November 19, 2025 • 36 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome everybody to another episode of horrible Decisions. I'm only
moaning because someone just mentioned that they missed the moaning,
but maybe they're not on Patreon. I'm not gonna own
decisions decisions. I'm your girl, Medibe.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I honestly thought you did moan.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
No, na easy, I'm actually here on video. I'm I
ordered so many like in stripe clothes for the tour,
but I was like, I'm not as well bust them
out today. So whatever episodes I'll listen to in a
near future, it's gonna look like I'm going to a
whole job.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
It is given like business casual.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna maybe I'll wear this to my
meeting tomorrow. I don't know. I went to like A.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
It's weird because the way that we grew up, and
if you're in your thirties, you understand what I'm saying.
Thirties and plus I'm not evenna say it's the entertainment industry.
People dress different to work now, so let no, it's everywhere.
Sometimes when i'm they dressed unprofessional, I hate it. Fuck,
it's almost like they're going to the club the mall
or just rolled out bed but like I say, like.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
A mall outfit.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
I'm definitely mall sexy for work. But I went to
even fuse. I would say it's like chill, but they're
like TV, they're streaming, they're digital, they're all this other shits.
Like when I pop in there, I don't dress up
too much for meetings, I will say, but any other place,
if they have maybe fifty to one hundred employees, they
look like shit. Now, the only time I think you
(01:23):
can look like shit is if you work in tech.
Here's why, because I really do think some of these
tech offices they're forcing these people to come in that
we're like semi remote. They're working at the desk eight
to ten hours a day. They're not really front facing.
They're just there whatever, Like you're slamming the shit back.
But somebody's motherfuckers. How you making too fifty and you
(01:45):
wear a sweatpants. I mean that's how like super rich people dress.
I just think that there's a loss in professionalism across
the board. Like it's funny because me and Crysal Lord
just talking about this because in real estate, like you're
selling houses, you're meeting people, but you still have to
go into the office and do old calls and stuff,
and she was like, she was like, bro, I don't
(02:07):
get it, Like there's a clear distinction between people who
clearly take this series and people who just think this
is like a hobby. And she's like one of like
the mentors had had a group meeting and I guess
made one of the girls cry because she's like, what
the fuck do you think you're gonna sell dressing like
this and looked at one girl was like, she looks
(02:27):
like she's gonna be able to sell a house. You
you probably won't be in this very long. You need
to fix your hair, you need to do this. And
apparently just how honest she was about how the two
like girls look. One of them cried.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I don't know, but Crystal talked about what the people
have on because again, like Crystal's gonna be forty next year.
Well not only that, there's just a wait to dress
when you go to work, but that's when we're outside
I'm talking about I'm talking about I'm talking about going
to work. She does dress, but you have to well
she never on cameras. That's where she's like, she does
(03:02):
like the voiceover stuff. We were just talking like girl,
you know.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
But see that's what That's what I'm saying with the text.
Shit that is front facing. She needs to meet with clients.
I'm not gonna hold you. Some people, even I remember
back in the day, remember in the real estate agent car.
When I can hear the car, I'll be like, now,
I just looked at houses with my mom to speak
to the real estate experience.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Because my mother brought it up. I didn't.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
We saw four open houses, so I finally decided, like
renting two apartments, isdem I am here for seven days
a week a month. However, I'm just like, what if
I just got a bigger spot, not an apartment, because
I feel like once we start running into each other
in the bathroom, maybe it won't work. So a house
or town, I'm like, let's have some separation. So we look,
(03:46):
we go to a house that is I'm not saying
I can afford this. I just want every don't come
rob meet. I like to go to any open house,
as y'all know, that's my manifestation thing. I'm like, I
want you to see how much houses cost me. This
is one point eight and it's in Silver Lake. Then
we're gonna go look at something that's nine hundred thousand.
I just want you to know what you can get,
(04:06):
so if you don't like the stuff that's cheaper, you
can understand why. One point eight million. We meet the girl,
white girl that's hosting it. Cutesie button down top, the jeans,
but the jeans are pressed out, nice shoe, the way
that she's talking everything perfect. Next house nine hundred thousand dollars.
(04:28):
My mom joked that it went down here. There another
white girl. These are all white women, kind of chill outfit,
like little flowery dress but sweet cute, but not as professional.
She wasn't saying things like well, hey, this is going
to pay for itself back.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
You need to understand that.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
You know, there's no flooding insurance that's high here because
you're a little bit lower blah blah, you don't have
to worry about the fires because next girl is like,
oh yeah, better than running an apartment, right, bitch, we
saw our house, those six could be This nigga had
coffee dripping down the shirt and he goes, oh, I'm
so Glorio.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Oh that's my wife.
Speaker 4 (05:01):
She looked a mess. I was thinking did she know
she was coming?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
And I was like yo. It kind of also speaks
to who you're selling to.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
It does, because for one point eight they need to
be making some money, Like right, you're putting down two
hundred thousand and three hundred thousand dollars for a home
like that, Like you've got to have that capital, like
you're making bread.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
If you got that, didn't, oh bitch, once you got
done six fifty, I said, this is still expensive.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
By the way, this is still expensive. It's Los Angeles.
But yeah, And my mom got in.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
The car with me and she says, there's no experience anymore.
I used to talk about you wearing sweatpants in first class.
I'll never say it again. She's like, I understand, this
is a new world. I thought we were meeting someone
a suit. I did my makeup, I did my hair,
just to know that we're buying a home.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I was excited about the process. She said that they
took me out of it.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
She said, if I'm about to do this big, have
this big moment in my life and my daughter and
you look like that, what is this?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I mean, it's tricky because I know the markets are expensive.
But also as a real estate agent, if you're someone
selling over a million dollar homes and someone's selling lessons,
you know, seven hundred thousand dollars homes. Even your commission
is different, so the money you make is different. I mean,
I think we see it. You're going to dress differently
if you work, if you make two fifty at an
(06:21):
executive company, or you're in them all selling clothes.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
I mean, I just think it is. I don't know,
they don't.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Need a lot of money too. And that also, and
we all know this to be true.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
You go on she and get you a nice.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
Fabb Yeah she could, they could step.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
It up, but I think it's really how much care
you put into these things. And it's maybe also with
these agents, the seriousness of the client.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
I just think over all those that's why I said overall, yeah,
there's no professionalism that exists anymore, and I do. I
mean we could blame the pandemic quite a bit. I mean,
with everyone having to be at home, with people not
having to go into the office, I think Z has
made things a lot more like the days ago, Like
(07:04):
professionalism just ain't ain't what it used to be like,
even from how you show up on interviews, like showing
your shoulders and things that were just never acceptable. Are
now like Okay, I know, I mean it's crazy. It's
crazy when when I went.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
To work the first day in Audible, I wore a
blazer dress.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
And the first thing one.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Of the colleagues I had at the time said, is girl,
what nigga you think is in here? And I'm like,
because I kind of have a blazer dress, Like really
this is But at the end of the day, we
all fought for casual fridays.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I'll look, we talking about.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Oh, where's the suit? Like nobody ever wanted to do
that anyway.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
So I feel like and even that when I had
casual fridays in corporate, it was just that you could
wear jeans, that's it. And you couldn't have rips in
the jeans. You couldn't have tears in the jeans. They
still they had to be gene. And then you still
have to wear like a blouse or a button up
or you know, a polo can be, but denim, but
well it's Denham can be, especially if they don't have
(08:10):
ribson terrors. Like that was even like, bro, you can't
come in here with no rips in your jeans. Man,
you just got a little taste of the Horrible Decisions Patreon,
but why it's up there. Tap in for the full,
uncut and way naster episodes over on Patreon. Go to
patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and unlock all the messy,
t wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else.
(08:35):
And now here's You've Got Decisions.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
If you would like to have us answer your questions.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
a terrible throatfle.
Speaker 5 (08:46):
Guess what You've got decisions, You've got decisions. Hey, hey, hey, Horhive,
it's your girl, Mandy b One half of the Decisions
Decisions podcast here.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
To answer yo, no question now.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
If you want to submit anything regarding your relationship, your situationship,
your friendship, your workship, your partnership, go ahead and send
it on over to Decisions pod at gmail dot com.
Before we get to this week's which is an update
which makes me so excited again, make sure, if you
(09:25):
haven't yet, go and purchase No Holds Barred Doing Manifesto
of Sexual Exploration and Power, available now wherever you get books.
Also make sure you get that audible version as well,
and leave a review that continues to help us push
the messaging of this book. Now, y'all, I was supposed
(09:47):
to record this only yesterday.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
But y'all the government shut down. Had you grow in
a disarray at the airport? You follow me on social media.
I ended up being drunk as hell, was put through
a mattress and was like, I'm just gonna throw on
this Turkey costume and go through the airport.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
No one's gonna notice me, no one's gonna see.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Me, bitch.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Also, I dealt with three flight cancelations and it took
thirteen hours for me to get from New York City
LaGuardia Airport to goddamn Atlanta, Georgia. Okay, finally I am
done from being stressed out over all that shit and
really excited because this week we have an update from
(10:37):
the letter. Is my boyfriend get boy?
Speaker 4 (10:42):
Do? I love an update?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
So let's just get into all of these things. And girl,
I am not gonna read your name. By the way,
when you submit a letter, just know that it will
be anonymous. We will not give any details that'll let
the folks know you are going through it.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
Again.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
If you want to say and your letter in make
sure you send it on over to decisions pod at
gmail dot com.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
Let's get into it hunt.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
By the way, I'm doing this by myself because Weezi
is still in Brasil.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
Okay, she is still in Brazil. Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Anyways, don't know what accep that is, but suck my
day from the back. All right, this is an update.
It is my boyfriend Gay. Hey, thanks for answering my email.
I just listened to the episode and I'm writing back
to provide more details.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
Transparently.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
I ended it before writing that email, but I was
still ruminating on it, so I decided to write in
we broke up back in July. I'm definitely okay with
a man being bisexual, and honestly find it attractive. My
issue was that I felt he had zero attraction to
me as a woman and seemed to be attracted to men.
(11:52):
He claimed that he was a boob guy. I'm a
size forty G, so you would think he would love that.
When it came to intimacy, he seemed mortified at the
sight of my breast.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
My boobs are nice.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
After the breakup, I hooked up with an old friend
from college and he thoroughly enjoyed my boobs, So I
feel comfortable saying that my breasts weren't the issue here.
When I tried to have conversations with him about sex
and sexuality, it was an uncomfortable topic for him and
he would get defensive. He said in his last relationship,
(12:25):
sex was an issue as well. At one point I
thought he might just have ed. But as I continue
to ask questions, the combination of his answers and his
behavior around gay men and his lack of sexual interest
in me made me feel like he is gay.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
His family is on a cult, girl, his words, all.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Right, now, I don't think you added the cult port
last time, so I imagine they would disown him if
they found out he was gay. So I believe that
is why he sought out a relationship with a woman.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
Now, Girl, I don't think coats.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Have any connection to homophobia, like real for real outside
of the church. But U Okay, back to the topic
of conversations around sex and d I asked him if
he watches porn and if he is able to ejaculate
when watching porn, and he said yes. I asked what
type of porn does he like and he refused to answer. Oh, bitch,
(13:23):
he said, that previous exes gets him in his past
and said things like I bet if I was this,
you'd want to have sex. He didn't explain what this was,
but I'm going to like but might automatically filled the
word with man. I still tried to stay open minded
(13:45):
and think of the possibilities and also consider that he
may be a sexual, but the way he lustfully looked
at men, it was hard to believe that he might
be a sexual. The other part that made me feel
like his roommate was his boyfriend is because for the
nine years he was living with him, they also had
only a one bedroom apartment. He lived in Oklahoma, which
(14:05):
is extremely affordable. The man works in aerospace, so only
is financially able to get a apartment. The city that
I'm in is LA, so it is definitely moreive, but
he can still financially afford a two bedroom there as well.
What led me to break up with him is that
I couldn't get over that feeling, and anytime I tried
(14:25):
to discuss sexuality, he blew up and got defensive.
Speaker 4 (14:29):
Ever since his roommate moved out here.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
He's made excuses as to why I couldn't come over
the combination of that and the fact that he went
one week without seeing me even though he only lives
ten minutes away from that led to the breakup. While texting,
I did tell him that I don't think he's straight,
oh God, and he vaguely confessed that he isn't straight.
(14:54):
Going to attach a snapshot of that text as I'm
curious on your thoughts about it, ooh girl.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
Not the tape.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
The situation where I felt like he was farting with
a guy, only engaging in conversation with him and not
his friend, I guess when they were out and anytime
the guy would try to speak to me, he would interrupt.
I felt that he was competing with me for that
guy's attention.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
Also, the fact they.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Thinked about him and wondering about him right after we
had sex was also odd.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
I know I could be wrong, but there were too
many red flags.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
The roommate situation really took it over the top for
me because that's when everything changed and he became less available. Also,
the fact that he's living or been living with this
man for nine years in a one bedroom apartment explains
why he didn't want to talk on the phone. Lunch
and preferred texts and voice notes. Also, they're black and
in their late thirties. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks
(15:50):
for taking the time to read all of this. I
was more so seeking confirmation if you all believe that
he is likely gay and.
Speaker 4 (15:57):
That I was tripping.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
He made me feel like I was the one tripping
anytime I brought up the discussion. All right, few things,
so he admitted that he's not fully straight. But you
said he likes titties but also flirts with men. It's
giving that or in that he likes might actually be
trans women. This is just my guess because that too
(16:24):
is the point that I like to watch as well,
and it may also be the reason why he identifies
as straight personally. I have dealt with quite a few
men or heavy Asian conversation with men who identify as
heterosexual straight men. However, they have engaged with or are
(16:44):
turned by, or at least fantasized about trans women. It
is trans women with the dicks with the tits, so
that could be also an explanation as to why he
still identifies as straight, or even when he decided to
open up to you that he will straight. His confusion
came from still identifying those women as women, So in
(17:06):
his mind, even though there is a dick there, he
still believes that he is attracted to women specifically, did
it on women. Let's get into the text message. She
sent a text message saying, no, not at all. I'm
(17:30):
an open person, but I asked you about your sexuality
and you lied. This seemed to be a text message
that he didn't respond to, so she re quoted it
and said, so you're not going to respond to this, lol,
Okay his response, sexuality is a spectrum.
Speaker 4 (17:53):
You know this. You're not even one hundred percent straight yourself.
I'm not gay. I don't prefer men. I prefer women.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
But I'm just saying I don't think anybody today is
one hundred percent straight. All of my relationships have been
with women, and that's where I want to stay. I
have no interest in men. I was not flirting with
that dude at that play.
Speaker 4 (18:14):
Lol. I believe I have to say that I.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Just thought you was cool, and since I'm new to
the area, I'm gathering context of cool peeps as potential friends.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
Is that a problem?
Speaker 1 (18:25):
You say things as absolutes, as if you've come to
these conclusions without even confirming them Ooh girl, he ran
you just a little bit. I agree that sexuality is
on a spectrum. We talk about it all the time.
If you're new here, check out the Kinsey scale. This
response leads me to believe and even the way you
kind of attacked him, I asked you about your sexuality
(18:48):
and you lied, I find it interesting coming from someone
who says that bisexuality would be something that you would
be open to being with. You also seem to not
care about the sexuality as much as you cared about
the lie, which in the text message you also brought
up the lie. However, you can't get honesty out of
(19:11):
a person when you come at them on the attack,
because all they're going to know how to do is
defend themselves.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
And so.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I guess I'm glad to see that you guys broke
up because this clearly wasn't working.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
For either of you.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
But in the same sense, I do think that you
should wholeheartedly sit with what it is that you want.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
You did this long distance relationship.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
You're now even admitting that you didn't speak to him
very often, You didn't spend him very often. If I
recall from the last letter you had been together for
like a year. He made it official, but it was
long distance and you didn't see him often. So to
read even in this email that you also were only
able to really text him because you weren't much of
(20:02):
a phone conversation because he was living with a roommate
which you now believe to be his boyfriend for the
last nine years.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
It's all very tricky.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
And what I want to express to the listeners to
the whore Hive, baby, if he wanted to.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
He would. And this is one of those things that
are like, oh my god, what does that mean? Or
I hear it all the time and da da da da.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
It's one of those where I promise you you do
not have to force a man to show up for you.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
You don't.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
If he likes you, he will let it be known.
If he wants to show up, he will. They know
how to ladies. They Here's the other problem. We be thinking,
we gotta we gotta like not raise these men, but
then we gotta show them how to treat us. Bro.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
These niggas know how to treat a bitch. They like
they do.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I promise you, And if he's not showing up in
a way that makes you feel special or seen. He's
just not that into you. If you're going days without texting,
he's just not that into you. If he's not showing
up for certain holidays and your birthdays, he's just not
that into you.
Speaker 4 (21:13):
If he makes excuse to us why he.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Don't show, girl, he's just not that into you. And
that's okay, it's okay. Thank you for the letter. By
the way, she signed a beard for the boy.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
I do agree. I do believe that you were none
other than a beard for this this gentleman.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
But yeah, anywhos, I'm gonna get into this letter fall
this week, and I love that we could start with
a quick a quick update. If you have sent a letter,
you heard our advice, and you want to follow back up,
please again, send that on over within the same thread,
(22:07):
send it on over to decisions pot at gmail dot com.
All right, there's a good one this week, y'all. Dating
while broke is the subject. Hey, ladies, I have been
in a relationship for about five years now. I'm a
black woman, he's a white man, and he is also
(22:27):
about seventeen years older than me. Ooh girl, I've had
that age difference before as well. I have a teenage
child from a previous relationship that I am the primary
parent of, and it's the exact same situation with him,
just to paint the picture for you. Recently, I've been
questioning if I want to continue with the relationship.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
One of my main reasons being is finances.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
It seems like he's always complaining about being broke or
not having enough money to do certain things. At first,
he would only say it once in a while, but
now it feels like he says it all the time.
He still makes a way to plan simple dates or
treat me to certain things, but days later he will
complain about his money not being right or how he's
(23:12):
tired of being broke. I try not to pocket watch,
but he makes more than me, not a significant amount,
but it's considerable, and splits the rent and builds with
his mother. His child had been living with her for
about seven or eight years now. I know things are
expensive and he has personal bills outside of the bills
that he shares with his mother as well, but he
(23:35):
also has a gambling habit.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
Girl, that's bitch. He ain't broke, he just irresponsible.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
I just feel like he should get a better control
of his budget to afford his wants and needs. Also,
what's crazy is just talked about this on selective ignorance.
This is purely him being selectively ignorant, not budgeting correctly.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
Bro, you live with your.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Mom, you raising a whole kid under yomama roof, and
you gambling it outside of me being a single parent
and working full time. I also recently completed my master's
degree program, which I hope will bring me a more
lucrative employment. I'm not struggling, but there's nothing wrong with
(24:21):
striving for better.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
I know that's right.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
With it only being me and my daughter, I pay
all the bills and maintain the household, her completely out
of the picture. Star I received no support from him
or his family. Now, don't get me wrong, I am
far from perfect and fall short from time to time
as well. It just seems like he is always in
a financial buying despite the fact that he makes more
(24:45):
and splits bills with someone, and because of his openness
about money issues, the very few times I needed help,
I avoided asking him. Hell once when I questioned if
I should be entertaining anyone if I'm not where I
want to be financially, I just have a feeling he
doesn't have the same moments of reflection bitch, and don't.
That's why he's been living with his mama for seven
(25:06):
eight years. The most recent incident was a trip that
I wanted to take. Ooh girl, not you wanted a
trip in this economy with a broke nigga libing away
his mama with gambling issue. And yet I am that
girl that only flies on certain airlines and likes to
say at certain hotels.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
Ill because his.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Money was short and he couldn't convince me to take
a cheaper flight or say at a cheaper hotel, I
went with my best friend instead. Period to celebrate me
getting my masters, I want to take a trip out
of the I already have a feeling that he's not
going to be able to and I'll just go by myself. No,
it's not when a woman says something is fine, it's not.
(25:49):
About two years into the relationship, he brought up moving
in together. My response was an immediate no. Not only
am I uncomfortable compromising me in my daughter's face, but
I don't want to live with them man with money
problems and bad credit.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
I didn't want to hurt.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
His feelings, so I simply just gave the reasoning of
I'm not ready. I'm sure you didn't like the response,
and I can see me not wanting to live with
him being the reason he breaks up with me in
the future.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
How would you approach this situation?
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Have y'all ever experienced dating a man that was financially irresponsible?
Also as a woman, have you ever felt you shouldn't
be dating because of your finances? Love y'all and looking
forward to your responses?
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Oh shit, my bad, y'all. Don't drop my sign because
I didn't headick on this one. All right? How would
I approach this situation?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
I would love to know if you're in therapt because
knowing that this is knowing that this relationship is five
years old, knowing that he's been living with his mom
for seven or eight years, now, knowing that two years
ago he asked you to move in. I'm confused to
how y'all even got here. You said you have a
(27:03):
teenage daughter, so even at the bare minimum, you had
her early. You're in your early thirties. I don't know
what you're waiting for as to why you're not moving
forward from this relationship. It doesn't seem like I guess
my question is, and only because you didn't put it
in here, what are you getting from this? What is
(27:28):
he providing you that you feel so stuck in this
relationship that you don't deserve more. He can't even go
on trips with you, He can't celebrate a moment that
means a lot to you. You don't feel like you
can count on him when you're in a bind. What
(27:50):
is keeping you in this relationship? What's keeping you here?
Speaker 4 (27:54):
And why? And why? Have I ever experienced dating.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
A man that was financially irresponsible? No, not one that
I considered having a long romantic partnership with. I think
if I think of someone who was financially irresponsible, and
maybe it wasn't financial irresponsibility as much as it was
the irresponsibility of the decisions he made that led him
(28:23):
to not be able to get a job. If you
listened to a couple of years ago, a shit, maybe
actually six seven years ago. Now, I met this guy
on tender. He went by felon May at the time
thought he.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Was just oh my god. I was just giddy about him.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
But he couldn't find certain employment because of his felony record,
And so for me, That was a huge part of
why I didn't consider taking him serious. Although like, we
had a blast and he was fun and he lived
right around the corner and it was a great thing
to me long term, I didn't see how it makes
(29:04):
if he was still figuring out how to get on
his feet. And for me, you made this decision five
years ago, as a woman with a child, as a
single parent with a child, to get into a romantic
partnership with a man living with his mom.
Speaker 4 (29:22):
Who is seventeen years older than you.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
I'm just gonna do the math. Say you thirty, That
mean when you met him? No, no, no, let's say
you thirty five. Let's go my age, because now we
go get it. Let's say you met him at thirty, Mitch,
when you met him, you met a forty.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
Seven year old man with a child living with his mother.
I want to know how yo plus he got on.
That's what I want.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
I wants to know how he'd have made it five years.
I wants to know how he made it past the
first date. I think at some point we have to
stop dating people and considering their potential. And I don't
know what potential you saw in a man who got
you seventeen years your senior and couldn't move out his
(30:15):
mama crib. I don't know what potential you saw Temna
the other and the last question you asked is as
a woman, have you ever felt like you shouldn't be
dating because of your finances?
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Boy, read the goddamn book.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
For me, there was a sense of self worth in
how I would show up as a partner, as a
woman who wasn't financially secure. So in my twenties, I
actually felt like I wasn't ready to be anyone's girlfriend
because I was such a dire name and to show
(30:58):
up financially for me, So the idea that I only
wanted a man who could come in and pay my
bills or take me on trips.
Speaker 4 (31:06):
I knew that those wouldn't be realhips.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
They wouldn't be based on the premise that I liked
this man, that I'm in love with this man, that
he's everything I wanted. More, I knew that it was
based on survival instincts of this man can provide, and
so for a lot of my relationships they were transactional.
Because of that, I absolutely wanted a sense of and
wanted to feel like I liked a man because I
(31:35):
liked him, not because of what he could do for me.
And so again for me, I think two years into
this relationship him even asking him and not wanting that
to happen. Two years into the relationship, I think two
years is also enough time to see if a man
is together.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
And maybe you're five years in deep and it don't
seem like changed.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
In a gambling A gambling problem is not something fixed
with a pill. It's not something fixed just over. That
is a hard addiction that should be treated as crack cocaine,
you know, like maybe it's hard to wean yourself out
of the addiction of gambling, but also whatever debt has
(32:24):
incurred from it, and there's a lot of embarrassment that
stems from that. He clearly maybe is not even too
prideful for the simple fact that he did as to
move in, for the simple fact that he'd been living
with his mama for seven or eight years. And so
my advice to you would be to sit with yourself,
and I want you to ask yourself, if you believe
(32:48):
you deserve better?
Speaker 4 (32:53):
Do you deserve better?
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Do you believe that there is any person out there
that the ability to show up in the ways that
you would like a partner to show up. And if
the answer is yes to those, my advice to you
is to break up and end this relationship.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
It's not serving you. And again, even if he's making.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
You feel butterflies, bitch, think about how you feel about
not being able to celebrate your master's degree completion with
your partner because he too poored a fucking Get on
a flight and book the hotel and enjoy the pleasantries
of life that you want to travel. Don't let this
relationship rob you from your happiness. Don't let it happen.
(33:40):
Don't do it, girl, don't do it.
Speaker 4 (33:42):
Don't do it.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Also, love that you misled me with the title here
dating while broke, you are in a relationship with.
Speaker 4 (33:52):
A broke nigga. You're not dating while broke.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
You are in a relationship. What a skilly, irresponsible fuck boy.
And I'm gonna call him a fuck boy because bruh,
he at least in his forties, at least living with
his mama and been living with her for seven eight years.
(34:17):
He might not even be paying as much or splitting
the bills as much as you think he is with
his mama because he might be a mama's boy.
Speaker 4 (34:24):
So I'd say go ahead and go ahead and break
up with him. In the good words of crystalin Fury
from the read break up with Him.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Hopefully I spoke to some of you listening to this
as well, because baby, we are rounding up the year
twenty twenty six is around the corner, and baby, January
first is not the time to her and start feeling
good about yourself and wanting more for your life.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
But the turkey the Christmas gifts.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Don't sit here and wait and squander through these these
holidays knowing that you're with somebody that just ain't put
in the bill, that just ain't cutting it.
Speaker 4 (35:18):
I'm telling y'all, this is where you start.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Making your New Year's resolution, stepping into what you're welcoming
into the new year.
Speaker 4 (35:26):
You start doing that right now, right now.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
So for this listener, I would absolutely advise you to
break up with him and really sit with yourself and
put out into the universe the type of partner that
you feel like you deserve. And I'm telling you, I
know we'll be talking about dating is the ghetto. Girl,
be found some good ones. I got good ones right now.
(35:52):
I got two and a half great ones that are
making like just showing me like you know, so.
Speaker 4 (36:02):
Yeah do that.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
And for anyone wanting to submit their listener letter, go
ahead end us your letter.
Speaker 4 (36:12):
To decisions pod at gmail dot com because bitch, you
got decisions. See y'all next Wednesday,
Welcome everybody to another episode of horrible Decisions. I'm only
moaning because someone just mentioned that they missed the moaning,
but maybe they're not on Patreon. I'm not gonna own
decisions decisions. I'm your girl, Medibe.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I honestly thought you did moan.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
No, na easy, I'm actually here on video. I'm I
ordered so many like in stripe clothes for the tour,
but I was like, I'm not as well bust them
out today. So whatever episodes I'll listen to in a
near future, it's gonna look like I'm going to a
whole job.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
It is given like business casual.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna maybe I'll wear this to my
meeting tomorrow. I don't know. I went to like A.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
It's weird because the way that we grew up, and
if you're in your thirties, you understand what I'm saying.
Thirties and plus I'm not evenna say it's the entertainment industry.
People dress different to work now, so let no, it's everywhere.
Sometimes when i'm they dressed unprofessional, I hate it. Fuck,
it's almost like they're going to the club the mall
or just rolled out bed but like I say, like.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
A mall outfit.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
I'm definitely mall sexy for work. But I went to
even fuse. I would say it's like chill, but they're
like TV, they're streaming, they're digital, they're all this other shits.
Like when I pop in there, I don't dress up
too much for meetings, I will say, but any other place,
if they have maybe fifty to one hundred employees, they
look like shit. Now, the only time I think you
(01:23):
can look like shit is if you work in tech.
Here's why, because I really do think some of these
tech offices they're forcing these people to come in that
we're like semi remote. They're working at the desk eight
to ten hours a day. They're not really front facing.
They're just there whatever, Like you're slamming the shit back.
But somebody's motherfuckers. How you making too fifty and you
(01:45):
wear a sweatpants. I mean that's how like super rich people dress.
I just think that there's a loss in professionalism across
the board. Like it's funny because me and Crysal Lord
just talking about this because in real estate, like you're
selling houses, you're meeting people, but you still have to
go into the office and do old calls and stuff,
and she was like, she was like, bro, I don't
(02:07):
get it, Like there's a clear distinction between people who
clearly take this series and people who just think this
is like a hobby. And she's like one of like
the mentors had had a group meeting and I guess
made one of the girls cry because she's like, what
the fuck do you think you're gonna sell dressing like
this and looked at one girl was like, she looks
(02:27):
like she's gonna be able to sell a house. You
you probably won't be in this very long. You need
to fix your hair, you need to do this. And
apparently just how honest she was about how the two
like girls look. One of them cried.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I don't know, but Crystal talked about what the people
have on because again, like Crystal's gonna be forty next year.
Well not only that, there's just a wait to dress
when you go to work, but that's when we're outside
I'm talking about I'm talking about I'm talking about going
to work. She does dress, but you have to well
she never on cameras. That's where she's like, she does
(03:02):
like the voiceover stuff. We were just talking like girl,
you know.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
But see that's what That's what I'm saying with the text.
Shit that is front facing. She needs to meet with clients.
I'm not gonna hold you. Some people, even I remember
back in the day, remember in the real estate agent car.
When I can hear the car, I'll be like, now,
I just looked at houses with my mom to speak
to the real estate experience.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Because my mother brought it up. I didn't.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
We saw four open houses, so I finally decided, like
renting two apartments, isdem I am here for seven days
a week a month. However, I'm just like, what if
I just got a bigger spot, not an apartment, because
I feel like once we start running into each other
in the bathroom, maybe it won't work. So a house
or town, I'm like, let's have some separation. So we look,
(03:46):
we go to a house that is I'm not saying
I can afford this. I just want every don't come
rob meet. I like to go to any open house,
as y'all know, that's my manifestation thing. I'm like, I
want you to see how much houses cost me. This
is one point eight and it's in Silver Lake. Then
we're gonna go look at something that's nine hundred thousand.
I just want you to know what you can get,
(04:06):
so if you don't like the stuff that's cheaper, you
can understand why. One point eight million. We meet the girl,
white girl that's hosting it. Cutesie button down top, the jeans,
but the jeans are pressed out, nice shoe, the way
that she's talking everything perfect. Next house nine hundred thousand dollars.
(04:28):
My mom joked that it went down here. There another
white girl. These are all white women, kind of chill outfit,
like little flowery dress but sweet cute, but not as professional.
She wasn't saying things like well, hey, this is going
to pay for itself back.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
You need to understand that.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
You know, there's no flooding insurance that's high here because
you're a little bit lower blah blah, you don't have
to worry about the fires because next girl is like,
oh yeah, better than running an apartment, right, bitch, we
saw our house, those six could be This nigga had
coffee dripping down the shirt and he goes, oh, I'm
so Glorio.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Oh that's my wife.
Speaker 4 (05:01):
She looked a mess. I was thinking did she know
she was coming?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
And I was like yo. It kind of also speaks
to who you're selling to.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
It does, because for one point eight they need to
be making some money, Like right, you're putting down two
hundred thousand and three hundred thousand dollars for a home
like that, Like you've got to have that capital, like
you're making bread.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
If you got that, didn't, oh bitch, once you got
done six fifty, I said, this is still expensive.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
By the way, this is still expensive. It's Los Angeles.
But yeah, And my mom got in.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
The car with me and she says, there's no experience anymore.
I used to talk about you wearing sweatpants in first class.
I'll never say it again. She's like, I understand, this
is a new world. I thought we were meeting someone
a suit. I did my makeup, I did my hair,
just to know that we're buying a home.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I was excited about the process. She said that they
took me out of it.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
She said, if I'm about to do this big, have
this big moment in my life and my daughter and
you look like that, what is this?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I mean, it's tricky because I know the markets are expensive.
But also as a real estate agent, if you're someone
selling over a million dollar homes and someone's selling lessons,
you know, seven hundred thousand dollars homes. Even your commission
is different, so the money you make is different. I mean,
I think we see it. You're going to dress differently
if you work, if you make two fifty at an
(06:21):
executive company, or you're in them all selling clothes.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
I mean, I just think it is. I don't know,
they don't.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Need a lot of money too. And that also, and
we all know this to be true.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
You go on she and get you a nice.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
Fabb Yeah she could, they could step.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
It up, but I think it's really how much care
you put into these things. And it's maybe also with
these agents, the seriousness of the client.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
I just think over all those that's why I said overall, yeah,
there's no professionalism that exists anymore, and I do. I
mean we could blame the pandemic quite a bit. I mean,
with everyone having to be at home, with people not
having to go into the office, I think Z has
made things a lot more like the days ago, Like
(07:04):
professionalism just ain't ain't what it used to be like,
even from how you show up on interviews, like showing
your shoulders and things that were just never acceptable. Are
now like Okay, I know, I mean it's crazy. It's
crazy when when I went.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
To work the first day in Audible, I wore a
blazer dress.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
And the first thing one.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Of the colleagues I had at the time said, is girl,
what nigga you think is in here? And I'm like,
because I kind of have a blazer dress, Like really
this is But at the end of the day, we
all fought for casual fridays.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I'll look, we talking about.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Oh, where's the suit? Like nobody ever wanted to do
that anyway.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
So I feel like and even that when I had
casual fridays in corporate, it was just that you could
wear jeans, that's it. And you couldn't have rips in
the jeans. You couldn't have tears in the jeans. They
still they had to be gene. And then you still
have to wear like a blouse or a button up
or you know, a polo can be, but denim, but
well it's Denham can be, especially if they don't have
(08:10):
ribson terrors. Like that was even like, bro, you can't
come in here with no rips in your jeans. Man,
you just got a little taste of the Horrible Decisions Patreon,
but why it's up there. Tap in for the full,
uncut and way naster episodes over on Patreon. Go to
patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and unlock all the messy,
t wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else.
(08:35):
And now here's You've Got Decisions.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
If you would like to have us answer your questions.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
a terrible throatfle.
Speaker 5 (08:46):
Guess what You've got decisions, You've got decisions. Hey, hey, hey, Horhive,
it's your girl, Mandy b One half of the Decisions
Decisions podcast here.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
To answer yo, no question now.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
If you want to submit anything regarding your relationship, your situationship,
your friendship, your workship, your partnership, go ahead and send
it on over to Decisions pod at gmail dot com.
Before we get to this week's which is an update
which makes me so excited again, make sure, if you
(09:25):
haven't yet, go and purchase No Holds Barred Doing Manifesto
of Sexual Exploration and Power, available now wherever you get books.
Also make sure you get that audible version as well,
and leave a review that continues to help us push
the messaging of this book. Now, y'all, I was supposed
(09:47):
to record this only yesterday.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
But y'all the government shut down. Had you grow in
a disarray at the airport? You follow me on social media.
I ended up being drunk as hell, was put through
a mattress and was like, I'm just gonna throw on
this Turkey costume and go through the airport.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
No one's gonna notice me, no one's gonna see.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Me, bitch.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Also, I dealt with three flight cancelations and it took
thirteen hours for me to get from New York City
LaGuardia Airport to goddamn Atlanta, Georgia. Okay, finally I am
done from being stressed out over all that shit and
really excited because this week we have an update from
(10:37):
the letter. Is my boyfriend get boy?
Speaker 4 (10:42):
Do? I love an update?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
So let's just get into all of these things. And girl,
I am not gonna read your name. By the way,
when you submit a letter, just know that it will
be anonymous. We will not give any details that'll let
the folks know you are going through it.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
Again.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
If you want to say and your letter in make
sure you send it on over to decisions pod at
gmail dot com.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
Let's get into it hunt.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
By the way, I'm doing this by myself because Weezi
is still in Brasil.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
Okay, she is still in Brazil. Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Anyways, don't know what accep that is, but suck my
day from the back. All right, this is an update.
It is my boyfriend Gay. Hey, thanks for answering my email.
I just listened to the episode and I'm writing back
to provide more details.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
Transparently.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
I ended it before writing that email, but I was
still ruminating on it, so I decided to write in
we broke up back in July. I'm definitely okay with
a man being bisexual, and honestly find it attractive. My
issue was that I felt he had zero attraction to
me as a woman and seemed to be attracted to men.
(11:52):
He claimed that he was a boob guy. I'm a
size forty G, so you would think he would love that.
When it came to intimacy, he seemed mortified at the
sight of my breast.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
My boobs are nice.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
After the breakup, I hooked up with an old friend
from college and he thoroughly enjoyed my boobs, So I
feel comfortable saying that my breasts weren't the issue here.
When I tried to have conversations with him about sex
and sexuality, it was an uncomfortable topic for him and
he would get defensive. He said in his last relationship,
(12:25):
sex was an issue as well. At one point I
thought he might just have ed. But as I continue
to ask questions, the combination of his answers and his
behavior around gay men and his lack of sexual interest
in me made me feel like he is gay.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
His family is on a cult, girl, his words, all.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Right, now, I don't think you added the cult port
last time, so I imagine they would disown him if
they found out he was gay. So I believe that
is why he sought out a relationship with a woman.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
Now, Girl, I don't think coats.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Have any connection to homophobia, like real for real outside
of the church. But U Okay, back to the topic
of conversations around sex and d I asked him if
he watches porn and if he is able to ejaculate
when watching porn, and he said yes. I asked what
type of porn does he like and he refused to answer. Oh, bitch,
(13:23):
he said, that previous exes gets him in his past
and said things like I bet if I was this,
you'd want to have sex. He didn't explain what this was,
but I'm going to like but might automatically filled the
word with man. I still tried to stay open minded
(13:45):
and think of the possibilities and also consider that he
may be a sexual, but the way he lustfully looked
at men, it was hard to believe that he might
be a sexual. The other part that made me feel
like his roommate was his boyfriend is because for the
nine years he was living with him, they also had
only a one bedroom apartment. He lived in Oklahoma, which
(14:05):
is extremely affordable. The man works in aerospace, so only
is financially able to get a apartment. The city that
I'm in is LA, so it is definitely moreive, but
he can still financially afford a two bedroom there as well.
What led me to break up with him is that
I couldn't get over that feeling, and anytime I tried
(14:25):
to discuss sexuality, he blew up and got defensive.
Speaker 4 (14:29):
Ever since his roommate moved out here.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
He's made excuses as to why I couldn't come over
the combination of that and the fact that he went
one week without seeing me even though he only lives
ten minutes away from that led to the breakup. While texting,
I did tell him that I don't think he's straight,
oh God, and he vaguely confessed that he isn't straight.
(14:54):
Going to attach a snapshot of that text as I'm
curious on your thoughts about it, ooh girl.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
Not the tape.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
The situation where I felt like he was farting with
a guy, only engaging in conversation with him and not
his friend, I guess when they were out and anytime
the guy would try to speak to me, he would interrupt.
I felt that he was competing with me for that
guy's attention.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
Also, the fact they.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Thinked about him and wondering about him right after we
had sex was also odd.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
I know I could be wrong, but there were too
many red flags.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
The roommate situation really took it over the top for
me because that's when everything changed and he became less available. Also,
the fact that he's living or been living with this
man for nine years in a one bedroom apartment explains
why he didn't want to talk on the phone. Lunch
and preferred texts and voice notes. Also, they're black and
in their late thirties. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks
(15:50):
for taking the time to read all of this. I
was more so seeking confirmation if you all believe that
he is likely gay and.
Speaker 4 (15:57):
That I was tripping.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
He made me feel like I was the one tripping
anytime I brought up the discussion. All right, few things,
so he admitted that he's not fully straight. But you
said he likes titties but also flirts with men. It's
giving that or in that he likes might actually be
trans women. This is just my guess because that too
(16:24):
is the point that I like to watch as well,
and it may also be the reason why he identifies
as straight personally. I have dealt with quite a few
men or heavy Asian conversation with men who identify as
heterosexual straight men. However, they have engaged with or are
(16:44):
turned by, or at least fantasized about trans women. It
is trans women with the dicks with the tits, so
that could be also an explanation as to why he
still identifies as straight, or even when he decided to
open up to you that he will straight. His confusion
came from still identifying those women as women, So in
(17:06):
his mind, even though there is a dick there, he
still believes that he is attracted to women specifically, did
it on women. Let's get into the text message. She
sent a text message saying, no, not at all. I'm
(17:30):
an open person, but I asked you about your sexuality
and you lied. This seemed to be a text message
that he didn't respond to, so she re quoted it
and said, so you're not going to respond to this, lol,
Okay his response, sexuality is a spectrum.
Speaker 4 (17:53):
You know this. You're not even one hundred percent straight yourself.
I'm not gay. I don't prefer men. I prefer women.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
But I'm just saying I don't think anybody today is
one hundred percent straight. All of my relationships have been
with women, and that's where I want to stay. I
have no interest in men. I was not flirting with
that dude at that play.
Speaker 4 (18:14):
Lol. I believe I have to say that I.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Just thought you was cool, and since I'm new to
the area, I'm gathering context of cool peeps as potential friends.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
Is that a problem?
Speaker 1 (18:25):
You say things as absolutes, as if you've come to
these conclusions without even confirming them Ooh girl, he ran
you just a little bit. I agree that sexuality is
on a spectrum. We talk about it all the time.
If you're new here, check out the Kinsey scale. This
response leads me to believe and even the way you
kind of attacked him, I asked you about your sexuality
(18:48):
and you lied, I find it interesting coming from someone
who says that bisexuality would be something that you would
be open to being with. You also seem to not
care about the sexuality as much as you cared about
the lie, which in the text message you also brought
up the lie. However, you can't get honesty out of
(19:11):
a person when you come at them on the attack,
because all they're going to know how to do is
defend themselves.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
And so.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I guess I'm glad to see that you guys broke
up because this clearly wasn't working.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
For either of you.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
But in the same sense, I do think that you
should wholeheartedly sit with what it is that you want.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
You did this long distance relationship.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
You're now even admitting that you didn't speak to him
very often, You didn't spend him very often. If I
recall from the last letter you had been together for
like a year. He made it official, but it was
long distance and you didn't see him often. So to
read even in this email that you also were only
able to really text him because you weren't much of
(20:02):
a phone conversation because he was living with a roommate
which you now believe to be his boyfriend for the
last nine years.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
It's all very tricky.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
And what I want to express to the listeners to
the whore Hive, baby, if he wanted to.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
He would. And this is one of those things that
are like, oh my god, what does that mean? Or
I hear it all the time and da da da da.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
It's one of those where I promise you you do
not have to force a man to show up for you.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
You don't.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
If he likes you, he will let it be known.
If he wants to show up, he will. They know
how to ladies. They Here's the other problem. We be thinking,
we gotta we gotta like not raise these men, but
then we gotta show them how to treat us. Bro.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
These niggas know how to treat a bitch. They like
they do.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I promise you, And if he's not showing up in
a way that makes you feel special or seen. He's
just not that into you. If you're going days without texting,
he's just not that into you. If he's not showing
up for certain holidays and your birthdays, he's just not
that into you.
Speaker 4 (21:13):
If he makes excuse to us why he.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Don't show, girl, he's just not that into you. And
that's okay, it's okay. Thank you for the letter. By
the way, she signed a beard for the boy.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
I do agree. I do believe that you were none
other than a beard for this this gentleman.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
But yeah, anywhos, I'm gonna get into this letter fall
this week, and I love that we could start with
a quick a quick update. If you have sent a letter,
you heard our advice, and you want to follow back up,
please again, send that on over within the same thread,
(22:07):
send it on over to decisions pot at gmail dot com.
All right, there's a good one this week, y'all. Dating
while broke is the subject. Hey, ladies, I have been
in a relationship for about five years now. I'm a
black woman, he's a white man, and he is also
(22:27):
about seventeen years older than me. Ooh girl, I've had
that age difference before as well. I have a teenage
child from a previous relationship that I am the primary
parent of, and it's the exact same situation with him,
just to paint the picture for you. Recently, I've been
questioning if I want to continue with the relationship.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
One of my main reasons being is finances.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
It seems like he's always complaining about being broke or
not having enough money to do certain things. At first,
he would only say it once in a while, but
now it feels like he says it all the time.
He still makes a way to plan simple dates or
treat me to certain things, but days later he will
complain about his money not being right or how he's
(23:12):
tired of being broke. I try not to pocket watch,
but he makes more than me, not a significant amount,
but it's considerable, and splits the rent and builds with
his mother. His child had been living with her for
about seven or eight years now. I know things are
expensive and he has personal bills outside of the bills
that he shares with his mother as well, but he
(23:35):
also has a gambling habit.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
Girl, that's bitch. He ain't broke, he just irresponsible.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
I just feel like he should get a better control
of his budget to afford his wants and needs. Also,
what's crazy is just talked about this on selective ignorance.
This is purely him being selectively ignorant, not budgeting correctly.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
Bro, you live with your.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Mom, you raising a whole kid under yomama roof, and
you gambling it outside of me being a single parent
and working full time. I also recently completed my master's
degree program, which I hope will bring me a more
lucrative employment. I'm not struggling, but there's nothing wrong with
(24:21):
striving for better.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
I know that's right.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
With it only being me and my daughter, I pay
all the bills and maintain the household, her completely out
of the picture. Star I received no support from him
or his family. Now, don't get me wrong, I am
far from perfect and fall short from time to time
as well. It just seems like he is always in
a financial buying despite the fact that he makes more
(24:45):
and splits bills with someone, and because of his openness
about money issues, the very few times I needed help,
I avoided asking him. Hell once when I questioned if
I should be entertaining anyone if I'm not where I
want to be financially, I just have a feeling he
doesn't have the same moments of reflection bitch, and don't.
That's why he's been living with his mama for seven
(25:06):
eight years. The most recent incident was a trip that
I wanted to take. Ooh girl, not you wanted a
trip in this economy with a broke nigga libing away
his mama with gambling issue. And yet I am that
girl that only flies on certain airlines and likes to
say at certain hotels.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
Ill because his.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Money was short and he couldn't convince me to take
a cheaper flight or say at a cheaper hotel, I
went with my best friend instead. Period to celebrate me
getting my masters, I want to take a trip out
of the I already have a feeling that he's not
going to be able to and I'll just go by myself. No,
it's not when a woman says something is fine, it's not.
(25:49):
About two years into the relationship, he brought up moving
in together. My response was an immediate no. Not only
am I uncomfortable compromising me in my daughter's face, but
I don't want to live with them man with money
problems and bad credit.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
I didn't want to hurt.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
His feelings, so I simply just gave the reasoning of
I'm not ready. I'm sure you didn't like the response,
and I can see me not wanting to live with
him being the reason he breaks up with me in
the future.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
How would you approach this situation?
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Have y'all ever experienced dating a man that was financially irresponsible?
Also as a woman, have you ever felt you shouldn't
be dating because of your finances? Love y'all and looking
forward to your responses?
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Oh shit, my bad, y'all. Don't drop my sign because
I didn't headick on this one. All right? How would
I approach this situation?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
I would love to know if you're in therapt because
knowing that this is knowing that this relationship is five
years old, knowing that he's been living with his mom
for seven or eight years, now, knowing that two years
ago he asked you to move in. I'm confused to
how y'all even got here. You said you have a
(27:03):
teenage daughter, so even at the bare minimum, you had
her early. You're in your early thirties. I don't know
what you're waiting for as to why you're not moving
forward from this relationship. It doesn't seem like I guess
my question is, and only because you didn't put it
in here, what are you getting from this? What is
(27:28):
he providing you that you feel so stuck in this
relationship that you don't deserve more. He can't even go
on trips with you, He can't celebrate a moment that
means a lot to you. You don't feel like you
can count on him when you're in a bind. What
(27:50):
is keeping you in this relationship? What's keeping you here?
Speaker 4 (27:54):
And why? And why? Have I ever experienced dating.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
A man that was financially irresponsible? No, not one that
I considered having a long romantic partnership with. I think
if I think of someone who was financially irresponsible, and
maybe it wasn't financial irresponsibility as much as it was
the irresponsibility of the decisions he made that led him
(28:23):
to not be able to get a job. If you
listened to a couple of years ago, a shit, maybe
actually six seven years ago. Now, I met this guy
on tender. He went by felon May at the time
thought he.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Was just oh my god. I was just giddy about him.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
But he couldn't find certain employment because of his felony record,
And so for me, That was a huge part of
why I didn't consider taking him serious. Although like, we
had a blast and he was fun and he lived
right around the corner and it was a great thing
to me long term, I didn't see how it makes
(29:04):
if he was still figuring out how to get on
his feet. And for me, you made this decision five
years ago, as a woman with a child, as a
single parent with a child, to get into a romantic
partnership with a man living with his mom.
Speaker 4 (29:22):
Who is seventeen years older than you.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
I'm just gonna do the math. Say you thirty, That
mean when you met him? No, no, no, let's say
you thirty five. Let's go my age, because now we
go get it. Let's say you met him at thirty, Mitch,
when you met him, you met a forty.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
Seven year old man with a child living with his mother.
I want to know how yo plus he got on.
That's what I want.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
I wants to know how he'd have made it five years.
I wants to know how he made it past the
first date. I think at some point we have to
stop dating people and considering their potential. And I don't
know what potential you saw in a man who got
you seventeen years your senior and couldn't move out his
(30:15):
mama crib. I don't know what potential you saw Temna
the other and the last question you asked is as
a woman, have you ever felt like you shouldn't be
dating because of your finances?
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Boy, read the goddamn book.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
For me, there was a sense of self worth in
how I would show up as a partner, as a
woman who wasn't financially secure. So in my twenties, I
actually felt like I wasn't ready to be anyone's girlfriend
because I was such a dire name and to show
(30:58):
up financially for me, So the idea that I only
wanted a man who could come in and pay my
bills or take me on trips.
Speaker 4 (31:06):
I knew that those wouldn't be realhips.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
They wouldn't be based on the premise that I liked
this man, that I'm in love with this man, that
he's everything I wanted. More, I knew that it was
based on survival instincts of this man can provide, and
so for a lot of my relationships they were transactional.
Because of that, I absolutely wanted a sense of and
wanted to feel like I liked a man because I
(31:35):
liked him, not because of what he could do for me.
And so again for me, I think two years into
this relationship him even asking him and not wanting that
to happen. Two years into the relationship, I think two
years is also enough time to see if a man
is together.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
And maybe you're five years in deep and it don't
seem like changed.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
In a gambling A gambling problem is not something fixed
with a pill. It's not something fixed just over. That
is a hard addiction that should be treated as crack cocaine,
you know, like maybe it's hard to wean yourself out
of the addiction of gambling, but also whatever debt has
(32:24):
incurred from it, and there's a lot of embarrassment that
stems from that. He clearly maybe is not even too
prideful for the simple fact that he did as to
move in, for the simple fact that he'd been living
with his mama for seven or eight years. And so
my advice to you would be to sit with yourself,
and I want you to ask yourself, if you believe
(32:48):
you deserve better?
Speaker 4 (32:53):
Do you deserve better?
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Do you believe that there is any person out there
that the ability to show up in the ways that
you would like a partner to show up. And if
the answer is yes to those, my advice to you
is to break up and end this relationship.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
It's not serving you. And again, even if he's making.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
You feel butterflies, bitch, think about how you feel about
not being able to celebrate your master's degree completion with
your partner because he too poored a fucking Get on
a flight and book the hotel and enjoy the pleasantries
of life that you want to travel. Don't let this
relationship rob you from your happiness. Don't let it happen.
(33:40):
Don't do it, girl, don't do it.
Speaker 4 (33:42):
Don't do it.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Also, love that you misled me with the title here
dating while broke, you are in a relationship with.
Speaker 4 (33:52):
A broke nigga. You're not dating while broke.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
You are in a relationship. What a skilly, irresponsible fuck boy.
And I'm gonna call him a fuck boy because bruh,
he at least in his forties, at least living with
his mama and been living with her for seven eight years.
(34:17):
He might not even be paying as much or splitting
the bills as much as you think he is with
his mama because he might be a mama's boy.
Speaker 4 (34:24):
So I'd say go ahead and go ahead and break
up with him. In the good words of crystalin Fury
from the read break up with Him.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Hopefully I spoke to some of you listening to this
as well, because baby, we are rounding up the year
twenty twenty six is around the corner, and baby, January
first is not the time to her and start feeling
good about yourself and wanting more for your life.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
But the turkey the Christmas gifts.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Don't sit here and wait and squander through these these
holidays knowing that you're with somebody that just ain't put
in the bill, that just ain't cutting it.
Speaker 4 (35:18):
I'm telling y'all, this is where you start.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Making your New Year's resolution, stepping into what you're welcoming
into the new year.
Speaker 4 (35:26):
You start doing that right now, right now.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
So for this listener, I would absolutely advise you to
break up with him and really sit with yourself and
put out into the universe the type of partner that
you feel like you deserve. And I'm telling you, I
know we'll be talking about dating is the ghetto. Girl,
be found some good ones. I got good ones right now.
(35:52):
I got two and a half great ones that are
making like just showing me like you know, so.
Speaker 4 (36:02):
Yeah do that.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
And for anyone wanting to submit their listener letter, go
ahead end us your letter.
Speaker 4 (36:12):
To decisions pod at gmail dot com because bitch, you
got decisions. See y'all next Wednesday,
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