December 25, 2025 • 51 mins
Actress Toni Collette (Wayward, Goodbye June) joins Chelsea to talk about why Rome is her happy place, what it feels like to get your character wrong, and finding her inner creep for her role as a cult leader. Then: A baby actor struggles to leave his family to pursue his career. A stepmom struggles to connect with her stepdaughter after a sibling is born. And a sister’s tactless behavior results in an awkward confrontation.
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
Height and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,
and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,
of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,
(00:27):
Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,
North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and
port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
(00:48):
I will be touring from February through June, So go
get your tickets now if you want to come see
me perform. I will be on The High and Mighty
Tour every Christmas, Catherine, It's Christmas Day.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Merry Christmas, Chelsea.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
So exciting.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Jesus was born today or he died today.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
He was born, so they say, I'm.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
So excited about Christmas. Guys, I am such a holiday person.
I have a lot of gifts under my tree though,
because I have poopsies and woopsies and ooopsies coming my way,
so I've got to gift them all with their boyfriends.
Now they both have boyfriends, and the boyfriends have sleepovers.
So my house is turned into basically, I don't know,
I guess a sex house.
Speaker 5 (01:27):
I mean, right, is it like it's obviously not separate bedrooms?
Is it leave the door correct?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
No, I'm not, you know what. I just let everybody
do their thing. Everybody just I don't you know what.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I'm not the parent.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
I don't make the rules. There are big girls whatever.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
When at Chelsea's house, Yeah, yeah, come on over, have
a good time. By the way, I have like eight
people staying at my house for like three nights.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
I don't have enough rooms, so people are going to
be sleeping with strangers.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I gotta tell you. Instead of an air mattress.
Speaker 5 (01:53):
I don't know if you have these, but Coleman makes
cots that are actually very comfortable to sleep on.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I will send you a link.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Well, I mean I have the space, it's just that
people are gonna have to sleep in bunk beds that
don't know each other and like I don't have as Yeah,
it's I always have bunk beds, always in every house,
smart in all of my homes. So who's our guest today? Oh, yes,
we have another. One of my favorite actors is on today.
She's an actor and a singer and a songwriter. She
(02:23):
has two new projects that you could catch her in,
the show Wayward with May Martin and her new movie
Goodbye June Wherein. They're both on Netflix. So please welcome
Tony Collette. And here we are with Tony Colette. Oh
my god, one of my favorite people actresses. I love you,
and I hope you know how passionately I feel about
(02:44):
your I mean, listen, I'm not alone, so I can't
claim that I discovered you or I have some special
way to see you, because everybody loves you since we
first found out about you. I think, Oh my god,
I know, I know. It's such a great introduction.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
I guess I talk.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
I can't sup poetically about you. And my introduction to
you was Muriel's Wedding, which of course is you know.
I mean I still quote that movie as along with
millions of other people. But in the past few years,
you have been churning shit out, sister.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
You have been working your ass off. I've been lucky. Yeah,
yeah you are.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Yeah, it's nice to be working and it's nice to
be appreciated for the actor that you are.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Wow, that is an incredible introduction. Thank you so much,
far out. You're welcome. You're welcome, and you deserve it. Well.
I am a fan of yours also, as you know,
for those who don't know, we do DM each other
on Instagram. We have a kind of a funny little
friendship going on, and I'm so I actually thought we
were going to be together that of course you're in
Whistler because I've read your book and that's where you
(03:44):
like to be. But yeah, right back at you. I
really really align with much of what you espouse.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Yes, we're both very political too.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
We both are very much about posting and making sure
people know how we feel. So I of course respect
anyone who stands up for s so and I know
you do. And you've actually turned me on to a
couple of different Instagram accounts that I started following when
I saw your post about them.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
So thank you for that.
Speaker 5 (04:07):
Yes, and most recently you stood up for Paul Danoh
during this whole like weird.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Yeah, what was that?
Speaker 6 (04:16):
Was this?
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Quitta Tarantino needs to shut the fuck up. What isn't
he already in trouble from a couple of years ago?
Like why is he feeling free about going after.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
He's pretty weird? And also, Paul is incredibly talented and
the most beautiful person. Who does that? Where does it
come from? It's pretty confusing. Actually, what did you say
about Paul Dano?
Speaker 7 (04:36):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (04:36):
I just I just posted an image from that scene
that I have with him in Little Miss Sunshine, which
by the way, is twenty years old. There's an anniversary
screening at Sundance next month. Oh, that's so cool. That
was a gret is a great movie, and he's wonderful
in it, And there's that moment where his character is
so passionate about becoming a pilot and then when he
realizes he can't realize that dream, he freaks out on
(05:00):
our road trip, pops out of the car, runs down
into a bit of a valiant, has a breakdown, and
I go down to try to communicate with him, and
it's completely heartbreaking, and he's wonderful. And all I did
was post that image from the scene, A pop, a
little crown on his head. Let's see it now.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
He's an incredible actor. He's wonderful.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
What was that movie that he did with Patricia? That
series he did with Patricia.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Escape from Dana Mora.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Oh God, should I be watching that? Yes? Oh my god. Yes,
you need to see Paul Dano in that movie.
Speaker 5 (05:27):
Okay, it's about he's an escape and there's like a
torrid like love affair, Like it's.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
All spucked up. It's so good.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
It's kind of reminds me of The Staircase, Tony.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Oh, actually it's as bucked up as the Staircase.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Oh, I know what your favorite scene is in the Staircase.
You're referring to that.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
I think that's how we first connected. Yeah, because I
posted a scene. What do you want to describe the scene?
Why don't you just say I would love you too. Actually,
let's take on it. This is a great scene in
The Staircase, you guys, which is based on a true story, right,
where Tony plays the wife and what's the actor's name
(06:04):
that plays your husband, Colin Firth? Colin Firth, Right, Colin
Firth is like accused of murdering his.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Or you know, it's it's up in the air. People
don't know what happened.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
You know, it could have been him, or it could
have been an attack by fucking birds.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
So there's a scene in this movie. The retellvisible the
al attack for quite some time until I realized that
that talon mark changes when they actually grab onto what
they're aiming for. So it didn't quite match up with
that with that mark on the back of her head.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Yeah right, So wasn't a bunch of birds. It was
an owl.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
She either she got attacked by an owl that led
to her death or her husband pushed her down the stairs.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
So you decide just by listening to this podcast for
what happened.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
But there's a scene in this movie where, first of all,
it's incredible.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
I mean it's a series, not a great series, incredible
series by Antonio.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
There's a scene where Tony's in the kitchen, her characters
in the kitchen.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
But so it's just cooking, just cooking it up and
being like, my husband has a gate tennes and he
wanders in and decides to just you know, whip my
pants down and have a good old felch. Yeah, that felch.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
That's a new one for me. Yeah, it's a new
one for all of us.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
I mean, I was so petrified about doing that, and
Paul Kate, my costumer, had to come in and like
pack the crack of my ass with like all kinds
of protective stuff so Colin didn't have to.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
You know, actually eat ass, right, you know what? You
know what's so funny, It's like there, I don't know
of any other ass eating scene in any series that
I've ever seen, so I could because Patrick Schwarzenegger, another
person who's in this in this series, he and I
because he died when I posted that, because we're friends
and friends with their family, and he was just like,
(07:47):
oh my god, I go, it's just so out of
the blue, all of a sudden, there's an ass eating
scene in the middle of this, this drama about murder,
and you're it's very unexpected and shocking.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
It was revealing about his character and what he was into,
and that, you know what the yes relationship and.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
What your character was willing to accept in your relationship
as well.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
We're welcome, I should say, yeah, I think she was
into it.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Actually, yeah, I didn't know that that was called felching.
I know, about boofing, but I didn't know about felching,
So now I know is it an as? Is that
an ausy slang or is that vernacular?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
I think it's vernacular. But what's boofing? That's I would
for the same thing. Boofing is when you stick something
up somebody's butt and it's.
Speaker 5 (08:31):
Just like like like alcohol or drugs, right usually.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Yeah, I think it's like a popper or alcohol or drugs.
You can just like use your butt and it's called
a boof I only know this because I was at
a conference in Antarctica recently where I was on stage
talking about my love of psychedelics, and someone said, how
do you feel about boofing?
Speaker 3 (08:52):
You didn't know what it was like what I actually
had heard about it Antarctica. Had you been there before?
I really know?
Speaker 6 (08:58):
No?
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Was it absolutely? Yeah? It was make you hot, just.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Like it made me want to stay there until this
administration is over. I was like, you know what they
said at this point? Yeah, they said, you're coming at
the best time. It's too it's light out for two months,
this is our summer. But it was majestic, tony, like
the icebergs when you when you're sailing like you're you're
on this vessel. Obviously you're going to through Antarctica from USHUEA.
(09:22):
We took this boat and you're going and they see
the first patch of icebergs in the distance. It's like
a scene out of Titanic where they see the iceberg,
but it's so massive.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
It's like a land mass. You know. They're not like
just little icebergs.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
There are those as well, but the first one that
you see when you pass like sixty latitude, Yeah, you're
just like and you're watching it for like a day
because you keep getting closer and closer and closer.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
So it was pretty spectacular. How did you get invited there?
How does one get invited there? You have to be
a psychoedelic Another one of those, you know, silly little
situations that I said to Bloody, wonderful, good for you.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Okay, so let's talk about a couple of things Tony.
For I didn't know that you were the first person
on the BBC to have an orgasm.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
What oh in wonder last I didn't know that either,
but they made a very big deal of that. Well
because it was the first one on was it first
female or like left and right I'm sure a man
very proud of that. Wow, yeah, I forgot about that. Well,
how is any credit story? How can you be proud
(10:31):
of it if I just told you about it and
you didn't even know you were the first? Oh, I
just forgot about it. I didn't know about it. I
didn't I don't think of it every day. But yeah,
that show. Nick Payne's writing is incredible. He's kind of
a bit of a prolific playwright and dabbles in TV
and film, and he can write anything. Really. I just love.
What I love about his writing is that all the
(10:52):
space in between the words is so jam packed with
all kinds of information for you to mine. He's a beautiful,
beautiful writer. And that show was in incredibly liberating for
that character, potentially just for women in general. She was
a woman who was discontented in her marriage and wanted
to explore things sexually outside of the marriage, and they
decide to open up their relationship and everything that goes
(11:15):
with it. It was really complex and beautiful. I loved it.
I really hoped we'd do another season, but it didn't
didn't quite fly. Maybe the female orgasm freak to the
audience out who knows. They probably weren't ready for that.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
It takes about a thousand years after a male orgasm
for anyone to accept a female orgasm.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Yeah, they exist. Sorry not sorry.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
So you grew up in Australia, right, Yeah, in Sydney,
my favorite place.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
That's my favorite harbor in the world because there is
very useful. Yeah, it's very pretty. Yeah, my kids and
we all got our voting licenses recently. It was wow,
brilliant cool and it felt so like freeing and adventurous.
Sometimes I do things and I'm doing it for a role,
and this was just like we want to do it,
and it was just the coolest. Yeah, can scoot around
(12:01):
the harbor now, Oh my god? How fun? And so
is your daughter leaving for school soon? She's she's actually
got the rest of you twelve to go, so yeah,
jish Yeah to that, she's might not. I'm kind of
She's incredibly creative and I'm I am supportive of anything
my kids want to do, and so I don't know
whether that's the trajectory she'll follow or aim for. You know,
(12:25):
all roads lead to Rome. At this point, it doesn't
seem to be for you have to be that, Yeah, Yeah,
I know what you're gonna say.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
For you, I really do. Yeah, you love Rome, You're
always in Rome?
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Yeah, Well I worked there. I did a film called
Mafia Mama, which kind of was miss released. It was
kind of a bummer because the film's bloody brilliant. It's
so funny and we had a ball making it. And
I mean, I'd always been to Italy. I think I
was actually talking to someone last night. The first time
I went there was on the Shaft press tour. It
(12:58):
was one of those big junk like press dos where
you go to all the countries and everything's late on
that just doesn't happen anymore. And then I married a
guy whose family was Italian, so we would be, you know,
in and out all over Italy. But then I got
to leave and work in Rome in twenty twenty two,
and absolutely I was like, this is my place, this
is where my greatest joy lives, and I just try
to get there as often as I can. I absolutely
(13:19):
love it. I've got a life there and friends and
oh isn't that so nice? Yeah? It really it very
much is. I'm so grateful for it.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I can totally relate. That's how I feel about Whistler
and like me a America. I mean, I don't really
have a lot of friends in my Erica, which I
kind of like, I'm like, this is nice. And me
and myself with my thoughts, which I need more time with.
So you have two projects that we're talking about, because
one is A Way Word, which is a show that
just came out made my stars in also Mamue created.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
They are a great comedian.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
They do a podcast, Handsome Pod with two friends of mine,
Tigg and Fortune.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Tell us about how you got involved in that project.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
It was out of the blue. I just was told
about this script. It was sent to me. I read
and I was kind of blown away in a way.
Maybe it was under sold to me, but I was like,
this is actually really amazing, and so I was intrigued.
I didn't know where it was going, and it really
goes to places that you can't really assume at the beginning.
(14:16):
So I remember having a zoom with both May and
the other showrunner, Ryan, and I was just struck by
May's which is hilarious now that I know them, because
they just seemed so calm and clear and articulate, and
it's not like that at all.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Were they nervous to talk to you.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Apparently, Yes, yeah, when we're thick as these now, so
you know, it's cool. And actually there was another job
that came up at the same time, which was somewhat coveted,
and it became a bit of a dilemma. They were
both on Netflix, and I was like, oh, maybe we
can like work it out schedule wise, and that really
wasn't going to work, which I still don't understand. But
(14:56):
I ended up doing Wayward and there's me like, Okay,
this is happening for a reason, show me what this is.
And it ended up being the most profound experience, really
really fun and really meaningful, Like it just was a
good time. A good time was had by all, like
a you know, a proper connected time with both the
cast and the crew and that cast of like you know,
(15:19):
multi generational cast, and just it was so brave. I
think May is this incredible unicorn who's creative in all
kinds of very impressive and admirable ways. And I'm really, really,
really so happy that I did it, and that I
know all of the people that I got to work with,
including May and Sarah Gadden. We're like the three Musketeers.
Why do you think it was such a profound experience
(15:43):
because it dealt with a lot of really deep shit,
you know that isn't often addressed and done in a
way that kind of only May can do. May I mean,
I call them a unicorn. There's a singular kind of
very fascinating person there, and the show is highly original,
which is very unusual in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, I'm curious to know how you say yes to projects,
Like how do you discern which projects you're going to do?
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Because I am assuming you get lots and lots of
offers and people want to work with you a lot.
So how do you.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Decide is it based on that material only or do
you factor in the other things like where it's shooting,
who's it for.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
It's a combo, I have to say, But it has
to start with a material. It has to start with
kind of forgetting that you're reading a script, that you
get drawn into the story, and that it matters to
you beyond your own kind of career or what you
might be able to imbue it with. You know, it's
just about actually finding it fascinating and that there's some
meaning that I vibe with really, it's kind of that simple.
(16:46):
And then when everybody else starts to become impressive or not,
things can be clarified, but it's generally the script generally, Yeah,
right right, I.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Mean you've played every I mean that you're playing a
cult leader basically.
Speaker 7 (17:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Fun, it's so much fun, which is fun.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
And I was trying to think of, like, is there
a role that you haven't played yet that you are
dying to play, because you've really run the gamut. You've
had been in normal, healthy family looking vibes and then
very abnormal family vibesary I don't have.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
Let me get get a snack for him, get a biscuit.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
Well, while she's doing that, I wanted to ask your
character and wayward there. I mean, I'm curious where you
channeled this performance from because your responses to people, I'm thinking,
if I'm another person in that conversation, whether it's like
a pause that's just too long, or the way you respond,
I'm like, I would be so uncomfortable, and I'm wondering
(17:44):
how you channeled that.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
At first, I really didn't quite know how to place her.
She's a woman of extremes, and the scripts were great
in that it wasn't clear where to play certain things
like how big or how dark or how funny. There
were many options, like many choices to be made, which
is an absolute gift. So at first I kind of
(18:07):
was really embarrassing and if anyone ever sees it, but
I did a take which was like way too over
the top because I was just trying to figure out
where she sat in the scheme of things, and it
felt a little bit like, I don't know, like a
Marvel character, like an actual baddie, you know.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
And then we're working with a brilliant director Aeroslyn, who
actually worked with on this film called Dreamhorse, this tiny
little Welsh film which is like the most moving, beautiful story,
and so he was directing it and just very quickly
kind of pulled me into the right area. It became
more and more delicious, just being able to play with
(18:42):
where she's fucking with people and how she enjoys unnerving
them and pushing them. But I mean, essentially it's about trauma,
and I'm a great believer of you don't deal with
this stuff, then you're kind of flying blind and it
is kind of a life that's wasted. I mean, you know,
we all have our own capabilities, but this woman was
(19:04):
forcing young kids into areas which were I mean, it's
very much considered malpractice. It was just like there was
no basis in anything good. It was just lots of
really great ideas but executed very very incorrectly and somewhat dangerously.
And I think the people involved were just lovely, you know.
And those Canadians, man, they're good, decent people. I know
(19:25):
they're still there aalzed. They're so civilized. My shoulders drop
when I get to Canada, and I know, yeah, it's
just so unwilling to help.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Everyone wants to help everybody when you do a scene
like that when you said, like, you know, your first
take was over the top and or whatever you were
trying to.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Place mortified by me? Now okay, sorry, sorry I turned up.
Let me go. Yeah, it feels like that.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
Who is the person that identifies that?
Speaker 6 (19:51):
Is it you? No?
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Well? I ask, I'm like, have I fucked it? Am?
I am? I? Way too? Have I? What am I doing?
Where am I pitching it? Somebody tell me something because
I am lost. I'm very very collaborative, very open, very
happy to take you know, anything that will help from
anybody right.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Okay, So you also have a movie that I just watched.
It's called Goodbye June. You watched it, Yeah, of course,
of course, I do my homework. And it's a phenomenal
fucking cast of women. It's Keith Winslett, who is one
of my all time favorites as well, who also directs it.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Yeah, she directs it.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
I mean this is her directorial debut, right is yep,
very much, so very exciting.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
She's in it.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Andrea Riseborough, who's fucking awesome, is in it, and Helen
Mirren is in it.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
Dame Helen Mirren, I said, Andrews a firecracker. She's got
some of the best lines in the movies, like if
you don't stop clicking that fucking pen, I'm going to
punch that cock off your body. Like she's so angry. Oh,
but there's so much hurt underneath it, which is the
great thing about the writing all the characters. It's so
funny because you know, you grow up under the same
(20:56):
roof and you have the same experiences, and then you
just turn out so so differently to each other. Siblings
are just so diverse and have these similar experiences, but
just like they're so different, so I play the kind
of woo woo. I guess I felt like potentially I
was roped into being a third parent because I was
the eldest child. Everything felt too en mesh. So I
(21:17):
just move away, and I'm this journeying woman on a
kind of you know, an experience of searching out, seeking
things and trying to become one with the cosmos. Constantly
wears crystals in her bra and has an alternative lifestyle
and is into that kind of thing, which I love
because I just appreciate people who have the guts to
just basically be themselves and live an authentic life. It
(21:37):
makes my stomach feel relaxed, because when you have a
guessing game with people, it's two anxiety inducing. So I
absolutely love my character so colorful. I hated taking her
costume off at the end. I didn't want to let go,
and I just didn't want to let go of it
because it was an amazing experience. So Andrew's character is
really really fucking angry at Kate Winslet's character. They were
really tight Kate. All she did as Julia was grow
(22:00):
up and leave home, and Andrea felt abandoned and has
been carrying around all kinds of resentment ever since. And
then Johnny Flynn, the wonderful Johnny Flynn, who plays our
younger brother, the baby in the family, Connor still lives
at home, kind of can't get his shit together, you know,
low self esteem, not much confidence, a bit like, you know,
just can't get going in life. And then Helen Miren
(22:21):
plays the matriarch of the family, our beautiful mother who
is nearing her death, and we all come together to
help her move into this next state of existence, the
ultimate change, the big transition. Our dad is played by
the wonderful Timothy's Ball and man, it was just the best.
(22:42):
Kate is an incredible director. I don't I didn't ever
doubt it. First of all, let me say I had
always wanted to work with her. You do interviews and
always get asked who's the top of your bucketst who
would you want to work with? And I always said
Kate because I just find that her choices are incredible.
You don't see her. It's completely honest, and she has
such integrity, and she's so grounded and real, and I
(23:05):
felt like I knew her. We had this mutual friend.
And now honestly I feel like she's my sister, like
we were always meant to be in this kind of
familial kind of relationship with each other. I absolutely adore
her and she created the most incredible atmosphere on set.
It was just so freeing and full of trust, and
it felt so safe. I mean, they're navigating possibly, well
maybe one of the most challenging experiences that we actually
(23:28):
all will face, and it's you know, there are some
really big, vulnerable scenes, and it just felt like we
could try anything, and we all gave it our all.
It was a very very special experience that none of
us wanted to let go. And we're still like on
a family chat. You know, most of us are in
New York here and we don't we don't want to
(23:49):
say goodbye as the movie goes off into the world.
But it's a beautiful story about family and yes it's
about loss, and yes you will definitely need your Kleenex,
but you will laugh as well. It's so relatable and
you know, there are some zingers in there. It's it's
a it's an uplifting, kind of heartwarming, life affirming story.
It's very very special.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
It is it's funny what you say about you know,
growing up and having a different experience. I know, there's
Gabor Mattee or.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Yeah, I love him, He's incredible.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
He always talks about that because I always look at
because I'm one of sex.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
I always look like my god, waity fool. Sorry, young
of course you're the baby. I'm the eldest. Very different
experience of how many tony only three? Only three?
Speaker 1 (24:35):
But it runs in threes, like if you've read have
you read birth order or the sibling effect or birth order?
Speaker 3 (24:40):
No, but I do subscribe to those ideas. Yeah, I
will read them. Actually, it goes in threes.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
It's like oldest, middle, youngest, and then repeat, repeat, repeat
with that, it's a.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
Sandwich, right, sandwich, sandwich sandwich.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Because I'm always like, listen, there's nobody else in the
world that knows what happened in our house besides my
brothers and sisters, and we're all like yeah, like we
make a reference and we're like, yeah, we didn't get picked.
Speaker 4 (25:01):
Up on time either. Our car our house was embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
My dad had used cars strewn throughout the driveway. My
mom never went to any like public facing school, Like
she wouldn't come to a play or a softball game
or a conference.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
She just couldn't handle the other parents.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
She's probably just overwhelmed and exhausted having had six children.
I think I'm going to take a bath while you're
all out. She need some lexapro, I think, and she
forgot to get it. So I think that was the
main ingredient. But it is interesting watching this movie.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Goodbye Junia was very much about family dynamics and very
relatable to anybody who has brothers or sisters, especially during
that time, because the everyone has a different reaction to
what's going on, and some people can deal with the
reality of the situation, whereas others are in complete denial
of the situation.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Yeah, everybody handles grief differently. There are no rules, and
actually I think it's something that should teach in school.
We don't know how to do it, and it's going
to happen to all of us, you know, chaos. Family
is chaos at times, and it's gorgeously so. And there
are just these very real moments that are fucking completely heartbreaking.
And if I'm here in London, I couldn't. I've seen
(26:12):
the movie. I was there. I know what's happening. I
was the last person to leave the cinema. I was
like racked. My body was convulsing. I was crying so much.
It just is very very powerful for a very intimate,
very quick shoot, very kind of probably on the page
seemed like a small story, but it's dealing with the
biggest thing death, life, life and death and love and
family like all of it. It's all of it.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I remember that his reaction in this movie reminded me
when my mom passed away.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
My dad. We were all in the room.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
We were in a hospice and my dad was sitting
there and you know, we knew her she had passed,
and like we're all just kind of together, and my
dad said, I got to go show a car to
a client, like some some random and like we all
looked up at him and we just had no reaction.
We were like okay, okay. And then he goes and
(27:00):
I need a suit for the funeral, and so can
one of you do something? And we're like yeah, And
then he laughed, and I was like, I wonder what
happens to him when he gets in his car. And
then my sister's like, he's not our problem right now.
But it's so true that men's and women's reactions to
things are so it can be so surprising, but then
(27:21):
once you see it, you understand the.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
All process things differently, and there needs to be room
for that, and maybe there needs to be a bigger,
more accepting conversation around it, because in the West we
don't really We kind of shy away from it, almost
as if it's to be like, oh no, that's you know,
pretending it's not gonna happen. It's gonna happen. Can't get
out alive. Maybe this is a healing film. Maybe it'll
start great conversations about being more And actually, when I
(27:45):
was younger, I was really angry at life. I was
I was like, this is a this is a fucking
mean joke. What is going on? What are we doing here?
And it took a very long time for me to
accept and appreciate the mystery of life. But I think
once you have the context of life, you appreciate it more.
I don't know, it helped me live more fully or something.
(28:05):
I don't know. And what do you think gave you
the context of life? Life itself? I think you get
given everything you need eventually. I like that, I know
you did that show. Who do you think you are right? Oh, yes,
I did. Yeah, I did that show too. How you
when did you do it? Oh years ago? Probably fifteen
years ago? Oh wow, okay, yeah, yeah I did in
(28:26):
Australia obviously that's where I'm from, and I was like, oh,
this is amazing. It's going to go back generations. It
went to my grandparents, like two generations. Well you are
from Australia, so but it's colonized. I mean, we're Irish
and apparently you know, there was a big journey to
get there. But it was incredibly moving. It was just
(28:47):
not what I expected. You know, It's like there's a
lot of trauma in there. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (28:51):
Were there any surprises, Well, my dad's dad is not
who was told he was.
Speaker 6 (28:55):
Oh oh wow.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
My dad did a a a DNA test with his
brother who was alive at the time, and found out
that his dad was not his dad, which he'd always
kind of questioned. We still don't know for sure who
my Nuan had a fling with, but I kind of
felt really impressed with her too. Yeah. She just clearly
(29:17):
wasn't happy and found happiness elsewhere. And my dad and
I are alive because of that. I am your her joy.
You know, it's a good way to look at it.
I'm sure it's way more complicated than that, but that's okay.
It's nice. Every story is the love story at some point,
I agree.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Okay, we're going to take a break and then we're
gonna come back with callers.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
We have people calling you.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
I'm so excited about this. Okay, right back with Tony Collatt.
Cheers and we're back with Tony Colat.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Okay, Catherine, what do we have going on today?
Speaker 5 (29:53):
Well, our first question comes from Rachel, and I thought
you might have some insight into this, having gone through
the preteen ages with a couple of year kids. So
she says, dear Chelsea, I'm an American living in Mexico.
Not those idiots who move here to avoid paying taxes
or create travel Mexico tiktoks. I moved here over ten
(30:13):
years ago to work at an NGO that helps low
income families actually leave poverty.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
Incredible person right there.
Speaker 5 (30:20):
Anyway, about three months into living here, I met my
husband and now we have two kids, an eleven year
old girl and a five year old boy.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
The eleven year old is.
Speaker 5 (30:28):
From a previous relationship. Quite the telenovella, which is a
whole other story. But I have been in her life
since she was three months old. His daughter and I
have always been very close, but since my son was
born five years ago, I feel like our relationship has
drastically changed. She's becoming a tween slash preteen, and I
know what comes with the territory, but this feels different.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
She hardly talks to me anymore.
Speaker 5 (30:49):
Even if I ask her questions, she will give me
a very short answer or just shrug.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
She's so different with her father.
Speaker 5 (30:55):
She's a daddy's girl, so I don't take it personally,
But when he asks the exact same questions, she tells
him everything. I can't help but think she just doesn't
want anything to do with me. I've tried asking her
if she's mad at me or thinking about something else,
and she just brushes it off. I don't know what
to do anymore. My husband hardly helps, saying it's just
a phase. Am I the wicked stepmother that she doesn't
want in her life? Should I just blame it all
(31:16):
on teenage hormones? What do you think I should do
to keep the closeness we used to have? Asta Luego Rachel.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Oh, I can completely understand that concern specially if it's
been close. Are you Rachel right there? Yeah, Hello, Hi,
so nice to meet you. That's too How long has
this been going on? Sorry? I did was that in
the letter?
Speaker 7 (31:36):
So when she was born we had the very close connection,
and then my son was born five years ago, he's
five years old now she's eleven, and that connection kind
of dwindled, like because I think my son was born,
she kind of felt that my motherhood kind of went
to him more than her, and so it's just kind
of been rocky.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
I don't think this is an uncommon story. I'm just
gonna say that, right, Yeah, Yeah, I think when another
sibling comes along, it's inevitable in a need to give
that new person so much more attention, and yeah, the
existing child can feel somewhat abandoned, right, So you're everything
to them and they get all your attention, and then
(32:18):
there's a split focus. I kind of attend to agree
with your partner. Life keeps changing, and I think potentially
it really is a phase, and you can help her
feel safe in the connection again and maybe have someone
on one time together and it will continue to change.
There are so many phases. Yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 4 (32:37):
Have a question. Is she is her mother in the picture?
Speaker 3 (32:40):
Yeah? I was gonna ask that too.
Speaker 7 (32:41):
Yeah, so her mom lives like five minutes from us.
We have a really good relationship, and so that's kind
of it too, Like I don't want to kind of
force her to call me mom or do those things,
you know, I don't want that to be an issue.
But I also, like there is one thing I was
telling Katherine in the pre interview, like we had a
Mother's Day event at her school, and all of the
kids like wrote their mom's name on her heart and
(33:04):
they like threw it up when they were singing, and
she wrote her mom's name obviously because it's her mom.
But I was hoping like maybe she would turn the
card and have my name on it. And it didn't,
and it was like kind of it was hurt. But
I'm not going to tell her that because those are
my emotions, you know.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
No, no, don't put that stuff on her.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
She's eleven years old, so her emotions are just like
not they're not that sophisticated. She's like coming from like
you know, fear based and like, so she doesn't have
abandonment issues, which is why I asked if her mom
was in the picture. So one more question is she
what's her relationship like with your five year old?
Speaker 7 (33:37):
They're great, Like, they get along super well. She's very
caring for him, kind of like that older sibling who
always wants to make sure he's okay.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
So they have a great relationship.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
It's really interesting. She has a great relationship with her
biological mother and the younger kid. Sometimes they feel they
can express all the shitty, crappy feelings and project it
onto the person they actually feel the same.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
Tweet, Yeah, that is true.
Speaker 4 (34:03):
She is she disrespectful to you or just distant?
Speaker 7 (34:06):
No, just distant. And it's like sometimes I've talked to
her mom about it, and her mom's like, she does
it to me too. Sometimes she's just like see see.
And I think because we have her part time when
she's with us, she wants to spend as much time
as she can with her dad, which makes sense. But
I think I need to kind of squeeze in there
and be like, Okay, can I have a day or
two so that her and I can come back and
(34:26):
connect and do stuff together.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
I would say also like back off a little bit
and let her come to you a little bit more,
but definitely exploit the.
Speaker 4 (34:35):
Relationship between your son and her.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Make sure that that's a primary focus, so that she
constantly feels needed you know what I mean, and feels
purposeful in your mind. Like she's probably starting to get
to an age where she's like, oh, you know, I
can understand her feeling competitive with a five year old,
but she's not taking it out on him, and to
take it out on you is a little strange. So
you should be available to her, like always make sure.
(34:59):
But sometimes when people push you away, it's like give
them double space, not to be childlike or act immature,
but as it's like, oh, she needs a little space
right now, let her have her space because it's an
age thing. She's gonna come back around when she needs
something from you, or she needs advice that maybe she
can't go to her mother for or something. You know,
something's gonna happen where she is going to need you.
(35:21):
But I know, definitely when kids that age are going
through that emotion that like changing and they're coming into
their hormones and puberty and all of that shit.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
You can't just don't how effective that is. It's big. Yes,
these really do change for them. This like the whole
world is like a like a moving you know.
Speaker 4 (35:40):
Yes, so your job is to really just not take
it personally.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Like you're an adult and you're the adult in the situation,
so you need to take it not personally like, oh,
she's not into me for this period of time in
her life. It is a phase. It's always a phase.
Everything in life is a phase. There's nothing permanent.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
But yeah, just give her extra space and be mindful
of the case. It's relationship. It's important that she you know,
she's the big sister. She's the one that can make
decisions when you're not around, you know, kind of putting
some responsibility into her hands so she feels really purposeful
within the family unit.
Speaker 7 (36:14):
Okay, No, that's great advice. No, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
Yeah, great, thanks for taking my question.
Speaker 7 (36:19):
You guys, it was great to meet you.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Love make love lady, see soon, take care bye bye.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
That was cute.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
I know she's such a cutie.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
That was sweet. Yeah, it's so nice.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
You know, mothers trying to be better mothers, and stepmother
is trying to be better mothers. I'm out here and
trying not to get any children. More children in my life,
So magnet.
Speaker 3 (36:44):
There's the reason. The more you say no, the more
they want you. That's very interesting. Yeah, she I mean
the fact that she's so mindful and caring and wants
to make it grite is beautiful.
Speaker 5 (36:55):
That's not wicked stepmother energy. She's Yeah, so is Noah.
And he says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Noah and
I'm nineteen years old. I'm not going to say I'm gay,
because you already know that since I listened to this podcast.
You are a badass. I live in a mid sized
town in Maryland. I'm currently a college student studying for
(37:15):
a Bachelor of Fine Arts and Acting. I have dreams
of becoming an actor, and I've always seen myself living
in Los Angeles. The problem is I have an incredibly
close knit family with three younger siblings and two parents
who am very close to I'm a homebody and I've
never really liked to leave home or even sleep away
or really do anything on my own. So my question
for you is how do I prepare to make such
(37:35):
a big move to another coast to fulfill my dreams.
I still have a couple more years of college, so
this isn't an issue that's urgent, But how do I
become independent, self reliant and okay to live so far
away from people I love so much?
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Love noah, Oh, how bloody wonderful that you love your
family so much and there's that connection and support and
that you feel completely cozy with them. A lot of
people want to get.
Speaker 6 (37:58):
Out, thank you, thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
I left home at nineteen because I just couldn't wait
to get the fuck out of there.
Speaker 4 (38:06):
So my situation is different. I was the youngest, you're
the oldest.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
There's a sense of responsibility that you feel that I
did not feel. But my drive to become, like wanting
to start my adult life and become whatever it was
I was going to become, was paramount to that. So
it's like you kind of have to you know, A,
you're not leaving your family. You're not You're never going
to leave your family. They're here for good. They're locked in.
So it's just about setting up a life where you
(38:32):
are going to be back and visiting them and coming back.
If you really are passionate about going after this dream
of yours, it sounds like you are. I mean, you're
getting an education for it. Then you have to kind
of know that, like there's you know, you're going to
come back for the holidays. They're going to come visit
you in California. That's going to be exciting for the family.
And you can stay in touch in a million zillion
ways right now, you know, on face times and social media.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Oh, it's much hazier now, so so much, so much easier.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
So it's like, look at it not as a dread,
but as like an adventure, you know, like flip the
script and be like, this is the beginning of this
part of my life, and these are the sacrifices I
have to make. You move to La, You're going to
meet people, You're going to have exciting things happen there
immediately because it's so new to you, and you just
kind of have to get to a place where you're
(39:20):
ready to make that transition. You don't have to do
it tomorrow, but you know, if you want to chase
your dreams, you kind of have to start chasing them.
Speaker 5 (39:27):
Yeah, And there is something that happens when you go
to you know, somewhere where you're in a creative career,
especially on one of the coasts, where you will find
your chosen family.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
It takes a little doing.
Speaker 5 (39:37):
It takes like getting out there and meeting new people
and taking classes and you know, getting involved in things.
But you will find a family that feels very close
to you.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
We all find that tribe. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
Absolutely, you left home early because you went to school early, right,
you didn't even finish school, Tony.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
I started acting in high school, Yeah, I did. I did.
I'm just kind of started at singing. I did a musical,
and then the teachers encouraged me to go to like
a youth theater group. So slowly my world started to open.
But I mean I wasn't prepared when I did Maurieal's Wedding,
which was only my second film. And I don't come
from like they are creative in their own way. But
(40:16):
everyone's got like, you know, what would be considered regular jobs.
Speaker 6 (40:19):
You know.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
I'm kind of like my dad's like, this is a miracle.
Then everyone's still pinching themselves at it ever happened, and
there is some kind of I also felt a bit
guilty for having these incredible experiences, and I was constantly
on the phone to my family, you know, trying to
share the experiences I was having. I think, ultimately, what
(40:40):
you come to realize at some point is that you
are allowed to have your own life and your own experiences.
And if you are passionate about acting and actually have
that talent and that fire in you, it won't go away.
You just have to follow it. You have to honor it,
because that's the bread crumb on your path that's going
to lead to all kinds of growth and everything opening.
And it is very much in a venture, and it's
(41:01):
inevitable that you're going to meet new people because you
have to put yourself into I love traveling. I think
it's the best way to learn. You are put in
situations that are completely unfamiliar. It makes you grow, it
makes you open up. And if you're doing classes, you'll
meet like minded people and creative people. They are just
more They are open, right, They just want to connecting
ways that somebody in an office may not. I'm not generalizing,
(41:22):
trying not to generalize, but there's just an openness to
that field. So I think, you know, allow yourself to
follow the passion. I think really that's all all of
us can do in life that will lead you to
the right place, that will bring you to the good. Yeah,
when you know what you want to do. That is
the biggest gift.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
I mean, I don't know how many people you've talked
to that don't know what they want to do.
Speaker 3 (41:45):
But we have a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Call under the podcast that have no idea what their
passion is and they're looking to find it. So that's
already you're already ahead of the game by knowing.
Speaker 6 (41:53):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
I's so very okay, great, have you got plans? Where
are you sitting right now with venturing out into the
world away from Maryland?
Speaker 6 (42:02):
Good?
Speaker 8 (42:02):
I mean, I've always dreamed of going with kind of
far away and being on my own.
Speaker 6 (42:10):
But I've always been someone who just is so I'm
so close to.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
My mom and it even it won't change, it won't change,
You'll get closer. Actually, distance makes her grow fonder, And
that's true. Like, you know, I used to hate my parents,
and then I went away and moved to California, and
then the next Christmas, I'm like, I think I love
you guys again. I'll call back.
Speaker 4 (42:31):
I just needed a break, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
So imagine if you already have a strong relationship, it's
only going to get stronger and and enhance.
Speaker 6 (42:37):
More exactly exactly.
Speaker 8 (42:40):
I think The other thing that is a little hard
for me is that my my youngest sister is she's five,
and I just she just started in kindergarten and it's
a little hard for her, just like it was hard
for me to leave. And so I'm like such a
part of her experience and wanting to And I know, obviously,
like you said, Chelsea, FaceTime is so amazing, but I
(43:01):
still just feel a little like I I want to
be here for everything, but.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
The day to day. Such a sweetheart, You're set. I
appreciate that, darling boy. Yeah, you're you're gonna have the
timing your bloody life, and you're gonna be a great
role model for her to get out and do the
same exactly.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
You're gonna be the cool older brother.
Speaker 5 (43:19):
She can come visit, like maybe even before too long,
my my nieces and nephew started visiting even by themselves
when they were like seven or eight, you know.
Speaker 3 (43:27):
So, and if you live near Disneyland, all the better.
Speaker 6 (43:32):
Exactly right, exactly exactly, good.
Speaker 3 (43:35):
Luck with this career, this burning passion. Don't let that
flame go for it. Thank you so much, total pleasure.
Speaker 6 (43:43):
Well, I will tell us you you're the best. Thank
you so much.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
Bye, you are the best. By good luck.
Speaker 4 (43:50):
He had such a distinctive voice. I was like, right.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Yeah, I love it. Good voice from.
Speaker 3 (43:56):
Sounded like that. Last week I was doing all these
radio in London to seek. I sounded actually like a
drag queen. I love that sound. I do too.
Speaker 4 (44:03):
I'm kind and I have come back. I love it.
I love that.
Speaker 3 (44:07):
I love that voice. I wanted to have it all
the time.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
Sometimes you get to like I get too high or chirpy,
and sometimes I hear myself, I'm like, why are you screaming?
Speaker 3 (44:15):
You know, because you're excited.
Speaker 4 (44:16):
It's okay, I know, I get too excited.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
I think need to be excitable.
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Okay, we'll take a break and we'll come back with
one more and then we'll wrap up with Tony.
Speaker 3 (44:23):
Okay, we'll take a break. We'll be right back and
we're bound about to.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
Yay, let's do one more, Catherine, Yeah, all right, Well
this comes from Izzy and this is just an email,
so Izzy says, dear Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (44:43):
First of all, thanks to you and Catherine for all
your great advice.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
You're like the cool older cousin. I get advice from
way more than my actual family.
Speaker 5 (44:50):
And let's just say I made a big life decision recently,
which was easier just.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
Imagining the advice you would give. Here's my issue.
Speaker 5 (44:57):
I'm forty three. I'm the oldest of four siblings. My
youngest sister is in her mid thirties. My siblings are
all very close and we accept each other for who
we are. That being said, there's a specific issue that
has really started getting on my nerves. My youngest sister
almost never says thank you, from little things like buying
her dinner to not texting me to say thank you
when a gift for her kid arrives. She loves kind
(45:19):
of far away from me. Usually it's easy to let
it go, but recently I made what I felt was
a generous purchase for her, just because I make more
than her. But I didn't get so much as a
thank you. I know it's not her problem how I feel,
but I felt like it was just expected when what
I felt with what I did was above and beyond.
She's always been the classic baby of the family. I
(45:40):
know there's gratitude in her heart, and maybe her ADHD
makes it harder to remember to say something, But I
want to know from you, as somebody who's generous with
her family, How would you handle this? Am I being
too nitpicky to sit down and use an eye statement
and request just as simple thank you?
Speaker 2 (45:54):
Would love to hear your take.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
Is he No?
Speaker 1 (45:57):
I think that's general, Like it's funny if that here
we go again with the same families. You know, same parents,
you grow up in the same family, and you have
different habits.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
But I think.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
Please and thank you are major criteria that are necessary
for people. And that's your sister, so it shouldn't be
an issue to go, Hey, I've definitely said stuff to
my family about saying please and thank you.
Speaker 4 (46:19):
And it's not that you're doing it to get to
thank you.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
It's kind of just like good practice to thank people
for generous things or gifts, even small things.
Speaker 3 (46:27):
It's nice to say thank you.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
It's good manners.
Speaker 3 (46:30):
I totally agree. Yeah, And it sounds like that you'll
really have great relationships and this is just kind of
slowly been mounting within you. It's a fine line, right,
because if you are a generous person, I think you
kind of have to give without expecting, without expecting anything back.
To be honest, giving is about giving. But I can
(46:53):
understand that you might want to have some like you
don't also don't want to be taken advantage of, so
they might be a little boundary there that needs to
be set or clarified. Yeah, I think certainly reminder.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
It's like, yeah, this is something I would put in
writing rather than say to someone. But putting in writing
alone just makes it feel heftier. But sometimes it gives
people more room to actually digest the information because it's
written down in a sweet little email, like if you
wrote her or center an email and said, Hey, you
know you're my sister.
Speaker 3 (47:25):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
I'm always going to be doing nice little things for you.
But I've noticed a couple of times where I've gone
out of my way for you and I haven't even
gotten a thank you, And that kind of feels like,
either maybe you don't want things from me, and if
it could.
Speaker 3 (47:38):
Be that I was thinking that as well. Some people
that's uncomfortable with receiving no matter who it's from, right,
and so they don't know how to respond because it's
overwhelming to be spoiled in a way. I don't know
what was given, did we talk about?
Speaker 5 (47:50):
What was she didn't say. I think she's trying to
keep it anonymous.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
But if you bring that up in the thing, if
you say that in your email, like listen, maybe I'm
going to stop. Yeah, maybe you don't want these things
for me. It puts it off of you and the
thank you more and it gives her the opportunity because
maybe she doesn't want gives herm you, but it gives
her the opportunity to go, oh god, ay if she does,
she's gonna be like, no, I'm so sorry, I do
(48:15):
I don't even realize I'm.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
Not SAYINGBABLY don't even realize it. I'm sure she does it.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:21):
So she'll probably be mortified.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
I definitely would say something. It's your sister. You can
say anything to your sister. You know, even if they
get mad, it's going to be okay in a couple
of days, you know, based on the close knit relationship
you have. But definitely, I mean, these are manners people
need to have. Please and thank you are kind of
the two most important, you know, phrases in the English language.
Speaker 3 (48:40):
To add to what you were saying, if you make
it more about making her feel comfortable and it's less
about how disgruntled do you feel and just like, I
just I don't want to overstep the mark. Is it
okay that I did that? You know, I just didn't
hear back like it's kind of down in a way,
very generous way and making sure that they're okay with it. Yeah, yeah,
rather than feeling a bit jilted.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
I know, I don't feel comfort we'll getting gifts. I'm
always just like, oh god, you know, like I don't
know why.
Speaker 3 (49:03):
I try and compliment me.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Right, Its exactly right, right, right, right right, but yes,
definitely say something and put it on the gift giving
and we we sorted that problem out.
Speaker 3 (49:17):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
Well, you can see Tony's latest works on Netflix. Everything
she's doing on Netflix on Netflix right now, so I'm
sure there's going to be more to come. But Wayward
is the series that you should watch with May Martin
who created.
Speaker 3 (49:31):
Created, produced, stars in produce, started everything but directed.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
And also make sure you check out Goodbye June, which
is beautiful film also on Netflix. Tony, thank you so
much for your time today, Absolutely hanging out with you,
and I can't wait to do.
Speaker 3 (49:50):
It in person. I really can't person what today is
going to be, but I'm really happy to see you,
and I hope you have a beautiful holiday season up
there in Whistler. And I just love what you do.
You make people feel great. How brilliant that people feel
so comfortable and write into you about like these kind
of personal dilemmas that they have that really says something
about you. Actually, Oh, thank you. I love doing it.
(50:11):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
I love giving it unsolicited advice, so I may as
well be solicited.
Speaker 3 (50:15):
I kind of love it as well. I think I
see other people more clearly than I see myself. Well, actually,
I've grown into seeing myself more clearly, and so you.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
But we all do. We all see everybody else like
it's everything's a mirror, right, Yeah? And who better to
give advice than someone that has nothing to do with
your problems?
Speaker 3 (50:30):
Totally objective yep. Yeah, this is a total pleasure. I'm
so happy to see you and so lovely to meet you,
and thanks for having men and enjoy life. See you
twenty two. Happy holidays, Tony.
Speaker 1 (50:42):
Yeah, likewise, enjoy yeah, hie. I just announced all my
tour dates. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I
will be touring from February through June, so go get
your tickets now. If you want good seats and you
want to come see me perform, I will be on
the whole h and mighty toour Do.
Speaker 5 (51:02):
You want advice from Chelsea, Write into Dear Chelsea Podcast
at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of Dear
Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
Dear Chelsea is
Speaker 5 (51:12):
Edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine law
And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler
dot com
I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
Height and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,
and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,
of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,
(00:27):
Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,
North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and
port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
(00:48):
I will be touring from February through June, So go
get your tickets now if you want to come see
me perform. I will be on The High and Mighty
Tour every Christmas, Catherine, It's Christmas Day.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Merry Christmas, Chelsea.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
So exciting.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Jesus was born today or he died today.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
He was born, so they say, I'm.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
So excited about Christmas. Guys, I am such a holiday person.
I have a lot of gifts under my tree though,
because I have poopsies and woopsies and ooopsies coming my way,
so I've got to gift them all with their boyfriends.
Now they both have boyfriends, and the boyfriends have sleepovers.
So my house is turned into basically, I don't know,
I guess a sex house.
Speaker 5 (01:27):
I mean, right, is it like it's obviously not separate bedrooms?
Is it leave the door correct?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
No, I'm not, you know what. I just let everybody
do their thing. Everybody just I don't you know what.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I'm not the parent.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
I don't make the rules. There are big girls whatever.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
When at Chelsea's house, Yeah, yeah, come on over, have
a good time. By the way, I have like eight
people staying at my house for like three nights.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
I don't have enough rooms, so people are going to
be sleeping with strangers.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I gotta tell you. Instead of an air mattress.
Speaker 5 (01:53):
I don't know if you have these, but Coleman makes
cots that are actually very comfortable to sleep on.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I will send you a link.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Well, I mean I have the space, it's just that
people are gonna have to sleep in bunk beds that
don't know each other and like I don't have as Yeah,
it's I always have bunk beds, always in every house,
smart in all of my homes. So who's our guest today? Oh, yes,
we have another. One of my favorite actors is on today.
She's an actor and a singer and a songwriter. She
(02:23):
has two new projects that you could catch her in,
the show Wayward with May Martin and her new movie
Goodbye June Wherein. They're both on Netflix. So please welcome
Tony Collette. And here we are with Tony Colette. Oh
my god, one of my favorite people actresses. I love you,
and I hope you know how passionately I feel about
(02:44):
your I mean, listen, I'm not alone, so I can't
claim that I discovered you or I have some special
way to see you, because everybody loves you since we
first found out about you. I think, Oh my god,
I know, I know. It's such a great introduction.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
I guess I talk.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
I can't sup poetically about you. And my introduction to
you was Muriel's Wedding, which of course is you know.
I mean I still quote that movie as along with
millions of other people. But in the past few years,
you have been churning shit out, sister.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
You have been working your ass off. I've been lucky. Yeah,
yeah you are.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Yeah, it's nice to be working and it's nice to
be appreciated for the actor that you are.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Wow, that is an incredible introduction. Thank you so much,
far out. You're welcome. You're welcome, and you deserve it. Well.
I am a fan of yours also, as you know,
for those who don't know, we do DM each other
on Instagram. We have a kind of a funny little
friendship going on, and I'm so I actually thought we
were going to be together that of course you're in
Whistler because I've read your book and that's where you
(03:44):
like to be. But yeah, right back at you. I
really really align with much of what you espouse.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Yes, we're both very political too.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
We both are very much about posting and making sure
people know how we feel. So I of course respect
anyone who stands up for s so and I know
you do. And you've actually turned me on to a
couple of different Instagram accounts that I started following when
I saw your post about them.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
So thank you for that.
Speaker 5 (04:07):
Yes, and most recently you stood up for Paul Danoh
during this whole like weird.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Yeah, what was that?
Speaker 6 (04:16):
Was this?
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Quitta Tarantino needs to shut the fuck up. What isn't
he already in trouble from a couple of years ago?
Like why is he feeling free about going after.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
He's pretty weird? And also, Paul is incredibly talented and
the most beautiful person. Who does that? Where does it
come from? It's pretty confusing. Actually, what did you say
about Paul Dano?
Speaker 7 (04:36):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (04:36):
I just I just posted an image from that scene
that I have with him in Little Miss Sunshine, which
by the way, is twenty years old. There's an anniversary
screening at Sundance next month. Oh, that's so cool. That
was a gret is a great movie, and he's wonderful
in it, And there's that moment where his character is
so passionate about becoming a pilot and then when he
realizes he can't realize that dream, he freaks out on
(05:00):
our road trip, pops out of the car, runs down
into a bit of a valiant, has a breakdown, and
I go down to try to communicate with him, and
it's completely heartbreaking, and he's wonderful. And all I did
was post that image from the scene, A pop, a
little crown on his head. Let's see it now.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
He's an incredible actor. He's wonderful.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
What was that movie that he did with Patricia? That
series he did with Patricia.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Escape from Dana Mora.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Oh God, should I be watching that? Yes? Oh my god. Yes,
you need to see Paul Dano in that movie.
Speaker 5 (05:27):
Okay, it's about he's an escape and there's like a
torrid like love affair, Like it's.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
All spucked up. It's so good.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
It's kind of reminds me of The Staircase, Tony.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Oh, actually it's as bucked up as the Staircase.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Oh, I know what your favorite scene is in the Staircase.
You're referring to that.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
I think that's how we first connected. Yeah, because I
posted a scene. What do you want to describe the scene?
Why don't you just say I would love you too. Actually,
let's take on it. This is a great scene in
The Staircase, you guys, which is based on a true story, right,
where Tony plays the wife and what's the actor's name
(06:04):
that plays your husband, Colin Firth? Colin Firth, Right, Colin
Firth is like accused of murdering his.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Or you know, it's it's up in the air. People
don't know what happened.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
You know, it could have been him, or it could
have been an attack by fucking birds.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
So there's a scene in this movie. The retellvisible the
al attack for quite some time until I realized that
that talon mark changes when they actually grab onto what
they're aiming for. So it didn't quite match up with
that with that mark on the back of her head.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Yeah right, So wasn't a bunch of birds. It was
an owl.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
She either she got attacked by an owl that led
to her death or her husband pushed her down the stairs.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
So you decide just by listening to this podcast for
what happened.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
But there's a scene in this movie where, first of all,
it's incredible.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
I mean it's a series, not a great series, incredible
series by Antonio.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
There's a scene where Tony's in the kitchen, her characters
in the kitchen.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
But so it's just cooking, just cooking it up and
being like, my husband has a gate tennes and he
wanders in and decides to just you know, whip my
pants down and have a good old felch. Yeah, that felch.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
That's a new one for me. Yeah, it's a new
one for all of us.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
I mean, I was so petrified about doing that, and
Paul Kate, my costumer, had to come in and like
pack the crack of my ass with like all kinds
of protective stuff so Colin didn't have to.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
You know, actually eat ass, right, you know what? You
know what's so funny, It's like there, I don't know
of any other ass eating scene in any series that
I've ever seen, so I could because Patrick Schwarzenegger, another
person who's in this in this series, he and I
because he died when I posted that, because we're friends
and friends with their family, and he was just like,
(07:47):
oh my god, I go, it's just so out of
the blue, all of a sudden, there's an ass eating
scene in the middle of this, this drama about murder,
and you're it's very unexpected and shocking.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
It was revealing about his character and what he was into,
and that, you know what the yes relationship and.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
What your character was willing to accept in your relationship
as well.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
We're welcome, I should say, yeah, I think she was
into it.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Actually, yeah, I didn't know that that was called felching.
I know, about boofing, but I didn't know about felching,
So now I know is it an as? Is that
an ausy slang or is that vernacular?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
I think it's vernacular. But what's boofing? That's I would
for the same thing. Boofing is when you stick something
up somebody's butt and it's.
Speaker 5 (08:31):
Just like like like alcohol or drugs, right usually.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Yeah, I think it's like a popper or alcohol or drugs.
You can just like use your butt and it's called
a boof I only know this because I was at
a conference in Antarctica recently where I was on stage
talking about my love of psychedelics, and someone said, how
do you feel about boofing?
Speaker 3 (08:52):
You didn't know what it was like what I actually
had heard about it Antarctica. Had you been there before?
I really know?
Speaker 6 (08:58):
No?
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Was it absolutely? Yeah? It was make you hot, just.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Like it made me want to stay there until this
administration is over. I was like, you know what they
said at this point? Yeah, they said, you're coming at
the best time. It's too it's light out for two months,
this is our summer. But it was majestic, tony, like
the icebergs when you when you're sailing like you're you're
on this vessel. Obviously you're going to through Antarctica from USHUEA.
(09:22):
We took this boat and you're going and they see
the first patch of icebergs in the distance. It's like
a scene out of Titanic where they see the iceberg,
but it's so massive.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
It's like a land mass. You know. They're not like
just little icebergs.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
There are those as well, but the first one that
you see when you pass like sixty latitude, Yeah, you're
just like and you're watching it for like a day
because you keep getting closer and closer and closer.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
So it was pretty spectacular. How did you get invited there?
How does one get invited there? You have to be
a psychoedelic Another one of those, you know, silly little
situations that I said to Bloody, wonderful, good for you.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Okay, so let's talk about a couple of things Tony.
For I didn't know that you were the first person
on the BBC to have an orgasm.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
What oh in wonder last I didn't know that either,
but they made a very big deal of that. Well
because it was the first one on was it first
female or like left and right I'm sure a man
very proud of that. Wow, yeah, I forgot about that. Well,
how is any credit story? How can you be proud
(10:31):
of it if I just told you about it and
you didn't even know you were the first? Oh, I
just forgot about it. I didn't know about it. I
didn't I don't think of it every day. But yeah,
that show. Nick Payne's writing is incredible. He's kind of
a bit of a prolific playwright and dabbles in TV
and film, and he can write anything. Really. I just love.
What I love about his writing is that all the
(10:52):
space in between the words is so jam packed with
all kinds of information for you to mine. He's a beautiful,
beautiful writer. And that show was in incredibly liberating for
that character, potentially just for women in general. She was
a woman who was discontented in her marriage and wanted
to explore things sexually outside of the marriage, and they
decide to open up their relationship and everything that goes
(11:15):
with it. It was really complex and beautiful. I loved it.
I really hoped we'd do another season, but it didn't
didn't quite fly. Maybe the female orgasm freak to the
audience out who knows. They probably weren't ready for that.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
It takes about a thousand years after a male orgasm
for anyone to accept a female orgasm.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Yeah, they exist. Sorry not sorry.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
So you grew up in Australia, right, Yeah, in Sydney,
my favorite place.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
That's my favorite harbor in the world because there is
very useful. Yeah, it's very pretty. Yeah, my kids and
we all got our voting licenses recently. It was wow,
brilliant cool and it felt so like freeing and adventurous.
Sometimes I do things and I'm doing it for a role,
and this was just like we want to do it,
and it was just the coolest. Yeah, can scoot around
(12:01):
the harbor now, Oh my god? How fun? And so
is your daughter leaving for school soon? She's she's actually
got the rest of you twelve to go, so yeah,
jish Yeah to that, she's might not. I'm kind of
She's incredibly creative and I'm I am supportive of anything
my kids want to do, and so I don't know
whether that's the trajectory she'll follow or aim for. You know,
(12:25):
all roads lead to Rome. At this point, it doesn't
seem to be for you have to be that, Yeah, Yeah,
I know what you're gonna say.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
For you, I really do. Yeah, you love Rome, You're
always in Rome?
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Yeah, Well I worked there. I did a film called
Mafia Mama, which kind of was miss released. It was
kind of a bummer because the film's bloody brilliant. It's
so funny and we had a ball making it. And
I mean, I'd always been to Italy. I think I
was actually talking to someone last night. The first time
I went there was on the Shaft press tour. It
(12:58):
was one of those big junk like press dos where
you go to all the countries and everything's late on
that just doesn't happen anymore. And then I married a
guy whose family was Italian, so we would be, you know,
in and out all over Italy. But then I got
to leave and work in Rome in twenty twenty two,
and absolutely I was like, this is my place, this
is where my greatest joy lives, and I just try
to get there as often as I can. I absolutely
(13:19):
love it. I've got a life there and friends and
oh isn't that so nice? Yeah? It really it very
much is. I'm so grateful for it.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I can totally relate. That's how I feel about Whistler
and like me a America. I mean, I don't really
have a lot of friends in my Erica, which I
kind of like, I'm like, this is nice. And me
and myself with my thoughts, which I need more time with.
So you have two projects that we're talking about, because
one is A Way Word, which is a show that
just came out made my stars in also Mamue created.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
They are a great comedian.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
They do a podcast, Handsome Pod with two friends of mine,
Tigg and Fortune.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Tell us about how you got involved in that project.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
It was out of the blue. I just was told
about this script. It was sent to me. I read
and I was kind of blown away in a way.
Maybe it was under sold to me, but I was like,
this is actually really amazing, and so I was intrigued.
I didn't know where it was going, and it really
goes to places that you can't really assume at the beginning.
(14:16):
So I remember having a zoom with both May and
the other showrunner, Ryan, and I was just struck by
May's which is hilarious now that I know them, because
they just seemed so calm and clear and articulate, and
it's not like that at all.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Were they nervous to talk to you.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Apparently, Yes, yeah, when we're thick as these now, so
you know, it's cool. And actually there was another job
that came up at the same time, which was somewhat coveted,
and it became a bit of a dilemma. They were
both on Netflix, and I was like, oh, maybe we
can like work it out schedule wise, and that really
wasn't going to work, which I still don't understand. But
(14:56):
I ended up doing Wayward and there's me like, Okay,
this is happening for a reason, show me what this is.
And it ended up being the most profound experience, really
really fun and really meaningful, Like it just was a
good time. A good time was had by all, like
a you know, a proper connected time with both the
cast and the crew and that cast of like you know,
(15:19):
multi generational cast, and just it was so brave. I
think May is this incredible unicorn who's creative in all
kinds of very impressive and admirable ways. And I'm really, really,
really so happy that I did it, and that I
know all of the people that I got to work with,
including May and Sarah Gadden. We're like the three Musketeers.
Why do you think it was such a profound experience
(15:43):
because it dealt with a lot of really deep shit,
you know that isn't often addressed and done in a
way that kind of only May can do. May I mean,
I call them a unicorn. There's a singular kind of
very fascinating person there, and the show is highly original,
which is very unusual in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, I'm curious to know how you say yes to projects,
Like how do you discern which projects you're going to do?
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Because I am assuming you get lots and lots of
offers and people want to work with you a lot.
So how do you.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Decide is it based on that material only or do
you factor in the other things like where it's shooting,
who's it for.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
It's a combo, I have to say, But it has
to start with a material. It has to start with
kind of forgetting that you're reading a script, that you
get drawn into the story, and that it matters to
you beyond your own kind of career or what you
might be able to imbue it with. You know, it's
just about actually finding it fascinating and that there's some
meaning that I vibe with really, it's kind of that simple.
(16:46):
And then when everybody else starts to become impressive or not,
things can be clarified, but it's generally the script generally, Yeah,
right right, I.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Mean you've played every I mean that you're playing a
cult leader basically.
Speaker 7 (17:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Fun, it's so much fun, which is fun.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
And I was trying to think of, like, is there
a role that you haven't played yet that you are
dying to play, because you've really run the gamut. You've
had been in normal, healthy family looking vibes and then
very abnormal family vibesary I don't have.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
Let me get get a snack for him, get a biscuit.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
Well, while she's doing that, I wanted to ask your
character and wayward there. I mean, I'm curious where you
channeled this performance from because your responses to people, I'm thinking,
if I'm another person in that conversation, whether it's like
a pause that's just too long, or the way you respond,
I'm like, I would be so uncomfortable, and I'm wondering
(17:44):
how you channeled that.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
At first, I really didn't quite know how to place her.
She's a woman of extremes, and the scripts were great
in that it wasn't clear where to play certain things
like how big or how dark or how funny. There
were many options, like many choices to be made, which
is an absolute gift. So at first I kind of
(18:07):
was really embarrassing and if anyone ever sees it, but
I did a take which was like way too over
the top because I was just trying to figure out
where she sat in the scheme of things, and it
felt a little bit like, I don't know, like a
Marvel character, like an actual baddie, you know.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
And then we're working with a brilliant director Aeroslyn, who
actually worked with on this film called Dreamhorse, this tiny
little Welsh film which is like the most moving, beautiful story,
and so he was directing it and just very quickly
kind of pulled me into the right area. It became
more and more delicious, just being able to play with
(18:42):
where she's fucking with people and how she enjoys unnerving
them and pushing them. But I mean, essentially it's about trauma,
and I'm a great believer of you don't deal with
this stuff, then you're kind of flying blind and it
is kind of a life that's wasted. I mean, you know,
we all have our own capabilities, but this woman was
(19:04):
forcing young kids into areas which were I mean, it's
very much considered malpractice. It was just like there was
no basis in anything good. It was just lots of
really great ideas but executed very very incorrectly and somewhat dangerously.
And I think the people involved were just lovely, you know.
And those Canadians, man, they're good, decent people. I know
(19:25):
they're still there aalzed. They're so civilized. My shoulders drop
when I get to Canada, and I know, yeah, it's
just so unwilling to help.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Everyone wants to help everybody when you do a scene
like that when you said, like, you know, your first
take was over the top and or whatever you were
trying to.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Place mortified by me? Now okay, sorry, sorry I turned up.
Let me go. Yeah, it feels like that.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
Who is the person that identifies that?
Speaker 6 (19:51):
Is it you? No?
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Well? I ask, I'm like, have I fucked it? Am?
I am? I? Way too? Have I? What am I doing?
Where am I pitching it? Somebody tell me something because
I am lost. I'm very very collaborative, very open, very
happy to take you know, anything that will help from
anybody right.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Okay, So you also have a movie that I just watched.
It's called Goodbye June. You watched it, Yeah, of course,
of course, I do my homework. And it's a phenomenal
fucking cast of women. It's Keith Winslett, who is one
of my all time favorites as well, who also directs it.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Yeah, she directs it.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
I mean this is her directorial debut, right is yep,
very much, so very exciting.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
She's in it.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Andrea Riseborough, who's fucking awesome, is in it, and Helen
Mirren is in it.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
Dame Helen Mirren, I said, Andrews a firecracker. She's got
some of the best lines in the movies, like if
you don't stop clicking that fucking pen, I'm going to
punch that cock off your body. Like she's so angry. Oh,
but there's so much hurt underneath it, which is the
great thing about the writing all the characters. It's so
funny because you know, you grow up under the same
(20:56):
roof and you have the same experiences, and then you
just turn out so so differently to each other. Siblings
are just so diverse and have these similar experiences, but
just like they're so different, so I play the kind
of woo woo. I guess I felt like potentially I
was roped into being a third parent because I was
the eldest child. Everything felt too en mesh. So I
(21:17):
just move away, and I'm this journeying woman on a
kind of you know, an experience of searching out, seeking
things and trying to become one with the cosmos. Constantly
wears crystals in her bra and has an alternative lifestyle
and is into that kind of thing, which I love
because I just appreciate people who have the guts to
just basically be themselves and live an authentic life. It
(21:37):
makes my stomach feel relaxed, because when you have a
guessing game with people, it's two anxiety inducing. So I
absolutely love my character so colorful. I hated taking her
costume off at the end. I didn't want to let go,
and I just didn't want to let go of it
because it was an amazing experience. So Andrew's character is
really really fucking angry at Kate Winslet's character. They were
really tight Kate. All she did as Julia was grow
(22:00):
up and leave home, and Andrea felt abandoned and has
been carrying around all kinds of resentment ever since. And
then Johnny Flynn, the wonderful Johnny Flynn, who plays our
younger brother, the baby in the family, Connor still lives
at home, kind of can't get his shit together, you know,
low self esteem, not much confidence, a bit like, you know,
just can't get going in life. And then Helen Miren
(22:21):
plays the matriarch of the family, our beautiful mother who
is nearing her death, and we all come together to
help her move into this next state of existence, the
ultimate change, the big transition. Our dad is played by
the wonderful Timothy's Ball and man, it was just the best.
(22:42):
Kate is an incredible director. I don't I didn't ever
doubt it. First of all, let me say I had
always wanted to work with her. You do interviews and
always get asked who's the top of your bucketst who
would you want to work with? And I always said
Kate because I just find that her choices are incredible.
You don't see her. It's completely honest, and she has
such integrity, and she's so grounded and real, and I
(23:05):
felt like I knew her. We had this mutual friend.
And now honestly I feel like she's my sister, like
we were always meant to be in this kind of
familial kind of relationship with each other. I absolutely adore
her and she created the most incredible atmosphere on set.
It was just so freeing and full of trust, and
it felt so safe. I mean, they're navigating possibly, well
maybe one of the most challenging experiences that we actually
(23:28):
all will face, and it's you know, there are some
really big, vulnerable scenes, and it just felt like we
could try anything, and we all gave it our all.
It was a very very special experience that none of
us wanted to let go. And we're still like on
a family chat. You know, most of us are in
New York here and we don't we don't want to
(23:49):
say goodbye as the movie goes off into the world.
But it's a beautiful story about family and yes it's
about loss, and yes you will definitely need your Kleenex,
but you will laugh as well. It's so relatable and
you know, there are some zingers in there. It's it's
a it's an uplifting, kind of heartwarming, life affirming story.
It's very very special.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
It is it's funny what you say about you know,
growing up and having a different experience. I know, there's
Gabor Mattee or.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Yeah, I love him, He's incredible.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
He always talks about that because I always look at
because I'm one of sex.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
I always look like my god, waity fool. Sorry, young
of course you're the baby. I'm the eldest. Very different
experience of how many tony only three? Only three?
Speaker 1 (24:35):
But it runs in threes, like if you've read have
you read birth order or the sibling effect or birth order?
Speaker 3 (24:40):
No, but I do subscribe to those ideas. Yeah, I
will read them. Actually, it goes in threes.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
It's like oldest, middle, youngest, and then repeat, repeat, repeat
with that, it's a.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
Sandwich, right, sandwich, sandwich sandwich.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Because I'm always like, listen, there's nobody else in the
world that knows what happened in our house besides my
brothers and sisters, and we're all like yeah, like we
make a reference and we're like, yeah, we didn't get picked.
Speaker 4 (25:01):
Up on time either. Our car our house was embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
My dad had used cars strewn throughout the driveway. My
mom never went to any like public facing school, Like
she wouldn't come to a play or a softball game
or a conference.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
She just couldn't handle the other parents.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
She's probably just overwhelmed and exhausted having had six children.
I think I'm going to take a bath while you're
all out. She need some lexapro, I think, and she
forgot to get it. So I think that was the
main ingredient. But it is interesting watching this movie.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Goodbye Junia was very much about family dynamics and very
relatable to anybody who has brothers or sisters, especially during
that time, because the everyone has a different reaction to
what's going on, and some people can deal with the
reality of the situation, whereas others are in complete denial
of the situation.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Yeah, everybody handles grief differently. There are no rules, and
actually I think it's something that should teach in school.
We don't know how to do it, and it's going
to happen to all of us, you know, chaos. Family
is chaos at times, and it's gorgeously so. And there
are just these very real moments that are fucking completely heartbreaking.
And if I'm here in London, I couldn't. I've seen
(26:12):
the movie. I was there. I know what's happening. I
was the last person to leave the cinema. I was
like racked. My body was convulsing. I was crying so much.
It just is very very powerful for a very intimate,
very quick shoot, very kind of probably on the page
seemed like a small story, but it's dealing with the
biggest thing death, life, life and death and love and
family like all of it. It's all of it.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I remember that his reaction in this movie reminded me
when my mom passed away.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
My dad. We were all in the room.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
We were in a hospice and my dad was sitting
there and you know, we knew her she had passed,
and like we're all just kind of together, and my
dad said, I got to go show a car to
a client, like some some random and like we all
looked up at him and we just had no reaction.
We were like okay, okay. And then he goes and
(27:00):
I need a suit for the funeral, and so can
one of you do something? And we're like yeah, And
then he laughed, and I was like, I wonder what
happens to him when he gets in his car. And
then my sister's like, he's not our problem right now.
But it's so true that men's and women's reactions to
things are so it can be so surprising, but then
(27:21):
once you see it, you understand the.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
All process things differently, and there needs to be room
for that, and maybe there needs to be a bigger,
more accepting conversation around it, because in the West we
don't really We kind of shy away from it, almost
as if it's to be like, oh no, that's you know,
pretending it's not gonna happen. It's gonna happen. Can't get
out alive. Maybe this is a healing film. Maybe it'll
start great conversations about being more And actually, when I
(27:45):
was younger, I was really angry at life. I was
I was like, this is a this is a fucking
mean joke. What is going on? What are we doing here?
And it took a very long time for me to
accept and appreciate the mystery of life. But I think
once you have the context of life, you appreciate it more.
I don't know, it helped me live more fully or something.
(28:05):
I don't know. And what do you think gave you
the context of life? Life itself? I think you get
given everything you need eventually. I like that, I know
you did that show. Who do you think you are right? Oh, yes,
I did. Yeah, I did that show too. How you
when did you do it? Oh years ago? Probably fifteen
years ago? Oh wow, okay, yeah, yeah I did in
(28:26):
Australia obviously that's where I'm from, and I was like, oh,
this is amazing. It's going to go back generations. It
went to my grandparents, like two generations. Well you are
from Australia, so but it's colonized. I mean, we're Irish
and apparently you know, there was a big journey to
get there. But it was incredibly moving. It was just
(28:47):
not what I expected. You know, It's like there's a
lot of trauma in there. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (28:51):
Were there any surprises, Well, my dad's dad is not
who was told he was.
Speaker 6 (28:55):
Oh oh wow.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
My dad did a a a DNA test with his
brother who was alive at the time, and found out
that his dad was not his dad, which he'd always
kind of questioned. We still don't know for sure who
my Nuan had a fling with, but I kind of
felt really impressed with her too. Yeah. She just clearly
(29:17):
wasn't happy and found happiness elsewhere. And my dad and
I are alive because of that. I am your her joy.
You know, it's a good way to look at it.
I'm sure it's way more complicated than that, but that's okay.
It's nice. Every story is the love story at some point,
I agree.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Okay, we're going to take a break and then we're
gonna come back with callers.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
We have people calling you.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
I'm so excited about this. Okay, right back with Tony Collatt.
Cheers and we're back with Tony Colat.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Okay, Catherine, what do we have going on today?
Speaker 5 (29:53):
Well, our first question comes from Rachel, and I thought
you might have some insight into this, having gone through
the preteen ages with a couple of year kids. So
she says, dear Chelsea, I'm an American living in Mexico.
Not those idiots who move here to avoid paying taxes
or create travel Mexico tiktoks. I moved here over ten
(30:13):
years ago to work at an NGO that helps low
income families actually leave poverty.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
Incredible person right there.
Speaker 5 (30:20):
Anyway, about three months into living here, I met my
husband and now we have two kids, an eleven year
old girl and a five year old boy.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
The eleven year old is.
Speaker 5 (30:28):
From a previous relationship. Quite the telenovella, which is a
whole other story. But I have been in her life
since she was three months old. His daughter and I
have always been very close, but since my son was
born five years ago, I feel like our relationship has
drastically changed. She's becoming a tween slash preteen, and I
know what comes with the territory, but this feels different.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
She hardly talks to me anymore.
Speaker 5 (30:49):
Even if I ask her questions, she will give me
a very short answer or just shrug.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
She's so different with her father.
Speaker 5 (30:55):
She's a daddy's girl, so I don't take it personally,
But when he asks the exact same questions, she tells
him everything. I can't help but think she just doesn't
want anything to do with me. I've tried asking her
if she's mad at me or thinking about something else,
and she just brushes it off. I don't know what
to do anymore. My husband hardly helps, saying it's just
a phase. Am I the wicked stepmother that she doesn't
want in her life? Should I just blame it all
(31:16):
on teenage hormones? What do you think I should do
to keep the closeness we used to have? Asta Luego Rachel.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Oh, I can completely understand that concern specially if it's
been close. Are you Rachel right there? Yeah, Hello, Hi,
so nice to meet you. That's too How long has
this been going on? Sorry? I did was that in
the letter?
Speaker 7 (31:36):
So when she was born we had the very close connection,
and then my son was born five years ago, he's
five years old now she's eleven, and that connection kind
of dwindled, like because I think my son was born,
she kind of felt that my motherhood kind of went
to him more than her, and so it's just kind
of been rocky.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
I don't think this is an uncommon story. I'm just
gonna say that, right, Yeah, Yeah, I think when another
sibling comes along, it's inevitable in a need to give
that new person so much more attention, and yeah, the
existing child can feel somewhat abandoned, right, So you're everything
to them and they get all your attention, and then
(32:18):
there's a split focus. I kind of attend to agree
with your partner. Life keeps changing, and I think potentially
it really is a phase, and you can help her
feel safe in the connection again and maybe have someone
on one time together and it will continue to change.
There are so many phases. Yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 4 (32:37):
Have a question. Is she is her mother in the picture?
Speaker 3 (32:40):
Yeah? I was gonna ask that too.
Speaker 7 (32:41):
Yeah, so her mom lives like five minutes from us.
We have a really good relationship, and so that's kind
of it too, Like I don't want to kind of
force her to call me mom or do those things,
you know, I don't want that to be an issue.
But I also, like there is one thing I was
telling Katherine in the pre interview, like we had a
Mother's Day event at her school, and all of the
kids like wrote their mom's name on her heart and
(33:04):
they like threw it up when they were singing, and
she wrote her mom's name obviously because it's her mom.
But I was hoping like maybe she would turn the
card and have my name on it. And it didn't,
and it was like kind of it was hurt. But
I'm not going to tell her that because those are
my emotions, you know.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
No, no, don't put that stuff on her.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
She's eleven years old, so her emotions are just like
not they're not that sophisticated. She's like coming from like
you know, fear based and like, so she doesn't have
abandonment issues, which is why I asked if her mom
was in the picture. So one more question is she
what's her relationship like with your five year old?
Speaker 7 (33:37):
They're great, Like, they get along super well. She's very
caring for him, kind of like that older sibling who
always wants to make sure he's okay.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
So they have a great relationship.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
It's really interesting. She has a great relationship with her
biological mother and the younger kid. Sometimes they feel they
can express all the shitty, crappy feelings and project it
onto the person they actually feel the same.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
Tweet, Yeah, that is true.
Speaker 4 (34:03):
She is she disrespectful to you or just distant?
Speaker 7 (34:06):
No, just distant. And it's like sometimes I've talked to
her mom about it, and her mom's like, she does
it to me too. Sometimes she's just like see see.
And I think because we have her part time when
she's with us, she wants to spend as much time
as she can with her dad, which makes sense. But
I think I need to kind of squeeze in there
and be like, Okay, can I have a day or
two so that her and I can come back and
(34:26):
connect and do stuff together.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
I would say also like back off a little bit
and let her come to you a little bit more,
but definitely exploit the.
Speaker 4 (34:35):
Relationship between your son and her.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Make sure that that's a primary focus, so that she
constantly feels needed you know what I mean, and feels
purposeful in your mind. Like she's probably starting to get
to an age where she's like, oh, you know, I
can understand her feeling competitive with a five year old,
but she's not taking it out on him, and to
take it out on you is a little strange. So
you should be available to her, like always make sure.
(34:59):
But sometimes when people push you away, it's like give
them double space, not to be childlike or act immature,
but as it's like, oh, she needs a little space
right now, let her have her space because it's an
age thing. She's gonna come back around when she needs
something from you, or she needs advice that maybe she
can't go to her mother for or something. You know,
something's gonna happen where she is going to need you.
(35:21):
But I know, definitely when kids that age are going
through that emotion that like changing and they're coming into
their hormones and puberty and all of that shit.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
You can't just don't how effective that is. It's big. Yes,
these really do change for them. This like the whole
world is like a like a moving you know.
Speaker 4 (35:40):
Yes, so your job is to really just not take
it personally.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Like you're an adult and you're the adult in the situation,
so you need to take it not personally like, oh,
she's not into me for this period of time in
her life. It is a phase. It's always a phase.
Everything in life is a phase. There's nothing permanent.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
But yeah, just give her extra space and be mindful
of the case. It's relationship. It's important that she you know,
she's the big sister. She's the one that can make
decisions when you're not around, you know, kind of putting
some responsibility into her hands so she feels really purposeful
within the family unit.
Speaker 7 (36:14):
Okay, No, that's great advice. No, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
Yeah, great, thanks for taking my question.
Speaker 7 (36:19):
You guys, it was great to meet you.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Love make love lady, see soon, take care bye bye.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
That was cute.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
I know she's such a cutie.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
That was sweet. Yeah, it's so nice.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
You know, mothers trying to be better mothers, and stepmother
is trying to be better mothers. I'm out here and
trying not to get any children. More children in my life,
So magnet.
Speaker 3 (36:44):
There's the reason. The more you say no, the more
they want you. That's very interesting. Yeah, she I mean
the fact that she's so mindful and caring and wants
to make it grite is beautiful.
Speaker 5 (36:55):
That's not wicked stepmother energy. She's Yeah, so is Noah.
And he says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Noah and
I'm nineteen years old. I'm not going to say I'm gay,
because you already know that since I listened to this podcast.
You are a badass. I live in a mid sized
town in Maryland. I'm currently a college student studying for
(37:15):
a Bachelor of Fine Arts and Acting. I have dreams
of becoming an actor, and I've always seen myself living
in Los Angeles. The problem is I have an incredibly
close knit family with three younger siblings and two parents
who am very close to I'm a homebody and I've
never really liked to leave home or even sleep away
or really do anything on my own. So my question
for you is how do I prepare to make such
(37:35):
a big move to another coast to fulfill my dreams.
I still have a couple more years of college, so
this isn't an issue that's urgent, But how do I
become independent, self reliant and okay to live so far
away from people I love so much?
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Love noah, Oh, how bloody wonderful that you love your
family so much and there's that connection and support and
that you feel completely cozy with them. A lot of
people want to get.
Speaker 6 (37:58):
Out, thank you, thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
I left home at nineteen because I just couldn't wait
to get the fuck out of there.
Speaker 4 (38:06):
So my situation is different. I was the youngest, you're
the oldest.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
There's a sense of responsibility that you feel that I
did not feel. But my drive to become, like wanting
to start my adult life and become whatever it was
I was going to become, was paramount to that. So
it's like you kind of have to you know, A,
you're not leaving your family. You're not You're never going
to leave your family. They're here for good. They're locked in.
So it's just about setting up a life where you
(38:32):
are going to be back and visiting them and coming back.
If you really are passionate about going after this dream
of yours, it sounds like you are. I mean, you're
getting an education for it. Then you have to kind
of know that, like there's you know, you're going to
come back for the holidays. They're going to come visit
you in California. That's going to be exciting for the family.
And you can stay in touch in a million zillion
ways right now, you know, on face times and social media.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Oh, it's much hazier now, so so much, so much easier.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
So it's like, look at it not as a dread,
but as like an adventure, you know, like flip the
script and be like, this is the beginning of this
part of my life, and these are the sacrifices I
have to make. You move to La, You're going to
meet people, You're going to have exciting things happen there
immediately because it's so new to you, and you just
kind of have to get to a place where you're
(39:20):
ready to make that transition. You don't have to do
it tomorrow, but you know, if you want to chase
your dreams, you kind of have to start chasing them.
Speaker 5 (39:27):
Yeah, And there is something that happens when you go
to you know, somewhere where you're in a creative career,
especially on one of the coasts, where you will find
your chosen family.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
It takes a little doing.
Speaker 5 (39:37):
It takes like getting out there and meeting new people
and taking classes and you know, getting involved in things.
But you will find a family that feels very close
to you.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
We all find that tribe. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
Absolutely, you left home early because you went to school early, right,
you didn't even finish school, Tony.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
I started acting in high school, Yeah, I did. I did.
I'm just kind of started at singing. I did a musical,
and then the teachers encouraged me to go to like
a youth theater group. So slowly my world started to open.
But I mean I wasn't prepared when I did Maurieal's Wedding,
which was only my second film. And I don't come
from like they are creative in their own way. But
(40:16):
everyone's got like, you know, what would be considered regular jobs.
Speaker 6 (40:19):
You know.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
I'm kind of like my dad's like, this is a miracle.
Then everyone's still pinching themselves at it ever happened, and
there is some kind of I also felt a bit
guilty for having these incredible experiences, and I was constantly
on the phone to my family, you know, trying to
share the experiences I was having. I think, ultimately, what
(40:40):
you come to realize at some point is that you
are allowed to have your own life and your own experiences.
And if you are passionate about acting and actually have
that talent and that fire in you, it won't go away.
You just have to follow it. You have to honor it,
because that's the bread crumb on your path that's going
to lead to all kinds of growth and everything opening.
And it is very much in a venture, and it's
(41:01):
inevitable that you're going to meet new people because you
have to put yourself into I love traveling. I think
it's the best way to learn. You are put in
situations that are completely unfamiliar. It makes you grow, it
makes you open up. And if you're doing classes, you'll
meet like minded people and creative people. They are just
more They are open, right, They just want to connecting
ways that somebody in an office may not. I'm not generalizing,
(41:22):
trying not to generalize, but there's just an openness to
that field. So I think, you know, allow yourself to
follow the passion. I think really that's all all of
us can do in life that will lead you to
the right place, that will bring you to the good. Yeah,
when you know what you want to do. That is
the biggest gift.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
I mean, I don't know how many people you've talked
to that don't know what they want to do.
Speaker 3 (41:45):
But we have a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Call under the podcast that have no idea what their
passion is and they're looking to find it. So that's
already you're already ahead of the game by knowing.
Speaker 6 (41:53):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
I's so very okay, great, have you got plans? Where
are you sitting right now with venturing out into the
world away from Maryland?
Speaker 6 (42:02):
Good?
Speaker 8 (42:02):
I mean, I've always dreamed of going with kind of
far away and being on my own.
Speaker 6 (42:10):
But I've always been someone who just is so I'm
so close to.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
My mom and it even it won't change, it won't change,
You'll get closer. Actually, distance makes her grow fonder, And
that's true. Like, you know, I used to hate my parents,
and then I went away and moved to California, and
then the next Christmas, I'm like, I think I love
you guys again. I'll call back.
Speaker 4 (42:31):
I just needed a break, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
So imagine if you already have a strong relationship, it's
only going to get stronger and and enhance.
Speaker 6 (42:37):
More exactly exactly.
Speaker 8 (42:40):
I think The other thing that is a little hard
for me is that my my youngest sister is she's five,
and I just she just started in kindergarten and it's
a little hard for her, just like it was hard
for me to leave. And so I'm like such a
part of her experience and wanting to And I know, obviously,
like you said, Chelsea, FaceTime is so amazing, but I
(43:01):
still just feel a little like I I want to
be here for everything, but.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
The day to day. Such a sweetheart, You're set. I
appreciate that, darling boy. Yeah, you're you're gonna have the
timing your bloody life, and you're gonna be a great
role model for her to get out and do the
same exactly.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
You're gonna be the cool older brother.
Speaker 5 (43:19):
She can come visit, like maybe even before too long,
my my nieces and nephew started visiting even by themselves
when they were like seven or eight, you know.
Speaker 3 (43:27):
So, and if you live near Disneyland, all the better.
Speaker 6 (43:32):
Exactly right, exactly exactly, good.
Speaker 3 (43:35):
Luck with this career, this burning passion. Don't let that
flame go for it. Thank you so much, total pleasure.
Speaker 6 (43:43):
Well, I will tell us you you're the best. Thank
you so much.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
Bye, you are the best. By good luck.
Speaker 4 (43:50):
He had such a distinctive voice. I was like, right.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Yeah, I love it. Good voice from.
Speaker 3 (43:56):
Sounded like that. Last week I was doing all these
radio in London to seek. I sounded actually like a
drag queen. I love that sound. I do too.
Speaker 4 (44:03):
I'm kind and I have come back. I love it.
I love that.
Speaker 3 (44:07):
I love that voice. I wanted to have it all
the time.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
Sometimes you get to like I get too high or chirpy,
and sometimes I hear myself, I'm like, why are you screaming?
Speaker 3 (44:15):
You know, because you're excited.
Speaker 4 (44:16):
It's okay, I know, I get too excited.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
I think need to be excitable.
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Okay, we'll take a break and we'll come back with
one more and then we'll wrap up with Tony.
Speaker 3 (44:23):
Okay, we'll take a break. We'll be right back and
we're bound about to.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
Yay, let's do one more, Catherine, Yeah, all right, Well
this comes from Izzy and this is just an email,
so Izzy says, dear Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (44:43):
First of all, thanks to you and Catherine for all
your great advice.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
You're like the cool older cousin. I get advice from
way more than my actual family.
Speaker 5 (44:50):
And let's just say I made a big life decision recently,
which was easier just.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
Imagining the advice you would give. Here's my issue.
Speaker 5 (44:57):
I'm forty three. I'm the oldest of four siblings. My
youngest sister is in her mid thirties. My siblings are
all very close and we accept each other for who
we are. That being said, there's a specific issue that
has really started getting on my nerves. My youngest sister
almost never says thank you, from little things like buying
her dinner to not texting me to say thank you
when a gift for her kid arrives. She loves kind
(45:19):
of far away from me. Usually it's easy to let
it go, but recently I made what I felt was
a generous purchase for her, just because I make more
than her. But I didn't get so much as a
thank you. I know it's not her problem how I feel,
but I felt like it was just expected when what
I felt with what I did was above and beyond.
She's always been the classic baby of the family. I
(45:40):
know there's gratitude in her heart, and maybe her ADHD
makes it harder to remember to say something, But I
want to know from you, as somebody who's generous with
her family, How would you handle this? Am I being
too nitpicky to sit down and use an eye statement
and request just as simple thank you?
Speaker 2 (45:54):
Would love to hear your take.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
Is he No?
Speaker 1 (45:57):
I think that's general, Like it's funny if that here
we go again with the same families. You know, same parents,
you grow up in the same family, and you have
different habits.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
But I think.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
Please and thank you are major criteria that are necessary
for people. And that's your sister, so it shouldn't be
an issue to go, Hey, I've definitely said stuff to
my family about saying please and thank you.
Speaker 4 (46:19):
And it's not that you're doing it to get to
thank you.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
It's kind of just like good practice to thank people
for generous things or gifts, even small things.
Speaker 3 (46:27):
It's nice to say thank you.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
It's good manners.
Speaker 3 (46:30):
I totally agree. Yeah, And it sounds like that you'll
really have great relationships and this is just kind of
slowly been mounting within you. It's a fine line, right,
because if you are a generous person, I think you
kind of have to give without expecting, without expecting anything back.
To be honest, giving is about giving. But I can
(46:53):
understand that you might want to have some like you
don't also don't want to be taken advantage of, so
they might be a little boundary there that needs to
be set or clarified. Yeah, I think certainly reminder.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
It's like, yeah, this is something I would put in
writing rather than say to someone. But putting in writing
alone just makes it feel heftier. But sometimes it gives
people more room to actually digest the information because it's
written down in a sweet little email, like if you
wrote her or center an email and said, Hey, you
know you're my sister.
Speaker 3 (47:25):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
I'm always going to be doing nice little things for you.
But I've noticed a couple of times where I've gone
out of my way for you and I haven't even
gotten a thank you, And that kind of feels like,
either maybe you don't want things from me, and if
it could.
Speaker 3 (47:38):
Be that I was thinking that as well. Some people
that's uncomfortable with receiving no matter who it's from, right,
and so they don't know how to respond because it's
overwhelming to be spoiled in a way. I don't know
what was given, did we talk about?
Speaker 5 (47:50):
What was she didn't say. I think she's trying to
keep it anonymous.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
But if you bring that up in the thing, if
you say that in your email, like listen, maybe I'm
going to stop. Yeah, maybe you don't want these things
for me. It puts it off of you and the
thank you more and it gives her the opportunity because
maybe she doesn't want gives herm you, but it gives
her the opportunity to go, oh god, ay if she does,
she's gonna be like, no, I'm so sorry, I do
(48:15):
I don't even realize I'm.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
Not SAYINGBABLY don't even realize it. I'm sure she does it.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:21):
So she'll probably be mortified.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
I definitely would say something. It's your sister. You can
say anything to your sister. You know, even if they
get mad, it's going to be okay in a couple
of days, you know, based on the close knit relationship
you have. But definitely, I mean, these are manners people
need to have. Please and thank you are kind of
the two most important, you know, phrases in the English language.
Speaker 3 (48:40):
To add to what you were saying, if you make
it more about making her feel comfortable and it's less
about how disgruntled do you feel and just like, I
just I don't want to overstep the mark. Is it
okay that I did that? You know, I just didn't
hear back like it's kind of down in a way,
very generous way and making sure that they're okay with it. Yeah, yeah,
rather than feeling a bit jilted.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
I know, I don't feel comfort we'll getting gifts. I'm
always just like, oh god, you know, like I don't
know why.
Speaker 3 (49:03):
I try and compliment me.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Right, Its exactly right, right, right, right right, but yes,
definitely say something and put it on the gift giving
and we we sorted that problem out.
Speaker 3 (49:17):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
Well, you can see Tony's latest works on Netflix. Everything
she's doing on Netflix on Netflix right now, so I'm
sure there's going to be more to come. But Wayward
is the series that you should watch with May Martin
who created.
Speaker 3 (49:31):
Created, produced, stars in produce, started everything but directed.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
And also make sure you check out Goodbye June, which
is beautiful film also on Netflix. Tony, thank you so
much for your time today, Absolutely hanging out with you,
and I can't wait to do.
Speaker 3 (49:50):
It in person. I really can't person what today is
going to be, but I'm really happy to see you,
and I hope you have a beautiful holiday season up
there in Whistler. And I just love what you do.
You make people feel great. How brilliant that people feel
so comfortable and write into you about like these kind
of personal dilemmas that they have that really says something
about you. Actually, Oh, thank you. I love doing it.
(50:11):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
I love giving it unsolicited advice, so I may as
well be solicited.
Speaker 3 (50:15):
I kind of love it as well. I think I
see other people more clearly than I see myself. Well, actually,
I've grown into seeing myself more clearly, and so you.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
But we all do. We all see everybody else like
it's everything's a mirror, right, Yeah? And who better to
give advice than someone that has nothing to do with
your problems?
Speaker 3 (50:30):
Totally objective yep. Yeah, this is a total pleasure. I'm
so happy to see you and so lovely to meet you,
and thanks for having men and enjoy life. See you
twenty two. Happy holidays, Tony.
Speaker 1 (50:42):
Yeah, likewise, enjoy yeah, hie. I just announced all my
tour dates. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I
will be touring from February through June, so go get
your tickets now. If you want good seats and you
want to come see me perform, I will be on
the whole h and mighty toour Do.
Speaker 5 (51:02):
You want advice from Chelsea, Write into Dear Chelsea Podcast
at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of Dear
Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
Dear Chelsea is
Speaker 5 (51:12):
Edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine law
And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler
dot com
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