Everyone’s a Little Bit Bi with Bretman Rock

Chelsea is joined by multi-hyphenate Bretman Rock to talk about sugar daddies, why everyone’s a little bit bisexual, and how to know if your grandma is looking out for you from beyond the grave. Then: A 20-something wonders if she should stick with a guy who can’t get it up.… or ghost him for good. An ex attempts to get back with his boyfriend without ruining their friendship.  And a girlfriend wants to get engaged ASAP - or else.  

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Executive Producer Nick Stumpf

Produced by Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, Hi, oh hi, everybody, it's us. It's Catherine and
Chelsea and it's called Dear Chelsea. Is what you're listening
to in case somebody tricked your phone. Yes, I found mushrooms.
And my place in Whistler, I had these chocolate mushrooms
that I supplied the entire mountain probably b C British
Columbia with last year when I was in Whistler, and

(00:21):
then when I left, I left everything there and so
this year when I was going through my things, I
found them and I have been taking like the tiniest,
like a half of a half of square every day
because now that I know more about micro dosing, like
I don't like the rush of the feeling, but I
like the up of the feeling. I have to say,
like I've found a perfect dose. Is this that the

(00:42):
chocolate mushrooms? These are chocolate mushrooms now and Whistler everyone
has capsules. They give you fifty milligrams or a hundred
milligrams or two hundred and fifty milligrams, which are also
just like they don't make you hallucinate. They just give
you an up and it's almost imperceptible, and it's nice
and it's great if you're outside to nature these. So
I took a little one a few days ago just

(01:05):
to see because I was like, oh, you know, when
you're not acclimated, you know, you can have bigger reactions.
And I don't like that whoosh feeling that sometimes comes
on with mushrooms, where you're like yawning and it's very
overwhelming and you almost nauseated slightly. Anyway, I think I
found the perfect dosage, and I gave some to Joe Koy,
who's never done mushrooms, but somebody had given to him. Well,
he doesn't need an upper you know what I mean.

(01:27):
He somebody gave it to gave them to him in Canada,
and he we were falling asleep. We had played pickleball
and we were falling asleep that night and he was
He's like, honey, you's just so funny. Everything you say
is so funny. And I was like, uh huh huh,
and he goes, I just can't stop smiling every time
I think of you. I'm like, oh my god, honey,
those are mushrooms. That's what you're feeling. That was not

(01:48):
a micro dose, that's a dose. And he's like, is
that what it is, I go, yes, go into beds
with a smile on your face is mushrooms. So I
just want everyone to know that you also can go
to his bed with a smile on your face if
you get yourself some mushrooms too. I've never done mushrooms.
That's very hard for me to believe. Really, do I
seem like a person who's like out in the world.

(02:09):
I think that you've experimented with drugs I have. Well,
let me tell you, I am also like not a
very good weed smoker. The first time I ever smoked weed,
it was great. I had a fun time. The second
time I ever smoked weed, I had the worst time ever.
It was in Indiana. It was like maybe laced with
something like hallucinations voices. It was terrible. That definitely sounds

(02:32):
like it was laced with something. Yeah, so I didn't
touch it for the longest time. And I can really
only do it when like my set and setting are
very specific, like I feel very safe. But I also
just find like I don't love the feeling of being high.
I don't love the feeling of like the time distortion,
but I do just like and this is advice I
got from you from working on this show, but just

(02:53):
doing tiny, tiny doses like I find even one or
two and a half my MiGs is like my sweet spot,
where it's just a little twinkle, like you don't feel high. Yes,
So that's good that you found that out about yourself
and that you didn't shy away from it, because there
is a right amount for everybody, and some people's sometimes
Like yesterday, I had a day off unexpectedly. I was

(03:15):
thought I was working all day and I had the
day off, and so I had a fun day and
I took two edibles at around three o'clock, got into
bed and watched a bunch of TV, which is basically
my favorite thing to do in the whole world, is
to lie in bed and watch TV, especially if there's
something good. I love it. I love it. I got
that from my mom. My mom used to lie in

(03:36):
bed all the time. And then when I was seeing
my therapist, he's like, your mom sounds like she was depressed.
I'm like, well, then I'm fucking depressed too, because I've
got the same sleeping gene. I just want to be
snuggling all the time. And you're on the ghost so much.
I'm sure that it's like, yeah, but I haven't, and
I haven't inordinate or disproportionate desire to to be in
bed Like it's just two. It's outweighs everything else I'd

(03:57):
like to be doing. So yes, I can have a
very busy life, but I have no problem chilling the
funk out. Good, very good. Well, I have a follow
up from someone who has taken your advice, Chelsea. This
is from Christina and she joined us on our episode
with Taylor Tomlinson Comics, stating comics, she was the one

(04:20):
with the boyfriend who her friend thought he was a deadbeat.
But she's a lawyer and she needed to talk to
her friend about how she's really into this guy. She says,
Dear Chelsea, I have a little update. I talked to
my friend and we had a really honest conversation. She
admitted that she did want me to break up with
my boyfriend, but mostly it was because she feared I
wasn't just settling for him, I was settling in life.

(04:42):
Side story. In law school, I interned at the A C.
L U and my school's environmental law clinic. I wrote
a published piece on racial discrimination post nine eleven, Like
this woman does everything. She's wonderful. Suffice it to say,
I really care about social justice and have much bigger
dreams than my current corporate job. I'd love to take
a job doing something I care about, but those are

(05:04):
scarce in Miami. My boyfriend has always said he'd never
leave Miami. She said she really believes in me and
thinks I can do so much more than just live
in Miami with my boyfriend forever. And I explained to her,
I understand I have my own fears about waking up
in twenty years with regret, but for now, I have
no idea what life has in store, and I'm still
hopeful I won't have to compromise my dreams or my relationship.

(05:25):
Maybe it's cocky, but I'm really shooting to have it all.
So I made it clear we're not breaking up anytime soon,
and asked that she please respect my decision. She seemed
a little disappointed but understanding, and so far our friendship
is as strong as ever, minus the verbal subtweets. Thanks
so much for your advice, and I cannot wait to
see you. And you're vaccinated and horny tour. Oh good,

(05:46):
that's good, good, great? Good for her? Yeah, yeah, I'm comfortable.
Conversations are worth having. Yeah, and especially if you know
the friend is somebody who can handle that conversation, then
you know they're are there to stick around. Yeah. And
also the truth brings you together, Like saying that she
wanted you to break up with him is truthful, and

(06:07):
that's not easy to say either. So like it's good
that she was honest, and it's good that you were honest. Yeah. Absolutely, Well,
we have a really exciting guest today. Oh yeah, he's
an internet sensation, you guys. Oh my god, Annie's Filipinos.
So you know that I love Filipinos, you guys, if
you don't follow this guy on Instagram or TikTok. He
is an Asian American digital superstar known for his unique

(06:30):
sense of comedy, gender bending fashion, and creating the new
standard of male beauty that is followed by over forty
five million fans globally. He has comedy, fashion and beauty
sensation bretman Rock. He has his own TV series on
MTV It's called brettman Rock, and his YouTube originals limited
series Thirty Days with brettman Rock, which showcases him digging

(06:52):
deeper into his spirituality while alone and off the grid
in the jungle. Please welcome. This will nugget Bretman rock Bretman.
Oh my god, let me see that hot little body.
Why are you hiding it from us? This is Katherine
Katherin's and my producer. Hi, miss Katherine. I love the

(07:14):
purple hair. Thank you. It's nice to meet you. Brettman.
The last time that you and I spoke. Are you good?
Are you ready? Yes? I needed some lighting, you know, honey,
I of course you need. By the way, Brettman's pronouns
are he, she and they, so you can just call
him her, they whatever, right. Whatever you see, honestly, that's

(07:37):
what I say. Whatever you see is what you can
call me. Well, what I see is a fantast magoria
of light and energy. That's what I see when I
look at you. Thank you. I am a divine creature.
Thank you. First of all, I'm Pennie. Now did you
know that? I know? I was like, we have so
much things in common. Now you're like Feltena on these

(07:57):
days thanks to the power of semen. Honestly tell me
about it. Also, I did not know you guys were dating.
For the longest. I thought you guys were just like
best these for a while because you guys were just
like making videos and I was like, Miss Joe and
Miss Chelsea's really hang out and he loves joke. By
the way, I was there. I don't know if he's
told you, but he had like the nine sold out

(08:19):
shows back to back to back. I didn't even get
a ticket, but my mom wanted to go, Well, we're
gonna hang out with you when we come in July.
I'm there July three and fourth and Maui and then Oahu,
aren't you on Oahu? I'm on Oahu. Wait did he
name his book Mixed Plate because of his experience and
eat or what? Because I have a theory that it's
because he ate at zippies. I ate at zippies, yes,

(08:43):
and like all of the food and zippies are like
all mixed plate food. So I was like, m he
probably ate at zippies. Well, we came. We came the
last time he was playing the Blaisdell Arena. The last
time we were here. We came for Thanksgiving, and so
I was there for like literally two and a half days.
Otherwise we would have been looking for you. But in
those two and a half days, I ate more mayonnaise

(09:04):
than I've eaten in forty five years. Because in Hawaii
they put mayonnaise on everything. Everything mayonnaise, and sometimes we
do the mayonnaise catchup mix, you know, like the cute
little hot pink color. We put that on everything too.
Is there a name for that? Is that Russian dressing?
Mayonnaise and catchup? I don't know what we call it,
but I am the mayonnaise that I think you're like,

(09:26):
do you like the mayonnaise here? Well, I just don't
need that much mayonnaise really on anything, because I think
we use like more like the Japanese mayonnaise instead of
like the Yeah, it's like an a oli, isn't it
like an aoli sauce kind of thing like calamari. Yeah,
comes like a soup more so than a dish. But whatever.
You know, if I'm going to transition into being a
Filipina and being Hawaiian, I'm just gonna have to accept

(09:49):
all of these things and let my body just do
its thing. Yeah. Also, we're both like playboy models now,
Miss Chausey. I don't know if you saw that, but
I saw that. I saw that. That was a dream
come true for you. Recently, right was? And then I
saw your Christmas one that you posted like a while back,
and I was like, she really coming for my gig first,
and now she wants to be a big model. I've

(10:09):
always been coming for you, Bretman. Bretman and I first met.
We did this like makeup collaboration for something a few
years ago, and Bretman showed up to the set and
was one hot mess. And I this is from the
Queen of hot messes. Okay, okay, first of all, let
me explain myself. My my first manages told me about
that deal. I was like, what is me and going

(10:30):
to talk about? So she was like, oh, you know,
you guys have so many things in common. You guys
are both funny, and you guys smoke weeds. So I
was like, I'm gonna go high. So I took a
fat red before I came and that was that. So
I was, Yes, I was a mess, and I'm so sorry. No,
I know it wasn't. It wasn't a shoot that required

(10:50):
us to be anything less than a mess. To be
honest with you, we had to be a mess, but
cover it up. Yeah, exactly. He did my makeup. I
think I tried to do his anyway. No, Remember you
were like mad at me because I think, like last minute,
I was like, I don't think I could do her
makeup today, So I ended up like having to teach
you how to do it. Oh yeah, you couldn't apply
it yourself. Why was that? Because I low key don't

(11:12):
know how to do other people's makeup, Like I know
how to do my face, but like, I feel like
if I did your makeup, you would have just looked
like me, which I mean, that's not really a problem
with that, but um, I didn't want you look like
a Bremen rock. So that I think it's because I
know how my face is shaped, and like we obviously
have different face shapes and we do like an egg.

(11:39):
What's going on with you these days? How's your love life?
Is there anything happening in that department? Let me, mother
tell you? Tell me why I'm I want to go
see a spiritual healer, and I know if you believe
in that shack. And she was telling me all these
things about like my grandma because she was kind of
like my spiritual guide growing up. I grew up very spiritual,
and I was feeling off, so I went to go
see a Native American and woman who does like all

(12:01):
these practices. And at the end, she was like, are
you seeing anybody right now? And I was like, nos
this and she goes, I think there's somebody that like
hecks you. And when she said that, it clicked to me.
It was my ax because he practiced that stuff and
he would always joke around and be like, if you
ever leave me, I'll make sure you'll never find anybody again.
And at the time I was just like ha ha,

(12:23):
oh my god, that's so funny, like you're so goofy,
but that this really hecks me. And now I have
a hard time like connecting with men, and like every
time like men flirted with me, like it's hard for
me to like distinguished now, like my assistant literally has
to be like right, he was hitting on you. It's
hard for me like see that. Now, every time I
get close to somebody, I always feel like I'm cheating

(12:45):
on somebody. So I always like ghost boys just for
an ed reason. And I and when she said that,
I was hex I was like, oh my god, it's
him doing that. So yeah, that's the update on my
love life. So was that person able to remove the
hecks I start, I was like, how do we get
rid of this? What fun? And then she was like,
I think your grandma is strong enough, and I really

(13:06):
feel like your grandma let it happen. And when she
said that, it also clicked in my head that like,
after I got dumped Miss Chelsea, my life turned upside down,
Like I grew out my hair. I looked like more
like Breman Rock more than I've ever did in my
whole entire life. And I feel like I needed that
ship to happen to finally step into who I was
meant to be. And like ever since then, I had

(13:27):
like my MTV show My Playboy, like back to back cover.
It's like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I don't
mean to be like bragging about myself. Really like I
went through all that show I've been to go for
a whole year just so that I could focus myself.
And she said that your grandma. If your grandma did
not want you to go through it, she would have
blocked it off. And she said that I had to

(13:48):
go through it, and I think I had to because
I found who I really was, I think, and I'm
more confident than of who myself in my career than
ever before. So yeah, that's a great feeling, isn't it
to feel self assured and confident in who you are? Yeah?
I think I really at the end of the day,
I really just had to fall in love with myself,
and I think that's what happened. I fell in love

(14:11):
with Remen Rock. Yeah. Yeah, that's interesting you say that
because a lot of people think that you have to
fall in love with yourself physically. You know, they're not
looking at the internal and like, you actually have to
fall in love with your personality and your emotionality, Like
you have to fall in love with you who you are,
not just the way you look. And especially in the

(14:32):
world that we're in or in the social media and everything,
everyone kind of gets reduced down to the way they
look and how good they look for how old they
are or whatever. Well more for me than for you,
since you're like eight months old. But I like that
that you took a break and you kind of stepped
into your own power because I think that's a typical
situational circumstance. When you get out of a relationship, you

(14:52):
start to look at yourself in a different way, and
it's a huge growth experience, right when you break up
and you're on your own, and he was like my
first love. I swore I was gonna marry him. People
calling me eight times, I ran back eight. It got
to a point where, like, literally the seven time you
broke up with me that one month, I literally was,
I don't even pray mitelca, I don't pray. And I

(15:14):
was like to please God, like, please leave me already,
because I could not. I don't know why, but I
could not have the willpower to like break up with
somebody after like chasing them eight times. So it got
to a point where I was like, please, whoever is
listening up there, please tell him to leave me. Yeah, seven,
seven or eight times? If going back, I call that
recidivism where you are performing the same wrong thing you've

(15:38):
done so many times, then yeah, I think after you
break up with somebody twice and you get back together,
that's a rap. We should have like term limits on
all of these things, just for younger people coming into it,
because it's like there's no healthy relationship where you're breaking
up five or six times and getting back together. No
one's ever gonna be like this is gonna work out
what about therapy, breatman, do you go to any therapists?

(15:59):
I go to the physical therapy because I injured my
shoulder the other months. Yeah, that's not the same fucking thing.
I know. I know, I struggle finding the courage to
go see a therapist, Miss Chelsea. I do, I genuinely do,
and I think it's because I was traumatized from like
early years when I did see like a therapist like

(16:20):
that didn't know how to deal with like kids, especially
like growing up with like an Asian mom who joking
probably said something similar to like some Asian moms truly
do not believe in mental health, like not even Asian moms,
like foreign moms, like they think that we're just like
being dramatic. Like even when I told my mom, like
I was telling her about my anxiety and how I

(16:40):
have social anxiety, and she was like, girl, you're just
being dramatic, like you're like she didn't say that, but
in my language she did. So I think for like
a while, I also like didn't take my mental health
seriously because my mom convinced me that it was like
all in my head, and that's what it is. It
is all in my head. But them, Yeah, I am,

(17:01):
I am. I really am building the courage to go
see a therapist. I texted my manager like last month,
I was like, I think this is the year that
I need to see a therapist because even if it
if even if it isn't for Bretman, I need to
see a therapist for Bretman Rock because fame is not fun.
So tell, let's talk about your fame. Let's how are

(17:21):
you handling being famous? I think I don't like to
call myself a child star, but it kind of is, because,
like I started this journey when I was in high school.
I was a sophomore, and so a lot of like
my audience like grew up with me, and so I
also grew up with fame and like handling fame. But
also at the same time, I live in haw VIII
and so you know, a population of four people, So

(17:44):
like it's hard for me to like feel famous in
how VII when like really like everyone that wants to
meet you here, I've already met you when you were
like in high school. Everyone here has made me like
three or four or five times already. It's like, oh,
it's just Bretman. But I truly only feel fame when
I'm in l A. And that's why I think I
hate l A because LA reminds me of work, and
that's why I thrived, because it doesn't have the pressure

(18:07):
of like faith. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, Well,
Joe and I are spending like our winters and Whistler
and I love to get out of l A to
go to Whistler because it's just a completely It's all
about nature, it's all about skiing, it's all about being outside.
If you're not skiing, you're doing something else physical. No
one gives a ship about Hollywood. No one's talking about that.
No one's stopping me to say I need a picture.

(18:29):
They just all know that I'm there and that's the
way it's going to be. But it's Whistler in Canada. Yes,
it is a bit. I have a story about getting
into Canada, but continue. But I I think that, Yeah,
a lot of artists and creators like to be away
from the hustle of it, like being in l A
all the time. It's just not a healthy situation. I know.

(18:49):
For me, I need a time out all the time.
And I like being on the road because one of
the reasons I love being on the road and being
on tour is to be out of l A because
you just I don't like to be competitive and I
don't like to look around too much. And when I'm
in l A, I noticed that about myself more exactly. So, um, yeah,
that's kind of like me too. And what's up with
your sister? How's she doing? Girl? How is she not doing? Honestly,

(19:12):
the day my sister is something. Um, she's also on
her focusing on myself era right now because she just
got on vote relationship. We're raising our two kids, and yeah,
we're getting back to our regular scheduling with like YouTube
videos and stuff like that. I actually wanted to ask
you about, like podcasts. That's something that we wanted to do,

(19:33):
Like is this fun? Oh yeah. First of all, you
can do it wherever the funk you want to, So
that's a number one. You can do that right there
where you're sitting, and you could do it with somebody
you love to talk to. All you have to do
is shoot the ship. That's so easy, right, Yeah, it
I feel like it's more simpler than the YouTube video.
I feel like, even just now, I feel like I
didn't even know we started when we started. But like,

(19:54):
but with YouTube, it's like, oh my gosh, you have
to kind of follow like a story. Let's talk about
this now, it's talk about this now, or I mean
a lot of people don't even have guests on their podcast,
Like you and your sister could just hang out and
talk and have guests when you feel like it, because
that way, you're just shooting the ship and you don't
have to have like an A, B and C cut
it up in any way. Because people do love to

(20:15):
hear you talk. It's just more of you to give people.
So it's an easy thing to deliver. And I would say, yeah,
go for a podcast. It's another way to just gain
more people listening to you talking to you, and it
all feeds the other things, like it feeds the YouTube.
The YouTube feeds the podcast. And I also, I am
so tired of getting ready for you to I got
ready today and I just half when I was like

(20:37):
halfway done doing my makeup, I was like, wait, isn't
just it isn't it just our voice? Like why am
I getting ready? So yeah, I feel like with podcasts,
I don't have to get ready anymore. I could just
show up right. Yeah, Well everything now is online, so
it doesn't matter even though a podcast, Like I thought
podcasts weren't makeup and hair, and now podcasts are. They
post them there on YouTube you can have them, so

(20:58):
it's like it's basically a television all over again. It
called a podcast. Yeah, you look beautiful, by the way,
your makeup is amazing, Like you do have a really
great knack for not for white women obviously because he
tried that on me, but you do have a great
hand at makeup. I mean, look how beautiful he looks.
Thank you, Thank you so much. That's so sweet. I

(21:20):
just grew up with too many women in my life,
I feel. And I grew up watching our version of
super Bowl, which is in this universe in the Philippines.
We treat that ship like a super Bowl, and I
just grew up like in awe of hair and makeup
and like watching these women in their heels and like
bikinis and gowns. And I just grew up watching that
and I wanted to be those women. And like the

(21:42):
third world country girls are always winning this universe because
we got the face. Yeah, you know the bone structure. Yeah,
why don't we get you're not kidding? Why don't we
get you into MRS Universe. That was actually my first gig,
and that was actually when I really I need to
I'm not an interviewer. My first gig ever was I

(22:03):
was sixteen years old. They did Miss Universe in the
Philippines and I hosted the red carpet thing, and that's
when I realized I cannot help. I truly do not
give a funk about other people, Like I cannot sit
there and pretend like I care what you're wearing. Um, so, yeah,
I did Miss Universe, but I need to be a
contestant honestly, or like a judge. Now that's what I'm

(22:25):
talking about, not the Red carpet. You need to be
competing or a judge. Well no, I still you need
to maybe after you win, but you need to be
in the MISSRS Universe's pageant. Why not, right? I I
feel like I would be really good at the Q
and A portion and the bikini portion. Yeah yeah, anything,
Well that's yeah, well we'll see about that. I have.

(22:46):
Is that the thing that Donald Trump brons or is
that Miss America? Trust me, I looked it up. I
made sure I made sure that bitch was not running it.
When I posted the red carpet because I'm not having that, bitch,
So I my check. No, don't worry. He wouldn't sign
it anyway. He host like, how do I owe fucking
money for doing this? So Brettman on this podcast, we

(23:10):
have callers and people who write in for advice about life,
and so yeah, so we're gonna take some callers and
Catherine's gonna read us some emails, and we're just going
to give off advice of what we think how they
should handle the situation. Okay, I feel like my first
advice would probably be don't take my advice. Okay, well, no, noted.
We'll keep that in there so that everyone is aware

(23:31):
not to take Brettman's advice. Thank you. I will say
advice though. Okay, good. Well we'll take a quick break
and we'll be back with some emails and calls to
the commercial. And we're back from break. Brettman just took
a quick shower. You took a shower, right, Brettan you guys,
I actually needed an outfit change, so thank you for

(23:52):
letting me change. Okay, well, it looks like you're wearing
the same exact thing, so it's all very suspicious. Well,
our first email comes from be subject line is a
little slash big problem. Dear Chelsea. I recently went on
a few dates with this guy who checks all the
boxes except for one thing. He told me he has

(24:12):
a problem getting it up. He's thirty. I asked if
he takes anything for it, and he said nothing works.
That's a huge problem because a healthy sex life is
a very important part of a relationship. To me, I
don't want to be the one to quote help him
fix it because I think I'm way too young to
have to deal with this issue. I'm seven. I think
there are so many other men in this world that

(24:34):
it's maybe just onto the next one. But I really
like him. Thoughts b m M, I have so many
questions with Chelsea. Would you like to go first? Now?
Why don't you go for ast Bretman Ladies first? Well,
that kind of like, honestly, when you were reading it,
it kind of just brought me back to Honestly, I
had a whole flashback, like whole Raven Stamoe moment when

(24:56):
I used to have a daddy at one point once
up one a time and he was house so like
in his thirties, and I wouldn't say he had a
hard time like getting it up, but he would always
be like, you have to squeeze it. So I would say,
have you tried squeezing it really hard? That's okay, Well
there you go. Uh So, squeeze his dick as hard

(25:18):
as you can and see what happens. And if nothing happens,
then you have your answer and you can stop dating him. Yeah. Yeah,
But also, do you believe in like those like aphrodisiacs
and stuff like that. I'm very Filipino and we have
a lot of those ships. There's this one shot where
like it's an alcohol shot and there's like a rattlesnake
inside and I guess it's they believe that it has

(25:39):
like afrodiziac components or whatever the funk. So if you
struggle like getting it up, I recommend getting a shot
of the Cobra liquor. Yeah. Okay, So those are two
great options for solutions. The other thing you can do
is like you can make a small amount of effort
to try and help him with his problem, like you know,
finding a sex therapyst. I'm sure that he hasn't really

(26:02):
sat down and run through all the options of what
might because there's there's something for everybody, there's an antidote
for everything. And you already said you're not going to
marry the guy, so it's okay for you to walk away,
but you can put in a little effort towards trying
to figure out what might help his situation, And then
I would agree with you, like only if you really
like him, I would agree that there are too many
men out there, if that is such an important thing

(26:24):
to you, which it is to me, Like I need
to get fucked too. I like sex, Yes, all the time,
Whenever I want it, I want it so like I
get that if if this won't work for you, it
won't work for you. But if you want to try
and make a little bit more of an effort, sit
with a sex therapist, see if she has anything interesting
to say to him that he has never heard before,
or he can go on his own whatever. And then

(26:45):
if that doesn't work, because it could be something that
he hasn't tried, that he hasn't even thought about. There's
so much shame behind people when they can't perform sexually,
shame on both ends. You know, It's like it's shameful
for a girl when I've been around so many guys
who can't get it up, you know, due to my personality,
and I always blame myself. Like there was a period
where I thought something was seriously wrong with my vagina,

(27:07):
Like I had my friends look at it, I had
them smell it. I was like, it's something off here
because I need to know. And no, it had nothing
to do with you. Would you You're not, you know,
struggling with but yeah, if that's important to you, then
you know that doesn't sound like you're guy. So end
of story there. Yeah, And I have odd things fell
trying men, you know, t him trying men. Oh, tell

(27:28):
him to try a man, Yeah, I mean yeah, and
I all things fail. We can give him Bretman's give
him Bret Fan's direct line. Yeah, and so he could
just get in touch with him right away. Would you
like to get your dick squeezed in Hawaii because we
have the perfect handidate. Yes, thank you, thanks, yes, Well.

(27:50):
Our next question comes from D. And I didn't put
those next to each other on purpose, but this is D.
She's on the phone with us as well. She says,
dear chill, see, my boyfriend of seven years will not
propose to me. We've had many conversations about it. We've
both said out loud that we want to get married.
He treats me incredibly well, and we're best friends and

(28:10):
very much in love. However, I feel like I'm watching
him prioritize other pleasures before our future together. For example,
he has a monthly marijuana bill that he won't give
up and recently bought a PS five. Understandable, He's always
been able to be present despite these indulgences, and I
never want to criticize his lifestyle, especially when I thought
there was room for an engagement too. I thought that

(28:32):
the proposal process might be intimidating to him, so I
tried to take the pressure off and suggested we get
engaged as a team, pick out rings together and celebrate.
He insisted that isn't the way it's supposed to be.
He told me to email him styles of rings I like,
so I did. The first time I thought he might
pop the question was in October, when he took an
overnight trip to a comedy show in Detroit. It didn't happen.

(28:53):
I didn't realize how much a proposal disappointment would funk
with my head. It was brutal, but I kept my cool.
Then when we exchanged Christmas gifts, the big gift I
received was a speaker system for our TV, and I
don't know why he thought a soundbar and subwiffer was
a gift I would ever want or need. How do
I stay calm and centered about this? And what the
hell more can I say to convey how I'm feeling

(29:15):
about this to him? One more dashed proposal may take
a serious toll on my mental health. D Hi, d Hi,
d h hi d This is Brettman and Catherine. We're
all here for you today. Hello, it's so great to
be speaking with you all. I okay, so you want
to get married? Yes? So yeah. I was very angry

(29:40):
when I wrote in, but somehow I did not completely
go off on him. We got through the holidays together,
and I sat down with him and I just said,
really blatantly, I am ready to be engaged. I don't
see why we can't be engaged at this point, and
and I did suggest once again to just do it together,

(30:05):
like it doesn't have to all fall on his shoulders.
His response was he just had some car troubles and
he didn't want to propose over the holidays because we're
really busy. And his words where it will happen soon enough,
to which I replied, soon enough is not going to
work for me. So um, oh no, it's it's okay.

(30:35):
So I said that wasn't gonna work for me. I
really need to know that it's like a priority for
you as much as it is for me. So he
said no, seriously, like it's a priority now, it's going
to happen soon, I promised, And after talking to him,
like he's never said that much information about this topic before.

(30:57):
So I did feel a lot better at that point. Okay,
And how are you feeling now? Now I'm feeling good.
I think I just need him to know. And I
did say this when you think a proposal is coming
up and then like special dates happened and you go
on a trip or something like you think it's going

(31:18):
to happen, and so I just it's a real mind fuck,
Like I was stunned by how much it impacted like
my mental state. Right, Okay, So is there a timeline
where if he doesn't propose, you're done. No, I didn't
make it like an ultimatum thing, like I was really
scared to bring it up to be honest, because I

(31:39):
don't want to sound like some kind of pressuring nag. Yeah, no,
I mean it sounds like he's going to propose to you.
I mean, and he hasn't said that much yet, right
thus far, he thought was the most he said about it, right,
the most committed he's been about it. Yes, like we've
talked about marriage of course, like it wasn't really a
question of what there it would happen or not, but

(32:03):
he always like laughed it off before if it was
brought up like that was the first time that we
had a serious conversation about it. I don't know if
it's like because of the element of surprise that we
never talked about it more in a less ambiguous way.
But if I brought it up before, it was like
kind of laughed off by him or just subject changed.

(32:24):
So that there's progress. Right in that conversation, it sounds
like there is her husban. Yes, that was the best
conversation we've probably had about it so far. And when
was that? That was right around the holidays? Okay, Well,
I think it sounds like it's going in the direction
you want you. I just think you need to like
relax a little bit. Your timeline isn't his timeline. You're

(32:47):
not and you don't have you don't need to be
on a timeline. You're young. You know, like it's a
matter of months. I think we're talking about at this point.
You know, if six months goes by and he doesn't propose,
then yeah, then you need to give him an ultimatum.
But I think what you said was perfect. The way
you put it, like this is a priority for me,
and not giving him an ultimatum is really good. You
know that was strong. You made yourself be heard. He understands.

(33:11):
I don't think him buying a ps what is it called,
brettan a ps PS six is going to interfere that much.
I think five. I'm sorry, I'm not straight, So he
doesn't know. He doesn't know. Bretman, what are your thoughts
on this topic of marriage. I'm kind of just like
thinking about where how he values marriage, because for me,

(33:32):
I come from like a very traumatizing marriage of like parents,
and so the way I see marriage is different from
other people. I'm also at the age where like all
of my friends are getting engaged and they're so excited
about it, and it's like everything they ever like think
of it. I'm just like, oh my gosh, if I
ever got engaged, I feel like I would say no,
Like I I don't know, marriage to me kind of

(33:54):
scares me sometimes. So it's it's so cool to see
like that you're so excited for it, because I think
my parents will went marriage from me. So I almost
want to ask you, like if he had bad experiences
like with marriage, and if that's why he's kind of
like scared to get engaged, or even the idea of
getting engaged, like probably scared him. I don't. I don't know.

(34:15):
We don't know where his mind's at. I think that's
a really good point. I mean, we both come from
divorced parents, so that definitely could be impacting him. I
also wondered too, if again, the conversation was so ambiguous before.
I wonder if I was more straightforward like earlier on

(34:35):
like maybe we would be engaged right now. But I
totally hear what you're saying. I think though, that you
were you listen, it doesn't matter what you did before, Like,
don't blame yourself for this, Like you're playing in reverse
and future instead of playing in the present. You put
it out there with integrity. You said what you did
without whining, or you said it like, Okay, this is
what's important to me and you've got to level up,

(34:57):
and that is really dignified. So enjoy the moment that
you're in, let him come to you, and have it
just a time period in your mind that is that's
not going to be work for you anymore. You know,
if it gets past, say six months, and you want
to say, listen, I told you what I needed. You
didn't listen, And now we have to talk about like
what what we're doing? Are we breaking up? Are we

(35:18):
going to stay together? Because my future this is what
I want. I mean, are you willing to break up
with him if he doesn't want to marry you? Is
that something? I mean? In the grand scheme of things,
it's a really good relationship. I wouldn't go so far
as to say that right now, but it feels like
I know him really well. So now that we talked

(35:39):
like it, it feels like I know that it's coming,
whereas before I could tell that it wasn't coming. And yeah,
I mean again, it's a good relationship, So I don't
I don't think I would go so far as to
say that. Now. Okay, okay, well you've got all that,
You've done everything you can possibly do. You just have
to let it go and let it happen. Let him

(36:00):
come to you. I bet you he's going to do
something really, really special for your engagement. And I bet
you're gonna look back at all of the times where
you were upset. Who wants to get proposed to? And
fuck Detroit? I mean, what are you talking about? You know,
a comedy club in Detroit. That's not the right time
for him to propose to you. Maybe he's also waiting
to take you on Chelsea's comedy tour. That's where you

(36:22):
get proposed, That's where you get engaged. Oh my goodness,
that would be such a thrill and it'd be such
a full circle thing. And I I only let gay
people get engaged at my shows, so we're very discriminatory
at my shows. But you know what I mean, like
your ideas and his ideas, your two separate personalities. I

(36:43):
tell Joe this all the time, because Joe has a
completely different person and he doesn't understand why. Like I
don't get excited about anything, He'll be like he gets
excited to wake up in the morning and I'm like,
pipe down, you know, and he doesn't, and I always
have to go Joe, I'm not you. I don't think
like about you know. I could say a two walk
in the morning, let's go, I want to go ice skating.
He'll be like, let's go. Like I will never have

(37:04):
that reaction for him. If he says let's go ice
skating at two in the morning, I'll say, fuck you,
like I'm not going ice skating. But you have to
remind yourself you're two different people. You have two different outlooks.
You know, your outlook is not his, your imprint is
not his, and your life experiences are not his. So
let him come to this. You've made yourself very clear
it's gonna happen. Everything's gonna work out, And just be

(37:27):
proud of the way that you conducted yourself and don't
stop around and don't do anything else until it does happen.
You know, don't have the expectations even if you go
away for a night, don't put that in there. Just
remember what you just told me. This is a really
good relationship. Enjoy being in it because so many people
don't have that. Yeah, And also I would say communicate
at about stuff before it's like, oh my god, I'm

(37:48):
going out of my mind about this. Like bring it
up early, get it out there, start talking about it.
And also tell him that a subwoffer is not what
you would have wanted to tell him. He needs to
get you gifts for you, not gifts they wants themselves. Yeah.
Men are so fucking stupid with gifts. I mean honestly.
I mean my driver bought his wife a blender for
their fiftieth anniversary. I had to take it away from him. Yeah.

(38:10):
I had to go in. I had to get jewelry
out of my jewelry and say, give this to her.
This is ridiculous. You're gonna give her a fucking blender. Yeah, No,
it wasn't. Okay if I wouldn't know a blend tech
if I hopped inside it and spun around myself. But
I'm assuming it wasn't because Billy just doesn't know what
he's doing. But d you also just have to remember

(38:32):
one other thing. This is a great thing to remember
to like use this experience moving forward. When you guys
do get married and you start a family or whatever
your dreams are, remember this because you had expectations. You
weren't sharing with him, and then you did, and you
feel a lot differently now. So yeah, use this as
a guide for your further communication in the future of

(38:53):
this relationship. Absolutely, and that makes a lot of sense. Yeah,
and let us know what happens. Keep us posted, okay, yeah,
oh yes, I will definitely let you know when it happens.
I'll send the cliche I said, yes, and then we
could have Brettan officiate the wedding. It'll be like it'll

(39:13):
be a slam dunk. No, you said, finally not yet.
I love that. Thanks so much. Do we wish you
a big surprise when it finally happens. So much for
having me on. I really admire your work, Chelsea. You're welcome.
De nice to speak with you. Nice to speak with you.

(39:36):
I Chelsea, you are so good at these advices the
way I would have been like um been proposed to him.
Oh yeah, Well, most people are just calling in because
they just need comfort, right, don't you think? I think so.

(39:57):
They just want someone to tell them that it's going
to happen. Do you know how many times when something
went wrong with the guy that I was dating, or
someone didn't call me, or I hooked up with a
guy and didn't hear from him. I would go around
the world and so I got every answer that I wanted,
which who was from people who had nothing to do
with my experience. You know, like those experience where you'd
give somebody your number and then and then you're talking

(40:17):
to your girlfriends like maybe he lost it. Maybe maybe
he died on a bicycle accident on the way home
from our day. Maybe he's dead. It's like, no, no,
he's not fucking calling you because he's not interested. Stop
creating bullshit around basic fundamentals, and then you just picked
the answer that you like, right exactly. Well. Our next

(40:40):
question comes from Sarah. Sarah says, Dear Chelsea, I'm thirty
years old and have been with my boyfriend for four years.
We met working at a restaurant when we were in
our teens, ran it together along with our friends until
We've had our ups and downs, just like any other couple.
But I know he's my person and we both feel
that on a soul level. I recently back to school

(41:00):
for massage therapy and started working at a local coffee
shop for a flexible, easy job to get me through
It's been great so far, but I'm the oldest employee.
All the other girls are late teens or early twenties.
The other day, a co worker asked if I was
by I wasn't offended or anything, as I know I
give off that vibe, but I nonchalantly said no. She

(41:20):
stared at me a while asked if I was sure
because her and another employee's gaidar went off when I
first started, and they wanted to ask me about it.
They think that I have unlocked potential. I don't, though
I don't consider myself anything but straight. It's not like
I've never been attracted to women, but I've never experimented before,

(41:40):
and it's not something I could fathom inside my current relationship.
My boyfriend and I have talked about it in the past,
but we're both uncomfortable inviting another person into our sex life.
I'd be super jealous, and so would he. We both
have anxiety, and I think I'd be excited but freak
out when it came time to get down to business.
Neither of us want to share each other. Even in
the situation. He gave me a whole pass of sorts

(42:02):
to experiment on my own. I feel as if I
was cheating. I do watch girl on girl porn sometimes,
but it's always when he's not around. He knows and
doesn't seem bothered by it. My question is this, are
these young whipper snappers right? Even though I don't feel
I identify at all with being by there is something there.
It's just not something I can explore. While in my

(42:23):
current relationship, and while we aren't married, we planned to
be together for the long haul. I can't imagine my
life with anyone else. What do I do if anything? Sarah? Well,
first I would say, don't let two girls in a
coffee shop convince you that you're interested in fucking them
when you're in a perfectly happy relationship just because they
may be interested in fucking you. Uh, That's the first thing,

(42:47):
doesn't seem I mean, if someone comes up to you
and says I think you might be attractive, even if
it were a man, and said I think you love
me and you don't know it yet, what's your response
to that? Exactly? And listen, First of all, I watch
girl on girl porn too. I love girl on girl
porn like that is where and I'm not a lesbian.
But I've also been with women, not in a relationship,

(43:08):
but I've experimented with women sexually, and everyone's a little by.
Of course you're a little by, honestly, even I am,
even I am, I had girlfriends, Yeah, exactly, even Bretton
is by. Okay, so there you have it. Everyone's a
little bit by. But it's more of like your you
call this person your soul mate, like that's then that's

(43:30):
your answer, that's your guy. And these aren't feelings that
were born in your mind. They were feelings that were
brought to you by two people that you work with,
and that therefore I declare them invalid. Breton also like
gen Z just loves calling everybody gay, so honestly, it's
it's just probably like the gen Z nous that that's

(43:50):
telling you that you're gay, because everyone that's in gen
Z like swears everyone's gay honestly, so yeah, don't listen
to them. Yeah. I feel like gen Z is the
first generation that gets that it's just sexuality as a
false spectrum, Like it's just you know, you can be
in a straight man and woman relationship, but like that
doesn't necessarily mean that you're not queer. It just means like,

(44:12):
for somebody who does have those feelings. It just means
that like you did find your person, but also, like,
how do you look by? Like you know what I mean? Panies?
I think crocs, crocs for sure? Like what is because
like I feel like there's a gala lesbian love everything
between what is a by love? You know, Well, there's

(44:33):
not going to be a look for by in a
twenty more years because everyone is gonna be by and
it's gonna be like you know, like I could easily
be turned on by a woman. I could definitely be
sexually turned on by a woman. I don't want to
be in a relationship with a woman. I want to
be in a relationship with Joe. So like, yeah, you
could work around and have sex with a bunch of people,
but that doesn't sound like it's going to be good
for your relationship, especially if you aren't by yet. If

(44:56):
you're straight and you start working around, it doesn't work
well with straight people. Well, they have to acclimate to
that mindset, and that's an open door policy, wide open yes.
So I think Sarah, like keep watching girl on girl
porn and watch your girls on girl porn and think
about those two baristas at your coffee place if you
need to, but don't let it go any further than that. Perfect.

(45:18):
Don't you feel like everybody's bisexual? Oh? I absolutely do this. Okay,
so this is a very interesting thing. So there's a
young woman in my life who is like middle teens
sort of exploring the dating world, and her dad, who
is in his four like mid forties, he was sort
of like, yeah, you know, she has a little girlfriend,

(45:39):
but like, it's just a phase, and and it it
felt so outdated to me to think about it as
a phase when it's like, no, like she likes girls,
and you know, we'll see where she winds up. But
it just was interesting to me. Yeah. Well, I think
anybody over fifty, you know, any male over a fifty
that's why is usually doesn't understand what's happening, Like they don't.

(46:01):
Women are a little bit more understanding of like, okay,
things need to change, whereas men are like, hmmmm, they
just don't want to be a part of it. That
they don't even necessarily have a problem with it, but
they don't want to be involved actively right writing it off. Yeah,
and yeah, and that that's like as soon as you
think like, oh, this is too much for me to understand,
you kind of have to be like, Okay, listen if

(46:22):
you want to be a full person, especially if you
have a child like that. I know it's they say
it's hard for men to accept their daughters being lesbians.
It's like, fuck off, Fuck the funk off. It's hard
for you. Why are you fucking your daughter who gives
a ship? Yeah, why do you have a problem, Like
it's harder for men. Everything is so hard for men
all the time. Yeah, And it's also like being a

(46:44):
lesbian is like the safest relationship your daughter could be in.
Like you, what about you, Bretman? When you came out?
Did you come out to your parents or did they know?
I actually don't have a coming out story. My mom
always knew I was gay. I feel like when I
came out out there like it's the gay. But yeah,
my mom always knew I was gay. My dad always

(47:05):
knew I was gay. But also like my grandma, going
back to her, she explained to my dad that I
was like going to be gay, like when I was
super young, and so like she was like if you
messed with him, like you messed with me type of energy.
So I have always been supported. Like my first time
going to church, my grandma put blush on me, and
I swear I was with the countiest angel in there.

(47:27):
And so to be honest, I've always been supported, and
it kind of transferred to like my family members. My
cousin daughter who is gay now, she just came out
and she came up to me. She was like, ohh,
I love that I had a gay uncle growing up
because it's was so much easier for me to like
express myself because we all, like her mom is very
religious and so she had a hard time with that.

(47:49):
But like now she's fine, Like she's out and proud,
and she is out and proud like younger than I was,
So that's cool. Also, I a lot of my family
member are like gay man, so it's it's cute to
have like a lesbian around. Finally everyone needs a lesbian
around exactly. Yeah. But also like I have a trance

(48:11):
cousin that I grew up with growing up, and so
I just grew up surrounded by like such loving accepting
people and people themselves. How cool is your grandmother saying
like yeah, you you funk with him, You're working with me,
Like that's great energy to Brannant. I have reasons to
believe that she like put a spell on her pussy

(48:32):
because she has seven kids and each one of them
has a gay, has a gay each one of them.
So my dad has me, my dad's twin has a gay,
and then like so on, like all her kids has
a gay daughter or a son. Wow, It's it's so weird.
And so she has like seven gay cousins. I have
seven gay cousins from my dad. It was so from

(48:52):
the moment you said I think something was there was
a hex put on her pussy or something, it was
like deja vu. It was like, I've had this conversation
with you before, and you've told me that before, but
you never have I knew you were going to say
that your brother, your father, his brother, twin brother you said, right.
I even knew you were going to say twin brother.
It was so deja vu. It was like, yeah, I

(49:15):
think I told you that. No, you haven't told you that. No,
I have. There's I just grew up with too many
of me, So I was just like Grandma's here, Grandma's
bear telling us about it. Yeah. Well, our next email
comes from Alex and by the way, Alex's twenty eight,
and the other person he's talking about here is twenty one.
Alex says, I have a large problem, like large penis,

(49:39):
like a large problem, like a large one. I've been
dating my ex on and off for about three years.
We've been together more than we've been apart. I've been
struggling so much with possibly getting back together. Wait, hold
on on, don't wait, what you're dating your ex? Oh?
This one? Your like? Which are you bating? That is?

(50:04):
That is the crux of the issue here, Brettman. So
I'm really hoping that you can help. We always say
that we love each other, we just never worked because
we're different people. Lately, through therapy, I learned that I
have so much guilt about being gay and having a
relationship that this was the reason I broke up with
him each time we have both been dating other people,
but at the same time having a friends with benefits

(50:24):
relationship as well. We've said that we'll stop when someone
starts dating someone seriously, but I'm not really actively pursuing
anyone because I want to get back together with him.
We're being very coupily with our hangouts, like going on
friend dates and sleeping in the same bed together, buying
each other, dinners, kissing, etcetera. We've had so many good
conversations that we would never have had before when we

(50:45):
were dating. I think it's because of the work I've
done in therapy. I've been thinking about making a grand
gesture like rose pedals, getting him a cat that he's
always wanted. I'm allergic, by the way, renting a suit,
I mean, the whole nine yards. At the same time, though,
I don't want to mess up our friendship or make
it weird because we do live together. Oh wait, I'm
not sure I said that we lived together. He moved

(51:07):
in in November. I love him so much, but I
just don't want to hurt him, and I don't want
to try this again if it's going to end the
same way what they moved in together after they broke up.
I'm just having such a hard time knowing what to do.
Please help, Alex. Is this the same sex couple? Yes,
I'm going to say, that's the gayest I've ever heard.

(51:28):
Oh my god, kissing, What the kissing is it? Once
you're kissing somebody, aren't you together? And living together? Like
living together and sleeping with other people while you're with somebody.
What is that? Oh my god, I sound like I'm
judging you. It's low key I'm jealous, But also what
is that, Loki? I am judging you. You need to

(51:50):
get your ship together and fucking confront the situation. This
is like dilly dallying and keeping everything in a gray area.
And as somebody needs to move or somebody needs to
have a conversation and then you can maybe stay together
and live together if they want to be together. Alex
wants to be with him, so we just have to
find out if the partner, the ex boyfriend, who is that?

(52:14):
I could not get over that? Well, yeah, yeah, they
need to Just you have to nip this in the bud.
And I don't under I want people behave this way
and don't face a situation head on. I get frustrated
because you are post You are postponing your reality. Yes,
you are postponing your future. You are postponing your reality
in the hopes that this person is going to come around.

(52:37):
Maybe they've already come around. Just put it out there,
I have the conversation, and also be ready to accept
that it might not go your way, and then you
have to find a new roommate. Jesus. Yeah, it sounds
like they kind of already are that couple that he
wants to be. It sounds like there is completely in
a relationship that they're living together, Like are they living
in separate rooms? I don't know the answer to that.

(53:00):
But you know what I noticed too, that there's actually
like people out there who loves and thrive off like
toxic relationships. I don't know, I think I've watched it
for you, but it's getting like Maddie and Nate vibe
like they know they're not good for each other, but
they love the toxickness of it, Like that's what that's
what the relationship thrives off. I don't get it personally,

(53:22):
but if that works for you, Alex, Like he says
he doesn't get it personally, this is someone who got
back together with his act seven or eight times. I
don't get anymore personally. Straight up, Yeah, straight up, I
used to get it. You need to get your ship together, Alex.
Get your ship together, okay, and treat this situation with dignity,

(53:44):
and it deserves to be treated with dignity, and skating
around the issue is undignified. Just have a face to
face conversation, be prepared for the news that you don't
want to hear. Even though it sounds like you're already
in a relationship with this person, I'm more confused than
I was before you read that, lad or so suck it. Also,
don't put the cat in that situation hat Like, oh

(54:06):
my god, that is my biggest Yeah, if you want
to be with this person, like, don't get a cat
that you're allergic to, exactly like this, you're allergic to
the person already, You're gonna get another thing you're allergic
to the girl. Yeah, my prediction is if you don't
say anything and you get this cat, you're going to
be the one looking for a new place because you're
gonna have a bad reaction to that cat and then
nothing's going to go your way. So definitely, don't buy

(54:28):
make any grand gestures until you get the answer that
you guys are going to continue being in a relationship
and it's a cat and nobody wants that. Nobody wants that. Well,
let's take a quick break and we'll be back with
Brettman and Chelsea. I need a fucking break after that
convoluted email, and we're back. Brettman had a peepee break.

(54:59):
He had a shower a break. Do you have to
do any pottery or anything. No, I just have to
walk my dogs. Well, yeah, I have two new dogs,
can sam. I have four dogs now I don't have them,
they're out right now, but I have like all the
bulldog family. I have a pibble Terrier, I have a
shorty bull, I have a pocket people and a French bulldog. Oh.

(55:19):
You know, French bulldogs are like all the rage right
now and Stanley well, and not in a good way.
People are stealing French bulldogs off of people in San
Francisco because so many people have French bulldogs that people
will go out and their dogs are being kidnapped and
then sold on the black market for ten or fifteen
thousand dollars. People are buying French bulldogs. French bulldog. Yeah,

(55:41):
that's I think that's to be fair. I would I
would probably dog not burn and berneithe as well, so
I do see where they're coming. Well, by the way,
you would have to because they have as a little
inclination to move as anybody as a vegetable, so you
would have you would have to kidnap them, just like
I have to kidnap them. I would just dress up
as your house peper, honestly, because they go to her. Well,

(56:02):
those are some big shoes to fill, so we'll get
we'll get you the right outfit. Yeah, they're pretty freaking
cute though, My dogs, they're so cute. I could I
could never get like hairy dogs. I I don't know,
how do you like have to like clean everything all
the time. Well, and even with my short hair dogs,
their hairs everywhere already, I can't imagine. Well, that's the thing.

(56:22):
Some long hair dogs don't shed. They shed like twice
a year, So these dogs actually don't shed that badly.
It's short hair dogs shed more in some instances. But
my dogs, no, I don't brush their fucking hair. Let's
be honest. I'm not doing any of that stuff. But
they are getting that stuff done to them. But last
night Bert took a shdubi in the kitchen, and I
know that was a sign that was saying fuck you,

(56:44):
because he doesn't ever go shudubi at night. It's only
in the morning and the daytime. But he went in
the kitchen like left it in there. Because Joe came
home late last night and I was already asleep, and
that was his way of saying, there's too much commotion
going on funk this ship. He usually sleeps in the
bed with me, but when Joe's there, I don't have
him in the bed because Joe doesn't understand why dogs
are in the bed. He said, you can have it

(57:05):
whatever makes you happy, and I was like, well, Bert
makes me happy, and He's like, yeah, so why don't
you go fucking sleep upstairs and Bert can sleep down here.
All I wanted to do is wake up with Bert's
soft for. You know, I want to put my hand
down and feel that soft for That's how I want
to wake up every single day. Yeah, honestly, I left

(57:25):
with my dog for the first time in like a
couple of months because the girl she was always like
doing stuff in the middle of the night. But like
last night, she did so good, like we actually cuddled.
I don't sleep with all of my dogs. I also
don't want to wake up smelling like a dog every day.
But yeah, I love my dogs. I'm such a dog person.
Did you always have like dogs going up, Miss Chelsea?
I always Yeah, we always had dogs always MutS and rescues,

(57:48):
you know, like weird dogs that were just like half wolf,
half German shepherd or some mixture. But I always loved
chows because they look like teddy bears and they are.
They look like real live bears that are just beading
around your house. They're so fucking cute. And I've had
these dogs for I don't know how many long how
many years, but I just cannot They never become less cute,

(58:11):
you know what I mean. They stay cute. A dog
has to have such a shitty personality to become less cute,
and I've met dogs like that. That dog. Yeah, it's
always the ankle bikers, always the ankle bite and the Pomeranians,
like they're adorable when they're groomed and they have and
then their personality sucks. It's like you don't like anyone
but your owner. Then I, yeah, I have nothing for you.

(58:33):
So and they they get really old and they really
look like they're decaying sometimes, Like have you seen like
really old like small dogs before? Not to talk about them,
but I'm just like, girl, put this girl out of
her misery, like her eyes are popping out, like her tongue, yeah,
having out of her nostro Like, yeah, sometimes you can

(58:53):
put dogs down a little bit earlier, especially if they
start to look bad. Yeah, my neighbor had a dog
like that, and it was exactly like exactly like you said,
like I think it's eyes were gone, like it couldn't walk.
It was like I think he said it was nineteen
years old something crazy, And I like, I just was
like this, this dog is not having fun being alive
because you go to the bat and they're like, he's

(59:15):
totally healthy. Yeah. Well, Brettman, did you have a piece
of advice you'd like to ask for from Chelsea? Yes,
actually I have I need to ask for two advice actually,
because um, I really admire Miss Chelsea's work. I really do,
and right now I am I'm wanting to write a
book and I know you have like six best sellers

(59:37):
are who really is counting these days? So I would say, like,
how do you not run out of things to write about,
Miss Chelsea? Because I feel like I feel like I
don't even have anything to write about it anymore. Oh well,
you well, if you're in the process of writing or
getting close to finishing something, that's how you always feel
like you'll never be able to write another thing or
write anything. But just trust your life experience is what's

(59:59):
going to give you the material to always have something
to talk about everything that's going on with you. You
know what I mean, You're never going to run out
of that, So just don't even put that in your head.
Just know like there's more coming down the pike. You
have like this huge, busy life. It's material every single day,
and when you get to a place where you're ready
to go do it again, you start to draw from

(01:00:20):
all that. And even when something great or a funny
story happens to you, or a funny experience or something
outlandish or crazy, just make sure you're like make it,
like have a note section in your phone to write
things down, because you'll be surprised. All I need is
one sentence and I can write a chapter about it.
And when you're a creative, that's almost everyone can do it.
It's just that so many people don't try to do it.

(01:00:43):
So writing a book is a very I think natural
thing for anyone, especially anyone with a big personality likes
to share and likes to talk about themselves. It's no problem.
What is your your favorite book that you wrote, Like
out of all the books you've written, Like, what is
like the one my most recent book would be Life
would be the Death of Me, but it's always my
most recent book. That's my favorite. That felt like it

(01:01:06):
had my humor, but it also was deep and profound,
and it helped people, and it showed aside to me
that I've grown up with my whole life, but I
didn't know no one else had seen. So it was
really kind of nice to share that with my fans
and people and have the reaction. So that's definitely my best,
my best work, I think. I love that. Oh my gosh. Wait.

(01:01:26):
My second advice actually I kind of already hinted it earlier,
but I want to do a podcast with my sister, Like,
do you have any tips for like future podcasters? You know, yeah,
well you got to do it with your sister. I
mean who else would you do it with. First of all,
you guys need me a Catherine. I need me a Catherine.
I mean just you have to look at it like this.

(01:01:48):
People want more than what they're getting from you, right,
They want to hear more between you and your sister,
and you guys can get someone like Catherine to kind
of oversee it so that there's somebody moving the ship.
Forward or that role can be played by your sister,
certainly not by you, as you've demonstrated today that you
can't run a podcast. But just keep in mind like
people want more, right, they want to listen to more.

(01:02:10):
They love the way you talk, they love the way
you converse, they love the dynamics between the two of you.
So don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. Just
go and have fun conversations with her. You can pick
any topics you want, or not pick any topics at all,
and just shoot the ship. And then when you feel
like you want to add another layer, out another layer.
But yeah, just be like, do what people love from you,
which is talking. I can't wait to build my set.

(01:02:31):
I was thinking yellow velvet curtains. How interesting. We can
just send you these. Okay, you need you need a
new set of curtains anyway. So uh well, Brettman, you're
just a delight as always. Oh I'm gonna hit you
up when we come back to Hawaii. Oh my gosh,
I'm bored. Yeah no, well hang out. Yeah, you, me

(01:02:53):
and Joe Boy, we're gonna have a whole We're bringing
a whole gaggle of people there. Don't say goggles. I saw,
I saw you toward d bitch. You better give me
a ticket when you get here. I'm not fighting for
their tickets. No, you'll get your own ticket. You'll get
your own V I P box even though there aren't
any of those. Please, I'm kidding, Batman. We love you.

(01:03:14):
Thank you so much, guys. Continued success and everything that
you do and good luck with your new doggies. Thank you.
I need it. Loha allaha, maha kita everybody. We have
new merch. We have Dear Chelsea merch which you can
order on my website Chelsea handler dot com. And we
have cute t shirts and cute hats and yeah, go

(01:03:37):
and get some. And if you like to get advice
from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write into
Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com