May 9, 2022 • 58 mins
Blair welcomes Jon Gabrus (MTV, High and Mighty, TruTV) to the show. He comes on to profess his love to a well known superhero.
LINKS:
Blair Headlines The Irvine Improv, May 18thBlair Does New Material Show in LA June 6th at The Elysian Theater (featuring Greta Titelman and Carmen Christopher)Blair's Online Breathwork Class May 26thFollow Blair on InstagramFollow Blair on Twitter
JON GABRUS:
High and Mighty PodcastFollow Jon on Instagram
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome everybody to this showed here Owen Wilson, you like
here host Blair Sulky that me. Okay, guys, I'm so
thrilled that I can't believe this lat show finally turned
into a podcast. If you're unfamiliar, which I don't know
how you would be. Uh. The show is based on
a real letter that I wrote to Owen Wilson in
(00:27):
two thousand seven. Love that guy, you know, is at
the height of the wedding crasher fame and things are
really popping, and I was in love, and so I
had this thought, like, what if other communities they're all
fans of someone too, you know, and it'll be what
a great hilarious light to get to know them in
a different way. And then I will interview them with
(00:49):
my shrewd interviewing skills. Watch out Mark Mary. Okay, So
how this is gonna work. I invite my luscious star
started guests that I have known from being a comedy
tycoon onto my show. They're gonna read a fun letter
to somebody they're a fan of, and then we're gonna
(01:10):
pop off from there. And one thing I will tell
you right before we start is I will be mentioning
my private investigator, Lucian Wiggles, who so generously does conduct
all the extensive research needed for my interviews style. Okay,
so without further ado, I would love to introduce my friend.
(01:31):
You know him so well from being on millions of
TV shows and just being a comedy star and a
comedy star in in my heart and you know, he's
on the live show many times. So when I thought
who are we going to start the podcast with, I'll
tell you what, folks, he was a number one draft pick.
Without further ado, I would love to introduce John Gabriel. Everybody, Oh,
(01:57):
thank you for having me, Blair. This is so much
more intimidating than the live show, where you are just
a hard hitting journalists that shatters me to my core.
I am not looking forward to this follow ups that
you bring, the heated follow ups. No, of course I am,
you know, because I have to say some of my
(02:17):
times with you on the live show, I would characterize
some of the best times of my life. That's more
about how ship your life is outside of that, right, No,
it's just you know, it's really good. So I'm excited. Job,
you know, sort of more of a long form type
of conversation with you. Oh me fucking too. I'm a
(02:40):
big fan of Blair. I'm a big fan of Owen Wilson.
I just watched Marry Me last night in honor of him.
And yet oh yeah, well you're gonna be okay without
having seen it, right, that's what you think. I will
never leave oh inside, no matter what. I'll give you
my peacock loggin so you could stand inside by side
by your man Owen. It's on peacocks for three. Yeah. Wow,
(03:04):
you don't know that. Um well, I'm so excited for
you to read your letter. And of course you know
it's we don't tell the audience or until you start,
so I guess whenever you're ready. Please, Okay, here's my letter. Now.
(03:32):
I've written a bunch of letters as a kid to
celebrities or I think, like two heroes or crushes. Um
and now is a forty year old man. I wanted
to write one to both a hero and a crush,
someone who feels both slots in my heart. Oh my god,
do I love that. I love the passion. It's all
passion here. So I'll begin with dearest Henry cavill or
(04:00):
cavill I really should have double checked how to say
your last name before choosing you as my letter person.
I have seen so very few of your movies. I
never watched the Tutors, but when I first saw you
in Superman, it did something to me. I guess. I
guess I mean first seeing you in the film as
much as I mean seeing you shirtless in that film.
(04:23):
Now I'm throwing the word film around here, which I
think people are okay with, But I just remember being
so stoked that Superman had mass. Superman was thick, he
had a little chest hair. Oh and quick side note,
I always thought it was weird that superheroes have muscles.
If Superman is an alien, if cal l really is
(04:43):
from the planet Krypton, then he has super strength. That
doesn't mean he needs cum gutters. He could be you.
Hear that Marvel in d C. You can cast fat
people as heroes. Hint, motherfucking hint. Alright, I digress. The
real thing I wanted to write you about today, Mr
Cavil or Caville depending is your role in one of
(05:06):
my favorite films, Mission Impossible Fallout. That movie fucking ruled,
and not just because tiny Tom Cruise is doing all
his own stunts surviving by the power of Xenu. It
ruled because of your character, August March, specifically because of
his mustache. Now I heard there was a big controversy
(05:28):
about digitally removing your mustache in Justice League, and I
am here to say worth every penny, and I think
the stash works wonders. I'm so glad that August had one.
And now for the peace Dealer resists thoss of fallout.
In your fight scene with Ethan Hunt and the Lark decoy,
(05:50):
there comes a time in the two v one melee
or melee again another word I don't know how to pronounce,
but I should have looked up before writing it into
this letter where you getting locked down, but then you
get up again, you take off your jacket and you
do some cool arm thing where it like looks like
you reload your arms. Uh. You know, it was kind
of a meme online. Like I just want to say,
(06:13):
between the hair, the stash, the overall thickness and that reloading. Oh,
your boy felt something. Now maybe it was because I
was first saw it in forty X so what I
felt was a chair vibration or a missed from the
chair in front of me. But I would just like
to say I have been thinking of this performance since
(06:34):
I saw it, and it has me doing a little
research on what the Q really means in L G
B T Q, or maybe finding out if there's such
thing as a lower case B. I don't even have
time to get into your performance as Gerald in the
Witcher series or Gerald again. I should have looked up
how to say that before writing this letter, but holy
(06:55):
sh it, the Witcher is like a drawing right out
of my trapper Keeper from six Henry Cavill with a
long sword. Holy shit. Thank you for all of your
hard work in keeping me guessing of my true sexuality.
Henry love Gabriel. Oh that was just so. I loved it. Uh,
(07:26):
zero exaggeration in that like, no hyperbole. I have been
confused since seeing that movie. Really, Okay, I guess that
first question is have you ever slept with a man? No?
My stuff for guys is all just looks, and it's
all sort of like rooted in weird hetero sexuality of
(07:46):
like the men I'm attracted to are like jacked dudes,
who fucking you know, It's just like the dumbest shit.
But no, I haven't supped with the man yet the
night's a puppy. Wow. Okay, that was thrilling, So I
guess my first question, Well, let's just dive into it. John.
(08:07):
I just want to thank you so much for being here.
You know, we have been really trying to get you
for so long, trying to contact your agents and for
the first episode of Yes, you know this show is
really important because you know, so much investigative probing and
research goes into it. For instance, just this morning, Lucien
(08:30):
Wiggles let me know that Henry Cable is in fact
not Matt Bohmert. That'll happen to some people yet. Yeah. Wow,
Thank goodness for private investigators because you know, I would
never want to start any drama here. But um, would
you say that your love for Henry cavill is in
(08:52):
part due to harboring some sort of long time bitter
resignments towards Dean Kaine's Superman. Yes, Dean Kane really ruined
Kalel for me, so part of my love of Henry
Caville is a direct reaction to that. Now, Christopher reeves,
that's my Superman, Brandon Ralph unfortunately, Dean Kane unfortunately not
(09:17):
my Superman. But come back to Henry Caville Cavil at
the end, and your boy is back into soups. Never
heard of Brandon in my life. Yeah, he was in that.
He was in the weird uh Brian singer Superman for
some reason we're not talking about Um. Okay, well, god,
(09:39):
we're getting into it right off the back. Lucia Lucian
does the solid fucking research man. Yeah, Lucien is wild.
You know. I didn't meet him while I was first
fishing for crawdett in the Current River, and it was
sort of just just say er, indipitous meeting. And now
(10:02):
he's been with me for a long time, just ruthlessly
digging up dirt on my friends, family and other celebrities. Um,
but okay, let's keep going. According to some scrupulous detective
work by Lucian, in August of Henry took part in
the a LS Ice Bucket Challenge, where he was soaked
(10:25):
with six large buckets of ice water in his Superman costume. John,
where were you when you took part in the ice
Bucket Challenge? And if you didn't take part in it,
how do you answer to the A l S community today?
I actually and I've spoken about this. I had, I
had to speak at this at Camp David. But again, yeah,
(10:47):
I'd like to reiterate my apology for not doing the
ice bucket challenge. I didn't realize at the time. I
thought it was just like a charity fad thing. But
when I didn't do it, I heard from the ghost
of lou Garry himself. Maybe you know I'm one of
the most famous A L S sufferers of all time.
You said me not doing the challenge directly caused four
(11:11):
people with A L S to pass away. And that's
just something I've been living with since hearing that. And
the second an ice bucket challenge or put your feet
in honey and let bees go on them? Uh? Whatever?
Next is the A L S U like awareness thing,
you know? Uh, put your dick in the corner pocket
of a pool table let, someone shoot an eight ball
(11:32):
at it, like whatever they might be going for, I'm
gonna do. I'm not going to back down this time.
I refuse to let anyone else die by direct relation
to me. Uh taking part in some sort of memic
fucking global Instagram bullshit, Wow, you're going to whatever it is?
(11:52):
Tell me whatever it is? You, uh, you know, scorpions
in my asshole in honor of a l S. I
got you. God, I that, and I so want to
commend you for spending the rest of your life being
willing to make up for four counts of involuntary manslaughter. Wow. Yeah, look,
if I can be candid with you, John, I also
(12:14):
didn't participate in the a LS Challenge, but that's because
nobody challenged me. I don't know why they didn't think
of me, because I actually would have really loved to
pour ice water bucket on my head. I know you
did a bunch on spec and you were just like
if someone just asked me, and uh, and you just
(12:35):
never no one ever asked you. It's like I got
fucking hypothermia in Orange County for this bullshit. God God,
I think they should have be a more inclusive with
the a LS Challenge. Um all right, well, Wow, I
feel like I'm really getting to know you so well.
You already know me so well, and that that's why
(12:55):
you're able to dive deep on these questions and really
peel back the layers of onions between you and Lucien's research.
You're just able to just crack me open. Oh my god,
thank you so much, John. Yeah, I really do feel
like that is what is incredible about the podcast medium,
because there's some sort of intimacy that you just it's incredible.
(13:17):
I feel I'm feeling it. Yeah, magic magic is born
on the podcast medium. I don't know if you guys
listening out there, I agree with me. If you're feeling
if the listeners are feeling as intimate as we are,
then mission fucking accomplished. Yeah. Hey, if you're heeling the
intimate out there, throw your hands up in the air
for me. William Okay, um right the roof. Yeah, eleven
(13:41):
car accidents just happened as people are racing down the
one oh one listening to this. That's a thrill for me,
all right, John In Henry Caville was named World Sexiest
Man by British Glamor magazine. What do you say to
those who seek to a objectify Henry cavill as just
(14:02):
a pretty face and have you drawn ever experienced the
same kind of sexy look discrimination yourself? I'm completely comfortable
with Uh, you know, it's all marketing, you know, like, okay,
call me sexy, but if you go see my movie
then that helps move the needle and I keep people
employed and all that. That's fine, and so I understand
(14:23):
it for someone like Henry Cavel Cavil, whatever the name is.
And for me, I have been objectified numerous times in
life um and made to feel like a piece of meat.
But that was all by request. I had to ask
that of the other people. So it was always it
was consensual for me to say, like I want to,
(14:43):
I want you to look at me like a piece
of meat, and you know, so that that feels good.
It's something that I again, I'm embarrassed, I have to
kind of make it happen for myself, but it does
feel really good when it does happen. Right, So so
you haven't actually been discriminated again for having sex looks
like at all. No. Uh, it's actually worked out in
(15:04):
my favor. When I won Mr Marist in two thousand
and three, which is my college male beauty competition for charity, UM,
when I wanted Wilson Exclusive. No, I've never spoken about this.
This is one of my deepest, most intimate secrets, is
(15:26):
that I was a male beauty pageant contestant. Crushed It
eight thirteen Tacos soft Shell tacos in a minute as
my talent of it a disaster forming a beauty contest
where that's my child too. You're giving me idea. Hell yeah,
let's do it. Blair will be the first couple's entrance
(15:49):
mixed doubles beauty. Man, it would be really funny if
you and I were partners because I am literally like
two and a half times your size. So if we
sat down next to each other, ye eat, Like you know,
if I had gone to my head, I can make
(16:10):
some ship happen. Unreal. Okay, you can put the gun down.
I believe you. I don't need to see it to
that gun. If that gun is to your head, yeah yeah,
Oh my god, I didn't need to take it there. Okay.
Follow up question, who would you say is the sexiest
man alive in in comedy right now? And please do
keep in mind that any audience member could tweet out
(16:30):
your answer at any time, causing me to be canceled.
Oh ship, I know who is the sexiest male. I'm
gonna have to I'm gonna have to go. I'm gonna
have to go with yes, sir, Lester shout out friend
in the podcast, even though this is the first episode.
(16:52):
We're trying to become friends with him on the podcast.
Now I will have him on here. Um, yeah, he
is the favorite of mine. Okay, well wow, Yester Leicester,
does he know that you feel this way about him?
Feel what way? I just was answering the question, now, wait,
what is this a trap? Am I? Oh? No, there
(17:13):
are no traps on this podcast. There would never be
any traps on this podcast. Just wandering, just trying to
get to know you better. Um. Okay, so great, Yester Leicester. Alright,
let's move on. So in the movie Men of Steel,
Henry Cavill played Clark Kent, a k A superman. Oh ship,
(17:38):
this is the one I was talking about. Yeah, aliens
from Krypton. In the film, Clark Kent's father tells him
that he must conceal the truth of who he is
at all costs. What is something about you that you
seek to hide from the public for fear of being
cast out forever into the abyss of nothing, rejected by
(17:58):
all humanity and till death. My pecker, your pecker, what
do your own most exclusive your pepper? What's going on
with your pecker? Your Pecca? I just try to hide
it from people. Out of fear that when they see it,
I will be shamed into like have forced to live
(18:21):
in like a cave in the mountains or something like that.
Oh really, because you think society doesn't society is not
ready for a man of my size. With the pecker
of what I'm working with, it's like, you know, it's
like a platypus. It's like there's a little bit of
pity that this creature has to live its life like this. John,
this is such a surprise. But you know, again, the
(18:42):
podcast medium will generate a lot of truth and so
one a thing I'm curious about is John gave famous
long term incredible marriage looks to me as a bystander spectator,
as like a really fun, beautiful marriage. You guys have
been together forever. So if you have a little pecker problem,
(19:06):
how did you pull such an incredible babe and last
like enduring incredible marriage. Well that's the thing. It's it works.
It's just not for looking at you know what I mean.
So yeah, yeah, it can do. It's functional. It does
what it's supposed to do and when it when it's
(19:26):
supposed Most of the times, when it's supposed to it
does what I wanted to do. Most of the time,
I am forty uh and uh. Other than that though, like,
it's just it's more about visually what it looks like.
I kind of look like Peter Griffin when I'm naked,
you know. It's just like a big, big, hairless belly
and no visible genitals, you know. Okay, Okay, I get
(19:48):
what you're saying. Why the fund see, this is this
what I'm talking about? Fuck, Marion, the conversation has just
gotten so intimate. I'm revealing the dark fucking truths about myself.
Well it's good, you know. It's sort of like what
they say shadow work. The more that we can talk
about these things, the more we can accept them, the
more we influence and change society as a whole. And
(20:12):
that's why we're here having a body yet for those
for the because hey, look, dearro and Wilson exclusive we know,
we know Blair does breathwork, but now we're hearing about
shadow work, and I'm here for I'm here for the
shadow work. I didn't even know I was existing in
(20:34):
the shadow realm. This is really we're trying to reclaim
all parts of ourselves, get rid of the shame we
got rid ourselves of shame. Have you ever done breathwork? Job?
I have not is breathwork? What I think it is
like like box breathing or like the Yeah, it's like
incredibly difficult. Yeah, and it's like where you do a
(20:57):
bunch of short, rapid breaths and it like affects the
way you feel in your brain and stuff like that. Yeah,
it's like a sec adult experience. But it's like a
deep belly breath and a chest breath on top, and
then it's like, yes, the cool rhythm, but it's so
difficult that it's like I have such a hard time
making myself do it. But luckily I'm a very skilled facilitator.
(21:17):
Should you ever be interested, I'm going to sign up
for the next one. Oh yeah, you know what. We're
gonna comp you dear Owen Wilson Exclusive again. Um okay,
so next question. God, I am having the time of
my life that goes for the two of us, Blair.
I'm living my best self right here. John. We're gonna
(21:41):
we're gonna work together sometime, like on some cool project
that's gonna like shatter the world. Oh hell yeah, it's
coming soon. And if it's not this I don't you know,
it's the next time. This is just the beginning, this
is just the we're just starting, we just opened the gate.
It's us. It's only just begun. Henry Cavil considers himself
(22:17):
a gaming nerd. It's been reported that one time he
missed the phone call asking if he would play Superman
because he was too busy playing World of Warcraft. This
is not a question yet, but oh my god, I
had no idea Superman was such a fucking nerd. Jesus
(22:37):
cried John. Have you ever missed a call for a
job offer from Marvel while playing video games? I possibly
because I you know, I'm still waiting on that job
offer from Marvel's and I have been playing video games,
so I wonder if it's a chicken or egg type situation. Really,
I watched a video of Henry building a gaming PC
(22:59):
and uh, yeah, oh I did. I'm embarrassed. It's just
inconceivable of this. I can't wait for this episode to
come out and be like Gabriel's gassed up this dude
this whole time, and he's like a member of a
far right organization and like the UK, you know what
I mean. I'm so afraid of course, I think a white,
(23:20):
straight male, so there's a high chance that he's a
piece of ship day nobody. So who knows. We can
all a lot of people that we have all loved
have gone down, so who can actually know? I hope
we have to take this episode down like three days
after your podcast. So you're a big fan of Superman,
(23:42):
are you like a big action movie guy. I'm a
comic book guy in an action movie guys. Superman being
one of my least favorite heroes. Uh so it's but
he really brought something to it like looks wise, which
I appreciate it because it was fun to see Superman
be kind of like look midwestern in addition to looking
(24:03):
like a jacked and like Christopher Reeves is so handsome
and set such a precedent for what Superman looks like
as being like a tall, uh stoic guy. But then
Henry Cabell brought that fucking spatula bill, that that Derito
Chip lat frame. Yeah, he doesn't have some motherfucking lads.
You would think he could have been a water pool player. John,
(24:26):
you were comic bools like you struck me as someone
who was popular in high school. One of the few
comedians that I have stands for this because I was
popular in high school. Um, so I'm surprised that you
reveal yourself to be a comic book reader. I've always
walked on both sides of the line, Blair. I was confident,
(24:48):
but not that cool. Eventually I would be very I
would be considered popular, uh, you know, because I was
funny and outgoing. But and then in college, I truly
believe myself to be like Van Wilder. So I was popular,
but not for lack of obnoxious behavior, like I was
seeking it out. I was trying wearing crazy clothes, streaking
(25:09):
across campus, just trying to get everyone to be talking
about me relentlessly. You know. But those are the most
fun people in college. And everyone is like that in
college because then, you know, after that is a downhill
unless you become a professional clown like some of us.
Well that's the other thing. I chased that thunder. I
was like, well, I'm not going to I'm not gonna
stop being an asshole. This is too thrilling. So so
(25:30):
here I am at forty writing letters to fucking Superman
about how I wanna standing sixty nine them. Yeah, yeah, oh,
this just in from Lucien Wiggles. In cursory research, I
have found no problems with uh Henry Cavill behavior, So
(25:51):
preliminary we're looking good. All right, Thank you, Lucian. You're
helping me feel protected out there for once, rather than
uh sneak attacked. I mean, I have never met anyone
who feels ambushed by Lucian Wiggles research. So I have
a question. Um, you said that August March was the
(26:12):
character who got you and if you can believe it,
I have not seen this movie, so I, Um, I'm
not really familiar with the August March character, but someone
named after two months in a row really captured your heart.
You think August and March come in a row? Oh?
(26:34):
In his name, yes, is one of the most January, February,
August much that's really crazy. August March will be gone
till August March. Oh that song used to be so
good in high school? Just kidding him twelve if you
(26:54):
told me you were twelve or sixty eight, I believe
both answers. Really beautiful, skin, I know that's why you
might be one of those like preternatural, like weird alien
old ladies who you can never tell how old they are,
or you could be one of those precocious as little children.
Oh my god, I thought you were the same way.
But I was precocious as fun because all I did
(27:15):
also was read when I was a child. I was,
you know, sounded quite different. Oh yeah, I I once
tried to explain when my mom's my mom and my
mom's friend said where did they find you? And I
was like, they found me in a dumpster in Wall
Street is what I used to say, is like a joke.
That's hilarious. Because I was a little nerd. Did you
(27:39):
ever consider a career in finance? I did not. It
was never really for me. We were not. It was
one of those things that we talked about, like because
we were a poor family of like, he works in business,
so he's rich. But like as you got older and
learned what it was you were like, that doesn't even
sound right for me. I'd rather not be rich than
deal with whatever fucking bob from down the bob from
(28:01):
Garden Cities dealing with right because you had sold But
I just imagine you because Lucian and you know, I
do know from our friendship that you did grow up
on Long Island, where I perceive Long Island to be. Uh,
you know, finance is something that you feel like you
have to do if you want to be some sort
of businessman over there on the East coast. Truly, everyone
(28:26):
I know from Long Island, uh, all the like my
my Long Island, the middle class Long Island, all those
all those dudes that I went to high school with business,
which is like the vaguest should ever, like, you know,
selling copy machines to companies or whatever like that was
one angle everyone went, and the other was copper fireman.
(28:46):
Oh yeah, yeah. And I'm assuming knowing where you're from,
which is sort of like the west coast Long Island. Uh,
it's probably a similar energy. A few of them maybe
went on to like be uh have surf sponsorships or
long and a long but h and a few of
my friends went on to play like college lacrosse or whatever.
Those are our main differences, but two very similar communities
(29:09):
a half hour away from a wildly progressive major city
full of rich people, uh, minorities that don't get along.
There were no cops, No one grew up to be
cops in my town, but a lot of firemen. If
they didn't go into like business, yeah, or their dad's
you know, insurance. Yeah, dad's companies were a lot of people,
(29:33):
a lot of people on from my graduating class, like
ended up working at their dad's companies. Right right, right right? Um, yes,
I love that you and Wilson exclusive. Okay, I understand.
According to Lucian Whiggles, you have played rugby in your
life at some point or another. Um, one other thing
(29:55):
you and I have in common? What? Oh? Yeah, Henry
Cavill also played rugby growing up, and that's where he
met movie star Russell Crowe when he was sixteen years old.
He then received a package from Russell Crowe at his
boarding school. What do you think was in that package?
(30:16):
And also, how many men have you met while you
were playing rugby while who also have a history of
violent outbursts? Wow, I've met tons of violent jerks playing rugby.
For all the years I did. I played in college
and played men's league in the city, and I still
play like, uh, well, not since pandemic, but like once
a year we used to travel to a foreign city
(30:38):
and play against uh their team like Cayman Islands or Seattle.
You know, two very different you looking for um, you know,
a hardcore running back. Yeah, sure, we and we can
help you figure out what position you really are. Okay,
but you're in Blair. We got you. I've met tons
(30:59):
of I would kill to have met Russell Crowe. And
now I'm going to hold onto this story for someday
when I either meet Henry or Russell, I will bring
up my love of the sport of rugby, especially because
I'm a big Russell Crowe fans to ill Lucien Strucks
(31:19):
again making connections we didn't even know. Yeah, Russell is
the master and commander of my heart. I will give
him that. Yeah, I love I love him in that movie.
I love him in a lot of his movies, The Insider.
He's fucking great in Gladiator. Of course, he's great in Um.
(31:39):
I love him in the Uh, what's the It'll come
to me The Nice Guys with Ryan Gosling. Uh l
A confidential fuck? Oh fuck, oh funk? Are you fucking
kidding me? Man? Beautiful mind all fuck me, dude? Oh
Fox in the rell a bit oh dear. Um, Well,
(32:05):
so what do you think was in the package? John
tell us? What do you think was in the package? Uh?
It was probably a rugby ball and uh ah, the
mask that Maximus wears in his one of his battles
in the Gladiator Ship. That's a pretty important gift. Yeah,
(32:27):
it's crazy. They later they met when he was sixteen,
but then later worked together on the film Man of
Steel and m Ray. Russell Crowe is in that ship.
I totally forgot. Yes. Three ten to Yuma, all fun,
Proof of Life, Mystery Alaska. Oh god, he's gotta be
fucking getting me. Virtuosity. Oh wow, Robert stop one of
(32:54):
his first movies the next three days. It is pretty
what is John? And tell me? Are you blown away
to learn that your favorite uh superstar, Um, that you're
a fan of Henry Cavil his mentor is Russell Curl
your actual other love. Yeah, I know, it's pretty wild.
These bulging male actors that seemed to be enjoy violence
(33:19):
really look like. That's so thrilling that I'm happy to
hear that. Yeah, and you know, I know we did.
Um asked right off the bat about your sexuality in
the beginning. If you guys, remember, are you what is
Henry straight or gay? I couldn't really figure it out.
I think he's pretty straight. Yeah, yeah, and I mean,
(33:43):
I just want to be friends that work out next
to each other. You know, I don't need to, I
just need I just need him in my eye line
to keep my keep me going right. You just want
to do some dead list with the Superman? Hell? Yeah, dog?
Oh this justin, This justin, Lucian wiggles saying he was
in It's you a woman at some point recently. So
thank you, Lucian, Thank you Lucian. He's operating in real time. Yeah,
(34:09):
that makes one of us. I'm stuck in the past. Wow. Well,
I can't believe we've both played rugby. We have so
much in common, we really do, and we keep every
time we hang out, we find out more and more. Uh.
And it's weird because we do look about as different
as two white people can look. Sure, sure, sure, So
(34:33):
you're a big fan of Superman? Did Were you very
invested in the Superman Louis Lane romantic relationship? Yeah? Well
here's the thing that makes me. Also, I'm a big
fan of journalism, like journalism, movies, journalistic thrillers. I did.
This is incredible. I never knew this about you in
(34:54):
the vaguest fing I like writing like this man, My
friend and uh, several years I'm just learning today. He
is a big fan of journalism. I know it sounds
so dumb now that I keep saying it, but I
love I love journalistic thrillers. I love all the President's
Man I saw when I was really young, and it
(35:15):
just activated me to like the power of what journalists
could do. And then you see Spotify Spotify, I mean Spotlight.
Literally just going to say Spotlight. Holy shit, Yeah, Spotlights
a great one. I uh maybe that's what our eventual
aufforth foming buddy comedy will be. That, you know, comedy
about taken down Catholic priestly could be uh, an interpretation
(35:39):
of the sequel type of thing. I'm here for that.
That sounds good to me. Dude, A couple of unsuspecting
duo cops, you know, hell yeah yeah. Wait, so you
love journalism, so us I love journalism. So the Clark
and Lowest stuff I've always appreciated, and I kind of
wish they focused on it more now. I never really
(36:00):
got into the adventures of Lois and Clark because of
the whole deem Kane issue that I had. Oh sure, sure,
I remember, I know. I never shut up about it,
but I would say I would I would like watch
a I would watch a DC Universe show about like
Lois Lane that's sort of just like Erin Brockovich starring
Lois Lane, and like every once in a while she
gets like fucked by the moon by you know, Superman,
(36:24):
like you know, flies her up towards the moon and
bones her. Okay, well, I'm sure I know that Sony
and Universal are all listening, So that's probably going to
become a reality soon because that's a hit and if
I've ever heard one. Yeah, um, And so do you
think that Superman treated Lois Lane well in your opinion?
(36:46):
I sure hope so, although by design he was lying
to it. Right, their entire relationship is built on a
lie and on and on her facial blindness, like and
and and her inability, like I've always thought about that, right,
(37:06):
like her just like absolutely not understanding how glasses work
really sets you know, sets their relationship down this interesting path?
Did I tell you something? John front to friends, I
relate to Lois because I only got glasses two weeks ago,
and I couldn't see for so long. I was like
squinting all the time. And then I just thought I
(37:30):
can't read this sign. You know, I keep sort of
just turning on my car at night and hoping for
the best. And then I just got glasses in my adulthood.
Maybe I guess I am sort of loisy. You are
rather well, maybe I'm loisy because you put on I
haven't seen you with glasses, and you've got a great pair.
And I'm sitting down across from you here at this podcast,
(37:52):
and I didn't recognize you at first. I was like,
who is this person? You know? And then like, it's
not like you have like a distinct voice that these
lead like when you when you talk, it's like, oh,
that's definitely Blair. You know, you sound like so many people.
So so I was a little confused, and like I
was like, and now I know how Lois feels. You know,
Clark pulls a little fucking thing down from his hair,
(38:13):
throws glasses on. She has no idea that the six
foot four jacked reporter that she works with is the
same guy that's flying her around in the outer space
and fingering her or whatever. Wow, oh my god, you've
brought up so many things. Yeah, I never thought about it,
but most journalists are not absolutely Jack's bodybuilders because you know,
(38:36):
they're too busy with the late hours, the coffee, the doughnuts,
trying to on the deadline. It's so yeah. I mean
I watched the wire season, uh whatever the journalist season was,
and you know those guys they don't have cum gutters,
at least at least from what I can gather. Sure, sure,
(38:58):
you know, as a Orange County Descendants girl, the cumbutters
were really a really a big thing growing up. You know, surfers,
the water pool of players there are really a thing
that sticks out in your mind. But you know, now
in my adulthood, I'm really just sort of a personality
based a person That's really what I look for in
(39:21):
a man. Um. But if you are buff and listening,
I will entertain. Um, we can discuss yes, yes, yes,
I'm open, I'm open. Yeah, Okay, let's move move on.
(39:44):
I really have to get to the end of these
questions so that our listeners really get the most out
of this interview. Um, John, people seem obsessed with Henry
Cattle's hairline. The Holywood Reporter is did I say even
his wavy jet black hair with its jagged widow's peak
(40:06):
would give him away. You may recognize this hairline from
the films such as Mission Impossible, Fallout, John's favorite movie.
Do you worry John that people aren't talking about your hairline? Oh?
If people aren't talking about your hairline, that's what we
call winning. You do not want people discussed as a man. Uh?
(40:31):
As a hairline is like our achilling seal. That's like
when you're a man and you get to a certain
age your hairline, you become obsessed with it. I have
solid head of hair, but I'm still very cat by
the way, Oh, thank you, thank you guy. I know
you're a big hat guy. Well not big hat guy,
(40:54):
but you're a big hat guy. Yeah, you don't love
big hats, but you are a big fan of hats,
which is where the distinction is important, because I I
really upset you with that uh sombrero I wore, and
not just because of the cultural appropriation, but it was
just too big for you. Sure, sometimes I do have
anger out for us working on it, but you know
(41:16):
I saw that hat and I slept. You fucking flipped
dog not almost ruined our water polo practice. Okay, So
what I'm hearing from you is that you are happy
that nobody is talking about your hairline. Correct. I talk
(41:37):
about it and stressed about it enough myself that I
don't need to see like even that little bit of
thinness there that stresses your boy out, you know. Um,
So I like to not really think about my hairline
if I could afford it. Yeah, surprising answer. Yeah. I
mean it's crazy, Like I feel bad for Henry because
that's like not something. I mean, homie has work on
(42:00):
his body every single day, like for hours, and people
are like, look at this fucking hairline. It's like, oh no,
look at my abs. Please don't read it like that.
I think they were just saying it was distinct. I
don't think they they were criticizing it. But do you
think they were. I don't know. Because he has like
a wit, he has a solid widows peak, but then
it has a little bit of the uh mpb uh
(42:22):
you know, male pattern baldness kind of areas back here.
But he's a millionaire, so he'll slowly get that filled in. Sure.
I mean, if I go bald, that would still look cool. Oh,
I agreed, a cabbage patch doll, but I would be
like a sick cabbage patch doll, you know what. I mean,
it would be one of the cute, one of the cuters,
(42:44):
cabbage and if you had if you were bald and
had those glasses, you would look like you look like
the six Flags man. Okay, well agree, I agree, so
(43:12):
we must move on. Okay. Henry Henry Cavill is quoted
as saying, if I were to be walking my dog,
for example, and someone were to kick my dog, I
honestly don't know what I would do. I think I'd
probably get myself into a big amount of trouble. John,
(43:34):
I know you love your dog. What would you do
if Henry cavill, your hero Superman, kick your dog? Please
describe in detail or we will have a problem if
Henry Caville kicks my fucking dog. If you ever kicks
poor little Arthur. If for some reason we're in a
situation where I see this sort of male crush of
(43:57):
mine kick my fucking dog, reason for work, I'm gonna
stop and go stand right there. I'm gonna shave my
beard off, leaving just my mustache and wear a dress shirt,
talk both my arms, and then whoop his fucking ass.
I don't care how hot you are. I don't care
(44:17):
if you're Johnny Knoxville, You're gonna get you kick my dog.
You're gonna get so hot, so hot on this round
the jackass. In addition to the abundance of peckers, I
gotta say, all these dudes have they all look great. Stevo, uh,
Pontius and Johnny are the best they've ever looked. Oh
(44:37):
my god, was it incredible. Yeah. I was like thinking,
you know, as you were disgusting your pecker earlier, because
Poopies was saying, poor guy. I mean, there really was
a lot of winer and but in that movie, it
was all over the place, and he was saying there
(45:04):
was that part where he said very seriously, like I'm
sure he thought it wasn't gonna end up in the movie.
He's like, he's like, oh god, it's this is really
hard for me to have my penis on camera. It's
so much. It's the smallest one of the whole group.
I I I understand that Poopies is ready to sacrifice
his life and like be launched from a catapult into
like cactus, but he's also like, we're not going to
(45:26):
show my dick, aren't we The whole time? Oh my god,
He's like it's the smallest of all fourteen of us. Also,
the like the danger does not like is not feeling
nervous and anxiety and danger about what might happen to
you is not like the best environment for to present
your best version of your dick. Oh sure, sure yeah.
(45:49):
But I also think, and this is where we were again,
I feel like everyone would they already know what they're
getting into now, all these girls, and they're like, oh,
this funny man for him jackass right right, they should
be okay with it. I think he's going to be
totally fine because I was like, you know, I before
I saw his dick and stuff, I was like, wow,
(46:10):
this is kind of attractive. He kind of reminds me
like all the water pool players. I was just about
to say, poopies makes sense because he feels like from
your neck of the woods. I think he's like a
professional water ski guy like that, which is the which
is the ultimate, Like that is like surfer Jason, Like
maybe that's even more of a burnout job than a surfer. Absolutely. Yeah.
(46:32):
I as soon as I saw him, I said water polo. Yeah,
he was tan a F two, which you know as
which you know about me. I try to maintain a
pretty solid bronze, keep it up. I don't have sort of,
I don't have that natural skinn The Italian side didn't
come out in me. And it's so funny that you
(46:52):
are an Italian from the like a beach community, and
that's and this is how you're you are. Would you
describe your skin tone ceramic? Ceramic? Oh my god, thanks John.
I meant it as a compliment. It read as a
compliment alabasma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well. The thing is so
(47:16):
I did quit my end my surfing career, at least competitively,
quite young, like in eighth grade. It was when I stopped,
and I always thank God for that because otherwise my
skin would I mean, I probably never would have ended
up here as a clown if I did keep surfing.
But uh yeah, my skin is not too damaged, thank god.
(47:39):
My dad has dark skin, though I believe it. I
believe it. Yeah. My mom though, I have her skin.
I have my mom skin, and she's she's very tan
in the summer, and now that she has a Fort
Lauderdale apartment, she's tan. Hell yeah, are you visiting your
mom and Fort Lauderdale? Now? Not yet, but soon enough.
(48:00):
I definitely. I'm setting it up. Are you Italian or
what's your My mom's side is Italian where the Valentino's
on that side and nickname I know, I almost like
when I first started in the business, like was always
joking about going by the name John Valentino or Johnny Valentino.
But it's too misrepresenting of who I really am and
(48:22):
must by that point, no one was calling me John.
Everyone was calling me Gabriel, So it would have been
like weird to try to to steer that ship Gabriel Valentino.
I mean, hell, I like it too late. And my
mom's side was like the dominant culture in our house
because my dad's family we sort of like ignored, so
like pop up. My mom's dad was sort of like
(48:44):
a patriarch of our family, so he and so everything
was like culturally Italian in our house and stuff like that,
like pasta, garlic bread pasta. We're having pasta again, like
you know, Sunday sauce, uh and reheat it like three time?
Is that week? Like freezing fucking courts of fucking Sunday sauce.
That's Sunday sauce. I want that for my children that
(49:08):
I haven't been born yet. A Sunday. I want that
for your children that have been born yet and the
one that has. Oh god, oh god, this has just
been too fun. Um. So the Witcher is good, John,
I I enjoy it. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed. I
understood season two more than I understood season one, which
(49:29):
kind of like jumps around in a weird timeline and
confused the funk outemy isn't about a witch because I
love which the Witcher is a monster hunter. In this world,
there are witches, uh and that, and they kind of
are more like sorcerers than which is, you know, like
they're like female spell casters. But it's god, I'm such
I told you I wasn't that cool. I used the
(49:51):
phrase female spell casters never. I'm is so embarrassed. I
just pulled that cat so casually. He wasn't exclusive. I
like almost anything is technically exclusive if it's the first
episode of the book. Oh no, this show has been
going on forever. This is just the first episode. Okay, right,
(50:14):
Actually that's true. I first did this show years ago.
It's still going baby alright, So I should fire up
the Witcher sort of on a Sunday, maybe Hell, yeah,
I think you should fire up Mission Impossible Fallout first,
Like it's kind of yeah, that's a big gass for
the big dog to watch a movie. What the funk
(50:38):
is your life, Blair? I don't know. Two hours, no way,
that's a big I only have attention for one hour
streaming mission that sort of you know a genre. I
don't really, but you know it is funny anytime I
date these men, I'm like, Wow, I'm watching How am
I watching a Raidar game at eleven am? You know,
(51:00):
I don't understand these men. I get that they get
made to watch things that are not in my side. Guys, right, right, Well,
I'm not going to force you to watch a Raiders game,
but I would recommend Mission Possible fall Out just because
it's a big, stupid blockbuster and Tom Cruise is he's
literally risking his life for us. At the least we
(51:22):
could do is watch his two and a half hour movie.
Because he's going to die on set form one of
these movies. It's inevitable. So we have to value the work,
is what you're saying. Yeah, we have to give him
a little bit of cred there. And what year did
this movie come out? In. That's a great fucking question
I have no I mean, it's it's not old. It's
(51:44):
like eighteen or something. Okay, that's pretty recent. Um, alright,
well I'll try to fire that up. As you know,
you didn't take the time out of your life to
come on this, I'm very very high profile podcast. So
I guess the least I could do is watch that
for you. Thank you. The less and last segment his
call Fan on the street on the street Street. Once
(52:15):
this podcast become the roaring hit, we will be having
the fans right in with their famous celebrity encounters. But
I was just wondering if you have ever had sort
of interesting celebrity encounter of note that you could remember
just for fun to tell our listeners. Oh. Sure, I
have a pretty solid one. I Uh. I was at
(52:38):
the arc Light way before I moved here. I was
seeing the movie. I was seeing the movie The Wrestler
with Mickey Rourke with a friend, and we got high
in the parking lot. As I missed getting high in
my car in the arc Light parking lot. It was
a big part of my experience going to see the movie.
I always like wait to write about the trailer is
about to start to go pee because I need the time.
(52:58):
So I go off to the bathroom. And while I'm
walking down the hallway and this is like my second
time ever being in l A. While I'm walking down
that hallway to the bathroom, like a beautiful brunette walks
past me, like an absolute stunner and she kind of
I like look at her because I couldn't. I couldn't
help uh, but she smiles at me, and I'm like,
oh ship. And then I keep walking. I'm like, damn,
(53:21):
l A Rules, beautiful women smile at you. And I
was like, oh my god. And while I'm peeing, I'm like,
that was liv Tyler. That's and I'm like, holy shit,
I just saw Live Tyler in the hallway. L A
fucking Rules. Oh my god, that's that's my video vixen
quote unquote her and Alyssia Silverstone where like formative video
(53:41):
music video stars for me, for Crazy and all the
other dads songs. She put He put her in, get
back to my chair to sit next to my buddy,
and the movie's about to start, but we're so high
lean over and I go, dude, and I tell him
the whole story. She was so hot, And it turns
out it was fucking Live Tyler. How crazy he's that
Live Tyler l a Rules and he's going and he's
(54:04):
like hitting my thigh and stuff. And I stopped and
he's like, she's sitting right behind us. And I turned
back and she's just like waves to me, and I
waved her and I'm like and I'm like sorry, and
I turned back around. Just watched the Wrestler in Silence
movie ends. I get up and Beline the funk out
of there? Did she so she heard every word you say?
(54:26):
I think so? Or when I looked at her, she
was like, yes, I'm famous, stop sucking looking at me.
I couldn't tell which one it was because that also,
in hindsight, was what the smile in the hallway was,
was her being like, yes, I'm Live Tyler. Yes you
recognize me, Hi Gabriel, Hi, Mr Valentino Gables six me babe. Well,
(54:46):
it is interesting, like you see these people out of context,
but you never think that like a celebrity would just
be going to the movie The Arc Light Rules. Though
I miss it. I missed. I can't fucking wait. Hurry,
Holy ship God, it's been so great to have you
on the podcast because you know, you've been um on
(55:06):
the live show so much so, one of the most
frequent guests that we've ever had on and also one
of the best performing and Um, I just want to
thank you so much for coming on, being willing to
reveal so many intimate details Blair on the podcast. Medium
allows us to be so intimate with one another, and
(55:27):
so I appreciate the opportunity, UH to talk to learn
you know I do. We dove deep on you on
my on my podcast High and Mighty, where we talked
about your history. But now it's nice to just peel
back a few layers from my friend Blair here and
you can just keep getting peeled. Pal. Oh, it's calmalized
at this point, and so any party words on your
(55:50):
our dear man Henry that we are both such deep
fans of Henry. I think it's time for you to
be in a rom com. I think maybe you have
like if you lean into and play like a sort
of wooden, handsome guy who's like I feel like you're
the guy that a woman leaves for, like the charming
dude in a movie. But I think you would be
(56:10):
a good source of comedy and I Candy if I'm
being honest, Hell yes, And we just left our podcast
with some illuminating career advice for Mr Henry Cavin and
I just want to think one more time the superstar
Mr John Gabrice for coming on the Deer on Wilson Podcast.
(56:32):
Thank you so much for having me, Blair. I learned
a lot, I shared a lot, I grew a lot.
Yes you did, and thank you Lucien and wiggles her
exhaust research alright dining off Everyone's you next week, guys.
(56:54):
Thank you so much for tuning into the first episode
of the Deer and Wilson Podcast. I know I had
the time of my life and I hope you did too.
How great was John? He's the best. Make sure you
check out his podcast High and Mighty very popular podcasts.
Uh so great. I have an episode on there. I
know you'll love it. And also John's new show A
(57:17):
hundred one Places to Party Before You Die, a travel
show coming to True TV this summer with his co
host Adam Pally and let me tell you, guys, they
are a fun combo. I also happened to shoot an
episode of that show, so look out for me. Hang
in with them. Also follow drawn at Gabriel on all platforms.
(57:38):
G A, B R US and I will be headlining
the Irvine Improv on Wednesday, May eight, and I would
love to see you guys out there. It would make
me so happy. I'm also doing an hour of new
material at the Allegian Theater in l A on Monday,
June six at pm. Ticket links for both of those
(57:59):
show knows will be in the show notes of this podcast.
And follow me at Blair Saki B L A I R,
S O C C I on Twitter and Instagram. Also,
please rate, subscribe, and review this podcast if you want
to be my best friend in the world that I
love and support me and my children. Okay, everyone, thank
(58:21):
you so much again and have a great rest of
the week.
Welcome everybody to this showed here Owen Wilson, you like
here host Blair Sulky that me. Okay, guys, I'm so
thrilled that I can't believe this lat show finally turned
into a podcast. If you're unfamiliar, which I don't know
how you would be. Uh. The show is based on
a real letter that I wrote to Owen Wilson in
(00:27):
two thousand seven. Love that guy, you know, is at
the height of the wedding crasher fame and things are
really popping, and I was in love, and so I
had this thought, like, what if other communities they're all
fans of someone too, you know, and it'll be what
a great hilarious light to get to know them in
a different way. And then I will interview them with
(00:49):
my shrewd interviewing skills. Watch out Mark Mary. Okay, So
how this is gonna work. I invite my luscious star
started guests that I have known from being a comedy
tycoon onto my show. They're gonna read a fun letter
to somebody they're a fan of, and then we're gonna
(01:10):
pop off from there. And one thing I will tell
you right before we start is I will be mentioning
my private investigator, Lucian Wiggles, who so generously does conduct
all the extensive research needed for my interviews style. Okay,
so without further ado, I would love to introduce my friend.
(01:31):
You know him so well from being on millions of
TV shows and just being a comedy star and a
comedy star in in my heart and you know, he's
on the live show many times. So when I thought
who are we going to start the podcast with, I'll
tell you what, folks, he was a number one draft pick.
Without further ado, I would love to introduce John Gabriel. Everybody, Oh,
(01:57):
thank you for having me, Blair. This is so much
more intimidating than the live show, where you are just
a hard hitting journalists that shatters me to my core.
I am not looking forward to this follow ups that
you bring, the heated follow ups. No, of course I am,
you know, because I have to say some of my
(02:17):
times with you on the live show, I would characterize
some of the best times of my life. That's more
about how ship your life is outside of that, right, No,
it's just you know, it's really good. So I'm excited. Job,
you know, sort of more of a long form type
of conversation with you. Oh me fucking too. I'm a
(02:40):
big fan of Blair. I'm a big fan of Owen Wilson.
I just watched Marry Me last night in honor of him.
And yet oh yeah, well you're gonna be okay without
having seen it, right, that's what you think. I will
never leave oh inside, no matter what. I'll give you
my peacock loggin so you could stand inside by side
by your man Owen. It's on peacocks for three. Yeah. Wow,
(03:04):
you don't know that. Um well, I'm so excited for
you to read your letter. And of course you know
it's we don't tell the audience or until you start,
so I guess whenever you're ready. Please, Okay, here's my letter. Now.
(03:32):
I've written a bunch of letters as a kid to
celebrities or I think, like two heroes or crushes. Um
and now is a forty year old man. I wanted
to write one to both a hero and a crush,
someone who feels both slots in my heart. Oh my god,
do I love that. I love the passion. It's all
passion here. So I'll begin with dearest Henry cavill or
(04:00):
cavill I really should have double checked how to say
your last name before choosing you as my letter person.
I have seen so very few of your movies. I
never watched the Tutors, but when I first saw you
in Superman, it did something to me. I guess. I
guess I mean first seeing you in the film as
much as I mean seeing you shirtless in that film.
(04:23):
Now I'm throwing the word film around here, which I
think people are okay with, But I just remember being
so stoked that Superman had mass. Superman was thick, he
had a little chest hair. Oh and quick side note,
I always thought it was weird that superheroes have muscles.
If Superman is an alien, if cal l really is
(04:43):
from the planet Krypton, then he has super strength. That
doesn't mean he needs cum gutters. He could be you.
Hear that Marvel in d C. You can cast fat
people as heroes. Hint, motherfucking hint. Alright, I digress. The
real thing I wanted to write you about today, Mr
Cavil or Caville depending is your role in one of
(05:06):
my favorite films, Mission Impossible Fallout. That movie fucking ruled,
and not just because tiny Tom Cruise is doing all
his own stunts surviving by the power of Xenu. It
ruled because of your character, August March, specifically because of
his mustache. Now I heard there was a big controversy
(05:28):
about digitally removing your mustache in Justice League, and I
am here to say worth every penny, and I think
the stash works wonders. I'm so glad that August had one.
And now for the peace Dealer resists thoss of fallout.
In your fight scene with Ethan Hunt and the Lark decoy,
(05:50):
there comes a time in the two v one melee
or melee again another word I don't know how to pronounce,
but I should have looked up before writing it into
this letter where you getting locked down, but then you
get up again, you take off your jacket and you
do some cool arm thing where it like looks like
you reload your arms. Uh. You know, it was kind
of a meme online. Like I just want to say,
(06:13):
between the hair, the stash, the overall thickness and that reloading. Oh,
your boy felt something. Now maybe it was because I
was first saw it in forty X so what I
felt was a chair vibration or a missed from the
chair in front of me. But I would just like
to say I have been thinking of this performance since
(06:34):
I saw it, and it has me doing a little
research on what the Q really means in L G
B T Q, or maybe finding out if there's such
thing as a lower case B. I don't even have
time to get into your performance as Gerald in the
Witcher series or Gerald again. I should have looked up
how to say that before writing this letter, but holy
(06:55):
sh it, the Witcher is like a drawing right out
of my trapper Keeper from six Henry Cavill with a
long sword. Holy shit. Thank you for all of your
hard work in keeping me guessing of my true sexuality.
Henry love Gabriel. Oh that was just so. I loved it. Uh,
(07:26):
zero exaggeration in that like, no hyperbole. I have been
confused since seeing that movie. Really, Okay, I guess that
first question is have you ever slept with a man? No?
My stuff for guys is all just looks, and it's
all sort of like rooted in weird hetero sexuality of
(07:46):
like the men I'm attracted to are like jacked dudes,
who fucking you know, It's just like the dumbest shit.
But no, I haven't supped with the man yet the
night's a puppy. Wow. Okay, that was thrilling, So I
guess my first question, Well, let's just dive into it. John.
(08:07):
I just want to thank you so much for being here.
You know, we have been really trying to get you
for so long, trying to contact your agents and for
the first episode of Yes, you know this show is
really important because you know, so much investigative probing and
research goes into it. For instance, just this morning, Lucien
(08:30):
Wiggles let me know that Henry Cable is in fact
not Matt Bohmert. That'll happen to some people yet. Yeah. Wow,
Thank goodness for private investigators because you know, I would
never want to start any drama here. But um, would
you say that your love for Henry cavill is in
(08:52):
part due to harboring some sort of long time bitter
resignments towards Dean Kaine's Superman. Yes, Dean Kane really ruined
Kalel for me, so part of my love of Henry
Caville is a direct reaction to that. Now, Christopher reeves,
that's my Superman, Brandon Ralph unfortunately, Dean Kane unfortunately not
(09:17):
my Superman. But come back to Henry Caville Cavil at
the end, and your boy is back into soups. Never
heard of Brandon in my life. Yeah, he was in that.
He was in the weird uh Brian singer Superman for
some reason we're not talking about Um. Okay, well, god,
(09:39):
we're getting into it right off the back. Lucia Lucian
does the solid fucking research man. Yeah, Lucien is wild.
You know. I didn't meet him while I was first
fishing for crawdett in the Current River, and it was
sort of just just say er, indipitous meeting. And now
(10:02):
he's been with me for a long time, just ruthlessly
digging up dirt on my friends, family and other celebrities. Um,
but okay, let's keep going. According to some scrupulous detective
work by Lucian, in August of Henry took part in
the a LS Ice Bucket Challenge, where he was soaked
(10:25):
with six large buckets of ice water in his Superman costume. John,
where were you when you took part in the ice
Bucket Challenge? And if you didn't take part in it,
how do you answer to the A l S community today?
I actually and I've spoken about this. I had, I
had to speak at this at Camp David. But again, yeah,
(10:47):
I'd like to reiterate my apology for not doing the
ice bucket challenge. I didn't realize at the time. I
thought it was just like a charity fad thing. But
when I didn't do it, I heard from the ghost
of lou Garry himself. Maybe you know I'm one of
the most famous A L S sufferers of all time.
You said me not doing the challenge directly caused four
(11:11):
people with A L S to pass away. And that's
just something I've been living with since hearing that. And
the second an ice bucket challenge or put your feet
in honey and let bees go on them? Uh? Whatever?
Next is the A L S U like awareness thing,
you know? Uh, put your dick in the corner pocket
of a pool table let, someone shoot an eight ball
(11:32):
at it, like whatever they might be going for, I'm
gonna do. I'm not going to back down this time.
I refuse to let anyone else die by direct relation
to me. Uh taking part in some sort of memic
fucking global Instagram bullshit, Wow, you're going to whatever it is?
(11:52):
Tell me whatever it is? You, uh, you know, scorpions
in my asshole in honor of a l S. I
got you. God, I that, and I so want to
commend you for spending the rest of your life being
willing to make up for four counts of involuntary manslaughter. Wow. Yeah, look,
if I can be candid with you, John, I also
(12:14):
didn't participate in the a LS Challenge, but that's because
nobody challenged me. I don't know why they didn't think
of me, because I actually would have really loved to
pour ice water bucket on my head. I know you
did a bunch on spec and you were just like
if someone just asked me, and uh, and you just
(12:35):
never no one ever asked you. It's like I got
fucking hypothermia in Orange County for this bullshit. God God,
I think they should have be a more inclusive with
the a LS Challenge. Um all right, well, Wow, I
feel like I'm really getting to know you so well.
You already know me so well, and that that's why
(12:55):
you're able to dive deep on these questions and really
peel back the layers of onions between you and Lucien's research.
You're just able to just crack me open. Oh my god,
thank you so much, John. Yeah, I really do feel
like that is what is incredible about the podcast medium,
because there's some sort of intimacy that you just it's incredible.
(13:17):
I feel I'm feeling it. Yeah, magic magic is born
on the podcast medium. I don't know if you guys
listening out there, I agree with me. If you're feeling
if the listeners are feeling as intimate as we are,
then mission fucking accomplished. Yeah. Hey, if you're heeling the
intimate out there, throw your hands up in the air
for me. William Okay, um right the roof. Yeah, eleven
(13:41):
car accidents just happened as people are racing down the
one oh one listening to this. That's a thrill for me,
all right, John In Henry Caville was named World Sexiest
Man by British Glamor magazine. What do you say to
those who seek to a objectify Henry cavill as just
(14:02):
a pretty face and have you drawn ever experienced the
same kind of sexy look discrimination yourself? I'm completely comfortable
with Uh, you know, it's all marketing, you know, like, okay,
call me sexy, but if you go see my movie
then that helps move the needle and I keep people
employed and all that. That's fine, and so I understand
(14:23):
it for someone like Henry Cavel Cavil, whatever the name is.
And for me, I have been objectified numerous times in
life um and made to feel like a piece of meat.
But that was all by request. I had to ask
that of the other people. So it was always it
was consensual for me to say, like I want to,
(14:43):
I want you to look at me like a piece
of meat, and you know, so that that feels good.
It's something that I again, I'm embarrassed, I have to
kind of make it happen for myself, but it does
feel really good when it does happen. Right, So so
you haven't actually been discriminated again for having sex looks
like at all. No. Uh, it's actually worked out in
(15:04):
my favor. When I won Mr Marist in two thousand
and three, which is my college male beauty competition for charity, UM,
when I wanted Wilson Exclusive. No, I've never spoken about this.
This is one of my deepest, most intimate secrets, is
(15:26):
that I was a male beauty pageant contestant. Crushed It
eight thirteen Tacos soft Shell tacos in a minute as
my talent of it a disaster forming a beauty contest
where that's my child too. You're giving me idea. Hell yeah,
let's do it. Blair will be the first couple's entrance
(15:49):
mixed doubles beauty. Man, it would be really funny if
you and I were partners because I am literally like
two and a half times your size. So if we
sat down next to each other, ye eat, Like you know,
if I had gone to my head, I can make
(16:10):
some ship happen. Unreal. Okay, you can put the gun down.
I believe you. I don't need to see it to
that gun. If that gun is to your head, yeah yeah,
Oh my god, I didn't need to take it there. Okay.
Follow up question, who would you say is the sexiest
man alive in in comedy right now? And please do
keep in mind that any audience member could tweet out
(16:30):
your answer at any time, causing me to be canceled.
Oh ship, I know who is the sexiest male. I'm
gonna have to I'm gonna have to go. I'm gonna
have to go with yes, sir, Lester shout out friend
in the podcast, even though this is the first episode.
(16:52):
We're trying to become friends with him on the podcast.
Now I will have him on here. Um, yeah, he
is the favorite of mine. Okay, well wow, Yester Leicester,
does he know that you feel this way about him?
Feel what way? I just was answering the question, now, wait,
what is this a trap? Am I? Oh? No, there
(17:13):
are no traps on this podcast. There would never be
any traps on this podcast. Just wandering, just trying to
get to know you better. Um. Okay, so great, Yester Leicester. Alright,
let's move on. So in the movie Men of Steel,
Henry Cavill played Clark Kent, a k A superman. Oh ship,
(17:38):
this is the one I was talking about. Yeah, aliens
from Krypton. In the film, Clark Kent's father tells him
that he must conceal the truth of who he is
at all costs. What is something about you that you
seek to hide from the public for fear of being
cast out forever into the abyss of nothing, rejected by
(17:58):
all humanity and till death. My pecker, your pecker, what
do your own most exclusive your pepper? What's going on
with your pecker? Your Pecca? I just try to hide
it from people. Out of fear that when they see it,
I will be shamed into like have forced to live
(18:21):
in like a cave in the mountains or something like that.
Oh really, because you think society doesn't society is not
ready for a man of my size. With the pecker
of what I'm working with, it's like, you know, it's
like a platypus. It's like there's a little bit of
pity that this creature has to live its life like this. John,
this is such a surprise. But you know, again, the
(18:42):
podcast medium will generate a lot of truth and so
one a thing I'm curious about is John gave famous
long term incredible marriage looks to me as a bystander spectator,
as like a really fun, beautiful marriage. You guys have
been together forever. So if you have a little pecker problem,
(19:06):
how did you pull such an incredible babe and last
like enduring incredible marriage. Well that's the thing. It's it works.
It's just not for looking at you know what I mean.
So yeah, yeah, it can do. It's functional. It does
what it's supposed to do and when it when it's
(19:26):
supposed Most of the times, when it's supposed to it
does what I wanted to do. Most of the time,
I am forty uh and uh. Other than that though, like,
it's just it's more about visually what it looks like.
I kind of look like Peter Griffin when I'm naked,
you know. It's just like a big, big, hairless belly
and no visible genitals, you know. Okay, Okay, I get
(19:48):
what you're saying. Why the fund see, this is this
what I'm talking about? Fuck, Marion, the conversation has just
gotten so intimate. I'm revealing the dark fucking truths about myself.
Well it's good, you know. It's sort of like what
they say shadow work. The more that we can talk
about these things, the more we can accept them, the
more we influence and change society as a whole. And
(20:12):
that's why we're here having a body yet for those
for the because hey, look, dearro and Wilson exclusive we know,
we know Blair does breathwork, but now we're hearing about
shadow work, and I'm here for I'm here for the
shadow work. I didn't even know I was existing in
(20:34):
the shadow realm. This is really we're trying to reclaim
all parts of ourselves, get rid of the shame we
got rid ourselves of shame. Have you ever done breathwork? Job?
I have not is breathwork? What I think it is
like like box breathing or like the Yeah, it's like
incredibly difficult. Yeah, and it's like where you do a
(20:57):
bunch of short, rapid breaths and it like affects the
way you feel in your brain and stuff like that. Yeah,
it's like a sec adult experience. But it's like a
deep belly breath and a chest breath on top, and
then it's like, yes, the cool rhythm, but it's so
difficult that it's like I have such a hard time
making myself do it. But luckily I'm a very skilled facilitator.
(21:17):
Should you ever be interested, I'm going to sign up
for the next one. Oh yeah, you know what. We're
gonna comp you dear Owen Wilson Exclusive again. Um okay,
so next question. God, I am having the time of
my life that goes for the two of us, Blair.
I'm living my best self right here. John. We're gonna
(21:41):
we're gonna work together sometime, like on some cool project
that's gonna like shatter the world. Oh hell yeah, it's
coming soon. And if it's not this I don't you know,
it's the next time. This is just the beginning, this
is just the we're just starting, we just opened the gate.
It's us. It's only just begun. Henry Cavil considers himself
(22:17):
a gaming nerd. It's been reported that one time he
missed the phone call asking if he would play Superman
because he was too busy playing World of Warcraft. This
is not a question yet, but oh my god, I
had no idea Superman was such a fucking nerd. Jesus
(22:37):
cried John. Have you ever missed a call for a
job offer from Marvel while playing video games? I possibly
because I you know, I'm still waiting on that job
offer from Marvel's and I have been playing video games,
so I wonder if it's a chicken or egg type situation. Really,
I watched a video of Henry building a gaming PC
(22:59):
and uh, yeah, oh I did. I'm embarrassed. It's just
inconceivable of this. I can't wait for this episode to
come out and be like Gabriel's gassed up this dude
this whole time, and he's like a member of a
far right organization and like the UK, you know what
I mean. I'm so afraid of course, I think a white,
(23:20):
straight male, so there's a high chance that he's a
piece of ship day nobody. So who knows. We can
all a lot of people that we have all loved
have gone down, so who can actually know? I hope
we have to take this episode down like three days
after your podcast. So you're a big fan of Superman,
(23:42):
are you like a big action movie guy. I'm a
comic book guy in an action movie guys. Superman being
one of my least favorite heroes. Uh so it's but
he really brought something to it like looks wise, which
I appreciate it because it was fun to see Superman
be kind of like look midwestern in addition to looking
(24:03):
like a jacked and like Christopher Reeves is so handsome
and set such a precedent for what Superman looks like
as being like a tall, uh stoic guy. But then
Henry Cabell brought that fucking spatula bill, that that Derito
Chip lat frame. Yeah, he doesn't have some motherfucking lads.
You would think he could have been a water pool player. John,
(24:26):
you were comic bools like you struck me as someone
who was popular in high school. One of the few
comedians that I have stands for this because I was
popular in high school. Um, so I'm surprised that you
reveal yourself to be a comic book reader. I've always
walked on both sides of the line, Blair. I was confident,
(24:48):
but not that cool. Eventually I would be very I
would be considered popular, uh, you know, because I was
funny and outgoing. But and then in college, I truly
believe myself to be like Van Wilder. So I was popular,
but not for lack of obnoxious behavior, like I was
seeking it out. I was trying wearing crazy clothes, streaking
(25:09):
across campus, just trying to get everyone to be talking
about me relentlessly. You know. But those are the most
fun people in college. And everyone is like that in
college because then, you know, after that is a downhill
unless you become a professional clown like some of us.
Well that's the other thing. I chased that thunder. I
was like, well, I'm not going to I'm not gonna
stop being an asshole. This is too thrilling. So so
(25:30):
here I am at forty writing letters to fucking Superman
about how I wanna standing sixty nine them. Yeah, yeah, oh,
this just in from Lucien Wiggles. In cursory research, I
have found no problems with uh Henry Cavill behavior, So
(25:51):
preliminary we're looking good. All right, Thank you, Lucian. You're
helping me feel protected out there for once, rather than
uh sneak attacked. I mean, I have never met anyone
who feels ambushed by Lucian Wiggles research. So I have
a question. Um, you said that August March was the
(26:12):
character who got you and if you can believe it,
I have not seen this movie, so I, Um, I'm
not really familiar with the August March character, but someone
named after two months in a row really captured your heart.
You think August and March come in a row? Oh?
(26:34):
In his name, yes, is one of the most January, February,
August much that's really crazy. August March will be gone
till August March. Oh that song used to be so
good in high school? Just kidding him twelve if you
(26:54):
told me you were twelve or sixty eight, I believe
both answers. Really beautiful, skin, I know that's why you
might be one of those like preternatural, like weird alien
old ladies who you can never tell how old they are,
or you could be one of those precocious as little children.
Oh my god, I thought you were the same way.
But I was precocious as fun because all I did
(27:15):
also was read when I was a child. I was,
you know, sounded quite different. Oh yeah, I I once
tried to explain when my mom's my mom and my
mom's friend said where did they find you? And I
was like, they found me in a dumpster in Wall
Street is what I used to say, is like a joke.
That's hilarious. Because I was a little nerd. Did you
(27:39):
ever consider a career in finance? I did not. It
was never really for me. We were not. It was
one of those things that we talked about, like because
we were a poor family of like, he works in business,
so he's rich. But like as you got older and
learned what it was you were like, that doesn't even
sound right for me. I'd rather not be rich than
deal with whatever fucking bob from down the bob from
(28:01):
Garden Cities dealing with right because you had sold But
I just imagine you because Lucian and you know, I
do know from our friendship that you did grow up
on Long Island, where I perceive Long Island to be. Uh,
you know, finance is something that you feel like you
have to do if you want to be some sort
of businessman over there on the East coast. Truly, everyone
(28:26):
I know from Long Island, uh, all the like my
my Long Island, the middle class Long Island, all those
all those dudes that I went to high school with business,
which is like the vaguest should ever, like, you know,
selling copy machines to companies or whatever like that was
one angle everyone went, and the other was copper fireman.
(28:46):
Oh yeah, yeah. And I'm assuming knowing where you're from,
which is sort of like the west coast Long Island. Uh,
it's probably a similar energy. A few of them maybe
went on to like be uh have surf sponsorships or
long and a long but h and a few of
my friends went on to play like college lacrosse or whatever.
Those are our main differences, but two very similar communities
(29:09):
a half hour away from a wildly progressive major city
full of rich people, uh, minorities that don't get along.
There were no cops, No one grew up to be
cops in my town, but a lot of firemen. If
they didn't go into like business, yeah, or their dad's
you know, insurance. Yeah, dad's companies were a lot of people,
(29:33):
a lot of people on from my graduating class, like
ended up working at their dad's companies. Right right, right right? Um, yes,
I love that you and Wilson exclusive. Okay, I understand.
According to Lucian Whiggles, you have played rugby in your
life at some point or another. Um, one other thing
(29:55):
you and I have in common? What? Oh? Yeah, Henry
Cavill also played rugby growing up, and that's where he
met movie star Russell Crowe when he was sixteen years old.
He then received a package from Russell Crowe at his
boarding school. What do you think was in that package?
(30:16):
And also, how many men have you met while you
were playing rugby while who also have a history of
violent outbursts? Wow, I've met tons of violent jerks playing rugby.
For all the years I did. I played in college
and played men's league in the city, and I still
play like, uh, well, not since pandemic, but like once
a year we used to travel to a foreign city
(30:38):
and play against uh their team like Cayman Islands or Seattle.
You know, two very different you looking for um, you know,
a hardcore running back. Yeah, sure, we and we can
help you figure out what position you really are. Okay,
but you're in Blair. We got you. I've met tons
(30:59):
of I would kill to have met Russell Crowe. And
now I'm going to hold onto this story for someday
when I either meet Henry or Russell, I will bring
up my love of the sport of rugby, especially because
I'm a big Russell Crowe fans to ill Lucien Strucks
(31:19):
again making connections we didn't even know. Yeah, Russell is
the master and commander of my heart. I will give
him that. Yeah, I love I love him in that movie.
I love him in a lot of his movies, The Insider.
He's fucking great in Gladiator. Of course, he's great in Um.
(31:39):
I love him in the Uh, what's the It'll come
to me The Nice Guys with Ryan Gosling. Uh l
A confidential fuck? Oh fuck, oh funk? Are you fucking
kidding me? Man? Beautiful mind all fuck me, dude? Oh
Fox in the rell a bit oh dear. Um, Well,
(32:05):
so what do you think was in the package? John
tell us? What do you think was in the package? Uh?
It was probably a rugby ball and uh ah, the
mask that Maximus wears in his one of his battles
in the Gladiator Ship. That's a pretty important gift. Yeah,
(32:27):
it's crazy. They later they met when he was sixteen,
but then later worked together on the film Man of
Steel and m Ray. Russell Crowe is in that ship.
I totally forgot. Yes. Three ten to Yuma, all fun,
Proof of Life, Mystery Alaska. Oh god, he's gotta be
fucking getting me. Virtuosity. Oh wow, Robert stop one of
(32:54):
his first movies the next three days. It is pretty
what is John? And tell me? Are you blown away
to learn that your favorite uh superstar, Um, that you're
a fan of Henry Cavil his mentor is Russell Curl
your actual other love. Yeah, I know, it's pretty wild.
These bulging male actors that seemed to be enjoy violence
(33:19):
really look like. That's so thrilling that I'm happy to
hear that. Yeah, and you know, I know we did.
Um asked right off the bat about your sexuality in
the beginning. If you guys, remember, are you what is
Henry straight or gay? I couldn't really figure it out.
I think he's pretty straight. Yeah, yeah, and I mean,
(33:43):
I just want to be friends that work out next
to each other. You know, I don't need to, I
just need I just need him in my eye line
to keep my keep me going right. You just want
to do some dead list with the Superman? Hell? Yeah, dog?
Oh this justin, This justin, Lucian wiggles saying he was
in It's you a woman at some point recently. So
thank you, Lucian, Thank you Lucian. He's operating in real time. Yeah,
(34:09):
that makes one of us. I'm stuck in the past. Wow. Well,
I can't believe we've both played rugby. We have so
much in common, we really do, and we keep every
time we hang out, we find out more and more. Uh.
And it's weird because we do look about as different
as two white people can look. Sure, sure, sure, So
(34:33):
you're a big fan of Superman? Did Were you very
invested in the Superman Louis Lane romantic relationship? Yeah? Well
here's the thing that makes me. Also, I'm a big
fan of journalism, like journalism, movies, journalistic thrillers. I did.
This is incredible. I never knew this about you in
(34:54):
the vaguest fing I like writing like this man, My
friend and uh, several years I'm just learning today. He
is a big fan of journalism. I know it sounds
so dumb now that I keep saying it, but I
love I love journalistic thrillers. I love all the President's
Man I saw when I was really young, and it
(35:15):
just activated me to like the power of what journalists
could do. And then you see Spotify Spotify, I mean Spotlight.
Literally just going to say Spotlight. Holy shit, Yeah, Spotlights
a great one. I uh maybe that's what our eventual
aufforth foming buddy comedy will be. That, you know, comedy
about taken down Catholic priestly could be uh, an interpretation
(35:39):
of the sequel type of thing. I'm here for that.
That sounds good to me. Dude, A couple of unsuspecting
duo cops, you know, hell yeah yeah. Wait, so you
love journalism, so us I love journalism. So the Clark
and Lowest stuff I've always appreciated, and I kind of
wish they focused on it more now. I never really
(36:00):
got into the adventures of Lois and Clark because of
the whole deem Kane issue that I had. Oh sure, sure,
I remember, I know. I never shut up about it,
but I would say I would I would like watch
a I would watch a DC Universe show about like
Lois Lane that's sort of just like Erin Brockovich starring
Lois Lane, and like every once in a while she
gets like fucked by the moon by you know, Superman,
(36:24):
like you know, flies her up towards the moon and
bones her. Okay, well, I'm sure I know that Sony
and Universal are all listening, So that's probably going to
become a reality soon because that's a hit and if
I've ever heard one. Yeah, um, And so do you
think that Superman treated Lois Lane well in your opinion?
(36:46):
I sure hope so, although by design he was lying
to it. Right, their entire relationship is built on a
lie and on and on her facial blindness, like and
and and her inability, like I've always thought about that, right,
(37:06):
like her just like absolutely not understanding how glasses work
really sets you know, sets their relationship down this interesting path?
Did I tell you something? John front to friends, I
relate to Lois because I only got glasses two weeks ago,
and I couldn't see for so long. I was like
squinting all the time. And then I just thought I
(37:30):
can't read this sign. You know, I keep sort of
just turning on my car at night and hoping for
the best. And then I just got glasses in my adulthood.
Maybe I guess I am sort of loisy. You are
rather well, maybe I'm loisy because you put on I
haven't seen you with glasses, and you've got a great pair.
And I'm sitting down across from you here at this podcast,
(37:52):
and I didn't recognize you at first. I was like,
who is this person? You know? And then like, it's
not like you have like a distinct voice that these
lead like when you when you talk, it's like, oh,
that's definitely Blair. You know, you sound like so many people.
So so I was a little confused, and like I
was like, and now I know how Lois feels. You know,
Clark pulls a little fucking thing down from his hair,
(38:13):
throws glasses on. She has no idea that the six
foot four jacked reporter that she works with is the
same guy that's flying her around in the outer space
and fingering her or whatever. Wow, oh my god, you've
brought up so many things. Yeah, I never thought about it,
but most journalists are not absolutely Jack's bodybuilders because you know,
(38:36):
they're too busy with the late hours, the coffee, the doughnuts,
trying to on the deadline. It's so yeah. I mean
I watched the wire season, uh whatever the journalist season was,
and you know those guys they don't have cum gutters,
at least at least from what I can gather. Sure, sure,
(38:58):
you know, as a Orange County Descendants girl, the cumbutters
were really a really a big thing growing up. You know, surfers,
the water pool of players there are really a thing
that sticks out in your mind. But you know, now
in my adulthood, I'm really just sort of a personality
based a person That's really what I look for in
(39:21):
a man. Um. But if you are buff and listening,
I will entertain. Um, we can discuss yes, yes, yes,
I'm open, I'm open. Yeah, Okay, let's move move on.
(39:44):
I really have to get to the end of these
questions so that our listeners really get the most out
of this interview. Um, John, people seem obsessed with Henry
Cattle's hairline. The Holywood Reporter is did I say even
his wavy jet black hair with its jagged widow's peak
(40:06):
would give him away. You may recognize this hairline from
the films such as Mission Impossible, Fallout, John's favorite movie.
Do you worry John that people aren't talking about your hairline? Oh?
If people aren't talking about your hairline, that's what we
call winning. You do not want people discussed as a man. Uh?
(40:31):
As a hairline is like our achilling seal. That's like
when you're a man and you get to a certain
age your hairline, you become obsessed with it. I have
solid head of hair, but I'm still very cat by
the way, Oh, thank you, thank you guy. I know
you're a big hat guy. Well not big hat guy,
(40:54):
but you're a big hat guy. Yeah, you don't love
big hats, but you are a big fan of hats,
which is where the distinction is important, because I I
really upset you with that uh sombrero I wore, and
not just because of the cultural appropriation, but it was
just too big for you. Sure, sometimes I do have
anger out for us working on it, but you know
(41:16):
I saw that hat and I slept. You fucking flipped
dog not almost ruined our water polo practice. Okay, So
what I'm hearing from you is that you are happy
that nobody is talking about your hairline. Correct. I talk
(41:37):
about it and stressed about it enough myself that I
don't need to see like even that little bit of
thinness there that stresses your boy out, you know. Um,
So I like to not really think about my hairline
if I could afford it. Yeah, surprising answer. Yeah. I
mean it's crazy, Like I feel bad for Henry because
that's like not something. I mean, homie has work on
(42:00):
his body every single day, like for hours, and people
are like, look at this fucking hairline. It's like, oh no,
look at my abs. Please don't read it like that.
I think they were just saying it was distinct. I
don't think they they were criticizing it. But do you
think they were. I don't know. Because he has like
a wit, he has a solid widows peak, but then
it has a little bit of the uh mpb uh
(42:22):
you know, male pattern baldness kind of areas back here.
But he's a millionaire, so he'll slowly get that filled in. Sure.
I mean, if I go bald, that would still look cool. Oh,
I agreed, a cabbage patch doll, but I would be
like a sick cabbage patch doll, you know what. I mean,
it would be one of the cute, one of the cuters,
(42:44):
cabbage and if you had if you were bald and
had those glasses, you would look like you look like
the six Flags man. Okay, well agree, I agree, so
(43:12):
we must move on. Okay. Henry Henry Cavill is quoted
as saying, if I were to be walking my dog,
for example, and someone were to kick my dog, I
honestly don't know what I would do. I think I'd
probably get myself into a big amount of trouble. John,
(43:34):
I know you love your dog. What would you do
if Henry cavill, your hero Superman, kick your dog? Please
describe in detail or we will have a problem if
Henry Caville kicks my fucking dog. If you ever kicks
poor little Arthur. If for some reason we're in a
situation where I see this sort of male crush of
(43:57):
mine kick my fucking dog, reason for work, I'm gonna
stop and go stand right there. I'm gonna shave my
beard off, leaving just my mustache and wear a dress shirt,
talk both my arms, and then whoop his fucking ass.
I don't care how hot you are. I don't care
(44:17):
if you're Johnny Knoxville, You're gonna get you kick my dog.
You're gonna get so hot, so hot on this round
the jackass. In addition to the abundance of peckers, I
gotta say, all these dudes have they all look great. Stevo, uh,
Pontius and Johnny are the best they've ever looked. Oh
(44:37):
my god, was it incredible. Yeah. I was like thinking,
you know, as you were disgusting your pecker earlier, because
Poopies was saying, poor guy. I mean, there really was
a lot of winer and but in that movie, it
was all over the place, and he was saying there
(45:04):
was that part where he said very seriously, like I'm
sure he thought it wasn't gonna end up in the movie.
He's like, he's like, oh god, it's this is really
hard for me to have my penis on camera. It's
so much. It's the smallest one of the whole group.
I I I understand that Poopies is ready to sacrifice
his life and like be launched from a catapult into
like cactus, but he's also like, we're not going to
(45:26):
show my dick, aren't we The whole time? Oh my god,
He's like it's the smallest of all fourteen of us. Also,
the like the danger does not like is not feeling
nervous and anxiety and danger about what might happen to
you is not like the best environment for to present
your best version of your dick. Oh sure, sure yeah.
(45:49):
But I also think, and this is where we were again,
I feel like everyone would they already know what they're
getting into now, all these girls, and they're like, oh,
this funny man for him jackass right right, they should
be okay with it. I think he's going to be
totally fine because I was like, you know, I before
I saw his dick and stuff, I was like, wow,
(46:10):
this is kind of attractive. He kind of reminds me
like all the water pool players. I was just about
to say, poopies makes sense because he feels like from
your neck of the woods. I think he's like a
professional water ski guy like that, which is the which
is the ultimate, Like that is like surfer Jason, Like
maybe that's even more of a burnout job than a surfer. Absolutely. Yeah.
(46:32):
I as soon as I saw him, I said water polo. Yeah,
he was tan a F two, which you know as
which you know about me. I try to maintain a
pretty solid bronze, keep it up. I don't have sort of,
I don't have that natural skinn The Italian side didn't
come out in me. And it's so funny that you
(46:52):
are an Italian from the like a beach community, and
that's and this is how you're you are. Would you
describe your skin tone ceramic? Ceramic? Oh my god, thanks John.
I meant it as a compliment. It read as a
compliment alabasma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well. The thing is so
(47:16):
I did quit my end my surfing career, at least competitively,
quite young, like in eighth grade. It was when I stopped,
and I always thank God for that because otherwise my
skin would I mean, I probably never would have ended
up here as a clown if I did keep surfing.
But uh yeah, my skin is not too damaged, thank god.
(47:39):
My dad has dark skin, though I believe it. I
believe it. Yeah. My mom though, I have her skin.
I have my mom skin, and she's she's very tan
in the summer, and now that she has a Fort
Lauderdale apartment, she's tan. Hell yeah, are you visiting your
mom and Fort Lauderdale? Now? Not yet, but soon enough.
(48:00):
I definitely. I'm setting it up. Are you Italian or
what's your My mom's side is Italian where the Valentino's
on that side and nickname I know, I almost like
when I first started in the business, like was always
joking about going by the name John Valentino or Johnny Valentino.
But it's too misrepresenting of who I really am and
(48:22):
must by that point, no one was calling me John.
Everyone was calling me Gabriel, So it would have been
like weird to try to to steer that ship Gabriel Valentino.
I mean, hell, I like it too late. And my
mom's side was like the dominant culture in our house
because my dad's family we sort of like ignored, so
like pop up. My mom's dad was sort of like
(48:44):
a patriarch of our family, so he and so everything
was like culturally Italian in our house and stuff like that,
like pasta, garlic bread pasta. We're having pasta again, like
you know, Sunday sauce, uh and reheat it like three time?
Is that week? Like freezing fucking courts of fucking Sunday sauce.
That's Sunday sauce. I want that for my children that
(49:08):
I haven't been born yet. A Sunday. I want that
for your children that have been born yet and the
one that has. Oh god, oh god, this has just
been too fun. Um. So the Witcher is good, John,
I I enjoy it. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed. I
understood season two more than I understood season one, which
(49:29):
kind of like jumps around in a weird timeline and
confused the funk outemy isn't about a witch because I
love which the Witcher is a monster hunter. In this world,
there are witches, uh and that, and they kind of
are more like sorcerers than which is, you know, like
they're like female spell casters. But it's god, I'm such
I told you I wasn't that cool. I used the
(49:51):
phrase female spell casters never. I'm is so embarrassed. I
just pulled that cat so casually. He wasn't exclusive. I
like almost anything is technically exclusive if it's the first
episode of the book. Oh no, this show has been
going on forever. This is just the first episode. Okay, right,
(50:14):
Actually that's true. I first did this show years ago.
It's still going baby alright, So I should fire up
the Witcher sort of on a Sunday, maybe Hell, yeah,
I think you should fire up Mission Impossible Fallout first,
Like it's kind of yeah, that's a big gass for
the big dog to watch a movie. What the funk
(50:38):
is your life, Blair? I don't know. Two hours, no way,
that's a big I only have attention for one hour
streaming mission that sort of you know a genre. I
don't really, but you know it is funny anytime I
date these men, I'm like, Wow, I'm watching How am
I watching a Raidar game at eleven am? You know,
(51:00):
I don't understand these men. I get that they get
made to watch things that are not in my side. Guys, right, right, Well,
I'm not going to force you to watch a Raiders game,
but I would recommend Mission Possible fall Out just because
it's a big, stupid blockbuster and Tom Cruise is he's
literally risking his life for us. At the least we
(51:22):
could do is watch his two and a half hour movie.
Because he's going to die on set form one of
these movies. It's inevitable. So we have to value the work,
is what you're saying. Yeah, we have to give him
a little bit of cred there. And what year did
this movie come out? In. That's a great fucking question
I have no I mean, it's it's not old. It's
(51:44):
like eighteen or something. Okay, that's pretty recent. Um, alright,
well I'll try to fire that up. As you know,
you didn't take the time out of your life to
come on this, I'm very very high profile podcast. So
I guess the least I could do is watch that
for you. Thank you. The less and last segment his
call Fan on the street on the street Street. Once
(52:15):
this podcast become the roaring hit, we will be having
the fans right in with their famous celebrity encounters. But
I was just wondering if you have ever had sort
of interesting celebrity encounter of note that you could remember
just for fun to tell our listeners. Oh. Sure, I
have a pretty solid one. I Uh. I was at
(52:38):
the arc Light way before I moved here. I was
seeing the movie. I was seeing the movie The Wrestler
with Mickey Rourke with a friend, and we got high
in the parking lot. As I missed getting high in
my car in the arc Light parking lot. It was
a big part of my experience going to see the movie.
I always like wait to write about the trailer is
about to start to go pee because I need the time.
(52:58):
So I go off to the bathroom. And while I'm
walking down the hallway and this is like my second
time ever being in l A. While I'm walking down
that hallway to the bathroom, like a beautiful brunette walks
past me, like an absolute stunner and she kind of
I like look at her because I couldn't. I couldn't
help uh, but she smiles at me, and I'm like,
oh ship. And then I keep walking. I'm like, damn,
(53:21):
l A Rules, beautiful women smile at you. And I
was like, oh my god. And while I'm peeing, I'm like,
that was liv Tyler. That's and I'm like, holy shit,
I just saw Live Tyler in the hallway. L A
fucking Rules. Oh my god, that's that's my video vixen
quote unquote her and Alyssia Silverstone where like formative video
(53:41):
music video stars for me, for Crazy and all the
other dads songs. She put He put her in, get
back to my chair to sit next to my buddy,
and the movie's about to start, but we're so high
lean over and I go, dude, and I tell him
the whole story. She was so hot, And it turns
out it was fucking Live Tyler. How crazy he's that
Live Tyler l a Rules and he's going and he's
(54:04):
like hitting my thigh and stuff. And I stopped and
he's like, she's sitting right behind us. And I turned
back and she's just like waves to me, and I
waved her and I'm like and I'm like sorry, and
I turned back around. Just watched the Wrestler in Silence
movie ends. I get up and Beline the funk out
of there? Did she so she heard every word you say?
(54:26):
I think so? Or when I looked at her, she
was like, yes, I'm famous, stop sucking looking at me.
I couldn't tell which one it was because that also,
in hindsight, was what the smile in the hallway was,
was her being like, yes, I'm Live Tyler. Yes you
recognize me, Hi Gabriel, Hi, Mr Valentino Gables six me babe. Well,
(54:46):
it is interesting, like you see these people out of context,
but you never think that like a celebrity would just
be going to the movie The Arc Light Rules. Though
I miss it. I missed. I can't fucking wait. Hurry,
Holy ship God, it's been so great to have you
on the podcast because you know, you've been um on
(55:06):
the live show so much so, one of the most
frequent guests that we've ever had on and also one
of the best performing and Um, I just want to
thank you so much for coming on, being willing to
reveal so many intimate details Blair on the podcast. Medium
allows us to be so intimate with one another, and
(55:27):
so I appreciate the opportunity, UH to talk to learn
you know I do. We dove deep on you on
my on my podcast High and Mighty, where we talked
about your history. But now it's nice to just peel
back a few layers from my friend Blair here and
you can just keep getting peeled. Pal. Oh, it's calmalized
at this point, and so any party words on your
(55:50):
our dear man Henry that we are both such deep
fans of Henry. I think it's time for you to
be in a rom com. I think maybe you have
like if you lean into and play like a sort
of wooden, handsome guy who's like I feel like you're
the guy that a woman leaves for, like the charming
dude in a movie. But I think you would be
(56:10):
a good source of comedy and I Candy if I'm
being honest, Hell yes, And we just left our podcast
with some illuminating career advice for Mr Henry Cavin and
I just want to think one more time the superstar
Mr John Gabrice for coming on the Deer on Wilson Podcast.
(56:32):
Thank you so much for having me, Blair. I learned
a lot, I shared a lot, I grew a lot.
Yes you did, and thank you Lucien and wiggles her
exhaust research alright dining off Everyone's you next week, guys.
(56:54):
Thank you so much for tuning into the first episode
of the Deer and Wilson Podcast. I know I had
the time of my life and I hope you did too.
How great was John? He's the best. Make sure you
check out his podcast High and Mighty very popular podcasts.
Uh so great. I have an episode on there. I
know you'll love it. And also John's new show A
(57:17):
hundred one Places to Party Before You Die, a travel
show coming to True TV this summer with his co
host Adam Pally and let me tell you, guys, they
are a fun combo. I also happened to shoot an
episode of that show, so look out for me. Hang
in with them. Also follow drawn at Gabriel on all platforms.
(57:38):
G A, B R US and I will be headlining
the Irvine Improv on Wednesday, May eight, and I would
love to see you guys out there. It would make
me so happy. I'm also doing an hour of new
material at the Allegian Theater in l A on Monday,
June six at pm. Ticket links for both of those
(57:59):
show knows will be in the show notes of this podcast.
And follow me at Blair Saki B L A I R,
S O C C I on Twitter and Instagram. Also,
please rate, subscribe, and review this podcast if you want
to be my best friend in the world that I
love and support me and my children. Okay, everyone, thank
(58:21):
you so much again and have a great rest of
the week.
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