July 31, 2024 • 4 mins
Daily Dad Jokes (01 Aug 2024)
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Jokes sourced and curated from reddit.com/r/dadjokes.
Joke credits: whomikehidden, Left-Distribution-13, Lower_Kitchen822, EndersGame_Reviewer, crimson_dovah, wimpykidfan37, Jaded-Artichoke-8398, stamp_of_approval, Status_Concert_4320, Man-e-questions, timhoeppner, Lower_Kitchen822, , wimpykidfan37, StockInitial4460, dickcheney600, Mindnessss, ddodd69, wimpykidfan37, Lower_Kitchen822
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Fun fact, if you were to lay an adult blue
whale across a regulation sized basketball court, they'd have to
cancel the game.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
What did the sixth Cents and Titanic have in common?
I see dead people.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with
the Titanic about halfway?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Did you hear about the guy who found a more
efficient way to set up the high jump? He has
really raised the bar.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
The guy who invented Tiramisu just died. Everyone at the
funeral will be in tears.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
The greatest psychic in all of Los Angeles was recently
cursed to a bad breath for the rest of her life.
She's a super California. When you mystic hext with halatosis.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
My wife told me to take the spider out instead
of killing him. Went out and had a few drinks.
Nice guy, he's a web designer.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Did you know oceans are the friendliest body of water?
They are always waving at you.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Which of our prehistoric ancestors wandered the earth randomly? Mean detals?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Did you know that when someone dies, their eyes are
the last thing to stop moving. They dilate.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
My grandpa has the heart of a lion and a
lifetime band from the zoo. Hang in there for more
laughs and groans After this quick announcement.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Why did the chicken cross the road, jump into a
mud puddle, and then cross the road again. She was
a dirty double crosser.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
I'm not saying I'm attractive, but I can't explain why
every time I take my clothes off, the shower gets
turned on.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
I tried to print a picture of a raspberry field,
but the printer jammed.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She
gave me a huge.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Do you know where happiness is made? At the satisfactory?
Speaker 1 (03:03):
A monk opened a flower shop, which did quite well
from the get go. The owner of the flower shop
across town became jealous. He tried in vain to get
the monk to close his shop. Finally, he hired a
thug named Hugh. Hugh threatened to beat up the monk
if he didn't close his shop, which the monk did,
and thus it was proven once and for all that
(03:24):
only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
The past, present and future walk into a bar. It
was tense. I'm Bob Jeffy and I'm Montgomery Jones tune
in until the end of the episode for a bonus joke.
We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans
far and wide, so please share these jokes with your
(03:53):
family and friends today.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Looking for more dad joke humor to share, then subscribe
to our new weekly email newsletter. It's our weekly roundup
of the best dad jokes, memes, and humor for you
to enjoy. Spread the laughs and groans and sign up today.
Check the sign up link in the show notes page
or visit dailydadjokespodcast dot com. The Daily Dad Jokes Podcast
(04:27):
is produced by Classic Studios. See the show notes page
for social media links and Joe credits. This show was
recorded in front of a canned studio audience. I got
thrown out of math class for one of too many infractions.
Fun fact, if you were to lay an adult blue
whale across a regulation sized basketball court, they'd have to
cancel the game.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
What did the sixth Cents and Titanic have in common?
I see dead people.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with
the Titanic about halfway?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Did you hear about the guy who found a more
efficient way to set up the high jump? He has
really raised the bar.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
The guy who invented Tiramisu just died. Everyone at the
funeral will be in tears.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
The greatest psychic in all of Los Angeles was recently
cursed to a bad breath for the rest of her life.
She's a super California. When you mystic hext with halatosis.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
My wife told me to take the spider out instead
of killing him. Went out and had a few drinks.
Nice guy, he's a web designer.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Did you know oceans are the friendliest body of water?
They are always waving at you.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Which of our prehistoric ancestors wandered the earth randomly? Mean detals?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Did you know that when someone dies, their eyes are
the last thing to stop moving. They dilate.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
My grandpa has the heart of a lion and a
lifetime band from the zoo. Hang in there for more
laughs and groans After this quick announcement.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Why did the chicken cross the road, jump into a
mud puddle, and then cross the road again. She was
a dirty double crosser.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
I'm not saying I'm attractive, but I can't explain why
every time I take my clothes off, the shower gets
turned on.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
I tried to print a picture of a raspberry field,
but the printer jammed.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She
gave me a huge.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Do you know where happiness is made? At the satisfactory?
Speaker 1 (03:03):
A monk opened a flower shop, which did quite well
from the get go. The owner of the flower shop
across town became jealous. He tried in vain to get
the monk to close his shop. Finally, he hired a
thug named Hugh. Hugh threatened to beat up the monk
if he didn't close his shop, which the monk did,
and thus it was proven once and for all that
(03:24):
only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
The past, present and future walk into a bar. It
was tense. I'm Bob Jeffy and I'm Montgomery Jones tune
in until the end of the episode for a bonus joke.
We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans
far and wide, so please share these jokes with your
(03:53):
family and friends today.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Looking for more dad joke humor to share, then subscribe
to our new weekly email newsletter. It's our weekly roundup
of the best dad jokes, memes, and humor for you
to enjoy. Spread the laughs and groans and sign up today.
Check the sign up link in the show notes page
or visit dailydadjokespodcast dot com. The Daily Dad Jokes Podcast
(04:27):
is produced by Classic Studios. See the show notes page
for social media links and Joe credits. This show was
recorded in front of a canned studio audience. I got
thrown out of math class for one of too many infractions.
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