July 10, 2025 • 14 mins
Kenny Mac and Astor Chambers deliver a masterclass in emotional intelligence and self-awareness through this profound exploration of control, gratitude, and the art of letting go. In a world that often feels chaotic and unpredictable, this conversation offers a roadmap to inner peace through radical acceptance of what is—and isn't—within your power.
Using the powerful metaphor of playing a "home game versus an away game," Kenny and Astor reveal how shifting your focus from external circumstances to internal responses can transform your entire experience of life's challenges.
What You'll Learn:
- The crucial difference between what you can and cannot control—and why this
- distinction changes everything
- How gratitude acts as a perspective-shifting superpower during difficult times
- Why meeting people where they are (not where you want them to be) revolutionizes
- relationships
- The counterintuitive truth that letting go of control often leads to better outcomes
- How to navigate relationships with difficult people while maintaining your peace
- Why "it's a choice to let go"—and how to make that choice repeatedly
Deep Insights:
This isn't surface-level advice about positive thinking. Through personal anecdotes and hard-won wisdom, Kenny and the host explore the emotional intelligence required to truly let go of outcomes while staying fully engaged with your choices and responses. Discover how miracles often unfold when you stop trying to control every variable and start trusting the process. Learn why personal growth frequently emerges from the most challenging experiences, and how clarity comes not from having all the answers, but from accepting what you cannot change.
Transform Your Relationships:
Whether dealing with family dynamics, workplace stress, or personal setbacks, this episode provides practical wisdom for anyone struggling with the exhausting cycle of trying to control outcomes beyond their influence. Perfect for leaders, parents, partners, and anyone ready to find peace in uncertainty while maintaining agency over their own actions and responses.
Episode Journey:
- Focusing on What You Can Control (00:00)
- Letting Go for Clarity and Peace (05:11)
- Recognizing Control in Relationships (10:23)
Ready to stop fighting what is and start embracing what could be? Sometimes the most
powerful thing you can do is "trust the ride you're on."
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Kenny Mac good to have you back, my guy, Yes, sir.
So so many people are, you know, having these conversations
around the notion of focusing on what you can control.
I mean, how many times do we hear that? How
many times do we say that, I'm just gonna focus
on what I can control, especially in seasons of what
(00:21):
may seem chaotic. What does that mean to you personally
when you say it, Because again we've had this conversation
personally and professionally, but like, what does that mean for
you personally?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
I mean I heard somebody use this metaphor before and
I was like, this was a great one. It was like,
you always want to play the home game, not the
away game, and the away game is what you don't control.
You don't control, the environment, you don't control, but the
home game you control that, right, Like, so it's always
(00:55):
good to focus on and I mean you literally have to.
It literally is what you are in control of and
you cannot because as humans we do this, we start
to overthink or you know, hyper critique those things that
we don't have control of in that situation, right Like
we overly like, oh my god, and it's like yo,
(01:17):
but all you can focus on is this right, because
we'll not have any control of what that is right.
And it's interesting because you know it also has to
do I do two things now that I'm trying to
hold myself accountable to, which is one that definitely focus
on what you can control. But the other one is
always sitting in a place of gratitude. And so as
(01:38):
you are sitting in that place of gratitude and you're
focused on what you can control, you're always seeing things
from a different perspective, right.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yeah, And that'sful and you and how many times have
we looked back in life at that thing that we
were so.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Overly concerned about or overly distraught about.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
And it never happened to the level in which we thought.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
So one, that one hundred percent never happens to the
level of which we thought. But then two sometimes we
look back in and we're like, oh my god, I'm
so glad that happened because it opened the door for
this to happen.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Boom, right.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I a couple of months ago, you know this, I
went to New York. I was seeing my family, my friends,
and I got sick right like probably COVID whatever, and
I was stuck in New York and I couldn't do
and I was so stressed out about all of it,
and I couldn't eat. I wasn't hungry, I wasn't eating.
And I came back home and I lost all this
(02:41):
weight and I was like, oh my gosh, like I
lost all this weight. This is terrible and I'm doing
all and I'm like, bro, all you can do is
take care of yourself, do what's right to healthily gain
the weight back, and you know, work out all the things.
And I've gotten myself into a great workout regiment. And
I was looking at myself the other day and I
(03:02):
was like, I'm in so much better shape now than
when I was. When I looked at the thing, I
was like, I was getting pludgy, I was whatever. And
I was like, look at that. I was all worried
about it. And now it's given me this new because
what I focused on what I can control, right, I
focused on each right, focused on working out, and now
you know, like, I'm in a better place than I was.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Before that before that. So, so why do we think
people naturally tend though to obsess over things outside their control?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Because of that, it's what you can't control So it
is the it is the unknown, it is the uh.
It is that factor of I don't have control over
this thing. I don't I'm not able to manipulate it
or make it do what I want what I needed
(03:50):
to do. I have a vision of what I want,
but I can't get it because of this thing. I
think it's if I was the liking into something. You
ever go on a roller coaster and you see the
person that is freaking trying to get out the thing, screaming,
going crazy, and then the person next to them is
just enjoying the ride. Yeah, that person that's enjoying the
(04:13):
ride is focused on what they can control. I have
no control over this machine. I have no control over
how fast it's going to drop. I have no control,
But I'm just gonna I have all the control of
me just enjoying what this ride is and having fun
doing it. Whereas this person next to me that's screaming
and scrape, they probably gonna have cramps the next day
and and soar and hit their head on the thing,
(04:35):
all because they weren't just engaged in kind of trusting
and going along with this ride.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Right, you know which? Another big thing for me is
It's a choice. Yeah, all all that you're saying is
also a choice, right, and we can choose to allow
these circumstances that are outside of our control affect us
in a way that we probably shouldn't, or we could
choose to not allow them to do so. Right, It's
(05:05):
all true. Now listen, Easier said than done, man, Believe me.
We're not saying this is an easy task at all.
But it is a reminder that when you just take
a step back and you look at the things that
you can control, sometimes you've allowed these other factors that
you cannot control effect the thing that you can control,
(05:26):
which is so wild, so wild. And so what's an
example from your journey when you let go of control
and it actually brought you peace or clarity.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I mean, I just gave one with that.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Well, no that illness in New York that just puts
you down on your ass. I mean you had to
like she wasn't letting go on no control. It is
what it is you're now looking at the outcome of
it was such a positive outcome in terms of your health,
weight loss, all the things you were trying to get
done in a traditional way that this brought that about
(06:06):
it just eliminated you from being able to spend time
with your peoples in New York the way that you
wanted to. But like, what's something that you truly let
go of control and then you got this clarity and
peace from.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Yeah, I mean, I think you know, for me, they've
been trying to give you a specific example recently we're
doing this has happened. I think, you know, I think
there was a time where I was talking to our
(06:45):
good friend Jason Maiden about some stress that I was
having from a career perspective, and we talked about it,
you know, and I was like, oh, I can't get this.
I don't And I remember him simply stopping me and
(07:07):
like praying over me and literally and in the process
of him doing that, I was just like, yeah, I'm
just I'm just letting go, like we'll see what happens,
like and I'm just letting go and I'm giving in
and I lie to you not, I lied to you not.
This is months after LinkedIn and Da Da Da and
(07:30):
all this stuff. And Jason called me the next day
like God heard us and an opportunity fell on my
lap through that that like was actually something that I
really wanted to do and really made sense for me.
And it was just like wow, like the minute I
just said forget it, like you know, it kind of
(07:50):
comes it kind of comes to be.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
So so many ironies in this story. First off, we
all need a friend like Jamee. Very great that we
both have them in our circle to take that step
back and pray over you and get to the point
that there's no coincidence in anything. That's God's way of
(08:13):
remaining anonymous. My daily word today was let go let God.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
And when you truly can embrace that, you see the
miracles and the magic that comes from it, right, because
I don't hope for miracles at this point, I depend
on them, right, like miracles are supposed to happen for
a child of God that like this is the work
he needs to be able to show. So in your
moment of what probably seemed like desperation, right and Jason
(08:45):
helped you define your clarity and root it on God
handle this because we make these plans and God, everybody
always says God is like laughing at him. And it's
so great that you can have someone in your camp
to re Enjy near your thinking and bring you back
to where you need to be and talk you off
that ledge, or talk you off this this scenario that
(09:09):
you think is so big and so daunting when it's
it's already been dealt with. Like that's his past that
we're coming into for our future, but that's his past.
So yeah, I'm so glad that you use that as
an example, because there's so many key elements in the
in that but you know, and emotionally charged I'll call
(09:31):
it situations. It could be so difficult to identify and
differentiate between what's truly in your control and what isn't.
What are some tools you use for that because emotions
can definitely get you off your you know, your your stance.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Yeah, I mean listen, taking it back to the I
use this, this this thing, this this analogy or or
this story right, like you know the story of the
guy that's drowning and he's praying to God save me,
and this fishing boat comes by and he's like, no Gods,
(10:09):
God will save me. Then a CRUs no God will
save me. The steam ship. No God. Then he dies
and he goes to heaven. He's like, why didn't you
save me? And he's like God's like I sent you
a fishing boat, esteem what was in his control was
to get on the boat.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
M right.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
So I think that what we have to realize with
about what what is in our control is it's not
just like like you said, miracles, right, like you have
to really you're not just like hey, I give like
leg go like God, yes, but like you still have to.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Do and you do yes, yes, in your control that are.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
In your control, right. So it's it's it's being able
to focus on the things that you literally, oh, I
can do this to get to this goal that I have,
even though X, Y and Z is in the control
(11:14):
of somebody else, I can do what's my part in that?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Right?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
It like you're playing on a team, right, You're playing
on a football team, a soccer team, and you're like,
you are passing the ball. What's in your control is
to make that pass. What's not in control is what
your teammate does with the ball. But you do everything
possible to set that teammate up for success or that
(11:42):
playoff for success with what you have to do. You're
running the baton race, right, you have no control over
what the person behind you or in front of you
is going to do. All you have control of is
when you got that baton in your hand, you got
to be the fastest person on the track, and that's
what you're in control of. You know.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
That's such a great segue, And I think this mindset
can be applied to relationships for sure, right especially when
dealing with difficult or toxic people will call them and
I think there's so much anxiety and frustration that comes
from not being able to change certain people or certain things.
What's your recommendation on what you do? Then? Right with
(12:26):
with something with things like that?
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Ask that again. I'm trying to wrap my head around.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
No, because I think the mindset that you were speaking
to can be applied to so many things and relationships
in particular toxic you know, just difficult people, and it
can be there's a lot of anxiety and frustration that
comes with dealing with certain situations and people that you
can't change them or the thing. What do you do? Then?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
There is a time that I lean into when that happens,
and it is to meet people where they are.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Woo.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
If you know this person, you know this personality, you
know what you're dealing with. What is in your control
is how you react and how you respond to that person.
Do you react and respond in a way that's going
to allow that personality to continue to stress you all
(13:30):
the things, or do you not react at all or
react in a way to where you're just like, yo,
like this is what it is, you know, And I
think that goes with a lot of things. I think
you're talking about toxicness. I even think like there's relationships
that people get into where you know they're getting into
a fixer upper relationship and that's the worst thing you
(13:52):
can do. Hey, this person has the potential to do X, Y,
and Z, So I'm gonna get with this person and
get and help them to get No, no, no, you
have to meet them where they are. Person's here. You
have to be okay with this person being here because
you're in no control over that person, right, So if
that person's here and you meet them where they are
and where they are is not what you want, then
(14:18):
you have to.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Not do that.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
If where they are is what you want, yes, like
definitely lean in. But you can't be like, I'll gonna
get with this person because they're gonna change. You have
no control over whether they're gonna change or not. All
you have control over is whether you can be with
that person based on how they are with you in
that current moment.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Another good one in the books, Bro, I can't even
say anything after that. Man, I appreciate you and look
forward to doing this again
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Yes sir, saying all way, eyebro, eyebro,
Kenny Mac good to have you back, my guy, Yes, sir.
So so many people are, you know, having these conversations
around the notion of focusing on what you can control.
I mean, how many times do we hear that? How
many times do we say that, I'm just gonna focus
on what I can control, especially in seasons of what
(00:21):
may seem chaotic. What does that mean to you personally
when you say it, Because again we've had this conversation
personally and professionally, but like, what does that mean for
you personally?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
I mean I heard somebody use this metaphor before and
I was like, this was a great one. It was like,
you always want to play the home game, not the
away game, and the away game is what you don't control.
You don't control, the environment, you don't control, but the
home game you control that, right, Like, so it's always
(00:55):
good to focus on and I mean you literally have to.
It literally is what you are in control of and
you cannot because as humans we do this, we start
to overthink or you know, hyper critique those things that
we don't have control of in that situation, right Like
we overly like, oh my god, and it's like yo,
(01:17):
but all you can focus on is this right, because
we'll not have any control of what that is right.
And it's interesting because you know it also has to
do I do two things now that I'm trying to
hold myself accountable to, which is one that definitely focus
on what you can control. But the other one is
always sitting in a place of gratitude. And so as
(01:38):
you are sitting in that place of gratitude and you're
focused on what you can control, you're always seeing things
from a different perspective, right.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yeah, And that'sful and you and how many times have
we looked back in life at that thing that we
were so.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Overly concerned about or overly distraught about.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
And it never happened to the level in which we thought.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
So one, that one hundred percent never happens to the
level of which we thought. But then two sometimes we
look back in and we're like, oh my god, I'm
so glad that happened because it opened the door for
this to happen.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Boom, right.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I a couple of months ago, you know this, I
went to New York. I was seeing my family, my friends,
and I got sick right like probably COVID whatever, and
I was stuck in New York and I couldn't do
and I was so stressed out about all of it,
and I couldn't eat. I wasn't hungry, I wasn't eating.
And I came back home and I lost all this
(02:41):
weight and I was like, oh my gosh, like I
lost all this weight. This is terrible and I'm doing
all and I'm like, bro, all you can do is
take care of yourself, do what's right to healthily gain
the weight back, and you know, work out all the things.
And I've gotten myself into a great workout regiment. And
I was looking at myself the other day and I
(03:02):
was like, I'm in so much better shape now than
when I was. When I looked at the thing, I
was like, I was getting pludgy, I was whatever. And
I was like, look at that. I was all worried
about it. And now it's given me this new because
what I focused on what I can control, right, I
focused on each right, focused on working out, and now
you know, like, I'm in a better place than I was.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Before that before that. So, so why do we think
people naturally tend though to obsess over things outside their control?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Because of that, it's what you can't control So it
is the it is the unknown, it is the uh.
It is that factor of I don't have control over
this thing. I don't I'm not able to manipulate it
or make it do what I want what I needed
(03:50):
to do. I have a vision of what I want,
but I can't get it because of this thing. I
think it's if I was the liking into something. You
ever go on a roller coaster and you see the
person that is freaking trying to get out the thing, screaming,
going crazy, and then the person next to them is
just enjoying the ride. Yeah, that person that's enjoying the
(04:13):
ride is focused on what they can control. I have
no control over this machine. I have no control over
how fast it's going to drop. I have no control,
But I'm just gonna I have all the control of
me just enjoying what this ride is and having fun
doing it. Whereas this person next to me that's screaming
and scrape, they probably gonna have cramps the next day
and and soar and hit their head on the thing,
(04:35):
all because they weren't just engaged in kind of trusting
and going along with this ride.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Right, you know which? Another big thing for me is
It's a choice. Yeah, all all that you're saying is
also a choice, right, and we can choose to allow
these circumstances that are outside of our control affect us
in a way that we probably shouldn't, or we could
choose to not allow them to do so. Right, It's
(05:05):
all true. Now listen, Easier said than done, man, Believe me.
We're not saying this is an easy task at all.
But it is a reminder that when you just take
a step back and you look at the things that
you can control, sometimes you've allowed these other factors that
you cannot control effect the thing that you can control,
(05:26):
which is so wild, so wild. And so what's an
example from your journey when you let go of control
and it actually brought you peace or clarity.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I mean, I just gave one with that.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Well, no that illness in New York that just puts
you down on your ass. I mean you had to
like she wasn't letting go on no control. It is
what it is you're now looking at the outcome of
it was such a positive outcome in terms of your health,
weight loss, all the things you were trying to get
done in a traditional way that this brought that about
(06:06):
it just eliminated you from being able to spend time
with your peoples in New York the way that you
wanted to. But like, what's something that you truly let
go of control and then you got this clarity and
peace from.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Yeah, I mean, I think you know, for me, they've
been trying to give you a specific example recently we're
doing this has happened. I think, you know, I think
there was a time where I was talking to our
(06:45):
good friend Jason Maiden about some stress that I was
having from a career perspective, and we talked about it,
you know, and I was like, oh, I can't get this.
I don't And I remember him simply stopping me and
(07:07):
like praying over me and literally and in the process
of him doing that, I was just like, yeah, I'm
just I'm just letting go, like we'll see what happens,
like and I'm just letting go and I'm giving in
and I lie to you not, I lied to you not.
This is months after LinkedIn and Da Da Da and
(07:30):
all this stuff. And Jason called me the next day
like God heard us and an opportunity fell on my
lap through that that like was actually something that I
really wanted to do and really made sense for me.
And it was just like wow, like the minute I
just said forget it, like you know, it kind of
(07:50):
comes it kind of comes to be.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
So so many ironies in this story. First off, we
all need a friend like Jamee. Very great that we
both have them in our circle to take that step
back and pray over you and get to the point
that there's no coincidence in anything. That's God's way of
(08:13):
remaining anonymous. My daily word today was let go let God.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
And when you truly can embrace that, you see the
miracles and the magic that comes from it, right, because
I don't hope for miracles at this point, I depend
on them, right, like miracles are supposed to happen for
a child of God that like this is the work
he needs to be able to show. So in your
moment of what probably seemed like desperation, right and Jason
(08:45):
helped you define your clarity and root it on God
handle this because we make these plans and God, everybody
always says God is like laughing at him. And it's
so great that you can have someone in your camp
to re Enjy near your thinking and bring you back
to where you need to be and talk you off
that ledge, or talk you off this this scenario that
(09:09):
you think is so big and so daunting when it's
it's already been dealt with. Like that's his past that
we're coming into for our future, but that's his past.
So yeah, I'm so glad that you use that as
an example, because there's so many key elements in the
in that but you know, and emotionally charged I'll call
(09:31):
it situations. It could be so difficult to identify and
differentiate between what's truly in your control and what isn't.
What are some tools you use for that because emotions
can definitely get you off your you know, your your stance.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Yeah, I mean listen, taking it back to the I
use this, this this thing, this this analogy or or
this story right, like you know the story of the
guy that's drowning and he's praying to God save me,
and this fishing boat comes by and he's like, no Gods,
(10:09):
God will save me. Then a CRUs no God will
save me. The steam ship. No God. Then he dies
and he goes to heaven. He's like, why didn't you
save me? And he's like God's like I sent you
a fishing boat, esteem what was in his control was
to get on the boat.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
M right.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
So I think that what we have to realize with
about what what is in our control is it's not
just like like you said, miracles, right, like you have
to really you're not just like hey, I give like
leg go like God, yes, but like you still have to.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Do and you do yes, yes, in your control that are.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
In your control, right. So it's it's it's being able
to focus on the things that you literally, oh, I
can do this to get to this goal that I have,
even though X, Y and Z is in the control
(11:14):
of somebody else, I can do what's my part in that?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Right?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
It like you're playing on a team, right, You're playing
on a football team, a soccer team, and you're like,
you are passing the ball. What's in your control is
to make that pass. What's not in control is what
your teammate does with the ball. But you do everything
possible to set that teammate up for success or that
(11:42):
playoff for success with what you have to do. You're
running the baton race, right, you have no control over
what the person behind you or in front of you
is going to do. All you have control of is
when you got that baton in your hand, you got
to be the fastest person on the track, and that's
what you're in control of. You know.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
That's such a great segue, And I think this mindset
can be applied to relationships for sure, right especially when
dealing with difficult or toxic people will call them and
I think there's so much anxiety and frustration that comes
from not being able to change certain people or certain things.
What's your recommendation on what you do? Then? Right with
(12:26):
with something with things like that?
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Ask that again. I'm trying to wrap my head around.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
No, because I think the mindset that you were speaking
to can be applied to so many things and relationships
in particular toxic you know, just difficult people, and it
can be there's a lot of anxiety and frustration that
comes with dealing with certain situations and people that you
can't change them or the thing. What do you do? Then?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
There is a time that I lean into when that happens,
and it is to meet people where they are.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Woo.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
If you know this person, you know this personality, you
know what you're dealing with. What is in your control
is how you react and how you respond to that person.
Do you react and respond in a way that's going
to allow that personality to continue to stress you all
(13:30):
the things, or do you not react at all or
react in a way to where you're just like, yo,
like this is what it is, you know, And I
think that goes with a lot of things. I think
you're talking about toxicness. I even think like there's relationships
that people get into where you know they're getting into
a fixer upper relationship and that's the worst thing you
(13:52):
can do. Hey, this person has the potential to do X, Y,
and Z, So I'm gonna get with this person and
get and help them to get No, no, no, you
have to meet them where they are. Person's here. You
have to be okay with this person being here because
you're in no control over that person, right, So if
that person's here and you meet them where they are
and where they are is not what you want, then
(14:18):
you have to.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Not do that.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
If where they are is what you want, yes, like
definitely lean in. But you can't be like, I'll gonna
get with this person because they're gonna change. You have
no control over whether they're gonna change or not. All
you have control over is whether you can be with
that person based on how they are with you in
that current moment.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Another good one in the books, Bro, I can't even
say anything after that. Man, I appreciate you and look
forward to doing this again
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Yes sir, saying all way, eyebro, eyebro,
Host
Astor Chamber
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