September 5, 2022 • 55 mins
In her first live episode, Blair welcomes her dear friend, Vanessa Gonzalez (HBO, Comedy Central) to the show. She comes on to profess her love to a certain dum dum animal from a mega hit movie.
THIS COMING WEDNESDAY: See Blair Socci Headline in LA - September 7th - A fundraiser show for abortion healthcare, with Ron Funches! and other surprises!
To submit your fun celebrity encounter story, email dearowenwilsonpod@gmail.com!!!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello everyone, Welcome back to the Dear Owen Wilson Podcast. Bitch.
I'm happy to have you back, my friends, my Blair Bears.
You're my family. You are my family, and do you
know how happy it makes me to see you again
showing up another week because I have some fun with me.
Your boy, I love you. I love you to the
(00:24):
ends of the earth. I do God. This episode was
so much fun. This is my first live episode from
Just for Last Montreal. My dear friend Vanessa Gonzalez. We
go way back and we just have the most fun together.
This episode goes off the rails, like we were laughing
so hard, and I think Vanessa and I need to
(00:46):
write something together because our chemistry, if I can say so,
myself is just electric off the charts. So you know,
I hope you guys have your fireproof gear on, you know,
because you're about to get your eyelashes burned off. Um. Also,
if you care, you know, I do talk about Lucien
Wiggles a lot on this podcast. Vanessa and James Austen
(01:08):
Johnson now of Saturday Night Live Fame US three. We
shot a short that I wrote with my friend Reggie
called Lucian Wiggles. That's on my YouTube. If you want
to see Vanessa Gonzales from this episode, James Austin Johnson
and myself do a short film called Lucien Wiggles. Check
(01:29):
that out on my YouTube. Baby. I think you'll laugh.
I think you'll like it. It's one of my favorite
things I've ever done. Very weird, as you can expect,
as you've come to expect from me. Anyways, this episode's
bang are excited for you to listen. Also want to
remind you about my show at Dynasty Typewriter Wednesday, sep
(01:51):
September seven pm. I will be doing my hour. I
will be donating the proceeds of this show to an
abortion fund, an abortion organization that's a cause that I
care dearly about and I think could use some of
our dollars. What a great way to combine comedy and fundraiser.
(02:12):
How good do you get to feel about yourself for
going to the show? Anyways, So linka. It will be
in the show notes for that as well as in
um my link tree, in all my social media platforms,
and on the Dynasty Typewriter website in l A in
downtown l A. So check that out. Follow me on
social media at Blair Saki, leave a review, subscribe to
(02:36):
tell a friend post about it. D m me tell
me what you like. I love hearing your feedback. It
makes me so happy and also makes me feel like
I'm not just saying this to no one an echo chamber. Um.
It makes me feel close to you guys, and you
know again, I know I say this, but I'm just
so grateful for you. I feel like we're building something
(02:57):
together and your support means that we're To me, it
really does. Um. Doing this weird life that I've chosen,
and that you even cared to hear what I have
to say and my friends say means a lot to me.
So I love you and I hope you have a
great fucking week. God bless you all. Welcome Montreal, Thank
(03:24):
you for coming to this very special live recording of
Dear Owen Wilson. Would you kindly welcome to the stage
Blair Sucking Yeah. Hello, Hello everyone, Oh my god, this
(03:48):
is so cool. Thanks for coming. Wow. I never had
my own podcast here before. This feels really good. Um
you guys. I have a very special sure guests to
bring on, one of my dearest friends, also Variety and
comic to watch. She's a superstar. She's one of the
(04:08):
funniest comedians on the entire planet. Please welcome my friend
Vanessa Gonzalez. Hello, Hello, that's welcome. Oh my god, thank
you for having me. It's great to see you. They
(04:30):
didn't tell me not to wear red. Now I'm no,
you look royalist. It's it's okay, you look great. Thank
you gosh. Okay. So, I don't know how many of
you guys are faithful listeners to my podcast, but if you,
for some god forsacond reason, have not heard it before,
(04:53):
I would just quickly explain to you what it is.
It's called dear on Wilson, after you know, own Wilson.
And it started because when I was young and whimsical,
I wrote a letter to the star Owen Wilson when
he was having a downtime, you might remember, and I
(05:17):
was worried about him. So I wrote him a real
letter and sent it to an address that I found
on the internet. Um, to this day, don't know if
he received it. And um. Then I remember that years later,
and I thought that was a weird thing to do. Um. Yeah,
And but I was at the height of wedding crash
of fame. I thought, this man is so talented. The
(05:39):
fact that he is feeling sad makes me sad. He's
so funny, He's just given so many laughs to everyone. Um,
and so now I like to hear. I like to
get to know comedians in a different way because everyone's
a found of someone. And so what I do. I
bring guests on and they read a letter to someone
they're a fan of, and then I do a deeply
(06:01):
thorough interview with the help of my private investigator that
I pay with the money that I make from being
a comedy tycoon to do exhaustive research on the celebrity
and my guest. So yeah, so if I refer to
(06:24):
Lucian Wiggles, you guys know he really wrote most of
these questions, so keep that in mind. Also, um, I'm
really not to blame for anything. Um. So yeah. With
that being said, now that you're all caught up on
what the show is about, I would love to invite
my friend Vanessa to read her letter. Vanessa, would you
(06:45):
mind standing up to read your thank you? Yeah? Yeah,
I just want to give our audience stuff. Thank you,
Oh my gosh, thank you so much. Thank you for
being so warm and welcoming. I'm very nervous because i've
you know, I'm being very vulnerable, and I know this
(07:07):
person is probably gonna this person. You mean you're good,
Pal Blair. Oh no, no, not, you know, I mean
the person I wrote my letter like it's it's I'm
just I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what they're
gonna say. Right, well, we're all behind you. Okay, yeah,
(07:28):
do I do it? Yeah? Yeah, please please whenever you're ready. Okay, Okay,
this is my diary. I okay. Um, Dear the Chicken
from mo Wanna. Um, I can't believe I'm doing this.
(07:57):
I I know your name him is hey Hey in
the movie. Um, but your Wikipedia page is not up yet.
I'm sure it will be any day now. Um. But yeah,
so for now, I call you the Chicken from Rwanna,
(08:17):
and UM, I don't know your birth name, but that
doesn't matter. Your performance in that movie was so riveting.
The way you ate those rocks over and over again.
(08:39):
You know I I heard you did your own stunts.
The way you showed up on Mowanna's boat unexpectedly was
such comedic brilliance like I've never seen before. I don't
know if you've heard, but I was just named one
of varieties top ten comics to watch. Thank you, Thank you,
(09:05):
So I'm making a name for myself in the industry
like you. Anyway, I was wondering if you'd like to
get coffee sometime, or maybe some rocks. I know there's
(09:31):
an age gap between us, but who cares. Men do
it all the time anyway. I don't want to take
too much of your time, so I'll just leave you
with this wise man say only fools runs ship, but
(10:04):
can't help falling in love with you. Wow. Yeah, Wow,
Oh my god, thank you for bearing your heart to
(10:24):
us like that. Oh my god. The tweets I'm sure
are gonna go. This is live, um, sort of, I
mean the live in the arena we're doing this in
right now. It is pretty lived. That was wow. And
then the way you transitioned into song, which is a
level of sincerity I will never know. Um, that was spectaculate.
(10:49):
Thank you so much. I'm shaking. I never thought I
would say that in public. I've always just been, you know,
having this love secretly right. I can't imagine. I mean,
it is hard to to professor of like that. Publicly
in front of all these people, literally all of JFL
(11:10):
is here. Yeah, just for last Montreal and they I
can't believe they could fit them all in this room. Um,
that's nuts. Well I am just sort of gonna jump
into it, and I just want to say, hey, don't
don't be nervous because you know I am on your team,
you know, in this interview. Okay, UM, so let's just
(11:33):
get started. Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa. Funny seeing you here, you
at my show of all places, Well, you invited me.
I'm so glad you picked hey Hey the chicken from Molanna.
Finally someone I am intimately familiar with. I have never
(11:57):
heard of most of these jack wagons my guests usually pick.
So you can imagine the leg work that goes into
these interviews. Um, a lot of late nights at the office, Vanessa, Um, Vanessa.
First question, please help me with a little conspiracy, if
you would. Um. According to Lucian, Heyy is actually played
(12:21):
by a man named Alan Tutick. Are you actually Vanessa
Gonzalez or is this just a character you have been
playing for a very long time. No, I mean, who's
Alan Alan? Um? Apparently, according to Lucian, Wiggles is the
man that plays Hey in the major motion picture of Juana.
(12:42):
Is that his birth name? Oh? My god, I thought
hey Hey was his birth name? In movies, you play
a character Blair and what alan? Is it a L
A N or a L L E N? No A
L A and your first instinct to a correct I
(13:06):
like a L L E N. Well you can do that,
that's fine. Um okay, So you are saying you have
not been playing a character you are you? Yes? I
think so? Um okay, Well I did have a follow
up question. But if not, if you weren't, you do
wish you could be like literally anybody else. Sometimes, um,
(13:29):
I like to be like somebody else. Sure, like Jennifer Lopez.
Sometimes you are Jennifer And what is that like like
moving through sort of like as Jennifer Lopez. Oh it's
cool because you know, going from like being a superstar
to you know, getting a variety stomped in comic to watch. Um,
(13:53):
it's nice to feel both extremes of the industry. As
you know, I I get to feel like I've already
been at the top and now I'm you know, starting
to yeah, yeah, yeah. Super Bowl to Montreal that's that
is that You're right, that is a lateral move. Um,
that is really cool to experience being Jennifer Lopez. Yeah. So, um,
(14:17):
but don't tell anyone, no, no, of course, this is
just between you and I. Um, no one else will
know any of this. Um. Okay, Vanessa, if you like
hey Hey so much, why don't you have a beak?
That was that was Lucian's question, not mine. I guess
(14:37):
I never thought about that. Um. I feel like, um,
you know, I always picture like making out with him,
and I feel like in my fantasies, it just makes
more sense that I have lips and he has a beak,
Um because it's just sexy or that because if we
(15:00):
both had beaks. I think it would be hard to
to make out. Yeah, I know you're right that the
logistics that could pose a logistical issue. Um, some people
like that sort of thing sexually when there is a
logistical issue to overcome. I wouldn't know, but like I
hear that stuff. I mean, I'm sure with like plastic surgery,
(15:24):
these days, beaks are gonna come into style any day now,
That's true, Always something new coming into style. God, it's
exhausting to be a woman. I think the Kardashians, if
they get beaks, it's over. No, I know, it's like
it's and then I'm a great another body part to procure,
(15:48):
you know, right right that we weren't born with that,
We absolutely were not born with. Now, I don't want
to sound ignorant in front of all these people, um,
but I was just wondering, like, do birds have tongues? Yes,
they do, and you know that for a fact. Well yeah,
(16:08):
well I I didn't know before, but when I watched
mowanna um the chicken from mo Wanna hey, yeah, hey
hey um, every time he would go like scream, um,
this tongue is very prominent. Okay, So he has a
tongue that you are saying it is very mobile? Oh yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, okay, gosh, yeah,
(16:36):
you're right. I think I am starting to recall it
now that you say that. It has been a bit
since I have seen the film, right, And like he's
got like flaps up here like that are tongue like,
and then down here a lot of flaps just like flaps, right,
I maybe skin tags someone call them. Yeah, but I
(16:57):
have those two so we you know, bond over that. Yeah,
see people women. People like to act like women are
too scrupulous in their standards for men. But we're such
kind creatures. You're just telling you know, there's a large
group of people. Um, how much you don't care about
(17:18):
the creature that you love? Skin tax? No, um man,
that's really quick. What is a scrupulous I don't know
many words. Um. I would have to define scrupulous, probably
as a thorough, exhaustive, detailed sort of don't look at
(17:43):
me like that. Okay, um does that sound good to you? No? Um,
but I'll google it? Okay, yeah, yeah, okay. According to
Lucian wiggles Uh, Disney officially describes Hey as one dumb rooster.
(18:08):
He is definitely the stupidest character in the history of
Disney animation, the Village Idiot. In fact, when the coolest
Chicken accidentally stows away on Juanna's canoe, he lands a
front row seat on her epic journey. Vanessa, would you
say that this description of Hey and Juanna is a
(18:29):
thinly veiled and vicious metaphor for my relationship with you?
That actually that you actually made Disney right? And if not,
why did you call me a dumb rooster last week? Okay? First, lovely,
the media. The media always is unfair, okay, And those
(18:50):
comments about the chicken not rooster from Mowanna are just
you know, horrendous scrappola, and and I just I cannot believe.
I cannot believe that they would do that. Um that
(19:12):
was Disney's official description. That would be like, that's hey,
his maker. That'd be like if my dad as the
village idiot the creator. Yeah. And um. Second ofly, I
as as far as that, you know, it parallels to
(19:32):
you and I when I said those things about you,
I was you know, on my period, so it doesn't count.
You actually can't use as an excuse. I've been told
from men. Yes it's an excuse. I've been told by
(19:54):
men or whatever that you're not allowed to like say
horrific things and then after just say like it was
because I was like on my period. Damn. Yeah, why
did you call me a dumb rooster? Well, Blair, you
know you were screaming a bunch. It sounds like me though.
(20:15):
And you know you showed up at my home at
five in the morning and you were waking me up
by yelling. So I I just I was going with
the circumstances and how you were acting. So I said,
you're blair. You're acting like a dumb rooster earlier gets storm.
(20:35):
I don't forgive you, Vanessa, Vanessa, and this is not
a slight on anyone. But who would you say is
aging more gracefully? Hey, the chicken from Juanna or Marjorie
Taylor Green? Oh, definitely the chicken from Mowana? Right, Yeah,
(21:02):
Marjorie um is not doing well. I think um in
the age department. But I think you know, she needs
to maybe just sleep more, right, right? Or she could
maybe you get some of the stem cells that she
doesn't want, right, Yeah, I mean I was going to
say maybe she should look into getting a beak, but
(21:22):
then that was just make everything she says more intense. Right.
She would be scarier if she had a beak, which
is almost impossible, right right. Yeah, I should have looked
a man instead of um pitting. Yeah. I support women.
I love women, I said poor women endlessly. Yeah, even
(21:43):
though you said that about me, right, same what I
was on my period? Oh my god, Hey, hey accidentally
joins Moriana and Maui on their journey across the ocean
from that's please tell our audience. Have you accidentally ever
(22:04):
joined someone's journey across an ocean or otherwise? Yes? Um,
one time, I uh, my family was going on a
trip to Florida and I accidentally got on the wrong
plane to New York City? Is this you really did know?
(22:26):
That's the plot of Home Alone too. I'm sorry. I
I have never experienced that, but I just wanted to
you not to be mad at me. After all the
(22:48):
years we have known each other, I sort of thought
that there was a code of ethics and honesty between us,
and after all of that, you just tried to tell
me a story about a fake odyssey. Yes, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, you just get so mad if I if
(23:10):
I tell you no mad or do you may not have?
Um a steep regard for integrity and honesty and ethics
in which I just feel if you breakee them that
there should be consequences. Yes, okay, yes, kind of thing.
(23:32):
If I've ever been an accidentally yeah, oh well, my
great grandfather, UM, who was orphaned that eight years old,
stowed away from Italy to come here on a ship.
But I think that was on purpose. Yeah yeah, yeah,
(23:52):
He's sort of like Moana in a way there you go. Yeah,
I never met him, right, they should do a Disney
movie about your family? Really, thank you? Is anyone from
Disney here there should be? I was told, I know,
I feel we should be sort of we're doing a
lot of spawn con right now. Honestly, this is going
(24:15):
to be huge for the prices of shares are probably
going to go up on this release, don't you guys think? Yeah, yeah,
it's kind of probably a steep spike after they get
word what happened here in the ovation room. Hopefully you
release this. Um when Mowanna To comes out? Is there
(24:36):
a Mowanna To coming out? I hope is anything you
say true? No, I'm just trying to be optimistic. Um oh,
I would love for what one or two to come out?
Do you think it's the best Disney movie of all time? Yes? Sure,
yeah it's up there. What other Disney movies do you like? Um?
(24:57):
I liked Coco. I love it was Coco. Oh my god,
I saw it in theaters and of course I did,
and um, I sobbed to death because, um, my parents
don't support my artistic journey. So it really and I
was unaware of, uh that that was the theme of
(25:19):
it was it like Cocoa growing up, like where you know,
the little boy wanted to sing and they were like
no singing, and you wanted to say jokes and your
family was like no jokes. Yes sort of. My my
mother has never seen me to you called me, and
my dad just saw me. Do called me for the
first time. But it was only because um, I was
headlining at the ermine in Province then all his friends
(25:42):
were coming, and so he didn't want to seem like
he was not yea, um, but like if they weren't coming,
I don't know what would have happened. Um. But yeah,
So when I saw Coco, I was sobbing, like a
full on adult, like sobbing in the movement. I was like,
this is so beautiful. I was like, have seen anything
more beautiful? The triumph, the colors, the songs, the family. Yeah,
(26:05):
it was so good. Also, there's a similar character and
that the dog that's kind of like the chicken from
a right right, Hey yeah, hey, hey the dog. Oh no, Dante,
Dante the dog, Dante the dog visionist history. Yeah, just
(26:34):
revised everything. That's what I do. I am a creative.
Please give me money. No, honestly, if Dizzy is a
sening to this, and I know they are, I think
that we should probably be at the top of the
casting list. I think they might take this episode down
(26:58):
because we've said so many times. Why you know they
take stuff down if it's not Disney. Really, I think
I haven't heard that Lucian wiggles my private investigator or
does not double as a legal counselman. Um, maybe someone
will listen to this and advise me legally. But you
seem to be well versed in the law. Yes, I
(27:22):
have been told many laws in my life. Um, and yeah,
they just keep coming. I've always I always think I've
heard all the laws, and then somehow there's more. Honestly,
I am going to give you a call if you
actually pick it up, and to have you review my
next contract. Okay, yes, sometimes when I do you call you,
(27:44):
you don't pick up. Yeah, you know, I've been in
therapy friends for so many years. Right, Well, I I've
been in therapy and she's been talking to me about boundaries,
I and and I what is that you call a lot?
And and it's pretty much she just said, I don't
(28:06):
have to answer all the time. That's not a true thing.
That's what she said, and that I shouldn't feel bad
about that. What and you listen, Yeah, you're sick. Yeah,
it's this she said. Okay, I'll get another one. Yeah.
I like those boundaries better. Um, okay, the next question,
(28:31):
and Vanessa, this is a little uncomfortable to say. Um,
this is Lucian's question this whole time. Look, I owe
it to the audience to get to the bottom of
it all. Okay, leave sort of no stone unturned. And
(28:55):
I had to ask this question. Do you eat chicken?
I do? I do? Okay, so you consume chicken, but
you also make out with the live you eat the carcass,
(29:18):
but you make out with the live animal. Right. I mean,
I don't know why you're being so judgmental? Sorry, what
are you negative? Do you eat Owen Wilson's h What
are you not just against the law? I thought you
knew that there goes another law? How could I eat
(29:51):
Owen Wilson's there's only one? You're trolling me on my
own PODCASTA. But say, say you're you're walking down and
you see a food truck and it said, like, oh,
have a little taste of Owen Wilson. You wouldn't get some. Wait,
is Owen Wilson like a euphemism for carnitas? Or is
(30:13):
it like maybe his fingernail? Maybe it's like his fingernails? Hair, Um,
are you a murderer? No, I'm just saying, if you
can have a little taste. I'm not having a little
taste of Owen Wilson at a food truck, maybe some
of his socks. Ill, I don't want to eat a
(30:35):
man's socks, no matter who they are. Then I don't
think you know what love is. I think you need
to grow a little more, Blair. I'm trying. I'm trying.
I'm trying really hard. I actually never heard that that
was a stipulation of being very in love eating someone's socks.
(30:56):
You love them so much you want to eat them? Right,
So do you do like crazy sex stuff? Okay, well
back to boundaries. Um, I'd like to pass. Look, I
thought you were you were the one that steered the conversation.
(31:19):
They're asking me if I eat Owen Wilson's finger, then
what does that have to do with sex? Oh? Okay?
Um wow, wow, I'm the one that feels vulnerable now.
I wish Lucien was here. You know Lucien. Um, I
(31:40):
pay him so much money and he does so much
work for me. And you know, we've been together for
so many years. I did meet him while fishing for
craw dads in the current river. Um that's in California
and a different country. Um and um yeah, and you
know all over all these years, we share all lot
of mountain dues together. Um, enjoy each other. He doesn't
(32:03):
have any family. Um, you're not in a relationship. No,
he doesn't really publicly acknowledge me as a friend. Like
I tried to bring him to this stuff, and um,
he doesn't he like he likes to say with his motorcycle.
And um, he's kind of old. Also, he doesn't really
like talking to people. But like I try to spend
(32:24):
a lot of time with him, you know, because I
feel like we're we have had such a working relationship
for so long. But I wish he was here because
he would have probably backed me up big time sort
of yea in this situation. Yeah, I've I've definitely gained
control in this conversation. That's the thing with these things.
(32:48):
You sort of never know how they're gonna go. Sometimes
you think you're on top and then all of a
sudden someone pulls ahead. Okay, look and I do have
to ge get to the next question Vanessa. Okay, Um,
(33:12):
do you like the beach? Yes, like, hey, hey, um,
so what kind of beach do you go to? Because
you live in Texas now right? Yeah? I live in Texas? Sorry,
and um, the beaches there are are okay. The water
is real hot. Oh, I love that. I love a
(33:33):
hot water. It's very hot. Pacific too cold for my taste.
Even though I know you're not allowed to say that
with everything that's sort of going on with the climate, right,
it's not supposed to say that again. Um, probably will
edit that out or don't or don't cancel me here
at this arena. But it's a sensitive issue. Yeah it is,
(33:55):
I honestly, but you can who can say anything on
podcasts anymore? Right? Yeah? Yeah, Um, but the water is hot,
it's hot. Um, I like those beaches. But I do
like the Pacific beaches too. There. I like being nice
and cool. You don't like being cold? No, No, I
(34:15):
don't like to be cool because like I'm like, what
am I going to put on a what suit? That's
not why I came here, you know what? I mean, yeah,
maybe a blanket. Yeah. No, I'm trying to be in
like some sort of hope bikini and umi. Yeah yeah, no,
I I cover up on the beach because of the sun.
(34:36):
Uh it's too intense. Yeah, I mean too, I know
what you mean. I have to put on SPF one.
It is hard. I probably should wear what again, I
don't mean that the sun is too hot. And again
again that's not what she meant. She didn't mean that
the sun was too hot. It's a good amount of hot.
(35:00):
Yeah yeah, yeah, um, but yeah, I like the beach
and I like to sit in the sand and and
um getting all in my crevices. Yeah right, you're not
being sexual again, No, right, this is for skin exfoliation.
You like your crevices to be exploated. Yeah, well was
(35:23):
the last time you exfoliated a crevice? Oh no, Blair,
Oh no, I'm worried about you. You have to exfoliate
those Oh my god, now here I am. I'm feeling
naked and unexfoliated. Um. I just had to consider that.
But that's what part of why the podcast medium is
(35:43):
so integral to today's culture, because you are constantly learning,
you know, and if I need to go back to
my hotel room and exploitate some crevices after this, because
like you are, know a lot more like you are
being Jennifer Lopez ready comics to watch. And yes, I
I take care of myself. Yeah, I'm just I'm worried
(36:07):
about you. I don't want you to have just you know,
a bunch of barnacle. I don't know. You gotta scrub
it out, You're worried out barnacles. Yeah. You know what's
so interesting because you're always telling me how worried about
me you are. I'm I've yeah, I do. I do
(36:28):
worry about you a lot. Really, where someone that worries
you really never pick up my calls, which I'm started
the number one thing that worried people do. When I
called my mom, she answers before it even rings. Oh
I'm sorry, I'm not your mom. Yeah, thank you, thank you.
(36:51):
I appreciate that. Finally you say one nice thing to
me this whole podcast. Um, when I sa I do
have to get to the next question. Um, and this
is Lucian's question, not mine. Okay, I didn't write this one.
Lucian wrote this one. Okay, Okay, have you ever been
(37:12):
sailing or been a part of a sailing trip with
the purpose of finding your one true identity. Um uh no, really, yeah,
I don't I've I don't think i've I've been on
a boat. Is a ferry a boat? Fairy? Is I
think in most circles considered a boat. Yeah? Um yeah,
(37:37):
I think I've only been on ferries and the there
may be like an hour or two max. And I
don't think i've I was able to find myself in
those couple hours. It sounds like you are also a
lot of people, right yeah, So, um, that's the farthest
I've gone, And um, you know, when I'm on the ferry,
(37:58):
I do sing like how far? All good? Yeah? Yeah,
sounds so good? Yeah, but I do know how far
all go on the ferry. It's not that far? Okay,
(38:26):
So you will only sale places with a fixed incremental distance, right, yes, yes,
for a small fear free right. No, I think that
makes a lot of sense. I just sort of, I guess, Lucian,
(38:51):
I sort of pegged you as someone really like a
thrill chaser. Where Yeah, so you've never been on a
sailboat with a sail No, yeah, I have to say
I don't really like the sailboat, it seems. Did they
go fast? They go fast? Well, first of all, here's
(39:11):
the main issue is you in order to sail, of course,
on a sailboat, you need wind, and I a wind,
as it turns out, is my least favorite weather because
because of very fine hair, it's sort of just immediately
goes into a rats nest. It's like when you have
gum in your hair and you have to just chop
it off. That's what I have to do if I
(39:32):
get near one bit of wind because I can't recover it.
And that's yeah. And then when you're on the sailboat, Um,
there's a thing called like a boom, which is um
just sort of a very dense, large middle rod and
you have to move your head because it goes back
and forth around to turn. So it's really unenjoyable to
(39:55):
be on a sailboat. Yeah, why did they still do
those they've invented in I know that. Don't you think
it's crazy when people don't want to advance with science
like that? Yeah, like when I see people on horses still, yeah,
or how about this one? This one's um? This could
also get us canceled where they probably wouldn't put our
(40:18):
name on the theater. Um after this is uh, when
all these women are having natural births, that's the real
war on drugs. Why do we want to go back
(40:39):
in time? Why do we want to be in pain
when there's a way out? People are sick. I would
like to separate myself from you. I knew you were
going to say that. I would actually also like to
separate myself from myself. No, no, if you want I'm
(41:00):
a natural birth or whatever. Yeah, you're a hero. That's cool.
I like that for you. That's really good. Yeah. Um,
you just want to feel every tear. Um. Yeah, I
think with each natural birth the sun gets hotter. Finally
we all come together after all this thick, thick tension.
(41:25):
It is great to know that we're going to go
down at the same time to get Um. Who do
you think is sort of more controversial? You and me
or Andrew Schultz? Oh ship, I don't know. I think
we just caught up to him. Yeah, tackling the hard
issues like climate change, right and birth and birth? Yea, Um,
(41:50):
do you want to have kids? Um? Not with my body? No,
not with my body. But yeah, if we figure out
like if I can Amazon one or something that would
be cool. I'd be like, yeah, I'll be your mom
(42:15):
because you were a free school teacher. Yeah yeah, and
that was like, you know, having kids that weren't from
my body, right, there were not of your body. Yeah,
and they were cool. And you also did get paid
to speak to them. Oh yeah yeah, and that was nice.
(42:36):
Can I would like to be a mom that gets
paid to be a mom. Why aren't we doing that? Yeah? Yeah,
I heard there is something like that. But it's like
you have to marry a rich guy, like hold on, okay, yeah,
did you ever think that, like when you're at like
(42:58):
a bad open mic, you were in some disgusting, piss
filled basement like doing your art where you're like, I
I could have just married rich, you know, absolutely, I
mean I feel that now. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I felt
that way before I got this podcast that literally made
(43:18):
me millions of dollars. But I had that thought every
day until this moment, you know. Yeah. Yeah, but now
sort of my um podcast listeners that spanned the entire
globe support me monetarily, and it has been a really
big relief. You have to not have to depend on
a man, you know, just a lot of men. Isn't
(43:49):
that what this is not what entertainment sort of is.
It's crowdfunding. Yes, yes, yeah, I like that. Um do
you like being a commune in? Yeah? It's fun. Um,
it's hard. I think we're real hard. We were talking
about this yesterday, like we should get like metals, right, yeah,
(44:11):
the work we do know it's hard. Not it's not
for everyone. No, we are basically coal miners, yes, yes, yes,
sort of similar, the same level of work and risk, right. Yes. Yeah.
When I get home at the end of the day,
(44:32):
I'm dirty. When you wash off, Jennifer, yes, off your
body so much. So what's your favorite journey of comedy?
Journey you have every place that you've journeyed to. Oh,
I wish you wrote that one. Oh um, I was
(44:55):
just in Hawaii you were what were you doing? What
were you doing there? I was doing um shows with
Chelsea Handler and my own shows. Oh my god. What
were the crowds like there? They were fun? Really yeah,
really good? And uh and then it was just nice
to like go out to the beach every day, right,
(45:16):
and um, did you serve? No? Oh? Sorry, what do
you think? Oh? Sorry, you're in love with Hey? Hey,
the chicken from Juana. So I was sort of trying
to just meet you halfway there. Okay, Hawaii, there was
a lot there that I sort of tossed the ball
to you. I will admit that I am terrified of
(45:38):
the ocean. Oh wow, this is a new development. Forty
minutes into the podcast. Yeah, it's I'm it's intimidating. You
don't know what's down there, Um, the waves. I don't
really swim well, um, so yeah, I like just the
(46:01):
you know, I go maybe like knee deep. Every right.
That's so you're terrified of the ocean, but you're fascinated
by it. Yes, it's sort of like the equivalent of
Law and Order sv you for women. Yes, right, yes, right, okay, Okay,
I've got scary but I need to know more, right, right, right?
(46:21):
But you can't look away, I can't. Yeah. Okay, So
you go knee deep and then just like hope a
wave doesn't hit you, but has one hit you and
knocked you over? Yeah, because that's one of my favorite
thing when I go to the beaches, look at the
people that only want to go knee deep and then
see a wave hit them and they fall down. Yeah,
that's happened to me. I love that. I wish I
was there to see it. You like to swim in
(46:43):
the ocean. I did used to be a surfer, that's
so that's so scary. Um, yeah, I retired young though. Yeah.
What did you ever like get scared that you were
going to like die? Yes, right, I did? I know. Oh,
thank you so much. Um that was just a huge
(47:03):
fan that walked up in the middle of our podcast. Um, yeah,
it's happened. Sometimes it's crazy. They gotta worry about security
a lot. Um no I Um. There is a lot
of fear and unknown of the ocean. And of course,
you know, all of these incredible films put a lot
(47:23):
more ideas in your head like that. There's always like
a um, a shark with like a very d voice
that's about to get you. Um, you don't know what's
under there. I have been surfing before and then like
have majestic moments where like the dolphins come with you
or but they're like there's a sea lion and like
(47:44):
they will eat the shirt out of people. There are
predators in there. Then you can't tell if it's a shark,
like you see a dolphinin you think it's a shark
fin it is gary, there's sting rays. Yeah wow. And
so why didn't you just like skateboard? Is that's safer
than surfing? That really felt like a hostile question. Again,
(48:12):
it's out of worry for your safety. Yeah, no, I
know you're always so worried about me all the time.
You're just riddled with worry about me. Um. No. I
was a young kid, and that's why I did it.
Because my brothers are doing it. I just copied everything
they did. Um. But skateboarding is also a harder fall. Yeah. Yeah,
(48:32):
like you really hit the concrete. You know, if you
want to try anything, you're going to hit the concrete.
I don't like to hit the concrete. Yeah, so that's
what I did. Great, thank you, good good, good for you.
Oh my god, thank you, thank you so much. You
seem really supportive of my past surfing career. Will you
(48:53):
quite oh lot in an arena? No less, I'm sorry.
So yeah, this is the moment. Oh my god. I
know what a lot of people are going to tweet
after this. They're going to say this is reminiscent of
Mark Marin's WTF era where he had on a lot
(49:17):
of guests where he had to like sort of move through,
discover what squashed some beefs open, kind of tease out
what's been going on between the relationships. Yeah, and I
think that's what people are going to say about this episode.
This is going viral. You are the new Mark Marin.
(49:38):
Everyone's been saying. Yeah. Actually, people do compare our comedy
a lot, and they say it's very similar. Yeah. Um,
I always I'm like, are you are we good? Yeah,
we're good. I'm not going to answer your calls all
the time. Just why can't you sort of just move
(50:01):
an inch on that. I My boundary is I'll answer
one color here and not a boundary. You need to
accept that's not a boundary. Are you treating me like
um a robocoller? Um? Okay, I have your numbers saved
(50:22):
as robo color, Do not ask? Well? I always just
want to know what's going on with you, because like,
who are you that day? Is sort of what I'm
trying to just check in. Yeah, well that's just for
me to know. I've never had a guest act this
(50:42):
way before. Um, So I do wonder Vanessa, are you
a fan of the rock Yeah? Really, Yeah, he's cool
or why is he bad? Should I not say that?
Funny that you can't say like you like someone on
the podcast because you can find anything out next week. Right,
That's why I wrote a letter to a chickens, the
(51:04):
only safe one. It's the only safe one. Do you
find any similarities between you and Hay? Oh? Yeah, I
would think of a few, but um, I was just
wondering if you see them yourself? Yeah, I think our
comedic abilities and um, just our love of yelling. Right, Yeah,
(51:30):
I like to scream a lot. I've actually never heard
you scream. I get high up there. I won't do
it now in an arena. No, never in an arena.
Would you ever want to scream? Because there's so many people,
it's just too much. Yeah, yeah, keep it low, right,
(51:52):
if you really know, that's what actually what you're supposed
to do in a big room, draw them to you, right.
I think we've been very enticing this whole time. Yeah,
even so enticing, even so enticing. We have seduced this
(52:20):
entire I mean this is incredible. Yeah. I think everyone
in here is just thinking sex appeal. Um, do you
think that there is anyone in this arena who has
not seen mo Wana? No everyone. It was like a
(52:45):
number one box office hit, right, Um, can anyone and
don't make too much noise because this is too big
of a space with too many people. But could you
just cop if you have not seen and please don't
be shy because we're not here to judge anyone. We're
not anything like that. But please feel free to clap
(53:05):
if you have not seen the movie. Mo wanna. I'm
so embarrassed. How did you get in here? I am
not okay with that. I'm sorry they have They don't
even get anything we're talking about, honestly, how dare you?
(53:29):
How dare you have come here? Um? Well, I had
a really really fun time with you despite everything about you, um,
and I am so grateful that you came and for
many years of friendship and that just keeps growing and
growing all the time. Yes, I I hope that we
(53:50):
meet again one day in the future, maybe we'll be
at another festival together. And I really don't like the
way that we will talk about this on the phone offline, okay,
because we are best friends and when you act like
that in front of people sometimes it hurts my feelings. Okay, UM,
(54:14):
So I'll see you at the other ninety five things
we have to do together today. Yeah. God, I just
love you so much. Hey. Hey, really great comedic figure
and despite what all these people's did here, um, I
think it was like an excellent choice, excellent letter and
really good. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah this was fun.
(54:37):
Yeah you guys. Give it up for my guests Vanessa Gonzalez,
thank you, and give it up for my private detective
Lucien Wiggles. Thank you guys so much for coming and
I hope you can all get out safely with the
(54:58):
parking of God bless you all.
Hello everyone, Welcome back to the Dear Owen Wilson Podcast. Bitch.
I'm happy to have you back, my friends, my Blair Bears.
You're my family. You are my family, and do you
know how happy it makes me to see you again
showing up another week because I have some fun with me.
Your boy, I love you. I love you to the
(00:24):
ends of the earth. I do God. This episode was
so much fun. This is my first live episode from
Just for Last Montreal. My dear friend Vanessa Gonzalez. We
go way back and we just have the most fun together.
This episode goes off the rails, like we were laughing
so hard, and I think Vanessa and I need to
(00:46):
write something together because our chemistry, if I can say so,
myself is just electric off the charts. So you know,
I hope you guys have your fireproof gear on, you know,
because you're about to get your eyelashes burned off. Um. Also,
if you care, you know, I do talk about Lucien
Wiggles a lot on this podcast. Vanessa and James Austen
(01:08):
Johnson now of Saturday Night Live Fame US three. We
shot a short that I wrote with my friend Reggie
called Lucian Wiggles. That's on my YouTube. If you want
to see Vanessa Gonzales from this episode, James Austin Johnson
and myself do a short film called Lucien Wiggles. Check
(01:29):
that out on my YouTube. Baby. I think you'll laugh.
I think you'll like it. It's one of my favorite
things I've ever done. Very weird, as you can expect,
as you've come to expect from me. Anyways, this episode's
bang are excited for you to listen. Also want to
remind you about my show at Dynasty Typewriter Wednesday, sep
(01:51):
September seven pm. I will be doing my hour. I
will be donating the proceeds of this show to an
abortion fund, an abortion organization that's a cause that I
care dearly about and I think could use some of
our dollars. What a great way to combine comedy and fundraiser.
(02:12):
How good do you get to feel about yourself for
going to the show? Anyways, So linka. It will be
in the show notes for that as well as in
um my link tree, in all my social media platforms,
and on the Dynasty Typewriter website in l A in
downtown l A. So check that out. Follow me on
social media at Blair Saki, leave a review, subscribe to
(02:36):
tell a friend post about it. D m me tell
me what you like. I love hearing your feedback. It
makes me so happy and also makes me feel like
I'm not just saying this to no one an echo chamber. Um.
It makes me feel close to you guys, and you
know again, I know I say this, but I'm just
so grateful for you. I feel like we're building something
(02:57):
together and your support means that we're To me, it
really does. Um. Doing this weird life that I've chosen,
and that you even cared to hear what I have
to say and my friends say means a lot to me.
So I love you and I hope you have a
great fucking week. God bless you all. Welcome Montreal, Thank
(03:24):
you for coming to this very special live recording of
Dear Owen Wilson. Would you kindly welcome to the stage
Blair Sucking Yeah. Hello, Hello everyone, Oh my god, this
(03:48):
is so cool. Thanks for coming. Wow. I never had
my own podcast here before. This feels really good. Um
you guys. I have a very special sure guests to
bring on, one of my dearest friends, also Variety and
comic to watch. She's a superstar. She's one of the
(04:08):
funniest comedians on the entire planet. Please welcome my friend
Vanessa Gonzalez. Hello, Hello, that's welcome. Oh my god, thank
you for having me. It's great to see you. They
(04:30):
didn't tell me not to wear red. Now I'm no,
you look royalist. It's it's okay, you look great. Thank
you gosh. Okay. So, I don't know how many of
you guys are faithful listeners to my podcast, but if you,
for some god forsacond reason, have not heard it before,
(04:53):
I would just quickly explain to you what it is.
It's called dear on Wilson, after you know, own Wilson.
And it started because when I was young and whimsical,
I wrote a letter to the star Owen Wilson when
he was having a downtime, you might remember, and I
(05:17):
was worried about him. So I wrote him a real
letter and sent it to an address that I found
on the internet. Um, to this day, don't know if
he received it. And um. Then I remember that years later,
and I thought that was a weird thing to do. Um. Yeah,
And but I was at the height of wedding crash
of fame. I thought, this man is so talented. The
(05:39):
fact that he is feeling sad makes me sad. He's
so funny, He's just given so many laughs to everyone. Um,
and so now I like to hear. I like to
get to know comedians in a different way because everyone's
a found of someone. And so what I do. I
bring guests on and they read a letter to someone
they're a fan of, and then I do a deeply
(06:01):
thorough interview with the help of my private investigator that
I pay with the money that I make from being
a comedy tycoon to do exhaustive research on the celebrity
and my guest. So yeah, so if I refer to
(06:24):
Lucian Wiggles, you guys know he really wrote most of
these questions, so keep that in mind. Also, um, I'm
really not to blame for anything. Um. So yeah. With
that being said, now that you're all caught up on
what the show is about, I would love to invite
my friend Vanessa to read her letter. Vanessa, would you
(06:45):
mind standing up to read your thank you? Yeah? Yeah,
I just want to give our audience stuff. Thank you,
Oh my gosh, thank you so much. Thank you for
being so warm and welcoming. I'm very nervous because i've
you know, I'm being very vulnerable, and I know this
(07:07):
person is probably gonna this person. You mean you're good,
Pal Blair. Oh no, no, not, you know, I mean
the person I wrote my letter like it's it's I'm
just I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what they're
gonna say. Right, well, we're all behind you. Okay, yeah,
(07:28):
do I do it? Yeah? Yeah, please please whenever you're ready. Okay, Okay,
this is my diary. I okay. Um, Dear the Chicken
from mo Wanna. Um, I can't believe I'm doing this.
(07:57):
I I know your name him is hey Hey in
the movie. Um, but your Wikipedia page is not up yet.
I'm sure it will be any day now. Um. But yeah,
so for now, I call you the Chicken from Rwanna,
(08:17):
and UM, I don't know your birth name, but that
doesn't matter. Your performance in that movie was so riveting.
The way you ate those rocks over and over again.
(08:39):
You know I I heard you did your own stunts.
The way you showed up on Mowanna's boat unexpectedly was
such comedic brilliance like I've never seen before. I don't
know if you've heard, but I was just named one
of varieties top ten comics to watch. Thank you, Thank you,
(09:05):
So I'm making a name for myself in the industry
like you. Anyway, I was wondering if you'd like to
get coffee sometime, or maybe some rocks. I know there's
(09:31):
an age gap between us, but who cares. Men do
it all the time anyway. I don't want to take
too much of your time, so I'll just leave you
with this wise man say only fools runs ship, but
(10:04):
can't help falling in love with you. Wow. Yeah, Wow,
Oh my god, thank you for bearing your heart to
(10:24):
us like that. Oh my god. The tweets I'm sure
are gonna go. This is live, um, sort of, I
mean the live in the arena we're doing this in
right now. It is pretty lived. That was wow. And
then the way you transitioned into song, which is a
level of sincerity I will never know. Um, that was spectaculate.
(10:49):
Thank you so much. I'm shaking. I never thought I
would say that in public. I've always just been, you know,
having this love secretly right. I can't imagine. I mean,
it is hard to to professor of like that. Publicly
in front of all these people, literally all of JFL
(11:10):
is here. Yeah, just for last Montreal and they I
can't believe they could fit them all in this room. Um,
that's nuts. Well I am just sort of gonna jump
into it, and I just want to say, hey, don't
don't be nervous because you know I am on your team,
you know, in this interview. Okay, UM, so let's just
(11:33):
get started. Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa. Funny seeing you here, you
at my show of all places, Well, you invited me.
I'm so glad you picked hey Hey the chicken from Molanna.
Finally someone I am intimately familiar with. I have never
(11:57):
heard of most of these jack wagons my guests usually pick.
So you can imagine the leg work that goes into
these interviews. Um, a lot of late nights at the office, Vanessa, Um, Vanessa.
First question, please help me with a little conspiracy, if
you would. Um. According to Lucian, Heyy is actually played
(12:21):
by a man named Alan Tutick. Are you actually Vanessa
Gonzalez or is this just a character you have been
playing for a very long time. No, I mean, who's
Alan Alan? Um? Apparently, according to Lucian, Wiggles is the
man that plays Hey in the major motion picture of Juana.
(12:42):
Is that his birth name? Oh? My god, I thought
hey Hey was his birth name? In movies, you play
a character Blair and what alan? Is it a L
A N or a L L E N? No A
L A and your first instinct to a correct I
(13:06):
like a L L E N. Well you can do that,
that's fine. Um okay, So you are saying you have
not been playing a character you are you? Yes? I
think so? Um okay, Well I did have a follow
up question. But if not, if you weren't, you do
wish you could be like literally anybody else. Sometimes, um,
(13:29):
I like to be like somebody else. Sure, like Jennifer Lopez.
Sometimes you are Jennifer And what is that like like
moving through sort of like as Jennifer Lopez. Oh it's
cool because you know, going from like being a superstar
to you know, getting a variety stomped in comic to watch. Um,
(13:53):
it's nice to feel both extremes of the industry. As
you know, I I get to feel like I've already
been at the top and now I'm you know, starting
to yeah, yeah, yeah. Super Bowl to Montreal that's that
is that You're right, that is a lateral move. Um,
that is really cool to experience being Jennifer Lopez. Yeah. So, um,
(14:17):
but don't tell anyone, no, no, of course, this is
just between you and I. Um, no one else will
know any of this. Um. Okay, Vanessa, if you like
hey Hey so much, why don't you have a beak?
That was that was Lucian's question, not mine. I guess
(14:37):
I never thought about that. Um. I feel like, um,
you know, I always picture like making out with him,
and I feel like in my fantasies, it just makes
more sense that I have lips and he has a beak,
Um because it's just sexy or that because if we
(15:00):
both had beaks. I think it would be hard to
to make out. Yeah, I know you're right that the
logistics that could pose a logistical issue. Um, some people
like that sort of thing sexually when there is a
logistical issue to overcome. I wouldn't know, but like I
hear that stuff. I mean, I'm sure with like plastic surgery,
(15:24):
these days, beaks are gonna come into style any day now,
That's true, Always something new coming into style. God, it's
exhausting to be a woman. I think the Kardashians, if
they get beaks, it's over. No, I know, it's like
it's and then I'm a great another body part to procure,
(15:48):
you know, right right that we weren't born with that,
We absolutely were not born with. Now, I don't want
to sound ignorant in front of all these people, um,
but I was just wondering, like, do birds have tongues? Yes,
they do, and you know that for a fact. Well yeah,
(16:08):
well I I didn't know before, but when I watched
mowanna um the chicken from mo Wanna hey, yeah, hey
hey um, every time he would go like scream, um,
this tongue is very prominent. Okay, So he has a
tongue that you are saying it is very mobile? Oh yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, okay, gosh, yeah,
(16:36):
you're right. I think I am starting to recall it
now that you say that. It has been a bit
since I have seen the film, right, And like he's
got like flaps up here like that are tongue like,
and then down here a lot of flaps just like flaps, right,
I maybe skin tags someone call them. Yeah, but I
(16:57):
have those two so we you know, bond over that. Yeah,
see people women. People like to act like women are
too scrupulous in their standards for men. But we're such
kind creatures. You're just telling you know, there's a large
group of people. Um, how much you don't care about
(17:18):
the creature that you love? Skin tax? No, um man,
that's really quick. What is a scrupulous I don't know
many words. Um. I would have to define scrupulous, probably
as a thorough, exhaustive, detailed sort of don't look at
(17:43):
me like that. Okay, um does that sound good to you? No? Um,
but I'll google it? Okay, yeah, yeah, okay. According to
Lucian wiggles Uh, Disney officially describes Hey as one dumb rooster.
(18:08):
He is definitely the stupidest character in the history of
Disney animation, the Village Idiot. In fact, when the coolest
Chicken accidentally stows away on Juanna's canoe, he lands a
front row seat on her epic journey. Vanessa, would you
say that this description of Hey and Juanna is a
(18:29):
thinly veiled and vicious metaphor for my relationship with you?
That actually that you actually made Disney right? And if not,
why did you call me a dumb rooster last week? Okay? First, lovely,
the media. The media always is unfair, okay, And those
(18:50):
comments about the chicken not rooster from Mowanna are just
you know, horrendous scrappola, and and I just I cannot believe.
I cannot believe that they would do that. Um that
(19:12):
was Disney's official description. That would be like, that's hey,
his maker. That'd be like if my dad as the
village idiot the creator. Yeah. And um. Second ofly, I
as as far as that, you know, it parallels to
(19:32):
you and I when I said those things about you,
I was you know, on my period, so it doesn't count.
You actually can't use as an excuse. I've been told
from men. Yes it's an excuse. I've been told by
(19:54):
men or whatever that you're not allowed to like say
horrific things and then after just say like it was
because I was like on my period. Damn. Yeah, why
did you call me a dumb rooster? Well, Blair, you
know you were screaming a bunch. It sounds like me though.
(20:15):
And you know you showed up at my home at
five in the morning and you were waking me up
by yelling. So I I just I was going with
the circumstances and how you were acting. So I said,
you're blair. You're acting like a dumb rooster earlier gets storm.
(20:35):
I don't forgive you, Vanessa, Vanessa, and this is not
a slight on anyone. But who would you say is
aging more gracefully? Hey, the chicken from Juanna or Marjorie
Taylor Green? Oh, definitely the chicken from Mowana? Right, Yeah,
(21:02):
Marjorie um is not doing well. I think um in
the age department. But I think you know, she needs
to maybe just sleep more, right, right? Or she could
maybe you get some of the stem cells that she
doesn't want, right, Yeah, I mean I was going to
say maybe she should look into getting a beak, but
(21:22):
then that was just make everything she says more intense. Right.
She would be scarier if she had a beak, which
is almost impossible, right right. Yeah, I should have looked
a man instead of um pitting. Yeah. I support women.
I love women, I said poor women endlessly. Yeah, even
(21:43):
though you said that about me, right, same what I
was on my period? Oh my god, Hey, hey accidentally
joins Moriana and Maui on their journey across the ocean
from that's please tell our audience. Have you accidentally ever
(22:04):
joined someone's journey across an ocean or otherwise? Yes? Um,
one time, I uh, my family was going on a
trip to Florida and I accidentally got on the wrong
plane to New York City? Is this you really did know?
(22:26):
That's the plot of Home Alone too. I'm sorry. I
I have never experienced that, but I just wanted to
you not to be mad at me. After all the
(22:48):
years we have known each other, I sort of thought
that there was a code of ethics and honesty between us,
and after all of that, you just tried to tell
me a story about a fake odyssey. Yes, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, you just get so mad if I if
(23:10):
I tell you no mad or do you may not have?
Um a steep regard for integrity and honesty and ethics
in which I just feel if you breakee them that
there should be consequences. Yes, okay, yes, kind of thing.
(23:32):
If I've ever been an accidentally yeah, oh well, my
great grandfather, UM, who was orphaned that eight years old,
stowed away from Italy to come here on a ship.
But I think that was on purpose. Yeah yeah, yeah,
(23:52):
He's sort of like Moana in a way there you go. Yeah,
I never met him, right, they should do a Disney
movie about your family? Really, thank you? Is anyone from
Disney here there should be? I was told, I know,
I feel we should be sort of we're doing a
lot of spawn con right now. Honestly, this is going
(24:15):
to be huge for the prices of shares are probably
going to go up on this release, don't you guys think? Yeah, yeah,
it's kind of probably a steep spike after they get
word what happened here in the ovation room. Hopefully you
release this. Um when Mowanna To comes out? Is there
(24:36):
a Mowanna To coming out? I hope is anything you
say true? No, I'm just trying to be optimistic. Um oh,
I would love for what one or two to come out?
Do you think it's the best Disney movie of all time? Yes? Sure,
yeah it's up there. What other Disney movies do you like? Um?
(24:57):
I liked Coco. I love it was Coco. Oh my god,
I saw it in theaters and of course I did,
and um, I sobbed to death because, um, my parents
don't support my artistic journey. So it really and I
was unaware of, uh that that was the theme of
(25:19):
it was it like Cocoa growing up, like where you know,
the little boy wanted to sing and they were like
no singing, and you wanted to say jokes and your
family was like no jokes. Yes sort of. My my
mother has never seen me to you called me, and
my dad just saw me. Do called me for the
first time. But it was only because um, I was
headlining at the ermine in Province then all his friends
(25:42):
were coming, and so he didn't want to seem like
he was not yea, um, but like if they weren't coming,
I don't know what would have happened. Um. But yeah,
So when I saw Coco, I was sobbing, like a
full on adult, like sobbing in the movement. I was like,
this is so beautiful. I was like, have seen anything
more beautiful? The triumph, the colors, the songs, the family. Yeah,
(26:05):
it was so good. Also, there's a similar character and
that the dog that's kind of like the chicken from
a right right, Hey yeah, hey, hey the dog. Oh no, Dante,
Dante the dog, Dante the dog visionist history. Yeah, just
(26:34):
revised everything. That's what I do. I am a creative.
Please give me money. No, honestly, if Dizzy is a
sening to this, and I know they are, I think
that we should probably be at the top of the
casting list. I think they might take this episode down
(26:58):
because we've said so many times. Why you know they
take stuff down if it's not Disney. Really, I think
I haven't heard that Lucian wiggles my private investigator or
does not double as a legal counselman. Um, maybe someone
will listen to this and advise me legally. But you
seem to be well versed in the law. Yes, I
(27:22):
have been told many laws in my life. Um, and yeah,
they just keep coming. I've always I always think I've
heard all the laws, and then somehow there's more. Honestly,
I am going to give you a call if you
actually pick it up, and to have you review my
next contract. Okay, yes, sometimes when I do you call you,
(27:44):
you don't pick up. Yeah, you know, I've been in
therapy friends for so many years. Right, Well, I I've
been in therapy and she's been talking to me about boundaries,
I and and I what is that you call a lot?
And and it's pretty much she just said, I don't
(28:06):
have to answer all the time. That's not a true thing.
That's what she said, and that I shouldn't feel bad
about that. What and you listen, Yeah, you're sick. Yeah,
it's this she said. Okay, I'll get another one. Yeah.
I like those boundaries better. Um, okay, the next question,
(28:31):
and Vanessa, this is a little uncomfortable to say. Um,
this is Lucian's question this whole time. Look, I owe
it to the audience to get to the bottom of
it all. Okay, leave sort of no stone unturned. And
(28:55):
I had to ask this question. Do you eat chicken?
I do? I do? Okay, so you consume chicken, but
you also make out with the live you eat the carcass,
(29:18):
but you make out with the live animal. Right. I mean,
I don't know why you're being so judgmental? Sorry, what
are you negative? Do you eat Owen Wilson's h What
are you not just against the law? I thought you
knew that there goes another law? How could I eat
(29:51):
Owen Wilson's there's only one? You're trolling me on my
own PODCASTA. But say, say you're you're walking down and
you see a food truck and it said, like, oh,
have a little taste of Owen Wilson. You wouldn't get some. Wait,
is Owen Wilson like a euphemism for carnitas? Or is
(30:13):
it like maybe his fingernail? Maybe it's like his fingernails? Hair, Um,
are you a murderer? No, I'm just saying, if you
can have a little taste. I'm not having a little
taste of Owen Wilson at a food truck, maybe some
of his socks. Ill, I don't want to eat a
(30:35):
man's socks, no matter who they are. Then I don't
think you know what love is. I think you need
to grow a little more, Blair. I'm trying. I'm trying.
I'm trying really hard. I actually never heard that that
was a stipulation of being very in love eating someone's socks.
(30:56):
You love them so much you want to eat them? Right,
So do you do like crazy sex stuff? Okay, well
back to boundaries. Um, I'd like to pass. Look, I
thought you were you were the one that steered the conversation.
(31:19):
They're asking me if I eat Owen Wilson's finger, then
what does that have to do with sex? Oh? Okay?
Um wow, wow, I'm the one that feels vulnerable now.
I wish Lucien was here. You know Lucien. Um, I
(31:40):
pay him so much money and he does so much
work for me. And you know, we've been together for
so many years. I did meet him while fishing for
craw dads in the current river. Um that's in California
and a different country. Um and um yeah, and you
know all over all these years, we share all lot
of mountain dues together. Um, enjoy each other. He doesn't
(32:03):
have any family. Um, you're not in a relationship. No,
he doesn't really publicly acknowledge me as a friend. Like
I tried to bring him to this stuff, and um,
he doesn't he like he likes to say with his motorcycle.
And um, he's kind of old. Also, he doesn't really
like talking to people. But like I try to spend
(32:24):
a lot of time with him, you know, because I
feel like we're we have had such a working relationship
for so long. But I wish he was here because
he would have probably backed me up big time sort
of yea in this situation. Yeah, I've I've definitely gained
control in this conversation. That's the thing with these things.
(32:48):
You sort of never know how they're gonna go. Sometimes
you think you're on top and then all of a
sudden someone pulls ahead. Okay, look and I do have
to ge get to the next question Vanessa. Okay, Um,
(33:12):
do you like the beach? Yes, like, hey, hey, um,
so what kind of beach do you go to? Because
you live in Texas now right? Yeah? I live in Texas? Sorry,
and um, the beaches there are are okay. The water
is real hot. Oh, I love that. I love a
(33:33):
hot water. It's very hot. Pacific too cold for my taste.
Even though I know you're not allowed to say that
with everything that's sort of going on with the climate, right,
it's not supposed to say that again. Um, probably will
edit that out or don't or don't cancel me here
at this arena. But it's a sensitive issue. Yeah it is,
(33:55):
I honestly, but you can who can say anything on
podcasts anymore? Right? Yeah? Yeah, Um, but the water is hot,
it's hot. Um, I like those beaches. But I do
like the Pacific beaches too. There. I like being nice
and cool. You don't like being cold? No, No, I
(34:15):
don't like to be cool because like I'm like, what
am I going to put on a what suit? That's
not why I came here, you know what? I mean, yeah,
maybe a blanket. Yeah. No, I'm trying to be in
like some sort of hope bikini and umi. Yeah yeah, no,
I I cover up on the beach because of the sun.
(34:36):
Uh it's too intense. Yeah, I mean too, I know
what you mean. I have to put on SPF one.
It is hard. I probably should wear what again, I
don't mean that the sun is too hot. And again
again that's not what she meant. She didn't mean that
the sun was too hot. It's a good amount of hot.
(35:00):
Yeah yeah, yeah, um, but yeah, I like the beach
and I like to sit in the sand and and
um getting all in my crevices. Yeah right, you're not
being sexual again, No, right, this is for skin exfoliation.
You like your crevices to be exploated. Yeah, well was
(35:23):
the last time you exfoliated a crevice? Oh no, Blair,
Oh no, I'm worried about you. You have to exfoliate
those Oh my god, now here I am. I'm feeling
naked and unexfoliated. Um. I just had to consider that.
But that's what part of why the podcast medium is
(35:43):
so integral to today's culture, because you are constantly learning,
you know, and if I need to go back to
my hotel room and exploitate some crevices after this, because
like you are, know a lot more like you are
being Jennifer Lopez ready comics to watch. And yes, I
I take care of myself. Yeah, I'm just I'm worried
(36:07):
about you. I don't want you to have just you know,
a bunch of barnacle. I don't know. You gotta scrub
it out, You're worried out barnacles. Yeah. You know what's
so interesting because you're always telling me how worried about
me you are. I'm I've yeah, I do. I do
(36:28):
worry about you a lot. Really, where someone that worries
you really never pick up my calls, which I'm started
the number one thing that worried people do. When I
called my mom, she answers before it even rings. Oh
I'm sorry, I'm not your mom. Yeah, thank you, thank you.
(36:51):
I appreciate that. Finally you say one nice thing to
me this whole podcast. Um, when I sa I do
have to get to the next question. Um, and this
is Lucian's question, not mine. Okay, I didn't write this one.
Lucian wrote this one. Okay, Okay, have you ever been
(37:12):
sailing or been a part of a sailing trip with
the purpose of finding your one true identity. Um uh no, really, yeah,
I don't I've I don't think i've I've been on
a boat. Is a ferry a boat? Fairy? Is I
think in most circles considered a boat. Yeah? Um yeah,
(37:37):
I think I've only been on ferries and the there
may be like an hour or two max. And I
don't think i've I was able to find myself in
those couple hours. It sounds like you are also a
lot of people, right yeah, So, um, that's the farthest
I've gone, And um, you know, when I'm on the ferry,
(37:58):
I do sing like how far? All good? Yeah? Yeah,
sounds so good? Yeah, but I do know how far
all go on the ferry. It's not that far? Okay,
(38:26):
So you will only sale places with a fixed incremental distance, right, yes, yes,
for a small fear free right. No, I think that
makes a lot of sense. I just sort of, I guess, Lucian,
(38:51):
I sort of pegged you as someone really like a
thrill chaser. Where Yeah, so you've never been on a
sailboat with a sail No, yeah, I have to say
I don't really like the sailboat, it seems. Did they
go fast? They go fast? Well, first of all, here's
(39:11):
the main issue is you in order to sail, of course,
on a sailboat, you need wind, and I a wind,
as it turns out, is my least favorite weather because
because of very fine hair, it's sort of just immediately
goes into a rats nest. It's like when you have
gum in your hair and you have to just chop
it off. That's what I have to do if I
(39:32):
get near one bit of wind because I can't recover it.
And that's yeah. And then when you're on the sailboat, Um,
there's a thing called like a boom, which is um
just sort of a very dense, large middle rod and
you have to move your head because it goes back
and forth around to turn. So it's really unenjoyable to
(39:55):
be on a sailboat. Yeah, why did they still do
those they've invented in I know that. Don't you think
it's crazy when people don't want to advance with science
like that? Yeah, like when I see people on horses still, yeah,
or how about this one? This one's um? This could
also get us canceled where they probably wouldn't put our
(40:18):
name on the theater. Um after this is uh, when
all these women are having natural births, that's the real
war on drugs. Why do we want to go back
(40:39):
in time? Why do we want to be in pain
when there's a way out? People are sick. I would
like to separate myself from you. I knew you were
going to say that. I would actually also like to
separate myself from myself. No, no, if you want I'm
(41:00):
a natural birth or whatever. Yeah, you're a hero. That's cool.
I like that for you. That's really good. Yeah. Um,
you just want to feel every tear. Um. Yeah, I
think with each natural birth the sun gets hotter. Finally
we all come together after all this thick, thick tension.
(41:25):
It is great to know that we're going to go
down at the same time to get Um. Who do
you think is sort of more controversial? You and me
or Andrew Schultz? Oh ship, I don't know. I think
we just caught up to him. Yeah, tackling the hard
issues like climate change, right and birth and birth? Yea, Um,
(41:50):
do you want to have kids? Um? Not with my body? No,
not with my body. But yeah, if we figure out
like if I can Amazon one or something that would
be cool. I'd be like, yeah, I'll be your mom
(42:15):
because you were a free school teacher. Yeah yeah, and
that was like, you know, having kids that weren't from
my body, right, there were not of your body. Yeah,
and they were cool. And you also did get paid
to speak to them. Oh yeah yeah, and that was nice.
(42:36):
Can I would like to be a mom that gets
paid to be a mom. Why aren't we doing that? Yeah? Yeah,
I heard there is something like that. But it's like
you have to marry a rich guy, like hold on, okay, yeah,
did you ever think that, like when you're at like
(42:58):
a bad open mic, you were in some disgusting, piss
filled basement like doing your art where you're like, I
I could have just married rich, you know, absolutely, I
mean I feel that now. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I felt
that way before I got this podcast that literally made
(43:18):
me millions of dollars. But I had that thought every
day until this moment, you know. Yeah. Yeah, but now
sort of my um podcast listeners that spanned the entire
globe support me monetarily, and it has been a really
big relief. You have to not have to depend on
a man, you know, just a lot of men. Isn't
(43:49):
that what this is not what entertainment sort of is.
It's crowdfunding. Yes, yes, yeah, I like that. Um do
you like being a commune in? Yeah? It's fun. Um,
it's hard. I think we're real hard. We were talking
about this yesterday, like we should get like metals, right, yeah,
(44:11):
the work we do know it's hard. Not it's not
for everyone. No, we are basically coal miners, yes, yes, yes,
sort of similar, the same level of work and risk, right. Yes. Yeah.
When I get home at the end of the day,
(44:32):
I'm dirty. When you wash off, Jennifer, yes, off your
body so much. So what's your favorite journey of comedy?
Journey you have every place that you've journeyed to. Oh,
I wish you wrote that one. Oh um, I was
(44:55):
just in Hawaii you were what were you doing? What
were you doing there? I was doing um shows with
Chelsea Handler and my own shows. Oh my god. What
were the crowds like there? They were fun? Really yeah,
really good? And uh and then it was just nice
to like go out to the beach every day, right,
(45:16):
and um, did you serve? No? Oh? Sorry, what do
you think? Oh? Sorry, you're in love with Hey? Hey,
the chicken from Juana. So I was sort of trying
to just meet you halfway there. Okay, Hawaii, there was
a lot there that I sort of tossed the ball
to you. I will admit that I am terrified of
(45:38):
the ocean. Oh wow, this is a new development. Forty
minutes into the podcast. Yeah, it's I'm it's intimidating. You
don't know what's down there, Um, the waves. I don't
really swim well, um, so yeah, I like just the
(46:01):
you know, I go maybe like knee deep. Every right.
That's so you're terrified of the ocean, but you're fascinated
by it. Yes, it's sort of like the equivalent of
Law and Order sv you for women. Yes, right, yes, right, okay, Okay,
I've got scary but I need to know more, right, right, right?
(46:21):
But you can't look away, I can't. Yeah. Okay, So
you go knee deep and then just like hope a
wave doesn't hit you, but has one hit you and
knocked you over? Yeah, because that's one of my favorite
thing when I go to the beaches, look at the
people that only want to go knee deep and then
see a wave hit them and they fall down. Yeah,
that's happened to me. I love that. I wish I
was there to see it. You like to swim in
(46:43):
the ocean. I did used to be a surfer, that's
so that's so scary. Um, yeah, I retired young though. Yeah.
What did you ever like get scared that you were
going to like die? Yes, right, I did? I know. Oh,
thank you so much. Um that was just a huge
(47:03):
fan that walked up in the middle of our podcast. Um, yeah,
it's happened. Sometimes it's crazy. They gotta worry about security
a lot. Um no I Um. There is a lot
of fear and unknown of the ocean. And of course,
you know, all of these incredible films put a lot
(47:23):
more ideas in your head like that. There's always like
a um, a shark with like a very d voice
that's about to get you. Um, you don't know what's
under there. I have been surfing before and then like
have majestic moments where like the dolphins come with you
or but they're like there's a sea lion and like
(47:44):
they will eat the shirt out of people. There are
predators in there. Then you can't tell if it's a shark,
like you see a dolphinin you think it's a shark
fin it is gary, there's sting rays. Yeah wow. And
so why didn't you just like skateboard? Is that's safer
than surfing? That really felt like a hostile question. Again,
(48:12):
it's out of worry for your safety. Yeah, no, I
know you're always so worried about me all the time.
You're just riddled with worry about me. Um. No. I
was a young kid, and that's why I did it.
Because my brothers are doing it. I just copied everything
they did. Um. But skateboarding is also a harder fall. Yeah. Yeah,
(48:32):
like you really hit the concrete. You know, if you
want to try anything, you're going to hit the concrete.
I don't like to hit the concrete. Yeah, so that's
what I did. Great, thank you, good good, good for you.
Oh my god, thank you, thank you so much. You
seem really supportive of my past surfing career. Will you
(48:53):
quite oh lot in an arena? No less, I'm sorry.
So yeah, this is the moment. Oh my god. I
know what a lot of people are going to tweet
after this. They're going to say this is reminiscent of
Mark Marin's WTF era where he had on a lot
(49:17):
of guests where he had to like sort of move through,
discover what squashed some beefs open, kind of tease out
what's been going on between the relationships. Yeah, and I
think that's what people are going to say about this episode.
This is going viral. You are the new Mark Marin.
(49:38):
Everyone's been saying. Yeah. Actually, people do compare our comedy
a lot, and they say it's very similar. Yeah. Um,
I always I'm like, are you are we good? Yeah,
we're good. I'm not going to answer your calls all
the time. Just why can't you sort of just move
(50:01):
an inch on that. I My boundary is I'll answer
one color here and not a boundary. You need to
accept that's not a boundary. Are you treating me like
um a robocoller? Um? Okay, I have your numbers saved
(50:22):
as robo color, Do not ask? Well? I always just
want to know what's going on with you, because like,
who are you that day? Is sort of what I'm
trying to just check in. Yeah, well that's just for
me to know. I've never had a guest act this
(50:42):
way before. Um, So I do wonder Vanessa, are you
a fan of the rock Yeah? Really, Yeah, he's cool
or why is he bad? Should I not say that?
Funny that you can't say like you like someone on
the podcast because you can find anything out next week. Right,
That's why I wrote a letter to a chickens, the
(51:04):
only safe one. It's the only safe one. Do you
find any similarities between you and Hay? Oh? Yeah, I
would think of a few, but um, I was just
wondering if you see them yourself? Yeah, I think our
comedic abilities and um, just our love of yelling. Right, Yeah,
(51:30):
I like to scream a lot. I've actually never heard
you scream. I get high up there. I won't do
it now in an arena. No, never in an arena.
Would you ever want to scream? Because there's so many people,
it's just too much. Yeah, yeah, keep it low, right,
(51:52):
if you really know, that's what actually what you're supposed
to do in a big room, draw them to you, right.
I think we've been very enticing this whole time. Yeah,
even so enticing, even so enticing. We have seduced this
(52:20):
entire I mean this is incredible. Yeah. I think everyone
in here is just thinking sex appeal. Um, do you
think that there is anyone in this arena who has
not seen mo Wana? No everyone. It was like a
(52:45):
number one box office hit, right, Um, can anyone and
don't make too much noise because this is too big
of a space with too many people. But could you
just cop if you have not seen and please don't
be shy because we're not here to judge anyone. We're
not anything like that. But please feel free to clap
(53:05):
if you have not seen the movie. Mo wanna. I'm
so embarrassed. How did you get in here? I am
not okay with that. I'm sorry they have They don't
even get anything we're talking about, honestly, how dare you?
(53:29):
How dare you have come here? Um? Well, I had
a really really fun time with you despite everything about you, um,
and I am so grateful that you came and for
many years of friendship and that just keeps growing and
growing all the time. Yes, I I hope that we
(53:50):
meet again one day in the future, maybe we'll be
at another festival together. And I really don't like the
way that we will talk about this on the phone offline, okay,
because we are best friends and when you act like
that in front of people sometimes it hurts my feelings. Okay, UM,
(54:14):
So I'll see you at the other ninety five things
we have to do together today. Yeah. God, I just
love you so much. Hey. Hey, really great comedic figure
and despite what all these people's did here, um, I
think it was like an excellent choice, excellent letter and
really good. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah this was fun.
(54:37):
Yeah you guys. Give it up for my guests Vanessa Gonzalez,
thank you, and give it up for my private detective
Lucien Wiggles. Thank you guys so much for coming and
I hope you can all get out safely with the
(54:58):
parking of God bless you all.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.