Ep. 444: Bringing Your Sub Outside Of The Bedroom (Ft. Kasha & Christopher)

This week on Decisions & Decisions, Mandii and Weezy sit down with Kasha and Christopher for a deep dive into ethical non-monogamy, power dynamics, and what it really means to share control. From using submission for structure and rewards, to role-play stories (yes, including a wild nurse fantasy 👀), this episode blends humor, honesty, and insight into how trust and communication shape their unique relationship.

OUT NOW “No Holes Barred: A Dual Manifesto Of Sexual Exploration And Power” w/ Tempest X!
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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say
decisions decisions. It sounded like you was talking to Kirsty.
You definitely say to welcome, Welcome to the new podcast.
Oh you want to say together, decisions decisions. Okay, you
do a good job, dad. We ready, Oh do a
good job daddy.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Y'all heard all that I wanted to like come in
like ooo, but that's a ghost. Apparently I dress like
a bit. You don't even talk Welcome, y'all to apparently think.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
About to show up and do ship like you know,
like I was fucking pea and I would have gave
tinkabella whole accent.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
That ain't even a thing. But anyways, y'all, Welcome to
Decisions Decisions. Happy motherfucking Halloween. Make sure you test your
candy for drugs, because that's what apparently they're doing now
in twenty twenty five, Welcome to a new episode.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
I'm tinker Bell and I'm Gabrielle Union. That is not
her name on the show the movie. Her name is
uh gabriel If you guys are listening, I'm wearing a
clover fit and also just want to tell you my
homegirl and I were looking for the fitsarea was on together.
She's like, you want to get the white girl once?

(01:11):
Since you like, no, I don't that is Oh she
tried it. Well, y'all are in for a special treat.
We have tricks and treats here on today's pod. Yes
we have. Y'all know her as Cash. Y'all know her
as a Nitcherrell.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
Y'all know her as that girl that gives you all
of the sex tips, the looks, the tricks. We have
cashall on the goddamn podcast your Sexologists, Best fee Curious
Lives one orgasm at a time.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
And if you're not familiar, they've actually heard you on
our page. Oh yes, well yeah, well you got to
know me pretty well over there. Yes there, it's a
decisions decision, so it's a little bit more chill. It's
true for.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
The first seven or eight minutes, and then we're we're
also joined by Chrystalapa.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
Because that's how you said it, Chrystal, it was very biggie.
I feel like that's how big he said. And why I'm.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
Excited is because in talking about non traditional relationships, you
two are ethically non monogamous, and I'm really excited to
kind of just lean into what that dynamic of your
relationship looks like. And then we're gonna get into all
the tricks and treats throughout this episode.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
Yes, where are you holding a vibrator? Oh?

Speaker 3 (02:25):
It's my tool of choice, nigga.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
What tool you need today? Am?

Speaker 4 (02:34):
It's like an intimidation tactic like that he does, like
to keep me in check. It's like a threat, like
he starts doing things with it or whatever like, And
the fact that he's across from me now is gonna
make it like even easier for him to like try
to you know, but today I've dressed this Madam Scorpion
aka get over here, right, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
So oh, I'm trying to I'm trying to magnetize who
does this one? Who does this one? More back thought?

Speaker 2 (03:03):
It was thank you you were over there shaking your
head being really judgy.

Speaker 1 (03:09):
Mortar Combat.

Speaker 2 (03:10):
While I don't like video games like that, Mortar Combat
was my ship that and Frogger judge me now across that.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
I you so love making that little bit across the street.
Did you have to hop on the little logs over
the water and water? I forgot about Frogger. I love girl,
I'll meet you. I love Mario. I'm a game. I'm
a game girl like the shoot stop trying to sell
your fucking Patreon and girl, oh talk about that. I'd

(03:37):
be like this whole scamming this high.

Speaker 3 (03:43):
Yeah, she's playing grandto I was like fly of helicopter, Honey. Okay,
can you.

Speaker 1 (03:53):
Guys share what the dynamic of your relationship is, how
y'all got together, and then also just what your boundaries
are and how.

Speaker 4 (04:00):
You choose to play with each other. So okay, okay
go first and daddy go ahead. I I would answer
that reverse order. I think we're still defined in our boundaries. Okay,
we've been together, well now it's almost three years, come
next to Eberar, but like we're still figuring out. I
think what we thought we'd be comfortable with as time
is progressive changed, and then the more things that we

(04:22):
step into, the more things that we do, we're like, oh,
I thought that would bother me, and I's I'm not
that bothered, or okay, know what, that's a little too
intimate for me or whatever. So there are things that
I thought wouldn't bother me that also came up. So
I think in our ethical nominogamy, it's more so just
a matter of being on the same page and if
you're not sure, checking in, how are we feeling about this?

Speaker 1 (04:41):
Do we want to try this? Do we not? I
would say that our policy is to protect the protect.

Speaker 4 (04:46):
Home first, okay, right, So we just go about it
and ask ourselves, is this something that has the ability
to like damage home?

Speaker 1 (04:52):
Right?

Speaker 4 (04:53):
And if it has the ability to damage home, then
we rather do it out. But if it has the
opportunity to make the home more fruitful and plentiful, then
we might saptap.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
What happens if you feel like it could make it
better and he feels like it could damage the home,
like and what things could essentially damage a home in
an ethically non monogamous relationship.

Speaker 3 (05:13):
Well, the way we handle it is we have these
discussions and basically it's like a lawyer presenting the case.
If you can present your case and your case makes sense,
then you proceed. If you can't prove your case, for example,
she can have a sup. She made her case.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
Babe.

Speaker 3 (05:28):
I want someone that can do launder. I want someone
that can, you know, take care of the kids. I
want someone that can rub my feet and I was like.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
Making the kids too. Oh yeah, not a babysitter, not
a cleaner, you said, I want to sub to do
the thing.

Speaker 4 (05:42):
Well, you know what it is like most of the
time for me, it's going to be I've had men
and women, but I wouldn't. I've only trusted women with
my child, my children, Okay, and then they're not introduced
to them. It's like, hey, here's mommy's little little girl's
little princess.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
Whatever. No, they're just like a friend to me. You
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (05:59):
There, there's a period of time in which that person
will be under consideration, like usually three to six months
of where I'm really assessing who they are as a person.
And once I feel like, Okay, this person's good. You
know they're in real life. These people have regular lives,
they have little trust.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
You just throught a whole new way too. That's mommy's friend.

Speaker 4 (06:18):
Because because think about it, how many of us have
had friends that we've introduced to our kids, but also
our friends that we do things with. Right, So you
have to protect the child's innocence, right. So if I
met this woman who by day, for example, I had
a sub. She was the director at a special needs facility.
You know what I'm saying. She had a social work
background and a master's degree in child psychology. Why is

(06:42):
she not a potential person who could be safe for
my child when she is literally qualified in so many
ways to take care of individuals I have an autistic
child or have a child with ADHD, and she literally
had qualifications. Like let's just say if I was screening
her as a nanny, I'd.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
Be like, Okay, you know, you'd be great. You'd be great.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
You judge that first before you judge how sexually attracted
you are to them?

Speaker 1 (07:01):
Like I think what comes first?

Speaker 4 (07:03):
I think yes, because I'm a demisexual, and if I
don't establish a certain type of you could be a
bad You could be bad as hell. But if I
don't feel like you're like we connect in a way
that makes me feel like drawn to you or anything
like that, then it's not gonna go that far anyway, right,
So I think in that situation, you and me connecting
can change my eyes, like my eye when I look

(07:23):
at you, it can change. So I have not had
every person in my life around my because it's only
literally been about two people who've made it that far.
To be exposed to my children and my family, because
my family know me right and everything that I'm into.
So I would say, you have to take into account
who that person is outside of that lifestyle and then

(07:43):
see if you guys also align within the lifestyle. So
she loved cleaning the house, she loved fosing clothes off,
and she had a little bit of a little in
her so she would She's the one who's gonna watch
the Disney movies with them, and she's gonna enjoy Mulan
just like they're majoining Milan.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
She likes color and books in I'm trying to my
face and I'll tell you why. I know, because I
realize sometimes when I look like I'm in shock, I
look like I'm judging, and clearly this is no, no,
not at all us. Yeah, this is probably the first
time I've ever heard of a sub not directly serving
the person. And obviously, like you know, watching children and

(08:21):
engaging with your children is that. But I'm just like, damn,
I never thought of it that way or also even
like in a family dynamic. Yeah, now how do you then?
Because Okay, when a sub does something, they want their reward,
and that's when we get sexual, how do you what
are her rewards?

Speaker 5 (08:36):
Like?

Speaker 3 (08:37):
Then?

Speaker 1 (08:37):
Okay, so you let hold on? You let not Christopher Wallace.
You you giggling about the rewards, Okay.

Speaker 4 (08:54):
So it started off with her just being interested in
serving me.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
Right.

Speaker 4 (08:58):
Technically, she is also identified as a lesbian right at
the time when we when we met her, because we
both met her in the same SPINTI what, you fucked her?

Speaker 1 (09:07):
No, I'm just going well, she said, technically she was
a lesbian. Okay, okay, okay, she identified as a lesson
work identified and I respect a person's identity.

Speaker 4 (09:18):
Okay, But what it was is that, like I met
her the first time she got together with me. Outside
of that, we went to like she came with me
to a live show to be my support, so I
can see how she assisted me in a professional capacity.

Speaker 1 (09:30):
She was so she came in a little white button
down shirt and everything. I was like, oh serious. She
had my snacks and you know, my favorite drinks and
stuff in the car, and I was like me, one
of them got a little potential here. I liked it.

Speaker 3 (09:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:41):
People, It's so funny because people went in the back,
you know, backstage area while we were getting ready for it,
and you know, she was just like feeding my food
and pulling up my boots, and everybody was just like,
I think I'm doing everything wrong in life, and all
I had to do was start fuckings.

Speaker 4 (09:54):
But you got to think about it, like in BDS
and everybody looks at it from the pro side or
people who do it just for monetization. There are people
who live this right and they have living slaves, they
have people who you know, and if you think about
it from going back in time, those butlers and people
who handle the properties and all those type of things,
technically those that was like a house of service. So

(10:15):
for me, if you're gonna fit into my lifestyle, this
is not just a one off thing. I need to
see how you operate in each of them. So she
would do that, she would do, you know, different things.
After about three or four months, that was the first
time I introduced her to my little ones. I was like, hey,
this is much like just like I would introduce any
other female friends. And it was a good connection. Her

(10:35):
reward system was pretty simple. She really she responded to
She loved rough play, she loved heavy impact or whatever
the case is. And then also I was kind of
working with her on building her confidence. So a lot
of stuff that I would do sometimes would be forcing
her to affirm herself through pleasure or whatever the cases.
So sometimes it was with toys or whatever the cases,
but typically it would be that she could It could

(10:57):
be climbing in my bathtub with me and just like
laying there or whatever the case is, wanting.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
You a little more.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
By by the way, you were probably the best affirmer
I've ever not because we we.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
Check that out.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
Y'all could hear what I got to experience. And literally,
words of affirmations is my last love language. But oh yeah,
I don't need you to tell me I'm bitch. I
am so like I'm not someone who needs that that
kind of, like everything else comes first, words of affirmations
is last. However, receiving them from you in the capacity

(11:37):
that I received it in Jamaica, I know, I swear
to God. I was like, and I don't know if
you're I love that You're gonna give us some examples
of it. But when I tell you I had never
it made my pussy jump a little bit. And my
pussy had already just just done a lot. But being
affirmed by you in after care, O you when I

(12:01):
tell you maybe one of the best experiences in terms
of that. So would love for you to give what
that is like for her.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
Well, so let's do a little role play of with
what forced affirmation looks like. Okay, so I'm gonna give
you that scenario of like, so you can understand she
had just gotten a new promotion but wasn't really feeling
like she deserved it. People were you know how it
is when you get the job that every other people wanted,
they have this way of saying she didn't deserve it
and X, Y and z. So, for example, it might
sound crazy, but like, let's just say you came to

(12:31):
me you had a stressle dead at work. People were
being shady, people were.

Speaker 4 (12:34):
This and this and that, and I'm like, we're gonna
reset that, right, And so it could start off with
like mild touch and decompression and kind of just taking
a moment to get center. But once I start bringing
pleasure into play, right, it's like I'm gonna spank you
until you tell me you deserve that job. Oh right,
And there's a lot of like really intense connection. But
it might be just like, how are you feeling right now,

(12:54):
and she could say, I'm tell the truth, I'm not
feeling worthy.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
Okay. What is our goal today? What are we working on.
We're working on me feeling better about myself. Okay, and
by the end of this you will feel better about yourself. Correct.

Speaker 4 (13:08):
Yes, it's true, you see, and it brings the little girl.
I'm so happy you did this. Yeah, but it's a
it's a it's a response of like you just want
to at first, the day has already been kicking your ass,
and people have already been hating on you, and you're
already feeling like that.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
Right.

Speaker 4 (13:26):
I'm not looking to punish you and make you feel
worse at this point, but technically I call it punishment, right, cute,
let's have a good time. So it could start off
with those things. It could start off with me grabbing
her face and choking and telling me are you worthy?

Speaker 1 (13:40):
Do you think you deserve me choking your face right now? No? No, no,
I'm not gonna lie so powerful.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
Oh my fucking god, no, literally, and and I think
even hearing and I guess that's the other dynamic I
do want to ask. I know y'all are switches, but
who's more If I'm watching you. If y'all are watching
on YouTube, you have a very dominant presence. What's crazy
is again, if you're watching, you see him and you

(14:11):
would think dominance, but he comes across so soft in
your presence. And that was something that was so dope
to witness, because when you think of a big, strong man,
you immediately think of someone who just is dominant, is powerful.
And again, if you guys listen to the Patreon episode,
one of the reasons why I wanted to have y'all

(14:33):
on is because you your presence gives dominance, but also
you're much shorter than you appear.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
It's so funny. Yes, yeah, yes, really I disagree. Oh no, five,
But people, I'm like, because how five, I'm feel tall
of you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:51):
But then meeting him and thinking that he would soften you,
you softened him in a way that I hadn't seen done.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
To a man who presents like physically like you.

Speaker 3 (15:04):
Well, with her, you know, she's very dominant, but she
comes she is submissive with me. Okay, so I get
the soft side. Okay, people don't get you know what
I'm saying. She's over here, you know, bump of people
around giving orders. This that you know, go ahead, go now.
She be trying to boss me on. Sometimes I feel
like YO, shut off sign.

Speaker 1 (15:25):
You know what you are. You are the classic example
of whenever I used to day falling. Bring a little
teddy bear right and everybody in the club be scared
of you, and I'll be like my man, right, love.

Speaker 3 (15:38):
But she has this thing of taking care of a
lot of people. People relying her, People depend on her.
They calling her everything, every little thing, you know what
I'm saying. So who takes care of her? And that's
why you see whenho I take care of her, she
takes everybody. I take care of her.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
And I think that that was the best thing that
I saw. And I don't know y'all's love languages, but service.
While you were teaching people, while you were affirming everyone,
while you were just being you what, It's almost like
you read her mind immediately. You were up getting her napkins,
wiping her if she was sweating, baby, do you need water?
And I think for a lot of men, how they

(16:16):
can show up with a powerful woman, you don't A
lot of times they either don't know where they sit
to the back. So it's really dope just seeing you
no shame showing.

Speaker 3 (16:25):
Up to serve her in that space, this woman. You
know what I'm saying, It's like, if not me, then who.

Speaker 1 (16:37):
Let's talk about someone judging on the outside and thinking like, oh,
she was slapping him up.

Speaker 4 (16:43):
Oh you know what, you know I should say this, right, Yeah,
he brings the little girl out of me too. He
brings the teenage girl out of me too. But I
think because I'm the eldest of not just my my
mother's children, but like the generation of those children, I'm
the first grand the first whatever.

Speaker 1 (16:59):
So I'm I used to leadership roles.

Speaker 4 (17:01):
I went to a military school, okay, so also was
a commanding officer in my school. So I'm used to
like being the person who has that order of control
or whatever the case is.

Speaker 1 (17:11):
That's a natural role for me. Right.

Speaker 4 (17:14):
Having somebody who you can be submissive to really means
having someone whose leadership you can trust.

Speaker 1 (17:20):
Right.

Speaker 4 (17:20):
And when I say that is there's a lot of
guys out there who think dominance looks raw raw.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
Or just because you're a big dude, you gotta post up.

Speaker 4 (17:28):
I said from him, like maybe three weeks into dating,
he has this suggestive dominance, right, And I knew, U ha,
I have this, I will tell you guys, And it
was like altering to me. The moment I knew I
could be submissive to him was actually year one. Three
weeks later, my birthday was coming up, right, and typically

(17:49):
I'm planning everything, I'm telling everybody way to me, and
I really didn't want those responsibilities.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
But I have a car that can hold eight people.

Speaker 4 (17:56):
My family is used to me being sometimes the person
who pick up everybody to get them there. And I
was talking about that and he was like, well, honey,
I was thinking, and this is the suggestion, right, I
was thinking that you could park your car or leave
your car with them.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
You know, I would be with you.

Speaker 4 (18:12):
I could drive you up there, drive with you up there,
you leave the car and I'll bring you back. I
will drive you where we're going on your birthday, because
if you're driving your car, you become the designated driver
and then you're not having as much fun as.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
You would want to on your birthday. All right, just
so thoughtful. How do you go? How do you combat that?
How do I you almost lookteriaized.

Speaker 4 (18:32):
You know, it's like, how do I say to that person,
I'm doing what I want that makes no logical sense.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
I'd be fighting my own.

Speaker 4 (18:40):
Like, you know, you're right, Actually, I can't get fucked
up if I gotta drive, So that night on him,
I'm facing the bottle jack and not a care in
the world. It's not a care in the world. And
you just see him look like security like he always do,
and she's like that.

Speaker 1 (18:54):
Just you know, I'm having a moment that I don't
even know with you. And I hate to say this
out loud because I've just found a great love and
a lot of my homegirls are single. But when my
friends have been through pain, when they're the one that
everybody leans on in the family and they get a
good fucking man, cause niggas ain't shit. But when you
get the ones that are, yeah, you're just like and

(19:17):
it really can be healing a bit, not because of
the man, but just because of you get to finally
have a caretaker a bit girl friend was a caretaker
from me too. You know. It's not always male presenting,
but like just to have that in your life when
you are like the leader of a household, like I'm
my parents are my kids, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (19:36):
So it's like, what do you do, They're all it's
the same. I'm in the same space when it comes
to out with your own parents. You're a thousand percent
on it.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
And I tell people all the time, even in my relationship,
I've navigated a lot, depression all of that, and people
are like, how how does it hit you now? And
I'm like, I finally felt safe enough to fall apart. Right.

Speaker 4 (19:51):
So, even those type of things, when you're the person
who's always having to have the answers, there's no room
for you to not be you know, within your power
at all times or whatever the case is. So I
became a master compartmentalizer, right. I knew how to like, oh,
let me talk this here, I'll come back to it
later maybe right. And then I started to realize over time,
while I was going to therapy and quote unquote doing

(20:13):
the work or whatever, which I did at the point
of what I could until I had somebody in my
life him right, who I realized that when I'm not
at a hundred, he's at a two hundred.

Speaker 1 (20:27):
Right.

Speaker 4 (20:27):
That's what made me realize, like, you don't have to
be that person all the time. You can say today's
a shitty day. I don't have it in me today.
I didn't there was no room for those.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
I think a lot of dominant independent women who again
are in those positions, find it hard to sometimes be
like I ain't got it today because they always have
to have it. So to find a partner that you
could say that too, and you could be like, it
ain't in me today, and you feel like he can
pick up or they can pick up, because it could
be you know, either, or is great to experience when

(21:02):
you do experience.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
Yeah, And that's I think where the switch comes in
because if you look at the relationship, he's the lead,
hands down, right, he's the lead.

Speaker 4 (21:10):
But we also look at it in a situation of
based on a scenario circumstance, who's the best to lead?

Speaker 1 (21:17):
Right? I have skill sets that it's like, okay, yeah,
you could be demand.

Speaker 4 (21:20):
So for the sake of pounding your chest, we're gonna
take the harder road, even though I'm qualified to make
this road or this trip an hour lesson time. We're
just gonna do that for the sake of pounding your chest.
It's a lot of those dudes, y'all know what I mean.
And it's just kind of like how many women just
sit back and be like okay, and then the end,
I don't have a man who is too prideful to

(21:42):
say this is for you to lead, right, That to
me is that I don't want to ask too.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
Before we get to some of our segments for the
show today, she pled her case for the sub.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
I would love to know what case you want.

Speaker 3 (21:58):
I I try to believe arcade, but she was like,
I'm your sub, and I was like, all right.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
Cash to have another way to have another sub.

Speaker 3 (22:06):
Yeah, Like but that favored me. But she's my sub
and she said I could do all the things.

Speaker 1 (22:12):
That you now tell me. Where does to me? I'm
surprised at that one because it's not super intimate, which
most of us ethically nominogaus clubles like. We don't want
nobody getting too my man. Tell me what about that
made you uncomfortable? I'll tell you this.

Speaker 4 (22:28):
I think it was at the time, because this is important, right,
this is almost a year ago that that conversation took place.
At the time, we were still fortifying us, right, I
had when we met, I was already in the life
of being in these things and having subs or whatever case.
This is more like a continuation, but more so, I
needed him to understand what service he needed. So you

(22:50):
have to play the case of outside of what I
do for you, what is going to be needed? And
at the time I didn't feel like he had that answer.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
And also, what what am I not willing to do?

Speaker 2 (23:00):
I think that when I think of ethical non monogamy,
I don't believe anyone should go without. Yeah, And so
if we're in a relationship, like I remember the conversation
being around like I like to pay.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
Clearly you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (23:15):
A lot of my partners, probably every partner that I've
been with, was not into it. And so the conversation
became not if I could just go fuck whoever just
to fuck him. If there's a kink or thing that
I desire that you're not down for, can I do
it with someone else? And so hearing you talk about that,
it's like, Okay, well was there something and clearly there wasn't.

(23:38):
But did he want something that you weren't willing to do?
And clearly at that point you were like I didn't
feel so, But I mean you, what do you feel, babe?

Speaker 3 (23:47):
Answer?

Speaker 1 (23:48):
You still don't have an answer. Maybe it's just pleasure seeking.
Maybe it's just the idea of or is it? Could
it be that? I think sometimes with sub and dom
rolls deep relationships or committed relationships. That's what I meant. Maybe, Kasha,
you can't donald way you want? You do you feel
like maybe another stub you could go harder with? Like

(24:09):
what do you think it could be well with her?

Speaker 3 (24:12):
Basically it's a blank canvas. Okay, I can definitely shoot
in time. She's like, choke me hard. I'm like, okay,
you know that's my gentle flower. So I'd be like, okay, or.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
So I just told him yesterday we were we were
about to have sex. I was like, he is such
like a gentleman with his sexual requests, like not like
I've never heard him say come just like suck or whatever.

Speaker 4 (24:41):
Never ever ever have he has he ever said that
to me? But he would like, honey, I would like
some head if you would be willing.

Speaker 3 (24:50):
No, I can't do it. He's not where are you
from from Brooklyn?

Speaker 1 (24:54):
You are in Brooklyn, Flatbush? You from Flatbush?

Speaker 4 (24:59):
You'll get sucked by Okay, wait he's I mean he's
he's grew up with a lot of respect to parent, household.
Parents married for five decades type. So his I mean,
you know, he's got to I think for him it's
a respect thing.

Speaker 1 (25:12):
Do you be wanting. Oh yeah, he's gotten he's gotten
better with it. He's gotten better with But in the
beginning anything, that's where the boundaries came in. In the beginning,
saying like bitch to me wasn't was a boundary from
he he couldn't do it, so so I would be
in bed I like, I like slut, like horror, like
bitch and depending on the context, right.

Speaker 4 (25:31):
So instead the trade off was like, while we be
doing things, I might say I'm a message, right am
I such an I would say it and let him
confirm it, so like until I felt like he's comfortable
if he's never comfortable with it. I was also okay
with me being the one to say it and him
just agree, yes you are you goodness, just tell me
what I need to hear.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
But I think that that's where that's where I say,
you define in the boundaries.

Speaker 4 (25:54):
I cannot overstep the fact that he's somebody who's been
raised his whole life to not be that dude and
then tell him to suddenly be that dude comfortably.

Speaker 1 (26:02):
It would not be real because that dude is the
reason you fell in love. Yeah, and it wouldn't be
authentic like that dude is the one that drove the car.
That's the problem. We thinking we want some fucking rough
nig all the tongue. I mean, don't you know what
I mean? You want Krystal.

Speaker 3 (26:16):
But I.

Speaker 4 (26:21):
Say, though, what I will say is at the time
she started off with service to me, eventually she had
gotten so comfortable with him, like because of just who
he is, and she he didn't have the creepish tendencies
that men had that made her uncomfortable. So over time
she also didn't just serve me like she might have
been dedicated to me. But if she brought me food,

(26:42):
he was brought food if I couldn't you know he was.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
In the hospital for a while one point after a
serious car accident, and when I had to like travel
and she was still back, she would go to the
hospital and checking on him and take things and do
so she he still received service from the person who
was serving me. And now I think we're at a
point because we've co topped. We were as a pot.
We now we have both together tag teamed and topped

(27:08):
these words. How then am I still here public learning
a new gender?

Speaker 4 (27:12):
Yeah, co top like co top, So like you know,
in a in a in a BDS setting, you're having
a scene, the bottom being the democrats because not everybody
identifies a sub or you know, different things, So the
bottom being the person who's demonstrated, on the top being
the people who are facilitating.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
So we have together co top kind of right, kind
of what you so, yeah, it would be considered top
with you and marvelous. So we've both taken.

Speaker 4 (27:41):
Both of us have stepped into our dominant at the
same time and taken on a submissive at In fact,
that's the technically when I'm when she I was, you know,
and she was just looking at it whispering. I was like,
because I'm trying to I'm trying to make sure you
don't have too many bleeps to do here, but we're
already oh well, I'm a sucking dick. And she was

(28:02):
looking at it with this like salivating look, and I'm like,
for lesbian, you see, really interested in this, Like like
I'm in a room just casually this when she was
like cleaning the kitchen and stuff and she has to
come in the room and put something down and she
just cleaned the kitchen while I am yeah, and so
she was just like again, she was like, Goddess, you
just make it look so tasty, and I was like,

(28:24):
you want to taste it? But then but then I
had to talk to her like, let's be play. Let's
make sure that this is what you want right because
coheresion is not the thing.

Speaker 1 (28:32):
We do over here. And you told me that this
was a boundary for you, and now you're looking like
you want to crush your own boundaries. So we had
to have a long talk. But after that talk, how
long was the talk before she got on her knee
before he got sought? It wasn't that long. And he
wasn't gonna get soft at the thought of any of this. So,
so you know, here casually, so you're sure you feel
like you sure you don't, you know, babe, how do

(28:56):
you feel about this? And so you know, so what
she said was teach me. Oh yeah, he was a
good teacher. You know, hey, my middle name, What the
fuck is going through your hair? And this bitch Kobe.

Speaker 3 (29:10):
I was like, this is happening. Cool, that's cool. You
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (29:14):
The problem I'm with it I might of like, yeah,
I love invent he was, yeah, he he be turned
into a little he should have showed this, you know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (29:28):
But in my mind, I was definitely wilent. I was like,
this is happening because you was.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
Waiting for it in your mind. But in your mind
you also knew that this was something.

Speaker 4 (29:37):
That just like she said, I've experienced that and it's
not the first time I've got it a penis into
someone's mouth.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
So this is right up my alley here, right here here,
this is the friend of them. So I'm giving her
teach this this that you want to put a little
bit of pressure out of me. Yeah, yeah, And then
I was affirming her, Oh, you're doing so good. Open
your mouth a little while. I want you to breathe
down this.

Speaker 4 (29:58):
And so after a while, since you know, she got
she started to get a little more comfortable, and then
you know, we were doing it together and I'm like, okay,
just meet me at the top and kiss me each
time and whatever whatever, and she was just like okay,
and I'm like, you're doing good.

Speaker 1 (30:09):
So but she liked her hair being pulled.

Speaker 4 (30:10):
At one point, I'm grabbing her hair I'm spanking her,
and as I start doing those things, now she starts
going harder and harder, and I'm like, she do a good.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
Job for the first time. That was her first. Yeah,
she was a lesbian, but was she identified?

Speaker 4 (30:27):
I feel like she's I feel like she has you know,
everybody has their college days. She definitely spoke to me
about her college days. But I don't think that she
ever really had an attraction to.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
Twenty years you win. I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 4 (30:39):
Yeah, it was pretty it was pretty interesting, but in
the end, and it was well what I probably should
mentioned this also, my friend was there eeping because it
was my birthday weekend.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
But oh wait, wait, wait wait, this was the whole
thing was filmed. It was like impromptu, my homegirl. Let
me tell you, gotta have the right friends you had
y'all got to have the right friends. She saw what
was going down, she was like, everybody go with on. Cool.
If you actually listen to the audio of what was
going on, She's like, wait, wait, she was cleaning in
the kitchen. Where was your friend in the living room.

(31:10):
In the living room, you get content?

Speaker 3 (31:12):
What was going on?

Speaker 1 (31:13):
We weren't making content, but the minute that these things straight.
She came into the room when she so my friend
happened to leave the living room and noticed what was
going on in the bedroom, and I said, I said,
She was like, this was your your birthday wish Green said,
you wanted to suck on some day girls.

Speaker 4 (31:29):
So that's all my friends talking. She got the little
southernish kind of like soft toe. So once she realized
what was going on, and it starts out with me
doing this, and then she comes over to my sub
and she was like, go please your go.

Speaker 1 (31:41):
She was like ahead, she was like, go ahead, go
please your goddess. So she starts she was like, you're
doing such a good job. Look she likes it. So
she starts affirming her and it's soft like she sounds
like the person you find the way if y'all were
watching on know me mezy just saying here like anytime
I can hear somebody have a more slutty life to me,
I'm like, whoa, this is real. And I think, you know,

(32:03):
I'm trying to do a good job and not. And
we're like Mandy's outlining a bit. You're you're you're actually
the problem, y'all. We are thirty five minutes, y'all niggas
got too much? Do y'all live together?

Speaker 3 (32:12):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (32:12):
Yeah, yeah, let's ask because I feel like us watching
home and us on the couch, we're like, how often
are y'all fucking? Because we watch couples like this on
a show, like decision decisions, horrible decisions. We're like, oh,
they must have you know, it's all the time, Like,
is it really like this, y'all? Fuck? Every day? Ah?

(32:33):
Every day? Not every day.

Speaker 3 (32:36):
It could be every day if time permits every day.
But there were me working, you know, being tired sometimes,
but if it's like a day off, yes, every day.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
What supplements are you taking to get you ready to go?
Every goddamn baby?

Speaker 4 (32:49):
It's the hormone surge that you get when you got
the right person. I don't need a supplement. He drives
the dopamine for sure.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
Oh I don't think.

Speaker 4 (32:58):
I think that that's the biggest thing with arousal that
people miss. Right, your body literally is gonna respond your nerve.
You have somebody who relaxes the nervous system. That's the
first thing because most people want to it with like
some anxiety. I don't have that right when you have a.

Speaker 1 (33:11):
Person who's touch literally like sues you.

Speaker 4 (33:14):
He has like these super warm I call them like
natural heated warmers or whatever. Like I'm always cold as ship,
and then as soon as he touches me, everything warms up.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
So the Kevin gate hands is curzy. They're they're they're
always no, they're very always warm. It's like if you
get a massage, it's like building hot stones.

Speaker 4 (33:31):
So so he touches me, and I'm like, you know,
but also, I don't have any emotional trauma in my relationship.
I don't have any argument that still comes to the
next argument. I don't have like every time we go
through something, it feels like the first time we went
through something.

Speaker 1 (33:46):
In the past.

Speaker 4 (33:47):
I've had relationships where every time they do something, I'm
like you that last time is Cincinnati.

Speaker 1 (33:53):
I think resolution is super cy like.

Speaker 4 (33:56):
And so we can literally end a conversation and step
right into it because after it's done, it's done.

Speaker 1 (34:01):
We don't fight each other.

Speaker 4 (34:02):
We fight the circumstance, right, and so it's never a
matter of where I'm feeling like he talked to me
a certain way or I talk to him a certain way.

Speaker 1 (34:10):
It's like this is my point, this is my perspective.
Here's your point, your perspective, where we.

Speaker 4 (34:13):
Land in, right, So, because I don't have a person
who triggers me twenty four to seven or whatever the
case is, it's like my body's always available.

Speaker 2 (34:21):
And that's probably the problem with a lot of people
and how they date. They get people that reminds them
of the last nigga who did the fucked up shit.
And so now you're coming in being triggered at everything
he's doing because it's reminding.

Speaker 1 (34:35):
You or the last one pretty much.

Speaker 2 (34:43):
So we're gonna get into truth and there, oh ya,
I'm gonna start off with you know, I'm gonna make
it simple. It's the Halloween episode. Bitches is dressing up.
So I'm gonna have both of y'all do the truth
and I'm gonna have you do the dare. Okay, So
for the truth in the spirit of Halloween, if y'all
have had to do a fun role play, which characters

(35:05):
would you choose for each other and set the scene?
So in terms of dressing up role playing and if
you've done it already, would love to know the story,
but just bringing her costume into it, clearly you know
we was dressed up and dressed up every day. But like,
if you could turn her into a character and play
out a.

Speaker 1 (35:24):
Scene, what what would it be?

Speaker 3 (35:28):
I think it will be the sexy nurse she was okay,
she had the fish nets. No, but I will pretend
I'd be like, oh my god, I need to lay down. Yo.
She is great at role play and she's great at
dressing up, and so.

Speaker 1 (35:46):
The nurse is your favorite. He's gotten the nurse though,
but just not in costume because when he was in
the hospital, you was role playing in the hospital.

Speaker 3 (35:55):
Yes, she was Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 (35:59):
In the hospital, wait for technically I know my way
around the body. Now your whole ass went up the
mouse sign nine and then what I just like? He
was you telling baby?

Speaker 3 (36:10):
Oh, so let me tell what happened. Right, I couldn't
walk yet, so literally couldn't walk.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
Shot at his whole femur. Can you role playing in
the hospital? See, let's go.

Speaker 3 (36:21):
So she comes in with the heels. She had like
a blue body suit with like the mink. She had shades.

Speaker 6 (36:28):
You know what I'm saying exaggerated click clack, click clack,
click clack.

Speaker 3 (36:32):
She said, hey, y'all here to help my man walk.
And I was like, no, said, I have my two
homegirls there. She just basically was like, all right, can
you can you bring that to him?

Speaker 1 (36:41):
So I was like damn.

Speaker 3 (36:43):
I was like, was my friends come on? Don't do that?
So that she's over there and they leave Eventually next
you know, she's like, all right, close the door, it's
time for nurse Kinky. And I was like, he had
a roommate too on others, So that she's over there.
We had like a I had like a support thing.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
I had like a oh his vds and bad we're
not yes, Oh my god. The thing at the top
and it was like the little hook thing or whatever.
It looked like you put a spreader bar. And I
was like, why is there a building? No, it's it's
your it's the way you view life. No one knows
in there. There are different people, you know. I did

(37:22):
the pilate ship with the with the four poster one
yether day and it's this is like the one that
if y'all saw the video pilates by Raven. This is
the white pilates to me, I get up there and
the girls told to Brady say, I said, oh, it's
kind of kinky. She said no, it's kind of a workout.
Oh nothing correct up here up the road, nurse Kinky.

Speaker 3 (37:43):
So then at that point, you know, with the medication
they kept giving me, I thought I had like ed
now because you know, really close to the hip, close
to the So I was like, babe, I'm being hard
at all. And she was like, oh, we're gonna fix that.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
And he has like there's someone that can hear all
of this happening, just retrospect.

Speaker 4 (38:07):
But I honestly wasn't even thinking about him for me. Okay,
you gotta imagine you walk into a room. You see
the love of your life completely on a bed, can't
do anything for themselves, can't stand, can't whatever, couldn't even
pull himself up.

Speaker 1 (38:19):
He's holding the phone dog with his mother and the
phone is falling. He couldn't do anything.

Speaker 4 (38:22):
And he was on like heavy nerve suppressants right to
help with the pain, but nerves are also with drive,
the nerve endings.

Speaker 1 (38:28):
In the lord. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (38:29):
So like he's sitting here speaking to me and after
all of this now he's worried that his dick is
not going to return after all of this is over.
So I am in the head space I don't care
about nothing else. By the time I leave here today, he.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
Gonna know that Nick is doing fine. Okay, I don't
want you worried about that. We have to get you
on your toes, my friend, so what youre doing him?
So then so then I waited to my, my, my,
my whole fanny because I always got a fanny pack,
you know, I like to be hands free. Always got
a little lube, a little bullet, a little.

Speaker 4 (38:58):
Something there, and so I was just like playing with
sensations to see what he would respond to. But I
was like holding on to the top of the medias
in bed and I was like hanging over him, and
I was like, spank me, you know, doing all these
things or whatever the case is. And I was like,
spank me right now, and you know threatening if you don't,
I'm gonna turn it up. Like was it a light
sank because he was injured. He was starting off with

(39:19):
this little small thing, but then after a while he
gave me like a grab spank and I was like yeah,
oh yeah, Like so I'm talking about babe. So you know,
as I was like rubbing it through the blanket first
and then next under the blanket and just talking to
him here. Yeah, look at my big boy, you just
right there with that big fact, you know, drugging like

(39:39):
you know what I'm saying, just check your blood pressure.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
He said, that's my nurse. That's how I know. I'll
tell you what.

Speaker 4 (39:48):
He started to feel the reaction, and you know, I
was like, oh, let's see. I put my lips down
there for a few seconds, you know, just to kind
of whatever. And I was like, you're gonna walk to
that bathroom soon or whatever. You know, I'm going affirmed that.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
It worked. He was. He knew at the end of
that day he did that he was not going to
be a problem. It's gonna help every medical professional if
listening and can't get their patient where they need to go.
You just got to affirm him. Now, I wouldn't suggest
you go touch on people. Yeah, don't go touch don't
lose your jobs.

Speaker 4 (40:17):
But honestly, I think it's just a matter of like
everything is in the mind in his head because he
was trying to get it to do whatever and it wasn't.
And now he's got this woman who he knows, the
Cincinnati Like that's a big fear.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
Imagine coming out of a cry accident, thinking I might
not ever be able to have upset. I am you
did the dare without me even reading it.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
There was literally a five cents fantasy describe a thirty
second scene with touch tastes down the site.

Speaker 1 (40:46):
And I did. I tasted it. I touched it. You
tested and melted. Yeah, I was talking to it. I
was talking to him. I fed him fried rice after.
It was great, like we had you know, it was
you know, for anyone in the thing that's not a DOM,
I think a great tip for me to you. The
nurse scenario is the easiest one because that nigga gonna

(41:08):
get sick one day, he gonna have a body ache,
something's gonna happen, and it's the perfect way to turn
into a DOM. You don't think when you hear sexy
nurse and patient that it's BDS or like dom bottoms up,
but it actually is. It was my first time I
ever died my man. We were going to a wedding,
but he was too tired. We hung over from the
night before and he was laid out on the couch.
He's like, I can't do it, and I was like, hey,

(41:30):
then I have to bring you back to help. But
I do you have to put your dick out. I
have to help you, have to have to heal you.
You need me that nigga got right, let's go. I'm
here for you. You're gonna stand. You're gonna walk that
all three legs anyway to dom all three legs. Now,
I wanna I want to get into our reactionary because
I saw Wait, let me say this real quick.

Speaker 4 (41:51):
I'm gonna need you to come home and keep the
uniform on one day. That's my fantasy. Okay, wait, whoa right?

Speaker 1 (41:57):
He he already works right and he has your gear.
Oh those natures. But I that's what you want him to.

Speaker 4 (42:04):
I just want him to tell me what the next
stop is. I want him to show me with the
tracks are. I want you to show me with the
with the roads lead. I want you to signal mind.

Speaker 1 (42:14):
You know you get what I'm saying. I want you
to get in my platform. You know I want to
get on the same Yeah, I want you to. I
want to get on the She wanted to do this
role play? Yeah, yeah, she asked for it. You feel
like you gotta have a freshirt ready like Chris Brown
d Express train to make it local if you want, I'm.

Speaker 3 (42:35):
Fine with that too, be like, yeah, I want to
work and not really go to work and just come
back in the uniform.

Speaker 1 (42:39):
Okay, I'm being real, but I don't know if you
drive me. But I always wanted to fuck every time
because you know, they be looking good and they be
looking at you. When you get off the train, you
see and the niggas be pulling up, I'd be like,
we just talked about this last night. They're not they
do you know what makes you a pussy jump to
when they see that you missed it? But they opened
the door and they open the door for you. That
is so nangy. Thank you me like me, I'm I'm

(43:05):
gonna sit in the car right next to your little
little just show a TV because I was running so late.
Thank you so much. I want to come Roger.

Speaker 2 (43:16):
It's so funny because my ex was a was a
retire firefighter and I wanted to fuck him in the
firefighter uniform. But then do you know they're not allowed
to even bring him home because there's so much like
it and they're heavy, and I was like, I want
the real I would literally go on Amazon and look
at the goddamn firefighter like costumes. None of them hit

(43:38):
like the real ship and they were like. He was like,
we're not allowed to even bring them home, like there's
too much chemicals.

Speaker 1 (43:43):
What the other one firefighters? Yeah, wait, you want and
I want you.

Speaker 4 (43:47):
I want him to do it, not the little uniform
because you know they be fake their uniform sometimes they
won't do it all the way.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
I want the conductor's hat with the little that want
to be saved. So well, the conductor ain't saving nobody,
he just riding. You gotta save one place opening doors period. Okay,
look oh you like when the door open, it was
like welcome.

Speaker 3 (44:12):
Literally crazy.

Speaker 1 (44:16):
Okay, you know, I see you want to be a
little wait are you looking? No, I'm not because I
saw the Dominican sex worker video.

Speaker 3 (44:24):
Yo.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
That ship yo, what is that? What's y'all? You gotta
go and.

Speaker 3 (44:30):
See this video?

Speaker 1 (44:31):
It says me pretending to be a Dominican processes. Wait,
oh that's the road for you know, dominic you're gonna
sucking my pussy. I don't want nothing.

Speaker 3 (44:42):
She was awesome, he said. At all she had the
voice was a little horse from the trip.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
Because you because they say I don't have nothing, like
I can't give him them like I I thought I
had it there, I reached down because they touch it
that they just so.

Speaker 2 (45:09):
When I tell you, what made you just randomly jump
into the scene of a Dominican prostitute.

Speaker 3 (45:15):
I don't know she's happy, she just does ship have y'all.

Speaker 1 (45:20):
I said to him, I couldn't figure out where I
put our passports coming back from Jamaica, right, So I
was like, I'm gonna have to get up there and
start sex working for them. They just like I thought
I had and I put it inside and I know
I tried that. I don't know. So then I just

(45:43):
never stopped.

Speaker 3 (45:44):
You don't get you out of Jamaica.

Speaker 1 (45:48):
It was gonna show. It was gonna keep my ass there.
And this isn't a good episode for people that are
in a struggling relationships because y'all need happy, y'all have everything.
This is too much wealth in to happen.

Speaker 4 (46:00):
Well, you know, you have to be like after someone
has had a one year recovery, after someone has had
a full on depression, and like you have to find
a way to like laugh all the time, like our
teenage kids run the relationship right, and then the adults
like payper your kids are five and I have the
older one it's fourteen, And what about your kids?

Speaker 3 (46:19):
My daughter's nine nine. But what she meant was the
kids within us, the middles within us.

Speaker 1 (46:25):
Yeah, like our teenagers are are we break out the house.

Speaker 4 (46:28):
We slide down the side of the house, like we
that's the that's the like break out the hell yeah
kind of Like eighty percent of the time we act
like wild teenagers with each other and then like when
we have to do adult things, we step into the
adult thing sucks, it's annoying, and adulting is the part
that in relationships makes the relationship no longer fun.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
It's the bills, it's the parenting, it's the cleaning. Exactly.
Fuck we're in.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Now, we're living in goddamn cheetoh land, Like it is scary,
like with what just happening in the world. So to
be able to go back to a time where politics
doesn't matter, don't matter, we just want to go out
and have fun and sneak having sex.

Speaker 1 (47:08):
That makes it.

Speaker 4 (47:09):
That's the teenage side. Like it's not the little girl
because the little girls good, she's there. Sometimes she gets
a little daddy whatever whatever, But most of the time
it's like, no, I want to be a liberated teenager
or whatever the case is, not a care in the world,
but also like old enough to be somewhat like your sign.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
Pisces and Aquarius. What Auary not crying? But I also don't. Okay,
so I know you had, but I want to ask
you this because being together for three years, even everything
you just said, I'm gonna play this clip from Shane O'Neill,
and she talks about something that I think a lot

(47:47):
of people deal with in terms of relationships, and this
is what she had to say.

Speaker 5 (47:54):
The thing that I wish somebody had told me is
that there will be different versions of me as I
get oldered depletely different versions of me, and those different
versions require different people, different spaces, different words, different careers sometimes.
So I wish somebody had had told me that, Hey,

(48:15):
the plan you have at twenty five, and you got
this whole career and everything planned. I want this many
kids and a husband, or I don't want a husband.
Whatever it is that's so gonna change by thirty and
thirty five, Like your whole perspective, You're going to have
to reintroduce yourself to that person every single time, and

(48:35):
the people around you are going to have to re
meet that person, Yeah, every single time.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
So I brought that up because I want to talk
about in terms of relationships. For whatever reason, there's never
the conversation of who you're meeting right now and you're
one if we want to be together for a long time,
this isn't gonna be the person in five years from now.

Speaker 1 (48:58):
Again based on career.

Speaker 2 (49:00):
If children are born depression like, mentally, we become different people.
And I recently had the conversation with actor Bay, who's
my ex, because we had an eight year difference and
he wanted kids. I know I didn't want kids, But
the conversation literally turned into by the time you reach thirty,

(49:21):
you're going to have a completely different mindset on who
you are, on how life is. And it was interesting
being able to have that conversation with someone that I
was partnered with, but it's not often had. So I
do want to know with the two of you, what
has been the conversations around the inevitable change that will
take place, especially because you said you're still learning your boundaries,

(49:43):
you're still seeing what it is. What does that conversation
look like between you and what conversations should be had
more in terms of dating.

Speaker 1 (49:50):
I love how you just was like, maybe you got
the floor. I love how you. Thank you. Y'all gotta
watch on YouTube because it's okay, go ahead.

Speaker 4 (49:57):
You know I had a politician teach me this long time.
We actually was a politician to consult and I actually
came from politics first and everything I know, right, all the.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
Version team and all of that business. Yeah to chess player,
forty chests on the water, all of that.

Speaker 1 (50:12):
Come over and think given you'll never leave. Well, listen,
you know my man in the same city you in. No, No,
I don't offer to come. I don't cook. I burn.
I put out nineteen dishes. Everything's given by myself. Nineteen dishes.
You know. She had a country booty and that lets

(50:32):
me know the food good. Well, my grandfather's from the
Caroline has this type of ass and this type of food. Yeah,
you got a freak and ash I cook. I love you.
Look not what's wrong with her? I got ADHD? He
calls it four k O.

Speaker 3 (50:49):
You say, babe, because he'd been like, I got I
got ADHD, I got O c D. And I was like, yeah,
she has an led, she got the four.

Speaker 1 (50:56):
I would say this This is like the smartest I
was nineteen. I never forget he said to me. In life,
there's no such thing as permanent relationships, only permanent agendas. Right.

Speaker 4 (51:06):
And when he was speaking about it to me, he
was talking about it in the context of politics, obviously, right.

Speaker 1 (51:10):
And he was speaking about how the relationships and politics
switch up.

Speaker 4 (51:13):
So don't get too comfortable with anyone because if your
agenda shifts, we could be on the same campaign, and
then the minute you start working for the app, now
we're on a different page.

Speaker 1 (51:21):
The relationship changes.

Speaker 4 (51:23):
I took that and I applied it to everything everywhere,
including my intimate relationships, because I realized, and let me
be clear, this even applies to marriage because when marriages
and me working with couples for so long, the number
one reasons that they separate is because they're no longer
on the same page. The agenda for one doesn't match
the agenda of the other, so now the relationship is impacted.

(51:46):
So for me, it's not about making sure that you
can't predict who you're going to be in ten years,
but you can stay in touch and check in and
make sure we're still on the same page. Are we
even in the same chapter. Are we in the same book,
And when you realize that you're strained too far figuring
out how to realign your goals, like what are your
independent goals? My independent goals and our relationship goals, and

(52:07):
how do we make sure that that progresses and grows
with the relationship and with the different versions of how
we're showing exactly right, So when you notice and having
awareness of self is so important, I cannot begin to
say this like emotional intelligence starts with yourself period, Okay,
And I tell people all the time you have to
know yourself, be able to regulate, and have to be
like hold on, wait, I realize I'm a little off
or I'm a little this. Some people don't even notice

(52:29):
the things within them but have high expectations of others.
So for me, before I go at it with him,
I ask myself, is this him?

Speaker 1 (52:36):
Or is this me?

Speaker 4 (52:37):
Right after I go through those processes, and I could
come back and say, all right, let's talk about this.
Where where I'm at right now? Or like, honey, I
don't know where your head is, but today this is
where my head is. Cause it's a day to day thing.
This is not It could change by the hour. Actually,
I could wake up with one agenda. I'm waking up,
were going to breakfast, We're doing a Cincinnata. He can
get up and say I was planning on going to
the gym and doing the Cincinnata, And then immediately I'm like, oh,

(52:58):
I was hoping we could go to breakfast, and now
we realize we ain't on the same damn page?

Speaker 1 (53:03):
What are we doing?

Speaker 4 (53:04):
So anytime I feel that we're shifting from pages or whatever,
ask ourselves, okay, like where are you?

Speaker 1 (53:10):
Where am I? How do we are now? So as
a couple, I would say my advice, ask yourself, where
are we now? Where do we want to go? And
how are we getting there?

Speaker 4 (53:18):
Those are the three questions that I would you know,
and if you could define those repeatedly, no matter what's
going on.

Speaker 1 (53:23):
No matter how you're changing, no matter how you're changing,
Where am I now? Where do where do I want
to go? How am I getting there? Where are you now?
Where you want to go? And then we because individually
I could be like I want to be at this,
and then ten years I could be like, I don't
want to do that shit. I'm in a a business
development program right now. For one of my companies and
all well three of us business partners, we all had

(53:44):
a different answer kind of mm hmm. I was like, oh,
let's just franchise this. My goal, honestly in life is
to like sit the fuck back. Yeah. Last two and
a half years a dating my boyfriend. He has a job,
he's a real estate investor. He has all of his
free time, and he believes that success my different. My
idea of success is so different until seeing the freedom

(54:07):
in the time you can change in his mornings and
what he could do. How I am like low key
a slave to sometimes all of the different things I
gotta do. And so figuring out through business, your colleagues,
your friendship, where do we want to go? Like that
is a question you'll niggas need to ask on a vacation. Yeah,
it exists every round because that's why there are certain
friends I just don't travel with because, bitch, you want

(54:28):
to sleep the whole time. No, it's giving excursions, babe,
excel sheet. This is what we're doing then, And you
can't travel with people you ain't on to say page
because it's nothing worse excursion girl, And you know, girl,
and you know you just like to lay it and
you want to lay on the beach and just sip cocktail.
I am cocktail party at night. Let's sleep until brunch, girl.

(54:51):
I don't want to do excursions at eight eight, bitch six.

Speaker 2 (54:54):
Get up, guys, the bus is coming at seven because
it's a two hour ride.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
And you know what cursion it. I think I went
on a vacation with excursion girl. I actually was dumb.
We went to Italy together ten years ago and I
remember she had an excursion and me and Vinnie didn't
make it, and she felt so disrespected because me and
Vinnie was like, we going to get club till five
a halm. Fuck, We're like paid to the surgeon. Oh
sorry girl, we met these people. They actually gonna take
us this place to get it. Let's all go together.

(55:18):
And the disappointment, Oh yeah. And you know, the thing
that you have to realize is the way someone wants
to live their life in relationships too, isn't necessarily hurting
you because they want a different bad Figuring out where
you're going to be is so important. It taught me
a lot. I was maybe twenty two on that trip,
and I remember the way it made her feel. She
was like fuck y'all didn't consider me at all. We
planned this trip. We're in Europe for the first time.

(55:41):
Bit y'all niggas couldn't have done it.

Speaker 4 (55:42):
Used the word though, consideration right, Like, I don't think
this is is just matters of understanding yourself. But as
you guys are growning, you're gonna see things in each other.
I feel like, and Honey, I think you could speak
probably to this way. When I met him, he always said,
you know, he just I just want to go to
work and come home, right, That's why I feel like
the answer was. I don't think that's the answer today,
but it's always how COS changed.

Speaker 3 (56:03):
No, when I met her, I was a Soca junkie.
I used to go to the parties.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
Oh my god, I love Carnival.

Speaker 3 (56:12):
I'm a carnival chaser, fling ways, crazy.

Speaker 1 (56:17):
Brooklyn, finally giving Brooklyn.

Speaker 3 (56:19):
And then I met her and I was like, damn,
I don't want to give with my Soka yo. I
don't want to give with my parties and my carnival
because my vacation was carnivals. It wasn't no mouth Eves,
it wasn't Jamaica for it was Jamaica. Carnival. Okay, then
you know that's what it was. And then when I
met her now it's like everything started coming to focus
and it's like, Okay, we'll try a different way.

Speaker 1 (56:41):
You know.

Speaker 3 (56:41):
Now we did a different lifestyle. I meant to Soca
parties like that, Like I used to come home with
different colors, all of that, you know what I'm saying.
So with her now the focus shifted and h Another
thing that also happened was being with a woman like her.
You see her Instagram. It's crazy. Usually before for her,
that wasn't my thing. You two out there, I ain't

(57:03):
with that, you know what I'm saying. It's like not signing.
And then it's like you start to realize, like who
are you doing this for? Who are you living for?
You living for yourself or approval of others? Oh no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
It's funny because I have exs that literally have said
the same thing, like I thought you were a lot.

Speaker 2 (57:23):
I normally would not be with a woman who super
But then when you get to know the person, and
this is why I be saying, bro, this is why
the niggas be liking the host, because they at one
point think about how all the friends are going to perceive,
how the family's gonna perceive. It's a big deal your
online persition because the person oh.

Speaker 1 (57:43):
Man, and so I love that you just because.

Speaker 3 (57:45):
It's like, because you deal with a woman and you
always judging them. You're like, yo, let's actually shaking some
get out of there, can't I can't tell you mom
see that? Oh you you're talking about what how much sex?
Are you gonna talk about? All the fox son And
then it's like you sit down. Yeah, Panama So got
to know her and none of that mattered. None of

(58:09):
that mattered. And I was like, yo, she no, because
the conversations we.

Speaker 1 (58:14):
Had and on the first day first first me, yeah,
I was like yo, time we did.

Speaker 3 (58:21):
But that was that was all on her.

Speaker 1 (58:24):
Said you wanted it.

Speaker 3 (58:25):
I'm respectful.

Speaker 1 (58:26):
You know what's crazy?

Speaker 2 (58:27):
I do just want to add to this because we
had a similar conversation in Jamaic based on how she
comes across online and all these things and just who
she's even friends with and all that, I had a
misconception of her and literally just after being around her
her energy.

Speaker 1 (58:44):
This is even before she affirmed me and we had
a little you know sure, I even bought them for her.
I literally came up to her and I was like,
I completely misjudged you. Yes, you are so like But
I think.

Speaker 2 (58:57):
That that's the thing too, right, A lot of us
do books by their cover, and when you actually get
to meet a person, it's energy, it's how they speak,
it's what they can even bring out of you.

Speaker 3 (59:08):
Are they trustworthy, are they resourceful? What's there? What's their best?

Speaker 1 (59:14):
What do they bring out of you?

Speaker 2 (59:15):
And I was gonna say, when we're dating, we're checking boxes,
We're looking at the at the cover first, not even
wanting to flip through the pages of who this person is.
Because if I'm not interested in the cover, if I'm
not interested in what other people might think of this cover,
then I don't even take the time to get to
know open the book.

Speaker 1 (59:32):
And to be honest, go ahead, I'm sorry, bab I
love being in a Crossfire Slapper.

Speaker 4 (59:46):
It's like when I met him, I met the guy
who he was, but I asked myself, who is he
trying to become? Because like we're all at some stage
of becoming something else, right, And I don't necessarily I
want to get to know the person and everything about
the past and the history, but those days are never
coming back. Those are important to know, so I could
be aware of any potential traumas and things you might

(01:00:06):
have been through and how they might have shaped your
mindset and your beliefs.

Speaker 1 (01:00:09):
Cool.

Speaker 4 (01:00:09):
But when I met him and he said that to
me and then I would talk to him, he had
this personality. He was funny, he was charismatic, he was
this and that, and I might just go home and
go to work and come home. It didn't feel right,
but I couldn't tell him that I needed him to
arrive there. So for me, my role felt like I
just want to introduce you to things, and if you
like it, you like it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:29):
If you don't, you don't.

Speaker 4 (01:00:30):
And I think that discovery has kept us open right
to possibilities for what things can look like. Yes, if
a person see me and he seen me shaking assets
in that, they might get the same misconceptions.

Speaker 1 (01:00:41):
They might get the same misconceptions.

Speaker 4 (01:00:43):
Cool, and honestly, I've used that in business to my
advantage because what that makes me is someone you're gonna
sleep on.

Speaker 1 (01:00:52):
Right. You're gonna think that I'm not a threat.

Speaker 4 (01:00:54):
You're gonna think that I'm not a person who can
do this and do that, and I'm gonna surprise you
and I'm okay with that, all right, Yeah, I love
that all So to me, it was like I would
pull people in with those things, but then like, oh,
let me teach you this thing. Oh but let me
tell you this thing. Oh well, let me give you
this thing. And then before you know it, you're in
a conflict because I'm everything that your parents told you

(01:01:16):
you shouldn't want.

Speaker 1 (01:01:17):
Yes you are and not yes you are. But I'm
has she changed the minds of your parents?

Speaker 3 (01:01:25):
No, they they when they met her. It was my
birthday and I couldn't walk that great. I struggled up
the steps.

Speaker 4 (01:01:32):
So it was three o'clock in the morning. We should
say that that's when you met the pair. At three
o'clock in the met an accident.

Speaker 1 (01:01:38):
Yeah, it wasn't. It was like, this is what happened.
First of all, I broke him out of rehab, right
jail break. I broke him out of rehab. He was
in rehab and.

Speaker 4 (01:01:48):
They told me that technically he could leave for twenty
four hours, and I was like, well after twelve, we.

Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
Had a new day.

Speaker 4 (01:01:53):
So after I argue with the people there, which those
are my people. Let me get shouts to them. Now
we all love each other now. But in the beginning,
I was like, I'm out, were going somewhere. It's his birthday.
We're not staying here.

Speaker 1 (01:02:02):
So I you know, packed the wheelchair in the back
of the the back of the car. He in there.

Speaker 4 (01:02:07):
But it was his birthday and his parents hadn't seen
him since like the day of accident, really right, So
I'm like, let's go.

Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
I'm taking your mom and dad or whatever cases. The
ain't gonna care to the two o'clock in the morning.
They're seeing their son and he's on his feet, right
when the last time they saw you, you were in
a bed like that, right, So they get in there.

Speaker 4 (01:02:25):
But the only thing that drove me crazy about it
is that I was wearing this like tank top that
says exercise and like basketball his basketball short.

Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
I promised you nothing about this name. Your hair was
long covering it. It was it was not I had on.
I literally had on his basketball shorts looking like y'all
just fun. I swear to God. I swear to God.
So now I'm over here, like I'm walking in the house.

Speaker 4 (01:02:49):
I'm coming, We're coming in, and you know, sitting down
and I'm just like casually trying to keep myself this
way so you can't be reading a tank top because
the Caribbean parents been talking about you know, yeah, very conservative.
I don't feel like that day. And I don't know, baby,
if you agree, I don't. I don't think his parents
cared about anything else right then.

Speaker 1 (01:03:09):
That that's what I like.

Speaker 4 (01:03:10):
His mom and dad was watching everything, his every movement
and all this kind of stuff, and like I'm like
carrying his ass with step damn there and whatever, and
I don't think they saw anything else.

Speaker 1 (01:03:19):
But I mean, you know your parents better. But that
day we were talking.

Speaker 4 (01:03:25):
It was just like how's your progress and this and that,
and he's like, oh, Mom, you know, she's been taking
care of me and the Cincinnati So like, I feel
like we met in an environment that I was like
Jesus Christ, I met his parents at three o'clock in
the morning.

Speaker 1 (01:03:36):
Everything about our life is crazy.

Speaker 3 (01:03:38):
That was like the best first impression because it was honest,
it was genuine, it was spontaneous, it was real, it
wasn't scripted, and he was just supposed to meet them.
You supposed to help me up the stairs and open
the door, like, but then I couldn't stand enough. She
had helped me up the stairs because up the stairs
was a problem, these little four steps messing me up.
So she helped me up the steps. And then she's
just like, oh, I can't get.

Speaker 1 (01:03:59):
Back in the car. Come inside, come inside.

Speaker 3 (01:04:02):
And then she came inside and next she knows she's dead.
Trying to hold her, you know, trying to hide the shirt,
and Pops was watching, and I took it in edible on,
so she was. I was not prepared to meet his parents.
The edible hadn't kicked in yet. It kicked in in
his parents' living room. But she knows how I am.
She knows I'm very you know, drop her shoulder, charged through,

(01:04:24):
tight and tighten with it. You know what I'm saying.
I don't care.

Speaker 1 (01:04:26):
He's just as proud as that of his little crowd.
High a bit poorly dressed girl, hold in my hand,
and he's like, this is the girl, mom.

Speaker 3 (01:04:36):
This is.

Speaker 1 (01:04:38):
I was like, behave is kicking him real strong. We
gotta go, like we got to get up town strong.
I'm so sorry everybody. I don't want to have a
white crowd situation. Attle go baby, go go well, I
was actually about to wrap up this episode. We didn't
even go to the outline. She's we didn't even do
the outline. But this was this was so good thing.

(01:05:00):
I am so glad that I met y'all. Y'all are
this is I feel like the example is like black love.
I love the little shit y'll be seeing. This is
black love. Right. We left them with so many stories,
Cliff Tanger, we might have to give that back to
the later right, Listen, they're like, wait, finish to think
about the sub wait, come back to them. Let me
tell y'all if you want to hear more of our stories.

(01:05:21):
Though we shared our entire pretty much our entire I
think I left out one or two stories. Yeah, but
we did two episodes of stories from Hedonism. Yeah, you
know what's crazy though.

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
The only story I don't think we fully got was
the last night I saw y'all in the dungeon.

Speaker 1 (01:05:38):
Oh yeah, that was. We didn't get to that. We
didn't even get to that. We didn't get We gotta
just we'll set up. We're gonna have to get together.

Speaker 2 (01:05:46):
We are are, We're gonna get the car. Yeah, amer
can people listen to you? Support you hire you all.

Speaker 1 (01:05:53):
Of that well, So we have a page together.

Speaker 4 (01:05:56):
One one I'll say that is soft and the Strong
I love on Instagram and we just kind of started
that recently, so we're putting up more couples focused content
and things like that. But outside of that, if you
search your sexologists bestie cash you'll find me or your
sexalogist bestie.

Speaker 1 (01:06:11):
I'm googleable. You worked hard sexologist bestie.

Speaker 4 (01:06:15):
Yep, your sexalogiest bestie is my my brand entity for
that side of the work. But you can find me
at Casha Johnson dot com. That's k A s h
A like cash check Johnson dot com and that leads
you to all ropes. Yeah, but that's the best way
to connect with me because I have so many different

(01:06:35):
things going on and I think head over, figure out
what's there, and doll in to whatever feels like it
connects to you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:41):
I love it, I love I love it, and Daddy.

Speaker 3 (01:06:44):
I go by Big Black Supervillain or Sir Panama if
you're nasty, but Big Black Supervillain is our main name.
It's a persona, it's a thing that a runway and
it's been me ever since.

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
I mean, in your dress like a super villain yes,
yes you are yes, but guys, thank y'all so much.

Speaker 1 (01:07:05):
Hopefully this gave horrible decisions bitch. I think y'all have
been missing a little bit and we gave it today. Y'all.

Speaker 2 (01:07:13):
Make sure that you're safe, that you dress up, that
you watch your surroundings this holiday weekend have fun. But also,
if you haven't yet, make sure you purchase our book
No Holds Barred Doing Manifesto, Sexual Exploration and Power. And again,
if you want to hear all the stories from our
trip at Hedonism with Chacko Bliss, make sure you join

(01:07:34):
us on Patreon. That's patreon dot com. Backslash Horrible Decisions.
If y'all thought this was nasty, boy, was that even nastier?
And she gives a whole demonstration on all the things.

Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
I'm just doing the motion, y'all know what it is.
Thank you guys so much. This has been another episode
of Decisions. Decisions. Is the t condu the doing between
the people