Get Your Balls In Order with John Stamos

Chelsea’s childhood crush John Stamos is in-studio this week to talk about getting sober in his 50s, why he always dreamed of fatherhood, and why he loves Disneyland so damn much.  Then: A newly-sober man is finding his new life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  A 20-something wound up in bed with her best friend, and isn’t sure what to do next.  And a daughter struggles with the loss of her parents at an early age - and wonders if she can move beyond using humor to process the pain.

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Read If You Would Have Told Me by John Stamos here!

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, Hi? What is going on?

Speaker 2 (00:06):
Not too much, just loving the fall weather. You've been
traveling all over though. Where are you headed?

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Well? I'm performing in Milwaukee on Friday night, and then
I have two shows in Chicago Saturday, Sunday, Milwaukee Sat.
And Friday night. And then where is that? What's the theater? Oh,
Bradley's Symphony Center, and then the Chicago Theater Saturday and
Sunday night. Oh shit, and then another show Sunday night.
But that's sold out. Chicago first show is sold out.

(00:32):
We have tickets available for Saturday night, October twenty eighth,
and tickets available for Milwaukee Thursday night, October twenty six
I am in New York City waiting for I just
had to get some more knee surgery. I had to
get my hat cleaned out, so I am off the pills.
I had a two day party, pill party, and then

(00:52):
I have to throw them. Well, I don't throw them
away because they're gone. They're gone after two days. And
that's how any excuse to be put under? Yeah, and
he excuse to be put under. But my doctor said,
this will allow me afford me the ability to ski
without pain because my knee has really been acting since
my worka so I'm going to either get my leg

(01:13):
removed and replaced. I'm waiting for them to come out
with some sort of knee enhancement replacement thing where you
don't even have to get surgery but be put under obviously. Yeah,
I just think it's a matter of months before they
have some new technology or AI comes up with a
new knee or something. Yeah, you know. So anyway, we
have one of my childhood crushes on today mine too.

(01:35):
His name is John Stamos. I'm very excited about today.
I know he has a new book out. What is
it called?

Speaker 2 (01:41):
It is called if You would Have Told Me?

Speaker 1 (01:44):
If you would Have Told Me? Okay, well, we're going
to see what he is going to tell us because
there's a lot of juicy stuff in that book. So
he did tell us a lot of things. A lot
of celebrity books coming out lately with a lot of
insight and inside scoop. He is a three time Emmy
Award No TV Film and Theater actor and his memoir
is called If You would Have Told Me, and it's

(02:04):
out this week. Please welcome John Stamos. How are you, honey?

Speaker 3 (02:08):
Pretty good.

Speaker 1 (02:09):
Yeah. John Stamos is in the house. Everybody, John my
childhood crush. I loved you so much when I was
talking about you. I mean not to say I don't
love you now, I mean you're very attractive.

Speaker 3 (02:17):
So I'm getting old. Well we all are I love
I have a crush on you, oh, because you're smart
and you're beautiful and I love Remember when I was
on your other show.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
Yeah, a bit, I've interviewed you before.

Speaker 3 (02:28):
Are you doing good? You look great?

Speaker 4 (02:29):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (02:30):
Yeah, thank you. You talk about being happy now and
stuff that makes me happy.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
Oh are you happy?

Speaker 3 (02:34):
I am?

Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yeah? You know what what? I was reading your book?
You guys, Yeah, yes, of course. The book is called
if you would have told me it's out this week,
it's John Stamos's it's your first.

Speaker 3 (02:44):
Book, yes, right, yeah, I want to talk to you
about the process, because.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
Well, what do you want to talk about? Let's get started.

Speaker 3 (02:49):
How was it?

Speaker 1 (02:50):
I like, I mean, listen, it's a very different medium
than everything that you're probably used to. So if this
is your first book, I can understand you probably feel
a little bit overwhelmed, right.

Speaker 3 (02:59):
Yeah, I was. I feel good now that it's done.
But then no, no, we have to gotten. You don't
have to gotten sell it.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
Sell it and promote it, and that is a different beast.
But you know what I find that is nice and
refreshing about books. And maybe you can think about this
while you're promoting it. It's like you're not promoting a
project that you're not completely responsible for. It's your story, right,
so they're your truths and then you get to just
talk about yourself in the most kind of I feel like,
most organic way, rather than promoting a show or a movie.

Speaker 3 (03:28):
You're right, Yeah, it has been interesting that the interviews
I've done so far, especially the doing this long form,
because you can really get into because there's a lot
of you know, intricate stuff in the book and ups
and down and toffic. But to do it, you know,
do a quick pop on it.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
It's difficult, right, yes, absolutely, but you want to get
people interested enough to buy it. Listen, there's a lot
of interesting stuff in this book.

Speaker 3 (03:49):
And can I ask you a question, So therapies you've
been that's your Do you think.

Speaker 1 (03:53):
You're interviewing me right now?

Speaker 3 (03:54):
Is that what you're not trying to I just I'm
fascinated by you always, and I like to ask questions.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
I went to therapy for about two years, intense therapy
with the sky Dan Siegel, and it changed my I
mean it took a while. Like if someone said, oh,
therapy was going to take two years and then probably
two years of absorbing what you learned in therapy, I
would have been like, that's too fucking long, like fuck it.
But I went in before I knew how long it
was going to take, and so it was like.

Speaker 3 (04:19):
You think it was a couple a couple of a
couple of seconds.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
Yeah, I think. I thought I'm pretty smart, like I'll
get this quickly. And then as soon as you get deeper,
have you are you in therapy?

Speaker 3 (04:28):
Yeah? Yeah, I talk about in the book to this
guy Phil Stutz, who's sort of a famous Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Stuts, the one that they did the documentary.

Speaker 3 (04:34):
Was right, Yeah, okay, I was going to way before.
I think it was like twelve years ago. I can't
remember who sent me there. Maybe I had saga go
I said, we can't be friends anymore until you go
to therapy. Oh yeah, he was. He was there till
he died. How he still owes film money? Phil told
me he said he didn't pay for his last session.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
Well, he doesn't need the money.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
So it helped you.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
Then it helped me, Yes, it helped me immensely. It
helped me with my self awareness. It helped me understand
the way that I the vibes I'm giving off if
my personality was coming before any sort of thoughtfulness. So
now I'm a little bit more thoughtful and careful with
my personality rather than throwing it out there. It's not
necessary for me to insert myself all the time.

Speaker 3 (05:14):
Mike, I said, you've already chimed the world. Stop. You
don't have to do anymore. Just sit back and you know, yes,
stuff trying is hard. Maybe that's you.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
Well we get I think we get interesting conversation because
I think we get very wrapped up in who we.

Speaker 3 (05:27):
Think we are and who we think they want us
to be. Yes, yeah, I had that a lot too,
you know, just coming under the scene, you know, being
a teen idol, and then you know some sort of
you know guy which wasn't me, like, you know, and
I'd go on Howard Stern or Jamie Kimmel or all
these shows, and I gas, oh, you're a playboy. Tell
me about all the girls you fucked I'm like, oh, yeah,
doesn't did that none of it? It was true, but

(05:48):
I felt I had to be that guy for that,
which is when I and they didn't. It wasn't their fault.
I played into it. But once I let that go,
and it's just hard to trust yourself that you're good
enough and you're interesting enough, and they're charming enough, right
just to sit and talk. And I didn't like I
went into growing up kicking and screaming. I just barely
made it too. I just didn't want to because it
just seemed boring to me and it really required sober

(06:12):
up to But it's you know, it's been the greatest.
I've just turned sixty.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
Oh my god. Really, yeah, that's amazing.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
Well look I'm tired of that.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
But you know it's okay, I'm forty.

Speaker 3 (06:25):
We're gonna have a big birthday.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
Well in two years. I mean, yeah, I gotta start
planning it now if I'm going to have the right
kind of birthday party. I just want everyone to know
that I offered John an edible before this interview started,
because I forgot he was sober, and this is a
big problem with me as well. Back to the therapy thing,
real quick. One of the things I learned, which is
interesting what you're saying, is, you know, I always thought
I had to be the center, like the excitement of

(06:47):
a dinner party or like the entertainment for everybody. Like
I thought that's what people expected of me, that I
had to go to every dinner party and just be
the funniest person there. And if there was another funny
person there, I was so relieved. I was like, let
them do it. But everyone is so insecure about their
own funny that people would look to me and be like, no,
you go, you do it, and I'll you know. So

(07:08):
it became this weird cycle of like you impress upon
yourself what you assume people are expecting of you, when
really maybe not everybody's expecting any of that.

Speaker 3 (07:19):
No, And then they go to Chelsea's she got to
calm down, calm down, you know, say with me, I
thought I was had to be that, and I, you know,
drinking too, I thought I gotta be, you know, so
I can be funny and sharp. People see, you know,
it's fuzzy, is what they saw. Yeah. I bet you
feel that too, because you know you're you are people
see you on TV and you're funny, and you're sharp
and you're very smart too. I think that's what impresses

(07:42):
me most about you.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
Well, thank you. I appreciate you lost you.

Speaker 3 (07:45):
I know you lost your brother when you're young and
abandonment issues. But then there was another really sweet brother
who I met on your show.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
Is he still yeah, Roy is the best, He's the sweetest.
I will he'll love that he still y passed?

Speaker 3 (08:00):
Did he really?

Speaker 5 (08:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (08:01):
Yeah, but I mean I'll see you're doing great. By
the way, I'll see.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
Him in the afterlife anyway. You know how when did
he die a couple of years ago? Yeah? He was sweet, right, Yeah,
he was a sweetheart. One of the things that I
was reading about in your book that I took issue
with is your love of Disneyland and disney World.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
Well I find that annoying, right, Yeah, to be honest
with you, I was, I was over it. I was done.
And then I met my wife and he's like me
back in you know last night.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
Your wife loves disney World? Yea, and she and so
what was the period of time you were able to
stay away from disney World or Disneyland a couple weeks?

Speaker 3 (08:38):
It was a couple It was a while, I was
just it was enough already, I thought, you know, honestly,
but last night this.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
Why were you spending so much time there?

Speaker 3 (08:45):
In the first it was have you been?

Speaker 1 (08:49):
Yeah? I was.

Speaker 3 (08:50):
I was there honestly, like towards like before I sobered
up for ten years. It was kind of fun to
go and get drunk there, you know, And there was a.

Speaker 1 (08:56):
It was dry. It was dry for a long time
time in the world. They didn't have any alcohol there at.

Speaker 3 (09:01):
The at the Magic Kingdom, Catherine Magic Kingdom they don't,
but but Epcot they have. You'd have beers across the world.
But no. I did get over because it's when you
walk to those gates the rest of the world goes
away and it's just a it's you have. It's a
happy place to be.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
That's how I feel about the Playboy. Man.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
You it used to be the last night. So I'm
leaving town. I'm so busy with all this book stuff.
And my wife says, and we do this once in
a while. I was like, I got a surprise. We're
going on date night tonight. This is the last night.
I said, great, where is it? I can't tell you,
you know, I said, O, yeah, I don't have a
lot of time, but I want to at least spend
one good night with you before we go. And so
I said, what do I wear? Said? Boots? Boots are good.

(09:39):
What else? Well, that's good what you have on? I said,
is it a hike? Is it outdoors? It might be
my not you know. So we get so we're driving
a by Pasadena. We're going up to this neighborhood house
and there's no parking. I said, what's the date night?
You and need to what's a Disney party? And there's
a couple of Disney legends that are going to be
there and a hundred other Disney any geek fans that

(10:01):
you're gonna take pictures? I said, this is date night?
And it was that nice people. But you know, I said,
every selfie I take you give me a hand job?

Speaker 1 (10:11):
And did she did?

Speaker 5 (10:12):
She?

Speaker 3 (10:12):
Yeah? It was about eight hundred.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah, when is she going to start giving you the
hand job?

Speaker 3 (10:16):
I should have Scott something better? Huh probably, So, I
don't know, but she loves it. I'm you know, I'm.

Speaker 1 (10:23):
Just happy you're in a happy relationship. You know what
I mean? If you have to give a bunch of
hand jobs and go to a bunch of Disney events.

Speaker 3 (10:28):
I don't have to give that hand Oh no.

Speaker 1 (10:30):
I mean if you have to get sorry to get
a bunch of hand jobs and go to a bunch
of Disney events, then that's the bed you made, and
now you're to lie in it.

Speaker 3 (10:36):
You're right now. You can I ask you about this,
Joe Koy, because I.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
Love that you think you're fucking interviewing.

Speaker 3 (10:43):
I'm just I'm interested.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
I have a series of questions I want to ask
you already.

Speaker 3 (10:47):
I thought it was going to be the greatest thing
ever to you. I was so happy for for you.
I didn't know him much. But and then, but do
you feel like if you fall in love again, you
kind of keep it quiet for a couple of years.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
Probably you know. I don't need to learn that lesson twice.
Although I didn't even listen. To be very honest, I
don't feel regret or a rootful towards the way that
I behaved publicly with him. I think that was a
very good exercise for me, and it was nice for
other people to see that side of me, because I've.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
Never been soft.

Speaker 3 (11:14):
It was a softer show, very.

Speaker 1 (11:15):
Like publicly in love before, so I don't really regret that,
even though I probably wouldn't choose to operate like that again,
you know what I mean, because it's like, you know,
who needs to It's almost very like teenager ish. But
that's how it was cute. It was a thing.

Speaker 3 (11:30):
It just felt so bad.

Speaker 1 (11:32):
But it's okay. I mean, just a relationships end, you know,
and you learn from them, and and I think that
the most important thing to do as we get older
is to remember not to villainize or demonize the people
who've left our lives and actually look at them and say,
you know what, what did that person bring out in me?
That someone that I hadn't been brought out in me before?
So I think that's okay.

Speaker 3 (11:52):
I have like I think before taking top.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
Off, because John's turning me on.

Speaker 3 (11:57):
Okay, I think before I wrote this book, I would say, oh,
I have regrets. Yeah, this I didn't. I got dumped,
I got cheated on a man, And after writing I
were like, no, that's like what you said, Like, if
I didn't have those heartbreaks that happened, I wouldn't have
known how to be right for my marriage.

Speaker 1 (12:13):
Now, well you're yeah, because especially because you were married
to Rebecca Romaine first before your current wife, and you
talk about that in the book, and you talk about
your therapist and that marriage ending right and your therapist
basically telling you that you weren't ready to be with
the one and that you had a lot of work
to do, right, So what were those conversations like.

Speaker 3 (12:33):
Well, it was more it was more about it was
heartbreaking and I didn't want it to end. And you know,
I always thought have kids and a thing and you know,
fairy tale ending. And when it did, it ripped me apart.
And I was angry for many years, too angry, and.

Speaker 1 (12:47):
It wasn't her or angry at the situation.

Speaker 3 (12:49):
Well her, you know, as I learned. So I had
the first chapter I wrote was I thought I'd take
the hardest ones and I wrote about this terrible the
low point in my life. I had this dui and
I was driving drunkers drive around Beverly Hills, and I
went to rehab and I think it was there where
I discovered, like, so the steps you probably know something.
The fourth step is your resentments. So I was like,

(13:12):
she did this to me, she did that, And I'm
making this long list and the sponsors. Have you done
I said, noff, and then he goes, so, what part
did you play in that? I said, what do you mean?
What none? It might have played, even if it's one percent.
And I started writing and say, oh, yeah, yeah. And
it was the first time I really was honest about it.
And I had just as much to do with the

(13:34):
end of our marriage as she did, so you know, you.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
Learn, yeah, yeah, what was that last thing that broke
the like the last straw that broke the camel's back
in the marriage?

Speaker 3 (13:43):
I started to get emasculated, and I don't know how
much of it was her fault or how much was mine,
but I felt the relationship just was like she was
here and I was down here and I was, oh,
you're on TV. I'm and it just was not good.
And we split up for a while and we got
back together and it was there was a lot of
rules just didn't work, and I just said, this is
not working, you know, and we walked away. But I

(14:04):
have never seen her since.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
But have you never spoken to her since?

Speaker 3 (14:09):
The last time I talked to her was in this
But thank god, because I did more about myself, like
I'm not gonna go I would never go into a
relationship the same way, and thank god I didn't when
Caitlyn came around.

Speaker 1 (14:20):
Right, And so how did you what tools did you
have or like that you developed over the years that
made you be able to like start in a healthy
way this relationship or healthier.

Speaker 3 (14:31):
Yeah, for sure. I mean I knew that I wanted to.
I could get by for so many years with fifty
percent more than most people sixty percent maybe in anything work.
And I was just always afraid to give a hundred
because if you failed, then you're then Wow, you gave
it as all and you failed. So with the relationships,
I'm gonna give it my all. I'm gonna throw everything
I'm gonna be and if it doesn't work, at least

(14:52):
I know how to do that right. Sober and loyal
and honest and all the stuff it and it it worked.
Does that make sense?

Speaker 1 (15:02):
Yeah, I mean it makes sense. How many years have
you been sober?

Speaker 3 (15:06):
Close to eight?

Speaker 1 (15:07):
Eight years? Okay, So would you consider that newly sober? No?

Speaker 3 (15:11):
I was, you know, I was drinking into my fifties
and it just it was just time.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
Well, you talk. You have a lot of examples in
the Book of Times where you I mean you don't
make yourself look good in this book and a lot
of areas, and I actually appreciate that because I also
like to be honest. You it's very important to be
honest and not to gloss over like and pretend like
you've got your crushing it all the time.

Speaker 3 (15:29):
I started out that way. I was like, I'm going
to write a hero book. And I started writing like
this is sex pullshit, and it turned into a phuman
you know, it was a human story because again, like
I never wanted. I never thought i'd write a book.
It wasn't in my thing. I didn't think I was
sharp enough. And friends of mine that were writing, but
how do you do it? Why do you even start it?
I just didn't get it, didn't get it. And then
when Bob died, I wrote a beautiful obituary kind of

(15:51):
thing in La Times. I remember, and so people say, oh,
you're a good writer. And I had a kid too,
and I said, okay, so now I'm a father. What
was that like? And I just kept saying no, And
then I really thought about leaving something behind for him,
A love letter to all the beautiful people that have
come in and out of my life, to my wife,
and I've had a lot of mentors over the years
that I wanted to talk about. But then the clutch
was that I found I knew I had them, but

(16:12):
I dug up all these letters that my mom left me,
these little notes that she would leave me and my sisters.
I said, Okay, that's a good place to start. Yeah,
did your mom pass away?

Speaker 1 (16:21):
Yeah, my mom and my dad are both Dad I'm
an orphan. I just have my brothers and sisters.

Speaker 3 (16:25):
It's a lot five or so.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
Yeah, there's enough of us to go around. Plus we
have eight nieces and nephews, so there's like, you know,
we have a big family and all of them are
married or have girlfriends. And then we have like ten
cousins that live in LA so we just well not ten,
but I say ten as a round number, but there's
eight anyway.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
Who lives at your house?

Speaker 6 (16:42):
Now?

Speaker 3 (16:42):
Do you have any I'm.

Speaker 1 (16:43):
Actually living with No, I'm waiting for my house to
be built, and I am living with my neighbor. So
talk to me about being like a father.

Speaker 3 (16:51):
This is something I always wanted, and through the book,
I was trying to find, like you do, like try
to find as many relatable issues you know, it's like,
how many people can relate tonight and play with the
beach boys people?

Speaker 1 (17:00):
But well, you bring up another topic beach boys. You
learn transcendental meditation with beach boys, right, because you drum
for the beach boys. I don't do TM. I do
regular meditation, but I know a lot of people who
do TM. What Yeah, Howard does it for sure? How
do you? How would you.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
Describe it TM?

Speaker 1 (17:16):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (17:16):
You know it's meditate twice twenty minutes. I'm not very
good at it any more. I mean, I don't keep
up with it as much as they should. But even
just to sit for twenty minutes, and you say this
mantra over over again, one own mind.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
Yeah, well you're not supposed to tell your mantra so
that much. I know.

Speaker 3 (17:30):
I got it, Catherine, You're doing great, brother way.

Speaker 2 (17:32):
Oh think I'm just enjoying the conversation.

Speaker 3 (17:34):
Well, so, wait, so I wanted to come up with
relatable things. Oh this is the point was that it
had something to do with sex. Gosh darn it.

Speaker 1 (17:41):
What was it that you want to have sex with me?

Speaker 3 (17:44):
I want it? I want it. Well, hey, honey, we're
going date night? Where is it going to be we'll
be at your house. Yeah, okay, And she was so
mad because I wouldn't take a tour of the house.
Is about this. It was Disney's house, lived there for
a little while, but it wasn't very big. And she's like,
come on, let's go on this tour.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
But I want to know what you do for four
hours when you go to Walt Disney's house before the tour.

Speaker 3 (18:04):
What's selfies with everybody there?

Speaker 6 (18:06):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (18:06):
Really?

Speaker 1 (18:07):
Do you hate taking selfies? No?

Speaker 3 (18:08):
I don't mind.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
No, no, no, I don't mind it either.

Speaker 3 (18:10):
I want it's easier than signing autographs. And I heard
you talking about like, you know, you spell a certain
name and that's not how I spelled it. That's not
my my mom mom spelled it wrong.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
Yeah yeah yeah. I once had a girl name like
it was Lafourtia, but she spelled it Lafourtia out of
book signing. This happened. She said her name was Lafortia,
but with the number four, so la apostrophe four and
then s H A E. And I was like, that
can't be on your license like a regular spelling. So

(18:40):
that's what I was like, Oh, fuck, I better be.
You have to ask when you're doing. You always go
like if it's if it's you know, Kate the normal way,
is it? Kate ka y t?

Speaker 3 (18:50):
Yeah? Yeah, I hate that.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
You're also going to get carpal tunnel syndrome.

Speaker 3 (18:53):
I writing because I've been signing. But wait, we were
talking about sex. I was trying to find relatable stuff.
I was talking about having a kid, right.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
Okay, that you have to have sex to have a kid. Yeah,
you do. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (19:05):
I was trying to find where's the last time he
had six?

Speaker 1 (19:08):
It's been a few months for me.

Speaker 3 (19:11):
Yeah, we know.

Speaker 1 (19:13):
Somebody in London?

Speaker 6 (19:16):
Yeah, I was.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
I was on vacation, so I usually get most of
my action overseas.

Speaker 3 (19:19):
Was it somebody who's met.

Speaker 6 (19:21):
At a bar?

Speaker 1 (19:22):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (19:23):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (19:24):
I like that kind of interaction.

Speaker 3 (19:26):
When I was single, And if I saw you at
a bar in London. First of all, be these guys
are not intimidated by you.

Speaker 1 (19:30):
Men are intimidated by me, and a lot of them
cannot perform.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
Is it the glasses do you think?

Speaker 1 (19:34):
No, I don't wear my glasses when I'm out. Those
are only for today. Because I was reading, men are
intimidated that how do you mean? And and it see
and it plays out like they have trouble performing sexually.
So a lot of times I will be out with
a man and you know, we're at a bar or something,
or at a club. I mean not that I'm a clubber,
but like when I'm in London, I go out. When
I'm in Spain, I'm out and I'll be like, do

(19:54):
you want to come back to my house? And then
we get back to my house and they cannot perform sexually.
This is a constant in my life and it's obviously
my personality, and men are just either scared or turned
off or I don't know, But why would they come
back to my house if they weren't going to be
able to perform? I don't get that.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
There're the wrong guys, these guys.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
Yeah, So I just keep auditioning different people and seeing
who could appen.

Speaker 3 (20:15):
What happens. So you're in London, you say come back
to my place and the guy goes.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
Sometimes they'll so once a guy was like, I go,
do you want to come back to my place? And
he left, He goes, he goes, I'm going to the bathroom,
and he goes, I'll be right back, and he never
came back.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
I can't imagine any fool would do that. But see
the thing about these fantasy like and I try to
talk about it in here too, where when I was
a kid, some penhouse girl came into my dressing room
at General Hospital and had sex with me, and I
was depressed afterward, you know, and I think, you know,
I think people maybe think that our lives, they probably
think our lives are fantastic, right they pulled the curtain
behind like, oh she's fucked up, Yeah, captain.

Speaker 4 (20:50):
But yeah, yeah, I like that scene too, because you
talk about like the glaring overhead light and the vinyl
you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (20:57):
Like it.

Speaker 2 (20:57):
You know, it wasn't the fantasy.

Speaker 3 (20:59):
No. I tried to Yeah again, I tried to find
the relatable stuff. I started off with getting this dui,
and so I thought, okay, that's a good place to start,
the hardest thing I thought. It turns out it wasn't.
And the five stages of grief there were more booze
and taccon bullshit. And then then the second chapter I wrote,
which happened to be the end, was the day I
found out that Bob died. And by this point, you know,

(21:19):
my five stages of grief were therapy and family and prayer,
you know, getting my shit together, and it was so
then I had to figure out how a to b Yeah,
but I tried not to be honest. You know a
lot of the times. My mother kept every teen magazine,
every calendar, every journal, every picture. You took a lot
of pictures, so it was sort of easy to fact

(21:40):
check everything as well.

Speaker 1 (21:41):
Yeah. Yeah, because you don't want to put out a
book like this and not be truthful. And I think
part of the catharsis of doing writing a book is
being able to be truthful because when you are in
the public eye, you have such little privacy that you
try to retain. I know this from being friends with
lots of celebrities, and I know you've been famous since
you were a little boy basically, so I've really never
had a private private life. You have to kind of

(22:03):
really protect what is private because so much of it
is public, and now with social media, everyone there's no privacy.
And I'm not a private person. I don't care, like
I'm not trying to be private. I don't care if
people know about my personal stuff. I'm not that kind
of celebrity. But I can respect the fact that celebrities
feel that way. You know, they want they want something
that they can keep for themselves. So I get that,

(22:25):
but I think the true like, you know, when you
write a book like this, you kind of have to
give people something that they don't know.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
It was very hard at first, and then I really
got into it and it was doing all and then
the audiobook was a trip to you.

Speaker 1 (22:38):
Know, Yeah, that's annoying. I don't like. I don't love
recording that that could.

Speaker 3 (22:41):
Be like thirty five days. They say it takes four
or five days.

Speaker 1 (22:43):
First of all, it should not take you thirty five days.
I mean that's like an elephant's gestation period. I don't
I don't understand that should never take you.

Speaker 3 (22:51):
It was my fault was rewriting it as I had
time to rewrite it.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
Yeah, you know what I don't like when they give
you direction when you're recording your audiobook, but they're like,
talk more slowly. I'm like, I don't talk slowly, so
what that doesn't sound like me?

Speaker 3 (23:02):
I had a good dragon. I did this thing for
Amazon that that's that didn't come out or something, but
it was it was sleep. It was first to put
people to sleep, and I was like okay, and I
didn't really know what kind of voice I The Cowboy
and the Horse. Can you slow it down a little bit? People, okay,
the Cowboy and the Horse. Could you, sorry, Dan, can
you less inflection? We're trying to put people to sleep.

Speaker 1 (23:21):
And the night up. All right, we're going to take
a break and we're going to be right back. And
we're right back. We're back, John Stamos. And guess what
we're doing now. We're going going to give advice to
the strangers. Okay, that's what we're doing.

Speaker 3 (23:36):
And what's and okay, the show is about giving advice.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
It's called Dear Chelsea.

Speaker 3 (23:40):
I know I listened to it. Do you feel you're
qualified enough to give?

Speaker 5 (23:44):
No?

Speaker 1 (23:44):
Okay, but that doesn't matter. And by the way, yes,
actually I am because I'm right, I read, I listen,
and I care. So I think those are really.

Speaker 3 (23:53):
Your super intelligent The last time you're on Howard Stern,
I was so impressed too with you. Do you remember that?

Speaker 1 (23:59):
I don't know? Okay, So anyway, Catherine, what advice do
you need from me? Well we're going to see we
have letters and we have callers. What's the first one, Catherine?

Speaker 2 (24:07):
So this first one comes from sober.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
Oh okay, well that's you, and then I guess your
alter ego.

Speaker 3 (24:14):
Yes, it keeps me out of trouble being.

Speaker 1 (24:16):
So I can see that, and I can see that
that you get into trouble. I don't get into.

Speaker 3 (24:22):
That much trouble. I would tell me this though, in
order to get into that, in order to be picked
up by some British guy with bad teeth in a bar,
you'd have to be a little fucked up, right.

Speaker 1 (24:32):
I mean I'm drinking, yeah, and yeah, sometimes I smoke weed.
Sometimes I do mushrooms, LSD. I like all sorts of microdosing,
So I do that a lot. I know you're jealous
right now.

Speaker 3 (24:42):
A little bit.

Speaker 1 (24:43):
I know a.

Speaker 3 (24:45):
Lot of it.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Yeah, I don't get into trouble. Trouble like, I have
a pretty good system going.

Speaker 3 (24:51):
But I mean the inhibition's dropped down. Have you ever
been sober and just like met some guy in London
and ask them to come home. It takes a little
bit of right, Yeah, no, I haven't. Yeah, that was
a big part of it for me. It was. And
then you get yourself in it would be with the
wrong people and the wrong yeah type of right.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
Well, I mean, yeah, wowkay good, it is trying to
get me sober.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
And no, sounds like you are sounds to have a problem.

Speaker 1 (25:15):
Sounds like you're jealous.

Speaker 6 (25:16):
H No.

Speaker 4 (25:20):
Yeah, well let's keep this guy's sober. He's says dear Chelsea.
I'm a forty four year old gay man who's newly sober.
I started using drugs and alcohol when I was fifteen
and took to them right away. I loved the feeling
of being drunk or high, and I felt like it
took away all my problems. At first, I used socially,
and for many years it wasn't a problem in my life.
But after about twenty years it cut up with me

(25:41):
and turned into abuse. I hit my low when I
lost a really big job. I've been sober for ten
months now and plan to stay that way. My drug
use became such a daily part of my life. I
had something come up and something to come down, and
something to go really up and something to go really down.
I'm not working right now, by the way. No, but
you do mention in your book. You were like, yeah,

(26:02):
it was my own pharmises. I don't have a boyfriend,
and I'm not working right now, and I'm really missing
drugs and alcohol a lot. I'm having trouble finding joy
without my vices and worried I'll never have fun again.
Daily life and socializing seems boring to me. I know
you enjoyed drugs socially and thought you could help shed
some light on my scenario. Best sober, Oh, this is
perfect time. Just this is for you to answer because you.

Speaker 1 (26:24):
Know you have to speak to sobriety. I'm the one
who still uses and you don't, so.

Speaker 3 (26:28):
You have to you do half of it. Then I'll
do this.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
Well, okay, I would say that if you've been listen,
if drugs have caused you to lose a job, to
lose anything important in your life, you've made the right
decision by getting sober. For ten months you've been sober.
Do not throw that in the garbage. You need to
stay sober. And this is a test. These tests come
up all the time, right with sobriety, with life, with
ever you have to have. You can't do something for

(26:52):
ten months and expect your whole world to change and
for everything to be perfect for the rest of your life.
You're feeling down, and then this is a test for
you to get through to the other side, and I
promise there will be late at the end of this tunnel.

Speaker 3 (27:03):
I've seen it.

Speaker 1 (27:04):
Yes, speak to sobriety and that's it.

Speaker 3 (27:07):
Exactly, And that was that same way you you were, sir, what's.

Speaker 2 (27:10):
The same sold Just yeah, he just said sober.

Speaker 3 (27:12):
Hang on, just hold on, hold on, holy because it
does get better. It's hard at first because all of
a sudden, when you're not doing drugs and drinking, all
you have is yourself and you're just like, oh, and
your life is probably pretty shitty from all that. And
then you go, well, what do I have? What am
my wife stay sober? What am I staying sober for?
I have nothing?

Speaker 1 (27:26):
And also, don't define yourself like even you signing the
letter is sober, writing the letter is sober. It's like,
that's a very one dimensional way to look at yourself.
You're so much more than your sobriety. Even though the
sobriety is the most important thing for you to continue
doing right now, you're more than that. And once you
get through the like challenges of remaining sober, because the
first year is the most difficult, they say, and it's true.

(27:48):
I'm sure I can only imagine that you are tested
and tempted so many times. Once you get through this year,
I promise you you will feel differently about your sobriety
and it won't be such a teen isn't that right? John?

Speaker 3 (28:01):
One percent? And when the good things come to you,
and they will, I promise you they will. You go
to say the course, then you go, oh, I don't,
and they start to outweigh the you know, the drinking
and the drinking like we just said, it just would
take me down the I would, It would low hanging
fruit good. I'll take three of those, not and just
the comfort it brings you at the moment. But then
the next day you wake up, oh shit, I got

(28:21):
nothing matter what am I doing here?

Speaker 5 (28:23):
All?

Speaker 3 (28:23):
I wanted my whole life? Man, I don't know, but
this gentleman. I just wanted a family. I wanted kids.
I wanted a wife. I wanted someone who I loved.
My parents were great, you know, they had a good relationship,
and that's what I wanted. And it finally came to me.
But it would not have come if I slipped after
ten months or a year and people could see it
on me, you know, And when I stopped and I
could be clear and like you do. And now you

(28:43):
have it where you could just look at someone and
just be honest and boom boom, then the good stuff comes.
My wife would have run for the hills if she
saw how you know how it was before. I thought
it was cool, man, it was funny.

Speaker 1 (28:53):
I know, it's so funny. I had a friend that
was telling me the story. We were in my arca
this summer. A girlfriend of mine and I were and
she was saying she was taking some drug. I forget
what it was called. I didn't, I didn't, I wasn't
even familiar with it. But she was taking some street drug,
smoking something that's not very popular, but like in certain
areas of the country it is. Anyway, she was smoking,
and she thought she was crushing it, you know, she

(29:13):
thought she was going out being entertaining, having these nic
where she was so funny and so awesome and charming.
And she goes and then her friend took a video
and she was basically passed out, knotted out the entire
dinner like this, just sitting with her head down. And
she thought she had crushed that night. And she saw
that video and she never did that drug again, which
is a good way to keep people sober.

Speaker 3 (29:34):
I know, I saw this shit like I was slumped
over in my car when the cops came and TMZ
has it. All I have to do is look at
that picture for one second. It makes me so second
kind of killed. I'm a fucking terrible man. And it
was on my way to go meet Sago by the
way with the palm, so I blame him. But I
want to say a little bit about my wife too,
because I'm making jokes and stuff about her. She is
the most wonderful. She's, first of all, the greatest mother sent,

(29:57):
maybe as good as my mom, and that says a lot.
And the conversation that we have in our house now
is so smart and so you know, sharp of politics,
about the world, about you know. My son's a flirt,
and he's more like her. I was not a flirt
at five five and a half. But he's terrible. He's
like her. He's always got. It was my birthday and
the other four or five girls bella stella, you know,
and he's looking at me like, Dad, help him. You

(30:18):
got yourself into this. But we were at Disney and
we were embarrassed in a couple.

Speaker 1 (30:22):
Of in August and Disney World there too.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
Yeah, have a great test so much? No, I mean anyway,
So we're there and one we're there for two days.
One day we have a guide. She was a nice woman,
maybe fifty to fifty five, got of just a normal
and he didn't really pay attention. Day two we have
this thirty year old hot French girl and he's like, well,
and his plays and I can't do this because I'm
married now, but it's pretty good. It's like sola, what's

(30:46):
my favorite color, what's my favorite food?

Speaker 5 (30:49):
You know?

Speaker 3 (30:49):
And I'm like, can't you do better than that? Son?
And so he then I over here him saying I
have his girlfriend and her name is Bella and she's
really cute and she lives down the street. And then
the guides at each the rest of me. She walks
away just as she gets out of earshot. I swear
to god, he goes, why did I tell her I
have a girlfriend. But my point to that was that

(31:10):
we have these great conversations and we are very clear
with him that no means no and respect women. And
we didn't have that conversation in my home, but my
dad was that. My dad was so respectful to my
sisters and to my mom, and never held she wanted
to be a housewife and it was beautiful, and he
never held that over her. He never thought money or
anything like. He always thought that she had the more
important job, which she did. Stay sober, buddy, because you

(31:31):
know it's the thing. It's it's not easy. You know,
it's not easy thing.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
Well, we're going to go on to our next question. Yeah,
so let's let's move on to the next one.

Speaker 4 (31:38):
Well, our next question comes from Chloe. She is joining
us here. She is Chloe with a kay.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
Chloe, my neighbor, was supposed to come on this podcast.
Friends with Them Chloe, I mean yeah, I mean I
like Chloe. She's cute and sweet. She's the taller one,
the taller one, they're all very sweet. You can't say
that they're not nice and smart.

Speaker 3 (31:56):
Whoever's making a dough for them.

Speaker 4 (31:58):
Anyway, Well, Chloe says, I need your advice. I'm currently
in love with one of my best friends. I know
Taylor as old as time. And I actually did not
pick this one for the Disney reference. I just thought
it'd be a fun one.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
I noticed my feelings for him about a year ago.

Speaker 3 (32:13):
You're wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt looking she loves Disney World.

Speaker 1 (32:19):
Because she knows how I feel about it, and Chelsea,
that's why n No, I don't want to bother you
with these fucking Disney Worlds. I mean, that was the
most upsetting part of your book to me, was the Disney.

Speaker 4 (32:33):
No.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
I just personally, I was like, really, this is what
you're doing in your spare time. I mean that was
I was. I was flabbergasted. Really, yeah, I didn't.

Speaker 3 (32:42):
Know I used to go and take drugs there. You
would have liked that, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:44):
I would have liked that version of you better.

Speaker 3 (32:45):
Yeah, Key and the and the hair, Yes is focus.
That's the color of the tank top that I wore
in the Cocomo video.

Speaker 1 (32:58):
That was a good song. So it's still okay, go
on solo, John, stay focused, focused, but just try and
listen to these are about the callers about to get
raising Bobby questions.

Speaker 3 (33:13):
Where are they.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
Come on?

Speaker 4 (33:16):
You?

Speaker 1 (33:17):
Just stay focused and watch what happens.

Speaker 4 (33:19):
So I noticed my feelings for him about a year
ago and didn't want to act on them because he's
part of my core group of friends. We recently went
on a trip to celebrate a friend's thirtieth birthday, and
since we were the only single people in the group,
we were put in the singles room together and well,
after many cocktails, we ended up hooking up.

Speaker 2 (33:36):
I need your advice on what to do next.

Speaker 4 (33:38):
His best friend told me that I'm his dream girl,
but he's hesitant to make a move because he doesn't
want to lose our friendship. I initiated the hookup. Do
I need to also initiate the next move? And do
I tell him how I feel or risk losing our
friendship forever?

Speaker 1 (33:51):
Chloe, this is the first time you've been one step
ahead of me the entire the entire episode. John just
put on his headphones before I did, and that was pretty.

Speaker 3 (34:01):
Quick, or observen I've I've had him since I walked
in the room.

Speaker 1 (34:03):
Chloe, Hi, Hi, Chloe, how are you?

Speaker 6 (34:06):
I'm doing great?

Speaker 2 (34:07):
How are you?

Speaker 1 (34:07):
Guys? Chloe with a K.

Speaker 6 (34:09):
Chloe with the K.

Speaker 1 (34:13):
Is our special guest and he's going to start to
ask you a series of questions. I'm right to referred
to it as a barrage.

Speaker 3 (34:20):
But so so how long have you been close? Like
how does that? Have you ever fall in love with
a friend?

Speaker 5 (34:24):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (34:24):
Yeah, I've had sex with them and thought I was
in love with them, And then.

Speaker 3 (34:27):
Are you in love with him? Do you love him?

Speaker 6 (34:29):
I definitely do. He's the dream of man, He's the
total package.

Speaker 1 (34:33):
Well, she's worried about his family, his reaction and if
he feels the same way because he's a little bit
more trepidacious than she is. Right, yes, exactly.

Speaker 3 (34:41):
You guys hooked up, right, and so afterwards was it like, uh,
you know, like straight up you know, like like why
do we do that?

Speaker 6 (34:49):
Or No, not at all. It was just very much
like I think we're both in the zone of, well
we did that. Now we either go back to just
being completely friends, or we naga maybe of friends with benefits,
a relationship, whatever that next step would be.

Speaker 1 (35:05):
Would you be okay with friends with benefits?

Speaker 6 (35:08):
I wouldn't be opposed.

Speaker 3 (35:10):
Oh is he there? Can we talk to him?

Speaker 1 (35:13):
No, he's not here, obviously not there about it?

Speaker 3 (35:17):
Or is a teacher?

Speaker 2 (35:18):
That's very cute.

Speaker 3 (35:19):
Yeah, that's beautiful, that's cute.

Speaker 1 (35:21):
I think you should just listen. I think there's only
one avenue forward, and you just need to make this happen.
I think you need to just go to him and
be very honest about how strong your feelings are. You
just said you love him, you feel like you're in
love with him? Yes, yeah, go for it. Go tell
him you know what's he gonna and if he says
no and he resists it, then be like listen, You've
told him your truth. Hopefully he will come to his senses.

(35:43):
But you can't move forward without honesty. You only get
to live once. You should just go take a leap
of faith and hope that it works out. And it
probably will.

Speaker 6 (35:52):
Yeah, yeah, I just needed a little a little push
in that direction because all of my friends are very
wishy washy on maybe you should, maybe you shouldn't.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
But what advantage would you have by not saying anything?

Speaker 6 (36:05):
Nothing, No advantage. We would be stuck in the unknown.

Speaker 3 (36:08):
Does he listen to this podcast?

Speaker 1 (36:10):
No, he's a straight man. You're the only straight man
that listens to this. Listen. I think it's good to
take life by the balls and have balls, you know
what I mean? And I think by you calling in,
is you trying to just get your balls in the
right order. And I want to tell you they're in
the right order. Go for it. I don't think you're
ever gonna regret speaking your truth to somebody and saying
and proclaiming your love or adoration and saying, let's go

(36:33):
for it. There's nothing set in stone. We don't have
to commit to each other. We're not getting married, but
we're both gonna try and have a relationship and see
where we go and if it works out, fucking awesome,
and if it doesn't work out, we'll always try to
remain friends.

Speaker 3 (36:46):
Yeah, that's great about tomorrow. Like you said, you gotta
fucking go for it.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
How are you gonna do it? How are you gonna
tell him?

Speaker 3 (36:53):
Do you want us to do it?

Speaker 6 (36:54):
I have started a little text note in my phone
of things I was gonna say, and then I deleted
it and I restarted, and so far it's I think
you know that I like you something along those lines,
because it's very I'm not being hidden about it. I'm
not being coy about it. He knows that I find
him attractive, he knows that I like him. So I

(37:14):
think it's just again me taking the initiative and being like, hey,
what should we do?

Speaker 5 (37:19):
Now?

Speaker 6 (37:20):
What are we doing?

Speaker 2 (37:21):
H But like, I don't think this is a text, right,
Like this is a like invite him out? Go to dinner.

Speaker 1 (37:25):
No, no, no, no, this is a face to face And
don't be like this is coming from somebody who's a
very dominant personality. You don't have to make him agree
to anything. You just are inviting him to join you
in this relationship. It's not like this is how I feel,
this is what's going to happen. I don't think you're
going to say it that way, but I don't want
you to confuse what I'm saying with that you want

(37:48):
to go in and say this is how I feel.
I want to start something with you. I would like
to have us try a relationship and with the understanding
that if it doesn't work out, we will remain friends.
We can both be very mature about this. And let's
not go into this assuming it's all going to be
sunshine and roses, because that's a big mistake people make too.
And at the first sign of like a difficult time.

(38:09):
You know some people, you want to be able to
know that they can handle that in your relationship and
handle difficult conversations and blah blah blah. So it's not
like you're signing up to get married. Yeasant, love is blind,
Yeah right, we barely know you, but I think he's lucky.

Speaker 3 (38:25):
You'd be lucky to have you. Oh you seem like
a really good person.

Speaker 6 (38:28):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
I agree.

Speaker 3 (38:30):
What is that on? What can you figure? What's that
on the side? There is that? That's a screen or puppets?

Speaker 6 (38:36):
It's a ball ross finger puppet.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
That's cue and your finger blast and your finger puppet
right now, that's a finger blast. You know what that is, John,
A finger blast?

Speaker 3 (38:47):
That's a Oh yeah, I'm doing it right now to myself.

Speaker 1 (38:51):
Thank you for calling in, Thank you for calling in,
Thank you for showing us your puppet, thank you for
dealing with Thank you for dealing with John Ranks. And
keep posted let us know what happens. Okay, Yeah, totally,
thank you so much. Love you guys. Yeah, absolutely more.
Sorry John, but Chelsea, all right, cut off. So I
just want to finish.

Speaker 3 (39:13):
I think she was gonna say me, how do you
keep your balls? Or what were you saying? Get your
I think you're all mixing.

Speaker 1 (39:19):
It doesn't matter. I could do I could do whatever
I want. It's my podcast.

Speaker 3 (39:22):
If you pray to your balls, is that sack relgious?

Speaker 1 (39:24):
I think I think keeping your balls in order means flying, right,
flying straight, you know what I mean, I'm doing it
like you know, I'm always heading north.

Speaker 4 (39:36):
I feel like that conversation would be easier if she's
just like hooked up with him again.

Speaker 3 (39:40):
I don't know, I could never figure out like being
friends and all a sudden falling like one has to
like Kimmel and Molly, like they work together a song
and all a sudden one day they're in love with
each other. It's interesting. One has to She's looking at
me like I'm a fucking.

Speaker 1 (39:52):
No, I'm not. I'm just thinking like it's I mean,
there are a million ways to fall in love. Sometimes
it's one person. Sometimes with well, Joe Coy and me,
I I knew he liked me a lot and had
a crush on me, so it had to be my idea.
But every dynamic is different, and it's kind of the
most respectful thing to do to another person is also
is be honest, you know, like in a relationship, like

(40:15):
these are my feelings, so that they know this is
how I feel. And if you don't feel the same way,
like okay, we're coming from two different places, and that
gives them an opportunity to act in kindness and you know,
respect as well.

Speaker 4 (40:25):
Yeah, and she's gonna hate herself if she doesn't say anything,
and then he winds up with somebody else, you know,
and she like didn't get in there when she had
a chance. Well, our next color. It's a little bit
of a turn emotionally.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
But I think John's ready for anything.

Speaker 2 (40:38):
I think so.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
I think what you've demonstrated thus far is that you're
ready for.

Speaker 4 (40:43):
Okay, right, I have to go, Beth says. I'm hoping
to get your advice on something I think you can
relate to. It will make sense in the end, I promise.
When I was seven, my mom got cancer. At ten,
my dad got cancer, and at fourteen, my mom got
a different cancer too. I learned that my dad was
diagnosed with his second cancer. When I was twenty five.

(41:05):
My mom had to move into assisted living, and the
next year, my dad's body lost its battle with the disease,
and my sister and I helped him pass peacefully via hospice.
Within the last eighteen months, I hit a triple whammy.
My mom's body lost its battle. I turned thirty and
ended a seven year relationship with Many people ask how
I'm so strong, quote unquote, Well, my coping mechanism is humor.

(41:26):
I often joke about using the dead parent card to
get what I want, and I turned things into jokes
in an attempt to help avoid making my friends uncomfortable
with my grief. I use self deprecation to give people
an out if my feelings are too real or heavy. Lately,
I've realized that now nobody takes my emotion seriously anymore.
The people who love me assume I can handle everything

(41:46):
that's happened because I'm used to the trauma. This is
where I'm hoping Chelsea can help. As a fellow strong
woman who's been through a lot of shit, who has
a sarcastic sense of humor and uses dead pan tones,
how do you convey your needs when necessary? Is it
your time on a voice? Do you do this only
in therapy and not with your friends? I could really
use some help to figure out how to re establish
connections with those that I know want to support me

(42:07):
without taking my own jokes on the chin.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
Hi, what's her name?

Speaker 1 (42:12):
Beth?

Speaker 3 (42:12):
Beth? Hi? Bet?

Speaker 1 (42:13):
Hi Bet? This is John Hi?

Speaker 3 (42:15):
Bet? You know Saya was the king of that and
he would make jokes out of you know when you
know he had a lot of tragedy in his life,
and yeah, that was his way of getting through grief.
And it was probably as Beth was dealing with a
little bit. He was like that. He would use jokes
when tragedy is strict, and he had a lot in
his life. We didn't get along in the beginning at all.
We had different styles and we you know, we were
like this, but we finally when his sister, you know,

(42:38):
got slurroderma and she passed away, and Dave's sister had cancer,
and my sister.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
The chances that all three of your sisters were so sick.

Speaker 3 (42:45):
My sister made it, thank god, but theirs didn't. And
so he would make jokes about it. And it was
fun at first, but then it would be come on, Bob,
you know, but that was his way. It was it
was his only way out. But he was always there
for someone like he would do the jokes jokes, but
probably you are and then he was there. Then he
became Bob and he was the most reliable guy on
the planet. I asked him to host my father's funeral

(43:07):
and he got up and started with tonight specials or
cake and cock, and we're out of cake and I
was like okay, and my Mom's like, oh, but we
needed but that was a time when everybody we just
needed to laugh and that was great. And then he
got very serious and then after that he was right
by my side through all of it. So maybe you
do that, Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 5 (43:25):
And I feel like a lot of my friends that
have tragedy in their lives too, you know, they come
to me because they know that I've experienced it and
I've made it through it, and I do have copying
mechanisms that I've used. It's just this particular loss of
the loss of my mom, you know, just six months ago,
has hit me harder than everything else. And I think
that they're just kind of assuming, you know, I'm going

(43:45):
to stay on the same track that I have always had,
and it's kind of like this one's different, though, and
I really need somebody else to be there for me
the way that I've been there for a lot.

Speaker 1 (43:54):
That you just said it perfectly, and listen, I want
you to think you're in therapy. You said yes, yes, yes, okay,
So I want you to think this is a whole
new chapter in your life. You've lost your mother and
that's been the biggest blow. But you've had a million blows.
But that doesn't make that make this blow any less painful.
Your reaction and deflection with humor. I have used humor

(44:15):
my entire life for difficult situations. When anybody used to
say I'm sorry about your brother dying, I would be like, well,
you didn't kill him, Like what did you do push
him off a cliff? Like it is so uncomfortable?

Speaker 3 (44:24):
But was that hard because you didn't take it? You
would try and then when you were lone it did
it hit you?

Speaker 1 (44:28):
Or well, it hit me many years later. I had
kind of delayed grief because I wasn't allowed to grieve
in my in my mind at that time, I didn't
want to let myself grieve because everyone around me was
grieving and I didn't like the looks of that. So
it hit me a lot later in life, like what
I lost in the impact that that had on me.
But I think, listen, you have so much experience in
this that you need to take this like new chapter

(44:49):
of your life. You're thirty, this is the first time
you're going into life without your mother. This can be
a new experience for your grief, and you can easily
explain in the most art, you know, eloquent way that
you just did that you have been using humor to
deflect to the friends that you need. And this is
a time in my life where I need to be
honest with you. I actually need to lean on you,

(45:10):
I actually need help from you. Just because I've had
a lot of tragedy doesn't mean that I've become anewer
to it. You know, you can say all of these
things to people that you trust and know that love you,
and I guarantee you are going to get responses that
are going to help you through this time. And you
can also look at this new chapter in your life
as the period of time where you're not going to
deflect your pain anymore. You're not going to use humor

(45:33):
every chance you get. And to know, the way that
John just retold the story of Bob, it does make
people uncomfortable and it makes them unable to understand how
to communicate with you or how to help you grieve
when you're constantly making jokes. So it's not even really
benefiting you in any way anymore. So you know how
Oprah always says, things work until they don't. Like humor

(45:55):
has worked for you now and now it doesn't.

Speaker 5 (45:57):
Yeah, And I hadn't even thought about it from their
perspective that like, if they are really trying to connect,
because they'll I have wonderful friends and they'll ask me,
you know, how things are going, or they'll try to
bring up both of my parents. And I hadn't even
considered that, you know, that's selfish of me, that you know,
they might have been genuine in that. I guess I
had just always assumed, you know, that they were just

(46:19):
trying to be nice, or that they just wanted to
acknowledge the giant elephant in the room, that is, you.

Speaker 3 (46:24):
Know, you're denying their friendship to you. They want to help,
They want to pour their heart out, and when you
put this wallup of jokes and things, then they go, oh, man,
that felt bad because they didn't get to help you.

Speaker 6 (46:35):
Right.

Speaker 5 (46:36):
Yeah, I appreciate that I hadn't thought of it that way.
And I would be frustrated if somebody did that to me.
And I'm you know, am the friend that would sit
down and you know, grab their shoulders and say, you know,
I'm here, talk to me.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
Yeah, And sometimes all you just need is you like
as soon as you break that damn and just let
them know that you're aware of this cover that you've
been using. All you need is a good cry, and
your friends show it's not even that we need so much,
it's that you've put up this kind of wall around
yourself and you just need to like let that wall
crumble down.

Speaker 3 (47:08):
Did you get to spend great time with her at
the end there, and were you guys close and oh yeah.

Speaker 5 (47:12):
I was her primary caregiver for about six years.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
Oh wow.

Speaker 3 (47:16):
She must have been so proud of you and the
way you took care of her. That means so much
to a parent, you know. And she died knowing that
that you are the great daughter and you took care
of her and you put other your needs aside for
hers at least you have. That's that's really sweet, right.

Speaker 1 (47:32):
Yeah, that's very valuable. Six years. I mean, oh my god,
I felt that a lot of people, or that every
person would do something like that, give of themselves in
that way. So you can also take comfort in knowing
that you know, you were such a support system to
your mother. But I think more importantly moving forward, you
want to create this kind of new way of life,
right like you're thirty. Now you're a grown up. You

(47:54):
don't have to deflect anymore. You're allowed to be in pain,
and the minute you let a little out, it's like
you're blowing up entire gasket. You don't have to look
at this as like, oh, you're going to be crying
on your friend's shoulder every single day, Like it's not
like that. You know how grief is. It comes in
spurts and it's not constant. And the minute you get
those walls down, you're just gonna feel so much more

(48:14):
support coming at you and so much loving energy coming
towards you that you've been kind of holding at bay.

Speaker 4 (48:20):
I would encourage you next time that you're feeling down
or you're feeling really emotional, send a text to a
friend and say to them, you know what I'm really
going through it right now? Would you be able to
come over and talk with me or be with me tonight, tomorrow, whenever.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
Let that be sort of your.

Speaker 4 (48:39):
Entree into opening up to a friend that way. You know,
you know and they know this isn't like funny, funny
fun times. This is I'm really dealing with it and
I really need somebody to like, come be with me
while I process this grief tonight and your friends are
going to be thrilled.

Speaker 3 (48:55):
Yeah, yeah, I hope.

Speaker 5 (48:56):
So I kind of you know, I had written in
because I was just of saving it for therapy. And
you know, I have a great therapist and I have
a great psychiatrist that helps me with my meds, and
I trust both of them and I'm really thankful for that.
But I know that that's not healthy to just you know,
keep it between myself and the person that I'm paying.

Speaker 3 (49:13):
That's free. We're free.

Speaker 2 (49:15):
Yeah, And friendship is free.

Speaker 3 (49:18):
Friendship is free. I bet you've helped so many of
your friends right in the past, You've been that, You've
been that person to them, Let them be that to you.

Speaker 5 (49:25):
Yeah. We have a dead parents club group text.

Speaker 1 (49:28):
Oh I love that.

Speaker 5 (49:32):
From like different friend groups that have lost parents or
siblings in some cases. So yeah, I've brought a few
people together in that way. But it just struggled when
it comes to myself and not deflecting.

Speaker 3 (49:43):
What's one of the great things that your mom bestowed
on you?

Speaker 5 (49:47):
Oh gosh, everything. I know that that's a cliche answer,
but she was just spicy and sassy and never apologized
for being herself. She was super materialistic and like, not
in a annoying way, but in like, yeah, I'm gonna
buy nice things I like and deserve nice things. I mean,
like she demanded that she'd be buried with a full

(50:07):
manicure and jewelry on and I pick up your outfit
for her to wear.

Speaker 3 (50:13):
And that's that's beautiful, just even to talk about her,
because did just that movie Coco. Have you ever seen
that movie Coco? It's a Disney movie.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
I'm sorry talking about it. You and me, No, Vanessa
and me.

Speaker 3 (50:22):
She it was you know, when the somebody dies, they
go up to a certain part of have and then
if you don't keep their name alive, you don't talk
about them all the good things they did, like you
just talked about in the Wonder the qualities of your mother.
Then they die again up there. So it's important to
talk tell stories about her, laugh about her and make jokes,
put pictures of her everywhere, and call into podcasts and
talk about her if you can.

Speaker 1 (50:40):
Okay up, yeah, wrap that up, honey, Okay, keep us
You're You're gonna be fine, okay. And this is I
just want you to when you get off this like
you're thirty. Now you're going into a new part of
your life. Those old things are going to become something
of the past, and now you're going to enter adulthood
and womanhood and you're going to be the woman that
your mother knew that you were and that you know

(51:01):
you are. I appreciate that.

Speaker 5 (51:02):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (51:03):
Yeah, okay, love you, love you, thank you, thank you.

Speaker 3 (51:11):
I am woman. Can you be my friend? Because I
betually all the friends call you and go, hey, this
and that you're really good at it. Now I know
why you have this show.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
She's good at advice.

Speaker 1 (51:20):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (51:20):
Thank you, guys, because you've lived so much asot it.

Speaker 1 (51:23):
I don't know. I like people and I'm interested in
everyone's story, so I pick up a lot of information.
I think maybe that's why. But sometimes I feel like
I don't know what I'm talking about it, and sometimes I
feel like I do. So that's just like everybody in life, right.
Sometimes you think you're like crushing it, and sometimes you're
like what the fuck am I doing to giving advice out?
So you know, I just don't take myself too seriously,
so it doesn't ever really become a problem.

Speaker 3 (51:43):
Or you're a good friend. I bet. Well, you talk
about your friends luck, you take them on vacations.

Speaker 1 (51:48):
Yeah, well I like friends, John Stamos. Yes, the book
is if you would have told me you guys can
order it. You can go to your local bookstores, which
I would say to support your local bookstores so that
we have bookstores in fifty years. And I thank you
for being here.

Speaker 3 (52:02):
My pleasure. I'm glad.

Speaker 1 (52:03):
It's a pleasure, John Stamos, always a pleasure.

Speaker 3 (52:06):
So it's not enough. We need to get together more
often and talk and stuff.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
Well, we can just meet up at Disney World. I'm
there usually two three times a week. I usually go
from twelve to four Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I love
to hit the La traffic.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
You're the one who Mickey Mouse out.

Speaker 1 (52:20):
No, no, no, that's not me. That's not me. But
I do have a joke in my stand up about
going to Disney World for the first time at seven,
and even then I knew it was horseshit. Why because
I just thought, what is this? This is a nightmare,
this place, A bunch of grown mice running around trying
to take photos with me.

Speaker 3 (52:36):
And people say she's bitter. Now you're not. You've changed,
You've gotten soft, that's bitter. Yeah, except for that Disney rand.
I'm a huge fan and I think you're smart and
beautiful and great, and I'm glad to reconnect with you
because i haven't seen you a few years. And Catherine's fantastic.
She's like, you need her because I've heard you on
your own And thanks for having me. I love you.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
Thank you, John about Shalloe. Okay, second shows have been
added for those of you coming to see my new
stand up tour, which you have to come because I'm
having the best time. We added a second show in
Cincinnati in the daytime at five o'clock PM. I'm doing
my first show because I don't have a night where
I can go back, so we added a second show
at five pm, and the original show is at eight pm.

(53:19):
Original show is sold out. Second show tickets are available Cincinnati.
I'm also coming suit Chicago, the Chicago Theater, Portland, Oregon,
San Francisco. They're both almost completely sold out. And you
can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com for other tickets
and other information and if you want to buy some
of our merch that's all available on Chelseahandler dot com.
And yeah, guys, I'll see you on the road.

Speaker 4 (53:43):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com