Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeart thank you,
we love you. Goodbye.
Host
Sydni Wynter
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