October 22, 2025 • 24 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
So we had a nice day. We went off with
my home Quila, my homegirl Quila and her husband. It
was his birthday. I recently lost a bunch of weight
from doing a bunch of unhealthy shit, taking these crazy
pills from a gas station, that's what he called them.
But it's really a health food store. But it's not English,
but it's a health food store. This next day, beauty
splast store on Pico and it's got Chinese letters on it.
I don't know it's in it, but it makes you
not eat food. So he wasn't really happy with that
(00:24):
and was like, I want you to get healthier habits.
So whatever, I lost a wife. So we're on the
couch watching Hunting Wives and I go get popcorn and
raisin ets and I bring it back and I said
do you want some? And he looked at me like no.
It kept watching TV. I was like, oh, you want
(00:46):
food or something? No, Kila, I don't need to eat
right now, mind you. I know why he said it
like that, because we just had sugarfish. I don't need
to eat right now. Really gives you need to eat
right now? So I'm like, hold on, Stott falls the screen.
I'm like what the fuck is that. It's like nothing,
you feel judged. I'm not judging you. I said, how
(01:08):
do you know I feel judge if you wasn't judging me, nigga.
I was like, at the end of the day, we
all know that I gained weight because the birth control
is making me eat everything, and I was craving everything.
But I'm not gonna be in this place with you
where I'm uncomfortable to eat a fucking snack. I fucking
worked out this morning, Like I can't have popcorn now.
He's like, you want to make the choices you want
to make, but you basically feel like you need me
(01:30):
to indulge, and I'm not gonna indulge with you. Every
time you need to have a snack, I don't need
to eat. We just ate. You want to have popcorn?
Feel free? I was like, Nah, the way that you're
talking to me is like you need to be this
accountability person for me. I don't need you to be accountable.
I'm my own person. This is my body. He goes,
that's my body too. We're talking about having a baby.
(01:52):
We're gonna be together forever. Your body's my body. If
I was sitting here chain smoking cigarettes and doing crazy shit.
Wouldn't you be telling me don't put certain things in
my body? And now I'm like, so I can't put
popcorn in my body. He's like, I'm not saying it's popcorn,
but if you want to choose to eat late and
do certain things, I'm gonna make sure to always hold
you accountable when this is the stuff you said you
(02:13):
don't want to do. So then we got into this
thing of nigga. I don't need you to keep me accountable.
Check the fuck up. He's like, I'm not gonna shut
the fuck up when two months ago you were depressed
talking about, oh my god, I hate myself. No, I'm
gonna make sure you stay on point because now you're
in this place of loving yourself again. So that made
me feel bad because I'm like, I always love myself.
I've always been a bad bag teme when I little
twenty pounds on it. So then we start arguing, We
(02:33):
start arguing, We start arguing, and you know he's very quiet,
is he not? Yes, I never heard this media very quiet.
So he's sitting there and I'm eating the vopera and he goes,
you know what I think you want? I think you
would like him. Man who just says yes, I think
you want to yesk me? Oh I lost it. Don't
tell me what type of nigga I need. Nigga? Who
(02:54):
the fuck you need? Now you want to bitch who
don't eat? That's what you want? Okay, go to one
of my house and I don't need you to me
what I need because I got you. So what the
fuck you gonna do? Fuck you? So now I'm mad.
So now I get up. And now you know when
they start laughing when you get mad, and that's that
really puts me off. So that's what I do. You
already know that's my ship. I'm like, oh you about
(03:14):
to I'm about to whoop his ass. So I go
in the kitchen, I start washing dishes. I'm doing something
else and he gets in the cabinet. Now he's going
through the cabinet. Now there's vitamins and shit in there,
advil whatever in some of my stuff. And he said,
I said, what do you want. I'm just looking for
those pills that you need to calm you down. Whoa,
(03:35):
I just fighting words. Whoa, that's crazy, I said, excuse me, Yeah,
that's that's what I need. I don't know what it's called,
because you know, xanax is also like stuff anyway, So
I wanted to get mad, but then I started laughing
because I was like, oh, you really think he funny?
(03:57):
I start laughing. He started laughing. Now you're going to
ca I go sit on the couch. Offcorn's still there
and his boxers are on his legs open, so I
see the tip of the dick. So I was like, okay,
let me suck it, let's make up. I put my
hand towards this dick. He goes, I'm good. Actually, what
(04:19):
you you fucking ho nigga? We fuck all the time,
four times a day, and he's out the house, and
now you don't want to go pussy, I say, so
now you don't want to fuck me? He said. I
just realized we are in this relationship because I've changed
my eating habits for you. I was vegan, I didn't
even red meat. I never ate this fry shit all
the time, and so basically, if I never changed that,
(04:42):
we wouldn't be together. So now I'm trying to go
back into healthy shit and you won't let me. So
what the fuck? I'm like, Okay, So now you want
to tell me you want to go be with a
bitch who being a go be the bigger badge ass.
So now I'm mad. He's like, I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying that I've changed something for you, and
you don't want to change anything. To change anything, I
didn't eat fucking popcorn, you don't need to eat it.
(05:03):
He's like, that's not true. If I started this relationship
and I was actually raw plant based vegan like I was,
we would never be together because of the way you
like to eat. I'm just telling you I've made changes.
I'm like, so basically telling me I need to change.
So I'm like, you know what, you're kissing me off.
So Gila's husband because it was his birthday that night
going to the strip club. So I hit the group
chat with all four of us. I'm like, hey, we're
all going to go off drinks. That was the hour
(05:24):
when he was a fighting. I was like, let's go
to Davala. He's like, I'm going with the boys. So
he used to asking Mammy, oh you want to come.
I was like, you know what, because we don't argue
and kick each other out or do any of that.
I was like, I think you should go to the
strip club with nag go I have a good time,
so we could have a little space. Now, I was
flying to LA the next day because this is only
(05:44):
a few days ago. So he started getting dressed and
then I got out the shower and I was like,
I can't believe you. What is wrong with everything? Ruh?
I could it's crazy. I want you to go, but
I also just feel like I'm mad because we were
supposed to have a fucking date night. But you ain't shit, brun,
(06:06):
You're crazy. I know this is every story. Wait crazy,
So now you're looking at me. I'm not saying that
you shouldn't go to strip club. It's just said I
wanted to go out, and I'm like, really mad because
this is all a bullshit fight and now you're going
to strip club. Well, I'm gonna get at home reading
a fucking book. So he's looking at me like I
don't know what to do. So I called for yall
(06:26):
to choose out one her gay friends. I'm like, where
are you at. She's like, oh, now, we're just rent
the house. I'm like, let's go out, and the like
we're in bad right now. Hang up on his bitch,
I get my book. I'm sitting near with Nina. Now
this nigga getting up and he's putting on his good
little fit too, the fucking tabbies and shit and his
little fucking shit fuck you. So he comes over to
give me a kiss and I'm like, oh whatever. So
(06:47):
he's gone for thirty minutes. They won't text each other.
I love you. I'm like, all right, we're gonna make it.
He comes home and it wasn't lately, but whatever time
it was, he won a fuck and I'm just like, no,
runna fight and sleep nigga. You whoa? So then brouh.
(07:08):
When I heard this the first time, I was just like,
you know what, I can't even say that. That's why
I'm not saying nothing now. I'm gonna let the audience
make all the faces warm. But bro, what what you
dead ass? I was not supposed to suck him at
five in the morning when I was sleeping. Nigga. All
the ship leading up to that is.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Ship was all you like you say, an argument, there's
like two sides and like one person's little.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
I will tell you this whole ship was just well,
I will tell you why I react this way. He
ain't doing a single thing. He's a single thing, did
he not? Why are you laughing at me because I'm
getting food out? You gotta remember, bro, I just lost
this weight. But if he's just also, as a partner
dealt with someone who was depressed because they were overweight,
there's a thing to where. Okay, well, you finally are
(07:57):
in a good place. Now I can see where. I
don't want you to be depressed because you feel overweighted.
That of course is why he's doing that, and I
understand that, but I can't get to a place where
I start hiding through from you feeling judged and feeling
like shit.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
He ain't say nothing.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
He gave you a little eye roll. And he also said,
I don't want the popcorn with you. You eat it,
but I don't want to eat just cause you'll get
You felt the way right, But I made it. Anyone's
taking into account that if someone's watching food habits like
that's gonna start a weird thing in my head. First
of all, I already did someone healthy shit to get here. Okay,
(08:33):
if we're gonna be honest about it, being in a
place where you're feeling guilty about food and I'm now
like Bro, I'm working out a lot, a lot. I'm
really trying my best to not only maintain the weight,
but cut up like I've never taken creatine and macros
did all this shit counted things before I got a
food scale. One would think it's cut for cocaine. It's not.
It's for food in my house, and you can got
(08:56):
You've got to understand what it's like because you were
dating a vegan and she changed. So imagine if it's
like you started looking at her different and she started
looking at you like it doesn't feel good.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Yeah, but he didn't say anything to make you change.
He just said, Hey, I'm just I don't want incorn.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
But the look and the whole thing of I mean,
you guys could take it hot you want. But I
don't believe he wasn't he was judging me about the food.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
But he's it's more it's coming from a place like, hey,
I'm disappointed that you're making choosing to do things that
you know is going to make you feel bad.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Oh, that's actually what really hurts my feelings the most.
I'm allowed to have balance and indulge.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
And he's allowed to feel disappointed.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
No, he's not. All I do is have popcorn watching
a movie with you.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
But everything if you just it wasn't like I was
just a food and now you're about to consume food
that has no nutritional So when you go to dinner.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
In a movie, do you not get popcorn after the dinner?
What's wrong with me having podcast?
Speaker 2 (09:56):
I personally usually don't.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
So like I'm dead as nothing. I really don't think
there's anything wrong with having a snack or indulging in
something as long as you're living and eating healthy. So
to me, now that like, mind you for the last
two months while losing the weight, but I've completely changed
my diet like I did intereven in basting, I only
ate between eleven to seven, like it was really really hard.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Okay and not even So he has two options. He
can either just ignore you making what in his eyes
is a bad decision, and I think you would agree
would be a bad yeah food decision.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
No, actually no, So that's that is where the lenk.
That's where the wires are crossing in the argument. I
don't think having popcorn is bad now that I'm at
a healthier.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Pan and raisin ets.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
No, I think I don't care if I had a
fucking slice of pizza, but that I think you're allowed
to have balance. It's like, so, then why not judge
somebody for drinking alcohol late at night? You just got
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(11:04):
stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else. And
now here's You've Got Decisions if you would like to
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a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible throufle guess what, You've
got decisions? You've got decisions. But y'all, it's a humpday.
(11:28):
This is our You Got Decision is our segment that
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Horrible Decisions where the show never died, or you can
also send us your email at Decisions pod at gmail
(11:50):
dot com. Now we're gonna get right into it this
week because we're not gonna hold you too long. This
actually comes from a Patreon member who writes in oh lord,
hey girlies, I'll keep this as short as I can,
but you both have helped me in my journey into
(12:11):
my womanhood as I approach twenty four years old. Before
I dropped my question, i'd appreciate any general advice you'd
give to someone my age. I also love advice from
the both of you. Okay. I met this guy as
a server at a celebrity chef restaurant in DC. I'm
a black woman from Miami, big as fuck, and the
(12:33):
best way I could describe him is as a skinny
but cultured white guy. Long story short. We hung out
after his shift and he gave me submissive vibes. When
I gave him my number, he told me to Apple
pay myself whatever I wanted, and the convo after was
so flirty, and he's really funny. I've never fucked a
white guy or honestly had anything other than vanilla sex
(12:56):
and toys. However, I know that I'm kink here, I
let on and all I would need is a man
to make me feel safe enough to explore that. Naturally,
I'm more of a sub, but he gave me he
wanted to be my sub yo, bitch. He was saying
things like whatever I call him, he or respond I'm
his queen, etc. Anyways, that was literally all twenty four
(13:19):
hours of our encounter, and I want to follow up.
He didn't text me the next day, so I want
to reach out because I want to explore this more.
How should I proceed even if he isn't a sub?
Not gonna lie? I want to fuck him, but I've
never been so forward before. Any advice is helpful. I
feel like Mandy's looking at me because he's white, and
(13:41):
I don't know what's to say. However, when I go like,
that's why she think he has sub because I think
white man give me sub all the time. Because I
ain't never been with a white man. To me, I
always feel like I could just rough up a white man.
Sometimes I feel like also white guys are a little
bit more trepidationous, like when they meet a black woman
because they're like, who are you into me? Or you're not?
So then you think such energy because it's not very
dominant but hmm, by the way, fuck you for saying
(14:06):
that he gave you his Apple pay and told you
to Apple pay yourself whatever, and you ain't tell us
how much you Apple paid yourself because that would let
me know what you think of yourself. Because I'm also
that's what makes me think. Okay said she's trying to
come to him with like this, how much it's going
to be the sub bois out because the Apple pay
comment is throwing me. It's not given me that she
wants to sex work because she said he didn't hit
(14:28):
me the next day, but not gonna lie. I still
want to fuck him, So it's not giving that she
wants to charge at all or make it any type
of thing. I think she said that to allude to
his submissiveness. So whenever I haven't gotten a text back,
I'm not gonna find it works every single time. I've
never been rejected by this, but it's not necessarily something
I would always recommend. But I like to be a
little fake dramatic. I'll say things like, waiting by the
(14:51):
phone for you to text me has been really annoying,
blah blah blah blah blah, and then I'll send a
cute picture of me looking sad, and then they always
have to reply because here's the thing, niggas forget you fine,
but all the time. One of my homeboys told me
he gets so many numbers that sometimes he has to
write in the notes like what they had on so
(15:12):
he remembered the bitch. Oh yeah, Oh. I had to
my boyfriend. I had to change my name in his phone.
He had Mandy light skin. I said, I don't like
this name, and I said, and how many mandy do
you have? Oh? None? So then I should be able
to stand alone you putting Mandy light skin in cart egg. Bro.
I made him change an egg on and off for
(15:34):
years that I talked about on the show. Bitch. My
name was Gigi blue in his phone, and I said,
what he's like? The day I met you, you was
wearing a blue wade the suit at Soho House ages
when your name was I was like, Bro, Mandy light
skin is great, glue is worse. No, it's not. Why
(15:54):
are you fucking talking about my skin color? I felt away,
and you couldn't have put Let's take us pretty smile
blind like Nigga light skin is so Gennaire octrog Gila
podcast once Bruh, I'm sorry, light skin is generic as fuck,
and I felt like he didn't really know no meat
very well. Well, here's the thing for the text. If
(16:21):
you want to fuck, you gotta start off gate the flirt.
The first's gotta be whether it be the emoji. The
emoji's gotta have the tongue. It's gotta be a you
gotta get emoji. It's gotta be something that happened that night.
If you're trying to lean into like the sexual energy,
you gotta bring the sexual energy because for the most part,
men are pretty much gonna try to be respectful because
(16:42):
they all scared to getting me food right now. So
it's the gift. It's the photo of you, it's a
sexy moment from that night, or even saying something like
bringing you back. I can't think of what you wrote
because I'm really hungry when my brain's broken. But whatever
he was saying to you that night, be like remember
when you x y Z. How come we haven't followed
up on that? I'm ready. Yeah, things like that that
(17:02):
it's so hard for it, and I think that that's
the that's actually the first part you said that you're
normally sub leaning into dominance looks like you taking that
first sep then like in the most subtle way. I
think women often look at being submissive as being the
one that is getting chased. And in this essence, if
he didn't hit you back and bitch, if you want
(17:22):
that dick and you want that little pink, you gotta
go get it. And what that looked like is you
hitting him up and being like, hey, so where's your
next day off? Because I'm trying to see you where
you're taking me. I think that's what you should also
lean into. Don't be too dominant to where it seemed
like you're trying to take him out. If he don't
already lead with like apple, pay lean into that. That
(17:45):
might be a part of his kick. He might be
he might want to be financially dominated. Something so good.
A piece of advice that you just gave I was
thinking about it when you were talking, is you said,
don't be too dominant. So now it is like, don't
be too dominant, don't be too much. You did no, no,
I know, I said in terms of if you think
he is a sub I didn't say that. I said
you got to lean into the dominance and what I'm
(18:06):
saying is to make sure that and that's why I
was leaning into the findom of it. If he pulled
out the Apple pay, what I was going to say
was that you should tell him when are you taking
me out? I'd like to go here? Don't be like,
don't ask him to go out, Like I was going
to lean into being full fledged dominant. If you want
to be dominant now outside of taking him out, be like,
(18:27):
so when you're taking me out, I'm free this day?
Are you taking me out here? It's a better thing
to start off with. When I heard you saying don't
be too something, I was going to say, don't be
too forthcoming more than you want to be braddy. Think
of the word braddy as your guys for how you'll
start off with being dominant, because if you're not naturally
that bitch, it can come off kind of weird, or
(18:48):
you'll go too hard, or it just won't feel natural.
Definitely be bratty girl. Braddy is a part of dominating,
and you can amp it up once he gives it
back to you. So maybe like she really don't know
how to start, so I would definitely start off with one.
The text got to be annoyed with him in some
way but sexually flirting, annoyed that he hasn't hit you,
annoyed that he didn't follow up on something from that date. Also,
(19:11):
like Mandy said, recommending, you need to be telling me
x y Z where we're going. It's been forty eight hours,
like amp up and flirting with the brattiness. I haven't
had a man yet that doesn't like my little brad shit.
But that's only when men are super attracted to you,
and it's very clear, Yeah, you know you can't just
be it, So I wouldn't lead someone. I'm fine with
(19:32):
being a bride wants you get to know someone like
My advice would not be to be a bread out
the gate, which is why I'm like, just be dominant
and forthcoming, like when you're taking me out, when am
I seeing you like and not making it seem like
you're asking him out, like, oh my god, I can't. Like,
I would just be dominant in that way. Brady to
me always comes later. I don't get to show my
(19:53):
bridy ways, like even my main nigga. Now, it took
me four years to be able to be a bread
with him to where I felt comfortable that it would
result in what I wanted from him. I guess bratt
looks different to us, so to be brat looks different
for niggas like to me Brady, especially in an era
where all these niggas complain about a bitch asking for
too much to saying that. I think being dominant and
(20:15):
being too demanding can look different to men too, So
I guess that's why we have two different opinions on that.
I think, Yeah, so there you go. You got two
different options ago. You could be a brat or you
could be the dom that you want to be with
the sub or you could be the dom brat, which,
how the dog hasn't worked for me. That's more subby
so to me, I guess that's why I'm leaning on
her being stronger because she said he gave off sub vibes.
(20:37):
I honestly think too before leading into all this BDS
some terms which a lot of people I guess like
to do. Now, you really don't notice, nigga. You literally
said you met him at a restaurant. You don't know him,
you don't know how he's in the bedroom, you don't
know technically how he wants to show up. In any
sort of relationship. So honestly, I would just lead with
the Hey, it was really nice meeting you the other night.
(20:58):
I don't want us to be strangers, so don't be
a stranger. When can I see you again? Leave out
the BDSM topics and conversations altogether. I know we led
very sexually, and again I think that those are things
that unless you're meeting someone in the lifestyle on the
scene or have a rapport with them, some of these
things could be like off puttish. So then I would
just say not taking a step into BDSM out the gate.
(21:22):
Second time you got damn textas nigga literally just not
a nigga because he white, but literally just express that
you're interested, you really liked his energy and you want
to see him again. How soon can you see him again?
That removes you being too dominant, It removes the brightness
of it, and you coming off is all the things
(21:42):
that men are also sharing that they don't like at
the moment. So I would say, for anyone listening at
twenty four years old, if you aren't really sure the
space that you're in in terms of BDSM, it could
be tricky to lean into or look at every relationship
dynamic in a BDSM way without really knowing how confident
you are and where you stand and the B, the D,
(22:05):
the S and the M. That would be like my
full fledged advice to also, considering that you're twenty four
and you think you're a sub never been a dom,
that would be my advice to you overall, and then
you can lean into the other things that Weezye and
I said later on once you actually continue seeing this Nigga, yes,
breaking that first text ice, it's tough. The other day
(22:29):
we were at a table actually it was that same
Fashion Week table where I was bitching about obey. My
homeboy was like, yo, we ran into someone and he
was like, damn. I was like one of my top
top three. I was like, nigga, you said that was
gonna go top three dubs your top Like, who the
fuck is one and two? He's like, all right, maybe
(22:50):
she was, And I'm like, so what are you gonna do?
How do you like, hit her up? You're in the
same city, you both don't live here. He lives in London,
Like hit this bitch up? So he's like, how do
I do this? So we're now all going around the
table because their last interaction wasn't necessarily the best. Okay,
(23:11):
He's like, where do I go from here? And I'm like,
in my head, you gotta go basic. It was good
seeing you even on my mind. That's basic. Next person's like, say,
thinking the last time I missed that pussy that don't work,
(23:31):
prompt that don't work, that don't work. Good seeing you
again with the heart works, And I'll tell you why
period don't. I don't want a nigga depending on for
him to go straight to I missed that pussy or
I miss how that fee and all these niggas that
are getting it now due to nigga, like make me
feel as a woman missed because of my presence, not
(23:53):
because of my pussy mind from my mouth. I know already,
I know, I know now. What else you should know
is that there is more content from you, and you
can also see this on video. All you have to
do is go to patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions
to get the t to get the views, to see
how cute we are, and to send in your question
(24:14):
to us, and we're going to give it to you straight.
Include a picture too. I want to see what you
look like. And thank you guys so much for tuning
in too. Yet another episode you got to say us
ho Hi, see you next week. I'm Dave. Bye,
So we had a nice day. We went off with
my home Quila, my homegirl Quila and her husband. It
was his birthday. I recently lost a bunch of weight
from doing a bunch of unhealthy shit, taking these crazy
pills from a gas station, that's what he called them.
But it's really a health food store. But it's not English,
but it's a health food store. This next day, beauty
splast store on Pico and it's got Chinese letters on it.
I don't know it's in it, but it makes you
not eat food. So he wasn't really happy with that
(00:24):
and was like, I want you to get healthier habits.
So whatever, I lost a wife. So we're on the
couch watching Hunting Wives and I go get popcorn and
raisin ets and I bring it back and I said
do you want some? And he looked at me like no.
It kept watching TV. I was like, oh, you want
(00:46):
food or something? No, Kila, I don't need to eat
right now, mind you. I know why he said it
like that, because we just had sugarfish. I don't need
to eat right now. Really gives you need to eat
right now? So I'm like, hold on, Stott falls the screen.
I'm like what the fuck is that. It's like nothing,
you feel judged. I'm not judging you. I said, how
(01:08):
do you know I feel judge if you wasn't judging me, nigga.
I was like, at the end of the day, we
all know that I gained weight because the birth control
is making me eat everything, and I was craving everything.
But I'm not gonna be in this place with you
where I'm uncomfortable to eat a fucking snack. I fucking
worked out this morning, Like I can't have popcorn now.
He's like, you want to make the choices you want
to make, but you basically feel like you need me
(01:30):
to indulge, and I'm not gonna indulge with you. Every
time you need to have a snack, I don't need
to eat. We just ate. You want to have popcorn?
Feel free? I was like, Nah, the way that you're
talking to me is like you need to be this
accountability person for me. I don't need you to be accountable.
I'm my own person. This is my body. He goes,
that's my body too. We're talking about having a baby.
(01:52):
We're gonna be together forever. Your body's my body. If
I was sitting here chain smoking cigarettes and doing crazy shit.
Wouldn't you be telling me don't put certain things in
my body? And now I'm like, so I can't put
popcorn in my body. He's like, I'm not saying it's popcorn,
but if you want to choose to eat late and
do certain things, I'm gonna make sure to always hold
you accountable when this is the stuff you said you
(02:13):
don't want to do. So then we got into this
thing of nigga. I don't need you to keep me accountable.
Check the fuck up. He's like, I'm not gonna shut
the fuck up when two months ago you were depressed
talking about, oh my god, I hate myself. No, I'm
gonna make sure you stay on point because now you're
in this place of loving yourself again. So that made
me feel bad because I'm like, I always love myself.
I've always been a bad bag teme when I little
twenty pounds on it. So then we start arguing, We
(02:33):
start arguing, We start arguing, and you know he's very quiet,
is he not? Yes, I never heard this media very quiet.
So he's sitting there and I'm eating the vopera and he goes,
you know what I think you want? I think you
would like him. Man who just says yes, I think
you want to yesk me? Oh I lost it. Don't
tell me what type of nigga I need. Nigga? Who
(02:54):
the fuck you need? Now you want to bitch who
don't eat? That's what you want? Okay, go to one
of my house and I don't need you to me
what I need because I got you. So what the
fuck you gonna do? Fuck you? So now I'm mad.
So now I get up. And now you know when
they start laughing when you get mad, and that's that
really puts me off. So that's what I do. You
already know that's my ship. I'm like, oh you about
(03:14):
to I'm about to whoop his ass. So I go
in the kitchen, I start washing dishes. I'm doing something
else and he gets in the cabinet. Now he's going
through the cabinet. Now there's vitamins and shit in there,
advil whatever in some of my stuff. And he said,
I said, what do you want. I'm just looking for
those pills that you need to calm you down. Whoa,
(03:35):
I just fighting words. Whoa, that's crazy, I said, excuse me, Yeah,
that's that's what I need. I don't know what it's called,
because you know, xanax is also like stuff anyway, So
I wanted to get mad, but then I started laughing
because I was like, oh, you really think he funny?
(03:57):
I start laughing. He started laughing. Now you're going to
ca I go sit on the couch. Offcorn's still there
and his boxers are on his legs open, so I
see the tip of the dick. So I was like, okay,
let me suck it, let's make up. I put my
hand towards this dick. He goes, I'm good. Actually, what
(04:19):
you you fucking ho nigga? We fuck all the time,
four times a day, and he's out the house, and
now you don't want to go pussy, I say, so
now you don't want to fuck me? He said. I
just realized we are in this relationship because I've changed
my eating habits for you. I was vegan, I didn't
even red meat. I never ate this fry shit all
the time, and so basically, if I never changed that,
(04:42):
we wouldn't be together. So now I'm trying to go
back into healthy shit and you won't let me. So
what the fuck? I'm like, Okay, So now you want
to tell me you want to go be with a
bitch who being a go be the bigger badge ass.
So now I'm mad. He's like, I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying that I've changed something for you, and
you don't want to change anything. To change anything, I
didn't eat fucking popcorn, you don't need to eat it.
(05:03):
He's like, that's not true. If I started this relationship
and I was actually raw plant based vegan like I was,
we would never be together because of the way you
like to eat. I'm just telling you I've made changes.
I'm like, so basically telling me I need to change.
So I'm like, you know what, you're kissing me off.
So Gila's husband because it was his birthday that night
going to the strip club. So I hit the group
chat with all four of us. I'm like, hey, we're
all going to go off drinks. That was the hour
(05:24):
when he was a fighting. I was like, let's go
to Davala. He's like, I'm going with the boys. So
he used to asking Mammy, oh you want to come.
I was like, you know what, because we don't argue
and kick each other out or do any of that.
I was like, I think you should go to the
strip club with nag go I have a good time,
so we could have a little space. Now, I was
flying to LA the next day because this is only
(05:44):
a few days ago. So he started getting dressed and
then I got out the shower and I was like,
I can't believe you. What is wrong with everything? Ruh?
I could it's crazy. I want you to go, but
I also just feel like I'm mad because we were
supposed to have a fucking date night. But you ain't shit, brun,
(06:06):
You're crazy. I know this is every story. Wait crazy,
So now you're looking at me. I'm not saying that
you shouldn't go to strip club. It's just said I
wanted to go out, and I'm like, really mad because
this is all a bullshit fight and now you're going
to strip club. Well, I'm gonna get at home reading
a fucking book. So he's looking at me like I
don't know what to do. So I called for yall
(06:26):
to choose out one her gay friends. I'm like, where
are you at. She's like, oh, now, we're just rent
the house. I'm like, let's go out, and the like
we're in bad right now. Hang up on his bitch,
I get my book. I'm sitting near with Nina. Now
this nigga getting up and he's putting on his good
little fit too, the fucking tabbies and shit and his
little fucking shit fuck you. So he comes over to
give me a kiss and I'm like, oh whatever. So
(06:47):
he's gone for thirty minutes. They won't text each other.
I love you. I'm like, all right, we're gonna make it.
He comes home and it wasn't lately, but whatever time
it was, he won a fuck and I'm just like, no,
runna fight and sleep nigga. You whoa? So then brouh.
(07:08):
When I heard this the first time, I was just like,
you know what, I can't even say that. That's why
I'm not saying nothing now. I'm gonna let the audience
make all the faces warm. But bro, what what you
dead ass? I was not supposed to suck him at
five in the morning when I was sleeping. Nigga. All
the ship leading up to that is.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Ship was all you like you say, an argument, there's
like two sides and like one person's little.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
I will tell you this whole ship was just well,
I will tell you why I react this way. He
ain't doing a single thing. He's a single thing, did
he not? Why are you laughing at me because I'm
getting food out? You gotta remember, bro, I just lost
this weight. But if he's just also, as a partner
dealt with someone who was depressed because they were overweight,
there's a thing to where. Okay, well, you finally are
(07:57):
in a good place. Now I can see where. I
don't want you to be depressed because you feel overweighted.
That of course is why he's doing that, and I
understand that, but I can't get to a place where
I start hiding through from you feeling judged and feeling
like shit.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
He ain't say nothing.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
He gave you a little eye roll. And he also said,
I don't want the popcorn with you. You eat it,
but I don't want to eat just cause you'll get
You felt the way right, But I made it. Anyone's
taking into account that if someone's watching food habits like
that's gonna start a weird thing in my head. First
of all, I already did someone healthy shit to get here. Okay,
(08:33):
if we're gonna be honest about it, being in a
place where you're feeling guilty about food and I'm now
like Bro, I'm working out a lot, a lot. I'm
really trying my best to not only maintain the weight,
but cut up like I've never taken creatine and macros
did all this shit counted things before I got a
food scale. One would think it's cut for cocaine. It's not.
It's for food in my house, and you can got
(08:56):
You've got to understand what it's like because you were
dating a vegan and she changed. So imagine if it's
like you started looking at her different and she started
looking at you like it doesn't feel good.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Yeah, but he didn't say anything to make you change.
He just said, Hey, I'm just I don't want incorn.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
But the look and the whole thing of I mean,
you guys could take it hot you want. But I
don't believe he wasn't he was judging me about the food.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
But he's it's more it's coming from a place like, hey,
I'm disappointed that you're making choosing to do things that
you know is going to make you feel bad.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Oh, that's actually what really hurts my feelings the most.
I'm allowed to have balance and indulge.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
And he's allowed to feel disappointed.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
No, he's not. All I do is have popcorn watching
a movie with you.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
But everything if you just it wasn't like I was
just a food and now you're about to consume food
that has no nutritional So when you go to dinner.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
In a movie, do you not get popcorn after the dinner?
What's wrong with me having podcast?
Speaker 2 (09:56):
I personally usually don't.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
So like I'm dead as nothing. I really don't think
there's anything wrong with having a snack or indulging in
something as long as you're living and eating healthy. So
to me, now that like, mind you for the last
two months while losing the weight, but I've completely changed
my diet like I did intereven in basting, I only
ate between eleven to seven, like it was really really hard.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Okay and not even So he has two options. He
can either just ignore you making what in his eyes
is a bad decision, and I think you would agree
would be a bad yeah food decision.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
No, actually no, So that's that is where the lenk.
That's where the wires are crossing in the argument. I
don't think having popcorn is bad now that I'm at
a healthier.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Pan and raisin ets.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
No, I think I don't care if I had a
fucking slice of pizza, but that I think you're allowed
to have balance. It's like, so, then why not judge
somebody for drinking alcohol late at night? You just got
a little taste of the Horrible Decisions patreons. But why
it's that there? Tap in for the full, uncut and
way naster episodes over on Patreon. Go to patreon dot
com Backslash Horrible Decisions and unlock all the messyt wild
(11:04):
stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else. And
now here's You've Got Decisions if you would like to
have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job,
a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible throufle guess what, You've
got decisions? You've got decisions. But y'all, it's a humpday.
(11:28):
This is our You Got Decision is our segment that
we've made an episode for you. Every single week we
answer one of your questions you send to us. If
you want to get your question prioritized, you got to
DM it to us on Patreon, Patreon dot com Backslash
Horrible Decisions where the show never died, or you can
also send us your email at Decisions pod at gmail
(11:50):
dot com. Now we're gonna get right into it this
week because we're not gonna hold you too long. This
actually comes from a Patreon member who writes in oh lord,
hey girlies, I'll keep this as short as I can,
but you both have helped me in my journey into
(12:11):
my womanhood as I approach twenty four years old. Before
I dropped my question, i'd appreciate any general advice you'd
give to someone my age. I also love advice from
the both of you. Okay. I met this guy as
a server at a celebrity chef restaurant in DC. I'm
a black woman from Miami, big as fuck, and the
(12:33):
best way I could describe him is as a skinny
but cultured white guy. Long story short. We hung out
after his shift and he gave me submissive vibes. When
I gave him my number, he told me to Apple
pay myself whatever I wanted, and the convo after was
so flirty, and he's really funny. I've never fucked a
white guy or honestly had anything other than vanilla sex
(12:56):
and toys. However, I know that I'm kink here, I
let on and all I would need is a man
to make me feel safe enough to explore that. Naturally,
I'm more of a sub, but he gave me he
wanted to be my sub yo, bitch. He was saying
things like whatever I call him, he or respond I'm
his queen, etc. Anyways, that was literally all twenty four
(13:19):
hours of our encounter, and I want to follow up.
He didn't text me the next day, so I want
to reach out because I want to explore this more.
How should I proceed even if he isn't a sub?
Not gonna lie? I want to fuck him, but I've
never been so forward before. Any advice is helpful. I
feel like Mandy's looking at me because he's white, and
(13:41):
I don't know what's to say. However, when I go like,
that's why she think he has sub because I think
white man give me sub all the time. Because I
ain't never been with a white man. To me, I
always feel like I could just rough up a white man.
Sometimes I feel like also white guys are a little
bit more trepidationous, like when they meet a black woman
because they're like, who are you into me? Or you're not?
So then you think such energy because it's not very
dominant but hmm, by the way, fuck you for saying
(14:06):
that he gave you his Apple pay and told you
to Apple pay yourself whatever, and you ain't tell us
how much you Apple paid yourself because that would let
me know what you think of yourself. Because I'm also
that's what makes me think. Okay said she's trying to
come to him with like this, how much it's going
to be the sub bois out because the Apple pay
comment is throwing me. It's not given me that she
wants to sex work because she said he didn't hit
(14:28):
me the next day, but not gonna lie. I still
want to fuck him, So it's not giving that she
wants to charge at all or make it any type
of thing. I think she said that to allude to
his submissiveness. So whenever I haven't gotten a text back,
I'm not gonna find it works every single time. I've
never been rejected by this, but it's not necessarily something
I would always recommend. But I like to be a
little fake dramatic. I'll say things like, waiting by the
(14:51):
phone for you to text me has been really annoying,
blah blah blah blah blah, and then I'll send a
cute picture of me looking sad, and then they always
have to reply because here's the thing, niggas forget you fine,
but all the time. One of my homeboys told me
he gets so many numbers that sometimes he has to
write in the notes like what they had on so
(15:12):
he remembered the bitch. Oh yeah, Oh. I had to
my boyfriend. I had to change my name in his phone.
He had Mandy light skin. I said, I don't like
this name, and I said, and how many mandy do
you have? Oh? None? So then I should be able
to stand alone you putting Mandy light skin in cart egg. Bro.
I made him change an egg on and off for
(15:34):
years that I talked about on the show. Bitch. My
name was Gigi blue in his phone, and I said,
what he's like? The day I met you, you was
wearing a blue wade the suit at Soho House ages
when your name was I was like, Bro, Mandy light
skin is great, glue is worse. No, it's not. Why
(15:54):
are you fucking talking about my skin color? I felt away,
and you couldn't have put Let's take us pretty smile
blind like Nigga light skin is so Gennaire octrog Gila
podcast once Bruh, I'm sorry, light skin is generic as fuck,
and I felt like he didn't really know no meat
very well. Well, here's the thing for the text. If
(16:21):
you want to fuck, you gotta start off gate the flirt.
The first's gotta be whether it be the emoji. The
emoji's gotta have the tongue. It's gotta be a you
gotta get emoji. It's gotta be something that happened that night.
If you're trying to lean into like the sexual energy,
you gotta bring the sexual energy because for the most part,
men are pretty much gonna try to be respectful because
(16:42):
they all scared to getting me food right now. So
it's the gift. It's the photo of you, it's a
sexy moment from that night, or even saying something like
bringing you back. I can't think of what you wrote
because I'm really hungry when my brain's broken. But whatever
he was saying to you that night, be like remember
when you x y Z. How come we haven't followed
up on that? I'm ready. Yeah, things like that that
(17:02):
it's so hard for it, and I think that that's
the that's actually the first part you said that you're
normally sub leaning into dominance looks like you taking that
first sep then like in the most subtle way. I
think women often look at being submissive as being the
one that is getting chased. And in this essence, if
he didn't hit you back and bitch, if you want
(17:22):
that dick and you want that little pink, you gotta
go get it. And what that looked like is you
hitting him up and being like, hey, so where's your
next day off? Because I'm trying to see you where
you're taking me. I think that's what you should also
lean into. Don't be too dominant to where it seemed
like you're trying to take him out. If he don't
already lead with like apple, pay lean into that. That
(17:45):
might be a part of his kick. He might be
he might want to be financially dominated. Something so good.
A piece of advice that you just gave I was
thinking about it when you were talking, is you said,
don't be too dominant. So now it is like, don't
be too dominant, don't be too much. You did no, no,
I know, I said in terms of if you think
he is a sub I didn't say that. I said
you got to lean into the dominance and what I'm
(18:06):
saying is to make sure that and that's why I
was leaning into the findom of it. If he pulled
out the Apple pay, what I was going to say
was that you should tell him when are you taking
me out? I'd like to go here? Don't be like,
don't ask him to go out, Like I was going
to lean into being full fledged dominant. If you want
to be dominant now outside of taking him out, be like,
(18:27):
so when you're taking me out, I'm free this day?
Are you taking me out here? It's a better thing
to start off with. When I heard you saying don't
be too something, I was going to say, don't be
too forthcoming more than you want to be braddy. Think
of the word braddy as your guys for how you'll
start off with being dominant, because if you're not naturally
that bitch, it can come off kind of weird, or
(18:48):
you'll go too hard, or it just won't feel natural.
Definitely be bratty girl. Braddy is a part of dominating,
and you can amp it up once he gives it
back to you. So maybe like she really don't know
how to start, so I would definitely start off with one.
The text got to be annoyed with him in some
way but sexually flirting, annoyed that he hasn't hit you,
annoyed that he didn't follow up on something from that date. Also,
(19:11):
like Mandy said, recommending, you need to be telling me
x y Z where we're going. It's been forty eight hours,
like amp up and flirting with the brattiness. I haven't
had a man yet that doesn't like my little brad shit.
But that's only when men are super attracted to you,
and it's very clear, Yeah, you know you can't just
be it, So I wouldn't lead someone. I'm fine with
(19:32):
being a bride wants you get to know someone like
My advice would not be to be a bread out
the gate, which is why I'm like, just be dominant
and forthcoming, like when you're taking me out, when am
I seeing you like and not making it seem like
you're asking him out, like, oh my god, I can't. Like,
I would just be dominant in that way. Brady to
me always comes later. I don't get to show my
(19:53):
bridy ways, like even my main nigga. Now, it took
me four years to be able to be a bread
with him to where I felt comfortable that it would
result in what I wanted from him. I guess bratt
looks different to us, so to be brat looks different
for niggas like to me Brady, especially in an era
where all these niggas complain about a bitch asking for
too much to saying that. I think being dominant and
(20:15):
being too demanding can look different to men too, So
I guess that's why we have two different opinions on that.
I think, Yeah, so there you go. You got two
different options ago. You could be a brat or you
could be the dom that you want to be with
the sub or you could be the dom brat, which,
how the dog hasn't worked for me. That's more subby
so to me, I guess that's why I'm leaning on
her being stronger because she said he gave off sub vibes.
(20:37):
I honestly think too before leading into all this BDS
some terms which a lot of people I guess like
to do. Now, you really don't notice, nigga. You literally
said you met him at a restaurant. You don't know him,
you don't know how he's in the bedroom, you don't
know technically how he wants to show up. In any
sort of relationship. So honestly, I would just lead with
the Hey, it was really nice meeting you the other night.
(20:58):
I don't want us to be strangers, so don't be
a stranger. When can I see you again? Leave out
the BDSM topics and conversations altogether. I know we led
very sexually, and again I think that those are things
that unless you're meeting someone in the lifestyle on the
scene or have a rapport with them, some of these
things could be like off puttish. So then I would
just say not taking a step into BDSM out the gate.
(21:22):
Second time you got damn textas nigga literally just not
a nigga because he white, but literally just express that
you're interested, you really liked his energy and you want
to see him again. How soon can you see him again?
That removes you being too dominant, It removes the brightness
of it, and you coming off is all the things
(21:42):
that men are also sharing that they don't like at
the moment. So I would say, for anyone listening at
twenty four years old, if you aren't really sure the
space that you're in in terms of BDSM, it could
be tricky to lean into or look at every relationship
dynamic in a BDSM way without really knowing how confident
you are and where you stand and the B, the D,
(22:05):
the S and the M. That would be like my
full fledged advice to also, considering that you're twenty four
and you think you're a sub never been a dom,
that would be my advice to you overall, and then
you can lean into the other things that Weezye and
I said later on once you actually continue seeing this Nigga, yes,
breaking that first text ice, it's tough. The other day
(22:29):
we were at a table actually it was that same
Fashion Week table where I was bitching about obey. My
homeboy was like, yo, we ran into someone and he
was like, damn. I was like one of my top
top three. I was like, nigga, you said that was
gonna go top three dubs your top Like, who the
fuck is one and two? He's like, all right, maybe
(22:50):
she was, And I'm like, so what are you gonna do?
How do you like, hit her up? You're in the
same city, you both don't live here. He lives in London,
Like hit this bitch up? So he's like, how do
I do this? So we're now all going around the
table because their last interaction wasn't necessarily the best. Okay,
(23:11):
He's like, where do I go from here? And I'm like,
in my head, you gotta go basic. It was good
seeing you even on my mind. That's basic. Next person's like, say,
thinking the last time I missed that pussy that don't work,
(23:31):
prompt that don't work, that don't work. Good seeing you
again with the heart works, And I'll tell you why
period don't. I don't want a nigga depending on for
him to go straight to I missed that pussy or
I miss how that fee and all these niggas that
are getting it now due to nigga, like make me
feel as a woman missed because of my presence, not
(23:53):
because of my pussy mind from my mouth. I know already,
I know, I know now. What else you should know
is that there is more content from you, and you
can also see this on video. All you have to
do is go to patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions
to get the t to get the views, to see
how cute we are, and to send in your question
(24:14):
to us, and we're going to give it to you straight.
Include a picture too. I want to see what you
look like. And thank you guys so much for tuning
in too. Yet another episode you got to say us
ho Hi, see you next week. I'm Dave. Bye,
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.