August 22, 2022 • 60 mins
Blair welcomes her dear friend, David Gborie (Conan, All Fantasy Everything podcast, Comedy Central) to the show. David comes on to profess his love to Geoffrey Butler from our favorite childhood show.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi Emmiline, and welcome back to the Deal and Listen podcast.
It's your boy Blair back again for another hot fresh week.
Yeah baby, Oh my god, l A is so hot.
It's ninety one degrees for the next ten days. I
can't even believe it. I'm sweltering. I need to get
rich so I don't have to use portable air conditioners anymore.
(00:20):
Oh my god, the hose on my portable air conditioner
became dislodged and I had to become a scientist to
put it back together and take a part the whole
thing because there are no like little clips or fasteners
on there. You know, just came sort of loosely, unscrewed,
uninterested over the years. Oh, I needed to be rich.
(00:43):
I want Central Air. That's my goal here, Central Air.
To make great art that will provide me Central Air.
Is that too much to ask? The planet is on
fire anyway, Let's forget about it with a great episode
of the show with one of my dearest friends that
I just love so much. I think this man is
like such a joyful person with who's so funny. He
(01:07):
has done so many great things. David Borie obsessed with him.
You guys know him, you love him from the All
Fantasy Everything podcast Comedy Central special Conan. He's a voice
of Comedy Central. He's my buddy, ill of them hilarious.
Please enjoy this episode. We had a great time, so
much fun. Also, I want to tell you I will
(01:29):
be doing an hour in Los Angeles at Dynasty Typewriter
September seven pm. It's a Wednesday, and the link for
that will be in the show notes of this episode
as well as the Dynasty Typewriter website as well as
my link tree in the bio of all my social media,
So please come out to that and support. I rarely
(01:51):
get to do an hour in l A. And this
will also be a fundraiser for abortion. We will be
donating to an abortion fund most of, if not all,
of the proceeds, so come out support. There's nothing better
than raising money for a great cause and enjoying art.
And I'll probably have a few very funny friends with me,
(02:13):
so you don't want to miss Seth. Come out spend
time with me. I love you. Also follow me at
Blair SAKI, B L A I, R, S, C C
I on any platforms if you want to see my ship. Also, Yeah,
leave a comment dm me posts about it. Leave a review,
you guys, your reviews mean so much to me. I
(02:33):
say this every week, but if you feel called, it
makes a huge difference. Appreciate your support. God bless and
I hope you have a great week and I hope
we get to have fun together on this episode. Amen, bitch.
(02:55):
Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Dear Oh in
the Sin Podcast swe with your host Blair Sucky. That's me, bitch.
You guys, do I have an episode for you today?
Oh my god, this is gonna fry your eyelash years all.
I have my friend Comedy Tycoon. You know him from
(03:19):
the All Fantasy Everything Podcast, from Every Comedy Thing that
an excellent comedian could do, Comedy Central, the voice of
Comedy Central, Conan half Hour, you name it, bitch, He's everywhere.
I'm so happy to introduce him. Please welcome my friend
David Borie. Everybody, you gotta come in hot. Oh my god,
(03:54):
they have to know. You guys have to know David.
How are you hot? I'm so good. How I'm in
Canada right now? How are you? What are you doing
in Canada? Just sucking around? What city? I'm in? Winnipeg,
manitobah Ship. I've never been to Winnipeg or Manitoba. You're
(04:16):
missing out. They have There's a Tony romas right next
to a red lobster. I gotta love both of those
places close to my heart. Knew you would. I knew
you would. Um, so you're doing a weekend there. How
is it fun or it's very Canadian? Sure it's nice.
(04:38):
My hotel has a water slide, but also pay phones.
So I don't really know what to make of it.
That sounds like they're living in the nineties, high time
nineties there. But if you'd see, if you'd told me
in the nineties, hey, one day you're gonna come to
Canada and stay in a place that has water slides
and pay phones, that have been like, yeah, is going
(05:00):
according to plan? Yeah, you would have been like, wow,
my life works out very well. Yeah, it's like exactly
what I wanted. Yeah. They say you're supposed to live
in the end. Like, um, everything I read all my
spiritual text that I am constantly observing, they all say,
um that you are as supposed to just be happy
(05:25):
as if you already have everything that you want. I mean,
what else do I want. What else do you want, David,
I want to know what you want. I feel like
I don't have enough socks. Right, Well, there's an easy fix.
Holy shit. I but I that's what I worry about
is I keep buying them and then I run out,
(05:45):
like it's just like a never ending hole that I
can't It's like trying to get love, you know, like
you can't fill it up. I have like a sock
shaped hole in my heart, so that bums me out. WHOA,
that took a dark turn. I didn't know that the
socks was going to pivot that way. But yeah, no,
I actually really get what you're saying, Comedians. If you're,
(06:06):
you know, just a civilian listener tuning in right now.
We have to buy an exorbitant amount of socks and underwear,
like probably five times as a regular person because he
travels so much that you know you need them. Yeah,
it's a big It's like a big thing that weighs
heavily on my mind. Right And other than that, I'm
pretty good. I love hearing that. Yeah, see, I I see.
(06:31):
I feel like I'm I'm good on socks, but I'm like, oh,
I don't know, maybe I should get like a house
or a husband. Oh, I think about those, not in
that order, but I guess nobody. We're millennials, nobody has
a house. You're fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I actually
(06:54):
think like it's crazy. But I've been being like, oh,
my life is so good. I'm so be lately despite
like the world being on fire. And then sometimes I
feel guilty, like I don't know, am I allowed to
be happy because other people are unhappy? Which, um, yeah,
that's that's why you gotta do it. You gotta hold
(07:15):
it down. Oh yeah, you're right. You're right. That's an
evolved spiritual perspective, David. You're right. I have to show
these people. You have to be the light. That's and
just yeah, it sucks if you can be happy. Why way,
you know, there's always gonna be reasons to be sad.
I don't know, man, I'm not trying to get caught
(07:36):
like that. Yeah. Sorry, I took it there. I love
to take it there. I appreciate that about you. Um,
it's been so long since I've seen you, since I
haven't I haven't been um, just randomly face timing you. Uh,
you know you're the only person that I do that too.
And I've only done it like two times. I I
(07:58):
appreciate that much more. I thought it was just like
you were just like scrolling through and you're like, I
didn't know. I like, I really appreciate that. No, No, actually,
you're the only person that I think I've ever face
timed in my life, because most of my friends trying
to face timey and I just decline and then I'll
call them back. Yeah, I get that. It's like a
(08:20):
lot of it's very It's a lot when you because
sometimes you're just especially during pandademic, you would just be
in the house having not been perceived for like days,
and then somebody face perceived, you know what I mean,
and then somebody fucking face times you like in your ship.
(08:40):
Like that is like it's like it's like zero to no,
you're welcoming them into your home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
in an unprepared state, it's really intimate. But yeah, that
just is a testament to how I feel about you.
I appreciate that greatly. I'm gonna scetime you randomly one day.
(09:01):
You're not You're never going to see it coming. I
never do. I don't see most things coming. Okay, Well, god,
it's just really exciting to have you on the show today.
I do have a podcast now crazy and um, I
know you're doing you're doing big things and you're on
(09:22):
a cartoon. I feel like both of those are vision
board things for you. Oh thank you. You're you're on
a cartoon too, and you love a very big podcast,
a famous one. But I wanted to, I want to.
I wanted to work at the gas stations. So this
is all just this is all pretty good. Um well,
(09:43):
you were an absolute star on the live show, so
it's really great and we're a huge get for us
over here at the deal and listen. Oh yeah yeah,
Q was wrapped up about it. Yeah. My team, our
team twenty people has been counting down your door to
get you on here. So it's really great. It's really great.
(10:04):
It's a huge relief, a big win for us. It
was this or THEO Vaughan's podcast. Okay, so without further ado,
if you might please read your letter. Okay, do I
say who it is or do I just start now
you launch in we'd like to that's what we'd like
(10:25):
that to be our reveal. Okay, I respect that. That's good.
It's only one minute. It's like maybe one oh five.
Is that okay? David? You don't need any prerequisites. What
you bring here is gold. God. I love how open
you guys are. All right here I go. What up?
G Damn? I miss you. Since you've been gone, these
(10:49):
rich people have been steady pretending like they don't need
working class comic relief to get their jokes off. Friends
grew into sex in the city, and sex in the
city grew into girls and blah blah blah blah blah.
Now we all got to deal with Lena Dunham. I
miss you a lot, but I love that you've gone
onto what I assume are bigger and better things. In
a show that was deemed for us, you were always
(11:11):
the one for me. I was never as cool as
Will or as whack as Carlton. I wasn't an overachiever
like Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv and I definitely wasn't
as stylish and popular as Hillary or as cute naive
as Ashley, but hilarious dude with an odd pass and
a lot of weird secrets. You were right up my alley.
(11:34):
Despite being annoyed by them, you always did right by
the Bank's family no matter what you never let your
disappointment with your lot in life cloud your service or
your commitment to duty. And I think that's admirable as hell.
Thanks for showing me that the main ones aren't necessarily
the best ones and holding it down for all the
weirdos out there. Hell yeah, And we just want to
(11:56):
confirm that this is indeed nead a letter to Jeffrey
from the fresh Prince of bel Air. Yes, Jeffrey Barbara
Butler is his full name, Jeffrey Barbara Butler. Wow, I
love to become educated on this podcast. Good good, Yeah,
(12:17):
I'm I'm I'm dropping hard facts. Yeah, you're right. Um,
Jeffrey did have a great attitude and he was a
great man with lots of fun secrets. I like that, Um,
that description. Yeah, he was so much fun. And you
just like he was very reliable in a weird way,
(12:38):
like you'd just be like, oh, wait, Jeffrey is an
incredible dancer. I didn't know that, Oh Jeffrey was sparring
partners with Chuck Norris. I didn't know that. Oh he's
a disgraced Olympic athlete. I had no idea, Like he
just could do anything. Wow, you're so right, God, I
loved that show so much when I was a kid. It. Yeah,
(13:01):
it's in my heart, like it's like it's it's my
only I don't think I have a lot of Paris
social relationships, but I definitely had one with the Bank's
family growing up. Yeah, they were so cool. Um, Will,
I loved, I love I'm never as I get older,
(13:23):
I'm less and less of a Will guy. And not
before I thought that before. Sure, now you turn on
him when the rest of the world turns, is their
back on him? I've always like so, I always like Carlton.
I don't Will is charming and he's hot, but okay,
(13:44):
he's just this charming, hot athletic dude. Carlton was like
a good friend. Like Carlton was like a good person
to Will. He was gonna shoot that guy. Will would
never shot anybody for Carlton. Will was always kind of mean.
He just it always felt like you know that movie
The blind Side, Yes, it always felt like Will got blindsided.
(14:08):
Like you could have got a lot of shitty dudes
from South Philly. You got like a hot one who
was incredible with basketball and like world class good looks like. Okay,
Carlton was little, he had it hard man. Look, one
thing I like about you is that you value loyalty.
(14:28):
H yeah, yeah, same for same for me. And so
you are adding other dimensions that I have not considered
in a long time, such as Carlton's deep loyalty that
could be obscured to some by his sweater vests. Yeah,
and his stature. You know what. And I said this,
(14:49):
but I don't mind a short man, David, nor should you.
I don't mind a short man at all, because a
lot of short men have a big presence, yes, yes,
and they give big presents. Yeah, you're right. I love
a big present. Guys, they don't even know what to
what are you gonna buy up there? You don't even
(15:11):
see what's going on. We're on the streets. That's true.
And because and I've always said this about people that
are too good looking. Also, they've never had to cultivate,
you know, a depth or a character or a pizzaz
or X factor. So they remain sort of middle of
the road on personality, nothing to be dazzled by, right,
(15:34):
But every now and again you do get somebody who
breaks that mold, and like, for a second, you want
to kill that person, you know, when you meet like
a hot person who is just very charming and like
thoughtful and nice, and you're like, well, I'm gonna have
to I'm gonna have to take you out. Yeah, more
more for me. I'm the opposite. I'm like, I'm gonna
have to say, very far away from you because I
(15:55):
don't know what you could do to me or my life.
I prefer a three hundred foot radius from you. I
get that, I get that, I could you could. Definitely.
I've had a hot dude torpedo my life. Really just
(16:18):
like as just one of my friends when we were younger.
He was just like a really bad guy, but he
was really cool. And then I was hanging out with
him and then I got in a bunch of trouble. Sure,
sure that could happen. That can happen easily. You can
fall to the whimsical charms of some of these people. Yeah,
I mean it looked at stand up comedians. It happens
all the time. Oh you're telling me brother afraid of God,
(16:48):
Mother Mary, every day, deliver me, get me on the
side of this, get out of these comedian streets. It's
no good, No, no, it's sure not. And that is
something you learned quickly with age, And I say, I'm
just looking for a nice man who would like to
just have a home. And I just want a sweet
(17:11):
Canadian lady who I can get free healthcare off of.
And we just like live by a lake of some sort, David,
I am dying to live by a motherfucking lake. Who
isn't it's the best thing to live by? Or the ocean?
I could live by the ocean or lake. I think, yeah,
(17:31):
oceans good. Also I did grow up like by the ocean.
And but like I feel like a lake is there's
something so pure about it. Do you also feel like
a lake is like more it's more manageable because like
the ocean is so vast, it's like can't be contained,
(17:55):
but like a lake you could like like I just
went to a lake in North Dakota and like North Dakota,
what were you doing there? Oh? No, which one is
the one where not Rushmore is? Oh god, I don't
know whichever Dakota. I went to a lake by Mount
Rushmore and I was like swimming and then like two
of my friends they just swam across the lake like
(18:17):
was very it's like very manageable where it's the ocean.
It's just you could get you could die in it. Die. Yeah,
it will, it will control you. Wait, did you see
Mount Rushmore? Yeah? I did. I got a picture of
it and everything. Whoa, you have to send it to me.
I've always wondered what that. I've always you know, I've
had this fictional idea that that exists in my mind
(18:39):
where I'm like, I know that exists, but doesn't really exist.
That's crazy. It's super real. It's not as exciting when
you see it in real life. I am going to
send you this picture though. It's it's it's not it's
not the top of my landmarks that I've seen, but
(19:00):
it's it's pretty. It's worth it. It's with it to
go see. If you're doing a comedy show, if you're
in the area, you can swing by. Yeah, just pass through,
just do it, pop in, take a dip in the lake,
swim across. Okay, Well, I do have to get into
(19:30):
this hard hitting interview that my listeners depend on me for.
So David, it's just really just so great to have
you on the show because you're now a three time
guest and in the Owen Wilson Hall of Fame, and Wow,
I'm glad you picked Jeffrey because finally someone I'm intimately
familiar with. Like, honestly, I you can imagine some of
(19:52):
these people, these guests right letters to like I have
never seen Superman. I've never watched I have never watched
a Marvel movie, So you can imagine how much leg work.
A lot of these interviews are a lot of late
nights at the office. You've never watched a Marvel movie. No,
I have, but I don't remember any of them or whatever.
(20:14):
And I was it was like a man making me
or something. I don't know them. I can't see them,
like when all the action starts, it's to my eyes,
like Clay, I don't know how to explain it, but
it's hard for me to take them in. And I
just don't give a ship. Yeah, honestly, I feel like
(20:34):
you just expressed that perfectly articulated how I feel perfectly.
But I don't actually know much about nerd ship, so
I can't relate that well. But that's why I work
with you about nerd ship. I don't give a shit
about nerds at all. I can barely type this hold
(20:57):
ship sucks. Why are we talking about sucking? Superheroes. They
weren't pajamas. This is dumb. Oh god, you're speaking my
language prol Okay, okay, David, please telp me with a
little conspiracy. Jeffrey is known for his absolutely crushing one
(21:18):
liner retorts. Who, in your opinion, did Jeffrey hate the
most in the Bank's family and why who did he
hate the most? He loved Ashley the most he hated.
I think it is a toss up. I think Hillary. Actually, yeah,
(21:41):
I think Hillary was the one because he just didn't
seem to have like a lot of There was one
episode where he said that, like he said something alluding
to like, I don't raise any fools like talking about Hillary.
So he loved he loved her like he loved all
of them. I just think I think he was annoyed
the most by Hillary because she also asked the most
(22:04):
of him. Sure, sure, demanding. She was quite demanding, always
for stupid ship. Yeah that's got to be so had
to have been hard for Jeffrey to have a child
demanding uh spoiled ship from him? Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
he didn't. I don't think he liked that. I have
an idea of who you're gonna say but follow up question,
(22:26):
who did you hate most in the Bank's family. I
know this is a killer darling situation, so I apologize.
I don't I don't love it. I know. I'm sorry
to put you in this, uh sinister scenario. It's a
real Sophie's choice, Yes it is. I mean gun to
(22:49):
my head, yeah, gun to your head. There's a gun
to your head right now. I hate the newest the
second Aunt Viv the most, oh right, which I feel
is a very valid answer because that was just like indefensible.
It was so insane because like, okay, you change the actress,
that sucks, but now this new one is like whack.
(23:13):
Like old A Viv was a dancer and a professor
and the lawyer, and the new nd Viv was like
where's the baby? Yeah, And also like the sheer charisma
on original ant Viv was astounding, it was amazing. She
was the screen Oh yeah, she was always wearing scarves.
(23:35):
And the new end Viv they just made her like
they made her like the new n Viv. They made
her like Uncle Phil's wife, like that was like her job,
like her own character. Right, okay, Feminist David Bori, Yes, yes, yeah, yeah,
I'm a feminist. I'm a I'm but not like one
of those guys who says I'm a feminist, because no, sure, no,
(23:59):
we would never thank you for that, would never thank
you for that. But also also thank you for reminding
me of red flags because I do need to keep
them in the forefront of my mind. Yeah, make a
Google note or something. You gotta keep. You gotta stay
on it. My friends wish for me to stay on
(24:19):
it more than I do. Um. According to Lucian Wiggles,
Jeffrey from Fresh Princess will name is Jeffrey Butler. Very
interesting that his last name is Butler since he is
in fact a Butler. But that's not the only mysterious thing. Yes, Jeffrey,
(24:43):
and I'm glad that he made the move to I
wasn't sure that if you leveled up. I was worried
that you had maybe left him behind or you know
what I mean. I just like, I'm gonna forget where
I came from. Some people do like you're over here
in iHeart Media. You got a twenty person team now,
I just don't know. No, this show was built on
(25:03):
the back of Lucian Wiggles out of the current river.
Um loves mountain dew and cargo shorts, and I will
never forsake Lucian, even though he is really mean to
me a lot of the times. Have you seen They've
got a lot of new ones. No, he's six to us,
um straight old. One time I got him a Code
red and he threw it in my face. That's actually
(25:24):
the right response though, that. Yeah, but I was not
prepared to be covered in code read that day, you know,
but you ever is prepared to be covered in Code red.
That's you're right, that's true. Um, okay, well that's not
(25:45):
the only mysterious thing. Jeffrey is spelled with a motherfucking G.
Would you say that your love of Jeffrey influenced the
spelling of your last name, which also has an enigmatic
G at the front of it, I would say it
hinder it, you know, I would say it didn't hurt it.
I've known Jeffrey's name probably about as long as I've
(26:09):
known my own last name, right, what is when did
the Fresh Prince premiere like nine or something? So like?
Maybe even longer. I've known Jeffrey's name than my own
last name. So I think that you knew it in utero. Yeah,
I think that's so like I think there is. I
(26:31):
don't think it influenced it, but I think it did
draw me to him. Yes, sure, okay, you recognize the kinship.
There was something very deeply held in comedy in common
with the g Yeah, also comedy because he's so so funny.
He is so funny. He was like the quickest and
(26:52):
the zippist on that show, definitely for sure. And he
would just like come in a room and like drop
a bomb and then leave. And I was always like,
that's what I want to just come in the room,
be hilarious and not have to answer for it. Oh
my god, Yes, you're right, that's a dream. You know.
There's something I was just thinking about, is like Jeffrey
was so funny with his posture and stuff. Carlton than
(27:15):
we had Will. There was a lot of physical comedy
on that show. There was a lot of physical comedy,
even physical comedy. Hillary was very physical. You should get
into more into physical comedy. Do you do act outs?
Have you considered that? Yeah? No, I actually do a
lot of act outs. I'm very physical. I might some
(27:36):
could even say it could be stand to be less physical. No, No,
you gotta go tornado on stage. I respect that because
I'm like, uh, I'm like a statue. Sometimes I'll just
like be leaning against the wall in the back and
then be like, I don't think I've moved for twenty minutes. No,
(27:56):
that's cool though, because you know, you're cool as a
cucumber and you can just do your your work without
all the theatrics. No, but I like the theatrics. This
an unhinged woman and it just all comes out. You know.
That's very good though. I liked that about you. Thank you, okay. Um, So,
(28:21):
Jeffrey Butler is actually we have not spoken of the
real person's name. Jeffrey Butler is actually played by a
man named Joseph Marcel. According to Lucien Wiggles, are you
actually David Bory or is that just a character you
have been playing for a long time. No, David Bory
died in the desert eight years ago. I eight years ago, Yeah,
(28:43):
I I assume his identity started doing stand up. Oh,
I guess it would have been twelve years ago. How
long have I been doing stand up? I assumed his
identity and I took it. I am actually David Tory,
which is similar. God, yeah, it's similar. It's very lucky
that I found the sky. Wait, so you're actually David Tori,
but you killed a man or you just found him
(29:05):
dead and then and then I assumed his identity. He
was honest way to a gig. He was on the
top seat of a megabus and he was just dehydrated.
He had been drinking too much code red not enough water.
It tried him out in the desert taking a sip
right as we speak. Yeah, come on, this is already
I did this off screen, you know. Yeah, yeah, no,
(29:28):
I'm taking a swig on my electrolyte to infuse water
at at that mention, because you know, I'm not trying
to have anyone assume my identity. But yeah, and I
am glad that worked out so seamlessly for you that
that seems. So we're not a hiccup to be round inside.
You know, I lead a charmed life. You sure do. Um,
(29:50):
So you did assume this identity. Is there anyone else
you would ever wish to be? Or or no me first? Really? Yeah?
Is there anyone else on earth? Uh would like to be?
Like now? Or like can I pick somebody from a
(30:12):
different time and be them in that time, you could
pick anything on earth you want. I guess that. I
it took a lot of work to grow into liking this.
I don't really want to. I don't really want to
have to reset. I get uh. I would like to.
Oh Ben Wallace when the Pistons won, Okay, I just
(30:38):
thought he was so cool. Yeah, that crazy scary afro
remember that was everywhere and just like that. So Ben Wallace,
when do you remember this from my childhood? Yeah, it
was a big It was a big deal. He was
he just like he was like the scary he was
like the wildest looking basketball player. Like I remember when
first I was like, whoa that guy? I think is cool? Right?
(31:02):
So yeah, Ben Wallace, Yes, Larry Johnson on the running Rebels.
It's probably a lot of basketball players that I would pick.
I love drawing our test which which I was a child,
which I think makes a lot of sense. Honestly, you know, yeah,
(31:23):
did you? I would like to think you loved him
before his antics, like you were just drawn to him
for some reason and then you found out about his
antics or was it like antics first? Well, like, so
I grew up like an athlete in all that world
and like, I know you were the number one downhill
skier and counsel. You're my only friend that knows that
(31:46):
you're still saved in my phone as snow biz. I
love that for us. Um No, But I I just
remember being in sports and like how so they always
they instill in you, like discipline in rules, like and
how you can't do anything because of the team, like
(32:06):
you have to put the team first and all these things.
And so I've always had this fascination of like people
who just behave insanely in professional sports because I'm like,
they are literally doing like self sabotaging the hell start.
Like the stakes of a fistfight in professional sports are
(32:26):
so high it's like I don't know, fifty grand or
like getting suspended or like any of these things. So
I'm like, oh, they're really doing it, And so it's
compelling being like, man, I think about that so much
with even with guys like Rodman and stuff, where it's
like being an iconoclass in sports is like you can't
do that. It's not Sports isn't set up like that.
(32:49):
It's set up to completely tow the line all the time.
So yeah, when you see guys like that or even
guys like A B and stuff where it's like I
think that he probably does have problems, but to like
go against that whole thing is like so wild and
you're right, has just been fighting from the beginning well
(33:10):
because like I mean, it's sad because you do see
some people burn it all down, like you know, like
Chadow Cho Sinko and like these people did he know?
Did he How fun was he to watch for a
couple of years? He was amazing And he's still doing okay,
like some guys like Michael Beasley where you're like, oh,
it didn't end up okay, But like Ocho Sinko, he's
(33:32):
still got his money. He's doing that weird podcast thing
with Brandon Marshall. Like I think his life is pretty okay. Yeah,
but then you see like, um yeah, I just love
I was always amazed at those people who were able
to exist in an ecosystem where they literally just did
not follow any of the rules and the rest of
(33:53):
the people in the system are just following the rules
to the death because they're so petrified. You know. It's amazing.
It's like it's like you know what it is. They're athletes,
but they're living like they're artists and that's like, that's
that's it's so fun to watch. Yeah, it's like really interesting.
I'm with you on that. But I also would not
(34:17):
want to be on their team because I would be
it would just be annoying the shift out of me
and be selfish and annoying. But I love watching as
a spectator. Yeah, I get that. Like, and some of
those guys, as many of those guys, I think we're cool.
A lot of them I think are like not Like
I was never like a big Terrell Owens guy like that,
always gone, you know what I mean. So it's like
(34:39):
a lot of them are like not, I don't want
to He would have been so annoying to be on
a team with. Yeah, it would have been the worst.
It would have been really bad. Yeah. When I was
in high school, like I'm such a different person. I'm
like so much more chill now I can't but like
I would get red cards and yellow cards like all
the time, you're just passionate. No, I was just like
(35:03):
raised like an animal. Like I was just raised like
a boy, and you know what I mean. Like and
so like I would just like yell at the ref
or like I'd always get in trouble like these girls,
because like I was so small and these girls were
so much bigger than me. They'd always like talk ship
to me, and then like I would never start it,
(35:23):
but I would always finish it and I'd get in
trouble every time. It's so crazy because your life was
an elite athlete. Sounds like you just grew up in jail.
I mean it was far from jail, white kid in
Orange County, but yeah, just like this mentality that you're
(35:44):
describing is like wild, Like the stakes were weird and different,
but like the level that you were playing at the
game at it seems very Do you feel institute store?
You're not the first person to tell me that, um. No, institutionalized.
(36:11):
UM anyway, Okay, oh god, this is too fun. I'm
already getting It's like when you're eating a really good
meal and you're like getting sad before it's over. Okay,
That's how I feel right now, Yeah, right, okay. Lucian
geniusly uncovered that Jeffrey actually used to be a professional
(36:35):
runner prior to becoming an international icon for the Downtrotted Worker.
After going to work for the bank's family, like all
of us, Jeffrey famously fantasized about winning the lottery and
getting the hell out of bel Air. David, what secret
job did you have in your past that the public
may not know about? Follow up? What will you do
(36:55):
with the money if you win the lottery? Oh? Okay,
I mean had so many jobs before I worked at
a casino. What you do? It's like hard to explain.
I was a corporation banker, which means that I basically
played back or at three card poker, blackjack and uh
(37:17):
pieu poker, double hand poker. I basically just played. I
I never knew that about you. I don't like gambling,
but I know how to play. Yeah, Like I had
to memorize the black jack hit chart and like all
those kinds of things. Yet, can we play poker? Sometime?
I didn't play? I did, but but like pie out?
(37:39):
Have you ever seen pike out? It's way different than
It's like different than like oh maha, it's like two
hands and it's a rotating it's super Chinese. But yeah, yeah,
I could play. No, No, I don't know shoot about
gambling because I've never had enough money to do it recreationally.
You're not missing out. It's like a very dark dark hole. Uh,
(38:01):
what are the I used to I did condo maintenance
for a couple of years. Uh you know, I I
worked in a car wash. I had a lot of
gas station jobs, and work at a call center was brutal.
It's so bad there. People are so mean. Holy sh it. Yeah.
(38:21):
And it's just like I found out that are what
we were selling was kind of a scam. So at
first I was really good at it, and then I
found out it was kind of a scam. And it
was like we sold ship to old people, so they'd
always be like, as soon as I get my Social
Security check, I'm gonna pay you. And then like once
I found out it was bad, I just went down downhill. Yeah,
(38:43):
I oh my god. That's like, um the original gen
Shaw of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. She was
just pleaded guilty to having all these shell businesses that
defrauded old people like that. I mean, it's it's a
pretty easy way to get some done. To catch you up,
I'm not just to catch you up. But she did
live in a huge house in Salt Lake City and
(39:05):
her husband was a special teams coach at University of
Utah and we were all like, why does she live
in like a twenty squarefoot house when she doesn't have
a job. Yeah, and special teams does not pay like that,
It does not? Can I say? Also, for the record,
I never had a special teams coach once growing up
(39:25):
that I liked. Really, they're all bitter because they only
have such just a little portion of the job. I
got that feeling. And just like, especially our high school
special teams coach was just such a dick. What position
were you, David? I as a defensive tackle that I
played offense. I played guard until I got to high school,
(39:48):
and then I was good enough at d tackle and
I just hated offensive line sucks, so they let me
just play defense. But as a kid, you gotta play
both ways. And then I wrestled, but I was better
at re slings, but I don't I didn't like it
very much. Oh my god, wrestling always looks so awful.
It looks so not fun. It's not fun. It's super emotional,
(40:08):
like you, like people were always crying and stuff like that.
I wrestled to from like fifth grade to like freshman year,
and then I quit after freshman year. I just think
about like the adrenaline in your body where you're like
fighting for your life. It just does not seem fun. Yeah,
and then it'd be like you worked so hard all
week and then you lost. It was just on you.
(40:29):
And what made me not want to do it is
my high school team. We had freshman team, sophomore team,
and JV and I made JV, which was cool as
a freshman, but then I just had to wrestle a
bunch of guys who like they were like the size
of men. Oh god, I was like not, I was
just like a I was just like a chubby kid.
So it really just was like it was just like
(40:50):
a really brutal season and I didn't like it that much.
Like wrestling practice, people were always puking and stuff, and
I was like, this can't be with it. That sounds
literally awful. I never would want to wrestle. I always
and like you get ringworm and shipped and yeah, it's
just ere and like the best you That's also what
(41:13):
I thought, is like the best. Like all my wrestling
coaches walked funny because they get been wrestling forever, so
they all walked like goofs. It was not good. Oh yeah,
that's a bad sport not a good sport. I'm glad
you're out of that. Um, thank god for comedy. Huh
(41:42):
oh yeah, we forgot to say. Follow up question, what
will you do with the money if you won the lottery?
Since Jeffrey wanted to win the lottery? Oh, how much?
How much do I win? I have really no idea,
but let me just say, how about I just take
a stab at fifty four million, key four million. I
would buy like I'd buy like I'd buy a regular
(42:07):
house in a vacation house, and then like all the
stuff to fill that so like jet skis and four
wheelers and stuff. I don't know, man, I'd probably just
like give it to my sisters and parents or something. Wow,
you're a good person. Can I go? Can I ride
on your a t v s with you? Yeah? Sure,
(42:28):
I'll have a bunch of different colors. Yeah, can we go?
We'll go hogging where I don't know all those things. Yeah,
we could go on definitely. Yeah, we'll definitely go hogging.
I'm inviting myself over to compound. Yeah, come on over,
We'll go hogging. We can barbecue. It'll be a good day.
I'll go to love to barbecue. Barbecue and hogging in
(42:50):
the same day. Are you kidding me? Blessed? Hashtag blessed?
Do people still say that? Oh? I don't know, but
you can say anything you want. It's if country sort
of not really, but um, I don't know. Yes, I
don't know if you know this about me because you
(43:12):
do not have your own Lucian wiggles. But I have
Harvard and unwavering twenty year across on Will Smith. No
matter what news story comes out about him, or if
he plays the Genie in the live action Aladdin, or
if he slaps someone and everyone turns on him, my
flame for him never dies. Uh. Nothing can get in
(43:33):
the way of me and Will and um as my
dear friend. My question for you is have you ever
thought about having sex with Will Smith, or at least
having a fulfilling, long term relationship with him. I met
him one time and he I don't know how to
explain this. He seemed very horny. Why is that a
(43:55):
bad quality that I'm not I'm just saying what I'm
just saying. What happened? Oh my god, I just got
so defensive. I know I didn't, I wasn't I know,
I have I no, I don't not sex. I didn't
(44:17):
want a vision having sex with him, Okay, no, but
when I met him either, I had an intense want.
I wanted him to like take a shining to me.
That makes sense, I do know what you mean. Yeah yeah,
and he didn't, and I think that kind of hurt. Sure, sure, okay,
I get what you're saying. Wow. But also I got
(44:37):
some alone time with him, and it was pretty weird. Wait,
why was it weird? This is huge? It wasn't. It
wasn't weird. It was just like because it was me
and him and Sam Talent and somehow we were just
by ourselves and he was talking to us about how
Mike Tyson punched him one time. I was like, this
is the weirdest fucking yeah it was. It was fucking
(45:01):
really oh no. And then also so this was we
did the show that didn't come out, or maybe it
didn't come out. I don't know, but that's so baller
that you have no idea if it ever came out
or not. Like that's really cool. No, you know, people
were there, everybody, Yeah, Rosebud was there was But anyways,
me and Will Smith we hooked up. There was like
(45:22):
this machine that you would hook it up to stuff
and then play it like beats. And me and Will
Smith hooked hooked these little clamps up to Sam Talent's
nipples and then played like beats on his nipples. And
that is the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me.
I think this is a definitely a Dearro and Wilson exclusive,
(45:46):
Wilson exclusive. This is the shots heard around the world.
This is one of the biggest um breaking news stories
to have ever been on this show, clamping Santalent's nipples
with Will Smith making beats to them while and if
I could have just been there, I would have been
(46:06):
I would have died happily. It was pretty incredible. Also,
he smells amazing. Oh my god, that's what I imagine
in my head that he smells amazing. He smells as
good as you think. It's like, it's it's pretty nuts.
And correct me if I am wrong, David. He seems
(46:26):
to be and I have been wrong many times. He
seems to be very down to earth. He has like
a very down to earth or about him. Yeah, he
he was like so charming that it was like incredible,
Like he I don't know how to explain it like
(46:48):
he was just so fucking charming. He remembered everything that
he was supposed to about you the second time that
you saw It's like you'd meet him once and then
the second time and see you, he'd be like, Oh,
what's up, David? Does your mom still like Gary Payton
or like whatever? Oh my god, that's such a charming
(47:10):
that's such a charming quality. While yeah, it was very impressive.
It was very very impressive. So down to earth isn't
what I would say, but just amazing, amazing. That's what
I love to hear about my will Oh dere So okay, wow,
God don't yeah your question? What is your favorite Will
(47:34):
Smith vehicle? God, I don't know, like I love it.
I recently rewatched the Bad Boys trilogy with my parents
during quarantine. That was pretty spectacular. Obviously, Fresh Prince was
a huge formative show, maybe one of the best sitc
ons of all time. Um in my life, I loved it.
(47:54):
I loved his wild antics, always getting into trouble um
probably foreshadow the type of men that I would choose
later on in my life. But yeah, I don't know,
like I loved um hitch. You know, I liked I
like every I'll watch everything he does. I'm I love him.
That's the truth. So there's no but there's not like
(48:17):
a top. Do you ever go into like his super
artsy stuff or you ever like, Oh, let me watch
Six Degrees of Separation, dude, that's one of my favorite movies.
Independence Day, I robot Um, Pursuit of Happiness, all these
incredible I haven't watched the one that he won the
Oscar for about him playing Um, the Williams Sisters. You
(48:40):
ever watched King Richard? No, I gotta watch King Richard.
I haven't watched it. You know. The one that I
haven't watched is the one, the one where he's that
African doctor because I just don't want to hear him
do that. I haven't seen that either. Nobody. Wow, a
little smith a lot not to deter ust, but it's
(49:02):
okay this Joe. I love the tangents we take. That's
what the special sauces along with friendship. Um, David, do
you ever wish you were British like Jeffrey? No? Not not,
not really. They don't like their attitude really in what way?
(49:25):
I don't know. They they do this thing where like
I think anybody who has like a crazy sense of
like propriety, like they invented society. That's like, you know
what I mean, every anybody who has like an overs
blown sense of propriety. I don't think I I ever
(49:45):
mixed well with and like and they and they just
feel like rude. Like when I went to London, they
weren't that like, I don't know, I just don't know.
I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't. Okay, the
answer is no, folks, David Bori does not wish she
was British. Dear own Wilson Exclusive. Wilson Exclusive. I did
(50:10):
go to London last August, um and I did have
deficient chips and mashed piece. It was okay. I think
their food is bad. I think their culture is overrated.
I mean I went to Westminster Abbey. That was cool,
and I saw London Bridge and big like that stuff
(50:33):
was cool, but like the food was come on, you
eat beans for breakfast, you guys are yeah. I wouldn't
say the food was incredible or anything. I like the stuff.
They have really good Indian food in London. Um, I
liked the Indian food there. That's what I heard. And
I didn't eat it. I was only there for three days,
four days, and I didn't eat any because I was like,
(50:55):
I have to get all the I have to go
to a pub and get fish and chips and this
and that. And then I was like, it's yeah, I
think I went to the wrong pub. I went on
like the last day I was there, and they gave
me a single like fish strip for fish and chips,
And I was like, do you think this is gonna
fill me up? You think this is gonna wow me? No?
(51:17):
Do you think that? Do you think that they thought
they try to play you out because you were an American?
Maybe they maybe they were like this bit, she gets
one little tiny fish strip. Yeah, there's like she can't
handle the strips. No, look, youre serving me anything western?
Three strips? I'm offended. Okay, I could take down six
(51:40):
strips with my eyes closed. Yeah. I like a whole
strips basket. Yeah, I want to basket of strips. Okay,
I want to basket of fish and chips. Um. Okay. Well, David,
according to Lucian with ghost Jeffrey aid Gonzalo in Shakespeare's
(52:02):
The Tempest in sixteen, So actually, I guess that was
Joseph Marcel, not Jeffrey Butler from Fresh Friends. But do you,
David Bori, silent g have any desire to do a
Shakespeare play? So this is dog This is so crazy
(52:22):
that you said that. In eighth grade, in my drama class,
we did The Tempest and I was prospero, prospero, prospero. Yeah,
And it was like, uh, that's so funny because yeah,
I was also on the Tempest and it was good.
I remember they it was like, did you ever have
in drama class where they brought everybody like other classes
(52:46):
would come watch your play. I never had drama class,
which is so sad because like, I didn't ever know
anything about that. Oh well, I'm sorry. You would have
excelled thing. They don't have that in Orange County. They
don't have culture there, don't class, they don't they don't
(53:07):
have art class or drama class there. That's so funny. Wait,
so did you like it? Like? Was it was it fun?
I did? So. Here's what happened. I liked it. It
was a very complicated class for me. I was just
a boy coming of age. This girl tried to fight me.
(53:29):
What why? Okay, So her name was Shelby Ava Ava
and she threw the shot put. And the big thing is,
do you guys, do you know who Marcus tu Yasa
Sopo is. He was the court He was like his
second string quarterback for the Raiders for a while. But
he's from Washington State and he was a big deal
(53:49):
there because he was like a big high school and
college quarterback. And she was his cousin, and she like
something happened. It's really the first time it ever happened.
I called her a bit and then she threatened to
fight me, and I think she could have at the time.
So that happened, and then it was the first time
I saw a girl with her pants off was in
(54:11):
theater because I guess they just do that crazy. Yeah.
And then we did that play. We had class well
like because we were changing in between. Oh sure, cool,
big moment. It was a big moment. And then also
we did that play and we had to do it.
They had brought other classes in in the daytime to
to watch, and one class had a bunch of football
(54:33):
players and I was so because I didn't know that
that was going to happen. And I did the play.
But then I saw him after school, and they were
all really cool about it. Oh thank god. Well, it's
just because you have so much sheer charisma that they
were even taken by your performance. Also Shakespeare, you know,
my man Billy Shakes did the words. I just acted him.
Well that's humble of you. But yeah, I get what
(54:55):
you're saying. Um, whoa, that's really cool. That's cool that
you to do drama. Like, I had no experience. I
don't think when I was like literally never came in
contact with the stage until like my first open mic.
Well that's that's so that's the only time I took
drama other than that, because you did you have a
(55:17):
choice to do that or no? Yeah, in eighth grade
that was an eighth grade and elective. But in in
ninth grade on we had like this bullshit secret football
pe class. Oh oh, I had one of those for us.
It was called fitness class, and it was only girls
and we did nothing but walk around the school and
(55:40):
then all you had to do to get an a
was um where the outfit. That was the only thing
you had to do. See that's cooler. Ours was called
I think it was like called strength and conditioning too,
or something weird like that, but somehow it was. It
was last period and it was only football players, so
it was like extra like like you we'd like run
(56:03):
play like run plays in the gym and stuff. It
was like really very sketchy. I think we had that
at my school too, because it was like a big
football school we have I remember that we weren't even
a football school. We weren't that good. Oh okay, well
they just like you then. Um wow, God, I learned
so much about the podcasts are incredible. What an incredible medium.
(56:27):
We have covered a lot of Yeah, we have Okay, well, god,
it's just too fun. My last question. We do a
segment here at dear Owen Wilson Show the headquarters where
called Fan on the Street. On the street where we
(56:54):
asked our guests if they have a fun um celebrity
anecdote to tell you did already regale probably the best
one ever, But I do you have any other ones
to share? Maybe a quick one and a fun one. Oh,
this one's close to you. I think Tim tim Heidecker
thought I was ron functious once. I'm pretty sure that's cool. No,
(57:17):
he was being very rude. It was rude. What did
he say? Well, I think he thought that I was.
It was the first time I ever did Bridgetown, so
probably like ten years ago. And I think he thought
I was wrong because we were waiting for the shuttle
to go to shows, and he was like a few
too many hundred comedians on this thing, right, I mean
they don't. I mean he's like, he's like, I get
(57:38):
why we're here, but what do they have all these
first year comics for? And I was like, it was
like a first year comic and I was just like, yeah, bad,
that's so mean. And I just assumed I assumed it
must have assumed it was wrong that he thought I was.
I couldn't think of any I don't know who else
he would have thought I was. So we were shading
Ron and my boy David. Well, no, I think he
(58:01):
thought because Ron was like known and stuff, then okay
he was shading everybody else. Oh my god. Sorry, I
just got so confused amongst the story so many times. Um,
it's okay, you did great. I've never met Tim Heideker,
Well me neither officially. Yeah, okay, Well, that that one
(58:24):
was so I don't know what to say about that.
I wish you wouldn't have said that it's too late.
It is too late. Um, but I had at the
time of my life with you. David, When are you
coming back here? I asked you this all the time.
I know, I always say I'm going to be back.
I think that I'm gonna be hold on. I can
(58:46):
give you one day that I'm going to be back.
I'm gonna be back there on on September the hold on,
Oh my god, not for two months. Wow, I really
got to visit Denver. I say that to you also
every day I just gotta come. It's because I'm a
(59:06):
Denver guy. Now wait, it just wasn't for me. I'm jealous.
I want to be a Denver guy. I've never done
comedy in Denver before. It's the best. I don't know
what day I'm gonna be there, but I'm gonna be
there sometime in September because Ian Carmel is getting married.
And then I'm just gonna stay for like a week.
Hell yeah, alright, cool, maybe we'll go hogging. We canna
(59:29):
go hogging. David. Well, thanks for coming on. It's just
in the light of my life. We all love you.
I love you too. Thanks for having me. This is
so fun. Yeah, enjoyed Canada. I'll do my best. Okay,
Bye Pops. A tasty
Hi Emmiline, and welcome back to the Deal and Listen podcast.
It's your boy Blair back again for another hot fresh week.
Yeah baby, Oh my god, l A is so hot.
It's ninety one degrees for the next ten days. I
can't even believe it. I'm sweltering. I need to get
rich so I don't have to use portable air conditioners anymore.
(00:20):
Oh my god, the hose on my portable air conditioner
became dislodged and I had to become a scientist to
put it back together and take a part the whole
thing because there are no like little clips or fasteners
on there. You know, just came sort of loosely, unscrewed,
uninterested over the years. Oh, I needed to be rich.
(00:43):
I want Central Air. That's my goal here, Central Air.
To make great art that will provide me Central Air.
Is that too much to ask? The planet is on
fire anyway, Let's forget about it with a great episode
of the show with one of my dearest friends that
I just love so much. I think this man is
like such a joyful person with who's so funny. He
(01:07):
has done so many great things. David Borie obsessed with him.
You guys know him, you love him from the All
Fantasy Everything podcast Comedy Central special Conan. He's a voice
of Comedy Central. He's my buddy, ill of them hilarious.
Please enjoy this episode. We had a great time, so
much fun. Also, I want to tell you I will
(01:29):
be doing an hour in Los Angeles at Dynasty Typewriter
September seven pm. It's a Wednesday, and the link for
that will be in the show notes of this episode
as well as the Dynasty Typewriter website as well as
my link tree in the bio of all my social media,
So please come out to that and support. I rarely
(01:51):
get to do an hour in l A. And this
will also be a fundraiser for abortion. We will be
donating to an abortion fund most of, if not all,
of the proceeds, so come out support. There's nothing better
than raising money for a great cause and enjoying art.
And I'll probably have a few very funny friends with me,
(02:13):
so you don't want to miss Seth. Come out spend
time with me. I love you. Also follow me at
Blair SAKI, B L A I, R, S, C C
I on any platforms if you want to see my ship. Also, Yeah,
leave a comment dm me posts about it. Leave a review,
you guys, your reviews mean so much to me. I
(02:33):
say this every week, but if you feel called, it
makes a huge difference. Appreciate your support. God bless and
I hope you have a great week and I hope
we get to have fun together on this episode. Amen, bitch.
(02:55):
Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Dear Oh in
the Sin Podcast swe with your host Blair Sucky. That's me, bitch.
You guys, do I have an episode for you today?
Oh my god, this is gonna fry your eyelash years all.
I have my friend Comedy Tycoon. You know him from
(03:19):
the All Fantasy Everything Podcast, from Every Comedy Thing that
an excellent comedian could do, Comedy Central, the voice of
Comedy Central, Conan half Hour, you name it, bitch, He's everywhere.
I'm so happy to introduce him. Please welcome my friend
David Borie. Everybody, you gotta come in hot. Oh my god,
(03:54):
they have to know. You guys have to know David.
How are you hot? I'm so good. How I'm in
Canada right now? How are you? What are you doing
in Canada? Just sucking around? What city? I'm in? Winnipeg,
manitobah Ship. I've never been to Winnipeg or Manitoba. You're
(04:16):
missing out. They have There's a Tony romas right next
to a red lobster. I gotta love both of those
places close to my heart. Knew you would. I knew
you would. Um, so you're doing a weekend there. How
is it fun or it's very Canadian? Sure it's nice.
(04:38):
My hotel has a water slide, but also pay phones.
So I don't really know what to make of it.
That sounds like they're living in the nineties, high time
nineties there. But if you'd see, if you'd told me
in the nineties, hey, one day you're gonna come to
Canada and stay in a place that has water slides
and pay phones, that have been like, yeah, is going
(05:00):
according to plan? Yeah, you would have been like, wow,
my life works out very well. Yeah, it's like exactly
what I wanted. Yeah. They say you're supposed to live
in the end. Like, um, everything I read all my
spiritual text that I am constantly observing, they all say,
um that you are as supposed to just be happy
(05:25):
as if you already have everything that you want. I mean,
what else do I want. What else do you want, David,
I want to know what you want. I feel like
I don't have enough socks. Right, Well, there's an easy fix.
Holy shit. I but I that's what I worry about
is I keep buying them and then I run out,
(05:45):
like it's just like a never ending hole that I
can't It's like trying to get love, you know, like
you can't fill it up. I have like a sock
shaped hole in my heart, so that bums me out. WHOA,
that took a dark turn. I didn't know that the
socks was going to pivot that way. But yeah, no,
I actually really get what you're saying, Comedians. If you're,
(06:06):
you know, just a civilian listener tuning in right now.
We have to buy an exorbitant amount of socks and underwear,
like probably five times as a regular person because he
travels so much that you know you need them. Yeah,
it's a big It's like a big thing that weighs
heavily on my mind. Right And other than that, I'm
pretty good. I love hearing that. Yeah, see, I I see.
(06:31):
I feel like I'm I'm good on socks, but I'm like, oh,
I don't know, maybe I should get like a house
or a husband. Oh, I think about those, not in
that order, but I guess nobody. We're millennials, nobody has
a house. You're fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I actually
(06:54):
think like it's crazy. But I've been being like, oh,
my life is so good. I'm so be lately despite
like the world being on fire. And then sometimes I
feel guilty, like I don't know, am I allowed to
be happy because other people are unhappy? Which, um, yeah,
that's that's why you gotta do it. You gotta hold
(07:15):
it down. Oh yeah, you're right. You're right. That's an
evolved spiritual perspective, David. You're right. I have to show
these people. You have to be the light. That's and
just yeah, it sucks if you can be happy. Why way,
you know, there's always gonna be reasons to be sad.
I don't know, man, I'm not trying to get caught
(07:36):
like that. Yeah. Sorry, I took it there. I love
to take it there. I appreciate that about you. Um,
it's been so long since I've seen you, since I
haven't I haven't been um, just randomly face timing you. Uh,
you know you're the only person that I do that too.
And I've only done it like two times. I I
(07:58):
appreciate that much more. I thought it was just like
you were just like scrolling through and you're like, I
didn't know. I like, I really appreciate that. No, No, actually,
you're the only person that I think I've ever face
timed in my life, because most of my friends trying
to face timey and I just decline and then I'll
call them back. Yeah, I get that. It's like a
(08:20):
lot of it's very It's a lot when you because
sometimes you're just especially during pandademic, you would just be
in the house having not been perceived for like days,
and then somebody face perceived, you know what I mean,
and then somebody fucking face times you like in your ship.
(08:40):
Like that is like it's like it's like zero to no,
you're welcoming them into your home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
in an unprepared state, it's really intimate. But yeah, that
just is a testament to how I feel about you.
I appreciate that greatly. I'm gonna scetime you randomly one day.
(09:01):
You're not You're never going to see it coming. I
never do. I don't see most things coming. Okay, Well, god,
it's just really exciting to have you on the show today.
I do have a podcast now crazy and um, I
know you're doing you're doing big things and you're on
(09:22):
a cartoon. I feel like both of those are vision
board things for you. Oh thank you. You're you're on
a cartoon too, and you love a very big podcast,
a famous one. But I wanted to, I want to.
I wanted to work at the gas stations. So this
is all just this is all pretty good. Um well,
(09:43):
you were an absolute star on the live show, so
it's really great and we're a huge get for us
over here at the deal and listen. Oh yeah yeah,
Q was wrapped up about it. Yeah. My team, our
team twenty people has been counting down your door to
get you on here. So it's really great. It's really great.
(10:04):
It's a huge relief, a big win for us. It
was this or THEO Vaughan's podcast. Okay, so without further ado,
if you might please read your letter. Okay, do I
say who it is or do I just start now
you launch in we'd like to that's what we'd like
(10:25):
that to be our reveal. Okay, I respect that. That's good.
It's only one minute. It's like maybe one oh five.
Is that okay? David? You don't need any prerequisites. What
you bring here is gold. God. I love how open
you guys are. All right here I go. What up?
G Damn? I miss you. Since you've been gone, these
(10:49):
rich people have been steady pretending like they don't need
working class comic relief to get their jokes off. Friends
grew into sex in the city, and sex in the
city grew into girls and blah blah blah blah blah.
Now we all got to deal with Lena Dunham. I
miss you a lot, but I love that you've gone
onto what I assume are bigger and better things. In
a show that was deemed for us, you were always
(11:11):
the one for me. I was never as cool as
Will or as whack as Carlton. I wasn't an overachiever
like Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv and I definitely wasn't
as stylish and popular as Hillary or as cute naive
as Ashley, but hilarious dude with an odd pass and
a lot of weird secrets. You were right up my alley.
(11:34):
Despite being annoyed by them, you always did right by
the Bank's family no matter what you never let your
disappointment with your lot in life cloud your service or
your commitment to duty. And I think that's admirable as hell.
Thanks for showing me that the main ones aren't necessarily
the best ones and holding it down for all the
weirdos out there. Hell yeah, And we just want to
(11:56):
confirm that this is indeed nead a letter to Jeffrey
from the fresh Prince of bel Air. Yes, Jeffrey Barbara
Butler is his full name, Jeffrey Barbara Butler. Wow, I
love to become educated on this podcast. Good good, Yeah,
(12:17):
I'm I'm I'm dropping hard facts. Yeah, you're right. Um,
Jeffrey did have a great attitude and he was a
great man with lots of fun secrets. I like that, Um,
that description. Yeah, he was so much fun. And you
just like he was very reliable in a weird way,
(12:38):
like you'd just be like, oh, wait, Jeffrey is an
incredible dancer. I didn't know that, Oh Jeffrey was sparring
partners with Chuck Norris. I didn't know that. Oh he's
a disgraced Olympic athlete. I had no idea, Like he
just could do anything. Wow, you're so right, God, I
loved that show so much when I was a kid. It. Yeah,
(13:01):
it's in my heart, like it's like it's it's my
only I don't think I have a lot of Paris
social relationships, but I definitely had one with the Bank's
family growing up. Yeah, they were so cool. Um, Will,
I loved, I love I'm never as I get older,
(13:23):
I'm less and less of a Will guy. And not
before I thought that before. Sure, now you turn on
him when the rest of the world turns, is their
back on him? I've always like so, I always like Carlton.
I don't Will is charming and he's hot, but okay,
(13:44):
he's just this charming, hot athletic dude. Carlton was like
a good friend. Like Carlton was like a good person
to Will. He was gonna shoot that guy. Will would
never shot anybody for Carlton. Will was always kind of mean.
He just it always felt like you know that movie
The blind Side, Yes, it always felt like Will got blindsided.
(14:08):
Like you could have got a lot of shitty dudes
from South Philly. You got like a hot one who
was incredible with basketball and like world class good looks like. Okay,
Carlton was little, he had it hard man. Look, one
thing I like about you is that you value loyalty.
(14:28):
H yeah, yeah, same for same for me. And so
you are adding other dimensions that I have not considered
in a long time, such as Carlton's deep loyalty that
could be obscured to some by his sweater vests. Yeah,
and his stature. You know what. And I said this,
(14:49):
but I don't mind a short man, David, nor should you.
I don't mind a short man at all, because a
lot of short men have a big presence, yes, yes,
and they give big presents. Yeah, you're right. I love
a big present. Guys, they don't even know what to
what are you gonna buy up there? You don't even
(15:11):
see what's going on. We're on the streets. That's true.
And because and I've always said this about people that
are too good looking. Also, they've never had to cultivate,
you know, a depth or a character or a pizzaz
or X factor. So they remain sort of middle of
the road on personality, nothing to be dazzled by, right,
(15:34):
But every now and again you do get somebody who
breaks that mold, and like, for a second, you want
to kill that person, you know, when you meet like
a hot person who is just very charming and like
thoughtful and nice, and you're like, well, I'm gonna have
to I'm gonna have to take you out. Yeah, more
more for me. I'm the opposite. I'm like, I'm gonna
have to say, very far away from you because I
(15:55):
don't know what you could do to me or my life.
I prefer a three hundred foot radius from you. I
get that, I get that, I could you could. Definitely.
I've had a hot dude torpedo my life. Really just
(16:18):
like as just one of my friends when we were younger.
He was just like a really bad guy, but he
was really cool. And then I was hanging out with
him and then I got in a bunch of trouble. Sure,
sure that could happen. That can happen easily. You can
fall to the whimsical charms of some of these people. Yeah,
I mean it looked at stand up comedians. It happens
all the time. Oh you're telling me brother afraid of God,
(16:48):
Mother Mary, every day, deliver me, get me on the
side of this, get out of these comedian streets. It's
no good, No, no, it's sure not. And that is
something you learned quickly with age, And I say, I'm
just looking for a nice man who would like to
just have a home. And I just want a sweet
(17:11):
Canadian lady who I can get free healthcare off of.
And we just like live by a lake of some sort, David,
I am dying to live by a motherfucking lake. Who
isn't it's the best thing to live by? Or the ocean?
I could live by the ocean or lake. I think, yeah,
(17:31):
oceans good. Also I did grow up like by the ocean.
And but like I feel like a lake is there's
something so pure about it. Do you also feel like
a lake is like more it's more manageable because like
the ocean is so vast, it's like can't be contained,
(17:55):
but like a lake you could like like I just
went to a lake in North Dakota and like North Dakota,
what were you doing there? Oh? No, which one is
the one where not Rushmore is? Oh god, I don't
know whichever Dakota. I went to a lake by Mount
Rushmore and I was like swimming and then like two
of my friends they just swam across the lake like
(18:17):
was very it's like very manageable where it's the ocean.
It's just you could get you could die in it. Die. Yeah,
it will, it will control you. Wait, did you see
Mount Rushmore? Yeah? I did. I got a picture of
it and everything. Whoa, you have to send it to me.
I've always wondered what that. I've always you know, I've
had this fictional idea that that exists in my mind
(18:39):
where I'm like, I know that exists, but doesn't really exist.
That's crazy. It's super real. It's not as exciting when
you see it in real life. I am going to
send you this picture though. It's it's it's not it's
not the top of my landmarks that I've seen, but
(19:00):
it's it's pretty. It's worth it. It's with it to
go see. If you're doing a comedy show, if you're
in the area, you can swing by. Yeah, just pass through,
just do it, pop in, take a dip in the lake,
swim across. Okay, Well, I do have to get into
(19:30):
this hard hitting interview that my listeners depend on me for.
So David, it's just really just so great to have
you on the show because you're now a three time
guest and in the Owen Wilson Hall of Fame, and Wow,
I'm glad you picked Jeffrey because finally someone I'm intimately
familiar with. Like, honestly, I you can imagine some of
(19:52):
these people, these guests right letters to like I have
never seen Superman. I've never watched I have never watched
a Marvel movie, So you can imagine how much leg work.
A lot of these interviews are a lot of late
nights at the office. You've never watched a Marvel movie. No,
I have, but I don't remember any of them or whatever.
(20:14):
And I was it was like a man making me
or something. I don't know them. I can't see them,
like when all the action starts, it's to my eyes,
like Clay, I don't know how to explain it, but
it's hard for me to take them in. And I
just don't give a ship. Yeah, honestly, I feel like
(20:34):
you just expressed that perfectly articulated how I feel perfectly.
But I don't actually know much about nerd ship, so
I can't relate that well. But that's why I work
with you about nerd ship. I don't give a shit
about nerds at all. I can barely type this hold
(20:57):
ship sucks. Why are we talking about sucking? Superheroes. They
weren't pajamas. This is dumb. Oh god, you're speaking my
language prol Okay, okay, David, please telp me with a
little conspiracy. Jeffrey is known for his absolutely crushing one
(21:18):
liner retorts. Who, in your opinion, did Jeffrey hate the
most in the Bank's family and why who did he
hate the most? He loved Ashley the most he hated.
I think it is a toss up. I think Hillary. Actually, yeah,
(21:41):
I think Hillary was the one because he just didn't
seem to have like a lot of There was one
episode where he said that, like he said something alluding
to like, I don't raise any fools like talking about Hillary.
So he loved he loved her like he loved all
of them. I just think I think he was annoyed
the most by Hillary because she also asked the most
(22:04):
of him. Sure, sure, demanding. She was quite demanding, always
for stupid ship. Yeah that's got to be so had
to have been hard for Jeffrey to have a child
demanding uh spoiled ship from him? Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
he didn't. I don't think he liked that. I have
an idea of who you're gonna say but follow up question,
(22:26):
who did you hate most in the Bank's family. I
know this is a killer darling situation, so I apologize.
I don't I don't love it. I know. I'm sorry
to put you in this, uh sinister scenario. It's a
real Sophie's choice, Yes it is. I mean gun to
(22:49):
my head, yeah, gun to your head. There's a gun
to your head right now. I hate the newest the
second Aunt Viv the most, oh right, which I feel
is a very valid answer because that was just like indefensible.
It was so insane because like, okay, you change the actress,
that sucks, but now this new one is like whack.
(23:13):
Like old A Viv was a dancer and a professor
and the lawyer, and the new nd Viv was like
where's the baby? Yeah, And also like the sheer charisma
on original ant Viv was astounding, it was amazing. She
was the screen Oh yeah, she was always wearing scarves.
(23:35):
And the new end Viv they just made her like
they made her like the new n Viv. They made
her like Uncle Phil's wife, like that was like her job,
like her own character. Right, okay, Feminist David Bori, Yes, yes, yeah, yeah,
I'm a feminist. I'm a I'm but not like one
of those guys who says I'm a feminist, because no, sure, no,
(23:59):
we would never thank you for that, would never thank
you for that. But also also thank you for reminding
me of red flags because I do need to keep
them in the forefront of my mind. Yeah, make a
Google note or something. You gotta keep. You gotta stay
on it. My friends wish for me to stay on
(24:19):
it more than I do. Um. According to Lucian Wiggles,
Jeffrey from Fresh Princess will name is Jeffrey Butler. Very
interesting that his last name is Butler since he is
in fact a Butler. But that's not the only mysterious thing. Yes, Jeffrey,
(24:43):
and I'm glad that he made the move to I
wasn't sure that if you leveled up. I was worried
that you had maybe left him behind or you know
what I mean. I just like, I'm gonna forget where
I came from. Some people do like you're over here
in iHeart Media. You got a twenty person team now,
I just don't know. No, this show was built on
(25:03):
the back of Lucian Wiggles out of the current river.
Um loves mountain dew and cargo shorts, and I will
never forsake Lucian, even though he is really mean to
me a lot of the times. Have you seen They've
got a lot of new ones. No, he's six to us,
um straight old. One time I got him a Code
red and he threw it in my face. That's actually
(25:24):
the right response though, that. Yeah, but I was not
prepared to be covered in code read that day, you know,
but you ever is prepared to be covered in Code red.
That's you're right, that's true. Um, okay, well that's not
(25:45):
the only mysterious thing. Jeffrey is spelled with a motherfucking G.
Would you say that your love of Jeffrey influenced the
spelling of your last name, which also has an enigmatic
G at the front of it, I would say it
hinder it, you know, I would say it didn't hurt it.
I've known Jeffrey's name probably about as long as I've
(26:09):
known my own last name, right, what is when did
the Fresh Prince premiere like nine or something? So like?
Maybe even longer. I've known Jeffrey's name than my own
last name. So I think that you knew it in utero. Yeah,
I think that's so like I think there is. I
(26:31):
don't think it influenced it, but I think it did
draw me to him. Yes, sure, okay, you recognize the kinship.
There was something very deeply held in comedy in common
with the g Yeah, also comedy because he's so so funny.
He is so funny. He was like the quickest and
(26:52):
the zippist on that show, definitely for sure. And he
would just like come in a room and like drop
a bomb and then leave. And I was always like,
that's what I want to just come in the room,
be hilarious and not have to answer for it. Oh
my god, Yes, you're right, that's a dream. You know.
There's something I was just thinking about, is like Jeffrey
was so funny with his posture and stuff. Carlton than
(27:15):
we had Will. There was a lot of physical comedy
on that show. There was a lot of physical comedy,
even physical comedy. Hillary was very physical. You should get
into more into physical comedy. Do you do act outs?
Have you considered that? Yeah? No, I actually do a
lot of act outs. I'm very physical. I might some
(27:36):
could even say it could be stand to be less physical. No, No,
you gotta go tornado on stage. I respect that because
I'm like, uh, I'm like a statue. Sometimes I'll just
like be leaning against the wall in the back and
then be like, I don't think I've moved for twenty minutes. No,
(27:56):
that's cool though, because you know, you're cool as a
cucumber and you can just do your your work without
all the theatrics. No, but I like the theatrics. This
an unhinged woman and it just all comes out. You know.
That's very good though. I liked that about you. Thank you, okay. Um, So,
(28:21):
Jeffrey Butler is actually we have not spoken of the
real person's name. Jeffrey Butler is actually played by a
man named Joseph Marcel. According to Lucien Wiggles, are you
actually David Bory or is that just a character you
have been playing for a long time. No, David Bory
died in the desert eight years ago. I eight years ago, Yeah,
(28:43):
I I assume his identity started doing stand up. Oh,
I guess it would have been twelve years ago. How
long have I been doing stand up? I assumed his
identity and I took it. I am actually David Tory,
which is similar. God, yeah, it's similar. It's very lucky
that I found the sky. Wait, so you're actually David Tori,
but you killed a man or you just found him
(29:05):
dead and then and then I assumed his identity. He
was honest way to a gig. He was on the
top seat of a megabus and he was just dehydrated.
He had been drinking too much code red not enough water.
It tried him out in the desert taking a sip
right as we speak. Yeah, come on, this is already
I did this off screen, you know. Yeah, yeah, no,
(29:28):
I'm taking a swig on my electrolyte to infuse water
at at that mention, because you know, I'm not trying
to have anyone assume my identity. But yeah, and I
am glad that worked out so seamlessly for you that
that seems. So we're not a hiccup to be round inside.
You know, I lead a charmed life. You sure do. Um,
(29:50):
So you did assume this identity. Is there anyone else
you would ever wish to be? Or or no me first? Really? Yeah?
Is there anyone else on earth? Uh would like to be?
Like now? Or like can I pick somebody from a
(30:12):
different time and be them in that time, you could
pick anything on earth you want. I guess that. I
it took a lot of work to grow into liking this.
I don't really want to. I don't really want to
have to reset. I get uh. I would like to.
Oh Ben Wallace when the Pistons won, Okay, I just
(30:38):
thought he was so cool. Yeah, that crazy scary afro
remember that was everywhere and just like that. So Ben Wallace,
when do you remember this from my childhood? Yeah, it
was a big It was a big deal. He was
he just like he was like the scary he was
like the wildest looking basketball player. Like I remember when
first I was like, whoa that guy? I think is cool? Right?
(31:02):
So yeah, Ben Wallace, Yes, Larry Johnson on the running Rebels.
It's probably a lot of basketball players that I would pick.
I love drawing our test which which I was a child,
which I think makes a lot of sense. Honestly, you know, yeah,
(31:23):
did you? I would like to think you loved him
before his antics, like you were just drawn to him
for some reason and then you found out about his
antics or was it like antics first? Well, like, so
I grew up like an athlete in all that world
and like, I know you were the number one downhill
skier and counsel. You're my only friend that knows that
(31:46):
you're still saved in my phone as snow biz. I
love that for us. Um No, But I I just
remember being in sports and like how so they always
they instill in you, like discipline in rules, like and
how you can't do anything because of the team, like
(32:06):
you have to put the team first and all these things.
And so I've always had this fascination of like people
who just behave insanely in professional sports because I'm like,
they are literally doing like self sabotaging the hell start.
Like the stakes of a fistfight in professional sports are
(32:26):
so high it's like I don't know, fifty grand or
like getting suspended or like any of these things. So
I'm like, oh, they're really doing it, And so it's
compelling being like, man, I think about that so much
with even with guys like Rodman and stuff, where it's
like being an iconoclass in sports is like you can't
do that. It's not Sports isn't set up like that.
(32:49):
It's set up to completely tow the line all the time.
So yeah, when you see guys like that or even
guys like A B and stuff where it's like I
think that he probably does have problems, but to like
go against that whole thing is like so wild and
you're right, has just been fighting from the beginning well
(33:10):
because like I mean, it's sad because you do see
some people burn it all down, like you know, like
Chadow Cho Sinko and like these people did he know?
Did he How fun was he to watch for a
couple of years? He was amazing And he's still doing okay,
like some guys like Michael Beasley where you're like, oh,
it didn't end up okay, But like Ocho Sinko, he's
(33:32):
still got his money. He's doing that weird podcast thing
with Brandon Marshall. Like I think his life is pretty okay. Yeah,
but then you see like, um yeah, I just love
I was always amazed at those people who were able
to exist in an ecosystem where they literally just did
not follow any of the rules and the rest of
(33:53):
the people in the system are just following the rules
to the death because they're so petrified. You know. It's amazing.
It's like it's like you know what it is. They're athletes,
but they're living like they're artists and that's like, that's
that's it's so fun to watch. Yeah, it's like really interesting.
I'm with you on that. But I also would not
(34:17):
want to be on their team because I would be
it would just be annoying the shift out of me
and be selfish and annoying. But I love watching as
a spectator. Yeah, I get that. Like, and some of
those guys, as many of those guys, I think we're cool.
A lot of them I think are like not Like
I was never like a big Terrell Owens guy like that,
always gone, you know what I mean. So it's like
(34:39):
a lot of them are like not, I don't want
to He would have been so annoying to be on
a team with. Yeah, it would have been the worst.
It would have been really bad. Yeah. When I was
in high school, like I'm such a different person. I'm
like so much more chill now I can't but like
I would get red cards and yellow cards like all
the time, you're just passionate. No, I was just like
(35:03):
raised like an animal. Like I was just raised like
a boy, and you know what I mean. Like and
so like I would just like yell at the ref
or like I'd always get in trouble like these girls,
because like I was so small and these girls were
so much bigger than me. They'd always like talk ship
to me, and then like I would never start it,
(35:23):
but I would always finish it and I'd get in
trouble every time. It's so crazy because your life was
an elite athlete. Sounds like you just grew up in jail.
I mean it was far from jail, white kid in
Orange County, but yeah, just like this mentality that you're
(35:44):
describing is like wild, Like the stakes were weird and different,
but like the level that you were playing at the
game at it seems very Do you feel institute store?
You're not the first person to tell me that, um. No, institutionalized.
(36:11):
UM anyway, Okay, oh god, this is too fun. I'm
already getting It's like when you're eating a really good
meal and you're like getting sad before it's over. Okay,
That's how I feel right now, Yeah, right, okay. Lucian
geniusly uncovered that Jeffrey actually used to be a professional
(36:35):
runner prior to becoming an international icon for the Downtrotted Worker.
After going to work for the bank's family, like all
of us, Jeffrey famously fantasized about winning the lottery and
getting the hell out of bel Air. David, what secret
job did you have in your past that the public
may not know about? Follow up? What will you do
(36:55):
with the money if you win the lottery? Oh? Okay,
I mean had so many jobs before I worked at
a casino. What you do? It's like hard to explain.
I was a corporation banker, which means that I basically
played back or at three card poker, blackjack and uh
(37:17):
pieu poker, double hand poker. I basically just played. I
I never knew that about you. I don't like gambling,
but I know how to play. Yeah, Like I had
to memorize the black jack hit chart and like all
those kinds of things. Yet, can we play poker? Sometime?
I didn't play? I did, but but like pie out?
(37:39):
Have you ever seen pike out? It's way different than
It's like different than like oh maha, it's like two
hands and it's a rotating it's super Chinese. But yeah, yeah,
I could play. No, No, I don't know shoot about
gambling because I've never had enough money to do it recreationally.
You're not missing out. It's like a very dark dark hole. Uh,
(38:01):
what are the I used to I did condo maintenance
for a couple of years. Uh you know, I I
worked in a car wash. I had a lot of
gas station jobs, and work at a call center was brutal.
It's so bad there. People are so mean. Holy sh it. Yeah.
(38:21):
And it's just like I found out that are what
we were selling was kind of a scam. So at
first I was really good at it, and then I
found out it was kind of a scam. And it
was like we sold ship to old people, so they'd
always be like, as soon as I get my Social
Security check, I'm gonna pay you. And then like once
I found out it was bad, I just went down downhill. Yeah,
(38:43):
I oh my god. That's like, um the original gen
Shaw of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. She was
just pleaded guilty to having all these shell businesses that
defrauded old people like that. I mean, it's it's a
pretty easy way to get some done. To catch you up,
I'm not just to catch you up. But she did
live in a huge house in Salt Lake City and
(39:05):
her husband was a special teams coach at University of
Utah and we were all like, why does she live
in like a twenty squarefoot house when she doesn't have
a job. Yeah, and special teams does not pay like that,
It does not? Can I say? Also, for the record,
I never had a special teams coach once growing up
(39:25):
that I liked. Really, they're all bitter because they only
have such just a little portion of the job. I
got that feeling. And just like, especially our high school
special teams coach was just such a dick. What position
were you, David? I as a defensive tackle that I
played offense. I played guard until I got to high school,
(39:48):
and then I was good enough at d tackle and
I just hated offensive line sucks, so they let me
just play defense. But as a kid, you gotta play
both ways. And then I wrestled, but I was better
at re slings, but I don't I didn't like it
very much. Oh my god, wrestling always looks so awful.
It looks so not fun. It's not fun. It's super emotional,
(40:08):
like you, like people were always crying and stuff like that.
I wrestled to from like fifth grade to like freshman year,
and then I quit after freshman year. I just think
about like the adrenaline in your body where you're like
fighting for your life. It just does not seem fun. Yeah,
and then it'd be like you worked so hard all
week and then you lost. It was just on you.
(40:29):
And what made me not want to do it is
my high school team. We had freshman team, sophomore team,
and JV and I made JV, which was cool as
a freshman, but then I just had to wrestle a
bunch of guys who like they were like the size
of men. Oh god, I was like not, I was
just like a I was just like a chubby kid.
So it really just was like it was just like
(40:50):
a really brutal season and I didn't like it that much.
Like wrestling practice, people were always puking and stuff, and
I was like, this can't be with it. That sounds
literally awful. I never would want to wrestle. I always
and like you get ringworm and shipped and yeah, it's
just ere and like the best you That's also what
(41:13):
I thought, is like the best. Like all my wrestling
coaches walked funny because they get been wrestling forever, so
they all walked like goofs. It was not good. Oh yeah,
that's a bad sport not a good sport. I'm glad
you're out of that. Um, thank god for comedy. Huh
(41:42):
oh yeah, we forgot to say. Follow up question, what
will you do with the money if you won the lottery?
Since Jeffrey wanted to win the lottery? Oh, how much?
How much do I win? I have really no idea,
but let me just say, how about I just take
a stab at fifty four million, key four million. I
would buy like I'd buy like I'd buy a regular
(42:07):
house in a vacation house, and then like all the
stuff to fill that so like jet skis and four
wheelers and stuff. I don't know, man, I'd probably just
like give it to my sisters and parents or something. Wow,
you're a good person. Can I go? Can I ride
on your a t v s with you? Yeah? Sure,
(42:28):
I'll have a bunch of different colors. Yeah, can we go?
We'll go hogging where I don't know all those things. Yeah,
we could go on definitely. Yeah, we'll definitely go hogging.
I'm inviting myself over to compound. Yeah, come on over,
We'll go hogging. We can barbecue. It'll be a good day.
I'll go to love to barbecue. Barbecue and hogging in
(42:50):
the same day. Are you kidding me? Blessed? Hashtag blessed?
Do people still say that? Oh? I don't know, but
you can say anything you want. It's if country sort
of not really, but um, I don't know. Yes, I
don't know if you know this about me because you
(43:12):
do not have your own Lucian wiggles. But I have
Harvard and unwavering twenty year across on Will Smith. No
matter what news story comes out about him, or if
he plays the Genie in the live action Aladdin, or
if he slaps someone and everyone turns on him, my
flame for him never dies. Uh. Nothing can get in
(43:33):
the way of me and Will and um as my
dear friend. My question for you is have you ever
thought about having sex with Will Smith, or at least
having a fulfilling, long term relationship with him. I met
him one time and he I don't know how to
explain this. He seemed very horny. Why is that a
(43:55):
bad quality that I'm not I'm just saying what I'm
just saying. What happened? Oh my god, I just got
so defensive. I know I didn't, I wasn't I know,
I have I no, I don't not sex. I didn't
(44:17):
want a vision having sex with him, Okay, no, but
when I met him either, I had an intense want.
I wanted him to like take a shining to me.
That makes sense, I do know what you mean. Yeah yeah,
and he didn't, and I think that kind of hurt. Sure, sure, okay,
I get what you're saying. Wow. But also I got
(44:37):
some alone time with him, and it was pretty weird. Wait,
why was it weird? This is huge? It wasn't. It
wasn't weird. It was just like because it was me
and him and Sam Talent and somehow we were just
by ourselves and he was talking to us about how
Mike Tyson punched him one time. I was like, this
is the weirdest fucking yeah it was. It was fucking
(45:01):
really oh no. And then also so this was we
did the show that didn't come out, or maybe it
didn't come out. I don't know, but that's so baller
that you have no idea if it ever came out
or not. Like that's really cool. No, you know, people
were there, everybody, Yeah, Rosebud was there was But anyways,
me and Will Smith we hooked up. There was like
(45:22):
this machine that you would hook it up to stuff
and then play it like beats. And me and Will
Smith hooked hooked these little clamps up to Sam Talent's
nipples and then played like beats on his nipples. And
that is the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me.
I think this is a definitely a Dearro and Wilson exclusive,
(45:46):
Wilson exclusive. This is the shots heard around the world.
This is one of the biggest um breaking news stories
to have ever been on this show, clamping Santalent's nipples
with Will Smith making beats to them while and if
I could have just been there, I would have been
(46:06):
I would have died happily. It was pretty incredible. Also,
he smells amazing. Oh my god, that's what I imagine
in my head that he smells amazing. He smells as
good as you think. It's like, it's it's pretty nuts.
And correct me if I am wrong, David. He seems
(46:26):
to be and I have been wrong many times. He
seems to be very down to earth. He has like
a very down to earth or about him. Yeah, he
he was like so charming that it was like incredible,
Like he I don't know how to explain it like
(46:48):
he was just so fucking charming. He remembered everything that
he was supposed to about you the second time that
you saw It's like you'd meet him once and then
the second time and see you, he'd be like, Oh,
what's up, David? Does your mom still like Gary Payton
or like whatever? Oh my god, that's such a charming
(47:10):
that's such a charming quality. While yeah, it was very impressive.
It was very very impressive. So down to earth isn't
what I would say, but just amazing, amazing. That's what
I love to hear about my will Oh dere So okay, wow,
God don't yeah your question? What is your favorite Will
(47:34):
Smith vehicle? God, I don't know, like I love it.
I recently rewatched the Bad Boys trilogy with my parents
during quarantine. That was pretty spectacular. Obviously, Fresh Prince was
a huge formative show, maybe one of the best sitc
ons of all time. Um in my life, I loved it.
(47:54):
I loved his wild antics, always getting into trouble um
probably foreshadow the type of men that I would choose
later on in my life. But yeah, I don't know,
like I loved um hitch. You know, I liked I
like every I'll watch everything he does. I'm I love him.
That's the truth. So there's no but there's not like
(48:17):
a top. Do you ever go into like his super
artsy stuff or you ever like, Oh, let me watch
Six Degrees of Separation, dude, that's one of my favorite movies.
Independence Day, I robot Um, Pursuit of Happiness, all these
incredible I haven't watched the one that he won the
Oscar for about him playing Um, the Williams Sisters. You
(48:40):
ever watched King Richard? No, I gotta watch King Richard.
I haven't watched it. You know. The one that I
haven't watched is the one, the one where he's that
African doctor because I just don't want to hear him
do that. I haven't seen that either. Nobody. Wow, a
little smith a lot not to deter ust, but it's
(49:02):
okay this Joe. I love the tangents we take. That's
what the special sauces along with friendship. Um, David, do
you ever wish you were British like Jeffrey? No? Not not,
not really. They don't like their attitude really in what way?
(49:25):
I don't know. They they do this thing where like
I think anybody who has like a crazy sense of
like propriety, like they invented society. That's like, you know
what I mean, every anybody who has like an overs
blown sense of propriety. I don't think I I ever
(49:45):
mixed well with and like and they and they just
feel like rude. Like when I went to London, they
weren't that like, I don't know, I just don't know.
I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't. Okay, the
answer is no, folks, David Bori does not wish she
was British. Dear own Wilson Exclusive. Wilson Exclusive. I did
(50:10):
go to London last August, um and I did have
deficient chips and mashed piece. It was okay. I think
their food is bad. I think their culture is overrated.
I mean I went to Westminster Abbey. That was cool,
and I saw London Bridge and big like that stuff
(50:33):
was cool, but like the food was come on, you
eat beans for breakfast, you guys are yeah. I wouldn't
say the food was incredible or anything. I like the stuff.
They have really good Indian food in London. Um, I
liked the Indian food there. That's what I heard. And
I didn't eat it. I was only there for three days,
four days, and I didn't eat any because I was like,
(50:55):
I have to get all the I have to go
to a pub and get fish and chips and this
and that. And then I was like, it's yeah, I
think I went to the wrong pub. I went on
like the last day I was there, and they gave
me a single like fish strip for fish and chips,
And I was like, do you think this is gonna
fill me up? You think this is gonna wow me? No?
(51:17):
Do you think that? Do you think that they thought
they try to play you out because you were an American?
Maybe they maybe they were like this bit, she gets
one little tiny fish strip. Yeah, there's like she can't
handle the strips. No, look, youre serving me anything western?
Three strips? I'm offended. Okay, I could take down six
(51:40):
strips with my eyes closed. Yeah. I like a whole
strips basket. Yeah, I want to basket of strips. Okay,
I want to basket of fish and chips. Um. Okay. Well, David,
according to Lucian with ghost Jeffrey aid Gonzalo in Shakespeare's
(52:02):
The Tempest in sixteen, So actually, I guess that was
Joseph Marcel, not Jeffrey Butler from Fresh Friends. But do you,
David Bori, silent g have any desire to do a
Shakespeare play? So this is dog This is so crazy
(52:22):
that you said that. In eighth grade, in my drama class,
we did The Tempest and I was prospero, prospero, prospero. Yeah,
And it was like, uh, that's so funny because yeah,
I was also on the Tempest and it was good.
I remember they it was like, did you ever have
in drama class where they brought everybody like other classes
(52:46):
would come watch your play. I never had drama class,
which is so sad because like, I didn't ever know
anything about that. Oh well, I'm sorry. You would have
excelled thing. They don't have that in Orange County. They
don't have culture there, don't class, they don't they don't
(53:07):
have art class or drama class there. That's so funny. Wait,
so did you like it? Like? Was it was it fun?
I did? So. Here's what happened. I liked it. It
was a very complicated class for me. I was just
a boy coming of age. This girl tried to fight me.
(53:29):
What why? Okay, So her name was Shelby Ava Ava
and she threw the shot put. And the big thing is,
do you guys, do you know who Marcus tu Yasa
Sopo is. He was the court He was like his
second string quarterback for the Raiders for a while. But
he's from Washington State and he was a big deal
(53:49):
there because he was like a big high school and
college quarterback. And she was his cousin, and she like
something happened. It's really the first time it ever happened.
I called her a bit and then she threatened to
fight me, and I think she could have at the time.
So that happened, and then it was the first time
I saw a girl with her pants off was in
(54:11):
theater because I guess they just do that crazy. Yeah.
And then we did that play. We had class well
like because we were changing in between. Oh sure, cool,
big moment. It was a big moment. And then also
we did that play and we had to do it.
They had brought other classes in in the daytime to
to watch, and one class had a bunch of football
(54:33):
players and I was so because I didn't know that
that was going to happen. And I did the play.
But then I saw him after school, and they were
all really cool about it. Oh thank god. Well, it's
just because you have so much sheer charisma that they
were even taken by your performance. Also Shakespeare, you know,
my man Billy Shakes did the words. I just acted him.
Well that's humble of you. But yeah, I get what
(54:55):
you're saying. Um, whoa, that's really cool. That's cool that
you to do drama. Like, I had no experience. I
don't think when I was like literally never came in
contact with the stage until like my first open mic.
Well that's that's so that's the only time I took
drama other than that, because you did you have a
(55:17):
choice to do that or no? Yeah, in eighth grade
that was an eighth grade and elective. But in in
ninth grade on we had like this bullshit secret football
pe class. Oh oh, I had one of those for us.
It was called fitness class, and it was only girls
and we did nothing but walk around the school and
(55:40):
then all you had to do to get an a
was um where the outfit. That was the only thing
you had to do. See that's cooler. Ours was called
I think it was like called strength and conditioning too,
or something weird like that, but somehow it was. It
was last period and it was only football players, so
it was like extra like like you we'd like run
(56:03):
play like run plays in the gym and stuff. It
was like really very sketchy. I think we had that
at my school too, because it was like a big
football school we have I remember that we weren't even
a football school. We weren't that good. Oh okay, well
they just like you then. Um wow, God, I learned
so much about the podcasts are incredible. What an incredible medium.
(56:27):
We have covered a lot of Yeah, we have Okay, well, god,
it's just too fun. My last question. We do a
segment here at dear Owen Wilson Show the headquarters where
called Fan on the Street. On the street where we
(56:54):
asked our guests if they have a fun um celebrity
anecdote to tell you did already regale probably the best
one ever, But I do you have any other ones
to share? Maybe a quick one and a fun one. Oh,
this one's close to you. I think Tim tim Heidecker
thought I was ron functious once. I'm pretty sure that's cool. No,
(57:17):
he was being very rude. It was rude. What did
he say? Well, I think he thought that I was.
It was the first time I ever did Bridgetown, so
probably like ten years ago. And I think he thought
I was wrong because we were waiting for the shuttle
to go to shows, and he was like a few
too many hundred comedians on this thing, right, I mean
they don't. I mean he's like, he's like, I get
(57:38):
why we're here, but what do they have all these
first year comics for? And I was like, it was
like a first year comic and I was just like, yeah, bad,
that's so mean. And I just assumed I assumed it
must have assumed it was wrong that he thought I was.
I couldn't think of any I don't know who else
he would have thought I was. So we were shading
Ron and my boy David. Well, no, I think he
(58:01):
thought because Ron was like known and stuff, then okay
he was shading everybody else. Oh my god. Sorry, I
just got so confused amongst the story so many times. Um,
it's okay, you did great. I've never met Tim Heideker,
Well me neither officially. Yeah, okay, Well, that that one
(58:24):
was so I don't know what to say about that.
I wish you wouldn't have said that it's too late.
It is too late. Um, but I had at the
time of my life with you. David, When are you
coming back here? I asked you this all the time.
I know, I always say I'm going to be back.
I think that I'm gonna be hold on. I can
(58:46):
give you one day that I'm going to be back.
I'm gonna be back there on on September the hold on,
Oh my god, not for two months. Wow, I really
got to visit Denver. I say that to you also
every day I just gotta come. It's because I'm a
(59:06):
Denver guy. Now wait, it just wasn't for me. I'm jealous.
I want to be a Denver guy. I've never done
comedy in Denver before. It's the best. I don't know
what day I'm gonna be there, but I'm gonna be
there sometime in September because Ian Carmel is getting married.
And then I'm just gonna stay for like a week.
Hell yeah, alright, cool, maybe we'll go hogging. We canna
(59:29):
go hogging. David. Well, thanks for coming on. It's just
in the light of my life. We all love you.
I love you too. Thanks for having me. This is
so fun. Yeah, enjoyed Canada. I'll do my best. Okay,
Bye Pops. A tasty
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