December 29, 2023 • 54 mins
We’re counting down your favorite episodes of 2023! Here’s number three on your list of most loved & most listened-to episodes of the year. See you in 2024!
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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi there everybody. What's going on? Hi Chelsea, what's happening?
Hui's go in really good.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Actually, our little puppy is growing up. He's a month
older and you know, getting potty trained, getting there, getting there.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Wendell Begnet is a month older. Poor Wendell Beignet. What's
going to happen to Wendall's life?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
He's going to get chubby like a pugshit, He's.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Going to come out of the closet very soon. Oh yes, yes,
he's definitely. He's definitely gay. For sure.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
He for sure is with a name like that. Well, Chelsea,
I have a quick follow up for you. This is
from Rachel. She called in on our mic Berbiglia episode
and she was the one who was getting married and
her brother in law was not letting her sister's kids
come to the wedding. Hi, Catherine and Chelsea. I'm so
sorry about just now replying. I was waiting and hoping
(00:49):
that something would possibly change, but unfortunately that did not happen.
My niece and nephew will sadly not be a part
of my wedding. We're about forty days from the big day,
and after trying to reach out to my ex brother
in law again. We've just accepted the situation as it is.
It's been about eight months since he and I have spoken,
and things are so messy that he and my sister
still have to communicate through a co parenting app for
(01:12):
documentation and legal purposes. It's a parent that he's hurting
deep down, and I just hope he can get some
help and heal one day. On the bright side, my
sister seems happier than ever nowadays. She's thriving in her
career as an elementary school principle, and she's been able
to really focus on herself for the first time in
a while. So we've taken your advice and decided to
have a private quote pretend wedding in my parents' backyard
(01:35):
the week before our wedding. That way, my niece and
nephew can be our flower girl and ring bearer and
have all the attention and happiness directed toward them. Truthfully,
I just want them to be okay and not have
their childhood stripped of their innocence. Chelsea and Catherine, you
two are awesome. Thank you for keeping us all laughing
during some shitty situations. Love Rachel PS. I'll be sure
(01:56):
to send a picture of the three of us at
our backyard wedding. Stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Oh that's cute, nice solution. That's good. Yeah, that's all
good vibes. Too bad about the brother, but whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
And sometimes we just have to let other people do
what they're going to do and make the best of
a situation. And I'm really happy that she's choosing to
do that. We've got an amazing guest today, Chelsea.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yeah, we do. Actually we just worked together sort of
but not really. We both did Kim Kardashian's Skim's campaign
bra campaign, uh huh, and we both I noticed, used
the same hair dresser. Oh, hair dresser, that's like an
art an outdated term. But anyway, hair stylist Vernado, the
sky Ronado, and her hair looked so badass during the
(02:41):
campaign or for the photos. When we got all the photos,
I was like, I thought my hair looked good. And
then I saw brook Shields's hair and I was like,
whoa wait, But then I realized she's Brookshields. Yes, that's
who our guess is today, Brooks Shields.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Yeah, she is known for her luscious hair.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Oh, she's known for her lusciousness.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Absolutely. She is an actress, model, CEO and host of
the Now What podcast. Please welcome Brookshields. Hi, Brooke, Hi, Hi,
how are you?
Speaker 3 (03:09):
I'm good?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
How are you?
Speaker 3 (03:10):
How are you feeling?
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Oh? My god better? But I sell my throat still
has a pickle, a tickle pickle every I guess it
must be post nasal drip. But I'm lying in bed
and I go like this fifty thousand times. I'm glad
I'm single at this time in my life because I
don't know who would want to have sex with me. All.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
I always like this, Chris does that, My husband Chris
does It drives me insane because it's neither nor It's
not a great cough and it's not really it's something else.
Commit to one or the other.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
On the subject of your husband, Chris. Actually good place
to start for us because I knew Chris years ago,
which I think I told you about. I used to
wait tables at a place called Roasty on Montana and
Chris was a young writer who would come in and
he was a really nice guy, and I think he
had some friends and he would come in with other
writer guys. Yeah, And he would come in and That's
how I knew him. And then he went off and
(04:05):
married you, and then I never saw him again.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Well see where was the natural progression?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yeah, exactly Matt, who stopped speaking to me completely. Oh
he said to say hi, by the way, Oh tell
him I say hi back, please.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
I will, I will, I will, I will.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
But you guys have had such a long successful relationship, marriage, partnership.
I was wondering if you could speak to that and
tell us a little bit about how you feel about
your side of the street and your relationship, how you
feel like you've grown as a woman within your relationship
with having a family and everything, because these are things
(04:43):
I can't really relate to. So I'm so curious.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
I'm his first marriage, or he likes to say I'm
her current marriage. But I had a marriage before, and
I think that that was probably a really great thing
because I learned really what I didn't want in a relationship.
Maybe I should have learned it without having to actually
(05:06):
go through the marriage, but I think that it's first
of all, it's a lot is attributable to him because
he's a very solid person. He doesn't get threatened easily
by any of any of that. I come with a lot.
You know, I come with a lot. It's it's hard,
not only my history, but because I'm recognized and because
(05:30):
the world feels like they own me. I think that,
you know, I come with a lot. So he's very,
very patient. And one of the things that I think
what he was willing to do is adapt to certain
things that I have asked him. For instance, when we
first met, it was always funny how he would make
fun of me. And he made fun of me like,
(05:52):
just I do really geeky, stupid things, and like I'm
that kid that always had the different color highlighters and
I'm organizing and I like underlining, and you know, I
just I do things that are kind of geeky. And
he used to make fun of me, or the fact
that I couldn't cook. And it was cute in the
beginning because it was it felt really personal, but it
(06:14):
was never mean. But they were little things. And as
you know, like ten years into the relationship, I said
to him, you know what, I'm growing as a person
and I don't want to self deprecate as much as
I used to in the same way and for the
same reasons. And you kind of knocking me down a
couple of pegs doesn't feel cute anymore to me.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
And I know it sounds like a bait and switch,
and I know I'm changing the terms here, but we
all have to adapt. And you've mentioned accountability when we
were talking one time, and I think that there is
accountability to You're not trying to change the other person,
but there are certain things that have to become a compromise,
and you have to be able to express what you
(06:58):
need and also be able to change in little ways
that do make a huge difference to your partner. And
that type of back and forth in exchange has been
just really healthy for us. Wow. Yeah, Like he'll if
I start a sentence with to him, I don't think
you realize how much I have on my plate, or
(07:20):
something like that, he cannot stand it because it underestimates
how much he really does understand about me and my life,
and so he'll get prickly with something like that. So
I have to keep in mind that that's not a kind,
that's not a rhetoric. That it just makes him bristle
and he in a second, he's got his eye up,
(07:42):
you know. So I think that the willingness to be
you know, people say, oh, friendship, and so first of all,
laughter is just key. I mean, he just makes me
laugh and that's been a big part of our relationship.
He is such a good father and he's in the time,
and that makes being a mother so much more palatable
(08:06):
in many ways for me, even though I've always wanted
to have kids. It's really not easy, and it's a
full time.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
It's just forever, and then some it's forever, and then
some it's never over now.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
And sometimes loving that much it's just to pain the ass.
You're just like, why am I doing this to myself?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yeah, I can imagine.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
It's the kind of worry that you're just like, God,
did I want to feel this horrible? It's weird. I mean,
I have that conversation with a really good friend of
mine and she's sort of belaboring the fact that she's
not having children and she never wanted them, And then
the clock got a certain to a certain place, and
(08:48):
then it became difficult, and then it became, oh, no,
what am I missing out on? And I said, you know,
don't lose sight of how you can get love from
her husband's grandchildren or how you know. And also to
keep in mind that she never was motivated to have
to do it wasn't a part of her the way
(09:08):
it was a part of me.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
I say that in my stand up special, my new
standup special, I talk about like, if you're on the
fence at all about becoming a mother, then don't become
a mother. Like if you're questioning it, if you're not
one hundred and fifty percent in in it and saying
like this is what I want, I can't live without it,
then you shouldn't have a baby because it is that
kind of commitment. You can't be like, well, I guess
I'm getting older and I may as well have one.
(09:30):
You know, tell your friends to call me. I'll just
shake her out.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Well, it's also true that, you know, ay, I don't
I respect the way you talk about it, because not
everybody should want to have children. If they don't want to,
they shouldn't be shamed into it. And it's a you know,
it is also it's the kind of thing that there's
a lot to it, and you know it's not going
to fix a relationship. I hear couples talk about, you know,
(09:55):
their marriage is having trouble and they think a baby
is going to fix it.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Trust me, No, it's not that whatever your problems are
become magnified right when you have a baby, absolutely, and
then the blame starts and you're just like, this is
just becoming degraded. Now what Okay? Because I know you have,
You've spoken a lot and written a lot about your
relationship and the difficulties with your relationship with your own mother,
(10:20):
and so I think for your I'm so curious about
when you became a mother. I mean, you must have
had such an inner dialogue going on for fear of
replicating any of the stuff that was so painful or
hurtful to you.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
The weirdest thing is I've done so much work on
myself in therapy for decades that I focused on the
things that I want to replicate rather than just the
things I didn't want to replicate because I had done
so much work. And so to compare myself in any
way in a negative way to a woman who really
(10:56):
was so broken and couldn't do the work on herself
or for herself, and you know it's not only just alcoholic.
I don't think she could ever get through step seven
or whatever the amends one is. But I think that
her humor was so important, her willingness to have fun
with me, her belief that I should always have someone
(11:20):
my own age around me, even within this industry. Her
very frank way of discussing anything. You know, she was ballsy,
and that really protected me. And so I try to
remember those things, and I try to be careful about
my drinking because I know that that is in my blood.
(11:42):
I'm surprised at how how much freedom emotionally I give
my kids. You know how, I never thought that talking
to them about sex and talking to I thought because
my mother never talked to me about anything. You just
were told, don't do it, you'll burn an hell. And
then I became sort of known for being a virgin.
(12:05):
We talk about everything together and I have no judgment
and I'm shocked at myself. Wow, you know, I mean,
we talk about it all, and I didn't think that
i'd be comfortable with it on that level.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Yeah, I can see what you mean by that. I mean,
I'm just thinking about my nieces and nephews and I'm like, yeah,
I guess I would be the closest to non judgmental,
but I'm still they're like my little babies and I'm like,
I can't even think about the things that they might
be getting up to right now.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
It's crazy. It's just so crazy. And but I, you know,
I always say, it's just it's important that you have
an ally within these these times in your life because
you're gonna need it. And who better than your mom
in my case with her, because I'm always going to
(12:57):
be here for whatever it is. I'm like, but don't
be an idiot.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Do either of your girls remind you of your mom? Oh,
that's a great question. There are sometimes when my older
daughter will do something that is just so defiant, like
she's got balls, my daughter, And you think that I
would see my mom do that, or she would do
(13:22):
things just to be the first one dancing on the
table or something like that. So there are some kind
of ballsy and her sense of humor, My mom's sense
of humor does really sort of breathe through Rowan in particular. Yeah,
that's cool. That must be really like meaningful to see
(13:42):
it is because I'll say things that my mother would
have said that just can sound borderline, Like you know,
when a dog is outside the deli or something and
they're looking inside to see where their master is like
their masters, like they just can't they can only look
at theirs, her or whatever.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
My mother used to walk by the dogs and go,
she's never coming back, which is a sick joke. It's
a sick joke. And and my mom was full of
sick jokes like that, and so and I would like
try them out on rowan and she was like, Mom,
that's so sick, but it's so fucking funny.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
That's cute. Well, I think that's a really beautiful sentiment.
You know. Taking the best out of a relationship is
what we should all be doing, out of our difficult relationships,
out of our beautiful relationships, out of our best relationships,
but taking the best things about that and trying to
replicate those instead of focusing on the things that you
don't want to replicate, focusing on the things that you do.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
The minute you start going down the road of the
things you don't want or the things that are bad,
you're now demonizing this person even more, especially if they're
not alive, right, and then you're not even giving yourself
a chance to sort of not live with rose colored
glasses about who they were, but to also sort of
say people are complex and I'm going to try to
(15:07):
shift this and start with a positive rather than, you know,
making myself terrified that i'm you know things. I'm my
own person too, you know, And I think that that's
important for people to remember, is that they are they
can be their own people.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Right exactly. Okay, So we are going to take a
quick break, and then we're going to come back and
get to some callers who need some life advice. Brook,
We're going to dish it out, okay, and give real
people advice on what to do in situations. Catherine, are
we ready to take a quick break. We're ready to
take a quick Yes, Oh my god, we're taking a
break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
And we're back and we're back.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Well, you know what, I'm going to switch up the
order that I intended these in because we've already been
talking about dogs, and I see you have it's Pepper
right of Pepper there at it's.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Clearly bored because she just got up and left down.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Aren't dogs all bored all the time? Is not where
there's sleeping all of the time, and my dogs are
sleeping all of the time.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
I feel like cats are more bored than dogs. I
think I don't know. Mine is so neurotic and insecure.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
My dogs are like cats.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I have two cat dogs, wow, and I have a
neurotic separation anxiety dog Milcks. She's a Portuguese water dog.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
I mean, I oh, those are nice dogs. What happens
when you have a dog in the city. Isn't that
just a fucking huge pain in the ass brook to
have to go outside into the city every time they
need to go out.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Yeah, it's it can be a bit can be, but
you know, you get your dog people in town and
we are able to leave the city in the summer
and have the best of both worlds. I mean, what's
hard is making sure your dog can tell you when
they have to go to the bathroom, which, like I
now know her look obviously when she's got to go,
(16:53):
but she's not clear, Like she doesn't go to the
door and like paw the door. So there's been many
a package left for eh.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Yes, we trained our little pog Mimsy using bells, so
she if she has to go out, she just goes
and rings the bell. I mean we take her out
at regular intervals anyway. But it's it's a life saver.
It's a carpet saver.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Yeah, well it's too fucking late for us, Sat. Thanks
for the hot tip. Now, I mean, we can't train
these dogs to ring doorbells, sorry or bells?
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Dog can't learn? Okay, Well, and I actually just got
a new puppy. But I actually picked this question for
you weeks ago. So this question comes from Lindsay. Lindsay says,
Dear Chelsea, should we get.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
A new dog.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
It's been over four years since our dog passed away.
She felt like a soulmate to me and we went
through so many life events together. I loved her in
a way that makes my heart burst even today. Her
passing was tragic and took years to get through. I
feel her presence all the time, and I miss her
every day. In the last year, I've been finding myself
wanting the physical presence of a dog again. However, I'm
(17:56):
terrified of not feeling that same love for a new dog.
Well also being terrified that I'll feel that strong feeling again,
which ultimately means I'll feel terrible loss again. We travel often,
have two senior cats and a six year old. Our
lives are busy, so I also wonder if maybe the
timing isn't right to add a dog to our family.
How will I know when the time is right? How
do I get past the fear, Lindsey.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Just get a fucking dog, Lindsay. I mean, this is
not a hard problem at all.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
Go get a dog, and don't compare that dog all
the time to your deceased little love bug. Because it
took me a while too, and I was like, I'm
not gonna love this dog as much, and then I
was resistant, and poor dog didn't know the difference. She
didn't know my other dog. You know, I just think,
get a dog, and it's good for a little girl
(18:43):
to grow up with with a dog. I mean, yeah,
you know you're gonna end up doing all the work, obviously, but.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Also once you get a new dog, your love transfers.
You don't have any choice but to love and focus
on that dog that you're not gonna have be comparing
it to your other dog, even like I've had so
many dogs, and every time you just have a different
kind of love for them, you're like, oh my god,
this is my number one now. It actually helps you
get over the loss of the other one too.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Actually too, And if you have just one kid, I
mean think about if you had another daughter, would you
only love the six year old more than the baby?
I doubt it, Yeah, exactly, So you just it's like
growing another heart.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
So buck up and just go get that dog.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Okay, I think so, Lindsey, get the dog.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Well that was easy.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
That was probably the easiest question we've ever gotten.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
So oh boy, Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Well, our next question comes from Jesse. She's a caller.
She says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend and I recently went
on a camping trip with his whole family, mom, dad's sister,
and his nephew. My nine year old son and our
dog also joined us. Three days in, we had reservations
to go whitewater rafting with my boyfriend's sister, her son,
(19:57):
my son, and my boyfriend. Of the river was amazing.
We were all laughing, screaming, and having the best time.
Shortly into it, I decided to move back a seat
to sit next to my boyfriend. His sister is an
aggressive type A and promptly turns around to tell me
to move back to my original seat. I told her
it should be fine because I'm still peddling in the
(20:18):
same area I was before. She continued to tell me no,
I need to move back. While raising her voice, I
told her not to talk to me like that, and
all hell broke loose.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Uh oh rot row mmmmm.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
She used this moment to stand up, point her finger
in my face while telling me all the things she's
always hated about me since day one. She concluded it
by saying, and I'm not the only one who feels
this way. I immediately broke down and cried the rest
of the two hour trip down the river. We packed
up our camp and drove back home. As soon as
we got back to the campsite, his mom and dad
(20:51):
sided with his sister and also doubled down on all
the resentments they have had toward me for the four
years we've been together. Oh, nothing they've said makes any
sense to me, and I honestly feel broken, sad, and confused.
I lost my dad to COVID in twenty twenty and
have considered his family my family. I can feel the
energy shift in my relationship with my boyfriend, and I
(21:12):
truly don't know where to go from here. Please help Jesse.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Oh, no, Jesse, Hi, Jesse, Hi, Jesse, Hey, this is
our special guest, Brookshields is here today.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Hi Brooke. HII, so nice to see y'all.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
I mean, first of all, rap trips are not easy.
They're they're challenging, and they're they bring out a lot
in people.
Speaker 4 (21:37):
I think that was that was one of the issues
for sure.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
What did you how did your Have you spoken at
length to your boyfriend about all of this?
Speaker 4 (21:47):
We actually both started seeing a therapist. We both see
the same therapists now, which is convenient. So on Sundays
basically that he does him at ten am and me
at eleven am, and we're both kind of talking it
out with our cool so, I mean, we're just we're
trying to get through it. It's just it was a
lot and he's not really sure where to go from
(22:07):
here either.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Like what is he saying? Like how does he feel?
I mean, what does he agree with his family? Did
he know that they felt this way?
Speaker 4 (22:16):
He he's a different person with them than he is
with me. He is very quiet around them, he's very
doesn't really speak as mine. But when he's with me,
he's like, that was obviously crazy, you know, And basically
I don't want to surround myself with somebody that's really
negative and that just brings that energy around, so he
(22:36):
doesn't really agree with it at all.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Well usually though, But there's also a part in a
relationship where to a certain extent, your partner has to
be able to stick up for you in some way,
and it can be done in a loving way. But
you are his choice. His family. He didn't have a
choice about. You know, is he older or younger than
the sister.
Speaker 4 (22:57):
He's younger. She's actually my age and he's three years
younger than me.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
And what's her life situation.
Speaker 4 (23:05):
She is a single mom. She's always had that aggressive side,
a little just abrasive. I think it's kind of like
a guard she has up to protect herself, if that
makes sense, because she's kind of always been on her
own and she does take care of her son by herself,
so it's just her and him.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
What's interesting about that is there I feel like there's
some jealousy and projection. But also when anybody says, and
I'm not the only one that feels that way, that's
sort of a cop out because they're not owning their vitriol,
you know, they're sort of pawning it off on somebody.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
I hate that. I hate that when people use that
in fights.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
Oh my God, it was so hurtful, that so immature
for me. Yeah, I immediately started crying and.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
So unfair by the way to the rest of his
family also, because you know, sometimes that can be an
opening for the rest of his family talking to them
and sort of saying, is this true. Do you have
a problem with me that I don't know about? Because
I love your brother, I love your son. Can we
talk about this? Just because to hear it like that
and being such an outburst, there has to be something
(24:08):
else either going on. I mean, I would save her
to last, but I don't know.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
It's so funny you say that because we had this
conversation yesterday and I'm like, you know, I feel like
this was obviously a projection of something. But this might
have something to do with her and his relationship.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Oh you know, maybe that's.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
What made her because there wasn't anything that led up
to that other than the changing seats on the raft
that made her so angry.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
Yeah, is there another sister? Is it just the two
of them?
Speaker 4 (24:37):
It's just the two of them?
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Yeah, well you're invading her space and you know.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Yeah, something that pupped up for me reading that, imagining
myself like if I were the sister blowing up, but
you is potentially she had some anxiety about the whitewater
rafting and you moving it like brought out this other stuff.
But she's also clearly been harboring resentments. And I'm so
bummed out that this happened to you, but I'm also
sorry this happened in front of your son, like any adults.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
Was one of the main issues for me was that
happened in front of my son. I couldn't y knock
her teeth out, you know, I couldn't. I couldn't scream
at her. I just went in the other direction.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
But that's okay because you don't want to scream in
yaw because that's a loss of control. Her screaming at
you in the middle of a whitewater rafting trip is
like a complete loss of control. So if any like
set's on her, Yeah, there's a million ways to have
a rational conversation when you have issues with somebody. Flipping
out in the middle of a trip is a loss
of control that you need to apologize for. That's where
(25:33):
accountability comes in. You have to go, God, that was
really inappropriate, especially in front of your kid.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
Yeah, and also if you don't have the guts to
tell me personally, you need an audience. I don't know
what that says about her, you know, I think she's
she's obviously triggered and maybe sounds like she's jealous of
whatever she thinks you have, including her brother.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Or angry just at her own circumstances. So what were
the complaints that she had about you? What did she say?
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (26:02):
My god, they were so ridiculous one of the main ones,
because I didn't hear them from her. The only thing
on the trip that I heard was that I keep
bringing up their childhood and she doesn't like that.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
I like to get really deep when I talk to people.
It's almost to a fault, Like I immediately start talking
about therapy, and you know, everybody needs therapy. Therapy is great.
And I live in South Alabama. I live in a
small southern town, but the people around here just aren't
that way, you know, And whenever I talk to them
about it, I can see they get uncomfortable. But I
almost take that as an opening to keep going and
(26:36):
like helping them just be happier and live happier lives. Almost,
you know, we don't have to worry about this other shit.
We can be on a happy path if we want to.
But I think maybe they did see me as a threat.
I don't know, maybe they saw me. That's what our
therapist is saying, that, like, I caused a disruption in
(26:57):
their family unit.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Which is no fault of yours.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
It's not a fault.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
I'm like, I'm just dating this guy.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
It's not a fault of yours at all. I mean,
I also think holding a mirror up to people, you know,
they get really threatened if they don't have the guts
to do that kind of self exploration, you know, and
admit things that you know maybe aren't the best about them.
But this is not your fault. I mean, God, I
just I want him to come to your aide.
Speaker 4 (27:26):
But I don't want it to be my decision. You know,
we had this conversation yesterday.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
I'm like, well, I was.
Speaker 4 (27:31):
What I would love for you to do is to
do this, you know, to go over there and stand
up for yourself and say this is who I am
and we're not mad about any of the complaints. His
mom is the one who came over and kind of
started using this opportunity to tell me about things that
have made her angry over the years about me, and
one of them was that I didn't help do dishes
on Thanksgiving two years ago. And on my side, I'm like,
(27:56):
all you had to do was ask, and I'll do
the dishes, you know. But also I don't really pick
up after myself when I'm invited to Thanksgiving dinner. You know,
it's like this was your house, you know, this is
your stuff, and but all you have to do is ask.
But it was really petty stuff like that, like I
didn't help pick up dishes at Thanksgiving, I didn't help
bring bags over to the campsite. I didn't help them
(28:17):
unload the stuff from their from their car to their tent.
Just things like that, and how they don't think I
treat their son right.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
But well, listen, all of these examples you are giving
are reasonable things for someone. Listen, when I go to
somebody's house, I don't know how to do dishes, but
I always clean up after myself, whether it's someone else's
house or not. That's just kind of like a nice
thing to do. So yeah, the things that they're saying, whatever,
it doesn't matter whether they're right or you're wrong. It's
just the matter of how you're having the conversation, right,
(28:47):
if they have resentments and like they shouldn't have to
ask you to come and help with the dishes as
a guest, you should try and help. And then they
either say no or thank you. You know what I mean,
No you sit down or thank you. You know, there's
there's a certain like measure of manners that you should
impart and when, especially when you're at your boyfriend's parents' house,
just out of decency. Right, So all of these things,
it's like, Okay, that's a good point, that's a bad point.
(29:09):
It doesn't matter. It's just a matter of the tenor
of the conversation. Because they've clearly painted you as this
person that doesn't help out wherever you go camping over
to Thanksgiving. They think you're selfish and that I would
imagine that you don't treat your boyfriend with respect in
their eyes, that's what they're thinking, right.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
It's funny. The dishes thing is a funny thing because
my daughter just recently said to me, she said, Mom,
I'm amazed at how badly behaved a lot of young
people are. She said, whenever we're at dinner at someone
else's house. She was like, mom my, sister and I
are always the first up to go help with the dishes.
And it's either oh my god, thank you so much
or no, no, no, Annie, sit down, like you know,
(29:49):
but it's that little gesture. There are little things that
go a long way, but these things feel that there's
something deeper. Yes, that they're using these petty things to say, Oh,
she's a princess, she doesn't want to help with anything.
You're obviously not that, but it feels like there's something deeper.
You know, you're taking her son away? Are you his
(30:09):
first real relationship? You know, you're the other woman with
regards to the sister. Whenever these things happen, it's always
about that person. The person doling out.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
The person doing that is the person with the issue
for sure.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yeah, and that's hard for you to say, but it's
also important to say to take accountability when it's when
you don't even feel like you've done anything wrong. You
know what I mean. To be a bigger person in
this larger conversation that you're having about your relationship, I
think it's really important for you to consider everything that
they're saying and whether or not you think you're wrong
or right, doesn't matter, right, It's just about the actual
(30:46):
tenor of the conversation. Because if you come back at
them calmly in a month or so or whatever and say, hey, listen,
I've thought a lot about everything you guys said, and
I want to take some accountability and responsibility for my
end of the thing, and I will definitely contribute more
and this and that. But I also you also need
something in return for that too. So when you're going
to therapy with you and your boyfriend, like when you
(31:07):
say your boyfriend doesn't know how to move on from this,
you've been together for four years, are you contemplating splitting
up over this?
Speaker 4 (31:14):
It was actually it was a thought just because I
felt like I was coming between him and his family.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
But isn't that a defensive thought though? Is that a
real thought or a defensive Yeah, it.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
Was totally an insecurity. It was fully based off of
he's going to choose them, so I better hurry up
and in this uh huh right, So I was just
this whole thing just made me really uncomfortable, Like the
face to face confrontation kind of scared me. And I'm like, well,
my son is traumatized, and I've tried to have open
conversations with him just just so he's not traumatized. Do
(31:49):
you think sitting down and having a face to face
conversation with his parents would be beneficial.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
I think that you need to. I think yes, I
think you're on the defense and you have every I
understand why, but I think you need to, like love
or your defenses and come from a place of understanding
and love because they're looking at you as a threat
and a loss. So like you have to be bigger
than that, and you have to go Okay, these people
are scared that they're going to lose their son. They
(32:14):
found a bunch of things they don't like about me.
Let me make this easier for everybody, you know what
I mean, And you be the bigger person who cares
how they behaved, who cares how they acted. You can
actually make like a blueprint for them moving forward on
how you're all going to communicate together. So it is
a big opportunity for you to be a bigger person
and to actually come from your heart, not being defensive,
(32:35):
not trying to get rid of him before he gets
rid of you, or get rid of him before his
family gets rid of you, because that's not really anything,
you know, then you might just be losing somebody that's
supposed to be in your life. If you put the
effort forth, coming from a place of love and then
it doesn't work out, then you have no regrets and
you have nothing to be ashamed about, nothing at all
to be ashamed about.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
And the most disarming thing is coming at people with love,
because I always say to my daughter's tug of war
only works if both people are pulling. And it's so
disarming to sort of say, all right, I'm going to
own my part in this. But when these conversations, I've
learned not to say you made me feel like this,
(33:16):
you did this. I say, when you said that, all
of this insecurity came up in me, and I'm so
sorry if I haven't. I didn't know that was the
proper I didn't know that's what you wanted. And I'll
always you know. And it's once you give them the
littlest thing, like you know, I'd love to help you
in the kitchen, didn't I didn't think Whatever the reason is,
(33:40):
then you've lowered the frenetic, like you said, the tenor
of the whole communication and then you can say, you know,
I'm not trying to steal your son. I love this,
you know, family, or whatever you have to say. But
I do think that once you come at it from
a place like Chelsea said, of love, nobody can fight
against that. There's no nothing to fight against. Now, they
(34:03):
may not be the kind of arrived people emotionally that
will be able to handle it. You kind of have
to be ready for that too, you know. And then
you're like, look, I'm not I'm not trying to fight
with you. I'm trying to understand because I felt hurt
and I felt embarrassed in front of my son, and
this is an important moment. You know, we were on
(34:25):
a vacation. That's a very intimate thing, and I don't
want that to be the memory from this. Can we
move through this and can we have an open conversation
so that we can all own this and own our
truth without hurting each other.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Yeah, it's such a good perspective. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
Yeah, it's the harder thing to do. It's the high road,
you know. Oh yeah, but it's so admirable and it's
so freeing because like Chelsea said, then there's zero regret.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
And also there's no defensive like you know, if she's defensive,
if the sister's defensive, if the mother's defensive, you don't
match that defensiveness. The only way to diffuse that is
to have no reaction to that, right, So if someone's
screaming at you and you're not screaming back at them
and you're just looking at them, then where do they go?
But that situation just diffuses. It has to because you
(35:14):
can't yell alone. So like that's where I would say
to a you know, to go to mentally when you
have this conversation, and should be in person, and it
should be with the whole family because they owe you
that for putting you in that situation in the first place,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
And also I think that he obviously these are two
very strong women in his life. Was that his dad there?
Speaker 4 (35:36):
Mom and dad weren't on the raft with us. They
were back at the campsite. Oh okay, but yeah he
was there so to speek.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
I wonder if that's the dynamic that has been set
since he was a little boy. You know, you've got
these two demonstrative women, then he always is silenced or
his masculinity is not you know important, or he watches
how his mother treats his dead or whatever that is, Like,
that's the stuff that that's coming up and hopefully will
be dealt with in therapy. But what's really hard to
(36:04):
do is to put him also in a position like saying,
why didn't you stick up for me? That's also a
defensive you know, that's also very difficult because if he
doesn't know how to stick up for himself and probably
never did as a child or with these women, it
doesn't matter how much he loves you, it's gonna he
doesn't have the tools yet. He hasn't learned how to
(36:25):
stick up for yourself, vote with love.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
And remember if that's his blueprint for women, like you're
also that woman in his life, another strong willed, powerful woman,
So remember that when you're dealing with him, because you
want to have your own dynamic with him, so that
there's also value in dissecting that and therapy with alone
and with each other.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
Oh my gosh, he's never really uncovered any truths about
his past until recently. So while I'm like repairing from
what happened on the camping trip, he's repairing from all
all these years of trauma and from his childhood unlearning
things that he learned as a kid.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
Wow, that kind of patience is huge. And you know,
I've found in my relationships that I'm always better off
if I somehow give them the space to have whatever
and without being the one that says you have to
do this and I want this, and because you can
(37:23):
do all that. By the way, the fact that he's
going to therapy with you is huge.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Huge, Yeah, it is huge.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
Oh yeah, And I think that that's where you guys
can heal, you know, I think in that together and
that's just yours, that's nothing that's not his family.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (37:41):
Yeah, we did make the decision this year. I was
going to ask you, So, my birthday is the day
after Christmas. His birthday is on the thirtieth, and every
year on Christmas Eve, we go to his uncle's house
for this big Christmas Eve thing. His sister and his
nephew go and his mom and dad and just kind
of an intimates Eve thing. We made the decision not
(38:02):
to go just because his sister's going to be there.
It was hard, but we made the decision. So I
was listening to him one day we were on our
lunch break and he got emotional talking about not going
to Christmas Eve. So I'm like, what, I'm going to
throw a surprise party for him. I've got to do
something for him. I've got to repair this. He's upset.
So I texted his mom and I said, I'd love
(38:24):
to throw a surprise party on the thirtieth, on his birthday.
I'd love for you guys to be there, if you
could bring his nephew, and if you could reach out
to his uncles as well to come, I.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Would love that.
Speaker 4 (38:36):
And they said, what is Mom's response was this puts
us in an uncomfortable position because they wouldn't want to
bring the sun without his mom. They're basically his sister,
and I understand that for sure, But now I'm like, well,
since I was shot down, that was kind of embarrassing
because I've put myself out there.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
But you're being defensive again. You're being defensive, yeah, but as.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
You put yourself out there in a way that's very hard,
because what that is that's almost like you're doubling down
yes by going, oh, yeah, well I'm going to throw
this party for him, that's not.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
And then but putting them in a position where they're
not going to invite their own daughter. So that's not
correct what you did. Okay, I'm going to be very
honest with you, obviously because I can't be anything else.
But I think you were really coming from a place
where you have to adjust a little bit now too.
These people definitely have adjustments to make, but you need
to adjust because you're putting them in a position where
they have to leave out their daughter for their son's
(39:33):
birth birthday party. Think about that. That's not cool for
you to do to a family, and that is a
disruption to a family. And if the most generous thing
you can do is send his mother a text back
and say, you know what, Okay, I understand that this
puts you in a difficult position. He's very upset about
missing Christmas Eve. Either agree to go with him and
(39:53):
go together and barry the hatchet and send everyone an
email beforehand saying this is such an important holiday for
your boyfriend and I want to be there for him,
and I just want to be there in support and
love and I don't want to have any issues or
any problems. However, you want to say it in the
most gracious way you can find Unearthed all of the
(40:13):
therapy that you have gleaned and use it and give
it out right now, and then go to this Christmas
Eve dinner if you can, if not, let him go
without you, you know, let him be with his family.
Don't take people's families from them. Oh yeah, you know.
Speaker 4 (40:26):
No, I definitely don't want I don't want it to
be my decision at all.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Right, but just offer it up, I say offered.
Speaker 3 (40:32):
I mean I was going to say that early. I
was just trying to ease and do it. But I
think the best thing you can do for him and
for yourself is to go to No. I don't believe
they've uninvited you. I'm assuming not, but to go and
kill him with kindness and whatever it is. I'm sorry
(40:53):
I didn't help you in the kitchen. I know holidays
are really stressful. I wasn't thinking properly jump in the
kitchen and be like I'm cleaning all the dishes or
without making it a thing, but saying like, I apologize,
What can I do to help?
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Yeah, you don't even have to bring up the dishes.
Just go there this time and help and do all
the things that they accused you of. Just go in there.
You don't have to make it a thing, have a conversation,
just a show by example that you heard what they said,
regardless of how they came to you, and regardless of
the altercation that happened on the boat. You be the
bigger person. This is a huge opportunity for you to
go in. You were going to leave that Christmas Eve
(41:28):
dinner feeling fucking victorious. Yeah, God, I hope so you are.
I promise you you are. You're going to report back
to us right after.
Speaker 3 (41:36):
Also, and that's the most loving thing that you can
do for yourself and for your boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
And you need to apologize to his mother for putting
them in that situation. Also, just say, you know what,
I wasn't thinking. You're right. I wasn't thinking that wasn't right.
I'm very sorry for doing that, and I apologize, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
And then leave it at that. Just then that's it.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
You put that in a text back to her, you know,
which she said, you're putting us in an uncomfortable situation.
Was that a text from her?
Speaker 4 (42:03):
Yeah, that was a text from his mom.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
Yeah, I think you should apologize to her, say you're right,
I didn't see it that way, I get it now,
and then whether you want to text them about showing
up for Christmas or talk to your boyfriend and how
he wants to handle it, but let him know that
you're ready to go and play ball and have a
great time and there are no hard feelings and you
can deal with the other stuff later.
Speaker 4 (42:25):
Do you think that I should have a conversation with
his sister and I just don't see no confrontation kind
of Well.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
You can send her a text or an email and
just say, hey, listen, Christmas Eve is coming up. This
is what's your boyfriend's name, Taylor, Taylor. I know we
have some stuff, unfinished business or whatever however you want
to frame it, but be like, this is the holiday season.
I just want Taylor to be with his family and
be happy. I know this is meaningful to him. I'm
going to do my best to show up for you
(42:52):
guys in the ways that you don't think I have
or whatever. Just you know what I mean. Vacline the
whole situation and then go in and demonstrate the fact
that you heard what they said and you're still in therapy.
You guys have all the time in the world to
figure out the nuances and the intricacies of how you
want to handle this situation. But in the meantime, go
and show yourself and make the situation lovely. It's a
(43:16):
good challenge for yourself. You don't have to get into
it with anybody. If anyone says anything untoured towards you,
just let it roll over, you know, let it roll
off your back. Use it as an exercise.
Speaker 3 (43:26):
And also you've said more than one time, I don't
want it to be my decision. Well, it has to
be your decision, but it has to be your decision
under the right auspices, you know, with the right heart,
because he's in trauma with them all, with the whole
process and dealing with issues that he's had with his
parents or with his mom and his sister. You know,
(43:48):
this is not the first time. I'm sure something they
have put him in some this position before. He's looking
to you, also without saying it, to make a decision,
but do it because of love, and they won't have
anything to fight against. But you know, Chelsea's right, like
the actions are going to speak louder than any text
any words.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Yeah, And I want you to think about it in
this way when you go in there. This relationship may
work and there or this relationship may not work. But
either way, they were always going to look back at
the Christmas Eve that their son missed and blame the
girl that was beat the cause of that. Yeah, So
don't be that girl person, Go be the girl that
actually looked over all of it and said, fuck it,
we're coming anyway. I'm a bigger person than this. I'm
(44:28):
not going to let you bring me down. I'm going
to be here to support my boyfriend, and I'm going
to be here and show you what a loving family
member I can be, just for now, just so that
that's not the memory that any of you have that
he missed at Christmas Eve with his family because of
some woman, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (44:43):
Yeah? Absolutely, and your son too. It's really good for
your son to see how you've processed this information and
see how you show up. Oh yeah, see how you
show up for yourself and the graciousness of that is
such a good trait.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
Yeah, Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
That Yeah.
Speaker 4 (45:01):
I really need to stop being defensive.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
Yes, stop being defensive, and think of these two words,
grace and dignity. Grace and dignity whenever I am dealing
with somebody that I want to fucking kill. I think
about grace and dignity and then I just exude that
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (45:17):
And yeah, and putting myself in an uncomfortable position is
only going to be beneficial for me. You know, nothing
bad can come from that.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
They also, you know that they've put you in a
position to It's like they're trying to win, right, and
so if you cow away or then pull him away,
they they've won. You know, they've won, and they're right
in everything they've said. But if you show them in
the merit that they're actually not right and this is
how and this is why, then there's nothing else. Either
(45:45):
there's something much much deeper, and it'll come out or
it won't come out. But the important thing is is
that you are taking this and saying, wow, I had
no idea. Whether you agree with it or not is
not the point. Yeah, these little like.
Speaker 4 (46:00):
I hurt them in some way and just that alone.
Speaker 3 (46:04):
Did they ever say that word you hurt me?
Speaker 1 (46:07):
No?
Speaker 4 (46:07):
But you know, there were a lot of different things
that happened that were said. I don't really remember all
of them. I just immediately put up a guard, immediately
got defensive, like whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa Like y'all
have never said this to me. And that's kind of
what I was focusing on, was the fact that they've
never said that to me, but they're saying it now,
so now I address it, you know, yes.
Speaker 3 (46:29):
And also you know this is the way you've really
always felt about me. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to
do anything to you, and that it was never my intention, And.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
Try not to play like a victim role at all.
Just try not to be emotional about it. I understand
you have your emotions and you have your right to them,
but like, just try to be even and just think
about grace and dignity throughout the whole thing. Even if
someone says something untowared or unkind or a little you know, slight,
you can just look the other way and just not engage,
(47:00):
not react. It's not your place. You're just here to
support your boyfriend. That's it. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (47:04):
Don't make it about me, right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Yeah, And don't make it a self fulfilling prophecy that
you're the gal coming in to keep him from his family.
Speaker 4 (47:12):
I'm being the bigger person. Yeah, yeah, this is what
this is yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:16):
And yeah, don't expect a like a metal or anything either,
Like that's they'd be like, but I've done the altruistic thing,
you know, and it's like, yeah, that's not the way
it works. And it's like it's almost like you have
to do a random act of kindness, you know.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
A very targeted, random active kindness.
Speaker 4 (47:32):
Yeah, to snap out of it.
Speaker 3 (47:34):
My mom used to pay the toll of the car
behind us and then just keep driving and she and
I'd say, oh, well, you know, they don't know it
to you, and she goes, that's why it's a random
active kindness. You don't pull over on the side of
the road and point to yourself. I paid me. You
know you're welcome. Now you do it without getting anything.
Speaker 1 (47:52):
Back, right, Yeah?
Speaker 2 (47:54):
Yeah, well Jesse, let us know how it goes, okay,
and I will very good luck.
Speaker 3 (48:01):
Thank you. I think there's son. It's the best thing
to do for.
Speaker 4 (48:03):
Your son, to conflict of a resolution. We've been talking
a lot about about that, like how kids will see
arguments and they don't see them resolved. So but I
can't thank y'all enough. This was like huge for me,
and I'm just I'm really, really, really happy that I
got to talk to all all.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
Right, well, good luck with everything, okay, thank you, and
keep us posting Essie.
Speaker 3 (48:26):
Okay, thank you, I will all right, bye, bye bye, Brooke.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
You're so good at this.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
Oh god, I've never done anything like this before in
my life. I'm sweating you, guys.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
She took up our whole fucking episode. I was like,
oh my god, this is a serious situation, because, you
know what, when that call started, I was like same,
And once they I realized what they said to her,
I'm like, well, wait a second, maybe they have a
fucking point, because you know, there are obviously two sides
to every story. And then with her defensiveness, I'm like, okay,
we're gonna have to spend a little extra time with
her because she does need to take it down a notch.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
Right, Right, if someone showed up in my house, I
don't care who they are, and they didn't at least
attempt to help with the dishes, it's like one oh one.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
So that's a little bit of skew. Right, You don't say,
nobody's gonna say, can you come help with the dishes?
As a guest? No, I don't have That's not their job.
To ask you.
Speaker 3 (49:15):
It's your job to get my mom. This was I
was like a kid, kid, like five or something, and
I went over to this little rich boy's house and
after we were finished eating, I brought my dishes to
the sink. And the mom called my mom later and said, yes, well,
we just wanted you to know that we have people
(49:35):
to do that. And so you tell your daughter that
she shouldn't bring her dishes to the sink. And my
mother said, well, we don't have people, and don't worry
about it because she's never coming over to your house again. Click.
She was always like, come on, kim On, you're gonna
do it. Their little things go a long way.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Yeah, yeah, seriously.
Speaker 2 (50:00):
So let's take a quick break and we'll be right
back to wrap up with Brooke and Chelsea.
Speaker 1 (50:09):
And we're back to wrap up with Bookshield, who it's
been as a light as Oh my god, good advice. Brook.
That was our longest call ever, I think, Catherine.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
So but it was complicated.
Speaker 3 (50:21):
Well, I'm kind of both.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
No, I was down for it. Listen, I could have
been on the phone with her all day. I'm down
with that right totally.
Speaker 2 (50:29):
Well, you know what, Brooke, do you have any advice
you'd like from Chelsea?
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Yes, Brook, do you have any advice you'd like to
ask me?
Speaker 3 (50:35):
Well, there was one bit of advice that I was like,
because I don't this is really from your special because
I'm really bad with any kind of drug, Like I
can't take anything. And I was like, I'm going to
ask her what she thinks would work for me to
sort of dial me down a little bit every once
in a while so that I could relax a little more.
Speaker 1 (50:57):
Yeah, honestly, I don't think you're think you're cut out
for drugs either. I know what you mean. I know.
I mean, like a hit of a joint would be
fine for you. Not an edible because those are like
long being, but like just a hit, not a joint,
but just a hit would just take the edge off
and make you a little bit loosey, goosey and giggly
and not probably as tightly wound as you may feel,
because I can I know you and you've talked about it,
(51:20):
and you know I feel tightly wound a lot of
the times too, even though people would not find that
hard to believe. I am. You know, I can be
really stressed out about stuff, and I find a hit
of a joint, not a smoking a joint. A cannabis
drink would be good too. I'll send you some leisure
Town here.
Speaker 3 (51:34):
So you know what I'd do, though, is I try
to beat it, like I try to win at it.
So the moment where you go, wait a minute, did
I did I just go somewhere or no, I'm back?
That makes me like panic?
Speaker 1 (51:47):
Yeah, I know. I can't need to have like less
than two and a half milligrams. You need leisure Town.
This is a cannabis drink that has two and a
half milligrams. You have to start with that and it
just microdose and that's it and that's all you need
and you will feel it and you won't get crazy
and you won't go overboard.
Speaker 3 (52:03):
Okay, I mean I like tequila.
Speaker 1 (52:05):
Oh you do like tequila? Yeah, I liked I loved you.
There's nothing wrong with drinking. You don't have a drinking problem. Books.
You don't have to worry about becoming your mother. That's
already a wrap like You're not that person, right.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
I do have one question, though this is a different
type of question as a you said you're not an actress,
but you really your talent and your performance, the level
of rejection that is in this industry, Yes, how do
you find the way to say no, I'm I'm really
(52:38):
good and I'm going to keep putting myself out there
and I'm not going to take it personally. You know,
when you get doors slammed in your face or you
don't get so many of these things, what's the thing
inside you that makes you say no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nope, nope, nope.
I will not be rejected like this.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
I'm a hustler. God, that's me too, And you're always
gonna hear I've been here this whole time. So you've
been here for thirty something years forty well for you,
I don't even know how many years are fifty seven.
Speaker 3 (53:07):
Because I started when I was eleven months old.
Speaker 1 (53:09):
Right, Okay, there you go, And so you've been here
this whole time, so you're not going anywhere. So fuck
anybody who says no. Listen, rejection fucking sucks. I've rejected
all the time too. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts,
it hurts, But it's not all there is. There's always
there's acceptance, and there's the one person that says yes,
or the one person that gives you the deal or
the opportunity or the podcast or this or that. And
(53:29):
when you're a hustler, you will always find a way.
So that's what you are.
Speaker 3 (53:33):
That's the way I've lived my life. And you know,
people will say to me, oh, you have such a
varied career. I'm like, why do you think that is?
That's when I'm shut out over here. I'm like, oh, God,
write a book or you know. And right, it's because
I will not not be creative in some way or another.
I just I hadn't heard you say it that way.
(53:56):
I've always when people say how are you, I say,
it's all a h no matter what, it's all awesome. Yeah,
And there's something liberating about that too.
Speaker 1 (54:06):
So yeah, you know what. Also, I'm proud of being
a hustler. I'd love to go that's a fucking great
way to be.
Speaker 3 (54:12):
Yeah, my mom would be proud of both of us.
Speaker 1 (54:15):
Well, thank you Brooks so much. It was such a
fun time talking to you. Thanks for taking the time
to do this.
Speaker 3 (54:20):
Thank you. You look like you're in a beautiful, snowy place.
I hope you're in a special place, whatever that is,
and enjoying the weather.
Speaker 1 (54:28):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3 (54:29):
I am good, feel better.
Speaker 1 (54:31):
Thank you so much. Have a great Thanks you, bruh.
Speaker 3 (54:33):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (54:34):
Don't forget to watch my special on Netflix. You guys revolution.
It's a revolution.
Speaker 2 (54:39):
So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us
an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by
Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered
by Brad Dickert.
Hi there everybody. What's going on? Hi Chelsea, what's happening?
Hui's go in really good.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Actually, our little puppy is growing up. He's a month
older and you know, getting potty trained, getting there, getting there.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Wendell Begnet is a month older. Poor Wendell Beignet. What's
going to happen to Wendall's life?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
He's going to get chubby like a pugshit, He's.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Going to come out of the closet very soon. Oh yes, yes,
he's definitely. He's definitely gay. For sure.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
He for sure is with a name like that. Well, Chelsea,
I have a quick follow up for you. This is
from Rachel. She called in on our mic Berbiglia episode
and she was the one who was getting married and
her brother in law was not letting her sister's kids
come to the wedding. Hi, Catherine and Chelsea. I'm so
sorry about just now replying. I was waiting and hoping
(00:49):
that something would possibly change, but unfortunately that did not happen.
My niece and nephew will sadly not be a part
of my wedding. We're about forty days from the big day,
and after trying to reach out to my ex brother
in law again. We've just accepted the situation as it is.
It's been about eight months since he and I have spoken,
and things are so messy that he and my sister
still have to communicate through a co parenting app for
(01:12):
documentation and legal purposes. It's a parent that he's hurting
deep down, and I just hope he can get some
help and heal one day. On the bright side, my
sister seems happier than ever nowadays. She's thriving in her
career as an elementary school principle, and she's been able
to really focus on herself for the first time in
a while. So we've taken your advice and decided to
have a private quote pretend wedding in my parents' backyard
(01:35):
the week before our wedding. That way, my niece and
nephew can be our flower girl and ring bearer and
have all the attention and happiness directed toward them. Truthfully,
I just want them to be okay and not have
their childhood stripped of their innocence. Chelsea and Catherine, you
two are awesome. Thank you for keeping us all laughing
during some shitty situations. Love Rachel PS. I'll be sure
(01:56):
to send a picture of the three of us at
our backyard wedding. Stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Oh that's cute, nice solution. That's good. Yeah, that's all
good vibes. Too bad about the brother, but whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
And sometimes we just have to let other people do
what they're going to do and make the best of
a situation. And I'm really happy that she's choosing to
do that. We've got an amazing guest today, Chelsea.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yeah, we do. Actually we just worked together sort of
but not really. We both did Kim Kardashian's Skim's campaign
bra campaign, uh huh, and we both I noticed, used
the same hair dresser. Oh, hair dresser, that's like an
art an outdated term. But anyway, hair stylist Vernado, the
sky Ronado, and her hair looked so badass during the
(02:41):
campaign or for the photos. When we got all the photos,
I was like, I thought my hair looked good. And
then I saw brook Shields's hair and I was like,
whoa wait, But then I realized she's Brookshields. Yes, that's
who our guess is today, Brooks Shields.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Yeah, she is known for her luscious hair.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Oh, she's known for her lusciousness.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Absolutely. She is an actress, model, CEO and host of
the Now What podcast. Please welcome Brookshields. Hi, Brooke, Hi, Hi,
how are you?
Speaker 3 (03:09):
I'm good?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
How are you?
Speaker 3 (03:10):
How are you feeling?
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Oh? My god better? But I sell my throat still
has a pickle, a tickle pickle every I guess it
must be post nasal drip. But I'm lying in bed
and I go like this fifty thousand times. I'm glad
I'm single at this time in my life because I
don't know who would want to have sex with me. All.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
I always like this, Chris does that, My husband Chris
does It drives me insane because it's neither nor It's
not a great cough and it's not really it's something else.
Commit to one or the other.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
On the subject of your husband, Chris. Actually good place
to start for us because I knew Chris years ago,
which I think I told you about. I used to
wait tables at a place called Roasty on Montana and
Chris was a young writer who would come in and
he was a really nice guy, and I think he
had some friends and he would come in with other
writer guys. Yeah, And he would come in and That's
how I knew him. And then he went off and
(04:05):
married you, and then I never saw him again.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Well see where was the natural progression?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yeah, exactly Matt, who stopped speaking to me completely. Oh
he said to say hi, by the way, Oh tell
him I say hi back, please.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
I will, I will, I will, I will.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
But you guys have had such a long successful relationship, marriage, partnership.
I was wondering if you could speak to that and
tell us a little bit about how you feel about
your side of the street and your relationship, how you
feel like you've grown as a woman within your relationship
with having a family and everything, because these are things
(04:43):
I can't really relate to. So I'm so curious.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
I'm his first marriage, or he likes to say I'm
her current marriage. But I had a marriage before, and
I think that that was probably a really great thing
because I learned really what I didn't want in a relationship.
Maybe I should have learned it without having to actually
(05:06):
go through the marriage, but I think that it's first
of all, it's a lot is attributable to him because
he's a very solid person. He doesn't get threatened easily
by any of any of that. I come with a lot.
You know, I come with a lot. It's it's hard,
not only my history, but because I'm recognized and because
(05:30):
the world feels like they own me. I think that,
you know, I come with a lot. So he's very,
very patient. And one of the things that I think
what he was willing to do is adapt to certain
things that I have asked him. For instance, when we
first met, it was always funny how he would make
fun of me. And he made fun of me like,
(05:52):
just I do really geeky, stupid things, and like I'm
that kid that always had the different color highlighters and
I'm organizing and I like underlining, and you know, I
just I do things that are kind of geeky. And
he used to make fun of me, or the fact
that I couldn't cook. And it was cute in the
beginning because it was it felt really personal, but it
(06:14):
was never mean. But they were little things. And as
you know, like ten years into the relationship, I said
to him, you know what, I'm growing as a person
and I don't want to self deprecate as much as
I used to in the same way and for the
same reasons. And you kind of knocking me down a
couple of pegs doesn't feel cute anymore to me.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
And I know it sounds like a bait and switch,
and I know I'm changing the terms here, but we
all have to adapt. And you've mentioned accountability when we
were talking one time, and I think that there is
accountability to You're not trying to change the other person,
but there are certain things that have to become a compromise,
and you have to be able to express what you
(06:58):
need and also be able to change in little ways
that do make a huge difference to your partner. And
that type of back and forth in exchange has been
just really healthy for us. Wow. Yeah, Like he'll if
I start a sentence with to him, I don't think
you realize how much I have on my plate, or
(07:20):
something like that, he cannot stand it because it underestimates
how much he really does understand about me and my life,
and so he'll get prickly with something like that. So
I have to keep in mind that that's not a kind,
that's not a rhetoric. That it just makes him bristle
and he in a second, he's got his eye up,
(07:42):
you know. So I think that the willingness to be
you know, people say, oh, friendship, and so first of all,
laughter is just key. I mean, he just makes me
laugh and that's been a big part of our relationship.
He is such a good father and he's in the time,
and that makes being a mother so much more palatable
(08:06):
in many ways for me, even though I've always wanted
to have kids. It's really not easy, and it's a
full time.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
It's just forever, and then some it's forever, and then
some it's never over now.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
And sometimes loving that much it's just to pain the ass.
You're just like, why am I doing this to myself?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yeah, I can imagine.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
It's the kind of worry that you're just like, God,
did I want to feel this horrible? It's weird. I mean,
I have that conversation with a really good friend of
mine and she's sort of belaboring the fact that she's
not having children and she never wanted them, And then
the clock got a certain to a certain place, and
(08:48):
then it became difficult, and then it became, oh, no,
what am I missing out on? And I said, you know,
don't lose sight of how you can get love from
her husband's grandchildren or how you know. And also to
keep in mind that she never was motivated to have
to do it wasn't a part of her the way
(09:08):
it was a part of me.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
I say that in my stand up special, my new
standup special, I talk about like, if you're on the
fence at all about becoming a mother, then don't become
a mother. Like if you're questioning it, if you're not
one hundred and fifty percent in in it and saying
like this is what I want, I can't live without it,
then you shouldn't have a baby because it is that
kind of commitment. You can't be like, well, I guess
I'm getting older and I may as well have one.
(09:30):
You know, tell your friends to call me. I'll just
shake her out.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Well, it's also true that, you know, ay, I don't
I respect the way you talk about it, because not
everybody should want to have children. If they don't want to,
they shouldn't be shamed into it. And it's a you know,
it is also it's the kind of thing that there's
a lot to it, and you know it's not going
to fix a relationship. I hear couples talk about, you know,
(09:55):
their marriage is having trouble and they think a baby
is going to fix it.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Trust me, No, it's not that whatever your problems are
become magnified right when you have a baby, absolutely, and
then the blame starts and you're just like, this is
just becoming degraded. Now what Okay? Because I know you have,
You've spoken a lot and written a lot about your
relationship and the difficulties with your relationship with your own mother,
(10:20):
and so I think for your I'm so curious about
when you became a mother. I mean, you must have
had such an inner dialogue going on for fear of
replicating any of the stuff that was so painful or
hurtful to you.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
The weirdest thing is I've done so much work on
myself in therapy for decades that I focused on the
things that I want to replicate rather than just the
things I didn't want to replicate because I had done
so much work. And so to compare myself in any
way in a negative way to a woman who really
(10:56):
was so broken and couldn't do the work on herself
or for herself, and you know it's not only just alcoholic.
I don't think she could ever get through step seven
or whatever the amends one is. But I think that
her humor was so important, her willingness to have fun
with me, her belief that I should always have someone
(11:20):
my own age around me, even within this industry. Her
very frank way of discussing anything. You know, she was ballsy,
and that really protected me. And so I try to
remember those things, and I try to be careful about
my drinking because I know that that is in my blood.
(11:42):
I'm surprised at how how much freedom emotionally I give
my kids. You know how, I never thought that talking
to them about sex and talking to I thought because
my mother never talked to me about anything. You just
were told, don't do it, you'll burn an hell. And
then I became sort of known for being a virgin.
(12:05):
We talk about everything together and I have no judgment
and I'm shocked at myself. Wow, you know, I mean,
we talk about it all, and I didn't think that
i'd be comfortable with it on that level.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Yeah, I can see what you mean by that. I mean,
I'm just thinking about my nieces and nephews and I'm like, yeah,
I guess I would be the closest to non judgmental,
but I'm still they're like my little babies and I'm like,
I can't even think about the things that they might
be getting up to right now.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
It's crazy. It's just so crazy. And but I, you know,
I always say, it's just it's important that you have
an ally within these these times in your life because
you're gonna need it. And who better than your mom
in my case with her, because I'm always going to
(12:57):
be here for whatever it is. I'm like, but don't
be an idiot.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Do either of your girls remind you of your mom? Oh,
that's a great question. There are sometimes when my older
daughter will do something that is just so defiant, like
she's got balls, my daughter, And you think that I
would see my mom do that, or she would do
(13:22):
things just to be the first one dancing on the
table or something like that. So there are some kind
of ballsy and her sense of humor, My mom's sense
of humor does really sort of breathe through Rowan in particular. Yeah,
that's cool. That must be really like meaningful to see
(13:42):
it is because I'll say things that my mother would
have said that just can sound borderline, Like you know,
when a dog is outside the deli or something and
they're looking inside to see where their master is like
their masters, like they just can't they can only look
at theirs, her or whatever.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
My mother used to walk by the dogs and go,
she's never coming back, which is a sick joke. It's
a sick joke. And and my mom was full of
sick jokes like that, and so and I would like
try them out on rowan and she was like, Mom,
that's so sick, but it's so fucking funny.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
That's cute. Well, I think that's a really beautiful sentiment.
You know. Taking the best out of a relationship is
what we should all be doing, out of our difficult relationships,
out of our beautiful relationships, out of our best relationships,
but taking the best things about that and trying to
replicate those instead of focusing on the things that you
don't want to replicate, focusing on the things that you do.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
The minute you start going down the road of the
things you don't want or the things that are bad,
you're now demonizing this person even more, especially if they're
not alive, right, and then you're not even giving yourself
a chance to sort of not live with rose colored
glasses about who they were, but to also sort of
say people are complex and I'm going to try to
(15:07):
shift this and start with a positive rather than, you know,
making myself terrified that i'm you know things. I'm my
own person too, you know, And I think that that's
important for people to remember, is that they are they
can be their own people.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Right exactly. Okay, So we are going to take a
quick break, and then we're going to come back and
get to some callers who need some life advice. Brook,
We're going to dish it out, okay, and give real
people advice on what to do in situations. Catherine, are
we ready to take a quick break. We're ready to
take a quick Yes, Oh my god, we're taking a
break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
And we're back and we're back.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Well, you know what, I'm going to switch up the
order that I intended these in because we've already been
talking about dogs, and I see you have it's Pepper
right of Pepper there at it's.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Clearly bored because she just got up and left down.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Aren't dogs all bored all the time? Is not where
there's sleeping all of the time, and my dogs are
sleeping all of the time.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
I feel like cats are more bored than dogs. I
think I don't know. Mine is so neurotic and insecure.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
My dogs are like cats.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I have two cat dogs, wow, and I have a
neurotic separation anxiety dog Milcks. She's a Portuguese water dog.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
I mean, I oh, those are nice dogs. What happens
when you have a dog in the city. Isn't that
just a fucking huge pain in the ass brook to
have to go outside into the city every time they
need to go out.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Yeah, it's it can be a bit can be, but
you know, you get your dog people in town and
we are able to leave the city in the summer
and have the best of both worlds. I mean, what's
hard is making sure your dog can tell you when
they have to go to the bathroom, which, like I
now know her look obviously when she's got to go,
(16:53):
but she's not clear, Like she doesn't go to the
door and like paw the door. So there's been many
a package left for eh.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Yes, we trained our little pog Mimsy using bells, so
she if she has to go out, she just goes
and rings the bell. I mean we take her out
at regular intervals anyway. But it's it's a life saver.
It's a carpet saver.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Yeah, well it's too fucking late for us, Sat. Thanks
for the hot tip. Now, I mean, we can't train
these dogs to ring doorbells, sorry or bells?
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Dog can't learn? Okay, Well, and I actually just got
a new puppy. But I actually picked this question for
you weeks ago. So this question comes from Lindsay. Lindsay says,
Dear Chelsea, should we get.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
A new dog.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
It's been over four years since our dog passed away.
She felt like a soulmate to me and we went
through so many life events together. I loved her in
a way that makes my heart burst even today. Her
passing was tragic and took years to get through. I
feel her presence all the time, and I miss her
every day. In the last year, I've been finding myself
wanting the physical presence of a dog again. However, I'm
(17:56):
terrified of not feeling that same love for a new dog.
Well also being terrified that I'll feel that strong feeling again,
which ultimately means I'll feel terrible loss again. We travel often,
have two senior cats and a six year old. Our
lives are busy, so I also wonder if maybe the
timing isn't right to add a dog to our family.
How will I know when the time is right? How
do I get past the fear, Lindsey.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Just get a fucking dog, Lindsay. I mean, this is
not a hard problem at all.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
Go get a dog, and don't compare that dog all
the time to your deceased little love bug. Because it
took me a while too, and I was like, I'm
not gonna love this dog as much, and then I
was resistant, and poor dog didn't know the difference. She
didn't know my other dog. You know, I just think,
get a dog, and it's good for a little girl
(18:43):
to grow up with with a dog. I mean, yeah,
you know you're gonna end up doing all the work, obviously, but.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Also once you get a new dog, your love transfers.
You don't have any choice but to love and focus
on that dog that you're not gonna have be comparing
it to your other dog, even like I've had so
many dogs, and every time you just have a different
kind of love for them, you're like, oh my god,
this is my number one now. It actually helps you
get over the loss of the other one too.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Actually too, And if you have just one kid, I
mean think about if you had another daughter, would you
only love the six year old more than the baby?
I doubt it, Yeah, exactly, So you just it's like
growing another heart.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
So buck up and just go get that dog.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Okay, I think so, Lindsey, get the dog.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Well that was easy.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
That was probably the easiest question we've ever gotten.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
So oh boy, Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Well, our next question comes from Jesse. She's a caller.
She says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend and I recently went
on a camping trip with his whole family, mom, dad's sister,
and his nephew. My nine year old son and our
dog also joined us. Three days in, we had reservations
to go whitewater rafting with my boyfriend's sister, her son,
(19:57):
my son, and my boyfriend. Of the river was amazing.
We were all laughing, screaming, and having the best time.
Shortly into it, I decided to move back a seat
to sit next to my boyfriend. His sister is an
aggressive type A and promptly turns around to tell me
to move back to my original seat. I told her
it should be fine because I'm still peddling in the
(20:18):
same area I was before. She continued to tell me no,
I need to move back. While raising her voice, I
told her not to talk to me like that, and
all hell broke loose.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Uh oh rot row mmmmm.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
She used this moment to stand up, point her finger
in my face while telling me all the things she's
always hated about me since day one. She concluded it
by saying, and I'm not the only one who feels
this way. I immediately broke down and cried the rest
of the two hour trip down the river. We packed
up our camp and drove back home. As soon as
we got back to the campsite, his mom and dad
(20:51):
sided with his sister and also doubled down on all
the resentments they have had toward me for the four
years we've been together. Oh, nothing they've said makes any
sense to me, and I honestly feel broken, sad, and confused.
I lost my dad to COVID in twenty twenty and
have considered his family my family. I can feel the
energy shift in my relationship with my boyfriend, and I
(21:12):
truly don't know where to go from here. Please help Jesse.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Oh, no, Jesse, Hi, Jesse, Hi, Jesse, Hey, this is
our special guest, Brookshields is here today.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Hi Brooke. HII, so nice to see y'all.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
I mean, first of all, rap trips are not easy.
They're they're challenging, and they're they bring out a lot
in people.
Speaker 4 (21:37):
I think that was that was one of the issues
for sure.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
What did you how did your Have you spoken at
length to your boyfriend about all of this?
Speaker 4 (21:47):
We actually both started seeing a therapist. We both see
the same therapists now, which is convenient. So on Sundays
basically that he does him at ten am and me
at eleven am, and we're both kind of talking it
out with our cool so, I mean, we're just we're
trying to get through it. It's just it was a
lot and he's not really sure where to go from
(22:07):
here either.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Like what is he saying? Like how does he feel?
I mean, what does he agree with his family? Did
he know that they felt this way?
Speaker 4 (22:16):
He he's a different person with them than he is
with me. He is very quiet around them, he's very
doesn't really speak as mine. But when he's with me,
he's like, that was obviously crazy, you know, And basically
I don't want to surround myself with somebody that's really
negative and that just brings that energy around, so he
(22:36):
doesn't really agree with it at all.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Well usually though, But there's also a part in a
relationship where to a certain extent, your partner has to
be able to stick up for you in some way,
and it can be done in a loving way. But
you are his choice. His family. He didn't have a
choice about. You know, is he older or younger than
the sister.
Speaker 4 (22:57):
He's younger. She's actually my age and he's three years
younger than me.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
And what's her life situation.
Speaker 4 (23:05):
She is a single mom. She's always had that aggressive side,
a little just abrasive. I think it's kind of like
a guard she has up to protect herself, if that
makes sense, because she's kind of always been on her
own and she does take care of her son by herself,
so it's just her and him.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
What's interesting about that is there I feel like there's
some jealousy and projection. But also when anybody says, and
I'm not the only one that feels that way, that's
sort of a cop out because they're not owning their vitriol,
you know, they're sort of pawning it off on somebody.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
I hate that. I hate that when people use that
in fights.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
Oh my God, it was so hurtful, that so immature
for me. Yeah, I immediately started crying and.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
So unfair by the way to the rest of his
family also, because you know, sometimes that can be an
opening for the rest of his family talking to them
and sort of saying, is this true. Do you have
a problem with me that I don't know about? Because
I love your brother, I love your son. Can we
talk about this? Just because to hear it like that
and being such an outburst, there has to be something
(24:08):
else either going on. I mean, I would save her
to last, but I don't know.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
It's so funny you say that because we had this
conversation yesterday and I'm like, you know, I feel like
this was obviously a projection of something. But this might
have something to do with her and his relationship.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Oh you know, maybe that's.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
What made her because there wasn't anything that led up
to that other than the changing seats on the raft
that made her so angry.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
Yeah, is there another sister? Is it just the two
of them?
Speaker 4 (24:37):
It's just the two of them?
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Yeah, well you're invading her space and you know.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Yeah, something that pupped up for me reading that, imagining
myself like if I were the sister blowing up, but
you is potentially she had some anxiety about the whitewater
rafting and you moving it like brought out this other stuff.
But she's also clearly been harboring resentments. And I'm so
bummed out that this happened to you, but I'm also
sorry this happened in front of your son, like any adults.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
Was one of the main issues for me was that
happened in front of my son. I couldn't y knock
her teeth out, you know, I couldn't. I couldn't scream
at her. I just went in the other direction.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
But that's okay because you don't want to scream in
yaw because that's a loss of control. Her screaming at
you in the middle of a whitewater rafting trip is
like a complete loss of control. So if any like
set's on her, Yeah, there's a million ways to have
a rational conversation when you have issues with somebody. Flipping
out in the middle of a trip is a loss
of control that you need to apologize for. That's where
(25:33):
accountability comes in. You have to go, God, that was
really inappropriate, especially in front of your kid.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
Yeah, and also if you don't have the guts to
tell me personally, you need an audience. I don't know
what that says about her, you know, I think she's
she's obviously triggered and maybe sounds like she's jealous of
whatever she thinks you have, including her brother.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Or angry just at her own circumstances. So what were
the complaints that she had about you? What did she say?
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (26:02):
My god, they were so ridiculous one of the main ones,
because I didn't hear them from her. The only thing
on the trip that I heard was that I keep
bringing up their childhood and she doesn't like that.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
I like to get really deep when I talk to people.
It's almost to a fault, Like I immediately start talking
about therapy, and you know, everybody needs therapy. Therapy is great.
And I live in South Alabama. I live in a
small southern town, but the people around here just aren't
that way, you know, And whenever I talk to them
about it, I can see they get uncomfortable. But I
almost take that as an opening to keep going and
(26:36):
like helping them just be happier and live happier lives. Almost,
you know, we don't have to worry about this other shit.
We can be on a happy path if we want to.
But I think maybe they did see me as a threat.
I don't know, maybe they saw me. That's what our
therapist is saying, that, like, I caused a disruption in
(26:57):
their family unit.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Which is no fault of yours.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
It's not a fault.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
I'm like, I'm just dating this guy.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
It's not a fault of yours at all. I mean,
I also think holding a mirror up to people, you know,
they get really threatened if they don't have the guts
to do that kind of self exploration, you know, and
admit things that you know maybe aren't the best about them.
But this is not your fault. I mean, God, I
just I want him to come to your aide.
Speaker 4 (27:26):
But I don't want it to be my decision. You know,
we had this conversation yesterday.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
I'm like, well, I was.
Speaker 4 (27:31):
What I would love for you to do is to
do this, you know, to go over there and stand
up for yourself and say this is who I am
and we're not mad about any of the complaints. His
mom is the one who came over and kind of
started using this opportunity to tell me about things that
have made her angry over the years about me, and
one of them was that I didn't help do dishes
on Thanksgiving two years ago. And on my side, I'm like,
(27:56):
all you had to do was ask, and I'll do
the dishes, you know. But also I don't really pick
up after myself when I'm invited to Thanksgiving dinner. You know,
it's like this was your house, you know, this is
your stuff, and but all you have to do is ask.
But it was really petty stuff like that, like I
didn't help pick up dishes at Thanksgiving, I didn't help
bring bags over to the campsite. I didn't help them
(28:17):
unload the stuff from their from their car to their tent.
Just things like that, and how they don't think I
treat their son right.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
But well, listen, all of these examples you are giving
are reasonable things for someone. Listen, when I go to
somebody's house, I don't know how to do dishes, but
I always clean up after myself, whether it's someone else's
house or not. That's just kind of like a nice
thing to do. So yeah, the things that they're saying, whatever,
it doesn't matter whether they're right or you're wrong. It's
just the matter of how you're having the conversation, right,
(28:47):
if they have resentments and like they shouldn't have to
ask you to come and help with the dishes as
a guest, you should try and help. And then they
either say no or thank you. You know what I mean,
No you sit down or thank you. You know, there's
there's a certain like measure of manners that you should
impart and when, especially when you're at your boyfriend's parents' house,
just out of decency. Right, So all of these things,
it's like, Okay, that's a good point, that's a bad point.
(29:09):
It doesn't matter. It's just a matter of the tenor
of the conversation. Because they've clearly painted you as this
person that doesn't help out wherever you go camping over
to Thanksgiving. They think you're selfish and that I would
imagine that you don't treat your boyfriend with respect in
their eyes, that's what they're thinking, right.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
It's funny. The dishes thing is a funny thing because
my daughter just recently said to me, she said, Mom,
I'm amazed at how badly behaved a lot of young
people are. She said, whenever we're at dinner at someone
else's house. She was like, mom my, sister and I
are always the first up to go help with the dishes.
And it's either oh my god, thank you so much
or no, no, no, Annie, sit down, like you know,
(29:49):
but it's that little gesture. There are little things that
go a long way, but these things feel that there's
something deeper. Yes, that they're using these petty things to say, Oh,
she's a princess, she doesn't want to help with anything.
You're obviously not that, but it feels like there's something deeper.
You know, you're taking her son away? Are you his
(30:09):
first real relationship? You know, you're the other woman with
regards to the sister. Whenever these things happen, it's always
about that person. The person doling out.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
The person doing that is the person with the issue
for sure.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yeah, and that's hard for you to say, but it's
also important to say to take accountability when it's when
you don't even feel like you've done anything wrong. You
know what I mean. To be a bigger person in
this larger conversation that you're having about your relationship, I
think it's really important for you to consider everything that
they're saying and whether or not you think you're wrong
or right, doesn't matter, right, It's just about the actual
(30:46):
tenor of the conversation. Because if you come back at
them calmly in a month or so or whatever and say, hey, listen,
I've thought a lot about everything you guys said, and
I want to take some accountability and responsibility for my
end of the thing, and I will definitely contribute more
and this and that. But I also you also need
something in return for that too. So when you're going
to therapy with you and your boyfriend, like when you
(31:07):
say your boyfriend doesn't know how to move on from this,
you've been together for four years, are you contemplating splitting
up over this?
Speaker 4 (31:14):
It was actually it was a thought just because I
felt like I was coming between him and his family.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
But isn't that a defensive thought though? Is that a
real thought or a defensive Yeah, it.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
Was totally an insecurity. It was fully based off of
he's going to choose them, so I better hurry up
and in this uh huh right, So I was just
this whole thing just made me really uncomfortable, Like the
face to face confrontation kind of scared me. And I'm like, well,
my son is traumatized, and I've tried to have open
conversations with him just just so he's not traumatized. Do
(31:49):
you think sitting down and having a face to face
conversation with his parents would be beneficial.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
I think that you need to. I think yes, I
think you're on the defense and you have every I
understand why, but I think you need to, like love
or your defenses and come from a place of understanding
and love because they're looking at you as a threat
and a loss. So like you have to be bigger
than that, and you have to go Okay, these people
are scared that they're going to lose their son. They
(32:14):
found a bunch of things they don't like about me.
Let me make this easier for everybody, you know what
I mean, And you be the bigger person who cares
how they behaved, who cares how they acted. You can
actually make like a blueprint for them moving forward on
how you're all going to communicate together. So it is
a big opportunity for you to be a bigger person
and to actually come from your heart, not being defensive,
(32:35):
not trying to get rid of him before he gets
rid of you, or get rid of him before his
family gets rid of you, because that's not really anything,
you know, then you might just be losing somebody that's
supposed to be in your life. If you put the
effort forth, coming from a place of love and then
it doesn't work out, then you have no regrets and
you have nothing to be ashamed about, nothing at all
to be ashamed about.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
And the most disarming thing is coming at people with love,
because I always say to my daughter's tug of war
only works if both people are pulling. And it's so
disarming to sort of say, all right, I'm going to
own my part in this. But when these conversations, I've
learned not to say you made me feel like this,
(33:16):
you did this. I say, when you said that, all
of this insecurity came up in me, and I'm so
sorry if I haven't. I didn't know that was the
proper I didn't know that's what you wanted. And I'll
always you know. And it's once you give them the
littlest thing, like you know, I'd love to help you
in the kitchen, didn't I didn't think Whatever the reason is,
(33:40):
then you've lowered the frenetic, like you said, the tenor
of the whole communication and then you can say, you know,
I'm not trying to steal your son. I love this,
you know, family, or whatever you have to say. But
I do think that once you come at it from
a place like Chelsea said, of love, nobody can fight
against that. There's no nothing to fight against. Now, they
(34:03):
may not be the kind of arrived people emotionally that
will be able to handle it. You kind of have
to be ready for that too, you know. And then
you're like, look, I'm not I'm not trying to fight
with you. I'm trying to understand because I felt hurt
and I felt embarrassed in front of my son, and
this is an important moment. You know, we were on
(34:25):
a vacation. That's a very intimate thing, and I don't
want that to be the memory from this. Can we
move through this and can we have an open conversation
so that we can all own this and own our
truth without hurting each other.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Yeah, it's such a good perspective. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
Yeah, it's the harder thing to do. It's the high road,
you know. Oh yeah, but it's so admirable and it's
so freeing because like Chelsea said, then there's zero regret.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
And also there's no defensive like you know, if she's defensive,
if the sister's defensive, if the mother's defensive, you don't
match that defensiveness. The only way to diffuse that is
to have no reaction to that, right, So if someone's
screaming at you and you're not screaming back at them
and you're just looking at them, then where do they go?
But that situation just diffuses. It has to because you
(35:14):
can't yell alone. So like that's where I would say
to a you know, to go to mentally when you
have this conversation, and should be in person, and it
should be with the whole family because they owe you
that for putting you in that situation in the first place,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
And also I think that he obviously these are two
very strong women in his life. Was that his dad there?
Speaker 4 (35:36):
Mom and dad weren't on the raft with us. They
were back at the campsite. Oh okay, but yeah he
was there so to speek.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
I wonder if that's the dynamic that has been set
since he was a little boy. You know, you've got
these two demonstrative women, then he always is silenced or
his masculinity is not you know important, or he watches
how his mother treats his dead or whatever that is, Like,
that's the stuff that that's coming up and hopefully will
be dealt with in therapy. But what's really hard to
(36:04):
do is to put him also in a position like saying,
why didn't you stick up for me? That's also a
defensive you know, that's also very difficult because if he
doesn't know how to stick up for himself and probably
never did as a child or with these women, it
doesn't matter how much he loves you, it's gonna he
doesn't have the tools yet. He hasn't learned how to
(36:25):
stick up for yourself, vote with love.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
And remember if that's his blueprint for women, like you're
also that woman in his life, another strong willed, powerful woman,
So remember that when you're dealing with him, because you
want to have your own dynamic with him, so that
there's also value in dissecting that and therapy with alone
and with each other.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
Oh my gosh, he's never really uncovered any truths about
his past until recently. So while I'm like repairing from
what happened on the camping trip, he's repairing from all
all these years of trauma and from his childhood unlearning
things that he learned as a kid.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
Wow, that kind of patience is huge. And you know,
I've found in my relationships that I'm always better off
if I somehow give them the space to have whatever
and without being the one that says you have to
do this and I want this, and because you can
(37:23):
do all that. By the way, the fact that he's
going to therapy with you is huge.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Huge, Yeah, it is huge.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
Oh yeah, And I think that that's where you guys
can heal, you know, I think in that together and
that's just yours, that's nothing that's not his family.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (37:41):
Yeah, we did make the decision this year. I was
going to ask you, So, my birthday is the day
after Christmas. His birthday is on the thirtieth, and every
year on Christmas Eve, we go to his uncle's house
for this big Christmas Eve thing. His sister and his
nephew go and his mom and dad and just kind
of an intimates Eve thing. We made the decision not
(38:02):
to go just because his sister's going to be there.
It was hard, but we made the decision. So I
was listening to him one day we were on our
lunch break and he got emotional talking about not going
to Christmas Eve. So I'm like, what, I'm going to
throw a surprise party for him. I've got to do
something for him. I've got to repair this. He's upset.
So I texted his mom and I said, I'd love
(38:24):
to throw a surprise party on the thirtieth, on his birthday.
I'd love for you guys to be there, if you
could bring his nephew, and if you could reach out
to his uncles as well to come, I.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Would love that.
Speaker 4 (38:36):
And they said, what is Mom's response was this puts
us in an uncomfortable position because they wouldn't want to
bring the sun without his mom. They're basically his sister,
and I understand that for sure, But now I'm like, well,
since I was shot down, that was kind of embarrassing
because I've put myself out there.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
But you're being defensive again. You're being defensive, yeah, but as.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
You put yourself out there in a way that's very hard,
because what that is that's almost like you're doubling down
yes by going, oh, yeah, well I'm going to throw
this party for him, that's not.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
And then but putting them in a position where they're
not going to invite their own daughter. So that's not
correct what you did. Okay, I'm going to be very
honest with you, obviously because I can't be anything else.
But I think you were really coming from a place
where you have to adjust a little bit now too.
These people definitely have adjustments to make, but you need
to adjust because you're putting them in a position where
they have to leave out their daughter for their son's
(39:33):
birth birthday party. Think about that. That's not cool for
you to do to a family, and that is a
disruption to a family. And if the most generous thing
you can do is send his mother a text back
and say, you know what, Okay, I understand that this
puts you in a difficult position. He's very upset about
missing Christmas Eve. Either agree to go with him and
(39:53):
go together and barry the hatchet and send everyone an
email beforehand saying this is such an important holiday for
your boyfriend and I want to be there for him,
and I just want to be there in support and
love and I don't want to have any issues or
any problems. However, you want to say it in the
most gracious way you can find Unearthed all of the
(40:13):
therapy that you have gleaned and use it and give
it out right now, and then go to this Christmas
Eve dinner if you can, if not, let him go
without you, you know, let him be with his family.
Don't take people's families from them. Oh yeah, you know.
Speaker 4 (40:26):
No, I definitely don't want I don't want it to
be my decision at all.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Right, but just offer it up, I say offered.
Speaker 3 (40:32):
I mean I was going to say that early. I
was just trying to ease and do it. But I
think the best thing you can do for him and
for yourself is to go to No. I don't believe
they've uninvited you. I'm assuming not, but to go and
kill him with kindness and whatever it is. I'm sorry
(40:53):
I didn't help you in the kitchen. I know holidays
are really stressful. I wasn't thinking properly jump in the
kitchen and be like I'm cleaning all the dishes or
without making it a thing, but saying like, I apologize,
What can I do to help?
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Yeah, you don't even have to bring up the dishes.
Just go there this time and help and do all
the things that they accused you of. Just go in there.
You don't have to make it a thing, have a conversation,
just a show by example that you heard what they said,
regardless of how they came to you, and regardless of
the altercation that happened on the boat. You be the
bigger person. This is a huge opportunity for you to
go in. You were going to leave that Christmas Eve
(41:28):
dinner feeling fucking victorious. Yeah, God, I hope so you are.
I promise you you are. You're going to report back
to us right after.
Speaker 3 (41:36):
Also, and that's the most loving thing that you can
do for yourself and for your boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
And you need to apologize to his mother for putting
them in that situation. Also, just say, you know what,
I wasn't thinking. You're right. I wasn't thinking that wasn't right.
I'm very sorry for doing that, and I apologize, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
And then leave it at that. Just then that's it.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
You put that in a text back to her, you know,
which she said, you're putting us in an uncomfortable situation.
Was that a text from her?
Speaker 4 (42:03):
Yeah, that was a text from his mom.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
Yeah, I think you should apologize to her, say you're right,
I didn't see it that way, I get it now,
and then whether you want to text them about showing
up for Christmas or talk to your boyfriend and how
he wants to handle it, but let him know that
you're ready to go and play ball and have a
great time and there are no hard feelings and you
can deal with the other stuff later.
Speaker 4 (42:25):
Do you think that I should have a conversation with
his sister and I just don't see no confrontation kind
of Well.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
You can send her a text or an email and
just say, hey, listen, Christmas Eve is coming up. This
is what's your boyfriend's name, Taylor, Taylor. I know we
have some stuff, unfinished business or whatever however you want
to frame it, but be like, this is the holiday season.
I just want Taylor to be with his family and
be happy. I know this is meaningful to him. I'm
going to do my best to show up for you
(42:52):
guys in the ways that you don't think I have
or whatever. Just you know what I mean. Vacline the
whole situation and then go in and demonstrate the fact
that you heard what they said and you're still in therapy.
You guys have all the time in the world to
figure out the nuances and the intricacies of how you
want to handle this situation. But in the meantime, go
and show yourself and make the situation lovely. It's a
(43:16):
good challenge for yourself. You don't have to get into
it with anybody. If anyone says anything untoured towards you,
just let it roll over, you know, let it roll
off your back. Use it as an exercise.
Speaker 3 (43:26):
And also you've said more than one time, I don't
want it to be my decision. Well, it has to
be your decision, but it has to be your decision
under the right auspices, you know, with the right heart,
because he's in trauma with them all, with the whole
process and dealing with issues that he's had with his
parents or with his mom and his sister. You know,
(43:48):
this is not the first time. I'm sure something they
have put him in some this position before. He's looking
to you, also without saying it, to make a decision,
but do it because of love, and they won't have
anything to fight against. But you know, Chelsea's right, like
the actions are going to speak louder than any text
any words.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Yeah, And I want you to think about it in
this way when you go in there. This relationship may
work and there or this relationship may not work. But
either way, they were always going to look back at
the Christmas Eve that their son missed and blame the
girl that was beat the cause of that. Yeah, So
don't be that girl person, Go be the girl that
actually looked over all of it and said, fuck it,
we're coming anyway. I'm a bigger person than this. I'm
(44:28):
not going to let you bring me down. I'm going
to be here to support my boyfriend, and I'm going
to be here and show you what a loving family
member I can be, just for now, just so that
that's not the memory that any of you have that
he missed at Christmas Eve with his family because of
some woman, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (44:43):
Yeah? Absolutely, and your son too. It's really good for
your son to see how you've processed this information and
see how you show up. Oh yeah, see how you
show up for yourself and the graciousness of that is
such a good trait.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
Yeah, Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
That Yeah.
Speaker 4 (45:01):
I really need to stop being defensive.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
Yes, stop being defensive, and think of these two words,
grace and dignity. Grace and dignity whenever I am dealing
with somebody that I want to fucking kill. I think
about grace and dignity and then I just exude that
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (45:17):
And yeah, and putting myself in an uncomfortable position is
only going to be beneficial for me. You know, nothing
bad can come from that.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
They also, you know that they've put you in a
position to It's like they're trying to win, right, and
so if you cow away or then pull him away,
they they've won. You know, they've won, and they're right
in everything they've said. But if you show them in
the merit that they're actually not right and this is
how and this is why, then there's nothing else. Either
(45:45):
there's something much much deeper, and it'll come out or
it won't come out. But the important thing is is
that you are taking this and saying, wow, I had
no idea. Whether you agree with it or not is
not the point. Yeah, these little like.
Speaker 4 (46:00):
I hurt them in some way and just that alone.
Speaker 3 (46:04):
Did they ever say that word you hurt me?
Speaker 1 (46:07):
No?
Speaker 4 (46:07):
But you know, there were a lot of different things
that happened that were said. I don't really remember all
of them. I just immediately put up a guard, immediately
got defensive, like whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa Like y'all
have never said this to me. And that's kind of
what I was focusing on, was the fact that they've
never said that to me, but they're saying it now,
so now I address it, you know, yes.
Speaker 3 (46:29):
And also you know this is the way you've really
always felt about me. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to
do anything to you, and that it was never my intention, And.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
Try not to play like a victim role at all.
Just try not to be emotional about it. I understand
you have your emotions and you have your right to them,
but like, just try to be even and just think
about grace and dignity throughout the whole thing. Even if
someone says something untowared or unkind or a little you know, slight,
you can just look the other way and just not engage,
(47:00):
not react. It's not your place. You're just here to
support your boyfriend. That's it. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (47:04):
Don't make it about me, right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Yeah, And don't make it a self fulfilling prophecy that
you're the gal coming in to keep him from his family.
Speaker 4 (47:12):
I'm being the bigger person. Yeah, yeah, this is what
this is yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:16):
And yeah, don't expect a like a metal or anything either,
Like that's they'd be like, but I've done the altruistic thing,
you know, and it's like, yeah, that's not the way
it works. And it's like it's almost like you have
to do a random act of kindness, you know.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
A very targeted, random active kindness.
Speaker 4 (47:32):
Yeah, to snap out of it.
Speaker 3 (47:34):
My mom used to pay the toll of the car
behind us and then just keep driving and she and
I'd say, oh, well, you know, they don't know it
to you, and she goes, that's why it's a random
active kindness. You don't pull over on the side of
the road and point to yourself. I paid me. You
know you're welcome. Now you do it without getting anything.
Speaker 1 (47:52):
Back, right, Yeah?
Speaker 2 (47:54):
Yeah, well Jesse, let us know how it goes, okay,
and I will very good luck.
Speaker 3 (48:01):
Thank you. I think there's son. It's the best thing
to do for.
Speaker 4 (48:03):
Your son, to conflict of a resolution. We've been talking
a lot about about that, like how kids will see
arguments and they don't see them resolved. So but I
can't thank y'all enough. This was like huge for me,
and I'm just I'm really, really, really happy that I
got to talk to all all.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
Right, well, good luck with everything, okay, thank you, and
keep us posting Essie.
Speaker 3 (48:26):
Okay, thank you, I will all right, bye, bye bye, Brooke.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
You're so good at this.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
Oh god, I've never done anything like this before in
my life. I'm sweating you, guys.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
She took up our whole fucking episode. I was like,
oh my god, this is a serious situation, because, you
know what, when that call started, I was like same,
And once they I realized what they said to her,
I'm like, well, wait a second, maybe they have a
fucking point, because you know, there are obviously two sides
to every story. And then with her defensiveness, I'm like, okay,
we're gonna have to spend a little extra time with
her because she does need to take it down a notch.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
Right, Right, if someone showed up in my house, I
don't care who they are, and they didn't at least
attempt to help with the dishes, it's like one oh one.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
So that's a little bit of skew. Right, You don't say,
nobody's gonna say, can you come help with the dishes?
As a guest? No, I don't have That's not their job.
To ask you.
Speaker 3 (49:15):
It's your job to get my mom. This was I
was like a kid, kid, like five or something, and
I went over to this little rich boy's house and
after we were finished eating, I brought my dishes to
the sink. And the mom called my mom later and said, yes, well,
we just wanted you to know that we have people
(49:35):
to do that. And so you tell your daughter that
she shouldn't bring her dishes to the sink. And my
mother said, well, we don't have people, and don't worry
about it because she's never coming over to your house again. Click.
She was always like, come on, kim On, you're gonna
do it. Their little things go a long way.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Yeah, yeah, seriously.
Speaker 2 (50:00):
So let's take a quick break and we'll be right
back to wrap up with Brooke and Chelsea.
Speaker 1 (50:09):
And we're back to wrap up with Bookshield, who it's
been as a light as Oh my god, good advice. Brook.
That was our longest call ever, I think, Catherine.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
So but it was complicated.
Speaker 3 (50:21):
Well, I'm kind of both.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
No, I was down for it. Listen, I could have
been on the phone with her all day. I'm down
with that right totally.
Speaker 2 (50:29):
Well, you know what, Brooke, do you have any advice
you'd like from Chelsea?
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Yes, Brook, do you have any advice you'd like to
ask me?
Speaker 3 (50:35):
Well, there was one bit of advice that I was like,
because I don't this is really from your special because
I'm really bad with any kind of drug, Like I
can't take anything. And I was like, I'm going to
ask her what she thinks would work for me to
sort of dial me down a little bit every once
in a while so that I could relax a little more.
Speaker 1 (50:57):
Yeah, honestly, I don't think you're think you're cut out
for drugs either. I know what you mean. I know.
I mean, like a hit of a joint would be
fine for you. Not an edible because those are like
long being, but like just a hit, not a joint,
but just a hit would just take the edge off
and make you a little bit loosey, goosey and giggly
and not probably as tightly wound as you may feel,
because I can I know you and you've talked about it,
(51:20):
and you know I feel tightly wound a lot of
the times too, even though people would not find that
hard to believe. I am. You know, I can be
really stressed out about stuff, and I find a hit
of a joint, not a smoking a joint. A cannabis
drink would be good too. I'll send you some leisure
Town here.
Speaker 3 (51:34):
So you know what I'd do, though, is I try
to beat it, like I try to win at it.
So the moment where you go, wait a minute, did
I did I just go somewhere or no, I'm back?
That makes me like panic?
Speaker 1 (51:47):
Yeah, I know. I can't need to have like less
than two and a half milligrams. You need leisure Town.
This is a cannabis drink that has two and a
half milligrams. You have to start with that and it
just microdose and that's it and that's all you need
and you will feel it and you won't get crazy
and you won't go overboard.
Speaker 3 (52:03):
Okay, I mean I like tequila.
Speaker 1 (52:05):
Oh you do like tequila? Yeah, I liked I loved you.
There's nothing wrong with drinking. You don't have a drinking problem. Books.
You don't have to worry about becoming your mother. That's
already a wrap like You're not that person, right.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
I do have one question, though this is a different
type of question as a you said you're not an actress,
but you really your talent and your performance, the level
of rejection that is in this industry, Yes, how do
you find the way to say no, I'm I'm really
(52:38):
good and I'm going to keep putting myself out there
and I'm not going to take it personally. You know,
when you get doors slammed in your face or you
don't get so many of these things, what's the thing
inside you that makes you say no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nope, nope, nope.
I will not be rejected like this.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
I'm a hustler. God, that's me too, And you're always
gonna hear I've been here this whole time. So you've
been here for thirty something years forty well for you,
I don't even know how many years are fifty seven.
Speaker 3 (53:07):
Because I started when I was eleven months old.
Speaker 1 (53:09):
Right, Okay, there you go, And so you've been here
this whole time, so you're not going anywhere. So fuck
anybody who says no. Listen, rejection fucking sucks. I've rejected
all the time too. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts,
it hurts, But it's not all there is. There's always
there's acceptance, and there's the one person that says yes,
or the one person that gives you the deal or
the opportunity or the podcast or this or that. And
(53:29):
when you're a hustler, you will always find a way.
So that's what you are.
Speaker 3 (53:33):
That's the way I've lived my life. And you know,
people will say to me, oh, you have such a
varied career. I'm like, why do you think that is?
That's when I'm shut out over here. I'm like, oh, God,
write a book or you know. And right, it's because
I will not not be creative in some way or another.
I just I hadn't heard you say it that way.
(53:56):
I've always when people say how are you, I say,
it's all a h no matter what, it's all awesome. Yeah,
And there's something liberating about that too.
Speaker 1 (54:06):
So yeah, you know what. Also, I'm proud of being
a hustler. I'd love to go that's a fucking great
way to be.
Speaker 3 (54:12):
Yeah, my mom would be proud of both of us.
Speaker 1 (54:15):
Well, thank you Brooks so much. It was such a
fun time talking to you. Thanks for taking the time
to do this.
Speaker 3 (54:20):
Thank you. You look like you're in a beautiful, snowy place.
I hope you're in a special place, whatever that is,
and enjoying the weather.
Speaker 1 (54:28):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3 (54:29):
I am good, feel better.
Speaker 1 (54:31):
Thank you so much. Have a great Thanks you, bruh.
Speaker 3 (54:33):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (54:34):
Don't forget to watch my special on Netflix. You guys revolution.
It's a revolution.
Speaker 2 (54:39):
So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us
an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by
Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered
by Brad Dickert.
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