Loud Women Talking with Chelsea + Catherine

Chelsea + Catherine are in-studio today to talk about the allure of awesomely bad movies, summer getaways, and why Chelsea’s mom keeps stealing her earrings in her sleep.  Then: A schoolteacher gets fired from her 6th school, and wonders what’s next.  A mom is at her whit’s end when her kindergartener won’t stop self-stimulating. And a Palm Springs transplant finds he can no longer tolerate women. 

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Thanks to Betterhelp for sponsoring our new segment, Calling In Backup, and to Courtney Cope, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist and Principal Clinical Operations Manager at BetterHelp.

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi everybody. Hi, it's Chelsea and Catherine.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Hi.

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi, we're here podcasting.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Here in Los Angeles. It's finally almost summer.

Speaker 3 (00:11):
Yes, it is summer, even though it's going to be
summer all year round from now on because our planet
is dying unfortunately.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
That is correct.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome to the show.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Just a little uplifting positivity for your Oh.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
You know who's specially. I watched Hannah Gatsby. Yes, not
a new one. No, I watched both of her. I
watched her second.

Speaker 3 (00:30):
I had seen her first one. I didn't realize I
had missed one. So there was a second one, which
is fucking awesome. And then I watched her third one,
which is also awesome. But the second one she has
the best closing line.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
It's so good.

Speaker 3 (00:43):
The second one is really good. I would really recommend
everyone see it. It's called Douglas.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
I am just looking at this. I saw something about
it a couple days ago. I'm gonna have to check
it out.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
Yeah, when we're on the road, we just have like
these transport vands. They have TVs in them that we all.
You know, it's kind of like a mini tour bus
for if it's like a two or three hour drive.
So we watch all sorts of stuff. And we watched
Jennifer Lopez's Mother. That was absolutely ridiculous. I mean, like, what,
it's the same movie that Eric Bannon did when he
was stuck in the woods with his daughter, but now

(01:13):
it's Jennifer Lopez and it's just ridiculous.

Speaker 1 (01:16):
First of all, she's too beautiful to pay attention to
any storyline.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
It doesn't I mean, I guess that's why they do
these movies, because it doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
She's just like sparkly and glowy and greta.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
It was just yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
So anyway, I love a fun, silly movie. We watched
a girlfriend of mine came over and we love to
watch horror movies and thrillers. We watched this movie called Fall,
which is the entire movie is these two girls stuck
at the top of like a TV tower and they
have to like figure out how to get down. We're like,
how do you set an hour and a half movie
up there? But it was actually had a surprising fun

(01:46):
twist and was pretty good. I like a good bad
movie sometimes, you know what.

Speaker 3 (01:51):
The best show that I've seen recently, obviously, Succession is
in the top five of course all time.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
H is the Elizabeth also Love and Death, Love and Death.

Speaker 3 (02:01):
Yes, that girl is so fucking talented and such a
good actress.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
Everyone in that is so good. Yeah, that was great.
Great television. Have you seen did you watch Jury Duty? No?

Speaker 2 (02:13):
Oh my goodness, it's on Amazon. It's like sort of
documentary style. It's about like they do a documentary of
going to jury duty in la and everyone is an
actor except for one guy who doesn't know everybody else's actors.
And it is one of my favorite things that I've
watched in a long time. It is so fun. James

(02:36):
Marsden is in it as sort of like the actor
who got hauled into jury duty, and it's it's really really.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
And everyone else is not a famous actor.

Speaker 2 (02:44):
No, yeah, like a couple people are from Parks and
record this, this, that and the other thing.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
That's an original idea, right, and it just is the
most charming, wonderful thing.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
The guy who doesn't know that it's all a ruse
is like such a sweet, angelic kid who like wants
the best for everybody and just as like everything is
so many weird things keep happening.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
It's really really to I.

Speaker 3 (03:07):
Had something very strange happened, and it was on Mother's Day.
My mother is always fucking with me from wherever she
is hanging out, which is I think, right over my head.
But I have these earrings, these light earrings that I wear.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
And I woke up in New York. I was in
New York last week.

Speaker 3 (03:22):
I woke up my earring was gone out of one
ear and the other one was in one ear, and
I was like, I lost that one.

Speaker 1 (03:29):
I get home that.

Speaker 3 (03:30):
Night, I don't see it anywhere. I wake up in
the morning and the earrings in my ear no. And
I was like, okay, well I was either stoned or
drunk or something, and I messed that up. The next night,
I go to bed, I wake up, the earrings out
of the other ear. I go in the bed, I'm
looking for like my earring. I don't find it, and
I'm like, okay. I come home and I wake up

(03:52):
in the morning and my earrings back in my ear
That's wow. The second time, I said to my security,
I said to my assistant, I said to my crew,
I was like, guys, I just want you to know
I had no earing in It happened a third time.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
I go, oh, my earring's missing again.

Speaker 3 (04:07):
And I said to Carla, I'm like, I'm telling you,
this has happened two nights in a row. I didn't
say anything because it sounds so so crazy, but so
I kept it to myself because I'm like, only I
need to know.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
About these things.

Speaker 3 (04:18):
And I said, I just want you to know this
earring's gone. Right, guys, look at my ear it's gone.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
And they're all like, yeah, you idiot. Whatever.

Speaker 3 (04:25):
And then next morning, guess whose earring was back in?
Three times it happened to.

Speaker 1 (04:30):
Me, what what do you think it was again?

Speaker 3 (04:35):
This one is in and this one's out. I woke
up this morning and it's pressing again. What And so
I'm just like waiting for something my mother to put
it back in my ear It's so crazy.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
Maybe she really likes that pair of earrings.

Speaker 3 (04:47):
My mom would totally do. I just didn't think they
could touch you, but who knows? Why not touch you?

Speaker 2 (04:52):
Do you ever have those like oh you do, like
those little like stones and crystals and things.

Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, I meditate with crystals like a real mess.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Are so brad And I have a reiki lady back
in US. We go Illinois and she's like Yeah, when
you don't need them anymore, they'll wander off, and it's
absolutely true they do, and then sometimes they wander right
back into your life. It's the weirdest thing.

Speaker 1 (05:12):
The people from the little rocks, oh, the little crystals.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
It's like when you don't need them, they like disappear,
and then sometimes they'll reappear, like I keep some in
my purse, and like sometimes one of them will wander
away maybe never come back, and then maybe I'll come
back like a year later. It's the weirdest thing. It's weird.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
It's weird.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
Yeah. Even Brad has a little what do you call it,
your love rock, You're it's my adventure stone, his adventurous downe.
It's a good reminder of good things to come. Chelsea.
I have some very fun updates.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
Oh okay.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
This email is from Julia. She says I was the
private chef considering moving to the Pacific Northwest on the
Psychic Medium episode. I made the move, still getting my
footage and figuring out a new routine on my own.
But I just listened to the Dylan mulvaney episode with
Dane who's trans and doesn't have a big community in Portland.

(06:08):
I'm a sis woman, but I thought i'd see if
he wanted to be connected, just to have a friend,
especially since I'm new since February and don't know too
many people. I live in Vancouver, so just across the bridge.
Thank you again, Julia, and I got so many emails
from people being like, I'm in Portland, I'm trans or
I'm in Portland. I'd love to reach out to Dane,
and so I passed him along all of those.

Speaker 1 (06:30):
Is that amazing? Yeah, nice listeners, you guys. I just
way to build a community.

Speaker 2 (06:35):
I know, I love it, and I love it. It was
just a caller from recently who's going to get connected.
Another update from Meg, who had the new baby. She
was Mormon divorcing her husband on our Heather Gay episode,
so she says, Dear Chelsea, Heather and Catherine, I got
to listen back to your advice when the Bad Mormon

(06:55):
episode was released and I needed to reach out to
thank you. Your advice remains as grounding and centering as
the day we met, even more so now that my
ex has a new girlfriend. Chelsea was so right. The
fear of it was far worse than the reality. We
found a place for me soon to be ex husbands girlfriend.
Yes outside of their house than uh, it's walking distance

(07:16):
from my house, and we'll continue to co parent from
a safer emotional distance starting next week. In watching my
ex be free and date, I think it's safe to
say that, as Heather predicted, my hoore phase has definitely begun.
I've found myself a talented, super hot hook up for
now who has hey yeah, who has graciously accepted the
challenge of scheduling casual sex around a mom's shared custody agreement.

(07:40):
I'm not ready for anything serious, but when i am,
I'll be sure to use your incredibly kind remarks about
my cuteness to hype me up before each date. Please
know I was sitting in front of a seasonal depression
lamp that would make anyone look super hot. Also, my
principal from a school I worked in years ago called
me up out of the blue and is working with
me to design a position at the school in which

(08:01):
I will be a social emotional behavioral coach for students
as I apply for counseling psychology programs in the fall,
which is awesome because that was like one of her
concerns bringing in money and that guy just contacted.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
Her out of the blood.

Speaker 3 (08:13):
That is called when you get your ducks in a row,
the good things come your way. Yes, yes, when you
raise your frequency, people with raised frequencies come your way,
and opportunity arises, and then abundance.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
And this next line I loved. She goes very little
is settled, for sure, but so much is taking shape.
I'm so grateful for your wonderful advice that helped and
is still helping me to stay patient and strong and
so many moments of uncertainty.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
Chelsea.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
You mentioned in a recent podcast you'd like to hop
off the karmic wheel for a while and be a
light worker or something.

Speaker 1 (08:49):
Did I so, I was pretty stoned.

Speaker 2 (08:54):
I know what you meant, and I hope you're granted
a much deserved reprieve next lifetime. But I also hope
you know the work you're doing here on Earth now
is light work on a grand scale. The ripples go
farther than you'll ever get to see. Thank you all
for your kindness, authenticity and light in the world. With
love and gratitude.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
Meg, That's nice, very so wonderful, good good.

Speaker 3 (09:16):
I'm hoping this podcast absolves me of going straight to
fucking hell.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
I think so.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
Well, Chelsea. We're going to head into our calling in
backup segment with Better Help, who is sponsoring this segment,
and today Courtney Cope is joining us licensed marriage family
therapist and principal clinical operations manager at Betterhelp. Hi Courtney, Hi, Courtney, Hi,
great to see you both. Hi well, Angela writes Dear Chelsea.

(09:47):
Before I go any further, I just want to point
out that I love my mother in law dearly, but
I really could use some advice on how to deal
with her in certain situations. I need to rewind a
bit before I was in the picture. My partner, who
now thirty seven, lost his sister to cancer when she
was just fifteen and he was ten. As anyone can imagine,
this completely broke them as a family and changed them completely.

(10:10):
We have a one year old little boy, and since
having him, I have so much more empathy for what
they all went through. However, every time we're together, his
mom breaks down in tears. The crying isn't always about
her late daughter. Of course, I will always comfort and
listen when she speaks about her. This will never be
an issue for me, but it can be over anything.
It can be over casual conversation about the weather, about

(10:31):
what books we're reading, even what we may be having
for tea that evening. A lot of the conversations we have,
I find she often puts a negative, debbie downer spin
on it. She'll cry and get emotional at other people's
problems too, even people she barely knows. But lately, I
just feel like every time we're due to see her,
I instantly start to feel miserable. It's like I'm anticipating

(10:52):
the emotions that are about to come, and I feel
like the life and happiness has been drained from me
when I leave her. She also has a tendency to
make everything about her, which is extremely annoying. I completely
understand why she has this dark side to her, given
everything that's happened in the past. I'd never want her
to feel like she can't talk about her daughter to me.
I'll hold her hand and cry and laugh on the occasion,

(11:15):
but I can't deal with the constant downing of everything else.
So do you have any advice on how I can
handle this going forward. I always try and make light
of the situations, but it rarely works. Thanks for taking
the time to read this Angela.

Speaker 4 (11:27):
Well, Angela, I can't tell you how many therapy sessions
I've had that started off with. First of all, I
want to point out that I love my mother in law, dearlief,
but so again super common. I want to say, I
don't think this is a question about grief. This is
really a question about this woman is feeling trapped and
not like she can do anything about the situation or

(11:50):
that her efforts to change it in the past had
been unsuccessful. And ideally, in a situation like this, I
would love to see husband and wife sit down to
you together, discuss this as a unit, and perhaps even
take two to three sessions with a couple's therapists to
explore some solutions, because this is really about the husband,

(12:10):
the wife, and now their new one year old child
as a unit, deciding how they want to move forward
with the relationship with his parents in a way that
works for their family unit.

Speaker 3 (12:21):
Yeah, I think that's good advice because you do need
like a team member because she does feel so trapped,
Like the idea of having to hang out with somebody
that's such a Debbie downer and knowing that it's an
obligation of yours by way of marriage isn't fair. It's
just not only to a degree and you've reached your limit.

Speaker 4 (12:36):
It sounds like right, And the general consensus among most
couples therapy experts is that it's really important that an
adult child, when they're now engaging in an intimate adult
relationship like a marriage, a domestic partnership, they have to
choose their partner over their parent. And what I mean
by that is, if something isn't working for their partner

(12:58):
or something's affecting them partner, they have to prioritize their
partner's feelings over their parents in order to be able
to move forward and have a healthy, well not only
a healthy relationship, but a healthy adult experience, because no
adult should be under the thumb of their mother or
father's will imperpetuity, right, that would just hinder them as

(13:21):
an adult for the rest of their life. So that
would be what I would say about that. But also
I just of course have to say losing a child
is of course considered one of the most ultimate tragedies
and of course is going to impact somebody for the
rest of their life in.

Speaker 5 (13:37):
Some way or another.

Speaker 4 (13:38):
That being said, it is not this person's job to
be their mother in law's therapist to sit down and
find solutions specific.

Speaker 1 (13:47):
For their mother in law.

Speaker 4 (13:49):
So this is really I think about the husband and
wife having constructive conversations here.

Speaker 3 (13:54):
Yeah, absolutely, because it is his responsibility to get the
situation started.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
You know, it's his mom.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
And when that moment comes and you're like sitting around
the table talking about literally the weather, and she breaks
down in tears.

Speaker 1 (14:08):
What's the move?

Speaker 2 (14:09):
I mean, my instinct is to be like, I'm going
to give you a couple minutes, like they're ver, I'm
going to give you a couple of minutes and walk away,
But like that also feels a little icy cold from me.
What's what's the move to like sort of break the
cycle that she knows is coming multiple times in every visit.

Speaker 4 (14:29):
Right, in an ideal world, we would have husband and
wife ahead of time, deciding like, hey, if mom starts
crying or mother in law starts crying at this visit,
husband is gonna step in and he's gonna take over
say something. Wife can excuse herself whatever it is, but
let's just say it's just her and mother in law.

Speaker 5 (14:48):
Right.

Speaker 4 (14:48):
I don't think there's anything wrong with deciding ahead of time,
What do I have capacity for if I don't want
to go down this road for more than fifteen seconds
or thirty five seconds. Doing exactly what you you said,
Catherine is totally appropriate, Like I hear you and I'm
gonna step outside and get some fresh air. You know,
I'm gonna go pour another cup of tea. Anything to

(15:09):
pattern interrupt would be really useful. But the other thing
I would also encourage is to have husband and wife
ahead of time, maybe start looking at the ways they're
spending time with mother in law and if there's ways
they can redirect that quality time together into avenues that
maybe won't bring it about as much. Now I want

(15:30):
to acknowledge they might be limited. They have a one
year old, so it's not like they can take the
one year old and just like go to theater or
movies with the mother.

Speaker 1 (15:36):
About taking your mother's skiing, I hear Chelsea's good at that.

Speaker 4 (15:42):
So they definitely want to do things that are not
just sitting and staring at each other across from their
cup of tea, right because that's going to invite probably
conversations that they don't want to have. So thinking ahead
of time of what they could do having a plan
with her husband that if it does come up, what's
he going to do to step in. And then the
last thing I'll say is, if someone is going to

(16:05):
speak directly to the mother in law about her behavior
or her grief or how anything she's doing is impacting anyone,
it has to be from the husband. I would say
it would be very difficult for that conversation to go
well if it came from the wife. And if it
comes from the husband, him and his mom have a
shared experience of grief. They both lost a loved one,

(16:28):
and so I think even for him to be able
to say, you know, I get it. It's so hard.
We lost this person that we love and I'm working
to be more in the moment, and I'd love for
you to be more in the moment with me. Just
something that relates to her instead of shaming her blaming her,
I think would be really important here.

Speaker 2 (16:46):
I really love that. Well, Courtney, Thank you. Courtney Cope
is a licensed marriage and family therapist and principal clinical
operations manager at Betterhelp. And of course, thank you again
to Better Help for sponsoring calling him back up.

Speaker 4 (17:00):
Thanks so much for having me.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
Thanks cordingks so let's take a quick break and we'll
be right back to take some callers.

Speaker 3 (17:06):
Okay, and we're back.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
We are all right. Our first two questions are kind
of two sides of the same coin, so I was
really curious what you'll have to say about tho, Chelsea.
Our first question comes from Michael. He's in Palm Springs.
Dear Chelsea, I've been a sex researcher for the past
twenty years. In my field, I've worked closely with some

(17:32):
of the smartest women possible. I've studied women and men
my entire career, from their sexual practices to their relationships,
to their use of vibrators and other toys. My research
partners have largely been women, and most of my true
best friends are women. However, I'm starting to develop a
sense of anger at some women, loud straight women, and

(17:52):
I can't seem to shake it. A few years ago,
I left my academic career to move to Palm Springs
with my husband, who got a job offer we couldn't refuse.
You know what that means. Literally everyone I interact with
is a gay man in this city, and I'm rarely
around women unless a friend comes to visit. My husband
and I go hiking several times per week in the
local mountains. Almost every time we run into a group

(18:16):
of young women, loud, screaming women who literally never shut
up during the entire hike. They're always screaming about some randomness,
and you can just hear their voices regardless of how
far ahead we get past them. They are pushing me
over the edge. If it's a woman with a man,
the woman is always talking. I don't understand why they
can't just enjoy the beauty of the desert and shut

(18:37):
the fuck up every now and then. And it's not
just hiking. For some reason, every group of women that
comes to Palm Springs thinks that they are just what
gay men are waiting for to make their day. They
come into gay bars and packs and literally scream the
entire time, acting like they're doing something original and that
we should appreciate that they came to a gay bar.

(18:57):
On a recent podcast, you said you have a friend
who never shuts the fuck up, so I know you
can relate, but I do need some advice. Am I
just being a prick and becoming sexist? Or is it
really the case that some women just don't ever stop talking?
I don't want to confront these women. What could I
possibly say? So I'm just carrying around this anger and
anxiety about them instead. Any advice you can offer would

(19:18):
be much appreciated. Michael.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
Hi, Michael. First of all, this is a you problem.
These women are. They're out in public spaces.

Speaker 3 (19:28):
I understand that you want your bar to yourself without
these loud, obnoxious women, but you cannot. That's too discriminatory
to say you can't come in here. I don't want
you here on my hike. I don't want you here
in my gay bar. Like this reminds me of an
article I read over the weekend about they were making
in South Korea. They have public spaces that are child
free zones where you're not allowed to have children, but

(19:49):
it's a public space. And even I don't agree with that.
My children are a part of our human family. You
don't have to have them, but you can't outlaw them,
like if I mean, and this is me, everybody, like
we all know how I feel. So like I was
just like South Korea, what the fuck? You're in a
park and they're like, no children in this area.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
I don't I'm not.

Speaker 2 (20:11):
A non smoking that's a private business.

Speaker 3 (20:13):
If you have a business, fine, you know, and you
want to do that, that's that's one thing. But public
areas are for everybody, whether you agree with them or
you disagree with them. Now, why you're so irritated by
these women is an inside question for you that you
need to figure out, because sometimes you can tolerate people
that are annoying, and sometimes people.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Can't tolerate people that are annoying.

Speaker 3 (20:36):
And I understand, believe me, I'm a highly irritable person.
But you can't let people that have nothing to do
with your life impact you that way because they're in
hearing distance of what you're doing. So you have to
figure out a way to cultivate more patients. Because if
I know anything it is that patience is a virtue.
I have no natural patience. I've had to work on

(20:58):
it my well, I wouldn't say my entire life, because
I only came to like grips with the fact that
I had no patience until you know, later in life.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
But I do exercise patience and it is a practice.

Speaker 3 (21:09):
So you have to figure out a way to let
yourself not be so impacted by other people's actions, behaviors
or sounds. You might also have you know, what's called hyperacusis,
which is which is when you have very strong sensitivity
to sound. I think that's what hypercasus means. I'm pretty
sure I have that towards smell. And I also don't

(21:31):
like loud loud sounds, which is ironic since I'm the
loudest one in the room. I probably don't like the competition.
But yes, I think you need to figure out a
way to work on your patients, whether that's through meditation
or mantra or going to therapy.

Speaker 1 (21:46):
But you have to be tolerant of other people. That's
just the way this world is.

Speaker 2 (21:49):
Yeah, and I do think, you know, while he thinks
that it's women, I think, Michael, you have to realize,
like what you actually hate are bachelorette parties.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
Like that feels like what this issue is.

Speaker 3 (22:00):
Yea, And in that case, you need to leave Bomb Springs.
You need to find a completely different place to live.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, that's where they're all headed.

Speaker 2 (22:09):
I had a little bit of this going on where
I was like, sometimes young people would be being loud
or whatever, and I realized, like, I'm getting a little older,
and I had to reframe a little bit and be
like I'll remember when I was young and dumb and
fun and loud, and I was just having a great time.
And now it weirdly makes me smile. Like when I
see teenagers and they're just sort of being obnoxious or silly,
I'm like, you know what, good for them? Like good

(22:32):
for them, And if you can't outrun them on your hike,
just stop and look at some beautiful cacti and let
them walk on ahead, because that way you'll definitely like
have a better chance of not being able to hear them.
But I do love that he wrote into two very
loud women up with this question. So our next question
is a little bit of the flip side of that.
This comes from Jolene Dear Chelsea. I was at your

(22:54):
Spokane show and it was great. However, at the show,
I was on the first level of the bell and
there was a group of women behind and in front
who were talking throughout the whole show. I tried really
hard to ignore it, but my ADHD self couldn't. It
was very distracting and disappointing. I love going to stand
up and for the most part, this doesn't seem to
be a big issue, but when it does, it really

(23:16):
gets to me. It feels disrespectful. Maybe I'm too sensitive?
How do you suggest dealing with this? Do I suck
it up as I did? I know they paid for
their tickets too, so I don't get any special privilege.
Should I say something in the future, And how would
you recommend saying something? The group of women behind me
was clearly intoxicated, and I didn't want to say something
that would end up causing further disruption. I know that

(23:38):
people can be totally unaware of how they're impacting others,
and I'm sure that there were people around me that
weren't as bothered as I was. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Speaker 3 (23:46):
Jolene Well, I would say in that circumstance that it's
okay to say something to someone because you're at a performance.

Speaker 1 (23:54):
That you paid money for.

Speaker 3 (23:56):
And just because they paid money for their tickets doesn't
mean that they get to MP. You're being able to
enjoy the show, right And if they were being really loud, yes,
you can go and just very nicely say hey, ladies,
I'm so sorry, can you please? I can't hear anything,
and you can try and do it in a nice way.

Speaker 1 (24:12):
And if they don't listen.

Speaker 3 (24:13):
Then I would just go get security and be like
I can't hear, Like that's what security's for.

Speaker 1 (24:17):
Listen. There are a lot of drunk people at my show,
and a lot of people get.

Speaker 3 (24:20):
Removed when they can't control themselves because you know they can't,
they're ruining the show for other people.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
So do you think that happens like every show or
like shows like I've heard this before where people are
like I couldn't.

Speaker 1 (24:33):
I was sitting by these group of women that were
so obnoxious.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
I mean, no one goes to a stand up comedy
show to hear somebody else talk, So like just and
that's you can say that well.

Speaker 2 (24:43):
And I loved this question too because I had an
experience like this a couple of years ago, pre pandemic,
Brad and I had traveled to San Diego. We'd driven
for hours, we had a hotel room for the weekend,
and we went to see my favorite murder live and
like it's a podcast, they're literally just talking. There's no spectacle.
It's two people talking so in chairs. And the gals
next to us they weren't drunk, but there were three

(25:03):
or four gals and they just were talking at full volume.
The entire time, and I eventually like nicely asked them
to be quiet, and they were so pissed at me,
like they were really upset.

Speaker 1 (25:15):
Cares if they're pissed at you, you don't, I know, I know.

Speaker 3 (25:17):
And when I hear anyone at my show, like if
it's disrupting my perform I always call them out, like, shut.

Speaker 1 (25:23):
The fuck up. There's a thousands of people here that
want to listen to me. Yeah, like you're not you
can't get to talk right now. That's not what this
is about. It's not interactive.

Speaker 3 (25:33):
Yeah, So there's a time and a place I think
when you say something to people, and absolutely that is
a time to say something to someone.

Speaker 1 (25:40):
And in a nice, gentle way.

Speaker 3 (25:41):
And if they don't hear you the first time, then
go get security and say I can't you know, I
don't this, I'm not enjoying myself. I can't hear anything
these women. I mean, yeah, people get removed from my
shows all the time for doing that.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
And I would say, also, Joline, you know you thought
you were probably the only one having that issue with them,
like probably everyone else around you was also annoyed. I
would say, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (26:00):
As long as you don't start everything at like a ninety,
you know out of one hundred, and like start coming.

Speaker 1 (26:04):
Up going yeah, yeah, I need you to cry.

Speaker 3 (26:06):
You know, like as long as you're not approaching them
like that, and it's in a careful way, like in
a thoughtful way, then the reaction should be commensurate. And
if it isn't, then you know, you have to tell
on them.

Speaker 1 (26:19):
A little tattling.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
Never heard anybody well. Our first caller today is Lee.
Lee says, Dear Chelsea, help me decide which direction I
should take. As I approached this fork in the road
yet again. I graduated with a BA in psychology, but
after just a couple of years and a cross country
road trip, I decided to get my teaching certification. I

(26:40):
was looking for a dependable, respectable, and stable job. Unfortunately,
nine years later, this job has been anything but I
have officially been laid off due to budget cuts four
times now in nine years. I thought I finally found
a great school, but after only one year I found
out I was being let go again, along with forty
other teachers. I always had the same old lines, you're great,

(27:02):
it's not you. We'll help you find another position. But
I've heard it all before and feel so rejected and defeated.
Is it stupid to return to the classroom at another
school this would be my seventh school. Or is it
a sign from the universe to move on to something
bigger and better. Maybe the universe keeps sending me this
sign that I keep ignoring. Lee.

Speaker 6 (27:22):
Hi, Lee, Hi, how are you?

Speaker 1 (27:24):
I'm good?

Speaker 7 (27:25):
How are you good?

Speaker 1 (27:27):
Good?

Speaker 2 (27:28):
Nice to see you do.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
I can understand why you're so frustrated.

Speaker 5 (27:34):
Yeah, it's a big hit to the self esteem as well.

Speaker 3 (27:38):
Yeah, I selfishly, I don't think we can afford to
lose any more teachers. So part of me is just like,
please just stick with it, but talk to me about
your life.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
I mean, you say you think it might be.

Speaker 3 (27:47):
A sign that you're in the wrong, you're doing the
wrong thing. I don't know about that. I think that
sometimes things get really tough before you get to the
place where you're supposed to be right.

Speaker 5 (28:00):
And that's what I'm starting to wonder now. But it's
just like you get jealous of the people who you
know been able to stay at one school for since
their whole career, when I've been at like probably six
in the past nine years. Because there's just so many
budget cuts, surprisingly in education. What state are you in
in New Jersey?

Speaker 1 (28:19):
Uh huh?

Speaker 3 (28:20):
And is there anything else that you're thinking about or
contemplating doing for a living.

Speaker 5 (28:24):
I've thought about going back for guidance counseling, so then
it's like still in the school or just counseling in general.

Speaker 7 (28:31):
I think that'd be cool, but I don't know.

Speaker 5 (28:33):
I look at my husband and like, my parents have
these cushy like office jobs, and I'm like, well, that
seems kind of nice. They haven't been let go ever,
and I'm let go all the time.

Speaker 3 (28:42):
Yeah, I understand that I wouldn't give up on teaching
because you're doing such like it's such a major contribution
to society.

Speaker 1 (28:50):
And if you really can, what grade do you teach?

Speaker 5 (28:54):
I've been teaching middle school, but I actually just accepted
a position in an elementary school.

Speaker 1 (28:59):
So okay, so you're starting a new job.

Speaker 5 (29:01):
Yeah, so I got let go right when I wrote
that letter, And then you know, I need a job.
I have two small kids, so I started applying right away.
And of course the teaching jobs are easy for me
to get because that's what you know, my resume is.

Speaker 7 (29:13):
So yeah, I got something right away.

Speaker 3 (29:15):
Okay, and is there any way you can do that
while you're also pursuing getting what would you what kind
of credentials do you need to become a guidance counselor.

Speaker 5 (29:23):
It's a master's degree, which yeah, I could, but I
would love for the school to pay, and usually they
won't pay till you've worked there a couple of years.

Speaker 1 (29:32):
I would say, try and see have you started this
new job yet.

Speaker 5 (29:35):
No, it starts in September.

Speaker 1 (29:37):
Oh well, that's exciting. I think take this new job.

Speaker 3 (29:40):
Really set an intention about where you want this to go,
how you want to impact the children, how you want
to be of use within this school, and what you
want to contribute right. I think you should start from
that really, like set your intention so that you're really
mindful every day going in and really putting your best
foot forward and see what happens. And if this happens again,

(30:04):
then I would say, yeah, then you can start talking
about getting your master's degree.

Speaker 1 (30:09):
I think you can.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
Still start pursuing that anyway to become a guidance counselor.
I think that's a really helpful, you know, position for
people to be in. I remember my guidance counsel for
middle school. She saved my ass so many times. So
I have very fond memories of that relationship. But I
wouldn't take like a product of what our society is
dealing with in the education sector as a sign that

(30:29):
you're not in the right position. And I think sometimes
when you stick it out right, when you think you're
supposed to quit, it's the next thing that comes your
way that's the best one.

Speaker 5 (30:39):
Yeah, that's I guess what I'm hoping, because I feel
like I can't make the decision to leave education kind
of like you're saying, unless it's on my terms, Like
maybe I get to stay and I work three more
years and I realized, oh, I'm the one who wants to.

Speaker 3 (30:52):
Ah, yeah, absolutely, and how much I mean, you're willing
to make a go of this one? Yes, yes, yeah,
I would say just really go into this so wholeheartedly,
as wholeheartedly as you've ever gone into anything in your life.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
And really, because I.

Speaker 3 (31:07):
Think I'm not blaming your being you know, these cost
cuts or you being let go on you, but I'm
saying when you bring that energy into something and it's
consistent and it's really mindful, it works for you, and
you'll start to see the effect that you're having on
the children, on the other staff, on the school.

Speaker 1 (31:24):
As a whole.

Speaker 7 (31:25):
That's true. That's a good point.

Speaker 1 (31:27):
It is.

Speaker 7 (31:27):
It's just hard.

Speaker 3 (31:28):
We don't give enough credit to like spirituality and to
energy and to like our vibrations and what we're bringing
and what we're taking away. You know, you have the
ability to impact so many little people's brains.

Speaker 1 (31:40):
I mean that is a privilege.

Speaker 5 (31:43):
That is a privilege, and that's my favorite part of teaching.
I just more than teaching. I love being like their
guidance counselor almost you know.

Speaker 1 (31:51):
Yeah, yeah, so don't give up yet. Don't conflate you
losing your job with you being a teacher, you know
what I mean?

Speaker 3 (31:58):
Right, Yeah, I know it's hard to say. That was
just two separate things. And I get you, like idiot
is like, yeah, if it happens again, then I would say, okay,
But since we're talking, I think you should give it
one more go okay.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
I think also if you have the expectation of like
this might be for one year and that's okay, and
then it might be for ten years or twenty years.
You just don't know. But if you have the expectation
of like, this is what's happened for the last nine
years in a row, and then you'll be pleasantly surprised
if it goes beyond that.

Speaker 7 (32:26):
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 5 (32:27):
I had told myself this was it, and now I'm like, oh,
I got one more I guess one more shot.

Speaker 1 (32:32):
Yeah, one more shot. We all agree, one more shot.

Speaker 3 (32:35):
And then and then from there, if that happens again,
and call us back, and then we'll reroute.

Speaker 2 (32:39):
Yes, please do, please.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
Do, okay, okay, good nucky, So thankfully.

Speaker 7 (32:45):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
Hye by Oh.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
She was so cute. She was like, it's my daughter's
field day today. I'm like, I remember field day.

Speaker 1 (32:52):
Do you remember that? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (32:53):
When my mom would forget to pack me anything for
lunch and all the other kids had their shit.

Speaker 1 (32:57):
I remember, Oh, may A field trips so much mom.
I mean, it was.

Speaker 3 (33:01):
Nice to not be in the classroom, but it was
I mean, my mom would never come on those field trips.
You know, have mothers sign up. I'd be like, Mom,
would you come on a field trip? She's like, oh, honey, no,
He's like, I've already been to the zoo. I'm like,
what I don't need to see those, like a Liberty Bell.
We could ride to Philadelphia together.

Speaker 2 (33:18):
I heard that the Liberty Bell is very underwhelming.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
Well it's pretty big bell.

Speaker 3 (33:24):
Yeah, I mean when they have a little museum, I
don't think it's underwhelming.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
No, it's on an historian.

Speaker 1 (33:31):
All that shit is underwhelming. Are you a museum person?

Speaker 3 (33:35):
I prefer museum over art. Yeah, I like I like
history over art. I don't know what I'm looking at
when I look at art, you know, I just I
may as well be looking at a juve cover, you know,
I just.

Speaker 1 (33:46):
Know, like what. I don't know how to interpret it.
I don't know the language of art.

Speaker 3 (33:51):
I appreciate that it's there. But I'm a philistine when
it comes to art.

Speaker 2 (33:55):
I like art, but like for a little bit, Like
I love to look at something beautiful, but then I'm like,
I'm like you, I'm like ready to move on to
the next guy.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
I want an hour, and you know, I'll look at
it art for an hour and then that's it.

Speaker 1 (34:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
With museums, I want to read. If I'm interested in
the subject, I want to read every single plaque like everything.
I love it.

Speaker 3 (34:13):
You know what a great museum is is the Broad
Museum in downtown LA.

Speaker 1 (34:17):
I have not been art museum.

Speaker 3 (34:19):
Because they have different collections there and different viewings, and
it's just so well done. They have a huge art collection,
the Broad Family, and they have a little restaurant next
door that's really it's just the perfect day. It's called
odm Otium, and it's the perfect day to go down
there to the Broad Museum.

Speaker 1 (34:35):
That's museum, if.

Speaker 2 (34:41):
All right? Our next caller is Celeste. Celeste is forty three.
She says, Dear Chelsea, my five year old daughter masturbates
with abandon. We've had many talks about it, and she
knows it's totally normal and fine, but that it's a
private activity. She usually respects the boundaries we give her,
but with this she does not give a fuck. She

(35:03):
finds creative ways to do it at preschool, at restaurants,
around her older brother and his friends. I don't know
what else to do without shaming her about her masturbation
and sexuality. Thank you for being honest about your childhood masturbation.
What advice would you give to your family who knew
what you were up to back then?

Speaker 1 (35:22):
Celeste?

Speaker 2 (35:24):
Hi, Celest Hi, how are you?

Speaker 1 (35:28):
I'm good?

Speaker 2 (35:29):
How are you amazing? Tell Chelsea what you told us
about the particular implement that your daughter has been using.

Speaker 8 (35:37):
Well, it's not just one, I guess for stutts, but
we have a massage gun, you know, for post workout
recovery and what have you.

Speaker 1 (35:46):
And she likes to.

Speaker 8 (35:49):
Take that into corners of the living room under the
blanket during family movie time.

Speaker 1 (35:54):
And just.

Speaker 3 (35:58):
That's I listen, you're not a I did that for
about two years straight when we called it the feeling,
and I was. I took whatever utensils or rulers or ladles.
I once sat at my Thanksgiving dinner with a ladle
in between my legs, like basically jerking myself off for
like three hours straight during a Thanksgiving dinner when I

(36:19):
was nine years old. So I mean, you know, not
for just so everyone's clear, child masturbation is not inserting
anything into your joina. You're playing with your little fiddle
bit doors only, and it's also usually overclothing.

Speaker 1 (36:31):
But I don't know.

Speaker 3 (36:32):
I don't know because when my mom called me out,
I believe nobody understood what I was doing, right, I thought,
the longer no one says anything to me, I'm getting
away with it like, obviously no one could see what
I'm doing, but my discretion was became less and less,
like I started to get boulder and boulder, and so

(36:53):
everyone knew what I was doing. But once somebody said
something to me, once I was done. But that was
in a much different era. So I understand not wanting
to shame your daughter, but it sounds like she really
needs to understand that that behavior is fine, but she's
got to be in her room when she does it,
because I think you have to have a larger conversation

(37:14):
with her about what it means, you know what I mean, Like,
that's a private moment and you're totally allowed it, but
it's just not for family, and it's not for strangers.

Speaker 8 (37:24):
M Yeah, and I guess so the reason I wrote
in is because I read your book and read that
part of it. We have had that conversation a lot
of times, and so if I ask her and I say, hey,
what are you doing?

Speaker 1 (37:37):
She just kind of like, and I say, coy and Hary,
are you allowed to do that in private? In my room?

Speaker 2 (37:46):
But she doesn't do that.

Speaker 8 (37:49):
So I don't know how to explain to her at
that age the possible dangers of doing that.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
How well is she again.

Speaker 2 (37:59):
By uh yeah, wow, you know, so I did a
little research on this. Basically what they say is like
this isn't even really about sex for kids that age.
It's about like, oh, like I don't wear a diaper anymore,
and I've discovered these feelings and like this part of
my body feels different than other parts of my body.
It's just sort of like it can be self soothing,

(38:19):
which like I know I did as a like a
little four or five year old. It can be you know,
just like oh, this is fun and exciting. But one
of the best recommendations I saw was distraction, so like
she knows she's supposed to do it in her room
and there may be is like okay, like maybe it's
time for some private time in your room or in
the bathroom, and like having her go do that then,

(38:40):
but also just distraction like hey, you know what, let's
go make some cookies or something less time consuming than
being cookies, Like hey, should we go grab a snack?
Hey should we go for a walk?

Speaker 1 (38:49):
Right now?

Speaker 2 (38:49):
So it's sort of like redirecting where it's not like
does you know, not even saying anything about it, just
like you know, let's go over here and do this
right now. So sort of like disrupting that pattern when
she's in public. But the other nice thing that I
read is as she gets closer to like six seventy
eight nine, she will naturally start to phase that out.
That's obviously like in cases like this where it's a

(39:11):
normal kit, she will start to phase that out and
be like, oh wait, I shouldn't be doing this in
front of my nine year old brother.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
Do you have you put Have you done that with her?

Speaker 3 (39:20):
Like when when she is masturbating or whatever, fiddling her bean,
do you say do you like to say, Okay, now
we're gonna go in your room, you can do that
in your room.

Speaker 8 (39:29):
I don't know if I've necessarily tried that approach, like
I've taken the massage gone away and just been.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
Like, hey, this is not a toy.

Speaker 8 (39:35):
This is for mom and dad, and you went and
put it on a shelf. But she finds her ways,
and she I told Catherine this that recently she put
on she got dressed for school, put on a pair
of pants and said, oh, there's a hole in my pocket.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
And I said, okay, well, don't put.

Speaker 8 (39:49):
Anything important in there, and she was like, now I
can touch my vagina and no one will know.

Speaker 3 (39:57):
Well, Also, the way that you said to me when
you said to her that, you said, what are you doing?

Speaker 6 (40:03):
Like?

Speaker 3 (40:03):
That's very playful. So her response saying ooh, like that's
also playful. So maybe you need to be a little
bit firmer instead of without being shameful by shaming her.
It's not a shameful thing, but a little bit firmer,
Like I told you, honey, that's not appropriate.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
You know what I mean. You could you can do that,
but there are rooms.

Speaker 3 (40:24):
This is the zone where you can do it, and
you can't do it outside anymore. And if she does,
you can just say okay, if that's what you want
to do, then you have to be in your room, right.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
And each time, be consistent.

Speaker 3 (40:35):
Don't let her masturbate on the couch, don't let her
fiddle or bean wherever she feels like it.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
Anytime you catch her.

Speaker 3 (40:40):
Go honey, I'm so sorry, but we're gonna If you
want to do that, we can. You can go to
your room and do it. And if you don't want
to go to your room, then you have to stop
doing that.

Speaker 6 (40:48):
Right.

Speaker 1 (40:49):
That's a good point.

Speaker 7 (40:49):
I didn't think about that.

Speaker 8 (40:51):
She's following my tone.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that way what Chelsea said, Like
the boundary is not masturbating or not masturbating. The boundary
is you know what looks like you need some private time.
Why don't you go spend a few minutes in your room.

Speaker 3 (41:03):
It's just like saying I have to urinate. You can't
just do that wherever you want. I mean you can,
but somebody's gonna say you need to go in the bathroom,
like that's where you do that, Just like she goes
to the bathroom to pee and potty and whatever else
and brush your teeth, there's a room for her, you know,
Like you have to make.

Speaker 1 (41:20):
It that clear.

Speaker 3 (41:21):
Yeah, right, and be firm and be consistent, and I
bet you if you're consistent like the next ten times, it's.

Speaker 1 (41:26):
Not gonna be a problem anymore.

Speaker 8 (41:28):
Yeah, I think that makes sense. Yeah, I've just been
nervous about her feeling like it's a bad thing.

Speaker 1 (41:34):
But I do think that I've been.

Speaker 8 (41:36):
Probably too lenient about it, been too careful.

Speaker 1 (41:39):
Yeah, it sounds like maybe you have.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
But yeah, exactly what Chelsea said, minus a shame, but
like redirecting like either to bedroom or you know, distraction. Distraction,
like let's go do something else. Yeah all right, well,
will you let us know how it goes and clean
off your far agun please.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
Yeah, keep that faragun away from her also, because those
things are dangerous hunching it.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (42:02):
Yeah, you're not supposed to use those on your neck either,
because I've heard some stories about people.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
Saying they really hurt themselves.

Speaker 3 (42:08):
Really yeah, like on your spine and your shoulders, like
you can do it and it gets really violent if
you put it on that high setting and it can
hurt you.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
So yeah, keep that away from her anyway. Yeah, yeah, agreed. Yeah,
treat it like a real gun and put it in
a locked drawer. Fair enough, Okay, well, good luck. Let
us know how it goes.

Speaker 2 (42:29):
Thanks Alas, Okay, yeah, okay, thank you, bye bye.

Speaker 1 (42:34):
I was the queen of masturbation when I was a
little kid.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
Well, our next color is Janelle jen Now says dear Chelsea.
The past few years have been tough. I know, I know,
who hasn't it been tough for I worked a good
amount of issues out through therapy, but I felt as
though I had reached my limit. I was given a
note from my therapist for an emotional support animal. But
I live in a non pet friendly building. My puppy

(42:58):
to lose. Has there ever been a better dog name
than to lose?

Speaker 3 (43:02):
Nose to lose, to lose two words, or to lose
to lose like to lose the track has.

Speaker 2 (43:10):
Made a world of difference. I can get out of
bed in the morning with purpose. She gets me out
and about and meeting new people. She's been such a
joy and I love her so much, but my neighbor
hasn't felt the same. Occasionally she lets out of bark
or two when she hears certain people in the hall,
not everyone, and not all the time. I immediately run over
to quiet her down. So there really is only five

(43:32):
to ten seconds of a bark, not excessive in my opinion,
But the walls are thin, and my neighbor still complains.
Over the past few months, she left a nasty note
under the door and has since complained to management twice,
which has now prompted them to find me find her.
She had have like a meeting in front of the
board and everything. Because of this, my anxiety and depression

(43:54):
has increased tenfold. I had to start medication. I even
had my first panic attack, which mimicked a heart attack.
I feel so on edge and uncomfortable in my own home.
This is a condo building, and I own a unit,
and I'm starting the moving process because of this, I
felt bullied enough to move out in the meantime. Do
you have any advice for how to deal with cruel people?

(44:15):
What should I do? Janelle Hi?

Speaker 1 (44:17):
Janel Hi?

Speaker 6 (44:19):
How are you?

Speaker 1 (44:20):
Oh? We're good? How are you? This is Catherine Hi,
and I see you, Catherine. So you're moving out?

Speaker 6 (44:27):
I am, yeah. My place will probably go up for
sale this week and then it's just kind of like
the summer to look for a new spot.

Speaker 3 (44:34):
Okay, well, that's that's good. And what's the barking situation?
How would you rate it on a scale of a
barking when you're gone?

Speaker 5 (44:41):
Right?

Speaker 6 (44:42):
No, it's when I'm there, so, I mean, and I'm working,
you know, the same business hours as this woman, my neighbor,
and she'll hear to loose will like hear something in
the hall. It'll set her off. She barks once or twice,
and I immediately run over to calm her down, and
then that's it. This is not like excessive barking when
I'm gone. This is just once or twice, like less
than thirtys.

Speaker 1 (45:03):
That's so annoying your neighbor to that, Yeah, that's so annoying.

Speaker 3 (45:08):
I mean, I mean, listen, barking is very annoying, especially
excessive barking. So the fact that you're talking to me,
I believe you. And when you say it's one or
two barks, like, that's not the.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
End of the world. And anybody can work a pay
on that.

Speaker 3 (45:21):
And you have to have tolerance for that sort of thing,
especially when you're living in a building.

Speaker 2 (45:25):
Yeah, on top of each other, literally right.

Speaker 6 (45:29):
Right, I mean, and like this is a building. I'm
in Chicago, and so this is a building that was
like built in the seventies. The walls are very thin.
I have heard this neighbor cough through the wall. I'm
sure she's heard me, you know, make a smoothie with
my blunder vacuum or anything. So like this thing and
you know, to lose letting out one or two barks
is I don't know, Like you said, not the end

(45:51):
of the world.

Speaker 1 (45:51):
And when you said they find you, how much money
was that?

Speaker 6 (45:54):
So I have a meeting with the board to be
determined when they haven't decided when, but I will go
plead my case to them and then they'll choose what
my fine is.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
So this is what I said to Janelle as well.
I was like, is there a way that you can
discuss with the board, Like is this actually a problem,
because number one, you have rights under the Americans with
Disabilities Act because she is an EESA, She's an emotional
support animal. This is not a pet. This is a
dog that is helping you with a mental health issue.

(46:24):
And in addition, I think you need to be very
clear with them she is not barking all day long,
Like it's five to ten barks or five to ten
seconds of a bark like you mentioned, and then she's
quieted down. And I think you should work with them
on like what is a good solution to this issue?
And should I advise someone when this issue is happening
so that they can come and actually see like she's

(46:45):
not barking all day long. I think you need to
make it very clear to them that like one person's
word is not what is necessarily happening. We used to
live above some neighbors who would complain that we were
so loud and we walked with really heavy footfalls and whatever,
whatever what appen?

Speaker 1 (47:00):
And what the fuck is a footfall?

Speaker 2 (47:03):
Like, I know Brad's really tall and big, but like,
can you ask me like step quieter like in our apartment?
And finally, one day, our building manager asked us to
like hang out in their apartment while they were gone
because there was like a service person coming. I went
down to check out their apartment just to see how
loud it was. These people, who were in their twenties,
by the way, had their entire apartment covered in antique

(47:26):
China dishes with teacups, so every time we would walk
it would rattle the teacups all around their apartment. Was
that a nuss problem?

Speaker 6 (47:35):
No?

Speaker 2 (47:36):
But they still complained about us, So, you know, I
think you need to make it really clear to them,
like this is actually not an issue. I know so
and so feels that it is, but I would be
very happy to provide proof that this is not an
ongoing or persistent issue.

Speaker 3 (47:50):
I have a question, Well, I mean, what's the point
if she's moving out? Well, I mean for the purpose
of this interaction, but what happens when your dog?

Speaker 1 (47:56):
Do you ever leave your dog at home without you?

Speaker 6 (47:58):
I have one certain twice. You know, I don't think
she's allowed in the grocery store, so I don't bring
her grocery shopping with me. And I've gone on a
date or two and I've left her mind. But I
have a camera on her so I can check in
like live feed on her, and she's always just sleeping,
and I've taken screenshots of it, so I know that
she's not barking when I'm not there. It's just that
when I'm there, she hears something in the hallway and

(48:21):
it's confused, a like who it could be?

Speaker 2 (48:24):
Right?

Speaker 3 (48:25):
And when you come home from those instances, does she
bark when she hears you coming in?

Speaker 6 (48:29):
No? M never.

Speaker 1 (48:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:32):
But so for this hearing, first of all, there should be
no fucking fine you're moving out?

Speaker 1 (48:35):
Like right, I mean you're you've already decided that, or now.

Speaker 2 (48:39):
Are you for sure you want to do this? I mean,
I get it. It's like shitty to come home and
be like, oh my gosh, I'm being too loud here
and there and everywhere, But at the same time, like
to move and sell your condo because of a complaint
to one other from another person.

Speaker 6 (48:54):
This was like the straw that broke the camel's back.
There's just like a couple of things that I've like
wanted in a new place, you know, just Chicago, old,
outdated kind of game. It so looking to upgrade anyways,
but this was just kind of like the final straw.
And it's not so much that her barking gives me anxiety,
because like, I'm not set off by loud noises. It's
like the fact that I might see this neighbor in
the hallway and she's already know under the door, and

(49:17):
I just like I just don't. It got so bad
last week that like I actually had a panic attack
where I had to go to the urgent care because
I thought I was having a heart attack. So just
like the fact that I might run into her just
really really gives me so much panic and anxiety.

Speaker 3 (49:31):
Yeah, well you should move a go move to a
building where you see other dogs also so that people
have an understanding, make sure it's a dog friendly building
moving in. And if you're dealing with this already, it's older.
This isn't the only reason. There are more reasons. I
always think change is good. You know, you want to
be around different energy and different people, and for the
purposes of this stupid hearing. Make sure you bring up

(49:54):
the Disabilities Act?

Speaker 2 (49:55):
Did emerge with Disabilities Act?

Speaker 3 (49:57):
Yeah, that you're they have no right, and that you're
move You're selling your place because of the stress of this,
because of the harassment, and you actually fucking counter super
harassed or you know, counter complain.

Speaker 1 (50:08):
Yeah. I mean, obviously you're not going.

Speaker 3 (50:09):
To file a lawsuit, but it's like you're you're uprooting
your life basically.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
Yes, So you're not going to pay a fine on
top of that. Right.

Speaker 2 (50:18):
The other thing too, I have a magic bullet hero
al so for your next place, because I do think
it's a good thing to be like, Okay, I don't
have to deal with this crazy person anymore. I know
we've moved because of crazy neighbors before. One thing that
my brother in law did in Chicago, he's in wicker Park.
He had an issue, a sound issue with a neighbor
who was complaining about like they were not being very loud.

(50:39):
They were complaining about the loudness of the music and whatnot. Well,
after a few complaints from his board, he decided to
join the HOA board. So now he is part of
the decision making process. And he's a respected member of
the community. So I would very much recommend that the
next place you go, if there is a board, condo, association, board, whatever,

(51:00):
join it.

Speaker 1 (51:01):
First off.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
And also it's very easy to get to lose registered
as an actual legitimate service animal. So if the ESA
thing emotional support animal thing is not quite enough for them,
go service animal and then you're covered and you're covered
for TSA too.

Speaker 6 (51:18):
Oh that's true. That's a good recommendation. Thank you. Yeah,
I appreciate that.

Speaker 2 (51:22):
Yeah, well, keep us posted. I would really like to
hear what happens after this meeting. But I think very
much advocate for yourself, Like, don't just take this all
lying down. I think you should say I am uprooting
my entire life. Like Chelsea said, I'm not gonna pay
this fine. It's actually not an issue, you know, she's
she's making a mountain out of a mole hill. But
it's enough that I'm, you know, changing my life. So

(51:45):
let's let bygones be by cons that I'm leaving.

Speaker 6 (51:48):
Right. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Thank you. I appreciate it,
and I will definitely let you know. I haven't I
haven't heard yet. When I'm supposed to chat with them,
but I will keep you posted for sure.

Speaker 1 (51:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (51:56):
And also, one person's version isn't like what Catherine and
said earlier. One person's account of something isn't necessarily accurate.
You should show them some video footage or collect the
video footage from whatever appy you used to record your
dog so you can prove that to louse isn't barking
when you're not there.

Speaker 6 (52:13):
Also, yeah, yeah, I've definitely logged enough screenshots of her,
of her snoozing.

Speaker 3 (52:18):
And her creat Yeah, I'm god, very good, right, perfect, good, Okay, well,
good luck with everything.

Speaker 2 (52:23):
Thank you so much, Thanks Janelle, thanks for calling.

Speaker 6 (52:26):
Thank you, nice meeting you. Bye hie.

Speaker 3 (52:30):
Okay, we're going to take a quick break and we'll
be right back to wrap things up.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
And we're back. Okay, everybody, We're back.

Speaker 2 (52:41):
To lose, to lose, I know it's to lose. Just
the absolute best name for a dog.

Speaker 1 (52:45):
I told you about that.

Speaker 2 (52:46):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
It's confusing. What is Telusa's a French name.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
Yeah, that's French. I'm told Brad. I was like, man,
if Wendall wasn't already Wendell, he might be Tolenda's a.

Speaker 1 (52:55):
Better name than to lose. Douglas is a good name
for a dog.

Speaker 3 (52:58):
That's Hannah Gatsby's dogs name that she talks about in
her special Oh I called Douglas Douglas. Yeah, Douglas is
a good name. Bert and Douglas. I can't wait to
get my new batch of dogs. And I wonder what
my dogs.

Speaker 2 (53:10):
People have been sending you.

Speaker 1 (53:11):
Some chows.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
I've been sending them along.

Speaker 3 (53:14):
So you know I do is watch chow videos on Instagram.
I can't not stop watching chows. I just fucking love
those dogs. I was talking to this guy the other
day and he was like, you gotta get a pug,
and I'm like, no, no, I don't like That's not
my type.

Speaker 1 (53:26):
Visit mine. I'm a type.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
Yeah, and everyone has the type. You have to follow
your heart exactly. Some people love a weenie, some people
I love a pug.

Speaker 1 (53:35):
I love.

Speaker 2 (53:35):
Half of my Instagram these days is like singing dogs,
or like dogs that are kind of howling and people
will like write songs alongside them and it's hysteria.

Speaker 3 (53:44):
I like when dogs cuddle each other, like you see
little sibling action and they are just on top of
each other, And especially dogs with other animals that cuddle,
that are sweet. Like there was this video of a
horse and a dog the other day rubbing heads together.

Speaker 2 (53:58):
I almost climax you Okay, have you been on Safari before?

Speaker 1 (54:02):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (54:03):
And is it just the most magical.

Speaker 3 (54:05):
Its magical trip I've ever been on. You don't even
have to care about animals. I mean, I'm an animal lover,
but not like crazy, you know, I like my animals
pretty much. Yeah, like watching animals, but I'm not like
some crazy animal person. And it's just it feels like
you're in a different time, in a different world. Yeah,
Like Africa's the only place I've ever traveled to where
I felt I was I was.

Speaker 1 (54:26):
On another continent.

Speaker 3 (54:27):
Yeah, seebe when you're in Europe or even you're South America,
Like it's a little it's it's just feels like there's
always access to Americanism, you know what I mean. Africa
is Africa and there's nothing American about it.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
Are you going several places or are you going to
be in one spot?

Speaker 1 (54:43):
Yeah, we're going to like three four different camps.

Speaker 3 (54:46):
Oh my god, my sister and myself and all of
our you know, troops, all the girls and uh yeah,
my sister's been too a few times. I've been on
Safari twice before. Yeah, and it is the trip of
a lifetime. And I want to see my nieces in
and well not nephews because they're not coming.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
I want to see it.

Speaker 3 (55:03):
I was like, Nie, just a niece. I saw my
nephews last weekend. They came to my show in the
Cats Skills, and they are so big and tall. It's
just so I'm just like a little any bitty thing
next to them. I mean, it's just so funny. I'm
like my Russian sister in law feeds them goulash, and
I guess it works because I've never seen boys this thing.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
Oh my goodness, and it is true, like they grow up.

Speaker 3 (55:29):
So I mean my one nephew six ' five, oh
my god, I know.

Speaker 1 (55:33):
And the other one like is so ridiculous.

Speaker 3 (55:35):
He works out so hard, so his chest is like
he looks like, I'm like, you do not have the
body type for that. I'm like, you look like you're
from New Jersey, Like cool it with the working out,
it's too much.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
My nephew, Evan, he he started going to military school,
his choice, his choice, and he's like opening doors for
his grandma now and like just being very risk spect
fall and from military school. It's like learning all these
you know, very old school but kind of nice things.

(56:07):
It's like we women, we can open the doors ourselves,
but like it's nice.

Speaker 1 (56:11):
I don't feel like opening a door for myself.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
I love it when somebody opened it.

Speaker 3 (56:14):
Also open doors for other people too, Like once the
door's open, keep it open until the flow is done.
And if you're a man, don't step in front of
a woman when the door is open.

Speaker 1 (56:23):
Okay, just that's the least you can do.

Speaker 2 (56:25):
That is something that is a phenomenon that I never
experienced in the Midwest. And we moved here, Chelsea, and
like the first few weeks we were like what is happening?
Like Brad would open the door for me and men
would walk through it ahead of me. And one time
where I was like, hey, I wasn't opening that for you, bro,
Like I was opening it for my wife, and the
guy like did a double take because he truly didn't
even notice.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
He was like, oh, I'm sorry, Like they don't even notice.
Ladies first, please, ladies first. Okay.

Speaker 3 (56:54):
Well that was our episode for today. It was a
Catherine and Chelsea special.

Speaker 1 (56:58):
But sure was.

Speaker 2 (57:00):
I mean, I think we learned a lot. We gave
some very pointed advice, and.

Speaker 1 (57:04):
I learned that to louse is a very French name.

Speaker 2 (57:08):
To lose la trek mung far.

Speaker 1 (57:10):
Who's to lose l trek monba.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
He was an artist of the Bohemian persuasion as as
shown in the movie Mulan Rouge. You'll see him played
by John Leguizamoh, okay, that's I think where my generation
knows of to lose la track is from Mulan Rouge.

Speaker 1 (57:29):
Well, thanks for listening, everybody. We'll catch you next week.
Bye bye, okay, guys.

Speaker 3 (57:35):
Also, I have added more second shows to my Little
Big Bitch tour. I added second shows in Hollywood at
the Pantagious. I am going to be there two nights
October twelfth and thirteenth. I added another show at the
Chicago Theater October twenty seventh and October twenty eighth, one
of my favorite places to perform. I added another show

(57:56):
in Portland, so I'll be there November second and third.
And I added a second show in Boston at the
Weighing Center, so I will be their November sixteenth and seventeenth,
I also have two shows in Seattle, San Francisco, New
York at the Beacon and Washington d C. I will
be there October fifth and sixth, and a special shout

(58:17):
out to Phoenix, Arizona, where I'm coming Saturday, October fourteenth.
And then I'm coming to Cleveland Columbus in Pittsburgh, So
suck on that, you guys. I can't wait to see everybody.
Oh and I'm coming to Eugene, Oregon too, everybody. That's
November ninth, twenty twenty three, and I will be at
the Clubhouse in East Hampton, which is going to be

(58:39):
a very intimate show on Saturday, August twenty sixth, So
if you are in the Long Island area, that's.

Speaker 1 (58:46):
Where I'll be the Clubhouse.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
Courtney Cope's input is general psychological information based on research
and clinical experience. It's intended to be general and informational
in nature. It does not represent or indicate an established
clinical or professional relationship with those inquiring for guidance. Courtney's
feedback is in response to a written question, and therefore
there are likely unknown considerations given the limited context. Also,

(59:11):
just because you might hear something on the show that
sounds similar to what you're experiencing. Beware of self diagnosis.
Diagnosis is not required to find relief, and you'll want
to find a qualified professional to assess and explore diagnoses
if that's important to you. If you or your partner
are in crisis and uncertain of whether you can maintain safety,
reach out for support like crisis hotlines and local authorities

(59:33):
have a safety plan that can be done with a
therapist too. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us
an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com
and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea
is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine
law and be sure to check out our merch at
Chelseahandler dot com