August 27, 2025 • 39 mins
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“No Holes Barred: A Dual Manifesto Of Sexual Exploration And Power” w/ Tempest X!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of horror Blad. This
is your own cinema, So if you have not yet,
we are going to start off by letting you bitches
know dead spoiler alert, we are talking hunting wives on
Netflix today.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Y'all know what I was about to say, y'all late,
go watch.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Them Republic Hands and the six Fuel drug induced.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Heyos, it's great.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
So if you haven't seen it yet, you may want
to save this episode but later. But if you have
watched it, you are in for a time. We are
going to start though, wait a little quick catch up though.
We're filming this quite at a good time for y'all to,
you know, see what's going on.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I think they'll get this in like a week or two.
Oh shit, we gotta get Billy his good Philly show.
But yeah, still, let me think what's I catch out?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Oh? Okay, so we double baths on a think girl.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Okay, now that they have not heard that story yet,
well to to just round it up basically.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Oh did you see my hitch? A moment I was like,
well I can see it still, bitch, let me show
you my face yesterday. Blew the fuck up?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
You stay with something what happened, which I don't know,
but anyway, I posted it online what happened? But it
got cuter after a while.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
It just that nothing about that looks but you look
like Angie.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
No, I said, I looked like Larsa Pippen. Oh. I
don't know what's going on. But I was like, oh, bitch,
I'm gonna be honest with you.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
I better not be allergic to alcohol. I had two
things that night, natural wine. I went to a que
party called Wine for Me and be Wine.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
For Me BK. I really liked it. I've had a
lot of hohore hived there, which maybe it wasn't natural.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
No, I think natural one. I think it's something with
that ship. And then the other thing I had. I
know this sounds like is it?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
It was grab legs? But I only need grab legs.
I better not got it. If you got a shellfish
allgy so big eighth egg is enough. Oh my god,
Oh it's probably the grab legs.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Bro.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I woke up, got in the room.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
That nigga lay, oh oh no, no, it's you might
need to go do allergy. I'm finna show you on
the picture. So then I got really mad because of
the way he reacted, and I was like, stop man,
have none and then literally so one of our listeners
was like, bitch, you need to be in a bubble.
Might need to get allergies if it ain't liked, think
a good reason.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
We in on toy bitche cook. Also real shit, what
the fuck is going on? Anyway? Okay, so you.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Guys haven't heard this episode yet, but we did an
episode with Alex in La and basically I was talking
about how how Weezy ghosted the thick bitch.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
I didn't know that it was a ghost. We just
haven't talked in months. Whatever.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
So she sent me a message on field once we
rematched and was like, yo, I'm not a sex worker
that you could just hit up and be a plaything.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Whatever.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
So then I was kind of feeling funny because her
message was intense. Yeah, she texted me this a few
days ago. Oh this is not the letter you read already.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
No. I just said, hey, I hope you I didn't
turn you off like I need too much.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
I am really happy you would catch it up every
couple of months more or less of schedules don't align.
I just didn't want you to think I was naturally
cool with sleeping with people that disappear without explanation, Bi Lee,
we'll grab food, drinks, three way kiss or just hang
out with if you're not busy with another date tonight
to like, Bro, how do you tell me cool?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Whateverythingne wants? But then he said I treated you like.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
A sex worker because she said that disappear like so
there's still a level of a relationship she wants, whether
it's through text, message, phone calls, pictures from time to time.
That literally sounds like, bitch, don't fuck me go a
couple of weeks or months without.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Hitting me, and it hit me only when you were around.
That's a very valid request. I'm not gonna wait it
right out. I just wanted to say, I'm not disappearing.
I'm not gonna hold you. That's a very valid request,
especially for a couple.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
So Bro, one of y'all motherfucker's better be hitting me,
checking on if I'm good alive. I'm going on and like,
I understand the whole thing of like ghosting, like not
replying to a few messages, but just not having a
thread for a few months.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Is that bad?
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Yes, she could have texted me too, but anyways, so
then we match with this undergirl that we start feeling.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Now, let me just read this to me.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
It was a little too so this is a new girl,
but I've kind of like turped off from how she's
talking to.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Me because I liked it. What the fuck not?
Speaker 3 (04:29):
I also had this required. No, we're just having requirements
and boundaries and standards. It's just sometimes it's a little
too much. Okay, let me hear what was too much?
So we're flirting blah blah blah. I was like, how's
your week holding up? Wuld you be up for drinks?
I'd love to. I'm not on here very much, so
you could text me. I'm usually a FaceTime zoom call
in before I meet up with anyone, especially couples. Cool
sending my number, hit me up whatever. She then messages
(04:52):
me in a text with the phone number. Hi, looking
forward to having a call. Can send you a zoom
link matureity of my phone number, or we can do
FaceTime if you two are comfortable. I do require this
before meeting up. Okay, So I said, all right, cool,
I mean I require oh wait, wait, okay, cool, We'll
be together at a thirty think we're heading out to
(05:15):
a party in Brooklyn, but give us a buzz whenever. Well,
if you're heading out to a party, it may not
be the best time for a zoom call, now, wouldn't it.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Bitch what.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
I said, Hey, didn't know we were having an interview.
Just figured you wanted to make sure we look like
our photos and that there was a vibe check. To
be honest with you, I'm actually not having one anymore. Boom,
I'm donevich don't talk to me like that?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Are you crazy? Just say oh when you're more free
like she an't have to talk to you like that.
This should rob me back? Is more.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
I feel like we got started off the wrong foot,
but I thought you'd be understanding as a woman. There
are many requirements and safety precautions that one needs to take,
especially on an app like this. So that is why
I'm asking you for your time and consideration. Doctor be
thrown and discarded by saying we'll be out just call whenever.
This so I'm tired of you.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Ho see you're on the other leg of the foot
like I had when I was on the app looking
for couples. Oh there was like again. I shared that
they not only want to test results with me first.
We all did share it app. We all yeah, but
we did all get on a group thing first.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
There is just a level of consideration as not an
inconsiderate person.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I get it.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
I would FaceTime you. We're already in a group chat.
I share results before I even get off the apps.
I'm not somebody that's tossing people away. But don't tell me, Hey,
you just want to chat? Are you free tonight? Oh,
we'll be out if you want to call me like
bitch's a requirement. I need to send you a zoom,
like like get the fuck out of her, bro it's
a dating app at the end of the day, Like you're.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Doing too much. Okay, there's the thing of doing too
much requiring.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
A FaceTime, not doing too much requiring for me to
put in my Google caw and make a lock and
all this too much or a call? Now, what is
inconsiderate is I think saying something I'm like free your
this day or this day for a date. Maybe not
solidifying plans. You're requiring the call, telling me you want
it to be to night because you want to see
(07:07):
me by the weekend and I need to be absolutely
available and in the house for a zoom link.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
You're doing too much.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
And I understand that, like we have to be so
precautionary on apps because people are crazy, especially all these
Freedom of Fat and Murder books I'm reading. But at
the end of the day, there is a heavy pressure
that I don't think people realize they're putting on others
on these dating apps.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
It's still supposed to be fun. We're still supposed to
be enjoying ourselves. And let's just be honest, ninety eight
percent of the time someone's not going to kill you
on the app. Let's just say ninety nine. So don't
treat me like the fucking enemy. Like, to me, that
was a really weird thing. Well, it seems like you're
blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
I don't like the fact that, like we're giving someone
a list, like, let the vibe happen first, we're already
like talking being friendly on that ap.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
What are you into? I love to go here on
the weekends. Blah blah blah.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
I think that like some people are starting to treat
dating like a favor. At the end of the day,
we can all swipe each other away. Don't speak to
me as if this isn't supposed to be a romantic connection, Like,
what the fuck are you doing? How can we build
any type of connection or bond Once you start talking
to somebody like that, I mean you you're more entitled
to feel how you want to feel. I don't, on
(08:21):
my first talk want to be talking to someone because
I know I want to figure out if we bond
or not, if they're going out or they're going to
be out like it's it's funny because I just recently
matched someone. It was really, really attractive, but then I
realized he was using seven year old pictures, so it
didn't go anywhere because then once we got on FaceTime,
not only was he a little bit more rough, then
(08:43):
he looked on his.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Page hit a lisp. So never talk to him again
because of the list.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
But for me, I and you know, even when we
have work calls, I like undivided attention. I don't really
I'm not a work call with no no, I get that,
But in any calls where I want to actually talk
to the person, I don't want to talk to no
nigga I meet on a dating app while they're going out.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
That's the passive aggressive response of well then you're not free,
are you? You said to me you can only speak
at a certain time. I said, we'll be together. We'll
be heading out to a party later that night, but
eight thirty is fine, Blake, you can call us whenever
you're free. No, you could you see a passive aggressive
I don't hate will you're not really free then, are you?
That's passive aggressive?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I mean I would say that too, you're not really free,
then that's condescending, but passive. If I said I want
to talk to you when you're free, and you're like, yeah,
we'll be all the way to the party, only have
a window, Like, come on, Mandy, you're not really free, then,
are you?
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Oh? Just say okay, it doesn't work, then let's try
another day.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
There are many answers you can give somebody without being rude.
So I think that like consideration for how you speak
to somebody. She's tying me off. Sure, you're telling me
you only have this block. I'm telling you that you're
requiring a class from me. I'm telling you, hey, we'll
be together at a thirty just to let you know
we'll be going to a party later, but feel free
to call since you need this, And well, you're not
(10:00):
really free, then, bitch, I'm not really free to even
meet you at that point. Who the fuck are you
talking to? Like, I think that once you start treating it.
And this is what I mean by the dating process
of interviewing. I completely respect people that want to feel
someone out, but I don't speak to my friends that way.
I don't speak to my friends that way. I don't
speak to my lovers that way. This isn't and to
(10:20):
be honest, we can even colleagues.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
That way is actually kind of rude.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Well you're not really read that like, it's just kind
of like silly like and I think she showed me
when you're having bad situations with people online, like, bitch,
you need a break.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
You need to fucking break from the apps because some
nigga fucked her up.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Some couple was rude to her, passive, aggressive, maybe argued
in front of her.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Didn't look like their photos. You need to break bitch. Yeah,
she is crazy.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
The other girl totally fine and understand her texting me
DI y'all all know you O, you ain't had this?
Was he it? And you never got summer? Okay, I'll
rough hate anyway. That's why I catch up.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
You just got a little taste of the Horrible Decisions
Patreon us up there. Tap in for the full uncurrent
and way Naster episodes over on Patreon. Go to patreon
dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and unlock all the messyt
wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else.
(11:16):
And now here's You've Got Decisions if.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
You would like to have us answer your questions. If
you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, friend, or
a terrible throatfle guess what You've got Decisions?
Speaker 1 (11:31):
We welcome to you Got Decisions, pusse Hope.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
I'm your girl, MADIV, and I'm here today.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Whether you got Decisions, you already know this is whole
Mail reincarnated, so if you haven't yet, make sure you
send us your letter over to Decisions pod at gmail
dot com, where we will attempt to give you some help.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
I still don't know why y'all want our helps.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
We are still figuring out lives ourselves, but I think
y'all really like the advice that we have to give you.
I do have my producer in the booth. I'm at
the Need to Know Studios, so I got Courtney helping
me here, So hopefully we're gonna get some male insight,
some female insight.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
We gonna give it to you. Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Before we get to this week's letter, however, I do
want to read yet another review from Amazon on our book,
No Holds Barred, a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power,
which is out and available now. If you have not
gotten it yet, make sure you get that thing. So
this comes from Mary Kay McNeil. I've been a longtime
(12:41):
listener of the pod which saved my life after a
traumatic breakup, and a long time fan of both Weezy
and Mandy Bee, and I have to say with all
sincerity that this book was absolutely amazing. I appreciate their honesty,
candor and truth. I appreciate the hard stories shared, the
humanness and power of female connectivity. Everyone should read this,
(13:03):
whether they listen to the podcast or not. Now, I'm
only gonna do this because we're not here, and she
probably would like vote against me doing this, but I
do not give a fuck at this point. Just rune
a goddamn email and we are not being supported. Let
me tell you how. So, Yes, our book is about sex.
(13:26):
Y'all saw what the first week of bookstores look like
for us, No Holds Barred. As lovely and as meaningful
as this book is to women starting from early I
would say early adolescents, but like lateeen years, all the
way up through your fifties, this is a book for
(13:47):
all women to step into their power, to regain their power,
to heal from a traumatic experience, to not blame themselves,
to find the truth like in where they exist. I'm
probably doing too much, but I'm gonna do it anyway.
This is not the listener letter, but this is a
response bits and pieces of a response of an email.
(14:10):
We recently were told by Kennedy Ryan, who is another
black author, about this convention called the twenty twenty five
National Book Festival. It is taking place in DC, I
believe in September. And this is the frustration that we
(14:30):
keep getting. Excellent that you're chatting with Kennedy. You know
she would be a great ally for you and No
Holds Barred. The team will be able to answer whether
it is possible to get you into the National Book
Festival lineup and whether it makes sense. However, my instinct
(14:52):
is that the NBF will be reluctant to take an
overtly sexual nonfiction content.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
There.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Your hard earned New York Times bestselling author credentials are helpful,
but the topic is likely going to be too racy.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Y'all.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
For the last couple weeks, we have been sending constant
ways for us to join book conventions. Again, we took
a step down from the book tour to really get
into more of the book space and leave the touring
for the podcast. And when I tell you, Miil Weezy
are sick of the nose. So if there is anyone
(15:34):
listening to this podcast, who is any sort of connections
to get Weezy and I to get these books into colleges,
women's studies programs, any other book conventions where we can
meet more book readers where we could specifically be around
other black women that support black authors and black storytelling.
(15:56):
Please please DM me at full Kirk Pumps Everywhere, Email
us Decisions Pod at Gmail.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
We would love for our audience.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
That sees the value in this book to help us
to get to more places, because Baby what team. Throughout
the entire time we were pitching this book, even before
becoming New York Times bestsellers, which we thank y'all for,
We genuinely feel like people don't want to hear women
be sexually liberated. People don't want to hear us talk
(16:30):
about our sexual experiences, and it's so frustrating.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
It is so frustrating. I don't even know if we
If y'all are on Patreon, we share it with y'all.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
We weren't even able to say the title of our
book at Essence Fest.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
The title.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Would really really really love any of the Whorehive support
or any random listener that was just like, oh, you
got decisions? They give advice? Please please please, If y'all
have any connection to any sort of book festivals, black bookstores,
anything that we can show up for and really meet
(17:09):
and greet with you guys and continue to push for
this book that we really really believe in, please please
please hit us up.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Okay, now, Corney, you're ready to give some advice.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
I'm all here.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
That didn't sound crazy, did it? Do you know my
frustration right now?
Speaker 4 (17:31):
Court Like, so I'm going to represent the layman's here.
So what are what is the NB?
Speaker 1 (17:36):
So it's the National Book Festival the So it's the
event that I just talked about. So it's in DC,
and it caters to black books.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Okay, okay, wow, that's got it.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Anytime we've mentioned wanting to be a part of these
book fairs, book festivals, book conventions, book conferences, everything, book
and a big word after it, they're like, Wow, we
just don't think your book is gonna be accepted here,
or that it makes sense, or we're reluctant at you
(18:09):
having a presence here because XYZ elemental Piece suck my
fucking dick. Like, it's really just been frustrating. I don't
know how many no's I can take this year. Let's
just say that between like what mind you. Prior to
the book, we had three months of pr or maybe
it was just no, no, no, we had no traditional media.
There's still so many other people within our own sphere
(18:33):
that don't really support us either for whatever reason.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
I mean clearly is the sex reason. But I'm just
it's just frustrating.
Speaker 4 (18:39):
It's still unjust though, because it's just like, I mean,
there's books about I mean, like, first off, if d's
a great exist.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Mind you, Kennedy Ryan's book talks about there's sexual elements
in her book as well, like and so it's just
frustrating because it's like we specifically made sure to lean
into the mental health aspect of our journeys.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
It's a self help book.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
We made New York Times a best seller in the
advice column, which is right with Meil Robbins.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
And no shades works like because even to that point,
there's like works like Precious and stuff like that, no
shades to authors like that, but like, even from what
I've seen growing up in my generation, y'all, address the
positive and the negatives about this sort of trauma versus
like all the year's worth of books we've been getting.
Word it's just like, for lack of a better term,
misery port.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Literally the like it's real life, and so the fact
that it's even sex nonfiction, so what we can only
accept sex when it's fiction. When it's fiction, that is crazy.
So sorry, y'all, I clearly just got off of a plane, landed,
saw that email, and it pissed me.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
The fuck off.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Okay, now, the you got decisions question today comes from
I believe this is a male writer, which is why
I wanted.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
To include you in this one. Court if you don't
mind helping me.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
The subject line for this one is my wife is
holding back Hello. My nickname is I See Green, so
we will go with that. So my wife and I
are at a crossroads. I am a freaky ass dude,
and I know my wife was freaky as fuck as well.
(20:25):
That's part of the reason why I married her. But
since we've been married for five years now, the freaky
side in her just went off. I've asked her numerous
times that did she find me attractive? Do I still
turn her on? She says yes every single time, and
I'm not gonna front. She has gained ten to fifteen
pounds since we've been married. But I thought my wife
(20:47):
was bad then, just like I think she's bad now.
But she always tells me I'm just saying that, or
I'm lying and all that other stuff, which frustrates the
hell out of me.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
So I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
So we're in a situation now where I want to
spice things up and she claims that she does as well,
but I'm the one putting in all the effort. She
wants to be with another bitch, all right, not the
bitch word, like she wants to be with another bitch.
She wants to scissor and all that other stuff. Because
she's always been curious about another woman. So we're going
(21:20):
to Vegas in a few weeks and hopefully it happens.
She said, her big fear is I'm gonna want to join,
and naturally, I'm a man, so of course I want
to join. But out of respect for her, I am
more than happy to sit in the corner and jack
my shit while watching my wife sissor another woman.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
So what do you guys recommend?
Speaker 1 (21:40):
How do I get her to break the ice because
we get women flirting with her all the time because
I think my wife is bad, like I said, and
obviously other people do too, and she did say she's
down with the same room, no swap.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
So what do you guys recommend I do?
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Because I see niggas sit all the time staring at
my wife and trying to holler at her and shit
like that at work and everything, and it doesn't bother me.
I think it's amazing that people find my wife attractive,
because I know I sure as hell do. We've also
talked about threesomes, but she doesn't seem to be appealed.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
At the idea.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
She knows I've had them, but she claims that she's
never had it. I've had FMF threesomes multiple times and
she's never done it. She's told me she's never had
a threesome at all, and that she doesn't know if
that the two dudes that she had.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
A threesome with. I know that y'all got, y'all gotta
do this. She y'all gotta, y'all gotta because what is
he right in here? He's all over the blades.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
She says that, yeah, I had one with two guys,
and now I'm just like, okay, anyways, all right, So
your girlfriend says she's never been with a woman, she's
never had a two female threesome, but allegedly she's shared
that she's been with two guys before. Clearly that's something
(23:01):
you're not interested in. So a part of you is
just clearly like, yeah, she told me she did that
that one time, but we're not gonna talk about that.
So your question is, there's a few things happening here, right.
I think it's interesting that you're saying that your sex
life currently is almost non existent. Your wife isn't as
(23:23):
freaky as she once was. Let's start there before you
start adding other people into the mix, because I think
that when we talk about spicing something up.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
We says it all the time too.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
If you are not in a healthy space with your relationship,
if you are not fully fulfilled where you're currently at
in your relationship, adding just another spirit energy COUCHI be
just gonna complicate it or highlight the real issues within
your relationship.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
So you feel me.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
So a few things I would say is, before you
allow her to scissor another woman, before that's a conversation,
whether you're in the room or not, before that becomes
something that you both essentially.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Enjoy, you gotta get right with her first.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
And so what that looks like is not just complimenting
her and saying, baby, you bad as fuck. I don't
even care about the weight gain all of that, because
let's be very clear, you mentioned in the weight game,
I'm side eyeing you. Yeah, you know, my wife gained
about ten peteen passes we got married or whatever, but
she's still bad. You mentioning the pals baby make it
(24:44):
seel like maybe she is right now, currently insecure with
the weight gain, with wherever she's at right now, which
insecurity absolutely can affect your sex drivee point blank period.
And so if for whatever reason, she's not comfortable, if
she's not believing even your words of affirmations, there has
to be something to where you guys click back again.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
So a few suggestions.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
I mean, clearly communication is key, right, I would maybe
try to set up a really sexy dinner day going
from dinner. It could be even a trip. You know what,
fuck dinner, because dinner you don't.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Already brought up her weight.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Let's let's let's make sure she eating on the island
the way you feel me like. I would say to
put the spark back into the relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
And it doesn't have to be a lot of money.
You don't have to go to an island.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
You could do a staycation, right Hotel sex always brings
a freak out, baby, you ain't gotta worry about if
the bed break. You ain't got to worry about making
a mess. It's a little bit fun to think about
whether the people next door can hear you or not, Like,
it just intensifies the experience. So my first bit of
(26:00):
advice to this would be before you go into letting
her says or another woman and y'all experiencing that together,
get the bedroom and.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Sex life right first.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
That is the first step, and I would say this
may take a couple months, so Vegas might have to
happen for New Year's or something, you know what I mean,
It might have to take.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
A couple months.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
So I would say, fix where you're in the bedroom now, period,
get back to your wife being the freak that you married.
Then from there you go into the conversations about what
it looks like bringing someone else into the bedroom. And
before we get there, court, I want to ask you,
being a man having had relationships, if the sex routine
(26:47):
or the dynamic of sex changed, what has been different
things that you've done, or what has conversations looked like
before it got to either breaking up, cheating or any
of the toxic mess.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
I'm very direct, so like I'll literally and that has
happened to me in my last relationship, so I had
to At one point I sat down with her. I
was just like it was going on. I'm noticing, like
we just don't do stuff anymore and stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Where did you have this conversation was it? Like?
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Cause I always say too, don't have this conversation in
the bed, Like, don't be trying to rub up all
your wife's DIY and then she maybe declines the advancements
and then you'd be like, see this is what I'm
talking about.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
You won't be fucking me no mo.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
So where would you suggest even this conversation, like and
where did you have your conversation?
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Like how did that conversation go for you?
Speaker 4 (27:33):
So a lot of the times when I was like
picking her up from work and we would just take
the bus back home together and stuff, I was just
like I would act her on the bus rides, if
we had gone on a date, I would, you know,
I would take those moments or even if it's just
like a mundane moment at the crib and we're just
sitting down watching a movie and I'm just like, oh, hold,
I'm me pause this, don't talk to you about something? Yeah,
(27:54):
just just bring it up and just like it's always
great to notice, like to say, like you notice, like yo,
you're kind of falling back and I'm just kind of
concerned about that. Am I doing something? Like it's something
going on. In her case, it was a lot of
like interpersonal stuff, a lot of like religious based stuff.
So it was there was like a lot of actual
like that conversation alone led to more conversations about like, oh,
(28:17):
this is a whole thing that like, you gotta like
kind you're kind of warring within yourself is.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
What I do with me right Yeah, And I wonder
if that's something I do also wonder if the conversation
and now we're.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Gonna get to the other little elephant in the room here.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
I'm also curious, and this is not I don't want
to put it on her, but this is where my
mind goes reading this. I'm also curious if her desire
for women right now is so strong.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
That's exactly because I'm not gonna lie the moment when
he was just like, I don't know what it was.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
The way, the fact that she's the fact that maybe
she said, but I don't want you to join.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I just want the.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Like even from when you first, like when he was like,
oh we talked about and she's expressed the interest like
I mean I could get it, I could get in
with you know, another woman. And I'm like, that's just
so strange because at the point in time her sex
drive is like low.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
But she's telling you she want to have sex with
a woman waited out you. That's what That's where I
was like, oh, I'm curious as to maybe she's experiencing
some level of not only curiosity, but shipped and maybe
her sexual.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
Desire sexual desire. And I've seen, weirdly enough, in middle school,
I was seeing that a lot with a lot of
people figuring things out.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
You're so young, it's so.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
Right now with stuff like that at thirteen and fourteen,
what do you mean you're by But it's just like
a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
I mean, the gen Zers though no, I think do
dude start questioning differently.
Speaker 4 (29:46):
So it's a very interesting thing, like and it's a
real thing, like, Yeah, you might have thought about yourself
one way for so long and then you get into
a situation you're like, oh shit.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
But that's what I'm saying too.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
I think gen Z has had the ability to, you know,
waiver and experiment and feel shit out. And they're being
introduced to way more things than the older generation. And
so even with things like the book and horrible decisions
and decisions decisions, these conversations of different types of relationships
(30:17):
are there, and it's literally having people question, you know,
what is for them. And to the person who wrote
in this isn't to scare you at all, but it
could be the reality. Because here's the thing too, as
a bisexual woman, and I've had to have this conversation
with both of my exes recently, Yo, not recently, but
(30:41):
my two most recent exes. When I want to be
with a woman, I don't always want a man to
be there, Like those desires come from me just.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Wanting to be with a woman.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
And I mean, I think it was a little harder
for ACTIVATED to kind of grapple with that because we
weren't having three somes or anything.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
But I do think.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
It it's something to consider, and I think that you
need to have maybe both conversations. Then do you think
that this is something that he should bring up in
the conversation about their own sex life, because to me,
it's interesting that you're not really trying to fuck me,
but when we're talking about spicing things up, you want
(31:27):
to explore with another person without me, And that to
me sounds like you're also.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Does she want to open this relationship up?
Speaker 4 (31:37):
That's what I'm saying. I'm like, there's like her interests.
I don't want to say it's not with you, but
there's a part of it to somewhere else too.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Problem one percent court a part of it, and so
I would I would really lean into what these sexual desires.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
With a woman in tails.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I would also like to have you pushed the conversation
to discussing how that impacts the dynamic of your marriage
in terms of okay, are we moving this into any
sort of like open swinging poly and I know sometimes
we hate the labels, right, but I think it's I
(32:18):
think it's good for everyone honestly listening to.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Just google the poly umbrella.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Google the chat chept is my husband, go to chat
chept and literally tell them list all of the non
traditional relationship dynamics that exist and explain the difference between each.
Because where a lot of us are questioning whether monogamy
is for us, especially before we cheat, especially while we
(32:45):
want to explore our sexuality, it's important to know all
the different ways that you can go about it, all
the different ways you can create boundaries, all the different
ways that you could still respect each other.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Within your dynamic.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Furthermore, I will say this to any man and I'm
gonna leave leave off with this. When you go to
introducing threesomes for adding women into the bedroom, do not
be thirsty to participate to even be present, like it's
(33:21):
a like, even, okay, I don't know if if you
felt my ick court, but for her to express, hey,
so I just want to scissor a woman and I
don't want you involved, and his response to be okay, well,
I'm gonna go sit in the corner and jack off
while I watch.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Y'all, Like even even like, that's where.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
I think the conversation needs to be had because your
need to be present and get off. When a woman
is expressing her sexual needs and things, it gets tricky.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
And to be honest, now that you just said that,
it just occurred to my head, maybe that could be
a trait that she recognized, is where she's like, it's
adding to the insecurity to where she's like, there is
stuff I want to talk about, but because I know
I don't really want to, but.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Right, and so it might be to where it's like, damn,
I want to explore, but you got.
Speaker 4 (34:14):
To beat there, you got to be there.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
And if I haven't had these relationships with women just
yet and I want to fill it out, that could
make me.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Less comfortable to do so.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
And so I think that's probably let's be very clear,
if she's pulled away. I'd be really curious if y'all
have been married for five years, even though she was
a freak in the beginning. I don't know how long
y'all known each other. I would be curious to know
how comfortable she actually feels talking to you about sex.
And I think that becomes even a bigger thing in
(34:47):
terms of growing in a healthy sexual way with a partner.
Is the comfortability in expressing desires, fantasies, things you want
with the partner, without the partner. What the partner doesn't
do that great, what the partner does well. When we
were on our tour for anyone who's come to the
(35:07):
Horrible Decisions live shows, we used to do a thing
with couples where they would sit back to back and
they would have to share write it on a on
a whiteboard where their partner could improve in the bedroom.
And so it was interesting to see the person really
hold up the mirror and take a full account of
where they think they lacked and their partner being able
(35:29):
to say, yep, this is where you liked. And it
was interesting how many times those differed, and when they
differ it's because oh, there's clearly not synchronic there we
go scredity, lack of communication, which is an author I
want to use big word.
Speaker 4 (35:50):
Think or.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Sacredicity. And then it was so it was so interesting too.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
On the other hand to see the couples that was
like we'd be talking about this, were working on it,
and they would get it at the same time. So
maybe that's another thing. That's another game you could play.
I would say, list the things that you love most
about her in the bedroom, list the things you wish
she did more, and allow her to create that same
(36:17):
list for you and y'all go over notes with each other,
Like that's the thing. Sex is like this whole taboo thing.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Bitch. At the end of the day, is like hiking.
It's like going to the park.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
It's like going bowling. It's something that you like to
do for fun. It's fun. And so the same way
you would you know, try to watch back the tape
and get better at basketball, or you know, like, oh,
next time we go bowling, I want to put the
railings down, Like the same way you think about how
(36:48):
much more exciting you could make these type of things
and how much better you can get it at It
is what you should.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Be doing for sex as well. So I hope that
that helps.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Now y'all know, I also do Mandy on the Hotline
over on Patreon, and.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
So would love for you guys to send me voicemails.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
Let me give y'all at number, because where we take
your listener letters here, I take your voicemails, babe.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
So if you.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
Haven't yet, make sure you go ahead and join our
Patreon that's Patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and Mandy
on the Hotline is where I answer your voicemails. So
go ahead and call into nine seven three nine three
two zero two to seven. That's ninety seven three nine
three two zero two to seven. Leave a voicemail to
(37:46):
leave a listener letter for you. Got decisions that airs
every Wednesday, make sure you write us in at decisions
pod at gmail dot com. And if you've made it
all this way and you have any sort of book
con book conference, wait conference and conventions is cons so
any book cons any book fests, any book parties, any
(38:08):
book clerbs, please please please reach out to myself or
Weezy or email us decisions pot at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Also, if any of you work at any schools.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
Specifically, would love love love to get these books and
copies over in it some women's studies departments, or sexual
health departments, sexual history departments.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
It would be it would really be really dope.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
To continue getting this word out and helping more women
of color, specifically Black women, find their power. Y'all, this
has been you got decisions. Really excited to see y'all's
next week.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
By
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of horror Blad. This
is your own cinema, So if you have not yet,
we are going to start off by letting you bitches
know dead spoiler alert, we are talking hunting wives on
Netflix today.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Y'all know what I was about to say, y'all late,
go watch.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Them Republic Hands and the six Fuel drug induced.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Heyos, it's great.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
So if you haven't seen it yet, you may want
to save this episode but later. But if you have
watched it, you are in for a time. We are
going to start though, wait a little quick catch up though.
We're filming this quite at a good time for y'all to,
you know, see what's going on.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I think they'll get this in like a week or two.
Oh shit, we gotta get Billy his good Philly show.
But yeah, still, let me think what's I catch out?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Oh? Okay, so we double baths on a think girl.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Okay, now that they have not heard that story yet,
well to to just round it up basically.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Oh did you see my hitch? A moment I was like,
well I can see it still, bitch, let me show
you my face yesterday. Blew the fuck up?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
You stay with something what happened, which I don't know,
but anyway, I posted it online what happened? But it
got cuter after a while.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
It just that nothing about that looks but you look
like Angie.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
No, I said, I looked like Larsa Pippen. Oh. I
don't know what's going on. But I was like, oh, bitch,
I'm gonna be honest with you.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
I better not be allergic to alcohol. I had two
things that night, natural wine. I went to a que
party called Wine for Me and be Wine.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
For Me BK. I really liked it. I've had a
lot of hohore hived there, which maybe it wasn't natural.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
No, I think natural one. I think it's something with
that ship. And then the other thing I had. I
know this sounds like is it?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
It was grab legs? But I only need grab legs.
I better not got it. If you got a shellfish
allgy so big eighth egg is enough. Oh my god,
Oh it's probably the grab legs.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Bro.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I woke up, got in the room.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
That nigga lay, oh oh no, no, it's you might
need to go do allergy. I'm finna show you on
the picture. So then I got really mad because of
the way he reacted, and I was like, stop man,
have none and then literally so one of our listeners
was like, bitch, you need to be in a bubble.
Might need to get allergies if it ain't liked, think
a good reason.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
We in on toy bitche cook. Also real shit, what
the fuck is going on? Anyway? Okay, so you.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Guys haven't heard this episode yet, but we did an
episode with Alex in La and basically I was talking
about how how Weezy ghosted the thick bitch.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
I didn't know that it was a ghost. We just
haven't talked in months. Whatever.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
So she sent me a message on field once we
rematched and was like, yo, I'm not a sex worker
that you could just hit up and be a plaything.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Whatever.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
So then I was kind of feeling funny because her
message was intense. Yeah, she texted me this a few
days ago. Oh this is not the letter you read already.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
No. I just said, hey, I hope you I didn't
turn you off like I need too much.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
I am really happy you would catch it up every
couple of months more or less of schedules don't align.
I just didn't want you to think I was naturally
cool with sleeping with people that disappear without explanation, Bi Lee,
we'll grab food, drinks, three way kiss or just hang
out with if you're not busy with another date tonight
to like, Bro, how do you tell me cool?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Whateverythingne wants? But then he said I treated you like.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
A sex worker because she said that disappear like so
there's still a level of a relationship she wants, whether
it's through text, message, phone calls, pictures from time to time.
That literally sounds like, bitch, don't fuck me go a
couple of weeks or months without.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Hitting me, and it hit me only when you were around.
That's a very valid request. I'm not gonna wait it
right out. I just wanted to say, I'm not disappearing.
I'm not gonna hold you. That's a very valid request,
especially for a couple.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
So Bro, one of y'all motherfucker's better be hitting me,
checking on if I'm good alive. I'm going on and like,
I understand the whole thing of like ghosting, like not
replying to a few messages, but just not having a
thread for a few months.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Is that bad?
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Yes, she could have texted me too, but anyways, so
then we match with this undergirl that we start feeling.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Now, let me just read this to me.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
It was a little too so this is a new girl,
but I've kind of like turped off from how she's
talking to.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Me because I liked it. What the fuck not?
Speaker 3 (04:29):
I also had this required. No, we're just having requirements
and boundaries and standards. It's just sometimes it's a little
too much. Okay, let me hear what was too much?
So we're flirting blah blah blah. I was like, how's
your week holding up? Wuld you be up for drinks?
I'd love to. I'm not on here very much, so
you could text me. I'm usually a FaceTime zoom call
in before I meet up with anyone, especially couples. Cool
sending my number, hit me up whatever. She then messages
(04:52):
me in a text with the phone number. Hi, looking
forward to having a call. Can send you a zoom
link matureity of my phone number, or we can do
FaceTime if you two are comfortable. I do require this
before meeting up. Okay, So I said, all right, cool,
I mean I require oh wait, wait, okay, cool, We'll
be together at a thirty think we're heading out to
(05:15):
a party in Brooklyn, but give us a buzz whenever. Well,
if you're heading out to a party, it may not
be the best time for a zoom call, now, wouldn't it.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Bitch what.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
I said, Hey, didn't know we were having an interview.
Just figured you wanted to make sure we look like
our photos and that there was a vibe check. To
be honest with you, I'm actually not having one anymore. Boom,
I'm donevich don't talk to me like that?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Are you crazy? Just say oh when you're more free
like she an't have to talk to you like that.
This should rob me back? Is more.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
I feel like we got started off the wrong foot,
but I thought you'd be understanding as a woman. There
are many requirements and safety precautions that one needs to take,
especially on an app like this. So that is why
I'm asking you for your time and consideration. Doctor be
thrown and discarded by saying we'll be out just call whenever.
This so I'm tired of you.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Ho see you're on the other leg of the foot
like I had when I was on the app looking
for couples. Oh there was like again. I shared that
they not only want to test results with me first.
We all did share it app. We all yeah, but
we did all get on a group thing first.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
There is just a level of consideration as not an
inconsiderate person.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I get it.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
I would FaceTime you. We're already in a group chat.
I share results before I even get off the apps.
I'm not somebody that's tossing people away. But don't tell me, Hey,
you just want to chat? Are you free tonight? Oh,
we'll be out if you want to call me like
bitch's a requirement. I need to send you a zoom,
like like get the fuck out of her, bro it's
a dating app at the end of the day, Like you're.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Doing too much. Okay, there's the thing of doing too
much requiring.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
A FaceTime, not doing too much requiring for me to
put in my Google caw and make a lock and
all this too much or a call? Now, what is
inconsiderate is I think saying something I'm like free your
this day or this day for a date. Maybe not
solidifying plans. You're requiring the call, telling me you want
it to be to night because you want to see
(07:07):
me by the weekend and I need to be absolutely
available and in the house for a zoom link.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
You're doing too much.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
And I understand that, like we have to be so
precautionary on apps because people are crazy, especially all these
Freedom of Fat and Murder books I'm reading. But at
the end of the day, there is a heavy pressure
that I don't think people realize they're putting on others
on these dating apps.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
It's still supposed to be fun. We're still supposed to
be enjoying ourselves. And let's just be honest, ninety eight
percent of the time someone's not going to kill you
on the app. Let's just say ninety nine. So don't
treat me like the fucking enemy. Like, to me, that
was a really weird thing. Well, it seems like you're
blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
I don't like the fact that, like we're giving someone
a list, like, let the vibe happen first, we're already
like talking being friendly on that ap.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
What are you into? I love to go here on
the weekends. Blah blah blah.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
I think that like some people are starting to treat
dating like a favor. At the end of the day,
we can all swipe each other away. Don't speak to
me as if this isn't supposed to be a romantic connection, Like,
what the fuck are you doing? How can we build
any type of connection or bond Once you start talking
to somebody like that, I mean you you're more entitled
to feel how you want to feel. I don't, on
(08:21):
my first talk want to be talking to someone because
I know I want to figure out if we bond
or not, if they're going out or they're going to
be out like it's it's funny because I just recently
matched someone. It was really, really attractive, but then I
realized he was using seven year old pictures, so it
didn't go anywhere because then once we got on FaceTime,
not only was he a little bit more rough, then
(08:43):
he looked on his.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Page hit a lisp. So never talk to him again
because of the list.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
But for me, I and you know, even when we
have work calls, I like undivided attention. I don't really
I'm not a work call with no no, I get that,
But in any calls where I want to actually talk
to the person, I don't want to talk to no
nigga I meet on a dating app while they're going out.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
That's the passive aggressive response of well then you're not free,
are you? You said to me you can only speak
at a certain time. I said, we'll be together. We'll
be heading out to a party later that night, but
eight thirty is fine, Blake, you can call us whenever
you're free. No, you could you see a passive aggressive
I don't hate will you're not really free then, are you?
That's passive aggressive?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I mean I would say that too, you're not really free,
then that's condescending, but passive. If I said I want
to talk to you when you're free, and you're like, yeah,
we'll be all the way to the party, only have
a window, Like, come on, Mandy, you're not really free, then,
are you?
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Oh? Just say okay, it doesn't work, then let's try
another day.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
There are many answers you can give somebody without being rude.
So I think that like consideration for how you speak
to somebody. She's tying me off. Sure, you're telling me
you only have this block. I'm telling you that you're
requiring a class from me. I'm telling you, hey, we'll
be together at a thirty just to let you know
we'll be going to a party later, but feel free
to call since you need this, And well, you're not
(10:00):
really free, then, bitch, I'm not really free to even
meet you at that point. Who the fuck are you
talking to? Like, I think that once you start treating it.
And this is what I mean by the dating process
of interviewing. I completely respect people that want to feel
someone out, but I don't speak to my friends that way.
I don't speak to my friends that way. I don't
speak to my lovers that way. This isn't and to
(10:20):
be honest, we can even colleagues.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
That way is actually kind of rude.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Well you're not really read that like, it's just kind
of like silly like and I think she showed me
when you're having bad situations with people online, like, bitch,
you need a break.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
You need to fucking break from the apps because some
nigga fucked her up.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Some couple was rude to her, passive, aggressive, maybe argued
in front of her.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Didn't look like their photos. You need to break bitch. Yeah,
she is crazy.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
The other girl totally fine and understand her texting me
DI y'all all know you O, you ain't had this?
Was he it? And you never got summer? Okay, I'll
rough hate anyway. That's why I catch up.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
You just got a little taste of the Horrible Decisions
Patreon us up there. Tap in for the full uncurrent
and way Naster episodes over on Patreon. Go to patreon
dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and unlock all the messyt
wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else.
(11:16):
And now here's You've Got Decisions if.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
You would like to have us answer your questions. If
you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, friend, or
a terrible throatfle guess what You've got Decisions?
Speaker 1 (11:31):
We welcome to you Got Decisions, pusse Hope.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
I'm your girl, MADIV, and I'm here today.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Whether you got Decisions, you already know this is whole
Mail reincarnated, so if you haven't yet, make sure you
send us your letter over to Decisions pod at gmail
dot com, where we will attempt to give you some help.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
I still don't know why y'all want our helps.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
We are still figuring out lives ourselves, but I think
y'all really like the advice that we have to give you.
I do have my producer in the booth. I'm at
the Need to Know Studios, so I got Courtney helping
me here, So hopefully we're gonna get some male insight,
some female insight.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
We gonna give it to you. Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Before we get to this week's letter, however, I do
want to read yet another review from Amazon on our book,
No Holds Barred, a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power,
which is out and available now. If you have not
gotten it yet, make sure you get that thing. So
this comes from Mary Kay McNeil. I've been a longtime
(12:41):
listener of the pod which saved my life after a
traumatic breakup, and a long time fan of both Weezy
and Mandy Bee, and I have to say with all
sincerity that this book was absolutely amazing. I appreciate their honesty,
candor and truth. I appreciate the hard stories shared, the
humanness and power of female connectivity. Everyone should read this,
(13:03):
whether they listen to the podcast or not. Now, I'm
only gonna do this because we're not here, and she
probably would like vote against me doing this, but I
do not give a fuck at this point. Just rune
a goddamn email and we are not being supported. Let
me tell you how. So, Yes, our book is about sex.
(13:26):
Y'all saw what the first week of bookstores look like
for us, No Holds Barred. As lovely and as meaningful
as this book is to women starting from early I
would say early adolescents, but like lateeen years, all the
way up through your fifties, this is a book for
(13:47):
all women to step into their power, to regain their power,
to heal from a traumatic experience, to not blame themselves,
to find the truth like in where they exist. I'm
probably doing too much, but I'm gonna do it anyway.
This is not the listener letter, but this is a
response bits and pieces of a response of an email.
(14:10):
We recently were told by Kennedy Ryan, who is another
black author, about this convention called the twenty twenty five
National Book Festival. It is taking place in DC, I
believe in September. And this is the frustration that we
(14:30):
keep getting. Excellent that you're chatting with Kennedy. You know
she would be a great ally for you and No
Holds Barred. The team will be able to answer whether
it is possible to get you into the National Book
Festival lineup and whether it makes sense. However, my instinct
(14:52):
is that the NBF will be reluctant to take an
overtly sexual nonfiction content.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
There.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Your hard earned New York Times bestselling author credentials are helpful,
but the topic is likely going to be too racy.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Y'all.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
For the last couple weeks, we have been sending constant
ways for us to join book conventions. Again, we took
a step down from the book tour to really get
into more of the book space and leave the touring
for the podcast. And when I tell you, Miil Weezy
are sick of the nose. So if there is anyone
(15:34):
listening to this podcast, who is any sort of connections
to get Weezy and I to get these books into colleges,
women's studies programs, any other book conventions where we can
meet more book readers where we could specifically be around
other black women that support black authors and black storytelling.
(15:56):
Please please DM me at full Kirk Pumps Everywhere, Email
us Decisions Pod at Gmail.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
We would love for our audience.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
That sees the value in this book to help us
to get to more places, because Baby what team. Throughout
the entire time we were pitching this book, even before
becoming New York Times bestsellers, which we thank y'all for,
We genuinely feel like people don't want to hear women
be sexually liberated. People don't want to hear us talk
(16:30):
about our sexual experiences, and it's so frustrating.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
It is so frustrating. I don't even know if we
If y'all are on Patreon, we share it with y'all.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
We weren't even able to say the title of our
book at Essence Fest.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
The title.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Would really really really love any of the Whorehive support
or any random listener that was just like, oh, you
got decisions? They give advice? Please please please, If y'all
have any connection to any sort of book festivals, black bookstores,
anything that we can show up for and really meet
(17:09):
and greet with you guys and continue to push for
this book that we really really believe in, please please
please hit us up.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Okay, now, Corney, you're ready to give some advice.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
I'm all here.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
That didn't sound crazy, did it? Do you know my
frustration right now?
Speaker 4 (17:31):
Court Like, so I'm going to represent the layman's here.
So what are what is the NB?
Speaker 1 (17:36):
So it's the National Book Festival the So it's the
event that I just talked about. So it's in DC,
and it caters to black books.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Okay, okay, wow, that's got it.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Anytime we've mentioned wanting to be a part of these
book fairs, book festivals, book conventions, book conferences, everything, book
and a big word after it, they're like, Wow, we
just don't think your book is gonna be accepted here,
or that it makes sense, or we're reluctant at you
(18:09):
having a presence here because XYZ elemental Piece suck my
fucking dick. Like, it's really just been frustrating. I don't
know how many no's I can take this year. Let's
just say that between like what mind you. Prior to
the book, we had three months of pr or maybe
it was just no, no, no, we had no traditional media.
There's still so many other people within our own sphere
(18:33):
that don't really support us either for whatever reason.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
I mean clearly is the sex reason. But I'm just
it's just frustrating.
Speaker 4 (18:39):
It's still unjust though, because it's just like, I mean,
there's books about I mean, like, first off, if d's
a great exist.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Mind you, Kennedy Ryan's book talks about there's sexual elements
in her book as well, like and so it's just
frustrating because it's like we specifically made sure to lean
into the mental health aspect of our journeys.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
It's a self help book.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
We made New York Times a best seller in the
advice column, which is right with Meil Robbins.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
And no shades works like because even to that point,
there's like works like Precious and stuff like that, no
shades to authors like that, but like, even from what
I've seen growing up in my generation, y'all, address the
positive and the negatives about this sort of trauma versus
like all the year's worth of books we've been getting.
Word it's just like, for lack of a better term,
misery port.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Literally the like it's real life, and so the fact
that it's even sex nonfiction, so what we can only
accept sex when it's fiction. When it's fiction, that is crazy.
So sorry, y'all, I clearly just got off of a plane, landed,
saw that email, and it pissed me.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
The fuck off.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Okay, now, the you got decisions question today comes from
I believe this is a male writer, which is why
I wanted.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
To include you in this one. Court if you don't
mind helping me.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
The subject line for this one is my wife is
holding back Hello. My nickname is I See Green, so
we will go with that. So my wife and I
are at a crossroads. I am a freaky ass dude,
and I know my wife was freaky as fuck as well.
(20:25):
That's part of the reason why I married her. But
since we've been married for five years now, the freaky
side in her just went off. I've asked her numerous
times that did she find me attractive? Do I still
turn her on? She says yes every single time, and
I'm not gonna front. She has gained ten to fifteen
pounds since we've been married. But I thought my wife
(20:47):
was bad then, just like I think she's bad now.
But she always tells me I'm just saying that, or
I'm lying and all that other stuff, which frustrates the
hell out of me.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
So I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
So we're in a situation now where I want to
spice things up and she claims that she does as well,
but I'm the one putting in all the effort. She
wants to be with another bitch, all right, not the
bitch word, like she wants to be with another bitch.
She wants to scissor and all that other stuff. Because
she's always been curious about another woman. So we're going
(21:20):
to Vegas in a few weeks and hopefully it happens.
She said, her big fear is I'm gonna want to join,
and naturally, I'm a man, so of course I want
to join. But out of respect for her, I am
more than happy to sit in the corner and jack
my shit while watching my wife sissor another woman.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
So what do you guys recommend?
Speaker 1 (21:40):
How do I get her to break the ice because
we get women flirting with her all the time because
I think my wife is bad, like I said, and
obviously other people do too, and she did say she's
down with the same room, no swap.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
So what do you guys recommend I do?
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Because I see niggas sit all the time staring at
my wife and trying to holler at her and shit
like that at work and everything, and it doesn't bother me.
I think it's amazing that people find my wife attractive,
because I know I sure as hell do. We've also
talked about threesomes, but she doesn't seem to be appealed.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
At the idea.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
She knows I've had them, but she claims that she's
never had it. I've had FMF threesomes multiple times and
she's never done it. She's told me she's never had
a threesome at all, and that she doesn't know if
that the two dudes that she had.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
A threesome with. I know that y'all got, y'all gotta
do this. She y'all gotta, y'all gotta because what is
he right in here? He's all over the blades.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
She says that, yeah, I had one with two guys,
and now I'm just like, okay, anyways, all right, So
your girlfriend says she's never been with a woman, she's
never had a two female threesome, but allegedly she's shared
that she's been with two guys before. Clearly that's something
(23:01):
you're not interested in. So a part of you is
just clearly like, yeah, she told me she did that
that one time, but we're not gonna talk about that.
So your question is, there's a few things happening here, right.
I think it's interesting that you're saying that your sex
life currently is almost non existent. Your wife isn't as
(23:23):
freaky as she once was. Let's start there before you
start adding other people into the mix, because I think
that when we talk about spicing something up.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
We says it all the time too.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
If you are not in a healthy space with your relationship,
if you are not fully fulfilled where you're currently at
in your relationship, adding just another spirit energy COUCHI be
just gonna complicate it or highlight the real issues within
your relationship.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
So you feel me.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
So a few things I would say is, before you
allow her to scissor another woman, before that's a conversation,
whether you're in the room or not, before that becomes
something that you both essentially.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Enjoy, you gotta get right with her first.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
And so what that looks like is not just complimenting
her and saying, baby, you bad as fuck. I don't
even care about the weight gain all of that, because
let's be very clear, you mentioned in the weight game,
I'm side eyeing you. Yeah, you know, my wife gained
about ten peteen passes we got married or whatever, but
she's still bad. You mentioning the pals baby make it
(24:44):
seel like maybe she is right now, currently insecure with
the weight gain, with wherever she's at right now, which
insecurity absolutely can affect your sex drivee point blank period.
And so if for whatever reason, she's not comfortable, if
she's not believing even your words of affirmations, there has
to be something to where you guys click back again.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
So a few suggestions.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
I mean, clearly communication is key, right, I would maybe
try to set up a really sexy dinner day going
from dinner. It could be even a trip. You know what,
fuck dinner, because dinner you don't.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Already brought up her weight.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Let's let's let's make sure she eating on the island
the way you feel me like. I would say to
put the spark back into the relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
And it doesn't have to be a lot of money.
You don't have to go to an island.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
You could do a staycation, right Hotel sex always brings
a freak out, baby, you ain't gotta worry about if
the bed break. You ain't got to worry about making
a mess. It's a little bit fun to think about
whether the people next door can hear you or not, Like,
it just intensifies the experience. So my first bit of
(26:00):
advice to this would be before you go into letting
her says or another woman and y'all experiencing that together,
get the bedroom and.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Sex life right first.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
That is the first step, and I would say this
may take a couple months, so Vegas might have to
happen for New Year's or something, you know what I mean,
It might have to take.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
A couple months.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
So I would say, fix where you're in the bedroom now, period,
get back to your wife being the freak that you married.
Then from there you go into the conversations about what
it looks like bringing someone else into the bedroom. And
before we get there, court, I want to ask you,
being a man having had relationships, if the sex routine
(26:47):
or the dynamic of sex changed, what has been different
things that you've done, or what has conversations looked like
before it got to either breaking up, cheating or any
of the toxic mess.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
I'm very direct, so like I'll literally and that has
happened to me in my last relationship, so I had
to At one point I sat down with her. I
was just like it was going on. I'm noticing, like
we just don't do stuff anymore and stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Where did you have this conversation was it? Like?
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Cause I always say too, don't have this conversation in
the bed, Like, don't be trying to rub up all
your wife's DIY and then she maybe declines the advancements
and then you'd be like, see this is what I'm
talking about.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
You won't be fucking me no mo.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
So where would you suggest even this conversation, like and
where did you have your conversation?
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Like how did that conversation go for you?
Speaker 4 (27:33):
So a lot of the times when I was like
picking her up from work and we would just take
the bus back home together and stuff, I was just
like I would act her on the bus rides, if
we had gone on a date, I would, you know,
I would take those moments or even if it's just
like a mundane moment at the crib and we're just
sitting down watching a movie and I'm just like, oh, hold,
I'm me pause this, don't talk to you about something? Yeah,
(27:54):
just just bring it up and just like it's always
great to notice, like to say, like you notice, like yo,
you're kind of falling back and I'm just kind of
concerned about that. Am I doing something? Like it's something
going on. In her case, it was a lot of
like interpersonal stuff, a lot of like religious based stuff.
So it was there was like a lot of actual
like that conversation alone led to more conversations about like, oh,
(28:17):
this is a whole thing that like, you gotta like
kind you're kind of warring within yourself is.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
What I do with me right Yeah, And I wonder
if that's something I do also wonder if the conversation
and now we're.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Gonna get to the other little elephant in the room here.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
I'm also curious, and this is not I don't want
to put it on her, but this is where my
mind goes reading this. I'm also curious if her desire
for women right now is so strong.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
That's exactly because I'm not gonna lie the moment when
he was just like, I don't know what it was.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
The way, the fact that she's the fact that maybe
she said, but I don't want you to join.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I just want the.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Like even from when you first, like when he was like,
oh we talked about and she's expressed the interest like
I mean I could get it, I could get in
with you know, another woman. And I'm like, that's just
so strange because at the point in time her sex
drive is like low.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
But she's telling you she want to have sex with
a woman waited out you. That's what That's where I
was like, oh, I'm curious as to maybe she's experiencing
some level of not only curiosity, but shipped and maybe
her sexual.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
Desire sexual desire. And I've seen, weirdly enough, in middle school,
I was seeing that a lot with a lot of
people figuring things out.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
You're so young, it's so.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
Right now with stuff like that at thirteen and fourteen,
what do you mean you're by But it's just like
a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
I mean, the gen Zers though no, I think do
dude start questioning differently.
Speaker 4 (29:46):
So it's a very interesting thing, like and it's a
real thing, like, Yeah, you might have thought about yourself
one way for so long and then you get into
a situation you're like, oh shit.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
But that's what I'm saying too.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
I think gen Z has had the ability to, you know,
waiver and experiment and feel shit out. And they're being
introduced to way more things than the older generation. And
so even with things like the book and horrible decisions
and decisions decisions, these conversations of different types of relationships
(30:17):
are there, and it's literally having people question, you know,
what is for them. And to the person who wrote
in this isn't to scare you at all, but it
could be the reality. Because here's the thing too, as
a bisexual woman, and I've had to have this conversation
with both of my exes recently, Yo, not recently, but
(30:41):
my two most recent exes. When I want to be
with a woman, I don't always want a man to
be there, Like those desires come from me just.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Wanting to be with a woman.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
And I mean, I think it was a little harder
for ACTIVATED to kind of grapple with that because we
weren't having three somes or anything.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
But I do think.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
It it's something to consider, and I think that you
need to have maybe both conversations. Then do you think
that this is something that he should bring up in
the conversation about their own sex life, because to me,
it's interesting that you're not really trying to fuck me,
but when we're talking about spicing things up, you want
(31:27):
to explore with another person without me, And that to
me sounds like you're also.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Does she want to open this relationship up?
Speaker 4 (31:37):
That's what I'm saying. I'm like, there's like her interests.
I don't want to say it's not with you, but
there's a part of it to somewhere else too.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Problem one percent court a part of it, and so
I would I would really lean into what these sexual desires.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
With a woman in tails.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I would also like to have you pushed the conversation
to discussing how that impacts the dynamic of your marriage
in terms of okay, are we moving this into any
sort of like open swinging poly and I know sometimes
we hate the labels, right, but I think it's I
(32:18):
think it's good for everyone honestly listening to.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Just google the poly umbrella.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Google the chat chept is my husband, go to chat
chept and literally tell them list all of the non
traditional relationship dynamics that exist and explain the difference between each.
Because where a lot of us are questioning whether monogamy
is for us, especially before we cheat, especially while we
(32:45):
want to explore our sexuality, it's important to know all
the different ways that you can go about it, all
the different ways you can create boundaries, all the different
ways that you could still respect each other.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Within your dynamic.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Furthermore, I will say this to any man and I'm
gonna leave leave off with this. When you go to
introducing threesomes for adding women into the bedroom, do not
be thirsty to participate to even be present, like it's
(33:21):
a like, even, okay, I don't know if if you
felt my ick court, but for her to express, hey,
so I just want to scissor a woman and I
don't want you involved, and his response to be okay, well,
I'm gonna go sit in the corner and jack off
while I watch.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Y'all, Like even even like, that's where.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
I think the conversation needs to be had because your
need to be present and get off. When a woman
is expressing her sexual needs and things, it gets tricky.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
And to be honest, now that you just said that,
it just occurred to my head, maybe that could be
a trait that she recognized, is where she's like, it's
adding to the insecurity to where she's like, there is
stuff I want to talk about, but because I know
I don't really want to, but.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Right, and so it might be to where it's like, damn,
I want to explore, but you got.
Speaker 4 (34:14):
To beat there, you got to be there.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
And if I haven't had these relationships with women just
yet and I want to fill it out, that could
make me.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Less comfortable to do so.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
And so I think that's probably let's be very clear,
if she's pulled away. I'd be really curious if y'all
have been married for five years, even though she was
a freak in the beginning. I don't know how long
y'all known each other. I would be curious to know
how comfortable she actually feels talking to you about sex.
And I think that becomes even a bigger thing in
(34:47):
terms of growing in a healthy sexual way with a partner.
Is the comfortability in expressing desires, fantasies, things you want
with the partner, without the partner. What the partner doesn't
do that great, what the partner does well. When we
were on our tour for anyone who's come to the
(35:07):
Horrible Decisions live shows, we used to do a thing
with couples where they would sit back to back and
they would have to share write it on a on
a whiteboard where their partner could improve in the bedroom.
And so it was interesting to see the person really
hold up the mirror and take a full account of
where they think they lacked and their partner being able
(35:29):
to say, yep, this is where you liked. And it
was interesting how many times those differed, and when they
differ it's because oh, there's clearly not synchronic there we
go scredity, lack of communication, which is an author I
want to use big word.
Speaker 4 (35:50):
Think or.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Sacredicity. And then it was so it was so interesting too.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
On the other hand to see the couples that was
like we'd be talking about this, were working on it,
and they would get it at the same time. So
maybe that's another thing. That's another game you could play.
I would say, list the things that you love most
about her in the bedroom, list the things you wish
she did more, and allow her to create that same
(36:17):
list for you and y'all go over notes with each other,
Like that's the thing. Sex is like this whole taboo thing.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Bitch. At the end of the day, is like hiking.
It's like going to the park.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
It's like going bowling. It's something that you like to
do for fun. It's fun. And so the same way
you would you know, try to watch back the tape
and get better at basketball, or you know, like, oh,
next time we go bowling, I want to put the
railings down, Like the same way you think about how
(36:48):
much more exciting you could make these type of things
and how much better you can get it at It
is what you should.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Be doing for sex as well. So I hope that
that helps.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Now y'all know, I also do Mandy on the Hotline
over on Patreon, and.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
So would love for you guys to send me voicemails.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
Let me give y'all at number, because where we take
your listener letters here, I take your voicemails, babe.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
So if you.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
Haven't yet, make sure you go ahead and join our
Patreon that's Patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions and Mandy
on the Hotline is where I answer your voicemails. So
go ahead and call into nine seven three nine three
two zero two to seven. That's ninety seven three nine
three two zero two to seven. Leave a voicemail to
(37:46):
leave a listener letter for you. Got decisions that airs
every Wednesday, make sure you write us in at decisions
pod at gmail dot com. And if you've made it
all this way and you have any sort of book
con book conference, wait conference and conventions is cons so
any book cons any book fests, any book parties, any
(38:08):
book clerbs, please please please reach out to myself or
Weezy or email us decisions pot at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Also, if any of you work at any schools.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
Specifically, would love love love to get these books and
copies over in it some women's studies departments, or sexual
health departments, sexual history departments.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
It would be it would really be really dope.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
To continue getting this word out and helping more women
of color, specifically Black women, find their power. Y'all, this
has been you got decisions. Really excited to see y'all's
next week.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
By
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