Find Your Person with Yanise Monét

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, you have a baby with you?

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Oh, the baby is in the house.

Speaker 3 (00:06):
I have Bernice on my lap because we have a
workman in the house, and she I think he hates
men pretty much. I don't know where she got that from.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
What a surprise, Like mother, like daughter.

Speaker 3 (00:17):
No, I don't hate men. Might not be saying that
it's affecting my ability to get penetration.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
Chelsea loves men in all the senses.

Speaker 3 (00:27):
I do love men.

Speaker 4 (00:27):
I do.

Speaker 3 (00:28):
I'm having actually a very good time with some men.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
I'm glad about that for you.

Speaker 3 (00:32):
I have a lot of flirtations going on at home
abroad anyway, Doug is arriving, Casey is driving him up
on Thursday he arrives. Doug is so fucking I already
talked about Doug. I don't want to be one of
those people who bangs on about my dogs, but he
is going to be. I'm gonna be really, it's gonna
ruffle my feathers. Because this means basically, Bernice has an AirTag,

(00:52):
like an Apple AirTag on her so I can just
let her go out and then I go find her.
You know, when I feel like it's ten minutes later, out, Yeah,
because she doesn't go anywhere. She just like peas and
then looks at the house and then looks at the trees.
But Doug is gonna be a fucking maniac, like he
is going and I already get stopped by Bernie's you know,
it was so cute. There was like this group of
like eight twenty five year old guys renting a house

(01:14):
down the street from me, and when I was walking
with her, they were like, oh my god, look at
that little dog bear and they were and I was like,
it's so nice when men that age love dogs and
noticed a dog, like they all stopped and they all
pet her. I was like, you guys are so cute. Yeah,
it was really sweet. But I get so much attention
from Bernice. I'm like, oh, Doug is going to be

(01:34):
a nightmare because everyone's gonna stop us about this guy.
I mean, he is too good looking.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
He is gonna have all the energy. And Bernie has
a personality a bit like a Xanax.

Speaker 3 (01:44):
Like, yeah, she has taken azanax. You probably took one
of mine. And but also Doug is gonna have to
because he's a puppy and he's eight months old and
this is going to be a new house and he's
gonna be have driven with Casey. He's been shuffled around
a bit, you know, to try to get him up here.
He's been with my Bell. She's tried to, you know,
hypnotize him. I'm sure, but he he's going to have
to go out a lot, and that is not my
strong suit taking the dogs out. Like I just at

(02:06):
some point last season, I just started putting peepats out
on the balcony and let them just go pee out there.
I'm like, oh my god, I'm like living in a
trailer park basically. But yeah, I'm really excited about my
new family. It's just my dream dog. It's arrived. He's
my baby. I love him. I had a great ski
day yesterday. I'm about to go hop off of this
after we're done and go skiing again. And I am

(02:29):
just really really and I've been writing my book and
it's finally coming together. I got so much work done
with my ski buddy, Kelly. Her daughters are twins and
Katie and Jesse. They basically move in with me for
winter when I move up here. They call me Dad.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
And Jesse and I had like a work study program
this weekend and I got more writing done. I wrote
for six straight hours and organized everything. I think this book.
When I am ready to announce the title and the
release date of the book, people are going to be
really I think this is going to be really something
special that is fantastic.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
Now, Okay, so your writing process are you like, I
gotta wait for inspiration. I gotta sit down see if
the inspiration comes.

Speaker 3 (03:09):
No, I just have to a lot time and sit
down and just start writing, because the only way to
keep writing is to start writing.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
You just have to start.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
And then, like I was writing this book, but there
was like a joyfulness missing in the writing of the book.
The way I lived my life wasn't coming through the page.
And the page is about how to live this joyful
experience of life. And so I don't know what happened,
but something shifted. Actually, I've been working with that new
therapist and I think she shifted some stology in me. Yeah,

(03:36):
because we do these kind of exercises and she's like, Okay,
we're gonna get rid of that old stuff, like let's
move into this new stuff that you want. And yeah,
so I'm yeah, I feel good. Yeah, you know how
much I love Whistler. It's just I never want to leave.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
And you're so restored there, like you you are getting
positive vibes and you're able to put out positive vibes.
But when you're like exhausted, you just won't have anything
to give, you know.

Speaker 3 (03:58):
Yeah, right, an empty vessel. So anyway, OK, So as
a great follow up to last week's episode, we have
the other half of Sam Jay which is called Yah Yah.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
I actually have a follow up from Sam's episode from
one of our people who wrote in, and it's pretty
juicy Chelsea.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
Oh oh oh is it about ya ya?

Speaker 3 (04:20):
No?

Speaker 1 (04:20):
No, no, no, but it is about cheating. And oh someone
had written in about her sister's husband was running around
and had this work bestie that he had spent the
night with, but he said they were just friends sort
of thing. It was a female work bestie. Well Elle
wrote in with a follow up. She said, Hi, there,

(04:41):
wanted to provide an update on my sister in law
and her husband regarding his inappropriate relationship with his coworker.
I appreciated all your feedback and advice because it definitely
validated the way I felt. So update. It all came
out a two year affair with the girl plus sex
worker and a few other casual one night stands here

(05:02):
and there, and guess what, My sister in law has
yet to leave despite her last straw being broken. He's
totally playing the victim, and I don't think understands her
need to heal. He's in his own sex therapy and
they're indiscernment counseling, And at first we were all very
emotional about it, but as of lately, we've learned that
she does need to step away on her own and

(05:23):
deal with this in her own way. Even if it
does waste more time for her, She's only going to
be ready when she's ready. It sucks, it hurts, but
it's their experience, even though I'm hoping she finally does
gain this self worth to leave. Thanks again, Elle. Okay,
I mean, wow, so update not great for sister in law.

Speaker 3 (05:41):
But now we know therapy. It's so hard for me
to take that seriously, even though I know it's a
real thing. You know, it's just like sex therapy. Really,
you can't keep your fucking dick in your pants. I mean, honestly,
I don't know what's wrong with people. I know, yeh,
control yourself, I know.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
And this is like sociopath behavior, like I know many
of that. Gross. You can't fix that. You can't fix that.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
Okay, Well, anyway, let's move on to Yah Yah. I
don't think she needs any introduction. You're going to understand
what I'm talking about when you listen to this interview,
because this girl is one hot potato I would like
to introduce the world to. If you don't know of
her yet, you will find out about her at some point.
We spoke about her in her absence when I had
Sam Jay on the podcast, right, Catherine, we talked about

(06:23):
her significant other, who is very, very significant. Her name
is Yaya and she is a fucking she is trouble
with a capital fucking tea. Okay, and now here she is.
She's sitting across from me. We're in New York City.
Welcome to New York City. You live here?

Speaker 2 (06:38):
Thank you? Yes, I do live here.

Speaker 3 (06:40):
So actually you should say to me, well, welcome to
New York Tell thank you welcome.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
I would have welcomed you if I knew you were here.

Speaker 3 (06:45):
Thank you, yah Yah. That's a dig, because that's a
dig because she just said, oh, how long you here for?
It would have been nice to know. And I said
before we got on air, I'm sitting right across from you,
so obviously this is you knowing anyway, that is true,
But this is the kind of shit I'm dealing with
with this woman. And I met Yah Yah. Well I
met you like at the Montreal Comedy Festival. I think

(07:07):
was the first time I met you.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah, that was like three years ago.

Speaker 3 (07:09):
Yeah. And what stood out with her eyelashes because they
and her nails are equally there the same length. Her
eyelashes you could use, as you know, the flippers when
you go in swimming, like that is true, you could
swim with those eyelashes and her nails. So when I
first met her, I was like, oh, this woman is
trouble and I should just, you know, watch myself. And

(07:30):
I wasn't wrong. My instincts were right. And then she
came to Myorca with a whole group. We had like
a comedy week in my Orca with Sam and Fortune
and Jack's and Jamie Greenberg and a bunch of people,
and that was really fun. And then we really bonded
and you guys were planning on kind of leaving the
whole time that you were there in case we had
an out right explain that.

Speaker 5 (07:50):
Please, Well, I mean it is kind of it's kind
of scary, you going on vacation with people you don't know.

Speaker 2 (07:55):
So we had it out.

Speaker 5 (07:56):
We had an option to out if we didn't want
to be there anymore, but we ended up liking you.

Speaker 3 (08:00):
But you said scary, you're leaving out the white part.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yes, right, well it was a group of whites. I mean,
there's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 5 (08:07):
But also it is kind of intimidating when you're the
only blacks there. You don't know what's gonna happen. So
I didn't know if our lives are going to be
in danger. And also you kept trying to take me hiking.
Why the fuck did you keep trying to take me hiking?

Speaker 3 (08:17):
Because it's good exercise. It's not everything that I was suggesting.
We're activities that were going to enhance enhance your life.
You were even trying to make Sam go hiking with you.

Speaker 5 (08:26):
If you recall, yeah, we do together because I wanted
to do it together.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
I wasn't gonna go wid out through alone.

Speaker 3 (08:31):
Yes, yes, but I'm in then almost a number, like
I'm a safety number. You think I'm gonna be the one.

Speaker 5 (08:37):
No, it was like six against two, so it was
like we had to I had to keep the number.

Speaker 3 (08:41):
I had to branch off from the white people. And
you were also you would have go into the water
with me at night. You wouldn't get.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
Into a I was kind of spooky.

Speaker 5 (08:48):
Okay, we'll explain that you can't swim at night. That's wild.

Speaker 3 (08:52):
Why not.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
It's the ocean and I'm black.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
Uh huh.

Speaker 5 (08:57):
I'm not getting in a boat with you at night.
That doesn't make sen to me. I'm not doing it that.
This didn't make That didn't add up.

Speaker 3 (09:03):
But you let Sam get in a boat with me.

Speaker 5 (09:05):
I was very fearful of that and I told her
not to, but you core host her.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
In to doing that. She she you influenced her all week.

Speaker 3 (09:12):
Yeah. Oh really, Yeah, okay, okay, this is another Yeah,
this is another thing I forgot to mention when Sam
was on. Sam shows up in my Orca and asks
what drugs I have, And of course I have some,
but I was running low because I was on my
third week in Mayorca, and I had twenty different people
through my house before this group came.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
So this was the the best group.

Speaker 3 (09:32):
Well, okay, you were a great group. I can't say
who the best group was. Okay, No, we know who. Okay.
Well everyone thinks they're the best group, and that's fine
with me. I would never even think about trying to
be the best group. Okay. But Sam wanted demanded drugs,
she needed them, and then when I gave her what
I had, it wasn't Yeah. Yeah, goes, look at you,
Look at you influencing my boo. You did because she

(09:52):
got really fucked up. No, I'm a I am a supplier.
I'm a hostess. You were Frank Lucas of my Orca.
That's who you are. You are Frank Lucas my Orca.
I was being a very good hostess. And every time
Sam went a little bit off the rails, which is
almost every day.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
Yeah, yeah, well know, you're a great hostess. Thank you.

Speaker 3 (10:13):
Yeah, yeah, thank you very much. Yah Yah would look
at me and try and lay blame on me.

Speaker 5 (10:17):
No, you were great hostess. You were just a pusher,
but you are a great right.

Speaker 3 (10:20):
I do want people to do drugs. I do like that,
you know. I just feel like so many people have
untapped resources and creativity within them that once they do
the right drug that they find the right thing. And
it's not for everybody. You know, drugs are not for everybody.
I want to say that as a medical professional on
this on this what that's why? Is that funny?

Speaker 2 (10:39):
No? No, no, I trust you.

Speaker 3 (10:41):
Okay, as a medical professional on this podcast, I would
like to say that drugs are not for everyone, but
they are for me.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
Okay, all drugs aren't for me.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
And you don't like, Oh you know what I loved?
Tell us this story. This is a good drug story.
Would you mind telling it? The one where you saw
the video of yourself? Oh wow, we're going Well, we
don't have to. We can go to a different area
if you're not comfortable.

Speaker 5 (11:03):
Talking about it with that. No, I just saw myself.
Me and my friends used to like in our early twenties.
It's a long time ago, so let's put this on
the record. We would recreationally pop up pill or two.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
So what's the drug called though.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
Flex areal? Flexireo was my drug choice.

Speaker 3 (11:19):
Oh, I thought it was something else. Oh that's like
a muscle relaxer.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yeah, it's like flexireal.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
But it was like, yeah, you can't take that and
go out.

Speaker 5 (11:25):
No, but we were drinking too, and I think some
of this stuff was opioid based.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
I think flexieral is opioid based.

Speaker 5 (11:32):
So like when I saw a video of like, I
thought I was just chilling and having a good time
and having fun. But then my friends played a video
back of me and I was not off at the table,
and it was just like, that's what that Wasn't you.

Speaker 3 (11:42):
Thought you were crushing it. You were out thinking you
had a blast. You're like, last night was fun. It like,
you need to see a video of yourself if you
think you were having it. And it was cute.

Speaker 5 (11:51):
So I was just like, I want to look cute
at all times, so when I did look cute, I
couldn't do it.

Speaker 3 (11:55):
You look really cute right now?

Speaker 2 (11:56):
Thank you?

Speaker 3 (11:57):
Shoot later, I want to talk about your relationship with Sam.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
Went about it.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
Okay, so you're from Atlanta, Yes I am. Okay, you
should be on the Real Housewives of something.

Speaker 2 (12:05):
You know what.

Speaker 5 (12:05):
They tried to get me on the Real house Oh
my god, they did. Yeah at least was like eons ago,
and why did you fucking do that?

Speaker 2 (12:12):
I didn't have money like that, so I just felt
like it would just been too fraudulent.

Speaker 3 (12:16):
Too.

Speaker 5 (12:16):
Fargs like I owned a business. It was just like
it wasn't lucrative, but you would have gotten down to business.

Speaker 2 (12:21):
With the Yeah, I would have.

Speaker 3 (12:23):
And I think that's what the world wants to see,
because if you were on one of the housewife franchises,
I would watch that fucking show, would you, Yeah, because
I know what would go down. I saw the video
stories if Sam Sam Jay's on tour right now? Yeah,
yeah's on tour with her, which means she is calling
people out in the audience, screaming and yelling at anybody.
What was the last incident that happened when you had
to remove one of the.

Speaker 5 (12:43):
I didn't remove her, Security removed her. She was being
a nuisance. She was being loud and belligerent and drunk,
and I just asked her to be quiet, and she
didn't want to listen, so she had to get out
of here.

Speaker 3 (12:53):
And then did what did she say to you? Didn't
she say something to you?

Speaker 4 (12:56):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (12:56):
She was like some lady, some black lady told me
to be quiet. I just walked about. It was me.

Speaker 5 (13:00):
It was me, girl, I told you to shut the
fuck up. It was me, shut the fuck up. And
she was like, I can't believe you said that, but
I had asked her twice. The first time, I was
very pleasant and I was excuse me, ma'am. Can you
bring it down a little bit? Like she was on
her phone, she was watching a basket a baseball game.

Speaker 3 (13:16):
It was just wild. I fucking hate that so much.
I hate that so much.

Speaker 5 (13:20):
It's just rude because she was disturbing the people around her.
Like literally, when she got kicked out, she was with
about twenty people. Nobody gave a fuck because they wanted
her to leave too, but they didn't know how because
she was ahead of HR, so they felt like their jobs.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah, the head exactly, ironic. She was the worst.

Speaker 3 (13:38):
So yeah, okay, So bring us back to your relationship
with Sam, because you guys have been together for a
long time. Yeah, and we're gonna be giving relationship advice
on this show, okay, potentially in this episode. So I
want you to walk us through the status of your
relationship over the years, because it's been You've had turbulent
times and Sam loves when I bring up her cheating,
So we can talk about that, or we could talk

(14:00):
about just the genesis.

Speaker 2 (14:02):
Well, what do you want to start with? In the beginning.

Speaker 3 (14:04):
Start at the beginning, because it's a beautiful love story,
and I think it's it gives other people, you know,
I think other people probably have similar relationships where they
love someone and then they're not together, and then give
them hope to come back together.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
That's true. I think our versions are kind of different
from each other.

Speaker 3 (14:18):
No, they're definitely different, because the two of you couldn't
be more office.

Speaker 5 (14:22):
Yeah, I think our versions of the story is different.
But we met in Atlanta, she says. I met her
in the club, but I don't remember meeting her because
our friends knew each other. So on the way home,
their car broke down in front of my house. So
I saw them and they looked hot and thirsty because
they would trying to change a tire. So I just
asked if they needed help, if they wanted to sit
inside before the tow truck came.

Speaker 3 (14:41):
And that's how its very nice of you, Yaya. It
must have been before nine pm when you did that.

Speaker 2 (14:45):
Actually it was probably around one am. Oh oh, so so.

Speaker 3 (14:48):
It must have been another flips to do and all
that happens.

Speaker 2 (14:51):
But yeah, so we eventually went out on a date.

Speaker 5 (14:55):
Did she tell you the first time we went out
a date, well, the first time I went out a date,
Sam left her.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
She left her money.

Speaker 5 (15:03):
Apparently she didn't have any money, so I had to
I left my wallet because I knew I wasn't paying.

Speaker 3 (15:07):
Of course not. I mean, no, no, you're not gonna pay.

Speaker 5 (15:09):
Hello, that's what I thought too, But I ended up
having to pay because Sam couldn't buy me my slice
of pizza. Oh, so I had to call my friend like, hey,
can you go to my house and go get my
wallet and bring my wallet to me?

Speaker 2 (15:20):
So he was like, aren't you on a date?

Speaker 5 (15:22):
And I'm like, yeah, bitch, I am on a date,
but come bring me my wallet. So from that day
for it, he didn't like Sam at all.

Speaker 3 (15:28):
He hated or would.

Speaker 2 (15:29):
I, But I loved her. She was so cool.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
But I'm surprised that you were okay with that because
that doesn't seem like something you're down with.

Speaker 2 (15:35):
It's not.

Speaker 5 (15:35):
But she was so charismatic, she was so funny, she
was so sweet.

Speaker 2 (15:40):
I don't know why. She just won me over.

Speaker 3 (15:42):
And then what happened. She fucked me right after the pizza.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
Yeah, pretty much.

Speaker 3 (15:47):
So that's like, okay, anyone who's listening that would be like, Oh,
I had a date who didn't have any money, and
then the next thing you do is go home to
fuck that person.

Speaker 5 (15:55):
Yeah, I mean I knew if she was broke, then
she probably had some good, good moves.

Speaker 3 (15:59):
Well, because I remember you guys having sex on my terrorists.
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (16:02):
We did not have.

Speaker 3 (16:04):
We did not.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
We did not.

Speaker 3 (16:06):
Yeah, they did did. They were up every night till
five am. We were talking and talking and then I yeah,
and then when y'all, y'all wants it, she needs to
get it right away, and then she goes.

Speaker 2 (16:16):
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
But we did not have. Till you hears, we did
not have.

Speaker 5 (16:21):
They had sex in their bedroom. Yeah, you probably the terrorists.
I'm sure I probably would have, but we did not.
That would have been a good memory, though. But your
window was like right there, yeah exactly. Can you imagine.

Speaker 3 (16:32):
I would have been like, hey, guys, can keep it down,
can you keep it down please? Okay, So then you
guys were together for how like a period of time?

Speaker 5 (16:40):
Yeah, we were together for a minute, and then I
did some shady shit.

Speaker 3 (16:45):
This is this SPAN's like seventeen years, right, Yeah, yeah,
seventeen there's a relationship.

Speaker 5 (16:49):
Yeah, so we were young. So at the time Sam
says we were together. I say we weren't together. We
were dating other people. But she says that we were exclusive.
So this is where it gets cloudy. But also this
was like seventeen sixteen years ago. So I say that
we were freely dating other people. She says that we
were committed and I dated someone else and then she
found out about it, and then so we stopped talking.

(17:11):
And then I started, well, we were always friends about
this process, so it was like she really, we really
didn't stop talking. We just stopped talking in that capacity.
So then she started dating other people.

Speaker 3 (17:20):
But what was that like wasn't that tinged with like
jealousy and feelings?

Speaker 2 (17:25):
Absolutely?

Speaker 5 (17:25):
Because every time she started dating someone that she would
go out on dates and now we didn't care. But
then when she would start like repeating the dates, it
was like, that's a problem. You're going out with the
same person again. So then I would have to break
that up. So then it was just a lot of
back and forth. It was a lot of that you
break that up. Oh, I would just go see her
fuck that up. She cut me off completely cold turkey
because she said I was toxic, and then she ran

(17:48):
off and got married and blocked me from everything.

Speaker 3 (17:51):
Why did she think you were toxic?

Speaker 5 (17:53):
I was in Atlanta, I was in black Gay Mecca,
so I was outside.

Speaker 2 (17:57):
Okay. Also I had money, so it was It's just
like I was in a free for all. So it
was fun. I was having fun.

Speaker 5 (18:02):
And there's a lot of pussy, not a lot of
well no, not a lot of pussy.

Speaker 4 (18:06):
But I was.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
I bet you what about guys? Were you feeling around
with guys at all? Just no, I'm you've been done
with men for a long time. Yeah, well yeah I
was done with men.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
Yeah, basically I want I'm done.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
Okay, So you broke up and then what what drew
you back together?

Speaker 5 (18:24):
She got married fast forward, like a year or two later,
after she's been buried for Yeah. We were still friends though,
but I did not pursue her. She didn't pursue me.
She was really into her marriage, and so I was like, Okay,
if this is where you want to go, girl, that's fine.

Speaker 3 (18:35):
But you know, were devastated.

Speaker 5 (18:38):
I was devastated, but I always knew that we were
going to be together, so I wasn't really pressed.

Speaker 3 (18:41):
You really believe that even though she was married to
someone else. Yes, because a normal person yah yah when
that happens when the other person gets married, would be like, oh,
I guess our relationship is over.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
No, I didn't think that at all.

Speaker 5 (18:54):
And now that I'm watching this show she put me
onto this show what is called scandal. Now that I'm
watching Scandal, I kind of understand it because I always
knew it was just like that's my person.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
Like I knew she was being crazy.

Speaker 5 (19:07):
I knew she was being wild, and I also knew
I was getting my karma back from the food I
was doing. And also when she wanted to commit and
settle down, I told her no, who was so like, Okay,
I get it, but play this out. You know this
is not gonna work. So I'll let you do this
and be dumb and then when you're ready, come home.
And that's what happened. Because she was in New York.

(19:27):
She ended up doing New York Comedy Festival. And I
was in New York at the same time doing Victoria's
Secret Fashion doing Victoria's Secret and New York Fashion Week,
so we were in New York at the same time.
So I hit her up and I was like, hey,
do you want to grab a drink so we could
see each other and talk because we haven't spoken really
since she had gotten married. And we met at the
seller a matter of fact, and I was like in

(19:48):
twenty and fifteen or twenty fourteen, and we talked at
the seller and after we talked, I was like.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
She coming home. So I knew she was coming home.

Speaker 3 (19:58):
That's cute. That's a cute story. It's a hot mess
of a story.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
Oh it is. It's like it's Ghetto's Hill. But there's
a lot of ups and down. That's a lot of Yeah,
but we're we've made it through and now we're engaged.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
Yeah, and when's the wedding going to because I really
would like to not miss that.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
Okay, you're gonna come to the wedding?

Speaker 3 (20:13):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna come to the wedding. And
you want me to come to the wedding.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
You seem like you're a good time. Oh yeah, I heard.

Speaker 3 (20:19):
Seem like I'm a good time. You've hung out with me,
I am a good that is true.

Speaker 5 (20:22):
But no, I'm saying like in those kind of settings
because somebody was telling me. I think it was the
guy he was really really sweet. He was telling me
that you were at Bruce Springsting's concert and you were
like making drinks at the after party.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
You became like the bartender. Yeah, and I was like,
that sounds like a good time. I wish I was there.

Speaker 3 (20:38):
Oh yeah, that was a good time.

Speaker 2 (20:40):
So I would like I would like for you to come.

Speaker 3 (20:41):
Okay, well I will, I will, I will come.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
I will commit is a formal invitation?

Speaker 3 (20:46):
Yeah, well, maybe I should officiate the wedding. Maybe you
should be nice. I've already done it once, have you.

Speaker 6 (20:52):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (20:52):
I did it. Well.

Speaker 5 (20:53):
Michael Ja was supposed to, but he's so anti weddings.
I don't know if he's going to do it.

Speaker 3 (20:56):
Oh really yeah, we'll see if he If he's not available,
i'll do it. Okay, So we're gonna take a quick
break and we'll be right back. And now we're back, Catherine,
what do we have for yah y'all today? I can't
wait for this.

Speaker 1 (21:11):
So many things. We have a boob related question. And yeah, yeah,
you're in good company with this boob question because.

Speaker 2 (21:19):
I see because I got boom.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
I'm the same way. I'm the same way.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
And Chelsea's got big question.

Speaker 7 (21:25):
I don't.

Speaker 3 (21:25):
I have big boobs, but those are like extra.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
No, you have perfect booths.

Speaker 3 (21:28):
Oh, thank you.

Speaker 2 (21:29):
I would agree with that if you have break New
York tits.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
What are New York tits?

Speaker 2 (21:38):
You don't remember that from Chappelle?

Speaker 3 (21:40):
No, what does that mean?

Speaker 5 (21:41):
He would walk around with the guy and they would stand,
they would put a sticker on bitches titties and like,
you got great New York booths.

Speaker 2 (21:46):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
I don't segment. It's funny, but yeah, y'alls are enormous,
and Catherine, yours are enormous. Yeah, so we're prepared. We
can come on, We're tis, We're prepared to field these questions.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
Amazing. Well, our first question now comes from Alyssa.

Speaker 3 (22:04):
And all of ours are natural? Yes, right, yeah, yeah,
mine are natural.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
Yours are not natural.

Speaker 3 (22:10):
Hey, I showed you them. They are natural. I do
not have fake tits. You don't know they're real.

Speaker 2 (22:15):
You have really good boobs, like really great boobs.

Speaker 3 (22:18):
I know, thank you. That's why I did not know that. Well,
that's why I had to say, because I didn't know
if New York titties meant fake titties. No, oh no,
they're not fake. I don't have fake tits.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
Oh you know, they're like big and perky.

Speaker 3 (22:30):
I have to constantly announce this to the public because
they look they're so perfect.

Speaker 2 (22:34):
They look fake.

Speaker 3 (22:34):
It is ridiculous that I have these boobs. I mean,
I'm so excited about them now. I used to be
really annoyed by them. Yeah, because they came on when
I was thirteen. I was a little bit much for
a thirteen year old, especially when nobody else had little titties.
So I had to like tape them down. And now
i've you know, now, if I embraced them obviously and
so as the rest of the world.

Speaker 5 (22:52):
If I had boobs like that, I would just wear
a spaghetti strap all day every day.

Speaker 3 (22:56):
Say your tit's flying around.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yes, it just takes a lot to hold these up
like it's just act right, it does.

Speaker 3 (23:02):
It fucking hurts your back, is what the problem is.
I don't like when I get those, like, you know,
things on my shoulders carved from the bath. Yes that
means yeah, so it's not always.

Speaker 5 (23:10):
Too much if I take this bra off, is swing low,
sweet cheeriot? And I just no, ma'am.

Speaker 4 (23:16):
Well.

Speaker 1 (23:16):
Our first question about boobs comes from Alyssa Dear Chelsea,
I'm in a dilemma about whether to pursue a breast reduction.
The reasons I want one are my girls make running
something that's important for my physical and mental health annoying
because I have to wear this nasty ass uncomfy sports bra,
and spontaneous running, like chasing my nieces around, is painful.

(23:37):
Shopping for tops and dresses is something I avoid because
I'm pigeonholed into limited options that fit my boobs but
not the rest of me. I just like the attention
they draw, and I envy the Itty Bitty Titty Committee
for being able to walk around and skippy tops care
free while I'm dealing with all sorts of boob tape
and readjusting back pain. And two women in my life

(23:58):
have gotten a breast reduction and claim it one of
the best things they've ever done. Obviously, that's a dramatic claim,
but who doesn't love drama. The reasons I'm hesitant undergoing
a technically unnecessary procedure feels unnecessary. I've had other surgeries,
so I'm not afraid, but there's always risk as well
as precious PTO to consider. I've worked really hard to
love my body, and this feels like a type of

(24:19):
betrayal toward her, while women with even larger breasts thrive
and manage to love their beautiful bodies without changing a thing.

Speaker 3 (24:25):
Just get a breast reduction. This is going on and
on and on. I mean what I know?

Speaker 1 (24:29):
I don't, but she said she feels like opposing polls
to pursue something that could make a positive change, or
to honor her body. And do you think it's possible
to do both?

Speaker 3 (24:38):
Alissa, get a breast reduction. You're gonna feel better about
yourself and don't care about honoring your body. Do you
know how many unnecessary procedures I get? Like, I do
a lot of elective things that I don't need to do,
and I'm always happy about it. Same exactly. I know
you're talking to two people that are pro surgery.

Speaker 2 (24:55):
Yeah, cut me up, lay me on the table. I'm
all for.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
I came from physical therapy and they had to dream
my knee a little because there's still some swelling from
my surgery. And I go, so, how frequently can I
drain my knee? And they're like, well, you don't ever
really want to put needles in your knee unless it's
absolutely necessary. I'm like, no, bitch, I have no problem
fucking putting needles in my knees all day long if
it's gonna help me ski, I don't give a shit.
She's like, and I go, what's wide. There's always a

(25:18):
risk of infection. I'm like, bitch, I don't care about
that risk. That's what antibiotics are for infection.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
And you love to take piels cut those tits? Yeah
you think so?

Speaker 3 (25:29):
Yeah, yes, it's just like it's a nicer lifestyle when
you feel better about your body. It's just nicer.

Speaker 5 (25:35):
Absolutely. And she's not betraying like she needs to cut
those tits. I'm cutt my tits.

Speaker 2 (25:39):
Cut them? Are you you are?

Speaker 1 (25:41):
I'm curious what your decision making was around that.

Speaker 2 (25:43):
I don't want big titties.

Speaker 4 (25:44):
E why.

Speaker 3 (25:45):
I'm sick of it.

Speaker 2 (25:45):
I'm over it.

Speaker 5 (25:46):
And I would like to wear a spaghetti strap, okay,
I would like to go bralas.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
I want to walk around like Chelsea.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
Yeah. Well, and I know last year in Mayorka, a
couple of the girls had had reductions and they had
kind of like like big still but like perky, and
they're like, you know, even though they've gotten a little
bit bigger since the reduction, they've stayed.

Speaker 5 (26:06):
Everybody says they come back. Every time that I know
that has a breast productions say they come back in some.

Speaker 3 (26:11):
Co Yeah, they do. They do. And so when you
get a reduction, you have to do more than you
think you should because they do grow back. So then
you're like, well, then the girls like, why the fuck
do I get the reduction? If they're going to grow back, just.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
Go a little smaller than what you Yeah.

Speaker 3 (26:24):
I think when you when you make your body like
more agreeable to like your whole like practical lifestyle, you
step into your body even more like, you become more
like because you're more confident and you feel more secure.
And it's just a nicer way to go through life
rather than having some like an onus on.

Speaker 5 (26:41):
Your chest right and insecurity. And also she can run
believe that. God, yeah, look at them. Yes, those look
fake they yes grassy. And those kitties on surgery pages,
Oh my.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
God, I should sell that actor, I should sell them.
You should want to. Yeah, those are not separate, people
are nice.

Speaker 5 (27:03):
I can't do that. It would take me too long
to hoisten them back up. I didn't see it.

Speaker 3 (27:09):
Oh, it's like having a bra Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
Yeah, Well our next question is slightly more sober.

Speaker 3 (27:16):
Sober What does sober mean?

Speaker 1 (27:18):
Well, you know, just a little more serious than okay,
boot questions, but not too too serious. They're very fun.
So Sarah and Ethan are here, They say, Dear Chelsea.
Sarah was the one who originally wrote in so she says,
Dear Chelsea, my husband is transgender. We got married before
his transition, and since then all my friends and family
have been supportive and welcomed his authenticity with open arms. However,

(27:41):
in light of the recent unfortunate political climate, I have
a few people in my life, my stepsister and brother
in law, as well as my best friend's husband, who
still don't understand the repercussions of voting Republican and how
that directly affects our life. My husband is very confrontational
and outspoken, and there have been some heated discussions surrounding
this issue, to which my family responds, can we just

(28:02):
not talk about politics? When clearly to us this isn't political,
it's our lives. What do I do with these family
members since they can't seem to be reasoned with and
seemingly continue to vote against my spouse's right to exist.
Sarah and Ethan.

Speaker 8 (28:17):
Ethan, I so excited to meet you guys, you.

Speaker 3 (28:20):
As well, Okay, So yeah, that's so fucking annoying. I mean,
it is so frustrating when you have family members that
do not understand. I just don't understand how people communicate
with their family members when they disagree politically like that,
because that you're right, it isn't a political issue and
it shouldn't even be a governmental issue what you do
with your body. It's so fucking infuriating. But I like

(28:41):
to cause a lot of stir So my advice, like
you know, especially with family and when it's someone you
love and that someone they love. Ostensibly, I would just
put up like I would be like, listen, we're not
gonna I mean, I'm of the thinking to just like
shut them down. You're not even going to spend time
with them until they, you know, come around. Would you
agree with that?

Speaker 2 (29:01):
Yeah, I was said boundaries.

Speaker 5 (29:02):
If they can't respect you in you and your place
in your marriage and who you are as a person,
then they don't need to be around you.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
You don't need that type of.

Speaker 5 (29:08):
Negativity in your life, Like why even bring that into
your fold and into your marriage, Like no, yeah, it's really.

Speaker 7 (29:15):
Hard to set the boundary because we are a blended
family and there has been some I guess some issues
with our other sister to where we don't have a
relationship anymore.

Speaker 8 (29:26):
The whole family doesn't have a relationship with the sister.
So it is like why why, oh god, that's a
whole nother.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
But that's fine.

Speaker 7 (29:33):
There is with our dad and her that just didn't
work out and now they don't speak.

Speaker 6 (29:40):
Yeah, so this would be like the second the second
one that we asked from the family dynamic.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
And okay, that's the problem.

Speaker 3 (29:48):
But wait a second. Wait, your family and your dad
and your sister don't speak, so you didn't ask your
sister they did, right.

Speaker 6 (29:55):
Yeah, that's true the first one. Yes, that's yeah, what
do you mean.

Speaker 3 (29:58):
It didn't work out with your sister, her and your father?
I need some details, like.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
What do you mean? That's a little weird. But also
your sister.

Speaker 5 (30:06):
If you cut them out, your sister, you may rekindle
that relationship and realize that she's the better person for
you to be in your life if she respects.

Speaker 3 (30:13):
Well, we have to hear about the sister. First, you
give us, just give us like a quick you know
overview that overview yeaes synopsis.

Speaker 7 (30:21):
They always just kind of butted heads and it came
to fruition one day and it almost got physical to
where my dad had to threaten to call the police
if she didn't back off. So from then on they
didn't speak and we we the rest of the family
got cut by her by association, so we didn't cut

(30:42):
her out.

Speaker 8 (30:42):
She kind of asked.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
Everyone, okay, okay, okay, after.

Speaker 6 (30:46):
This under the yeah and this is the this is
so now what we're dealing with is like the second sister, right, and.

Speaker 3 (30:52):
We're perfect timing then so that they can get a
clue that they're the fucking problem.

Speaker 6 (30:57):
Yeah. I tend I tend to go. I've learned a
lot that like, not all conflict is bad, especially recently,
and that there's a lot of like self protection that
maybe could be and should be done. So this my
approach has been like I don't I don't need to
I don't need to talk to them. It's such a
complicated relationship with in laws, right and with families.

Speaker 3 (31:19):
And I know, but it's like a it's like a
direct lack of respect for your for you and your safety. Yeah,
that's it. That's the only sentence you need to know. Like,
they are not respecting that your safety is threatened by
Republican lawmakers, and like and as long and if they
don't care about your safety, then what the hell are
you doing spending time with them?

Speaker 2 (31:39):
That's well said.

Speaker 7 (31:40):
I want to do everything possible to avoid I think,
losing this relationship because it is the only sibling that
I have left. So is there anything that you would like?
I know you're a huge proponent of writing an email
in a letter.

Speaker 3 (31:54):
Yeah, well wait, so you want to salvage the relationship
with your sister, not your parents, the second sister.

Speaker 5 (31:59):
So also, the parents aren't the problem is this second system?

Speaker 8 (32:02):
Oh no, no, my parents are.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
Oh it's the other sister.

Speaker 3 (32:07):
Oh oh no, Well she wants to salvage it. Yeah, yeah,
because she lost her other sister. I think you know what, Yes,
I am a big fan of an email, and I
think you can lay it out to your other sisters.
So she's the Republican the other sister. Yes, okay, so
that's problematic. Yes? And does she mar is she married to.

Speaker 8 (32:23):
Someone who's also of the same mind as she well.

Speaker 3 (32:25):
Of course, of course, so they go together one is it.
You know, Republican women are usually there because their husband's
told them to be right. But I think that you
can write her a letter and express like, I really
don't want our relationship to devolve in the same way
that your your relationship has devolved with your other sister, right,
because then she's going to lose two of you. And
lay it out in the most human, most humane way,

(32:47):
like we are talking about the safety and protection of
the person that I am married to, and you were
talking about voting for someone who is never ever going
to protect their rights, my husband's rights. So that's very,
very hard pill for me to swallow. I would love
for us to be able to like figure this out,
but it's starting to feel like, you know, I'm going

(33:07):
to lose another sister, and you got to meet me
somewhere in the middle there.

Speaker 6 (33:12):
You know.

Speaker 3 (33:12):
I don't know you can make somebody vote for a Democrat, you.

Speaker 5 (33:15):
Know, but like nobody even if not, they can respect
them and not mention it in their presence. And if
they can't even do that, then I think that you
just have to protect yourself. And I feel like you
should also try to reach out to your sister to
cut you off and try to rekindle that relationship. I
do too, So then you won't even if you lose
out on the other sister, you still got the good one.

Speaker 3 (33:35):
Is that good is she? Is she a good one?
The sister that got in a fight with your father
or what she is?

Speaker 8 (33:42):
It's questionable. It's worth looking in.

Speaker 6 (33:43):
It is worth It is worth not you know, locking shut.

Speaker 3 (33:48):
No, And it's not good to lock shut anyway, because
you know what that is, your sister. Everyone goes through
difficult times in their lives, and people get better and
people recover. Not everybody, but a lot of people. Do
I know, I've learned and grown and changed throughout my life.
I'm sure you feel the same way. Yeah, yeah, And
like you know, mistakes you make necessarily you wouldn't necessarily
repeat in the future. And so it's worth just checking

(34:09):
in with her and like just reinforcing the fact that
she's your sister, you love her, you will always be sisters,
and if she ever wants to reach out, and she
ever wants to talk, you're always there for her. There's
nothing wrong with putting that out into the universe. That's
good vibes and that's good energy. And if she comes back, great,
and you might catch her when she is ready to
talk to you. And maybe she's not ready to go

(34:30):
and be around your parents, But that doesn't mean you
can't have a relationship with her, right.

Speaker 8 (34:35):
That's kind of how I've always felt about that.

Speaker 7 (34:37):
I think I just maybe need to remind her that
I'm of that stance, because I think it all gets
lost when there's drama.

Speaker 3 (34:44):
Yeah, of course, and people do things in the heat
of the moment that you know they wouldn't do ten
years later, or five years later, even six months later.

Speaker 2 (34:50):
Yeah, people change.

Speaker 5 (34:51):
Can I ask, does it bother you their political affiliation
or does it bother you that they're vocal about it
in your presence?

Speaker 8 (34:59):
So they're not really vocal about it in our presence.

Speaker 6 (35:01):
They actually refuse, they refuse to talk to talk about it.
And I think it's because logically, I mean, I'm a
pretty good talker, so they're not gonna.

Speaker 2 (35:12):
So they're never disrespectful to you in your presence.

Speaker 6 (35:15):
No, No, I mean they've asked silly questions like in moments,
but like they're learning social media, it's their social media presence.

Speaker 5 (35:24):
And oh okay, well maybe if you continue to educate them,
because if people don't know, sometimes they're just ignorant.

Speaker 2 (35:30):
So maybe if you continue to, you know, just talk.

Speaker 5 (35:32):
To them and educate them on who you are, your story,
your plight, and the things that go on with you. You
don't know that you may change your perspective. So you
may not even have to cut her off.

Speaker 1 (35:41):
To Yeah, and I don't know if you've got a
chance to tell us to our Skylar Baylor episode. But
his book They Ha Yes has some really really good
methods for communicating with loved ones, and especially like asking
questions at these moments that could get very confrontational and
say look, well here's what I think, here's what you think,
where people automatically go in this defensive mode. He's got

(36:03):
some good tricks in there for like asking questions like
why do you think that? And so I would definitely
recommend maybe if you haven't already read it, read it.

Speaker 6 (36:11):
No, I need It's on my list, but I need
to get I need to get to it.

Speaker 7 (36:13):
He's a little bit more of a hostile negotiator. Yeah,
I'm a little level headed, So that's for you.

Speaker 3 (36:20):
Ethan yeah. Yeah. I mean I'm assuming your sister and
her husband have like heard how difficult and like arduous
the process of transitioning is, right, that everything that you
have been through, because I find that when people hear that,
it reduces their ability to argue. When people realize that
it's not some like whimsical thing that you just do

(36:41):
and go and like, you know, get surgery to change
your youth. There's multiple psychological assessments that have to happen.
You can't just go in and get a penis. Like,
it's not like, oh, I'm going to a fair and
I think I want to wear a costume. I mean,
that's why I find Republicans don't understand like the actual
background of what has to happen.

Speaker 7 (37:00):
Yeah, there's a lot of false information out there, and
I think we have started to share some of that information.
It's just trying to get them to the point of
being receptive and like sitting down and listening and instead
of shutting down or saying I don't want to talk
about politics. You know, that's their that's their pretty immediate response.
So it's just getting them to a place where they
realize it's not political and it shouldn't be political.

Speaker 3 (37:22):
It's not politics. You being a transgender is not political.
They're the only party in the country in the world
that is making it political. Well, not in the world.
There are other countries that are also politicizing it. But
you know what I mean, No, no Democrat has a
problem with that. So it's like, why would you actively
be going after people who are not bothering anybody else.

Speaker 8 (37:39):
It's a great question.

Speaker 3 (37:41):
What would make you satisfied? Like they have to switch parties?

Speaker 8 (37:44):
Yeah, probably, that's how I would force just don't even vote.

Speaker 6 (37:49):
Yeah, if you yeah, if you can't vote for the
Democratic Democratic candidate, just don't don't vote Republican. I think
it's I think it's like it's this feeling of someone
telling you, I sure, I see you, I'm fine with you,
but then their actions that they're taking outside of that
moment are are a direct contradiction and and so I'm yeah,

(38:11):
that's what's hurtful, is I I want to be like, Okay,
you can say whatever you want, but if you are
actively voting against my rights as an equal human being,
I just don't believe you.

Speaker 3 (38:22):
Yeah, I would have a problem with that too. I'm
with you, but I do think you should reach out
to the other sister and then do and I think
you should email your other sister and you know, work
both of those things at the same time.

Speaker 2 (38:33):
Or you could just send her this podcast.

Speaker 8 (38:35):
I know I thought about that. I could like this episode.
I'd be pretty eye opening.

Speaker 3 (38:39):
So yeah, that's actually a good idea too.

Speaker 6 (38:41):
Because I'm sure they don't know the turmoil or like
the difficulty we have on our end.

Speaker 2 (38:45):
Oh so you I've never discussed You've never spoke about it.

Speaker 6 (38:48):
I've tried, and the response is we don't talk about that.

Speaker 8 (38:51):
It just gets shut down real fast.

Speaker 3 (38:52):
So that's something you should mention in the letter. Just
go imagine trying to share yourself with like this is
my husband. Imagine trying to share your husband wants to
share any of his personal belief systems or history or
anything like that, and not being willing to sit and
listen to it is very obstinate. You're not compromising. That's
like I'm set in my narrow minded way and the

(39:14):
only vision I see is the only one that there is,
And yeah, that is problematic. To actually evolve and grow,
like that's the whole point of being alive is to
change and evolve, you know, and learn and have your
opinions challenged.

Speaker 8 (39:28):
Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 7 (39:30):
I think expressing that one of our biggest desires is
just to be heard and then actually, like you said,
possibly playing her in this episode because I don't think
she also knows how much it does weigh on us,
just this topic of the our relationship.

Speaker 3 (39:44):
So yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, Well that's good. Let us know,
keep us posted and let us know how it goes.
I will, all right, you guys, take care. I have
a great day, A good afternoon.

Speaker 1 (39:54):
Bye bye, Alex says dear Chelsea. I'm in an emotionally
distant marriage and questioning my sexuality. I'm a thirty eight
year old woman married to a man for nine years,
together for eleven. We have a five year old son together.

(40:14):
Over the course of the pandemic, I was at home
with our son and my husband worked a lot of overtime.
He's a first responder and felt responsibility to help. We'd
both stopped focusing on our relationships since our son was born,
and the pandemic served to magnify that. We've also both
dealt with some depression at times since then. I've been
bothered by our diminished connection, both emotional and physical. He

(40:35):
agrees there's a lack of connection, but does nothing about it.
I'm going to skip forward a little bit. They've done
a little bit of therapy, but she sort of still
feels like she's the only one who's doing anything. We've
got a lot of love for each other, but at
this point, I'm wondering if I'm nearing my limit. Another
layer to all of this. After years of counseling on
my own, I've come to accept about myself that I'm
attracted to women. At the time of writing this, my

(40:57):
husband is not aware. It's increasingly on my mind, and
I'm endlessly curious about being physical with another woman. Since
I'm asking for a more emotionally open relationship with him,
do I owe him that information, especially if I feel
like it's holding me back from being completely myself with him.
Our sex life is virtually non existent at this point,
yet another topic we don't talk about unless I bring

(41:19):
it up. Initially, I thought working on our connection and
therapy would help me feel romantic toward him again and
the attraction to women would fade. But that doesn't seem
to be happening. How to proceed Alex mm.

Speaker 5 (41:31):
Yeah, yeah, what do you think I think she needs
to bring that bitch in the bedroom. I think if
she popped up puss in the bedroom, they marriage may spice.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
It up a little bit.

Speaker 3 (41:44):
She wants him to thrutle up. That might not be
a bad idea.

Speaker 5 (41:47):
Actually, I think that then it'll bring It'll add some spice.
He'll probably be more engaged. But she has to be
honest with her feelings, Like she's like, oh, I don't
want to tell him, but she has to be honest
and disclosed that she has an attraction to women, and
then he may be like, Okay, bring that bitchit.

Speaker 3 (42:02):
Yeah. Yeah. Or if she was going to say, explore
her feelings for a woman without her husband, and that's cheating, Okay,
so she can't do that.

Speaker 2 (42:11):
No, that's cheating.

Speaker 3 (42:12):
That's so do you think she should give her a
husband the heads up that she's having a feelings for women.

Speaker 2 (42:16):
Yeah, she has to be honest about that, m M.

Speaker 5 (42:18):
Because I mean, if that's where she wants to go,
then he has the right to know that. Yeah, he
has the right to know that, regardless if they stay
together and not. You know, he has the right to
before she steps. She can't just search to be like
I think, I like, bit, just let me go chat it.
So she that's cheating, that's dishonest. So she needs to
be honest with her husband, especially if that's her life
partner then she chose and they have a kid together.

Speaker 3 (42:39):
M h yeah, I would say that the first. The
first what's going to happen is you're going to tell
your husband that you did that, that you're feeling this
way about women. He's going to say, let's bring someone
into the bedroom. You're going to do that. You're gonna
like that, and that'll happen for a few times or
you know, maybe months or whatever, and you'll enjoy that,
and then you're gonna want to just be with women
and not be with your husband.

Speaker 2 (43:01):
Ya think you'll be cowes.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
That's what fucking happens. I mean, I think it's very
common for women who have been married for a long
time to start thinking about being not heterosexual.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
You think so.

Speaker 3 (43:14):
I think it's hats trending. A lot of women are
turning towards the pussy.

Speaker 1 (43:19):
A lot, I mean, and with good reason.

Speaker 3 (43:21):
Yeah, I mean, men are pretty you know, they can
be pretty disappointing and they're not all disappointing. I'm not
saying that because there are a lot of men. I
went out on date with a guy last night that
was adorable and sweet and just you know, nice and
totally fuckable, and he was a nice guy. But I'm
I wouldn't want to spend that amount of time with anybody.
And I think when you're with a straight guy, like,

(43:43):
you know, the sheine wears off pretty quickly unless you're
communicating and you know, and men seem to, like, I
don't know, there seems to be this thing with women
when they're married to a man for over ten years,
especially when they have kids, like then you're fucked mostly,
you know, not everybody. I mean, there are happy marriages
which children, but a lot of people, a lot of
the happiest marriages are people who don't have children together

(44:05):
or they're on their second marriage and they've had children
with someone else then, and they can have that. But
I think that there's a like men stop emotionally growing,
or maybe they get stunted, or they're stunted to begin with,
and maybe maybe women don't catch it in the beginning
because they're so in love and then ten years go by.
And you're like, well, wait, this isn't fulfilling enough because
I'm emotionally attuned and in tune with myself. So yeah,

(44:27):
I think it's very common, but I think the writing's
on the wall of what's about to happen here. So
I would say, yeah, go get some pussy girl and
bring it to the bedroom. Yeah, and then but.

Speaker 5 (44:35):
If you want to be mostly attached to a woman,
she needs to know it ain't that much better over here.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
Really, Oh come on, Like I love like I'm.

Speaker 5 (44:43):
In love with her, but also like if she's because
the first woman she's going to be with, she's going
to be in love with them, and she's going to
get her heart broken, she's going to feel like that,
Like she just needs to prepare herself. Like everybody thinks
the grass is always greener on the other side. That's
all I'm saying, is just not always true.

Speaker 3 (44:58):
Well, but you're not are you not emotionally attached? You're
emotionally attached?

Speaker 5 (45:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just saying, well, like if she's
been with this man for ten years and she's like, oh,
he's not giving me what I want, She's gonna be
with a bitch the first couple. She's gonna have to
eat a few pussies before she found one it fits,
so she's good.

Speaker 2 (45:13):
They're not gonna be emotionally attached to her.

Speaker 5 (45:15):
Either, so she may think that it's just gonna be
so great and they're gonna be emostly attached and they're
just gonna instantly connect. And it's not like that she
has to find her person. It's not necessarily wrapped up in.

Speaker 3 (45:25):
Whether it's a matter or Yes, I agree with that.
I agree with that, like, yeah, maybe it is a
man or a woman because it's you're just not fulfilled
in the relationship you're but either way everything you should
get some pussies.

Speaker 5 (45:35):
Yeah, yeah, tell your man and then bring her home.

Speaker 3 (45:39):
This episode's gonna be called pussy pounding.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
I will say she didn't want to call in, but
I spoke to her aunt. She's very sweet and has
big softball energy.

Speaker 3 (45:49):
Oh really, yeah, I think. Listen, I have a lot
of friends that I think are gay that are in
heterosexual relationships.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
Oh really, yeah, not a lot, but I'm certain I will.

Speaker 3 (45:59):
I will, Yeah, I will, but not on the podcast,
because I'm sure they all are listening.

Speaker 1 (46:04):
My peters to them.

Speaker 2 (46:06):
So you think if she brings a woman in, they
would be a feminine woman.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
You know, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I just
know like my gatar for sure went off when I
got on the phone with her.

Speaker 2 (46:16):
You know, Okay, she may bring you a girl.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
I mean it now, I know there's a whole location.

Speaker 3 (46:22):
Thank you, Castine and Brad is exactly what the doctor orders.

Speaker 1 (46:27):
That's true. My husband is also the engineer on this podcast.

Speaker 2 (46:29):
But sorry, no, it's okay.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
He knows I'm queer. It's fine. But yeah, so I
think Alex right, and we've have had a conversation with
your husband and like, let us know how it goes,
or maybe a little further on down the line when
you know you have a girlfriend, et cetera.

Speaker 3 (46:46):
Yeah, yeah, make some changes though. You got to like
actively pursue what you're looking for to see if that's
what you really want. And I bet your husband will
be open to it, is that you do. I would
probably just I don't know. I don't know. I wouldn't
be in this position because I probably wouldn't get married
to anyone. You know, so I wouldn't, but I wouldn't.

(47:07):
I don't.

Speaker 5 (47:08):
Do you think you would wait ten years, she said
they would again eleven.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
Right, yes, yeah, married for nine Keep in mind, you
have a kid.

Speaker 2 (47:15):
Do you think you would wait eleven years to stay
in No?

Speaker 3 (47:18):
No, no, I wouldn't even if you had the kid. No, no,
not as me as me.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
Well, no, no as Alex.

Speaker 3 (47:25):
Well, I don't know what Alex is like. I mean,
I don't know. I don't think so. I don't think
there's any reason to be unhappy. There's too much going
on in the world that makes people unhappy. There's too
many upsetting things. You have to take responsibility for your
personal life and make sure that you are serving yourself
up with the things that make you happy. And you
have to make an intention to actively be happy in

(47:45):
the world we're living in, and that is not adding
to your happiness. So I think you need to make
a change.

Speaker 2 (47:50):
Yeah, I agree with Toilphy.

Speaker 1 (47:56):
All right, Well, we have our last caller and she.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
Just how do you think you're doing so far? Yeah, y'ah,
I don't really know. Okay, I would give you an
a yeah, yeah, I mean you're listening. Could be a
little sharper, but I think the advice is good. Yeah,
I missed a couple of things.

Speaker 7 (48:13):
There.

Speaker 3 (48:13):
But that's okay, that's sorry. It's your first time. It's okay,
it's your first time on the slide.

Speaker 5 (48:17):
I'll have you know by the way, ya y'all. First,
I dis my first wake up.

Speaker 3 (48:20):
Okay, Yeah, y'all wakes up twice every morning. Tell them
your schedule when you wake up.

Speaker 5 (48:24):
My first wake up is between nine and eleven, and
my second wake up is between one and two. So
I came on my first wake up. Actually I came
prior to my first wake up. So that's why I'm
not as sharp.

Speaker 3 (48:37):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
So I'm drinking water. I don't even have coffee.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
Okay, So why why do you when you wake up
the first time? Then what happens? You go back to bed?

Speaker 2 (48:45):
Yeah, I go back to sleep. So you wake up
for what? How long I wake up? It depends. I
wake up, I do my morning stuff.

Speaker 5 (48:52):
I wake up, I piss, get Sam some water, check
on her, and then I laid back down, go to bed. Well,
I'll scoll through my phone for a little bit it.

Speaker 3 (49:00):
Okay, So you're not really going out or doing anything
you're first week.

Speaker 5 (49:03):
No, I'm still in I'm still on the first floor.
I'm still on the on the third floor. I'm not
leaving the third fel Okay, So then you go back
to sleep and you wake up the second time, and
that's that's what my day starts. That's my day'st.

Speaker 3 (49:17):
I've never met anybody who wakes up twice. You know
what I sometimes do if I'm hungover or if I've
had a big night, I like to wake up, heat
up something that's yummy, or get it egg McMuffin from
McDonald's like something like that. Ideally, although I'm not going
to leave the house, take a half a xanax and
go back to sleep on a full stomach. That's the happiest.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
The xanax doesn't make you wake up.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
No, the xanax as sleep as for me, it's like
a sleeping pill. Okay, okay, it's not an upper Oh
it's not. I've never had it.

Speaker 1 (49:44):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (49:44):
It's for anxiety. But if you don't have anxiety, it's okay.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you probably shouldn't take it or you'd
be like falling asleep at the club. Like.

Speaker 3 (49:50):
Yeah, we don't want to promote xanax or any sort
of benzodiazepines on these shows. They're addictive and are known
to cause you know whatever, dementia. But I'm doing enough
things to combat the demention from the xanax I'm taking.
I'm doing enough things to offset that.

Speaker 1 (50:02):
That's smart.

Speaker 3 (50:03):
So whatever you deplete your body from, you got to
add it back in. And I know you do.

Speaker 5 (50:06):
I know you know the right formula. Told you a pusher.
I know the right formula.

Speaker 1 (50:11):
Well, Nicole says. I recently embarked on a nearly four
month cross country road trip earlier this year to explore
some new places to live. I own a remote business,
so I was able to work while traveling. Not only
did I discover two wonderful options for relocating, but I
also met my current partner while traveling, and I'm now
in a committed long distance relationship with him.

Speaker 3 (50:32):
Oh look at you.

Speaker 1 (50:33):
It's going really well. But long distance is hard. I
did end up moving a few weeks ago to a
city that's a five hour flight from him. My question
for you is, how do I know I made the
right choice. The city I moved to has a remote
worker incentive program with professional mentorship programs for entrepreneurs and
a nice chunk of change they pay me to live here.
But it's in a red state and doesn't tick some

(50:54):
of my boxes, and the other city has all the
amenities and culture. I want not to mention it's driving
distance from my new partner, but it's really expensive and
I know I'd struggle to afford living there. Do I
choose to focus on my career and set myself up
for future success or do I choose to be close
to my partner in a city that has everything I'm
looking for but has a hefty price tag.

Speaker 3 (51:14):
Nicole mm oh hei Nikol, How are you hi?

Speaker 7 (51:21):
Hi?

Speaker 3 (51:22):
Why can't your husband come to you? I mean, you're sorry,
you're soon to be husband. You're a boyfriend. Why can't
he come to you?

Speaker 4 (51:30):
Well, we've been dating for six months and we have
talked about it. He has offered. He's a journalist, so
he can pretty much work from any newspaper. It's just
a matter of actually making the move.

Speaker 3 (51:42):
So right now, it's a five hour drive to visit him.

Speaker 4 (51:45):
No, he lives in Oregon and I live in Oklahoma.

Speaker 3 (51:49):
Oh, so that's a long distance relationship and you.

Speaker 5 (51:52):
Just recently moved to Oklahoma, right, Yeah, Okay, so if
you just moved, then he needs to make the next move.

Speaker 4 (52:00):
Yea.

Speaker 3 (52:00):
Yah's very tit for tat. It's a scoreboard with her.
It's like, bitch, you did this, and now I do this.

Speaker 5 (52:07):
She's already moved to be close a little closer, so
why can't they compromise?

Speaker 2 (52:10):
And he moved closer to her.

Speaker 3 (52:11):
Listen, it's not fun Oklahoma City. But I would say, like,
the good thing about living in a red state is
that you can have the ability to, like I don't know,
I always feel like you can change people's minds when
you're living in that kind of culture, and like it's
an opportunity for you to like demonstrate your goodwill and
like your political beliefs and your value system, and it's
kind of like a nice way to infect all those

(52:33):
other red people, you know what I mean, with kindness
and inject them with kindness and fairness and your beliefs
on equality and all of that. I know how tough
it must be to probably be with like lacking that
kind of culture. But I would say, you know, you
just made this move, like give yourself an amount of time,
and if you're still dissatisfied in like, say it's six
months or it's a year, then you can reassess and

(52:54):
figure out if I would say your career is more
important than your relationship at this point, I would say
that to anyone at any point in the lives. And
then you know, if you guys are still together in
six months and you're still hot and heavy, or in
a year, whatever your time frame, then you can reassess
and say maybe, okay, maybe now I'm gonna move closer
to him, or he moves closer to you, but he
shouldn't have to move to Oklahoma fucking city.

Speaker 4 (53:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (53:14):
Yeah, that's like, that's like not fair.

Speaker 2 (53:17):
I'm just saying I was just trying to give a balance.
Since she just moved, do you.

Speaker 3 (53:21):
Feel comfortable giving yourself six months or a year?

Speaker 4 (53:24):
Yeah, I mean I moved in September, and I told
myself I'd give myself until March to like evaluate.

Speaker 3 (53:30):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 4 (53:31):
So far, like it's just started to benefit my career
to be here. Like I moved to Tulsa because they
have a remote worker incentive program.

Speaker 3 (53:39):
Tulsa is cool.

Speaker 1 (53:41):
Yeah, it is cool. I like it so far.

Speaker 3 (53:43):
I have culture there.

Speaker 4 (53:45):
Yeah, I'm into it. It's it's different than New Jersey,
like you were saying.

Speaker 3 (53:49):
Yeah, yeah, it's different than New Jersey and it's good
to get a taste of that. So yeah, so you're
gonna give yourself till March.

Speaker 4 (53:55):
Yeah, and then you know, reevaluate. I know that he
is not so sad a with where he lives.

Speaker 3 (54:01):
So well, maybe you guys can find a new city together.
If you guys are still together in six months, maybe
you guys can like figure out, like, let's start a
life together. Let's pick a city where that's gonna suit
both of your needs. And that's an adventure too. I
would just look at Oklahoma City as not your permanent
place of living. I would just say, sorry, Tilsa, I
think you should enjoy your time there, soak it up,

(54:23):
meet as many people as you can, try to change
as many minds as you can, and then and just
think of it as a temporary part of your life.
How old are you thirty? Yeah? Oh yeah, what of
course you could spend three years there and I wouldn't
make a dent in your life.

Speaker 4 (54:40):
Yeah, I know, I really don't feel too much time pressure.
This is the best relationship I've been in, so it's
definitely I have I feel confident that it can go
the distance.

Speaker 2 (54:54):
But it's just you seem really in love. You seem
really happy. I know, Bless, that's so cute.

Speaker 4 (55:02):
Just reflecting yesterday about the year and I was like, oh.

Speaker 3 (55:05):
Long, oh that's so sweet. On a road trip, no Less,
How did you guys meet up on a road trip?

Speaker 4 (55:11):
Well, I was using the dating apps just to like
meet people because I was looking for a new city
to live in, so I wanted to like get the
local perspective. And then he I actually had a really
bad experience in the town he was in, But I
was like trying to see if I wanted to live there,
but like got criminal minds, Like somebody was like following
me on the highway was really creepy. I was going
to leave the next day, and then he messaged me

(55:33):
and I was like, well, let me just go for coffee,
and then I ended up staying.

Speaker 2 (55:37):
Oh wow, how often do you guys get to see
each other?

Speaker 3 (55:40):
Average?

Speaker 4 (55:40):
Like every six eight weeks. Oh, I'm actually gonna go
see him on Thursday. His mom invited me, so I'm
going to meet the whole family.

Speaker 3 (55:47):
Oh good, oh good. Well, just enjoy your time right now.
Enjoy Oklahoma, enjoy Tulsa, and enjoy your long distance relationship.
And then in March you can reevaluate and if it
needs a couple more months, then that's fine too. Just
look at this as a temporary situation to get yourself
more like financially situated.

Speaker 4 (56:05):
Thank you for the advice. I just have a hard
time like day to day I think accepting. Do you
have any advice for like just how to really like
radically accept that I have made this choice and like
not like just waiting for the end.

Speaker 3 (56:19):
Yes, you have to be like active in your First
of all, you need to be active in your community
in some way. You have to join some clubs whatever
you're interested in. What are you interested in, like sports
or chess or like a book club or anything like
what do you like to do in your free time?

Speaker 4 (56:35):
I would love to join a book club. I've been
asking everybody for like crafting circle.

Speaker 3 (56:38):
Yeah, well those things you can easily find on Facebook
and online, just you know, I mean, just google this
stuff in your area and start hanging out with people
and being an active participant. And you should just write
down a mantra for yourself, like I'm going to be
an active participant in my life and I'm going to
be an active participant in my community, so that you're
just like enjoying yourself. The worst thing about not being

(57:00):
present in the present moment and thinking about the future
is that you are You're like on borrow time. You
have to make the most of everything. You don't know
what's going to be out there or what kind of
friendships you're going to make, you know, with people, so
like you really have to just kind of I know
what you're saying, and I've been there, but you do
have to make a shift, and you should start meditating

(57:20):
on it, like, you know, find a meditation that helps
you really focus on the moment that you were in
instead of looking to the future. It's okay to plan things.
Just be like, I'm here for six months. I'm going
to make the most out of this. I'm going to
see everything Tulsa has to offer, and I'm going to
make great friends that I'm going to have for the
rest of my life. And eventually those things become true
and then they are real. It's manifestation.

Speaker 2 (57:43):
Wow, you should write a book.

Speaker 3 (57:44):
Don't you believe in manifestation? I know you do, right, yeah,
I do. It's true, Like you have to you and
what's your head is in the game. Then you are
in the game.

Speaker 2 (57:52):
Yeah, I'm going to take that advice. Yeah, absolutely, yah
oh real that was really good.

Speaker 3 (57:58):
Thanks yahya, thanks. Do you feel what I'm saying? Do
you feel? I think you should write those two sentences
down and put them on a mirror in your bathroom
so you read that every morning, and that's how you
start every single day. And then who know, you know what,
you might even fucking fall in love with Tulsa. You
might even be like, I'm never going to leave here.
This is I came here, I didn't want to stay
here for more than six months, and then you're there
for twenty years.

Speaker 4 (58:19):
Yeah, that's very possible. People have done it.

Speaker 3 (58:22):
So open your mind, don't keep it so narrow, open it,
broaden it, and expand it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (58:28):
And I think also, like once a week, I think
you should try to do something new in the city,
just to be like, I only have six months here,
so like I'm going to, you know, every single week,
I'm going to do something new.

Speaker 3 (58:40):
And even if you and find a book club or
start a book club, you can start one, you know,
and to start it on Facebook or on Instagram or
any of these things. You can find people in your area.
So easily on all of these apps. It's easy to
connect with strangers if you haven't made any real friends yet,
and start cultivating relationships, and definitely do things outside of
your comfort zone. You know, join a club like a

(59:01):
running club or a walking club or a hiking club
or whatever the fuck biking, you know, and make sure
you're doing different things so that you're stretching yourself and
that you're not just stagnant.

Speaker 1 (59:11):
And tell your boyfriend to move to you.

Speaker 4 (59:15):
I'm Adela. I'madela Chelsea Handler and everybody said you need
to come to them.

Speaker 3 (59:21):
Okay, well, good luck in Tulsa and enjoy those museums
I love I was just there a few well not Jess,
but I loved it. I had a great time at Tulsa.

Speaker 4 (59:28):
Yes, thank you, I appreciate that.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
Okay, awesome later us post it buck bye.

Speaker 2 (59:34):
That was really good advice.

Speaker 3 (59:36):
You know what ya ya? I'm glad you're finally showing
me some respect. Do you know what yaya? Do you
know what ya y'all calls me in public? No, yeah,
I'm gonna tell everybody you have apologized and that was
very sweet and on next I know you did, I
know I could tell that you meant it, but she
was calling me Massa on our fucking trip and yelling
at me Massa massive massive this okay Massa, Okay, bitch,

(59:58):
am my mass up. You want us to be better,
I can go to the beach at noon, okay, Massa.
And I'm like, bitch, that's not fucking funny. You cannot
call me masa. And then we're out in a restaurant
in New York City a few months later and she
fucking does it again though. And then I were with
another black friend, my friend Jabria, and she's like, bitch,
she cannot be calling you massa, and I'm like, no
fucking kidding.

Speaker 5 (01:00:19):
Well sometimes I mean you do crack a whip chills, Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:00:22):
Anyway, anyway, thank you, yah Yah for what a delight
you gave such great advice. I'm sure everyone's gonna have
loved listening to you too. Ya Ya thanks, Yeah you
really you really pricked up our studio this morning and
do what I can. Yeah, now what you can? Oh
and also if you want to really laugh and watch
ya Ya harassed people online, please follow her on Instagram

(01:00:44):
at Vanity dot Vixen. Is that what it is Vanity
Dot Vixen and.

Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
Check out Sam's new special on HBO.

Speaker 3 (01:00:50):
Oh yeah, what's it called again?

Speaker 7 (01:00:52):
Uh?

Speaker 5 (01:00:52):
The first one is called three in the Morning that's
on Netflix, and the one that just dropped is called
Salute Me or Shoot Me, Salute Me or shoot Yes?
Thank you yayah no, thank you for having me. I
really appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:03):
This was cool.

Speaker 3 (01:01:04):
See you next week, everybody. Okay, So show dates coming
out Canadian show dates. These are for Canadians, guys. I'm
coming January nineteenth, Edmonton January twentieth, Saskatoon February ninth. I'll
be in Winnipeg, Victoria, BC is March eighth. Then i
will be in Salt Lake City April fourth, and Denver
April fifth. I'm coming to Arizona at Maricopa April twelfth.

(01:01:28):
April thirteen, I'll be in Brooks, California at the Cash
Creek Casino, and then I'm going to be in Santa
Rosa Sunday April fourteenth. I'm coming to Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore,
Maryland on April twentieth, Gary in Deana, Prior Lake, Minnesota.
Coming to Oklahoma Norman, Oklahoma on May third and May fourth,

(01:01:49):
I will be in Thackerville, Oklahoma for my rescheduled Windstar
World Casino date, and I want to make sure that
I give a shout out to our show for Netflix.
As a joke festival, I put together a show with
some of my favorite comics. It's May eleventh at the
YouTube Theater Downtown, which I've never performed in, so that's
gonna be fun. It's pretty big. I have Beteo Lane,
I have Fortune Themester performing. I have Sam Jays on

(01:02:11):
the show and Vanessa Gonzale, so we it is called
a Jew two Mexicans. No a Jew, two gays in
a Mexican. No a Jew, three gays at a Mexican.
So it's political correctness at its finest. And then I
will be in Verona, New York on May twenty sixth,
and then I'm coming to Australia in July and New

(01:02:32):
Zealand July fifth, Auckland and I'm coming to Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Brisbane,
Sydney and then Thursday, August first, which is a long
way away and a date I am just seeing that
I am not ready to announce. Okay, So those are
all my dates that are up and available, so get

(01:02:52):
your tickets. I can't wait to see you. Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:56):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Katherine Law and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com

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