July 2, 2025 • 26 mins
Send us your questions Decisionspod@gmail.com
Follow the hosts on social media Weezy @Weezywtf & Mandii B @Fullcourtpumps and follow the Decisions Decisions pages
Instagram @_decisionsdecisions
“No Holes Barred: A Dual Manifesto Of Sexual Exploration And Power” w/ Tempest X!
Link
Don't forget to tag #decisionsdecisions or @ us to let us know what you think of this week's episode!
Want more? Bonus episodes, merch and more Whoreible Decisions!! Become a Patron at Patreon.com/whoreibledecisions
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
If you would like to have us answer your questions.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
a terrible threatful guess what, You've got decisions.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
It's another hump day, it's another you got decisions.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Babe, Babe, babe, babe bebe y'all to hear about that later.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Anyways, welcome to another You've Got decisions, y'all.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Our book is out. Literally, it's literally out.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
You can literally if you don't have it yet, bit
too late, but there's always time.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
You can get it now.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Also, I've been telling people in my stories if you're
in the store, if you don't order it online, if
you go to the store, please send us what it
looks like in the store.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Please do.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
And noteworthy is it in the sex and psychology section
because we're number one on Amazon? Yeah, Medical, psycho general,
sexual health as well.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I was like, so, I'm like, yeah, all the different
categories are really interesting that we're being put into on Amazon.
Let me click on it and just see.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Just so, No No Holds Barred has been out now
for how many hours?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Well, while we're recording this, this it's release date.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
But when y'all hear this, it's been out for a
whole week.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Number one new release in Sex Instruction, Yo, uh huh, we'll.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Take that number one in new releases. Okay, I'll take
that one. I'll take that one for a show.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Then there's literature and fiction and erotica take that. We're
number two. Some mother fuck nigga will no number one.
We number two, and erotica releases and some other medical
shit medical, wait till they open it up.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Medical, Well, we do talk about anatomy. Medicinal. We talk snow,
we talk anatomy. That's science. Sure. Sure.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Anyways, y'all don't holds bard a dull manifesto. Sexual exploration
empowers out. Not only do we want to see what
our books look like on the shelves when you're going
to the bookstores. If y'all can please take a picture
with our book and send it to me if you
want to repost it. Over the next couple of weeks,
I'm gonna just be posting all the war Hive members
with their books on our Decisions Decisions page.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
So please, please please, if.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
You have the book, take a picture with it, Smile,
be cute, and send that to me. Be up, damn kids, Actually,
just take it like this now because we can't post
it like that, but I can do something else with it.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Here we go.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
All right, Well, this week I thought it was only
right to read this question from our listener because sounds
very close to a chapter in Weezy's book, when do
you know you stay too long? Well, this one says,
my question is to leave or not to leave?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I'm a new listener and have enjoyed listening to your pod.
It helps break up my boring ass days at work,
so thank you. I'm writing today for some insight.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
On what to do with my relationship. Here we go.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
I'm a thirty seven year old female and my partner
is fifty four male. We've been together for two and
a half years. He's recently battled stage two prostate cancer.
He opted to have the surgery instead of chemo, which
I wasn't a fan of. The recovery time for the
surgery is extremely slow. Prior to his diagnosis, we had
(03:17):
the best sex life. It was sexy, spontaneous, and freaki
as fuck. Since the surgery, we haven't had any vaginal sex.
He hasn't had an erection since before the surgery. In
November of twenty twenty four. That was the last time
we had sex. I've been celibate since then for contacts.
(03:38):
I've been celibate three times prior to this, for more
than a year each time, but that was by my choice.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
How old is Jesus thirty seven?
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Surgery was seven months ago and he is in remission,
which I'm so happy about. He finished physical therapy a
couple of months ago that hasn't continued to do any
exercises at home like he should. You know how black
men are. They feel they are better than they are.
But he doesn't understand he's healing from the inside out.
For the first few months, he would pleasure me with
(04:08):
his hands, mouth, and toys. It's been about two months
since he's done any of that. I would even suck
his soft dick just so he wouldn't feel left out.
I've tried to explain to him that I'm in need
of intimacy, and intimacy can be more than sex. I
can't remember the last time he's kissed me or held
my hand. On top of the lack of intimacy, he's
(04:30):
gotten increasingly grumpier and rude, well dub bitch because he
ain't He ain't fucking anyway. I love him so much,
but I'm getting tired. I want to walk away before
I cheat, because I'm not that type of person. Also,
I don't want to be the girl who loved the
cancer pation. Any advice that you can give me on
(04:51):
how to handle this situation.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Would be appreciated.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I don't believe the cancer pation. At least he's a
real cancer vation because Mandies.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Was a lot right fat. At least he had real
cancer so interestingly, so common. By the way, taking cancer, yeah,
I heard it's a thing.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Why because you get attention and you get sympathy and
empathy and people.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Care about you. When you want attention, you.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Should only fake her pregnancy is seeing your money? No
faking pregnancy. He's saying, people fake cancer. Yeah, I'm taking pregnancy.
Get your five hundred out.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
I get it.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
But you are down and out if you gotta fake
what you was when you did that, because you did it,
I needed you.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
I'm not telling that. I ain't telling the girl to fake.
I'm ready to see five dollars.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
I'm telling them a people test around and you already
know I'm telling them. If you don't open your legs
at all, you better be able to get five hundred
dollars round.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
No, I will say this.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I was just watching this movie called The Room next
Door and it's with Julianne Moore, who I think is
so sexy.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
I don't know why.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
And then some other white lady tilled you something, but
it was about a woman with cancer, and she was like,
shoot the first scene I had to stop watching the
movie on the plane.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
You know, planes make you cry. I don't know they do.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Oh I love crying on the plane. So it starts,
She's like how are you? But not like how people
say how are you? Like really how are you?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
She's like, some days of you four it because I'm.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Alive, and then other days I'm depressed because I've survived,
like I was ready to die.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
But I was this.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
I was that I really don't know the ebbs and flows.
And maybe one day we talked to get to talk
to Crystal, you know, just a little bit.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
I taught her every day. I know. No, I'm saying,
like just us, as you know listeners of the show,
she would never come on here.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Well regardless, yeah, man, they could have another cancer survivor discussing.
I mean, I think if y'all listen to last year,
I had three people simultaneously be diagnosed with breast cancer, and.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I'd like to say all three are in remission. Like
they all beat it. They rang the bell, but they all.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Lost their hair, double missectomies, had to go through chemo.
One is now being told she has to go into radiation,
which she doesn't want to do.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
For they all. We just saw all of us hereditary.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
I mean, I don't know the backstory, but they all
got it. I know, I know my best friend like
it ran in her family, and then I know. We
also just saw Anna Luis pass from breast cancer. It's
something that's happening to women much younger. This guy being
a remission from prose cancer. Prose cancer gets most of
our black men, especially fifty plus, which is why they
(07:24):
say that y'all need to go check your colon's is.
You know when you reach a certain age. We lost
combat Jack from cancer. So I mean, these cancers are
running rampant, specifically in our communities, and so I can
understand as we're aging, that is not something you know
when you get.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Married right till death. Do us part through sickness and health.
I don't know if.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Any of us have really had the conversations about sticking
through non marital relationships with someone battling something like that.
It's a lot mentally, if you are someone who is
very sexual, you feel guilty for leaving them because of
their diagnosis or what they're dealing with. And unfortunately, I
(08:10):
know you said it jokingly if this isn't someone that
you see yourself long standing staying with.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
To me, I hate the guilt.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
I hate that the guilt eats you up because now
you're staying with him because you feel like, damn, I'm
gonna be a shitty person for leaving a cancer patient.
But all of the things you're dealing with, you're not
being pleased physically, you're not even receiving the intimacy, and
he's probably showing up grumpy or more rude, I mean,
because of how he doesn't feel like himself either.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
So it's like, I think, maybe giving grace to the
person that's going through something way more traumatic, because maybe
this isn't the best version of himself, and maybe if
it happened to you, you'd.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Want grace as well. He's seven months in.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Let me ask you, how long do you extend that
grace because you're a freak as whole who liked to
get fucked too.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
So they don't have an open relationship. How long are
you waiting holding out?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I would set a time frame from when I'm acknowledging
that they're doing something wrong. Okay, So I'm not gonna
okay another few months without telling you something's wrong.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Okay. I would come to the table and say, hey,
you're doing X y Z. Wait, yeah, how are you?
How are you saying it? I want to know how it's.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Making You're making it harder for me to enjoy being
in this relationship, and I want to let you know
some of the flaws I'm seeing and what's really difficult
for me.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Now, he responds, this is what I you know, I
just hold on, but like, let's let's dialogue this out.
He's like, you know, I just like went through cancer.
Chemo wasn't easy. Like I don't have any control over
how my body is healing.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
I know that you're depressed, I know that you're going
through X y Z. I'm telling you this is how
you're treating me. Okay, So I'm going to stick here
through you with this, but I need you to try
to take care of yourself better that I can be
a good partner to you because.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
We can't both drown. Like, yep, how am I going
to be a support system? Actually? I just had this conversation.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
We were out to do with some friends in Paris,
and one of them said that when they cheated on
their partner, they gave their partner a warning before it happened.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
I'm like, whoa, whoa, wait what wait it was specific?
What is a warning to tell your partner before you cheat?
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Now?
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I thought this was crazy. The person said, look, I
understand you work late nights. I think his wife was
a waitress. Okay, he was like.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
But to the point where we're not having sex at
night because you get home and you're exhausted. Understandable, understandable
in the day, you need more rest. When do we
ever prioritize sex at all? I'm letting you know this
is a need, and right now we barely have sex
once a week. I need to have sex at least
twice a week. That's my minimum.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
If you don't give it to me, I'm gonna step
out on you.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
They didn't say that, but he said, we need to
get back to the drawing board on what this relationship
looks like if we can at least have sex together.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
In this house. That was not a warning. I think
it's what.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Because that didn't come with a time frame, bro, Like,
if you just bring it to me, how long between
you saying that? So you cheating because if you.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Come next time? So apparently that time frame, Yeah, what's
the time fro.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
The next thing happens? Person? This is their job.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Take a month or two later. He made a joke
on the right side, we can fuck now. We got
time to spend. I don't know if he said we
can fuck now. She said, that's a shitty thing to
say to me because I'm depressed. Now, I really don't
think like it't around you. Apparently it went to ninety
days he cheated now, I'm not a lot of you.
(11:57):
To me, that's enough, And I don't think lying is right.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I think he should have broken up with her.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
But yes, when he told the story, I was like,
did you really say that? He was like, yeah, I did.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
He's like, so she went. She went from not fucking
him thirty eight years old. She went from not fucking
him because of his job.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
No no, no, no, no, wait, because of her job to then
not fucking him because he depressed, depressed because she lost
her job, So she might not have just been a
sexual being. Well you know what this makes me think
of not having sex because you got cancer. Now you
not haveing sex as you're depressed about the cancer.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Well, no, he's not physically being able to get hard,
not being.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Sexual, Y're not, Yes, they're not doing anything.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Well, well that's I guess the different thing, right if
they had a healthy sex life. This reminds me of
like when I was fucking twenty four seven, but also
when they've been together for two and a half years.
But also it reminds me of like my relationship with
twenty four to seven and a lot of people I
was fucking in my twenties where we had his healthy
sex lives.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Zero intimacy for man.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Who can show up really well in the bedroom sexually,
and maybe you don't even acknowledge the need for intimacy
because you getting fucked through the mattress.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
U she'says he doesn't hold my hand or kiss me anymore.
But no, he doesn't do it at all.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
He didn't say anymore.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
So what I'm saying is maybe she didn't get the intimacy.
But because now she's not getting the sex she's like,
I would like at least the intimacy I'm.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Not getting either.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
You ain't gonna be if but he could be a
man that might not be intimate, like there's a lot
of men that don't know how to show up as
an intimate lover, like without putting the dick down.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Yeah, the warning, give him the warning about and then
from the warning.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
So the warning is you gotta get your mental health
together and show me intimacy or else.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Yes, you have to say the things that you need, hey,
in this relationship, And I think it's very fair to
tell someone I just had to pro say cancer, this
is not about sex, and this conversation I like that
I need more connection. And the reason you need to
make sure you say it's not about sex because that's
the literal thing that he can't do right, and that
would be fucked up up, that'll be fucked up.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
I agree. That's worse than leaving the cancer patient. By
the way, I agree.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
I mean I also think that so she's thirty seven,
he's fifty two. I think that there has to be
and I know that we talk about dating with intention,
We talk about being with partners.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
I know a lot of people do.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Date with the hope of marriage or you know, the
hierarchy of what's next in this relationship. I think that
she should sit with over the past two and a
half years, maybe even leaving out the fact that you're
holding him down through the cancer thing. Is this person
someone that you see yourself with because through sickness and health, Like,
(14:52):
that's the thing that I realized too. Even when you
go into remission from cancer, Oh, maybe there's still checkups,
there's certain medications I want to take.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
It is a part of.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Your new life to where if say, something else comes back, like,
is this.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Something you'd willing to deal with again?
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Like, to me, you have to acknowledge someone's health condition
when you were dating that.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
By the way, this is making me think a loud
about my parents. So my mom hasn't had sex in
a few years obviously because of my dad. And she
said a few years ago when it happened. I want
to say he got sick in twenty twenty.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Yeah, because that was my old bab she said, maybe
like six months out. My mom never had a job.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
My dad always took care of everything, and she started
working at a store, and this was before I was
making a lot more money to where she didn't have
to work. But basically she was like, listen, your dad
took care of me his whole life, and this is
what I'm meant to do. She's like, it was never
anything that we didn't have, that we didn't want. He
(15:58):
was loving to me, like, this is what I meant
to do. And it was very sweet coming from a
house wife who frankly, my mom can't figure out any
handle life for Peter, and she's always had to remind
herself these things sometimes. And recently I was actually there
with my partner and my mom were visiting my dad
and he just got grumpy out of nowhere, and it
(16:19):
happens like it's a dimension.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
You just get angry, get mad.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
And my mom starts to say to me, this is
I will do anything for him, And I don't know
if she's saying out loud for herself, like, you know,
this is a hard life that he's got. Right now,
this is a hard life that I've got, Like I
have to go visit my husband.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I still feel young, I still feel like I could
do things.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Like I have to be there for him and of
course the next day, maybe he has a good day.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
And I think my parents were together for twenty nine
years before this happens. Now they're together thirty five years,
but twenty nine years of their marriage of healthiness. Right,
That to me is when you can I don't want
to use the word oh someone, but when you can
be selfless.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
And a half years and you and you thirty seven girl,
you you silly ripe, oh half a century? Like I
think that you you have to decide if this is
something that you can mentally know that in your mind
you may have to ride this roller coaster again, because
(17:23):
you're on this roller coaster now with him through being
not only a cancer survivor, but someone who now has
to really like And.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
I cannot make care of his own intimacy park because
something my fan told me recently, like your parents kiss
so much that like it's I've never seen anything like this.
My dad can't roll the wheelchair. They'd be like career, Like,
you know, the intimacy can still exists in this weird way.
They'll smack her by like it's just no intimacy can
show up in so many different ways that they haven't
(17:52):
had sex in years and like if my mom tells
this joke. So my dad the last vacation I got
to put him on a plane for uh, travel on
someone who's older, it's just just wipes them out.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
I've been able.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
It was great to be able to take them on
the beach, but it was a lot for him. So
she told him the next day that they had sex.
He's like, no, we did it, we really did. So
I was like, yes, it was so good. You don't remember,
but my dad was exhausted. So sometimes like you're still
talking about this name. Remember we were in Mexico and
Gila left the room and he's like, I think, I
(18:25):
think I remember Jude. I think I know what they're
talking about, like because he needs to know that he
still had that. And it's like when people really love
and care about you and they're able to put that aside,
they want to show up in those ways.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
And so for I have a parallet like that. It's sweet, right.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
But to know that, like this part, dude is watching
you stick with him through you know, through all of that.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
In because you know you ain't have sex for seven months, bitch,
so do he so you to not have bitch, giry
you that Gummy did knowing it wasn't gonna get hard,
like you didn't even try to just give him some
else of pleasure. And I think that she's acknowledging as well, like, Okay,
I get it, he's going through this thing. The healing
(19:10):
phase is taking much longer. That's probably what's adding to
him being grumpier and ruder. But I don't think that
we and when I say we, it's human beings have
to be subjected to certain treatment, like by people, and.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
So yeah, you only go through something so long being
because as human.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Beings like Bro, there has to be something where you
put yourself first, like consider yourself, what do you want?
Speaker 1 (19:37):
And if this doesn't work for you, if long term
you feel.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Like damn, I don't think I could do this again, well,
the reality is you might have to deal with this again,
like cancer comes back even after you beat it sometimes,
like it's a very big possibility. And so I just
think that with knowing his health status, you're young enough,
I think, and you're not tied through marriage to consider yourself.
(20:01):
And it could sound harsh, it could sound fucking really selfish,
but I think, like Bro, when you young, sometimes you
gotta choose yourself. Bro, two and a half years you
had a good ride.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
And let's let's talk about it. That nigga fifty two
and they got no wife. Don't do that. Don't do that.
Why you did that? Don't do that, ahole.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
No, but I don't like that because look at don't
do that.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Becase, No, it don't matter. Don't do that. Don't do that.
Don't nobody watch. That's terrible. You're literally being the person
like when I.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Get fifty with no kids, no husband, ain't nothing wrong
with me. This is what I chose, all right, he
might have chosen it. Don't mean you asshole, you don't
mean it. I don't like that because I know that
we put that same stigma on women who are older,
who are unwed with no children. I'm not gonna allow
that narrative to go on any of my platform. Be
a dick, because I'm not gonna talk with that little dick.
He could be, he could be.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
But the narrative that you're old without a wife or
a husband looking for without.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Kids does not mean that.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
You a fucked up person, or that you suck, or
that you're unwanted or no one wants you. I just
hate hearing that narrative because I see it in the comments.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I see that we're gonna grow old, lonely, like bro.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
This is my decision as a human being, and I
would never sit here. I'm a hypocrite on a lot
of things, but I'm not a hypocrite to be on
some You old, you ain't got no no wife, you
ain't got no kids. You a shitty ass person because
people make those decisions for themselves.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
Sorry, clearly got triggered. I'm just not gonna a lot
active be the narrative.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
But men or women over fifty who aren't married and
who don't have kids, because I have a friend right
now who is unmarried with no kids.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I have friends right now who can't have kids, and.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
I would just hate for the narrative in a couple
of years because they're all approaching forty for it to
be the you know, they suck as people, especially knowing
we're talking about cancer. There's people that can't have kids
after going through things.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
So, yeah, I know, triggered, but just want to make
sure I don't.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I don't believe that not talking about people know children
or like mishaps or anything like that I'm being facetious,
and I do think he's probably a dick.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
And why you say that because he's treating her like what.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
He just had cancer and can't get his dick hard, Like, bro,
you get grumpy, sometimes you get grumpy.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Sometimes he had.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Didn't tell her to say with them many I'm not
saying that because I'm just saying I'm not and he's
being a dick, well, because he just fucking beat cancer.
Like as a friend who some days Crystal didn't feel
the best. Some days another friend was like, why the
fuck am I here and didn't want to be here?
Like beating cancer is a blessing you just talked about
the show. There's gonna be some days that are really hard,
(22:37):
and sometimes they may not know that they're treating the
people around them like shit.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
But to me, that's why I leaned into it as
a health thing.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
There's a lot of things that come with people who
navigate all types of things. So whether it's cancer, whether
it's mental health issues, whether it's any sort of level
of diagnosis that requires medication, like you as a person
can decide whether to stay with them or not. I
think that being guilted for staying with them, or staying
with people who don't treat you, well, that's a whole
(23:08):
nother like way of looking at that.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
I don't think.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
Anyone should put up with it. I don't think you
should guilt yourself for staying. If it doesn't work for you,
leave And I think that we have to as people,
be fine with just leaving people because we don't want
to deal with their health, not that they're dicks, not
that they suck as people, because she loved them.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
They have fun up until the cancer.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
So but when people have to deal with like health shit, oh,
they become different people.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
They become different people.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
So I don't want to put any labels of people
being shitty as people when people have life changing moments
like cancer where they beat it where they thought that
they might be dying, where now it changes their whole bodies,
where maybe now they have to decide or realize damn it,
I can't have kids now. Damn I'm having hot flashes now. Damn,
my breasts aren't even mine anymore. And now I gotta
(23:58):
like how I look in shirts and maybe I woke
up this morning and fucking hate that I have these
fake breasts in like I understand the mental capacity of
like what it feels like to technically become a whole
new person after cancer.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
And so for me, I.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Would say you, as a partner, leave if you don't
want to be the support system or you don't have
the patience or capacity to be there for him, and
be okay with that. I don't think you deserve to
be dating someone who's grumpy or nasty to you, But
just know that this is his reality now and he
(24:31):
may have more grumpier or more grumpier days than not because.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Of his health. And so look at the health thing.
I don't think any of us have to sit here.
Speaker 3 (24:42):
And not admit that we don't have the capacity to
deal with someone's health issues. It's a lot, and so
you have to sit with that. Do you have the
capacity to weather through the storm with this man's health?
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yes or no? And if you don't choose yourself and
leave him.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
Wish them the best and maybe maintain a friendship, because
when you break up with someone, you can still be
friends with them even if he may fill away.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Go listen to our patre go list.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
You don't anyone that's ever sent us a YGD, Please
send us in your updates we want everybody gets invested.
We all want to know what's going on. Our listeners
want to know what's going on. We want to know
if you took our advice or if you didn't. It's funny,
we had an update, but I think it was from
one of the ones you did, so we ain't read it.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
But there's an update in the email that I don't
think we.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
We didn't touch that right and at maybe there was
an update though, and we were like, oh, I don't
even know what this talk. Anyways, Guys, if you have
a letter that you want us to read and give you.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Our advice, and maybe you get to.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Three different bits of advice because we three different people
with three different perspectives, go ahead and send us your letter.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Send it to Decisions pod at Gmail.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Don't calm And of course, if you're a patron, just
go ahead and dm us in the messages. I've been
trying to pull some stuff out of there too. Make
sure you join us on Patreon. That's patreon dot com
backslash Horrible Decisions if you want to catch the full
video of this episode and get more content. Anyways, guys,
go buy the book No Holds Barred a dual manifesto
(26:20):
of sexual exploration and power and stay tuned. Emails coming
announcement on Patreon and our Instagram pages and our pages.
There's some changes happening to our tour.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Updated.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
We got some updated dates, we got some updated tea,
some updated things. Just stay tuned, guys. Also catch us
an Essence Fest.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
We'll see y'all there.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Bye bye
If you would like to have us answer your questions.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
a terrible threatful guess what, You've got decisions.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
It's another hump day, it's another you got decisions.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Babe, Babe, babe, babe bebe y'all to hear about that later.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Anyways, welcome to another You've Got decisions, y'all.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Our book is out. Literally, it's literally out.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
You can literally if you don't have it yet, bit
too late, but there's always time.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
You can get it now.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Also, I've been telling people in my stories if you're
in the store, if you don't order it online, if
you go to the store, please send us what it
looks like in the store.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Please do.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
And noteworthy is it in the sex and psychology section
because we're number one on Amazon? Yeah, Medical, psycho general,
sexual health as well.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I was like, so, I'm like, yeah, all the different
categories are really interesting that we're being put into on Amazon.
Let me click on it and just see.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Just so, No No Holds Barred has been out now
for how many hours?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Well, while we're recording this, this it's release date.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
But when y'all hear this, it's been out for a
whole week.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Number one new release in Sex Instruction, Yo, uh huh, we'll.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Take that number one in new releases. Okay, I'll take
that one. I'll take that one for a show.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Then there's literature and fiction and erotica take that. We're
number two. Some mother fuck nigga will no number one.
We number two, and erotica releases and some other medical
shit medical, wait till they open it up.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Medical, Well, we do talk about anatomy. Medicinal. We talk snow,
we talk anatomy. That's science. Sure. Sure.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Anyways, y'all don't holds bard a dull manifesto. Sexual exploration
empowers out. Not only do we want to see what
our books look like on the shelves when you're going
to the bookstores. If y'all can please take a picture
with our book and send it to me if you
want to repost it. Over the next couple of weeks,
I'm gonna just be posting all the war Hive members
with their books on our Decisions Decisions page.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
So please, please please, if.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
You have the book, take a picture with it, Smile,
be cute, and send that to me. Be up, damn kids, Actually,
just take it like this now because we can't post
it like that, but I can do something else with it.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Here we go.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
All right, Well, this week I thought it was only
right to read this question from our listener because sounds
very close to a chapter in Weezy's book, when do
you know you stay too long? Well, this one says,
my question is to leave or not to leave?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I'm a new listener and have enjoyed listening to your pod.
It helps break up my boring ass days at work,
so thank you. I'm writing today for some insight.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
On what to do with my relationship. Here we go.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
I'm a thirty seven year old female and my partner
is fifty four male. We've been together for two and
a half years. He's recently battled stage two prostate cancer.
He opted to have the surgery instead of chemo, which
I wasn't a fan of. The recovery time for the
surgery is extremely slow. Prior to his diagnosis, we had
(03:17):
the best sex life. It was sexy, spontaneous, and freaki
as fuck. Since the surgery, we haven't had any vaginal sex.
He hasn't had an erection since before the surgery. In
November of twenty twenty four. That was the last time
we had sex. I've been celibate since then for contacts.
(03:38):
I've been celibate three times prior to this, for more
than a year each time, but that was by my choice.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
How old is Jesus thirty seven?
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Surgery was seven months ago and he is in remission,
which I'm so happy about. He finished physical therapy a
couple of months ago that hasn't continued to do any
exercises at home like he should. You know how black
men are. They feel they are better than they are.
But he doesn't understand he's healing from the inside out.
For the first few months, he would pleasure me with
(04:08):
his hands, mouth, and toys. It's been about two months
since he's done any of that. I would even suck
his soft dick just so he wouldn't feel left out.
I've tried to explain to him that I'm in need
of intimacy, and intimacy can be more than sex. I
can't remember the last time he's kissed me or held
my hand. On top of the lack of intimacy, he's
(04:30):
gotten increasingly grumpier and rude, well dub bitch because he
ain't He ain't fucking anyway. I love him so much,
but I'm getting tired. I want to walk away before
I cheat, because I'm not that type of person. Also,
I don't want to be the girl who loved the
cancer pation. Any advice that you can give me on
(04:51):
how to handle this situation.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Would be appreciated.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I don't believe the cancer pation. At least he's a
real cancer vation because Mandies.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Was a lot right fat. At least he had real
cancer so interestingly, so common. By the way, taking cancer, yeah,
I heard it's a thing.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Why because you get attention and you get sympathy and
empathy and people.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Care about you. When you want attention, you.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Should only fake her pregnancy is seeing your money? No
faking pregnancy. He's saying, people fake cancer. Yeah, I'm taking pregnancy.
Get your five hundred out.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
I get it.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
But you are down and out if you gotta fake
what you was when you did that, because you did it,
I needed you.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
I'm not telling that. I ain't telling the girl to fake.
I'm ready to see five dollars.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
I'm telling them a people test around and you already
know I'm telling them. If you don't open your legs
at all, you better be able to get five hundred
dollars round.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
No, I will say this.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I was just watching this movie called The Room next
Door and it's with Julianne Moore, who I think is
so sexy.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
I don't know why.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
And then some other white lady tilled you something, but
it was about a woman with cancer, and she was like,
shoot the first scene I had to stop watching the
movie on the plane.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
You know, planes make you cry. I don't know they do.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Oh I love crying on the plane. So it starts,
She's like how are you? But not like how people
say how are you? Like really how are you?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
She's like, some days of you four it because I'm.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Alive, and then other days I'm depressed because I've survived,
like I was ready to die.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
But I was this.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
I was that I really don't know the ebbs and flows.
And maybe one day we talked to get to talk
to Crystal, you know, just a little bit.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
I taught her every day. I know. No, I'm saying,
like just us, as you know listeners of the show,
she would never come on here.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Well regardless, yeah, man, they could have another cancer survivor discussing.
I mean, I think if y'all listen to last year,
I had three people simultaneously be diagnosed with breast cancer, and.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I'd like to say all three are in remission. Like
they all beat it. They rang the bell, but they all.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Lost their hair, double missectomies, had to go through chemo.
One is now being told she has to go into radiation,
which she doesn't want to do.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
For they all. We just saw all of us hereditary.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
I mean, I don't know the backstory, but they all
got it. I know, I know my best friend like
it ran in her family, and then I know. We
also just saw Anna Luis pass from breast cancer. It's
something that's happening to women much younger. This guy being
a remission from prose cancer. Prose cancer gets most of
our black men, especially fifty plus, which is why they
(07:24):
say that y'all need to go check your colon's is.
You know when you reach a certain age. We lost
combat Jack from cancer. So I mean, these cancers are
running rampant, specifically in our communities, and so I can
understand as we're aging, that is not something you know
when you get.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Married right till death. Do us part through sickness and health.
I don't know if.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Any of us have really had the conversations about sticking
through non marital relationships with someone battling something like that.
It's a lot mentally, if you are someone who is
very sexual, you feel guilty for leaving them because of
their diagnosis or what they're dealing with. And unfortunately, I
(08:10):
know you said it jokingly if this isn't someone that
you see yourself long standing staying with.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
To me, I hate the guilt.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
I hate that the guilt eats you up because now
you're staying with him because you feel like, damn, I'm
gonna be a shitty person for leaving a cancer patient.
But all of the things you're dealing with, you're not
being pleased physically, you're not even receiving the intimacy, and
he's probably showing up grumpy or more rude, I mean,
because of how he doesn't feel like himself either.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
So it's like, I think, maybe giving grace to the
person that's going through something way more traumatic, because maybe
this isn't the best version of himself, and maybe if
it happened to you, you'd.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Want grace as well. He's seven months in.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Let me ask you, how long do you extend that
grace because you're a freak as whole who liked to
get fucked too.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
So they don't have an open relationship. How long are
you waiting holding out?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I would set a time frame from when I'm acknowledging
that they're doing something wrong. Okay, So I'm not gonna
okay another few months without telling you something's wrong.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Okay. I would come to the table and say, hey,
you're doing X y Z. Wait, yeah, how are you?
How are you saying it? I want to know how it's.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Making You're making it harder for me to enjoy being
in this relationship, and I want to let you know
some of the flaws I'm seeing and what's really difficult
for me.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Now, he responds, this is what I you know, I
just hold on, but like, let's let's dialogue this out.
He's like, you know, I just like went through cancer.
Chemo wasn't easy. Like I don't have any control over
how my body is healing.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
I know that you're depressed, I know that you're going
through X y Z. I'm telling you this is how
you're treating me. Okay, So I'm going to stick here
through you with this, but I need you to try
to take care of yourself better that I can be
a good partner to you because.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
We can't both drown. Like, yep, how am I going
to be a support system? Actually? I just had this conversation.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
We were out to do with some friends in Paris,
and one of them said that when they cheated on
their partner, they gave their partner a warning before it happened.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
I'm like, whoa, whoa, wait what wait it was specific?
What is a warning to tell your partner before you cheat?
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Now?
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I thought this was crazy. The person said, look, I
understand you work late nights. I think his wife was
a waitress. Okay, he was like.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
But to the point where we're not having sex at
night because you get home and you're exhausted. Understandable, understandable
in the day, you need more rest. When do we
ever prioritize sex at all? I'm letting you know this
is a need, and right now we barely have sex
once a week. I need to have sex at least
twice a week. That's my minimum.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
If you don't give it to me, I'm gonna step
out on you.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
They didn't say that, but he said, we need to
get back to the drawing board on what this relationship
looks like if we can at least have sex together.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
In this house. That was not a warning. I think
it's what.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Because that didn't come with a time frame, bro, Like,
if you just bring it to me, how long between
you saying that? So you cheating because if you.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Come next time? So apparently that time frame, Yeah, what's
the time fro.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
The next thing happens? Person? This is their job.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Take a month or two later. He made a joke
on the right side, we can fuck now. We got
time to spend. I don't know if he said we
can fuck now. She said, that's a shitty thing to
say to me because I'm depressed. Now, I really don't
think like it't around you. Apparently it went to ninety
days he cheated now, I'm not a lot of you.
(11:57):
To me, that's enough, And I don't think lying is right.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I think he should have broken up with her.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
But yes, when he told the story, I was like,
did you really say that? He was like, yeah, I did.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
He's like, so she went. She went from not fucking
him thirty eight years old. She went from not fucking
him because of his job.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
No no, no, no, no, wait, because of her job to then
not fucking him because he depressed, depressed because she lost
her job, So she might not have just been a
sexual being. Well you know what this makes me think
of not having sex because you got cancer. Now you
not haveing sex as you're depressed about the cancer.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Well, no, he's not physically being able to get hard,
not being.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Sexual, Y're not, Yes, they're not doing anything.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Well, well that's I guess the different thing, right if
they had a healthy sex life. This reminds me of
like when I was fucking twenty four seven, but also
when they've been together for two and a half years.
But also it reminds me of like my relationship with
twenty four to seven and a lot of people I
was fucking in my twenties where we had his healthy
sex lives.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Zero intimacy for man.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Who can show up really well in the bedroom sexually,
and maybe you don't even acknowledge the need for intimacy
because you getting fucked through the mattress.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
U she'says he doesn't hold my hand or kiss me anymore.
But no, he doesn't do it at all.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
He didn't say anymore.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
So what I'm saying is maybe she didn't get the intimacy.
But because now she's not getting the sex she's like,
I would like at least the intimacy I'm.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Not getting either.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
You ain't gonna be if but he could be a
man that might not be intimate, like there's a lot
of men that don't know how to show up as
an intimate lover, like without putting the dick down.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Yeah, the warning, give him the warning about and then
from the warning.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
So the warning is you gotta get your mental health
together and show me intimacy or else.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Yes, you have to say the things that you need, hey,
in this relationship, And I think it's very fair to
tell someone I just had to pro say cancer, this
is not about sex, and this conversation I like that
I need more connection. And the reason you need to
make sure you say it's not about sex because that's
the literal thing that he can't do right, and that
would be fucked up up, that'll be fucked up.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
I agree. That's worse than leaving the cancer patient. By
the way, I agree.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
I mean I also think that so she's thirty seven,
he's fifty two. I think that there has to be
and I know that we talk about dating with intention,
We talk about being with partners.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
I know a lot of people do.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Date with the hope of marriage or you know, the
hierarchy of what's next in this relationship. I think that
she should sit with over the past two and a
half years, maybe even leaving out the fact that you're
holding him down through the cancer thing. Is this person
someone that you see yourself with because through sickness and health, Like,
(14:52):
that's the thing that I realized too. Even when you
go into remission from cancer, Oh, maybe there's still checkups,
there's certain medications I want to take.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
It is a part of.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Your new life to where if say, something else comes back, like,
is this.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Something you'd willing to deal with again?
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Like, to me, you have to acknowledge someone's health condition
when you were dating that.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
By the way, this is making me think a loud
about my parents. So my mom hasn't had sex in
a few years obviously because of my dad. And she
said a few years ago when it happened. I want
to say he got sick in twenty twenty.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Yeah, because that was my old bab she said, maybe
like six months out. My mom never had a job.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
My dad always took care of everything, and she started
working at a store, and this was before I was
making a lot more money to where she didn't have
to work. But basically she was like, listen, your dad
took care of me his whole life, and this is
what I'm meant to do. She's like, it was never
anything that we didn't have, that we didn't want. He
(15:58):
was loving to me, like, this is what I meant
to do. And it was very sweet coming from a
house wife who frankly, my mom can't figure out any
handle life for Peter, and she's always had to remind
herself these things sometimes. And recently I was actually there
with my partner and my mom were visiting my dad
and he just got grumpy out of nowhere, and it
(16:19):
happens like it's a dimension.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
You just get angry, get mad.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
And my mom starts to say to me, this is
I will do anything for him, And I don't know
if she's saying out loud for herself, like, you know,
this is a hard life that he's got. Right now,
this is a hard life that I've got, Like I
have to go visit my husband.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I still feel young, I still feel like I could
do things.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Like I have to be there for him and of
course the next day, maybe he has a good day.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
And I think my parents were together for twenty nine
years before this happens. Now they're together thirty five years,
but twenty nine years of their marriage of healthiness. Right,
That to me is when you can I don't want
to use the word oh someone, but when you can
be selfless.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
And a half years and you and you thirty seven girl,
you you silly ripe, oh half a century? Like I
think that you you have to decide if this is
something that you can mentally know that in your mind
you may have to ride this roller coaster again, because
(17:23):
you're on this roller coaster now with him through being
not only a cancer survivor, but someone who now has
to really like And.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
I cannot make care of his own intimacy park because
something my fan told me recently, like your parents kiss
so much that like it's I've never seen anything like this.
My dad can't roll the wheelchair. They'd be like career, Like,
you know, the intimacy can still exists in this weird way.
They'll smack her by like it's just no intimacy can
show up in so many different ways that they haven't
(17:52):
had sex in years and like if my mom tells
this joke. So my dad the last vacation I got
to put him on a plane for uh, travel on
someone who's older, it's just just wipes them out.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
I've been able.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
It was great to be able to take them on
the beach, but it was a lot for him. So
she told him the next day that they had sex.
He's like, no, we did it, we really did. So
I was like, yes, it was so good. You don't remember,
but my dad was exhausted. So sometimes like you're still
talking about this name. Remember we were in Mexico and
Gila left the room and he's like, I think, I
(18:25):
think I remember Jude. I think I know what they're
talking about, like because he needs to know that he
still had that. And it's like when people really love
and care about you and they're able to put that aside,
they want to show up in those ways.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
And so for I have a parallet like that. It's sweet, right.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
But to know that, like this part, dude is watching
you stick with him through you know, through all of that.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
In because you know you ain't have sex for seven months, bitch,
so do he so you to not have bitch, giry
you that Gummy did knowing it wasn't gonna get hard,
like you didn't even try to just give him some
else of pleasure. And I think that she's acknowledging as well, like, Okay,
I get it, he's going through this thing. The healing
(19:10):
phase is taking much longer. That's probably what's adding to
him being grumpier and ruder. But I don't think that
we and when I say we, it's human beings have
to be subjected to certain treatment, like by people, and.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
So yeah, you only go through something so long being
because as human.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Beings like Bro, there has to be something where you
put yourself first, like consider yourself, what do you want?
Speaker 1 (19:37):
And if this doesn't work for you, if long term
you feel.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Like damn, I don't think I could do this again, well,
the reality is you might have to deal with this again,
like cancer comes back even after you beat it sometimes,
like it's a very big possibility. And so I just
think that with knowing his health status, you're young enough,
I think, and you're not tied through marriage to consider yourself.
(20:01):
And it could sound harsh, it could sound fucking really selfish,
but I think, like Bro, when you young, sometimes you
gotta choose yourself. Bro, two and a half years you
had a good ride.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
And let's let's talk about it. That nigga fifty two
and they got no wife. Don't do that. Don't do that.
Why you did that? Don't do that, ahole.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
No, but I don't like that because look at don't
do that.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Becase, No, it don't matter. Don't do that. Don't do that.
Don't nobody watch. That's terrible. You're literally being the person
like when I.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Get fifty with no kids, no husband, ain't nothing wrong
with me. This is what I chose, all right, he
might have chosen it. Don't mean you asshole, you don't
mean it. I don't like that because I know that
we put that same stigma on women who are older,
who are unwed with no children. I'm not gonna allow
that narrative to go on any of my platform. Be
a dick, because I'm not gonna talk with that little dick.
He could be, he could be.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
But the narrative that you're old without a wife or
a husband looking for without.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Kids does not mean that.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
You a fucked up person, or that you suck, or
that you're unwanted or no one wants you. I just
hate hearing that narrative because I see it in the comments.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I see that we're gonna grow old, lonely, like bro.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
This is my decision as a human being, and I
would never sit here. I'm a hypocrite on a lot
of things, but I'm not a hypocrite to be on
some You old, you ain't got no no wife, you
ain't got no kids. You a shitty ass person because
people make those decisions for themselves.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
Sorry, clearly got triggered. I'm just not gonna a lot
active be the narrative.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
But men or women over fifty who aren't married and
who don't have kids, because I have a friend right
now who is unmarried with no kids.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I have friends right now who can't have kids, and.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
I would just hate for the narrative in a couple
of years because they're all approaching forty for it to
be the you know, they suck as people, especially knowing
we're talking about cancer. There's people that can't have kids
after going through things.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
So, yeah, I know, triggered, but just want to make
sure I don't.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I don't believe that not talking about people know children
or like mishaps or anything like that I'm being facetious,
and I do think he's probably a dick.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
And why you say that because he's treating her like what.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
He just had cancer and can't get his dick hard, Like, bro,
you get grumpy, sometimes you get grumpy.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Sometimes he had.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Didn't tell her to say with them many I'm not
saying that because I'm just saying I'm not and he's
being a dick, well, because he just fucking beat cancer.
Like as a friend who some days Crystal didn't feel
the best. Some days another friend was like, why the
fuck am I here and didn't want to be here?
Like beating cancer is a blessing you just talked about
the show. There's gonna be some days that are really hard,
(22:37):
and sometimes they may not know that they're treating the
people around them like shit.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
But to me, that's why I leaned into it as
a health thing.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
There's a lot of things that come with people who
navigate all types of things. So whether it's cancer, whether
it's mental health issues, whether it's any sort of level
of diagnosis that requires medication, like you as a person
can decide whether to stay with them or not. I
think that being guilted for staying with them, or staying
with people who don't treat you, well, that's a whole
(23:08):
nother like way of looking at that.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
I don't think.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
Anyone should put up with it. I don't think you
should guilt yourself for staying. If it doesn't work for you,
leave And I think that we have to as people,
be fine with just leaving people because we don't want
to deal with their health, not that they're dicks, not
that they suck as people, because she loved them.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
They have fun up until the cancer.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
So but when people have to deal with like health shit, oh,
they become different people.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
They become different people.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
So I don't want to put any labels of people
being shitty as people when people have life changing moments
like cancer where they beat it where they thought that
they might be dying, where now it changes their whole bodies,
where maybe now they have to decide or realize damn it,
I can't have kids now. Damn I'm having hot flashes now. Damn,
my breasts aren't even mine anymore. And now I gotta
(23:58):
like how I look in shirts and maybe I woke
up this morning and fucking hate that I have these
fake breasts in like I understand the mental capacity of
like what it feels like to technically become a whole
new person after cancer.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
And so for me, I.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Would say you, as a partner, leave if you don't
want to be the support system or you don't have
the patience or capacity to be there for him, and
be okay with that. I don't think you deserve to
be dating someone who's grumpy or nasty to you, But
just know that this is his reality now and he
(24:31):
may have more grumpier or more grumpier days than not because.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Of his health. And so look at the health thing.
I don't think any of us have to sit here.
Speaker 3 (24:42):
And not admit that we don't have the capacity to
deal with someone's health issues. It's a lot, and so
you have to sit with that. Do you have the
capacity to weather through the storm with this man's health?
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yes or no? And if you don't choose yourself and
leave him.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
Wish them the best and maybe maintain a friendship, because
when you break up with someone, you can still be
friends with them even if he may fill away.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Go listen to our patre go list.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
You don't anyone that's ever sent us a YGD, Please
send us in your updates we want everybody gets invested.
We all want to know what's going on. Our listeners
want to know what's going on. We want to know
if you took our advice or if you didn't. It's funny,
we had an update, but I think it was from
one of the ones you did, so we ain't read it.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
But there's an update in the email that I don't
think we.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
We didn't touch that right and at maybe there was
an update though, and we were like, oh, I don't
even know what this talk. Anyways, Guys, if you have
a letter that you want us to read and give you.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Our advice, and maybe you get to.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Three different bits of advice because we three different people
with three different perspectives, go ahead and send us your letter.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Send it to Decisions pod at Gmail.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Don't calm And of course, if you're a patron, just
go ahead and dm us in the messages. I've been
trying to pull some stuff out of there too. Make
sure you join us on Patreon. That's patreon dot com
backslash Horrible Decisions if you want to catch the full
video of this episode and get more content. Anyways, guys,
go buy the book No Holds Barred a dual manifesto
(26:20):
of sexual exploration and power and stay tuned. Emails coming
announcement on Patreon and our Instagram pages and our pages.
There's some changes happening to our tour.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Updated.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
We got some updated dates, we got some updated tea,
some updated things. Just stay tuned, guys. Also catch us
an Essence Fest.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
We'll see y'all there.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Bye bye
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.