July 1, 2025 • 17 mins
What if the journey of parenting wasn’t just about raising children—but also about raising yourself?
In this insightful episode of Culture Raises Us, host Astor Chambers sits down with cultural alchemist and joy strategist Grace Harry for a deeply personal conversation on the evolving nature of parenthood. Together, they explore how raising children invites us to revisit our own childhoods, interrogate generational patterns, and grow into more conscious versions of ourselves.
Grace shares candid reflections on learning from her children, redefining respect and boundaries, and embracing self-compassion along the way. This episode is a powerful reminder that parenting is not a static role—it’s a mirror, a teacher, and a call to evolve.
Whether you're a parent, thinking about becoming one, or simply on a journey of self-discovery, this conversation will leave you feeling seen, challenged, and inspired to lean into growth with grace.
Tune in and be reminded: the path to raising whole humans starts with becoming one.
#CultureRaisesUs #GraceHarry #ParentingWisdom #SelfDiscovery #GenerationalHealing #AstorChambers #JoyIsTheJourney
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
So grace. You know, we both are blessed to be
parents of amazing individuals. And I always say the job
of a parent is the most important job ever because
we have the responsibility of literally shaping and molding human beings,
as crazy as that sounds. Now you couple that with
the fact that while being parents, we're kind of re
(00:24):
raising ourselves, and that can provide quite the experience I'll
call it, while raising your own children, which is a
job that never really ends. Talk about how the re
raising process for you has affected your ability to kind
of raise, guide, and help mold your children.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Yes, well, first of all, thank you again. I love
that this is becoming a regular conversation and this is
one of my most important I feel, And a big
chapter in the book The Joy Strategist was being with
a young child and being out in the world and
seeing how other people were dealing with the children, and
(01:07):
I had an epiphany around that. You know, you're in
a place everyone who is a parent the very first
time is an amateur period. You've never done it before,
you don't know what you're doing, and only thing you
have to rely on is either the reference of your
own childhood or the reference of what the parents around you,
(01:27):
the adults around you, are deeming parenthood. But what's interesting
I'm noticing recently especially, is that so many of us
have never never lived through this level of complications in life.
You know, post nine to eleven pandemic, me too. Times out,
things changing, and so all of a sudden, people are
opening to the world being a greater experience. And yet
(01:50):
they're seeing in that they've only created this very particular
parent style that's rigid, that's controlling, and that makes them
feel like they're on top of it. That leaves no
room for our own growth. And I feel like we
miss a lot of the magic when we don't realize
that raising and creating a new child business experience place
you move is actually changing you one hundred percent. You're
(02:12):
no longer the aster before that experience. So if we
go from the old model of raising children, we can
even go back to the sparing the rod, spoiling the child.
Children should be seen and not heard to where we
are now, where kids are really expressing themselves. But if
we had used that time with a baby to take
the time, like, for ex another example, when I had
(02:34):
a new baby, I wanted to be this like make
sure my house is still clean, and the mother and
someone gave me the advice sleep when your baby sleeps,
and that was the best advice anyone given me, because
sleep deprivation is insane. But it's sort of this concept
of the same way that the seasons really represent how
we're supposed to live our lives being a parent, maybe
we're being invited as we're boot camping this future adult
(02:57):
to go back and relearn some of these parts of
curriculum about how we are as adults, about how we
connect to children, and being an adult parent with kids
who see me. I mean, my daughter thinks I walk
on water. My son has a lot of complaints a lot,
And at first I was very defensive. I felt very
old school black lady about it, like do you even
(03:18):
know what I went through? And I even had a
conversation with him once and he said, in the kindest
way possible to say something this rude, Yeah, I love you,
but I no longer want to keep hearing about how
you walked twenty five miles to school with no shoes,
And I was like, holy shit, I've actually turned into
my parents, even though I was never going to say that,
just because I said, so I was never going to
(03:39):
say because I'm your mother. I still was doing that
in the rigidity of not growing too And when I
left my last marriage, I was like, I'm gonna have
to start from scratch because I don't even know myself.
I'm living this weird life where I'm consuming and I'm
in I'm in relationships and dynamics that I don't even
I can't find myself. And I realize is that because
(04:00):
I used my children to kind of hide from the
music industry in a lot of ways, I was able
to go back and be like, Okay, what I know
I did well because I didn't have a lot of
background was parent whether they feel like I did a
good job or not. I really approached each phase as
like an opportunity. So when I went into my own
reworking of self, I was like, I'm going to do
that same process. I'm going to soothe myself as a baby.
(04:23):
I'm going to learn how to play again like when
I was a child. I'm going to find the things
that I enjoy. And I realized in that moment aster
I missed it because that's what it was calling us
to do. In each of those stages, not be too
busy not being not well, but to go back and
look at our sense of gentleness with ourselves, to go
back and hear someone who we're trying to boot camp
(04:43):
to be great, and yet we are not listening to
the wise words that they may be bringing. Or you
think about cultures where they know a dalai lama is
an opportunity that means everyone in that community. I mean,
I'm being very general. Note was that making a future
person could be the greatest honor. So they're going to
go in and they're going to make sure that they
have the optimal environment to bring a new human in.
(05:04):
But in our community, if you're at all creative, you
may be gay or weird, and you were a threat.
I'm being again very general and old school. So we
kind of did this boot camp that we were passed
down to make sure that they were going to be
safe in the world. We really just trauma bonded with them.
But if we had been able to get comfortable enough,
like I've just recently got where I can realize that
(05:26):
I too am an amateur here and I'm also just
a human that I'm looking to my children to teach me,
to guide me and to see some of their practices
to calm their bodies down. So it really started me
thinking about raising potential, like raising future adults. Yeah, and
parenting yourself at the same time is probably the design.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Yeah, but it again said so many great things that
There's another thing that you said that pushed through is
as a leader, and I look at parents as being
somewhat taken on a leadership role. You have to also
know that you can learn from the student, right, And
so as I listened to your whole story just now
and that journey you took us on, there had to
(06:07):
be some sort of values that you had to strengthen
or adopt, you know, as a parent that you probably
didn't grow up with. Are there any that kind of
punched you to say? Yeah, asked these things were not
things that I saw as a child with my parents,
but I had to incorporate into my toolbox to become
an evolved, better version of a parent.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Yes, everything, because regardless of the story of my parents
or what they had or didn't have, my preverbal self
started creating stories. And so one of the stories I
created was I was never going to be a parent
like them. For whatever the goofy reasons of the time,
and so I set out to give my children everything
I never had before. And yet whenever we over index
(06:53):
with anything, we lose so much magic. Because what I
got from being a latchkey kid with two young parents
and having to work in their office because where was
I going to go after school? I learned a lot
of the most important skills that made me a great executive,
incredible founder, and a parent who was, like you said,
open to hearing the student as well and understanding that's
a cyclical relationship. And you know, my dad, I gave
(07:16):
birth to a very strong daughter first as my first child,
and I remember debating with her when she was four
once about this store down the stairs from her house,
and she was telling me the name was different than
I believed, and I could feel myself getting like all
in my feelings about it, and then i'd stopped for
a minute. I was like, Okay, what I want to
feel next to this person when they're thirty. I want
(07:37):
them to be confident. I want them to believe in
what they are, their conviction of self, because we both
know that manifesting is believing that you can and you
know that's harder for some communities, based on what they
were taught, they could have permission to do or not.
So at that moment, I'll never forget that moment because
I stopped and I said, you know what, what's most
important in my brain? So I stopped. Instead of fighting
(07:59):
with her a four year old hello about the name,
I said, well, why do you think that's the name?
And led her on a journey to sort it for herself.
That's right, And in that moment, I realized I don't
do enough of that for my own self.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
So it's not a competition anymore. It's not a who's right?
And you know, I look at that and I think about,
you know, disciplining, right, and so what does healthy discipline
look like today? And how does that kind of differ
from what many would have experienced or many of us
would have experienced kind of growing up. And not that
(08:31):
your example was one of discipline, but that very much
was in a moment of parenting where you're going to
be like, no, it is called rock the boat because
I know that, and I'm telling you because I'm a parent.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
It's interesting. My son, we've been doing a lot of
work together last few years because he's very angry with me,
and he definitely feels I gave him a very shaken
off kind of parenting style, and he feels like that
created a lot of trauma and that created a lot
of problems for him. And I really understand that now
because I wasn't raised with that kind of consideration, with
(09:04):
two busy parents and a world who didn't really understand that.
Now there's this celepaty tapes thing, which I can stop
talking about. Michael Jackson used to talk a lot in
the eighties about the Indigo kids, and there's a book
about it. In the future, they're going to have different
abilities and lack other abilities. And when I worked at
the museum recently, these twenty year olds, they have a
lot of non personal people skills, but then they have
(09:27):
a lot more advocacy for themselves and a lot more
connection to a bigger concept. So I immediately was going
to give them, as I said, what I didn't have.
And I see that the kids now, they don't have
any value for any of those things anymore. And what
I'm noticing is that our generation, we're angry, we're scared
(09:47):
that we don't understand technology or way the world is working.
But here's another opportunity to stop just shoving technology in
their face, but hear them, well, what are you feeling like?
What is coming? And not I've did in the past,
dismissing it, not hearing it. They are facing things that
we never faced. They lost some socialization and relationship work
(10:10):
that we ran through in our high school years, and
we're not seeing that. In truth, we're not also saying, hey,
I honor the new skills you have, so teach me.
And that doesn't mean anything about my ego, doesn't make
mean less than parent. So I feel like the tools
now are really to find the place to be in
relationship with your children at every age. Now. Of course,
(10:33):
boundaries there's some basic guidance, but I find that we
are not doing enough of like oh, five year old,
why do you feel like that? Or trying to feel
doing it ourselves. And the magic in that is opening
up learning new things, seeing ourselves differently, erasing some because
every one of us is have some kind of insecurity
and panic inside ourselves. So we can look at this
(10:56):
new human that's forming with this deep belief of self
to take a little of that. That's a win.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Yeah, And when you mentioned boundaries, and you know, I
look at boundaries, and I look at how this notion
of what respect looks like, or looked like when we
were coming up, and what it looks like now. Because
I can tell you right now my daughters call me
bro way more than they call me Dad. And there
are times when I gotta be like, hold love, I'm
not sure, Bro. But then to your point, to your point,
(11:25):
the old school mentality would have been like, who do
you think you're calling Bro? I am your father, I
am your dad. You are not to speak to me
in such a fashion. And that would have been so regressive,
It had been so like elitist, Like I already know
the level of affection that they're hitting me with by
calling me bro. So the idea of respect, I think,
(11:48):
definitely differs between generations. How can you teach respect without
demanding obedience?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
That is the most fantastic question, because what we really
have to step away from is that we're teaching anybody anything.
We're not because every generation, For example, if I went
to my great grandmother asked her some love advice. You know,
she's not here yet, bride rest or Soul, But if
she were and I asked her, she would give me
things that maybe don't even make sense in our current
world about how we connect and how we're you know,
(12:20):
how we relate to each other. So if we don't, actually,
I'm sorry, what was the exact question about to.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Go on a dugent No, No, it's all good. And
I was talking about the difference, yes, respect, the notion
of respect, and it differs between generations. How can we
teach respect without demanding obedience? That's right.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
It's to understand that the only pupil is ourselves, that
the only person we're teaching is ourselves, and that every
time we change in our life, we have to relearn
how to be this new aster, how to be asked
he who has a podcast, how to be asked her
who with adult children, how to be asked her who's
hanging out with friends who have evolved and done work
at different level. All of these things require an integration
(13:02):
of what we've learned and what we haven't learned. And
so if we put that energy in ourselves and we
raise ourselves as we've raised these children by inspiring them
with our constant evolution, with the showing them the courage,
that we can keep evolving and we can keep meeting
new situations that therefore they can too, and instead of
giving them these rules around how they have to treat
(13:23):
us to make us feel a way, and how they
have to look, so people don't think we're raising all
the stuff that we were raised with. People got big,
I don't feed you. It doesn't even matter. Like we're
teaching them in that moment that everyone else is more
important than them. But if we show them that we're
the most important, that we put our own mask on
the plane first, that means that we're sovereign, and we're strong,
(13:45):
and we're always evolving and we're grateful. I talk to
my kids all the time, honestly about where I am now.
I used to be like the most covert, never wanted
to speak in front of people or car services, and
managing what everyone said about me and superprid because I
was really not my truth. I was managing this character
who was perfect and had together and all I was
teaching my kids to find some level of suck it
(14:07):
up inside their being, which only leads to depression, loneliness,
all these things. And yet the more that I'm playing
and I'm in my own joy and I'm finding that
expression and it's uncomfortable because I'm also running this old
programming like who do you think you are? What are
you doing? How can you be in the world? But
every single time I pushed through one of those and
learn something more about myself and excavate some old parental ideas,
(14:31):
some rearing ideas or ego concepts of what it means
to be a parent. I grow, and my children every
single time come to me with some like you know, wow,
I really recognized this thing and not quite this detailed,
but I'm doing that, or I see you making those
changes and it gives you so I feel like the
respect thing. We need to learn how to respect ourselves,
(14:54):
and most of us don't at all.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
No, And that also comes down to something about having
self compassion, right like, and the role of self compassion
I think plays a significant role in this reparenting ourselves
while raising children. Right If we don't have self compassion
for ourselves, it's going to be very difficult to evolve
in this new way of parenting our children and their evolution.
(15:20):
Right they are changing, They're growing, They're becoming more opinionated
and more you know, thoughtful, and also building their own
point of views from their learnings.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
That part.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Because parenting grace who took like this is such.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
A this is real, yo. I literally when my kids
turned eighteen each time I thought I'd see them once
a year. Literally a few weeks ago before Mother's Day,
I got to call my daughter, like, I don't know
why you think you can just move across the country
and we would all have to see.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Each other and your daughter, that's what she said, my daughter.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
My grown daughter, and then my son. I said to
my son and he said, well, yeah, you know, we
would see you more. Meanwhile, I've been asking them like
do you want to do this? Can you come here?
But it's like they are putting out a concept of
what they're needing, and we have a concept of what
we think it is. And yet back again to like
hearing them at every age. It's exhausting. I really thought
(16:16):
I would be done a lot of things by now
with parenting, But it evolves forever. And what a gift
that evolved. What a gift that they're complaining that I'm
not around.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
What oh, And what a gift to know that this
is a journey and the parenting what it looks like,
is a continued evolution. Chapter after chapter, and it seems
so similar to that of our life. And again you
have got me thinking, and I hope everybody who's listening
(16:45):
in a different way about being okay with the evolution
of what parenting looks and feels like for your children
and the betterment of both parties.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Thank you, thank you, Boom Sean. I was that, That
was mi
So grace. You know, we both are blessed to be
parents of amazing individuals. And I always say the job
of a parent is the most important job ever because
we have the responsibility of literally shaping and molding human beings,
as crazy as that sounds. Now you couple that with
the fact that while being parents, we're kind of re
(00:24):
raising ourselves, and that can provide quite the experience I'll
call it, while raising your own children, which is a
job that never really ends. Talk about how the re
raising process for you has affected your ability to kind
of raise, guide, and help mold your children.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Yes, well, first of all, thank you again. I love
that this is becoming a regular conversation and this is
one of my most important I feel, And a big
chapter in the book The Joy Strategist was being with
a young child and being out in the world and
seeing how other people were dealing with the children, and
(01:07):
I had an epiphany around that. You know, you're in
a place everyone who is a parent the very first
time is an amateur period. You've never done it before,
you don't know what you're doing, and only thing you
have to rely on is either the reference of your
own childhood or the reference of what the parents around you,
(01:27):
the adults around you, are deeming parenthood. But what's interesting
I'm noticing recently especially, is that so many of us
have never never lived through this level of complications in life.
You know, post nine to eleven pandemic, me too. Times out,
things changing, and so all of a sudden, people are
opening to the world being a greater experience. And yet
(01:50):
they're seeing in that they've only created this very particular
parent style that's rigid, that's controlling, and that makes them
feel like they're on top of it. That leaves no
room for our own growth. And I feel like we
miss a lot of the magic when we don't realize
that raising and creating a new child business experience place
you move is actually changing you one hundred percent. You're
(02:12):
no longer the aster before that experience. So if we
go from the old model of raising children, we can
even go back to the sparing the rod, spoiling the child.
Children should be seen and not heard to where we
are now, where kids are really expressing themselves. But if
we had used that time with a baby to take
the time, like, for ex another example, when I had
(02:34):
a new baby, I wanted to be this like make
sure my house is still clean, and the mother and
someone gave me the advice sleep when your baby sleeps,
and that was the best advice anyone given me, because
sleep deprivation is insane. But it's sort of this concept
of the same way that the seasons really represent how
we're supposed to live our lives being a parent, maybe
we're being invited as we're boot camping this future adult
(02:57):
to go back and relearn some of these parts of
curriculum about how we are as adults, about how we
connect to children, and being an adult parent with kids
who see me. I mean, my daughter thinks I walk
on water. My son has a lot of complaints a lot,
And at first I was very defensive. I felt very
old school black lady about it, like do you even
(03:18):
know what I went through? And I even had a
conversation with him once and he said, in the kindest
way possible to say something this rude, Yeah, I love you,
but I no longer want to keep hearing about how
you walked twenty five miles to school with no shoes,
And I was like, holy shit, I've actually turned into
my parents, even though I was never going to say that,
just because I said, so I was never going to
(03:39):
say because I'm your mother. I still was doing that
in the rigidity of not growing too And when I
left my last marriage, I was like, I'm gonna have
to start from scratch because I don't even know myself.
I'm living this weird life where I'm consuming and I'm
in I'm in relationships and dynamics that I don't even
I can't find myself. And I realize is that because
(04:00):
I used my children to kind of hide from the
music industry in a lot of ways, I was able
to go back and be like, Okay, what I know
I did well because I didn't have a lot of
background was parent whether they feel like I did a
good job or not. I really approached each phase as
like an opportunity. So when I went into my own
reworking of self, I was like, I'm going to do
that same process. I'm going to soothe myself as a baby.
(04:23):
I'm going to learn how to play again like when
I was a child. I'm going to find the things
that I enjoy. And I realized in that moment aster
I missed it because that's what it was calling us
to do. In each of those stages, not be too
busy not being not well, but to go back and
look at our sense of gentleness with ourselves, to go
back and hear someone who we're trying to boot camp
(04:43):
to be great, and yet we are not listening to
the wise words that they may be bringing. Or you
think about cultures where they know a dalai lama is
an opportunity that means everyone in that community. I mean,
I'm being very general. Note was that making a future
person could be the greatest honor. So they're going to
go in and they're going to make sure that they
have the optimal environment to bring a new human in.
(05:04):
But in our community, if you're at all creative, you
may be gay or weird, and you were a threat.
I'm being again very general and old school. So we
kind of did this boot camp that we were passed
down to make sure that they were going to be
safe in the world. We really just trauma bonded with them.
But if we had been able to get comfortable enough,
like I've just recently got where I can realize that
(05:26):
I too am an amateur here and I'm also just
a human that I'm looking to my children to teach me,
to guide me and to see some of their practices
to calm their bodies down. So it really started me
thinking about raising potential, like raising future adults. Yeah, and
parenting yourself at the same time is probably the design.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Yeah, but it again said so many great things that
There's another thing that you said that pushed through is
as a leader, and I look at parents as being
somewhat taken on a leadership role. You have to also
know that you can learn from the student, right, And
so as I listened to your whole story just now
and that journey you took us on, there had to
(06:07):
be some sort of values that you had to strengthen
or adopt, you know, as a parent that you probably
didn't grow up with. Are there any that kind of
punched you to say? Yeah, asked these things were not
things that I saw as a child with my parents,
but I had to incorporate into my toolbox to become
an evolved, better version of a parent.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Yes, everything, because regardless of the story of my parents
or what they had or didn't have, my preverbal self
started creating stories. And so one of the stories I
created was I was never going to be a parent
like them. For whatever the goofy reasons of the time,
and so I set out to give my children everything
I never had before. And yet whenever we over index
(06:53):
with anything, we lose so much magic. Because what I
got from being a latchkey kid with two young parents
and having to work in their office because where was
I going to go after school? I learned a lot
of the most important skills that made me a great executive,
incredible founder, and a parent who was, like you said,
open to hearing the student as well and understanding that's
a cyclical relationship. And you know, my dad, I gave
(07:16):
birth to a very strong daughter first as my first child,
and I remember debating with her when she was four
once about this store down the stairs from her house,
and she was telling me the name was different than
I believed, and I could feel myself getting like all
in my feelings about it, and then i'd stopped for
a minute. I was like, Okay, what I want to
feel next to this person when they're thirty. I want
(07:37):
them to be confident. I want them to believe in
what they are, their conviction of self, because we both
know that manifesting is believing that you can and you
know that's harder for some communities, based on what they
were taught, they could have permission to do or not.
So at that moment, I'll never forget that moment because
I stopped and I said, you know what, what's most
important in my brain? So I stopped. Instead of fighting
(07:59):
with her a four year old hello about the name,
I said, well, why do you think that's the name?
And led her on a journey to sort it for herself.
That's right, And in that moment, I realized I don't
do enough of that for my own self.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
So it's not a competition anymore. It's not a who's right?
And you know, I look at that and I think about,
you know, disciplining, right, and so what does healthy discipline
look like today? And how does that kind of differ
from what many would have experienced or many of us
would have experienced kind of growing up. And not that
(08:31):
your example was one of discipline, but that very much
was in a moment of parenting where you're going to
be like, no, it is called rock the boat because
I know that, and I'm telling you because I'm a parent.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
It's interesting. My son, we've been doing a lot of
work together last few years because he's very angry with me,
and he definitely feels I gave him a very shaken
off kind of parenting style, and he feels like that
created a lot of trauma and that created a lot
of problems for him. And I really understand that now
because I wasn't raised with that kind of consideration, with
(09:04):
two busy parents and a world who didn't really understand that.
Now there's this celepaty tapes thing, which I can stop
talking about. Michael Jackson used to talk a lot in
the eighties about the Indigo kids, and there's a book
about it. In the future, they're going to have different
abilities and lack other abilities. And when I worked at
the museum recently, these twenty year olds, they have a
lot of non personal people skills, but then they have
(09:27):
a lot more advocacy for themselves and a lot more
connection to a bigger concept. So I immediately was going
to give them, as I said, what I didn't have.
And I see that the kids now, they don't have
any value for any of those things anymore. And what
I'm noticing is that our generation, we're angry, we're scared
(09:47):
that we don't understand technology or way the world is working.
But here's another opportunity to stop just shoving technology in
their face, but hear them, well, what are you feeling like?
What is coming? And not I've did in the past,
dismissing it, not hearing it. They are facing things that
we never faced. They lost some socialization and relationship work
(10:10):
that we ran through in our high school years, and
we're not seeing that. In truth, we're not also saying, hey,
I honor the new skills you have, so teach me.
And that doesn't mean anything about my ego, doesn't make
mean less than parent. So I feel like the tools
now are really to find the place to be in
relationship with your children at every age. Now. Of course,
(10:33):
boundaries there's some basic guidance, but I find that we
are not doing enough of like oh, five year old,
why do you feel like that? Or trying to feel
doing it ourselves. And the magic in that is opening
up learning new things, seeing ourselves differently, erasing some because
every one of us is have some kind of insecurity
and panic inside ourselves. So we can look at this
(10:56):
new human that's forming with this deep belief of self
to take a little of that. That's a win.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Yeah, And when you mentioned boundaries, and you know, I
look at boundaries, and I look at how this notion
of what respect looks like, or looked like when we
were coming up, and what it looks like now. Because
I can tell you right now my daughters call me
bro way more than they call me Dad. And there
are times when I gotta be like, hold love, I'm
not sure, Bro. But then to your point, to your point,
(11:25):
the old school mentality would have been like, who do
you think you're calling Bro? I am your father, I
am your dad. You are not to speak to me
in such a fashion. And that would have been so regressive,
It had been so like elitist, Like I already know
the level of affection that they're hitting me with by
calling me bro. So the idea of respect, I think,
(11:48):
definitely differs between generations. How can you teach respect without
demanding obedience?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
That is the most fantastic question, because what we really
have to step away from is that we're teaching anybody anything.
We're not because every generation, For example, if I went
to my great grandmother asked her some love advice. You know,
she's not here yet, bride rest or Soul, But if
she were and I asked her, she would give me
things that maybe don't even make sense in our current
world about how we connect and how we're you know,
(12:20):
how we relate to each other. So if we don't, actually,
I'm sorry, what was the exact question about to.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Go on a dugent No, No, it's all good. And
I was talking about the difference, yes, respect, the notion
of respect, and it differs between generations. How can we
teach respect without demanding obedience? That's right.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
It's to understand that the only pupil is ourselves, that
the only person we're teaching is ourselves, and that every
time we change in our life, we have to relearn
how to be this new aster, how to be asked
he who has a podcast, how to be asked her
who with adult children, how to be asked her who's
hanging out with friends who have evolved and done work
at different level. All of these things require an integration
(13:02):
of what we've learned and what we haven't learned. And
so if we put that energy in ourselves and we
raise ourselves as we've raised these children by inspiring them
with our constant evolution, with the showing them the courage,
that we can keep evolving and we can keep meeting
new situations that therefore they can too, and instead of
giving them these rules around how they have to treat
(13:23):
us to make us feel a way, and how they
have to look, so people don't think we're raising all
the stuff that we were raised with. People got big,
I don't feed you. It doesn't even matter. Like we're
teaching them in that moment that everyone else is more
important than them. But if we show them that we're
the most important, that we put our own mask on
the plane first, that means that we're sovereign, and we're strong,
(13:45):
and we're always evolving and we're grateful. I talk to
my kids all the time, honestly about where I am now.
I used to be like the most covert, never wanted
to speak in front of people or car services, and
managing what everyone said about me and superprid because I
was really not my truth. I was managing this character
who was perfect and had together and all I was
teaching my kids to find some level of suck it
(14:07):
up inside their being, which only leads to depression, loneliness,
all these things. And yet the more that I'm playing
and I'm in my own joy and I'm finding that
expression and it's uncomfortable because I'm also running this old
programming like who do you think you are? What are
you doing? How can you be in the world? But
every single time I pushed through one of those and
learn something more about myself and excavate some old parental ideas,
(14:31):
some rearing ideas or ego concepts of what it means
to be a parent. I grow, and my children every
single time come to me with some like you know, wow,
I really recognized this thing and not quite this detailed,
but I'm doing that, or I see you making those
changes and it gives you so I feel like the
respect thing. We need to learn how to respect ourselves,
(14:54):
and most of us don't at all.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
No, And that also comes down to something about having
self compassion, right like, and the role of self compassion
I think plays a significant role in this reparenting ourselves
while raising children. Right If we don't have self compassion
for ourselves, it's going to be very difficult to evolve
in this new way of parenting our children and their evolution.
(15:20):
Right they are changing, They're growing, They're becoming more opinionated
and more you know, thoughtful, and also building their own
point of views from their learnings.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
That part.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Because parenting grace who took like this is such.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
A this is real, yo. I literally when my kids
turned eighteen each time I thought I'd see them once
a year. Literally a few weeks ago before Mother's Day,
I got to call my daughter, like, I don't know
why you think you can just move across the country
and we would all have to see.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Each other and your daughter, that's what she said, my daughter.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
My grown daughter, and then my son. I said to
my son and he said, well, yeah, you know, we
would see you more. Meanwhile, I've been asking them like
do you want to do this? Can you come here?
But it's like they are putting out a concept of
what they're needing, and we have a concept of what
we think it is. And yet back again to like
hearing them at every age. It's exhausting. I really thought
(16:16):
I would be done a lot of things by now
with parenting, But it evolves forever. And what a gift
that evolved. What a gift that they're complaining that I'm
not around.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
What oh, And what a gift to know that this
is a journey and the parenting what it looks like,
is a continued evolution. Chapter after chapter, and it seems
so similar to that of our life. And again you
have got me thinking, and I hope everybody who's listening
(16:45):
in a different way about being okay with the evolution
of what parenting looks and feels like for your children
and the betterment of both parties.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Thank you, thank you, Boom Sean. I was that, That
was mi
Host
Astor Chamber
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.