Episode Transcript
I told the funeral director he needed a new roof,
but it wouldn't be cheap, he said, over my dead bodies.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
How do you turn deviled eggs back into regular eggs?
Eggs orcism?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
I bought my wife some new beads for her abacus.
It's the little things that count.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Who is bigger? Missus bigger or missus bigger's baby? The
baby because it's a little bigger.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I hadn't killed a guy on the way to yoga class,
because it happened before class started. I was charged with
premeditated murder.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
What's the worst thing about ancient history class? The teachers
tend to babbylon.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I gave my local food bank some cookies shaped like
different countries. They thank me for the donations.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Can you believe someone stole my limbo stick? I mean,
how low can you go?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
What do you call a tree that you can lift
with your hands? A palm tree?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
What kind of pan is as large as a country Japan?
Speaker 1 (01:54):
The stock market is getting crushed. My calculations today indicate
I can retire ten years after I die.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.
I thought that's a little condescending.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
More Dad jokes are on the way. After this quick announcement,
the library accused me of stealing the thesaurus. I shocked, appalled, aghast,
and dismayed.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Why do you like jokes about bananas? Because I find
them appealing? And I know a bunch.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
A store down the road is selling a perfume that
smells like nothing. If you ask me, it's total nonsense.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One fish says
to the other, so do you know how to drive
this thing?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
If you're planning on going to Ireland, you should go soon.
I hear the price as a dublin. I'm Bob Jeffy
and I'm Montgomery Jones.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Make sure to listen for the bonus joke at the
end of the episode. We're on a mission to spread
the laughs and groans far and wide, so please share
one of these jokes with your family and friends today.
Looking for more dad joke humor to share, then subscribe
to our new weekly email newsletter. It's our weekly roundup
(03:34):
of the best dad jokes, memes and humor for you
to enjoy. Spread the laughs and groans and sign up today.
Check the sign up link in the show notes page
or visit Daily dadjokespodcast dot com. The Daily Dad Jokes
podcast is produced by Classic Studios. See the show notes
page for social media links and joke credits. This show
(03:54):
was recorded in front of a canned studio audience. Why
was the rookie police officer assigned to arrest the cannibal?
The more seasoned officers had already been eaten.
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