Season 8, Episode 8 with Molly Lambert

Anna and Nick are joined by Molly Lambert to discuss season 8, episode 8 of Below Deck.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Deckheads, a production of IR Radio. Welcome to
Deckheads with your hosts Nick and Anna, broadcasting from the
bottom of the boat below below deck. Whoa, I'm horny,
all ya talk all the time. I'm having a party.

(00:21):
We're shoveling cold to keep this show afloat. I love cocaine.
We're off the map in international waters. I need some drama.
Me hide that cocaine. Never in my nose. Should see
you know. I'm in an open relationship below deck me Dickheads. Kay, Nick,

(00:49):
Hi Anna. My name is Nick, and I'm excited to
host today's episode of Dickheads. Okay, well I'm Anna. I'm
also a host of the show. Hey, Hey, that's incredible.
Welcome to the show. This week, we saw some stuff
that we thought was happening last time not actually be happening.

(01:10):
Oh yeah, that's a great way of describing that. Yes,
we were talking below Decks, Season eight, episode eight. Wow.
Now this episode is anti climactic compared to the last episode.
O honey. Nine has a lot of heavy lifting to
do to make up for this one. Yeah, and you
guys know, Nick is classically pushing the seven eight nine theory.

(01:34):
If that's really when the show picks up and seven
was a banger, eight not so much. Nine, We're hoping
nine really picks it up. We sho. Okay, we didn't
get one single complaint about anything from the heaviest preference
sheets we've ever seen, the longest, the most staples needed,

(01:56):
they haven't complained about anything. What's going on? Why are
they doing this? We'll get into it, but first, also,
did you notice one of them kind of looks like Charlie?
They all look like Charlie. Let's be real. Damn, come
on that there is an aesthetic. There are reaching four
which is well, we'll get into it. Let me bring
the goddamn guest in. Dang dog um, what if I

(02:17):
just forgot where I was? Uh, we have a great
guest today. We have a banger of a guest if
you if you will, we have a seven, eight, nine
of a guest. Okay, that makes no sense unless you've
been listening to forty five episodes of US recording. But
it makes sense if you listen to the last two
minutes because you just explained the theory. Yeah, sure, Nick,
Please don't interrupt me. I'm just joking. Please interrupt me.

(02:41):
Thank you for letting me know each time that you
are joking, I would be lost. I'm just joking. I
think I'm just joking. This guest you might know her. Look,
she has been all over the globe and by that
I mean the media spear. Uh. She was originally a Grantland.
She had a show with Emily Oshida in which they

(03:05):
wore hoodies. So I'm gonna describe it in which the
show is called in which they wore hoodies, which is
not the title, but I think that's just too funny
for myself. Um, this is, I gotta be honest, one
of the worst intros you ever. I'm getting to it. Recently,
she hosted a show with Emily Osida and Test Lynch
called Nightcall on the I Heart Radio podcast network. And

(03:28):
she is going to do another podcast about a certain
madame whose last name happens to be fish. And now
she's doing our podcast and her name is Molly Lambert. Well,
I thought that was a great intro. Actually, thank you
can clean it up just a little sure. Go ahead.
Today on our show, we have an incredible guest, former

(03:49):
grant Land writer Current Funk. I forgot the day of
your podcast. Give it to me again. Nightcall, Nightcall. Okay,
Today on the podcast, we have an incredible guest, former
grant Land writer, current host of Nightcall, and actually I
believe you have an upcoming Heidi Fights podcast. I'm also
getting a strong no vibe from some of the stuff

(04:11):
I've said. Please welcome Molly Lambert. Wow, guys, thank you
so much. Great intros all around. I do have to
hire Nick to uh punch up my intros. You know. Okay, Anna,
let's do it. Let's do it two more times and
then we'll get and then you know, then the show
officially start. Molly, I'm so sorry about who we are

(04:31):
as people. Thanks for doing the show, Thanks for having me.
I'm a big deckhead so can't wait. So we start
every show by asking three questions to our guests just
to kind of get your below Deck a sphere knowledge.
The first one is when did you start watching Below Deck? Well,

(04:52):
my friend Kate Raft, who is also a podcaster, check
out the Hot and Rich show on Twitch. She got
me into below Deck. She was just binge watching it,
and first she actually got my boyfriend into it. He
won't watch the Housewives with me, but for whatever reason,
below Deck just captured his fancy, and he watched it all,

(05:14):
and then I joined in, and then there's just so
much of it to go through. We watched it all.
We caught up with all of Below Deck. I think
Below Deck probably has saved a lot of relationships where
people are like, I'd like to break up, but then
I don't have anyone to finish below Deck with, And
then you're like, oh, there's a hundred and eighty seasons.

(05:36):
All right, let's get married. Yeah. I think so we
did the same thing. We just you know, watched it
record an episode for every single one. Our friendship came
and went. Now it's back again because we don't see
each other every day. It was fun. We were good
friends back last winter. Anna, Anna, Yeah, did you hear

(05:58):
the news? Know what's the news about Below Deck? I
heard that it's now the number one rated show. Yeah,
somebody while you heard the news? Yeah, oh that's the
news you're referencing. Yeah, why isn't that big enough news? No,
that's huge. But I also already thought the one that
the show we decided over a year ago to do

(06:19):
a podcast about now is like even more mega popular.
It was a good choy, I know, but I also
thought I already was that, and then when they posted that,
I was like, wait, is it just became that I
thought this was the banger. Well, here's my theory. It's
got to be rony, right that I had to have
been number one, But I mean that's the tent pole. Yeah,

(06:39):
here's my theory is that below Real Housewives there's no
actual tentpole because that's not even the first one, and
everything just has a sees a city name and you
don't know which is like the you know, Law and
Order regular, whereas below Deck there is a this is
the show and these are the spinoffs. Yeah. No, I
mean blow Duck is very relaxing in a way that

(07:01):
the Housewives are not. Like the Housewives are about yelling
at each other a lot, and I know a lot
of people who can't handle the sort of shouty vibe
of the Housewives, but love Below Deck. And also because
below Deck is about like, not working class people, but
it's about people who are working for the horrible rich

(07:25):
people instead of the horrible rich people themselves. Yeah, I agree.
I think there's also like and also you're like, just
it's just nice views. It's just nice views. You're like,
it's it's like dream dream escapism right now, when nobody
can go anywhere to watch a show where people are
in like beautiful ocean places eating delicious food, it is

(07:50):
pretty relaxing. Like I also, I think Rony kind of
fell off because they got rid of Dorinda. I don't know,
like Tinsley left, Like everyone who's like on the show
is also leaving, which I think is kind of like
those shows. I'll need a refresh too, I think, to
get with the times, because there's such two thousand shows
and there's like a weird thing happening now across the

(08:12):
Bravo shows where they're trying to deal with the reality
of now. You know, so every one of the Housewives
has had and like Southern Charm, there's like a COVID
plot line and a black Lives Matter plot line, and
it's really interesting to see how that works out across
the different franchises. But Below Deck just takes place in

(08:34):
this world where like reality doesn't intrude at all, although
although yeah, I mean it did intrude last week when
Rachel found out about coronavirus and then immediately quit and
told the captain to fund himself. Yeah, pretty hard told
him to eat her coutter like five times. Yeah, but

(08:58):
like I don't, Okay, novel. Actually, here's my second question
for you, which is what has been your all time
favorite season you've ever watched. Oh, I mean, I'm very
partial to Hannah, you know, so all of the Hannah seasons.
I have to say, even though it was a controversial season,

(09:18):
the most recent season was like some of the most
compelling television I've ever seen. Although I obviously think that
Malia is the devil naturally, um, but I also think
I was excited for Hannah to like get out of
yachting and like and look at her now, look at her. Now.

(09:41):
Did you guys watch The Flight Attendant on HBO? Yes?
I did. I haven't finished it. I just thought the
thing that that sold me on that show is I
was like, Oh, she's a chief stew. She's got a
chief stew's personality, because I just like, I love the
con upt of the chiefs too, because they're all kind

(10:02):
of the same type of person. Everybody on these boats
is like escaping their real life. Yeah, yeah, for sure,
I could see I could see Kate being the flight
the flight for sure. Yeah, she goes home with Jesus
and uh and bangs and yeah that's that. That rates yeah,
or Hannah just like any of the chiefs toos. I

(10:23):
feel like they all are this certain type of like
type a person, but who just also has like huge
commitment issues and can't even commit to like living on land. Yeah, yeah,
like a little mess. My main problem with the Fight Attendant.
Do we talk about this last week or say she
doesn't act drunk? Well, yeah, yeah, well that's not your
problem with the flight time. That's your problem with Kayley Quoco. Yes, yes,

(10:45):
that is that is accurate. I have problems with the
acting Kayley Quoco. I just like saying her name. Yeah
she I wish her a lot of luck. I'm glad
she's working. I think she's doing fine. After Big Bang
It got picked up for second season Flight Attendant, did
she donates that money to something? The below deck effect?

(11:09):
They're like, people can't get enough I can't get enough
of people, people can't get enough of kind of equating
these two shows, so they traveling travel I will say,
so HBO max sends out those boxes where they're like
promoting their show, so like people with large followings could
promote it, and my dear, dear soul sister Arden Marine

(11:30):
got one for the flight attendant, and she gave me
the box because she just gets so many of them
that she's like, whatever, just take a box, um, And
this one was just like filled with the little like
alcohol bottle containers. And and then that was before I
even saw the show. So after our watching the show,
like this show is about a full blown alcoholic, why
are you sending out alcohol? Like I don't, I don't,

(11:53):
I don't get it. It's like, yeah, we get it,
Like all she does is drink. So here's the promo,
but it's like it's kind of a dark thing in
the end, like how she abuses the alcohol. So it
seems like not a great idea to send out alcohol
because this is really mixed with the message of the show.
I don't know. They should have just sent out tiny peanuts,
yeah exactly, or just like a nice don't you a

(12:18):
code to watch it at your house because you've already
seen it any way, or just give you a free
subscription to HBO Max for a month. Just send that
out to everybody, because that wouldn't create no waste and
she's not gonna get a fucking Emmy lamp it down.
You're wasting your money, all right, Nick, you do not

(12:43):
for this. I walk even a nomination business. You walk
off Deckheads forever. Yes, I will leave Deckheads. So that's
so uh like the chef of you. Yeah, maybe back
the next week to like bringing it back to the
plot or the chef of the show. Okay, final question?

(13:04):
Who has been your all time favorite character on Below
deck a Sphere? God, I mean my real you know,
I love Hannah. I just think she's like a complex, fascinating,
like Hitchcock heroin. You know she's got Wow what a compliment. Well,
just there is that one part where she was like,
when I love someone, I go away from them? Are

(13:26):
going away from you love someone from? When I love someone,
I go away from me? And I that I just
thought was like one of the you know just yeah,
I mean, and I love just her voice about like
a twenty year old. It's nonsense, but I gotta say

(13:51):
I have a soft spot for There have been a
bunch of like crazy redheads on the show Brave Caroline
Yeah seven. Yeah, I'm always just like so impressed and
appalled a little bit by anyone. I am a ginger

(14:12):
anyone who's a ginger that would like be in the
sun that much as much as you have to be
to work on a boat. You know, it's like they're
crazy to me. But they also do tend to be
a little bit loose cannons on. That's funny, Well, that
one that one girl didn't have a choice because she

(14:34):
was born on that boat and was forced to marry
the only other man on it. And then your redhead
what she she might have been, I just don't recall. Yeah,
she was the one who like jumps off the boat. Yeah, Rocky, Rocky,
Rocky I thought was just various. Rocky was a piece
of work. I did enjoy her during her stint. I

(14:55):
didn't like how much of an apologist for Leon the
like serial killer chef she was, though. I actually clicked
on a Rocky Instagram live today and it's always really
awkward because you know, there's twelve people in it. You know.
It's just like, I also love Ben the Chef. I
think Ben the Chef and his romance with Kate Chesting

(15:18):
I found just lovely they are. They were I wish
if they had just been able to make it work,
But I think they're too similar I just liked the
whole thing because it's like, yeah, they're the lifers, very
good at what they do. Yeah. I did like that.
Very tragic because the only girl he really fell in
love with, English Emily, was stolen by a previous charter. Oh,

(15:44):
the women's club. Yeah, and then she went to work
for him. I don't think she worked for them. She
just joined their weird like brunch whatever. Dude, she's on
the website. Okay, all right, let's get into it. Season eight,
episode eight below decks. So we continue with rachel Um
leaving and then it's the next morning or yes, next morning, yeah,

(16:04):
I don't know, it's next morning, and Captain Lee is
doing everything he can to find like, I guess they
got a new deckcand coming, but he's trying to find
a new chef with only four hours before the charter arrives.
And he's like, goddamn it, God, he's making phone calls
and they're like, dude, please hang up and try again
because I don't understand who he's calling. But he's getting

(16:27):
like disconnected, and he's like, Jesus Christ, I got my
my dick in my hands, and uh, new player has
entered the game. Rob never heard of him. He's a
new deckhand who shows up and we learned that. Excuse me,
excuse me, there's I'm I'm back on this show. No,

(16:49):
not that, not you, Rob, not you. I have to
go to Bali. This one has a personality. I'm going
back to Bali. Isn't like dead. I liked him to
the weird Viking man. Yeah it's me. Oh, Rob, Hey,
do you have a joke? Oh do you want to

(17:09):
hear a joke? Are you still with Jess? No? Just
try to murder me in my sleep. So I had
to right, that's right. So she burned down the house
from her last boyfriend. You decided that's probably done with,
and then she tried to murder you. Correct. It was
very tough. But I always have a joke for my
best friend Nick. Okay, this one's a little dirty. Oh

(17:34):
I like that. Why is being in the military like
a blow job? Why is being in the military like
a blow job? That's what um Because you'll get yelled at,
absolutely not and it's over. The answer is the closer

(17:56):
you get to discharge, the better you feel. Nice. Thank you,
very funny, Thanks Rob, No problem, good job, Rob. Okay, Bye,
I have to go now, just doesn't like when I'm
on podcast with other women. Sorry, Molly, alright, bye, Robs
you later, God he's dress. Can you believe Rob didn't

(18:18):
apologize to you? No, Rob actually doesn't know Jess told
him he would beat my ass if you acknowledge I'm
gonna eat your ass. Well, anyway, we got a new
Rob who doesn't well, I guess he kind of mumbles,
but his voice isn't as deep. Uh, and he doesn't
seem to constantly be talking about how people hear him

(18:39):
and see him. But this new deckhand apparently okay, he's
apparently worked on sailing boats before. He seems competent. I
don't know, it's hard to say. Every time someone shows
up be like they seem to know what they're are
going well, I mean, after Sunshine, he seems much more
competent than environmentalists saved the world. But metal straws by

(19:00):
going on a wasteful yacht a motor guy. Do you
ever think that maybe Sunshine would actually clean the boat
better than the deckhead with the nicknames Sunshine, Like if
you just let the sun hit it, you know, Let's attitude.

(19:22):
I don't get it. One of the sun, just like
doesn't sun destroy stuff after a while? If yeah, yeah,
don't bring logic into this. Let him have Jesus and
all I had to do with. You're right. Here be
three thoughts down the road by now. No, you're right,
you're right. I'm a fool, I'm a fool. Anyway, we
learned Francesca does in fact find rob Q. Is that

(19:42):
foreshadowing we shall see? In my opinion, Francesca would eat
this poor man alive. She would eat shred him to pieces.
It would be like Hannah and Connor, not Connor. Wasn't
it Connor? Yeah, Connor, Connor. I've fought it. It called Connor.
When I love someone to go away from him. I

(20:06):
feel that's so strange that Sandy was like, but don't
you want to experience love? And I was like, Sandy,
do not encourage her to fall in love with Connor. Okay,
why don't we have a Sandy I go away from
you shirt? Where are we going to do? That was
Hannah's face, and it says, I go away from you? Yeah,
we need to. Steven Soderbergh's got a June June Hannah

(20:26):
shirt because Steven Soderberg watches below deck. That's got to
get him. WHOA, wait, what's the June June Hannah. June
would never respond the like on the on the inter
contry like June June Hannah, June Hannah. It's not working.

(20:47):
It's not working. It's so weird. Okay, Annay, I now
have a T shirt studio set up in my house.
You know, perfect, I'm I am making merch now can
get reached? Na, what if I do this, make bootleg
merch for decades and I sell it? That's cool. I'm
into it my own store. Is that legal? I mean

(21:09):
Steven Solderbergh's doing it. So yeah, totally dick whatever you want.
We'll talk about it later, we'll talk about Okay. So
Captain Lee says they have two and a half hours
until pick up and he's sitting here choking his chicken,
which could being anything. Do you know what that means?
I don't know. I think he's just like sitting there
trying to find a chef, and I guess that means
he's choking his chicken. Hard to say, I'm sitting here

(21:34):
just choking my chicken. You know that is a euphemism
for what for masturbation? Anna? Oh, so he's just in
there with this dick in his hand. Why don't you
say that my chick in my hands? Because he said
dick in his hand too many times. He's got to
spice it up. I see. Well yeah, and then hey,
what do you know? Rachel shows back up. And I

(21:55):
wanted to say I predicted this because in the after
show last week, Kate chu Staine, who has worked with Rachel,
says that that's what she does. She quits and then
comes back, so it's like a theme in her cheffery. Wow.
I mean, I think that Rachel is such a funny
character her whole, like I'm a dirty talking chef. I mean,

(22:17):
all the chefs are also just a fascinating character type
people that would be chefs specifically on boats. But Rachel's
whole like tits McGee like, oh, this fucking you know
sandwich tastes like jis in my mouth. Just her whole,
her whole like I'm a dirty female comedian who's also

(22:38):
a yacht chef. Thing feels just like a great character.
But yeah, it's funny to see her go back on
it and be like, oh, I'm just bullshitting like it was.
She's like, yeah, you know me. In the after show too,
they all agreed that the demands were crazy. From the menu,
they asked Kate. They were like, oh, what was that

(23:01):
a crazy list? And they were like, oh, yeah, absolutely
it was crazy. So what do you do like that?
You know, Captain Lee put out the idea that they
could talk to them about it, right, but they never
talked to him about it, and and again I just
did nothing happen. I mean, they did a great job. Yeah,

(23:21):
it was like very anti climactic. She cooked all the
food and it was good. Well, I guess it's not done,
and hopefully there's you know, some episode nine drama coming,
I mean hopefully, But it seems like they had those
repeat passengers that are on like every every version of
the show, who come back every year, and they just
wanted like a Marty Grap party, which is everybody wants

(23:44):
a Marty Grap party. Easiest thing to do this is
if a producer, if I was producing this, I would say, Rachel,
you cannot go back on that ship because they need
to find a chef and they're not going to have
a chef. And Captain Lee was like, maybe we just
tell them we don't have a chef and I would
love to see that episode. That's gonna be great TV.

(24:07):
Her coming back is not great TV. Well, it was
also like she came back at the beginning of the episode,
so it's like they didn't even stretch it out to
be like, oh no, what are we gonna do. We
don't have a chef and like Charters starts tomorrow, they
just in the first ten seconds or like she came back,
she fucked up and she's begging for a job and

(24:28):
they're going to give it to your Yeah. I mean that.
It was such a quick turn around that I kind
of sense. I was like, oh, this is this was
just fluff. Also, we saw footage of like her doing
like doing more stuff that we hadn't seen yet in
like all the trailers and stuff. So I was like, well,
if we haven't even seen that yet, that means she's back.
I don't know many clues to support my theory. We're

(24:52):
gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back
after these quick commercial breaks, and we're back. Okay, So
Rachel's back. She apologizes to Captain Lee and it's like,
can I have my job back? And she says the
severity learning of the severity of coronavirus and missing her

(25:15):
boyfriend basically made her lose her mind, which is why
she quit. And Captain Lee's like, usually when someone leaves,
they don't get to come back, but I will make
an exception because we really need a chef, and chefs
chefs are very high tempered ship show, so I let
her come back. I really do need her, you hypocrite. Yeah,

(25:36):
well he does need her. And he was sitting there
with his chicken in his hands, choking the chicken. What
was it? I don't know. Um. And then Francesca, who
let me just tell you, Francesca, I don't care that
you can't trust anyone. This is a fucking job. Get
over it. She's like, I really can't trust anyone. I
don't trust Elizabeth, oh, Rachel. I'll just have to keep

(25:56):
it professional with them moving forward. And I'm like, yeah, bitch,
you should have been doing that the whole time. Yeah,
Francesca is such a fake Hannah and such a downgrade.
Yeah no, no, you can't be a Hannah. You can't
be a Kate honey. I also can't do an Australian accent,
so you're British for now, Okay, well I love the accents.
I love just like there's so many like Australians and

(26:18):
South Africans and they're all like that's what they all
sound like. Yeah, elephant bone, jo Joel, elephant bone. Everything
had to do with an elephant bone. With him Zimbabwe,

(26:41):
he was like his backstory too. I mean obviously like
a white South African, he was from Zimbabwe. Remember, he
was the one that got him wrong. He's from the
wrong side of the tracks in Zimbabwe. He ain't never
had nothing, He's never going to have anything. Anything he's
ever about, like, my parents were robbed and that's why

(27:02):
I'm a nightmare person. He's eating with an elephant bone. Yeah, well,
his whole thing. Anytime he would like he'd be like, oh,
let me tell you a little something about myself. It
would be like the darkest should I've ever heard. I'm
not surprised some of those people go on boats. Yeah, yeah,
because they are. They are trying to get away from
something and like their lives. And then you get to

(27:23):
go live on a bow and just work. You work
so hard you don't really have time to think about anything.
You can't like stew on your past. You just work,
work where work, and then you like party your face
off in the world's most beautiful places. In between it
is the oh you you broke your leg when you
were a child. Well, when I was a child, I

(27:45):
was tied up in a Zimbabwean prison by my leg
and the only way I got out was to know
it off. But upon exiting the prison, I was severely
beaten by a guard with an elephant bone and I
lost the the leg they were they grew back. Let's
get to yachting group back time for the Mardi Gras party.

(28:09):
Better put out the slide so stupid. Yeah, I mean
that is his whole vibe. But I'm an incredibly hard worker.
And Captain Sandy's like, oh, jay Low, you're the best.
Like God, damn it. He is a monster. Remember remember

(28:29):
when Remember when Sandy outed him as a lesbian in
a cameo. No, that was Oh that's right. What was
her name, Meliah? Yeah, we don't think Malia straight. Nobody does.
It's like, it's not your business to be out like
I'm not a fan of Maliah, but I ain't outing

(28:50):
her like that's they don't. I didn't I missed that. Well,
I mean her relations her boyfriend is the worst person,
also her ex. But they are they officially broken up?
Did they get back together? Maybe like quarantining together? From
an after show I saw from Andy Cohen's Got the
Four one one, Got the four That song so much

(29:14):
now I also like hate it. I hate it, but
like every time it comes from like coins Got four one, Yeah,
it's it's a catchy Below deck Med's Malia White confirmed
split from Tom check It's I am very much single.
Let it be known single and dating Captain Sandy is
just choking. That is not fact. Do not report that.

(29:35):
But you know what now that you say that they
had more chemistry than she did with her boyfriend, for sure,
and they all got off on teaming up against Hannah.
That was what was gross today. I mean, Molly, the
thing you need to understand about maritime law is that
I need to choke on my own dick. Let of
people smoke a little weed when they get off work

(29:56):
from there on a fucking yacht in Spain. Do you
of time she said maritime law, I was like, bitch,
nobody cares. Nobody like nobody takes a valium on a boat.
Come on, yeah, chill out, um boats of her drugs.
I think it's Chris whenever they have a plot line

(30:16):
about finding drugs on the boat and it's like, oh,
I'm sorry, you're gonna like nark on people that are
spending a billion dollars to come on your stupid boat
and like do lots of drugs. Obviously, if this wasn't
being filmed, no big deal. They're all just fucking freaked out.
They're gonna lose their jobs because it's being filmed. But
I feel like Sandy made such a big deal of it.

(30:38):
It didn't have to be such a big deal. Well,
the whole thing's always making her look like a good captain,
but he's just making her look like an asshole who
doesn't deal with her employees like real people. Right, Well,
that was the thing. It's like, if it wasn't being filmed,
Like her whole thing was like, you know, there's like
a black box type situation and in the bridge everything's

(31:01):
being recorded. So at that point, the second she spoke
to Malea about it, and then the other weird ghost
figure whose name I don't remember, who was just there,
like it becomes their problem basically because now it's on record.
So if the management company of the boat goes back
and listens and they're like, Captain Sandy, what the fuck?

(31:22):
Then she could lose her job and her license and
the boat will be impounded. Oh god, everything would fall apart.
Boat would be in jail, boat jail. I mean, that's
like what they always say. I'll lose my license, the
boat will be impounded, everyone will be in jail, will
be in a foreign country. No, they could help us.
I'll lose my license and my ability to pretend to

(31:44):
captain a boat one time a year for this show
below Deck. That's right. I mean that that's her whole thing,
and she's got her restaurants to open. Yeah. That was
the thing too, where I was like, why isn't production
intervening here because the show is gonna be bad without Hannah,

(32:04):
And then it was the rest of the season sucked, Bugsy.
She's just too good at her job. That's the problem.
I don't need to see a fucking ace, Chief stew
I want to tablescapes, yeah literally, like, oh were they
supposed to go on the table? I put them all
over my body, right, Like that's the thing. If you
get rid of the people that are causing drama then

(32:24):
you have people just like seamlessly doing the boat stuff,
and that's really boring for a TV show. Yeah, that's
the thing. Hannah is good TV period. She's great TV,
and she's a great character. And I'm also glad for
her that she got out of yachting because I think
she wanted to pull the trigger on her own terms.

(32:45):
But she was clearly done with it, and it seems
like everybody gets pretty fed up with it at a
certain point. It's just like waitressing, it's sir. Yeah, yeah,
it's just like podcasting. Shut up. It's just like podcasting.
It's fun and glamorous at first, and then you know,
suddenly your ten years into your life, and what do

(33:07):
you have to show for it? And I'm not talking
about anything specific. You know, yachting is a hard life. Yeah,
Podcasting used to be fun. You go around the city
to different recording studios and you know, seeing people go
to different boats. It's fun. You go into the I
Heart offices, you see all your friends. Is a good time.

(33:30):
But damn, I'm in a closet now and I've changed
my mind about wanting to be a yatty. I'm going
to be yeah, all right, So let's get back to it.
Rob is from Toronto, Canada, and he said he's an
expert exploration geologists and his job basically consists of looking
for gold. But when the market crashes, he's out of
a goddamn job and then he has to fall back

(33:50):
on his yachting career. He's so snotty about it too.
He's like, yachting is like I was doing this really fun,
amazing thing and then I guess this is all slummit
here in a super yacht. It's where who does this
dude think you? He's a dork? I laugh at sometimes

(34:12):
I just for fun, I go down to the marina,
right and I'm starting measuring boats and just giggling, having
the time of my life, just giggling at twenty Well,
he says he comes from a long line of pirates
and hookers, to which I say, we don't call them hookers.
They're sex workers, you asshole, So get your ship together.
You come from a long line of pirates and sex workers,

(34:36):
and pirates are thief workers, all right, And it's straight.
They're not pirates, they're thief workers. Okay. We live in
a progressive society, Rob, they're wet thief their wet bandits
for the movie Home Alone, right, and then also I
didn't understand that because he's like, my family was all
in the navy. Now, what's the correlation between the navy

(34:56):
and pirates and sex workers? I don't know. Maybe navy,
the Navy hire sex workers, but then like, what does
the pirates coming? I don't know. Rob, a lot of
holes in your back story. Okay, they all are at
the dock. They're all hanging out at the dock. He
was born there, iss all right, that actually makes sense.

(35:17):
And someone was like, no search for gold child, and
he never looked back. Did we just write a great
TV show about the docks. It's got sex workers, it's
got the Navy, it's got pirates. There's nothing it doesn't have.
I think that was season two of The Wire, Actually
it was, and I loved that season. Unfortunately has already
been done. Sorry Nick, Yeah, I was totally into the

(35:41):
dock Workers season. I don't know this show, The Wire.
Here we go. But all I know is, if you're
talking about the Baltimore Harbor, we're talking about where months
year on a tugboat church. I know somebody who knows
Eddie a friend of mine, do tells call them? Here's

(36:01):
my phone. My friend Harris's who's from Baltimore, like all
the coolest people. Uh said that he worked at like
a summer camp doing jet ski instruction. Wait with Eddie
as teenagers? Was this Parker's parents summer camp? Oh maybe
we can all agree, only stupid people from Baltimore, right, Okay,

(36:25):
the coolest, the coolest people. I actually I'm wearing a
Baltimore Orioles. I know. I used to live outside of
Baltimore myself. I love Baltimore. I went there once when
I was a kid, and I thought it was like
the most glamorous and beautiful city I'd ever seen in
my life. Just the inner Harbor, while the Harbor and

(36:48):
we went to Camden Yards. So I just also came
away from it like Baltimore. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't have
that experience. And I used to go to ball almost
every summer because we had family friends there. My parents
would ship me off for a few weeks to stay
there with them, and not glamorous experience. I will say, though,

(37:12):
I do wonder if we go back and watch season
two of The Wire, if we would see Eddie in
the background. Sorry, working at the docks, working at the docks,
tugging the boats in a little sixteen year old Eddie. Yeah,
we're doing like Jim Carey impressions, doing jet skis. Yeah. Yeah.
Shout out to my friend Harris uh for his first

(37:35):
person below deck connections. So he knows Eddie. How well
would you say? He just not at this point, but
you know they were there. He'd be willing to call
in and leave us a voicemail we can play on
the show. I will ask him for sure, you can
get him to record a voice memo and send it
to us. That would be incredible. Sure, tell us all

(37:57):
about Eddie. Yeah, now what number would he call? Hard
to say at this No, I just said, send a
voice memo. It's you don't need to call a number,
send a voice memo. Okay. Well, so Eddie says Rachel
doesn't deserve her job back, but they do in fact
need her. So he's going to tug boat her luggage
right back on that boat. Uh So when the guests, So,

(38:19):
the guests want a hundred things, including a beach picnic,
a Mardi grab party, high tea, blah blah blah, little
country boil. Yes, there you go, a country boil. Oh,
it's like a southern thing. It's more like north like Carolinas.
But it's like it's the same as basically like like
a crawfish boil. Yeah, he's boiling like a seafood boil,

(38:42):
a southern seafood boil. Sure, But why is it called
that because it's the low country of somewhere. I don't know, man,
I'm like Emmy, I'm like Eddie, I'm used to Chesapeake Bay,
uh shrimp boil, right right, But you're familiar with like
of a boil, Oh for sure. I'm just interested in

(39:06):
the etymology of this low country m I'll figure it
out now. I got to look it up. I've never
been to a boil, never had a boil. Yes, oh
my god, we gotta do it when we've actually made
my own boils twice during quarantine. Oh really, yes, that
is like I've talked about it forever my boyfriends from

(39:28):
New Orleans. So he is a big crawfish boiler. You
need a huge pot, you know. Yeah, you just need
one pot, that's it. And then you put things in,
you know, every five minutes, you know whatever, and it
doesn't take that long. All right, Well, we gotta let's
do a boil in your garage area or whatever you have. Yeah,

(39:48):
and then I'm sure you'll remember the episode of vander
Pump Rules where they introduced Summerhouse and the girls from
vander Pump are very confused by the likes seafood. They're
doing a like a waspy version of that. Oh god,
I haven't Summerhouse. I have not thought about that in
so long. Yeah, I should watch Summer House. I never

(40:09):
started watching that. Oh my god, you should. It's really good.
It makes you appreciate the just spicy flavor of every
other show because everyone else goes on that show basically, right, No,
it's just like these like waspy, boring people from New
York who go to a summer house and rent a
summer house together for the weekends. Okay, it's like Jersey Shore.

(40:34):
It's like Jersey Shore with the whitest people in the world.
But that's kind of fun in its own way because
they're all repressed and then they get ship house drunk
and say crazy things. Yeah, but is every episode a
different group of people, Know, it's the same group of
people that all rent a summer house together in the
Hampton's every summer, which the whole concept blows my mind

(40:57):
because it's like they're renting a house, but they only
go to it on the weekends. It's like a sharehouse,
which is the thing I only know about from like
a Sex in the City episode I see makes the
Hamptons seem really terrible and boring. So okay, guys, I've
got it. Okay. Um, So, the it's a seafood boil,

(41:20):
you know. These are this various regional seafood boils. Louisiani
Crawfits boil for sure, and Georgia, South Carolina that's low country.
They're very similar to other boils, uh, Shrimp, corn on

(41:40):
the cob, sausage, red potatoes. This one sometimes has ham
in it. That's a little different. Or a Beaufort stew
or a frog More stew. I'm gonna I'm gonna bring
this back to below deck. So low country cuisine is
South Carolina and Georgia, like you were saying, and it's
like southern Southern food, uh, mixed with like African cuisine

(42:05):
and Cajun cuisine and everything. One of the traditional foods
aside from she crab soup, it's called cootter soup. Oh,
is that that's crab, it's turtle apparently coo. That's when
she said eat my cooter. She's like, eat my turtle soup,
Eat my turtle soup. So in New England it's called

(42:28):
it's called a clam bake. Yes, that's what they do
on Summerhouse that the vander Pump girls are like so confused,
and I related to them because they're like, what is
this and Sina mo One eat seafood idiot? And then
in Chesapeake Bay it doesn't actually have a name because
like crab boy, you know, because that's the it's crab.

(42:48):
It's it's ground zero for blue crabs. But the term
crab boil is not an actual term. They just call
it a party. They'll call it a crab feast, but
it's just it's not yet. There's no boiled name. And
that's it. Good night, good night, just kidding them. The
show keeps going, all right, So now we know what

(43:09):
a crab boil is and I guess these people are
from North Carolina, that's right, yeah, because the main primary
is like the number one realist state agent in North Kea. Sorry,
also in the Upper Great Lakes and Wisconsin, um places
with large Scandinavian populations. They have fish boils. No. I
just love learning about regional cuisine. I went down a

(43:31):
whole last week because there was that thing where Wisconsin
issued the thing about donat a raw meat sandwich for Christmas,
and then everyone was like, I do what I want,
it's a tradition. Well, it turns out it's called a
cannibal sandwich is just raw beef on bread on white bread.
And it turns out it's because there's so many Germans,

(43:53):
there's such a big German population in Wisconsin that it's
a German thing called met which is just raw pork,
usually on bread. But there's a thing they do in
Germany where they make it into a hedgehog, and so
people eat like a hedgehog made of raw pork. Oh cool, Yeah,

(44:15):
I don't know about that. Good could I do that? Well,
here's the thing, raw beef you can eat, rob pork,
you guys eat that. I shouldn't eat that. Well, it's
just will you know that's that will kill you? They
could take a new chances again. Hey, they did just
lower the temperature needed to eat pork safely to the

(44:36):
point where you could now have pork that's pink in
the middle, so maybe it'll come down even more soon,
who knows. Where do you see this hedgehog? You'll want
to eat raw pork immediately. Yeah, okay, so don't I
please just don't eat ry meat you guys. I don't
care what your traditions are. Just don't do It's not
worth it, Salmanella poison? Is that worth it? No? Wait?

(44:58):
What is in it? Is that onions? That's the spurs
and I think that I think it's onions. Yeah, wows.
And this is apparently a seventies dinner party thing from Germany,
the idea of turning it into a hedgehog. But lots
of people were like, you know what, it's a cultural
food and uh, people eat all kinds of things in

(45:20):
different places. We don't need everyone to live. Also, you know,
maybe it builds your immune system. Everyone. I'm I'm I'm
proclaiming on the show that eating raw pork builds your
immune system a Deckhead's endorsed opinion. Yes, I endorse it
all right, let's try and knock through the rest of this. So, yeah,

(45:40):
Elizabeth tells Frances Frank, check out our I eat raw
pork t shirts. We are not making that Deckhead's store.
So for Elizabeth tells Francesco that she's She's like, I'm
really going to like step up my game and I'm
really going to come through for you, like I have
my crystals ready, I'm gonna nail this. And I'm like,
we shall see. Dumb, dumb, you created a bomb or

(46:03):
a gas bomb in the last episode. Let's see how
this future of your show. I don't even know. Let's
see how this goes. Uh. And then Rachel before the
guests are arriving, Rachel is um classic Rachel. She's lint
rolling her crotch and says that she has a fuzzy
taco whow. Rachel is a wild one fuzzy Talco. I'm

(46:26):
gonna I'm gonna start using that alright. So the guests
are arriving and they are all dressed like Alice in
Wonderland characters. The main primary as he's walking up is like,
I'm gonna need to lick a big popsicle right about now.
But he also says it in the most sinister way,
like I had to go back and rewind it because
I was like, I'm sorry, what is this tone you're

(46:48):
using where you're going to threaten us like it was scary.
It was I'm gonna need to eat up. I'm gonna
need to lick a bigall popsicle right now, and if not,
you'll kill us. It looks like you'd get along with
Rachel though, because Rachel would be like, I've got a
big old popsicle for you to lick. Oh. Yes, him
and Rachel, they they are in contact. And that's that.

(47:12):
Please don't please don't question me on this. They are
in contact. Well, anyway, they're all shirtless and obnoxious. A
sap the main primary. I cannot figure out his facial hair.
It's very confusing because sometimes it looks like he has
like a beard, and sometimes looks like he just has like, uh, goatee,
and then sometimes he just has a soul patch. I

(47:32):
don't know what the lighting is on this episode, but
it's all over the place. Maybe he's got all three
maybe and he just keeps switching them out. It does
feel like his his facial hair changes every time. I
can't figure out what his facial hair is. They could
be shooting out of sequence. He's like shaving and like
growing and shaving. It's very confusing. He is an interesting character.

(47:56):
Elizabeth is continuing to talk to everyone about her issues
where Francesca, but this time Ash is like, you know,
it's just like just like play with your crystals and
like things will work out. Okay. Elizabeth's like, oh my god,
that's like such a good idea. Oh you're so right, Ash,
And actually, now please leave me alone. I really need

(48:17):
to Iron and the crew. Miss. That's all she ever
does is iron and got one job, and I'm really
not supposed to be talking to anyone. Francesco doesn't like
what I frettenize with you because you're a fucking dumb
dumb No, no, don't pull up my sleeve. Now you've
seen the lashing Mark, okay Jesus Christ nick Um. Rachel

(48:39):
says she likes Elizabeth, but she doesn't want to be
in the middle of her and Francesco's drama, so she's
setting her friendship with Elizabeth to the side, which I
thought was really sad. Like everyone's kind of being like, hey, Elizabeth,
you're kind of a sinking ship. Could you get away
from me? It's like I really cannot be attached to you.
Get go away, Go away, Elizabeth, go away. That's like
everyone treats her, and I have a possible question to

(49:04):
ask all future guests. I don't know if you're looking
to add to or to you know, update your three
questions at any point, but I have one suggestion. Ask
our guests how big in inches they believe Captain Lee's
cock is? Okay, Nick, not why? Now? First of all,

(49:24):
these conversations can happen off air. This is a good one,
so we all know it's a tight four inches okay,
huge dick, Huge dick. Okay, I'm just saying you can
see it because when he wears his white pants, it's
just like wow, the shadow it creates. Someone. Honestly, I

(49:45):
asked that because I'm looking at this page, this picture
from Instagram. Huge dick. He's wearing white pants that are
really tight, and you can see it. How right his
car and it's huge? Right, I would say four and
a half inches flacid, but that's my Oh okay, interesting,
ten inches? What a king. Mrs Captain Lee has no complaints.

(50:08):
Maryanne is lovely person, of course. Not that's why. That's
why when he's gone, she comes back, she gets dick down.
She ain't got no problem waiting. Uh, that's sir, Mrs
Captain Lee to you, Okay, that's his dick, Sir, Mrs
Captain Lee. Francesca calls Elizabeth a diner waitress because she

(50:31):
pours wine bottles by the neck, and I'm like, what
the fuck cares? I guess there is a standard, but
if you don't. Whenever I'm drinking wine in a diner,
I know I'm always looking at how it's poored, like
this goddamn diner waitress isn't poorn ma wine correctly. Also,
maybe just tell her and then she'll learn. This woman

(50:54):
has never been to the Bordeaux region. Like you just
be like, hey, Elizabeth, actually poor like this, this is
a standard for super yachts. And then she'd be like,
oh okay, now I know that, or she won't listen
and never learn whatever the point is you told her,
so it's not yours, not your problem anymore. She's just
a dumb dumb anyway, Oh baby, this is the moment
we've all been waiting for. So Rob is like there

(51:18):
is rumors Rob. Also, I couldn't figure out Rob's accent
for a while, but I guess he's Canadian, but sometimes
he sounds British. It's very weird. He's he is all
over the place as well. Um, so Rob is like, uh,
there's rumors of coronavirus on Tortola, which is a island
of British Virgin Island. There's rumors of coronavirus on Tortola,

(51:40):
and all the masks like sold out. And this this
conversation leads to a classic Eddie impression. Hold on, a
classic Eddie impression. Eddie does a Trump impression? Nick do it?

(52:00):
Did I miss this? Yes? For are you kidding? This
was the most exciting part of the episode. Eddie back Baby,
Eddie is back baby. What did he say? He was
doing impression of you gotta do it? Being like it's
everything's okay, don't worry about it. I can't do a
very good Trump impression, but I think everything's okay. You
gotta go back and watch it. This is like what

(52:20):
we've been waiting for. We've been waiting for Eddie to
let loose and do one of his dumb impressions that
he I'm sorry, I totally miss this. I think Cheetah
might have been jumping on my lap at that exact moment. Wow,
this is a letdown, someone tweeted at us saying that literally,
deckheads are gonna be so excited that Trump does a
Eddie does a Trump impression. I'm over Trump. I guess what,

(52:41):
tell you what. I'm sorry. I'm sorry December, I'm over Trump.
This aired or this was filmed at the end of
February where Trump was literally bungling this coronavirus response. So
I appreciate the huge, huge for us. You don't even care,

(53:02):
you piece, I don't know. Well, Eddie's back, baby. We've
been saying that Eddie refuses to let his guard down
and do one of his classic Google Eddie a Little
Women got impressions this whole time. When he finally did it,
he did a Trump impression. That's what we've been living for. Well,
I'd prefer if he'd branch out a little bit. Well,

(53:25):
I mean, I would argue he did branch out. He
hasn't done Trump before before. He's always just doing like
like Jim Carey and dan Ackroyd or whatever. Now he's
branched out to Trump and it's going well in my opinion.
I mean, that's the thing. It's like I want him
to do his impressions so I can be like, oh,

(53:46):
fuck you, Eddie, that's what gets me going getting mad
at Eddie for doing a dumb impression, but the fact
that he hasn't been doing that hasn't been giving me
the life I need to be, Like, I'll fuck you Eddie. Okay,
I guess we'll move forward. Well, the guests are having
their market Marty gras them dinner ear and they're all
dressed again like Alice in Wonderland characters Alison Wonderland, Wonderland.

(54:12):
I like Wonderland, Wonderland, Wonderland, same thing, Spiderman and Batman Wonderland, Alison, Wonderland.
It's Land. I'm just I have an accent Wonderland. They
all they dressed like mad Hatter, like they have the
funniest outfits. To me, They're like they dressed in like

(54:33):
checkered suits, and then one guy just has his shirt
and buttoned all the way down. He's just like the
weird odd guy out and then there's like like checkered Fedora's.
It's an aesthetic it's an aesthetic choice that they're making,
and they all sort of match except for one guy anyway.
So James is trying to figure out if Elizabeth is single,

(54:53):
and she's like, um, so like I like recently got
out of something. Um, it was like really tough. They're
like a really special place in hell for other girls
who get involved in other women's relationships. But anyway, I am,
in fact attracted to James because I am a hopeless
romantic and I'm always looking to get hurt my crystals.

(55:14):
So I'm excited for that storyline to pop off because
James is going to destroy Elizabeth's soul. It is not good.
Did we get to the point where she was like
soaking it all in for one point five seconds on
the beach? Oh, we'll get there. We'll get there. That's
the best. Yes, all right. So Rob says, sailing yachts

(55:36):
are like really gritty, but motor yachts are cushy and
filled with beautiful people, so you know you gotta like
shower more. He was really disappointed. This is a shower job,
slemon it on the super yacht. Yeah, hard to say
if he's good at his job at this point. Still

(55:57):
don't really know. But is he classic? Is he? Who?
By the way, is he outed herself as a lesbian
on her Instagram recently? Because I guess a bunch of
dudes were sliding in her d m s and she's like, no,
thank you, Honey is out and proud, and I'm like,
good for you? Is? He tell these times on the
Deck Crew everyone that doesn't necessarily automatically mean you're a lesbian.

(56:20):
There's a reason she and James haven't been blinking. Well.
I don't know about that. James is a certain type
of woman's type. If you will, James a shaga, a
shag lad, if you will, a real lads lad. Yeah,
he's He's an interesting guy. He's too busy, like plucking
his eyebrows and being like, am I gorgeous in the mirror?

(56:41):
So is? He says. Rachel is really good with her hands,
and if she was a lesbian, you'd want her down there,
if you know what I mean. Finger banging you, finger
banging you to your fucking horned up and orgazing like
you've never orgasm before in your life. Just finger banging.

(57:01):
We're blessed to have Izzy on this season. H Um. Yeah,
I guess man, that is so disjointed. I feel like
the jointed get finger banged with a disjointed finger? Am
I right? Sometimes it feels like the deck Crew and
the interior are on different shows. They are in a
way because we're not going out together, there's no common time.

(57:25):
Well yeah, so Francesca walks in on Elizabeth talking to
Izzy about their like weird awkward situation again and Francesca
gets upset and it's like, oh, I can't trust anyone
on this boat, and so I'm just going to silk
about it, and again British accent. My bad. I don't
know what I'm doing. And guess what, it's perfect, don't change.

(57:46):
It's the next day. Wow, this one is just going
on forever. Huh okay, none of that. Ah, So it's
next morning. Elizabeth is in her bed doing her daily affirmations,
where she's like, today is a day of completion. I
like really want to be happy. Today everything will work

(58:07):
out totally. Today I will be so good at my job.
And today I am going to like kiss a boy,
and today I'm going to fall in love with Francesca.
And today I'm gonna like totally not make an accidental
mustard gas bomb. And today, um no, no, I don't

(58:28):
need my notes from yesterday, and I don't need I
don't need to read How to Be a stew again.
I just need to say I'm going to be good.
That's right, I'm going to be good ish. Maybe maybe
I'll listen this time. I don't know her to say.
I probably won't listen, but I'll try to And that's
what matters. Thank you, Elizabeth. I really hope, I really

(58:49):
hope you make it through this season because you you
are a good TV because you create gas bombs. That
is unbelievable, Mustard gas, unbelievable World War One. You're you're
a military technology who does that? But then again, they
asked Kate Chastain and she was like, I didn't know

(59:10):
about that. Like I did either, I could have done that.
You would think it might have happened on an earlier season. Yeah, yeah,
I mean I've never heard of that. I uh. But
also like doesn't that like really make you feel like
the scientists back in the day didn't do much. They're like,
we got it. Here's how we'll do it. We actually

(59:32):
miss soap with Bleach. That's it. We're done for the day.
We're clocking out. There's your gas. Yeah. It's not very sophisticated. Yeah,
but I also think like Eliza, like Francesca is really
tough on Elizabeth. I think like Elizabeth's a dumb dumb
but like she does have like good intentions, but Francesca

(59:53):
just like, like literally she had to stay up late working.
And then Francesca is like, hey, so we really can't
have you staying up late work. She was such an asshole.
She was like, oh, well you need more sleep than that.
And she was like, I was like doing my job,
like you asked, getting old stuff done. Yeah yeah, and
she's it seems like it's like a core component of

(01:00:14):
being a chief suit that you have to hate your stues. Yeah, yeah,
there's we you just gotta pick one that's just like
you're bad stew no matter what. Well, it's just funny
because the chief stew is always always been doing this
for most of a decade, and the new stew has
never um seen a two forks on the same table.

(01:00:35):
And then she's like, if you aren't as good as
me in four days, I'm going to fire you. That's
like basically what they're up against. Um we Okay, so
we're coming up to a really great Captain Lee moment,
but before we get into it, let's take a quick
break and we'll be right back and we're gonna finish

(01:00:55):
out this episode and we're back. So we come back
and the deck crew is inflating the slide, which is
leading Eddie to lose his mind because they put it.
They basically put the slide up wrong, but it's like,
did anyone teach them how to put the slide up

(01:01:16):
if they've never done it before? Probably not, So what
are you gonna do? So this leads Eddie to jump
off the boat to grab some lines, and then Captain
Lean's like, if you want anything done, goddamnit, you a
dooy it yourself, and he like goes over the railing,
which causes everyone to be like freaking out, like, don't
do it, I'm someone else do it. He's like, I
got this guy, damn it. Why guys saw up my

(01:01:36):
ass a goddamn captain, I've been doing that's goddamn you,
son a bitch. I do it myself. See how long
it took. Goddamnit, this ribbon drille funk I goddamn it.
I'll just dial go. I didn't see it didn't take
much long. See you guys think I was an old
piece of ship, But guess what, I'm a young piece
of shout. I still got it. Goddamn it sort of

(01:01:56):
a bitch that goes on for like forty five minutes.
That was amazing. What get out like an Emmy for Annah.
She has actually been nominated for three Emmy's, but she
um she denied them after Kaylee Quoco got like I
lost to Kayley Quoka. Now Kaylee Quoco goddamn it all

(01:02:19):
he ever says, it's like all he's like, I was
side of a bitch. That was the most suspenseful part too,
because he had that rib thing at the beginning of
the season, so I was like, Oh, is he going
to fund himself up but doing this? And then it
just went off fine, boring episode. Sadly he's just climb
right back over after grabbing a line. I mean, it
is also true, it's like I trusted him to do
it because he's also been doing that for years, Like

(01:02:42):
he knows what he's doing. He's captain. Can we give
Eddie some props for never falling in the water He
almost did multiple times, I know, but he did it.
I was I couldn't believe he got himself that last time.
One thing I love across the franchise is how everybody
hates putting away the slide more than anything. Well, I
mean that seems only there was a better idea. It

(01:03:05):
takes so long, and then people use it like once. Yeah,
and sometimes they don't even want to use it. They're like, no,
thank you, no thank you, we just wanted to see it.
We just wanted to make you do manual labor. Also,
doesn't it seem like such a distraction to put it
down while people are like having lunch because it goes
down the side and it's such a like thing. All right,
Nick has thought that was the story. I thought that

(01:03:26):
was going to be what happened, That they were going
to complain that the slide was going down while they
were eating, and then instead they were like, this is
the coolest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, Like why are
these people great? Yeah? They are actually great. They just
are very demanding of what they want to experience. But
also Nick has a Molly. Nick has a pitchy boats
dot com. Somebody buy that, h you got a super ya.

(01:03:49):
You don't want to put out all the toys. It's
gonna take you hours. I have a boat, everything's all
set up. I'll just drive over and they can. I'll
park next to you. They can come over, use all
my ship. I just move on to the next. I
do that all day at the same Marina. You're like
a Karney. Wow, really confusing my shows here, um on,

(01:04:10):
I'm on Brooks's Brooks Wheeland's podcast Entry Level with Brooks Wheeland,
and we have been doing a lot of Carney content lately.
We've been trying to find Carney's. Do you know Carney's
Do you know any uh No, but it's a big
theme on Real House Lives of Dallas. One of them
is a Carney and she's oh no, yes, I'm familiar
with this, but she's not real Karney. She's a rich Carny.

(01:04:33):
She grew up. No, she's not a rich I mean
she's rich now people. She grew up among Carney's and
she was like fobbed off on her Karney grandparents or
something to like. I forget exactly what the argument against
this is. But she's not real. She has a Carney
themed wedding, yeah, finally, But no, I don't know any

(01:04:54):
real Carnival people. I I would that I did. Here's
what you need to know a lot of wizards. That's
the chuckle fucker of the Carney. I know about lot
lizards and chuckle suckers. All right, but do I know
any Carney's no, I don't. I'm sorry, okay, well never again?
Any any no? Ride Jackey's no, but I know someone

(01:05:17):
who knows Eddie. Isn't that enough for yes? Yes? Yes, yes, yes, sorry,
I'm so sorry? Yes? Confusing everything here enough? Nick? Okay.
So here's the first sense that we get that maybe
Rob isn't very good at his job. James is like,
I don't think Rope is taking his job very seriously
because he has Britney spears. Oops, I did it again,

(01:05:37):
stuck in his head. What an idiot. He's not good
at his job. He's destructed. And I'm like, that makes
him not good at his job. What's you supposed to
be thinking about? I don't know. Captain Lee's big old honker.
I guesser, but Dick, I don't know. Well. Rob also
says that Francesco puts out some pretty hot vibes, but

(01:05:59):
he's hopeless of flirting because he only knows how to
flirt with gold. He doesn't know how to flirt with
human woman. Is tough. And then he's like, hey, I'm
just wiping things down if you need anything, and she's like, okay,
little boy, good boy. I don't know, maybe they'll fuck okay, period,

(01:06:19):
no thoughts. Okay. Well, Captain Lee actually says that he
hopes Rachel makes it through the season doesn't have to
be fired, which I thought was very nice of him. Guys,
I've always no, I think this was misrett. Oh that's
not a compliment. Why, yeah, great job. Compliment is well,

(01:06:40):
I hope we don't gonna fire this piece of ship work.
That's how he shows love, though, I think, yeah, because
that's that's him being like, I hope I don't have
to fire you. That's like a lot from Captain Lee,
because usually he's like I'll fire you. You're like, I
guess you're right. I know, I'm sorry. I had I
have much better relationship with my parents than you, So

(01:07:02):
I see where where the just to take it where
you can get it. You know. Sometimes when they're like
fuck you, you're like, thank you. I know you love me.
That's why you say it because you care. They feel
like I'm describing an abusive relationship. Anyway, Elizabeth calls her dad.
Now this guy is a character. He's like hey, honey,

(01:07:24):
and she's like, my chief Stuit doesn't like me, and
he's like jeefs still more like beef Stew. I'm a
lawyer from New York. I'm scary as ship, hey man,
a bunch of chickens running around with no heads boats
And she's like daddy. It's a very strange relationship. Also,
how did like the most Like, hey, I like believe

(01:07:46):
I'm self actualized and I believe in crystals. Now must
come from like hey, James sto more like beef Stew,
Like how that happened? Very strange. I really hope we
get to me, chief ste more like beef Stew. It's
just taking me out. Chiefs stoemre like Babe Stone. And

(01:08:08):
she say she's like, now must a daddy? So strange. Anyway,
Elizabeth's like, I brought a smokey quartz crystal um to
go with us to this beach picnic just in case
to like battle any negative energy that comes our way.
And is He's like, okay, great, cool cool coo cool

(01:08:29):
sounds good. Yeah, Nick, This is the part you were
talking about where they're at the island for the beach
picnic and they're like picking up wood to start a
fire and then like Elizabeth just starts going on about
Greek mythology and she's like, they were like starting a
civilization and that's just like kind of what we're doing
right now by setting up the beach picnic. And she
has her moment where she like stares off, like we're

(01:08:50):
starting a civilization. What the funk are you doing? You
forgot this champagne? You've done that? Oh no, civilizations can't
start without champagne. Oh no. Um. But also this is
another thing, like people forget something for the beach picnic
almost every time because beach picnics are not an exact science.

(01:09:14):
You need to bring a thousand things and there's not
a fucking list. But because the boat is so small, yeah,
champagne on that boat, but they always The thing is
like they always forget the alcohol. And I feel like
the alcohol is the key ingredient to why people are
even on this boat. So like, bring the alcohol, for sure,
but it's also the thing you have to bring last,

(01:09:35):
because it's usually a cocktail or something that needs to
be chilled and so you cannot pack it anywhere but last.
And I feel like often is that they go through
it much faster than they're expecting or go through more
of it. Well, I don't think they brought any in
this one. Yeah, yeah, but there's been other ones where
it's like they just run out. You know, you only
brought three bottles of vodka for these four people for

(01:09:59):
thirty five. Then it's on the beach right, like they
need a separate boat just full of alcohol for these people. Hey,
that maybe a spin off of my business alcohol boat. Nice,
you're on the beach picnic. You don't want to go
all the way back? Guess caught me up. It's like provisions. Basically,
it's a great idea. Thank you. Finally, it's like on
the clock provisions. They just show up. But yeah, so

(01:10:23):
um yeah, they set up the beach picnic. Other than
the fact that they forgot the champagne. But they also
have homemade marshmallows. What what are marsh pure sugar? So
Natty says when he tries it right, Well, it wasn't
that Captain that was Captain Lee. But Captain Lee, I'm
guessing he has like some low carb diet or something. Well,

(01:10:45):
Captain Lee said he was going to look up to
make it himself because he didn't know if Rachel was
coming back, and his plan was, I guess to pretend
to be the chef. I don't know, I don't know,
flip some burger patties. That's just going to cook a
steak with his big old dick. Yeah I burned it again. Yeah,

(01:11:07):
well yeah, Elizabeth forgot the champagne and is He's like, yeah,
you know, I agree that Francesca sucks as a boss,
but um, Elizabeth is not the smartest. I'm like, honey,
I agree. But Francesca is not happy they forgot the champagne,
and her first thing is to go rat Elizabeth out
about forgetting the champagne and other stuff to Captain Lee

(01:11:28):
because she really wants to fire Elizabeth and get in
a new Chiefs too. And Captain Lee's like whatever, It's like, okay, cool,
thanks Francesca, you can go now, Oh my god, this
dumb bitch, did you can? She is not Kate, That's
all Capainly is thinking. She is not Kate. I mean,
she really is not Kate. How many times do you

(01:11:48):
think he's called her Kate that they've edited out? That
would be hilarious. It would explain why Francesca is starting
to like lose it a little. Look. She keeps getting
called Kate. She can't try to anyone h and Elizabeth
is just trying her best and being like destroyed because
she's a dumb dumb. So Ash also becomes frustrated with

(01:12:10):
Elizabeth because she washed all the bedsheets for the guests,
because that's what a little like she did. I did
say that she washed. She washed all the bed sheets
because Elizabeth told her too, but Francesco apparently just told
her to the master's bed sheets, which we see in
a flashback. So Ash is like, um, I really want

(01:12:31):
to like Elizabeth, but she's a dumb dumb that's what
everyone keeps saying. Tough, and then she says Elizabeth just
doesn't listen, and I agree, that's the problem. She's not
hearing words. I think she just hears like um and
nothing else. Yeah, that's like sometimes me when I'm doing
this podcast, I get that vibe from you. Anyway, Ashton,

(01:12:52):
Francesca take a break while Elizabeth and the rest of
the guests are on the beach. They take a break
and they go down the slide. I'd um to have
some fun because Francesca loves ash who's basically a mini her,
asked Francesca keeps saying, and then James is trouble. Always

(01:13:13):
no one can ever go in the water without there
being drama, whether they accidentally go in, whether they're going
in with permission, whether they're just rocky being like, whether
there's c J announcing they're they're quitting in the first season,
there's never No one's ever just like having fun in
the water. I don't know if everyone just gets jealous,
that's the problem. I was like, Oh, you guys go
on the water. It's like, well, then be proactive. And

(01:13:35):
when the guests are off board and you're not, they're
asked to go in the water. You just have to ask.
Cathleen does not care if the guests are not there.
He will let you take a break and go in
the water. He does not care all you do. That's
the whole thing is, you can't just go in. As
long as you ask, it's no big deal and you
are free and clear to take a break and jump
in the water. But no one does, and that's the problem.

(01:13:56):
Then they get jealous when someone else does, and they're like, oh,
what do they get to do everything? But anyway, James says,
he hopes they're closed or see through because classic James. Uh.
And then we end with Elizabeth admitting she's not happy
because Francesca clearly favors Ash. But Eddie's like, don't worry, dude,
Captain Sandy or Captain Lee is rooting for you. And
she's like, oh my god, thank you Eddie. And he's

(01:14:18):
like and that's where the episode ends, and it's time
for Boat Facts with Nikkei Tease. Guys, I wanted to
talk to you today about the most haunted hotel in America.

(01:14:39):
Why is it on boat Facts, you asked, Yez, because
it's a fucking boat the Queen Mary. Oh. It was
a ship that was converted into a hotel and permanently
docked in Long Beach, California, right near here, baby, and
is as stately as they come. But don't let it's

(01:15:00):
lush appearance fool you. It also happens to be the
most haunted hotel in America. The ship was first christened
on September nineteen thirty four by Queen Mary herself, and
it was retired more than three decades later, and it
has since been converted into a hotel where guests can
sleep surrounded by the original wood paneling paneling and portholes,

(01:15:21):
imagining what it would have been like to cross the
Atlantic in style. Not only does it offer a transatlantic history,
but it is known as one of the most haunted
destinations in America, says Travel and Leisure Um, mostly from
stateroom B three. Why what happened in there? This stateroom

(01:15:44):
was a problem long before the Queen Mary opened a
hotel in a British third class passenger third class? Can
you imagine Walter j Adamson passed away in the room
and the details of his death are unknown to her.
In nineteen sixty six, a woman staying in the room
reported that she was woken up when the bed covers

(01:16:05):
were pulled off of her and she saw a man
staring standing at the foot of her bed. She screamed
and rang for the steward, but the man apparently vanished
into thin air. So this woman was like assaulted by
a real person, you think so. Years later, guests staying
in the room and reported hearing someone knocking on the
door in the middle of the night and seeing bathroom

(01:16:27):
lights mysteriously turn on. Even the hotel's maids started complaining
that they would find the bathroom water running even when
no one had stayed in the room for days, and
one reported that the bed covers were pulled off right
after she put them on. The room was closed to
guests for many years, but it has since reopened for
anyone looking for an evening of creepy fun. We can
go there, No, thank you, we can stay there. We

(01:16:48):
can do an a of decades from there. No. Are
you afraid of ghosts? I'm not doing that with you.
You're afraid of ghosts. I'm afraid of anything haunted. Yes,
I'm a human being. Oh, I'm not afraid of haunted stuff. Yeah,
we'll see I laugh at ghosts. Well, we'll see what
a ghost is looking you stray in the phase? How

(01:17:09):
you act? Okay, they don't exist there. Molly, are you haunted?
I mean, Molly, are you haunted? Are you afraid of
haunted stuff? Oh? Yeah, I mean a haunted boat just
seems like really asking for it. Yeah. Yeah, you can't
leave the boat. Well, I mean you can't now because stopped.

(01:17:31):
If you know, if you're on the sea and it's haunted,
you know, you're just fucked. Yeah, you know. Engineer Zach
had his prom on the Queen Mary. Oh really in
Long beach. That's crazy, hauntingly beautiful. I would ask him,
but he just walked right out of the room. He's like, oh,

(01:17:51):
I know where this is going. I'm out of here.
I don't want to talk about my prom where I
couldn't get it up because it was so high Dick hunted. Yeah,
that's unfortunate. Yeah, well that has been a great episode
of folk Facts. Thanks that much for having me. Thank

(01:18:12):
you for recapping season eight, episode eight with us of
below deck Tell people where they can find you and
follow you. You can find me on Twitter at Molly Lambert.
And I will be back with a podcast about Heidi Flice.
Maybe I'll be back on Deckheads sometime because I love
I love talking deck You're going to be a regular,

(01:18:34):
as we say, I can be the chef band of
this podcast. Be great, that would be great. I mean
if we don't have you on for a little while,
then you come back and be like gotta get my
sea legs back and we're like, ah, Molly, and I'm like,
I hate my fucking life like they all do. Yeah,
but you were you were raised with the royal family, right,

(01:18:55):
I was raised with the royal family. But I resent
when people bring up my passionists because because I'm a
hard working chef, hardworking yacht chef of course. Of course.
Al Right, guys, go follow Molly and and hey, you
know what, Hey, while you're at it, leave us a
five star review while you're following my Molly, Jesus Christ, Yeah,

(01:19:18):
leave us a five star of you. I just like
had a momentary blip in my brain. It must be
the mustard gas I accidentally created my home. So yes,
please leave us a five star review. We could, we
could really use it. People are haters on there. They
hate us because they don't think we talked about below
deck enough, even though I feel like we're recapping it
pretty decently. So leave us a five star review. Give

(01:19:38):
us some love. We'd really appreciate it. You can follow
us at deckheads Pod on Instagram and Twitter. Email us
at deckheads pot at gmail dot com. You can buy
our merch on t public. We'll discuss further merch options
coming through on this show. Once Nick starts his starts
making them in his garage, and I'm at Anna HOSTI

(01:19:59):
and Nick is at Nick's turners, and yeah, let's all
get into this tiny little bow. Let's get in the
Little Dingy and We're Gonna get the hell on out
of Here by Deckheads is a production of I heart Radio.

(01:20:20):
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