Episode Transcript
I asked my personal trainer at the gym which type
of machine I should use to make myself more attractive
to women. He suggested the cash machine.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
A friend of mine's an actor. He is so focused
on physical fitness that he carries all his workout equipment
wherever he goes. We call him Jim Carrey.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Cardi B has a cousin who is a fitness trainer.
What's her name? Cardio?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Dittaly squats?
Speaker 1 (00:53):
I just saw a real idiot at the gym. He
put a water bottle in the pringles holder on the treadmill.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
My personal trainer was upset at me because I kept
using the same machine at the gym. It was the
vending machine.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
What's a pirates least favorite exercise? The plank?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
What exercise does the grim reaper do? Deadlifts?
Speaker 1 (01:33):
What type of exercise does cars do? Cardio?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I am hiding from exercise. I am in the fitness
protection program.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
What is the chips? Favorite exercise? Crunches?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
My favorite exercise is between a lunge and a crunch.
It's called lunch More.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Dad humor will waits right after this short break exercise,
I thought you said extra fries.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I'm too old for bodyweight exercises now. Yeah, Like I
still go to the gym, but I can't pick up women.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
What do you call a monk who meditates instead of
exercising a deep fat friar.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
What's a mother cow's favorite exercise calf raises?
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Darth Vader's favorite exercise scythops.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
I saved my back exercise for the end lat's but
not least.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Pregnancy is exercise, it's bodybuilding.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
My pe teacher told me to warm up before we
start exercising, so I went outside and stood in the sun.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
I've been trying to come up with jokes about people
who don't exercise, but none of them work out.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I would exercise today, but all I have is this rope.
Maybe I'll just skip it.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
What do you call the award you get for not
exercising enough atrophy?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Why did the gem not hire the lady who only
exercised on the kitchen island as a fitness instructor. They
determined she was counterfeit.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
What part of the body do chickens exercise the most?
They're picks?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Yeah, I'm into fitness. Into fitness, piece of pizza, into
my mouth.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
I saw a fitness program for rebel insurgents resistance streaming.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Who won the skeleton fitness contest Nobody.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Fitness tip do bicep curls with a dictionary. It adds
definition to your muscles.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
My fitness instructor is from Jamaica. She teaches the plates
of the Caribbean.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
You've met my fitness trainer. His name is Jim.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
How does a demon stay fit? He exorcises.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
All the buses in the station were doing their fitness test,
but there was one not doing anything, just shouting encouraging
words of advice. It was a coach.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
What do you call adolescents who are into health and
fitness proteins.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
I was going to do reverse lunches this year for
my fitness, but I feel that would just be a
big step backwards.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I've been working on a fit this app for insects.
I'm still trying to work out the bugs.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I asked my girlfriend to meet me at the gym,
but she never showed up. That's how I knew we
weren't going to work out.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
I saw the priest at the gym today. He was exorcizing.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
What is the gem in heaven called Jehovah's Fitness.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Jim should remain open during a lockdown. The Constitution guarantees
freedom of the press.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
My buddy said he was going to do some leg
extensions at the gym. I don't think he's very good
at them. He didn't come back any taller.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
The treadmill company I started as retaining a lot of customers.
We're proud of the fact that these people are going nowhere.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
When I hopped on the treadmill at the gym, everyone
started looking at me funny, So I started running instead.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
I quit my job as a treadmill tester. I just
felt like I wasn't going anywhere.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
I'm crying because I saw a cow on the treadmill.
It was utterly moving.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
If you play rock paper scissors on a treadmill, always
choose paper. Everyone knows you don't run with scissors.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Did you hear about the treadmill software that got hacked, Well,
everything's running again.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
I asked my personal trainer to give me a discount.
He said, I'll try to stretch your money.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
I'm Bob Jaffe and I'm Montgomery Jones, and that's the
sweaty dad jokes for National Exercise Day We're on a
mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide,
so please do us a favor and share just one
of these jokes with your family and friends today. Thanks.
(08:45):
Want the perfect dad gift, we have the official Daily
Dad Jokes Joke button, now available on Amazon, a massive
five hundred preloaded dad jokes guaranteed to make you laugh
and grown. And for our loyal fans, use the Checkout
Discount Dad Jokes to receive twenty five percent off the
regular listing price. Check the show notes page for the link.
(09:10):
The Daily Dad Jokes podcast is produced by Classic Studios.
See the show notes page for social media links and
Joe credits. This show was recorded in front of a
canned studio audience.
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