Sherman Oaks SVU with Chelsea + Catherine

This week, Chelsea and Catherine talk about ugly breakups, what happens when you take a break from weed, and how to live with it when your best friend marries the wrong person.  Then:  A foster parent goes back to work after a heartbreaking loss - and a series of lies.  An ex-fiance discovers there’s a statute of limitations on getting the ring back. And an aesthetician struggles with her clients’ trauma-dumping.

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Nick Stumpf

Produced by Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Hi, what's going on? Chelsea? I
have a couple of follow ups for it is our favorite.
So our first follow up comes from Katie. She called
in on the Ethan Natalman episode about she was taking
some Xanax because she was in a really stressful job.
She smokes a lot of weed. You had told her, like,

(00:23):
you know, if you need to take a break, take
a break just to do a little reset, like you
had done last year, So she says. I added a
link at the end of this message to a video
that I apparently recorded when I got back from Greece
and was so stoned that I forgot I made it.
I started to record again, and my friend said, why
are you doing that again? Taking a break from weed
definitely worked, and I'll be taking more regular breaks. I

(00:46):
have still not been able to get my hands on
chocolate mushrooms, which you also recommended to her or she
was curious about. Thankfully, my new job is infinitely better
than my previous job, and I haven't had a panic
attack or needed Xanax in a while. Yes, thanks again
for such a cool experience, Katie. Great. I'm not even
sure how we helped her, but it sounds like she's

(01:07):
doing great. I couldn't get her mushrooms. I remember she
lived in the Northeast, right, Yes, and she didn't know
if mushrooms were legal, blah blah blah. But she stopped
taking xan X. That's good. I always have to taper
my zan X because when I travel, especially, I love
I fucking love zan X, but it's not good for you,
and so I can't take it as frequently as I

(01:28):
would like. Yeah, so I'm going to actually share this
video with you. She's she's very stoned. She's very very stoned.
So quick video update her conversation. And after fifteen days
off and smoked my first joint. As you can see,

(01:53):
it did the trick. So she took a break from
weed or she did it, and this is her first
time back, her first time to take smoking it again.
That's how I looked when we did my interview with
Ben Bruno. Good work, Katie, good work. Way to go.
I mean, and you know what, now that I've tried
the chocolate mushrooms, they were a very chill experience, like

(02:14):
I felt them, but not in a way that I
didn't feel like I could be having a cocktail at
the same time sort of thing. It was not overwhelming. Yeah,
they were very light. I felt like it was just
a good time. Like you said, it's very giggily. I
noticed the lights were a little bit strong. When I
went inside. I was like, wow, those lights are so
bright sort of thing. But really I could feel when

(02:34):
they tapered up and when they tapered off, like at
the end of dinner. Basically really, yeah, did you take
the gun? You took the chocolate or the gummy? Those
were light? Yeah, I doubled up the next side. I
took two. Yeah, and I felt it then, but one
was mild, So yeah, it was perfect. So we went
to a party that was out in the valley and

(02:57):
a friend of ours had some mushroom capital fun mushrooms
coplets or capsules, well capsules, but I think it's something
that they made at home, like measured out thing. So
I had said to Brad, did you like ask him
how much is in these? And he said no. But
I was sort of thinking they might be a micro
dose in there, right, So I tell brand I'm like, well,

(03:19):
you have to find out is this a good time
or is this like a micro dose? Like we just
need to know kind of what we're getting into. But
he refused. He was like, no, you can't ask about
that stuff, or you're from your drug dealer. Was like,
this is not a drug dealer. It was like a
friend from He's like, well, I'm not going to text

(03:41):
in that, Like that does make sense to me. You
don't want to put that in a text message or
like you know, He's like what if he doesn't know
the measurements. I'm like, but he'll know if they're like
one is a good time or five is a good time?
You know what I mean, what do you think about that?
As far as like asking, Oh, I mean, I'm always
the person that everyone's asking because I'm a is the
one doling out the drugs and everyone's like how many milligers?

(04:02):
I'm like, who cares? You're fine? But I actually took
mushrooms on Vancouver Island and I had a terrible reaction
to them. But I was so jet lagged. I think
it was the jet LaGG because I don't ever have
bad reactions to drugs. And I was like, wait what, Yeah, yeah,
I think it's fine to ask who cares? I mean,
I mean, yeah, you sound kind of like a pussy
but I mean it's good. Yeah, you're okay with that,

(04:25):
So you just want the information. So exactly, I'm someone
who researches something to death before. I like, yeah, I see,
I'm that's what I'm the opposite of whatever you are.
I know what, if somebody hands me drugs, it could
be a stranger. I'm like, this isn't gonna put a
dent in me. You know. That's how I feel. Although
I've become a little bit more of a lightweight in
recent years, so I guess I'm just transitioning into a

(04:48):
elderly lightweight person. Well, and also right now there's a
lot of like scary ship and drugs out there. Yeah no, no,
you can't do cocaine. You can't do like ecstasy. They
put in all this stuff like sentinels and everything, so
you can't really and no one knows how much. Like
apparently that was what killed Tom Petty. Is he had
gotten I think some sort of pain killers or something

(05:10):
like not crazy drugs, just like some sort of pain
killers from the internet, and they had fentinel in them. Oh,
is that what happened? Yeah, that's I was. Once had
a friend's birthday party and Tom Petty and his wife
showed up or his girlfriend as a surprise to the
birthday girl, and so weird. So he was so weird looking,
you know, in person, you're just staring at him, like,

(05:32):
what a strange looking man? Yeah he is kind of
yeah yeah, not strange, I guess isn't the right way
to say it, but maybe different than you'd expect. Yeah,
strange to me. Was there anyone who you've ever met
that really you got star struck? Probably Tom Cruise because
he's like bigger than life. I was walking out of
my agent's office and he was walking into my agent's
office when I was at c A, and I was

(05:55):
like wow, Like I just couldn't even believe him. I
was like, WHOA like it, you know, because he's like
so ridiculously famous that you're just and then he was
the cloth Chelsea, you know, like very intensely looked in
my eyes, and I was like fun of him and
Gaty Holmes like on my TV show. So I was
just like, funk, I don't want to even add this interaction,

(06:18):
like please be nice to me. So Luke was our
one straight guy who called in Oh my god, yes,
token is of everyone. Yes, exactly. He called it on
on a Faris episode and had a friend who was
dating a girl who was pretty controlling, and he didn't
know if he should confront his friend about this. I

(06:38):
think the advice was, we've already sort of mentioned in
a few times, you might need to lay off because
it's sort of his choice to make. But Luke followed
up and he said he actually ended up getting engaged.
I decided to follow Chelsea's advice and not bring up
his relationship to him again, and I let it go.
It's tough to stand by and watch, but at the
end of the day, it's his life. Luke, Oh, oh, yeah,

(07:00):
there you go. Yeah, well that's the right thing. Yeah,
I think so. And also, I really firmly believe that
from an outside perspective, you can never truly understand what's
happening in someone's relationship. And for example, I had a
friend who I wasn't super like worried for her getting
married to this guy. But someone that close friend of

(07:21):
mine married who was sort of very vanilla ice cream,
you know, like not offensive, but not very exciting, sort
of boring. I thought you'd get very bored, and like, now,
several years later, she's very happy they have a family together,
and she's like living the life that she wants, I
think in in most ways, and so people do mature.

(07:42):
Maybe this girl is going to mature and become a
better partner. Yeah, you never know, Like, yeah, you could
grow to like somebody after a bunch of times, and
your judgment over someone else's situation is just pretty invalid anyway. Yeah,
or you know, they might get a divorce and and yeah,
and then you can really lay into her exactly. Our
next follow up comes from Marcus. He called in when

(08:05):
Monica Patman was on the show, and he says, Hi, Catherine,
I was just thinking about how I needed to update
you guys on what happened. He had a really conservative family,
that orthodox what was it called, really orthodox family contemplating
moving out, Yes, exactly, and we told him to get
the funk away from his family. Indeed, he said, I

(08:28):
did in fact move out, and it was super dramatic. Basically,
my whole family turned their backs on me for a
portion of time. I set firm boundaries with everyone, and
Chelsea's advice was ringing in my ears to keep me
moving forward during the darker times. As of now, my
family is not thrilled about my move, but we have

(08:49):
a cordial relationship and I visit them from time to time,
which I think is perfect. That was my commentary. Although
moving out has not solved all of my issues and
my roommates can be a lot to navi gate at times,
in many ways, I believe the universe is forcing me
to learn boundaries. I am incredibly excited and empowered that
it took the initiative and made this move. I do

(09:10):
have mood swings and definitely depressive episodes alike, but I'm
incredibly honored to say that I am alive. The feeling
of quote living is not something I can say I
felt for a long time. I feel like I'm a
participant in my life again, and I feel hopeful for
the life I'm creating. A main driver in this decision
was the podcast, and I can confidently say, you guys

(09:33):
change the trajectory of my life. I have a new therapist,
a new apartment, and a new lease on life. Best Marcus,
Oh my god, home run Marcus. What a great update. Yes,
I'm so thrilled for him, and like navigating roommates stuff
is very normal. You know, that's all just the stuff
you deal with in your twenties. But I'm so happy

(09:54):
to hear that his family has already come around, right exactly.
That's the best news. Oh my god, I love it it.
I love it. I love telling people to get away
from their families and then they take that advice and
then it ends up all good and moving in the
right direction. Marcause I'm so happy for you. It's just great.
It's just great. I loved that email. Almost moved me

(10:15):
to tears. Well, Chelsea, should we get into some Oh yeah,
we're not having a guest today. We're doing some episodes
without guests to see how you guys like that. Yeah,
I mean some guests are great, and actually all of
our guests have been good. I haven't had any doozy, No,
no dud's. Oh I can think of a doozy. I'll
tell you after. Okay, I can actually think it would

(10:38):
I bet it is. I like having guests and I
also like not having guests, so I'm hoping to either way.
I mean, some guests are great, so they're worth having some.
Some guests are good and some are great. Yeah, Julianna
margulis Is our people are so writer die I think
she already is our writer die so pleased. Oh my goodness.

(11:00):
Well let's take a quick break because we have to,
and then we'll come back with some emails. Okay, sounds good.
Let's go take a bath, and we're back. Setsy, very setsy.
I just want you to know, Katherine before we get
into today's episode, that I'm heading straight from here going
to my ophthalmologists to figure out how to replace my

(11:22):
eyes because I can't fucking see anything now after six o'clock.
If I get a little stoned, I can't see anything.
If I have a buzz, I can't see anything of
close distance is fine because I had lazy. But there's
a thing you can get called mono vision, which one
eye short and one eyes long. And I'm like, but
that's a little dizzy ng it sounds so I have

(11:42):
to go today to see what my other options are.
And I'm hoping that I could just get an eye implant,
just have them. I want to take Bird's vision and
install it into my head that I'm gonna have Bird's
brown eyes while Chell see. Actually, I actually have one

(12:02):
follow up that I wanted to share from Cat, and
she wrote in and said, can you all, please shut
the funk up about the Kardashians. If I hear an
update about the Kardashians on another platform right now, I
will shoot my ears out. Seriously, what the hell? All
the best? Cat? That's so funny. I read this and
I just couldn't stop laughing. I just love it. That's funny,

(12:26):
spinking of the Kardashians. I shot a SKIMS campaign. I
used to make fun of the Kardashians, and now I'm
working for one. Can't you can't escape them? No, it's ridiculous.
You can't. You can't. And now their whole there's a
new generation of them coming, So what the fuck? You
just have to sit down and bear it. It's pretty

(12:46):
but yeah, I hear you. I I can't believe it either.
In like thirty years, north is going to be running
for president. Don't even They're here to stay? Isn't her
name north Star? Northwest? Oh? I hope her middle name
is Star though. I think that's great. My favorite these days, though,
out of the Kardashians, is Court. She just seems really real,

(13:10):
you know what. I feel like a bit and I
like that, yes, but also like having just binge watched
all of the Kardashians. She is somebody who like, I
love this. This woman writes in about listening to Kardashians,
and now we're talking about that. Look what you've done. No, no,
out of respect for the writer, let's end this conversation.
As much as you want to talk about them, you

(13:31):
have to save it for another episode. Captain. We have
to be loyal to our viewers, I mean listeners. I
don't know if you're fucking listening or viewing. And if
you're viewing, please tell me how you're viewing, because we
don't record this for exactly. It is actually on YouTube,
but it's just a still it's not the video's not
out there, so you can watch a still photo while
we talk. Oh that's lame. Yes, well, shout out to

(13:52):
all our YouTube listeners. We had an email come in
just like a day or two ago from Emma, and
she was so sweet. She said, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend
of seven years technically a little on and off, but
three years straight now broke up with me this week.
We've been struggling for a while, but working through it.
I thought during our last disagreement he told me he

(14:15):
couldn't do it anymore and that he's felt this for
a while but didn't know how he could tell me
he loves me but isn't in love with me. I'm
blindsided and indescribably sad. Our town isn't tiny, but small
enough we'll run into each other. I'm supposed to be
starting grad school for a therapy program in a week
and don't know how I'll focus. I'm afraid I'll never

(14:37):
move on. How can I move forward and heal? Because
right now it seems impossible. Emma, Oh, that's sad, you feel,
you're so sad. But first of all, you're going to
grad school. That why do you think it's to The
timing is as perfect as it could be. That's exactly
what you need to do is go to grad school

(14:58):
and get first of all, in education, in a higher education,
and get a huge pivot in your life. He just
told you he doesn't he's not in love with you,
like there's no other way to say it. The only
victory you can have now is completely diving into yourself
and going to school, focusing on yourself, focusing on your
career ahead and grieving with it, but knowing that you

(15:21):
have something else going on in your life. Otherwise you're
just gonna sit at home and cry about this and
be depressed because he doesn't he's not in love with
you anymore. No, that's not an option. Yeah, give yourself
a little bit of time to to feel this, Eat
some chocolate ice cream, do what you gotta do. But
you know you're gonna meet so many new people, and
not just you know, potential romantic people, but new friends.

(15:43):
You're gonna have new experiences as you start grad school.
I think you know she doesn't want that though. I
know you're listening and you don't want new experiences. You
want your old experience. But I'm here to tell you
that this is a huge opportunity for growth for you
and that you are going to be fine. You are
going to be okay, and you're going to get through this.
And the first step is going to grad school. That's

(16:04):
exactly what you should be doing. And you're going to
run into him. Great every time, it's going to be
easier than the last time. But you have to think
of this as an ending and for that relationship and
a beginning for the rest of your life. I love that.
I think that's wonderful, and it will get easier, like
I think maybe not every day, but every week it
just gets easier, don't you think it's definitely definitely Yeah,

(16:26):
thanks for writing in Emma and all the best. Let
us know how grad school goes. You know, when you
break up with somebody and you kind of go back
to all of your people, it's like very nice and
you feel very grateful. You're like, oh, wait, I wasn't
as present before. You know, when you're in a relationship,
you're never as present. But I don't like to think
of myself as as that, you know, like I like

(16:47):
to think that I am available even when I'm in
a relationship. But when I think back about my most
recent relationship, I'm like, oh, I was on tour, so
that took up time, and then the other twenty percent
was always with my ex boyfriend, and I'm like, wait,
I had no time for any of my friends or
any of that stuff. So that's like interesting. And the

(17:09):
other thing I am conscious of watching, like having awareness
of now is like phases of grieving or getting over
a breakup. Like once you have the vocabulary and you
understand what's happening, you understand that the more distance you get,
the more perspective you'll have and the more clarity you
get when you're in such a state with somebody, and
especially if the relationship dissolves, you're both not thinking clearly

(17:32):
at all, you know. And so when you get the
perspective and you allow enough time because people people think
time is bad, but like the longer that you have away,
the clearer that you are able to see things and
understand exactly what transpired instead of being emotional about it,
you know. So it's nice to see the different phases
of a breakup or grieving or whatever you want to

(17:54):
call it, because you know, I didn't want to ever lessen.
I didn't ever want to take a way like meaningful
things that I said I didn't want to like. It
doesn't mean they're not true, right, I don't want to
do anything to negate me being my best possible version
of myself during this breakup. Being able to conduct yourself
in a way that you feel respectful of is really

(18:15):
great lesson to learn. Yeah, I mean, and it usually
probably wouldn't come to a person until they're in their
forties because we're so stupid. But I really feel like, Okay,
this is one way to conduct yourself, and it's the
best way, and you're always you're not gonna have any regrets,
and you don't participate in any Like I have a
couple of girlfriends who read you know, they will go

(18:37):
on someone's Instagram and then go to the other person's
Instagram that they're photographed in their picture with to research
that person. And and these are grown women and they're
my close friends, and I'm like, you guys, and they're like,
we just need to know, we need to know, Like
I don't, Like they don't. I know they don't, but
they think they do. They think they're collecting information. That's
their answer. They're collective confirmation. But I think it's good

(18:59):
not to collect if formation to have a separation be
a separation, Like you're now separate, and there's no reason
to be going doing those things. Not because they're childish,
because that's kind of sounds judgmental, but it is childish,
and it's better. It doesn't matter what that person is
doing or thinking or saying about you. It doesn't matter exactly.

(19:21):
And also, like you don't get the headspace that you
would if you were just like giving yourself time away
from thinking about that or thinking about it, but not
engaging with that person their Instagram whatever. I mean when
you talk about as we mature, we react differently. I
had one friend a few years ago who got divorced

(19:43):
from her husband. They had been together for twelve years,
married for five, and she actually went through her whole
Instagram and deleted every picture of them together, and like,
it wasn't a particularly nasty divorce, it was pretty amicable.
But I was like, you, you can't just erase somebody
from your life, you know. I think it's interesting when

(20:05):
people want to do that. Well, that's being angry or
reactive or well, I guess you wasn't being reactive because
it was after that, but it is being reactive. It's like,
just honor the what it was. You don't have to
erase it exactly exactly. But I mean, I think something
that's totally undervalued is the value of giving yourself to
space and time. Like people want to rush things. I

(20:25):
know I certainly do. I'm very impulsive, like I want
answers and results quickly whenever I'm interested in something or
the outcome of something. But that adult nous to give
yourself space and time to actually reflect and digest and
get clarity is like, oh, Okay, now, you know, I
feel like a woman. Yeah, And it's a gift to

(20:47):
yourself to be able to like give yourself that clarity,
give yourself time to heal. But also, you know, like
you said, healing doesn't necessarily mean that you're like totally
moved on for that person, or you're you know, you
don't ever think of out them anymore, or there's no
chance of getting back together. That's not what it means.
Healing means that you get that different perspective and you

(21:07):
can think about it differently. Yeah, right, right, right, Yeah,
that's a good point to people confuse that word a lot.
What do you think about closure? Everybody talks about closure.
I mean, listen, it's not fun to be like, you know,
left in the lurch and not know what happened. That
is not ideal. But I don't know how many closures

(21:27):
do people need, you know, that's my thing. It's like,
if you're broken up, you're broken up, do you need
to break up twice? Everyone thinks that they want closure,
but I'm not positive that that's true. Yeah, you want
to know what happened, So I think that Also, it's
so nice to be with your family, you know, and
be reminded of like the people that have been in
your life forever and will always remain on your team

(21:50):
and be It's very nice to have that familiarity with family,
especially with my sisters, because you know, brothers are useless.
My one brother, Roy is the sweetest thing in the world.
He's adorable and so loving and just a sweetheart. And
then I have my brother Glenn, who's just an idiot.
You know, he has no concept of how he is

(22:13):
or cares. He doesn't care because he's fucking He just
thinks he's killing it. He's a straight white male. Were
saying over fifty that's the key ingredient. I mean, it's
a different dynamic, Like it is nice to be around
people who obviously they loved yourrects and they loved being
around him, but they love being around you just you
you know. Yeah, oh yeah. I mean well that's it.

(22:37):
I mean how many times can I say yeah, well, yeah, yeah.
Family is great. Family is great. Everybody write that down.
Write it down. Our next email, Chelsea, this is a
juicy one. This is from Shana. Should I get my

(22:57):
water wings? Shana's twenty nine. She says, Dear Chelsea, about
eighteen months ago, a friend of mine ended an engagement
with his girlfriend of many years. They just wouldn't have
been able to make it work. The breakup was super
hard on both of them, and he feels bad he
let the relationship go on too long. He's been talking

(23:18):
to a therapist and believes it was the right decision
to end things. He just wants them to be able
to have closure. He recently contacted her to get the
ring back, as well as some of his other stuff. Well,
she returned his stuff, but not the ring. He tried
to contact her about it and got radio silence. Legally,
the ring should return to him. Since the wedding didn't happen,

(23:40):
the ring doesn't officially become a gift. But before he
takes legal action against her, is there any way I
can help him get the ring back peacefully? Shana? Uh?
First of all, Shana, you better not let you if
you're influencing him at all, Do not let him take
legal action to get his fucking ring back. He just
broke up with her. She's allowed to keep the ring.

(24:00):
The ring was a gift when he gave it to her,
not when they get married. So you're letting him influence
your thinking because you're a woman and you should know better.
Do you know what I think? I think Shana is
the new girlfriend. Yeah, obviously I thought I really had
like a you're going to sue to get your fucking
engagement right back? Who does that? Especially because like he

(24:20):
broke it off. And here's the big thing to me
is Shana says he broke off an engagement with a
longtime girlfriend, not girlfriend fiance first of all, but second
of all, he let eighteen months go by without bringing
this up. Eighteen months. That's too long, even if like,
and I looked at the laws on this too. Laws
different differ from state to state. So some states have

(24:43):
a law where like it becomes the woman's like as
soon as she I love to research, Chelsea, I actually
really do, but so you know, it depends on the state.
It sounds like in their state it does legally revert
to the giver since the wedding didn't happen. But if
the wedding had happened it here's my my thought, if

(25:05):
if he had asked within a month or two, maybe,
First of all, it's not up to the man to
ask for the ring back. It's up to the woman
if she wants to give it back, and any other
man or a non binary person that has been proposed
to and is returning a ring, it's up to the
person the recipient of the gift, that's at their discretion,
not the person who gave the gift. You can't ask
for a gift back, you know what that's called. We're

(25:26):
not allowed to say that term anymore, right, But and like,
what are you gonna do give us your next girlfriend?
That's gross, Like I used engaged, just want some money
back so we can go buy her another one. I know.
I heard a story about that too recently, that somebody
got proposed to his next girlfriend with his old girlfriend's engagement. Fine,
if you need a deal, honor ring should just be

(25:48):
taken out of the equation altogether. They seem it's it's
a bit silly. Go on a vacation. Yeah, I'm gonna
go to Bora Bora. I gotta figure that out. Every
time I see pictures on Instagram of Bora Bora, I'm
just like, holy fun. I went there once with my
girlfriend Sophie and we spent a week there and I
was like, this is like a honeymoon. I'm like, this
is what I was my honeymoon to be like my

(26:08):
girlfriend and myself and just drank. Every time we came
out of the water. They handed me a mango margarita
because that would be the last thing that I drank
they came. It was just it was heaven. You could
be in that water for seven hours a day, and yeah,
I gotta get back there. It's a long trip. And
I cried the day we left. There was heaven, heaven.

(26:29):
Where is Bora Bora like Tahiti? Okay? Okay, just yeah,
I know exactly where Tahiti is, so that's great. It's
like French Polynesia. Okay, so that whole area. I think
I have some research ahead of me when I get
Bora or no, maybe that's by Indonesia Bora Bora because

(26:49):
when we came from No, we came from Papiete. No, yeah, Tahiti. Okay,
I happen to India. They take you? Did you go
to Bali? Yeah? That was cool, It's cool. It was
interesting to see the two different sides of it, Like
how there's like one side that's so beechy and rustic.
I've just never seen that much pollution in my life.
And the beaches. Yeah, it was all washed up, so

(27:11):
the cut beaches were covered. I went for a surf competition.
We must have been there at a different time because
they were pristine when we went. Yeah, well, I think
parts of the island. But there's those big pires, right,
it's not that what they're called, those of garbage in
the ocean. And then they washed ashore so they had
a massive My friend used to run that WSL so
they had like a massive cleaning of the ocean thing

(27:31):
where everybody in the same day went out to clean
the ocean and get bad by sharks. Attacked by sharks.
Sharks are everywhere now. I know. There's like a shark
app that tells you where all the sharks. Many of
them are tagged in the Cape Cod area, and if
you look at it, it's like what the entire ocean

(27:52):
and to the ocean. Yeah, yeah, they're all up like
in the northeast now because they're like, we like this better,
and they're coming closer and closer. And you can say
whatever you want about sharks not attacking, but they attack,
and that's what's happening. They're fucking hungry and not attacks
just sometimes only when they get a taste for it right. Well,
our first color today is West. West has a pretty

(28:16):
crazy situation. West says Dear Chelsea. I'm a former foster
parent who mostly took respite cases. One of my recurring
cases were two brothers. They and all their siblings, aged
zero to ten, were in and out of care. I
became close enough to the bio parents that I would
occasionally babysit the kids even when they weren't in the system.
The bio parents felt close enough to me to confide

(28:38):
in me one day that mom was pregnant with twins.
They wanted me to adopt the twins when they were born,
because they had the common sense to know that otherwise
they'd be in and out of the system too. After
speaking with dcfs and my own family, I decided to
adopt the twins. This essentially involved letters of intent on
behalf of the bio parents and myself that the babies

(29:01):
would leave the hospital with me and the bio parents
would have no rights to them, So there's legal implications
here too. Long story short. Nearly seven months in, we
found out it was all a ruse. The pregnancy was faked.
This was truly mind bending, and I approached my work
about time off to grieve. I had prepared space in

(29:22):
my home and in my life for these babies, and
the sense of emptiness was profound. Their response was, we
have difficulty justifying this extended time off because there was
no actual death. The next day, I quit my job.
I had already had some qualms about the industry, and
it's been eighteen months since I quit, and I'm ready
to go back to work. I'd like to obtain a

(29:43):
position of similar title senior director, but I feel that
the eighteen month gap in my resume will be hard
to explain and mean that I need to settle for
a lesser position. How can I explain the gap in
my resume without revealing too much information? I have no
problem sharing my story when it's appropriate, but an interview
is definitely not. Thanks for your time, hope to speak
with you soon. Be well. Wes Hi, wes Hi, Hi,

(30:08):
How are you good? God? How are you doing doing well?
You guys look radiant. Thank you. I was gonna think
I was going to say you looked ravishing earlier than well.
I'm pretty hungry. So West, what that's such a fund
up thing to have happened. Yeah, it was pretty crazy,
So they basically faked it for what to get you

(30:32):
to give them money or pay Yeah, I mean that's
that's the question. I get a lot. It's like why
did they do that? And I think that one of
the reasons why this is like such a you know, difficult,
confusing situation, is like we didn't really give them a
whole lot over that seven one period. I mean, we
like gave them and their other kids presents at Christmas.

(30:53):
We would babysit. I mean like one time I bought
them gas and another time I bought them groceries. But
and they announced that they were pregnant. We had in
our care. They're too oldest boys, and so I think,
you know, it's one thing to fake a pregnancy, but
then it's a completely different thing to fake a pregnancy
with twins. So I think that they wanted to in

(31:17):
their minds, they wanted to swap these twins for and
they thought that somehow they were going to be able
to do that. But if the if the pregnancy wasn't real,
then there was there were no twins, So I don't
think they thought that. Yeah, and we talked and there's
some like mental illness involved, and it's like a pretty

(31:38):
sticky situation. Yeah. Yeah. The entire history of the family
involves like DCFS, which is like the foster care organization,
and the mother had trauma, the father, you know, had
been incarcerated. So I mean, they're not rational, well adjusted people.
I mean, the children were brought into care for a reason,

(31:59):
and are the rest their kids still with them? So,
you know, I'm not supposed to know this, but I
do because I had some contacts in the agency after
I released my license. But essentially what happened is this
is really crazy. Are not adopted yet, but the two
younger sisters were the baby that I baby sat a

(32:20):
lot of the time. He got adopted. And then just recently,
like a couple of months ago, we found out that
that the mother is pregnant with twins actually actually like verified,
like the system is already taken measures to bring those
children into care once they're born. Wow, it is wild.

(32:41):
You can't talk about a manifestation. Yeah, so what's your
status with this family? You're obviously not in contact with
them now, right, I mean, how do you really get
past a fake pregnancy? Yeah? Yeah, and you know they
told us that like if any of their you know,
other five kids came up for a option that they
would like immediately make moves for that, and there were

(33:04):
like a lot of like tearful phone calls and just
kind of integrating their family with mine. And you don't
come back from that, like you said, and you made
space in your life for them, Like that line of
your email really stuck out to me, because you would,
I mean you'd be planning baby showers and where they're
going to sleep and and all these things. Yeah, yeah,
we had this lovely nursery set up. It was so

(33:27):
much fun to do that. And even you know with
their existing real kids, you know, we would always have
the because you have to have supervised visits when your
children are in care and you and you come visit them,
so we would always have like all four to five
kids in care meet at our place, and so you know,

(33:48):
it was it was a place that the parents were
familiar with, it was a place that all the kids
were familiar with. So it was just like, yeah, there
was like the physical space. And then like I told
my parents and all my family, like, hey, a weekend,
expect one to like five kids and maybe a year,
Like isn't that crazy? And like you know, it was
just and then it turned out that it was all fake,
and I'm so sorry. But let's talk a little bit

(34:11):
about getting you back in the workforce, because I know
you took eighteen months off and you have a pretty
high level position, right, But did you say you rescinded
your license? Yeah? Yeah? Why I so? I love what
foster care does for children, because you know, babies got
adopted all the time, there's like negative babies. In the

(34:33):
adoption space, there's a there's a deficit of babies. But
in the foster system, there's just this overwhelming surplus. I
think it's like four hundred thousand in the United States
alone that are looking for homes at any given that
that's just children like needing care. And so my aunts
adopted a lovely boy who they turned his rold around,

(34:57):
and I became of age and career to support, you know,
my own instance of fostering. Is it a different license
in each state? But don't you need to get your
license back in order to go back to work? No? Um,
I think the license was for dcfs, right, like the
foster license. Yeah, Like the license that says that like

(35:18):
you know, like you're capable and your your house meets
all the requirements, and yeah, I think I mean in
the last eighteen months. I mean, you're not the only
person who's lapsed in employment, like I think you can
There's so many things you can say. You can blame
it on COVID. You can blame it on your family.
You had a family member who had COVID who got
really ill, like you know, obviously don't get into too

(35:40):
many details, but you can just make that the reason
why you didn't work. Yeah, and even I think there
is room to get closer to the truth of I
had a loss in my family, Like you don't necessarily
have to say death at a loss in my family,
and so I took some time to grieve. And some
people may ask for more information, but you can also

(36:02):
just finish that sentence and you know, change the subject,
ask a question. One thing that I did find I
did a little research on this as well, is for
for example, for women who have a significant gap in
their resume. You know, this study was done with like
gaps of ten years for people who took time off
to go back to school or raise a family or whatever.

(36:23):
When they addressed that gap right on their resume, they
had a higher chance of getting hired. So I would
say right there on your resume, even just say it,
and then it might not even come up in the interview,
Like it would be hard pressed to find an interviewer
who's like, so, who died, Like, let's talk about it,
talk about the grieving process, right right. Yeah, No, that's

(36:46):
a that's a great point. I never thought about just
being bold and out there with it, you know, because
I want to be truthful to the point where you know,
I'm not lying. That just feels like the opposite of
like what the whole point of taking off time was.
But at the same time, like I don't want to
like destroy someone's day with this terrible story. I think
Katherine's advice is perfect. You get closer to the truth.

(37:08):
I was just coming up with a blatant lie because
but I think I'm wrong in this situation. And Katherine,
that was really good. Oh because your dad say you
lost a family member and let people and if you know,
they probably will think it was related to COVID and
then we both get our way. Yeah, exactly, exactly, Yeah, definitely,
And if they press that, you can invent a family member,
just like Chelsea said, Yeah, totally just a little bit

(37:31):
of fun lying yeah, and also focus on well, you're
just talking about your resume, not the actual interview. Well,
that's what I'm nervous about. There are so many topics
or conversations about how aggressive the workplace is becoming, and
you know, bosses are demanding that people work in the
office go back to the office. There's this conversation about

(37:54):
quiet quitting, which is just basically acting your wage. And
it just seems like the corporate hierarchy office environment in
America hasn't improved in my time away. And um, I
certainly hope that I'm stronger, but I think that that
environment still seems pretty toxic across the board. But you're
still ready to get back to work. I would like to.

(38:16):
I mean, my partner has a lot of like I
hear a lot of his conversations, and I want to
get back into those decision making meetings and I wanna
I want to do the financial analysis, and you know,
I wanna. I want to be a mentor and a
leader again. M m, Well, it seems like you've really
thought about it and had great thoughtfulness about it. You

(38:38):
sound like you really know what you're talking about. In
terms of what it's good for you and the way
you're gonna like perform the best. So that's positive and also,
you know, focus on all of the things that you like.
This is a great job interview right now. I feel
like if somebody heard you talking, I'd be like, Wow,
you're so capable and you have so many things to add,
you know, and just your awareness is you know, impressive.

(38:59):
So those are the things you want to sell yourself
on anyway, and not harp on the last eighteen months
where you didn't work. It's like that gave me enough
time to reflect and figure out and have like a
laser focus of exactly what I want to contribute. Yes,
that's powerful. Thank you. I didn't think about it like that.
Thank you. Yeah, totally. Yeah, and listen back to this
because everything you just said is stuff an employer would

(39:21):
want to hear. Like, here's why I want to be here,
this is why I love being in corporate America. This
is why it allows me to think creatively and problem
solve and I want to be in there. Yeah. I
think I could use that to my advantage and awesome,
all right, let us know what happens. Keep us posted.
Thanks by what a whirlwind that was our longest caller.

(39:44):
I think a while it sure was. We learned about
corporate America and here we are. Well. This is an
email from Marie. She's twenty six. Dear Chelsea, this is
a long, complicated story, but let me try to boil
it down. Impossible because I always end up going on
and on. Five is years ago. Meet John in my hometown,

(40:06):
San Francisco through mutual friends. We ended up becoming great friends.
Six months later, John moves to l A. We keep
in touch through texts and phone calls once or twice
a week, occasionally visiting while with friends. July, this is
several years later. John invites me to come down to
l A for six weeks to stay at his house
with him. We gradually start hooking up. We spend the

(40:26):
summer hooking up, but he's clear he only wants to
be friends. He doesn't want to funk up our friendship,
et cetera. I'm cool with us. By October, things get
weird between us and we're not really talking anymore. A
few months later, we start talking on the phone every
day for hours at a time. We'd talk in the morning,
usually for an hour, and then again at night for
a couple of hours. He invites me to come stay

(40:48):
with him for a week, and when I get back
to his place and have lunch, we immediately have sex. Oops.
We spend the summer going back and forth between l
A and San Francisco. September I held him move drive
his ship from l A to San Francisco, where I live.
We're hooking up all the time, but quote just friends.
It's been nine months. I'm basically living with him. Haven't

(41:10):
slept in my own bed since early April. We say
we love each other. He paid for us to go
on vacation, looks and acts just like a boyfriend, but
still he's not. He still won't commit. He's not sleeping
with or talking to anyone else. I fully trust him
on that. He literally doesn't have time because we're together
seven I just don't get it. He says he's scared.

(41:32):
He doesn't know how things will end up, if he's
going to move away, or if we'll just end up
with our hearts broken. Is he wasting my time? I
would literally marry this guy, but he still won't call
me his girlfriend. So what does that say? I don't
want to give an ultimatum, but I also need him
to make a decision. Why would he want the cow
me when I already give him the milk full girlfriend

(41:53):
treatment for free. Last time I brought this up was
a month ago, and he said he just wasn't ready
and couldn't give me what I want. Wunted, we ended
up crying together and things went back to normal. Chelsea,
please help best. Marie. Hi, Marie, Hi, how are you good?
So you want to marry the guy that doesn't even

(42:16):
want to acknowledge that you're his girlfriend? I mean, like
I feel really strongly for him, Probably not marriage right now,
but like I would like i'd be open to a
full relationship. I don't understand like why he won't because
something's stuck in him. Something is stuck in him, and
you're not going to get it by sticking around. You're

(42:36):
not going to get him unstuck by sticking around. You
have to lay down the law and say, listen, this
is ridiculous. We're in a relationship. We have been, We're
together all the time. I don't care if you're scared.
This is now disrespectful to me. You won't even acknowledge
that I'm your girlfriend, and if you don't. If you can't,
then that's fine, but we're not going to continue this way.
And you have to be strong and actually mean that

(42:58):
this is beneath you. You know, if you want to
be in a relationship with him and he's saying no,
this is beneath you, and you're lowering your standards and
what you are going to get in terms of respect
from people. You asked, is he wasting my time? And
I think for my part, the obvious answer is yes.
I personally think that wasting someone's time romantically is truly

(43:19):
a cardinal sin of dating. Like, I think that is
one of the things that's really unforgivable because you are
not only taking that person's time currently, but you're taking
that person's time keeping them from meeting someone else, keeping
them from healing, keeping them from going and having adventures,
whatever the case may be. What do you think about that? Son?
I agree with you again, Catherine, I agree with you,

(43:39):
Like I know you don't want to hear this. I
understand that this is difficult because you're in a situation,
but I'm I'm imploring you to get yourself out of
this situation because as soon as you do, you're going
to see things more clearly and if he's ever going
to wake up and stand up and say yes, it's
going to be because of your absence. Yeah, I just

(44:00):
needed to hear it from someone who wasn't in my
life totally. What do your friends think about it? Are
your friends like stick around, he's amazing, or they're like
dump him? Yeah, well you can't dump him because you're
not even in a relationship. I know. Well, they're like,
you need to bring it up, You need to bring
it up. And I feel like I waited until, like
I said, I was waiting until I was ready to

(44:22):
like really walk away, but I feel like that's not
coming and I just have to do it. Yeah you
didn't then deal with it? Yeah, Marie, you seem like
somebody was very level headed. You're very chill. And one
of the red flags to me, because I was in
a similar relationship, was you know kind of you talk
about at the end where you cried about it together

(44:45):
and and I you know, and that's not mocking at all,
but no, it's like just this sort of up and
down and will we are won't we end? Like he's
got these rules. This to me feels like somebody who
maybe is thriving on the drama of it all and
he is addicted to the highs and the lows, and
all the highs are super high and all the lows

(45:07):
are super low, and like maybe there's a little personality
disorder going on, or maybe there's just like a bad
boyfriend's situation going on, But that to me is kind
of red flaggy. Is that what your relationship is? Like
dramatic and highs and lows? It was like two years
ago and then the last like nine months have been
really calm and like really good and honestly like perfect,

(45:31):
aside from this whole thing of not having a label
on it, which is like the one thing I'm asking
you know, and it's not a lot, No, it's not.
It's totally normal and that yes, yeah, honestly, just get
away from him, break up and do it with meaning,
and I guarantee you your life is going to be
incrementally better in three weeks, okay, three weeks. Three weeks

(45:54):
You're going to start to feel the impact of making
a strong decision and what that means as a woman
and setting an example for yourself and for all of
the people in your life that you're not a dormat,
and that that what you're asking for is not a
tall order for to be called someone's girlfriend is an
everyday language that men, women, women and women men and
men everyone uses. It's not a big deal. So he

(46:15):
should get over himself or he's not going to have
you as his girlfriend. Right, Yeah, it's pretty something to do,
so do it. Report back, Okay, let us know. I will,
I will. I'm scared. Don't be scared. Be strong and
your strong chooes like you have strength, go find it.
Thank you so much. I appreciate it. By by by Guys.

(46:37):
You know, I think it's interesting that she mentions ultimatums.
I do you think that they ever work? It's so dumb. Ultimatum,
Like I don't even understand where that came from. You're
going to do this or you or else? So stupid,
you know. I think like the only time something similar

(46:58):
to that has worked for me is like when I'm
giving it to myself. So it's like I in the
past have been like, you know what if I still
feel this bad in this job or this relationship or
this friendship or whatever it is in two months or
six months or whatever sort of the situation calls for
and I will actually put this on my calendar, like
get out of that situation if you still feel bad
at this point, because like things get good, things get bad,

(47:21):
like things change. But like I've given myself ultimatums, and
I think that's the only thing you can do. You
can't give an ultimatum to another person. No, I mean
it's almost like a way to state that the opposite
will happen. And it's yeahs as soon as you say
if you do this, you know it's gonna happen, right exactly.
And if you just you know, like Marie, if you
do actually just leave, it's not an empty threat. It's like, okay,

(47:43):
well this is the boundary. You're not going to give
me what I want. So it's done. Mary is going
to follow up with us. She's going to leave him,
and then she's going to follow up with us. She
better find it in her courage machine to do the deed.
It's im houring to walk away from things. I mean,
not in an arrogant way or like I'm the big

(48:04):
it's empowering for your self esteem to be like this
is not acceptable for me anymore, Like I don't accept
this and you actually truly never know what good thing
can come out of saying no to something that's not working.
I had a situation recently where I was working on
a show. Brad and I were actually both working on
a show. It felt like the right decision to leave

(48:26):
the show because of a few different things that were
going on and we had too many projects going on
and whatever else. So we left the show, and I
actually was able to find two people who are actually
two of my closest friends to fill those positions and
got them all set up. And the very last thing,
like on my last conversation with the hiring manager or

(48:47):
with the manager of the show, was you know, the
host of the show just wishes he could do this
show with you. And as it turned out, the other
show that I was leaving for had fallen through. It
turned out to be a bad, toxic situation. So we
got out of that and it turned into this situation
I never could have realized where I got hired back

(49:09):
to the show. I get to work with two of
my best friends who are brilliant at their jobs, and
I get to like help on this on this show
that I just absolutely love and like all the bad
stuff there has gone away, So it just was like
I could have never envisioned that this was a possible outcome,
But like I got hired back with a better title
in a race. I know things do work out like

(49:32):
that all the time. That happens all the time. They do. Well.
We have one more color today and her name is Joscelyn.
Joscelyn says, Dear Chelsea. I'm thirty six and I live
in Austin. I made a career switch and became an
esthetician a few months before I moved here February, and well,
what a fucking time to move to a new city.

(49:52):
Over the past few months, clients will come in, lay
on the table for a service and just start trauma dumping.
I've always been an and path and people have opened
up to me a lot throughout my life. I value
deep conversations. As my friends were gossiping in a booth
at a bar. I would always be found having a
hard tart with a stranger. It's just who I am. Lately, though,
I haven't been able to deal with the weight of

(50:14):
the trauma dumping my clients tend to do. It leaves
me exhausted mentally and emotionally. I have my own ship.
I'm seeing a therapist, uh and have even talked to
her about this. So it's difficult dealing with my ship
and having clients who I know feel like they may
not have anyone to talk to. I usually go home
and feel so drained that I don't want to do anything.

(50:35):
I end up sleeping in they get nothing accomplished before work.
I don't necessarily feel depressed, just bogged down and in
a days of sorts. Do you have any advice on
how to overcome this slump and get motivated to take
action and filling my own cup before I get burnt out?
All the best? Jocelyn Hi, Jocelyn Hi, Hi, how are

(50:55):
you doing well? I see we both have beautiful curtains
behind us. Yes, it's a curtain podcast that we have
curtains behind it because there's seven small people living back there,
so we have to hide that for publicity reasons. There
are So what is your line of work? I'm a
medical estetician, right, I would have to say, listen, I

(51:19):
think that job just that's what that job comes with, right,
Like people are always going to come in there and
air their laundry. I think it's a matter of you
getting your head in a different space about it and
realize that you are serving a really important purpose in
so many people's lives because that is when they do
relax and they are willing to be vulnerable and discuss
their problems, and that's a far better option than people

(51:41):
not discussing their problems. While you don't want to be
the recipient all the time because you your own stuff
going on. I find that when you're there for other
people in a generous way, which is part of your
job kind of you know, it's not written, but it
is kind of like a tacit part of your job.
I feel like that's going to give you so much
comfort and feel you up as well if you have
the right attitude about your being that you're there to

(52:03):
help them instead of, you know, being annoyed by people's stories,
which I can totally relate to. It's nice to flip
the switch and be like, this person needs me right now. Yeah,
have you tried anything like that? Yeah? No, I definitely
have been working on it and trying to set boundaries
in different ways. It's more so the like constance of it.

(52:24):
Like sometimes I'll have an hour facial and then a
fifteen and a break and then back to back where
sometimes it's all day of just hearing really sad things.
And so I definitely know that I need to work
on myself and changing my state of mind for sure.
Like I said in the email, I was seeing a therapist,

(52:45):
but I fired her last week, so I'm looking for
another one. Why did you fire her? I gave it
four sessions, and every time I felt like I was
the only one initiating any of the conversation, and there
was a lot of lulls in between until I started
talking again. And the last session with her, she confused

(53:08):
me with another client and brought up someone else's trauma
with me that I was like, I don't think I
said that, and so it was kind of awkward. Well,
good for firing her. That's not a match. That's not
a good therapist. So yeah, you should definitely find another therapist.
But don't give up, you know, and listen, we all

(53:30):
go through different phases in our lives. We go through
happy spells and sadder spells and listless periods where you're
sometimes you feel super productive and sometimes you don't. But
I really think if you can try and remember to
be of service, to others in a sense, and that
you're doing job like you're doing the Lord's work, you know,
like think about it in that sense, take it seriously
on that in that sense, and try and separate your

(53:51):
personal life from theirs, you know. I think sometimes hearing
a lot of sad stories makes me feel realize how
lucky I am and fortunate not to be experience and
seeing those things, So there's that aspect of it too,
you know, can shine a light on how different your
lives are and how grateful you are to have the
life you are. Even if you're not in the happiest
state right now, you never know, that could be just

(54:12):
around the corner, and it's it is really an inside
job to get ourselves to feel positive and happy and optimistic.
That doesn't just always come naturally. Definitely, Yeah, And I
think there might be some things you can do at
the end of your work day to sort of like
literally and figuratively like wash that stuff away so that

(54:32):
you're not taking it home with you, whether that's sort
of resetting your nervous system by taking a shower or
some people love to have lights, some sage and sage
themselves or whatever. But having some sort of a little
daily ritual, even if it's just changing your clothes or
taking a nap or whatever it is, to sort of
separate those two parts of your day. Do you find

(54:53):
it's a few clients in particular, or is it just
all your clients or trauma dumping? Not all of them,
but there's a study amount. Like my coworkers and I
talked about it, like everyone's kind of going through it,
and it is obviously with our job it is a
common thing. And then with the last couple of years
and all the ship that everyone has been through, there's

(55:13):
even more. Definitely trying to separate change my mindset and
be more positive about it, knowing that I am helping people.
I just feel mainly that I carry it with like
you take it on. Yeah. Yeah, that will definitely be
something to talk to your new therapist about, like how
do I hear this and be present with them, but

(55:36):
also like not have it affect me and like carry
it with me every day. There might be an opportunity
for you to set the tone when you walk into
the room, So maybe that's asking questions that have sort
of like a positive basis or even redirecting like I'm
so sorry that happened. So maybe let's let's talk about

(55:56):
something positive. What's one of the most fun things you've
done or seen recently? You know, setting up those conversations
even right from the beginning when someone walks in the door,
of engaging them with what's something positive, let's talk about this,
what was fun this week? What are you liking to
listen to right now? And just getting the ball rolling,
encouraging them to talk about things are excited about. No,

(56:18):
I love that idea because I, like I said earlier,
I've tried studying boundaries, I have tried redirecting, but I
haven't thought about the asking them. You know, it's a
positive thing going on. What's something fun you've done? And
so that's really great like first date questions or third
date questions. Stuff that's like light and positive. But it's
like gets the ball rolling, and it's very open ended

(56:39):
and yeah, awesome, great, Well let's say try that out
and let us know how it goes for you. All right,
thank you so much, thank you. Ok, she's sweet. Yeah,
a medical asthetician. She was beautiful. It's so funny that
whenever I go to the doctor, I feel like they're

(56:59):
fucking trauma dumping on me any of my estheticians, not
trauma dumping. But I'm always getting information. That's because I
ask a lot of questions why, and that's your vibe.
You're like, tell me all the things, all the things. Well,
let's take a quick break and we'll be right back, okay, Chelsea, Yes, yes, yes,
by Catherine, Hello, We're back. Excellent. That was so easy, Chelsea.

(57:28):
This is usually the part of the show where someone
asks for advice from you, but I think since it's
just you and me today, I think we can close
with one last email that I got and I wanted
to share this kind of at the end, but it
goes with our theme today of breakups and makeups. Dear Chelsea,
this is from Ariana. I'm writing this email to express
my deepest gratitude for you as a role model. My

(57:48):
X and I broke up in June, and because it
was my deepest, most loving relationship yet it is now
my most painful breakup. I've gone through many periods in
life where I was sure that I probably won't find
my person, not really based on insecurities, but because I
just didn't think there was a great fit out there
for me. That all changed last year when I was
swept up in love with the most amazing person I've

(58:10):
ever met. We moved across the country together and went
through rough patches and then had so much growth together,
all in a little over a year. Things were never perfect,
but as the saying goes, love is all about hard work.
In June, saying is that love is all about hard work. No, okay, anyway,
marriage is all about hard work. That's accurate. That is

(58:31):
accurate in June. He had the courage that I didn't
to say what we both knew to be true. It
just wasn't the right fit. We hadn't lived there long
enough for me to have a solid group of friends,
and I had no family nearby. My mom flew out
and helped me pack up, and just like that, my
new life and all the plans we made for the
future were gone. I'm still picking up the pieces of

(58:51):
my life, finding a new job in a new place,
but this is the only relationship that has reached this
level for me. And just as I was starting to
slip back into my pessimistic view of well, this is
as good as it could get and it didn't work,
so that's it for me, I listened to your podcast.
Hearing your hope and positivity for your future is healing
a part of me. I haven't touched yet in my journey. Yuck, Sorry,

(59:14):
I said, journey. We're all works in progress, and to
hear you speak and spread love helps make this all
a little easier. Ariana, m hmm. That's nice. Okay, well
this is our clothes. Then you guys, thanks for being
here with us today, and we'll be back next week. Yep,
wish I will. Bye. So I am winding up my

(59:34):
stand up tour. Vaccinated and Horney is coming to a
screeching halt at the end of the year. I have
my last dates coming up, and these are the last opportunities.
You have to also buy merch from the website Chelsea
Handler dot com if you want vaccinating horny Captain's hats
that say We're the Captain's now for women only, our
t shirts for men and your family that say I'm

(59:55):
sorry because they should be. I only have a few
dates left. Well, looks very Pennsylvania. Looks verry Pennsylvania. There,
I said it, and then San Diego and Riverside, California,
and then Baltimore, Maryland, and then my very last date
is December sixte in Reading, Pennsylvania. If you are enjoying

(01:00:16):
what you're hearing, you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea. That
is our podcast, and you can rate us if you want. Yeah,
that's a great idea. It actually makes a huge difference
for this podcast, for any podcast that you like, subscribing
giving it a rating actually make a huge difference in
who all we get served too, and helpfully spread the
words Okay, yeah, subscribe and and and comment, yeah, and follow.

(01:00:41):
So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us
an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Dear Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio. Executive
produced by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited
and engineered by Brad dick Art.