Crowdsourcing Your Marriage with Natasha Leggero

Natasha Leggero is in the studio this week to talk about the anxiety that becoming a mother induces, what it’s like to have your mother-in-law live on your block, and why her daughter can never find out that Natasha is a stand-up comic.  Then: And Natasha wants to know how to save her monogrammed bath towels from being used as puppy pee pads.

 

Click for your copy of The World Deserves My Children!

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Nick Stumpf

Produced by Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi everybody. Hi, Hello Chelsea. If you're listening to this
on Thursday, I'm on my way to Tampa, Florida for
two shows tonight in Tampa, Florida. And if you're listening
to it and you want to come tomorrow night, I'm
in Fort Myers. Friday night and Saturday night I'm in
Daytona Beach, and Sunday night I'm in Hollywood, Florida. So
that is five shows this weekend. Holy fo sky Doodle.

(00:23):
Tickets are available a Chelsea Handler dot com. So whatever
Democrats are left in that state, I'm coming and this
is the last leg of my tour and then my
special ist airing. It's official December Netflix everybody. It's called Revolution.
That's so exciting. I know. I'm so happy, Chelsea. Yeah,
I can't wait. Ah yeah, we love Netflix. Netflix in Chill.

(00:48):
I haven't done five shows in a few months. I'm
going to have to figure out what my alcohol game
plan is because I'm on a pre holiday buzz. You're
gonna have to get some of those patches, those pre
drinking patches. Oh yeah, I tried the awake ones, those
patches that we're supposed to give you. Buzz I felt
like that worked a little bit. I like that. I
like an awake thing that's not caffeine. Yeah, right right,

(01:11):
I don't. I don't respond well to caffeine. Plus, I
take etcetera a lot in the morning when I wake up.
That's kind of my coffee. It's a great habit. You
guys might want to pick that up. Okay, if you're
listening from your health guru, Dr Chelsea Handler Man, I
used to have to take so much Exceedrian, I used
to get headaches, like almost every single day. Really, I
did some cleans stuff to like detox if I honestly,

(01:34):
detoxification baths really helped with that. What are those so
you get in a bath like as yeah, ep, some
salt sometimes some activated charcoal and a little lavender with
an end at the end or an end some some
Oh I thought it was ex on salt. That's okay.

(01:56):
I have a follow up, okay, great, yeah, okay, Well
this is from Courtney. Oh I wish Courtney with a C.
And she was following up after our Mushrooms and Majorca
episode about the caller Lisa, who was thinking about maybe
moving to New York and having a new adventure at forty,

(02:16):
and she says, Hi, I'm listening to the Mushrooms in
mayorka episode and just heard the caller Lisa talk about
making the leap and moving to NYC. I came to
NYC from San Francisco six years ago for what was
supposed to be three months, and I never left. I
found a great community here, especially during the pandemic, and
I absolutely love the freedom, energy culture, and of course

(02:38):
the bars and restaurants. As I was listening to Lisa's concerns,
I realized I should offer to connect two main reasons.
I'm a professional, single, child free forty two year old
with great contacts here and would love to help her
settle in. I've moved around on my own a lot
l A, Chicago, s F, d C, n y C,
and it can be daunting but also rewarding, and especially

(03:00):
rewarding when surrounded by good people too. I also travel
quite a bit, and if she wants to try NYC
on for size, she can stay in my place for free.
If she's willing to watch my adorable dog Cheat, feel
free to pass along my email to her, which I did.
I'm happy to help her explore NYC options. Love your
podcast Chelsea, and you always make me feel better for
being independent, strong and single. You also gave me hope

(03:23):
for finding true love. Dating has been a defeating process
for me, and you remind me to stay open while
also continually working to better myself. Thank you both for
the weekly company. Courtney, what autie. That's sweet? I just
love it. We get emails back sometimes based on callers
who have called in or emails saying I can help
with this or I can connect them with someone, and

(03:44):
it is just so lovely. There's actually a little bit
of a community. This sweet. That's really lovely. Thank you Courtney,
and think with the C I appreciate that. I think,
Dear Chelsea, listeners are the best listeners. I know they are.
They're really nice. Everyone's so nice, and everyone's so well kempt,
you know what I mean. Welcomed with an M. I
appreciate that. Yeah, okay, So our special guest today is

(04:07):
my very dear old friend. She is the host of
the Endless Honeymoon podcast, which she hosts with her husband
Mosha Kasher, and her book, which is now out. It's
called The World Deserves My Children and It's So funny. Actress, comedian,
and author Natasha la Jarro. I tel, Oh, my god,
how happy am I to be talking about this book

(04:28):
that is finally coming out. You helped me every step
of the way. I couldn't find a title. You gave
me great advice. You you helped me because you're natural
book writer and you're a voracious reader. So I feel
like you deserve all this book success. Like this is
so hard for me, Like I hated it. That's why
you deserve the success too, when it's hard work, right.

(04:49):
It took me like two and a half years, and
it's just like, was not the kind of writing I
was used to doing. And someone gave me the advice
that it's more like an accordion, you know, Like so
if I have a story as a stand up like
this punchy thing where I'm trying to get right to
the joke, where the book is like spreading it out
and thinking about it from all these different ways. So
it was very taxing but very rewarding. But I think

(05:10):
that's one of the best things about when comedians write books,
is that it's like stand up you know. Like I
remember the first book I ever wrote. I sent it
to my manager who's no longer my manager because I
can't keepe a relationship going. And he was like, you
write just like you talk, and I was like oh,
and he said that like an aside, like it wasn't
a good thing. And then as I learned, going through

(05:32):
the writing process so many times with so many different editors,
that is your biggest strength is writing like you talk.
Because stand ups are writers. That's what we do is
we write what we say. So to put that into
a book, I understand the accordion kind of analogy. Also
because you do have to you know, you can't just
be writing jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes, of course, but also
as a comedian, our caliber of jokes is a little

(05:53):
higher than the average person writing a book no offense.
So it's like they're funnier. Your books are funny. A
comedian books are always funnier, and you can get them
on audio and listen to them, you know. And this
book is called The World Deserves My Children, and which
is a fucking awesome title. And I want to tell
you guys that I have read a lot of parenting books.

(06:14):
I don't ask me fucking why. I don't know why actually,
because I'm just curious about what I read What to
Expect When You when You're Expecting because it's so cute.
I just because I want to know what everyone's talking about.
But I want I draw the line at watching the Housewives.
I can't watch the Housewives. That's one thing I can
miss out about that everyone's doing. But yeah, but this
is the funniest parenting book that you will read. It

(06:37):
is so funny. It made me laugh out loud. I
was on a plane. I mean I picked it up
to read a couple of chapters and I finished the
whole thing on a plane ride because it's so good. Yes,
I mean, I'm really psyched for people to read this
because every fucking parent can relate to so much of
this ship. And if you're not a parent, you're gonna
be so grateful that you didn't have children when you
read this, because even if you're not a parent, this

(06:59):
is worth three eating. It's just so fucking funny. And
the way you talk about Mosha, which is her husband,
and if you listen to her podcast, you can hear
both her and her husband. It's called the Endless Honeymoon Podcast,
where she and her husband basically just bitch and moan
to each other about each other. No, I try to
use the podcast well we also, you know, listen to
people's secrets and give some advice. But I also use

(07:19):
it as a way to hijack him with issues I
have with him, and then we can sort of crowdsource
it and I always win, right often. Yeah, And in
the book, you go after him in a very very
funny way. And I remember I was texting with you
and You're like, is it too harsh? And I was
like no, but and and the at the end, you
give him a platform to actually he talks about his

(07:43):
experience parenting because he thinks he knows everything. So I'm like,
what do you think being a mother is all about?
And what do you think being a father is all about?
And he really actually learned from our conversation. I did too.
I thought it was a good illustration of who he
is is that you know, his kind of character, that
he's in charge of more of the fun because it

(08:04):
has been an issue because I feel like I used
to be this person like you, full of Juada viv
and would go to Africa to drop of a hat
and you know, yeah, sure, pump vaccines up and down
my arms and go to Thailand and river rafting without
a helmet, and now I'm like completely paralyzed with fear
and I hate it and I want to get back
to like pre motherhood Natasha, but I've changed a little bit.

(08:27):
So it's just sort of like grappling with that a
little bit and and trying to get back to just
parentings degrading Chelsea. It's you know what, it feels demoralizing.
I remember in a good way that I bet, but
I remember coming over to your house one day it
was pouring rain and I went over on a whim

(08:47):
for some reason. We were texting. I'm like, oh, I
can come over right now, and I drove over a
house and I met your baby for the first time
and we were in the playroom, and I remember just
seeing your life how it had transformed like this baby.
If she walked, you know, Natasha had to walk after her.
If she walked out of the room, Natasha had to
walk out of the room. If it was it was
just like that age where you can't leave them alone

(09:09):
for two seconds. And I remember just going, oh, fuck,
like this is a total life change. Did you pity
me a little bit? I did? I felt sorry for you.
I just felt like, oh, this is because I I
just always related to myself and if I were in
that situation and I just would not be able to
handle it. But kids love you because I've seen you
around kids and you're like a magnet. Well sometimes sometimes

(09:29):
all your nieces and nephews like well, I mean, they
love me for different reasons. You know, I do like
kids when they have something to offer. You know, we're
mostly just sucking from your life for but in a
way that you're happy for, I guess. So tell me
about when you became a parent. Tell me about your

(09:50):
relationships with your friends that aren't parents. Did those change
at all? Did you find yourself becoming friends with more
people that had children or closer to those? I mean,
I think it's I don't know, it's really hard having
an only child because I'm I'm a little overactively trying
to make sure she has some deep connections with some
people I don't know, Like she doesn't have cousins, she

(10:12):
doesn't have brothers and sisters. So my friends, I'd rather
hang out with my friends who have kids than her
friends who have her friends and her friends because I
don't know these people and I'm used to hanging around
the funniest people in the world. So you know, it's
kind of hard sometimes to be like and moms can
be very judgmental. But to answer your question, I don't

(10:34):
know what the funk I'm doing. I mean, oh am,
I still friends with people, I don't. I feel like
I have no friends. I don't know. I mean, the
pandemic was just sort of this, See you did it right.
You probably still like had a small group of people
the pandemic. I was so excited to spend time by myself,
I just because I had just come out of therapy

(10:54):
and that was my big thing, was that I never
spent time alone. And he just kept inculcating that to me,
like you have to spend time alone. And then I
was like, I've got out of therapy. And I treated
it like I was getting a master's degree in psychology,
Like I took the pandemic and I read every book
that I had looked at before and hadn't read. I
read every self help book, every psychological book that I

(11:14):
could like that would speak to what I was experiencing.
So I just treated it like I was going to,
you know, getting my master's degree. And I fucking loved it,
and I had such a blast with myself. I was like,
what am I doing around all these people all the
time when I'm the fucking fun one. And yeah, I
took lots of mushrooms. And I mean, if I had
a kid, it would have been a much different story.

(11:35):
So tell me a little bit about you and Mosha.
You talk about your relationship a lot in the book.
How it's changed since you've become parents. Are you still
able to laugh as often as you did before you
had a child? Well, it's just harder because there's like
so much you're doing your your life become so busy

(11:58):
and you're picking up now after two people, and that
can kind of get to you, you know. But yeah, no,
we laugh. We do laugh. It's a different kind of laugh.
It's like we laugh more with when the kids there.
It's like performative, you know. But sometimes I'm like, I
want to make sure I'm modeling like a nice, fun
relationship for her, because it's like you can't just always

(12:19):
be like we need this time when it this end motion.
I like half the week her lunches from Starbucks because
I have to pack her a lunch every day, and
like I'm always out of what I need, so I
like just have Starbucks little snack packs. It's just hard.
I've gotten shamed at the school because, like I packed
my brother's lunches, so I would just like put him
in a brown paper bag and send him off to school.

(12:39):
When I was little, I was in charge of that.
I did that when she was in preschool and the
teacher came up to me and she was like, just
so you know, the kids all have these Bento boxes.
And she showed me and she opened it. I swear
to god, it had rice steak, a vegetable like these mothers.
The kid had steak. I'm not kidding. It was like
other reason, it's not of children to deal with those
fucking gools and that bullshit and the other mind. But

(13:04):
every kid had it. So I'm like, Okay, it's probably
better for the environment to not use like all the
little plastic bags. But still, it's like, it's just it's
a lot of so much about parenting presupposes that you
have nothing else to do in your life but parents,
And you know, I'm busy, so it's challenging. And how
has it affected your ability with like with stand up?

(13:25):
Like are you able to perform as much as you
did before. No, I feel like this is going to
make everyone not want to have a kid, because it
actually has affected my stand up in a bad way.
And this is why she's like a fountain of comedy
and like so much stuff. And it's like it's everything
that I think about and talk about, not everything, but
so much of it. And then the other day she

(13:45):
was like, mom I don't like it when you tell
people things I said, because I was just telling a
friend something she said because she was like, Mommy, when
the pandemics over, can we wear any kind of mask
we want? You know? Like, so it's like things like that.
She hears me telling some and she's like, don't repeat
things that I say. And then I'm like, she doesn't
even know that that's what I do for a living.
But she's gonna be twelve, look at a Netflix special,

(14:07):
and then never talk to me again. So I'm like,
I'm not going to do a special now, and I'm
just gonna try to milk it. I guess live until
until she yeah, until she knows, and then I'll pivot it.
I don't know. It's hard. Well, I want to respect her,
do you, Well? I want I have one kid. I

(14:28):
don't want her to hate me when she's twelve. Yeah,
but I feel like that's just a thing that you
say as a little kid. It is your life experience.
You can talk about your life experience. You're not giving away.
It's not so personal. It's almost just like she's having
an idea that you're telling her stories and she doesn't
like it for this moment. That's going to change too, Right,

(14:50):
But I have this joke where I'm screaming that she
wants caviare to Black Lives Matter rally and and like
that didn't exactly happen. It's like a culmination. But that's
even your more more of it out because you're like,
it's not even true stories, I'm making them up. But
then what happens when she's twelve and she's like, you
violated my I mean, who knows what kids will be

(15:12):
like then? I mean they all hate you at twelve. Right,
that's a good point. Yeah, I definitely hated my mom
from twelve to seventeen. Yeah. Yeah, twelve to seventeen is
a very hateful time because you're so pissed about what's
happening to your body and your hormonal, Like I just
was fucking crazy from twelve to seventeen, and anyone who
was a girl. And if you, well, you were a

(15:33):
responsible kid. Actually I mean you took care of your
whole family. Yeah, only if you if you only knew
when you were a preteen, what was going to happen
to your body when you turn like fifty, Like you
wouldn't be so mad And what's happening like when you're
it's the hormones. But yeah, it's definitely hard, but I
can't tell you it makes me so happy. I see,
that's what's like weird about it. I know I can

(15:55):
tell and you can tell that in the book to
talking about all of the things that are stressful about it,
but while also supplementing that with all of the because
I always ask my friends is it worth it? Like
what are the moments that makes it so worth it?
Because when I see my friend's parents, it just seems
like chaos. It's like getting lunch is ready, getting everyone

(16:15):
ready for school, braiding their hair, da da da, And
I'm just like, where are the aha moments that everyone
talks about? Well, I did one thing because I felt
the same as you, and I made a decision to
have one child. I don't want to be a referee.
I don't want to deal with more than one child.
So I feel like, but isn't most just sort of
a child? He is, It's true, but I do feel

(16:36):
like we can like go to Japan or go I'm
a little more mobile, you know, it's portable. And it's
almost like I felt this a lot during the pandemic,
but like she was just this angel who didn't know
who Trump was and just being in the presence, it
just felt like a higher being. Also, she's like, really good.
I grew up with a problem child, so he kind

(16:57):
of ruined our family. So you could also have a monster.
I don't know. But it just really feels like this
like angelic thing and everything's new to them, and anything
you tell them they have never heard of before. Like
her biggest problem, Like the other night she was like
crying and bed. I'm like, what's wrong, and she's like,
I can't stop thinking about cotton candy, Like that's her
biggest problem. Like it's just very precious. Yeah, I guess

(17:18):
I can see that because it is it is angelic.
It is un They're like unbe smirched, right, They haven't
been ruined yet by the world, and they haven't been jaded,
and they're just it's like brand new brains. Do you
feel like you're molding a personality? I try so hard. Yeah,
But at the same time, it's like like Mosha was
so mad the other night because last night was Halloween

(17:39):
and we really wanted her to be a zombies with
this like cool like princess costume, but a zombie. And
then she put on the zombie makeup and then she
looks in the mirror and she's like, I hated, I hated.
I just want to be a princess mermaid. So she
takes off all the makeup and then just wants to
put on a crown and this like very generic Disney
costume that she wore last year, and I think Mosha

(18:01):
was just like very upset about He was like really
fighting her on it, and then finally he was like,
can you just take over? I need I need to
take a break, like and he's like, I don't know
why this is making me so mad, And I know
he just wants her to be cool and unique, and
the idea of her is like this Disney princess. The
second year in a row is really upsetting to him
because he wants this like hip child. But it's like

(18:22):
you can only do so much, you know. The girl
wants to be a freaking mermaid, princess basic as aerial.
I don't know, but you just I guess my job.
What my mom did for me, She like put me
in so many extracurricular activities that finally one day I
ended up in a theater class and that really started
my life, you know. And I feel like that's kind

(18:43):
of our jobs in a way, is to try to
what about your swim career? Though it was well, but
that was she would compete in swimming and then come
in like dead lass I was, I have a whole
thing of yellow ribbons. Swimming was kind of participate. But
guess what, I never drowned. I mean that's actually pretty

(19:04):
Do you get a ribbon for not drowning? Well? I
mean I actually want to get my kid into swimming
for the same reason because my husband's always wanted to
take her surfing, and I'm like, no, she should be
like the best swimmer she can possibly be. So I
guess that's the thing is to guide them, try to
show them something that could be their passion, but try
to also not make them be an actor or communic

(19:26):
I mean, I would not let her be a child actor.
That just feels wow. I don't think so. I mean,
I think anybody said, everybody says that that's in the business.
And then once they turn eighteen, it's like with two
parents who are entertainers, Like what else is gonna happen?
They're going to become an accountant, you know, like that's
what happens. I want her to be an environmental scientist,

(19:49):
talked down about it, be like environmental science is the worst.
That's a hilarious idea. Do you how do you do? You?
In Mosha fight a lot about parenting style else, Well,
the problem with you know, raising a child with a
man is that or you know, a partner in general,
but this specifically man is really rough. And it's just
like we just you know, when you're with someone, you

(20:12):
get together because you guys share a worldview. So like
all the big things we were very aligned on, you know,
that's how you're able to stay with someone. But then
all of a sudden, the minutia of parenting is what
we started fighting about. Like he's like, she needs sunlight
I'm like, no, she needs her head protected. No, she
needs sunlight, no head protect you know. And then we're
just like taking going on a walk and taking her
hat on and off, and it's like then we're in
a fight, you know. Or we go camping and he

(20:33):
wants her to be experiencing the flame closer in her
pack and play and I'm like, no, let's move it back.
This thing's flamm it says flammable on the side. And
so we'll be at a campground moving like when she
was a little baby, moving it back and forth, and
it's just like those you know, it's like the same
fight over and over. Is like I'm trying to protect her.

(20:54):
He's trying to like let her have this amazing adventure,
and so we're trying to get a handle on that.
It's the same thing as in a relationship without kids,
you have one thing that you fight about all that
it's the same thing. It just keeps coming up in
different ways, you know. So it's it takes a lot
of dedication to your relationship. I mean, let's face it,

(21:16):
if there's no kid, you're kind of out after a while, right,
moving on to the next one. At least that's how
I've always been. But you guys are married, but the
kid makes you Yeah, it's sure, I've never been married before,
but the kid really makes you like, how are we
going to make this work? Yeah? Yeah, maybe that's why.
Maybe you should cut that out. You can keep it's

(21:37):
just so cool. That's why I married him too. He
was like when we started getting together, we're both doing
a stand up and I was like, do you mind
if I say that on stage? You know, make fun
of you. He's like, oh, you can say whatever you
want on stage. I did not care at all, and
I was like, thank you. Is that just because he
wants license to do the same or he's not really
like that. I think it is just confident. He's just
like he knows it's a joke, and as opposed to

(21:58):
guys like being like oh why did you say that
and getting all dramatic and then you've got to deal
with them, and which is a lot of comics. To
be fair, a lot of male comedians are very sensitive egos,
very fragile it, which is always a turn on. Girl.
I can't get enough of this stuff. How is your

(22:18):
relationship with your mom changed since you've had a baby,
that's kind of a sad subject because, um, well it's
just because of the pandemic. My mom is just I
think there's a certain sect of person who is just
completely terrified. They watch MSNBC all day long. They're afraid
of COVID, they're afraid of everything, and they're just not
able to be mobile in their life. I guess, but

(22:42):
we did. So she's seen her a couple of times,
I know, But I think that it was so crazy
because you never really know when you have a kid
who's going to be the good grandparents, because you can
think it's going to be like my husband's mom moved
here to be close to our child. Little did I
know it was to be close to Mosha. So she's

(23:04):
like always wanting to come over to hang out with Mosha,
and I'm like, could you watch the kid? Hello. She's deaf,
so she's very into her technology. So she's always got
like a Fannie pack with two phones and I pad
around her neck. You know, she's got chords wrapped around her.
She's very like tech tech person. So maybe maybe it's
hard for her to communicate with with my kid because

(23:26):
she doesn't speak. I'm trying to teach her sign language,
but it's it's very hard. Well, this that's a perfect
opportunity for her to teach her sign, Like that's what
I thought. Yeah, I know, it's weird. Grandparents are weird.
She lives three blocks away. I mean it's it's it
boggles my mind. And so she over there every single day.
Mosha goes there like twice a week to have like

(23:47):
tea and dinner and then we all hang out once
a week. That was something I learned in therapy. The
therapist was like, I think once a week is good
for his family. He wants to spend more time and
that works out good. But I really do like them.
But yeah, it's it's just challenging because I thought it
would be a built in babysitter. But it's okay. I
mean it's it's loving. Do you have somebody that helps you,

(24:08):
like a nanny or a baby it's well, now she's
in school, so I did have a nanny. But the
real hard part is before school starts. I mean you're
like alone with them all day long doing chores. It's
pretty intense. Chelsea. I don't think you're ever going to
do this. No, I'm not. I'm forty seven. Where is
my baby going to come out of? I mean, what

(24:29):
over age yours is great? Forever? Is it? Maybe I
can house a baby just gonna be a stir ogay
for somebody else. Yeah, I'm amazed by anybody who's a parent.
I just beem amazed by it. It's just so hard.
It's so hard to remain patient and be gentle and
loving to someone who is requiring all of your attention. Yeah,

(24:49):
And also, like when you're in the prime of your
life and then you're having this child, it's it's a
little bit of a different situation than when our parents
had us, you know. I feel like and this IVF
has really afforded women like two extra decades to like
have their career, make some money, have fun, party, try
out different partners. You know. I think all that pressure
to like have the babies in your thirties is really

(25:12):
stressful because like guys suck and it's hard to find
someone who could be a good partner. And to me,
that was really important. So I'm so grateful to IVF
and that it's this thing that our parents weren't able
to do that we're able to do and just start
our families a little later. Yeah, that's a good point.
It gives people a lot more foundation so that you
are more independent by the time you have a kid,
so speak, earning years are like what forties, thirties, forties,

(25:35):
But if you fifties maybe, I hope. But if you
have a young kid, it's rough. That's why I'm so jealous.
People like Reese Witherspoon's got like an adult child. She's
the same age as me, but like her child like seven, No,
not that old, but you know, like I think it's
like now, I'm like, it's hard keeping up the energy sometimes,

(25:57):
but it's you know, but it also probably gives you
a lot of energy totally because you have to like
you have to be there. Can't just like fucking cop out.
That's why you got to have a partner. Yeah, and
some extra nightqual for the baby. Um, we're gonna take callers,
and people are going to call in for advice. I'm
assuming on the subject of parenting. We've got some parenting stuff.

(26:19):
We've got some marriage. Marital questions are my favorite, some
relationship stuff. Let's try it. I mean, I feel like
I'm too honest. That's what you need to be. These
people all need to kick in the ass. Usually they
want a kick. Most It gets mad at me because
I tell so many people to break up, But I
just feel like I don't know. I mean, sometimes you
can just sense it. But we'll see, we'll see what

(26:39):
we got. Yeah. Yeah, Well we'll take a quick break
and then we'll be right back and we're back. We're back. Well.
Our first question is about parenting and comes from tired mom.
She says, my four year old son has been in
a big boy bed for about two and a half

(27:00):
years now. When he was in his crib, he was
the best sleeper and never tried to get out of it. However,
I can count on one hand the number of nights
he stayed in bed for the entire night over the
past two plus years. Every night, at some point he
comes running down the stairs and jumps in between my
husband and I in our bed. I feel like I've
tried everything, and many nights were so exhausted that one

(27:21):
of us just goes up and sleeps in his bed
with him. It's starting to really affect us. Our sleep
is horrible because he moves around all night or wants
to snuggle so close it's suffocating. Any advice I love
the podcast. Sincerely tired Mom in New Hampshire. That's funny.
We had another emailer who went by tired Mom who
wrote in a couple of weeks ago, can't they just
put it back in the crib? Well, no, I think

(27:42):
she's saying, it's like a it's like a walking age.
Put him back in the crib. He seemed to like
the crib. Well, nobody, they climb out of the crib
and they'll believe me. This is very hard. First of all,
I want to say, I have three elderly chawas. I
can't get out of my bed so and they're like
disgusting and I don't even know how. I don't know
how this happened. I know it really is. I have.

(28:03):
I've been changing the sheets like every other day and
it's very hard. But to answer the question, I mean,
I did something that's probably people think is wrong. But
like she had, we had a lock on her door,
and I don't think she knew that she could come
out of the room until she was like four, But
I mean I think she didn't know that that was
an option. No, maybe three, And then she slowly was

(28:26):
like oh, because it's like you can get them on
Amazon and like she's safe. We have a monitor, but
like you know, when she could start walking up because
she was she was a very early climber out of
the crib or you know. Like so now she's just
on a bed, and but she definitely comes into the room.
One thing you can do is you can wake them
up at like midnight and have them pee, because then

(28:49):
they don't have to pee at like four am. So
then if you can control because I think that's what's
waking them up a lot of times is peeing. So
that's something. And then the other thing is you just
have to be really strict about it. Like he said, Chelsea,
you just have to say you have to go back
to your room. It's kind of like the same thing
with the dog. You can train the dogs to not
sleep in your bed. It just takes energy and work.
But um inconsistency and consistency. But if you can like

(29:11):
put one of those little Amazon like the door knob
holders like that worked for us until she was three,
and then she does get into our bed a lot,
but usually it's around seven am now, and so that's
about what it sounds like with this four year old
though that since he's already been out of his door.
If you put a lock on his door, he's gonna
So you're gonna have to just be consistent about taking

(29:32):
him back upstairs and explaining to him that he's no lot,
he's too big to sleep with you. Guys, he can't
sleep with you anymore. You know. It's crazy though. That's
why it's so fun to hear Chelsea's version of it,
because I'm like, yes, that's right, but then why is
my kid coming in my bed every night? Because you're right,
it's just because they're so tired in the middle of
the night and it's upstairs. The idea of bringing him
back up there is too annoying, and they have to

(29:54):
go do it and like do it every single time,
and then eventually he just gets the message. I mean,
it's like training a dog. I have a friend who
will like tell kids, and we've done this before to like,
if you can do seven nights of not coming into
the room, you can like get this present. And my
friend actually bought his kid and Incanto Lego lego set

(30:15):
and showed it to her and was like, you can
have this the carrot seven days if we cross out
every day. But then there's other forms that you know,
other mothers on Instagram or like don't bribe your children,
gives a funk with anybody, whatever the fuck you can
do to get your kid to sleep in their beds.

(30:35):
I agree with that. Yeah, and they take enough energy
as it is if you're not sleeping on top of that,
like it's over exactly, and like you know, it's it's
it's better because I remember I knew a kid who
was like seven or eight and slept with his mom,
and it seemed weird. You don't you know that that's
going to come up before you know it. Also, if
you do choose not the carrot version of bribery but

(30:56):
the stick version, there's gonna be like what's the difference,
I'm sorry, Oh, Like carrot is the like put the
carrot in front of the donkey to get it to go,
versus like hitting it with a stick. Obviously not hitting
kids with sticks. But I think you're gonna have like
some terrible nights if you just get really strict about it,
like you said, but it will quickly pass. It's you know,
it's like, yeah, it's like your first week at the
gym when you haven't gone in five years, Like it's

(31:18):
not fun, but you're gonna you're gonna be happy that
you made those in roads. I have one more thing
to say too. I had. I had this revelation because
it is like, my kid is so cute. It's so
hard to say no to her. She's so excited about
any kind of like she hasn't tasted every sweet, so
she tastes something and she's like, this is blowing my mind.
Like you know, it's so fun to give them stuff.

(31:39):
And I was watching the Amy Winehouse documentary and her
mom and it was a very tragic story obviously, and
her I remember her mom said I could never say
no to Amy, and I remember thinking like, this is
what's this is what could happen if I can't say
no to her because it is so hard. So I'm
actually trying, almost as a religio in to say no

(32:01):
to her because she's just like, Mom, can I have this? Please? Please?
Can I have it? In this many minutes? And then
she'll blink her eyes and I'm just like, this is
like impossible. And then it doesn't hurt me to give
her something or give her the extra things she wants.
But it's just like a vibe. I don't know, it's
a culture, and I don't think you want to create
a culture where the kid is like ruling your life.
Uh huh. I totally get that. There's someone in my life.

(32:23):
The kids are in college now, but they had this
sort of parental situation where like mom and dad weren't
getting along anymore, and they wound up divorcing, and like
one of them decided to join the military and the
other one converted to Catholicism even though no one in
their family is Catholic, And it was like, what's going
on there? And we kind of realized they just really
had a desire for some structure in their lives and

(32:46):
some boundaries that they didn't get growing up. Whether or
not they realize that's what they're doing, it kind of
seems like that. It's so true. It's like you crave
boundaries and structure. Like when I grew up, I don't
think anyone ever said no to me either, and I
was so spoiled and so entitled. And remember my grandmother
talking to my mom, going, she's so spoiled, and I
was like, so what that's good? You know, like I'm

(33:06):
living my best life. But when I grew up, I
had no structure as an adult, Like I still don't
have structure. The only structure I have, like when I
did Chelsea Lately, I had. The structure of the show
was the structure that I had never had my whole life.
Like I had people constantly having to know where I
was when I was coming in, when I was going
to arrive for this, and I felt like I was

(33:27):
being parented for the very first time at my own
talk show because everyone had to know where I was.
And I remember like drawing that correlation, and I was like, Oh,
that's why that worked out for me, because finally I
had somewhere to be. Like even now, I'm so like,
you know, structure list, Like if I don't have anything
to do all day, I could easily find myself in
bed from like you know, noon to five watching TV.

(33:49):
You'd be reading, though you sometimes sometimes I read, but
sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm just like, funk, no one
needs me today. I could do where the funk I want. Yes,
I was outside in my back yard. I'm in this
rental house. I was outside reading a book and then
I was like I looked over at the little stand
or the little table next to the chair I was in,
and I saw joints and I was like, oh, I'll

(34:10):
smoke a joint. And I was like, I guess I'll
take that. And then I was thinking, look at you,
your fucking asshole, Like I just see an idea and
I'm like, I could do that. You know, there's no
structure and there never will be in my life because
I'm just not like that. But you had a bunch
of brothers and sisters, right, I didn't. They didn't provide structure.
They didn't take away from people saying yes to you know,
they did too because they were just like and I

(34:31):
was so loud and obnoxious that they just wanted me
to shut up. I remember once my my mom and
my brother Roy were in our living room and I
would throw tantrums if I didn't get what I wanted,
just the road kick and scream like seven eight years old,
right bang my head against the glass window and be
like I wanted. And I remember my mom. I couldn't

(34:53):
have been even ten years old, and I remember my
mom going, just let her keep hitting her head. I'm
so sick of it, just let her and my brother goes, oh,
and then they both walked out of the room, and
I was like, I hit my head harder, you know.
I'm like, I'll break this glass and then they'll be sorry.
It's amazing I have like any sort of normal behavior
at all, quite frankly, but you're such a successful person,

(35:14):
maybe it's okay to maybe. I mean, that's the thing.
It's like nobody knows what's right. You just have to
kind of go with your instincts. And I do feel
like having an only child and like sometimes, you know,
I'm putting her shoes and socks on, and motion is
trying to brush her hair, and we're like it is
everything okay, And then she's bawling and you're like, what's
wrong and she's like pine cones to nature ee and
you're like, oh can I can I switch it out

(35:34):
for you a different pine. So it's like it's very
you know, that's not good, Like we we have too
much energy, we have too much time for just her,
Like there's not like nine kids dispersing it, or even
two kids or whatever. So I just feel like you
have to really watch yourself and make sure that they
aren't becoming like totally tyrants, I suppose. But that being said,

(35:55):
that's a very cute thought of Chelsea screaming for what
she wants. I will crack my skull against this window
if I don't get strawberry shortcake. All yeah. I was
telling the story the other night on stage. I was like,
I used to go I used to have like Turette's
for like a year. I think I was auditioning Tourette's.
And I would go behind. My dad would, being a

(36:16):
lazy boy, would sit in the couch in the in
a living room watching the stock market all day long
for what. I don't know, because he had no money
in the stock market, and but like remember that scroll
on the bottom of the TV, like NASDAC or whatever.
And he would watch it and I would stand behind
him and I would just be like fuck pussy, cunt ship, motherfucker,
fuck fuck shit, and my mom my dad like Chelsea,

(36:37):
what are you saying right now? And I'm like nothing,
And then my mom he'd like rita, my mom, and
he's like Rida, she's doing it again, and my mom like, sweetie,
you can't talk like that. I'm like, I didn't say anything.
And then I'd be like fuck, motherfucker. Cut liquor sticks.
I was like Psycho, and I was like, that's Taurette's No,
that's that's a female comedian in the making. I think

(36:58):
I remember Sarah's the Women saying that that's when she knew,
like she would be at the grocery store saying swear
words to people like in the in the little car.
I think it's like, it's a very female funny woman person.
Have you spoken to Sarah recently? She had her tonsils removed,
and it's almost like she has been lobotomized. She is
and she's been recuperating for like two weeks, and she's

(37:20):
and I'm like, I don't know what. I can't talk, well,
she can, but it's just brutal, like what happens when
tonsils are taking I told her, I'm like, I got
my tonsils out and I went for a jog that night,
and she marco poloed me and she's like, I don't
know what kind of jog he went on, but I've
been in bed for two weeks. And I was like, oh,
maybe I met my wisdom teeth. Maybe I got my

(37:41):
wisdom teeth removed, not my tonsils. Does everyone get there?
But it does sound like a real common procedure. Yeah,
and it's but it's big, it's invasive, and you're really
like because you have stitches in your throat. I'll check
on her. You got carried away with person stories. Our

(38:05):
next color is Regina and she'll join us as well.
To your Chelsea, I'm a thirty six year old lesbian
writing to you from Los Angeles, California. I've been at
my company for fourteen years and absolutely love my job.
In March of this year, a twenty seven year old
coworker of mine who had been at the company for
one year, began flirting with me. I flirted back because

(38:26):
it was fun and seemed harmless at first, since she
had to live in girlfriend of two years. We've been
friends since she came to the company, and I did
not see her as someone who would ultimately cheat. Well.
After about two months of flirting, feelings began to surface,
and we subsequently slept together by May. Since that first time,
our feelings for each other have continued to become more intense.
We've grown incredibly close, continue to have sex as often

(38:49):
as possible, and now we are in love with each other.
While she has told her girlfriend that she isn't happy
in their relationship. Her girlfriend has no idea girlfriend us.
She still has no idea her partner is having an affair,
and she does not have a plan when it comes
to how to resolve the situation. She can't make up
her mind of what she wants to do. I have

(39:11):
no interest in going out and dating other people, and
while I know I shouldn't wait around for her to
figure out what she wants, I find myself feeling stuck
and doing just that. Because we work so closely together,
ending the affair seems almost impossible. Given the fact that
I see her most hours of the day. I'm really
at a loss as to what to do. I want
to be with her, but I don't want to wait
around hoping she'll pick me. Any advice you have would

(39:33):
be so appreciated. Regina, Hi, Regina Hi, Hi. Natasha la
Jaros here today as our special guests. Hi. Hi, Okay, Well,
hot and heavy and lesbian love affairs. I love it.
I mean I have some news for you. Yeah, she's
a cheater, right, I mean, this is someone who is

(39:57):
capable of being pretty too faced and a liar, and
I would be very cautious about because, you know, if
it was just about her casually dating someone else and
needing to pick you. That's a different story. That's a
that's a hey, you know what, I have feelings for you.

(40:18):
I'd like to be with you. Let me know what
you want to do. But this is a little this
is too much for me to have you have this
other person. But I wouldn't want to be in a
relationship with someone who's that deceitful. But how long have
you guys been having an affair since May? It's about
six months? Yeah, I mean I think that's enough time.
Like I understand, people cheat, people have relationships and stuff.
It's not ideal, but it happens all the time. I've

(40:40):
had experiences with people that have been in relationships. I mean,
actually once, not more than once, because I didn't want
to repeat that. I don't want to make that a habit,
and I'm sure you don't either. But I think that's
enough time. You've established that you're in love with her.
She's probably established the same thing. You feel that way.
I understand you see her every day and that very difficult,

(41:01):
but I think out of respect for yourself, you really
have to like draw the line in the sand and say, okay,
we've experimented with this. It's been six months. That's been
plenty of time for you to unravel your past relationship.
We all understand breaking up is difficult, but the way
that you see it's like it's just too deceitful. You
can't be a part of this anymore. You can't be
a participant in somebody who's lying to their spouse. I mean,

(41:23):
even if they're not married, they're in a relationship and
she is actively lying and you are too because of it.
And you're not so weak that you can't control yourself.
You may think that, but that's not true. You can
control yourself. And I think laying down a boundary is
going to bring everything to the surface, because if she's
going to leave this woman, she will. Then if you're like,
I'm not participating in this anymore, I can't have good

(41:46):
mind have an affair with somebody that's in a relationship.
Either you want to be with me, and if you
don't want to be with me, that's fine, but I'm
not doing this anymore. You know. I think you have
to really stand up for yourself and stand up for
that other woman too, because is you would never want
this to happen to anyone, and it's karmically. It's just
so bad to participating this kind of ship. And you

(42:07):
said you work together. Yeah, that's an issue because you
really need some space from her and she's breaking up
with a long term partner is not easy, and so
it's something that you guys kind of need your individual
space for. So I would maybe try to look and
see how how you could achieve that. I don't know
the particular situation, but you can't be like breaking up

(42:28):
with your lover and then see them every day at work.
I mean, that's so hard. That's why they say, don't
do that exactly right, And I mean I I certainly
didn't intend for it to get to the place that
it's now gotten to, but it is where we are.
And I agree that I have initiated a stopping of this,

(42:49):
like let's take a break so you can figure this out.
And I have trouble with boundaries anyways, But when it
comes to seeing her day in and day out, it
I like what you said, Chelsea, it feels impossible, but
I know that it's not. It just it feels that way. No,
You're gonna also have a lot more to respect for
yourself when you stand up and say like, I'm sorry,
but this is kind of beneath both of us because
it is that's a good way to say it. But

(43:10):
you can't then fuck her. She just did the astex motion,
you know. Yeah. I think like when you make statements
and proclamations like what I'm telling you to do, you
really have to stand behind them. If I'm in a
relationship with somebody and I say something, I I didn't
always do this, but I in my adult life, I
mean it. There are boundaries and there are behaviors that

(43:30):
are beneath me, and I won't participate in that, and
I won't let anyone treat me in a way that
doesn't feel like that I'm as excellent as I am,
which is how you should see yourself. Do you have
like a break coming up? Because I think it can
really help to just like completely cut off contact if possible,
for like even two weeks or something. So, So what's
what's really helpful and falls in with good timing here

(43:53):
is that I'm going to South America tomorrow for eleven days. Great,
there you go, and I you don't want to talk
to her while while you're there, So I think you
need to have this conversation with her before you go.
Let her know you're gonna take a little time to yourself.
You're not happy with things how they are. You don't
want to keep being deceitful. It doesn't sit right with you.
So if she wants to continue with you, she's going

(44:15):
to have to like talk to her person and change
the situation and ask her maybe to not contact you.
What do you think about that time? Yeah, I'm down
with that, but I'm just so the job situation. Katherine
told me what you did. Is there any possibility of
you changing that job situation and getting a job elsewhere
or well? Yeah, I mean I I put in the
in the email that you know, she's worked here for

(44:36):
about a year and a half. I've been here fourteen years,
and I mean, I've really like earned my tenure here
in my career and it's curtainly not a position that
I favored to have to leave, right But I think
that it probably falls more in the line of something
that she could do, but it's not in the cards
in the immediate future. I mean, I I'm certainly not

(44:56):
going to give up what I have with my career
for Okay, yeah, then that's then that's settled. Then you
don't have to you've been there for a long time. Absolutely,
But you're stronger than you think, So I think I
think you should have this conversation with her today and
mean it. You know what I mean, and mean it. Obviously,
when we break up with somebody, we vacillate, we miss them.
We're like, oh, well, maybe if I do this, they'll

(45:18):
finally see the light. Or maybe if I if they
see me one more time or talk to me one
more time, it's like, no, no, just act in honor
and with honor, and I'm sure what's supposed to happen
is going to happen. And she obviously needs one last
push to get rid of that relationship. It's obviously not
working for her either. It's probably not sexually working for her.
It might be working for her in other ways, but

(45:40):
she's clearly getting her sex from you. And I'll have
sex with you if you want it, but don't forget
to tell her all the things you really like about her.
If you do think that you guys could have a
future together, you don't want to just be like scolding her. No, no, no, no.
It's a very adult way, just like two part ways.
It's just in an adult way, like I'm so sorry,

(46:00):
but just use that language. This is beneath both of us,
and I'm not I'm not cool with it anymore. So
I need my space. I would like to, you know,
just move on and if you want to come back,
and you know, if you're going to break up, then
we have something to talk about. Otherwise we don't. That's great.
And I have one more thing to add to it
that I think could really help, because I have a
lot of success with scripts because like I can get

(46:21):
like talked into things really easily, and so I find
if I make a phone call it's best and I
write down what I want to say for these really
important conversations sometimes if it makes sense for it to
not be in person, and just like you can just
keep referencing it and repeating it, you know, and then
you can just kind of say you have to go,
because then they can't pull you into like the thing
that Chelsea said, this has beneath you can just keep

(46:43):
repeating it in different ways, and like then it's not
in person and you forget what you're thinking and they
get you off track and then they start sucking right,
there's no chance of your fucking if you're not if
you're on the phone and when that's and that's was
one of the comments I was going to make, is that,
you know, the two times that I've said let's stop,

(47:03):
like to you know, to give it her a break
and take some time, I really meant it in the moment, right,
I really felt that way in that moment. And whatever
time passes by a day or two and I see
her at work and I'm like, well, fuck, I don't
feel that way anymore. You know, I'm not I don't
feel so like angry about it or and I just
kind of like fall back in Well, you've thought about

(47:23):
it a little more deeply now, and you know that
it's not sitting well with you because more time has
passed and more deceit and more you know that it's
horrible for someone to be lying to their partner, you know,
like it's happened to me, It's happened to probably most people.
But it is like the most horrifying feeling to know
that someone's like fucking someone else when they're with you

(47:46):
and not telling you. It's really it's really awful. And
I think you raised a really good point right at
the beginning, Natasha as well, like if you were to
be the one who she picked, is there ever a
point that you would be thinking, who is she out
there fucking? Like? Who is she out there cheating on me? With? Right?
I mean, listen, I don't think everyone who cheats on

(48:07):
their spouse is a lifelong cheater, like or their partner.
Like I think certain people fall in love and then
they find the right person. I don't think they're always
you know, I don't define people in that way. So
I don't want you to feel hopeless that she's not
a possibility if she does the right thing now. But yeah,
all of that stuff is stuff to consider. And you
know you've already attempted to break up with her a
couple of times, Like now you can do it, so

(48:29):
you know that the writing is on the wall, and
like you're strong enough to do it, and you're gonna
feel dignified about it. You're right, Chelsea, I've cheated on
people before. Yeah, but I'm not a cheater, right right, Well,
that's right, fair, I mean same here. Yeah, just one
final question though, if I if I have that conversation
which I plan on having, tomorrow because my flights tomorrow night,

(48:50):
and I just as we talked about, I'll write the
script out do all those things. Can I have sex
with her one more time? No? Oh, you can master
bait like this is a test for you, and you
need to fucking follow up with us now that you
just said that, you need to follow up with us
in one month. No more sex. You're stronger than sex.

(49:12):
Sex is whatever. You can go funk people in South America.
I mean, what are you talking about. There are people
everywhere to have sex with. It's just really but don't
say it's just really really good. It's not worth it anymore.
You had enough sex with her? That's enough, Jesus. Can

(49:32):
I have sex with her one more time? There's the
title of this episode. Anyway, have fun in South America.
No more pussy pounding until you get there. Okay, and
just wait and I probably I bet you it's gonna
all work out exactly the way you want it, by
being strong, not by being weak. And download whatever the
grinder app is in South America. Yes, the women are

(49:56):
hot down there. Yeah that's true. That's a good point. Yeah,
good luck, honey, all right, thank you so much. Follow
up with us in a month. I want to hear
what happens. Okay, okay, okay, thanks. That was a good reminder, Chelsea.
People aren't always cheaters. I guess I was, but I
just mean, like, if you're the person cheating with them, like,
I don't know that I would get past thinking like

(50:18):
who are they out? You know, it's I think people
can change, but I just think I used to be
so jealous of like hot Nanny's hot people coming over,
and then the pandemic happened and I was just like,
take him, come on, like this will make my life easier,
you can. I used to like try to wear cute outfits,

(50:40):
not like I don't want to look too sexy. Oh no,
this is see through from Uh. Well, let's take a
quick break and we'll be right back. And we're back.
We're back. Well, this is the part of the show,

(51:02):
Natasha where I would like to know if you have
any advice you'd like to get from Chelsea. Do would
you like some parenting advice? Well, I know that we're similar,
like we both like nice things, you know. I take
pride in my things. I like my house a certain way,
and that's a thing of the past. Pretty much. However,

(51:23):
I don't want to nag my husband, so and I've
already told him like twice. So I have these like
beautiful towels that have my name on them that I
had monogrammed because like that's just special to me. I
like old Hollywood, Like I thought it was cool. He
when he leaves the bedroom, we're supposed to put a
peepad out for the dogs. He's been using my monogrammed
towels but laying them out, like all spread out, so

(51:45):
that's where they pee. They're white, they say Natasha on them.
I've already told him once and I'm like, please, don't
use those towels. He's like, cool, so they don't be
on the wood floor and I'm like no, And so
then he did it again. And I know if I
say some thing, but like what would you do? You would?
Isn't that appalling? Yeah? It's sucking appalling. I mean honestly,

(52:07):
I fucking screamed at him, like what what doesn't mean?
What's well? No, I mean not about a towel, but
I mean, what doesn't he get about the situation? How much?
Why do you have to be more clear than that?
Why is he using those towels, and don't you guys
use pepads. We have pepads. He has a d D,
so he thinks he's like killing it because he remembers.
Does he take adderall? No, you think he needs that? Yeah,

(52:30):
everyone get him on adderall. There's a pill for every solution.
Every problem, there's a pill solution. No. I think if
people have a d D and they're not actively trying
to d program the a d D, then yeah, they
should be on adderall because it fucking makes you focus.
But so deep program I mean yeah, but that's like

(52:50):
meditation and you know, like you have to really focus.
I had really bad a d D and I do
not have it anymore. Really, yes, I have gotten rid
of it, really yeah, with a lot of men titation
and concentration. Like I put my phone away, I read,
you know, I sometimes it comes back in. But I
used to be in the middle of conversations and just
be like, what is happening right now? You know what
I mean? My mind would be off in a million

(53:11):
different directions, and I'm not like that anymore. Would you
like lose your phone and be scatter brained? I always
I was a hot mess, for sure, because like he
never has his credit card, he never has his light. Everything.
There's a chaos that I'm enveloped in and it's very hard.
And can you just put those towels somewhere where he
can't find them? I mean they are I'd like to

(53:32):
keep them in the bathroom, right, but I guess I
could get a safe or you or you could just
put nice little post it notes on them saying do
not touch these. Yeah, I know it's it's because it's
like and then you want to get nice things for them,
for these guys, and it's like they don't deserve, they
don't appreciate nice towels, and he doesn't care. Can you

(53:55):
use those to clean up the dog pist? Well, I
mean it wasn't even leaving. It wasn't even to clean
up the dog pist. It was he was laying it
out as a nice little thing for the dogs to
deficate on. But yeah, it's the a d D. And
it does keep coming back in all these different ways.
A d D is so annoying to be around. It's
any I know that I thought it was cute, and
then once we had the kid, it became something a

(54:17):
little less manageable. You should have him try and adderall.
I know it's like terrible to say, but it's like
such a good solution. Like my friend's dad is on it,
and he I go, what's it like if you don't
take it? He's like, I can't focus on anything. I'm
all over the place. I go to the store and
I forget where I'm going. I get distracted with this
and then i'll talk to you a person. I forget
what I have to do. He's like, my whole life
is different, Like on my quality of life, I'm able

(54:39):
to like go from A to B to C two D.
He's like, I had no idea you could live like that.
So for people who have serious A D D, adderall
is you know, that's what kids take or riddle in,
depending on what you have. But yeah, I don't know.
I think that's a good solution. But he's sober, so
that that's an issue, so we can't take out of all.
I don't know. I did have a boyfriend once who sober,

(55:00):
and he acted like when his adderall came, it was
like he was snorting it and it was like he
had adderall for thirty days, but like the twenty feet
day he was out of it, he'd start freaking out.
Most is not like that, but yeah, who knows. I
don't know. A lot of people think it's gonna like
dull their creativity, and I find that to be a
misnomer too, or a fallacy. I should say, a lot

(55:22):
of people say that and then they take it and
you're like, no, you're much better this way. But yeah,
you're right. It's definitely suddictive because people use it to party.
Maybe he should start doing cocaine, or maybe you should
just yeah, I mean, is there a possibility of you
getting out of the marriage. I'm taking my towels with me. Well,
I'm I hope he answered your towel question, even though

(55:43):
I know we did it. No, I know, it was
just kind of like a I wanted you to know
that's what happens. It was like barely a question for advice,
because there really isn't anything you can do except pity
me and be glad that I'm not in that situation.
But the world would deserve your children. Thank you. The

(56:03):
world deserves my children is Natasha la Jarrow's book. Order one,
or go to an independent bookstore and buy one. Support
independent bookstores, or order one from Amazon, whatever floats your boat.
But please get this book because it's so fucking funny. Yes,
and it comes out in November. Fifteen, comes out in November,
and I'll be on a tour. I'm going to Philly, Boston, Nashville, Denver, Chicago,

(56:26):
and my homeland, Maria. What is that, Natasha la dot com?
Is that where people can tickets? Okay, all right, thank
you Natasha. It's always a pleasure to be around you.
Thank you you too. I'm so excited. So I am
winding up my stand up tour. Vaccinated and Horning is
coming to a screeching halt at the end of the year.

(56:47):
I have my last dates coming up, and these are
the last opportunities. You have to also buy merch from
the website Chelsea Hammler dot com. If you want Vaccinating
Horny Captain's hats, let's say where the Captain's now for
women only? Our t shirts for men in your family
that say I'm sorry because they should be. I only
have a few dates left. Two shows in Tampa, a

(57:09):
show in Fort Myers, Florida, Daytona Beach, Hollywood, Florida, Concord,
New Hampshire, Wooster Mass, Wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania, Wilke's Berry, Pennsylvania.
There I said it, and then San Diego and Riverside, California,
and then Baltimore, Maryland, and then my very last date
is December six in Reading, Pennsylvania. If you are enjoying

(57:33):
what you're hearing, you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea. That
is our podcast, and you can rate us if you want. Yeah,
that's a great idea. It actually makes a huge difference
for this podcast, for any podcast that you like, subscribing
giving it a rating actually make a huge difference in
who all we gets served too, and helping spread the word. Okay, Yeah,

(57:54):
subscribe and and and comment, yeah, and follow. So if
you'd like advice from Chelsea, see just send us an
email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear
Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced
by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and
engineered by Brad Dickert.