June 24, 2025 • 10 mins
This week we’re checking in with Hillary, an addictions counselor who developed a new addiction of her own, to hear how she’s doing one year later.
If you have a dilemma you’d like to discuss with us—big or small—email us at LoriAndGuy@iHeartMedia.com.
Follow us both online:
LoriGottlieb.com and on Twitter @LoriGottlieb1 and Instagram @lorigottlieb_author
GuyWinch.com and on Twitter @GuyWinch and Instagram @Guy Winch
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
I'm Laurie Gottlieb. I'm the author of Maybe You Should
Talk to Someone, and I write the Dear Therapist advice
column for the Atlantic.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
And I'm Guy Wench. I'm the author of Emotional First Aid,
and I write the Dear Guy advice column for Ted.
And this is Dear Therapists.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
This week we're going to check in on a guest
from season two to hear how they're doing a year later.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
First, a quick note Deo Therapists is for informational purposes only,
does not constitute medical or psychological advice, and is not
a substitute for professional health care advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health professional,
or other qualified health provider with any questions you may
have regarding a medical or psychological condition. By submitting a letter,
(00:47):
you are agreeing to let iHeart Media use it in
part or in full, and we may edit it for
length and clarity. In the sessions you'll hear, all names
have been changed for the privacy of our guests.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
So today we're hearing back from Hillary and her session
we called Hillary's shopping Addiction. Hillary was working toward becoming
a drug and alcohol counselor after a long history of
drug addiction that was now manifesting as a shopping addiction.
She had a lot of shame around this because of
the work she does. She felt like she should know better.
(01:20):
But as we know, this isn't about knowing. It's about
how to cope with the painful feelings and how we
numb them when we don't know how to cope.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yeah, Hillary had a really, really traumatic past, and what
was interesting is that she had accomplished so much in
her life given the challenges she had to overcome, and
when she started to overcome them, which was much later
in life.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
And because of all this, she was really struggling with relationships, friendships,
romantic relationships. She was seeing somebody, but it wasn't really
a solid relationship, and so we were really hoping that
we could also help her find more connection in her life.
So let's get a reminder of what was going on
(02:03):
last year.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
I'm not sure when it all started, but I know
that recently, in the last couple of years, it's escalated
and it's become a real problem in my life, which
is ironic because I am an alcohol and drug counselor
and I've been in sobriety for nine years, so I
understand when something interferes in your life, it's probably an addiction.
(02:31):
In the last couple of years, I've been working on
my master's degree in counseling, and for the first time
in my life, I experienced physical symptoms of anxiety, and
to alleviate those physical symptoms, it felt really good to
(02:51):
fill up my cart and buy something. And I didn't
realize that that's what was happening until I was six
thousand dollars in debt.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
You're listening to dea therapists. We'll be back after a
short break. Now let's hear how things are going for
Hillary a year later.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Hi, this is Hillary. I'm checking back in with you
and your listeners. Over the past year, there's been a
lot of changes. I was taking care of my elderly
mother and she was drinking pretty heavily, and she was
ninety one years old, and she passed away in July
(03:49):
of last year. And then two months later, my older
sister died and she had many health problems, including a
addiction to opiate Yes, so I've been struggling with mourning
their losses. I have connected with a group online for that.
(04:10):
As far as the other things go, I'm doing well
at work. I am a licensed to alcohol and drug
counselor in my state and went from part time to
full time. I've chosen to put my master's program on hold.
I intend to return at spring of twenty twenty three.
(04:32):
I just have a few credits to finish and then
I'll have that degree. As far as the shopping addiction,
I kind of fell off on that. I also had
made a decision and I'm not sure what it had
to do with the death of my family members, but
I quit go into my twelve step support group meetings. However,
(04:55):
that's changed this week. As a matter of fact, I've
found a new meeting, really good one. And the thing
about shopping addiction that I've realized is it's very very
similar to a drug addiction or alcoholism in that the
endorphins are released during a time when you press that button.
(05:19):
My long term focus has been on a trip to Scotland,
which i'd like to do, and I'll be sixty this year,
so I really would like to accomplish that in the
next five years. So I'm actually moving around one day
at a time and trying to stay focused. I really
enjoy my work. I help women and children. I continue
(05:41):
to see a therapist. I've chosen to stay on an antidepressant,
which is helping as far as the shopping goes. I
think I do need to get involved with some extra help.
I've been really isolating a lot when I'm not working,
so that just adds to the triggers of wanting to
(06:01):
get something in the air. Quote get something. Appreciate what
you did for me a year ago, and just so
you and your listeners know, I'm not giving up on
becoming healthier. Thanks a lot.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
So first I want to offer my condolences to Hillary.
Those are two significant losses within a year, both her
mother and her sister, and her sister dying of opiates
when she had that addiction. So this has been a
really difficult year for her, and I think we need
to take the rest of what she said in that context,
that this is a ear of grieving and recovery.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Absolutely, and I think what she's dealing with is intergenerational
trauma where there's that history of addiction in the family
and she wants to be the person to stop it.
And when we think about what a difficult year she's
had in addition to her path, which was incredibly challenging.
I really admire that she is working so hard to
(07:08):
keep going and make things better. So when we talked
to her last year, she was having trouble finishing her
master's program, and yet she's going back and she's doing it,
and even though she struggles with the shopping addiction, she's
going to twelve step and she's setting goals for herself,
and she's doing work that gives her meaning of helping others.
(07:28):
And I think that it's kind of amazing that she's
able to do all of that, given how much challenge
there has been, and I think it really speaks to
her strengths.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
The fact that she went to full time, also because
the job she does is not an easy job, right,
It's an experience she's been through with addiction, and obviously
with the shopping addiction, she's still struggling. So doing that
full time is really admirable and it also I'm sure
helps her finances. The issue with isolating herself is that
addiction often thrives on loneliness, and it's that is really
(08:01):
necessary when you're healing from addiction. The two are really
related in so many ways, and so as she wants
to help herself and move forward, and I hope at
this point she can move a little bit past the
grieving to continue to become healthier. But that I think
by definition, means getting more connected. You have to focus
(08:22):
on your relationships. The fact that she's setting long term
goals I think is really important. But if, for example,
Scotland is a long term goal, then the long term
goal might be go to Scotland with a friend, and
then there are two long term goals and you can
accomplish both, hopefully in the same full soup in a
few years time.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
I remember last year, we gave her an exercise to
write down things that would bring her pleasure, and she
came up with this entire list.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
It was amazing.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
It was amazing, and I didn't hear a lot of that.
I heard her having goals for those kinds of things,
and so I hope she will follow up on that,
but also include that connection piece in terms of what
is going to bring her joy and can she do
some of these things with people. So yeah, she needs
to stop isolating. I think she's definitely a very strong person.
(09:13):
I love what she said at the end about that
she's not giving up on becoming healthier, and we are
here rooting for her the whole way.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Next week, we're in session with Jordan, who wants to
understand how seeing his parents dysfunctional relationship as a child
might have contributed to his own marriage ending after only
two years.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
There were red flags that I ignored. Here's this beautiful
woman that I get along with extremely well, and we
just seem perfect for each other, and we moved in
with each other, and it was within a couple months
I started to realize, wait a second, this just doesn't
seem normal.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
If you're enjoying our podcast, don't forget to subscribe for
fe so that you don't miss any episodes, and please
help support Dear Therapists by telling your friends about it
and leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. Your reviews really
help people to find the show.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
If you have a dilemma you'd like to discuss with us,
email us at Laurie and Guy at iHeartMedia dot com.
Our executive producer is Noel Brown. We're produced and edited
by Josh Fisher, additional editing support by Helena Rosen, John Washington,
and Zachary Fisher. Our interns are Ben Bernstein, Emily Gutierrez
(10:33):
and Silver Lifton. And special thanks to our podcast fairy
Godmother Katie Curic. We can't wait to see you at
our next session. Dear Therapist is a production of iHeartRadio
I'm Laurie Gottlieb. I'm the author of Maybe You Should
Talk to Someone, and I write the Dear Therapist advice
column for the Atlantic.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
And I'm Guy Wench. I'm the author of Emotional First Aid,
and I write the Dear Guy advice column for Ted.
And this is Dear Therapists.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
This week we're going to check in on a guest
from season two to hear how they're doing a year later.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
First, a quick note Deo Therapists is for informational purposes only,
does not constitute medical or psychological advice, and is not
a substitute for professional health care advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health professional,
or other qualified health provider with any questions you may
have regarding a medical or psychological condition. By submitting a letter,
(00:47):
you are agreeing to let iHeart Media use it in
part or in full, and we may edit it for
length and clarity. In the sessions you'll hear, all names
have been changed for the privacy of our guests.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
So today we're hearing back from Hillary and her session
we called Hillary's shopping Addiction. Hillary was working toward becoming
a drug and alcohol counselor after a long history of
drug addiction that was now manifesting as a shopping addiction.
She had a lot of shame around this because of
the work she does. She felt like she should know better.
(01:20):
But as we know, this isn't about knowing. It's about
how to cope with the painful feelings and how we
numb them when we don't know how to cope.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yeah, Hillary had a really, really traumatic past, and what
was interesting is that she had accomplished so much in
her life given the challenges she had to overcome, and
when she started to overcome them, which was much later
in life.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
And because of all this, she was really struggling with relationships, friendships,
romantic relationships. She was seeing somebody, but it wasn't really
a solid relationship, and so we were really hoping that
we could also help her find more connection in her life.
So let's get a reminder of what was going on
(02:03):
last year.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
I'm not sure when it all started, but I know
that recently, in the last couple of years, it's escalated
and it's become a real problem in my life, which
is ironic because I am an alcohol and drug counselor
and I've been in sobriety for nine years, so I
understand when something interferes in your life, it's probably an addiction.
(02:31):
In the last couple of years, I've been working on
my master's degree in counseling, and for the first time
in my life, I experienced physical symptoms of anxiety, and
to alleviate those physical symptoms, it felt really good to
(02:51):
fill up my cart and buy something. And I didn't
realize that that's what was happening until I was six
thousand dollars in debt.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
You're listening to dea therapists. We'll be back after a
short break. Now let's hear how things are going for
Hillary a year later.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Hi, this is Hillary. I'm checking back in with you
and your listeners. Over the past year, there's been a
lot of changes. I was taking care of my elderly
mother and she was drinking pretty heavily, and she was
ninety one years old, and she passed away in July
(03:49):
of last year. And then two months later, my older
sister died and she had many health problems, including a
addiction to opiate Yes, so I've been struggling with mourning
their losses. I have connected with a group online for that.
(04:10):
As far as the other things go, I'm doing well
at work. I am a licensed to alcohol and drug
counselor in my state and went from part time to
full time. I've chosen to put my master's program on hold.
I intend to return at spring of twenty twenty three.
(04:32):
I just have a few credits to finish and then
I'll have that degree. As far as the shopping addiction,
I kind of fell off on that. I also had
made a decision and I'm not sure what it had
to do with the death of my family members, but
I quit go into my twelve step support group meetings. However,
(04:55):
that's changed this week. As a matter of fact, I've
found a new meeting, really good one. And the thing
about shopping addiction that I've realized is it's very very
similar to a drug addiction or alcoholism in that the
endorphins are released during a time when you press that button.
(05:19):
My long term focus has been on a trip to Scotland,
which i'd like to do, and I'll be sixty this year,
so I really would like to accomplish that in the
next five years. So I'm actually moving around one day
at a time and trying to stay focused. I really
enjoy my work. I help women and children. I continue
(05:41):
to see a therapist. I've chosen to stay on an antidepressant,
which is helping as far as the shopping goes. I
think I do need to get involved with some extra help.
I've been really isolating a lot when I'm not working,
so that just adds to the triggers of wanting to
(06:01):
get something in the air. Quote get something. Appreciate what
you did for me a year ago, and just so
you and your listeners know, I'm not giving up on
becoming healthier. Thanks a lot.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
So first I want to offer my condolences to Hillary.
Those are two significant losses within a year, both her
mother and her sister, and her sister dying of opiates
when she had that addiction. So this has been a
really difficult year for her, and I think we need
to take the rest of what she said in that context,
that this is a ear of grieving and recovery.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Absolutely, and I think what she's dealing with is intergenerational
trauma where there's that history of addiction in the family
and she wants to be the person to stop it.
And when we think about what a difficult year she's
had in addition to her path, which was incredibly challenging.
I really admire that she is working so hard to
(07:08):
keep going and make things better. So when we talked
to her last year, she was having trouble finishing her
master's program, and yet she's going back and she's doing it,
and even though she struggles with the shopping addiction, she's
going to twelve step and she's setting goals for herself,
and she's doing work that gives her meaning of helping others.
(07:28):
And I think that it's kind of amazing that she's
able to do all of that, given how much challenge
there has been, and I think it really speaks to
her strengths.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
The fact that she went to full time, also because
the job she does is not an easy job, right,
It's an experience she's been through with addiction, and obviously
with the shopping addiction, she's still struggling. So doing that
full time is really admirable and it also I'm sure
helps her finances. The issue with isolating herself is that
addiction often thrives on loneliness, and it's that is really
(08:01):
necessary when you're healing from addiction. The two are really
related in so many ways, and so as she wants
to help herself and move forward, and I hope at
this point she can move a little bit past the
grieving to continue to become healthier. But that I think
by definition, means getting more connected. You have to focus
(08:22):
on your relationships. The fact that she's setting long term
goals I think is really important. But if, for example,
Scotland is a long term goal, then the long term
goal might be go to Scotland with a friend, and
then there are two long term goals and you can
accomplish both, hopefully in the same full soup in a
few years time.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
I remember last year, we gave her an exercise to
write down things that would bring her pleasure, and she
came up with this entire list.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
It was amazing.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
It was amazing, and I didn't hear a lot of that.
I heard her having goals for those kinds of things,
and so I hope she will follow up on that,
but also include that connection piece in terms of what
is going to bring her joy and can she do
some of these things with people. So yeah, she needs
to stop isolating. I think she's definitely a very strong person.
(09:13):
I love what she said at the end about that
she's not giving up on becoming healthier, and we are
here rooting for her the whole way.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Next week, we're in session with Jordan, who wants to
understand how seeing his parents dysfunctional relationship as a child
might have contributed to his own marriage ending after only
two years.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
There were red flags that I ignored. Here's this beautiful
woman that I get along with extremely well, and we
just seem perfect for each other, and we moved in
with each other, and it was within a couple months
I started to realize, wait a second, this just doesn't
seem normal.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
If you're enjoying our podcast, don't forget to subscribe for
fe so that you don't miss any episodes, and please
help support Dear Therapists by telling your friends about it
and leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. Your reviews really
help people to find the show.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
If you have a dilemma you'd like to discuss with us,
email us at Laurie and Guy at iHeartMedia dot com.
Our executive producer is Noel Brown. We're produced and edited
by Josh Fisher, additional editing support by Helena Rosen, John Washington,
and Zachary Fisher. Our interns are Ben Bernstein, Emily Gutierrez
(10:33):
and Silver Lifton. And special thanks to our podcast fairy
Godmother Katie Curic. We can't wait to see you at
our next session. Dear Therapist is a production of iHeartRadio
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com