Fanilow to Ambassilow with Michael Urie

Shrinking’s Michael Urie joins Chelsea to discuss what it’s like joining the cast of OH MARY! while reveling in his first Emmy nomination, building a mall in your basement, and everything you need to know about the Male Barbra Streisand.  And the female one.  Then: A UK-dwelling sister begs to skip her sister’s nuptials. A friend rebels against a pathological liar.  And a man struggles to stay in a 10-year marriage… that has never been consummated.  

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
How are you?

Speaker 3 (00:03):
I mean, I'm not I'm weak. I'm very weak. I
was in a viza for like seventy two hours maybe more.
It was ridiculous. And then I came to New York.
So my stomach is still not right. Oh no, something's off.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
Were you okay to go to the US Open or
did you have to?

Speaker 3 (00:19):
I was okay to go to the US Open. I
had a ride home from a visa that I missed.
Then I had a flight that I also missed, and
then I spent the extra night getting sleep. So that
was that was good. It was It was a rough
It was a rough trip. It was a rough trip
all the way around. I just really banged myself up.
So I'm just recovering in time for me to be

(00:41):
in New York. We went to the US Open yesterday
with my one of my favorite people, Hannah Burner, and
then we and then I'm headed to mont Talk tonight
and then I've shows in West Hampton tomorrow night and
Thursday night airs say No, and Friday night twenty first
or twenty seconds. So yes, So, but a bunch of
my friends are flying in, so we're all driving down
to the Hampton's tonight together. Apparently I'm meeting them at

(01:02):
an airport. So I was like, guys, this is not
a good meeting spot, not for me anyway. I just
loaded everything into my car, my driver's car, thinking he
and I were driving to the Hampton's. He's like, no,
I'm dropping you off at the airport. I'm like, what, anyway,
we'll get that sorted.

Speaker 4 (01:17):
We have one of your attendees for your West Hampton
show calling in today.

Speaker 3 (01:21):
Actually, oh really, Oh perfect. They can call in about
the show as for a preview. That's what they're gonna want.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
Yeah, she wants you to do a tight five.

Speaker 3 (01:27):
I love when you do interviews. When I do interviews
and people when I'm promoting shows, and they're like, what
can we expect, It's like fucking comedy and left a
weird question. It is such an annoying question, and so
I have to talk about how annoying and so hopefully
all these interviewers will hear it at some point and
stop asking comedians what to expect. It's like, what to
expect comedy? Do you want me to pitch my jokes

(01:51):
like I'm doing then? I'm doing material.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
Right, right?

Speaker 4 (01:53):
You get a little drunk and listen to comedy.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
Yeah or yeah, just a little drunk, just just the
still at all. We have a very very funny guest
on today who I'm excited about. He's stars in Apple's
TV hit show Shrinking and is nominated for an Emmy
for Best Actor in a Supporting Role. And he's also
just made his debut in Oh Mary on Broadway, and
you can find him this fall in Shakespeare's Richard the Second.

(02:16):
Please welcome Michael Ury. Michael Uriy, A giant ray of
sunshine is here today. Hi, Michael Ury, how are you?

Speaker 2 (02:24):
I'm so good. It's great to see y'all.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
Hello, it's great to see you too. Your hair's wet.
Did you just get out of the shower?

Speaker 2 (02:31):
I did. I wanted to be clean for this because
thank you, because I'm a clean little boy. Thank you
to the gym. And then and then I went and showered,
so cleanness.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
Okay, let me tell you what I did this morning.
I took a shower before I went to the gym.
I took a shower because I was like, fuck, when
am I gonna I have a busy day? I'm like,
when am I gonna have time to shower. Usually I
would take one after my workout, but I was like, well, fuck,
I'm just gonna take one before as a prophylectic.

Speaker 5 (02:55):
You know.

Speaker 3 (02:56):
And then and then I went. So I go to
my trainer's house and I go in his bathroom and
I change and my hair was like damp and gross
from sweating. But I had to put on a regular outfit.
So I feel like a dirty little whore right now.

Speaker 4 (03:10):
I like what she's saying.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
So it's fine, thank you, thank you, Catherine.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
It's a musk. It's a musk.

Speaker 3 (03:17):
But yeah, I've never really had bo so at least
that's what I like to tell people. So it's not
really an issue. Why is Michael frozen on our shirt?
It just tixted Brad. There, you're back. There, your back.
All I can see is you and corkboard. And I
like this setup because it's there's no distractions. We can
completely focus on you. Yeah, if you freeze again, we'll
let you know. Yeah, maybe close everything else, just to

(03:38):
make sure close your only fans and yeah, whatever else
you're on, I'm on only fans and I know that
you're on my account, so please close it. This is inappropriate.
Michael First, of all, the most recent set of congratulations
need to be conveyed to you on your most recent
Emmy nomination for your role in Shrinking.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Thank you most reason and only. That's it's all very
new to me. This whole thing is like an amazing
world of Amys. Is so new and exciting and crazy,
and I still don't really believe it.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
I know, it's pretty exciting. How did you get the news?
Were you waiting? Did you did you know that you
were you knew you were in contention to get nominated
from an Emmy.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
Yeah, I mean I guess, you know. People were like,
you should wake up, you should, you should be paying attention,
you should you should try to you know, try to
be up for it. We had a night shoot the
night before, actually we were shooting Shrinking at the time,
and we had a night shoot that went till three
four in the morning. So I was dead asleep and
my phone started buzzing. But I was kind of aware
because you know, they were like, I was on a
list or two, and people were definitely trying to you know,

(04:40):
get you know, get me, not gonna get you know me.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
You know, it's always fascinating the people who don't try
to get nominated, but get nominated. I'm like, how much
effort has to go into trying to get nominated. So
tell us about the text you got from Harrison Ford
texted you right.

Speaker 2 (04:59):
Oh my, my gosh, so well, I texted him first,
but he wrote back right away and yeah, I just
texted him, dude, And he wrote back the same thing, dude.
And then he said he was like, yeah, and and
big Head because we called Jason Siegel big head or
it's a part of the show. Yeah, he's called big Head.

(05:19):
But I love that Harrison kept that nickname. Yeah, it's
just so cool that he got nominated. I got nominated,
Jessica and Jason and the show and casting, Yeah, sound
like it just feels like like the show spoke to people.

Speaker 3 (05:34):
Then definitely, it was.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
A really nice So then that that day, so I
woke up, you know, to my phone buzzing. And then
that night we had our last night of shooting. Actually
it was our rap day and and so we all
got to be together and and sort of celebrate together.

Speaker 3 (05:50):
That's so nice. That's such a nice show to watch.
It feels like you guys have such a nice vibe
between everyone, your character is great. I mean, it's a
perfect for It's just so like I know, Bill Lawrence
does this with his shows. He makes them very inviting,
you know, like these places, these kind of it's always
set in some backdrop that is very appealing that you
want to keep coming back to. And the neighbors are like,

(06:13):
you know, walking over to each other's houses. I don't
want to give any of my neighbors any ideas that
I would be interested in that. So well, that's that's
all we'll say on that front. But this is just
your most recent success because you have a huge, huge,
long history. You've done so many shows from Ungley Betty
to Younger to Broadway. You're in O'mary now, which everyone

(06:33):
can go see on Broadway, which is fucking exciting. So
congrats on all of that too. And I know that
you before we get into any of that stuff, I
know that you have a You've had a very long
romantic relationship with Barry Manilow.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yes, thank you for asking. Yes, I'm a fan. I'm
a fanolo more than a fanolo. I am an m bassilo.

Speaker 5 (06:58):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
I bring people to him. I introduced Make Make Virgins Fanelos.
I guess it was my I went back home after
my first year in New York, my first year of
drama school, and I was back in I'm from Texas
and I was back in Plano, Texas, driving around the suburbs,
and I was very melancholy because I felt like I
belonged in New York, you know, as soon as I

(07:20):
got to New York, I was like, this is where
I belong and and going back to Texas was really weird.
That first summer, and there was a new light FM
station in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex and they were
playing a lot of Berry Menilo and I'd never really
I mean, i'd heard him, but it was really speaking
to me this summer.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
But was there any correlation between you coming out and
then appreciating Barry Manilo or was were you already out?

Speaker 2 (07:46):
I was, you know, like ish at that time.

Speaker 3 (07:49):
I was like, I was like, I think those two
dotsa connected, though.

Speaker 2 (07:55):
I mean, I'm sure that's why he spoke to me,
So I'm sure that I was like, even though he's
singing about Mandy and Melissa and all these women, I'm
sure that I just like he meets Michael, He's actually
meet Michael here. But but I went into I was
so into him, and I went into you remember like
used CD store. Yeah, back in the late nineties. I
went into a used CD store in the suburbs and

(08:17):
I was like, I was a little liking. I was like,
I don't think it's I don't think it's cool to
like Barry Menlo. I don't know if I don't know
if I'm going to be I'm gonna be under the
radar here and I'm gonna pretend like I'm shopping for
my aunt or something. And so I went up to
the counter and I was like, you guys don't have
any I'd be like Barry Manilow CDs?

Speaker 5 (08:30):
Do you?

Speaker 2 (08:31):
And the woman looked at me and said, every record
store in the world has Barry manilo it to it
over there, And I went and bought the greatest hits
and just like lived my life in the car driving
around singing Barry Manilow. And then as soon as I
got on TV, as soon as I was on Ugly
Betty and I had even like the slightest bit of notoriety,

(08:51):
I made it my mission to meet him and find him.

Speaker 3 (08:54):
And what else is fame for other than to meet
your Euros like, I mean, right, that's exactly what I
use it. Or two restaurants and heroes and had doctor appointments.
Let's be honest, Okay, I want to skip the line.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
So is that a thing?

Speaker 3 (09:09):
Yes, every doctor like, yeah, I mean doctors want celebrity clients,
so that works out nicely.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
I never even thought of that. I use doc doc.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
Then you go to a doctor, and you go to
a doctor like, they won't leave you in the waiting room.
They get you right away. You don't have to wait
because they don't want you to have to. You know.
It's just it's a nice perk that is probably underrated.
But I see doctors all the time because I just
want everything to be taken care of at all times,
you know what I mean. But anyway, I diverge back
to Barry Maneloe. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 (09:38):
Continue I will always get us back. Means so much
to me. So I finally like, so I I met him,
I got I went to see him in Vegas and
I got to hang out backstage.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
So when you met him, did you like a were
you able to contain your excitement or was it a
bit of a hot mess?

Speaker 2 (09:57):
It was I played it cool to say I did
play it pretty cool. I was with some friends who were,
you know, like not as big a fan as I am.
Nobody is, and we've just seen the show in Vegas,
and they brought us backstage and it was everyone was
really nice, and it was like someone in the band's
birthday and they were singing Happy Birthday. And he has
a vineyard, so we were drinking a man of low

(10:18):
wine and he couldn't have been cooler. He was so
chill and so nice, and he didn't really know who
I was then, but I've been about, you know, like
twenty times since then, so now he does. And now
he's even like come to see me in some shows
and we'll occasionally like text. And he's very nice, very
cool man, and loves to perform. I think I think

(10:41):
he's like in some ways. I mean, I love his
music and I love watching him perform, but I also
am really inspired by him as a performer. He's eighty
two eighty three now and he's still like doing like
two hundred shows a year or something.

Speaker 3 (10:52):
It's so crazy with these guys that are like seventy,
like seventy five eighty, like Bruce Springsteen's seventy five, Paul mccarton,
he's something like seventy nine. I think all of these guys,
and like I saw Paul McCartney at Glastonbury. He fucking
looks like like he's in his like late sixties. He's
bopping around going from concert to concert, show to show,

(11:14):
like Bruce Springsteen puts on a three hour show, Mick Jagger,
all these old guys. There must be stuff that you
can take that just keeps you young. I mean, I
know there is, because I'm fucking taking it. But like
just in the nick of time to have this like
this whole there's a whole, like you know, group of
older men who are just crushing it now. Stings still
performs all the time.

Speaker 5 (11:35):
You know.

Speaker 3 (11:36):
Harrison Ford, Yeah, Harrison Ford. And Harrison Ford's body is
still banging. He's running in movies.

Speaker 4 (11:42):
I know.

Speaker 3 (11:42):
No, it wouldn't you shut off in like one of
the first seasons of shrinking and you're like, excuse me,
who put that body back together? Because that's not natural?
Who has a he's like ripped. That's exciting. And he
came to see you do a show, right, Barry Maniloe.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
Barry came to see this for well, he came to
see this show. The first time he came to see
me to show. I was doing this play off off
Broadway that was about Barbara Streisand and it was a
really brilliant play, one man play. I didn't write it,
but this guy, Jonathan Tolans wrote it. Really brilliant play
that imagined you know that she has a basement mall
at her house, like she has a shopping.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
Mall, shopping mall.

Speaker 4 (12:21):
H so she can't go to a normal mall because
she's Barbara straysand so.

Speaker 3 (12:25):
So does she. There are shops there, retail shops, not
like not like the Gap or you know Lade Bryant,
not that.

Speaker 2 (12:38):
No, Like it's like an antique store and a gift shoppie.

Speaker 3 (12:43):
And who is picking out the items to sell in
the shop.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
It's her collectibles. It's like dresses that she wore in movies. Yeah, okay,
doll She's collected all these dolls. There's a doll shop,
and there's like a yogurt shop, like an actual yogurt shop,
and so it's just like it looks like like a
European arcade and it's all in the basement of one
of the homes on her property, and she did a book,
you know, like back in twenty ten or eleven, a

(13:10):
coffee table book of this house, this huge, amazing house
and all the different homes on the compound and this
mall is chronicled. And this wonderful writer, John Tolans, was
looking at the book with friends and he was like,
how'd you like to be the guy who works down there?
And everyone laughed and it sparked this idea, so he
wrote a whole play imagining that a guy gets hired

(13:31):
to work there. And this play is called Buyer and
Seller seller like a basement seller, and it imagines this
guy gets hired to run the shops and he has
one customer and she comes down and pretends to shop,
and then it goes on and it's like not just
it's like and it's all imagined from his mind, and
people would come who know her, and they would flock

(13:54):
to it. I mean people who know her kind of
flocked to it. And they were always like, how did
he know? How did he know that she was like us?
Because he just had this incredible insight. So that's that's
the first time Barry Maneloe came to see me in
a play about it was and it was a play
about Barbara Striisand and it was so funny because we
had just started doing it. I wasn't even I didn't
like it. But it was a long monologue, like a

(14:15):
hundred minute monologue, and I was like, barely knew it.
I was still so nervous. And one day the house
manager I came in and the house managers like, you'll
never believe who bought tickets today. And I was like who.
He was like, I'll give you a hint. It's like
the male Barbara Streisand and I was like, are you
fucking kidding me? Berry Manela bought tickets at the STO
And I knew immediately who we went, and I said,

(14:36):
you will not tell me when he's coming. And then
I just pretended like he was there every night until
he finally showed up. And I was so good imagining
him in the audience. So now that's kind of a
thing I do. I just sort of pretend like he's there.

Speaker 3 (14:49):
Okay, Well, first of all, I don't think Barrett Manilon
bought tickets. I think he called and said he wanted tickets,
So that that's the first inconsistency with your story. The
second question the second thing, because first of all, if
you bought ticke Us, nobody would know about it unless
he announced he was coming. Second of all, Michael, I
wonder do you think Barry was inspired by the show

(15:12):
enough to build his own underground mall, because that seems
like something you would do only when things got completely
out of control money wise, where you have so much
fucking money. You're like, I have a plane, I have
six homes. I don't really know what else to do.
I guess I don't want to go shopping again, but
that usually just involves a person coming to your house
and bringing you stuff.

Speaker 2 (15:33):
But I like it she cloned her dogs too, you know.

Speaker 3 (15:40):
I mean I would like to clone people before. I
would like to clone the dogs, because each dog brings
something different to the table. But some people who are
a pluses, I really just want to see them over
and over again, reappeared in different lifetimes, like.

Speaker 2 (15:53):
Young again, like a young you know, like a young
Barry Metelo.

Speaker 3 (15:55):
Again for example, perfect example, exactly. That's your that would
be your choice, my choice. I don't know. I'd have
to really think about that and narrow things down. Would
you clone, I would God, who would I clone? Well,
I don't know. I don't know. I have to put
thought into that because that's a serious question that I
just posited myself or posed myself. Maybe we'll circle back.

Speaker 4 (16:16):
By the end of the ye.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
Something will dawn on me. Something will dawn on me.
But they but like dogs like it also doesn't make
sense because they don't have the same experiences as the
as the dog before them. So even when you think
you're cloning them, they're going to have be a slightly
It's like twins. They have the same DNA and genetic composition,
but they don't end up exactly the same because of
their life experiences. So it's kind of a feudal thing

(16:38):
to do. But if you really liked the way somebody
looked and the way that they walked and like those things, yeah,
I would go for it. That sounds sexual and I
and it is. It should be so Michael, with all
these things that you do, like what I mean, you,
first of all, congrats on all of your success, because
it feels really good to be successful. And I could
tell that you are feeling it and you're having a
moment and you deserve it because you're obviously a really

(17:00):
hard worker. I don't know how anyone does anything on Broadway.
I have no idea how you guys do that schedule
you have to do You have to just give up
everything kind of.

Speaker 2 (17:09):
I mean, it's kind of a even though this play
is only like eighty minutes long, Oh Mary, that we're
doing right now, Oh Mary's only like eighty minutes long,
but you do kind of have to plan your whole
day around the idea that I got that thing later. Yeah,
that's gonna be a lot of really contentation.

Speaker 3 (17:23):
And sometimes twice a day, yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
Sometimes twice day. And actually, on this show it's really fun.
We do it at five on Saturday. We do it
at five pm, and then we do it immediately again
at eight thirty, which is so cool. Actually like to
do it back to back, right, because sometimes you do
it at too and then you don't do it again
until eight and you're like, all right, what am I
gonna do now? I got all this energy and all
these right right and doorphins running through my so something

(17:46):
like try to sleep and eat or whatever. But it
is a crazy and I mean, I love it so much.
I love being in theater so much. Because it's so
exciting to tell a whole story to a group of
people in the same and be in the same place
at the same time, because you did you know, you
make a movie or a TV show and it's really
fun and it reaches way more people, obviously, but you're
such a cog in the wheel and you're not really

(18:08):
part of of the You're like a part of the storytelling.
You're not part of the whole story. And when you
start a play at seven point thirty at night for
this group of nine hundred people and you finish it together,
it's so special and you share something with them, and
it's really thrilling because I always get kind of emotional

(18:29):
about it when I'm harsing a play. And then there
comes the point where you think, Okay, we've been doing
this in this room for each other, for the creative team,
over and over again. Maybe the designers come in, maybe
we do it. But then at some point new people
are going to come in, and then it's just going
to be new people every night, every time, and they're
gonna have no idea what we're gonna do for them,

(18:50):
even if they know the story or they know the play.
It's it's still new. It's a new version, and it
gets it's really thrilling to imagine, Oh my gosh, these
people have no idea what We've been in a room
incubating for three four weeks. They have no idea what's coming.
And this play, especially because it's Oh Mary, it's about
Mary Todd Lincoln. People know that coming in that it's

(19:13):
a comedy about Mary Todd Lincoln. And the premise is
that she's kind of a belligerent drunk who wants to
be a cabaret star, and that's kind of all you
really get. And then the story kind of just like
you know, Out of the Gate is hysterical and crazy,
and there are a lot of twists and turns, and

(19:34):
my character, especially Mary's teacher, like you, nobody really knows
what I'm coming in with. And it's very cool. It's
a very thrilling thing to do every night.

Speaker 3 (19:44):
It's nice. I can see how much you enjoy your work,
and I really like, I respect that a lot, because
in order to really be successful in this business, you
have to be doing it for the like the actual
enjoyment of the act of doing it. I remember in
my early career, I love doing my shows, but like
I would burn out so much that like when I
would be on stage doing stand up, I just I
liked getting off stage more than I liked being on stage.

(20:07):
Like I liked the idea of completion rather than the
act of And that's what I feel like I lost
my Like then I had to recalibrate and come back
and actually be so present and really have something to
say and enjoy my time on stage, not going when
is is going to be over obviously, because that's like
working at a desk job, you know what I mean.
If you're going to be in this business and you're

(20:29):
a performer, one of the things you have to do
is love to perform. You can't just like love all
the other things that come with the recognition.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
Did that come around for you? Did you come around? Yes?

Speaker 3 (20:40):
Yes, I took a long break. I took a like
six years off of stand up after I quit Chelsea Lately.
I didn't do stand up for six years, and that
was a long break, probably too long. But when I
did come back, I actually it took a lot of
nerve and a lot of courage because I hadn't used
that muscle in so long. But I was I had
recalibrated in such a profound way. I'd gone to therapy.

(21:03):
I did all this work on myself, like I had
stuff to deal with, and so when I came back
now it's like, I'm so solid when I go out there.
I'm so present when I go out there, I'm never
even looking at the time, you know what I mean, Like,
I'm never like like now I go over twenty minutes
and I'm like, oh shit, I got to wrap it up,
you know. So it's just a much much healthier way
for me as a performer. But that was also burnout.

(21:24):
You know, when you do too many things at once,
it's it's hard. And when you get successful, you want
to do all of the things that you are to
get coming your way. It's hard to say no to anything, right.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
Totally, Like, yeah, can I ask you? I know you're
interviewing me, but.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
Next you know, this is actually an interview. This is
actually my interview. You're interviewing me, so go ahead.

Speaker 2 (21:43):
Well, because you hosted the Critics Choice Awards this year, Well,
I know you do it every year, but this year
I was there and lucky enough to receive one, and
it was right after Trump was reinaugurated. Yes, and you
went there with some stuff and it was like it
was such a dicey time, you know, like everyone was

(22:04):
a phrase yes and and and everyone was like, what's
she going to say? Right? And you killed?

Speaker 3 (22:10):
Oh thank you?

Speaker 2 (22:10):
I thought I thought you killed and right out of
the gate made like great, great topical. But so my
question is because I've hosted stuff. I hosted some stuff too,
and I really like to host, and I always think
it's not at all like to me. I mean, I've
never done stand up, but I feel like it's you're
so you have you have like parameters, and you have
a script and writers probably or I've always had writers

(22:33):
that I've worked with. But how do you approach it
differently than stand up when you're hosting something, especially when
like there's such a when the when, when the news
cycle is so crazy and you want to be topical
on something like you know, live.

Speaker 3 (22:46):
Television, Because I think it's like literally taking the air
out of you know what I mean, Like you have
to poke the like you have to like take the
air out of the balloon, Like there's so much tension
everyone is. It's the same way I approach stand up
quite frankly, even though it's a totally different room and
a totally different set of like, you know, it's a
totally different context because you're dealing with actors and actresses,
and people are there to win awards, so they're nervous

(23:06):
and and they're competing with each other. There's all of
those elements, you know what I mean, So you just
kind of want to be the person that sets the
tone of the night. That's how I always think of it,
Like I'm going to go out there and make them
understand that this is going to be fun, this isn't
going to be too serious, and I'm going to say
to things so that nobody else has to, like, you know,
I'll get it right out there, like it was the Blake.

(23:26):
It was right off the back of Blake Lively and
Ryan Reynolds things, So like I did not wait to
say that line because it was so it was at
the height. I mean, I don't know, I think it
even went higher after that, because there was such a
crescendo with all of that drama. But I had to
say something about that because that, with the backdrop of
what we were experiencing politically, just felt so inane, right,

(23:49):
You're just like, wait, there's accusations of sexual misconduct, but
that's very blurry, and everything she seemed to be saying
he was refuting. And I'm like, wait, guys, we have
a mouch crisis that we're dealing with. Can you seriously
get your shit together so we could fucking focus on
the and the loss of democracy? You know, that was
before we were losing democracy. So yes, I appreciate the

(24:11):
question because it is a different skill set a little bit.
But the bottom line is like when you are hosting
one of those things, you are the leader and the conductor.
You have to set the tone and then everyone will follow.
You know, nobody else wants to be in charge of that. No,
it's you know, I used to be like, I'll never
host an award show, and I'm I'm doing it again
this year. I've do this will be like four years

(24:32):
in a row. But it's the perfect award show for
me because it isn't the Oscars where it's really serious
and if somebody loses, you know, they leave. The critics'
choice is more of a party, you know, it feels
that way anyway to me. Same with golden Clobes. That
seems like more of a party. But this is the
question I wanted to get back to you about.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
Okay, we can talk about me again.

Speaker 3 (24:50):
I guess yes. I just wanted to add one of
your jobs prior to booking Ugly Betty was medical marijuana testing.
I tried to get that job, like so many times.
I'm not joking, like whenever there's this you know what
maps are like that company it's a non company, no maps,
like you know, the psychedelic kind of organization. I'm going
on it. I'm going on a boat with them to Antarctica.

(25:12):
So I mean, who knows if I ever come back,
But I'm going on this trip to Antarctica with like
one hundred people. And they're all like, you know, it's
all about psychedelics and the healing effect. But I've tried
so hard to be the person that tests drugs medical marijuana.
Maybe ten fifteen years ago I was interested in testing that.
And I'm always like, bring me the drugs. I'll do
them because I'm like a horse, like I can take

(25:35):
a lot of drugs and still be standing. So how
did you get that job? And why? Why? Why did
I get it?

Speaker 2 (25:44):
It was in the village voice. It was like.

Speaker 3 (25:47):
That's why I didn't get in. Fuck, it's always the
village voice.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
Yeah, it was like and it was always it was
a joke. We would always joke about it, like, you
know they they have these ads in the village voice,
are they real or the And I just answered one.
And actually my good friend, my dearest friend, and I
we were roommates, and we both answered it. And he
had this kind of like brain thing. It was, it's
not that serious, but at the time he was like
having some seizures and stuff and and and so he

(26:14):
did not get accepted, and he was so pissed because
he had this one little tiny anomaly. And I did
get accepted, and I would go in It was wild.
It was a wild thing. I would go into a
hospital and I would sit in a hospital room and
it was a double blind test, so the person administering
it to me did not know what they were giving me.

(26:36):
And it was always a different level of strength. So
so like one time I got just high as fuck
and I was I was so stoned and I was
like loopy, like like rolling around in the hospital playing with.

Speaker 3 (26:49):
The with even better to be in a hospital and
another one of my favorite things as a hospital. I
love hospitals. You love take it care of. I love
when people are tending to me in a medical way.
I love when I can pretend that I'm in pain
and then they bring me something. I love that whole setup.

(27:09):
It's safe because anything's nothing that was so sick. What
could possibly go wrong in a hospital If you're stoned
and high, it's like they're gonna come out to you.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
Absolutely, And and she stayed with me. This she was
very cool, this lady, young lady stayed with me, and
she you know, made sure and she was sort of
and I remember when I would get really high. The
days I would get really high, I'd be like, she's
I think she's I think it's double blind, but maybe
it's not. I mean that's just what they're saying. And she,
you know, I get paranoid. And then I would take
these tests. So they would put me in front of

(27:38):
a computer and I would take these like cognitive tests
that were like they would like a shape of pop up,
it's a triangle or whatever and fill in the blank.
And sometimes I was really good at it, and sometimes
I wasn't. And then there were days when it was
like a placebo. So they'd give me a joint. I
would smoke a few puffs of this.

Speaker 3 (27:54):
I was just going to ask. I would be pissed
about that.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
Yeah, and I was like, well, this is nothing I
can tell. There's nothing going on here, and I'm bored,
and I would not sometimes I wouldn't do as well
on the test because I was like cranky and bored,
and and then they would feed me hospital.

Speaker 3 (28:06):
For that's where you that's where uber eat comes into
the picture about you probably didn't have that then.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
So no, this was so long ago.

Speaker 3 (28:14):
This is twenty years when they say, when you say
they give you cognitive tests, did they give you comprehension?
Like do they ask you like to read something and
then regurgitate it or like give us an option?

Speaker 2 (28:24):
So it was it wasn't like that. It was all
on the computer. It was. It was I think there
might have been like some word. It was definitely memory stuff,
but it was simple games.

Speaker 5 (28:34):
It was.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
It was.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
It was never like read an essay and tell us
what it was about. It was never. It was never
like that, And it was it was all on the computer,
So there was no it was always multiple choice or.

Speaker 3 (28:45):
Film cause like when I'm stoned like, lately, I've been
staying at a friend's house because I'm waiting for my
house to be done. And I was and I taken
out able usually around like six or seven PM, just
to like set the tone for the night. And then
if we watch a show, and if it's not the
most compelling show, she'll be like, wait, what just happened
on my I have no idea, Like I cannot tell
you what we're watching. I don't know what situation led
to the situation we're watching. My comprehension skills are like,

(29:08):
but if I knew I had to pay attention, I
would I just am in La la land, you know
what I mean, which is yeah, totally. So I always wonder,
like I'm like, I should take a comprehension skill and
see if I had to pay attention, if I could
under these conditions.

Speaker 2 (29:21):
It is true that it's true when you're stone that
like you don't remember things. But I have. I have.
I have started well, I've been doing it for a
while now. But when I have to learn lines, yeah,
like a big chunk of text or something or a scene,
I will do it high. I will learn it high.

Speaker 3 (29:37):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
And then and then like immediately when I'm high and
I try to, Like, if I say, will you run
this with me? I won't be able to do it.
But then like when I go back to it later sober, yeah,
it's there. So you think.

Speaker 3 (29:48):
You think learning it while you're stoned helps cement the memorization.
I think so Oh thinks this is a great ad
for marijuana. This podcast consort by t Indica and Sativa.
I hate what people ask, is it Indica or Steva.
I'm like, it's whatever the fuck you want it to be.
Mind ever matter, It doesn't matter what you take. You

(30:09):
can make it whatever you want. If you want to
stay up, stay up. But people are weak, you know
what I mean, Michael, People are very weak. You're right, Okay,
We're going to take a break and we're going to
be right back with Michael Uri.

Speaker 4 (30:22):
This week. We'd love to hear from queer couples. If
you're a queer couple with a question, please write into
Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (30:31):
We're back with Michael Uri. Currently. He's currently enjoy he's
basking in the glory of his Emmy nomination for shrinking
and we take callers on this show. So we're going
to give some advice out to people who are calling it. Okay,
are you ready for that action?

Speaker 2 (30:47):
Yes, I believe you are.

Speaker 3 (30:48):
I believe you in your corkboard or whatever. I'm looking
at College cement already.

Speaker 4 (30:54):
All right, Well, our first question comes from Mandy, and oh, Mandy,
this is a very many.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
She came in, she gave without talking. I sent her away.

Speaker 3 (31:06):
I plan that.

Speaker 4 (31:06):
No, I didn't. Actually, so, Mandy says, my sister is
getting married in September. She lives in Detroit and I
live in the UK. About a year ago, I completely
stopped talking to my parents. My dad was an alcoholic
and my mom enabled him. When I brought this up
to my mom recently, she acted completely shocked, like she
had no clue my dad ever treated us poorly. I
already was keeping a distance from my parents, but that

(31:28):
moment of pure gas lighting made me decide to cut
off contact completely. I've thought long and hard about whether
to go to my sister's wedding, and I truly think
it's best for my mental health to not get involved
in that family situation. My sister and I talk regularly,
but I haven't been back to the US to visit
family in almost a decade, nor has my sister come
to visit me, and I've never met this fiance, even

(31:49):
on video chat. My sister has asked me to be
her maid of honor. I sort of said yes, although
I had explained to her that I would not at
all feel bad if she gave the role to her
best friend since I wouldn't be there or be doing
any of the mative honor jobs. Ahead of time, I
know that I need to tell her sooner rather than later.
I'm just not sure how to tell her. My family
has this whole passive aggressive vibe, and I don't want

(32:11):
her to freeze me out because of this. My inclination
is to lie and say I got a job offer
and I'm not going to be able to take vacation
time in the first six months. But any advice, sincerely, Mandy.
And this one's just an.

Speaker 3 (32:21):
EMO, Okay, Mandy, I'll go first for this one, Michael. Mandy.
First of all, I think you have to go to
your sister's wedding. You don't have to stay there for
five days or three days. Even you can fly in
the night before if you want. If you want to
avoid your parents, I understand that, but you said yes
to your sister, and that's your sister, and she's getting
married once and like you already kind of committed, so

(32:44):
like to say you got a job is a way
to end. It's like a relationship breaker. Like now if
you back out, that's not good. You already told her
you would do it and follow through is kind of
like ninety percent of life. In my opinion, I think
you have to follow through on your commitments, and I
think you have to take your baggage that your family has,
your family baggage and literally just be above it for

(33:06):
the duration of time that you're going to be home
for your sister's wedding. Suck it up, demonstrate what a
good sister looks like, and then get the fuck out
of there. Don't get involved in any drama, be a
great bridesmaid, do anything you can for your sister. Let
her know you can only come in for a limited
amount of time. I mean, you're coming from the UK
right to America, so maybe it's only three days or whatever.

(33:27):
But you're going to feel better for doing it than
you're going to feel for canceling on her. That's going
to create a bunch of drama. I promise you, Michael,
what do you think?

Speaker 2 (33:35):
I totally agree. I think you're totally right. I also
think especially the line the possibility of telling a lie.
First of all, you just you just told it on
this podcast, which is you know, like what if what
if she finds out, well.

Speaker 3 (33:47):
She's this is a write in, It could be anybody,
and also she probably used a fake name, like also
that that should just cancel this so specific? Well, it
is just it is specific. Actually, I don't know why
I'm defending it. I fucking say shit all the time
that I think no one's going to hear, and everyone
fucking hears podcastle Yeah exactly. My sister's like, why are

(34:07):
you talking about our problems on your podcast? I'm like,
where else am I supposed to air my dirty laundry?
But yeah, like when you make a commitment, you got
to follow through on a commitment. That's like being an
adult and a grown up and everything that's important about
you know, having a good kind of moral compass.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
Yes, I totally agree. And I also think lying is
I mean, white lies are one thing, but that's a
major lie. And I just think lying is so dangerous
because the truth is always easier to remember, yes, and
it's a long line.

Speaker 3 (34:38):
And also, how does somebody feel when you say, oh, sorry,
I got a job, I can't I got a job offer,
I can't come to your wedding. It's like that's kind
of like a lame excuse for a wedding should be
paramount to a job offer, especially when it's not like,
you know, she's talking about what sounds like a freelancer
type situation anyway.

Speaker 2 (34:53):
Yeah, and he made a commitment, and you know, and
take the high road. Yes, your sister, you'd be the
better person.

Speaker 3 (35:00):
Particular, Yeah, because if you're the one who's a victim
of gas sighting and you're like, I can't believe I
was gaslighted, it's like then you're a victim. Like are
you a victim? Do you want to be a victim
or do you want to be you know, on higher ground.

Speaker 4 (35:10):
Yeah, and you can even express your concerns to her, like, hey,
can we maybe make sure I'm not sitting next to
mom and dad for a lot of this, And then
also like make sure to maintain your autonomy, Like it's
easy to be like I'll stay with a family member
or my sister or whatever and ride with people no,
get a car, get a hotel, like, make sure you
can have your own side.

Speaker 3 (35:28):
Get a hooker, bring a hooker to the wedding. That'll
bring a great way to not get invited back.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
All right, man, really good having your own car?

Speaker 3 (35:37):
Yeah, yeah, that's such a in general in life to
anyone who's listening, if you can get your own car, yes, yeah,
that always get a car?

Speaker 4 (35:48):
All right, Well, Mandy, let us know how it goes.
Our first caller today is Mitchell. His subject line of
his email is I'm definitely the asshole.

Speaker 3 (35:57):
Hello.

Speaker 4 (35:57):
I'm a thirty six year old man and I've been
with my husband forty years old for almost ten years,
married for five and we've never had sex. When we
first met, he would give me a peck on the
lips occasionally, never with tongue, and the only time he
would try to do sexual things with me or even
French kiss is when he was drunk. After about a
year of being together, I started cheating. I was looking

(36:18):
for what I wasn't getting at home, and I'm one
hundred percent positive that I'm the asshole for this. I
feel like a piece of shit for the amount of
times which I can't even count that I've cheated on
my husband.

Speaker 3 (36:27):
Him not being.

Speaker 4 (36:27):
Intimate with me is not an excuse for cheating, and
I'm well aware of that. I was attracted him and
wanted a sexual relationship with him. This is something I
made very clear from the beginning, and I always let
him know that I thought he was sexy. I wanted
to be intimate, but he seemed very uninterested in that
part of our lives. I've asked him multiple times why,
and he says, I've just never been very sexual because
I don't know what to do. So much time has

(36:48):
gone by, and now the attraction I once had is gone.
It's taken away my confidence in myself. Not having someone
want me in that way has left me feeling unattractive
and worthless. About a month ago, I asked for a separation.
I was so afraid to do this because he's the breadwinner.
He does one hundred percent not want a separation and
thinks that therapy and still living together will work, but
I disagree. I think I need to learn to be

(37:09):
financially stable on my own and know how to make
it in the world without someone there to pick up
the pieces. I also feel so bad about the horrible
husband I've been to him, I feel like he definitely
deserves better than me. At this point, he's my best
friend and a roommate that I share a bed with,
and an occasional peck on the lips. To complicate things.
We share custody of my sister's kids. I moved out
of our house last week with my fifteen year old niece,

(37:31):
and the boys stayed with him. So the question, am
I the asshole for wanting out of this marriage, for
wanting better for myself from a partner and wanting to
give my best self to a partner in return? Am
I the most selfish person ever? I know that I'm
not the victim in the situation and that I am
the villain. This is definitely not the person I ever
saw myself becoming. I was always the one getting cheated on,
and now I'm the one who's cheated. I love your

(37:52):
podcast and enjoy the advice you have to offer others,
so I hope you have some for me. Mitchell.

Speaker 3 (37:57):
Hi, Mitchell, this is our special guest, Michael.

Speaker 5 (38:00):
It's fun to meet you too.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
You're not a bad person.

Speaker 3 (38:03):
No, you're not a bad person. Stop self immolating like that.
You're not a bad person. Your actions are circumstantial, So
first of all, stop that you have to start to
flip the script on that, like you were in a
situation that was untenable and the reason I mean, and
it's very crazy to even hear, and I'm sure it's

(38:26):
not as uncommon as I'm acting. It is that you
were in a non sexual marriage for as many years
as you were. Like, that's not fun for you, and
I'm sure it's not fun for your partner because he
sounds like I have a friend who's gay who doesn't
like to have sex either, and I just I don't
understand that because the human touch, even sexually, like you know,

(38:48):
people need that. It's like scientific. And I can understand
that you're you're a man, you have needs and you
went out and met your needs because they weren't being
met at home. So I don't think you're a terrible
person at alll do you want to talk a little
bit first, like except from gay man to gay man
since I'm a woman, I'm going to come in later.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
But yeah, I also know that that's the thing, that
there are people who are not very sexual. It sounds
like your husband maybe didn't. It feels like he has
never tried it, had it been open to it, And
that could be out of disinterest, or it could be
out of fear. But I think you can have a

(39:28):
relationship with him that is non sexual. But that doesn't
mean that you can't have a sexual relationship with other
people that you know. Like I mean, also like us,
gay is like things are pretty fluid often. You know,
there's a lot of open relationships in the gay community,
and there's a lot of we don't have to subscribe
to heteronormative ways of monogamy. So I feel like there

(39:49):
are probably some boundaries you can set with each other.
I do think, you know, I was saying, as I'm
the last person, I do think lying is bad because
it's always easier to remember the truth. And it's just like,
you know, I'll just haunt you. But I feel like, honest,
frank conversations are possible. You're down the road. I mean,
you've been doing this for so long now, so I
get it that it's complicated, and I have kids, and there's.

Speaker 3 (40:11):
And you moved out so many right, you moved out.

Speaker 5 (40:13):
And you've moved out, soved out about a week and
a half aayo, so.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
You've basically done all of the things that I would
tell you that you should do already. You've kind of
taken control of the situation. So what's the temperature now
between you and your husband or ex husband or however
you want to frame it.

Speaker 5 (40:29):
Yeah, still married, but yeah, I think those the situation's more.
It's easy. I would dare say it's the best fucking
divorce ever if it's going to happen like that, because
it's so easy. And he obviously, like I said, he
doesn't want to be separated or to get divorced. This
is not the word he wants to go down. But
I just at this point, I feel like it's the

(40:51):
right thing to do. And that's why I moved out
because I feel like I keep choosing his happiness over mind,
which is that he wants to be with me, and
have said continuous throughout our relationship that he if we
don't make it, or if something ever happened between us,
he would never want to be with anyone else. It
would just be me and I'm the only one he
wants and all these sweet things. But I also feel

(41:13):
like that's made me stay longer because I'm so afraid
of hurting him and because he is a good guy,
but I'm just not happy, yeah, and haven't been for
so long, and I just feel like it's time to
choosing myself. But even though so with that, I was like, well,
I kind of still feel like the asshole for like
eating all these times that I have and I should

(41:34):
have chosen myself Ben and maybe not done that so
I didn't have to worry about the hurt feelings that
I would have for having done that to someone.

Speaker 2 (41:43):
Does he know about your infidelities?

Speaker 5 (41:45):
He does not. I think I do think that he suspects,
but he I think he just doesn't want to. He's
that desperately not wanting to lose me that he just
he would never say anything if he did know.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
And did you ever broach the eye idea of doing
an open relationship?

Speaker 5 (42:02):
No, because I, as crazy as this sounds, I didn't
want that. But that's not what I want. I would
love to be with someone who just needs to be
with me and be in a relationship with just me.
That's what I want from a relationship, which is why
it's so crazy that I've done what I've done in
our relationship.

Speaker 3 (42:19):
And does he understand that the relationship is over now.
Is he in any sort of acceptance mode about that?

Speaker 5 (42:26):
Not at all. Now do you think that we're going
to be separated, that will work things out, We'll get therapy,
and it's all going to work out for the best.
And I just don't see that happening.

Speaker 3 (42:38):
Okay, Well, I think, first of all, congratulations, you did
a great job by moving things along in the right direction.
You're not still living there. You've made big moves and
that takes a lot of courage, so you're on the
right track. Stop talking to yourself like you're a bad person.
You're not a bad person. You have needs and they
were being met, so you went elsewhere. Okay, So that's okay.

(42:58):
I don't think I think that it would be worth
going to a couple's counselor therapist with him for a
few sessions to rip the band aid off slowly and
explain to him because eventually he's going to understand that.
He's going to be happier too, you know what I mean,
Like he's going to understand the issue with your sister's kids.

(43:19):
You're basically best friends already. That's what you are, is
best friends, and you can continue that relationship once you've
made a few things clear to him and that this
isn't enough for you sexually, and it might be helpful
based on what a therapist advises you, to be a
little bit honest about your extracurricular activities to let him
know how serious it is. Like I don't want to

(43:39):
be like that. I want to be in a loving, committed,
monogamous relationship, but I'm not getting what I need from you,
So this is not workable for me. And it's been
so many years I no longer even have these feelings
towards you. And as difficult as all of these things
are to say, I want us to be friends and
raise these kids together and cane you on the relationship

(44:01):
that I think we've already built for the however many
years we've been together, that's what you have. Now you're
going to be living separately, which isn't going to be
that big of a difference. You're not going to be
a couple anymore. And like I think that with the
right therapists, like you do three or four of those sessions,
it's kind of like exiting a relationship, you know, if

(44:22):
you think of it like that and make your intention clearer.
I want you to be in a better headspace about this.
I think we should go to a therapist. And when
you sit down with a therapist, they're going to say,
are you here to save the relationship or are you
here to leave the relationship? You know what I mean?
And you have to be honest because being lying to
someone to save their feelings is not helping them.

Speaker 4 (44:41):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's really good, but.

Speaker 3 (44:43):
You know what I mean, it's hurtful. It doesn't feel good,
but it's like it's important to let that person move
on and start to heal from their pain. They have
to understand that it's a real situation. And you know,
and if you have to, you know, I wouldn't say
you've had zillions of affairs, that's not necessary, but you
can say, yeah, I've actually had to meet have my
needs met elsewhere. Like I'm not I didn't get married

(45:04):
to kiss someone on the lips. I'm so sorry, but
like that's not enough for me, and I wish it were.
I tried. I tried, I tried, and it's not.

Speaker 4 (45:12):
Yeah, And I think, like, yeah, you got to work
real hard to forgive yourself even though if you don't
tell him about the infidelities, like, you don't need forgiveness
from him, you just need to forgive yourself.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
Yeah, do you think he really doesn't want to be
a sexual person or do you think that there's you know,
a hang up.

Speaker 5 (45:30):
I mean I've looked into like asexuality and maybe thought
that's where he was. I mean, he's been with women before,
and then he had been with a couple of guys
before he met me. He came out really late in
life where I came out when I was thirteen. So
the weird thing is I've never I've never questioned a
gay man's sexuality and thought maybe he's straight. So but

(45:51):
I've asked that a lot.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
Yeah, did he enjoy straight sex?

Speaker 5 (45:57):
As far as I know, it was good for him.
I mean we haven't really talked too much about that.
But the but with Yeah, with us, it's like, I
guess that's the part that's weird to me. It's like
the not getting or only getting sex or sexual things
whenever he's drinking and drunk, I mean drunk to the

(46:17):
point where he passed about, you know, in the middle
of trying to do anything sexual with me, or even
the kissing is weird and It's like, I don't know.
If he's just afraid of doing it and he's that
insecure with himself, maybe I don't. I really don't know.
I've asked myself all of these questions, but I can't pinpoint,
and he won't ever say. The only thing he ever

(46:39):
says is I just don't know what to do. And
I'm like, well, let's do this and try this. But
he will only do this or try this when he's drunk.

Speaker 2 (46:48):
Was coming out hard for him.

Speaker 5 (46:49):
That's the even crazier thing. His family is amazing, and
they all were like super accepting of him and loving
and caring and all the opposite with the hell life happened.
So it can be just.

Speaker 2 (47:01):
As much of a mind fuck as having to fight
your way out, I think, because there's I mean, this
is like coming out of the closet. There's no easy
way to do it, even if it goes well or
it goes badly, Like we're doing it every day in
this in this society, you come out of the closet
every single day, and and you know, like we all

(47:22):
have hang ups and when we're gay, and we spend
all of this time pretending we are not for however long,
whether it's until we're thirteen years old or forty years old,
that that is a period of time when you are
completely lying to everyone, including yourself, and and so the
hang ups are totally natural and not to be ashamed of.
And maybe maybe, you know, maybe there's a world where

(47:45):
he doesn't like gay sex and he does only like
straight sex, but he loves you and he wants to
be with you.

Speaker 3 (47:51):
The other thing is also you know, you're not attracted
to him anymore, is what she said in your letter.
So it's like, even if he were to like work
through this or you guys would go to a sex
therapist and they would try and help you, guys, push
you along a little bit further sexually or anywhere. Basically
you've lost your mojo for it, because otherwise I would say, okay,

(48:14):
like exhaust all efforts. But like that kind of ship
has sailed, you know, so I would really just focus
on the children, of course, and focus on yourself and
forgiving yourself and know you're not a bad person at all.
People do that's not like the worst thing in the world. Yeah,
I just want to give you a lot of love
and a big hug, and like you know. Good for
you for knowing that you have to choose yourself. Like,

(48:36):
if you want to have a nice sex life and
a real great relationship with someone, that those things are
both possible. You can have a great sex life in
a relationship with someone, So there's no reason you shouldn't
do that if that's what you desire.

Speaker 5 (48:48):
Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 3 (48:49):
Also, the world's going to end like any minute, so
you better get out there and have a fucking good time,
you know what I mean. Like, enjoy your life, please
everyone listen, enjoy your scoocha may enjoy your life.

Speaker 4 (49:06):
All right, Mitchell, will you check him with us in
a couple of months.

Speaker 5 (49:09):
Absolutely, Thank you so much for the advice. I really
appreciate all about and the love, so thank you so much.

Speaker 3 (49:14):
Yeah, big love to you, Mitchelle Mitchell bye, Oh that
was so time mean yeah, and he and also it
was so nice that he had taken all these steps
and then yes, like so usually Michael, when people call in,
it's like I'm in this situation, what do I do?
And they haven't taken the steps? And I'm like, oh,
you know, well, first you need to get the fuck
out of the house.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (49:35):
Well, and part of that was actually an update because
he we had, you know, I'd emailed him and it
was that first part and he's like, and now I've
moved out, So that part was actually like an update with.

Speaker 3 (49:46):
All of our callers first.

Speaker 4 (49:49):
As a preliminary exactly well. Our next caller today is Emily.
The subject line of her email is lying about having cancer.
Dear Chelsea, my husband's friend has been dating this girl
and I really do not like her. I have my
reasons for starters. She has lied for years about having
various health issues. She claimed to have cancer, but then

(50:09):
last year admitted she was quote unquote misdiagnosed, although she
only told that to one person and nobody else. But
the secret is out because of how much she lies
and how much the record needs to be straight about her.
The craziest part is her boyfriend, dear friend to my
husband and me as well, was recently diagnosed with leukemia
and the irony is chilling. She continuously sends snapchats or

(50:30):
group chat messages about her health issues while neglecting the
fact that she's a liar and also minimizing her boyfriend's issues.
In fact, she goes as far as complaining about him
needing so much from her, and how he quote better
propose after all she has done for him. It's really
hard to type out all the reasons she is a
terrible person, but I'm hoping I'm giving the gist. She
is constantly looking for attention and pity, but quite frankly,

(50:52):
I have none to give. I've never liked her for
many reasons. Nothing can change that. I'm at a point
where I wish I could say something to her about
how I simply do not consider her to be a
friend in any way. But it's tough given that her
boyfriend is our dear friend. Looking for any advice on
how or if I should communicate my dislike and distrust
and disinterest in being her friend or just continue to
be fake. She has burnt bridges and created a circle

(51:14):
of mistrust around her. Frankly, I do not wish to
surround myself with but it's hard to draw a line
in the sand without communicating something for her to get
the message across. We'd love to hear your blunt advice. Emily.

Speaker 3 (51:24):
Hi, Emily, how are you hello?

Speaker 1 (51:27):
I'm good?

Speaker 3 (51:27):
How are you hi? Good? This is our guest Michael Uri.
He's here today Hi.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
Hey, Emily.

Speaker 3 (51:33):
Well, she sounds like a real pain in the ass.
I don't like when women act like that. I don't
like and anyone acts like that. But it's very very annoying.
I I mean, I hear you. I would go, yeah,
I would be telling this woman in a second what
I thought of her. But for what, Like, what's that
can accomplish? You know what I mean? It's almost more
important that her boyfriend know about her instead of hit her.

(51:54):
She's not going to change because she's got some problems obviously.

Speaker 1 (51:58):
No, she for sure has like child's and syndrome or something.

Speaker 6 (52:01):
And that's kind of like what my friends and I
are just saying, is like it's not even about her anymore.
It's more about like her boyfriend, who is actually our
friend and who we care about deeply. So I've I've,
you know, even before kind of chatting with you guys,
I've been chatting with my sister in law about maybe
just addressing things with him and just talking to him

(52:24):
and being like, you know, I'm worried about you, care
about you, and kind of just pushing I want to say,
pushing her off to the wayside, but essentially doing that
because quite Frankly, I don't really care about her, and
I don't know exactly you care about playing myself to her?

Speaker 3 (52:38):
Yeah, And I get like, like, is he on these
group chats that she's sending.

Speaker 1 (52:44):
No, not at all. It's just two girls.

Speaker 6 (52:46):
It's not to any of the boys that we're friends with,
significant others or anybody.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
So I'm not even sure, Like how in the know
he is about a lot of the thing she says
and does?

Speaker 3 (52:58):
And how does your boyfriend feel about this object with
the two of you as a couple likes talking to him?
Is he open to that?

Speaker 6 (53:05):
He is so non confrontational, and it would come down
to meet being the bad guy, which which I have
a like I'm totally fine at this point like taking
that on because I don't really care what she thinks
of me. But at the same time, like he's very
isolated already because of like taking care of himself and

(53:27):
then in turn kind of taking care of her right
now because whatever is happening with her.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
And then just not going out.

Speaker 3 (53:34):
Yeah, I would have a straight up conversation with him,
and do it without your boyfriend, because he's not going
to be helpful anyone who does.

Speaker 1 (53:39):
He's not going to be helpful.

Speaker 3 (53:40):
Now, I think you should go straight to him and
be like, I need to have a real conversation with you,
and be as direct as possible and show him some
of the snapschats. Just be like, I don't care if
this woman likes me or not, Like I'm invested in you.
You can tell her I did this. I told you,
I don't really care. Like, make it so that it's
you can bring her in here and I'll tell her
to her face, you know, like your attitude is great
because it is you are caring for your friend, and

(54:02):
now that he's dealing with leukemia, the last thing he
should be dealing with is some woman who's like trying
to get him to propose to her. That's gross, Yeah, and.

Speaker 6 (54:11):
Just the near fact that she's not even like encouraging
a better lifestyle like either way.

Speaker 3 (54:16):
There's also a show that just came out with Caitlyn
Denever or that one about the girl in Australia who
faked you. Oh yeah, howber she faked all of her illnesses.

Speaker 4 (54:25):
It was just like a wellness guru. Ya.

Speaker 3 (54:27):
She was a wellness guru and she pretended she had
all these diseases. It was just a huge show on Netflix.
Fucking make him watch that. Go you have to watch
this with your girlfriend. Make him watch that show. It's
really good and it's based on a true story. There
was a real woman in Australia who did this and
she faked all these diseases and then she got found out.
And yeah, that would that should be the first thing

(54:48):
that you so at.

Speaker 4 (54:49):
The woman's name is Belle Gibson and the show is
Apple Cider Vinegar.

Speaker 3 (54:53):
Applesider Vinegar.

Speaker 1 (54:54):
Yes, funny enough. One of my best friends watched it,
and we've made the comparison the situation, right.

Speaker 3 (55:01):
Yes, yeah, so maybe tell them that they have to
watch that. Go oh my god, you guys, we just
saw the best show. Have them watch that and then
go in for your conversation.

Speaker 1 (55:10):
No, I mean, I think that's a good starting point
for sure.

Speaker 4 (55:13):
This also brings up another question when someone who you
love has like a shitty partner and you want to
hang out with that person but not the partner, Like,
how do you do that? How do you go about
being like, we don't want you to bring her to
the barbecue or whatever.

Speaker 3 (55:27):
Yeah, I mean you run the risk of them like
him canceling you out as a friend, but like, I'm sorry,
I feel like being morally like you know, upfront is
more important than worrying about the repercussions of the truth,
you know what I mean? Like, oh, I and I
think you do too, and so like I like that
you have this attitude that you're not that you want
to say something. I think you should say something. It takes.

(55:48):
It's so much easier to sit back and do nothing
and watch your friend just deal with this one. That's
the easier way to do it, and to talk behind
their backs. A real friend goes and tells her friend, like, listen,
this is what's happening. This is what we all think.
It's gross. I hate seeing you treated like this. These
text messages and these snapshats are gross. She's faking illnesses,
Like you need to wake up. You're sick and you

(56:09):
need people around you who love you and care about you.
And you know what else are you doing it for?
You already have a husband. It's like you're hitting her.

Speaker 1 (56:18):
Well, yeah, I'm like, I'm thirty four years old. I
don't need more friends.

Speaker 6 (56:21):
If I lose one, it's at doing it out of
the goodness of my heart to just kind of wake
them up, give them a little shake.

Speaker 3 (56:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
And I'm at the point like I don't care.

Speaker 3 (56:31):
Yeah right, okay, good, okay, good.

Speaker 6 (56:33):
I worry about my my boyfriend, caring about the divide
that might make, But I think I would go into
it with well intentions that It's like if if you
want to cut him out, that's your prerogative, but you
should you should dislike me for what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (56:48):
This has nothing to do with him.

Speaker 3 (56:50):
Yeah. Absolutely, add that to the list of things. But
I support you one hundred percent, and please follow up
with us. Let us know how it goes, that conversation goes.

Speaker 1 (56:58):
Yes, I absolutely will. Thank you so much.

Speaker 3 (57:01):
Good luckey than stamp of approval EMLA. Okay, bye, bye, Okay,
We're going to be right back and we're going to
wrap up with Michael Ury. And we're back to wrap
up with Michael Ury. Michael, how did you enjoy it
your therapy sessions?

Speaker 2 (57:17):
It was good. You have really good advice. Oh and
it's so fast. How do you come up with that
so quickly?

Speaker 4 (57:24):
I'm very much She doesn't look at these beforehand like
this is all off, Like.

Speaker 2 (57:28):
It's really it's really good. You've you've you've you've really
figured out how to like zero in on the problem
and you're brave. I'm so I'm not confrontational and I'm
afraid of lying, and so I'm a little bit of
a noodle like that.

Speaker 3 (57:43):
But honesty doesn't have to be a confrontation. It can
be like, you know, I have to tell you something.
You know, this is what's happening. I just saw this happen.
You didn't see it. It's about you. I want you
to know. That's a friend. That's not a confrontation. You know,
going to that girl and going you're a liar, You're
that's a confrontation. And it's also unnecessary because she's not
going to change. You know, she's got big problems if

(58:03):
she's lying about having cancer. But anyway, listen, we solved
the world's problem. Today things things are looking up. Okay.
We needed a bright spot in our day. I definitely
needed a bright spot in my day. This was it.
This is going to be when I write my three
favorite things about my Gratitude Journal tonight, I'm going to say, well,
this is one of my highlights. Having Michael Yuri on
the podcast, we had great callers. Catherine today. I mean

(58:25):
great advice and good, good, healthy, good vibes. Yes, so,
and I just am very delighted to have you. You're
a delightful person.

Speaker 2 (58:33):
Yeah, thank you. I'm such a huge fan. I love
this show and I love you, and I was really
delighted the ass. Thank you.

Speaker 3 (58:39):
Oh yay, yay. Well, I hope I bump into you
a person at some point and we can have a
we can have a nice stiff drink together.

Speaker 2 (58:47):
Yes, let's go joint.

Speaker 3 (58:49):
I love a joint. We'll have a joint together. Yes. Okay, Michael,
have a great day. Thanks for coming on so much, guy. Okay, Well,
that's the end of our episode. And reminding people, we
got a lot of feedback on our Yaminica episode. People
were loving Yaminika. Dominica is opening for me in Vegas
on August thirtieth, So if you want to see the
two of us in action, we'll be there. Okay, Well,

(59:10):
we'll see you next Thursday. Hi bye. Okay.

Speaker 7 (59:13):
My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for
this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in
Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on August thirtieth,
and then November one and twenty ninth. November first and
November twenty ninth, I will be in Las Vegas at

(59:35):
the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.

Speaker 3 (59:38):
It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
thank you.

Speaker 4 (59:43):
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea
Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Catherine law And be sure to check out armag
at Chelseahandler dot com