A New World of Friendship with Lalah Delia

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Take a deep breath in through your nose.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Holds it.

Speaker 3 (00:36):
Now, release slowly again, deep in, helle.

Speaker 4 (00:50):
Hold release, repeating internally to yourself as you connect to
my voice. I am deeply well. I am deeply well.

(01:22):
I am deeply I'm Debbie Brown and this is the
Deeply Well Podcast. Welcome to the Deeply Well Podcast, A

(01:46):
soft place to land on your journey.

Speaker 5 (01:48):
A podcast for those that are curious, creative, and ready
to expand in higher consciousness and self care.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
This is where we heal, this is where we transform.
Welcome back to the show.

Speaker 5 (02:03):
This month we are diving into.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
Some juicy juicy juicy thieves and again, of course, hello everybody.

Speaker 5 (02:11):
I'm Debbie Brown. This is my show. We are here
to do the work. We're here to do it with grace,
EA's presence, Honesty, truth, humility, joy, All of the things
is how we explore all of the work we are
here to do on Earth. This month, we are kicking
off what I feel is going to be a deeply

(02:36):
shifting work. We focused a few months ago on integrity.
We focused last month on the rituals to really bring
about that feeling and those seasons of devotion that are necessary.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
And this month, we are diving.

Speaker 5 (02:51):
Into the theme of values. There's a lot of collective
conversation that is happening around some of these bigger themes
like integrity, like values, like having a mission.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
Like being in purpose.

Speaker 5 (03:03):
But what are the truth and the depth of those words.
Sometimes we can just coast on the surface of what
something means, especially if we are just going by Instagram infographics.
But to get to the root of the root is
always the work that is required and exploring what values are,
what they mean to us, what they can mean, do

(03:25):
we have any do we not?

Speaker 1 (03:26):
Where can we?

Speaker 5 (03:28):
That is going to be the work of what we
explore all month long. And I'm really excited because we
are kicking off this month with a very very very
special guest, a friend of the show, a dear, dear,
dear real life friend and sister of mine, and a
absolute fan favorite episode of last season. Welcome back to

(03:52):
the show, Layla Delia.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
Thank you, Dame here.

Speaker 5 (04:01):
So Leyla Delia is a spiritual writer, a certified spiritual practitioner,
a global meditation teacher, best selling author, and founder of
Vibrate Higher Daily School. She guides seekers on transformative journeys
towards empowerment, self realization, and actualization. Her work in spiritual

(04:21):
and subconscious development empowers individuals to transcend limitations, live authentically,
and align with their divine life path, true essence, and
higher purpose. Through spiritual writings, meditations, and soulful teachings, Layla
inspires individuals to open up to expansion and vibrational well being.

(04:42):
Leila can be found featured in podcasts, documentaries, print magazines
such as Vogue, Essence and Yoga Journal, and in other
various media outlets such is CBS Mornings, Good Morning America
and Entertainment Tonight. In her work, Leila addresses the personal
and energetic goals, universal t challenges, and divine opportunities of

(05:02):
the hero and Conduits journey. Her work is direct healing
response to her personal journey and a nurturing response to
the current vibrational state of the world, helping us to
journey through, overcome and rise in daily discover more of
her work and virtual community at Vibratehiyredaily dot com.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome.

Speaker 6 (05:24):
Thank you. It feels so good, so warm, It feels
so warm to be here always of course, as you know, yeah,
thank you.

Speaker 5 (05:32):
Sis yeah, my goodness. So we were talking about this
episode a few times over the past few weeks, and
I know when I was first like I want you to.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
Come back on the show. We were talking so something.
We have a really beautiful special friendship.

Speaker 6 (05:52):
And we are I'm so grateful, I am so thank you.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
We be in the depths.

Speaker 5 (06:00):
I mean like we'll literally look up and we'll be like, Okay,
so it's been four hours.

Speaker 6 (06:06):
Let's get off the fat, Let's hydrate, Let's go.

Speaker 1 (06:11):
Hydrate, Let's get a snack. We'll catch up on the rest.

Speaker 5 (06:14):
But you know, one of the things that I know
as women we are always in conversation about and kind
of exploring and really observing deeply, is our value systems.
Our relationship to the world is something you and I
I think are always kind of negotiating and navigating our

(06:34):
personal health journeys. Our relationship with our bodies, with our nutrients,
with our rest is something mad we're always kind of
in deep conversation with together as friends and sisters. And
when we were talking about this episode, I thought, you know,
this is the perfect person I want to be kind
of in real time exploration of values on and let

(06:56):
me know how you feel. But I was thinking the
focus of this episode maybe we could lean into.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
Values within friendship.

Speaker 2 (07:04):
Yes, I would love it.

Speaker 6 (07:06):
I would love it, And I think it's so necessary
because I do get a lot of inquiries on friendship
and you know, like this, how do I apply this
in my relationships and friendships or you know, how do
I have a sister circle or a community that feels
supportive because not everyone has like I know, I didn't
always have this, you know, and it's like having this

(07:29):
really is for me. And then in this episode it's like, yeah,
let's give back, like let's pay it forward and let's
like share the ins, like the inside of sisterhood.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
And what I would say is really.

Speaker 6 (07:47):
Leaned in attentive, present, unconditional sisterhood, Like this is not
that sisterhood. It's like, yes, sister ourist, you know, this
is not CIS.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
But this is sis.

Speaker 6 (08:00):
You know, yes, yes, sister, you know it's it's it's
just so beautiful to me. So thank you, you know,
thank you for how you show up, how you sister, Like,
thank you, how you friend?

Speaker 2 (08:11):
Is it truly is.

Speaker 6 (08:14):
You? Like a lot of times there's a lot so
we have love for the nineties so like a lot
of stuff is like this is nineties. This is I
remember our album cover from like the last show the
BTS or Funk. Shoot, yeah, it was like nineties. So
but yeah, like our for me, like our friendship and
our conversations are very much like nineties. Yeah, you know

(08:36):
it's that in the stuff.

Speaker 5 (08:37):
Oh my god, it's that like kind of like that analog.

Speaker 6 (08:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (08:41):
I think where it's like bingo because both of us too,
we are just.

Speaker 1 (08:49):
Girl. Where do I even begin?

Speaker 5 (08:51):
I think I think we've explored this and something that
I think whether it's because of like our energy, the
way that we look, the way that people have met
us at this exact pivotal moment. Not everyone has seen
the documentary.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
To our lives, but we're too people.

Speaker 5 (09:09):
That I think have this archetype of a very much
a graceful voice, graceful kind of look.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
Like we both have a lot of.

Speaker 5 (09:20):
Innate nurturance in the way that we're designed to be.
But we have both been.

Speaker 1 (09:27):
Through, especially at young.

Speaker 5 (09:29):
Ages, like really dirty, dark, hard things where we were
in environment people wouldn't have never expected us to be in.
We were negotiating and having circumstances just very literally with
people that no one could ever even imagine that we

(09:50):
come across. So sometimes this sense of goodness or naivete
or this belief that there was like an ease in
life that other people didn't get is really projected on us.
Yeah too, our time, Yeah, big time. And you know
it's like we incarnated as wise women at very young ages,

(10:11):
but then there was just kind of a lot of
darkness that we met very young to be embodied in
this wisdom.

Speaker 6 (10:19):
Yeah yeah. And I said this on Aya John's podcast before.
I was like, you know, we were sitting to the underworld. Yeah,
you know, like we really were. And I remember also
saying one time to that very point is that it's
because of what I've been through and having.

Speaker 7 (10:38):
Survived it, overcame it like survive, survivor Overcomer and then Thriver,
Right yeah, and so like those three parts, so I
wasn't so you didn't meet me at survivor you didn't
meet me at Overcomer.

Speaker 6 (10:51):
You're meeting me at Thriver. So you can't judge where
you're meeting me based on you know, where you think
my whole life has come from, or when you met
me when I was just down spiraling, like you just
would not have recognized me, you know what I mean,
or you would have judged me differently, or you know,
you would have passed my little Instagram page up right,

(11:12):
because what I would have been off had to offer
then just would not be anything of substance. And and
so it's it's because of the work that I had
to do to heal is why you can maybe look
at me and say, oh, it's easier said than done,
or you know sometimes you get those or oh no,
well yeah right, or you don't yeah, but you don't

(11:33):
understand this, and I'm like, no.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
Like, oh, peace, love and life, like this.

Speaker 5 (11:39):
Has been the path of really where you let darkness
be your candle.

Speaker 6 (11:44):
Baby listen and what to say. The broken pieces are
where the light comes in. Yeah, the right is where
the light is. The wuned is where the light enters you.
So it's like I think we have to normalize people
like peaceful people and people who are just have really
found there, as I call it, you know, divine life path.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah, that that.

Speaker 6 (12:04):
Doesn't mean that it doesn't come with like a storm
behind the story. You know, our heels and mountains they
had to climb, and to be.

Speaker 5 (12:11):
Honest, have I'm genuinely curious. Have you ever met an
embodied peaceful person that did not pay their wage through darkness?

Speaker 6 (12:21):
Never? I've never, I've never never, I mean forgetness sakes,
take not han, you know what I mean. Like the
most zend out peaceful monk you could ever want to
meet and see and and you know, read and you know,
keep up with. But even with him, there was you know,
just so much urmil he had to come through, you know,
he he had his own monks were seat ablaze, you know,

(12:44):
set themselves on fire. His monasteries were bombed. Like there
is so much that the peaceful soul goes through to
get to peace, Like like when that when that is
your calling on the planet. So we didn't know like
when we were young, like but one day your callly
will really be a carry peace into emit peace and

(13:04):
to embody peace and what it looks like. But don't
get it twisted though, because we still what does Erica say, like,
don't they don't don't let all this love and light
fool you or h something something.

Speaker 1 (13:15):
But still still learn to throw hands, you.

Speaker 6 (13:18):
Know, and for me sometimes throwing hands is like I
mean so now like as you know, like we I think.
I think Lauren was like said something really good about
you one time, was like about how you have like
the most powerful like way with words, you know what
I mean, like like just sword weapon, you know what

(13:41):
I mean, because sometimes that's how you throw hands, you
know what I mean. Like And and for me, like
seeing you put all this out into the world, it's like, wow,
look at my cysts, you know where if this was
less than the nineties and maybe the early two thousands,
like throwing hands will look completely different. Maybe in some
on some time it is physically throwing it, but now

(14:03):
you know, it's like.

Speaker 2 (14:05):
We learn to use our weaponry different.

Speaker 5 (14:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah. And you know I think too,
it's like that exploration of when you are on the
path of peace or you're meant to teach peace and
body peace, you have to know the barriers everyone has
up against it. Yeah, right, So you have to understand

(14:30):
that when you're here to share this message, you have
to know what you're going to face and the kind
of inner suffering or turmoil or darkness that people have
face that make them think it's not possible, right, and
then you show them anyway and you are that anyway,
And I also have to say quick shout out to
our dear sister Lauren London that you mentioned, because.

Speaker 6 (14:49):
That is our vote.

Speaker 1 (14:49):
You should be here too, that's our boom.

Speaker 5 (14:53):
So, you know what, lately, when we think about values
and friendship, like, I think that that is something it's
especially it's something that's really coming to the forefront now
because I think for many who have connected to the work,
they've spent the last several years, especially since the pandemic,
exploring themselves, creating space, healing some things, which then takes

(15:17):
you to the next level of the journey, which is
coming out of hermit mode or coming out of that
self isolation and understanding how to build community that is
really authentic to who and what you are. So I've noticed,
especially in the last you know, year or so, those
are a lot of the conversations of people saying, wait
a minute, what is friendship or what is sisterhood? Or

(15:38):
I want you to have that feeling, and so the
beginning stages of that are happening for people. So this
is really timely because I think we can talk about,
you know.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
How how did we.

Speaker 5 (15:50):
Figure out our friend style as individuals together with other
people in our lives and where do we really hold
value in friendship and for each of us? And I
can't stress this enough to everybody listening really understand how
different that may be for each of us, and how
important it is to notice what those differences and needs are,

(16:10):
because we don't all require the same thing in friendship, right, Yeah,
And we definitely don't all necessarily have the same things
to give.

Speaker 1 (16:18):
But that isn't.

Speaker 5 (16:19):
Necessarily the threshold of whether it's someone a good friend
or not. It's just what is most yoke to what
I can give and what I.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
Need to receive.

Speaker 2 (16:28):
Yes, Oh that is so good.

Speaker 6 (16:31):
That is so good, And I do think that's the sign, Like,
that's it what you just said. Is it that awareness
of we may not give the same things. Yeah, but
we're both giving like our like our love link, our friends,
like our sister languages, love languages, friendship languages may be
a little different, but everyone's bringing something to the table

(16:52):
where the table was full, and like we're sitting at
our feast and we're enjoying. And what I love about
us is we don't even count, Like don't we don't
even know who brought what? We just feel it. Yeah,
you know what I mean, like like it's we can't
even put a pinpoint on, like this is how what
you do? And you know, and our sister circle, and
when we kind of zoom out into our bigger sister

(17:15):
circle with our other sisters, it's.

Speaker 2 (17:16):
Like sometimes you can't put up. Put up.

Speaker 6 (17:18):
It's almost like its own morphic field to where it's
creating its own energy. And for sure when it's in it,
because it's so often we're just like it's like hours,
and especially when we're together, like in person, you know,
it's just like whoa, whether we are laid out doing
spiritual work with each other, whether we're like dancing or

(17:41):
in ceremony or whatever it is. And like for me
like traveling, like when I was at the Chopra retreat,
I just remember having you there and that was my
first big retreat and you literally were there as like
a grounding force. And okay, y'all. I always tell Debby
about the hook because she's forever gonna hear about this

(18:03):
hug because this was like the hug of all hugs
and it was like the grandmother hug that and I
was nervous, Solndrella and I were gonna like go on
stage and I was like four hundred people.

Speaker 1 (18:17):
Like just it was so many.

Speaker 5 (18:19):
And it was also gassen, we're under the stars in
the moon. We were on a white sand beach like.

Speaker 6 (18:24):
It was this. It was finsory overload, right, it was
so gorgeous.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yeah, and I was just like whoa.

Speaker 6 (18:31):
And then you can hear the ocean waves, so it
was so much happening to where as soon as you
gave me a hug and like you just gave me
these affirmational affirmational words like you got this, you know
you're gonna do so good, And it was the way
you said it with you spoke to my inner child.

Speaker 2 (18:50):
You got past this.

Speaker 6 (18:52):
The adult and you spoke right to inner child. And
that's what sister Hook can do, right, That's it can
pierce through years and years and go right to the
part of you that needs.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
To hear that.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
Right, thank you.

Speaker 5 (19:06):
Yeah, that was the GODI and y'all killed it.

Speaker 1 (19:09):
Like it was just such a beautiful.

Speaker 5 (19:11):
Beautiful weekend that we had there and like beyond that
was beyond.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
And then you and Lndrelle were on that beautiful stage
shout out to our brother and you were.

Speaker 5 (19:21):
Singing and you were speaking, and I remember the audience
like everyone's eyes were closed and they were just like
moving their.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
Bodies like it was so special. And then we just
danced the whole rest of the night.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
Oh my god.

Speaker 6 (19:34):
After there was the Soul Train line on the.

Speaker 5 (19:39):
Literally that was so that was so good.

Speaker 6 (19:43):
I loved this, like the impromptu, Like all the guests
had left by that time, and it was like I
don't know, like I don't even know how many fifty fifty,
I don't know how many of us were there at
this point. Yeah, the Impromtuo Soul Line, Soul Train line
happened and we were just so free and that for me,
and I remember I remember a point when everyone got

(20:04):
together and hugged and we were like we did a
huddle because like we're gonna go out, and I remember
I said a prayer.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
I think you may have said a prayer, and I
think Vandrel said.

Speaker 6 (20:15):
A prayer, and we were just like, Okay, we're good.
You know, we're taking this with us into the field
where whatever field we're going to actor here is going
to be charged up with this.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
Do you remember that?

Speaker 1 (20:26):
Yeah? Yeah, I do that.

Speaker 6 (20:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (20:31):
And we all got our jewelry pieces together, our talisman piece.

Speaker 1 (20:35):
Mary, Yes, shout out to me, shout out to God.

Speaker 5 (20:39):
Those gorgeous, stunning, stunning, stunning malas from Open Heart Warriors. Yes, yeah,
you know what, there's this, there's this piece that you
brought up that I think is important for us to
settle into. You were talking about how you were sharing
that story, and you said, and like, that's that's what

(21:00):
sisterhood feels like, the moment of like speaking into an
inner child, right, And I think I can be I
can be very aloof I'm an only child. I'm a
latchkey kid raised by a single parent, and I'm a
double Gemini and a Leo, and I'm a Venus and
tor like, I'm highly independent and highly tapped in to

(21:20):
my inner world.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
Right.

Speaker 5 (21:22):
So it's like, and we are very similar in that
way where we need a lot of alone time, We
need a lot of personal space to be in our craft,
to be in our connection with God.

Speaker 1 (21:33):
And so I have always.

Speaker 5 (21:37):
I've always been such a deep feeler that I've always
rejected performance in everything, especially performative friendships. And I remember
it was probably like fifteen years ago. God was like,
don't use this trend talk for people when you're talking
about people, you know, stop calling everybody your brother, stop
calling everybody your sister. Growing up in hip hop as

(21:59):
a young adult, it's like, oh, that's bro, that's cis,
that's family. Right in the entertainment world, like that's kind
of a way you throw vernacular.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
But it's also to create false.

Speaker 5 (22:09):
Approximation, right, like false proximity, false sense of you know,
your own esteem or how you're received. And I've just
always disliked that, And so whenever people like I'm not
big on people, oh sis, yes, sis, like stuff like
that would just always bother me because there was nothing
I wouldn't see deeper things, right, see, people call each

(22:31):
other that, but there was no real sisterhood present. There
was no depth, There was no you didn't know me
each other, and so I would just always be like that.
I'm very intentional about not performing friendship with people. If
we are not friends from photos to the way that
I write captions, then I don't want to perform that
because friendship is earned, and it's earned over time, right,

(22:56):
Like I don't want to trauma bond in it.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
I don't want to just.

Speaker 5 (22:58):
Oh we both like this makeup or like have the
same sense of fashion or and so.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
Yeah we're now we're the same.

Speaker 5 (23:06):
No we're not, right, Like, you actually have to get
to know me for me to be in your life,
and I have to get to know you. And I
think the way that the way that I always approach
friendship is with a lot of sobriety, like a lot
of deep presents, Like I don't want to even friend flirt.
You know, I have a nice aura, I have a
good spirit, so like I like that friend. So you know,

(23:30):
it's like a lot of times people meet you and
you'll have some type of chemistry or kindness and then it's.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
Just like okay, oh yeah that's my girl. We're friends.

Speaker 5 (23:38):
No, no, no, we're not yet actually, and that's okay, Like
can we sink into the beauty of getting to know someone,
you know? Can we sink into the beauty of that
slow build up, just like in romantic relationship that there
are milestones that we hit, that there are different moments
and seasons.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
That have to take time and play out in the
way that they do.

Speaker 5 (24:03):
So you know, if this is the sacred person in
your life, you know, it's so I believe in approaching
friendship with a lot of intention and a lot of
time and like one good night of us hanging out.
It doesn't mean that we are that deep, but there
is potential for it, you know. So just you know,
I say all that to say, like, when you brought

(24:24):
that up, it's like, yeah, for me, that is what
friendship feels like. It's like, do you see my scars and.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
Hold me accordingly? You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 (24:33):
Like, do you actually have you listened enough to me
to know what I walk through, to know how to
treat me when we're together, and even how to treat
me if you don't get your way, but not cause
me harm, you know, because I think about that a
lot with my friends. The majority of my close friendships
are people that have been through a lot of shit
like I have. So I'm not going to go off.

(24:54):
I'm not going to treat you in a transactional way
because I know that that can be very disruptive to
your psyche and your soul.

Speaker 1 (25:03):
Very because it has been to mine.

Speaker 5 (25:05):
Yeah, you know, so it's like or if you don't
respond right away or within the month, I'm not going
to freak out and now think we have beef. I
might say, hey, you might be having some PTSD this month, right,
like you may be having a flare up this month.
I know that happens to me.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
Yeah, yeah, you know. So it's just like that that
I think. So that is what that is?

Speaker 2 (25:29):
Right, yes, oh it so is. And it's it's like
this grace.

Speaker 6 (25:33):
But I love what you said about taking time to
get to know each other as friends, because I feel
like that's a lost art where you know, like what's
coming to me now is like you know how the
whole thing about relationships like everyone's everyone wants to Russian, right,
like Russian and just be it like what are we now?

(25:53):
You know? Like and about it? Yeah, can we host
a pick? Can we can we post us now? Or
can we can we take a pic? And but well
it's our label, yeah, like what's our label? Like what
am I to you?

Speaker 1 (26:06):
You know?

Speaker 6 (26:07):
But that translates the same thing in friendships, and so
we have to be mindful of what that looks like
and again do the work. And one just one beautiful
thing that I give thanks for with my grandmothers. What
these were women who held space and community. These were
the elders, These were the mothers, These were these were
the women like mothering the community. So I really got

(26:29):
to see how you show up in community. So when
I wouldn't have that, I would feel so off center. Yeah,
and when I would go against that feeling to me,
that's when my relationship with friendship was like leading in
a toxic direction, you know what I mean. So I

(26:49):
remember just being younger, like not really feeling like well,
friendship is going to feel warm and supportive and like community,
and there is a familial thing to it where it
does feel like because it's a whole family. And so
as I got more, when I would feel when I
wouldn't feel the warmth. So sometimes like for instance, you'll
feel a connection with someone just because they're around, yeah,

(27:15):
versus a connection with someone it's circumstantial, right, Yeah, So
it's not that we really have things in common, right,
and that this is really healthfuy for me, and this
is really what a friendship should be. But because you know,
we know how to contact each other and you know,
it's like this routine, it becomes a routine of me
friends and that just doesn't feel good and things don't

(27:35):
grow in that way. But when you can hold out,
so like when you can go through the desert and
sometimes release most of the times, those are the relationships
that have to be released or sacrificed in order for
you to attract your true sisterhood. You know, like that
was grue sisterhood.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 (27:55):
Yeah, isn't it always like the most interesting feeling when
you get to that in the journey of our own work,
When you get to that next level of knowing, you
accet like your bar has risen, Like getting to this
space where you know that your bar has risen in
all the areas of your life, and so every person
that's coming in you're kind of like, oh, oh, I

(28:19):
knew this existed. I wasn't ready for it yet, yeah right,
Or I didn't know how to show up in it yet,
but I knew it existed. And then the more work
you do, it all just starts coming to you effortlessly.
But especially when you surrender to the shed, when you say,
like what's right here is not enough? No, and whether
or not anything better takes its place, I know I

(28:43):
cannot keep doing this. And I think that's the case
with friendships too.

Speaker 1 (28:47):
It's like you have to haul.

Speaker 5 (28:49):
Sometimes you have to renegotiate all the contracts, all the agreements,
you've made with people and say like, yeah, this made
a lot of sense when we happened to go to
school together, which was a circumstance.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
Yeah, neither of us chose that, right.

Speaker 5 (29:04):
But now, yeah, no, this actually doesn't meet my needs.
Like this isn't enough, right, right, do you when you
think of what you need, what you look for, what
you require in friendship from another person?

Speaker 1 (29:20):
What's your type?

Speaker 2 (29:22):
I love authenticity.

Speaker 6 (29:25):
I love because I love knowing who I'm a friend
of the energy And really that's what it is.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
It's a relationship with.

Speaker 6 (29:33):
The energy, you know, energy to energy, and I love
I could just say that about each.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
Of my close friends, you know, each of you.

Speaker 6 (29:40):
I can go down the list, like just truly in
your most authentic self, like this is so who you are.
There's no fronting, there's no like damning, like it's just real, right.
And what I love too, like being on this side
of it now, as you said, like you know, it's
not circumstantial that this is like like I say, chosen family, right, Yeah.

(30:04):
What I love about it is that now you get
to be your fool self, So like I get to
I get to be your sister, your friend while you're
in this work, in doing your purpose, like your what
makes your soul feel alive. I can support that, I
can hold that. I love that, and it's like it

(30:26):
resonates with what I do, like we iron shoppers, like
we're sharpening each other. And it feels so much different
when that's not the case, you know, when it's not
evenly yoked, or you know, when you're on this path.
But then they don't understand you. You know, there's a
new language that your your body wants to speak through you,
like your body wants you to speak different, to think different,

(30:49):
to radiate differently.

Speaker 2 (30:51):
But every time you get.

Speaker 6 (30:52):
On the phone and every time you're around them, you know,
because of that cell memory, the body is going to
go back to that familiar frequency.

Speaker 2 (30:59):
And so it's like.

Speaker 6 (31:00):
For me when I can stay in the in the
higher vibratory frequency, and I'm like, oh, and I still
get to be in in a friendship and a sisterhood,
and it's it's always like this. So I want even
the person listening now that doesn't believe that was available
for them.

Speaker 2 (31:18):
It is.

Speaker 6 (31:19):
But like you said, there has to be like if
you don't have it, we have to look at where
can I shed either behavior because sometimes we had to
look at us, you know. Carolyn Mice, she often says never,
she was like, never downplay the fact that somebody might
be in therapy because of you. Damn no, Chris good,

(31:43):
Like that is so good. It's like okay, well, like
well in that case, Oh my god, it's funny.

Speaker 1 (31:52):
Yeah, yeah, that's real.

Speaker 5 (31:59):
Deeply, Oh, I really want to offer this if you
were listening, and this may not be the current experience,
but you it's a craving right, right, You'll everything is truly.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
In divine time.

Speaker 5 (32:18):
Like sometimes you could be in a friend group and
you find it to.

Speaker 2 (32:21):
Be so frustrating, so lonely.

Speaker 8 (32:27):
And.

Speaker 5 (32:29):
It's such a triggering force in your life, and it's
therefore a reason too, right, like.

Speaker 1 (32:35):
What are you going to do?

Speaker 5 (32:37):
What are you going to do about your circumstance?

Speaker 6 (32:40):
Right?

Speaker 5 (32:40):
And it doesn't mean that's what the work is. It
doesn't mean that, like, well, I'm such a good person,
and why can't I have great friends that are as
good to me as I am to them? On the surface,
that's sound so reasonable, It sounds so completely reasonable. Absolutely,
you can be a great person, but you don't.

Speaker 1 (33:01):
Make good choices.

Speaker 5 (33:04):
See that and that God doesn't real I'm gonna be
so honest about this. Yeah, God, the universe.

Speaker 1 (33:14):
Life does not reward goodness. It rewards good choices.

Speaker 5 (33:21):
Yeah yeah right, like, yeah, goodness just by itself is
the same thing as pastivity, right Like, it's nice to
look at it sounds good, but.

Speaker 1 (33:30):
It's not in action, right Like.

Speaker 5 (33:33):
Action requires choice. And so I've definitely had those seasons
where I had some terrible homegirls. Horrible, I mean, diabolical,
you know, people I thought were homegirls, and my god,
they were not. You know, they were absolutely scheming and

(33:53):
manipulating and looking to cause harm. And I remember feeling
so confused and so frustrated by saying, like, but I'm
a great person. I'm a good person, and I care
about them. All of that is true, And for whatever reasons,
I wasn't making higher choices, right. And it doesn't mean

(34:15):
that the higher choice is that you instantaneously pick better friends.
The higher choice is very often being alone.

Speaker 6 (34:22):
Oh literally, I saw that vision being.

Speaker 5 (34:25):
Alone first and healing whatever in you settles for less
in anyone, whether that is a romantic partner, a friendship,
a work environment. It's like you settling for less is
where the work is heal all that for all the
many reasons that that could be the case, And there's
so many, and usually they're all painful, and then you

(34:47):
get out of it. And then after that you start
slowly practicing how to be in good choice making with friendships.

Speaker 1 (34:59):
Right, you don't try I'm a bond.

Speaker 5 (35:00):
You don't pour out your deepest, darkest secrets to the
person you met because you have good chemistry. And now
you think your sisters and your bonded because you know
each other's darkness. Right, Yeah, And that's how I think
friendship has been taught for so long.

Speaker 1 (35:15):
It's like you'll.

Speaker 5 (35:16):
See a girl, you like each other, and then you
pour out your heart and then now you're expecting one
another to be perfect for each other for all time.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
It's not how it works, you know.

Speaker 5 (35:27):
And I think you slowly get in practice. You see
what kind of friend you are, what you require, and
then the higher choices come and then before you know it,
the only thing that comes to you is a good choice. Like,
I don't have to think about friendships anymore.

Speaker 1 (35:42):
One all my needs are met.

Speaker 5 (35:44):
Actually don't have a lot of room for more deep friendships.
I just want to go deeper with who I have.
But I don't have to question. I don't have to network.
I don't have to network with friends. I know who
God sends to me. Yeah, it's clear and I know that.
Then we have time to explore it, you know.

Speaker 2 (36:05):
Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 6 (36:06):
That is so powerful And I think this is ooh,
this is getting so juicy because this is the type
of friendship conversation that is not being had right where
it's like usually surface level right of like oh do
we resonate and do we this and that? But also
it's like what do I need to let go of
to raise the vibration? And when I do let go

(36:30):
sometimes it's like when when you put yourself through that
desert where you have to look at your own behavior.
And I think of like Lauren Hill in this moment,
like how you're gonna win when you're not right with them? Right?

Speaker 2 (36:40):
And so I think she does ain't how you gonna
win when you ain't right with them?

Speaker 6 (36:43):
And let's say it, right. So it's like looking internally
to say, Okay, how can I make better choices? What
do I need to release? But also also journey and
like love yourself through all this process, right, But do
go through the process. Yeah, you know, and don't forget
the process. Please don't forget the process because it's like

(37:04):
it's going to be an undone journey. And then there's
like all these beautiful connections that are waiting for you
as soon as you get to a certain vibratory frequency
or as soon as you get to a level of
self worthiness, you know, self value, And I do believe
that plays a big part when you can sit with
yourself for a while in a desert alone, knowing I'm

(37:25):
letting go of people I know are not supposed to
be in my life. Right, I'm gonna let go because
either you're gonna let go or they're gonna let go.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
And it's not gonna.

Speaker 6 (37:36):
Forget if they let go, you know. So you so
it's like, do it while the divine, the most high
God is giving you a chance at least to have
your dignity. Choice choice. You could keep your dignity. You
can feel good about it, you can feel in your power.
But if not, you know, if we have to go
the harder route, you know some of us do, then

(37:57):
you're like, I was gonna end this anyway. You know,
we're out. You can't break up with me. I was
going to break every with you know, that whole thing
at least to do we're a little little kids. But
it's like once you can sit through that, and it's
almost like in the energetic realm, you have to show
your you have to show up with like this at
the portal of better friendships, like just empty, no baggage, nothing,

(38:20):
and just with self worth of like yeah, I was willing.
I have so much love for myself and respect that
I can be alone. Yeah, and look at everybody turning
up on Instagram. You know that is I don't have
to resonate with any of that.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
I'm not missing out.

Speaker 6 (38:34):
But then the sisterhood, the real friendship comes from that
worthiness and that authenticity.

Speaker 2 (38:40):
And that level. It meets you where you are.

Speaker 6 (38:43):
But I think that's such a beautiful point to like
go through the process, know that it is a process
and that it can happen, and then if it's not
happening yet, it's just like where do I have to
do the work? And knowing that.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
There may be a long time.

Speaker 6 (38:57):
When you're called to be belong yeah, and then that
time it's like maybe it's not about friendships, Like are
you okay? Where are we at purpose wise? Is there
anything that needs to be healed? Is there anything that
needs to be forgiven? Is there anything that you maybe
your body just needs rest and to be your own friend?

Speaker 5 (39:14):
You know?

Speaker 6 (39:14):
Are you a friend of yourself? Like can you enjoy
your own company? You know? So there's a lot of
I would say, a lot of points to find something
to keep you busy when the friendships aren't coming.

Speaker 2 (39:25):
But you know you're doing the work right.

Speaker 5 (39:27):
Yeah, And you know what I was thinking too, Like
I feel like we're like walking the path of illustrating really.

Speaker 8 (39:34):
Like all like the depth, like the beauty of what
it is to like build this.

Speaker 5 (39:41):
New world for yourself when you are doing and have
done the work and the new world still has to
be built after you've built yourself right, But such a
different feeling because like now you're above ground and you're
in choice and you understand your value and worth. And
I think part of like me being able to call

(40:02):
in the more aligned friendships where I was actually having
my heart reflected back to me, which I so and God,
dang it, I wish she was here because I so
feel like especially with like what you me and Lauren share,
like the three of us together is so special. And
when I think about the two of you, it's like

(40:24):
you're both women who literally reflect my exact heart back
to me in a way that like I've never quite
felt it or seen it, like, especially.

Speaker 1 (40:34):
In the ways that the three of us are.

Speaker 5 (40:36):
So so similar, like to know us, know us right, Like, yeah,
maybe to the outside world or our paths have looked different,
or where we've arrived has been different, but like we
on a cellular soul level look so similar in the
way God has sometimes designed the way we learn things.

Speaker 1 (40:58):
About ourselves in our path and yeah, so.

Speaker 5 (41:01):
It's like, yeah, with the two of you, I get
my exact heart reflected to me, which is such a
special feeling. And you don't know how special and enriching
it'll feel until you finally have that happen. But we
share such a we have similar sensitivities, we have similar
ways that we are very independent because we've.

Speaker 1 (41:21):
Done so much alone for so long. Yeah, but the
three of us.

Speaker 5 (41:26):
Have complete ease with being in community and being in
service with anyone, but especially with ourselves, like we've always
been probably the nurtures of our individual ecosystems, like the
lovers of our individual systems, like the big mamas of.

Speaker 1 (41:41):
Our initial ecosystems.

Speaker 6 (41:43):
But that's what it feels like, like we're each big
mama's coming together. Yeah, that's what it feels like to me.
You don't always say the grandmothers. Yeah, you know, sisters
of the Lights.

Speaker 5 (41:50):
Yeah, we are the grandmothers.

Speaker 6 (41:53):
It's like just a warm pot of like just old
soul energy coming together and we're just like, yeah, it's
just like old soul, like it, and it's there's a
lot of ease.

Speaker 1 (42:07):
There's so much ease.

Speaker 5 (42:08):
Yeah, there's so much ease, and especially in having deep
respect for each individual's journey and each individual's kind of
ways that they shine, you know, like the beauty and
the service and the way it happens through each of
us in our unique ways and our unique patterns, you know,

(42:31):
and we each have reverence for that and respect for that,
you know, And yeah, it's it's very beautiful.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
It's very special. And I think.

Speaker 5 (42:42):
Having to have that experience, you also have to really
recognize your value and worth, not just as a woman
but as a friend and be honest about that, like
what am I and what do I have to give?
And I think as I was doing some of my
you know, all the work of exploring friendships over time
a big pivotal piece for me in kind of calling

(43:05):
in the level of friendship.

Speaker 1 (43:07):
And I'm really grateful.

Speaker 5 (43:09):
I'm blessed because my god, do I have incredible best friends.
Like I really like just you know what I shared
of course about you and Lauren, but also like I
have handfuls of profound relationships in my life, and some
of them I have been lucky to know over twenty years,
you know, and some I met last year or you know.

(43:30):
But it's like, I'm really grateful for that because I
have no deficit in that area, no lack.

Speaker 1 (43:38):
But it's also because it and.

Speaker 5 (43:39):
It took me a while to get here, I realized
how much I bring to the table as a friend,
and I can be honest about that, I can own
that within myself that like, hey, you have a lot
of worth and you have a lot of value, and
you're a good friend to people, and you deserve to
have it reflect it back and if it's not, you don't.

Speaker 6 (43:59):
Have to stay.

Speaker 5 (44:01):
It's the same thing about getting out of relationships that
don't serve us, right. We can be an abusive friendships. Yeah,
there are some friendships that are emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically abusive.
There are some that are, to be quite honest.

Speaker 1 (44:14):
Just beneath you.

Speaker 5 (44:15):
You know that you've outgrown or you are too good
for There is not alignment and integrity, and so you
have to know that you can go.

Speaker 1 (44:23):
You can go.

Speaker 6 (44:24):
That is so important because I feel like, oh, can
we go here? Please? Can we go here? Okay, Well
we're doing okay. So this is where I truly feel
like what you just said, it's just so profound because
we have to be careful that our spirituality doesn't cause

(44:48):
us to not be mindful and to not hold people accountable.
And I would say this like just how you just said,
some relationships are being me, you and I and you
know I'm feeling the person out there. Well, what do
you mean by that there's no hierarchy?

Speaker 5 (45:05):
Yes?

Speaker 6 (45:06):
There is?

Speaker 2 (45:06):
Yeah, Like that's just that.

Speaker 6 (45:09):
We live in a universal polarity of duality. If you
think that that's not true, you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (45:17):
In terms of who God loves, there's no hierarchy, right,
Like God's love is infinite and equal. Yes, but I'm sorry,
some people put more into their lives. Yes, some people
put more love into the world. And some people exist
with a high level of integrity and some people do not.

(45:39):
And there is there is a difference, not in how
much God loves you, right, there is a difference in
terms of yeah, I'm not going to be in deep
friendship or relationship. For example, is someone that is a
pathological liar that causes harm to others, that is self
serving and does not live in service, that is beneath
my value system, my levels of ideals and integrity.

Speaker 2 (46:02):
Yeah, no, that's it.

Speaker 6 (46:04):
And and for me what that can look like is
so for instance, some of my history was abuse, verbally
abusive friendships, toxic friendships, verbally verbally abusive and physically abusive relationships.
So if I did not allow myself to have a
hierarchy of needs, right, and when we think about the

(46:26):
hierarchy of needs, I would suggest anyone please look this
up if you want to understand just this pyramid. I'm like,
just in your own personal pyramid in life that you
can create for yourself to say, okay, where.

Speaker 2 (46:38):
Are my needs being met?

Speaker 6 (46:39):
And then you can look at that and say where
am my knees being met? In a relationship and a
friendship like so in maslows hierarchy Abraham Abraham mas loves
hierarchy of needs, at the base level is survival mode
and then at the very top, at the peak of
the pyramid is self actualization, self realization. So where as, so,

(47:01):
how do you put this into a friendship?

Speaker 9 (47:02):
Leila?

Speaker 6 (47:02):
Okay, so let me tell you. So in a friendship,
it would be we're always we're just at base level.
It's a lot of root trauma bonding. We're always trying
to figure out what are we we never can get over. Well,
you did this to me, and I feel a certain way.
You know, it's just like friction. It's just always friction. Now,
there can be friction at different levels, but if it's

(47:24):
always that, if that's like the the the running frequency
and the energy, then you know, okay, this needs to
either vibrate higher or I need to choose make a
better choice, like need I need to now choose something.
And so my language work. You know, I would say
vibrate higher, so I'm always gonna come to that. And

(47:46):
when I say vibrate higher again, it doesn't mean like
you know, it's something is not bypassing. You're not bypassing,
but you are so aware that for instance, we know
if the body can sit in an environment with with
a certain frequency, it will heal, cells will really mend.

Speaker 2 (48:06):
So energy really is real.

Speaker 6 (48:08):
Like we have to get away from being scared to
call a thing a thing, you know, and to say
like this is not good for me, this, I need
something better, higher frequency, more, you know, more higher vibrationally
and I think that we don't need to be afraid
of that.

Speaker 2 (48:25):
And if we are afraid of that, I just invite.

Speaker 6 (48:29):
Whoever that is being afraid to take a look at
yourself and say where does that fear come from? For
me to make a better choice for myself, you know,
to say I want to go up the pyramid because
if I stay here where everything is okay and really
at root level, there's no like sometimes that's where you
don't have self dignity, you don't have self respect. Sometimes
you do, but then in order to get past that,

(48:52):
it's like there has to be some level of work
that is done, whether it's self work or even support
work from a community, but some choices have to be
made in order for you to get to the next level. Right,
So this is what we talked about, like us, like
we were at the.

Speaker 2 (49:06):
Root level bottom like rock Bottom.

Speaker 6 (49:08):
I know, I was like right and like for inss
ME in my past sitting in the jail cell, like
people would never think Layla was like what well, yeah,
like rock Bottom before and but the choices I had
to make were real. They were uncomfortable, and I had
to make the real choices of saying this feels good

(49:29):
and if I stay in it, you know, I'm not
going to ruffle any feathers, but I have to choose
something out of this. Like I needed a better life,
and the only language I had for it then was
a better life. I didn't have the terminology higher vibrational,
you know, higher frequency.

Speaker 2 (49:43):
But when you start to deal with.

Speaker 6 (49:46):
Higher frequency people in situations and environments, they do what
they do. You know, they're gonna start to heal you.
They're gonna start to reflect your your higher self back
to you versus lower self. Right, And when we think
about the most high, right, there's the most low. Like
you know, who is the most high, Well, that's maybe
your creator, this higher source of power. And who could
be the polar opposite of that most low? Maybe that's

(50:09):
you know, some people would think, you know, demonic or
satanic or you know, evil whatever, but just that polar
opposite on this planet is just so important to keep
intact when we're just moving through situations and then zooming in.
I would say, like, what is the reflection of that?
How people treat you, like are they are they being
their most high self their most low self? And friendships

(50:31):
and how they show up and then how you show up.

Speaker 2 (50:34):
So, yeah, that's so I wanted to make sure that I.

Speaker 6 (50:36):
Shared that because I do not want us, and especially
me turning fifty this year, like if there's something that
I could share with younger people, it's don't lose your
sense of values in a world that is always trying
to make you think that everything has to be about
instant gratification, everything has to be about everybody you know

(50:57):
is on the same playing field, when we know that's
just not the case, Like my abuser is not on
my same playing field. It's just there's no way you
could tell me that, And that's just not what it is.
In nature, you know, like you put you put two
seeds in a ground, one that's molded or you know,
just no life in it, and one that is full
of life energy. This one's gonna sprout. This one is

(51:18):
not gonna sprout, and this one may contaminate the soil.
So we have to understand that that can also reflect
in us in relationships as well.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
That was good. Yeah, yeah yeah.

Speaker 6 (51:31):
Also fifty where girl, listen this fifty?

Speaker 1 (51:35):
I was like, your fiftieth birthday party?

Speaker 6 (51:37):
Like this is a charade, Here's it's all a lie.

Speaker 1 (51:40):
She is twenty two.

Speaker 6 (51:42):
Oh my god, I just want to say thank y'all
for that fiftieth birthday party. Oh I steal that was
the best day. Listen, it was a dream.

Speaker 1 (51:53):
You surprised.

Speaker 6 (51:54):
I was shocked. And the whole time I kept asking India,
where are we going? I cannot figure it out.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
I was like, what are we?

Speaker 5 (52:01):
Joy that your beautiful, amazing daughter did that?

Speaker 6 (52:06):
Thank you? I was, Yeah, I'm just so grateful for her,
grateful for her, and you know, I'm thankful for you all,
just like how you all are able to just be
such beautiful just energy and figures around her. You know,
she's as you know, she's just like so inspired and
you know it's just love.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
All around well, and she's inspiring. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (52:26):
Yeah, she's a very very very inspiring young woman. I
love looking at Why am I going to cry right now.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 6 (52:33):
Okay, we go on wit just off this.

Speaker 1 (52:35):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 5 (52:37):
I always I always look at India's Instagram page and
it's just something I love so much. Is once she's
so wise, you know, and so you see the power
of your motherhood in her life, and you see her
unique journey and wisdom and strength that is completely her

(52:58):
own too.

Speaker 6 (52:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (52:59):
So it's this very yeah, it's this very beautiful world
in life she's creating for herself.

Speaker 6 (53:05):
Oh my goodness, thank you, thank you for seeing that.
And I'm glad India's here, So I'm glad she can hear.
And just getting her flowers. She she's like, we're like
looking at her. She says, she's getting these flowers now. Yeah,
like so, and that just goes to show also that
she is she is doing the work herself.

Speaker 2 (53:27):
Yeah, and she you are right right.

Speaker 6 (53:29):
And one thing about like mothering her through all the
stages that a young woman comes, you know, coming into
your own was just like.

Speaker 2 (53:40):
The pattern I saw for her was.

Speaker 6 (53:42):
That she really wanted to figure it out, even when
she wasn't figuring it out and going through the awkward
stages was like she really wanted to figure it out.

Speaker 2 (53:50):
And so.

Speaker 6 (53:52):
That's where I as a mother, was just like, Okay,
my job is to help her figure it out, and
when it's and when there's rebellion, like when she was like,
you know, she's twenty seven now, but like in the
seventeen and eighteen, I often say like you have the
mother in the spirit, like mothering in the physical. Like
I mean, you're in a mother day to day. But
when it comes to like giving advice and doing this,

(54:12):
a lot of that is going to turn into almost
like spiritual coaching life coaching. Like I literally read something
and I don't know who to give credit to this for,
but it says something like you're a different.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
You at each stage for your child.

Speaker 6 (54:26):
So like an infant, you know, you're like that parent. Yeah,
adolescence you're a certain parent. Teenage you're a certain parent.
And then you all do like you go from parent
to teacher.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
To coach, you know.

Speaker 6 (54:37):
And I was like that is so true, and it's
just us when we can feel like as parents, well
we can let go because I remember feeling like, Okay,
she's eighteen, but she's still my child. She's not my daughter.
But then when she wants to start getting her own independence.
I had to make a choice to say, Okay, this
is a sign, this is a really good sign, like energetically, spiritually,

(54:58):
that everything's working. You know, she's not having failure to launch.
She wants to go be independent, but there's some rebellion.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
And so I just worked with the Spirit.

Speaker 6 (55:08):
I was like, I'm gonna go into Spirit, and Spirit
just told me how to deal with that. And so
it was a lot of prayer and it was me,
like they say in the Christian Church gospel, you know,
in the Black churt to like you got to be
a witness, like I had to. I had to embody
the message that I wanted her to see as far
as like femininity and get that so that it would

(55:28):
counter what she was going through in the world, whether
she was, you know, enjoying it, not enjoying it, having
good friends not good friends. She would also have that
in her life. And you know she came from that
from grandmother and stuff like that. We have that, but
really she really she experienced the polarity, and I'm glad
she did because now it's just made her stronger and wiser,

(55:51):
and you know, she can honestly sit in the circle
of women now and carry her own and really know
how to show up in an embodiment that is off,
you know what I mean. It's not like she's you know,
she's no longer like sit down, you know, don't touch something,
sit down you know, you know, don't talk too much,
you know all that, But it's like, no, I have this,

(56:11):
I got this, And I think that for me what
I've noticed, like even in sisterhood and friendship and community circle,
that's literally what we're all doing.

Speaker 2 (56:21):
Like we're learning how to.

Speaker 6 (56:22):
Be ourselves with what we've come you know, how we
got here with what but also like as we're still
evolving into like you know, figuring this thing out still,
but carrying a certain love, carrying a.

Speaker 2 (56:38):
Certain level of growth.

Speaker 6 (56:40):
I think is so beautiful because you're really in relationship
with people's growth or the parts of them that they
haven't chosen to grow in. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
And so I give thanks for all the ways you've grown,
you know, and you've.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
Evolved and bloomed and blossomed.

Speaker 6 (56:56):
And I'm just I love the fact that we can
sit and I can call you be like, Okay, this
is what it is like, Like this is where I'm
at you know, and it's like we lean in together,
you know, and it's literally like a guard and you're like, Okay,
I got this tool, you got the tools. Let's hit
the guard and let's figure this out.

Speaker 2 (57:14):
Yeah, And I love that.

Speaker 6 (57:16):
That's what sisterhood and friendship feels like.

Speaker 5 (57:19):
You know. Yeah, I love gosh so many things, because
even I now want to do a whole other episode
just on motherhood with you, yeah, because I had so
many thoughts, so many thoughts coming in around so many
of the things that you were saying. But I'm kind
of scared to start because then we'll be here for
two hours. We will, we'll be in a completely different episode.

Speaker 1 (57:40):
So I'm gonna take.

Speaker 6 (57:41):
Notes on that for later.

Speaker 5 (57:42):
Yeah, but no, yeah, I think too.

Speaker 1 (57:47):
You know something that that feels.

Speaker 5 (57:49):
And I don't know how resonant this may be for everyone,
but it is something that I've noticed and observed in
friendships with women and definitely some people I've interacted with.
I've noticed a tendency and a person to do this,
but it usually it usually falls under the you know,
work is still being completed. We all go through a

(58:10):
self righteous phase right when we're learning and growing and
we go into a phase where you think you kind
of stop looking at yourself and you think you're just
meant to apply what you're learning to everybody else, and
you're giving everybody else advice and all the things. And
I'm somebody that always has an affront to that with anybody,
and I think, I mean, I think we're very similar

(58:32):
in that because when you have created yourself.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
I don't need anyone.

Speaker 5 (58:37):
To come in and give me advice that is not
resonant for me, because you're feeling yourself and you want
to be in kind of that.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
Position of authority.

Speaker 5 (58:47):
So it's like, I've never liked when people are like,
you know, like just because they're older than you, they
start calling themselves.

Speaker 1 (58:54):
Your big sis.

Speaker 5 (58:56):
And it's like to have that placement means something it
requires or something it means there was a sense that
I had need that you came in h and kind
of helped, right, And so I notice them a lot
of friendships, especially with women that are you know, doing
beautiful work in the world sometimes or have a purpose

(59:18):
driven life, or have a social media following. They create
these higherarchys where it's like, oh, I have to be
in this position though in the group, or I have
to come in the group this way and I give advice,
but I don't let anything in or you know, And
so it's really important to start evaluating even if you
even if there is friends community around you with non judgment,

(59:42):
start evaluating, well, who am I now and how does
that feel now? Or what is the placement between us?
And is there equal give and receive, because sometimes people
can show up in relationships and give to avoid themselves
and give to avoid intimacy or any real growth and
then not allow the other person to kind of come

(01:00:03):
in in the ways that they should. And so yeah,
I just I feel that I love that too, because
when you were talking about you know, it's like you
show up authentically, you show up as yourself, which means
there is no performance. And when there's not performance, nothing
is trying to be concealed, which means sometimes I'm in

(01:00:24):
the position of having a word to give, and sometimes
you're in the position of having a word to give,
and sometimes we're in a position going back and forth
like that for four hours or simply witnessing the word
in one another, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:00:40):
And I think that's the beauty of.

Speaker 5 (01:00:43):
What I love about the friendships in my life right now,
we're not there solving each other's problems. Like I feel,
the friendships in my life are so rooted in equality.
Even if we have strength in different ways from one another,
we all have the room to show up and strength,

(01:01:03):
and the room to show up in weakness, and the
room to show up in any of it, you know,
and that makes kind of.

Speaker 1 (01:01:12):
All the difference.

Speaker 5 (01:01:13):
Friendships should not just be supportive when you need things.

Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
It should be.

Speaker 5 (01:01:17):
Supportive to your identity, to your sense of self.

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:01:22):
It should be supportive in the sense that it's just
letting you be the fullness of whatever you are yea
even strong sometimes whise sometimes.

Speaker 9 (01:01:31):
Yeah, that's exactly That's how I would say our sisterhood,
our friendship feels where it's like when you've done the work,
because there will be a time when you've done the
work to overcome and heal and you don't need to
run anything else other than I just.

Speaker 2 (01:01:51):
Want to show up as my authentic self.

Speaker 6 (01:01:52):
Yeah right, You just that energy doesn't even run in
you anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:01:56):
Your your mind isn't.

Speaker 6 (01:01:58):
Firing like that anymore. Your conscious mind has removed blockages
in this area, and you just show up authentically and
you'll know, you know, I always write something something. That's
how you'll know, you know, Like that's saying so when
people can allow you to show up authentically and you

(01:02:19):
just like I get to be authentic, like and this
is good. Nobody's feeling a way, nobody's challenging, nobody's trying
to you know, if they're yes, that's how you know
you're in the right room, you're in the right circle,
you're in the right friendship. And that's how like that
is just in the energetic realm, authenticity is probably the

(01:02:39):
most valuable energetic tool you can use, you know what
I mean authenticity because that's really how what's where you
find you and when you're really being your full self,
like you know, not holding your words back, like maybe
you do have something beautiful to add to the conversation,
but you may feel like, oh, you know, can I
jump in because maybe you usually can't informer relationships, but

(01:03:03):
when it's your circle and your sisterhood, definitely you can.
And you know you're gonna jump in, Like it's almost
like double DUTs, like hop ins this you know what
you got, you know, like let's go, like we're in
a flow but when you can't do that and it's disrupted,
like your flow and your authenticity is disrupted because of
someone else's inability to hold it, to receive it, to

(01:03:24):
be around it, to be in close proximity to that light,
that radiance, that's how you'll know you're in the wrong
space and relationship. And so what I've witnessed amongst us
is like it will be ours of just pure authentic energy.

Speaker 2 (01:03:42):
And that's what you want to look for.

Speaker 6 (01:03:43):
Yeah, and this is whether this is And I would
even say this can even go to like sibling relationship,
like anyone that you're in close relationship with and you
have a choice to spend a certain amount of time
with them, and if it doesn't feel so, you have
a choice not to.

Speaker 2 (01:04:01):
I think that that's important to look.

Speaker 6 (01:04:03):
At to say are we authentic? And then if it's
not that, maybe sometimes it's not a matter of throwing
the whole thing away. Maybe it's learning how to be
authentic with each other and really sitting in the conversations
of you know, we're gonna have to have these conversations
and do the work and learn together to grow together

(01:04:25):
and not feel attacked.

Speaker 1 (01:04:27):
Right like yeah, like like.

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
You know, can I point something out that I'm noticing? Yes?

Speaker 6 (01:04:34):
Right, Yes, that is so important. It's like, help me
guarden my garden because there's some stuff that I'm missing
that you may know, a flower in my garden that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:41):
I don't understand.

Speaker 6 (01:04:43):
You have the tools, and you're like, let me bring
this over. You might come up and just dig up
the weed for me, you know what I mean, And
it's like, let's help each other garden our lives.

Speaker 8 (01:04:56):
Deeply well, that is too, like the extra layer of
friendship that when you feel safe in yourself you attract
such honesty.

Speaker 5 (01:05:08):
And friends, right, like the ability to be really honest
with people and the ability to receive honesty and use
it as something that's like useful and necessary for you
and feel gratitude.

Speaker 6 (01:05:21):
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:05:22):
It's like people there was this like over you saying
it's still used a lot.

Speaker 6 (01:05:27):
But it would really use a few years.

Speaker 5 (01:05:29):
Ago, or people being like, yeah, I'm just keeping it real,
right like, or like I've got to keep it one hundred.

Speaker 1 (01:05:35):
Whatever that means.

Speaker 6 (01:05:36):
And it's like.

Speaker 1 (01:05:37):
Real is so relative, like you're you're.

Speaker 5 (01:05:40):
Real is dependent on your personal truth and when you
see the world and also very true. Yeah, the work
you've done or haven't done on yourself, right, So are
real isn't necessarily equal or valued.

Speaker 1 (01:05:53):
In the same way.

Speaker 5 (01:05:53):
But that doesn't mean honesty. Yeah, that doesn't mean truth.
That doesn't mean you know, safety with a friend, right,
because something I really value in friendship and I have
like I have very high standards for friendship.

Speaker 1 (01:06:10):
I really do.

Speaker 5 (01:06:11):
I'll love anybody and be a great casual acquaintance to
almost anybody.

Speaker 6 (01:06:15):
But like a friend. Yes, yeah, you're teaching, You're teaching,
you are chatting the boxes.

Speaker 5 (01:06:22):
Yeah, because also too, it's like I can't I can't
be in anything dishonorable. I can't be in anything where
I have to hide.

Speaker 1 (01:06:33):
Right.

Speaker 5 (01:06:33):
So if my gift is that I am a truth teller,
I am a seer. I am somebody that is highly intuitive,
highly sensitive and a good friend. If you're going to
reject the truth I have for you, right, which is
always going to come with care then this isn't the
best friendship for us, because you're asking me not to
be myself, right, and God designed me to do these

(01:06:56):
things with everybody.

Speaker 1 (01:06:57):
It's it's who I've always.

Speaker 5 (01:06:58):
Been with everyone in my life, right, not just career.
What you hear on this podcast or with my child.
But and so I need the space to be able
to be myself and the trust to be myself in
that capacity. And I also am so grateful when I'm
in relationship with someone that has that reflection for me,
because for someone to be able to see a blind

(01:07:22):
spot I can't see in my life, it's a very
rare thing, Like you have to be in such alignment
and clarity to catch one of my blind spots that
I haven't already caught.

Speaker 1 (01:07:35):
So I look at that as invaluable.

Speaker 5 (01:07:37):
If I have a friend like that in my life,
I am so.

Speaker 1 (01:07:41):
Open to your truth. I am begging and longing for it.

Speaker 5 (01:07:46):
If you have the ability to see an area that
could use some attention from me, or an area where
I could be getting it wrong because of where I
am in life right now. You're a unicorn, You're rear,
and I value you deeply. I invest deeply into what
this is, you know. So I require from people what

(01:08:09):
I also give what I also require, you know. And
so I love that I've landed there in my friendship
because it's social, Yeah, it's and I don't waste time anywhere,
right Like I'm a single mom I'm.

Speaker 1 (01:08:23):
A business owner. My child is six.

Speaker 6 (01:08:25):
Listen. I also have a.

Speaker 1 (01:08:27):
Very big life. I'm the breadwinner.

Speaker 5 (01:08:29):
I have a lot of people that I support, and
just the nature of the work that I do. I
think about trauma and God and death and life all day.
I meditate multiple hours a day.

Speaker 1 (01:08:44):
I pray all day.

Speaker 5 (01:08:46):
I have a certain kind of requirement in close friendship,
and I have to be very very pristine and disciplined
and devoted in those areas of my life, you know.
And so yeah, I love that I'm there though, because
I feel like everyone it's reciprocal and it's kind of like,

(01:09:10):
thank you God.

Speaker 1 (01:09:10):
Okay, this area of my life has harmony.

Speaker 2 (01:09:13):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but.

Speaker 5 (01:09:16):
That's important to think about what do you bring to
a friendship. I know, I'm willing to get in the trenches,
you know. I know I will get in the trenches.
I may not be available every day. Yeah, I may
take a couple of weeks to call back unless you
tell me it's nine to one one, right, because I
have to tend to my own life first.

Speaker 6 (01:09:35):
I have to.

Speaker 5 (01:09:36):
I have too much going on. Yeah, I have too
much going on.

Speaker 2 (01:09:40):
Yeah, And it's like and doesn't it feel good?

Speaker 6 (01:09:43):
So like you also know, Like that's how you'll know.
It's like when you're around you know your friends and
they get it. Yeah, right, So when you do call
back or when you do show up, it's like you
just pick back up where you started off.

Speaker 2 (01:09:56):
There's no like, you know, I'm not penalizing you or.

Speaker 5 (01:09:59):
Give and you ate energy not withholding now, yes, because
I'm upset, so you got to earn it a little first.

Speaker 2 (01:10:06):
Listen. No, it's none of that.

Speaker 6 (01:10:08):
And that's where I'm saying, like your friendships when it's
really aligned, like you all operate on this same wavelength,
you know what I mean, Like how you say when
we opened up, like we all require like for ends
us instance, like we all require a certain flow like
when we're like enter and you know, just doing our
work and this and that. But at the same time,

(01:10:29):
it's like we steal hold space for the sisterhood. When
we're together, there's never a beat skipt.

Speaker 2 (01:10:38):
We are so present.

Speaker 6 (01:10:40):
No one is like, you know, I didn't talk to
you this week or whatever that is.

Speaker 2 (01:10:44):
It's like, oh, I'm so grateful to be here.

Speaker 6 (01:10:47):
This, you know what I mean, Like this is the
sister medicine, you know, because I was doing all that.
You know, I'm so grateful to be here, you know,
with you because you are medicine right, and yeah, like
just letting go of.

Speaker 2 (01:11:00):
All of these like any need to.

Speaker 6 (01:11:03):
I would even say, like what's coming in my head
now is like to penalize people, but also to create it,
create a trauma around it, you know what I mean,
even it a story, given it a story creating a trauma.

Speaker 2 (01:11:17):
And this is where you do have to now.

Speaker 6 (01:11:19):
I just recently, you know, wrote some things about you know,
pay attention to who your nervous system feels breathes easier around.
Pay attention to who your nervous system breaths easy around.
And that is only possible when you have done enough
work to where you're not carrying trauma and your intuition
is not distorted from like pain and trauma that you

(01:11:40):
still haven't dealt with, right, so that you've done some
work in order to show in relationships a little healthier
and lighter than you would have had you not right,
and so like for instance, what we're talking about here
is we all have done a certain amount of work
in order to show up and not see each other
for a week, not talk. For you know what I mean,

(01:12:01):
and no one takes that personally. We're just like sending love,
you know, sending emoji like whatever it is. It's like
or isis I get it? You know?

Speaker 5 (01:12:10):
I would say you and I had a great conversation
like maybe like that's good.

Speaker 6 (01:12:16):
I don't.

Speaker 5 (01:12:19):
You and I had had a great conversation like probably
last month too of just like hey, we haven't man,
we have not like how many muths of past how
we have not seen each other. I like, I know
we haven't had a chance to dive deep. And I
think for us, like we were able to kind of
just have a great check in of being like what

(01:12:40):
does friendship look like to you right now in this season?
Like how do you feel most loved and supported? What's
possible in this season for us? And kind of and
we were talking about how both of us have.

Speaker 1 (01:12:55):
Right now.

Speaker 5 (01:12:56):
We've both been like very very called to write and
and be with certain deep learnings that have come to us,
especially in the last year.

Speaker 1 (01:13:05):
So when we'll present with what are some of.

Speaker 5 (01:13:07):
The new teachings that are coming through, We've both been
investigating different layers of our health and our experiences with
our health, and so we've both kind of been a
little you know, just like in.

Speaker 1 (01:13:18):
Our minds, in our own minds and in our hearts.

Speaker 5 (01:13:21):
And so we were like, so, what does that look
like for us this season? Like how what would be
like a good feeling for friendship? And we were kind
of like, let's just send each other like text messages
randomly filling each other in on what's going on, or
sharing a song or sharing a picture.

Speaker 1 (01:13:37):
I was like, if you look cute, I want to
see it.

Speaker 5 (01:13:41):
And so then that's how we know to navigate in
this season. And we just checked in about that, and
so that feels like enough right now, and then if
we need more, we can let each other know that.
And I think those kind of moment by moment evaluations
and just check ins are really important.

Speaker 6 (01:13:59):
You know.

Speaker 5 (01:13:59):
It's like without taking it personal, it's like, hey, in
this season, I am actually called to like just explore
these inner workings and not kind of bounced it anywhere.
And like I've actually just been called.

Speaker 6 (01:14:11):
To like do nothing, rhino right right to sit, to sit.

Speaker 5 (01:14:17):
But like I know that I still have some stuff,
I still have friendship to give, So if you need me,
I'm here, you know. But I think that's so powerful.
It's like it doesn't letting it change form whenever it
needs to change form.

Speaker 2 (01:14:32):
That is so good, that's so important. And this is
how you can go from sisterhood.

Speaker 6 (01:14:39):
You know, you can take your friendship from you know,
from time to time time or from you know, timeline
to timeline to timeline, because like what we had to
give last year was one thing. This year is one thing.
Next year it maybe next year or next month. You know,
it may be like grab it over here every weekend,
I know, or you know, like we want to plan

(01:15:01):
this slumber party, so you know, like it might be
slumber parties like every week.

Speaker 2 (01:15:04):
But and you know, like there's periods.

Speaker 6 (01:15:07):
When we're all like wow, like we've been regularly doing
our spiritual circle together and it's done that, and then
there's other times when we aren't. But I love that
our sisterhood allows for friendship to look at like.

Speaker 2 (01:15:21):
What's needed now in this season?

Speaker 6 (01:15:23):
Yeah, like like like how do we friend in this season?
You know, because we know that there's a lot going
on in the world and within us, but how can
we friend now? And I think that that's such a
good conversation to have, Like what even if you're a parent, like,
how can I parent now? If you're in a partnership, Like,
how can I partner now? If you're if you're a leader,

(01:15:43):
you know leadership, how can I lead now? Like that
is just we can always renegotiate, you know what's necessary,
or negotiate the contract whatever. I just think that's it.
Just keep your heart open, like to have that open
hearted posture if you know that this is really where
you want to be right because it's it's love and
it's just like, yeah, how can we lean into each other?

(01:16:03):
And it's just always so fun because you get to
rediscover and it's I think it's also how you don't
take your friendship for granted because you get to ask
and inquire, like what's new now this season? You know,
how can I show up and you know what are
you working on? And going through? What's on your heart
all the things. And I know that it can sound
so Hallmark, but I love Hallmark and I love Lifetime,

(01:16:25):
Like I let you know, and we're at like literally
like when I walked into today, I'm like, oh, it's
giving like nineties what do I say?

Speaker 2 (01:16:32):
Nineties Christmas?

Speaker 6 (01:16:33):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (01:16:34):
I just put up a Christmas tree in the living
room and it is giving nineties Christmas that.

Speaker 6 (01:16:39):
Is mine or Christmas viz everywhere. I'm like, oh, it's
so cool. But I just want to say your home
is like you just like it's a vortex. It's just
like the cozy, comfy like it's not a treehouse whatsoever.
My goodness. But it's like you know, when you're younger
looking at those books and it has like all the
candles and the lights and the pies and that, you know,

(01:17:00):
just all the beautiful things. It just feels like I
always wanted to be around that when I was a
little girl. But I get that feeling when I'm here,
like or when i'm let's cut that out. I don't
want people to know where you are, but yeah, I
get that feeling like when we're in your space, right,
And I love knowing as a friend like this is
the energy that I get when I'm here and.

Speaker 2 (01:17:20):
It's just home.

Speaker 6 (01:17:21):
I get to relax, I get to let go, I
get to let go of whatever was like before I
walked in the door. And that goes to show that
as a friend, you're also a good host. And I
think that, like, how can you host your friends?

Speaker 5 (01:17:35):
You know?

Speaker 6 (01:17:35):
Oh yeah, you know that's a gift thing for sure. Yeah,
yeah that Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:17:39):
It's just one of my favorite things.

Speaker 5 (01:17:41):
Like if a homegirl comes over, I'll be like, hey,
how are you feeling, let me put you in the bath.
Come on, I'm gonna run a bath for you, like
I just yeah, it's grandmother energy. Oh my sister.

Speaker 1 (01:17:52):
Okay, we.

Speaker 5 (01:17:55):
This is a very long episode.

Speaker 6 (01:17:58):
Are worthy the ogs on YouTube? Yeah? The OG community.

Speaker 5 (01:18:04):
But I want to say before we close out this episode,
I want to say that I love and adore you
with my whole soul and heart. You are an exceptional woman.

Speaker 1 (01:18:17):
Exceptional woman.

Speaker 5 (01:18:18):
You are anointed, you are chosen. God's light has been
radiating through you since the moment you hit this earth.
I'm so grateful you have said yes to your life
and your mission and for everything you share with us.
You are a wise, wise, beautiful medicine woman, and I'm
so grateful for you in my life. I love you,

(01:18:40):
I love you, I love you, Laylah my sister.

Speaker 6 (01:18:45):
Oh my goodness, Okay, I just want to receive that
for a second. Wow, thank you, Thank you, sister. You
know I reflect that same sentiment back to you, and
I always say, grandmother energy. You carry such a wise, timeless,
ancient energy radiance to you, the way you sister, the

(01:19:07):
way you love, the way you check in. It's like
whenever I see your name on my phone, I'm like, oh,
you know, like, and what I love about you is
we just call each other. Like it's not like do
you have a can I fit you on my schedule?

Speaker 5 (01:19:22):
We've all the nineties, the no like we are like
old school, like the house phone is ringing, you never
know who it's going to be, and heyhi, get up.

Speaker 6 (01:19:30):
And we just yeah, oh and so yeah, it's just
so I'm always available to you. I give thanks for
every hug, every conversation, every time we got to sit
in each other's energy and environment and these these this
org field that we've created as friends. I just give
thanks to you because that did not exist before we

(01:19:52):
connected and we were brought together, I believe from the divine. Yeah,
And so I give thanks for you, the path that
you're on, the work that you bring into the world,
the voice that you're bringing into the world, this that
you bring into the world, and we are all better
because your light is in this world. And I just
want to thank you sis so much. And when I
say sister to you. You know I mean it. Yeah,

(01:20:13):
you know, no, yes, like I mean sister from like
you are my dreams. Love you, thank you what we're giving.
Like I told you this before, I was like, well,
it's been many lifetimes like this is like this is
from a I don't know how many more lifetimes, but like,
your souls are so familiar. I recognize you, and I
know many of those lifetimes we were like nuns and

(01:20:34):
a monastery. Yeah, yeah, somewhere the track. Sometimes we're cutting up.
Sometimes we were like all the way here. But yeah,
it's amazing doing another lifetime with you, another timeline.

Speaker 2 (01:20:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:20:49):
I love you so much.

Speaker 1 (01:20:50):
I love you so much.

Speaker 5 (01:20:51):
I love you so so, so so so much.

Speaker 2 (01:20:54):
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Speaker 5 (01:20:57):
I think today as we close this episode, we've run over,
so let me think of the soul work for everyone,
because I think there is so much to sift through
and to really savor and chew on the soul work.
For this episode, Leila and I have been exploring values
in friendship, boundaries and friendship, really understanding what is your

(01:21:20):
type and friendship and who are you in friendship and
so each one of those things that I just spoke
to journal to that what are your values in friendship
in this moment?

Speaker 1 (01:21:34):
What do you give and.

Speaker 5 (01:21:35):
What do you really really require, like truly really require,
and really think about that and go for it a
few times. But I think you'll find some special things
blooming this next year if you find some clarity in
that piece right now. Thank you so much for joining
us on this episode.

Speaker 1 (01:21:55):
No mistay, the.

Speaker 5 (01:22:02):
Content presented on Deeply Well serves solely for educational and
informational purposes. It should not be considered a replacement for
personalized medical or mental health guidance, and does not constitute
a provider patient relationship. As always, it is advisable to
consult with your healthcare provider or health team for any

(01:22:23):
specific concerns or questions.

Speaker 1 (01:22:25):
That you may have.

Speaker 5 (01:22:27):
Connect with me on social at Debbie Brown. That's Twitter
and Instagram, or you can go to my website Debbie
Brown dot com. And if you're listening to the show
on Apple Podcasts, don't forget, please rate, review, and subscribe
and send this episode to a friend. Deeply Well is
a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Network.

Speaker 1 (01:22:47):
It's produced by Jacqueis.

Speaker 5 (01:22:49):
Thomas Samantha Timmins and Me Debbie Brown The Beautiful Soundbath
You Heard. That's by Jarrelyn Glass from Crystal Cadence. For
more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows.

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Episode Transcript

Host

Devi Brown

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