Love, Loss and Lasering Your Ladyparts with LadyGang

From the runaway hit podcast Ladygang, Chelsea is joined this week by Jac Vanek, Keltie Knight, and Becca Tobin to discuss why everyone seems to be cheating on their husbands, focusing on your wins instead of your shortcomings, and what can happen when you combine strengths with the women around you. Then: An avid listener wonders whether she should let lasers near her nether regions.  A girlfriend struggles with the memory of her boyfriend’s dead wife and the existence of a live-in nanny. And a nutritionist who’s tried everything makes peace with not becoming a mom.  

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Nick Stumpf

Produced by Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi everybody. While I'm taking the month of September off
of doing stand up, I return on October one to
complete my vaccinated and Horny tour October, November and December.
I have new dates up. I kick it off in Saratoga, California,
and I'm coming to all parts of California, Long Beach
Baker's field. I'm going to Niagara Falls, Tucson, Arizona, Colorado, Minneapolis,

(00:24):
San Diego, reading Pennsylvania and Baltimore, Maryland, just to name
a few. There's also some Floridian dates in there, since
this will be my last year that I'm able to
go inside the state of Florida. SO CHECK OUT CHELSEA
HANDLER DOT COM for more stand up dates for my
vaccinated in Horny tour. These are my last dates. Hi, Catherine,
Hello Chelsea, how are you? Hello, hello, hi, guys, guess

(00:48):
where we are? We're in Majorca. Hello, Buenos Diaz. Told
hends that means whatever. We are in Ma Orca. Guys,
Catherine is here with her a lovely husband, Brad, who
also works on our podcast with us, and we are

(01:09):
just partying it up in Spain. You know that in
Spain mushrooms are legal. We Really. Yes, when I was
in New York I passed out so many mushrooms to
so many random people, whether we were at the US Open,
whether we were at bars. I was just like here,
put your finger in this, just dip it in, like
it's like almost like a chew like tobacco, because I

(01:29):
have this like little pill container filled with mushrooms and
I just figure if I ever get caught with it
going through T S A, I'll just say it's my
mother's ashes. There you go, my sister. I gave it
to to my friends when I was in New York
City and I was like here, dip your finger in this,
and then they both did and they're like this isn't
gonna be too strong, right. I go no, no, it's
gonna be fine, and then I was like those are
my mother's ashes. Probably tastes about the same, right I've yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

(01:55):
For anybody WHO's snorted somebody else's ashes, you know what
I'm talking about. Well, I have a couple of follow
ups today, Chelsea. Okay, great, this one I just kind
of thought was really funny. Chelsea, I just wanted you
to know that I'm a Baptist who has enjoyed you
for years. I don't agree with your opinions a percent
of the time, but that's okay. I don't agree with

(02:16):
my pastor a percent of the time either. I just
wanted you to know that many Christians put love first.
Loving one another is the greatest commandment of all. I
don't do everything perfectly, but I am secure in knowing
that God just expects me to try and be a
good person, have a sense of humor and be open
to hearing other perspectives, even if I don't agree with them.

(02:37):
So I hope hearing from a fan who is also
a Christian will make a positive impression on you. Take Care, Angela.
Oh and she also said Uganda was her favorite special.
Oh well, there will be a new special coming out
soon and that will be your new favorite. But thank you.
I appreciate that. And, Um, Huh, what do I I

(02:57):
just thought it was cute. Yeah, it's cute. I liked it.
I like that you have differing opinions than I do
and you're willing to sit and listen to me. That's
nice and I hope that I can do the same
for people who have differing opinions from me, and I
try very hard to do that, and all of our
listeners should too. Write. You know, as long as somebody's
not being hateful and acting in love, and they're not
being discriminatory or racist or sexist, then I think that

(03:21):
whatever smokes, what's the saying? Whatever rocks the whatever rocks
your cock? No, whatever floats your bone. I could have remever,
whatever floats your boat. Yeah, that's what I meant to say.
It's more appropriate for Antela than the first one. Yeah,
and then a couple of other ones. These are sort
of on the same theme, but these were responses too,

(03:42):
after we had talked to Dan savage and you had
talked about like being on the playground and my hesturbating
for the first time and all that. But Jenna says,
oh my gosh, I just have to say I learned
another reason why I connect with you so much. I
just finished the bathhouse episode with Dan Savage. Yes, I'm behind.
My first orgasm was also on the playground, climbing the

(04:03):
support stand of the swing set. I just had to
tell you that. I love you, Jenna. Oh, Jenna, Jenna,
do you know how many of us probably have masturbated
on playground equipment? I mean all of us. That's a
comfort to a lot of people because, yeah, you feel
such shame, like you're the only one. That's the important
thing for all of our listeners to remember. You're never

(04:23):
the only one who did anything. So if you feel
embarrassed or shameful about something, just no, there's a bunch
of people out there in the world who have also
done the same exact thing, no matter what the funk
it is. Yeah, well, and that actually leads me right
into the next email, which is on the same topic. Hi, Chelsea,
I just wanted to send a quick email after catching
up on the pod. I had a similar experience to
Chelsea with masturbation as a child and the shame I

(04:46):
still carey about it today, making it honestly a little
hard to type this email. I just wanted to say
Chelsea's openness about her experience really was so helpful to
me and lifted a lot of those feelings of shame
right off my shoulders. I really appreciate your discussion surrounding
the topic and it meant a lot to me. Thank you.
I love the podcast so much. People in my life

(05:06):
are sick of hearing me talk about it all the time.
Andrea sick of hearing you talk about the podcast. You're
talking about masturbating. That's funny. Both good, good. Yeah, we
should got to talk about more embarrassing I'll have to
think of some more embarrassing things, Catherine, that I've done,
and I mean I that there is no end out
of the things that I have experienced or done. I

(05:27):
love it. You're just out here doing the Lord's work.
It's great. Yeah, that's right. Oh, also, guys, we have merch.
We have dear Chelsea Merch, we have vaccinated in Horny Merch.
I have these awesome band t shirts now and we
have podcast merch. So go to Chelsea handler DOT COM
to check it out and make your purchase. So our
guests today, let's get to our guests today. We have
three guests together because they come as a package. They

(05:50):
are promoting their second book, which is called Lady's secrets.
It's out. September, means it is out and they're coinciding
Lady Secrets Tour that has kicked in September one, and
they are New York Times best selling authors and hosts
of the Lady Gang podcast, and their names are Jack Vanneck,

(06:11):
Kelty Knight and Becca Tobin. Hi, girls, hi, hi, hi,
Oh my God, it's a lady gang. Oh ship, let
me get my ship together. Hi Girls, how are you?
We're so nervous. Don't be nervous, don't be silly. Come on,
we're so excited to be here. Katherine, I love seeing
your face. I've been imagining it for so many months

(06:32):
now and you're cuter than I imagined. Thank you. Likewise,
look at you all. This is we're such fans of
the show, so this is very streal. So thank you.
Oh well, I'm so excited to have you guys back.
I'm glad we could reciprocate. Awesome. Okay, so our guests
today are a great group of ladies that I have.
Don't say ladies. It's like saying gals. I don't like.

(06:54):
I would like to make an announcement. I don't like
when people refer to women as Gals. That puts you
into a generation that can't relate to broads. It's very
similar to rod rods, but that's from men, because no
woman's like that. I met abroad, but Gal. It reminds
me of like George W Bush would say something like that.
So I don't want to say Gals, and I don't

(07:15):
even like girls anymore. I just want to say guys
about everybody, and I don't know if that implies some
sort of sexism, but I just think we should all
be considered guys because we're a group. But Anyway, okay, girls,
let's delve into your new book without me describing it.
I'd rather you guys describe it more actively. Okay. So
leady's secrets is a collection of secrets from the three

(07:39):
of us, as well as our community of leading from
all over the world. When we wrote our first book
called act like a lady. We all kind of have
little anecdotes from our lives, plus some advice that we
were given, like giving to all of our ladies out there.
And it turns out nobody cares about our advice. Nobody
wanted the advice because it was questionable at bout and

(08:00):
a lot of the time we're just like, drink a
bottle of wine when all else feel as it'll fix
all your problems. But they really loved our stories. So
we kind of dug really deep, went into like repressed
memories that we'd have, things that we've tried to block
out forever, and came up with some of our deepest,
darkest secrets to include in the book. And the leading
gang is so much bigger than the three of us.
It's all about our community, so we thought it was

(08:20):
only right that we include them into the process as well.
So we set up a hotline called one four or
four sexy lady, where girls would call in and anonymously
share their secrets. We had an online submission form. We
got thousands and thousands of secrets and the best made
it into this little baby right here. I love it.

(08:41):
I love it. So what did you guys learn? Everyone's
cheating on their husbands and they don't care and they
don't get caught because women are smarter than men. Yeah,
I just came from a lunch with two people who
were talking about cheating on their spouses and I was
just like, who's got that kind of energy? And they
were like, I don't even want to have sex spouse
number one. Exactly. Nobody wants to have sex with anybody

(09:04):
for a long period of time and that's just natural behavior.
But I don't know, cheating and not cheating, it's like
it's not even a moral issue, it's an energy issue,
it's true, and sex is always so much better what
a stranger. So that's, I feel like, where everybody is
like reaching for. When that comes out. Well, sex is
better with a stranger, but it's also better in the beginning,
like any new relationship is always sexually like explosive, because

(09:29):
you're like Oh, oh, oh, yeah, I could be, but
you know, everything is like a new rebirth, even though
you've done this a million times with different people. You're like,
oh no, this is great and then and it's very
hard to sustain any sort of newness, which is the
big problem here. Well, what's interesting is the only women
I know who are sucking their husbands and want to

(09:49):
be is because they're the women who are being cheated
on and they know it. They like feel it in
their bones, because it's that Weird Butterfly thing that you get.
You think that that's because you're excited, but really it's
just the nervousness and insecurity, and so those are the
women that are fucking their husband's night and day. They're
being cheated on. So, yeah, does this mean I have

(10:11):
to have a really intense conversation with my husband after this?
Oh No, you do have good sex. The exception to
the role you know. Yeah, I told him, I was
like we might need to after this recording today, just
like mid day for you, and then you call out
in the Middle Lady Gang, Lady Gang told me you
were cheating. How are each of your individual romantic lives?

(10:34):
What's The lowdown? So I've been married to my husband, Chris,
who is a music manager, and he we've been together
twelve years, married nine, and I'm like, uh, you don't
ask about my sex life and I was gonna go
right into like I like a nipple Tassel. That's how
I keep it alive. But like, you didn't even ask that.
Why am I like? Oh my God, I went right
into my horizontal life, like right now. Okay, sorry, I

(10:58):
didn't just Chelsea was here and pasties. She does love
a nipple Tassel and somehow it goes into every interview
that we do. She interjects it somehow or enough. I'm
so proud I have it's not an appropriate time. Um,
I have been with my partners jared, for a little
bit over four years. We got engaged last year, hopefully
getting married next year, if I can ever actually plan
a wedding, which I was daunting and I keep pushing

(11:20):
it like out of my sight. But yeah, and then
Becca married for almost six years and we have a
six month old baby. So we barely have sex and
anytime he looks at me when I'm naked, I'm like please,
don't even think about it, I don't have energy. Yeah,
get away from me, get away from me. And how
did you three come together? So kelty and I were

(11:42):
in our twenties dancers in New York, not with tassels,
we were like Broadway dancers, roquettets and all that kind
of fun stuff, and then we just both happened to
land in Hollywood at the same time. I was an
actress and Kelty was doing entertainment journalism, and we kept
seeing each other on red carpets and may king eye
contact and being like isn't this the weirdest place you've

(12:02):
ever been? Like what is this? L A so weird?
We always feel bad about ourselves. So we had a
salad at Cafe One oh one one day and Kelty
has just always been a really like a pioneer of
the digital space, and we were like, we want to
talk show, but no one's going to give us that
because we're not anyone famous as kids. We don't have
a lot of money, like we have absolutely no like

(12:23):
nobody's going to give us what we want. So Kelsey
called me one day and she said, let's start a podcast.
And this was twenty like the end of and I
had no idea what a podcast was. I was like,
Adam Corolla, is that like what you're talking about? Yeah,
so then we kelty was like no, it's it's podcasting.
That's the future and we can do proof of concept

(12:44):
with a podcast. But the problem is is we had
no third person with any street credibility. We needed somebody
who was in the Business World, an entrepreneur self starter,
not really somebody in Hollywood. So Jack and Kelty have
a mutual ex boyfriend and Kelty stalked Jack for a
really long time because she thought she was like the

(13:04):
coolest girl ever. And we just reached out to her
and like, do you want to start a podcast? And
Jack had she's such a fun, like good time girl,
her answer. She had no idea what it was and
she was like, sounds fun. She didn't know seven years
later we would be routing our tour across America and
crying everything. I didn't feel like I have to go
to twin falls, Idaho. Fuck you, guys, grand rabbits. Literally,

(13:27):
when we had our show for a blip on e
that got almost instantly canceled. So our talk show idea
did not work out. Jack's biggest problem with it, because
she's so out of Hollywood, was that she had to
wear a bra on television. She's like, I can't wear
a low cut shirt like I have to, and we're
like at least a nipple cover and she's like no,

(13:48):
like this is when I lose my identity and I'm
not down for it. I was like I need to
have either a nipple kind of showing through a shirt
or like a V down to my belly button. So
I wasn't getting that. So I'm very glad and that's
why I got sold. They went the nibbles out. I
think we would have been more successful. How long, how
short lived was the show? How long was it on?
For Sixteen episode? It was seventeen very grueling, hellish episodes. Ye,

(14:12):
for me. And then so that show got canceled and
then we decided to write a book and then Earth
got canceled during the pandemic. So we released that book
into a void of nothingness and we didn't get to
tour it or do anything. And now and now we're
out here and it's so difficult for me to be
on this podcast because I just want to be like, Chelsea,
are you doing late night, like what is happening? If

(14:33):
you want to talk about it, you can talk about it,
but like we need to we need to know. I'm
I'm in discussions to talk about it. I'm ready. After
I did Jimmy Kimmel for a week like a few
months ago, I just was like, Oh, this is such
a there's such a dearth. Hey, like I don't even
want to have to be responsible for that, but at
the same time I'm exactly the person that will be
responsible for that. Like women need a voice right now,

(14:54):
especially with all this disgusting turmoil about our rights being
stripped away and gay people and and and a contraception
and just what what's coming next? You know, like all
of it is just like the fact that there are
not women on late night in a big way. I
mean there's Amber Ruffin, who's on peacock, who's doing an
incredible job, but Samantha B got canceled. Like you can't

(15:15):
cancel a woman, right now. I'm sorry, like you just can't,
because as if these fucking guys are just telling the story.
They're not. The story is has to be told by
a woman. Now. Yeah, so I am in discussions to
do that. I have to do it at a much
more minimum, minimal commitment, because I don't want to do
a show five nights a week. But I'm just trying
to figure out, you know, where that place is and
what the right approaches. So I appreciate you saying that

(15:38):
and I do feel a big responsibility to show up.
You're like the only one, like if anyone's going to
get this job, which is so sad that there's like
a tiny half seat at the table and we're like hey,
we could maybe get a woman, and then there's like
one that has the career that could possibly be like
given this opportunity like it should be. There should be
ten Chelseas that are all fighting for ten spots or whatever,

(16:01):
but the fact that there's like one you and one
half seat is so disheartening. But like we need you,
we want you, like if there's anything we can do
to help, like I literally will start a petition. Ah,
you guys are the best. That's so sweet. I will
make it happen, but I also will make it happen
so that there is a door open for ten other
women to take that place of me, because there's no
reason that that this dearth the imbalance, after everything that

(16:25):
we've been discussing for the last five years between men
and women and the imbalance of power, and Hollywood pretending
they're on board but not really being on board, because
if they were, there would be women represented, and it's bullshit.
It's fucking bullshit, and any executive that doesn't want to
pull the trigger and say yes, okay, let's give a
voice to women now. This is enough with these five men,

(16:47):
you know, who basically are rotating the same thoughts with
different hairstyles. Well, actually the same hairstyle. Anyway, girls, back
to you. Okay, so I got the low down from
your relationships. I love that. How does the dining AMC
work between the three of you, because that's an odd pairing.
You know, two is different than three. So can you
speak a little bit about those dynamics? They were great

(17:09):
until I had a kid. Yeah, you made your bed.
You made your bed and now you need to lie
in it. I know it's really fucking hard. I thought
I was going to be exempt from like having feelings
and feeling obligated and having the guilt. It's all bullshit
and I thought I was going to be an exception
to the rule, and I'm not. However, up until six
months ago, we have a stellar dynamic because we don't

(17:33):
hold anything in. We let it out. We take nothing personally,
we trust each other. We all have very different things
that were really great at, and so we stay in
our lanes. Let's talk about that for a second, because
I think that's a really important thing to identify as
any person, but specifically for women. Like to identify your
attributes and your strength. So let's go around back and

(17:54):
you start like tell me what your strengths are. I'm
like the big picture person and I have you know,
Kelty says, if we need an idea, I'm really great
at figuring out what that is, and she's the executor.
So it's like I have these big dreams and Kelty
really does hit the pavement. She calls whoever needs to

(18:15):
be called. She doesn't take no for an answer. We
say that if Jack and I were doing this alone,
we'd still be sitting at the Cafe One oh one,
like mapping out the format of the podcast. Kelty gets
it done, and then Jack is this insane creative where
everything you look at, everything you touch, all the aesthetics
of the brand and really like the voice of the
brand comes from Jack, because her history is in creating it.

(18:38):
She has a clothing line. She was the original, like
the O g of the Sassy t shirt, where it
was like I'm Maria fucking sunshine, and then everybody ripped
her off. But that's her brain and it's crazy and
wild and works in mysterious ways, and that's sort of
like what we kind of fall under. Jack designed this
whole book, the cover, every single song, China wallpaper inside.
That's Vagina's hand drawn by Volva's keelty were learning and

(19:04):
BECCA's also. I will say like Becca's lane is an
our charity component. Like she's always like this is so great,
we can all clit our jobs, but like what are
we doing to help other women? And so, like she
always and I'm like wait, there's other women other than me.
I'm so I'm always just thinking about myself, like what,
I'm right here, there's seven of me. Yeah, no, without,
without Becca, it would be pretty soulless. would be honest,

(19:25):
like I'm just trying to scrape by and like be
able to pay my rent and a narcissist. So, like
without Becca, it would definitely be very in word. Yeah, so,
you know, it's a it's a good thing. It's a
good thing. Well, it's a great example, I think, for women.
You know, in dynamics, I mean you guys are a
lot younger than me, so you've grown up with a

(19:45):
little bit more, like a larger, broader breadth of how
important it is to help other women. But like when
I was growing up, like it was. It was like
women against women, and you're like no, no, it can
never be this way. You can't be pitting each other again,
like we have to collectively work together because we are
the most powerful people. So when you get into dynamics,

(20:06):
when there's two, three, four or five, six people, it's
so important to understand whose value stands where and to
respect that and to respect each other in like a
really thoughtful way in order to demonstrate for all of
these generations to come how important female partnership is. Yeah,
and we got really lucky. Like back to the respect component, like,

(20:29):
above anything, we have such respect for each other and
we really, really do care for each other and we
got really lucky because we started this podcast, none of
us really knew each other that well and we're business
partners first, we're friends second, but that that we don't
that doesn't mean that we don't like, deeply, deeply care
for each other, but I think that there is such
a level of respect that we have for each other and,

(20:52):
like Becca said, we stay in our own lanes, like
we trust each other to do the things that we
do well, and we really because we're one of the
first women podcasts out there, like we kind of feel
like we have a responsibility to have as many seats
at the podcast table as we can and help other
podcasters out. There's no secrets, like, if we found out
that something works for us, we're going to share that

(21:12):
with somebody else, because we did enter a world where
it was the Autom corlas and that's it. So that's
where we kind of felt where we can do our
job to try to help other women out in the
same space as well. And the only difference when we
go to Boise, we just split it three ways, which
is great. And how has your success with everything that

(21:33):
you guys have accomplished impacted your personal lives individually? Well,
I used to be a desperate actress and I was
waiting for the phone, touring and my identity was wrapped
up in like the next TV show, the next job,
the red carpets. I was very I really wasn't fulfilled.
I was just sort of like I have to achieve,
I have to achieve, I have to get picked, pick me.

(21:54):
I didn't really know my worth outside of that world.
And so building this thing where we show up twice
a week as ourselves and having that be the thing
where like the doors fly open, for me it's been
something incredible for just my my self esteem, quite honestly,
and just finding out who I am outside of that

(22:14):
like weird actress, like caricature that I was playing for
so many years. Right, that's powerful. I love it. What
about you, Kelt? Well, for me I was a dancer
in New York with with Becca. She beat me out
like the competition thing. We actually actually started that way.
BECCA is incredibly talented and I can't sing a lick
but pretend I can. So we would be in rooms
auditioning for Broadway shows, which I never successfully did, and

(22:36):
Beck would be like Momma, and then I would come
in like yes, it's my turn here, Jerry. I had
a beautiful at the time. I had a beautiful long
show girl body, so I'd always make it past the
dance cut and then when we're saying it would be
like everyone would be like please, God stop. But I
thought she didn't stop her from Troy not the best.

(22:58):
I'm the best. I'm the best so anyway. But there
was competition. But but for me, I I transitioned from
dancing to being a reporter and I worked at entertainment
tonight and CBS for, you know, over a decade. and Um,
I was doing this job because I saw the people
doing this job and I thought this is a great
job to have. This is so fancy and fabulous and glamorous. But, like,
I went home every night my guts kind of hurt.

(23:20):
Like my guts kind of hurt because that job is
so amazing and so wonderful when you're at like the
Venice Film Festival or you're at the Oscars and it's
like a celebration, but so much of that job is
sitting down with people who you barely know and trying
to get them to say and talk about something that
they maybe don't want to talk about, and there's a
lot of like back wiggling in that to get you
to that point where we're like there's a there's a

(23:40):
weird potion poll, and I was always kind of uncomfortable
with that. And so when the podcast became so successful
that I could walk away from that job, it was
very empowering. And then in the next six months I
turned around and sold my dream show back to CBS
that I just finished filming, and now with my own
music show that I'm the host, executive producer and creator of,
and a podcast and I don't have to ask anyone

(24:01):
about their divorce. I love that story. What a great
good congratulations. You fucking deserve that. It's weird because I
was like no, this is it, this is number this
is the number one show, this is the number one job,
like this is this is a highest step or going
to get. And then when I walked away I was
so scared and life is way better now, like if
we want to go to Puerto Rico into our podcast
for the beach next week, we can walk away. Is

(24:24):
Very underrated. People don't understand how empowering that is when
you walk away from something, you're not only inviting other things.
Like there's an energetic force that is immeasurable that nobody
takes seriously because it's energy and Karma, and people are like, well,
how can you prove that? Easily? fucking Karma is provable,
like it's happened, I've lived it, I've seen it happen
to others, and when you walk away from something, you

(24:46):
are saying I need more, and then more comes right away,
and that is indisputable. I would argue. What about you, Jack? So,
I came from a completely different world than them. I
started a clothing line when I was in college and
I had kind of just been walking to the beat
of my own drum for a decade, having my own brand,
doing my own thing by myself. So with the leading

(25:06):
gang it was the first time that I was ever
kind of working with other people, as you know, equals
and as peers, not as somebody's boss, and it kind
of gave me purpose for the first time, and especially
once our podcast started taking legs and we started building
this community. We're actually affecting women's lives for the first
time and we're getting this feedback and our mantra has

(25:27):
always been to make other women feel less alone. We're
not curing cancer or anything, but if we can kind of,
you know, offer a friendship up to our listeners or,
you know, a piece of advice kind of changed their
perspective on something. Those little things or what kind of
started fulfilling me with the leading game that I wasn't
getting from selling Sassy t shirts on my website. So
that's kind of where I started taking value from the

(25:48):
leading gang when we first started. It all started with
the snail trail and it's been seven years of sharing
everything so you don't feel so bad about your vaginal discharge.
There's a shocking amount of women out there who don't
understand and we who don't understand that's certain underwear you
just have to throw away well, and it's like people,
women or girls, are like it's something wrong with me.

(26:12):
I know. I mean, Oh God, I know. I wish
women understood that. It's so gross, though. It's so embarrassing
to have. I can't understand women that don't wear underwear.
It's like I need something to catch whatever, because it
is coming out of my Pikachu and there's stuff coming out.
I see it about. You know, one week out of
a month and I would like come catcher. I don't
want that freestyling. When people say they don't want to underwear.

(26:35):
I'm like, where are you doing with your jeans? fucking
sending it to the fucking dry cleaner. Okay, girls, we're
gonna take colors and letters and we're gonna give real
life advice. You guys ready? Yes, Katherine, what do we
have in store for today? Oh my goodness, we have
some vagina stuff. We've got some really tough stuff, we've

(26:55):
got some WTF stuff. It's gonna be very fun. Okay,
we're gonna name this episode come catcher. I'm going to
take a break and we will be right back. And
we're back. Fabulous, we're back with the Lady Gang. Everybody,
we're back with the Lady Gang, all three of the

(27:17):
girls and Catherine and myself. All Right, are you ready?
Our first email comes from Brittany. Brittany says, Dear Chelsea,
I wanted to write in about my relationship with my
boyfriend of three years. I love the man and his
two children very much. However, there are several things that
concern me about the future of our relationship. Let me

(27:39):
start out by saying that my boyfriend lost his long
term wife to cancer about seven years ago. I'm the
first serious girlfriend since the wife passed. The dynamic is
a really strange one. My boyfriend is a successful physician
with an amazing heart. When it's just the two of us,
we get along fabulously. That being said, his home stresses
me the funk out. He still has the deceased wife's

(28:01):
belongings just as they were before she passed. There's even
still a mirror up in the house that has quote cancer.
You will not defeat me written in her lipstick. I
have voiced my concerns about the wife's stuff still being
present and he's slowly working on moving her belongings to
the basement. There's also the nanny. She's been with the
family for four and a half years and has really

(28:22):
given a sense of consistency to the boys. The boys
are sixteen and thirteen and still very much in need
of a little bit of help. The older son struggles
with behavioral issues, among other things. That being said, the
nanny drives my boyfriend's Van, lives in an attached apartment
for free and makes seriously good money. While I respect
her relationship with the boys. I can't help but feel

(28:43):
taken advantage of. The nanny often goes out of town
and I'm left to fill in for her without the pay.
Often watches her boyfriend's children while watching my boyfriend's kids
on the clock, and will even drop off her dog
for us to watch over the weekend. The employer employee
lines have definitely been blurred. Oftentimes I'll get to the
house and there's no food or the laundry isn't done.

(29:04):
I've had it out with both the nanny and my boyfriend.
My boyfriend states that he needs the nanny a little
bit longer and he's scared to lose her. At what
point do I give up this insanity? or Am I
being too impatient? I recently moved back into my parents
house and they weren't living together. She was living somewhere else.
It was beyond upsetting that my boyfriend didn't invite me
to move in and allows the nanny to drive his

(29:26):
extra car, not just for work, she uses it for
personal errands. I love this man and wanted to work Brittany.
Oh God, there's a lot to unpack. Oh that is
haired so unhealthy. Oh and so hard, hard, hard, because
when you love someone, you want anything to work. I'll
go for oust girls, and then you guys, please jump

(29:47):
in collectively. I just think that women are really bad
at setting boundaries just because of the way that we've
all been raised and we just learned about boundaries like
a month ago and we were just bad at setting them.
And until you set boundaries and standards, no one will
meet them. So like, somebody will take as much from

(30:10):
you as they can. And that's not to say that
your lover or boyfriend is a bad person. He's not.
He's just in a situation where he's being taken advantage
of by the nanny and he's also letting her take
advantage of you. And that dynamic because you've allowed it.
The simplest thing is that you have allowed this and

(30:31):
as soon as you stop allowing it, it will stop happening,
and if it doesn't, then that's, you know, a different conversation.
But I still think there's hope. You have to literally
sit down with him, and if it's with a third party,
even better, like it's better to have somebody else kind
of comments on the situation. If you can go to
a couple's counselor if you can afford that. That would

(30:54):
be really beneficial to just lay the groundwork and saying, like,
I'm no longer comfortable with the way things are working.
I understand the situation I'm getting into, but now I
feel taken advantage of and I'm trying to be in
addition to this situation, not be a subtraction and not
be subtracted from, and I think it's worth a conversation.
If you could do that with a third party, Great.
If you can't, I think you should really write down

(31:16):
your thoughts, get it together for a conversation with him
to state what your boundaries are in the state kind
of what's going on with this nanny, which is you
know that's great that she's filling in a void, but
it's kind of feels like your voids are crossing over
each other. You're both feeling a role. That is counter productive.
I think you really have to say what you need

(31:39):
and give the person an opportunity to meet you and
if you can't, then there you go. Then that sucks
and I understand you love him. I just left a
relationship where I loved somebody but the standards were not
at my level. I'm not accepting anything less than what
I know I deserve not doing it. So you have
to have a conversation with yourself and you have to

(32:00):
have a conversation with him and then give him an
opportunity and if he doesn't meet you, then that's your answer.
What do you girls think? I was going to lean
Intobecca for this because you've sort of been through a
similar situation where you're in a new relationship after losing someone.
So I was going to throw it to you BECCA. Well,
I'm glad you've covered boundaries, because I still don't have those,

(32:20):
so I can't tell you anything about that. But I
can't tell you as somebody, I did lose my boyfriend
that I was living with seven years ago. Wow, see,
it's like crazy, and I actually started dating my husband
pretty shortly after that. But the only reason that we
were able to have a healthy relationship was where there
were two things. I was in deep grief therapy like

(32:43):
and if your if your partners, not doing that, then
I think that's kind of for me that that would
be like a red flag and maybe even a not
not worth you being in that relationship if he's not
working on that part of this whole equation. So grief
therapy for me. And then the other part was, and
I'm sure you're really wonderful at this, but my husband

(33:06):
had a sense of security about him, about us, that
was so strong and I never felt that he was
trying to compete with my dead boyfriend. I never felt
like he felt threatened from what came before him. But
I did the work to make him comfortable. I cleared
out the closet, I didn't keep things around that we're mats.

(33:29):
I I really did the work, and so that equation
was the most perfect thing. So if you're feeling insecure
and the wife's things are around the house, it's okay. Too.
Gently mentioned that making you feel uncomfortable. But he's not
going to just do that. He has to have help.

(33:50):
He's obviously holding onto something and a lot of men
really struggle with loss. So yeah, I just therapy aspect
of it. And also those boys lost their mom and
you can never forget that. You can never, ever, ever
forget as like Shitty as those kids can probably be
and how bad the behavior can be. Just hold firm,

(34:11):
remember that you're just there to support and try not
to take it personally, because it really isn't about you.
It's not about you, and I want to just piggyback
on that. Like, you know, women are so much better
at talk therapy than men are, just by our nature,
you know, we're more emotional, we're more in touch with
our emotions, we have more of a vocabulary to articulate
our pain, and I really believe you can keep someone's

(34:32):
memory alive for a really long time, which is exactly
what those boys should be doing for their mother, and
you can be a conduit for that, like you can
be like, tell me about your mom. What's your favorite,
you know, favorite memory? What did she do? And and
that's a way to honor her without having a room
shrouded around her like. Yes, of course he doesn't have
to throw her things away or anything dramatic like that,
but to have a room dedicated to her after all

(34:53):
this time is also not healthy. But you can keep
it's it's almost like you can feel the void that
is there, with other ways to talk about it, with
the kids, with your husband, to keep her memory alive
out of respect, because she did exist and she did
create these people and that's valuable and and she died. So,
like it's important for you to present yourself with somebody

(35:17):
who is a conduit to that energy rather than a
blockade to that energy. I think also, you know, being
in a relationship with anybody that has kids from a
previous relationship, like they're always going to come first. So
a lot of the decisions that he may or may
not be making are hopefully with them in mind. So
it's you kind of have to take yourself out of
the equation, not out of the equation, but like out

(35:39):
of your own head and look at things a little
bit objectively sometimes as well, because when you're taking everything
so personally, his number one goal is probably hopefully to
make sure those kids are still supported and raised well and,
you know, still have a connection to their mother. So
it's very complicated and there's so many different layers to it,

(36:00):
but I think, keeping that in mind, it's hard when
you don't have kids of your own, or did chiff
kids of her own? No, Huh. Yeah, when you're kind
of filling in for that like step mom, because you
want to act as a bridge. You don't want to
be shut down and like I can't hear about her,
that's immature. Like you have to acknowledge other people's existence
and acknowledge the reason that you're there, and I think

(36:21):
being kind of like a kindle in a sense and
a bridge is way more valuable, and that, especially little children,
the imprint that you make on their brains. You really
don't know about that until years later, but you're making
an imprint and it should be like the most positive,
good vibe one that you can make. Yeah, just to
take a slightly different tack the nanny stuff, I find

(36:44):
a little funky the fact that she's talking about this
person is getting paid for this work and I'm not.
It makes me think, like my mom always, as you
marry the family, whether or not the families in the picture,
you marry all the baggage that comes with that. So, like,
if she's not ready to take on like the fact
that this family needs to have somebody else in their
life to help with the behavioral issues or whatever, then

(37:05):
it maybe isn't a right fit. Yeah, you're totally right.
Hard well, Brittany, keep us posted on what happens. Yeah, Brittany,
keep in touch and let us know how it progresses. Okay. Well,
our next question comes from Marjorie. Marjorie says I'm a

(37:27):
forty four year old. Says Gender Woman, I've been married
for from almost ten years to an amazing and supportive partner.
I'm a business owner with six contractors working for me.
It's a lot of work, but I love what I
do and I'm successful. We have wonderful families and strong
relationships with our friends. The part of our life that
has been difficult and painful has been trying to start
a family. I've had multiple miscarriages over an eight year period.

(37:50):
I saw consults from four different fertility clinics, which included
medicated cycles, I U Y, I v F, acupuncture, raiky therapy,
functional nutrition, Netic Testing, fertility coaching, you name it, I've
probably tried it. Our marriage suffered during these years as
my depression and anxiety took me over. Now we're in
a place where we are reimagining our lives as a

(38:12):
childless couple. This has been particularly painful for me, but
I do feel I'm on the other side of the
darkest parts of it. I'm now on medication. I see
an amazing therapist weekly, Meditate, exercise, Journal and generally practice
self care in a way I've never done before, and
it works. I feel better overall and I'm seeing a
life without children that no longer frightens me. Although it's

(38:33):
still painful, it's less painful than continuing to try. Over time,
I've come to realize that adoption doesn't feel right for me.
We talk about fostering someday and are both on board
with giving back to kids that need a home and love. However,
we need more time to strengthen our relationship before welcoming
foster children into our home. As you can imagine, the
years of infertility have taken a toll, and in order

(38:53):
to be good foster parents, we need to work on
ourselves first. The advice I'm seeking is how to continue
to bolster a positive, really fationship with myself now that
my purpose in life, to be a mom, has been altered.
I know you never wanted kids and so you can't
identify with some of this. However, I identify with you
and your choice to be childless because, more than anything,
I want to feel like it is my choice. I'm

(39:14):
an awesome, cool aunt and I spend as much time
as I can with my twelve year old niece. I'm
planning to give my fifteen year old nephew my car
when he gets his license next year, just because I
can I have plenty of money and will be able
to retire early. I travel to see friends whenever I want.
On my lunch break, I cozy up on my couch
and read a good book. And while this is all good,
I still feel the pain every day and maybe always will. Chelsea,

(39:37):
any advice or ideas that will help me continue to
grow in this new lifestyle I'm creating? Thanks in advance. Marjorie. Hi, Marjorie, hello, hi, Marjorie, hi.
We have all the girls here from Lady Gang Today. Yes, Wonderful,
nice to meet you all well. Thank you for writing
in about that. You're right, I don't want children, but

(39:57):
I can relate to the struggle of wanting something not
being able to get it. So I want to say
a couple of things to you before the other girls
pipe in, just off the top of my head. I
have a very close person in my life who recently
fostered a child to adopt, and she's too, and it
is probably the most rewarding thing I've ever seen happen
to anyone I know. So that is always something to pursue,

(40:21):
because you are taking somebody that has been given away
and loving them. So I understand and respect the idea
of you wanting to repair your relationship to where you
see it's fit enough to bring that person, because I
I am definitely a proponent of I don't believe when
people are like we're gonna have a baby and fix everything.
That's not the right and getting married doesn't fix everything

(40:44):
and all of that. But it's really positive that you're
this in touch with yourself and you're this self aware,
like a lot of people are not. What I would
like to say to you, though, on a personal front,
is I have so much availability for not only my
nieces and nephew, kind of like you mentioned, you know,
in your letter, but for other children in the world

(41:05):
because I don't have my own, because if I had
my own, it would be all about them. And I
I look at it like, because I don't have my
own children, I'm able to send strangers to college, you
know what I mean. I'm able to support people that
I'll never meet, kids that I'll never meet, in countries
that will never even probably visit, but I'm able to
give so much because I don't have my own family

(41:28):
and to me, that is my purpose. I would be
a shitty mother, I would be selfish, I would want
everything to be great for my kid and forget about
all the other kids in the world, when I think
some of our responsibilities lie in taking care of the world,
like that's the way it's supposed to be. Not just
your kid, everybody's kid, and you're in a position to
do just that. So, instead of thinking if this is

(41:51):
like something that has limited you, it's a huge opportunity
for expansion, and I get that and I appreciate that.
That is actually a point that I've been working with
my therapist on for a long time, because it's hard
to see past what you don't have and the infertility
and the miscarriages and everything. It just sort of it

(42:14):
just broke me down to a point of just I
didn't know who I was for a long time and
I'm just trying to figure that out again. And so
I've I've always very much identified with a lot of
what you say around kids. I mean, obviously you don't
want any, but just it's a safe space. You know,
I really enjoyed listening to your podcast because I never
have to worry because everything is a trigger when you've

(42:36):
kind of been through the ringer in that way. Yeah,
and I think the most important thing to remember is
to accept your lot. Right. Okay, so it's been a
struggle for you to become a mother, so stop, stop
trying to do it the way that you think it
has to be done. Look at the other ways. There
are millions of other ways to accomplish the love that

(42:57):
you want to feel between you and a kid without
being a biological mother. Like that is a limiting, narrow
minded view that you're stuck to because it's your experience
and you wanted something that you didn't get. But what
will evolve your soul is to let go of that
and to say how now? How can I help more people? Now?
Let me look into fostering and if that's too much

(43:19):
of an onus for you, totally fine. But you can
go volunteer, you know, at the Y W you know
c a or the Y M C A or any
of these you know organizations, or you can you know,
you could be a big sister, you could be a
great aunt, you could do there's just so many avenues
where you can give so much and you have to

(43:39):
look at it as like, Oh, I'm now in a
position where I can give more to so many others
than I would have been able to give to one person.
Right you're in this situation like, stop resisting. What happened?
So you weren't meant to have a baby biologically. Maybe
you know that's not the end of the world. Look
at you. You're beautiful, you're thriving, you're healthy, you have
a husband, you're working on your relationship, you have self awareness,

(44:01):
you know you want to give out love. These are
all beautiful things. It's nothing to be sad about. This
is true. I'm connecting with that more in the past
few months and things don't look as bleak, but even
just getting there has been really difficult and it's obviously
up and down, and so I can appreciate I can

(44:21):
appreciate that. Yeah, girls, what do you guys have to
say about this? What do you think? Hi, Marjorie Rebecca.
Thank you so much for this, because I also went
through five years of fertility hell and I know exactly
what you're feeling and what you're going through and it's
so hard to not feel like you've failed every single time.

(44:45):
And there's so much, not even just the energy and
the stress on the relationship. Financially, it is so insane
the amount of money that you put into this and
to have it not turn out the way that you envisioned.
It's a heartbreak. You're grieving and I think what Chelsea
said is amazing and incredible and she's a much better

(45:07):
human than most people will ever be, because most of
us are just narcissists and we just want to keep
trying and keep trying to like make our little spawn.
And I get that poll too, and I was sitting
here and I'm like, do I say this thing or
do I not say this thing, because it's it could
be received in a way that you're not wanting or

(45:27):
sounds selfish, but I have a friend who went through
exactly kind of what you have gone through. Just kept
hitting the roadblock and kept hitting the roadblock and she
got to a place where she tried really hard to
soul search and think, what does life look like without
this baby, and she she wasn't ready and she didn't
want that and she actually used a donor egg from

(45:51):
an agency. And that's a thing that a lot of
straight couples are doing. They just don't talk about it
and my friends actually own an agency. It's called elevate baby,
and I was like, well, who uses donor eggs? You
know and they're like, oh, it's not just two men,
it's a lot of women who have spent their lives
building their careers and they aren't necessarily thinking of their
eggs not being viable when they want to use them.

(46:13):
So there are a lot of people that do this.
My friend just did this because she wanted to carry
a baby and that was what she did. Her baby's
one and she's very, very everything that you imagine a
new mother is. And I know that you know all
the options are out there, but I've seen it firsthand
and it's like the way that I feel about my baby,
who is actually genetically mine, as far as I know.

(46:34):
She feels exactly the same way, and I know that
people feel this way about adoption and about fostering, but
I just I've seen it and so I had to
say it and take that for what it's worth. But
I also think that what Chelsea said about if you
decide this is the end of your road for this journey,
like life can still be really beautiful and what you're
describing of your life is it sounds really magical, especially
to me right now. You can travel, you can see

(46:57):
friends and my life just became very myopic and it's
while it's wonderful, it's still, you know, it's a it's
an adjustment. Yeah, we have explored some of those other options.
Talking about the financial, you know, piece of it, we
did all the paperwork for adoption, which was probably, you know,
ten grand in total, and it just didn't feel right.

(47:21):
Now I'm almost forty five and, you know, getting pregnant
has been a challenge over an eight year period, but
maintaining the pregnancy has, you know, even with eggs in
IBF that we knew were genetically normal, I still lost
so the after that, the idea of a donor egg
just I mean that there's a it would have been

(47:42):
possible maybe, but less likely. And hear what you're saying.
Like I did reach that point about a year ago
after my list last miscarriage, where I knew I had
to stop, even though I didn't want to, and that
I'm still dealing with that, although it's getting better. It's,
you know, getting off the roller coaster, because I could

(48:04):
have just kept going on and on and on and on.
And so you know, that acceptance piece has been a
real challenge, although I know I need to and it's
getting easier. It's I don't know if I'll ever not
feel a loss, but I I do see more ways
to fill that whole and spread them up. But you're
looking at something that's a loss. That's just not and

(48:25):
I don't want to this to sound harsh, because it's
going to. It's not your reality. Like, if it's this difficult,
then it's not meant to be and it's not a loss,
it's a game, because once you come across it and
stop resisting the fact that you're up against something and
you come to the idea that, okay, this is another opportunity,
then me being not able to have children is an

(48:48):
opportunity to have children in a different way, and that's
what you need to accept, because when you resist something,
it persists and that thing that will will get in
your head and get your body and live in you,
and it's your spiritual work that needs to happen now.
All of the things you're doing that you said you're
doing are great. Keep doing them, have faith in yourself

(49:10):
and believe in yourself, and you're going to give gifts
to the world that you're not even aware of yet.
But you have to let go of the thing that
didn't work out for you. It didn't work out and
that's heartbreaking and I'm sorry, but there's so much more.
Once you become available and shut the door on that
and make peace with it, you're gonna find a whole
new world that you're able to contribute and love children,

(49:33):
and whether that's fostering or adopting or just being you
know somebody who who spends time with children, whatever it is,
you're going to find your way as long as you
make peace with what didn't work out. You can't hold
onto things that don't work out. It's just it becomes
an energy that lives in you and then it directs
you and you don't want that to run you. True,

(49:53):
I I appreciate the harshness. I need more reality checking
because it's something I haven't I've only started talking more
open lead to friends and family about because you know
the steep, dark secret and when you're in it you
just don't want to talk about it all. At least
I didn't, and I know I'm hanging on. I'm still
hanging on in ways that are not serving me, not

(50:14):
that they ever did, but I need to ramp up
some of my self care in a way to to
to fully let that go. I I agree with you.
Thank you, and I do appreciate that. I need to
hear it in a in a harsh way, I think. Sometimes, yeah,
we just kind of get so stuck in our own psyche, right,
like we go around and around and around and around,
and then you realize you're a cyclone by yourself and

(50:34):
like the whole world is out there and as soon
as you want to be a part of it, then
you will be right. Marjorie, I want to say thank
you so much for your beautiful letter and for being
so open with us, because I think this is something
that will help a lot of women who are going
through exactly what you're going through and just don't want
to talk about with friends or family, but hearing your

(50:55):
story is going to be really helpful to a lot
of absolutely, Marjorie. And also I would just say keep
talking about it with everybody you know that you can,
like there are no secrets, like keeping a secret is is.
It makes everything a little bit more dysfunctional. It's so
much better to get it out and understand and then
you're going to meet people that have been through the
same exact thing and then you're gonna be able to

(51:16):
help each other. Yeah, thank you, and that that's definitely
part of the journey right now and just being more
open and honest about it, which is another reason why
I wrote in and was just so excited to share
and talk to you and, you know, meet everyone. MM. Well,
I'm so glad you did. Will You keep us posted
and let us know what happens in your life? Of course,

(51:37):
all right, we're sending you lots of love, lots of love.
By Marjorie, by by, I'm going to become an in
viture doctor. That's next on my list. I'm just gonna
start making everybody pregnant who wants to be. It's so
fucking insane. It feels like a natural transition from what
I've been doing. You should thanks, very lucrative. I appreciate

(51:59):
that kind of sport. Yea while, going from a very
serious question into a less serious question, but impactful nonetheless.
Jess says dear Chelsea, after years of promising myself I
would do it, I'm finally getting laser hair removal my
full legs, my arm pets, my bikini line. I'm pretty
far along in the process on my legs and I

(52:21):
love it. I feel like a different person. Truly changes
everything about my self, perception and confidence. I thought I
was going to go full of Brazilian or something close,
like a tiny triangle, but for some reason I never
arrived at my appointment fully prepped for that. Then I
started to second guess if I really wanted to go
for it. A Brazilian style has never been a regular
part of my routine. Then, to top it all off,

(52:43):
I saw a clip of you doing a bit about it,
saying it was a mistake and now you're left with
nothing but to get plugs. I know it was a joke,
but I'm interested to know how you feel about it.
I've got my next appointment coming up soon and I
need to decide a sap if I'm going to go
for the Brazilian Pikachu. Help Jess on this and then
I'll follow up. Well, I'll start because I have a

(53:05):
giant vagina, so I can really understand the pressures societally
in the summer, with a bathing suit, with a Spank,
even with the gene these days, where your whole vagina
can be flopping out the side of you, know, like
it's a ball, and it's not. And so I have
lasered and I thought, this vagina is so much trouble
that I just want no more trouble, and so I

(53:27):
did the full Brazilian and here's what they don't tell
you about getting older is that if you have a
little bit of a floppy vagina, it just becomes floppier
as you age. And so I think in retrospect it
would be nice to have a small crowd cover to
cover up the flappy vagina lips in my elder years,
which I don't have because in my twenties I also

(53:48):
went crazy and now anything that's left I'm waxing. And
so you know, I like an option just from someone
with an old, long vagina. It's kind of like how
men will hide some of their facial features behind a beard.
You can kind of hide your floppy vagina behind a
little bit of a Bush, but I like it. There

(54:09):
are some men I will only date when they're bearded.
Once a man with a beard, like a hot, hot guy,
shaves his beard, I'm like, they look like a vagina. Actually,
my friend's husband used to shave his beard. I'm like,
you look like a vagina, I don't like it. Please,
but throw your hair back. I don't like that. Yeah, Um,
I think the option is nice. I mean, I did
the same. I feel like we live in a generation

(54:31):
where it was no hair on their vagina and then
obviously trends change and you know whatever, but I am
hairless down there because hair on my body it makes
me itchy and it makes me feel uncomfortable. So I
feel like, whatever you're gonna do, do what's gonna make
you feel the most comfortable. I wouldn't worry about what,

(54:51):
no offense with Chelsea is saying, or your boyfriends saying
or whoever, like who it feels good on your body
because you're never gonna see her a little tray all,
you know, like so I don't know, I would just
I get so itchy down there that I'm like, I'm
I'm happy with my laser hair removal choices in my
early twenties. At the end of this podcast we're all

(55:12):
going to show very close up, three d photos of
our vaginas and so everyone canna understand the different options
that are available. I didn't. I didn't realize my vagina
was not great until I was a show girl in
Las Vegas and it's great, Kelty. Everybody's Vagina is great. No,
it's Great Volva story, but we had a vagina off.
There was sixteen girls in the cast and we all

(55:33):
stood naked beside each other and looked at each other's vaginas,
which was very and there's some beautiful vaginas. Mine is not.
I mean she's pretty. I love myself mine. It's not
that cy too. But I would like to add on,
like I got laser hair removal when I was in
my twenties so I could swim faster, and then I
realized as I grew older, like no man gives a
fuck what your vagina it doesn't matter if it's flappy,

(55:57):
it doesn't matter if you have been any or an
Oudy or you hair on your asshole. They don't give
a fuck. So whatever you're doing is for you. And
I would say, like, I'm not in a bald beaver's
like I find that to be very juvenile, like I
don't want to look like a little girl. I want
hair on my vagina. I would recommend laser in your asshole, though,

(56:19):
because that's just nice, but don't bleach your asshole. My
girlfriend the other day was like I have to bleach
my asshole. She just got divorced she's on the market.
She's like, I have to bleach my asshole now. I
go no, no, you don't have to bleach your asshole.
Just fucking laser it so there's not hair coming out
of it. Only if somebody, if you're waiting, you know,
if you're if you're gonna have anal sex. Yeah, like

(56:39):
keep it as clean as possible. But if you're not
in an anal then don't even worry about it. But
like just keep your options open. There's a bikini line,
so you don't want your pubic hair to grow into
your thighs. That's gross because you have those air and hairs.
So it's cool to laser that area and, you know,
laser around the area, so like on maybe on your
vaginal lips, like it's not fun to have hair there,

(57:01):
but on the base, what I call my base of
my vagina. I like that to have a scientific terms.
I feel like that. I like that to be covered.
Back at any final thoughts. What about you BECCA? You
didn't well, I don't feel like I really don't need
to at this point. I you know, I did do
laser hair removal and I don't follow through with anything

(57:22):
in my life. It's like a theme. So I I
didn't finish up and so now I just have patchiness
that I have to maintain. So like a Balding Vagina.
It's really it's not pretty. So, yeah, it's receiving so
one credit away from a degree in school. So this
is a theme through her life where she doesn't quite
hit the nail each time. Almost true, just about there.

(57:45):
But yeah, no, if you're going to do it, just
at least commit to whatever you're doing, because what I've
got going on is not attractive. Catherine, what are your
views on Pikachu? You know I mean I have a
dedicated buzzer. That's how I go. Yeah, US keep it neat.
I also don't like when my hair on my vagina.
This is probably too much detail, but who gives a ship?

(58:05):
It gets too long, like it grows outward. I'm like,
I have straight pubic care. I'm not really sure why,
but when my hair grows on the base of my vagina,
it goes curly and goes out like a little boopsie doodle,
and I have to cut that sometimes and be like, okay,
I don't want this. This is like my version of
a boner. Oh my God. Yeah, I haven't had hair

(58:27):
on my vagina for so long, but like I don't
even know what it looks like. I'm going to send
you Americans. I'm gonna send you American and then you're
gonna face time me will I'll do a little show. Well,
on that wonderful note, we're gonna take a quick break
and we'll move back to clothes. We're gonna take a
quick break, put on Ourmericans and we're gonna be right
back party and we're back amazing. Well, this is the

(58:56):
point in the show where we like to ask of
our guests. have any advice you'd like to ask for
from Chelsea, Chelsea Goddess Handler. Thank God this. When I
read that we got to do this, I was like,
thank God. So we are currently like a week out
from our first bus and trailer tour and we thought
were fancy. We've got a successful podcast, we're gonna get

(59:17):
a bus, like all these people on the bus and
they're tour and around. It is. I'm saying like it's
like planning fifteen weddings with three brides in four weeks.
It is so hard. So much of my emotional component
of like who I am as a person is directly
attached to ticket sales. Like, why don't you want to
come New Orleans to see me? I know there's listeners there,

(59:40):
so like, how do you separate and what are the
secrets to like doing a tour without losing your mind? Okay,
first of all, I'm glad you asked this question because
I listen. You have to appreciate everything that you have,
not the things that you don't. So if a show
is not sold out, or you have a thousand people
instead of two thousand in or you have five hundred

(01:00:01):
instead of one thousand, you have to go out there
with the notion that there are five hundred people that
are there to see you and you give them that show.
Anytime you are basic in under any other umbrella, then
performing and giving the people that are your devoted fans.
If that's not what you want it to be or

(01:00:22):
if if you if you're letting your ego run you,
you'RE gonna lose. You have to always perform for whoever
is sitting in that audience and every time you guys,
walk out on that stage, I want you to think
of me and think of walking out on that stage
and saying we are going to give every single person
who bought a ticket the best show that we're going
to give them and you cannot worry about anything else.

(01:00:42):
And that is how you build your audience and that
is how you build a fan base and when you
show up for those people, the next time you come
back there's gonna be double the amount of people. M H.
I hope I'm listening. I'm putting it in my write.
Write it down, Kelty, write it down. I absolutely understand and,
like you know, my person that's trying to be a

(01:01:04):
better person really gets it and I absolutely I'm here
for it. I just like failure is such a difficult
thing for everyone. But when you are failing at being Chelsea,
hand learn, not that you've ever really failed, but I'm
sure things don't work out sometimes, like it's like failing

(01:01:24):
at doing my job at Microsoft. I think would feel
different than failing as being like Kelty night. You're failing, though,
but you're not failing. You're working, you're growing. You're working
and you're growing. There's no failure. The failure is in
your ego. That is that is not a real thing,
that is tangible. That is your shadow voice telling you
why don't you sell more tickets. Why do you do this?
Why do you to kill this? The only way to

(01:01:46):
succeed is to have a good attitude about everything that
comes your way in this moment. So you embrace it
and you capitalize on it and you don't count the
numbers and you're not worried about I check my ticket
sales every day, honey, I know exactly what you're talking about, okay,
but I don't ever go. I mean I've gotten out
to shows that are sixty sold or fifty sold, where

(01:02:07):
I'm like, what the fuck, and you know what, there's
some of the best shows I've ever had. You focus
on the people that are there for you, and that
is how you grow as a performer and as an
entertainer and all of it, it's all a build, and
so it's not happening instantaneously. Everything is a build. This
is your first tour. There's gonna be another one, so
just keep that ball rolling in that right direction and

(01:02:29):
try to get outside of your ego and just be
in the moment. Being present is the best gift you're
gonna give your audience and yourself. And when you go
out there on that stage, you have to acknowledge all
the people that are sitting there waiting to see you,
and you just have to keep playing that game in
your mind and running it around and if you have
to write affirmations or whatever, do that, but just remember,

(01:02:52):
like it's not black and white. It's always like a move.
You know, for me, I've been famous for I don't
know twenty years and there are struggles and or are
times where I get low and I don't believe in
myself or I'm self conscious and I have to pull
myself out of that. I'm like, you're not here by
by mistake, but your behavior and your attitude towards failure
will bring you down. And if you have a great

(01:03:14):
attitude and you just go that didn't work out, next thing,
that's what brings you up and keeps you afloat. I
have one more question. I know I'm like taking over. Sorry. Well,
obviously we're big fans of your books and everything that
you do, and our new book, Ladies Secrets, has a
lot of celebrity stories in it, like Julie Roberts hates me,
Jack accidentally went on a date with Josh Ja Mel
and like that. We're naming names in these stories and

(01:03:37):
like it's about to come out in the world and
like any advice on just like holding true to like
the haters and when people are coming at you, or
like when it feels like it's all swirling. No, you're
telling the truth. WHO GIVES A ship? Everybody? Not Everybody
gets along. Some people are not gonna like you. That's
the way of the world. If you think this is
a popularity contest about everybody liking you, then get out,

(01:03:59):
because that's never ever going to happen. The only bonus
is that anyone likes you, you know what I mean,
and you focus on those people. Once again, you focus
on the people that you're serving, not the people that
don't want to eat at McDonald's or whatever you want
to come. You know not to compare you guys to McDonald's,
but you know what I'm saying, so do I. I
mean I will never fucking love a breakfast more than

(01:04:20):
I love that Sausagject mcmuffin. But you just you have
to serve up what you're you're delivering, like looking around
to see what other people are saying about you is meaningless.
You saying you don't like or Julie Roberts doesn't like fine, fuck, fuck, that.
Who Cares about that? She's not going to be in
your world. Like Josh Tamel, who cares about that either.

(01:04:41):
It's it's better to be truthful and honest than worry
about the repercussions. I mean, you don't want to be
mean and nasty, but like, whatever you know, you're telling
the truth and that's okay and you have to be
down with that and stop focusing on the people that
don't get it. Stop focusing on the people you don't
get it. Jack, I need a Jack van of t shirt.

(01:05:03):
I need to sign Chelsea. Can you imagine if Harry
styles went out on stage every night and was trying
to find the mother in the crowd that wasn't into
that being there, or the father, and he was focused
on that? He's like, wait, I have two hundred thousand
people at Wembley stating and I don't know how many
people that sea. It's probably not two hunch with thousand,
but and he's looking around, going where's the guy that
doesn't get me? No, you're looking at the people that

(01:05:24):
get you. Yeah, that's such a good point. Wow, man Kelty,
I want you to listen to that. I'm going to
put that on a voice memo on my phone, so
when you're being a real cunt on tour, I'm gonna
play it for you. Yeah, for sure. Well, if there's
three of you, there's bound to be one cunt. So
you know what I mean. Like that's why I travel alone,
just the day exactly. Yeah, well, I love it, you guys.

(01:05:47):
This was so much fun. What a great episode we
have with you girls. I love you girls. I'm so
glad you're going on tour. Have the best time. Thank you.
Thank you so much. Thank you. Really excited and Chelsea,
I have one more question. I did send you a
giant and I sent you a joint. I sent you
a joint in the mail and I'm wondering if you
ever got it. Wait, hold on, let me see if
I have it right here. No, the mail after you

(01:06:10):
were on our podcast, you were like send me a
copy of the books. So I got the address your
Po box and I sent the book, but I also
send a huge gold joint with it. I don't want
to sound I don't want to Brag, but so much
cannabis sent to my house. I have a refrigerator in
our gym and the guest room filled with cannabis. And Mushrooms,

(01:06:32):
because so my cleaning lady was like, we have to
get another fridge. I thought it was so inventive. No, no, no,
I bet it's there. I just bet. I haven't seen
it yet, so I don't want to dissuade you, and
when I do see it, I'm gonna let you know. Yeah,
you smoke that joint, joint gold thing and you think
that to Kelty's ego. I will, I will you, girls.

(01:06:54):
Thank you so so much. Love you girls. Love you.
Nice to meet you, cat. Thank you likewise, love you.
Joy your good sex life. Thank you. I'M gonna go
have sex now. I was like, who me? where? Okay, bye. Hi, guys,
thank you so much. So, if you'd like advice from Chelsea,

(01:07:15):
just send us an email at dear Chelsea podcast at
Gmail dot com. We have a special call for submissions
this week. If you've done any sort of genetic testing
and maybe made a discovery about a new family member
or found out that your uncle maybe has a secret
family somewhere, or you found some health markers related to
your DNA that have led you to take certain steps

(01:07:36):
and investigate further, and especially if you'd like advice about
what you found out in your DNA analysis. Please write
into dear Chelsea podcast at GMAIL DOT COM. Dear Chelsea
is a production of I heart radio, executive produced by
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