June 27, 2025 • 15 mins
Yamaneika joins Chelsea to discuss some sneakers that need to be retired. Then: A girlfriend’s support for her boyfriend begins to waver.
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, We're back with a minisode and my special guest
is Yaminika Saunders. She's here today, still teeth the lipstick
is not on your teeth today.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
No, it's gone.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
Now it's gone, so you ate it. Catherine, what's happening.
Speaker 4 (00:13):
Hi, Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (00:14):
Well, we have a quick update from a previous caller.
This is from Dolly. She had called in on our
Christina Ricci episode. Her brother and sister in law were
fighting a lot. It was sort of affecting their kids,
so she was wondering how to support her niece and nephew,
so she says, Hi. There. Since being on the show
with Chelsea and Christina Ricci, my husband and I have
made active strides to not interlope with my sister in
(00:35):
law and her husband's relationship WOWS and distanced ourself from
being in the center of their ongoing tension. As far
as their relationship, there hasn't been much improvement, but on
a positive note, as Chelsea recommended, my husband and I
have been spending more time with our niece and nephew
and building a stronger relationship with them. Thank you, Chelsea
for the reminder that it's their relationship and I should
worry only about what I can control.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Dolly.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Wow, that's good. Great, that's good.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I love that.
Speaker 5 (01:02):
And reaching out to these kids is like so great, Yeah,
reaching out because kids are so you know, she's You've
got nieces and nephews and you know how important it
is to connect with them and make sure they have
a safe haven.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
And yeah, you know, yeah, she was watching her in
laws or her sister. What was it like, have bad,
bad relationship.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Yeah, her sister and brother in law.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Yeah, like really fight with each other and fight in
front of the kids, really inappropriate. And it's like she
was trying to like get involved and I'm like, you
can't get involved in that. All you can do is
really show up with your children, with their children and
just like build a relationship with them so that they
have a safe, safe place to go and safe people
to talk to. But I feel like that's pretty much
the biggest contribution you can make, if you can impact
(01:40):
children's lives in a positive way.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Yeah, I feel like that is very purposeful.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Yeah, I just don't.
Speaker 6 (01:46):
I'd always arguing in front of children is like crazy
to me.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Did you grow up with parents that argued at all?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
No, we were just a fussy family.
Speaker 6 (01:53):
But we were more like funny, fussy funny, you know,
like nobody took anything serious. I felt very loved. You know,
I had grow up problems like everybody else, but I
felt very loved. I'm very grateful for my family, but
to come from a family that had foster children, you know,
my grandparents took in foster kids, and seeing children coming
from abusive situations and situations where they're uncomfortable, and realizing
(02:15):
how blessed I was that I don't have to go
home and worry about is there going to be somebody
who's going to beat me to death or do something,
you know what I mean. Like the way we don't
protect little human beings that we bring into the world
is insane.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
On a separate note, I just want to point out
that you're wearing a separate You're wearing a pair of
sneakers today that look like you are actually your size,
because when I was out with you last night, there
were you wear these boat sneakers that are they seem
like they're a few sizes too big, and I know
we were giving you some grief about it last night.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Yeah, I think we should retire those sneakers.
Speaker 6 (02:46):
I think no, but they're also very comfortable. They're a
part of me that at some point I will I
will retire.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Well, yeah, maybe when you come to Europe, maybe I'll
go into your suitcase and maybe I'll retire them for you.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah, if I bring those shoes, I'm not going.
Speaker 7 (03:00):
To not coming back to Europe. Honey, I'm that trash.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Okay, what did we have next? Catherine so Claudia is
thirty three.
Speaker 4 (03:17):
She's in Miami.
Speaker 5 (03:19):
She says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend and I have been
together for about three years now. We live together, both
in our thirties, and I'm confident in saying that we're
in this for the long haul. My predicament is that
he's very unhappy with his job, and I don't know
the best way to be supportive anymore. He's applied to
hundreds of other positions, but doesn't ever seem to make
it past the interview phase. He gets defeated, frustrated, and
(03:40):
I struggle with knowing how to help him. All I
want is for him to be happy or at least
neutral at this point with his job, but it doesn't
seem like he's taking the best steps or initiative to
get there. He won't let me read his resume or
cover letter for advice, and when I try to connect
him with people, he shoots me down. He's an incredible
writer and artist, and I've encouraged him to go to
grad school as a different option to pursue, but he's.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Stuck and won't make the jump.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
He's had episodes of depression in the past, and I
fear that these career struggles might take him down that road.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Again.
Speaker 5 (04:08):
We're in different industries, so I don't exactly know what
resources to point him to, but I encourage him to
keep applying and not lose faith. The last thing I
want is to be a nag, and I know he
really needs to be the one to lift himself up
and tackle this on his own. But it's difficult to
watch the person you love get pushed down. So many times,
I think I've hit a wall and I just need
an outside perspective on this.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
Claudia, Hi Claudia, Hi, nice to see you both.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Hi, thank you. This is Yaminika.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Hi Claudia.
Speaker 6 (04:34):
I want to say I you know, I was snickering
at the top of it, because my god.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
You know you wire me. You were me. I remember
being you right?
Speaker 6 (04:46):
Yeah, young, that's some young shit you doing all what
is this episode a lean on me as well? Why
the fuck are you building this dude up like fuck that?
And you in your thirties you still young, bitch, and
you sit here raised? This is the motherfucker is already
supposed to be raised. He's got to go. You know
what you want in life? I'm telling you, don't waste
(05:07):
your fucking time.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
No, we gotta go. Who are you fucking your webs?
I get it.
Speaker 6 (05:12):
But all of this adjusting that she's doing to try
to reach a motherfucker is a waste of time, Chelsea.
And in the forties and up, we can tell you
because we've been here. That's why I'm giggling at you.
You was the bitch I was. Please stop being a
bitch as soon as possible.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Let's have a realistic conversation about how you know. I
know you said your piece and now I want to talk.
So where are you at with how tolerant you are
willing to be for this period or duration of time
where he's kind of listless and depressed. Where are you
on your relationship journey spectrum?
Speaker 8 (05:49):
Well, I'm not like up to here, I'm still very
supportive and it's not like he's a deadbet either. It's
I'm not like paying his bills or anything like. He's
still contributing financially. So until that's until that changes, and
I'm fine to keep supporting him.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
But okay, so see those are her parameters, So she's
not you have to experience these things before place.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Where you know that.
Speaker 6 (06:12):
Let me we're right, okay, So Chelsea is coming from
that angle. I'm coming here to contribute something completely different
and from a different angle. That's why it's not another
Chelsea saying he I'm sitting here, I appreciate. What I'm
telling you is I love that you are doing that right,
And I understand everybody has parameters. I'm not heartless. What
(06:32):
I am telling you is somebody who is just like that.
What more can I do?
Speaker 4 (06:36):
What?
Speaker 6 (06:36):
And you're doing all You're trying to resource so that
you can be resourced for him.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Is he putting this kind of effort into.
Speaker 6 (06:44):
His own self to get out of these pity party situations?
You understand, and it only gets worse over time. That's
something that he has to work on with himself. Because
one thing's knocking you down, you're not motivated to move forward.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Over time, life.
Speaker 6 (06:59):
Is going to do nothing but kick your ass, and
if you're not able to overcome from that, you're gonna
want to bitter and stuck. I know I have friends
like that. Every day I ask the Lord, please help
me not to be bitter and stuck.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
It's easy.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
I do the same thing.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I always wake up and say, please, I pray, like,
let me not be a cunt today, you know, like
I have that. I have that thing too, and let
me not be a cunt to other people. Like he's
obviously wrapped in, like very self involved in this period
of time that he's in and whether he's depressed or
he's gonna be depressed or whatever. There really is only
so much you can do to help somebody, to help
(07:36):
lift somebody up if they're not willing to lift themselves up,
like you giving him resources and putting him in touch
with people and him kind of not responding to that
doesn't show initiative and doesn't show ambition or a want
for change. It's almost is like there are certain people
that like to be in this kind of negative space
that's their oxygen where they like to be a victim
(07:56):
where they like to everything nothing goes right for me,
and it's the same old song and dance. So I think, Yaminika,
what she said is poignant because when you get to
be older, you'll realize, like you don't really want to
put this much effort into him. But I totally respect
the fact that you still love him and you still
have more tolerance for his situation and to help him.
(08:17):
But I would really start focusing on yourself. Since you
can't pick him up out of this situation, how can
you make your life, you know, more meaningful for you,
so you have a space to kind of exit when
he's in that space, you know what I mean, that
you can go and do things for yourself, that you
have your own of friends, and that you have your
own like community of whatever it is, and do you
(08:40):
have those things like do you feel like you have
your own life sets?
Speaker 8 (08:44):
What makes it interesting is like I'm also trying to
pivot careers and I got into grad school, like I'm
a year into grad school to try and make that transition.
So if my thank you, if my words don't mean crap,
then at least he's like my example, my actually and
hopefully with you know, inspires him in some way. But
I also don't want to be like, hey, look at me,
like I got my shit together, because I really don't.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
I'm being like, hey, look at you.
Speaker 5 (09:08):
I'm like, Oh, the woman in the relationship is making
moves and doing shit to better herself and the man
is fucking wallowing shocker.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
The thing is you're gonna lose your patience for it.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
That's the thing that we're just we're both in agreement
on you're gonna lose your patience for because it's not
hot and nobody just gets to be in a bad
mood for a long period of time. Like, there's got
to be steps taken. And while you're demonstrating actually what
it looks like to change your life and take it
into your own hands, he might get the message, or
he might not. He might get it in five years,
(09:40):
or he might never get it. You know, I don't know,
but I would really make sure that you double down
on yourself, whatever you're doing for yourself and what your
goals are, make sure that you double down on your
determination and making your life as good as it can be.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
And see where where the relationship goes.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
You know, maybe you'll have some sort of miracle and
he will have an awakening.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
It happens to people.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
I just think women are much more reliable on men
in the emotional department in terms of like hearing news,
making changes, making adjustments.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Were more reliable.
Speaker 6 (10:11):
And I'm not that. I'm not don't look at that
girl in the mirror. I am about that. Look at
that girl in the mirror. So what women are always
expected to like, don't act like you have this over
a man, and don't did this and da da da da.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
So what you when you getting it great?
Speaker 6 (10:26):
You know how hard that is again to graduate school
and shit like that, and you try to make a
pivot and do things like that and you can't applaud
yourself and he can't be next to you go, yeah,
that's my chick, she did that.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 6 (10:37):
We always expected as women to make an adjustment so
that the man's ego is in crush.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
You keep being who the fuck you need to be.
Speaker 6 (10:43):
And then if you have to dip, go dip for
a dude that's not gonna feel some kind of way
about you having your star because he got his own store.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Yeah, maybe he is actually jealous of you too, who knows?
Speaker 4 (10:54):
I yeah, I hope not.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
I hope not too.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (10:57):
I think it did inspire him in a way like
he's been applying. It's just that he's like in a
neutral and I want him to like rev up the
gear and like go into turbo, but he's not.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
I feel like you're probably being very sweet and understanding
and nice and like what do you gals think? I
feel like she needs to come in with a little
more of the Aminika's energy of like, okay, it's time
to stop following, like let's get shit done.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
I think.
Speaker 6 (11:20):
I also remember, I ain't got no man. I ain't
got no man, So you can riven what you want
and you gonna have no man.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
And I've got a lot of madness to say that.
Speaker 7 (11:28):
No.
Speaker 6 (11:29):
But and also to be fair, right to your boyfriend,
we are hearing uside. We know understand like but from
the common sense things that I know in life, it's
not so much about this overall relationship as much as
it is about Chelsea's telling you if if somebody's oxygen
is negativity and that's not what you breathe, you're gonna suffocate.
That's what she just said. So you need to see
(11:51):
if you guys are on the same planet with each other.
You know, maybe he's really from Mars and you from Venus.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
That's a good point.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
So I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
I mean, this isn't the greatest news, but you know,
like it's not uplifting you in any way, but we
just want to give you, like honest female guidance.
Speaker 8 (12:09):
No, and I appreciate that so much. This is like,
you know, the cold bucket of water that maybe I
needed on my face. And I have to say, I
saw you both perform in Hollywood, Florida, So I'm so
happy that I got to see you today.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
That was like an amazing show.
Speaker 8 (12:24):
I went by myself and it was like what I'm
talking about.
Speaker 6 (12:29):
And I think and I think it was. Listen, I'm
gonna say this. I think it was. It's fine. I
don't expect you to turn around and just leave him.
That wasn't a conversation I was having. I think we
were having enough conversation for you to say whatever you decide.
Here is certain red flags that you need to start
looking for. If negativity is his oxygen and if he's
not trying to grow, then when it's time for you
(12:49):
to audio.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Supoty there, We've given you a track. But if you
want to go.
Speaker 6 (12:53):
In and see what you can do and maybe change
things around, my blessings to doing that.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
I'm not here to tear up.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Love famous last words from Yaminika. I'm not here to
tear up lives. Okay, that would be the name of
this episode's the.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Hopeless Romantic I can tell.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Okay, Well, good luck out there. Let us know what
happens if you have any big updates, let us know.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
Okay, thank you both so much. I appreciate it. Yeah,
thank you. Fine.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
She received that. Well, did I mean you were at her?
Speaker 8 (13:21):
No?
Speaker 6 (13:21):
No, No, I like when I was, because I was
that girl right, Like everything when it came to a guy,
it's like, what can I do better?
Speaker 2 (13:32):
What am I not supporting him in? Is there a way?
Speaker 6 (13:35):
And we always read these little Cosmo magazines and shit,
ten ways to be the bitch of his dream, nineteen
ways and not get on his nerve, eleven ways to
whisper in the sun, And it's like all this shit
we gotta do as a woman to try to make
a man okay, And it's like, is he ever concern
in himself with how he makes us feel at all
because nobody's really asking him, like, what do you think
(13:56):
the things you could do as a man to make
your woman?
Speaker 2 (13:59):
You know it?
Speaker 6 (14:00):
I think it should be reciprocity in this. I make
you feel good, you make me feel good.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Okay, and thank you for listening to our Miniso today
with Minika Special guests by Yaminika.
Speaker 6 (14:11):
The next one, I'm going to be completely silent, Okay,
I'm serious.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
Okay, bye, And you can find Yaminica on Instagram at Yaminica.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
So I added a couple of new dates.
Speaker 9 (14:22):
I'm not on tour yet, but I added a couple
of dates just because I felt like we need a
little bit more laughter and a little bit more medicine
for the end of the year. And I was wrapping
things up, but I thought, maybe let me do a
couple more.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
So I'm adding three more dates in addition to my
Vegas residency.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
I'm doing Westhampton Beach August twenty first, I'm headlining the
Rochester Fringe Comedy Festival September thirteenth, and I will be
in NAPA on October third.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
So those will be my.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Last dates of the year.
Speaker 5 (14:50):
Do you want advice from Chelsea right into Dear Chelsea
podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at dear Chelsea. Dear
Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer
Katherine Law And be sure to check out our merch
at Chelseahandler dot com
Hi, We're back with a minisode and my special guest
is Yaminika Saunders. She's here today, still teeth the lipstick
is not on your teeth today.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
No, it's gone.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
Now it's gone, so you ate it. Catherine, what's happening.
Speaker 4 (00:13):
Hi, Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (00:14):
Well, we have a quick update from a previous caller.
This is from Dolly. She had called in on our
Christina Ricci episode. Her brother and sister in law were
fighting a lot. It was sort of affecting their kids,
so she was wondering how to support her niece and nephew,
so she says, Hi. There. Since being on the show
with Chelsea and Christina Ricci, my husband and I have
made active strides to not interlope with my sister in
(00:35):
law and her husband's relationship WOWS and distanced ourself from
being in the center of their ongoing tension. As far
as their relationship, there hasn't been much improvement, but on
a positive note, as Chelsea recommended, my husband and I
have been spending more time with our niece and nephew
and building a stronger relationship with them. Thank you, Chelsea
for the reminder that it's their relationship and I should
worry only about what I can control.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Dolly.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Wow, that's good. Great, that's good.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I love that.
Speaker 5 (01:02):
And reaching out to these kids is like so great, Yeah,
reaching out because kids are so you know, she's You've
got nieces and nephews and you know how important it
is to connect with them and make sure they have
a safe haven.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
And yeah, you know, yeah, she was watching her in
laws or her sister. What was it like, have bad,
bad relationship.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Yeah, her sister and brother in law.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Yeah, like really fight with each other and fight in
front of the kids, really inappropriate. And it's like she
was trying to like get involved and I'm like, you
can't get involved in that. All you can do is
really show up with your children, with their children and
just like build a relationship with them so that they
have a safe, safe place to go and safe people
to talk to. But I feel like that's pretty much
the biggest contribution you can make, if you can impact
(01:40):
children's lives in a positive way.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Yeah, I feel like that is very purposeful.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Yeah, I just don't.
Speaker 6 (01:46):
I'd always arguing in front of children is like crazy
to me.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Did you grow up with parents that argued at all?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
No, we were just a fussy family.
Speaker 6 (01:53):
But we were more like funny, fussy funny, you know,
like nobody took anything serious. I felt very loved. You know,
I had grow up problems like everybody else, but I
felt very loved. I'm very grateful for my family, but
to come from a family that had foster children, you know,
my grandparents took in foster kids, and seeing children coming
from abusive situations and situations where they're uncomfortable, and realizing
(02:15):
how blessed I was that I don't have to go
home and worry about is there going to be somebody
who's going to beat me to death or do something,
you know what I mean. Like the way we don't
protect little human beings that we bring into the world
is insane.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
On a separate note, I just want to point out
that you're wearing a separate You're wearing a pair of
sneakers today that look like you are actually your size,
because when I was out with you last night, there
were you wear these boat sneakers that are they seem
like they're a few sizes too big, and I know
we were giving you some grief about it last night.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Yeah, I think we should retire those sneakers.
Speaker 6 (02:46):
I think no, but they're also very comfortable. They're a
part of me that at some point I will I
will retire.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Well, yeah, maybe when you come to Europe, maybe I'll
go into your suitcase and maybe I'll retire them for you.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah, if I bring those shoes, I'm not going.
Speaker 7 (03:00):
To not coming back to Europe. Honey, I'm that trash.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Okay, what did we have next? Catherine so Claudia is
thirty three.
Speaker 4 (03:17):
She's in Miami.
Speaker 5 (03:19):
She says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend and I have been
together for about three years now. We live together, both
in our thirties, and I'm confident in saying that we're
in this for the long haul. My predicament is that
he's very unhappy with his job, and I don't know
the best way to be supportive anymore. He's applied to
hundreds of other positions, but doesn't ever seem to make
it past the interview phase. He gets defeated, frustrated, and
(03:40):
I struggle with knowing how to help him. All I
want is for him to be happy or at least
neutral at this point with his job, but it doesn't
seem like he's taking the best steps or initiative to
get there. He won't let me read his resume or
cover letter for advice, and when I try to connect
him with people, he shoots me down. He's an incredible
writer and artist, and I've encouraged him to go to
grad school as a different option to pursue, but he's.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Stuck and won't make the jump.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
He's had episodes of depression in the past, and I
fear that these career struggles might take him down that road.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Again.
Speaker 5 (04:08):
We're in different industries, so I don't exactly know what
resources to point him to, but I encourage him to
keep applying and not lose faith. The last thing I
want is to be a nag, and I know he
really needs to be the one to lift himself up
and tackle this on his own. But it's difficult to
watch the person you love get pushed down. So many times,
I think I've hit a wall and I just need
an outside perspective on this.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
Claudia, Hi Claudia, Hi, nice to see you both.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Hi, thank you. This is Yaminika.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Hi Claudia.
Speaker 6 (04:34):
I want to say I you know, I was snickering
at the top of it, because my god.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
You know you wire me. You were me. I remember
being you right?
Speaker 6 (04:46):
Yeah, young, that's some young shit you doing all what
is this episode a lean on me as well? Why
the fuck are you building this dude up like fuck that?
And you in your thirties you still young, bitch, and
you sit here raised? This is the motherfucker is already
supposed to be raised. He's got to go. You know
what you want in life? I'm telling you, don't waste
(05:07):
your fucking time.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
No, we gotta go. Who are you fucking your webs?
I get it.
Speaker 6 (05:12):
But all of this adjusting that she's doing to try
to reach a motherfucker is a waste of time, Chelsea.
And in the forties and up, we can tell you
because we've been here. That's why I'm giggling at you.
You was the bitch I was. Please stop being a
bitch as soon as possible.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Let's have a realistic conversation about how you know. I
know you said your piece and now I want to talk.
So where are you at with how tolerant you are
willing to be for this period or duration of time
where he's kind of listless and depressed. Where are you
on your relationship journey spectrum?
Speaker 8 (05:49):
Well, I'm not like up to here, I'm still very
supportive and it's not like he's a deadbet either. It's
I'm not like paying his bills or anything like. He's
still contributing financially. So until that's until that changes, and
I'm fine to keep supporting him.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
But okay, so see those are her parameters, So she's
not you have to experience these things before place.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Where you know that.
Speaker 6 (06:12):
Let me we're right, okay, So Chelsea is coming from
that angle. I'm coming here to contribute something completely different
and from a different angle. That's why it's not another
Chelsea saying he I'm sitting here, I appreciate. What I'm
telling you is I love that you are doing that right,
And I understand everybody has parameters. I'm not heartless. What
(06:32):
I am telling you is somebody who is just like that.
What more can I do?
Speaker 4 (06:36):
What?
Speaker 6 (06:36):
And you're doing all You're trying to resource so that
you can be resourced for him.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Is he putting this kind of effort into.
Speaker 6 (06:44):
His own self to get out of these pity party situations?
You understand, and it only gets worse over time. That's
something that he has to work on with himself. Because
one thing's knocking you down, you're not motivated to move forward.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Over time, life.
Speaker 6 (06:59):
Is going to do nothing but kick your ass, and
if you're not able to overcome from that, you're gonna
want to bitter and stuck. I know I have friends
like that. Every day I ask the Lord, please help
me not to be bitter and stuck.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
It's easy.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
I do the same thing.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I always wake up and say, please, I pray, like,
let me not be a cunt today, you know, like
I have that. I have that thing too, and let
me not be a cunt to other people. Like he's
obviously wrapped in, like very self involved in this period
of time that he's in and whether he's depressed or
he's gonna be depressed or whatever. There really is only
so much you can do to help somebody, to help
(07:36):
lift somebody up if they're not willing to lift themselves up,
like you giving him resources and putting him in touch
with people and him kind of not responding to that
doesn't show initiative and doesn't show ambition or a want
for change. It's almost is like there are certain people
that like to be in this kind of negative space
that's their oxygen where they like to be a victim
(07:56):
where they like to everything nothing goes right for me,
and it's the same old song and dance. So I think, Yaminika,
what she said is poignant because when you get to
be older, you'll realize, like you don't really want to
put this much effort into him. But I totally respect
the fact that you still love him and you still
have more tolerance for his situation and to help him.
(08:17):
But I would really start focusing on yourself. Since you
can't pick him up out of this situation, how can
you make your life, you know, more meaningful for you,
so you have a space to kind of exit when
he's in that space, you know what I mean, that
you can go and do things for yourself, that you
have your own of friends, and that you have your
own like community of whatever it is, and do you
(08:40):
have those things like do you feel like you have
your own life sets?
Speaker 8 (08:44):
What makes it interesting is like I'm also trying to
pivot careers and I got into grad school, like I'm
a year into grad school to try and make that transition.
So if my thank you, if my words don't mean crap,
then at least he's like my example, my actually and
hopefully with you know, inspires him in some way. But
I also don't want to be like, hey, look at me,
like I got my shit together, because I really don't.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
I'm being like, hey, look at you.
Speaker 5 (09:08):
I'm like, Oh, the woman in the relationship is making
moves and doing shit to better herself and the man
is fucking wallowing shocker.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
The thing is you're gonna lose your patience for it.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
That's the thing that we're just we're both in agreement
on you're gonna lose your patience for because it's not
hot and nobody just gets to be in a bad
mood for a long period of time. Like, there's got
to be steps taken. And while you're demonstrating actually what
it looks like to change your life and take it
into your own hands, he might get the message, or
he might not. He might get it in five years,
(09:40):
or he might never get it. You know, I don't know,
but I would really make sure that you double down
on yourself, whatever you're doing for yourself and what your
goals are, make sure that you double down on your
determination and making your life as good as it can be.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
And see where where the relationship goes.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
You know, maybe you'll have some sort of miracle and
he will have an awakening.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
It happens to people.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
I just think women are much more reliable on men
in the emotional department in terms of like hearing news,
making changes, making adjustments.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Were more reliable.
Speaker 6 (10:11):
And I'm not that. I'm not don't look at that
girl in the mirror. I am about that. Look at
that girl in the mirror. So what women are always
expected to like, don't act like you have this over
a man, and don't did this and da da da da.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
So what you when you getting it great?
Speaker 6 (10:26):
You know how hard that is again to graduate school
and shit like that, and you try to make a
pivot and do things like that and you can't applaud
yourself and he can't be next to you go, yeah,
that's my chick, she did that.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 6 (10:37):
We always expected as women to make an adjustment so
that the man's ego is in crush.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
You keep being who the fuck you need to be.
Speaker 6 (10:43):
And then if you have to dip, go dip for
a dude that's not gonna feel some kind of way
about you having your star because he got his own store.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Yeah, maybe he is actually jealous of you too, who knows?
Speaker 4 (10:54):
I yeah, I hope not.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
I hope not too.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (10:57):
I think it did inspire him in a way like
he's been applying. It's just that he's like in a
neutral and I want him to like rev up the
gear and like go into turbo, but he's not.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
I feel like you're probably being very sweet and understanding
and nice and like what do you gals think? I
feel like she needs to come in with a little
more of the Aminika's energy of like, okay, it's time
to stop following, like let's get shit done.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
I think.
Speaker 6 (11:20):
I also remember, I ain't got no man. I ain't
got no man, So you can riven what you want
and you gonna have no man.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
And I've got a lot of madness to say that.
Speaker 7 (11:28):
No.
Speaker 6 (11:29):
But and also to be fair, right to your boyfriend,
we are hearing uside. We know understand like but from
the common sense things that I know in life, it's
not so much about this overall relationship as much as
it is about Chelsea's telling you if if somebody's oxygen
is negativity and that's not what you breathe, you're gonna suffocate.
That's what she just said. So you need to see
(11:51):
if you guys are on the same planet with each other.
You know, maybe he's really from Mars and you from Venus.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
That's a good point.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
So I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
I mean, this isn't the greatest news, but you know,
like it's not uplifting you in any way, but we
just want to give you, like honest female guidance.
Speaker 8 (12:09):
No, and I appreciate that so much. This is like,
you know, the cold bucket of water that maybe I
needed on my face. And I have to say, I
saw you both perform in Hollywood, Florida, So I'm so
happy that I got to see you today.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
That was like an amazing show.
Speaker 8 (12:24):
I went by myself and it was like what I'm
talking about.
Speaker 6 (12:29):
And I think and I think it was. Listen, I'm
gonna say this. I think it was. It's fine. I
don't expect you to turn around and just leave him.
That wasn't a conversation I was having. I think we
were having enough conversation for you to say whatever you decide.
Here is certain red flags that you need to start
looking for. If negativity is his oxygen and if he's
not trying to grow, then when it's time for you
(12:49):
to audio.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Supoty there, We've given you a track. But if you
want to go.
Speaker 6 (12:53):
In and see what you can do and maybe change
things around, my blessings to doing that.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
I'm not here to tear up.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Love famous last words from Yaminika. I'm not here to
tear up lives. Okay, that would be the name of
this episode's the.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Hopeless Romantic I can tell.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Okay, Well, good luck out there. Let us know what
happens if you have any big updates, let us know.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
Okay, thank you both so much. I appreciate it. Yeah,
thank you. Fine.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
She received that. Well, did I mean you were at her?
Speaker 8 (13:21):
No?
Speaker 6 (13:21):
No, No, I like when I was, because I was
that girl right, Like everything when it came to a guy,
it's like, what can I do better?
Speaker 2 (13:32):
What am I not supporting him in? Is there a way?
Speaker 6 (13:35):
And we always read these little Cosmo magazines and shit,
ten ways to be the bitch of his dream, nineteen
ways and not get on his nerve, eleven ways to
whisper in the sun, And it's like all this shit
we gotta do as a woman to try to make
a man okay, And it's like, is he ever concern
in himself with how he makes us feel at all
because nobody's really asking him, like, what do you think
(13:56):
the things you could do as a man to make
your woman?
Speaker 2 (13:59):
You know it?
Speaker 6 (14:00):
I think it should be reciprocity in this. I make
you feel good, you make me feel good.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Okay, and thank you for listening to our Miniso today
with Minika Special guests by Yaminika.
Speaker 6 (14:11):
The next one, I'm going to be completely silent, Okay,
I'm serious.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
Okay, bye, And you can find Yaminica on Instagram at Yaminica.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
So I added a couple of new dates.
Speaker 9 (14:22):
I'm not on tour yet, but I added a couple
of dates just because I felt like we need a
little bit more laughter and a little bit more medicine
for the end of the year. And I was wrapping
things up, but I thought, maybe let me do a
couple more.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
So I'm adding three more dates in addition to my
Vegas residency.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
I'm doing Westhampton Beach August twenty first, I'm headlining the
Rochester Fringe Comedy Festival September thirteenth, and I will be
in NAPA on October third.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
So those will be my.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Last dates of the year.
Speaker 5 (14:50):
Do you want advice from Chelsea right into Dear Chelsea
podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at dear Chelsea. Dear
Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer
Katherine Law And be sure to check out our merch
at Chelseahandler dot com
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